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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:30,481 ♪ Uno, dos ♪ 2 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:33,317 ♪ Tres, cuatro ♪ 3 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,819 ♪ Ahh ♪ 4 00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:01,113 ♪ I got my pistol pawn cocked ready to lay shots nonstop ♪ 5 00:02:01,196 --> 00:02:03,324 ♪ Until I see your monkey ass drop ♪ 6 00:02:03,407 --> 00:02:05,409 ♪ And let your homies know who done it ♪ 7 00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:08,996 ♪ When itcomes to this gangsta shit, you motherfuckers know who run it ♪ 8 00:02:09,079 --> 00:02:12,041 ♪ We're standing up for our own shit ♪ 9 00:02:12,124 --> 00:02:14,043 ♪ And if you put this motherfucker to the test ♪ 10 00:02:14,126 --> 00:02:15,419 ♪ You gotta realize somethin', nigga ♪ 11 00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:17,171 ♪ You fuckin' with the very best ♪ 12 00:02:17,254 --> 00:02:19,548 ♪ I got this killa up inside of me ♪ 13 00:02:19,631 --> 00:02:22,968 ♪ I can't talk to my mother so I talk to my diary ♪ 14 00:02:28,098 --> 00:02:31,935 Mother shitter, son of an ass... 15 00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:34,271 You... I'll just... 16 00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:42,529 I was told... Have you... 17 00:02:42,613 --> 00:02:46,283 I was told that if I was late again, I would be summarily dismissed. 18 00:03:51,890 --> 00:03:54,393 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 19 00:03:54,476 --> 00:03:56,812 Just a moment. 20 00:03:56,895 --> 00:03:59,273 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 21 00:03:59,356 --> 00:04:01,900 Just a moment. 22 00:04:01,984 --> 00:04:04,403 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 23 00:04:04,486 --> 00:04:07,739 Just a moment. 24 00:04:07,823 --> 00:04:10,242 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 25 00:04:10,325 --> 00:04:12,536 Just a moment. 26 00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:16,915 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. Just a moment. 27 00:04:16,999 --> 00:04:18,959 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 28 00:04:19,042 --> 00:04:22,171 Hello, Peter. What's happening? 29 00:04:22,254 --> 00:04:25,382 Uh, we have sort of a problem here. 30 00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:30,471 Yeah, you apparently didn't put one of the new cover sheets on your T.P.S. reports. 31 00:04:30,554 --> 00:04:34,224 Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that. I-I forgot. 32 00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:36,268 Mmm, yeah. 33 00:04:36,351 --> 00:04:40,814 You see, we're putting the cover sheets on all T.P.S. reports now before they go out. 34 00:04:40,898 --> 00:04:43,609 Did you see the memo about this? 35 00:04:43,692 --> 00:04:48,614 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I have the memo right here. I just, uh, forgot. 36 00:04:48,697 --> 00:04:52,493 But it's not shipping out till tomorrow, so there's no problem. 37 00:04:52,576 --> 00:04:54,328 Yeah. 38 00:04:54,411 --> 00:04:59,124 If you could just go ahead and make sure you do that from now on, that would be great. 39 00:04:59,208 --> 00:05:02,294 And, uh, I'll go ahead and make sure you get another copy of that memo. 40 00:05:02,377 --> 00:05:04,546 - Mm-kay? Bye-bye, Peter. - Yeah, no, I have the memo. 41 00:05:04,630 --> 00:05:06,548 I've got it. It's right... 42 00:05:06,632 --> 00:05:09,051 Hello, Phil. What's happening? 43 00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:13,180 Uh, I came by here yesterday... 44 00:05:16,225 --> 00:05:19,561 Milton? 45 00:05:19,645 --> 00:05:23,857 Hi. Uh, could you turn that down just a little bit? 46 00:05:23,941 --> 00:05:26,860 Well, I-I was told that I could listen to the radio... 47 00:05:26,944 --> 00:05:28,862 at a reasonable volume from 9:00 to 11:00. 48 00:05:28,946 --> 00:05:32,199 Yeah, no, no, I know you're allowed to. I, uh... 49 00:05:32,282 --> 00:05:34,910 I was just thinking maybe like, you know, a personal favor, you... 50 00:05:34,993 --> 00:05:40,415 Well, I-I told Bill that if-if Sandra's going to listen to her headphones... 51 00:05:40,499 --> 00:05:43,335 while she's... while she's filing, then I should be able to listen... 52 00:05:43,418 --> 00:05:45,295 - to the radio while I'm collating. - Uh-huh. 53 00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:47,464 So, I don't see why I should have to turn down the radio. 54 00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:50,050 - Yeah, all right. Okay. - Because I enjoy listening... 55 00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:53,053 - at a reasonable volume from 9:00 to 11:00. - Thanks, Milton. 56 00:05:53,136 --> 00:05:54,846 Hi, Peter. 57 00:05:54,930 --> 00:05:59,434 What's happening? We need to talk about your T.P.S. reports. 58 00:05:59,518 --> 00:06:01,979 Yeah, the cover sheet. I know. I know. 59 00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:04,398 - Uh, Bill talked to me about it. - Yeah. 60 00:06:04,481 --> 00:06:06,692 - Did you get that memo? - Yeah, I got the memo. 61 00:06:06,775 --> 00:06:12,030 And I understand the policy and the problem is just that I forgot the one time. 62 00:06:12,114 --> 00:06:14,491 I've already taken care of it, so it's not really a problem anymore. 63 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:18,996 Ah, yeah. It's just we're putting new cover sheets... 64 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:21,582 on all the T.P.S. reports before they go out now. 65 00:06:21,665 --> 00:06:26,503 So, if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. 66 00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,672 All right! 67 00:06:38,515 --> 00:06:40,892 - Peter Gibbons. - Yeah. Peter? 68 00:06:40,976 --> 00:06:44,396 - Yes. - Did you get the memo about the T.P.S. reports? 69 00:06:44,479 --> 00:06:46,356 I have the memo. 70 00:06:46,565 --> 00:06:50,235 No, not again. 71 00:06:50,319 --> 00:06:52,654 Why does it say "paperjam" when there is no paperjam? 72 00:06:52,738 --> 00:06:57,826 I swear to God, one of these days, I jus tkick this piece of shit out the window. 73 00:06:57,909 --> 00:07:01,038 You and me both' man. The thing is lucky I'm not armed. 74 00:07:03,498 --> 00:07:06,460 - Piece of shit. - Sam Ire... 75 00:07:06,543 --> 00:07:11,131 Na... Na... Na... Naga... 76 00:07:11,214 --> 00:07:14,092 - No. Please. - Uh-huh. 77 00:07:14,176 --> 00:07:16,178 Michael... 78 00:07:16,261 --> 00:07:18,513 - Bolton? - That's me. 79 00:07:18,597 --> 00:07:20,682 Wow. Is that your real name? 80 00:07:20,766 --> 00:07:25,103 - Yeah. - So, are you related to that singer guy? 81 00:07:25,187 --> 00:07:28,023 - No, it's just a coincidence. - Oh. 82 00:07:28,106 --> 00:07:30,442 Yeah, you fuckin' cow. 83 00:07:30,525 --> 00:07:33,153 No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. 84 00:07:33,236 --> 00:07:37,240 I-It's not that hard... Nagheenanajar. Nagheenanajar. 85 00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:40,410 Yeah, well' at least your name isn't Michael Bolton. 86 00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,496 You know, there's nothing wrong with that name. 87 00:07:42,579 --> 00:07:45,999 There was nothing wrong with it, until I was about 12 years old... 88 00:07:46,083 --> 00:07:49,836 and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys. 89 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:54,883 Hmm. Why don't... Why don't you just, uh, go by Mike instead of Michael? 90 00:07:54,966 --> 00:07:57,094 No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks. 91 00:07:57,302 --> 00:08:00,097 - Hey, guys. - What's up, G.? 92 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:03,642 - Wanna go to Chotchkie's, get some coffee? - Oh, it's a little early. 93 00:08:03,725 --> 00:08:06,019 I gotta get out of here. I think I'm gonna lose it. 94 00:08:06,103 --> 00:08:10,190 Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays. 95 00:08:15,404 --> 00:08:17,739 Boy, I tell you. Some days. 96 00:08:17,823 --> 00:08:20,492 One of these days it's just gonna be like... 97 00:08:23,453 --> 00:08:26,498 So, can I get you gentlemen something more to drink, or maybe something to nibble on? 98 00:08:26,581 --> 00:08:29,084 Some pizza shooters, shrimp poppers or extreme fajitas? 99 00:08:29,167 --> 00:08:31,169 Just coffee. 100 00:08:31,253 --> 00:08:34,131 Okay. Sounds like a case of the Mondays. 101 00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:41,972 What if we're still doing this when we're 50? 102 00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,641 It would be nice to have that kind of job security. 103 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:48,895 Lumbergh's gonna have me work on Saturday. I-I can tell already. 104 00:08:48,979 --> 00:08:53,066 I'm gonna end up doing it because, uh... because I'm a big pussy. 105 00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:55,110 Which is why I work at Initech to begin with. 106 00:08:55,193 --> 00:08:59,406 Yeah, well, I work at Initech, and I don't consider myself a pussy. Okay? 107 00:08:59,489 --> 00:09:01,867 Yes, I am also not a pussy. 108 00:09:01,950 --> 00:09:03,910 They're gonna find out the hard way I'm not a pussy... 109 00:09:03,994 --> 00:09:06,913 - if they don't start treating their software people better. - That's right. 110 00:09:06,997 --> 00:09:10,709 I don't understand. I could program a virus that would rip that place off big-time. 111 00:09:10,792 --> 00:09:13,670 - Yeah. - Big-time. 112 00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:18,759 - Whoa. - There she is. 113 00:09:18,842 --> 00:09:22,179 Peter, you know, you always talk about this girl. 114 00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,598 If you're so obsessed with her, why don't you just ask her out? 115 00:09:24,681 --> 00:09:28,059 No, I can't do that. I'm just another asshole customer. 116 00:09:28,143 --> 00:09:31,229 You can't just walk up to a waitress and ask her out. 117 00:09:31,313 --> 00:09:33,607 Besides, I'm still trying to work it out with Anne. 118 00:09:33,690 --> 00:09:36,610 Uh, that reminds me. I'm not going to be able to play poker with you guys on Friday. 119 00:09:36,693 --> 00:09:40,113 - Why not? - I'm gonna see this, uh... 120 00:09:40,197 --> 00:09:42,073 occupational hypnotherapist with Anne. 121 00:09:42,157 --> 00:09:45,535 - Dude, an occupational hypnotherapist? - Yeah, I know. 122 00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:51,041 Anne wants me to go. She thinks it might help. I'm... 123 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,376 You know, sometimes I think I... 124 00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:56,129 I get thinking that she's cheating on me. 125 00:09:56,213 --> 00:09:58,673 - Yeah, I know what you mean. - Yeah. 126 00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:02,552 What is that supposed to mean? 127 00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:05,055 Nothing. 128 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:08,350 Look. Just tell Anne that you're not into hypnosis and you wanna play poker. 129 00:10:08,433 --> 00:10:11,186 No, I can't do that. She'll get all pissed off. 130 00:10:11,269 --> 00:10:14,189 And, besides, I think that the guy might actually be able to help. 131 00:10:14,272 --> 00:10:16,191 I mean, he did help Anne lose weight. 132 00:10:16,274 --> 00:10:18,443 Peter, she's anorexic. 133 00:10:18,527 --> 00:10:21,696 Yeah, I know. The guy's really good. 134 00:10:21,780 --> 00:10:24,699 Yeah, well, I don't think any occupational hypnotherapist... 135 00:10:24,783 --> 00:10:27,160 is gonna help you solve any of your problems. 136 00:10:27,244 --> 00:10:28,954 Okay? Hey, and speaking of problems... 137 00:10:29,037 --> 00:10:31,373 what's this I hear about you having problems with your T.P.S. reports? 138 00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:34,501 Yeah. Didn't you get that memo? 139 00:10:35,752 --> 00:10:40,173 - Hey! Hey, guys! Peter! - Is that Smykowski? 140 00:10:40,257 --> 00:10:42,217 - Samir! - What's he doing? 141 00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:44,261 Oh, probably working on another heart attack. 142 00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:47,180 I've been looking all over for you guys. Have you seen this? 143 00:10:47,264 --> 00:10:50,392 - I knew it. I knew it. - What? It's a staff meeting. So what? 144 00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:54,813 So what? We're all screwed, that's what. They're gonna downsize Initech. 145 00:10:54,896 --> 00:10:56,940 What are you talking about, Tom? How do you know that? 146 00:10:57,023 --> 00:11:00,235 How do I know? They're bringing in a consultant, that's how I know. 147 00:11:00,318 --> 00:11:02,237 That's what this staff meeting is all about. 148 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,406 It happened at Initrode last year. 149 00:11:04,489 --> 00:11:07,993 You have to interview with this consultant. They call them "efficiency experts". 150 00:11:08,076 --> 00:11:10,370 But what you're really doing is interviewing for your own job. 151 00:11:10,453 --> 00:11:12,998 Every week you say you're going to lose your job, and you're still here. 152 00:11:13,081 --> 00:11:15,667 Not this time. I bet I'm the first one laid off. 153 00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:19,921 The thought of having to go to the state unemployment office, to stand in line with scumbags! 154 00:11:20,005 --> 00:11:22,841 Shit. 155 00:11:22,924 --> 00:11:26,887 You know, there are people in this world that don't have to put up with all this shit. 156 00:11:26,970 --> 00:11:29,890 Like that guy that invented the Pet Rock? 157 00:11:29,973 --> 00:11:33,143 You see, that's what you have to do. 158 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,145 You have to use your mind... 159 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,981 and come up with some really great idea like that. 160 00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:40,066 And you can make millions. Never have to work again. 161 00:11:40,150 --> 00:11:42,068 You think the Pet Rock was a really great idea? 162 00:11:42,152 --> 00:11:46,531 Sure it was. The guy made a million dollars. 