Original subtitles

(bright orchestral music)

(mellow music)

(upbeat music)

(mellow music)

- [Man] Cool it, man.

Here comes a vampire.

(stately music)

(ominous music)

(knocking)

- [Dracula] Come in, Maltravers.

- I'm pleased to inform you, Count,

I have managed to repair the fuse.

May I have your permission to switch on the electric lights?

- Of course, these candles are impossible to read by.

(gentle music)

Ah, that's better.

(door clicks)

- I think you will find this bien chambre.

It's a '63 vintage,

taken from the daughter of the French businessman

who came to use our telephone when his car broke down.

- Oh, yes, the virgin.

Well, there's not much of that left.

- No, indeed, sir.

But I'm sure you will find the '71,

you remember the climbing accident,

it will still have a lot of body.

- Which is more than we can say for him.

- I think you'll find a very interesting centerfold

this month, sir.

- Yes?

Oh, you're right.

Oh, they are magnificent.

Did you ever see prettier veins?

- Yes, indeed, sir.

And on page 53, there's an outstanding jugular.

- Oh, goody.

Ooh, look at this, another story about Count Dracula.

- Well, you are a legend, sir, although not a living one.

- As far as people know.

- Since you opened the castle to the public,

the response has been spectacular.

- Yes, there's been a steady stream of donors.

It's been a big help towards the upkeep of the place, too.

Now, what's this, they're coming up here

to photograph the most bitable playmate of the month.

Well, that should keep the blood bank in the red.

- Perhaps one of them will have the special blood group

we are looking for, sir.

- And then we'll be able

to bring my beloved Vampira back to life.

Do you realize, Maltravers, it's been 50 years?

Can you imagine what it's like, every dawn,

going down to one's coffin alone?

- I'll cross my fingers, sir.

- I'd rather you didn't.

- I'm sorry, sir.

(bracing music)

(groovy music)

(engine revving)

- It's not my fault, Mr. Pottinger,

that you missed your Transylvanian flight last night.

- Angela, this is all your fault!

Those girls should have been here on time!

Look, we are an efficient organization at "Playboy."

Where are the tickets?

If I'd known this was gonna happen,

I'd have phoned Hef and had the big bunny flown over.

- Transylvanian airlines are at your service, sir.

Please calm down, or you will miss this morning's flight.

- Excuse me, love, could I have one of you with the girls?

- Go ahead, stand over there. - Milton, we haven't got time!

- Thank you very much. - Another time, you can have

as many as you want at the other end.

- Shh, shh, shh, me, me, me!

Hello, loves. - Come on!

- Thank you very much.

Closer in, come on, guys.

- That's it, very nice. - Come on.

This is the last one, the last one.

- Nice one, thank you.

All right! (group chattering)

- Come on, girls, we've got to go, don't panic.

- Don't panic.

- Now, don't panic, everybody.

Come on, get on board. - Wait a minute, where's Rose?

- Rose?

Rose!

- Yeah.

- Come on, come quick.

Get up on that coach.

For god's sake, get up there!

Come on, on you go.

If everybody listens to me, listen.

(speaking drowned out my music)

Wait, I'm coming with you!

(woman laughing)

(women whistling)

- [Marc Voiceover] I'm Marc Williams,

and here I am with a mad publicity director,

an ice-cold chaperone, and four bitable playmates.

And we're off to Transylvania to spend the night

in Castle Dracula.

If I'd known then what I know now,

I would have never written this story.

At the time, it seemed, as they say, like a good idea.

(camera clicks)

- Nice one.

(foreboding music)

(door creaks)

(doorknob rattles)

(Maltravers groans)

(woman gasps)

- Where are you going?

- Oh, it's only you.

You gave me a fright.

- I was only practicing my gliding walk for the tourists.

- Hmph.

- Why aren't you wearing your vampire costume, Helga?

- Because I'm leaving.

I don't like it here.

- Students.

- Get someone else.

- You can't leave.

We have a tour party for dinner,

served at Station Abrosia by Count Dracula

and a beautiful vampire.

- I'm handing in my teeth.

I don't like lying in an open coffin all day

without blinking my eyes,

with tourists poking you with their fingers.

- They poke me, too, you know.

You signed on for a month as one of the undead.

- (scoffs) All day undead and at night a waitress.

I can be a waitress in Saint-Tropez and lie on the beach.

When they poke you there, it's to buy you lunch.

- This is a most important evening.

- I have my little scooter, and I'm leaving now.

Auf wiedersehen.

- Oh, very well, auf wiedersehen.

Oh, but before you go,

allow me to offer you a bottle of our excellent wine

from the cellar.

It's a cold evening.

- You know, you're not such a bad old man after all.

(Maltravers chuckles)

(ominous music)

- In here.

- This isn't a wine cellar!

Let me out of here!

(Maltravers laughs)

Let me out!

Let me out of here!

(suspenseful music)

(Maltravers clears throat)

- Your early evening call, sir.

- [Dracula] It's only a quarter to.

- Sorry, sir, an emergency.

(Dracula yawns)

- I said not till 8:00.

- We have a domestic crisis on our hands.

Helga has handed in her notice.

She intends to continue her working holiday

in the south of France.

She misses the sun.

- This staff problem is completely out of hand,

but I can't talk to her.

She doesn't even know I exist.

- You could give her a little bite,

just enough to make her compliant.

She's in the cell.

- Very well.

It's very tricky though.

(tense music)

Good evening, Helga.

I don't think we've met.

- Who are you?

- I am Count Dracula.

- What do you mean?

Please, don't play jokes with me.

I don't want my money.

I just, just want to...

