Original subtitles

Even though we're out to double or nothing, darling

Still I bet my heart this is romance

Smarty

Though I'm not quite as smart as you

I could teach you a thing or two

Smarty

Smarty

Don't you know you should hold me tight?

Can't you tell when you've met the right party?

Though you may know every star up above

Still you're in need of a lesson in love

You know it all, Smarty

Can't you see, if you had a heart

You could learn to be twice as smart

Smarty

Smarty

Though I'm not quite as smart as you

I could teach you just a thing or two

Smarty

Don't you know you should hold me tight?

Can't you tell when you've met the right party?

Though you may know every star up above

Still you're in need of a lesson in love

Come on and swing it...

Can't you see if you had a heart

You could learn to be twice as smart

Smarty

Now, if you can only cook.

Ten hamburgers for my friend, please.

I found a wallet with this address in it, and a $100 bill.

Your name, please? Lefty Boylan,

but I just want to return the wallet. I...

Will you please wait? Just have a seat.

Mr. Dobson will see you in just a minute.

He wants to see me? Yes.

Sorry.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry. It was awfully clumsy of me.

It's quite all right.

Well, I mean, it was very careless,

stumbling around here with my big feet.

You must accept my abject apologies.

It was nothing.

It's very sporting of you, though. I...

Oh, my, these cartoonists.

It's amazing where they pick up these things.

Just look at this, uh...

Well, if you feel that way about it,

you don't have to speak to me, either.

I have no intention of speaking to you.

You just did.

Oh.

You did it again.

What was that?

Merely blew my breath out.

'Course, if it's illegal to blow your breath out around here,

I wish you'd let me know.

I'd prefer that you didn't.

Then I'd suffocate.

Exactly.

Good afternoon. I found this wallet with this address

and a $100 bill in it. Your name, please?

John Pederson, Chatham Apartments.

Will you please be seated? Mr. Dobson will see you in just a minute.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh, look, quick, you... I thought I told you not to talk to me.

But your hat! Your hat!

My hat. My hat.

All right, if you're going to be difficult, I'll take it off.

But I have a slight cold.

Well, wear it if you like, but it's on fire.

Nonsense.

Oh, quick, I tell you, you'll be burned!

Is it really on fire?

My word, so it is.

Thank you a million times.

You have saved my life and I am forever your debtor.

I will remain at your side until I have repaid you.

Take it, dearie. I promised my ma I'd be honest.

Keep it. Your name, please?

Keep... Well, it's got a $100 bill in it.

Your name?

Uh, Liza Lou Lane, 781 Santa Helena Avenue, actress. What's the charge?

And whatever it is, it's a lie.

Just a moment, please.

This belongs here. It's got a $100 bill in it.

Hey, what is this?

Well, if that was in ones and fives I could have kept it,

but what chance has a guy like me changing a century note?

They'd have just locked me up for it.

What's your name?

Name? Oh, oh, they call me Half-Pint.

You sound like Piccolo Pete.

After you.

Say, do you know something? Now, don't blab this around,

but for years I've been persecuted by a pernicious firebug.

A firebug? Yes.

Some icky runs around trying to burn me up.

Why, I don't know.

Well, he sounds perfectly normal to me.

But you never know when this son of a gun's gonna strike.

How awful. Why, it's practically cataclysmic.

Oh! Oh, there it is again. What's that?

You know, fire. Fire, yes.

Oh, that's all right. I'll save you.

Oh, I'm afraid you're all wet.

Yes.

Mr. Boylan? Mr. Pederson? Yes, sir.

Miss Lane? Yeah.

Mr... Mr. Half-Pint?

Mmm-hmm.

Four out of a possible 25. Not a bad average. No.

Well, my friends, let me congratulate you.

What's this all about?

Hey, if it's a raffle, I don't wanna play.

All in due time.

For the present, all I can tell you is, you're very lucky people.

You'll be handsomely rewarded, I can assure you.

In the first place, you can each keep your $100 bill.

Then, tonight at 8:00... Oh, how do you do, Miss Clark?

I didn't know you were waiting. Just step in my office.

At 8:00 tonight, at the residence of the late Axel Clark,

855 San Dieguito Avenue,

please, all of you be present. You'll hear something to your advantage.

It's very nice to have met you...

Miss Clark, I'm very pleased to have met you.

"I, Axel Clark, being of sound and disposing mind and memory,

"and not acting under duress, menace, fraud,

"or undue influence of any person, whatever,

"do make, publish, and declare this, my last will and testament,

"and desire it to be recorded as such, revoking all previous wills,

"testaments, and codicils thereto.

"To my beloved brother, Jonathan Clark, I bequeath my gold watch and chain.

"To my esteemed sister-in-law, Martha Sewell Clark,

"I bequeath my red and white set of Chinese carved ivory chessmen.

"To my nephew, Egbert Clark, I bequeath my black pearl shirt studs.

"To my niece, Victoria Clark,

"I bequeath the diamond necklace

"which was formerly the property of my beloved wife, deceased."

Is that all?

Do you mean to say that's all my brother left us?

There is more, Mr. Clark, if you will permit me.

The remaining provisions of this will are so complex,

or shall I say, unusual,

that instead of reading them to you,

I have requested my partner, Mr. Mitchell,

to explain them to you in simple language. Yes.

The late Axel Clark was, as you know, a philanthropist.

I mean, he loved humanity.

He believed that people are, in the main, honest and intelligent.

