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1
00:00:00,475 --> 00:00:04,559
- Ally, recap?
- Remember the kowolskis?
2
00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:08,893
They want to set a record
by making buffalo's largest cookie.
3
00:00:08,983 --> 00:00:11,224
- You have to wear this.
- A hair net?
4
00:00:11,319 --> 00:00:15,278
Health department. If you're
near the cookie, you have to wear it.
5
00:00:15,365 --> 00:00:18,232
I just did the hair. The hair is perfect.
6
00:00:18,326 --> 00:00:19,862
All right, give it to me.
7
00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:26,285
God... why do you hate me?
8
00:00:26,376 --> 00:00:28,992
We're rolling. And speed.
9
00:00:29,087 --> 00:00:31,920
For three decades,
the kowolski bakery
10
00:00:32,006 --> 00:00:34,748
has been a mainstay in buffalo,
11
00:00:34,842 --> 00:00:38,926
known for their sweet,
cream-filled polski pierogies,
12
00:00:39,013 --> 00:00:41,675
and the sugar-induced coma
that follows.
13
00:00:43,393 --> 00:00:47,932
In honour of their 30th anniversary,
they've invited us to ride along
14
00:00:47,980 --> 00:00:54,192
as they go for the record
on buffalo's biggest cookie.
15
00:00:55,279 --> 00:00:59,272
Vol? Do you need a tissue
or something?
16
00:00:59,367 --> 00:01:01,983
Can we get vol a tissue? Or a spoon?
17
00:01:02,078 --> 00:01:03,864
Good thing we're wearing these.
18
00:01:03,955 --> 00:01:07,447
I wouldn't want stray hairs
to fall into the booger.
19
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:10,207
- We doing this again?
- No. We'll cut to b roll.
20
00:01:10,294 --> 00:01:11,659
Moving on!
21
00:01:11,754 --> 00:01:16,498
Tell me, mama,
why make buffalo's biggest cookie?
22
00:01:16,592 --> 00:01:23,634
Man from health department say
he find rat pellet in our pastry.
23
00:01:23,725 --> 00:01:30,972
But I say, no, is big chocolate sprinkle.
But he shut store down.
24
00:01:31,065 --> 00:01:39,065
So, we clean up, make big cookie
to bring customers back.
25
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:43,324
I admire your candouir.
Let's try that again, shall we?
26
00:01:43,411 --> 00:01:48,075
Tell me, mama,
why make buffalo's biggest cookie?
27
00:01:48,166 --> 00:01:52,660
So the children of the neighbourhood
will be happy?
28
00:01:52,754 --> 00:01:57,589
It must be wonderful seeing
the smiles on their little faces.
29
00:01:57,675 --> 00:02:02,009
I work in back. I see no smiles.
30
00:02:03,055 --> 00:02:07,515
The previous record was 8 feet, 7 inches,
baked by Gladys pelsnick.
31
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,848
If this cookie is larger,
it will prove
32
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:13,138
the kowolskis
have much more free time.
33
00:02:13,191 --> 00:02:17,025
And the cookie is... 10 feet, 4 inches!
34
00:02:17,069 --> 00:02:19,731
We have a new record!
35
00:02:19,822 --> 00:02:23,531
Cue the cheesy inspirational music!
36
00:02:40,593 --> 00:02:43,335
But what are we really looking at here?
37
00:02:43,387 --> 00:02:45,252
Is it just a big cookie?
38
00:02:45,348 --> 00:02:48,556
Or does this cookie represent
the pride of buffalo?
39
00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:52,219
Its hardworking citizens
the key ingredient,
40
00:02:52,271 --> 00:02:55,013
with a few nuts thrown in.
41
00:02:55,066 --> 00:02:57,557
And finally,
the love of our families,
42
00:02:57,610 --> 00:03:00,067
which provides the warm centre,
43
00:03:00,154 --> 00:03:02,236
making our beloved buffalo
44
00:03:02,323 --> 00:03:04,564
the sweetest place to live.
45
00:03:04,617 --> 00:03:07,575
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
46
00:03:07,662 --> 00:03:11,405
I'm Bruce Nolan, eyewitness news.
47
00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:14,073
And cut.
48
00:03:14,168 --> 00:03:16,534
So, what do you think?
49
00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:17,918
It's really good.
50
00:03:18,005 --> 00:03:20,587
It sucks. It's a story about a cookie.
51
00:03:20,675 --> 00:03:24,213
The pillsbury doughboy
will be riveted.
52
00:03:24,262 --> 00:03:28,926
It made me laugh.
Nothing wrong with making people laugh.
53
00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:33,309
I'll never be an anchorman.
The job's there, but I can't reach it.
54
00:03:33,396 --> 00:03:37,765
They make me do this kind of stuff
and I have to act like a goof.
55
00:03:37,859 --> 00:03:41,272
I have no credibility. Not good.
56
00:03:41,362 --> 00:03:43,774
- Now you just sound silly.
- Forget it.
57
00:03:43,823 --> 00:03:47,441
It's not important.
Let's watch it once more.
58
00:03:47,535 --> 00:03:49,617
- No.
- Once more? Please?
59
00:03:49,704 --> 00:03:53,196
No! You promised to help me
with this photo album.
60
00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:56,619
Get your goofy butt over here.
61
00:04:04,802 --> 00:04:09,512
Go through this stack
and pick your favourites.
62
00:04:13,811 --> 00:04:19,147
Come on, this is fun, right?
It's nice.
63
00:04:19,191 --> 00:04:21,102
I bet Evan gets the anchor job.
64
00:04:21,152 --> 00:04:23,234
- Bruce!
- He's the favourite.
65
00:04:23,321 --> 00:04:26,688
Just forget it. This is just our life.
66
00:04:26,782 --> 00:04:29,899
We can always have
some kid do it for us.
67
00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:32,611
Hold the phone.
68
00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:35,200
I like this one.
Our weekend at the lake.
69
00:04:35,291 --> 00:04:37,577
That should be in our private stash.
70
00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:41,035
- Perky. Must have been cold.
- Give it to me.
71
00:04:41,130 --> 00:04:44,122
I can use this as wallpaper
on my computer.
72
00:04:44,175 --> 00:04:46,507
- Give it to me. Come on.
- No!
73
00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:50,386
Fine. Do with it what you will.
I don't care.
74
00:04:50,473 --> 00:04:52,384
I will do with it what I will.
75
00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:59,684
I may send it in to playboy.
I hear their layouts are quite tasteful.
76
00:04:59,732 --> 00:05:02,519
Give that to me right now!
77
00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:05,685
- Rough stuff.
- I will hurt you.
78
00:05:10,368 --> 00:05:12,905
Sweetie? Time to get up.
79
00:05:14,997 --> 00:05:17,739
Good dream. No.
80
00:05:26,968 --> 00:05:31,462
The buffalo sabres lost again
last night to the Toronto maple leafs.
81
00:05:31,555 --> 00:05:34,467
Of course they did. They're my team.
82
00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:39,639
There might be something
to this cookie line.
