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1
00:00:02,319 --> 00:00:04,662
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:08,007
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,084 --> 00:00:11,677
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,754 --> 00:00:14,514
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,590 --> 00:00:18,008
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:21,512
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,523 --> 00:00:22,805
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,881 --> 00:00:24,524
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,642 --> 00:00:29,904
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:33,726 --> 00:00:36,110
All right. Empty school.
11
00:00:36,186 --> 00:00:39,154
Time to Shining my way
through the halls.
12
00:00:39,231 --> 00:00:41,165
♪ ♪
13
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:53,877
Principal Shepherd,
where is everyone?!
14
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:56,839
(in low, monotone voice):
Principal Shepherd's not here,
15
00:00:56,915 --> 00:00:58,716
Miss Griffin.
16
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,467
Why are you talking like that?
17
00:01:00,544 --> 00:01:01,802
Sorry. That was Tony,
18
00:01:01,879 --> 00:01:03,387
the little boy
who lives in my mouth.
19
00:01:03,398 --> 00:01:04,888
Why are you here?
It's skip day.
20
00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,016
It's skip day?
Nobody told me.
21
00:01:07,092 --> 00:01:10,978
She's unpopular
and unattractive.
22
00:01:11,055 --> 00:01:12,530
Tony!
23
00:01:16,894 --> 00:01:19,987
Hello?! Chris?
24
00:01:20,064 --> 00:01:22,323
Did you know it was skip day?
25
00:01:22,399 --> 00:01:24,709
Mom? Dad?
26
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:26,869
(beeps)
27
00:01:26,945 --> 00:01:28,838
(phone ringing)
28
00:01:30,449 --> 00:01:31,757
Hello?
29
00:01:31,834 --> 00:01:33,261
MEG:
Mom? Where are you guys?
30
00:01:33,285 --> 00:01:34,594
Who is this?
31
00:01:34,670 --> 00:01:36,315
It's Meg.
Where is everyone?
32
00:01:36,339 --> 00:01:39,098
Well, this can't be Meg.
She's with us here at the pier.
33
00:01:39,175 --> 00:01:41,153
- Who is that?
- Someone who says she's Meg.
34
00:01:41,177 --> 00:01:43,052
Give me that.
35
00:01:43,128 --> 00:01:45,888
Okay, Meg, if this is you,
what's your birthday?
36
00:01:45,964 --> 00:01:47,431
March 23.
37
00:01:47,442 --> 00:01:49,235
I have no idea
if that's correct.
38
00:01:49,259 --> 00:01:50,695
- Good day, sir.
- (beeps)
39
00:01:50,719 --> 00:01:52,445
Sorry about that, everyone.
40
00:01:52,521 --> 00:01:55,573
Now let's get back to the fair
and enjoy our March 23.
41
00:02:05,109 --> 00:02:07,069
(bowling pins clacking,
quiet chatter)
42
00:02:07,870 --> 00:02:09,912
The usual, please.
43
00:02:09,988 --> 00:02:12,039
Here ya are...
Ladies' seven on the left,
44
00:02:12,116 --> 00:02:13,957
and men's 11 on the right.
45
00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:15,292
I just need a license.
46
00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:16,919
Thanks.
47
00:02:16,995 --> 00:02:19,889
Oh! And happy birthday!
48
00:02:32,344 --> 00:02:34,820
Yes!
49
00:02:34,897 --> 00:02:37,031
(Western-style theme plays)
50
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:47,958
BRUCE (singsongy):
We have not updated those.
51
00:02:51,414 --> 00:02:52,746
Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker.
52
00:02:52,823 --> 00:02:55,165
Coming up, I find even more sand
53
00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:58,344
on my body from a beach toilet
I used a week ago.
54
00:02:58,421 --> 00:03:01,004
But first,
tragedy strikes close to home,
55
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:03,298
as a car crash near
my apartment claims the life
56
00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:04,850
of a local teen girl.
57
00:03:04,927 --> 00:03:06,813
The victim's identity
is being withheld
58
00:03:06,837 --> 00:03:09,012
pending notification
of the family.
59
00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:10,023
(knocking)
60
00:03:10,674 --> 00:03:12,692
Hey, buddy.
61
00:03:12,768 --> 00:03:15,477
What brings you around at this
late hour with your uniform on
62
00:03:15,554 --> 00:03:17,938
and your hat held mournfully
against your chest?
63
00:03:18,015 --> 00:03:21,534
Peter, Lois,
it pains me above the waist
64
00:03:21,610 --> 00:03:23,277
to tell you that Meg is dead.