(Helga screams)

(Helga pants)

- Not too much, sir, you're over the limit.

Do be careful, sir.

(Helga moans)

- Oh, dear.

- [Maltravers] I warned you, sir.

- Well, at least there's one consolation.

Her teeth will look very realistic for our guests.

- We can't let a vampire loose at dinner, sir.

- [Dracula] Well, you're quite right, I must control her.

Tonight I'll serve dinner myself.

- But how will you disguise yourself, sir?

- In the most obvious way possible.

I'll take over from you and become Count Dracula.

But if you were to play yourself,

what role should I play?

- Well, stoop a little and become Erg,

my evil assistant.

(Maltravers grunting)

Maltravers, Maltravers, Erg is not the missing link.

He's just a little sinister, that's all.

- I'm sorry, sir.

(dark organ music)

(crowd chattering)

(women laughing)

(camera clicking)

(thunder rumbling)

(wolf howling)

- How old is this castle?

- Over 500 years, miss.

- Must be the only thing that's older than this beef.

- Marc, you say your story of Dracula was based on fact?

- Yes, his name comes from Vlad The Impaler,

a ruthless tyrant who impaled thousands of his enemies

on wooden stakes.

One story tells how a group of villagers

refused to remove their hats as he rode past.

- What did he do?

- He had them nailed to their heads.

- You must admit, he had a sense of humor.

Some more blood, sir?

- Hey, we must have drunk three village girls already.

- Right, let's get one

with the vampire biting the neck, shall we?

- Oh, yes!

- Oh, no.

- Go on, Angela, you've got a beautiful neck.

- It'll save opening another bottle.

- I really don't think that I'm the girl

that should be photographed.

- Stop that, Helga, my dear.

Allow me.

It looks better if I do it.

I've had more practice.

- Splendid self-control.

- Nice one, Count.

- There's something weird about him.

- Yes, I should be very glad to get out of this place, hmm.

- How about dinner in London?

We can discuss how I slept at the foot of your bed

so you wouldn't be nervous.

- Hmm, how kind, but all of us girls

are sleeping in the same room.

- Would you believe that organ?

- It's giving me goose bumps.

- And big ones, too.

Hey, Gershwin, knock it off.

- Tourists.

- I think perhaps that's enough on the organ.

Time for the coffins, Erg.

- Yes, master.

(crowd chattering) (crowd laughing)

- Please accept a memento of your visit

to Castle Dracula.

- Oh! - Wow!

- [Milton] Thank you so much.

(Maltravers chuckles)

- You should have given us these before serving the beef.

- Ugh!

- Hey, girls, how do I look?

- Oh, you're wearing them?

I didn't realize.

(Pottinger growls)

- Hold it.

(camera clicks) Another nice one, Count.

(Maltravers grumbles)

- Have you prepared the sleeping drafts?

- In the soup, sir, also in the wine,

and a little on the strudel, just to be sure.

- Excellent.

It's not like the old days,

when one could just go out for a bite locally.

(bat screeching)

(women screaming)

(crowd applauding)

- [Milton] Spectacular, bloody good.

- Sir, your wig is slipping.

(group chattering)

- [Marc] Look, Angela, they're very pretty girls.

- Coffee, Miss?

- Decaffeinated? - No, coffee.

- Sanka? - It's a pleasure.

(thunder rumbling)

- (yawns) I feel like bed.

- I think I can take a hint.

(Milton chuckles)

- Milton!

(crowd murmuring)

- For goodness sake. - It must be the journey.

Come on, Milton, it's time for bye-byes.

- Well, okay.

Come along then, girls.

- Your rooms are all prepared if you'd like to retire.

- That's a good idea.

We have some more shots to get in the morning.

- And so to bed.

(dark organ music)

- For you, my dear.

No good, Maltravers.

It'll have to be your finger on the trigger.

Up a degree.

Right a degree.

One degree more.

Down a bit.

A bit more.

Fire.

(crossbow snaps) (Helga screams)

(wolf howling)

- Oh, I hope I don't wake up dead in the morning.

It's so cold.

- Now, where on earth did you get those?

- I scored with a couple of football players.

- Well, I knew you were an oddball,

but odd socks as well?

(wolf howling)

Hey, Angela, do you think that's Marc serenading you?

- Well, all wolves sound the same to me.

- Come on, let's loosen up.

- Ouch!

(tense music)

- Ritva!

- You look like you've seen a ghost.

Are you all right? - What on earth are you doing?

Are you all right?

- Don't make me laugh.

You'll crack my beauty mask.

- That's a beauty mask?

- Get into bed, all of you.

(ominous music)

(Rose groans)

(Angela hums)

- You know, I was quite tempted during dinner.

- I know, sir.

Poor girl, she doesn't know what she missed.

I still remember the surprise of your first bite,

that beautiful feeling of being one of the family.

- We have work to do, starting at that end.

- Who are you?

- This is a dream.

You're asleep, you understand?

Look into my eyes.

You are falling, falling into a deep sleep.

Put your fingers in your ears, Maltravers.

I don't want you going off.

Concentrate on my eyes.

When I flick my fingers,

the memory of this scene will disappear.

And you will fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.

(fingers snapping)

(electronic beeping)

Which girl did this come from?

- I think Nancy, the American person.

Is that it, sir?

- Yes.

This is it.

But how did the triple-O negative group

that hasn't been seen in Transylvania for 50 years

find its way to America?

- A very mixed race, sir.

- Who was this, then?

- Oh, dear, I think I've made a mistake.

- Well, pull yourself together, man.

Which girl did this come from?

- I'm a little confused, sir.

- So am I.

Let's start again.