83
00:05:39,730 --> 00:05:42,767
All the greatest anchors
had a signature sign-off.
84
00:05:42,858 --> 00:05:47,227
Like Walter cronkite.
85
00:05:47,321 --> 00:05:49,653
"And that's the way it was."
86
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:52,732
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
87
00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:58,826
That's the way,
uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it.
88
00:05:59,917 --> 00:06:03,785
- The dog!
- I'm in the shower!
89
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:09,749
No, Sam. Bad dog.
90
00:06:09,802 --> 00:06:14,637
Inside, bad. Outside, good.
91
00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:22,262
You're done now. Great.
92
00:06:22,356 --> 00:06:25,940
B-e-a-utiful.
93
00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:29,777
Let's go back in and have a shit.
94
00:06:34,952 --> 00:06:38,444
- What is the dillio?
- We are having a blood drive.
95
00:06:38,497 --> 00:06:41,864
- Creepy. Needles.
- They need my blood.
96
00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:45,122
I have a very rare blood type.
I'm ab positive.
97
00:06:45,212 --> 00:06:47,453
Really? I'm ib positive.
98
00:06:47,506 --> 00:06:51,715
"I be" positive they ain't touching me
with no needle. It's just so...
99
00:06:51,802 --> 00:06:54,839
- Helpful and life-saving?
- No. It's blood.
100
00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:58,343
Blood is supposed to stay
inside the body, where it belongs.
101
00:06:58,434 --> 00:07:03,770
They stockpile it in a warehouse
and tell everyone there's a shortage.
102
00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:06,430
Not true. Where did you hear that?
103
00:07:06,484 --> 00:07:08,475
From a friend of a friend
104
00:07:08,569 --> 00:07:12,107
of a girl whose sister is dating
someone in government.
105
00:07:12,156 --> 00:07:14,488
For your protection,
I cannot discuss it.
106
00:07:14,575 --> 00:07:16,907
Get out,
before they see us together.
107
00:07:20,831 --> 00:07:23,994
Here. You need these more than I do.
108
00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:25,499
What is these?
109
00:07:25,586 --> 00:07:27,872
Prayer beads.
The kids made them for me.
110
00:07:27,963 --> 00:07:31,956
- They will keep you safe.
- I hope they're powerful.
111
00:07:32,009 --> 00:07:36,048
I'll need a friggin' miracle
to get to work on time.
112
00:07:46,023 --> 00:07:49,936
This isn't happening.
Not during sweeps week.
113
00:07:50,027 --> 00:07:53,144
Not during sweeps week!
114
00:07:54,198 --> 00:07:56,063
God.
115
00:07:56,158 --> 00:07:59,366
Yup, meeting started without me.
116
00:07:59,411 --> 00:08:02,574
This is my luck!
117
00:08:08,587 --> 00:08:10,452
Come on!
118
00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:16,842
Jesus.
119
00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:19,299
Get out of there!
120
00:08:23,352 --> 00:08:27,311
"Are you blind?" No, but I'm late.
121
00:08:28,232 --> 00:08:31,395
Is your child in dire jeopardy?
122
00:08:31,443 --> 00:08:33,650
Find out tonight after the game.
123
00:08:33,737 --> 00:08:35,693
Promos are approved.
124
00:08:35,739 --> 00:08:38,731
Jack? Shouldn't we be focusing
on Pete's retirement?
125
00:08:38,826 --> 00:08:42,410
- This is his last week.
- Any word on the anchor position?
126
00:08:42,454 --> 00:08:45,821
Evan, when I know something,
you'll know something.
127
00:08:45,916 --> 00:08:47,122
Sorry I'm late.
128
00:08:48,002 --> 00:08:50,038
The traffic was...
129
00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:51,994
Did you already play the spots?
130
00:08:52,089 --> 00:08:55,126
Nice story,
but we're going with Evan's piece.
131
00:08:55,217 --> 00:08:57,378
The mayoral sex scandal, for sweeps.
132
00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:01,341
Yeah...
133
00:09:01,432 --> 00:09:02,842
Sweeps.
134
00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:05,766
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
135
00:09:07,438 --> 00:09:09,349
Just messing with you, Bruce.
136
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:16,027
You just gotta remember that
the newsroom is like a big cookie.
137
00:09:17,698 --> 00:09:21,441
Do you like jazz, Evan?
Let me play something for you.
138
00:09:28,792 --> 00:09:31,499
- I can hold that note all day.
- Knock it off.
139
00:09:31,587 --> 00:09:34,294
Bruce, we'll keep your story
in reserve.
140
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:38,458
Can we work on getting something
to put on the air today?
141
00:09:38,552 --> 00:09:42,545
Great choice, Jack.
The Cadillac of bolognas.
142
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,346
Jack, can I talk to you?
143
00:09:44,433 --> 00:09:47,470
- Sure. What do you need?
- Sweeps.
144
00:09:47,519 --> 00:09:50,932
Jack, hear me out.
I'm getting desperate.
145
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:55,270
I'm pushing 40 and what have I got
to show for it? I've hit a ceiling.
146
00:09:55,319 --> 00:09:58,026
There's an anti-Bruce barrier
I can't get past.
147
00:09:58,113 --> 00:10:01,355
And Evan is loving it.
148
00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:04,988
He gets the stories.
Maybe I should be more like Evan.
149
00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:07,870
Don't be like Evan. He's an asshole.
150
00:10:07,957 --> 00:10:10,790
- I can be an asshole.
- No, Bruce. You can't.
151
00:10:15,506 --> 00:10:17,872
- You going to pick that up?
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
152
00:10:18,467 --> 00:10:22,255
This anchor thing opening up
has got me nuts.
153
00:10:22,346 --> 00:10:23,711
- Hey, Susan.
- Hi, Susan.
154
00:10:23,806 --> 00:10:26,047
Hi, Jack.
155
00:10:26,809 --> 00:10:30,142
You're a good reporter.
You make people laugh.
156
00:10:31,897 --> 00:10:33,558
I'll tell you what.
157
00:10:33,691 --> 00:10:36,979
Today is the 156th anniversary
of the "maid of the mist".
158
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:38,938
Be in Niagara Falls in an hour.
159
00:10:39,029 --> 00:10:41,441
The "maid of the mist" is always live.
160
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:47,447
- Evan does the live feeds.
- Now you and Evan do them.
161
00:10:47,538 --> 00:10:49,870
I'm going live? During sweeps?
162
00:10:49,957 --> 00:10:52,039
Watch it.
I've seen your outtakes.
163
00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:54,291
Jack, you will not regret this.
164
00:10:55,296 --> 00:10:57,958
I won't forget you
when I go national.
165
00:10:58,048 --> 00:10:59,754
Can you...?
166
00:11:00,759 --> 00:11:02,875
Thanks, pal.
167
00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:06,887
Can I have your wish now?
I'll put it in the wish jar.
168
00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:08,388
Put your wish in.
169
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:10,425
- Me, too.
- Putitin.
170
00:11:10,978 --> 00:11:12,889
That looks like a big wish.