65
00:03:23,353 --> 00:03:24,862
- What?!
- What are you talking about?
66
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,038
Meg's right here.
67
00:03:26,115 --> 00:03:27,781
(wind whistling)
68
00:03:27,858 --> 00:03:29,783
(all gasp)
69
00:03:29,860 --> 00:03:32,453
You know, it's weird that didn't
happen on the pier all day.
70
00:03:32,529 --> 00:03:34,007
Or when we rented
that convertible.
71
00:03:34,031 --> 00:03:35,715
How did this happen?!
72
00:03:35,791 --> 00:03:38,292
She got in a car wreck, and
was burned beyond recognition,
73
00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:40,886
and I leveled up on Fortnite
this weekend,
74
00:03:40,963 --> 00:03:43,547
but you probably only care
about the first two things.
75
00:03:43,558 --> 00:03:46,175
Oh, dear God, no! (cries)
76
00:03:46,251 --> 00:03:48,936
All we found was Meg's
driver's license at the scene.
77
00:03:51,307 --> 00:03:54,808
It had her Quiznos punch card
stuck to the back.
78
00:03:54,885 --> 00:03:58,020
Your little angel was
one stamp away from a free sub,
79
00:03:58,096 --> 00:04:00,898
which only adds
to this horrific tragedy.
80
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,232
It's actually pretty impressive,
81
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:05,411
because the card was only issued
three days ago.
82
00:04:05,488 --> 00:04:08,030
Usually one of the guys would
swipe a thing like this,
83
00:04:08,106 --> 00:04:10,699
use it on the way home,
but I snagged it for ya.
84
00:04:10,776 --> 00:04:12,868
Thought Meg's family ought
to be the ones
85
00:04:12,945 --> 00:04:14,912
to enjoy the free sandwich.
86
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,873
Again, I'm very sorry.
87
00:04:17,950 --> 00:04:20,134
(lights buzzing)
88
00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:22,920
TOM:
Oh, hang on.
89
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,816
Oh, they told the family?
Great!
90
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:27,674
The girl killed near
my apartment was Meg Griffin.
91
00:04:27,751 --> 00:04:29,843
What? I'm not dead!
92
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,595
She was burned
beyond recognition
93
00:04:31,606 --> 00:04:33,566
but identified
by her driver's license.
94
00:04:33,590 --> 00:04:35,608
156 pounds.
95
00:04:35,684 --> 00:04:36,892
Yikes.
96
00:04:36,969 --> 00:04:40,354
Wait. Did you give my ID
to the wrong girl?
97
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:44,116
Sorry. Them shoe spray fumes
made me all goofy in my head.
98
00:04:45,477 --> 00:04:46,944
(inhales deeply)
99
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,955
I'm still sober.
This ain't cheatin'!
100
00:04:50,032 --> 00:04:51,698
Oh, this is me being sober!
101
00:04:51,775 --> 00:04:53,283
(sighs)
102
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,202
So I guess I'm dead.
103
00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:57,296
And no one cares.
104
00:04:59,375 --> 00:05:00,969
TOM:
Again, for those of you
105
00:05:00,993 --> 00:05:03,052
in a new scene:
Meg Griffin dead.
106
00:05:11,053 --> 00:05:13,729
(sad, orchestral music plays)
107
00:05:23,899 --> 00:05:25,991
♪ ♪
108
00:05:35,485 --> 00:05:38,045
(organ plays solemn hymn)
109
00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:42,165
Lois,
can you believe these seats?
110
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:44,126
Front row!
111
00:05:44,202 --> 00:05:47,012
I hope the priest pulls me up
on stage and dances with me.
112
00:05:47,089 --> 00:05:50,465
When I was hastily relocated
to this parish a week ago,
113
00:05:50,542 --> 00:05:52,685
the last thing
I thought I'd have to do is
114
00:05:52,761 --> 00:05:55,679
stand before you
on such a sad occasion.
115
00:05:55,690 --> 00:05:57,189
A family losing a child is like
116
00:05:57,266 --> 00:05:59,692
a Trivial Pursuit wheel
losing a pie piece.
117
00:05:59,768 --> 00:06:02,644
And you have to keep reminding
everyone playing the game,
118
00:06:02,721 --> 00:06:06,023
"Don't forget. I already got
'Entertainment'." What a pain.
119
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,909
Your first speaker...
Principal Shepherd.
120
00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:12,613
Meg Griffin was an honest man,
121
00:06:12,689 --> 00:06:14,990
a kind man,
a man who knew how...
122
00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:16,700
(whispering)
123
00:06:16,711 --> 00:06:17,784
Oh, my stars!