Now, we know it didn't come from Angela or Rose.

- No, I think it came from this end, sir.

- Forget about the others, this is the one that matters.

This is the one we're looking for.

This is the catalyst.

And when we mix it with the blood

so generously donated by our guests,

this will bring my beloved Vampira back to life.

Stay, Maltravers.

- A very great honor, sir.

(gentle music)

- [Dracula] 50 years.

It's been a long time.

- More beautiful than her portrait, sir.

Sir, I was always under the impression

that the vampire was immortal

and that only a wooden stake or daylight could--

- Yes, that is true, of course.

But alas, there is one other thing.

- Sir?

- Deep anemia from a poisoned peasant.

- What bad luck.

Dawn, sir.

We've worked through the night.

- In 12 hours, her body temperature will be up to normal.

Then we can start the transfusions.

- Yes, sir, and may I say how nice it will be

to have a lady around the house?

- [Pottinger] Hey, Milton.

(Milton yawns)

- [Pottinger] Milton, wake up.

- [Milton] What do you want?

- [Pottinger] These girls look absolutely awful.

- [Milton] Mm, I hope I don't.

Don't nag.

- [Pottinger] As soon as we get back to London,

I want you to set up a photo sesh.

- [Milton] Oh, don't wake me up to tell me that.

(dark music)

- Soon, my darling, soon.

You've been very patient.

She's breathing.

She lives.

See how the color returns?

How much longer, Maltravers?

- Another two pints, sir.

- Yes, the color deepens.

- She's looking very well, sir.

Quite a deep color, unusual for a vampire.

- Unusual?

It's impossible.

- Certainly an odd shade, sir.

- What's happening?

- You don't think, sir,

the deep freeze wasn't working properly,

and she's, well, gone off?

- Gone off?

What do you mean, gone off?

Well, it's impossible!

(curious music)

- Vladimir.

- You see?

I awakened you from your sleep as I promised I would.

- How long has it been?

- 50 years.

- 50 years?

Tell me the truth.

Am I still beautiful?

- Yes, you're still beautiful.

- Ah, then I'm happy.

Aren't you?

- Oh, yes, I'm happy.

But there's there's one little thing.

I made a slight miscalculation.

- Miscalculation?

- Yes, I'm sure it's only temporary.

- Well, tell me what...

(gentle music)

I'm black.

- Very.

- Oh, but you're so clever.

It is beautiful.

- Yes, black is beautiful.

- Help me, my darling.

(wondrous music)

Oh, if only I wasn't a vampire,

then I could look at myself in a mirror.

- Well, we'll have to change you back, of course.

- But why can't I stay this way?

- Well, it's a small town, people might talk.

(Maltravers clears throat)

Oh, forgive me, my darling, I'm very remiss.

This is my manservant, Maltravers.

He's been with me these past 20 years.

- Is he one of us?

- I was given one small bite, milady,

and as a result I'm only an honorary member of the family.

But it will be my pleasure to serve you.

- Where are my clothes and jewelry?

- Oh, darling, come along.

Everything is exactly the way you left it.

- Ah.

Have you missed me, my darling?

- Every minute of every day.

Here, you'll see.

What went wrong?

I wait 50 years and she comes back a different color.

- It's not unbecoming, sir.

- But what happened?

- Well, sir, when we found the special blood group

that acted as the catalyst

and added the blood from the other girls, one of them--

- Was black, yes.

Well, it's possible that her blood did affect the pigment

and somehow there was a chemical reaction, but...

- I don't understand the technical term, sir,

but I rather suspect it's like washing blue socks

with white shirts, the color runs,

and the only way to get the whiteness back

is to wash the shirts again on their own.

- Maltravers, I do not like the implication

that bringing my wife back to life

is like doing the laundry.

But in principle, you could be right.

- Well, sir, we know the special blood came

from one of the three girls.

- Then we must start again.

- But sir, they've gone back to London.

- We must follow them.

- A night flight will get us there before dawn.

- That's a long journey for a bat.

- I mean by airplane.

(lively music)

♪ At last I've got a date with Susie

♪ Now I've got an automobile

♪ We'll take a spin to somewhere choosy

♪ Then I'll know how she feels

♪ Her parents asked me 'round for tea

♪ I think they both approve

♪ If I could only win her heart

♪ But where can I start

♪ Where can I start

♪ I'm crazy

♪ I'm hazy

♪ I'm starry-eyed and gazy

♪ Have to mention it

♪ I'm in love with a girl called Sue

♪ She's sweeter than honey

♪ I'm spending all my money, true

♪ On the girl they call Sue

♪ If I were AI Capone, I'd declare my taxes

(singing drowned out by plane engine roaring)

- Is this the first time you've flown, sir?

- No, I've flown many times.

Never by plane.

- Excuse me, would you like a drink, sir?

- No alcohol, thank you.

- Cigarettes?

- No, we don't smoke.

- No alcohol.

No cigarettes.

Don't tell me you can't go out in the sunlight either.

- I avoid it.

- You are one of us.

Do you go to the EYC, too?

- EYC?

- Eternal Youth Clinic in Switzerland.

Oh, I thought...

Oh.

Well, they pump the cells of sheep into your body

and rejuvenate the tissues and keep you young.

- Interesting theory.

- But for the first three months,

you're not allowed to smoke or drink

or go out in the sun,

in case it should kill the new cells.

That's why when you said you didn't smoke or drink,

I thought you'd been, too.

- No, but it sounds fascinating.

- It works.

It works all right.

And it's all because of this rich new blood

they keep pumping into me.

- New blood?

- Uh-huh.

- I had just come from there.

I'm full of it.