163 00:11:48,783 --> 00:11:53,705 You know, I had an idea like that once, a long time ago. 164 00:11:53,788 --> 00:11:55,707 Really? What was it, Tom? 165 00:11:55,790 --> 00:11:58,376 Well, all right. 166 00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:02,339 It was a "jump to conclusions" mat. 167 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,301 You see, it would be this mat... 168 00:12:06,384 --> 00:12:08,553 that you would put on the floor... 169 00:12:08,637 --> 00:12:13,391 and it would have different conclusions written on it... 170 00:12:13,475 --> 00:12:15,810 that you could jump to. 171 00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:22,484 That is the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom. 172 00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:26,237 Yes. Yes, it's horrible, this idea. 173 00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:31,660 Uh, look, I gotta get outta here. 174 00:12:31,743 --> 00:12:33,912 I'll see you guys later... 175 00:12:33,995 --> 00:12:37,540 - if I still have a job. - Yeah. 176 00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:40,919 Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you would do... 177 00:12:41,002 --> 00:12:42,963 if you had a million dollars, didn't have to work. 178 00:12:43,046 --> 00:12:46,299 And, invariably, whatever you'd say, that was supposed to be your career. 179 00:12:46,383 --> 00:12:49,719 If you wanted to fix old cars, then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic. 180 00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:53,473 - So what did you say? - I never had an answer. 181 00:12:53,556 --> 00:12:55,475 I guess that's why I'm working at Initech. 182 00:12:55,558 --> 00:12:59,020 No. You're working at Initech 'cause that question is bullshit to begin with. 183 00:12:59,104 --> 00:13:01,064 If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors... 184 00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:04,317 because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars. 185 00:13:04,401 --> 00:13:06,403 You know what I would do if I had million dollars? 186 00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:09,364 I would invest half of it in low-risk mutual funds... 187 00:13:09,447 --> 00:13:12,826 and then take the other half of it to my friend Asadulah, who works in securities... 188 00:13:12,909 --> 00:13:15,537 Samir. Samir, you're missing the point. The point of the exercise... 189 00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:20,166 - is that you're supposed to figure out what you would want to do if... - 190 00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:23,044 "P.C. load letter"? What the fuck does that mean? 191 00:13:23,128 --> 00:13:24,879 What the... 192 00:13:45,483 --> 00:13:47,861 Hey, Peter, man! Check out channel 9! 193 00:13:47,944 --> 00:13:50,864 - Check out this chick! - Damn it, Lawrence. 194 00:13:50,947 --> 00:13:53,867 Can't you just pretend like we can't hear each other through the wall? 195 00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:55,368 Oh, sorry, man! Anne over there or somethin'? 196 00:13:55,452 --> 00:14:00,957 No, but... if you wanna talk to me, just come over. 197 00:14:04,002 --> 00:14:07,338 Hey, man. Check this out, dude. 198 00:14:08,965 --> 00:14:13,386 The key is early detection. Tumors that are detected... 199 00:14:13,470 --> 00:14:17,223 - Aw, geez, Lawrence. - I'm sorry, man. I thought you'd want to see this. 200 00:14:17,307 --> 00:14:19,809 Doesn't that chick look like Anne? 201 00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:22,729 Yeah. A little bit. I... 202 00:14:22,812 --> 00:14:26,066 Hey, she hasn't been over here in a while. You two still goin' out? 203 00:14:26,149 --> 00:14:29,319 Yeah. I guess. I-I don't know. 204 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,738 Sometimes I get the feeling like she's cheating on me. 205 00:14:31,821 --> 00:14:33,948 Yeah. I get that feeling too, man. 206 00:14:34,032 --> 00:14:36,910 What do you mean by that? 207 00:14:36,993 --> 00:14:39,370 I don't know, man. 208 00:14:39,454 --> 00:14:41,623 I just get that feeling lookin' at her, like... 209 00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:44,000 she's the type of chick that would just... 210 00:14:49,172 --> 00:14:51,549 Oh, I'm sorry, man. Look, I-I... 211 00:14:51,633 --> 00:14:54,219 You know, I'm talkin' outta my ass. I don't know nothin'. 212 00:14:54,302 --> 00:14:57,222 Forget it. Don't worry. It's all right. Just... I had a rough day. 213 00:14:57,305 --> 00:15:00,850 Tell me about it, man. 214 00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:05,980 I gotta wake my ass up at 6:00 a.m. every day this week... 215 00:15:06,064 --> 00:15:07,982 drag up to Las Colindas. 216 00:15:08,066 --> 00:15:10,819 Yeah. I'm doin' the drywall up there at the new McDonald's. 217 00:15:10,902 --> 00:15:13,905 Let me ask you something. 218 00:15:13,988 --> 00:15:16,282 When you come in on Monday and you're not feelin, real well... 219 00:15:16,366 --> 00:15:20,036 does anyone ever say to you, "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays"? 220 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,832 No. 221 00:15:23,915 --> 00:15:25,834 No, man. 222 00:15:25,917 --> 00:15:27,710 Shit, no, man. 223 00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:30,421 I believe you'd get your ass kicked, sayin' somethin' like that, man. 224 00:15:30,505 --> 00:15:33,716 - Huh. - We still goin' fishin' this weekend? 225 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,636 Nah, Lumbergh's gonna have me come in on Saturday. I just know it. 226 00:15:36,719 --> 00:15:38,638 Well, you can get out of that easily. 227 00:15:38,721 --> 00:15:40,598 Yeah? How? 228 00:15:40,682 --> 00:15:42,433 Well... 229 00:15:42,517 --> 00:15:44,978 when a boss wants you to work on a Saturday... 230 00:15:45,061 --> 00:15:48,356 - he generally asks you at the end of the day, right? - Yeah. 231 00:15:48,439 --> 00:15:51,025 So all you gotta do is avoid him... That's all right. I got it... 232 00:15:51,109 --> 00:15:54,821 on the last few hours on Friday, duck out early... 233 00:15:54,904 --> 00:15:58,741 turn off your answering machine, you should be home free, man. 234 00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:02,287 That's a really good idea. 235 00:16:02,370 --> 00:16:04,330 Fuckin'-A, man. 236 00:16:04,414 --> 00:16:09,961 Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars? 237 00:16:10,044 --> 00:16:13,214 I'll tell you what I'd do, man. 238 00:16:13,298 --> 00:16:15,258 Two chicks at the same time, man. 239 00:16:18,928 --> 00:16:20,847 That's it? 240 00:16:20,930 --> 00:16:24,601 If you had a million dollars, y-you'd do two chicks at the same time? 241 00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:27,562 Damn straight. I've always wanted to do that, man. 242 00:16:27,645 --> 00:16:30,315 I think if I were a millionaire, I could hook that up too. 243 00:16:30,398 --> 00:16:33,568 - 'Cause chicks dig dudes with money. - Well, not all chicks. 244 00:16:33,651 --> 00:16:36,404 Well, the type of chicks that would double up on a dude like me do. 245 00:16:36,487 --> 00:16:38,489 - Good point. - Well, what about you now? 246 00:16:38,573 --> 00:16:41,075 - What would you do? - Besides two chicks at the same time? 247 00:16:41,159 --> 00:16:43,953 - Well, yeah. - Nothing. 248 00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:46,080 Nothin', huh? 249 00:16:46,164 --> 00:16:48,374 I would relax. 250 00:16:48,458 --> 00:16:51,878 I would sit on my ass all day. 251 00:16:51,961 --> 00:16:53,838 I would do nothing. 252 00:16:53,922 --> 00:16:56,591 Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothin', man. 253 00:16:56,674 --> 00:17:00,094 Take a look at my cousin. He's broke, don't do shit. 254 00:17:03,139 --> 00:17:07,560 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. Just a moment. 255 00:17:07,644 --> 00:17:09,896 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 256 00:17:09,979 --> 00:17:12,065 Just a moment. 257 00:17:12,148 --> 00:17:14,609 Corporate Accounts Payable. Nina speaking. 258 00:17:14,692 --> 00:17:16,819 Just a moment. 259 00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:20,031 So, you should ask yourself: 260 00:17:20,114 --> 00:17:23,243 With every decision you make, is this good for the company? 261 00:17:23,326 --> 00:17:26,663 - Am I helping with... - Is that the guy? 262 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,998 Yeah. We're screwed. 263 00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:32,502 Okay, then, um... 264 00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:37,590 I'd like to go ahead and welcome, uh, a new member to our team here. 265 00:17:37,674 --> 00:17:41,844 This is, uh' Bob Slydell. 266 00:17:43,179 --> 00:17:45,431 Yeah. Uh... 267 00:17:45,515 --> 00:17:47,600 Bob is a consultant. 268 00:17:47,684 --> 00:17:52,897 Yeah. He's gonna be sort of, uh... 269 00:17:52,981 --> 00:17:55,566 helping us out a little here... 270 00:17:55,650 --> 00:17:58,569 asking some questions, maybe seeing if there are some ways... 271 00:17:58,653 --> 00:18:02,407 we can make things run a little more smoothly around here. 272 00:18:03,574 --> 00:18:06,828 Yeah. Oh, and remember... 273 00:18:06,911 --> 00:18:10,081 next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day. 274 00:18:12,041 --> 00:18:15,712 So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and, uh... 275 00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:18,548 wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans. 276 00:18:18,715 --> 00:18:21,426 And I said I don't care if they lay me off, either. 277 00:18:21,509 --> 00:18:25,221 Because I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time... 278 00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:27,932 then I'm... I'm quitting... I'm going to quit. 279 00:18:28,016 --> 00:18:32,979 And I told Dom too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year. 280 00:18:33,062 --> 00:18:35,148 And I used to be over by the window... 281 00:18:35,231 --> 00:18:38,484 and I could see the squirrels, and they were married. 282 00:18:38,568 --> 00:18:41,863 But then they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler. 283 00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:44,991 But I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much... 284 00:18:45,074 --> 00:18:47,702 and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler. 285 00:18:47,785 --> 00:18:49,996 - Okay, Milton. - And, oh, no, it's not okay... 286 00:18:50,079 --> 00:18:53,207 because if they make me... if they take my stapler... 287 00:18:53,291 --> 00:18:57,170 then I'll... I'll have to... I'll set the building on fire. 288 00:18:57,253 --> 00:18:59,213 Okay, well, that sounds, uh... that sounds great. 289 00:18:59,297 --> 00:19:02,300 Uh, I'll talk to you later, all right? Bye. 290 00:19:02,383 --> 00:19:04,302 Oh. 291 00:19:05,762 --> 00:19:08,306 Yeah. 292 00:19:18,274 --> 00:19:20,443 Good-bye. 293 00:19:41,255 --> 00:19:43,299 Come on. 294 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,637 Oh, for cryin'... 295 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,744 Hello, Peter. What's happening? 296 00:20:11,828 --> 00:20:15,456 Um... I'm gonna need you... 297 00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:18,418 to go ahead and come in tomorrow. 298 00:20:18,501 --> 00:20:21,921 So if you could be here around... 299 00:20:22,004 --> 00:20:24,132 9:00, that would be great. 300 00:20:24,215 --> 00:20:26,134 Mm-kay? 301 00:20:27,176 --> 00:20:29,095 Oh, oh, and I almost forgot. 302 00:20:29,178 --> 00:20:33,766 Uh, I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in... 303 00:20:33,850 --> 00:20:36,436 on Sunday too, 'kay? 304 00:20:36,519 --> 00:20:39,981 We, um, lost some people this week... 305 00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:43,526 and, uh, we need to sort of play catch-up. 306 00:20:43,609 --> 00:20:45,528 Thanks. 307 00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:52,660 So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized... 308 00:20:52,743 --> 00:20:56,330 ever since I started working, um... 309 00:20:56,414 --> 00:20:59,333 every single day of my life has been worse than... 310 00:20:59,417 --> 00:21:01,919 the day before it. 311 00:21:02,003 --> 00:21:06,174 So that means that every single day that you see me... 312 00:21:06,257 --> 00:21:08,217 that's on the worst day of my life. 313 00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:11,762 What about today? Is today the worst day of your life? 314 00:21:11,846 --> 00:21:14,515 - Yeah. - Wow. That's messed up. 315 00:21:17,602 --> 00:21:20,188 I'm sorry. Go on. 316 00:21:20,271 --> 00:21:24,025 Is there any way that you could sort of... 317 00:21:24,108 --> 00:21:29,155 just zonk me out so that, like, I don't know that I'm at work... in here? 318 00:21:29,238 --> 00:21:33,201 Could I come home and think that I've been fishing all day, or something? 319 00:21:33,284 --> 00:21:36,954 That's... really not what I do, Peter. 320 00:21:37,038 --> 00:21:39,540 However... 321 00:21:39,624 --> 00:21:43,920 the good news is, I think I can help you. 322 00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:46,506 I want you to do something for me, Peter. 323 00:21:47,924 --> 00:21:50,927 I want you to try and relax. 324 00:21:53,596 --> 00:21:56,641 I want you to relax every muscle in your body... 325 00:21:56,724 --> 00:22:01,270 beginning with your toes to your fingertips. 326 00:22:03,731 --> 00:22:07,235 Now, I want you to relax your legs. 327 00:22:07,318 --> 00:22:10,655 You're beginning to feel your eyelids getting heavy... 328 00:22:10,738 --> 00:22:13,533 as you slip deeper and deeper... 329 00:22:13,616 --> 00:22:16,661 into a state of complete relaxation. 330 00:22:16,744 --> 00:22:20,915 All your cares and concerns are disappearing. 331 00:22:20,998 --> 00:22:24,502 Deeper and deeper. Way down. 332 00:22:24,585 --> 00:22:27,547 Your concern about your job... 333 00:22:27,630 --> 00:22:29,799 melts away... 334 00:22:29,882 --> 00:22:33,678 way, way down. 335 00:22:37,265 --> 00:22:39,183 Now, when I count backwards from three... 336 00:22:39,267 --> 00:22:42,687 you'll be in a state of complete relaxation. 337 00:22:42,770 --> 00:22:46,023 Your worries, cares and inhibitions will be gone... 338 00:22:46,107 --> 00:22:49,110 and you will remain in that state... 