124
00:06:17,861 --> 00:06:19,661
I have nothing.
125
00:06:19,738 --> 00:06:21,738
Kind of feel bad.
There's nobody here.
126
00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:23,624
I know. We're not even here.
127
00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:25,083
(electrical hissing)
128
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,793
(video game beeping)
129
00:06:26,870 --> 00:06:28,888
This was the right decision.
130
00:06:28,964 --> 00:06:31,724
Hey, Chris, I'm super sorry
your sister is dead.
131
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,176
Mwah.
132
00:06:34,252 --> 00:06:36,511
If there's anything
we can do to help you
133
00:06:36,588 --> 00:06:38,063
during your time of need...
134
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,618
- Stamps.
- (laughs) What?
135
00:06:39,642 --> 00:06:41,183
Stamps. I need stamps.
136
00:06:41,259 --> 00:06:42,943
Okay, you got it.
137
00:06:44,888 --> 00:06:47,740
Wow. Are girls coming on to me
because my sister died?
138
00:06:47,816 --> 00:06:49,900
Cool!
139
00:06:49,911 --> 00:06:52,297
BONNIE:
God, I wish
it was Joe in that box.
140
00:06:52,321 --> 00:06:53,737
I do, too, Bon.
141
00:06:53,748 --> 00:06:55,739
Oh. Did I say that out loud?
142
00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:58,083
No, but at this point,
I know what you're thinking.
143
00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,960
It'll be soon, babe.
144
00:07:03,573 --> 00:07:05,248
Unbelievable.
145
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,000
There's hardly anyone here.
146
00:07:07,077 --> 00:07:08,835
Ugh. Well, that's it.
147
00:07:08,912 --> 00:07:11,380
I'm off to a new town
to start a new life.
148
00:07:11,456 --> 00:07:13,432
Ooh. Sorry.
149
00:07:13,509 --> 00:07:15,749
Don't you know what a rosary
on a doorknob means?!
150
00:07:20,132 --> 00:07:21,857
(rolling thunder)
151
00:07:26,471 --> 00:07:28,197
(inhales)
152
00:07:30,526 --> 00:07:34,069
Siri, play "Kiss From a Rose"
by Seal.
153
00:07:34,146 --> 00:07:37,206
("Kiss From a Rose" plays,
seal barking instead of lyrics)
154
00:07:43,947 --> 00:07:45,622
(sighs)
155
00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:47,301
I hope everyone enjoys
tonight's dinner.
156
00:07:47,325 --> 00:07:48,801
(Lois cries quietly)
157
00:07:48,877 --> 00:07:50,961
It... it was Meg's favorite.
158
00:07:50,972 --> 00:07:52,713
(sobbing)
159
00:07:52,789 --> 00:07:54,923
There, there, Lois.
Stop your crying.
160
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,925
- Stop it.
- (continues crying)
161
00:07:57,002 --> 00:07:58,885
Please stop. Stop.
162
00:07:58,962 --> 00:08:01,972
Stop it. Stop crying.
163
00:08:01,983 --> 00:08:03,148
Stop crying.
164
00:08:03,225 --> 00:08:05,726
Stop crying. Stop.
165
00:08:05,802 --> 00:08:07,820
(sighs)
Before we eat,
166
00:08:07,896 --> 00:08:10,016
would anyone like
to say something about Meg?
167
00:08:12,476 --> 00:08:15,819
Okay, I feel all of you
looking at me, so here goes.
168
00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:18,113
Meg, wherever you are,
169
00:08:18,190 --> 00:08:20,510
I hope that you're with Bubba,
and I want you to know
170
00:08:20,576 --> 00:08:22,492
that Lieutenant Dan
is walking around...
171
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:23,827
Is this from Forrest Gump?
172
00:08:23,838 --> 00:08:26,246
I miss you, Meg. (crying)
173
00:08:26,323 --> 00:08:27,831
Stop it, Brian.
174
00:08:27,842 --> 00:08:29,082
Stop your crying.
175
00:08:29,159 --> 00:08:30,625
Stop it.
176
00:08:30,702 --> 00:08:31,752
Please stop.
177
00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:33,846
Stop. Stop it.
178
00:08:33,922 --> 00:08:36,631
Stop crying.
Stop crying.
179
00:08:36,708 --> 00:08:39,301
Stop crying. Stop.
180
00:08:39,377 --> 00:08:42,846
Stewie, is there anything
you'd like to say?
181
00:08:42,857 --> 00:08:45,974
Yeah. We're gonna save a lot
of money on toilet paper.