This belief led to a lifelong difference of opinion between him

and his brother, Mr. Jonathan Clark,

who contended that people are, in the main, rogues and fools.

It was to settle this difference of opinion

that Axel Clark devoted the bulk of his estate.

If Mr. Jonathan Clark is right in his opinion of humanity,

then the estate goes to him.

lf, however, he is wrong, then the estate goes to one of you.

Now, the first thing the will instructed us to do

was to take 25 purses, each containing $100,

and throw them in the streets as bait for honest people.

We have done so.

Four of you have responded honestly, and are here.

Now it remains to be demonstrated

whether you are intelligent as well as honest.

And for this purpose, the will instructs us

to give each of you $5,000.

The money is yours, to do with as you like.

When do we get it?

Here. Tonight.

Certified checks of $5,000 each.

Now, the will provides that you have 30 days

within which to try to double your money

by honest enterprise.

All speculation and gambling are strictly barred.

Double it in 30 days. What then?

The first one of you to double his money within 30 days,

by honest effort,

inherits the remainder of the Clark estate.

But if none of you is able to double his $5,000 within that time,

then the estate goes to Mr. Jonathan Clark.

Now, is that perfectly clear?

It's clear to me. Yes.

All right.

If you finders will step this way and sign the receipts, please.

Mr. Half-Pint.

But it's outrageous. All that money to a lot of riffraff.

How much did he leave, Mr. Dobson?

lt'll be more than a million.

I've half a mind to contest the will.

No sane man would have done it.

You know better than that, Mr. Clark.

You mean to tell me, if I double this in 30 days,

I get a million bucks... Dollars?

If you do it honestly, and are the first to do it.

I don't believe it.

I assure you it's true, Miss Lane.

Please believe me this time, Miss Lane.

I'm awfully tired of saying it.

Mr. Boylan.

Oh, I'll be right back, Miss Clark. You'll pardon me?

Huh?

Will you sign here, please? Go on.

Do you mind if I ask a question?

Not at all.

Is there any objection to us finders

sort of pooling our interests?

I should object to that very strongly.

Well, in spite of Mr. Dobson's objections,

it's only fair to say there's nothing in the will to prevent that.

Thank you.

Will you step around here with me for a minute, please?

Yeah.

Gee, now, if I win, I can give my mother that operation.

What's the matter with your mother?

Mother? Oh, nothing.

She just likes operations.

Now, look. This is $1,000,000.

If we start to fight amongst each other, none of us will get it.

But if we four pull together, we've got a chance.

What do you mean, pull together?

Pool our interests.

Whoever is first to double his 5,000, or whoever wins,

gives up half to be divided among the other three.

You mean if I win, I have to give away a half-a-million bucks?

That's right.

No, I can't afford it.

Oh, wait. You don't understand.

Neither do I.

Look, it's like this...

Well, I'd be a poor sport not to shake your hands and wish you luck.

After all, it was my brother's money to do with as he liked.

I don't need it. I got plenty of my own.

And if you can win it, more power to you.

Now, as long as we're gonna be competitors, in a way,

why don't we get together and know each other better?

I'll tell you. Will you all dine with me tomorrow night at 8:00, at my house?

Come on, say you will. Hmm?

Oh, sure. I'll be glad to. Now, that's fine, that's fine.

See you tomorrow night at 8:00. Mmm-hmm.

Have you lost your mind?

Axel said such people are intelligent. Well, we'll see about that.

Mix with them, make friends with them.

You, Martha, take the one they call Half-Pint.

Oh, but I... Now, now, do as I say.

And Egbert, you make up to that vulgar young woman.

Who, me?

Before we let them take all that money out of this family,

let's give them a real intelligence test.

How?

Well, first gain their confidence,

and then ferret out their plans.

I see what you mean.

And you, Vicki,

attach yourself to that young man.

He's making sheep eyes at you already.

It'll be a pleasure. Watch him follow me out.

Oh, I'll see you a little later, huh?

Oh.

Oh, Miss Clark.

Do you mind if I walk with you a little way?

I don't see how I can help it.

Well, you might be a little nicer to me.

After all, your dad broke down and asked me to dinner.

Well, you're coming, aren't you?

Well, if you're gonna be there.

Say, would I be too fresh if I asked if I could take you home?

Gee, what would you do if you met a beautiful girl,

and she just bowls you over, and then wouldn't give you a tumble?

If you were a man, I mean.

Well, I'd set fire to my hat.

Do you live far from here?

It's a long way to walk.

Oh, we'll get a taxi.

Oh, taxi!

Have you got change for $100?

No, funny man.

I haven't time to push your teeth in, either, or I would.

I'm with you.

Taxi drivers never have any change.

Well, it's certainly a terrible way to do business.

I guess we'll have to walk it, huh?

You have a sympathetic nature.

I'd like to dance with you.

Oh, that's nice of you, but we can't.

Why not? No music.

Well, apparently, you're not very resourceful.

How do you mean?

Look, I'll show you.

Is this your car?

No, but the air is free.

How about a quick twirl around the ballroom?

Waltz or foxtrot?

Well, I don't know yet. Wait a minute.

Ah, a schottische.

The music is playing

A song that invites romance

But you... All you want to do is dance

While others are swaying

At least there's a word or a glance

But you... All you want to do is dance

Ah, when I hold you like this

Who's gonna notice a kiss?

I know how your heart could beat

But you only care about

The rhythm in your feet

The music is playing

A song that invites romance

And I...