339 00:22:49,193 --> 00:22:51,946 until I snap my fingers. 340 00:22:52,029 --> 00:22:55,283 Three. Deeper and deeper. 341 00:22:55,366 --> 00:22:58,536 Way, way down. 342 00:22:58,619 --> 00:23:02,665 Two. Deeper and deeper. 343 00:23:02,748 --> 00:23:05,543 W-W-Way down. 344 00:23:06,794 --> 00:23:11,215 Whu... Whu... One. 345 00:23:12,592 --> 00:23:15,928 Oh, my God! Doctor Swanson! 346 00:23:16,012 --> 00:23:18,681 - Ew! Ew! - Is he breathing? 347 00:23:18,764 --> 00:23:21,851 - Call 911! - Oh! Where's the phone? Where's the goddamn phone? 348 00:23:21,934 --> 00:23:23,853 Hurry! 349 00:23:23,936 --> 00:23:25,938 - Peter! - Hurry! 350 00:23:56,510 --> 00:24:00,181 - - Yeah, hi. It's Bill Lumbergh. 351 00:24:00,264 --> 00:24:03,100 It's about... 10:00. 352 00:24:03,184 --> 00:24:06,812 Yeah. Just, uh, wondering where you are. 353 00:24:09,106 --> 00:24:12,151 Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lumbergh again. 354 00:24:12,234 --> 00:24:14,654 Uh, I just wanted to make sure you knew... 355 00:24:14,737 --> 00:24:20,159 that we did start at the, uh, usual time this morning. 356 00:24:20,242 --> 00:24:23,245 Yeah. It isn't a half day or anything like that. 357 00:24:23,329 --> 00:24:25,247 So, if you could just go ahead... 358 00:24:25,331 --> 00:24:29,418 and get here as soon as possible, that would be terrific. 359 00:24:48,729 --> 00:24:51,607 Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lum... 360 00:24:51,691 --> 00:24:54,985 - Yeah. It's... - Yeah. Hi. It's Bill Lumbergh... 361 00:24:55,069 --> 00:24:58,989 Yeah. It's me again. Uh, I was away from my desk for a minute. 362 00:24:59,073 --> 00:25:02,243 - - Just checking in, in case you called while I was gone. 363 00:25:02,326 --> 00:25:06,497 - Hello? - Peter, what's going on? 364 00:25:06,580 --> 00:25:11,377 - Huh? - It's 3:30. Why aren't you at work? 365 00:25:11,460 --> 00:25:14,588 Because I... I... I didn't feel like it. 366 00:25:14,672 --> 00:25:16,882 Peter, what's gotten into you? 367 00:25:16,966 --> 00:25:19,176 First, you just sit there while Dr. Swanson dies. 368 00:25:19,260 --> 00:25:21,846 Then you just walk out of the car and embarrass me in front of my friends. 369 00:25:21,929 --> 00:25:25,433 - Don't blame this on hypnosis, either. - That's total bull... - 370 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,566 Listen, asshole. Nobody hangs up on me. 371 00:25:33,649 --> 00:25:37,111 We're through. Oh, and one more thing. 372 00:25:37,194 --> 00:25:39,280 I've been cheating on you! 373 00:25:44,493 --> 00:25:47,455 So, from now on, only use the new time sheets... 374 00:25:47,538 --> 00:25:51,834 if you've worked on two or more job codes in one day... 375 00:25:51,917 --> 00:25:54,962 and you need the extra columns to fit it all in. 376 00:25:55,045 --> 00:25:57,506 - Otherwise, use the old time sheets... - Where's Peter? 377 00:25:57,590 --> 00:25:59,508 I heard he didn't show up this weekend. 378 00:25:59,592 --> 00:26:02,261 - Uh, I don't know. - I think this new system will really, really help us out. 379 00:26:02,344 --> 00:26:07,308 - Who the hell is that guy? - So, uh, any questions? 380 00:26:21,071 --> 00:26:23,491 - Hi. I'm Peter. - Hi. Can I help you? 381 00:26:23,574 --> 00:26:25,826 What are you doin, for lunch today? 382 00:26:25,910 --> 00:26:28,704 Uh, well, our specials today are blackened chicken. 383 00:26:28,788 --> 00:26:30,748 And... It's actually right there on the board. Excuse me. 384 00:26:33,334 --> 00:26:35,252 Hey, look who's back! 385 00:26:35,336 --> 00:26:38,589 Table for three to... 386 00:26:39,924 --> 00:26:41,842 I was askin' what you were doin' for lunch. 387 00:26:41,926 --> 00:26:44,512 Would you like to have lunch with me? 388 00:26:44,595 --> 00:26:46,597 Are you... Are you serious? 389 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:48,599 Yeah. 390 00:26:48,682 --> 00:26:51,811 Yeah. Um, I don't... I don't think I'm supposed to do that. 391 00:26:51,894 --> 00:26:53,938 Oh. Okay. 392 00:26:54,021 --> 00:26:56,482 I'll tell you what I'll do. I'm gonna go next door and get a table. 393 00:26:56,565 --> 00:26:59,360 And if you'd like to join me, uh, no big deal, all right? 394 00:26:59,443 --> 00:27:01,362 And if not, that's cool too. Okay? 395 00:27:01,445 --> 00:27:04,949 - Okay. - All right. 396 00:27:05,032 --> 00:27:08,536 When you say, "next door", do you mean Chili's or Flinger's? 397 00:27:08,619 --> 00:27:10,538 Flinger's. 398 00:27:10,621 --> 00:27:12,748 Okay. 399 00:27:12,915 --> 00:27:18,462 What you do at Initech is you take the specifications from the customers... 400 00:27:18,546 --> 00:27:20,464 and you bring them down to the software engineers. 401 00:27:20,548 --> 00:27:22,508 Yes. Y-Yes. That's... That's right. 402 00:27:22,591 --> 00:27:24,468 Well, then I just have to ask... 403 00:27:24,552 --> 00:27:29,390 why couldn't the customers just take them directly to the software people, huh? 404 00:27:29,473 --> 00:27:32,935 Well, I'll tell you why. 405 00:27:33,018 --> 00:27:37,773 Uh, because... engineers are not good at dealing with customers. 406 00:27:37,857 --> 00:27:39,775 Uh-huh. 407 00:27:39,859 --> 00:27:45,197 So, you physically take the specs from the customer? 408 00:27:45,281 --> 00:27:47,408 Well... 409 00:27:48,826 --> 00:27:52,037 No. My secretary does that, or they're faxed. 410 00:27:52,121 --> 00:27:53,706 Huh. 411 00:27:53,789 --> 00:27:56,667 So then you must physically bring them to the software people. 412 00:27:56,750 --> 00:28:00,296 Well... no. 413 00:28:00,379 --> 00:28:03,048 I mean, sometimes. 414 00:28:03,132 --> 00:28:04,592 Ah. 415 00:28:04,675 --> 00:28:08,596 What would you say you do here? 416 00:28:08,679 --> 00:28:11,307 Well, look, I already told you. 417 00:28:11,390 --> 00:28:15,436 I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to. 418 00:28:15,519 --> 00:28:19,148 I have people skills. I am good at dealing with people! 419 00:28:19,231 --> 00:28:23,110 Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people? 420 00:28:23,193 --> 00:28:25,487 I... 421 00:28:30,242 --> 00:28:32,161 Let's see. 422 00:28:32,244 --> 00:28:35,789 You are Michael... 423 00:28:37,249 --> 00:28:39,877 - Bolton? - Yeah. 424 00:28:41,170 --> 00:28:44,214 - Is that your real name? - Yeah. 425 00:28:46,675 --> 00:28:48,552 Are you any relation to the pop singer? 426 00:28:48,636 --> 00:28:52,264 - No, it's... it's just a coincidence. - I'll be honest with you. 427 00:28:52,348 --> 00:28:55,935 - I love his music. I do. I'm a Michael Bolton fan. - Me too. 428 00:28:56,018 --> 00:29:00,397 I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings "When a Man Loves a Woman". 429 00:29:00,481 --> 00:29:02,399 But you must really love his music, huh? 430 00:29:05,361 --> 00:29:07,279 Yeah, he's... he's... he's pretty... 431 00:29:07,363 --> 00:29:10,115 - He's pretty good, I guess. - You're goddamn right, he is. 432 00:29:10,199 --> 00:29:12,159 Right. 433 00:29:12,242 --> 00:29:15,079 So, tell me. What's your favorite song of his? 434 00:29:15,162 --> 00:29:17,498 Mmm... 435 00:29:18,874 --> 00:29:21,251 I don't... I don't know. 436 00:29:21,335 --> 00:29:24,672 I mean, I guess I sort of like them all. 437 00:29:24,755 --> 00:29:27,883 That's a riot. I'm the exact same way. 438 00:29:27,967 --> 00:29:30,719 But it must be twice as hard for you, being having the same name as him. 439 00:29:30,803 --> 00:29:33,681 I celebrate the guy's entire catalog. 440 00:29:33,764 --> 00:29:36,266 Anyway, let's get down to business, Michael. 441 00:29:36,350 --> 00:29:38,519 You know, you can just call me Mike. 442 00:29:44,149 --> 00:29:46,402 - Hi. - Hey. 443 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:51,240 I wonder if I'm allowed to, uh, wear this in here. 444 00:29:51,323 --> 00:29:56,203 I think it'll be okay. Would you like to sit down? 445 00:29:56,286 --> 00:29:58,706 Okay. 446 00:30:01,458 --> 00:30:05,295 Wow! This place is really... nice. 447 00:30:05,379 --> 00:30:07,673 Yeah. Is it? 448 00:30:07,756 --> 00:30:09,967 Yeah, my God, compared to Chotchkie's! 449 00:30:10,050 --> 00:30:12,302 I like the uniforms better, anyway. 450 00:30:12,386 --> 00:30:14,346 I like yours. 451 00:30:14,430 --> 00:30:16,432 Ugh! 452 00:30:18,809 --> 00:30:21,395 "We're not in Kansas anymore". 453 00:30:21,478 --> 00:30:25,024 Yeah, really. 454 00:30:25,107 --> 00:30:27,818 It's on your... 455 00:30:27,901 --> 00:30:32,031 Ohh! Yeah. That's... That's, uh... 456 00:30:32,114 --> 00:30:36,035 - That's one of my... my pieces of flair. - What's a piece of flair? 457 00:30:36,118 --> 00:30:39,621 Oh, it's, uh, where, you know, like these suspenders... 458 00:30:39,705 --> 00:30:42,458 and, uh, the buttons are all sort of... 459 00:30:42,541 --> 00:30:47,087 We're actually required to wear, um, 15 pieces of flair. 460 00:30:47,171 --> 00:30:49,381 It's really stupid, actually. 461 00:30:49,465 --> 00:30:52,176 - Do you get to pick 'em yourself? - Yeah, yeah, we do. 462 00:30:52,259 --> 00:30:54,428 Although I didn't actually choose these. 463 00:30:54,511 --> 00:30:57,765 I just sort of grabbed, you know, 15 buttons and just... 464 00:30:57,848 --> 00:31:00,476 I don't even know what they say. You know, I don't really care. 465 00:31:00,559 --> 00:31:02,853 I don't really like talking about my flair. 466 00:31:02,936 --> 00:31:04,938 - Okay. - So... 467 00:31:05,022 --> 00:31:08,692 - where do you, uh, work, Peter? - Initech. 468 00:31:08,776 --> 00:31:10,819 And, yeah, what... what do you do there? 469 00:31:12,029 --> 00:31:13,947 I sit in a cubicle... 470 00:31:14,031 --> 00:31:16,658 and I update bank software for the 2000 switch. 471 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:21,497 - What's that? - Well, see, they wrote all this bank software... 472 00:31:21,580 --> 00:31:25,501 and, uh, to save space, they used two digits for the date instead of four. 473 00:31:25,584 --> 00:31:28,337 So, like, 98 instead of 1998. 474 00:31:28,420 --> 00:31:32,257 Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, uh... 475 00:31:32,341 --> 00:31:34,802 It doesn't really matter. 476 00:31:34,885 --> 00:31:37,679 I, uh... I don't like my job, and, uh... 477 00:31:37,763 --> 00:31:39,807 I don't think I'm gonna go anymore. 478 00:31:41,100 --> 00:31:43,727 - You're just not gonna go? - Yeah. 479 00:31:43,811 --> 00:31:47,314 - Won't you get fired? - I don't know. 480 00:31:47,397 --> 00:31:50,776 But I really don't like it and, uh, I'm not gonna go. 481 00:31:50,859 --> 00:31:53,070 What, so you're gonna quit? 482 00:31:53,153 --> 00:31:57,908 Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh... I'm just gonna stop going. 483 00:32:01,578 --> 00:32:03,622 Uh, when did you decide all of that? 484 00:32:03,705 --> 00:32:05,624 - About an hour ago. - Oh, really. 485 00:32:05,707 --> 00:32:08,293 - Yeah. - About an hour ago. 486 00:32:08,377 --> 00:32:10,254 So you're gonna get another job? 487 00:32:10,337 --> 00:32:12,464 I don't think I'd like another job. 488 00:32:12,548 --> 00:32:16,385 Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and... 489 00:32:16,468 --> 00:32:19,096 You know, I've never really liked paying bills. 490 00:32:19,179 --> 00:32:21,515 I don't think I'm gonna do that, either. 491 00:32:22,850 --> 00:32:25,894 Uh, well, so what do you wanna do? 492 00:32:25,978 --> 00:32:28,021 I wanna take you out to dinner... 493 00:32:28,105 --> 00:32:30,357 and then I want to go back to my apartment and watch Kung Fu. 494 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,693 Do you ever watch Kung Fu? 495 00:32:33,861 --> 00:32:36,488 - I love Kung Fu. - Channel 39. 496 00:32:36,572 --> 00:32:39,867 - Totally. - You should come over and watch Kung Fu tonight. 497 00:32:39,950 --> 00:32:41,869 - Okay. - Great. 498 00:32:41,952 --> 00:32:43,871 Okay. Can we order lunch first? 499 00:32:43,954 --> 00:32:45,581 - Yeah. - Okay. 500 00:32:56,383 --> 00:32:58,427 Not working out. 501 00:33:01,054 --> 00:33:03,265 Took a stapler off my desk... 502 00:33:09,938 --> 00:33:12,858 Anyway, sounds great, Bob. See you in a few. 503 00:33:15,527 --> 00:33:17,779 Hi, Milton. What's happening? 504 00:33:17,863 --> 00:33:20,908 - I'm sorry? - Um, I'm going to have to ask you... 505 00:33:20,991 --> 00:33:23,202 to go ahead and move your desk again. 506 00:33:23,285 --> 00:33:25,746 - Eh... What? No. - So, if you could go ahead... 507 00:33:25,829 --> 00:33:28,457 and get it as far back against that wall as possible... 508 00:33:28,540 --> 00:33:31,376 - that would be great. - No, no, because I was... 509 00:33:31,460 --> 00:33:33,462 - I was told I no longer... - That way, we'll havesome room... 510 00:33:33,545 --> 00:33:35,881 for some of these boxes and things we need to put in here. 511 00:33:35,964 --> 00:33:38,091 - There's no room. - And, uh... 512 00:33:38,175 --> 00:33:40,969 Oh. Oh, there it is. 513 00:33:41,053 --> 00:33:44,389 - What? - Here, let me just go ahead and get that from you. 514 00:33:44,473 --> 00:33:47,768 Great. 515 00:33:47,851 --> 00:33:50,938 So if you could just get to that... 516 00:33:51,021 --> 00:33:55,067 as soon as possible, that wouldbe terrific. Mm-kay? 517 00:33:55,150 --> 00:33:57,861 - Thanks a bunch, Milton. Good-bye. - But... 518 00:33:57,945 --> 00:34:00,989 Well, okay, but... 519 00:34:01,073 --> 00:34:03,492 I could set the building on fire. 520 00:34:06,662 --> 00:34:08,580 - Peter. - Michael. 521 00:34:08,664 --> 00:34:11,959 What the hell's going on, man? I thought you were gonna come in here and start shooting. 522 00:34:12,042 --> 00:34:15,379 No. I just came to get my address book. I'm not gonna stay. 523 00:34:15,462 --> 00:34:18,131 - I got a phone number, Mike, that I don't wanna lose. - What? 524 00:34:18,215 --> 00:34:20,676 Peter, you're in deep shit. You were supposed to come in on Saturday. 525 00:34:20,759 --> 00:34:25,138 - What were you doing? - Michael, I did nothing. 526 00:34:25,222 --> 00:34:29,601 I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be. 527 00:34:29,685 --> 00:34:32,312 I hope you have a better story than that for Lumbergh. 528 00:34:32,396 --> 00:34:34,940 You're supposed to be having your interview right now with the consultants. 529 00:34:35,023 --> 00:34:37,359 - The who? - The consultants. 530 00:34:37,442 --> 00:34:39,361 What has gotten into you? 531 00:34:40,696 --> 00:34:44,616 Oh, yeah. Right. 