That's what keeps me so young.

- You interest me, strangely.

(thunder rumbling)

- [Captain] Ladies and gentleman,

this is your captain speaking.

Please fasten your seat belts.

(thunder rumbling)

- Yeah, fasten.

I hate this journey.

But I have to do it to go to the clinic.

You see, if I stop having this special blood--

(storm cracking)

- [Captain] Ladies and gentleman,

I regret the unexpected turbulence.

We will shortly be landing at London Airport.

We hope you enjoyed your flight and that

you will be traveling Transylvanian airlines again soon.

- Please don't unfasten your seat belt, sir,

until the plane stops. (man squeaks)

Are you all right, sir?

- Not good.

- Oh. (speaks faintly)

(door clicks)

(passengers chattering faintly)

- Goodbye, madam, I do hope you've enjoyed the trip.

- I did enjoy it, thank you.

- Good.

Goodbye, sir.

- [Dracula] Goodbye, thank you.

- Goodbye, sir.

- You boys-- - Goodbye, sir.

- Bye, thank you.

- Goodbye.

(stewardess gasps)

(stewardess screams)

(lighthearted music)

- Maltravers, get on the telephone

and ask the hall porter to deliver this book

and this note to Mr. Marc Williams, please.

- Right away, sir.

- Thank you.

- Oh, darling, you look so handsome.

- And you look beautiful, darling.

- Darling, let's go out.

It's such a long time since you took me dancing.

(Vampira hums)

(gasps) Do you remember The Big Apple?

- I'll never forget your Big Apple.

- And the Charleston?

- And the Charleston.

- And how about my black bottom?

- We will not be going out.

- Oh, darling, please.

- Please, don't let's argue, dear.

- Oh, but just for a little while.

- It's time you went to bed.

- I don't wanna go to bed.

- Maltravers, her ladyship is retiring.

- Yes, sir.

- Oh, Maltravers, exciting city, this.

It has many memories for me.

I think I'll go out for a while.

- Shall I wait up, sir?

- No, just leave the window open.

(gentle music)

♪ When you look for a dream

♪ Do you feel in the dark

♪ Or do fingers reach out from your heart

♪ Can you tell any bliss

♪ When that vision is near

♪ Do you know what to say when it's real

♪ When you look for a dream

♪ Do you worry a while

♪ Should a moment ago pass you by

♪ You remember a place

♪ You remember a face

♪ But that's all when you look for a dream

♪ When you look for a dream

♪ Does your heart miss a beat

♪ When a tender hello meets your heart

♪ Once again you remember

♪ The place and the face

♪ Love is yours when you look for a dream

- What the hell do you, oh!

Oh!

Don't! (gasps)

Oh!

Oh!

(body thuds) (woman grunts)

- Three lousy pounds?

- That's all you're worth, you little freak!

Oh!

(woman pants)

- Let's see what you're worth.

- Oh!

Oh!

(fabric ripping) (woman cries out)

Oh, you bastard!

Oh, oh.

(thief groans)

- I don't think he'll bother you anymore, my dear.

- (sighs) Oh, thank you.

Who are you?

- Count Vladimir.

- Thank you, Count.

(engine revving)

(tires screeching)

Would you like a lift, Count?

- Thank you, how kind.

What a charming young lady you are.

And such a beautiful neck, too.

- Well, thank you.

That's an unusual compliment.

(easygoing music)

Look, Count, it's nearly dawn.

How about scrambled eggs at my place?

- I'm afraid it's time I went to bed.

Thank you.

The sooner I get home, the better.

- But this is Buckingham Palace.

Are you sure you want to get out here?

- I'm afraid I can go no further.

- Some other time, perhaps.

- Perhaps.

(suspenseful music) (bat screeching)

- Conway, you look so sexy!

(Conway moans)

Hurry up, darling, I want you next to me in bed.

- I am just looking for my toothpaste.

- If anyone suspected us--

- They won't.

My wife thinks I'm at a Shriner's convention.

Hmm, oh, boy, what a night. (giggles)

- You pistol, you!

(Conway growls)

- Now show me, tiger!

(Dracula growls)

(woman screams)

- [Conway] Millicent, what's the matter?

I haven't even started yet.

What?

- We can't stay here any longer.

It's far too public.

You must find a house that's quiet and near the center.

The curtains!

- I'm sorry about the window, sir.

You were only just in time.

- It's all right, call a house agent.

- I'll get on to them in the morning, sir.

(gentle music)

- Are you asleep, my darling?

(doorbell buzzing)

- Well, don't get up.

I could see you found an exciting book on gardening

and you forgot our date.

- Oh, Angela, I'm sorry.

It's all about Vlad The Impaler,

the guy whose castle we went to.

It arrived this morning with a note.

Just said the sender will contact me shortly,

and there's no signature.

I couldn't put it down.

- Mm.

- Ooh, my leg's gone asleep.

Well, help me.

You see, Dracula discovered the secret of eternal youth.

- Pity you couldn't have read it when you were younger.

- I think you caught me just in time. (groans)

- Oh, I'm really looking forward

to walking into a restaurant with you.

- It's agony when it comes back.

- Yeah, what, are you going to crawl to dinner,

or shall I just phone for an ambulance?

- Well, you could try the kiss of life.

- Hmm?

- Or alternatively, there's a great little hamburgerjoint

just around the corner.

- Oh, who could resist that?

- Well, you've resisted everything else so far.

Shall we?

(upbeat music)

(curious music)

- It's unusual to want to see the cellars first. (chuckles)

- Oh, I like the atmosphere here, Mr. King.

- I think it'd suit your requirements admirably.