I want a chance

But you...

All you want to do is dance

While others are swaying

At least there's a word or a glance

But you...

What's this?

Well, out of my department, but I'll try it.

All you want to do is dance

The music is playing

A song that invites romance

But you...

Ah, the rumba!

All you want to do is dance

When I hold you like this

Who's gonna notice a kiss?

I know how your heart could beat

Now you're in my kitchen.

I'll bet you only care about

The rhythm that's in your feet

Don't get lost.

And I...

I want a chance

But you...

All you want to do is dance

Say, have you folks been drinking? Why, oh, no.

Well, in that case, do you mind if I cut in? Go right ahead.

Oh, you dance divinely!

That isn't true about all policemen having flat feet.

Have you been drinking?

Why, no.

Well, then...

All you want to do is dance, huh?

The first time I've ever asked my family to help me, and you all act aggrieved.

Not I. I'm going to enjoy it.

Now, as for you, my boy, I want you to...

But I don't know what to do.

Win the creature's confidence. Find out her plans. Make her like you.

Now, Vicki, we can't afford to be funny about this.

They'll be here any second.

Martha, put down that book.

"Okay, toots, you got me. Slip me a fin and I'll croak the dick."

Toots. Fin. Dick.

In heaven's name, Martha, what's this for?

I've got to learn how to talk to the man, haven't I?

Mr. Half-Pint.

Oh, show him in.

Delighted to see you, sir. So glad you could come. Come right in.

Martha, you remember Mr. Half-Pint.

Hiya, bo.

Good evening, Mrs. Clark.

Park the frame over there, buddy.

After you, ma'am.

Egbert, the cocktails. Or would you rather have a shot of smoke?

A cocktail's fine, thank you.

Miss Liza Lou Lane.

Ah, Miss Lane, this is charming.

Oh, now, now, big boy, don't rush me!

What? Oh, no, not at all. You know everyone, don't you?

Excuse me a moment.

Will you have a cocktail?

No. No alcohol, kid.

I get a-feeling too good.

What's the matter with feeling good?

Oh, you don't know how good I can feel.

Mr. Pederson and Mr. Boylan. Excuse me.

Vicki.

Ah, good evening, Mr. Boylan. How are you?

Mr. Pederson, delighted to see you, sir. Thank you.

You know everyone? My daughter? Of course.

Good evening.

Hope I'm not late. Not at all. Hello.

Brought you some flowers. Oh, how nice of you.

Under glass.

Mother, you remember Mr. Boylan?

Nice of you to come, Mr. Boylan.

The dinner is served.

Come on, kid, let's put on the nosebag.

Huh? Oh.

Say, listen, after dinner you get me in a quiet corner

and tell me all your past, huh?

You said it, baby, and how!

Marvelous.

Miss Lane, Mr. Pederson, Mr. Boylan.

Right here by me, toots.

A cup of java ought to hit the spot, toots.

Look, Mrs. Clark... Spill it.

Well, I'll stop it if you will.

Stop what?

Well, you've been talking tough to me,

and I've been talking refined to you.

Let's be natural.

Okay.

I mean, certainly.

Attagirl!

We have a beautiful view of the city from the terrace.

Well, I'd like to see it.

How's for a rousing game of backgammon?

Well, jacks is really my racket, but I'll pitch in with you.

Oh, just call me Liza.

All right, Liza.

Well, this is pretty nice.

Yes, beautiful, isn't it?

Cigarette? No, thanks.

You don't trust me, do you?

How do you mean?

Well, you don't see why I should want to help you people,

when if you win out, it'll cost me a lot of money.

No, you've got me wrong. I value your advice.

But you know, this money-doubling marathon has got me stopped.

Hmm.

I thought you were a business man of long experience.

Well, yes and no.

You know, it's really no trick to double this money,

but the conditions say I've got to do it honestly.

Mr. Clark, I really don't know where to start.

I've never made an honest dollar in my life.

Hmm. You only know how to make money dishonestly?

That's right.

Have you, by any chance, a police record?

Yeah, but I keep that in my wife's name.

A crook.

Well, practically.

You see, that's why I need your advice, Mr. Clark.

This is my chance to turn honest, and I don't wanna miss it.

Really?

And if you really meant what you said about helping us out,

why, a man with your connections and experience

could do a whole lot for me.

Like helping you with your investments?

Well, yes, if you know of something good.

Well, that's asking a whole lot, Mr. Pederson.

I suppose.

But perhaps there is something.

Oh, that's great. What is it?

Well, come inside, we'll talk it over.

Thanks.

Sit down, Mr. Pederson.

Thank you.

What is it?

Gold stock.

With the present market, it ought to start moving very soon.

Why, you might just double your money in... Well, what's the matter?

If I didn't know you better, I'd say that was awfully crude work.

What is? Well, your approach.

If you were trying to take me, it'd be the wrong way to begin.

Yeah? How would you begin?

Well, first off, I'd win your confidence.

How? Oh, I don't know.

Maybe I'd tell you how happy I am tonight.

Just put over a big deal, and made a hat-full of money.

Hmm.

And what would I say?

You would ask me how I did it.

But I wouldn't tell you. I'd be secretive.

That'd make you curious, and you'd start pressing me to tell.

I see.

Well, fortunately, I'm not trying to take you, Mr. Pederson.

I know, but if you were, you'd have me interested now.

What, in that stock? Oh, forget it. That was just an idea.

But I thought you said it was going up?