532 00:34:44,700 --> 00:34:46,952 Wait, Peter. Peter. You gotta postpone it, man. 533 00:34:47,035 --> 00:34:48,954 Tell 'em you've been sick. Make something up. 534 00:34:49,037 --> 00:34:51,039 Oh, no way. No, I feel great. 535 00:34:51,123 --> 00:34:53,375 It's the best day of my life. 536 00:34:54,876 --> 00:34:57,504 Next batter looks like a Peter Gibbons. 537 00:34:57,587 --> 00:35:00,132 - Uh-huh. - Ah, there you are. 538 00:35:00,215 --> 00:35:02,634 We were just talking about you. You must be Peter Gibbons. 539 00:35:02,718 --> 00:35:06,305 Uh-huh. Terrific. I'm Bob Slydell. This is my associate Bob Porter. 540 00:35:06,388 --> 00:35:08,307 Oh, hi, Bob. Bob. 541 00:35:08,390 --> 00:35:12,311 Why don't you go ahead and grab a seat and join us for a minute or two. 542 00:35:12,394 --> 00:35:15,897 You see, what we're actually trying to do here is we're just... 543 00:35:15,981 --> 00:35:19,484 We're trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work. 544 00:35:19,568 --> 00:35:24,906 So, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day for you? 545 00:35:25,907 --> 00:35:27,826 - Yeah. - Great. 546 00:35:27,909 --> 00:35:31,330 Well, I generally come in at least 15 minutes late. 547 00:35:31,413 --> 00:35:34,333 Uh, I use the side door. 548 00:35:34,416 --> 00:35:36,752 That way Lumbergh can't see me. 549 00:35:36,835 --> 00:35:38,795 And, uh... And after that... 550 00:35:38,879 --> 00:35:41,048 I just sort of space out for about an hour. 551 00:35:41,131 --> 00:35:44,843 - Uh, "space out"? - Yeah. 552 00:35:44,926 --> 00:35:48,263 I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. 553 00:35:48,347 --> 00:35:52,434 I do that for, uh, probably another hour after lunch too. 554 00:35:52,517 --> 00:35:56,021 I'd say in a given week, I probably only do about 15 minutes... 555 00:35:56,104 --> 00:35:58,815 of real, actual work. 556 00:36:00,567 --> 00:36:03,362 Uh, Peter, would you be a good sport... 557 00:36:03,445 --> 00:36:06,740 and indulge us and just... tell us a little more? 558 00:36:06,823 --> 00:36:11,912 Oh, yeah. Let me tell you something about T.P.S. reports. 559 00:36:13,997 --> 00:36:19,044 The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's that I just don't care. 560 00:36:19,127 --> 00:36:21,046 Don't... Don't care? 561 00:36:21,129 --> 00:36:23,757 It's a problem of motivation, all right? 562 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:27,260 Now, if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units... 563 00:36:27,344 --> 00:36:30,764 I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? 564 00:36:30,847 --> 00:36:33,475 And here's something else, Bob. 565 00:36:33,558 --> 00:36:35,477 I have eight different bosses right now. 566 00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:37,813 - I beg your pardon? Eight? - Eight bosses. Eight, Bob. 567 00:36:37,896 --> 00:36:41,233 So that means that when I make a mistake... 568 00:36:41,316 --> 00:36:44,319 I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. 569 00:36:44,403 --> 00:36:47,697 That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled. 570 00:36:47,781 --> 00:36:49,699 That and the fear of losing my job. 571 00:36:49,783 --> 00:36:53,829 But you know, Bob, that'll only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired. 572 00:36:53,912 --> 00:36:56,706 Would you bear with me for just a second, please? 573 00:36:56,790 --> 00:36:58,834 Okay. 574 00:36:59,918 --> 00:37:01,837 What if... and believe me... 575 00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,923 this is so hypothetical... 576 00:37:05,006 --> 00:37:08,760 but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option... 577 00:37:08,844 --> 00:37:10,762 equity-sharing program? 578 00:37:10,846 --> 00:37:13,014 - Would that do anything for you? - I don't know. I guess. 579 00:37:13,098 --> 00:37:17,561 Listen, I'm gonna go. Uh, it's been really nice talking to both of you guys. 580 00:37:17,644 --> 00:37:21,440 Absolutely. The pleasure's all on this side of the table, trust me. 581 00:37:21,523 --> 00:37:24,943 Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well. 582 00:37:25,026 --> 00:37:27,904 - Okay. Great. Wow. - Thanks a lot. 583 00:37:35,412 --> 00:37:37,789 So, Peter, what's happening? 584 00:37:37,873 --> 00:37:39,916 Listen, uh... 585 00:37:46,715 --> 00:37:49,134 Joanna, would you come here a minute, please? 586 00:37:49,217 --> 00:37:51,136 Yeah. 587 00:37:51,219 --> 00:37:55,223 I'm sorry I was late, but I was having lunch and I, uh... 588 00:37:55,307 --> 00:37:57,642 We need to talk about your flair. 589 00:37:57,726 --> 00:38:02,022 Really? I-I have 15 pieces on. I also... 590 00:38:02,105 --> 00:38:06,568 - Well, 15 is the minimum, okay? - Oh. Okay. 591 00:38:06,651 --> 00:38:09,196 Now, you know, it's up to you whether or not... 592 00:38:09,279 --> 00:38:11,656 you wanna just do the bare minimum or, uh... 593 00:38:11,740 --> 00:38:16,369 Well, like Brian, for example, has 37 pieces of flair on today. 594 00:38:16,453 --> 00:38:20,123 - And a terrific smile. - Okay, so you want me to wear more? 595 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,044 - Look, Joanna... - Yeah? 596 00:38:24,127 --> 00:38:26,171 People can get a cheeseburger anywhere, okay? 597 00:38:26,254 --> 00:38:29,132 They come to Chotchkie's for the atmosphere and the attitude. 598 00:38:29,216 --> 00:38:31,927 Okay? That's what the flair's about. It's about fun. 599 00:38:32,010 --> 00:38:35,263 Yeah. Okay, so more then, yeah? 600 00:38:37,015 --> 00:38:40,227 Look, we want you to express yourself. Okay? 601 00:38:40,310 --> 00:38:44,689 Now, if you feel that the bare minimum is enough, then okay. 602 00:38:44,773 --> 00:38:49,569 But some people choose to wear more and we encourage that. Okay? 603 00:38:50,946 --> 00:38:52,906 You do wanna express yourself, don't you? 604 00:38:53,949 --> 00:38:56,535 - Y-Yeah. - Okay, great, great. 605 00:38:56,618 --> 00:38:58,620 That's all I ask. 606 00:38:58,703 --> 00:39:00,288 Okay. 607 00:39:00,497 --> 00:39:05,210 Right, so there's three more people we can easily lose. 608 00:39:05,293 --> 00:39:08,463 And then there's Tom Smykowski. 609 00:39:08,547 --> 00:39:10,507 He's useless. 610 00:39:10,590 --> 00:39:13,802 - Gone. - Sounds good to me. 611 00:39:13,885 --> 00:39:17,556 Here's a peculiar... Uh' Milton Waddams. 612 00:39:17,639 --> 00:39:19,516 - Who's he? - You know, squirrely-looking guy. 613 00:39:19,599 --> 00:39:21,601 - Mumbles a lot. - Oh, yeah. 614 00:39:21,685 --> 00:39:26,147 Yeah, we... we can't actually find a record of him being a current employee here. 615 00:39:26,231 --> 00:39:29,985 I looked into it more deeply, and I found that apparently what happened... 616 00:39:30,068 --> 00:39:33,905 is that he was laid off five years ago, and no one ever told him about it. 617 00:39:33,989 --> 00:39:37,826 But through some kind of glitch in the payroll department, he still gets a paycheck. 618 00:39:37,909 --> 00:39:40,745 So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch. 619 00:39:40,829 --> 00:39:43,331 - Great. - So, uh, Milton has been let go. 620 00:39:43,415 --> 00:39:45,584 Well, just a second there, professor. 621 00:39:45,667 --> 00:39:49,462 We, uh... We fixed the glitch... 622 00:39:49,546 --> 00:39:51,590 so he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore... 623 00:39:51,673 --> 00:39:54,092 so it'll just work itself out naturally. 624 00:39:54,175 --> 00:39:56,511 We always like to avoid confrontation whenever possible. 625 00:39:56,595 --> 00:39:58,513 The problem is solved from your end. 626 00:39:58,597 --> 00:40:03,226 Um, I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. 627 00:40:03,310 --> 00:40:06,104 Now, we had a chance to meet this young man... 628 00:40:06,187 --> 00:40:08,315 and, boy, that's just a straight shooter... 629 00:40:08,398 --> 00:40:10,317 with upper management written all over him. 630 00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:13,153 Ooh. 631 00:40:13,236 --> 00:40:16,114 Yeah. Um... 632 00:40:16,197 --> 00:40:19,701 I'm going to have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there. 633 00:40:19,784 --> 00:40:22,329 Yeah, uh, he's been real flaky lately... 634 00:40:22,412 --> 00:40:26,499 and I'm just not sure that he's the caliber person... 635 00:40:26,583 --> 00:40:28,501 that we would want for upper management. 636 00:40:28,585 --> 00:40:33,214 He's also been having some problems with his T.P.S. reports. 637 00:40:34,215 --> 00:40:36,676 I'll handle this. 638 00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:39,137 We feel... 639 00:40:39,220 --> 00:40:41,139 that the problem isn't with Peter. 640 00:40:41,222 --> 00:40:43,141 Mm-mmm. 641 00:40:43,224 --> 00:40:46,895 It's that you haven't challenged him enough to get him really motivated. 642 00:40:46,978 --> 00:40:49,189 There it is. 643 00:40:49,272 --> 00:40:51,858 Yeah, uh, well... 644 00:40:51,941 --> 00:40:54,194 I'm just not sure about that right now. 645 00:40:54,277 --> 00:40:57,364 Yeah, Bill, let me ask you a real quick question here. 646 00:40:57,447 --> 00:41:00,408 How much time would you say you spend each week... 647 00:41:00,492 --> 00:41:02,911 dealing with these T.P.S. reports? 648 00:41:07,707 --> 00:41:10,210 Yeah. 649 00:41:17,092 --> 00:41:19,928 ♪ Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta ♪ 650 00:41:29,396 --> 00:41:32,357 ♪ Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta ♪ 651 00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:34,734 ♪ A real gangsta-ass nigga plays his cards right ♪ 652 00:41:34,818 --> 00:41:37,612 ♪ A real gangsta-ass nigga never runs his mouth ♪ 653 00:41:37,696 --> 00:41:40,073 ♪ 'Cause real gangsta-ass niggas don't start fights ♪ 654 00:41:40,156 --> 00:41:43,451 ♪ And niggas always gotta high cap ♪ 655 00:41:43,535 --> 00:41:45,704 ♪ Showin' all his boys how he shot 'em ♪ 656 00:41:45,787 --> 00:41:48,373 ♪ But real gangsta-ass niggas don't flex nuts ♪ 657 00:41:48,456 --> 00:41:50,834 ♪ 'Cause real gangsta-ass niggas know they got 'em ♪ 658 00:41:50,917 --> 00:41:54,713 ♪ And everything's cool in the mind of a gangsta ♪ 659 00:41:54,796 --> 00:41:56,715 ♪ 'Cause gangsta-ass niggas think deep ♪ 660 00:41:56,798 --> 00:41:59,300 ♪ Up 365 a year, 24-7 ♪ 661 00:41:59,384 --> 00:42:02,345 ♪ Real gangsta-ass niggas don't sleep ♪ 662 00:42:02,429 --> 00:42:04,514 ♪ And all I gotta say to you wannabe, gonna-be ♪ 663 00:42:04,597 --> 00:42:07,434 ♪ Cootchie-eatin', jealous-heart pranksters ♪ 664 00:42:07,517 --> 00:42:10,603 ♪ Is when the shit jumps up what you gon' do ♪ 665 00:42:10,687 --> 00:42:13,314 ♪ Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta ♪ 666 00:42:16,192 --> 00:42:18,737 Hey, Peter, man! Check out channel 9. 667 00:42:18,820 --> 00:42:20,989 It's the breast exams. Whoa! 668 00:42:34,419 --> 00:42:36,755 ♪ Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta ♪ 669 00:42:36,838 --> 00:42:39,174 - Hi, Peter. - ♪ Feedin' the poor and helpin' out with their bills ♪ 670 00:42:39,257 --> 00:42:42,552 - Hi, Dom. - ♪ Although I wasborn in Jamaica ♪ 671 00:42:42,635 --> 00:42:45,513 ♪ Now I'm in the U.S. making deals ♪ 672 00:42:45,597 --> 00:42:48,016 ♪ Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta ♪ 673 00:42:48,099 --> 00:42:50,268 ♪ I mean, one that you don't really know ♪ 674 00:42:50,351 --> 00:42:53,271 ♪ Riding around town in a drop-top Benz ♪ 675 00:42:53,354 --> 00:42:56,858 ♪ Hittin' switches in my black six-four ♪ 676 00:42:56,941 --> 00:42:59,110 ♪ Now gangsta-ass niggas come in all shapes and colors ♪ 677 00:42:59,194 --> 00:43:02,071 - ♪ Some got killed in the past ♪ - Time for you to leave. 678 00:43:02,155 --> 00:43:04,115 ♪ But this gangsta here was a smart one ♪ 679 00:43:04,199 --> 00:43:06,159 ♪ Started living for the lord and I'll last ♪ 680 00:43:06,242 --> 00:43:09,829 ♪ Now all I gotta say to you wannabe, gonna-be ♪ 681 00:43:09,913 --> 00:43:12,248 ♪ Crumb-snatchin', cootchie-eatin' pranksters ♪ 682 00:43:12,332 --> 00:43:15,126 ♪ When the grim reaper steps up what the hell you gonna do ♪ 683 00:43:15,210 --> 00:43:17,754 ♪ Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta ♪ 684 00:43:28,389 --> 00:43:31,434 So, Peter, what's happening? 685 00:43:31,518 --> 00:43:34,813 Uh, now, are you going to go ahead... 686 00:43:34,896 --> 00:43:38,775 and have those T.P.S. reports for us this afternoon? 687 00:43:38,858 --> 00:43:41,110 No. 688 00:43:41,194 --> 00:43:43,321 Ah, yeah. 689 00:43:43,404 --> 00:43:48,910 So I guess we should probably go ahead and have a little talk, hmm? 690 00:43:48,993 --> 00:43:51,996 Not right now, Lumbergh. I'm... I'm kinda busy. 691 00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:57,085 In fact, I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead and just come back another time. 692 00:43:57,168 --> 00:43:59,712 I got a meeting with the Bobs in a couple minutes. 693 00:44:01,422 --> 00:44:03,842 Uh, I wasn't aware of a meeting with them. 694 00:44:03,925 --> 00:44:06,094 Yeah, they called me at home. 695 00:44:10,765 --> 00:44:12,684 That sounds good, Peter. 696 00:44:12,767 --> 00:44:15,603 And, uh, we'll go ahead and get this all fixed up for you. 697 00:44:15,687 --> 00:44:17,605 Great. 698 00:44:23,111 --> 00:44:25,363 Hi, Milton. What's happening? 699 00:44:25,446 --> 00:44:28,950 I was... I-I... I didn't receive my paycheck this week. 700 00:44:29,033 --> 00:44:33,621 Uh, you're going to have to talk to Payroll about that. 701 00:44:33,705 --> 00:44:35,665 I did and they said... 702 00:44:35,748 --> 00:44:40,670 Milt, we're going to need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage "B." 703 00:44:40,753 --> 00:44:44,215 - No, I-I was told I could not... - We have some new people coming in... 704 00:44:44,299 --> 00:44:46,676 - No. There's... - and we need all the space we can get. 705 00:44:46,759 --> 00:44:49,429 - But there's no space... - So if you could just go ahead... 706 00:44:49,512 --> 00:44:53,683 and pack up your stuff, and move it down there... 707 00:44:53,766 --> 00:44:56,686 - That would be terrific... mm-kay? - I was told I could stay... 708 00:44:56,769 --> 00:44:58,813 Excuse me. 709 00:44:58,897 --> 00:45:04,444 I believe you have my stapler, please. Mmm. 710 00:45:04,652 --> 00:45:06,821 Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately. 711 00:45:06,905 --> 00:45:10,408 I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob. 712 00:45:10,491 --> 00:45:13,578 - Good one. - Oh, that's terrific, Peter. 713 00:45:13,661 --> 00:45:16,748 I-I'm sure you've... you've heard some of the rumors... 