182
00:08:46,051 --> 00:08:47,768
Ever see her wipe?
183
00:08:47,844 --> 00:08:49,686
She'd wrap up both hands
like oven mitts
184
00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:52,606
and act like she was cleaning
out a pot of burnt chili.
185
00:08:52,682 --> 00:08:56,359
Anyway, that's all
I care to say about Meg.
186
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:58,537
Maybe we should just have
a moment of silence
187
00:08:58,614 --> 00:09:00,534
as we hear the guy
down the street
188
00:09:00,565 --> 00:09:01,865
scream at his barking dog.
189
00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:03,575
(dog barking)
190
00:09:03,652 --> 00:09:05,660
MAN:
Damn it, Rufus, shut up!
191
00:09:05,737 --> 00:09:07,370
Will you shut up?!
192
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:10,090
Get in the house!
Get in the house!
193
00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:17,389
♪ This time things are gonna
work out fine ♪
194
00:09:17,466 --> 00:09:20,675
♪ This time will be better
than previous times ♪
195
00:09:20,752 --> 00:09:23,553
♪ This time is
markedly different ♪
196
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:27,974
♪ Than the times we had before ♪
197
00:09:28,051 --> 00:09:31,895
♪ This time is gonna be
so much more! ♪
198
00:09:31,906 --> 00:09:33,855
(harmonica riff plays)
199
00:09:33,932 --> 00:09:36,075
♪ Or maybe it's not. ♪
200
00:09:40,155 --> 00:09:42,572
(knocking)
Hi, new neighbor.
201
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:43,907
I just thought
I'd come by and see
202
00:09:43,918 --> 00:09:45,753
if I could borrow a cup
of tampons.
203
00:09:45,777 --> 00:09:48,703
Sure. Just bring 'em back
when you're done. No rush.
204
00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:50,080
Thanks. My name's not important.
205
00:09:50,091 --> 00:09:51,581
What's yours?
206
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,875
Um... my name?
207
00:09:53,952 --> 00:09:55,344
My name is...
208
00:09:57,789 --> 00:09:59,256
Hallway.
209
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,924
Natalie Hallway.
210
00:10:00,935 --> 00:10:02,884
Nice to meet you, Natalie.
211
00:10:02,961 --> 00:10:05,064
You want to join us on the roof
and sit under string lights?
212
00:10:05,088 --> 00:10:06,513
That sounds great!
213
00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:08,431
I'll bring my hemorrhoid donut
to sit on.
214
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:09,942
(laughs)
215
00:10:10,018 --> 00:10:11,434
Great joke, Natalie Hallway!
216
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,353
Yes. It is a joke.
217
00:10:13,430 --> 00:10:15,522
Because Natalie Hallway
doesn't need
218
00:10:15,599 --> 00:10:17,783
to sit on a hemorrhoid donut.
219
00:10:17,860 --> 00:10:19,618
(insects chirping)
220
00:10:21,813 --> 00:10:24,206
To Natalie Hallway,
our new friend.
221
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,335
Natalie, sit down.
Tell us about yourself.
222
00:10:30,965 --> 00:10:32,581
Yow...!
223
00:10:32,657 --> 00:10:34,007
What a view!
224
00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:40,630
You know, Stewie,
when Meg was little,
225
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:43,934
we used to love to make
Christmas cookies together.
226
00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:48,647
Are... are those dongs?
227
00:10:48,724 --> 00:10:50,932
My God, from October to January
228
00:10:51,009 --> 00:10:52,642
I don't come up for air.
229
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:55,061
All those families enjoying
their Christmas dongs.
230
00:10:55,138 --> 00:10:57,606
Could we get some of your
cookies for our wedding?
231
00:10:57,682 --> 00:10:59,316
Get out of here!
This is a family bakery!
232
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,942
I'm a Christian!
233
00:11:01,019 --> 00:11:02,828
In the case of Kent and Bradley
234
00:11:02,905 --> 00:11:05,071
v. Holiday Dongs,
235
00:11:05,148 --> 00:11:08,667
the court rules that you
must give us the recipe.
236
00:11:08,744 --> 00:11:10,660
- (laughter)
- Oh!
237
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:12,390
NARRATOR:
Under court order,
Stewie went on
238
00:11:12,414 --> 00:11:14,456
to make baked goods
for the gay wedding.
239
00:11:14,532 --> 00:11:16,833
And because of that,
he did not get into heaven,
240
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:19,252
just like they've
always been saying.
241
00:11:19,329 --> 00:11:21,597
♪ ♪
242
00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:24,725
(indistinct chatter)
243
00:11:25,761 --> 00:11:27,636
Chris, be in my selfie!