Oh, perhaps.

Those things are always uncertain, aren't they?

Not when you're in the know.

Had you thought, Mr. Pederson, of putting your money in a business lease?

You changed the subject, didn't you?

Did I? What about it?

Well, that'd be the next move, if you were trying to take me.

It's the old come-on, right out of the book.

Now, really, Mr. Pederson...

Of course, I was only joking, Mr. Clark.

Could I have a look at that stock, Mr. Clark?

Why, certainly, but...

Do you know, if it were anyone else but you, Mr. Clark,

what I'd be thinking?

What? A sucker always falls for a gold mine.

And what do you do in the music business, write songs?

Sometimes. And I sing a little,

and if they don't stop me, I lead a band.

When you've won Uncle Axel's millions,

you can lead a big band all your own.

A little band would be good enough for me,

and a little nightclub of my own to play it in, of course.

Is that all you want?

That seems like quite a lot.

I'll have it, too, someday, heaven and the tides willing.

With a million you won't need it anymore.

You'd have the right to stop working.

Well, if I had a lot of money, I'd have the right to

do and say a lot of things I can't say now.

What sort of things?

When a bird, young and free

Hangs around a certain tree

Singing serenades that tell his love is true

That's because it's the natural thing to do

And when a cat on a fence

Keeps his darling in suspense

And he's brave enough

To face a well-aimed shoe

That's because it's the natural thing to do

And you know that a dove

Has his heart set on love

Rabbits, too, pet and pat

And there's nothing strange in that

When a boy such as I

Tries so hard to qualify

With a very lovely lady such as you

Can't you see it's the natural thing to do?

And then the girl acts demure

The boy feels proud and sure

So proud and sure

That he impulsively suggests a rendezvous

We progress

That's because it's the natural thing to do

But the girl, she can't agree

Though he begs and pleads and implores on bended knee

She runs away and she knows he's gonna pursue, the fool

That's because it's the natural thing to do

Then the boy, in despair

Waves his arms, tears his hair

Stamps his feet, acts like mad

Then you know that he's got it bad

If the girl's got a heart at all

Then she's bound to fall

She will take him in her arms and kiss him, too

Don't you know that's the natural thing to do?

Oh, well, let me see.

There must be something else you could do with your $5,000.

I hear there's a lot of radium in Siberia. Now, radium gets a good price.

Why don't you organize an expedition to look for it, or go yourself?

No, I don't like radium. All you get is a lot of static and too much advertising.

Oh, no. No.

No. Oh.

Oh, no. No.

It's on, it's off

It must be on or off

So why go on

When you can't make your mind up?

Today, you're nice

Tomorrow, you're like ice

So this is where our love affair must wind up

I'll give you back your sables

Your lovely diamond ring

The pretty clothes you bought me

And every other little thing

It's on, it's off

And anyone can see

You haven't got a thing on me

Stop it! Stop it! Turn it off! Young woman...

Oh, turn the music off!

It's that tune, that song.

I used to do my act to that tune when I was on the stage.

And now every time I hear it, I just can't resist it.

I'm awfully sorry, but it always gets me.

Why, I never heard of such a thing. Did you know about this?

Well, I...

No, no, you mustn't do that.

It's on, it's off

Please! It must be on or off

Now, you can't do that in this house. So why go on

This is... When we can't make our minds up?

This is disgraceful. Stop it! Today...

Stop it! Well, make him stop it!

I'm awfully sorry.

I guess I'm just an artist at heart.

Good night, and thanks loads. I'm sorry about the dance.

Good night, George. Good night.

Mr. Half-Pint, don't forget our luncheon engagement for tomorrow.

No, ma'am, I won't.

Thank heaven they've gone.

What an evening.

Good work. I think we've got them.

I've fixed mine already, and I'll take yours, one by one.

I'll show you how intelligent they are.

We ought to be ashamed of ourselves.

Why, what's wrong with you?

I won't be a party to anything so lowdown and cheap.

They're perfectly decent, hardworking people who deserve a chance.

Well, I don't think I'd call Mr. Half-Pint hardworking.

Well, he's at least proved himself honest.

And that's more than any of us can say.

Why, Vicki!

The girl is right.

Lowdown, cheap, dishonest.

No, we mustn't go through with it. Let them have the money.

I'll face the consequences myself.

What are you talking about?

Well, I haven't told you before.

I didn't want to. I was ashamed.

But you might as well know it now. I'm in trouble at the bank.

They'll call it embezzlement when it comes out.

Father.

It's a lot of money, more than I can raise.

I had hoped your Uncle Axel's inheritance would save me.

It was cowardly of me, lowdown, dishonest.

I see it now.

I'm so sorry, Father.

It'll be all right, dear.

This is a fine time for you to climb on a pedestal.

Why, what do you care what happens to that Boylan chap?

Why, because he...

Vicki, are you going to sacrifice your own father?

Leave the girl alone, she's right.

Oh, it isn't a question of right or wrong. We're beyond that.

I'll stand by Father. You all know that.

Dad, why did you get mixed up in that mess at the bank?

Doing a thing like that and being found out.

Well, for heaven's sake, I had to win Vicki over to our side, didn't I?

Oh...

You old hypocrite, you had me believing you!

She'll hear you.

That's a whole lot of money, and we're gonna lose it.

We've only got 18 days left, and what plans have we made?

We're partners, aren't we? Are we helping each other?

Well, what are we doing?

Me?