714 00:45:16,831 --> 00:45:20,084 circulating around the hallways about how we're going to be doing... 715 00:45:20,168 --> 00:45:22,795 a little "housecleaning" with some of the software people. 716 00:45:22,879 --> 00:45:26,049 Well, Bob, I have heard that, and you gotta do what you gotta do. 717 00:45:26,132 --> 00:45:28,134 We're gonna be getting rid of these people here. 718 00:45:28,217 --> 00:45:31,596 First, Mr. Samir Naga... 719 00:45:31,679 --> 00:45:34,057 - He... He... - Naga... 720 00:45:34,140 --> 00:45:37,560 Naga... Not gonna work here anymore anyway. 721 00:45:37,644 --> 00:45:41,064 And Mr. Mike Bolton. Nobody's gonna miss him. 722 00:45:41,147 --> 00:45:42,815 You're gonna lay off Samir and Michael? 723 00:45:42,899 --> 00:45:45,652 Ah, yeah, we're gonna bring in some entry-level graduates. 724 00:45:45,735 --> 00:45:47,654 Farm some work out to Singapore. That's the usual deal. 725 00:45:47,737 --> 00:45:51,115 - It's standard operating procedure. - Do they know this yet? 726 00:45:51,199 --> 00:45:53,534 No. No, of course not. 727 00:45:53,618 --> 00:45:56,496 We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. 728 00:45:56,579 --> 00:45:59,415 Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident... 729 00:45:59,499 --> 00:46:02,085 if you do it at the end of the week. 730 00:46:02,168 --> 00:46:05,421 Peter, what we'd like to do is put you into position... 731 00:46:05,505 --> 00:46:10,385 to have as many as four people working right underneath you. 732 00:46:10,468 --> 00:46:13,638 - This is a big promotion, Pete. - It's huge. 733 00:46:13,721 --> 00:46:17,225 So you're going to fire Michael and Samir and you're going to give me more money? 734 00:46:19,227 --> 00:46:23,189 - Hmm? - Wow! 735 00:46:23,398 --> 00:46:27,318 Hmm. Yeah. That's it. 736 00:46:27,402 --> 00:46:30,321 That's exactly what I need. Uh-huh. Give it to me. 737 00:46:30,405 --> 00:46:32,824 Come on, you little fucker. Let's go. That's what I need. 738 00:46:32,907 --> 00:46:36,035 Let's do that. Let's do exactly that, you little fuck... 739 00:46:36,119 --> 00:46:38,413 - Michael. - Hey. 740 00:46:38,496 --> 00:46:41,082 Listen to me. 741 00:46:42,417 --> 00:46:44,502 What are you doing tonight? 742 00:46:44,585 --> 00:46:48,214 Michael, there comes a point in a man's life... 743 00:46:48,297 --> 00:46:51,926 and maybe that time for you is now... 744 00:46:52,010 --> 00:46:55,513 when it doesn't hurt to start thinking about the future. 745 00:46:55,596 --> 00:46:59,809 Uh, no offense there, Peter, but speak for yourselft here, sport. 746 00:46:59,892 --> 00:47:02,770 I'm not the one who's been flakin' out at work. 747 00:47:02,854 --> 00:47:06,691 I know you had this religious experience or whatever the hell that was... 748 00:47:06,774 --> 00:47:10,445 but you'd better snap out of it and get your shit together, or you're gonna get canned. 749 00:47:10,528 --> 00:47:14,032 Yeah, and, uh... and I... Listen. 750 00:47:14,115 --> 00:47:16,200 That virus you're always talking about, right? 751 00:47:16,284 --> 00:47:19,662 The one that could rip off the company for a bunch of money. 752 00:47:19,746 --> 00:47:22,665 - Yeah, what about it? - Well, how does it work? 753 00:47:22,749 --> 00:47:25,376 It's pretty brilliant. 754 00:47:25,460 --> 00:47:28,337 What it does is, every time there's a bank transaction where interest is computed... 755 00:47:28,421 --> 00:47:30,590 you know, thousands a day, the computer ends up... 756 00:47:30,673 --> 00:47:33,217 with these fractions of a cent, which it usually rounds off. 757 00:47:33,301 --> 00:47:37,680 What this does is, it takes those little remainders and puts it into an account. 758 00:47:37,764 --> 00:47:40,433 - This sounds familiar. - Yeah, they did it in Superman III. 759 00:47:40,516 --> 00:47:43,436 - Right, uh... - An underrated movie, actually. 760 00:47:43,519 --> 00:47:46,898 And a bunch of hackers that did it in the '70s as well. One of them got busted. 761 00:47:46,981 --> 00:47:49,484 - Well, so they check for this now. - No, here's the thing. 762 00:47:49,567 --> 00:47:52,570 Initech's so backed up with all the software we're updating for the year 2000... 763 00:47:52,653 --> 00:47:54,530 they'd never notice. 764 00:47:54,614 --> 00:47:56,657 You're right. 765 00:47:56,741 --> 00:47:59,577 And even if they wanted to, they couldn't check all that code. 766 00:47:59,660 --> 00:48:02,163 Thumbs up their asses. Thumbs up their asses. 767 00:48:02,246 --> 00:48:06,042 So, Michael, what's to stop you from doing this? 768 00:48:06,125 --> 00:48:08,628 It's not worth the risk. I got a good job. 769 00:48:10,046 --> 00:48:13,132 What if you didn't have a good job? 770 00:48:13,341 --> 00:48:15,218 Cock-gobblers! 771 00:48:18,304 --> 00:48:21,682 Samir and I are the best programmers they got at that place. 772 00:48:21,766 --> 00:48:24,685 And you, you haven't been showin, up, and you get to keep your job. 773 00:48:24,769 --> 00:48:27,688 - Actually, I'm being promoted. - What? 774 00:48:27,772 --> 00:48:31,609 I know, Michael. It's completely unfair. 775 00:48:31,692 --> 00:48:34,570 And I realized something today. 776 00:48:34,654 --> 00:48:37,448 It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. 777 00:48:37,532 --> 00:48:41,285 It's about all of us together. 778 00:48:41,369 --> 00:48:43,663 I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist... 779 00:48:43,746 --> 00:48:47,125 and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now... 780 00:48:47,208 --> 00:48:49,794 but when I saw that fat man keel over and die... 781 00:48:49,877 --> 00:48:53,089 Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth. 782 00:48:53,172 --> 00:48:55,842 We weren't meant to spend it this way. 783 00:48:55,925 --> 00:48:59,095 Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles... 784 00:48:59,178 --> 00:49:02,557 staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms... 785 00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:07,145 and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements. 786 00:49:07,228 --> 00:49:09,647 I told those fudge-packers I liked Michael Bolton's music. 787 00:49:09,730 --> 00:49:13,359 Oh. That is not right, Michael. 788 00:49:13,442 --> 00:49:16,362 For five years now, you've worked your ass off at Initech... 789 00:49:16,445 --> 00:49:20,449 hoping for a promotion or some kind of profit-sharing or something. 790 00:49:20,533 --> 00:49:24,745 Five years of your mid-20s now gone. 791 00:49:24,829 --> 00:49:28,583 And you're gonna go in tomorrow, they're gonna throw you out on the street. 792 00:49:28,666 --> 00:49:30,626 You know why? 793 00:49:30,710 --> 00:49:35,089 So that Bill Lumbergh's stock will go up a quarter of a point. 794 00:49:35,173 --> 00:49:36,841 Ugh. 795 00:49:36,924 --> 00:49:39,010 Michael, let's make that stock go down... 796 00:49:39,093 --> 00:49:41,345 and let's take enough money out of that place... 797 00:49:41,429 --> 00:49:44,307 so that we never ever have to sit in a cubicle ever again. 798 00:49:45,808 --> 00:49:47,727 Your software works, right? 799 00:49:47,810 --> 00:49:50,229 Of course it works. That's not the point. 800 00:49:50,313 --> 00:49:53,107 Look, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know how to install it. 801 00:49:53,191 --> 00:49:55,693 I don't know the credit union's software well enough. Okay? 802 00:49:55,776 --> 00:49:57,236 Yeah. 803 00:49:57,320 --> 00:49:59,405 But Samir does. 804 00:49:59,488 --> 00:50:02,408 - But, Peter, that's not much money. - That's the beauty of it. 805 00:50:02,491 --> 00:50:05,912 Each withdrawal, that's a fraction of a cent. That's too small to notice. 806 00:50:05,995 --> 00:50:10,208 But a few thousand withdrawals a day, you space it out over a couple of years... 807 00:50:10,291 --> 00:50:12,710 that's a few hundred thousand dollars. 808 00:50:12,793 --> 00:50:15,880 - It's like Superman III. - Superman III... What... 809 00:50:15,963 --> 00:50:17,882 Look, I have to leave now, okay? 810 00:50:17,965 --> 00:50:19,884 I have to get my résumé ready. 811 00:50:19,967 --> 00:50:23,971 Get your résumé ready? For what? For another job where they can just fire you for no reason? 812 00:50:24,055 --> 00:50:25,723 That's right! If I'm lucky! 813 00:50:25,806 --> 00:50:30,937 I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of being pushed around. Aren't you? 814 00:50:31,020 --> 00:50:33,773 Yes, Peter! But I'm not going to do anything illegal. 815 00:50:33,856 --> 00:50:36,317 Illegal? Samir, this is America! 816 00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:38,986 Come on. Sit down. 817 00:50:39,070 --> 00:50:41,572 Come on. This isn't Riyadh. 818 00:50:41,656 --> 00:50:44,575 They're not gonna saw your hands off here, all right? 819 00:50:44,659 --> 00:50:47,578 The worst they would ever do is, they would put you, for a couple of months... 820 00:50:47,662 --> 00:50:50,498 into a white-collar, minimum-security resort. 821 00:50:50,581 --> 00:50:52,500 Shit, we should be so lucky! 822 00:50:52,583 --> 00:50:54,919 - Do you know they have conjugal visits there? - Really? 823 00:50:55,002 --> 00:50:57,338 - Yes. - Shit. 824 00:50:57,421 --> 00:51:00,091 I'm a free man, I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months. 825 00:51:00,174 --> 00:51:04,512 - So, what do you think? - This thing is actually pretty fail-safe, Samir. 826 00:51:04,595 --> 00:51:07,265 Samir... 827 00:51:07,348 --> 00:51:10,268 you came here looking for a land of opportunity... 828 00:51:10,351 --> 00:51:13,479 and this is the knock of that opportunity. 829 00:51:13,562 --> 00:51:15,898 Tomorrow's your last day at Initech. 830 00:51:15,982 --> 00:51:19,610 You have two options: unemployment or early retirement. 831 00:51:19,694 --> 00:51:21,570 What's it gonna be? 832 00:51:21,654 --> 00:51:24,073 - I have a question. - Yes? 833 00:51:24,156 --> 00:51:27,827 In... In these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women? 834 00:51:27,910 --> 00:51:30,538 Yep. You sure can. 835 00:51:33,416 --> 00:51:35,334 Okay, I'll do it. 836 00:51:35,418 --> 00:51:38,337 - That's what I'm talking about when I talk about Amer... - Peter? 837 00:51:38,421 --> 00:51:41,507 - How about we discuss the plan? - Okay, yeah. Good. Right. 838 00:51:41,590 --> 00:51:43,509 It works like a computer virus. 839 00:51:43,592 --> 00:51:46,512 All we have to do is load it into the credit union mainframe, and it'll do the rest. 840 00:51:46,595 --> 00:51:49,515 Okay. You guys get me that disk, and I'll take care of it from there. 841 00:51:49,598 --> 00:51:52,351 But listen, before we go any further, all right... 842 00:51:52,435 --> 00:51:54,895 we have to swear to God, Allah... 843 00:51:54,979 --> 00:51:56,981 that nobody knows about this but us. 844 00:51:57,064 --> 00:52:00,609 All right? No family members, no girlfriends, nobody. 845 00:52:00,693 --> 00:52:02,653 - Of course. - Agreed. 846 00:52:02,737 --> 00:52:05,072 Don't worry, man! I won't tell anyone either! 847 00:52:05,156 --> 00:52:08,075 - What the fuck is that? - No, don't worry about him. He's cool. All right. 848 00:52:08,159 --> 00:52:09,618 Here's how I see it all going down. 849 00:52:10,161 --> 00:52:13,080 Peter, congratulations. This is one heck of a promotion. 850 00:52:13,164 --> 00:52:16,417 - Thank you, Bob. - We'll get some people under you right away. 851 00:52:20,755 --> 00:52:22,840 ♪ It makes me wanna creep ♪ 852 00:52:22,923 --> 00:52:25,259 ♪ I got somethin' for your mind your body and your soul ♪ 853 00:52:29,847 --> 00:52:32,933 ♪ I got somethin' for your mind your body and your soul ♪ 854 00:52:33,017 --> 00:52:35,061 ♪ Yeah ♪ 855 00:52:35,144 --> 00:52:38,397 ♪ Damn, I'm such a "G" It's pathetic ♪ 856 00:52:38,481 --> 00:52:42,360 ♪ Here comes the big-headed nigga that's dippin' ♪ 857 00:52:42,443 --> 00:52:44,570 ♪ Sippin' on Courvoisier ♪ 858 00:52:44,653 --> 00:52:47,907 ♪ Goddamn I must have to floss today ♪ 859 00:52:47,990 --> 00:52:51,077 ♪ Now, pimpin' ain't easy but it's necessary ♪ 860 00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:54,705 ♪ So I'm chasin' bitches like Tom chased Jerry ♪ 861 00:52:54,789 --> 00:52:57,249 ♪ I put the pedal to the "flo-ah" ♪ 862 00:52:57,333 --> 00:53:00,669 ♪ In my two-toned Ford Explorer ♪ 863 00:53:00,753 --> 00:53:02,546 ♪ You know how it's done ♪ 864 00:53:02,630 --> 00:53:05,716 ♪ Sounds bumpin' Ain't that somethin' ♪ 865 00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:07,635 ♪ Jumped on the 110 ♪ 866 00:53:07,718 --> 00:53:10,054 ♪ She's flyin' in the Blazer ♪ 867 00:53:10,137 --> 00:53:12,098 - Hey, how's it goin'? - ♪ Like "Go, Speed Racer" ♪ 868 00:53:12,181 --> 00:53:16,143 ♪ But I ain't gon' chase her like Racer "X" ♪ 869 00:53:16,227 --> 00:53:20,815 ♪ But I won't flex till it's time to have sex ♪ 870 00:53:20,898 --> 00:53:23,025 ♪ So when you wanna get together ♪ 871 00:53:23,109 --> 00:53:25,611 ♪ 'Cause you know a nigga like me ♪ 872 00:53:25,694 --> 00:53:27,988 ♪ Is down for whatever ♪ 873 00:53:28,072 --> 00:53:29,990 ♪ Damn ♪ 874 00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:36,414 ♪ Ye-e-e-e-a-a-a-h ♪ 875 00:53:39,875 --> 00:53:42,420 ♪ Ye-e-e-e-a-a-a-h ♪ 876 00:53:42,503 --> 00:53:45,548 - Well, that was easy. - Yeah, I guess it was. 877 00:53:45,631 --> 00:53:47,174 What'd you do with the c... 878 00:53:47,383 --> 00:53:48,342 Hey, man. 879 00:53:49,343 --> 00:53:50,803 Oh, hey, Drew. 880 00:53:50,886 --> 00:53:53,806 - You guys hear about Tom Smykowski? - What, that he got laid off? 881 00:53:53,889 --> 00:53:56,100 No, man. Check it out. 882 00:53:56,183 --> 00:53:58,853 Last week, right after he found out he was getting laid off... 883 00:53:58,936 --> 00:54:02,022 he goes home and tries to kill himself by running the car in the garage. 884 00:54:02,106 --> 00:54:04,024 - Is he dead? - No, man. Check it out. 885 00:54:04,108 --> 00:54:06,777 That wife of his comes home early from work and catches him. 886 00:54:06,861 --> 00:54:09,780 So he tries to play it off like nothing happened. 887 00:54:09,864 --> 00:54:12,783 I was... having some trouble with the shifter here. 888 00:54:12,867 --> 00:54:16,328 It's jammed, and I couldn't get it into drive. 889 00:54:16,412 --> 00:54:19,665 - I-I-I mean, reverse. - You okay, Tom? 890 00:54:19,748 --> 00:54:22,042 - Then, as he's looking at her... - Yeah. 891 00:54:22,126 --> 00:54:25,129 - He decides he wants to live. - Yeah, I think I'm okay. 892 00:54:25,212 --> 00:54:28,841 - Right. - Seems to be working now. 893 00:54:30,426 --> 00:54:32,344 See ya later, honey! 