171
00:11:13,022 --> 00:11:15,354
No, Martin, don't eat that.
172
00:11:16,191 --> 00:11:19,228
Don't put that in your mouth.
That's paste, honey.
173
00:11:21,488 --> 00:11:24,571
- That must have tasted awful.
- Mommy!
174
00:11:26,910 --> 00:11:30,073
Did you have fun
with aunt Gracie today?
175
00:11:30,164 --> 00:11:32,246
See how nice this is? Baby on hip.
176
00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:36,952
It's amazing. You've become mom.
The transformation is complete.
177
00:11:38,255 --> 00:11:39,415
I'll get it.
178
00:11:39,506 --> 00:11:41,417
- Small wonders day care.
- Grace?
179
00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:45,176
No, Debbie, the sister
whose life you're not wasting.
180
00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:52,137
Sorry. Debbie forgot to take
her meds today. Where are you?
181
00:11:52,227 --> 00:11:57,096
A little place called the winner's circle.
I'm at the falls, doing a live report.
182
00:11:57,149 --> 00:11:59,140
Live? That's great!
183
00:11:59,234 --> 00:12:02,317
It's happening.
I got sweeps and I'm live.
184
00:12:02,404 --> 00:12:04,690
They're seeing
if I can think on my feet.
185
00:12:04,782 --> 00:12:07,649
Like I might have to do
in a live anchor situation.
186
00:12:07,743 --> 00:12:09,404
My gosh.
187
00:12:09,453 --> 00:12:13,321
Yeah! Jack practically came out
and told me.
188
00:12:13,415 --> 00:12:14,700
Practically?
189
00:12:14,792 --> 00:12:17,704
He didn't spell it out.
Legally, he can't.
190
00:12:17,795 --> 00:12:22,334
This happened to Susan before
they bumped her up to the desk.
191
00:12:22,466 --> 00:12:24,582
It's good.
192
00:12:24,635 --> 00:12:28,799
Honey, I don't want you
to get too ahead of yourself.
193
00:12:29,681 --> 00:12:33,299
- I gotta go! They're calling me.
- Good luck, honey. I love you.
194
00:12:33,394 --> 00:12:35,225
Love, love, love.
195
00:12:36,313 --> 00:12:37,849
Let's do it.
196
00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:42,149
- They want you close to the falls.
- I'll get soaked.
197
00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:44,651
That's the point. Put this on.
198
00:12:44,738 --> 00:12:47,821
A condition
for us getting the exclusive.
199
00:12:47,908 --> 00:12:51,992
You know what?
Nothing can bother me today.
200
00:12:52,079 --> 00:12:55,742
Remember,
it's their 156th-year anniversary.
201
00:12:55,833 --> 00:12:59,872
149 capacity.
They cater to tourists, honeymooners...
202
00:12:59,962 --> 00:13:02,044
And insanely thirsty people.
203
00:13:02,923 --> 00:13:05,539
You'll be interviewing Irene dansfield.
204
00:13:05,634 --> 00:13:10,003
Irene, a pleasure to meet you.
You look beautiful.
205
00:13:10,097 --> 00:13:13,055
Her mother rode the maiden voyage.
206
00:13:13,142 --> 00:13:15,849
- 90 seconds!
- 90 seconds? Holy hell.
207
00:13:15,936 --> 00:13:18,052
Ok. 90 seconds.
208
00:13:18,147 --> 00:13:20,229
Because of the fast response,
209
00:13:20,315 --> 00:13:23,899
the chemicals were cleaned up
without incident. Susan?
210
00:13:23,986 --> 00:13:26,728
Bruce Nolan is standing by
at Niagara Falls.
211
00:13:26,864 --> 00:13:29,731
But first, we have an announcement.
212
00:13:29,825 --> 00:13:35,536
As everyone knows, after 33 years,
our beloved Pete fineman is retiring.
213
00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:40,871
Pete's shoes are virtually impossible
to fill, but the show must go on.
214
00:13:40,961 --> 00:13:45,876
And we could think of no one better
than our very own Evan Baxter.
215
00:13:50,095 --> 00:13:53,212
- Congratulations, Evan.
- I'm thrilled and honoured.
216
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:57,884
As you said, no one can replace Pete,
but I'll do my best.
217
00:13:57,936 --> 00:14:02,600
I am so proud to be a part
of our community of buffalo.
218
00:14:02,691 --> 00:14:07,902
I think, in a lot of ways,
a great city is like a great recipe.
219
00:14:07,946 --> 00:14:11,564
You take hard-working citizens,
add some care givers,
220
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:13,323
maybe a few nuts!
221
00:14:16,663 --> 00:14:20,406
All sprinkled with the love
and support of our families.
222
00:14:20,501 --> 00:14:24,585
Ultimately, that makes
one sweet place to live.
223
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:28,248
- That was amazing.
- I wish I'd written something.
224
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:32,009
And now let's go live to that wacky
Bruce Nolan at Niagara Falls.
225
00:14:32,095 --> 00:14:33,835
Wacky Bruce!
226
00:14:38,101 --> 00:14:41,434
- Talk, Bruce. Hello.
- Talk, honey.
227
00:14:41,522 --> 00:14:43,262
- What is it?
- A Walt Disney.
228
00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:45,931
- He's frozen solid.
- Check the audio feed.
229
00:14:46,026 --> 00:14:48,267
We may be having technical difficulty.
230
00:14:48,362 --> 00:14:50,318
- The feed's good.
- Come on.
231
00:14:50,405 --> 00:14:52,111
Talk, Bruce, dammit.
232
00:14:52,199 --> 00:14:54,190
Get ready to pull the plug.
233
00:14:54,284 --> 00:14:56,866
Come on, baby. Say something!
234
00:14:57,788 --> 00:14:58,948
Talk.
235
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,615
Hi, Susan.
236
00:15:03,710 --> 00:15:05,120
Bruce Nolan here,
237
00:15:05,212 --> 00:15:08,796
aboard the "maid of the mist"
in fabulous Niagara Falls, New York.
238
00:15:08,882 --> 00:15:13,626
First, let me add my congratulations
to Evan backstabber.
239
00:15:13,762 --> 00:15:15,969
Pardon me, bastard... Baxter.
240
00:15:16,056 --> 00:15:18,843
It is good to see what someone can do
241
00:15:18,934 --> 00:15:23,678
when opportunities
are given to him instead of me.
242
00:15:23,772 --> 00:15:26,184
I'm here with Katharine hepburn's mom.
243
00:15:26,316 --> 00:15:31,436
Why did you throw the heart of the ocean
Jewel over the rail of the Titanic?
244
00:15:32,447 --> 00:15:34,938
Did you feel bad
letting Leo DiCaprio drown
245
00:15:34,992 --> 00:15:37,404
while you were safe on the big door?
246
00:15:37,494 --> 00:15:39,109
Could you have taken turns?
247
00:15:39,162 --> 00:15:42,529
Or were you too afraid
to freeze your fat ass off?