I bought me a golf range.

A what?

A golf range, you know, one of those places where you practice.

Three balls for $1, and a prize of $4,000, that's all I had left,

if you make a hole in one. Brilliant.

How many golf balls do you have to sell before you make 5,000 bucks?

Huh? Oh, uh...

I don't know. Tell me something.

Does Mrs. Clark know about your golf range?

Well, we sort of figured it out together.

I thought so.

And you, Miss Lane, what have you bought, a tennis court?

No. Rowboats.

Rowboats?

Yeah, I bought the rowboat concession in the park,

and the girls row the boats.

You know, the girls I used to work with in the show.

The girls row the boats?

Yeah. The sailors will go crazy for that.

Why, when the fleet comes in, I'll make a fortune.

You tell me something.

Did young Mr. Clark help you work out this project?

Egbert? Well, we talked about it, of course,

but he doesn't think much of it.

Mmm-hmm.

And how right he was.

And you, Mr. Boylan, I hope you at least have some sensible plan.

Well, I don't know. My plan probably won't sound so good to you, either.

How about yourself, Mr. Pederson?

Me? Hmm.

Well, my plan didn't turn out so well. No?

It seemed a good thing at the time, but...

What was it?

A gold mine. Smart guy!

And he criticized us.

My confidence has been abused, Mr. Boylan.

I've been taken advantage of.

But what was your plan?

Well, I figured on opening up a nightclub, put my own band into it,

and if I got any kind of a break... A nightclub?

Why, we're ruined.

Does Miss Clark know about your plan?

Well, yes, we discussed it.

As a matter of fact, she helped me a lot. Why?

She helped you? Yeah.

Just like the others helped us.

What fools we've been. What idiots!

What are you getting at?

I'm not getting at anything, I'm telling you!

The Clark family has wormed its way into our confidence and taken us

one by one. They're a lot of crooks!

Why, I ought to punch you in the nose for that.

Oh, now, there's no use taking it that way, Mr. Boylan.

Well, I made an agreement with you, and I'll stick to it if I win.

But I don't want to come to any more of your meetings.

I've heard enough.

And that goes for me, too. Martha's as straight as a string.

What's that for?

That's for calling Egbert a crook.

Play golf! Play golf! Three tickets $1!

Make a hole in one, and you win $4,000!

Three tickets $1, folks! Come on in, play golf!

Play golf! Three tickets $1, and if you make the hole in one,

you get $4,000! Come on in, play golf!

Play golf!

This girl almost got it.

Within a half-an-inch that time. She'd have got...

I asked you to drop by, Mr. Mitchell,

because our friend's little enterprise

has been doing very well, indeed. Yes, I can see that.

He's only been open four days and five evenings,

and how much have you taken in, Half-Pint?

Well, I figure if everything keeps going as it has been,

I should double my money by the end of the day.

It's astonishing.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Mitchell. Thanks very much, indeed.

It's all right.

Now, what shall I do after I double my $5,000?

Why, just bring your money up to my office with all your records.

Well, we'll probably be there the first thing in the morning.

Uh-huh. Nine days under the wire.

Well, I think you're all to be congratulated. Thank you, sir.

Goodbye, and good luck.

Thank you. Goodbye, sir.

Win $4,000, folks!

Hello, there. How do you do?

Well, I'm glad to see you doing so well.

I brought a friend of mine to help the cause along, Mr. Rutherford.

Go ahead, Johnny.

It's mighty nice of you, Mr. Clark.

Buy some tickets, Johnny. Buy a lot of them.

These are friends of mine.

I'll take $20 worth, to start.

Fine. That's mighty fine.

I think I'll go and watch him shoot.

Mighty fine folks, them Clarks.

Rutherford? Did he say Rutherford?

Why, that's Johnny Rutherford.

Is it?

The golf professional. Why, he's one of the best.

Oh, I'm ruined!

It's only a question of time. I told you those Clarks were a lot of crooks.

Well, I sure am disappointed in that Mrs. Clark.

No!

He's been at it three hours now.

How much longer do you think he can keep it up?

Oh, don't worry. He's beginning to tire.

He's missing them wider and wider.

He can't do it now.

Yoo-hoo!

Hello, Liza Lou.

Hiya, kid. How's everything going?

Oh, fine. We're almost in.

Yeah, but not yet.

There's Egbert! Yoo-hoo, Egbert!

Hello, Liza Lou.

Will you shut up? Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't get excited. You can make it.

Hi, Eggie, old kid!

I can't do it. I'm all in.

What'd I tell you?

He's bought $85 worth of balls, too. That nearly puts us over.

Yeah, that makes us about $6 short.

I'll take $1 worth of whatever it is.

One out of ten.

Let's go home. Wait a minute.

Oh, it's a roller coaster, eh?

Oh, I must've hit the jackpot.

Let's go home.

Oh, golf.

Now, hit the ball and let's go home.

Did you see that? He made it!

Nothing to it.

Say, give my friend a cigar, and let's go home.

Let's go home.

Wait! Don't forget your money!

Oh, it's terrible! Oh, Half-Pint, I'm so sorry.

I guess I should have seen right through you

But the moon got in my eyes

I was so thrilled by the love you volunteered

I gave my heart without a compromise.

I guess you don't remember, do you

When the moon got in my eyes?

Yeah, I know what to do.

Now, listen. Let me have the steel guitars alone.

Honey, let me hear that vibraphone note, will you?

Oh, let's hear that. That's pretty.