894 00:54:32,428 --> 00:54:34,847 Love ya! 895 00:54:34,930 --> 00:54:38,350 But then, as soon as he backs out of his driveway... 896 00:54:38,434 --> 00:54:41,854 Bam! He gets slammed big-time by a drunk driver! 897 00:54:41,937 --> 00:54:43,856 - Is he okay? - Sort of. 898 00:54:43,939 --> 00:54:47,735 He broke both his wrists, legs, couple of ribs, his back. 899 00:54:47,818 --> 00:54:50,279 But he's gonna get a huge settlement out of this, like, seven figures. 900 00:54:50,362 --> 00:54:52,823 He's getting out of the hospital tomorrow. 901 00:54:52,907 --> 00:54:56,327 He's gonna throw a party this weekend to celebrate. We're all invited. 902 00:54:56,410 --> 00:54:59,246 I'm thinkin' I might take that new chick from Logistics. 903 00:54:59,330 --> 00:55:02,249 Things go well, I might be showin, her my "O" face. 904 00:55:02,333 --> 00:55:05,169 "Oh! Oh! Oh!" You know what I'm talkin' about. 905 00:55:05,252 --> 00:55:07,171 "Oh!" 906 00:55:07,254 --> 00:55:10,508 Yeah. Right. See you guys there. 907 00:55:12,259 --> 00:55:15,262 Wow. Our last day at Initech. 908 00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:19,600 I can't believe they had Security escort us out. 909 00:55:19,683 --> 00:55:22,186 Like we're going to steal something. 910 00:55:23,437 --> 00:55:26,190 - I stole something. - Oh, yeah. Guess we all did. 911 00:55:26,273 --> 00:55:29,151 No, I stole something else. 912 00:55:29,235 --> 00:55:31,654 What did you steal? 913 00:55:33,447 --> 00:55:36,659 Call it a going-away present. 914 00:55:46,835 --> 00:55:48,837 ♪ Kill ♪ 915 00:55:52,299 --> 00:55:54,969 - ♪ Kill ♪ - ♪ Back up in yo' ass with the resurrection ♪ 916 00:55:55,052 --> 00:55:58,055 ♪ It's the group harder than an erection that shows more affection ♪ 917 00:55:58,138 --> 00:56:00,683 ♪ They wanna ban us on Capitol Hill ♪ 918 00:56:00,766 --> 00:56:02,434 - ♪ 'Cause it's die, motherfuckers, die Motherfuckers, still ♪ - ♪ Still ♪ 919 00:56:02,518 --> 00:56:05,312 ♪ All along it was the ghetto Nothin' but the ghetto ♪ 920 00:56:05,396 --> 00:56:07,398 ♪ Takin' short steps One foot at a time ♪ 921 00:56:07,481 --> 00:56:09,942 ♪ And kept my head low and never let go ♪ 922 00:56:10,025 --> 00:56:11,944 ♪ 'Cause if I let go then I'd be spineless ♪ 923 00:56:12,027 --> 00:56:15,239 - ♪ I'm goin' insane ♪ - ♪ I think my mind just goes out of control ♪ 924 00:56:15,322 --> 00:56:17,199 ♪ You judge on subjects motherfuckers read about ♪ 925 00:56:17,283 --> 00:56:19,952 ♪ I touch on the shit that they be leavin' out ♪ 926 00:56:20,035 --> 00:56:22,746 ♪ I seen this motherfucker's .9 smokin', I seen it ♪ 927 00:56:22,830 --> 00:56:24,582 ♪ I bet you motherfuckers will too ♪ 928 00:56:24,665 --> 00:56:26,166 ♪ Because it's die, motherfuckers ♪ 929 00:56:26,250 --> 00:56:28,252 ♪ Die, motherfuckers still, fool ♪ 930 00:56:28,335 --> 00:56:31,547 - ♪ Die, motherfuckers, still, fool ♪ - ♪ Die, motherfuckers ♪ 931 00:56:31,630 --> 00:56:33,591 ♪ Die, motherfuckers still ♪ 932 00:56:33,674 --> 00:56:35,926 ♪ Die, motherfuckers Die, motherfuckers, still, fool ♪ 933 00:56:36,010 --> 00:56:37,177 ♪ Die, motherfuckers ♪ 934 00:56:37,261 --> 00:56:39,138 - ♪ Die, motherfuckers still ♪ - ♪ Kill ♪ 935 00:56:39,221 --> 00:56:41,140 ♪ Die, motherfuckers Die, motherfuckers, still, fool ♪ 936 00:56:41,223 --> 00:56:44,518 ♪ Die, motherfuckers Die, motherfuckers, still ♪ 937 00:56:44,602 --> 00:56:48,564 ♪ I-I... I-I... I think it's somethin' in the water, man ♪ 938 00:56:48,647 --> 00:56:49,773 ♪ I-It's gotta be in the water ♪ 939 00:56:49,857 --> 00:56:50,899 ♪ Oh, fuck ♪ 940 00:56:50,983 --> 00:56:52,985 ♪ Chuck's on a killin' spree again ♪ 941 00:56:53,068 --> 00:56:54,320 ♪ We guillotine for men ♪ 942 00:56:54,403 --> 00:56:57,197 ♪ I walk around town with a frown on my face ♪ 943 00:56:57,281 --> 00:56:59,408 ♪ Fuck the whole world fixin' to catch a murder case ♪ 944 00:56:59,491 --> 00:57:01,076 ♪ Gonna murder and rape ♪ 945 00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:03,412 ♪ May increase if you caught up in the world while it's dyin' ♪ 946 00:57:03,495 --> 00:57:06,332 ♪ I guarantee you fryin' 'Cause I am ♪ 947 00:57:06,415 --> 00:57:09,418 ♪ On the verge of knockin' motherfuckers out for no reason ♪ 948 00:57:09,501 --> 00:57:12,755 ♪ Once I get down there'll be no breathin' ♪ 949 00:57:12,838 --> 00:57:14,798 Who's got my keys? 950 00:57:14,882 --> 00:57:18,302 - I'm driving. Not you. - Everything is gonna be okay. All right? 951 00:57:18,385 --> 00:57:21,305 - Peter... Peter... - Okay? It's fun, and it's exciting. 952 00:57:21,388 --> 00:57:23,807 - Be serious. - I gotta go. All right? 953 00:57:23,891 --> 00:57:26,310 Joanna's coming over. All right? Don't worry. 954 00:57:26,393 --> 00:57:28,312 You're worrying. All right? 955 00:57:28,395 --> 00:57:31,649 Monday morning we're gonna check the account balance. Everything'll be okay. 956 00:57:31,732 --> 00:57:34,652 Don't miss Tom's barbecue. I'll see you there. All right? 957 00:57:34,735 --> 00:57:38,280 - Good night. - ♪ Back up in your ass with the resurrection ♪ 958 00:57:40,783 --> 00:57:43,702 Hey, what were you guys celebrating last night? 959 00:57:43,786 --> 00:57:48,332 Uh... I'm not really at liberty to talk about it. 960 00:57:50,376 --> 00:57:52,419 I really can't. 961 00:57:55,589 --> 00:57:58,425 All right, so when the subroutine compounds the interest... 962 00:57:58,509 --> 00:58:02,096 it uses all these extra decimal places that just get rounded off. 963 00:58:02,179 --> 00:58:04,098 So we simplified the whole thing... 964 00:58:04,181 --> 00:58:07,768 and we just... we round 'em all down and drop the remainder... 965 00:58:07,851 --> 00:58:10,104 into an account that we opened. 966 00:58:10,187 --> 00:58:12,147 So, you're stealing. 967 00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:15,359 Uh, no. You don't understand. 968 00:58:15,442 --> 00:58:17,986 It's, uh... It's very complicated. 969 00:58:18,070 --> 00:58:22,074 It's, uh... It's aggregate, so I'm talking about fractions of a penny here. 970 00:58:22,157 --> 00:58:25,494 And, uh, over time they add up to a lot. 971 00:58:25,577 --> 00:58:29,373 Oh, okay. So, you're gonna make a lot of money, right? 972 00:58:29,456 --> 00:58:31,792 - Yeah. - Right? That's not yours? 973 00:58:31,875 --> 00:58:35,921 - Uh, well, it becomes ours. - How is that not stealing? 974 00:58:38,882 --> 00:58:42,136 I don't think, uh... I don't think that I'm explaining this very well. 975 00:58:42,219 --> 00:58:44,763 - Um, the 7-Eleven, right? - Mm-hmm. 976 00:58:44,847 --> 00:58:47,349 You'd take a penny from the tray. 977 00:58:47,433 --> 00:58:50,769 - From the crippled children? - No, that's the jar. I'm talking about the tray. 978 00:58:50,853 --> 00:58:53,272 The... You know, the pennies for everybody. 979 00:58:53,355 --> 00:58:55,274 Oh. For everybod... Okay. 980 00:58:55,357 --> 00:58:57,776 Yeah, well, those are whole pennies. All right? 981 00:58:57,860 --> 00:59:00,738 I'm just talking about fractions of a penny here. 982 00:59:00,821 --> 00:59:04,575 Okay? But we do it from a much bigger tray a couple of million times. 983 00:59:04,658 --> 00:59:06,577 So what's wrong with that? 984 00:59:06,660 --> 00:59:09,538 - I don't know. It just seems wrong. - It's not wrong. 985 00:59:09,621 --> 00:59:13,125 Initech is wrong. Initech is an evil corporation. 986 00:59:13,208 --> 00:59:15,711 Chotchkie's is wrong. 987 00:59:15,794 --> 00:59:19,631 Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and put on pieces of flair? 988 00:59:19,715 --> 00:59:23,844 Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start taking money from the register. 989 00:59:23,927 --> 00:59:26,847 Well, maybe you should. 990 00:59:26,930 --> 00:59:30,184 You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear. 991 00:59:30,267 --> 00:59:32,936 What? 992 00:59:33,020 --> 00:59:34,897 Look, we don't... I-I... 993 00:59:34,980 --> 00:59:37,608 We don't have to talk about this now. 994 00:59:37,691 --> 00:59:40,152 - Let's just go to the barbecue. - Okay. 995 00:59:42,654 --> 00:59:44,656 Michael! Samir! How you doin'? 996 00:59:44,740 --> 00:59:47,159 - Hey, Tom. - Hello, Tom. 997 00:59:47,242 --> 00:59:50,370 I'd like you to meet my lawyer, Rob Newhouse. 998 00:59:50,454 --> 00:59:53,123 - Rob, Michael, Samir. - How you doing? 999 00:59:53,207 --> 00:59:56,668 Peter! How are you? I'm glad you could make it. 1000 00:59:56,752 --> 01:00:00,339 Tom, hi. This is somebody I'd like you to meet. 1001 01:00:00,422 --> 01:00:04,092 - This is Joanna. - Hi. Forgive me for not getting up. 1002 01:00:12,059 --> 01:00:16,230 Uh... Uh, Peter, come here a minute. I wanna show you something. 1003 01:00:17,648 --> 01:00:20,484 Well, what do you think? It's a prototype. 1004 01:00:20,567 --> 01:00:24,571 Huh! That's exactly as you described it. 1005 01:00:26,657 --> 01:00:29,201 Uh, listen, I heard about your settlement. 1006 01:00:29,284 --> 01:00:31,745 - Congratulations. - Well, thanks, Peter. 1007 01:00:31,829 --> 01:00:35,833 You know, I'm glad you're here because I wanted to talk to you. 1008 01:00:35,916 --> 01:00:39,378 I know how you get depressed about your job and all. 1009 01:00:39,461 --> 01:00:43,549 I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel. I used to be the same way. 1010 01:00:43,632 --> 01:00:45,467 - Really? - Sure! 1011 01:00:45,551 --> 01:00:49,721 Maybe I didn't whine as much, but I bet I hated my job even more than you. 1012 01:00:49,805 --> 01:00:52,599 And I've been doing it for over 30 years. 1013 01:00:52,683 --> 01:00:55,602 - Wow. - Just remember. 1014 01:00:55,686 --> 01:00:57,896 If you hang in there long enough... 1015 01:00:57,980 --> 01:01:00,899 good things can happen in this world. 1016 01:01:00,983 --> 01:01:03,610 I mean, look at me. 1017 01:01:03,694 --> 01:01:05,445 Thanks, Tom. 1018 01:01:05,529 --> 01:01:08,407 Oh, sure. 1019 01:01:13,871 --> 01:01:16,790 Conjugal visits? Not that I know of. 1020 01:01:16,874 --> 01:01:19,793 A minimum-security prison is no picnic. 1021 01:01:19,877 --> 01:01:22,129 I have a client in there right now. 1022 01:01:22,212 --> 01:01:25,132 He says, the trick is, kick someone's ass the first day... 1023 01:01:25,215 --> 01:01:27,134 or become someone's bitch. 1024 01:01:27,217 --> 01:01:29,761 Then everything'll be allright. 1025 01:01:29,845 --> 01:01:31,513 Why do you ask, anyway? 1026 01:01:31,597 --> 01:01:34,057 Oh, no, we were just... Sorry. Sorry. 1027 01:01:41,231 --> 01:01:43,483 - Hey, Peter. - Drew. 1028 01:01:43,567 --> 01:01:45,611 That's somethin' about ol' Smykowski, huh? 1029 01:01:45,694 --> 01:01:48,697 - Yeah. - Lucky bastard. 1030 01:01:48,780 --> 01:01:51,992 Hey, isn't that the girl that works over at Chotchkie's? 1031 01:01:52,075 --> 01:01:53,994 Yeah. 1032 01:01:54,077 --> 01:01:55,996 Who's she here with? 1033 01:01:56,079 --> 01:01:58,498 She's with me. 1034 01:01:58,582 --> 01:02:00,417 - Really? - Yeah. 1035 01:02:00,500 --> 01:02:03,086 All right, Peter. Ooh! Ooh! 1036 01:02:03,170 --> 01:02:05,088 Right on. 1037 01:02:05,172 --> 01:02:07,674 Make sure you wear a rubber, dude. 1038 01:02:09,509 --> 01:02:11,428 Why is that, Drew? 1039 01:02:11,511 --> 01:02:13,931 Are you kidding me? She gets around. 1040 01:02:14,014 --> 01:02:16,016 All right? 1041 01:02:17,100 --> 01:02:19,019 She does, does she? 1042 01:02:19,102 --> 01:02:21,688 Oh' yeah, like a record. 1043 01:02:22,856 --> 01:02:24,775 Like, with who? 1044 01:02:24,858 --> 01:02:26,818 Oh, let's see, uh... 1045 01:02:27,861 --> 01:02:30,781 Hell, Lumbergh fucked her. 1046 01:02:30,864 --> 01:02:32,783 Let me see who else. 1047 01:02:32,866 --> 01:02:35,035 Uh, Dick Rennie... 1048 01:02:35,118 --> 01:02:37,537 - Lumbergh? - Eric Louis... 1049 01:02:37,621 --> 01:02:40,540 So, what if... Oh. What if you get caught? 1050 01:02:40,624 --> 01:02:43,543 I just don't know if this was such a good idea. 1051 01:02:43,627 --> 01:02:47,297 Yeah, well, maybe it wasn't such a good idea for you to sleep with Lumbergh. 1052 01:02:47,381 --> 01:02:49,299 What? 1053 01:02:49,383 --> 01:02:51,134 What are you... 1054 01:02:51,218 --> 01:02:53,136 Oh, right. Lumbergh. 1055 01:02:53,220 --> 01:02:54,680 Aah! 1056 01:02:54,763 --> 01:02:57,891 Oh, God. Lumbergh. 1057 01:02:57,975 --> 01:02:59,810 Peter, what is wrong with you? 1058 01:02:59,893 --> 01:03:03,146 That was, like, two years ago. What, did you know him? 1059 01:03:03,230 --> 01:03:05,774 Yeah, I know him. I know him. He's my boss. 1060 01:03:05,857 --> 01:03:09,319 He's my unholy, disgusting pig of a boss! 1061 01:03:09,403 --> 01:03:11,655 Oh, he's not that disgusting. 1062 01:03:11,738 --> 01:03:15,200 He represents all that is soulless and wrong! 1063 01:03:16,201 --> 01:03:18,495 - And you slept with him. - Hey! 1064 01:03:18,578 --> 01:03:20,455 That is none of your business. Okay? 1065 01:03:20,539 --> 01:03:23,500 I didn't ask you who you slept with before we were together. 1066 01:03:23,583 --> 01:03:26,753 - I don't care. - Well, I didn't think you slept with guys like Lumbergh! 1067 01:03:26,837 --> 01:03:29,214 Listen to you. 1068 01:03:29,297 --> 01:03:33,010 Who do you think you are? How dare you judge me. 1069 01:03:33,093 --> 01:03:36,013 I mean, what are you? Some kind of angel here? 1070 01:03:36,096 --> 01:03:38,807 No, you're just this penny-stealing... 1071 01:03:38,890 --> 01:03:41,518 wannabe criminal... m-man. 1072 01:03:41,601 --> 01:03:43,520 Yeah, well, that may be... 1073 01:03:43,603 --> 01:03:45,856 but at least I never slept with Lumbergh. 1074 01:03:45,939 --> 01:03:48,859 Okay, that's... I'm done. I wanna get out of the car. 1075 01:03:48,942 --> 01:03:50,861 - Fine. - Stop! 1076 01:03:50,944 --> 01:03:53,488 Just call me when you grow up. 1077 01:03:53,572 --> 01:03:55,949 You know, that's never gonna happen. So just don't call me. 1078 01:03:56,033 --> 01:03:58,535 Say hello to Lumbergh for me! 1079 01:04:04,958 --> 01:04:06,877 Hell, Lumbergh fucked her. 1080 01:04:06,960 --> 01:04:08,879 Lumbergh fucked her. 1081 01:04:08,962 --> 01:04:10,881 Lumbergh... fucked her. 1082 01:04:10,964 --> 01:04:12,883 That's great. 1083 01:04:12,966 --> 01:04:15,886 I mean, she was seein' the "O" face, for sure! 1084 01:04:15,969 --> 01:04:18,513 Oh! Oh! Oh! 1085 01:04:18,597 --> 01:04:21,516 - Sss. Ooh. - Ooh! Ooh! 1086 01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:25,020 If you could go ahead and just move a little bit to the lef... That's it. 1087 01:04:25,103 --> 01:04:27,022 Great. 