248
00:15:42,916 --> 00:15:44,998
I guess that's how life is.
249
00:15:45,460 --> 00:15:50,045
Some people are drenched,
freezing on a stupid boat in a stupid hat,
250
00:15:50,132 --> 00:15:53,624
while others are in a comfy news studio,
sucking up the glory.
251
00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:55,801
No big deal.
252
00:15:57,180 --> 00:16:00,718
It's the owner of the "maid of the mist".
Let's talk to him.
253
00:16:00,809 --> 00:16:03,721
Come here, bill.
No, let's have a talk.
254
00:16:03,812 --> 00:16:05,894
What are you doing?
255
00:16:05,981 --> 00:16:09,098
You've been running
the "maid of the mist" for 23 years.
256
00:16:09,192 --> 00:16:11,399
Why didn't I get the anchor job?
257
00:16:11,486 --> 00:16:14,023
- I don't want problems.
- Is it my hair?
258
00:16:14,072 --> 00:16:15,482
Are my teeth not white?
259
00:16:15,532 --> 00:16:22,244
Or, like the falls, is the bedrock
of my life eroding beneath me?
260
00:16:22,706 --> 00:16:24,537
Eroding!
261
00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:32,121
- Cut the feed. Go to black.
- I'm on it.
262
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:37,713
I'm Bruce Nolan, for eyewitness news.
Back to you, fuckers!
263
00:16:39,723 --> 00:16:41,133
My god.
264
00:16:46,188 --> 00:16:47,769
That is perfect.
265
00:16:47,856 --> 00:16:53,192
That is the motivation I needed!
Right there! Thank you!
266
00:16:54,363 --> 00:16:57,730
Thank you, wkbw.
267
00:16:57,824 --> 00:17:01,442
Wimpy... kitty baby whiners!
268
00:17:01,536 --> 00:17:03,618
That's what that stands for!
269
00:17:05,082 --> 00:17:09,667
I'll see you on channel 5,
where they do the real news!
270
00:17:10,962 --> 00:17:13,044
Do I look blind to you?
271
00:17:16,343 --> 00:17:18,425
Let's go, man. Come on.
272
00:17:18,512 --> 00:17:21,003
What are you doing?
273
00:17:21,098 --> 00:17:23,339
Come on. Leave the poor guy alone!
274
00:17:24,309 --> 00:17:26,516
You ok, man?
275
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,769
You'd better keep walking.
276
00:17:29,856 --> 00:17:33,314
- What'd you say?
- Run, man!
277
00:17:33,402 --> 00:17:35,484
Run!
278
00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:42,862
I didn't mean it!
279
00:17:42,953 --> 00:17:44,944
I was kidding!
280
00:17:45,038 --> 00:17:47,120
You forgot your things.
281
00:17:50,919 --> 00:17:53,160
Say something now!
282
00:17:56,550 --> 00:17:59,633
B-e-a...
283
00:18:00,762 --> 00:18:03,174
Cutiful.
284
00:18:06,268 --> 00:18:08,350
That's what I get.
285
00:18:09,312 --> 00:18:12,475
That's what I get
for trying to help someone.
286
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,816
Don't look at me, Walter.
287
00:18:22,951 --> 00:18:29,117
That's my payment, I guess.
That is my reward.
288
00:18:32,794 --> 00:18:36,161
Just? Just get a clue!
289
00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:39,168
Thank god you're all right.
290
00:18:39,259 --> 00:18:44,299
Let's thank god, shall we?
His blessings rain down on me.
291
00:18:44,347 --> 00:18:47,384
- Wait! That's not rain!
- Bruce, don't do that.
292
00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:50,133
Everything happens for a reason.
293
00:18:50,187 --> 00:18:53,395
That I don't need. That is a cliché.
That is not helpful.
294
00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:55,980
"A bird in the hand
is worth two in the bush."
295
00:18:56,026 --> 00:18:59,189
I have no bird! No bush!
God took my bird and my bush.
296
00:18:59,321 --> 00:19:02,484
I see. So god is picking on you.
297
00:19:02,532 --> 00:19:04,989
No! He's ignoring me completely.
298
00:19:05,952 --> 00:19:09,285
He's too busy
giving Evan everything he wants.
299
00:19:09,372 --> 00:19:12,455
Great, Sam. But you missed your target.
I'm over here!
300
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:15,329
Don't get mad at the dog.
It's not his fault.
301
00:19:15,378 --> 00:19:18,586
It's god's.
He gave him the wrong coordinates.
302
00:19:18,673 --> 00:19:21,210
Enough!
Will you stop being such a martyr?
303
00:19:21,301 --> 00:19:23,917
I am not being a martyr!
I'm a victim!
304
00:19:24,012 --> 00:19:27,880
God's a mean kid with
a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant.
305
00:19:27,974 --> 00:19:30,215
He could fix my life if he wanted,
306
00:19:30,268 --> 00:19:33,635
but he'd rather burn off my feelers
and watch me squirm.
307
00:19:33,730 --> 00:19:38,599
I know you're mad.
What Evan did was slimy and wrong.
308
00:19:39,736 --> 00:19:43,320
But today could have been much worse.
I'm glad you're ok.
309
00:19:43,406 --> 00:19:46,864
News flash! I'm not ok.
310
00:19:46,910 --> 00:19:50,402
I'm not ok with a mediocre job!
Or a mediocre apartment!
311
00:19:50,497 --> 00:19:53,159
I am not ok with a mediocre life!
312
00:20:01,550 --> 00:20:04,792
Is that what you think we have?
A mediocre life?
313
00:20:04,886 --> 00:20:06,922
Don't make this about you.
314
00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:10,590
About me?
How could I make this about me?
315
00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:13,884
It's about you. It's always about you.
316
00:20:13,937 --> 00:20:16,269
Perfect!
317
00:20:16,356 --> 00:20:20,850
I'll have the worst day of my life
with a side order of guilt, please!
318
00:20:26,616 --> 00:20:30,108
Ok, god. You want me to talk to you?
319
00:20:30,203 --> 00:20:33,536
Then talk back. Tell me what's going on.
320
00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:36,535
What should I do”? Give me a signal.
321
00:20:39,045 --> 00:20:42,583
I need your guidance, lord.
Send me a sign.
322
00:20:46,761 --> 00:20:49,093
What's this joker doing?
323
00:20:54,811 --> 00:20:57,302
Ok. All right. I'll try it your way.
324
00:20:58,481 --> 00:21:02,975
All right. Lord... I need a miracle.
325
00:21:04,821 --> 00:21:06,561
I'm desperate.
326
00:21:06,656 --> 00:21:08,362
I need your help.
327
00:21:08,491 --> 00:21:10,823
Please, reach into my life...
328
00:21:13,663 --> 00:21:16,200
What the...” where are you?
329
00:21:16,291 --> 00:21:18,373
Got you!
330
00:22:01,628 --> 00:22:05,041
Fine! The gloves are off, pall!
331
00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:07,422
Come on! Show me some wrath!
332
00:22:07,509 --> 00:22:11,502
Smite me, o mighty smiter!