Mr. Boylan? Huh?

If you don't okay these sketches,

the girls won't have a thing to wear.

Well, let me see.

I'm afraid these sketches don't mean anything to me.

You don't have a sample made up or anything, do you?

I'll make you one right now. What?

Mr. Boylan, sit right down.

Boy, bring the pedestal out. Young lady, step right up on the stand.

Come along, please. Come along.

Ouch!

That's good.

Walk. Let me see the back.

Right up on the stand.

How do you like that?

Well, isn't that an afternoon dress? Yes.

Well, I think we ought to have something for the evening.

I know just what you want.

Young lady, step right over here, will you?

How's that?

Ah, that's it.

That's the one. We'll dream that one up, huh?

That's enough of that, now. Take it from the beginning.

Out of the darkness

You suddenly appeared

That's fine.

You smiled and I was taken by surprise

Well, as I live and breathe.

Here's little Vicki

You know I can't believe my eyes

Honey, you're really the pause that refreshes.

Hello, Lefty.

What's the light of my life doing in that dark corner?

Come on out here and dazzle the group with your sweet presence.

I'm the one that's dazzled. My, but you've been busy.

Busy? Say, I've been running around here like a worm on a hot rock.

Oh, well, I always say a body needs a dozen pair of arms

when there's housework to be done. What do you always say?

I say you'd have too much trouble

keeping a dozen pair of arms to yourself.

Where's the orchestra?

No orchestra, just my Sing Band.

Not even for dancing?

Honey, they're gonna dance to that Sing Band and love it.

I hope. Oh, it sounds grand.

Thanks.

You know, with half a chance, you could make a success of this.

Hmm. Could and will.

My only fear is that success might completely ruin my character.

Vicki, if it does, let's disintegrate together, huh?

What?

Gosh, that almost sounded like I was asking you to marry me, didn't it?

Well, in my own peculiar way, maybe I was.

Well, I'm darned sure in my own peculiar way, that I'm in love with you.

In your own peculiar way, what do you think about me?

Well...

In my peculiar way, I brought you the lease.

Dad said to tell you he was very glad for you to have this building of his.

Here. The lease?

Well, is that your only answer?

It's the only answer now.

Wait till after the opening.

Why? Can't you see?

You...

You need to be businesslike now. You need your wits about you.

Yeah.

Well, if that's the way you want it,

we'll wait till I'm a big success, huh?

You're very confident.

Oh, I gotta be confident. You know, I promised that boy.

What boy?

Myself, little Lefty, when I was 14 years old.

Oh, I promised him plenty.

What did you promise him, money and fame?

No. No, I promised him some fun,

and a life worth living, and somebody worth living it with.

Gee, if you walk out on me now,

why, you're gonna make me break my promise.

Now, you wouldn't wanna do that, would you?

Oh, Lefty, you're sweet.

Sweet, yeah. Well, guess that's something.

Uh, I don't have a pen. Do you...

I brought one.

Have to sign both these?

No, the other one's yours.

Dad signed it.

Aren't you going to wish me luck?

Of course I do.

You're busy, and the family's waiting,

so if you'll excuse me, I think I'll run on.

Oh, wait, wait.

I especially wanted you to stay to see these stage settings.

They're marvelous. Goodbye.

Goodbye?

I was so thrilled

By the love you volunteered

I gave my heart

Without a compromise

I guess

You don't remember

Do you

When the moon got in my eyes?

I thought a kingdom was in sight

That I would have the right to claim

But with the morning's early light Say, Russ.

Phone that architect right away, will you?

And ask him to come on over. I gotta see him right away.

Yes, sir, right away. I didn't have a dream

To my name

You know the saying

All who love are blind

Seems that ancient adage still applies

Guess I should have seen right through you

But the moon

Got in my eyes

Gather around me

The lesson today is history

A personal, private history

That you never knew

Listen, my children

And you shall hear of the strangest thing

They say that I was born to swing

Oh, listen, my children

And you shall hear

How I got this craze

From rocking in my cradle days

Now, all the kids would go to sleep

Like other sons and daughters

But not for me

My mother had to sing me Muddy Waters

Listen, my children

Though love, love is king

I can get along

As long as there's a song to swing

All the kids would go to sleep like other sons and daughters

But not me, my ma had to sing...

Listen, my children, though love is king

I can get along as long as there's a song to swing

What are you looking so glum about?

It's a success. We're sure to win.

I know, I know.

Step right up, folks, and get your tickets.

Glide over the waters of the lake,

propelled solely by girl power.

Bask in a cool breeze and beam at a beautiful girl. Oh!

Why, it's a sure, safe, sane,

sensational, salubrious, soul-satisfying ride.

Step right up and get your tickets.

Let's go!

We got them. I want a ride.

Away, away, away!

Hey, Liza, can I have Ginger?

Sorry, toots, but Ginger's all taken.

Oh, I had my mind all set on Ginger.

Well, I'll give you a break. I'll row you myself.

Okay, but if I go with you, I'm just gonna fish.

Oh, come on, Sailbad the Sinner. The customer's always right.

You expecting someone?

I'm afraid so.

Hey, wake up, Epidemic. I think you caught something.

Huh? Oh.

Quick, quick! Get it! Catch it!

Hold it. Get it! Get it!

I got it!

Hey! Oh, you let him get away!

Forget about that. We're sinking. Help me bail out, quick.

Bail? How do you bail?

Well, you know, you take a hat and you...