And I'm just sorry that you weren't able

to see it in daytime.

- I'm afraid that night is my time of day.

- (chuckles) It's fully furnished and very secluded,

and of course convenient to the center of town.

And if I may say so,

compared with today's prices, most reasonable.

- Presumably, because of its history.

- History?

- Yes, unless I'm mistaken, this house is mentioned

in a book of the unusual houses of London.

That ceiling, for example.

- Charming, isn't it?

- Yes, and the last thing the original owner saw.

A dabbler in the occult, he was hacked to death

right where you're standing. (distant laughter echoing)

- Oh, really?

- And the next tenant, he committed suicide

in the ornamental lake.

- In the lake? (laughs)

- But the most unusual of all the deaths in this house

was the headless body of a serving maid

found ripped up in the chimney.

(distant laughter echoing)

- That is more unusual, yes.

- The head was never found.

- Never found?

- I thought I saw something moving in the cellar.

(distant laughter echoing)

- I'm sorry, sir, a most unfortunate choice.

- On the contrary, it is exactly what I'm looking for.

- It is?

Oh, it is!

Oh, well, here are the keys.

Don't worry about the deposit.

(distant laughter echoing)

Never found?

(distant laughter echoing)

Oh!

♪ At last I've got a date with Susie

♪ Now I've got an automobile

♪ We'll take a spin to somewhere choosy

♪ Then I'll know how she feels

- [Dracula] They seemed to improve the talkies, Maltravers.

- Oh, may we go?

♪ I think they both approve

♪ If I could only win her heart

♪ But where can I start

♪ Where can I start

♪ I'm crazy

♪ I'm hazy

♪ I'm starry-eyed and gazy

♪ Have to mention it

♪ I'm in love with a girl called Sue

- Oh, you should have come!

- No, I can't stand violence.

Did you enjoy it?

- Oh, right on.

It was so outta sight.

I've just seen some beautiful people.

- I beg your pardon?

- Oh, Jim Brown really broke face.

He was so good, ooh.

- The sooner we get home, the better.

- Home?

Wait a minute, we only just hit town.

Don't be such a drag.

You know, if you tried,

you could really be a groovy old dude.

- Groovy old dude?

- Mm-hmm.

- If this is progress, I don't think I like it.

Let's concentrate on getting the blood.

- Right on, sir.

(Vampira laughs)

- And they say that men don't make passes

at girls who wear glasses.

- Only girls who wear glasses with great-Iooking--

(telephone ringing)

Legs.

Hello?

- [Vampira] Hello, Marc Williams?

- Mmm-hmm.

- [Vampira] Did you dig the book?

- Who is this, please?

- If you'd like to dig a little deeper,

I'll call for you tomorrow night at eight.

- Could we make that Iunch, old chap?

- (laughs) I'm afraid not, darling.

Tomorrow night, eight o'clock.

- What was the name again, old chap?

- Just call me Countess.

(phone clicks)

(lighthearted music)

You know, that's weird.

- What is?

- He kept calling me old chap.

- Well, you must remember,

the English have a strange sense of humor.

- Well, I must say, I liked his voice anyway. (chuckles)

Now, what am I going to wear tomorrow night?

- To wear?

- Well, you want me to look chic, don't you?

(gasps) Oh, look at these fantastic outfits.

I suppose Maltravers could do a little shopping.

- A pleasure, sir.

- Ooh.

- Look at those poor darlings, they're all so thin.

- Oh, I agree, sir.

- (gasps) Ooh, look at this trouser suit.

It's so beautiful.

May I have it, please?

- Maltravers, do we like ladies in trousers?

- I prefer a dress with a slash to the thigh, sir.

I always find the sight of a suspender

particularly titillating.

- So that's your hang-up?

- Mm.

(Vampira gasps)

(Marc growls)

(camera clicks) (Marc grunts)

- That was absolutely average.

Look, Count. (women chattering)

How have you been, darling?

Sit down, sit down.

Look, love, you wouldn't frighten me for a minute.

You're supposed to have just crept out of the crypt.

Could you try that?

- I was just getting my teeth into the part, Milton.

- Oh, okay, yes.

Darling, look, you're enjoying it too much.

A bit more horror, all right?

I've never had so much fun in all my life.

Could you keep quiet for a minute,

and we'll try and get one?

All right, right, now then.

(hands clapping)

All right, okay. - Now, Ritva,

a little bit to the right.

- Absolutely perfect. - Darling, you've got

a beautiful bottom. - Lovely, right.

- But would you move it?

Thank you very much, indeed.

Right, here we are. - No, please, to the right.

Yeah, over there, lovely.

- Let's do it, here, to me, to me.

Come along, eyes and teeth, eyes and teeth.

Hello, sailor, yes.

(camera clicks)

That was very nice.

Okay, let's take a break, shall we?

Thank you. (women chattering)

- [Eve] Hey, who's for a glass of orange juice?

- [Nancy] Okay, who's for a cup of coffee?

- [Ritva] Me!

- [Eve] Come on, let's go and squeeze some.

- All right. - Well, how's it going, Drac?

- No pay, but plenty of publicity.

I'll tell you what, Pottinger's taking his girls

out to a cocktail party tonight.

So if you'd like to come around to my place,

I boil a great egg.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I've got a previous engagement

to do with that book.

- Oh.

- I'm sure it won't take long.

I'll call you later, okay?

- [Angela] Don't bother, thank you very much.

- I'm finished with Potts at about nine.

How about later here?

- You're on, kid.

(doorbell buzzing)

(curious music)

(lighthearted music)

- Marc Williams?

- Countess.

- I knew I was going to like you.