333
00:22:12,472 --> 00:22:14,804
You're the one who should be fired!
334
00:22:14,891 --> 00:22:19,385
The only one around here
not doing his job is you!
335
00:22:20,397 --> 00:22:22,558
Answer Mel
336
00:22:37,580 --> 00:22:39,662
Sorry. Don't know you.
337
00:22:40,583 --> 00:22:42,744
Wouldn't call you if I did.
338
00:22:55,557 --> 00:22:57,593
God!
339
00:23:03,982 --> 00:23:06,644
Hello, 5550123.
340
00:23:31,718 --> 00:23:34,755
Sam! This has got to stop!
341
00:23:37,807 --> 00:23:41,470
Get it straight. That's the house.
This is the bathroom.
342
00:23:41,519 --> 00:23:45,637
House, bathroom.
Bathroom, house.
343
00:23:48,276 --> 00:23:50,983
What's the point?
344
00:24:14,552 --> 00:24:17,294
5550123.
345
00:24:19,849 --> 00:24:22,841
Denied that promotion at work?
Is life unfair?
346
00:24:22,936 --> 00:24:26,053
Is someone less talented than you
reaping the benefits?
347
00:24:26,147 --> 00:24:27,853
Is your name Bruce?
348
00:24:27,899 --> 00:24:30,185
Then do we have the job for you!
349
00:24:30,276 --> 00:24:33,518
We're located at 7725623rd street.
350
00:24:33,613 --> 00:24:37,197
Come on down.
Or we'll just keep beeping you.
351
00:24:54,134 --> 00:24:55,715
"Omni presents."
352
00:24:58,888 --> 00:25:01,550
The glass is half-full.
353
00:25:03,935 --> 00:25:07,098
Come on! Look! What is that?
354
00:25:07,188 --> 00:25:09,144
What is that?
355
00:25:12,527 --> 00:25:14,017
Thank you!
356
00:25:21,452 --> 00:25:23,568
What the...?
357
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,002
You're looking for room 7.
358
00:25:35,717 --> 00:25:38,925
- I figured.
- Want me to even those up for you?
359
00:25:43,474 --> 00:25:46,932
- Where is room 77
- On the 7th floor.
360
00:25:46,978 --> 00:25:50,641
- Stairs are over there.
- I'll take the elevator.
361
00:25:50,732 --> 00:25:54,350
- Out of order.
- I love stairs. My second choice.
362
00:25:54,444 --> 00:25:56,651
Mind giving me a hand with this floor?
363
00:25:58,615 --> 00:26:01,152
That's good.
364
00:26:01,284 --> 00:26:02,774
Are you serious?
365
00:26:02,869 --> 00:26:05,656
I'm kind of busy.
366
00:26:06,873 --> 00:26:08,955
Rain check.
367
00:26:09,042 --> 00:26:10,828
I'll hold you to it.
368
00:26:11,502 --> 00:26:13,834
I'm free on the 7th at 7:00.
369
00:26:17,383 --> 00:26:19,624
The 7th at 7:00 it is.
370
00:26:22,639 --> 00:26:24,800
This looks promising.
371
00:26:30,188 --> 00:26:32,179
Hello?
372
00:26:32,273 --> 00:26:36,016
Another hugantic,
ginormic waste of my life.
373
00:26:39,989 --> 00:26:42,401
I'm looking for whoever runs this joint!
374
00:26:42,492 --> 00:26:47,452
Be right with you. I'm fixing a light.
Tell me if it's working.
375
00:26:47,497 --> 00:26:49,613
Yeah. Seems to be.
376
00:26:49,666 --> 00:26:53,705
- Kind of bright, though.
- It is for most people,
377
00:26:53,795 --> 00:26:57,788
who spend their lives in the dark,
trying to hide from me.
378
00:26:59,717 --> 00:27:02,003
The elevator's broken?
379
00:27:02,053 --> 00:27:04,840
Yeah, but I'll get around to it.
380
00:27:06,391 --> 00:27:09,758
- You installed a clapper?
- No, but catchy jingle.
381
00:27:10,770 --> 00:27:12,681
Clap on, clap off
382
00:27:12,772 --> 00:27:14,854
clap on, clap off the clapper
383
00:27:16,693 --> 00:27:19,275
just can't get it out of my head.
384
00:27:19,362 --> 00:27:21,728
Good luck with that.
385
00:27:21,823 --> 00:27:23,688
I'm going to go now.
386
00:27:23,783 --> 00:27:26,024
But the boss will be right out.
387
00:27:34,085 --> 00:27:38,374
You must be Bruce.
I've been expecting you.
388
00:27:40,675 --> 00:27:42,381
This is hilarious.
389
00:27:42,468 --> 00:27:45,255
You're the boss, electrician and janitor.
390
00:27:45,346 --> 00:27:47,553
Must be a killer Christmas party.
391
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:51,053
Don't get drunk.
One of you might need a ride home.
392
00:27:52,312 --> 00:27:55,725
You always were funny, Bruce.
Just like your father.
393
00:27:56,566 --> 00:27:59,353
He didn't mind rolling up his sleeves.
394
00:27:59,402 --> 00:28:02,485
People underestimate
the benefit of manual labour.
395
00:28:02,572 --> 00:28:04,358
There's freedom in it.
396
00:28:04,407 --> 00:28:08,616
Some of the happiest people
smell to high heaven at day's end.
397
00:28:09,787 --> 00:28:14,577
How do you know my father
and how did you get my pager number?
398
00:28:14,667 --> 00:28:16,783
I know quite a lot about you.
399
00:28:18,588 --> 00:28:21,546
Just about everything there is to know.
400
00:28:21,591 --> 00:28:26,210
Everything you've ever said or done
or thought about doing...
401
00:28:27,597 --> 00:28:30,259
Right there in that file cabinet.
402
00:28:30,975 --> 00:28:34,593
- A whole drawer, just for me.
- Yeah.
403
00:28:34,687 --> 00:28:37,019
Mind if I take a look?
404
00:28:37,106 --> 00:28:39,848
It's your life.
405
00:28:39,942 --> 00:28:42,604
This oughta be good.
406
00:28:56,084 --> 00:28:59,076
This last entry was a little disturbing.
407
00:29:10,390 --> 00:29:15,510
"The gloves are off.
God took my bird and my bush."
408
00:29:15,603 --> 00:29:19,016
"God is a mean kid
with a magnifying glass."
409
00:29:19,107 --> 00:29:22,474
"Smite me, o mighty smiter."
410
00:29:22,568 --> 00:29:26,652
I'm not much for blaspheming,
but that last one made me laugh.
411
00:29:26,739 --> 00:29:29,105
Are you spying on me?
412
00:29:32,286 --> 00:29:34,868
Who are you?
413
00:29:34,956 --> 00:29:36,912
I am the one.
414
00:29:36,999 --> 00:29:40,332
Creator of the heavens and the earth.
Alpha and omega.
415
00:29:41,754 --> 00:29:44,086
I see where this is going.