Say, you're a sailor, ain't you?

Yeah, but we never had to bail out the battleship.

Uh-huh.

I got an idea.

I know, punch another hole and let the water out.

No. I just remembered, in Holland they got a statue...

Yeah, that'll help a lot.

Well, they put it up for a little boy

who plugged a hole in the dike with his thumb.

Thumb? Yeah.

Well, you're crazy. This hole is two feet wide.

Well, won't you sit down? Huh?

Sit down!

All right, but I won't like it.

What's that?

Oh, that's the signal for our number.

Boy, wait till you see this.

Yeah.

Yoo-hoo!

What's the handkerchief for?

Well, that's to show the girls where I am.

You see, I'm the leader, and whatever I do, they follow me.

It's an idea Egbert Clark gave me.

Oh, oh.

What's the matter?

The fish is back.

Well, whatever you do, don't get up now until this number's over.

Oh, well, I'll try.

It's on, it's off

It must be on or off

So why go on when you can't make your mind up?

Operator, get me the police.

Today, you're nice

Tomorrow, you're like ice

Oh, this is where our love affair must wind up

I'll give you back your sables

Your lovely diamond ring

The pretty clothes you bought me

And every other little thing

You're under arrest. So is Liza Lou Lane. We're padlocking this place.

It's on, it's off

And anyone can see

You haven't got a thing

In the game of love

It's double or nothing, darling

And I know right now I'm taking a chance

Well, good evening, Mr. Dobson. Mr. Pederson, how are you?

Mr. Mitchell, I'm glad to see you.

I was beginning to think you weren't coming.

Well, Mr. Dobson felt it beneath our dignity,

but I thought it was our duty. You see, I very... Well...

I very seldom get to a nightclub.

Well, I guess it's the biggest opening the town has ever seen.

Everybody's here, that is, everybody who means anything.

Well, I don't see anyone I know.

Do you mean to tell me he's done all this with the $5,000?

Well, that and his credit, and if it's a flop,

he'll be paying off for the rest of his life.

That's why I wanted you here tonight, because, barring unforeseen accidents,

Mr. Boylan wins the contest under the will.

Oh, you mean that he's going to earn $5,000 tonight?

No. Well, he'll have to if he's to win, you know.

The 30 days allotted by the will are up tonight at 12:00.

Yes, that's true. Yes, we know that.

You see the gentlemen seated over there?

That's Nick Praxiteles.

He owns a chain of the biggest nightclubs in town.

Oh, do they come in chains?

Well, hardly.

The gentleman with him is his lawyer,

and they've agreed, if they like our show tonight, to buy a 51% interest

for $10,000.

I see. Well, well.

That's why I wanted you here, when the deal is settled.

Let me show you to a nice table.

But I want all of you

Even though the odds are double or nothing, darling

Still I bet my heart that this is romance

Cigars, cigarettes.

Hi, Half-Pint. Hello, Liza Lou.

Gee, I hope we have luck tonight.

Well, I got my fingers crossed.

What's the idea with the padlocks?

Oh, it's Pederson's idea. He's taking no chances.

Cigars, cigarettes!

Hello, Nick. Hello.

I'm glad to see you. Good evening, Mr. Papouras.

Looks pretty good, doesn't it?

How do you say? Oh, this.

Well, band is good idea. How is the rest of your talent, hunkydooley?

Why, we got the best show in town.

And as soon as you two are ready to talk business...

You show us the show first. We may not like it.

Shut up. He's my lawyer, but he talks too much if you let him.

Sport, I got a certifried check right here.

That isn't any way to... Shut up.

Look, you go talk to Mr. Boylan,

you tell him if the show is okay, we're partners.

Shut up.

You bet your life, Nick. Don't you worry about a thing.

Everything will be taken care of.

Hello. Hello.

Nice of you to come. Isn't Miss Clark coming, too?

No. Vicki wanted so much to come,

but she has another engagement.

Oh, that's too bad. She's going to miss a lot of fun.

Just this way.

What are they here for?

They must be up to something.

Yeah, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Especially reserved for your party by Mr. Boylan.

Well, that's very kind of Mr. Boylan, I'm sure.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I want to welcome you,

and I want to thank you for coming,

and I hope you like us.

We've prepared something really fine and distinctive for the opening event

on this little taffy pull, a clarinet virtuoso.

He's going to play a scherzo in F minor.

Hope he ain't so scared so he can't play.

The virtuoso is in your hands.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Hey!

That, ladies and gentlemen, was Ames and Arno.

Man, he turned her every way but loose, didn't he?

Uh...

I think right now I'd like to sing a little song for you, if you don't mind,

in my rather tired baritone.

We're gonna use the Sing Band in this number as an accompaniment.

The name of the song is The Moon Got In My Eyes.

Out of the darkness You suddenly appeared

You smiled

I was taken by surprise

I guess I should have seen right through you

But the moon got in my eyes

I was so thrilled by the love you volunteered

I gave my heart without a compromise

I guess you don't remember, do you

When the moon got in my eyes?

I thought a kingdom was in sight

I would have the right to claim

But with the morning's early light

I didn't have a dream to my name

You know the saying

All who love are blind

Seems that ancient adage still applies

I guess I should have seen right through you

But the moon got in my eyes

And now, before the moon gets in your eyes,

I want you to take a look at an act that I think is going to get under your skin

and really tickle your ribs, or am I getting too biological?

Well, you just... You take a look at the Calgary Brothers.