244
00:11:27,712 --> 00:11:29,804
I want to make
Meg's death about me.
245
00:11:29,881 --> 00:11:31,181
(camera shutter clicks)
246
00:11:31,192 --> 00:11:32,849
Hey, Chris, I couldn't
help but notice
247
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,245
how much attention
you're getting.
248
00:11:34,269 --> 00:11:35,435
Want to high-five hug?
249
00:11:35,512 --> 00:11:37,979
Hell yes.
250
00:11:38,056 --> 00:11:39,689
Hang in there, brotha.
251
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,025
I will, brother.
252
00:11:42,036 --> 00:11:44,703
Chris, here are the keys
to the drivers ed car
253
00:11:44,780 --> 00:11:46,538
to use anytime you want.
254
00:11:46,615 --> 00:11:49,491
- Wow, cool.
- See, everyone?
255
00:11:49,567 --> 00:11:52,702
If I were using the drivers ed
car for my real car,
256
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:54,432
I wouldn't have
given him the keys.
257
00:11:54,456 --> 00:11:56,215
That would be a psycho move.
258
00:11:56,291 --> 00:11:58,884
I wouldn't have a ride home.
259
00:11:58,961 --> 00:12:01,386
Chris, if you're heading home,
can I get a ride?
260
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:12,013
(beeping and blipping)
261
00:12:12,090 --> 00:12:13,774
(patriotic music plays)
262
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:17,894
(cheering and whooping)
263
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,062
- Yeah!
- Go, Natalie!
264
00:12:19,073 --> 00:12:20,563
Wow, Natalie Hallway,
265
00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:22,691
how did you get
so good at bowling?
266
00:12:22,767 --> 00:12:23,909
Oh, I used to play a lot
267
00:12:23,986 --> 00:12:26,912
back in Qua... rea.
268
00:12:26,989 --> 00:12:28,405
Wow, you lived in Korea?
269
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,823
Yep.
270
00:12:29,899 --> 00:12:31,658
When I was with the embassy.
271
00:12:31,735 --> 00:12:33,743
So was that before
or after you were
272
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:35,756
one of the first black women
to do math for NASA?
273
00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:37,580
Yes.
274
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:41,418
Wow, your parents must be
so proud of you.
275
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:44,304
(phone beeps)
276
00:12:49,794 --> 00:12:51,812
♪ ♪
277
00:12:55,851 --> 00:12:57,328
Hey, Griffin, I heard you scored
278
00:12:57,352 --> 00:12:59,238
with the girls'
basketball team yesterday.
279
00:12:59,262 --> 00:13:01,938
Yep, 12 points
and eight rebounds.
280
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:03,606
Aw, Griffin, you're the man.
281
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:05,284
I got an extra orange at lunch.
282
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,202
- You want it?
- Yeah!
283
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:10,947
Life is pretty sweet.
284
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,282
(phone ringing)
285
00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:13,575
Hello?
286
00:13:13,651 --> 00:13:14,576
Hey, Chris.
287
00:13:14,652 --> 00:13:15,702
(gasps) Meg?!
288
00:13:15,779 --> 00:13:17,579
Are you alive?
289
00:13:17,655 --> 00:13:18,872
Yes. I'll explain everything.
290
00:13:18,948 --> 00:13:20,540
Can you come meet me?
291
00:13:20,617 --> 00:13:22,709
Okay, still the cemetery?
292
00:13:22,786 --> 00:13:23,969
Alive?!
293
00:13:24,046 --> 00:13:25,765
Chris, you already
know that part.
294
00:13:25,789 --> 00:13:27,030
Oh, right.
295
00:13:27,032 --> 00:13:29,799
So you suddenly got sick
of your new, great life?
296
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,051
No, Chris.
297
00:13:31,127 --> 00:13:33,470
(groans) I can't believe
I'm saying this, but...
298
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,721
I missed Mom.
299
00:13:34,798 --> 00:13:36,473
I missed you.
300
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,650
I missed the whole family.
301
00:13:38,727 --> 00:13:40,643
I'm glad you're alive,
but you should know
302
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,103
things are different now.
303
00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:43,875
- Dad finally got a Peloton?
- Yeah.
304
00:13:43,899 --> 00:13:45,732
- Is he using it?
- No.
305
00:13:45,809 --> 00:13:47,150
He mumbled something
about the Wi-Fi,
306
00:13:47,161 --> 00:13:48,954
then ate a whole chicken
on the couch,
307
00:13:48,978 --> 00:13:50,820
- but there's something else.