416
00:29:44,173 --> 00:29:47,040
Bruce... I am god.
417
00:29:47,135 --> 00:29:50,377
Bingo! Yahtzee!
Is that your final answer?
418
00:29:50,471 --> 00:29:53,383
Our survey says, "god!"
419
00:29:55,101 --> 00:29:56,841
It was nice to meet you, god.
420
00:29:56,936 --> 00:30:00,554
Thanks for the Grand Canyon.
Good luck with the apocalypse.
421
00:30:00,648 --> 00:30:03,185
And by the way, you suck!
422
00:30:04,527 --> 00:30:06,392
It would have been impressive
423
00:30:06,487 --> 00:30:09,979
if you hadn't used
the cheesy file cabinet illusion.
424
00:30:10,032 --> 00:30:12,364
Anyone with a brain stem
can see the drawer
425
00:30:12,452 --> 00:30:14,818
is fed through the wall
from the other side.
426
00:30:14,871 --> 00:30:18,329
All you have to do
is find the crease right here.
427
00:30:18,374 --> 00:30:22,117
There is a seam here, or a hollow spot.
428
00:30:26,549 --> 00:30:28,414
Where?
429
00:30:28,509 --> 00:30:31,842
Through the dry wall and concrete?
430
00:30:33,639 --> 00:30:36,722
That is a good one.
431
00:30:37,435 --> 00:30:41,895
- How many fingers am I holding up?
- Thou shalt not tempt the lord.
432
00:30:41,981 --> 00:30:43,846
- If you can't do it...
- Three.
433
00:30:43,900 --> 00:30:46,016
Two... four... nine.
434
00:30:46,068 --> 00:30:47,899
Six... eight... one.
435
00:30:52,700 --> 00:30:54,565
How many now?
436
00:30:54,619 --> 00:30:55,904
Seven.
437
00:31:01,042 --> 00:31:04,830
- How?
- You've been complaining about me.
438
00:31:04,921 --> 00:31:08,004
- I'm tired of it.
- Don't come near me.
439
00:31:08,090 --> 00:31:11,298
I don't want to hurt you,
but I will out of instinct.
440
00:31:11,385 --> 00:31:15,173
You haven't won a fight since grade 5,
and that was against a girl.
441
00:31:16,641 --> 00:31:19,633
She was huge.
She had been held back.
442
00:31:19,727 --> 00:31:21,934
And the sun was in your eyes.
443
00:31:22,021 --> 00:31:23,977
The ego.
444
00:31:24,065 --> 00:31:26,727
Anyway, I want to offer you a job.
445
00:31:26,817 --> 00:31:29,433
- What job?
- My job.
446
00:31:29,487 --> 00:31:32,854
You think you can do it better,
so here's your chance.
447
00:31:32,949 --> 00:31:37,113
When you leave here,
you will be endowed with my powers.
448
00:31:38,037 --> 00:31:39,948
Whatever you say, pal.
449
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:47,039
That did not happen.
No one needs to hear about it.
450
00:31:47,129 --> 00:31:49,666
I'm deleting the program.
451
00:31:51,050 --> 00:31:52,665
No.
452
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:54,625
I'm having a breakdown.
453
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:58,304
Everyday psychotic episode,
caused by a tumour.
454
00:31:59,141 --> 00:32:01,302
Come on. Start!
455
00:32:03,312 --> 00:32:05,348
That was lucky.
456
00:32:09,986 --> 00:32:11,522
Calm down.
457
00:32:11,612 --> 00:32:15,651
You did not meet god.
You do not have his powers.
458
00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:18,112
If that was god, I'm Clint Eastwood.
459
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,242
Holy hell!
460
00:32:26,043 --> 00:32:30,662
- Be careful what you wish for, punk.
- Nope!
461
00:32:31,632 --> 00:32:35,341
I am a reasonable,
sane human being...
462
00:32:36,012 --> 00:32:37,923
With a .44 Magnum.
463
00:32:38,014 --> 00:32:40,505
The most powerful handgun in the...
464
00:32:41,350 --> 00:32:44,012
I'm not Clint Eastwood.
I'm Bruce Nolan.
465
00:33:01,579 --> 00:33:04,036
That was not real.
466
00:33:06,292 --> 00:33:08,829
- Coffee?
- Yeah.
467
00:33:08,878 --> 00:33:10,914
We have a special on soup.
468
00:33:11,005 --> 00:33:15,089
- No, thank you.
- It's tomato. I made it myself.
469
00:33:52,421 --> 00:33:54,537
Excuse me, I need a spoo...
470
00:34:01,764 --> 00:34:03,345
I found one.
471
00:34:11,232 --> 00:34:12,972
Your soup.
472
00:34:13,109 --> 00:34:14,940
Soup, right.
473
00:35:06,287 --> 00:35:08,494
Having fun?
474
00:35:10,583 --> 00:35:11,993
Thy... thou...
475
00:35:12,334 --> 00:35:15,371
Come, take a closer walk with me.
476
00:35:17,006 --> 00:35:19,372
- Let me explain the rules.
- Rules?
477
00:35:19,467 --> 00:35:22,709
You left in a rush,
I didn't get to explain.
478
00:35:24,430 --> 00:35:30,016
- The two extra fingers freaked me out.
- I figured I'd get your attention.
479
00:35:30,102 --> 00:35:34,641
I did the same thing to Gandhi.
He didn't eat for three weeks.
480
00:35:34,690 --> 00:35:39,525
Here's the deal. You have my powers.
Use them any way you choose.
481
00:35:39,612 --> 00:35:42,945
There are two rules.
Tell no one you're god.
482
00:35:43,032 --> 00:35:45,318
You don't want the attention.
483
00:35:45,367 --> 00:35:47,858
And you can't mess with free will.
484
00:35:51,123 --> 00:35:53,956
- Can I ask why?
- You can!
485
00:35:54,668 --> 00:35:56,875
That's the beauty of it.
486
00:36:03,928 --> 00:36:07,295
- Amazing.
- Speaking of amazing, excuse me.
487
00:36:11,227 --> 00:36:14,060
Holy sh... cow.
488
00:36:14,980 --> 00:36:19,644
Since you're through with these,
I'll keep them. Might come in handy.
489
00:36:21,529 --> 00:36:23,736
See you around, kid.
490
00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:27,778
- Where are you going?
- I'm taking a vacation.
491
00:36:31,789 --> 00:36:33,575
Heard of the dark ages?
492
00:36:34,583 --> 00:36:39,703
I'm covered. You can clear
everything up in five minutes. Right?
493
00:37:26,927 --> 00:37:29,293
And he saw that it was good.
494
00:37:53,829 --> 00:37:57,822
B-e-a-utiful!
495
00:38:03,047 --> 00:38:06,380
Check it out.
496
00:38:06,842 --> 00:38:08,628
It's the hero.
497
00:38:08,677 --> 00:38:12,044
- Whassup, homie?
- Brethren, what up with thee?
498
00:38:13,015 --> 00:38:16,724
- Blessings on your alley.
- Want another beating?