- What took you so long to make up your mind?

I like the stake.

- Cute, isn't it?

(Marc chuckles)

Drink?

Scotch, Gin, Vodka?

What'll it be?

- Marc, I really think we should be going, darling.

- What's the hurry?

Why don't we have a little drink first,

then we can go out for a bite?

- Well, I don't drink,

but I'm just wild about the rest of the idea.

- Listen, give me one good reason why we should leave now.

That's a very good reason.

- Ah, where's the book?

- The book.

Here's the book.

- Very good, hold this.

- Hold this.

- And put these on.

- Put these on.

Hey, I can't see a thing.

- You're not supposed to, trust me.

- My life is in your hands.

- You got that right.

(door clicks)

- So glad you arrived safely.

I'm Count Vladimir.

- Good evening, sir.

- I'm sorry about all that ridiculous secrecy.

I hope it wasn't too inconvenient.

- On the contrary.

- It's so nice to meet a young fellow

who's seriously interested in vampires,

because most people think it's all nonsense, you know.

- It's a fascinating subject.

- Yes, I'd like you to see this book.

It's very interesting.

It tells all about how the cult first started.

And look at that date.

- "To Count Vladimir on his 21st birthday.

"March the 3rd, 1625."

(laughs) This is over 300 years old.

- Extraordinary, I have others.

- What, all handed down and preserved like this?

- Not exactly handed down.

- I don't understand.

- Sit there.

Open it to the beginning.

(unsettling music)

Look at that picture.

That is Count Dracula as he really was.

- (chuckles) Yes, but...

- And of course, still is.

(ominous music)

(Marc groans)

- It's just the shock of them going in, sir.

It'll be over in a moment.

(unsettling music)

Sir.

Neat, sir, very neat.

- Thank you, Maltravers.

You know, that look of horror

when they realize it's really me, (chuckles)

it's so exciting.

- Is he one of us now?

- No, just enough to put him under my control.

I thought he took it rather well, didn't you, Maltravers?

- Mm, very, sir.

- Marc, you and I are now in telepathic sympathy

with each other.

Do you understand?

Good.

I'm sorry to use such an old trick on you

to bring you here,

but I need your help to get some blood

from three young ladies.

Are you following me?

Good.

So you will take samples from each of them

until we get the one we're looking for.

Of course, we might get lucky the first time.

This is for your bookcase at home. (chuckles)

They look like joke ones, don't they?

But in the points there are needles.

The teeth are hollow,

so the blood pumps itself into the teeth,

and we get our sample.

Oh, I know, it's like some dreadful dream, isn't it?

But it'll soon be finished.

Now, these pills, one of these in their drinks

and they won't remember anything that's happened.

Oh, by the way, it's also an aphrodisiac,

so I wouldn't overdo it.

When you get a sample,

Maltravers will come and collect it from you.

Any questions?

Splendid.

Now, before you go to sleep and forget all this,

I'm going to give you the control word.

It is Vampira.

Got it?

(curious music)

- Excellent.

Vampira.

Now, when you hear that,

you will do everything I tell you.

Bye, bye, my dear friend.

It's been so nice meeting you.

I'll call you in about an hour

just to make sure that everything's working.

(unsettling music)

(doorbell buzzing)

(door clicks)

- Action time, I'm here.

That Potts is so boring.

Oh, I'd like to say you're looking good,

but the words stick in my throat.

What happened?

- Jeez, I feel like I got stomped on.

- Some guys like it.

How was your date?

- I don't think she ever showed.

What'll it be?

Scotch, Gin, Vodka?

- Sounds like a good combination.

How about some sounds?

- Help yourself.

(telephone ringing)

Hello?

- [Nancy] How do you work these things?

- You've pressed the recording button.

Try the one in the middle.

Hello, yes?

- [Dracula] Mr. Williams?

Vampira.

- I understand.

Yes, one of them is here now.

- Oh, I get it.

(lively music)

Well, if this doesn't straighten you out,

you're a lost case.

- Nancy.

- Thank you.

Chimo.

- Certainly.

- Aren't you drinking?

- I don't seem to be, which is strange.

'Cause I do, frequently.

Stay there.

- I'm not going anywhere.

(curious music)

(tense music)

- It's no good, Maltravers.

He's resisting me.

I shall have to take him over completely.

- Do be careful, sir.

Remember your blood pressure.

(ominous music)

- Marc!

Who the hell are you?

Keep away from me!

(Nancy grunting)

- (groans) That's not the Queensbury rules.

(Nancy screams)

- Ow!

Oh, stop, I've cut my foot.

Oh, leave me alone.

Marc?

Oh, Marc.

- Here, don't let it drip on the floor, darling.

- [Nancy] Ow!

- This is most irregular.

The dry-ice box is not designed for tumblers.

(Maltravers coughs)

(suspenseful music)

It must be one of the other two, sir.

(recorder clicks)

- [Nancy] How do you work these things?

- You've pressed the recording button.

Try the one in the middle.

Hello, yes?

I understand.

Yes, one of them is here now.

(lively music)

(doorbell buzzing)

Angela, you're up early this morning.

- Morning?

It's six o'clock at night.

And I have been trying to phone you all day long.

What happened to Nancy?

- Nancy?

It sounds ridiculous, but I can't remember.

- Try.

- Well, I had a phone call.

I've got it on tape.

And after that, nothing until this morning.

These marks on my neck, look.

- Remind me to send Nancy to a dentist.

- Now wait a minute. - Now listen,

you don't see those girls again until after the competition.

(telephone ringing)

Probably Pottinger.

He's been trying to ring you all day as well.

- Answer it.

- You answer it yourself.