1088 01:04:27,105 --> 01:04:29,024 Peter! What's happening? 1089 01:04:29,107 --> 01:04:33,320 Um, could you get me those T.P.S. reports ASAP? Mm-kay? 1090 01:04:48,877 --> 01:04:50,796 - Joanna. - Yeah? 1091 01:04:50,879 --> 01:04:52,798 We need to talk. 1092 01:04:52,881 --> 01:04:55,383 Do you know what this is about? 1093 01:04:58,512 --> 01:05:00,722 My, uh, flair? 1094 01:05:00,806 --> 01:05:02,766 Yeah. 1095 01:05:02,849 --> 01:05:04,768 Or, uh, your lack of flair. 1096 01:05:04,851 --> 01:05:08,772 Because, uh, I'm counting and I only see 15 pieces. 1097 01:05:08,855 --> 01:05:10,774 Let me ask you a question, Joanna. 1098 01:05:10,857 --> 01:05:13,693 What do you think of a person... 1099 01:05:13,777 --> 01:05:15,737 who only does the bare minimum? 1100 01:05:17,447 --> 01:05:20,367 Huh. What do I thi... Uh, you know what, Stan? 1101 01:05:20,450 --> 01:05:24,037 If you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair... 1102 01:05:24,121 --> 01:05:26,873 like your pretty boy over there, Brian... 1103 01:05:26,957 --> 01:05:30,502 why don't you just make the minimum 37 pieces of flair? 1104 01:05:30,585 --> 01:05:35,465 Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself. 1105 01:05:35,549 --> 01:05:37,968 Yeah. You know what? Yeah, I do. 1106 01:05:38,051 --> 01:05:42,639 I do wanna express myself. Okay? And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it. 1107 01:05:43,640 --> 01:05:45,517 All right? 1108 01:05:45,600 --> 01:05:47,519 There's my flair. Okay? 1109 01:05:47,602 --> 01:05:49,521 And this is me expressing myself. 1110 01:05:49,604 --> 01:05:51,481 Okay? 1111 01:05:51,565 --> 01:05:53,275 There it is. 1112 01:05:53,358 --> 01:05:57,571 I hate this job. I hate this goddamn job, and I don't need it! 1113 01:06:13,086 --> 01:06:14,504 Oh, shit. 1114 01:06:14,588 --> 01:06:16,590 - Shit! Shit! - Oh, shit. 1115 01:06:16,673 --> 01:06:19,843 Son of a bitch! Shit! 1116 01:06:19,926 --> 01:06:22,470 - This is a... Fuck! I... I... - Son of a bitch! 1117 01:06:22,554 --> 01:06:24,472 - Shit! - What happened? 1118 01:06:24,556 --> 01:06:28,310 - You tell me, Michael! It's your software! - Yes! It's your software! 1119 01:06:28,393 --> 01:06:32,272 Corporate Accounting is sure as hell gonna notice $305,3... 1120 01:06:33,231 --> 01:06:36,443 26.13, Michael! 1121 01:06:36,526 --> 01:06:38,445 Oh, shit! 1122 01:06:38,528 --> 01:06:41,740 They probably won't know it's gone for another three or four days. 1123 01:06:41,823 --> 01:06:45,368 Michael, you said the thing was gonna take two years! 1124 01:06:45,452 --> 01:06:47,954 What happened? You said the thing was supposed to work! 1125 01:06:48,038 --> 01:06:50,624 - Technically, it did work. - No, it didn't! 1126 01:06:50,707 --> 01:06:52,626 It did not work, Michael! Okay? 1127 01:06:52,709 --> 01:06:55,212 Okay, okay! Okay. Okay. 1128 01:06:55,295 --> 01:06:58,215 I must've put a decimal point in the wrong place or something. 1129 01:06:58,298 --> 01:07:01,051 Shit, I always do that. I always mess up some mundane detail. 1130 01:07:01,134 --> 01:07:05,180 Oh! Well, this is not a mundane detail, Michael! 1131 01:07:05,263 --> 01:07:07,224 Hey, quit getting pissed at me, all right? 1132 01:07:07,307 --> 01:07:10,143 This was all your idea, asshole. 1133 01:07:10,227 --> 01:07:14,606 All right. Okay. Let's try not to get pissed off at each other. 1134 01:07:14,689 --> 01:07:17,150 Let's just tryto figure this thing out together. 1135 01:07:17,234 --> 01:07:20,904 The first thing we gotta do is close that account before it gets any bigger. 1136 01:07:20,987 --> 01:07:25,825 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1137 01:07:25,909 --> 01:07:30,288 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1138 01:07:30,372 --> 01:07:32,916 ♪ Happy birthday ♪ 1139 01:07:32,999 --> 01:07:36,086 ♪ Mr. Lumbergh ♪ 1140 01:07:36,169 --> 01:07:40,048 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1141 01:07:42,676 --> 01:07:45,762 Doesn't that look terrific. 1142 01:07:45,845 --> 01:07:47,764 Mmm! 1143 01:07:47,847 --> 01:07:50,433 Here, Peg. You wanna get everybody started there? 1144 01:07:53,186 --> 01:07:55,647 Mmm! Oh, that is terrific. 1145 01:07:55,730 --> 01:07:58,024 - Just terrific. Thanks, everybody. - Thank you. 1146 01:07:58,108 --> 01:08:01,278 Really. I really, really appreciate it. It's very special. 1147 01:08:01,361 --> 01:08:04,698 Now, Milton! Don't be greedy! 1148 01:08:04,781 --> 01:08:07,909 Let's pass it along and make sure everyone gets a piece. 1149 01:08:07,993 --> 01:08:11,037 'Kay, but last time I didn't receive a piece, and I was told that... 1150 01:08:11,121 --> 01:08:14,624 - Just pass. - Okay. 1151 01:08:14,708 --> 01:08:17,877 But this... this... If... There... There... 1152 01:08:17,961 --> 01:08:20,171 I just... See, the cake... 1153 01:08:20,255 --> 01:08:23,008 There's lots of cake, but there's... 1154 01:08:24,050 --> 01:08:27,012 The ratio of people to cake is... 1155 01:08:29,889 --> 01:08:32,684 All I want is a piece of cake... 1156 01:08:39,399 --> 01:08:42,110 I think there's... there's a piece of... 1157 01:08:44,112 --> 01:08:47,115 I could set the building on fire. 1158 01:08:47,198 --> 01:08:50,660 I-Is there some way to just give the money back? 1159 01:08:50,744 --> 01:08:54,664 What, do you mean just hand them a check for the exact amount they're missing? 1160 01:08:54,748 --> 01:08:56,916 I think they'd figure that out. 1161 01:08:57,000 --> 01:08:59,544 Well, we have to do something. 1162 01:08:59,627 --> 01:09:02,088 Maybe we could launder the money. 1163 01:09:02,839 --> 01:09:04,799 That's a great idea. 1164 01:09:04,883 --> 01:09:07,844 - Okay, how do we do that? - I don't... I don't know. 1165 01:09:07,927 --> 01:09:10,847 I don't even know what it means. I was hoping you knew. 1166 01:09:10,930 --> 01:09:14,559 - I think coke dealers do it. - All right, do we know any coke dealers? 1167 01:09:14,642 --> 01:09:16,811 M-My cousin's a cokehead. 1168 01:09:22,233 --> 01:09:24,652 Fuck. We're in deep shit. 1169 01:09:24,736 --> 01:09:28,448 Yes, we are in very, very deep shit. 1170 01:09:32,243 --> 01:09:34,621 Milton. 1171 01:09:34,704 --> 01:09:36,664 - Yes? - What's happening? 1172 01:09:36,748 --> 01:09:39,376 - I wanted to see you... - Say, Milton, you know what'd be great? 1173 01:09:39,459 --> 01:09:41,378 Wh... No. 1174 01:09:41,461 --> 01:09:45,507 Since you're down here, it would be really great if you could just sort of... 1175 01:09:45,590 --> 01:09:48,551 take care of the cockroach problem we've been having in here. 1176 01:09:48,635 --> 01:09:51,471 No, that's really not my job, and I... I haven't received my paycheck... 1177 01:09:51,554 --> 01:09:55,058 So, for now why don't you get yourself a flashlight... 1178 01:09:55,141 --> 01:09:58,019 and a can of pesticide and crawl back... 1179 01:09:58,103 --> 01:10:00,480 Bill? We need you upstairs right away. 1180 01:10:00,563 --> 01:10:02,482 We got a big problem. Big. 1181 01:10:02,565 --> 01:10:04,484 Some major glitch in Accounting. 1182 01:10:04,567 --> 01:10:06,611 - A lot of money missing. - Hmm. 1183 01:10:06,694 --> 01:10:08,863 We've got an investigator here. 1184 01:10:10,949 --> 01:10:13,868 Excuse me? 1185 01:10:13,952 --> 01:10:16,287 Excuse me! 1186 01:10:17,497 --> 01:10:21,376 Well... okay, but... that's the last straw. 1187 01:10:21,584 --> 01:10:24,087 Here we go. Here we go. 1188 01:10:24,170 --> 01:10:26,089 Uh, "launder". 1189 01:10:26,172 --> 01:10:28,258 "To clean... " No. "Wash". 1190 01:10:28,341 --> 01:10:30,927 Here it is: "To conceal the source of money... 1191 01:10:31,010 --> 01:10:35,640 as by channeling it through an intermediary". 1192 01:10:35,723 --> 01:10:37,642 "To conceal a source of money..." 1193 01:10:37,725 --> 01:10:39,644 That doesn't really help us, Michael. 1194 01:10:39,727 --> 01:10:41,604 I can't believe what nerds we are... 1195 01:10:41,688 --> 01:10:43,606 looking up money laundering in a dictionary. 1196 01:10:43,690 --> 01:10:45,608 Yeah, well... 1197 01:10:45,692 --> 01:10:48,194 you guys can both eat my ass, okay? 1198 01:10:48,278 --> 01:10:51,322 I can't believe Joanna slept with Lumbergh. That's what I can't believe. 1199 01:10:51,406 --> 01:10:54,367 - You didn't know that? - Yeah. You didn't know that? 1200 01:10:54,451 --> 01:10:57,537 A couple of years ago, before he moved to Atlanta. 1201 01:10:59,247 --> 01:11:02,709 You mean Ron Lumbergh, the Initrode guy? The young guy? 1202 01:11:02,792 --> 01:11:05,295 Yeah. Who'd you think I meant? Bill? 1203 01:11:07,380 --> 01:11:10,175 Fuckin'... Their children would have hooves. 1204 01:11:12,260 --> 01:11:15,138 Ron's not related to Bill, is he? 1205 01:11:15,221 --> 01:11:17,807 Who's that? 1206 01:11:17,891 --> 01:11:21,227 All right, nobody panic. Probably just Lawrence. 1207 01:11:24,898 --> 01:11:28,026 Good evening. My name is Steve. I come from a rough area. 1208 01:11:28,109 --> 01:11:30,695 I used to be addicted to crack, but now I'm off and trying to stay clean. 1209 01:11:30,778 --> 01:11:34,199 - Okay. - That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions. 1210 01:11:34,282 --> 01:11:36,201 - No. - W-W-Wait a minute. 1211 01:11:36,284 --> 01:11:38,244 You used to be addicted to crack? 1212 01:11:38,328 --> 01:11:39,996 Yeah, b... 1213 01:11:40,079 --> 01:11:42,665 Um, w... 1214 01:11:42,749 --> 01:11:44,667 Look, I'm very sorry. 1215 01:11:44,751 --> 01:11:47,670 I do not know anything about any money laundering. 1216 01:11:47,754 --> 01:11:50,673 No, we're not asking you about money laundering. 1217 01:11:50,757 --> 01:11:53,676 - We need you to hook us up with... - Michael, he doesn't know anybody. 1218 01:11:53,760 --> 01:11:56,346 No, wait... wait a minute. Look. 1219 01:11:56,429 --> 01:11:59,474 You just give us the name of one drug dealer. I could talk to him. 1220 01:11:59,557 --> 01:12:02,769 - I have good networking skill... - I lied. 1221 01:12:02,852 --> 01:12:06,439 All that stuff I said about being a crackhead just helps me sell magazines. 1222 01:12:06,523 --> 01:12:10,068 I'm actually an unemployed software engineer. 1223 01:12:14,197 --> 01:12:16,908 - You're a software engineer? - Yep. 1224 01:12:16,991 --> 01:12:19,536 Things, uh, must be very rough for you. 1225 01:12:19,619 --> 01:12:22,872 Actually, man, I make more money selling magazine subscriptions... 1226 01:12:22,956 --> 01:12:24,874 than I ever did at Initrode. 1227 01:12:24,958 --> 01:12:27,085 At Initrode? 1228 01:12:27,168 --> 01:12:31,005 Wait a minute. You're not gonna tell anybody about this stuff we told you. 1229 01:12:31,089 --> 01:12:33,800 I mean, we know a lot of the same people. That's... 1230 01:12:35,468 --> 01:12:38,388 Actually, um, that all depends. 1231 01:12:38,471 --> 01:12:40,807 Wh... 1232 01:12:43,309 --> 01:12:46,729 What am I gonna do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe? 1233 01:12:46,813 --> 01:12:50,567 We never should have done this. What were we thinking? 1234 01:12:50,650 --> 01:12:53,444 You know what I can't figure out? 1235 01:12:53,528 --> 01:12:57,448 How is it that all these stupid, Neanderthal mafia guys can be so good at crime... 1236 01:12:57,532 --> 01:12:59,909 and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it? 1237 01:12:59,993 --> 01:13:01,911 We're new to it, though. 1238 01:13:01,995 --> 01:13:04,122 If we had more experience... 1239 01:13:04,205 --> 01:13:07,584 No, you know what I think? I think we're screwed. 1240 01:13:07,667 --> 01:13:11,212 There's enough evidence all over that building to link us to this. 1241 01:13:11,296 --> 01:13:15,049 Even if we could launder money, I wouldn't want to. What we've done is bad enough. 1242 01:13:15,133 --> 01:13:18,428 We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. 1243 01:13:18,511 --> 01:13:21,472 No, no, no, we're going to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. 1244 01:13:21,556 --> 01:13:24,475 I-I-I don't want to go to any prison! 1245 01:13:24,559 --> 01:13:26,477 Why the hell did I do this? 1246 01:13:26,561 --> 01:13:29,105 I've never done anything wrong in my whole life. 1247 01:13:29,188 --> 01:13:32,233 We weren't thinking clearly because you told us we were losing our jobs. 1248 01:13:32,317 --> 01:13:34,652 And now we're worried about going in a prison. 1249 01:13:34,736 --> 01:13:36,946 Don't worry about it. I'll think of something. 1250 01:13:39,032 --> 01:13:41,909 - I'm going home. - Me too. 1251 01:13:43,828 --> 01:13:47,707 You are a very bad person, Peter. 1252 01:14:08,019 --> 01:14:09,937 Lawrence, you awake? 1253 01:14:10,021 --> 01:14:11,939 Yeah. 1254 01:14:12,023 --> 01:14:13,941 You wanna come over? 1255 01:14:14,025 --> 01:14:17,654 No, thanks, man. I don't want you fuckin' up my life too. 1256 01:14:17,737 --> 01:14:19,739 Goddamn. 1257 01:14:22,867 --> 01:14:25,787 And in light of the senselessness of these heinous crimes... 1258 01:14:25,870 --> 01:14:28,039 that you have committed against Initech... 1259 01:14:28,122 --> 01:14:30,708 I hereby sentence you, Michael Bolton... 1260 01:14:30,792 --> 01:14:32,710 and Samir Naan... 1261 01:14:32,794 --> 01:14:35,713 Nanadajibad... 1262 01:14:35,797 --> 01:14:38,716 to a term of no less than four years... 1263 01:14:38,800 --> 01:14:41,260 in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. 1264 01:14:45,765 --> 01:14:47,684 Peter Gibbons... 1265 01:14:47,767 --> 01:14:50,478 you've led a trite and meaningless life. 1266 01:14:51,771 --> 01:14:55,483 And you're a very bad person. 1267 01:15:32,645 --> 01:15:34,939 Hey. 1268 01:15:35,022 --> 01:15:37,942 You're not working at Chotchkie's anymore, huh? 1269 01:15:38,025 --> 01:15:40,153 No. No, I got fired. 1270 01:15:40,236 --> 01:15:42,155 What happened? 1271 01:15:42,238 --> 01:15:44,157 I flipped off my boss... 1272 01:15:44,240 --> 01:15:46,075 some customers... 1273 01:15:46,159 --> 01:15:49,162 Actually, a line cook, but he just happened to be standing there, so... 1274 01:15:50,455 --> 01:15:52,915 I might be going away for a while... 1275 01:15:52,999 --> 01:15:56,043 uh, to jail. 1276 01:15:56,127 --> 01:15:59,422 You were right about that computer scam. That was a bad idea. 1277 01:15:59,505 --> 01:16:02,008 I'm gonna take the blame for it, I decided. 1278 01:16:03,801 --> 01:16:06,804 I'm on my way now to return the money and leave a confession... 1279 01:16:06,888 --> 01:16:08,848 under Lumbergh's door. 1280 01:16:10,266 --> 01:16:12,185 Joanna, I want to apologize. 