499
00:38:16,810 --> 00:38:20,098
- You didn't get enough?
- He wants more!
500
00:38:20,189 --> 00:38:24,228
Surely, I say unto you dudes,
I do not wish to fight.
501
00:38:24,318 --> 00:38:28,027
As soon as you apologise
and admit your transgressions,
502
00:38:28,113 --> 00:38:32,732
I shall absolve you and continue
along the path of righteousness.
503
00:38:32,826 --> 00:38:35,533
What are you talking about?
504
00:38:38,499 --> 00:38:41,491
I don't know if you lost it up here.
505
00:38:41,543 --> 00:38:44,751
You want me and the homies
to apologise? Cool.
506
00:38:44,838 --> 00:38:49,878
We'll apologise the day a monkey
comes out of my butt.
507
00:38:53,055 --> 00:38:56,297
What a coincidence!
Because that's today.
508
00:39:14,284 --> 00:39:16,775
Did that monkey come out your crack?
509
00:39:21,709 --> 00:39:25,418
This is some voodoo shit!
510
00:39:25,504 --> 00:39:27,290
You guys leaving?
511
00:39:29,049 --> 00:39:31,381
Don't forget your parting gifts!
512
00:39:58,287 --> 00:40:00,949
Little anal-dwelling butt monkey.
513
00:40:00,998 --> 00:40:03,785
Time for you to go home.
514
00:40:16,597 --> 00:40:19,464
I am Bruce almighty.
515
00:40:19,516 --> 00:40:21,677
My will be done!
516
00:40:49,421 --> 00:40:51,503
- My god.
- Call me Bruce.
517
00:40:51,548 --> 00:40:53,914
What happened to you?
You seem so...
518
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:00,090
Happy.
519
00:41:00,182 --> 00:41:02,844
Why not? On a night like this.
520
00:41:02,935 --> 00:41:05,347
They're amazing. What are these?
521
00:41:05,437 --> 00:41:09,476
A cross-pollination
between tulips and daisies.
522
00:41:09,525 --> 00:41:12,187
I call them todayzees.
523
00:41:21,745 --> 00:41:25,533
These flowers are beautiful,
but last night...
524
00:41:25,624 --> 00:41:27,910
Last night, I was only human.
525
00:41:33,298 --> 00:41:35,505
Barry, help me out.
526
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,982
I've never seen the moon that big.
527
00:42:40,657 --> 00:42:42,613
We shouldn't waste it.
528
00:42:53,295 --> 00:42:55,286
Bedroom?
529
00:42:55,339 --> 00:42:57,421
Five minutes.
530
00:43:06,433 --> 00:43:09,049
Let there be light.
531
00:43:11,855 --> 00:43:13,891
Be out in a minute!
532
00:43:14,483 --> 00:43:16,314
Don't rush.
533
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:20,399
Sometimes anticipation
can heighten the pleasure.
534
00:43:24,993 --> 00:43:27,484
It's a funny thing about pleasure.
535
00:43:29,039 --> 00:43:33,328
It can be quite... pleasurable!
536
00:43:36,171 --> 00:43:38,332
My god.
537
00:43:39,007 --> 00:43:41,419
Pleasuring, pleasurable.
538
00:43:44,346 --> 00:43:45,756
Good god!
539
00:43:55,482 --> 00:44:01,227
In Japan, relief workers are trying
to rescue hundreds of people,
540
00:44:01,321 --> 00:44:05,360
stranded by a freak tidal wave
that hit kitamoto city.
541
00:44:05,409 --> 00:44:08,196
Scientists say the Tsunami
may have been caused
542
00:44:08,245 --> 00:44:11,783
by what they are describing
as unusual lunar activity.
543
00:44:11,873 --> 00:44:13,989
More on this as it develops.
544
00:44:18,297 --> 00:44:22,540
Bless my mommy, my daddy,
and especially my little sister.
545
00:44:26,513 --> 00:44:29,050
Help me get through this, lord.
546
00:44:31,059 --> 00:44:33,175
I'm asking for your help.
547
00:44:35,522 --> 00:44:38,889
Thank you for everything else
in my life. Amen.
548
00:45:04,509 --> 00:45:06,750
Good boy.
549
00:45:08,180 --> 00:45:10,262
Forget something?
550
00:45:13,685 --> 00:45:16,802
Good boy!
There are girls in the house.
551
00:45:21,068 --> 00:45:23,275
- Morning.
- Good morning.
552
00:45:23,362 --> 00:45:26,570
- I made you grilled cheese.
- My fave.
553
00:45:27,324 --> 00:45:30,816
- Last night was...
- Heavenly. I know.
554
00:45:30,911 --> 00:45:35,575
I woke up and I felt like
my boobs were bigger.
555
00:45:35,624 --> 00:45:40,914
- Do they look bigger to you?
- What?
556
00:45:40,962 --> 00:45:45,456
- Bigger?
- Come on! Look at them.
557
00:45:45,550 --> 00:45:50,761
They are definitely bigger.
Look. They feel huge to me.
558
00:45:50,806 --> 00:45:52,467
I have to go.
559
00:45:52,557 --> 00:45:58,348
But this has been the breast bek...
Breast... thank you.
560
00:45:58,438 --> 00:46:02,226
- Where are you going?
- To get my job back.
561
00:46:05,695 --> 00:46:07,981
I am great
562
00:46:10,242 --> 00:46:11,482
I am...
563
00:46:11,535 --> 00:46:13,821
Good grief! Is that what I'm driving?
564
00:46:25,257 --> 00:46:29,466
- Nice car, man.
- It gets me from a to b.
565
00:46:42,899 --> 00:46:46,187
Darn. All this horsepower
and no room to gallop!
566
00:46:49,698 --> 00:46:52,906
Hi-yo, silver. Away!
567
00:47:01,209 --> 00:47:04,121
I wouldn't want to be a fugitive
with Hank,
568
00:47:04,212 --> 00:47:07,204
buffalo's number one police dog,
on the job.
569
00:47:07,257 --> 00:47:11,876
Phil sidleman, at the police canine
training centre, channel 5 news.
570
00:47:11,970 --> 00:47:14,211
Cut.
571
00:47:19,478 --> 00:47:23,721
Look what the cat coughed up!
Channel 7. The guy that went crazy.
572
00:47:24,441 --> 00:47:26,727
- I had a bad moment.
- Why are you here?
573
00:47:27,777 --> 00:47:30,018
- Looking for a story.
- No story here.
574
00:47:30,071 --> 00:47:34,610
This pond is all fished out.
Pretty standard stuff, anyway.
575
00:47:34,701 --> 00:47:37,864
My instinct tells me
there's something more.
576
00:47:37,913 --> 00:47:41,405
Go with that.
It served you well in the past.
577
00:47:49,591 --> 00:47:51,422
Hank found something!
578
00:47:52,969 --> 00:47:55,426
We got a body!
579
00:47:56,389 --> 00:47:58,880
Get the camera! Now!
580
00:47:58,934 --> 00:48:03,268
- The keys are inside!