I'm leaving.

- Somehow that phone call on the tape

is connected with last night.

Please.

(Angela clicks tongue)

- Hello?

Vamp-who?

All right, hold on, I'll see.

Vampira.

(tense music)

And if you do try to contact those girls,

you know won't find them,

because we've moved to another hotel.

And finally, don't bother to see me out.

- [Marc] Darling.

(ominous music)

- Yes?

(Angela gasps)

(body thuds)

(telephone dial rattling)

- 1078, please.

Hello, Eve?

It's Marc.

Are you free for a drink?

Good.

Come on over now then.

No, that's all right.

Angela's here.

Sure, she's fine.

See you in a bit then.

(suspenseful music)

- No!

Please, don't!

(dice rattling)

- Vladimir.

- [Dracula] Shh, I'm calling Maltravers.

- I'm bored.

- Can't you do anything except play

with those ridiculous toys?

- Well, I could fly down Piccadilly

and do a little window shopping.

- You rang a bell in my head, sir?

- At Mr. Williams' apartment, there is a woman.

(drink bubbling)

To be more accurate, she is in his garbage disposal lift.

- Some beauty treatment.

- Bring her here, please.

- (gasps) Oh, may I go, too?

Oh, please, I'll be good, I promise.

- No, darling, you must stay here

until we get the right blood to change you back again.

- Oh.

- Then we'll take a trip.

We'll go to Rome, we'll go to Paris.

Imagine a beautiful spring evening

where the moon's cutting through the clouds,

the friendly hoot of an owl.

- Oh.

- The scream of somebody being possessed.

- Oh.

- What more could one want?

- (clicks tongue) Oh!

I want to go out!

- Go down to your room and don't argue.

- You jive turkey!

- Jive turkey?

(door slams)

Let me go anywhere!

Damn you and this place.

(bracing music)

(bat squeaking)

(doorbell buzzing)

(gentle music)

- Hello, Eve.

- Hi, Marc.

Glad you called.

- I'm afraid Angela had to leave.

- Ah, now, that's too bad.

- Drink?

- Yeah, I'd like a fresh orange juice.

It's good for the complexion.

Don't worry, I'll do it.

Hey, Marc, this isn't working.

(Angela grunting)

- Wrong switch.

(machine whirring)

- Is Angela coming back?

- No.

She's not coming back.

- I used to be an au pair, you know.

Hard to believe it, eh?

- Mm, very.

- I used to do this every single morning.

- Good.

Well, that'll keep you young and lovely.

(Eve moans)

(unsettling music)

(Eve gasps)

(Eve screams)

(Eve cries out)

(bat squeaking)

(Vampira clears throat)

(gentle music)

- I just thought I'd drop in.

I didn't know you were one of us.

- I'm not.

- (chuckles) You soon will be.

(body thuds)

(Vampira moaning)

(floor creaks)

(tense music)

(door creaking)

(Angela screams)

- What was that?

- Oh, we got trouble.

Right here in River City.

- Get up and get dressed.

- Party pooper.

- Where's the blood?

- The blood?

In the teeth.

- Where are the teeth?

- I must have put them down somewhere.

- Sometimes I wonder if I picked the wrong man

for the job.

Please, think.

Ow!

- Ah, now I remember.

I left them on the bed.

- You called, sir?

- I positively screamed.

Put these in the box.

She will remember nothing.

Neither will you.

I, in fact, will be the only one

who will be painfully reminded of this unfortunate evening.

Mr. Williams, you will remember only that Angela was here

and that she left.

Now you will sleep.

(suspenseful music)

- [Maltravers] Is it the right one this time, sir?

- [Dracula] No, it is not.

- Let's hope we're more successful next time.

- Let's hope.

- [Pottinger] What is he doing to these girls?

- I've got Mr. Williams on the line.

- Which line? - Three.

- All right then.

Marc, Angela's disappeared.

She's gone!

- What do you mean, Angela's disappeared?

- You were last with her.

What happened to her?

- I don't remember.

And Eve, too.

No, I have not seen her.

(clears throat) Pottinger, I don't think

you're gonna believe this.

- I believe it.

Just get her back here, that's all.

- Listen, I don't know what's happening to me.

Every time I answer the phone at night, my mind goes blank.

It's like hypnosis.

There's some sort of keyword that puts me out.

- [Secretary] Mr. Pottinger?

- Yes?

- Your wife.

- Who?

Oh, hold on.

Honey, I'm busy.

Where are your what?

Your teeth?

Well, you were wearing them when I left.

Oh, your fancy dress teeth for the party.

Come with your own, nobody will know the difference.

Look, do me a favor.

I've got 200 Draculas and vampires to handle.

Just get off my back, and find Angela.

(tense music)

(door creaking)

(curious music)

- Hello there.

- Who are you?

(bright music)

- I'm Countess Vampira.

- Ah, you look beautiful.

- That's what your boyfriend Marc said.

I wonder what he sees in you.

- Well, why don't you find out?

- But my darling, I'm going to.

- Well, if you untie me,

I could find out what he sees in you, too.

(both laughing)

- Ah, to think, there was a sister in the cellar

and I never knew it.

Marvelous.

Yes.

Mm.

(suspenseful music)

(distant laughter echoing)

(telephone dial rattling)

(Angela mutters)

(telephone ringing)

- Marc Williams.

- Oh, darling.

Listen, I know what it is they've done to you.

Marc, can you hear me?

Marc!

- Yes, go on.

- Oh, for God's sake, Marc.

- Angela, I've been looking for you all day.

Where are you?

- I'm in a big old house somewhere.

I don't know where.

But the number, the number is (screams).