- What is it?
308
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,665
Let's talk about it in the van.
309
00:13:53,742 --> 00:13:54,666
Chris?!
310
00:13:54,743 --> 00:13:56,785
What are you doing?!
Let me out!
311
00:13:56,861 --> 00:13:59,662
Sorry, Meg, but I can't
let you come home just yet.
312
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:01,840
I'm too popular now.
313
00:14:03,827 --> 00:14:05,513
- What's the holdup?
- What?
314
00:14:05,537 --> 00:14:06,669
I slapped the van twice.
315
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,129
Yeah, what was that?
316
00:14:08,206 --> 00:14:09,850
I thought something
flew into the van.
317
00:14:09,874 --> 00:14:11,736
No, that's, like,
the universal signal
318
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,176
for "move it out."
319
00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:14,636
I never heard that.
320
00:14:14,712 --> 00:14:16,179
And I drive vans all the time.
321
00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:18,242
Well, then how do you know
when it's time to head out?
322
00:14:18,266 --> 00:14:20,934
Somebody yells out
"okay" or "all right."
323
00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:22,852
Every so often it's "yep."
324
00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:25,522
Well, okay, you're good to go.
325
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:28,024
- All right.
- (engine starts)
326
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,109
Ow! Ow!
327
00:14:29,185 --> 00:14:30,777
What are you doing?!
328
00:14:30,854 --> 00:14:32,757
Sorry, I got
distracted by all this
329
00:14:32,781 --> 00:14:34,781
whappin' the side
of the van business.
330
00:14:38,570 --> 00:14:41,213
♪ ♪
331
00:14:44,626 --> 00:14:47,219
Hello? Hello?
332
00:14:47,295 --> 00:14:49,879
Where is everyone?
333
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:52,674
Damn it, Chris, I don't care
that you're popular now.
334
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:54,843
Let me out of here!
335
00:14:54,919 --> 00:14:57,011
Well, at least
I still have my music.
336
00:14:57,088 --> 00:15:00,056
Siri, play Seals and Croft.
337
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:04,403
♪ Darling if you want me
to be... ♪
338
00:15:04,479 --> 00:15:06,020
(seal barking)
339
00:15:06,097 --> 00:15:10,075
♪ Get closer to me. ♪
340
00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:14,696
Good morning, students.
341
00:15:14,772 --> 00:15:17,082
We are gathered here
for two reasons today.
342
00:15:17,159 --> 00:15:19,701
One, to mourn the loss
of Meg Griffin.
343
00:15:19,777 --> 00:15:22,370
And two, to find the owner
of this X-Men water bottle
344
00:15:22,447 --> 00:15:24,216
someone left in wood shop...
Does anyone recognize it?
345
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:25,415
BOY:
I'll take it!
346
00:15:25,426 --> 00:15:28,084
That's not what I asked.
Anyone?
347
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:29,814
I'm not gonna tell you
which character's on it,
348
00:15:29,838 --> 00:15:31,557
you have to be able
to tell me the character.
349
00:15:31,581 --> 00:15:32,892
BOY 2:
Wolverine!
350
00:15:32,916 --> 00:15:34,435
- Are you guessing?
- Am I right?
351
00:15:34,459 --> 00:15:36,061
All right,
we'll handle this after.
352
00:15:36,085 --> 00:15:39,438
But now, here to help you mourn,
an artist who specializes
353
00:15:39,514 --> 00:15:41,773
in sensitive music
to do finger stuff to,
354
00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:44,517
Mr. John Mayer!
355
00:15:44,594 --> 00:15:45,685
It's good to be here.
356
00:15:45,762 --> 00:15:46,762
I love high school!
357
00:15:46,804 --> 00:15:47,948
GIRL:
Who are you?
358
00:15:47,972 --> 00:15:49,522
I was born in 2003!
359
00:15:49,599 --> 00:15:51,441
Then I'm probably your father.
360
00:15:51,452 --> 00:15:53,860
Ooh, pwned!
361
00:15:53,937 --> 00:15:56,955
Whoa, looks like the school
really is missing Meg.
362
00:15:57,032 --> 00:15:58,952
Chris, Brian,
would you help Peter?
363
00:15:58,983 --> 00:16:00,950
He's one of those
"has to be supported
364
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:02,586
by both elbows" mourners.
365
00:16:04,989 --> 00:16:08,049
I'm gonna need three seats
for my elbow supporters.
366
00:16:10,328 --> 00:16:12,137
Stewie, you look depressed.
367
00:16:12,214 --> 00:16:13,755
You still upset about Meg?