Out of the darkness

You suddenly appeared

You smiled and I was taken

By surprise

I guess I should have seen right through you

But the moon got in my...

I was so thrilled by the love you volunteered

I gave my heart without a compromise

I guess you don't remember, do you

When the moon got in my eyes?

I thought

A kingdom was in sight

That I would have the right to claim

But with

The morning's early light

I didn't...

We're closing the first half of our show, ladies and gentlemen,

with the Lane Sisters,

two dainty misses who are going to swing out lightly on a number for you.

I would request, however, your earnest attention,

as they are very timid,

and the character of their performance is extremely intimate.

Thank you.

When I sing a love song, I always sing it hot

When I bang a piano I give it all I've got

Got me chasing, madly pacing

Got me racing after you

Got me camping on your doorstep

That is why I sigh, cry, fly sky-high

I would trail ya

Swim to Siam or Australia after you

I'll grab my hat, my cane

A train, a plane to Maine or Spain after...

Gee, kid, not to interrupt

Why, you really shouldn't have buppity-bupped

Can't I join the jam and swing with cheers?

Well, come on, Jackson, start to sing

Can you...

Sure, I can...

Well, then...

After you

Can you...

Sure, I can...

I mean...

Can't you read words?

I don't need words I need

Three for a half Six for a dollar

Light up, Jack Don't you holler

The stuff is sharp Tonight's the night

Well, let's get mellow Get high as a kite

Dixieland is calling us home

Hey, hey, hey!

Hi, hi, hi!

Ho, ho, ho!

Let's get trilly tonight

Well, keep pitching, gals, you're doing all right

Well, step in, Lefty

Are you sharp tonight? Naturally

Can you jam? Can you shout?

Well, I was just fixing to help you out

All set? No, not yet

Mustn't forget my etiquette

Oh, go on, Lefty, do your worst

Oh, no, ladies first

After you

Well, good grief

Good night

Isn't this a private fight?

Well, what next? I'll bite

Everybody for himself tonight

We may seem rude

Now, here's a happy interlude

That's if you're through

One, two, after you

We say after you

We say after After

After After

After you

After you. Yeah, kid.

Quite a show, Mr. Boylan. Thank you.

Nice work, Lefty. Nice going.

Glad you liked it.

Beautiful place. Thanks.

We've put it over, Lefty.

The Greek's nuts about the place, the show and everything.

And everybody's raving.

You ought to be the happiest man in the world tonight.

Yeah, I am.

Get some mineral water there, please?

So you came after all.

I guess you wanted to be in at the finish, huh?

No.

I think you'd enjoy it more with the family. They're sitting over there.

It's you I came to see. Me?

What about?

To show you where I stand.

I got a pretty good idea where you stand.

I stand with you, do you know that?

You handed me a phony lease. I know that.

But you don't know why, and I can't tell you why, but I can tell you this.

I love you.

What?

And I want to marry you.

Wait a minute. Say that again, will you? But say it slow.

I mean it.

Well, what changed your mind?

It didn't need changing.

Do you think I'll win?

I know you'll lose, but does that matter?

I've told you I love you.

Oh, well, lady, you can't propose to me publicly like this.

Now, stay right where you are, will you? I'll be right back.

Well, Nick, how do you like us?

I think is fine. Shut up.

I'll bet you'll like the second half of the show even better.

I'm ready for to do business right now.

Shut up. Just give it to me.

Here you are, Mr. Boylam. $10,000 for 51%.

Is written right here, and here is a certifried check.

Now, shall we go to your office to sign up?

No, I guess we can read it right here.

Mr. Boylan? Uh-huh.

I'm from the Sheriff's office. I got an injunction for you.

Injunction? For what? I don't know.

I don't read them. I just serve them.

Hey, what does he mean, "injunction"?

Well, this is a court order restraining Boylan from using these premises

for any other purpose except storage.

Clause eight of the lease.

You mean to say you signed these things

and you don't know what's inside of them?

Well, Nick, you see, I figured that... Shut up.

I know what I'm doing. Sport, I ain't buying no lawsuits.

Well, wait a minute, Nick. Now, we can figure this out.

How much time have I got? Five minutes.

You mean, I can't finish my show?

Listen, brother, if you don't get these people out of here in five minutes,

we'll do it for you.

That's bad.

Well, I got to do something about it, I guess.

Like to dance?

Oh, Lefty, I'm so sorry.

Oh, no, I can't take that for an answer.

Say, does that still go,

what you said a little while ago, about marrying me?

It goes forever, darling.

We'll start all over together, and this time I'll help you instead of hurting you.

And how about the family?

I've done all I'm going to do for my family.

Let them have the money.

I'll live with you in a furnished room and love it.

I don't know. Your pappy hasn't got us licked yet.

I found the joker in the lease and I made arrangements to move.

What do you mean?

I'll show you.

You're putting out the lights.

Yes, I know.

Your daddy wanted his building back,

so I arranged to move next door.

Well, goodbye, Mr. Clark. Hope you liked the show.

Come and see it again some time, when you get out of storage.

Miraculous, Papouras, miraculous!

I never see such things in my life!

Oh, boy!

Vicki! Vicki! Come back here!

Then old Pops in despair

Waves his arms, tears his hair

Stamps his feet and acts like mad

Then you know that he's got it real bad

Then the girl ought to fall

If she's got a heart at all

She should hold real still

So he can kiss her, too

Mmm, just the natural thing to do