- Angela?

Angela!

- [Angela] Marc, listen, I know what it is

they've done to you.

And they're after Ritva tonight at the party!

Marc, can you hear me?

- Give her to me.

- You've caused enough trouble.

Now go and get ready for the party.

You look a mess.

- If I can't have you, I'll have your friend Marc.

(Angela grunting)

(Maltravers laughs)

(telephone ringing)

- Marc Williams.

Yes, go on.

- You will take the teeth from the book and go to the party.

You will give the beautiful Ritva a friendly bite.

You will hand the teeth to Maltravers or myself,

then your part in this affair will be finished.

You will remember nothing.

(telephone clicks)

(energetic music) (crowd chattering)

- Come on in, Harry, nice to see you.

- Just stay there, lovely.

(speaking drowned out by noise)

- You look great, you look marvelous.

I hope you enjoy the party.

Welcome.

Hello, welcome to the party.

Haven't we met before?

- If we had, I'm sure you would remember.

- Hello, welcome to the party.

(upbeat music)

- (giggles) This is what I call a party!

- Yes.

- Where's Ritva?

- [Pottinger] Where have you been?

- Has she arrived yet - You're late!

- Forget it.

- There's the young person, sir.

- Listen, I can't explain the details,

but somebody's after your blood, literally.

Whatever you do, don't leave my side.

- What are you talking about?

- Would you believe Count Dracula?

- You're Count Dracula.

Everybody's Count Dracula.

- Yes, but I mean Count Dracula, Count Dracula.

- If this is a roundabout way of inviting me

back to your place, then the answer is yes.

- The whole idea is to keep you away from my place,

or from being anywhere alone.

I don't want you out of my sight.

Oh, Ritva!

(Ritva laughs)

- Why doesn't he bite her?

With all these people, I can't control him.

You are wearing your special teeth, aren't you?

- Yes, sir.

I put them in just in case of an emergency.

- Use them.

- Would it be all right

if I visit the gentleman's room first, sir?

- Yes.

- Painful, isn't it?

- What?

- Wearing those teeth.

(lively music)

- Ritva!

(Vampira laughs)

- Charming headdress.

May I dance?

- Yes.

- Ritva!

- What happened?

(Maltravers mutters)

- Ritva!

(Ritva gasps)

(Ritva screams)

- Bye.

(bat squeaking)

(man clapping)

(unsettling music)

- This is it, Maltravers.

Prepare for the transfusion.

- Vladimir?

- Mm-hmm?

- What about that girl?

- Of course, you're right.

We must deal with her first.

Come.

It's the old well, it's as dry as a bone.

- No! (cries out)

No, oh, please, no, no!

Help me, somebody, help!

No! (cries out)

Oh, please, no!

- You know too much, and we must leave tonight.

- Oh, help me, someone, no!

Please, ah, no!

Help!

No! (cries out)

(Maltravers sniggers)

- Bye, bye, my dear.

(doors thudding)

- Thanks!

(floor creaking)

(rat squeaking)

(Angela shouting)

(water splashing)

(unsettling music)

- It doesn't seem to be working.

The new blood's going in, all right,

but nothing's happening.

- Dear me, sir.

- [Dracula] Where could I have gone wrong?

(curious music)

(tense music)

(Dracula grunting)

- Vladimir, I love it!

- [Dracula] What could I do?

Where can we go?

- Well, sir, it's Carnival time in Rio.

(Vampira laughs)

(suspenseful music)

- Orleans Road, Hampstead.

- Sir, they've three seats

on the last fight to Transylvania.

- [Dracula] Well, take them, Maltravers.

- Hello?

Three reservations in the name of Count Vladimir, please.

What?

Yes, we're on our way now.

Thank you.

(metallic rattling)

(door clanging)

(tires screeching)

(distant laughter echoing)

- Angela!

(metal rattling)

(Angela groaning)

Where is he?

I'm gonna kill him.

- No, they've all gone.

Look, just phone the police.

Phone the police!

(telephone dial rattling)

Hey.

London airport?

- Should we give it a try?

(suspenseful music)

(tires screeching)

- Vladimir!

- Good heavens.

- Now then, what's all this?

- Officer, thank goodness you've arrived.

- Thank you, officer.

- Sorry about that, sir.

- Case of mistaken identity, I'm sure.

- [Marc] That man is Count Dracula!

- [Officer] Could you spell that, sir?

- D-R-A, don't be so stupid!

The man's-- - Now, now, now,

let's all keep calm.

♪ Back in Transylvania, they found a drink that's new

♪ If someone wants to drink your health

♪ They drink it outta you

♪ They don't have the movies or corny stuff like that

♪ When you wanna have a ball

♪ You change into a bat

♪ Hey big stuff, gimme some more (slurps)

♪ Fly away, Vampira, dance with all your might

♪ Do it like this, Vampira

♪And dance away the night

♪And you're in my blood

♪ You're here in the heart of me

♪ Callin' Vampira ♪ Every breath I take

♪ Your voice I recall

♪ Voice of Vampira

♪ Like some long lost call

♪ That's happening through me

♪ Like a memory that talks to me

♪ It calls through space and time

♪ In a voice that keeps repeating

♪ That this song isn't really mine

♪And you're in my blood

♪ You're here in the heart of me

♪ Voice of Vampira ♪ Every breath I take

♪ The voice of you calls

♪And I ache to hold you in my arms

♪And drink in all your love

♪ Until you and music fill my soul

♪And I shine with the joy of you in my song

♪ Fly away, Vampira

♪ Dance with all your might

♪ Do it like this, Vampira

♪And dance away the night

- Bye.