368
00:16:13,831 --> 00:16:15,423
No, it's just this gym is sad.
369
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:18,259
If you haven't won
a championship since 1982,
370
00:16:18,336 --> 00:16:20,720
just take the banner down.
371
00:16:20,797 --> 00:16:22,647
♪ ♪
372
00:16:25,677 --> 00:16:27,435
Well, Meg,
373
00:16:27,512 --> 00:16:30,605
looks like you really
are dead this time.
374
00:16:30,682 --> 00:16:33,483
They say your life flashes
before your eyes when you die.
375
00:16:33,494 --> 00:16:35,985
I wonder what I'll see.
376
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,737
(groans)
377
00:16:37,814 --> 00:16:38,988
Oh, yeah!
378
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,156
- Over!
- (grunts)
379
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,491
I'm a tomato.
380
00:16:41,502 --> 00:16:43,168
(all retching)
381
00:16:43,245 --> 00:16:44,463
MEG:
I'm not in any of these!
382
00:16:44,487 --> 00:16:45,578
Ladies and gentlemen,
383
00:16:45,655 --> 00:16:47,163
Mr. Conway Twitty.
384
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:48,340
Oh, come on!
385
00:16:48,416 --> 00:16:49,916
I was in the Kingsman fight!
386
00:16:49,993 --> 00:16:51,209
That could've been in there.
387
00:16:51,286 --> 00:16:52,502
I can do stuff.
388
00:16:52,513 --> 00:16:54,306
I-I can be a part
of a comedy team!
389
00:16:54,330 --> 00:16:56,756
Look, hey, Chris,
who's on first?
390
00:16:56,833 --> 00:16:59,842
A baseball player. (laughs)
391
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,853
Well, that's it.
392
00:17:01,930 --> 00:17:03,688
I'm gonna show them.
393
00:17:03,765 --> 00:17:05,357
I'm gonna live.
394
00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:07,642
I'm getting out of here.
395
00:17:07,719 --> 00:17:09,861
Now let's see,
if I whap my forehead
396
00:17:09,938 --> 00:17:11,916
against this cement floor
enough times,
397
00:17:11,940 --> 00:17:14,440
I think I can
create a blood luge
398
00:17:14,517 --> 00:17:16,368
to slide myself out on.
399
00:17:16,444 --> 00:17:18,987
This... this...
400
00:17:19,063 --> 00:17:21,039
can be in the highlight...
401
00:17:21,116 --> 00:17:23,083
video!
402
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,972
- (strums)
- (cheering and applause)
403
00:17:36,873 --> 00:17:38,017
Wow, thank you, John Mayer.
404
00:17:38,041 --> 00:17:39,674
Wasn't he terrific?
405
00:17:39,751 --> 00:17:41,729
I think we can all agree
that John is entitled
406
00:17:41,753 --> 00:17:44,721
to take whichever student he
wishes home with him tonight.
407
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,222
(scattered clapping)
408
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,849
And finally, the Quiznos
409
00:17:47,925 --> 00:17:49,620
across the street has graciously
410
00:17:49,644 --> 00:17:51,853
taken out a full page ad
in the yearbook
411
00:17:51,929 --> 00:17:54,322
that will feature
a dedication page to Meg.
412
00:17:56,392 --> 00:17:58,067
Quiznos, go ahead and stand up.
413
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,579
Come on, in the back,
you guys have been great.
414
00:18:09,113 --> 00:18:10,591
- (gasps)
- (applause and cheering)
415
00:18:10,615 --> 00:18:12,081
Oh, my God,
oh, my God, everyone!
416
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,916
He's proposing right here!
417
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:14,917
Right in front of everyone!
418
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,544
Oh, she's so lucky!
419
00:18:16,621 --> 00:18:17,920
Oh, my God!
420
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,931
(door slams open)
421
00:18:20,008 --> 00:18:22,934
I'm alive! I'm alive!
422
00:18:23,011 --> 00:18:23,926
(all gasp)
423
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,428
(gasps) Meg!
424
00:18:25,463 --> 00:18:26,771
Those are dark-soled shoes.
425
00:18:26,848 --> 00:18:29,766
She's wearing dark-soled shoes
on the gym floor!
426
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,851
Sneakers only in the gym, guys.
427
00:18:31,928 --> 00:18:33,061
Oh, my God, Meg!
428
00:18:33,137 --> 00:18:34,937
I'm so glad you're alive!
429
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:37,023
What happened?
430
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,658
He did this!
431
00:18:40,311 --> 00:18:42,403
Are you saying Chris
saved your life?