1281 01:16:12,268 --> 01:16:15,980 I had no right to get pissed off at you about Lumbergh. Lumbergh is not my problem. 1282 01:16:16,063 --> 01:16:17,982 Wasn't even the right Lumbergh. 1283 01:16:18,065 --> 01:16:21,986 I don't know why I can't just go to work and be happy... 1284 01:16:22,069 --> 01:16:24,614 like I'm supposed to, like everybody else. 1285 01:16:24,697 --> 01:16:26,741 Peter, most people don't like their jobs. 1286 01:16:26,824 --> 01:16:30,787 But you go out there and you find something that makes you happy. 1287 01:16:30,870 --> 01:16:32,872 Yeah, well... 1288 01:16:34,207 --> 01:16:36,459 I may never be happy at my job... 1289 01:16:36,542 --> 01:16:39,462 but I think that if I could be with you... 1290 01:16:39,545 --> 01:16:41,506 that I couldbe happy with my life. 1291 01:16:41,589 --> 01:16:43,549 I've been a real asshole. 1292 01:16:43,633 --> 01:16:46,636 But if you could give it another shot, I promise... 1293 01:16:46,719 --> 01:16:48,721 Okay, shut up. 1294 01:16:52,517 --> 01:16:55,269 Whoa! Hey! What's going on here? 1295 01:16:55,353 --> 01:16:57,772 Get a room, you two! 1296 01:16:57,855 --> 01:17:00,358 Nyah-nyah-nyah! 1297 01:17:00,441 --> 01:17:03,361 I hate that guy. 1298 01:17:54,370 --> 01:17:57,206 Then Mr. Lumbergh told me to talk to Payroll... 1299 01:17:57,290 --> 01:17:59,959 and then Payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh. 1300 01:18:00,042 --> 01:18:02,962 I still haven't received my paycheck, and he took my stapler. 1301 01:18:03,045 --> 01:18:04,964 He never brought it back. 1302 01:18:05,047 --> 01:18:08,175 Then they moved by desk to storage room "B" and there was garbage on it... 1303 01:18:08,259 --> 01:18:11,178 Why don't you go back down and sit at your desk. 1304 01:18:11,262 --> 01:18:14,181 - Mr. Lumbergh should be here any minute. - I want to talk to Mr. Lumbergh. 1305 01:18:14,265 --> 01:18:16,183 Just go sit at your desk. Okay? 1306 01:18:16,267 --> 01:18:19,312 Okay, but I... I... I'm gonna just... 1307 01:18:19,395 --> 01:18:22,315 I'm telling you right now, my desk is located in the basement. 1308 01:18:22,398 --> 01:18:24,317 I'm sure you know where it is. 1309 01:18:26,402 --> 01:18:28,821 I'm just gonna have to take my stapler back. 1310 01:18:28,905 --> 01:18:31,908 Because it's my stapler, and I told Mr... It's my... It's... 1311 01:18:37,914 --> 01:18:39,832 It's my stapler. It's a Swingline. 1312 01:18:39,916 --> 01:18:42,835 I've been using it for a long time. 1313 01:18:42,919 --> 01:18:45,296 It doesn't bind up... 1314 01:19:01,020 --> 01:19:03,022 Lawrence. You in there? 1315 01:19:04,857 --> 01:19:06,776 Whoa. Hey, Peter, man. 1316 01:19:06,859 --> 01:19:08,778 Hey. 1317 01:19:08,861 --> 01:19:13,074 - So, I might be going away for a while. - Yeah, I know, man. 1318 01:19:13,157 --> 01:19:15,660 It's a bummer, dude. What can I say? 1319 01:19:15,743 --> 01:19:17,745 Yeah. Uh... 1320 01:19:19,664 --> 01:19:22,625 Well, time to go face the music. 1321 01:19:22,708 --> 01:19:25,628 You take care of yourself if I don't see you. All right? 1322 01:19:25,711 --> 01:19:28,631 - You too, man. Take 'er easy, bud. - All right. 1323 01:19:28,714 --> 01:19:30,800 All right. 1324 01:19:30,883 --> 01:19:33,970 - Hey, Peter. - Yeah? 1325 01:19:34,053 --> 01:19:36,764 Watch out for your cornhole, bud. 1326 01:19:37,890 --> 01:19:39,725 Okay, Lawrence. 1327 01:19:53,531 --> 01:19:56,325 Stay clear, now! Stay clear! 1328 01:19:56,409 --> 01:19:58,327 Holy shit! 1329 01:19:58,411 --> 01:20:00,413 Excuse me. 1330 01:20:16,178 --> 01:20:20,599 And, uh... I mean, can I... I was here first. I have to... 1331 01:20:23,853 --> 01:20:25,855 Oh, gosh. 1332 01:21:07,521 --> 01:21:10,441 Wait a minute. Let me take a look at that. 1333 01:21:10,524 --> 01:21:14,361 You don't want that, Peter, man. That's toasted, man. 1334 01:21:14,445 --> 01:21:17,448 I think I know someone who might want this. 1335 01:21:28,793 --> 01:21:30,753 Hey, man! 1336 01:21:30,836 --> 01:21:32,922 Wanna go to lunch? 1337 01:21:33,005 --> 01:21:34,924 Brought mine in a pail. 1338 01:21:35,007 --> 01:21:37,718 Plus, Joanna's supposed to come by a little later. 1339 01:21:38,719 --> 01:21:41,639 So, how do you like your new job? 1340 01:21:41,722 --> 01:21:43,641 Not too bad. Not too bad. 1341 01:21:43,724 --> 01:21:45,643 How's, uh, Penetrode? 1342 01:21:45,726 --> 01:21:47,645 - Intertrode. - Intertrode. 1343 01:21:47,728 --> 01:21:49,647 - They're all right. - It's work. 1344 01:21:49,730 --> 01:21:51,649 Yeah. Yeah. 1345 01:21:51,732 --> 01:21:54,151 Probably get you a job there if you want. 1346 01:21:54,235 --> 01:21:57,238 No, thanks. I, uh... I'm doing good here. 1347 01:21:57,321 --> 01:21:59,615 So, uh... 1348 01:21:59,698 --> 01:22:01,826 we're gonna be okay, right? 1349 01:22:01,909 --> 01:22:04,120 Yeah. 1350 01:22:04,203 --> 01:22:07,123 I think the fire pretty much took care of everything. 1351 01:22:07,206 --> 01:22:09,125 I wonder if the money burned up. 1352 01:22:09,208 --> 01:22:11,127 It would be a shame. 1353 01:22:11,210 --> 01:22:14,713 - Yeah. - So you're sure you don't want us to get you a job? 1354 01:22:16,048 --> 01:22:19,218 That's one thing I'm definitely sure of. 1355 01:22:20,177 --> 01:22:23,139 - Okay. - All right, chief. 1356 01:22:23,222 --> 01:22:26,142 - You guys take care. All right? - All right. 1357 01:22:26,225 --> 01:22:28,144 Stay in touch, man. 1358 01:22:28,227 --> 01:22:30,229 Okay. Will do. 1359 01:22:34,066 --> 01:22:36,068 This isn't so bad, huh? 1360 01:22:37,069 --> 01:22:40,030 Making bucks, getting exercise... 1361 01:22:40,114 --> 01:22:42,032 working outside. 1362 01:22:42,116 --> 01:22:43,909 Fuckin'-A. 1363 01:22:46,579 --> 01:22:48,581 Fuckin'-A. 1364 01:23:06,807 --> 01:23:08,851 Excuse me. Excuse me, señor. 1365 01:23:08,934 --> 01:23:10,853 May I speak to you, please? 1366 01:23:10,936 --> 01:23:13,564 I asked for a mai tai, and they brought me a piña colada. 1367 01:23:13,647 --> 01:23:17,276 And I said no salt... no salt for the margarita, but it had salt on it. 1368 01:23:17,359 --> 01:23:20,404 - Lo siento mucho, señor. Pinchegringo. - Big grains of salt... 1369 01:23:20,487 --> 01:23:23,407 If this happens again, I won't be leaving a tip. 1370 01:23:23,490 --> 01:23:26,577 'Cause I could... I could shut this whole resort down. 1371 01:23:26,660 --> 01:23:28,579 Sir? 1372 01:23:28,662 --> 01:23:32,208 I could take my traveler's checks to a competing resort. 1373 01:23:34,293 --> 01:23:37,213 I could write a letter to your board of tourism... 1374 01:23:37,296 --> 01:23:39,715 and I could have this place condemned. 1375 01:23:39,798 --> 01:23:43,719 I could put... I could put strychnine in the guacamole. 1376 01:23:43,802 --> 01:23:46,722 There was salt on the glass. Big grains of salt. 1377 01:24:01,028 --> 01:24:03,948 Give her a ride on the old bone roller coaster. 1378 01:24:04,031 --> 01:24:06,825 - Aaaah! - Mmm! 1379 01:24:06,909 --> 01:24:08,244 Yeah. 1380 01:24:08,327 --> 01:24:09,912 ♪ Yo, 6:00 every morning ♪ 1381 01:24:09,995 --> 01:24:13,415 ♪ You wakin' up yawnin' to the sound of your alarm clock alarmin' ♪ 1382 01:24:13,499 --> 01:24:16,710 ♪ About an hour from now you should be at your place of employment ♪ 1383 01:24:16,794 --> 01:24:20,047 ♪ Which is annoyin' 'cause it's so borin' Your coworkers been talkin' ♪ 1384 01:24:20,130 --> 01:24:22,049 Hey, don't come back in a dress, man! 1385 01:24:22,132 --> 01:24:24,051 You big fag! 1386 01:24:24,134 --> 01:24:26,303 ♪ You wonder why your workload is so enormous ♪ 1387 01:24:26,387 --> 01:24:29,640 ♪ 'Cause your boss just laid off three-quarters of the whole office ♪ 1388 01:24:29,723 --> 01:24:31,934 ♪ People get depressed They get ulcers ♪ 1389 01:24:32,017 --> 01:24:34,603 ♪ From the stress that the corporate environment causes ♪ 1390 01:24:34,687 --> 01:24:37,273 ♪ Regardless of how you ultimately wanna solve this ♪ 1391 01:24:37,356 --> 01:24:39,817 ♪ Seems to me like you got one off our choices ♪ 1392 01:24:39,900 --> 01:24:42,444 ♪ You could take a new job offer for more tips ♪ 1393 01:24:42,528 --> 01:24:44,989 ♪ Stick it out a little longer or forfeit ♪ 1394 01:24:45,072 --> 01:24:46,991 ♪ But my advice to anybody who wants to quit ♪ 1395 01:24:47,074 --> 01:24:50,452 I'm working at Hooters now, and it's very cool. 1396 01:24:50,536 --> 01:24:52,121 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1397 01:24:52,204 --> 01:24:55,666 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1398 01:24:55,749 --> 01:24:57,793 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1399 01:24:57,876 --> 01:25:00,879 ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ 1400 01:25:00,963 --> 01:25:03,132 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1401 01:25:03,215 --> 01:25:06,302 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take thisjob andshove it ♪ 1402 01:25:06,385 --> 01:25:08,804 ♪ Take this job Take this job ♪ 1403 01:25:08,887 --> 01:25:11,223 - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ - ♪ Yo ♪ 1404 01:25:11,307 --> 01:25:13,350 ♪ If your boss is an S.O.B. ♪ 1405 01:25:13,434 --> 01:25:16,770 ♪ Tell him to S-H-O-V-E the J-O-B ♪ 1406 01:25:16,854 --> 01:25:18,689 ♪ Put your middle finger up slowly ♪ 1407 01:25:18,772 --> 01:25:22,026 ♪ Put it close enough to his face so he can examine it closely ♪ 1408 01:25:22,109 --> 01:25:23,861 ♪ Say "I ain't workin' here no more ♪ 1409 01:25:23,944 --> 01:25:25,070 ♪ Who do you think you are?" ♪ 1410 01:25:25,154 --> 01:25:27,114 ♪ Rip the apron off Throw it on the floor ♪ 1411 01:25:27,197 --> 01:25:30,242 ♪ Run to the door to the payphone Make a toll-free call ♪ 1412 01:25:30,326 --> 01:25:32,536 ♪ Tell your spouse what happened and where you are ♪ 1413 01:25:32,619 --> 01:25:35,122 ♪ So they can come to get you in the car later on ♪ 1414 01:25:35,205 --> 01:25:37,916 ♪ And help you search for a new 9:00-to-5:00 job ♪ 1415 01:25:38,000 --> 01:25:40,127 ♪ If the unemployment line ain't that long ♪ 1416 01:25:40,210 --> 01:25:43,005 ♪ You can take your time fillin' out W-9 forms ♪ 1417 01:25:43,088 --> 01:25:45,674 ♪ Eventually you'll get on if you try hard enough ♪ 1418 01:25:45,758 --> 01:25:48,385 ♪ And you'll get money if you keep punchin' your time card enough ♪ 1419 01:25:48,469 --> 01:25:50,220 ♪ Maybe you hate it Maybe you love it ♪ 1420 01:25:50,304 --> 01:25:53,682 ♪ But if you hate it all you gotta do is get mad and tell your boss to ♪ 1421 01:25:53,766 --> 01:25:55,851 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1422 01:25:55,934 --> 01:25:58,896 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1423 01:25:58,979 --> 01:26:01,065 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1424 01:26:01,148 --> 01:26:04,193 ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ 1425 01:26:04,276 --> 01:26:06,362 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1426 01:26:06,445 --> 01:26:09,448 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1427 01:26:09,531 --> 01:26:12,034 ♪ Take this job Take this job ♪ 1428 01:26:12,117 --> 01:26:14,703 - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ - ♪ Yo ♪ 1429 01:26:14,787 --> 01:26:16,705 ♪ Some occupations are like slave gigs ♪ 1430 01:26:16,789 --> 01:26:19,458 ♪ The boss's favorite'll get placed in somethin' spacious ♪ 1431 01:26:19,541 --> 01:26:22,669 ♪ While the most hated get placed in some small cubicle spaces ♪ 1432 01:26:22,753 --> 01:26:24,380 ♪ Or get thrown down in the basement ♪ 1433 01:26:24,463 --> 01:26:26,048 ♪ Get your stapler confiscated ♪ 1434 01:26:26,131 --> 01:26:27,925 ♪ You constantly waitin' for a paycheck ♪ 1435 01:26:28,008 --> 01:26:30,677 ♪ Twelve months pass by and you still ain't get paid yet ♪ 1436 01:26:30,761 --> 01:26:32,388 ♪ Here's an optimistic motto ♪ 1437 01:26:32,471 --> 01:26:35,808 ♪ If you ever late for today you can say you early for tomorrow ♪ 1438 01:26:35,891 --> 01:26:37,559 ♪ Most 9:00-to-5:00s are hard ♪ 1439 01:26:37,643 --> 01:26:40,854 ♪ 'Cause the description of the job ain't no picnic in the park ♪ 1440 01:26:40,938 --> 01:26:43,482 ♪ People get hired Drink coffee to stay wired ♪ 1441 01:26:43,565 --> 01:26:46,276 ♪ So they don't get tired sleep late and get fired ♪ 1442 01:26:46,360 --> 01:26:49,029 ♪ You came in late You already ate ♪ 1443 01:26:49,113 --> 01:26:51,365 ♪ Now you wanna take a lunch break ♪ 1444 01:26:51,448 --> 01:26:54,159 ♪ Hey, yo, bust it Ain't no need to discuss it ♪ 1445 01:26:54,243 --> 01:26:56,954 ♪ Just take this job and shove it right between your buttocks ♪ 1446 01:26:57,037 --> 01:26:59,164 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1447 01:26:59,248 --> 01:27:02,209 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1448 01:27:02,292 --> 01:27:04,378 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1449 01:27:04,461 --> 01:27:07,589 ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ 1450 01:27:07,673 --> 01:27:09,675 ♪ Take this job andshove it ♪ 1451 01:27:09,758 --> 01:27:12,761 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1452 01:27:12,845 --> 01:27:15,347 ♪ Take this job Take this job ♪ 1453 01:27:15,431 --> 01:27:18,016 - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ - Mmm. Yeah. 1454 01:27:18,100 --> 01:27:20,269 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1455 01:27:20,352 --> 01:27:23,272 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1456 01:27:23,355 --> 01:27:25,899 ♪ I, I, I, I, I-I-I-I ♪ 1457 01:27:25,983 --> 01:27:28,735 ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ 1458 01:27:28,819 --> 01:27:30,779 ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1459 01:27:30,863 --> 01:27:33,824 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - ♪ Take this job and shove it ♪ 1460 01:27:33,907 --> 01:27:36,076 ♪ I-I, I-I-I ♪ 1461 01:27:36,160 --> 01:27:39,163 - ♪ I ain't workin' here no more ♪ - Mmm. Yeah. 1462 01:27:39,246 --> 01:27:41,790 ♪ Ahh-ahh, ah-ah-ahh ♪ 1463 01:27:41,874 --> 01:27:44,543 ♪ Canibus and the Biz ♪ 1464 01:27:44,626 --> 01:27:46,670 ♪ Ahh-ahh, ah-ah-ahh ♪ 1465 01:27:46,753 --> 01:27:49,798 ♪ It's comin' from Canibus and the Biz ♪ 1466 01:27:49,882 --> 01:27:51,967 ♪ What, what What ♪ 1467 01:27:52,050 --> 01:27:54,928 ♪ It's comin' from Canibus and the Biz ♪ 1468 01:27:55,012 --> 01:27:57,181 - ♪ Ahhh, ahhh ♪ - ♪ From ♪ 1469 01:27:57,264 --> 01:27:58,807 ♪ From Canibus and the ♪ 1470 01:27:58,891 --> 01:28:07,316 ♪ Bi-i-i-i-i-i-i-iz ♪ 124287

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