432
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,697
This calls for a celebration.
433
00:18:44,774 --> 00:18:46,699
All right,
everyone throw confetti
434
00:18:46,776 --> 00:18:48,576
and ruin the janitor's weekend.
435
00:18:48,653 --> 00:18:50,629
(applause and cheering)
436
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,957
Hey, I'm not gonna
make it this weekend.
437
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:57,960
Oh, but you're gonna miss
the big janitor dance!
438
00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:00,797
This is our last chance to get
laid before Janitor College!
439
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,924
You think I don't know that?!
440
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,478
No! Chris kidnapped me
so he could stay popular!
441
00:19:06,554 --> 00:19:08,971
What? Chris would never do that.
442
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:10,649
Chris?
443
00:19:10,725 --> 00:19:12,525
It's true, Mom.
444
00:19:15,897 --> 00:19:17,939
I owe my sister an apology.
445
00:19:18,015 --> 00:19:19,952
I shouldn't have treated her
the way I did.
446
00:19:19,976 --> 00:19:22,235
And I think
if Meg were here today,
447
00:19:22,311 --> 00:19:24,278
she'd be the first one to agree.
448
00:19:24,355 --> 00:19:25,571
I am here!
449
00:19:25,648 --> 00:19:26,906
I'm right here!
450
00:19:26,983 --> 00:19:28,574
Anyway, Meg, wherever you are,
451
00:19:28,651 --> 00:19:29,951
I'm sorry.
452
00:19:30,027 --> 00:19:32,078
(applause and cheering)
453
00:19:32,155 --> 00:19:34,839
Damn it, I'm giving a speech!
I want to tell you...
454
00:19:34,916 --> 00:19:37,667
Very loud chant!
Very loud chant!
455
00:19:37,678 --> 00:19:40,294
Very loud chant! Very loud
chant!
456
00:19:40,371 --> 00:19:42,347
(sighs)
457
00:19:42,424 --> 00:19:44,841
Oh, my God, Meg,
I'm so glad you're back.
458
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,342
We love you, honey.
459
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,302
I love you, too, Mom.
460
00:19:48,379 --> 00:19:50,739
Yeah, Meg, I'm just really glad
this whole ordeal is over.
461
00:19:50,765 --> 00:19:52,526
STEWIE (over radio):
Glad this whole ordeal is what?
462
00:19:52,550 --> 00:19:54,027
- Over.
- (audience laughing)
463
00:19:54,051 --> 00:19:55,235
Come on!
464
00:20:02,277 --> 00:20:03,996
I'm sorry I faked
my own death, Mom.
465
00:20:04,020 --> 00:20:05,319
It's okay, Meg.
466
00:20:05,396 --> 00:20:06,705
Actually, I should've known.
467
00:20:06,781 --> 00:20:08,873
Faking stuff is part
of being a woman.
468
00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:10,169
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
469
00:20:10,193 --> 00:20:11,826
Women fake a lot of things.
470
00:20:11,903 --> 00:20:14,662
You faked your death,
I fake orgasms and being
471
00:20:14,739 --> 00:20:17,540
impressed by my husband's
accomplishments at work.
472
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,500
Hey, Lois, guess
who got to erase
473
00:20:19,577 --> 00:20:21,544
the white board
in a meeting today?
474
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:22,879
Oh, my!
475
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,889
I think someone's earned himself
476
00:20:24,966 --> 00:20:27,633
Mama Lois' famous
egg salad, huh?
477
00:20:27,710 --> 00:20:29,218
Oh, yum!
478
00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:31,398
Oh, today just keeps getting
better and better!
479
00:20:31,422 --> 00:20:33,931
Dad, I thought you hated
Mom's egg salad.
480
00:20:34,008 --> 00:20:36,642
Chris, part of being a man
is faking things.
481
00:20:36,719 --> 00:20:39,979
Like orgasms or pretending
to like your wife's egg salad.
482
00:20:40,056 --> 00:20:42,907
And anyway, I give it to that
raccoon outside who likes me.
483
00:20:44,769 --> 00:20:46,319
I thought you hated that guy.
484
00:20:46,395 --> 00:20:49,572
Part of being a raccoon
is faking things.
485
00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:51,916
Like orgasms
or pretending to like people
486
00:20:51,993 --> 00:20:53,868
who give you egg salad.
487
00:20:53,945 --> 00:20:55,422
LOIS:
Oh, Peter!
488
00:20:55,446 --> 00:20:56,966
PETER:
Oh, Lois!
489
00:20:56,998 --> 00:20:59,507
RACCOON:
Oh, other raccoon!
33999
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