- Every dog has his day.
581
00:48:03,313 --> 00:48:05,770
Want to make $10?
582
00:48:05,815 --> 00:48:08,477
- Know how to use one of these?
- Duh.
583
00:48:10,278 --> 00:48:12,735
Seems to be in tune. Let's do this.
584
00:48:12,781 --> 00:48:15,944
The body of Jimmy hoffa
was uncovered in a field today,
585
00:48:16,034 --> 00:48:19,197
outside a canine training centre
in buffalo.
586
00:48:19,287 --> 00:48:22,950
- Bruce Nolan was first on the scene.
- Thank you, Jane.
587
00:48:22,999 --> 00:48:26,287
The body is being carefully exhumed
588
00:48:26,378 --> 00:48:30,838
for transportation to a facility
where DNA can confirm the identity.
589
00:48:30,924 --> 00:48:33,836
That, however, is merely a formality,
590
00:48:33,927 --> 00:48:39,672
as the body was found with a
birth certificate and dental records.
591
00:48:39,808 --> 00:48:42,515
A red-letter day for any canine unit.
592
00:48:42,602 --> 00:48:45,344
Was that enough for Hank?
No, sirree.
593
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:51,726
Moments later, he busted a news crew
with 220 pounds of marijuana.
594
00:48:52,195 --> 00:48:54,777
I never saw it before! I swear!
595
00:48:58,076 --> 00:49:00,158
I'm Bruce Nolan...
596
00:49:00,245 --> 00:49:03,203
And that's the way the cookie crumbles!
597
00:49:16,386 --> 00:49:18,547
Good work. I'm impressed.
598
00:49:23,101 --> 00:49:25,183
Need me for something?
599
00:49:26,104 --> 00:49:29,972
Just the man I want to see.
Hoffa? What are the odds?
600
00:49:30,066 --> 00:49:32,478
What are the odds?
601
00:49:32,527 --> 00:49:34,688
Sit down.
602
00:49:34,821 --> 00:49:38,609
I'll be straight with you.
We want you back.
603
00:49:38,700 --> 00:49:42,192
It was not my decision to let you go.
604
00:49:42,829 --> 00:49:46,071
- When the big guy gives an order...
- No harm, no foul.
605
00:49:46,166 --> 00:49:49,283
I needed to reassess
and get in touch with myself.
606
00:49:49,419 --> 00:49:52,752
- In a day?
- Imagine what I could do with seven.
607
00:49:54,007 --> 00:49:56,874
It's not in my power to give you anchor.
608
00:49:57,052 --> 00:50:00,089
But as far as field reporting goes...
609
00:50:00,180 --> 00:50:03,547
Cut the crap
and get down to brass tacks.
610
00:50:08,563 --> 00:50:10,554
I had you going.
611
00:50:10,649 --> 00:50:13,356
Don't worry about it, my old friend.
612
00:50:13,902 --> 00:50:16,735
Give me a camera.
I'll give you the news.
613
00:50:25,330 --> 00:50:31,246
I let the jalapenos marinate
in a spicy sauce
614
00:50:31,294 --> 00:50:35,583
for 24 hours
before I stir it into the chilli.
615
00:50:35,632 --> 00:50:38,465
Then I let it all come to a simmer.
616
00:50:43,348 --> 00:50:44,758
Hold that thought.
617
00:50:44,808 --> 00:50:48,266
It seems as if an asteroid
or meteorite
618
00:50:48,311 --> 00:50:52,475
has hit ground outside
the Mark twain chilli cook-off!
619
00:50:53,441 --> 00:50:56,103
This should spice things up!
620
00:50:56,152 --> 00:50:58,438
His stories are all over town.
621
00:50:58,488 --> 00:50:59,944
From unearthing hoffa...
622
00:50:59,989 --> 00:51:01,980
To a meteor crashing...
623
00:51:02,075 --> 00:51:05,442
Bruce Nolan is becoming known as...
624
00:51:20,218 --> 00:51:23,881
That's the way the cookie crumbles!
625
00:51:28,518 --> 00:51:30,850
This was Bruce's idea?
626
00:51:30,937 --> 00:51:35,647
He wanted me to have a day of beauty
and luxurious Serenity.
627
00:51:37,235 --> 00:51:40,443
He is impressing me lately.
628
00:51:40,488 --> 00:51:42,820
Know where he's taking me to dinner?
629
00:51:42,866 --> 00:51:45,027
Where?
630
00:51:47,746 --> 00:51:49,361
The blue palm?
631
00:51:51,291 --> 00:51:54,328
- I just got chills.
- I know.
632
00:51:54,377 --> 00:51:58,666
He told me to prepare
for the most memorable night of our lives.
633
00:51:59,632 --> 00:52:03,420
- He's going to propose.
- Stop it. No. He's...
634
00:52:03,511 --> 00:52:06,173
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
635
00:52:06,264 --> 00:52:09,222
He sends you to a spa,
636
00:52:09,309 --> 00:52:13,473
takes you to a romantic restaurant,
where you had your first date.
637
00:52:13,605 --> 00:52:18,816
I never thought I'd say it, Bruce is
right. This is your night. Enjoy it.
638
00:52:25,158 --> 00:52:30,278
Welcome to eyewitness news at six,
with Susan Ortega, Evan Baxter,
639
00:52:30,371 --> 00:52:33,078
Fred Donohue, sports,
Dallas Coleman, weather.
640
00:52:33,166 --> 00:52:35,623
Now, buffalo's number one news team.
641
00:52:35,710 --> 00:52:38,793
Welcome to eyewitness news at six.
I'm Susan Ortega.
642
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:41,371
I'm Evan Baxter.
Here's what's making news.
643
00:52:41,466 --> 00:52:45,379
A potential scandal
with the buffalo pd surfaced today,
644
00:52:45,428 --> 00:52:48,135
when the mayor demanded...
645
00:52:48,223 --> 00:52:53,434
When the mayor demanded the chief...
When the mayor demanded...
646
00:52:53,895 --> 00:52:56,477
Issued a response to...
647
00:52:56,564 --> 00:53:00,398
- I seem to have something stuck in...
- Get him some water.
648
00:53:00,485 --> 00:53:03,147
My new co-anchor needs water.
649
00:53:09,118 --> 00:53:10,983
There we go. Sorry.
650
00:53:11,079 --> 00:53:15,869
In other news, the prime minister
of Sweden visited Washington today,
651
00:53:15,917 --> 00:53:19,080
and my tiny little nipples went to France.
652
00:53:19,963 --> 00:53:22,170
What did he say? Check the prompter.
653
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:30,424
- It's fine.
- Evan, read the copy. It's good.
654
00:53:31,266 --> 00:53:34,679
The white house received
the prime rib roast minister,
655
00:53:34,769 --> 00:53:38,307
and I do the cha-cha
like a sissy girl.
656
00:53:40,149 --> 00:53:42,936
I lika do
657
00:53:43,027 --> 00:53:45,393
da cha-cha.
658
00:53:49,367 --> 00:53:53,030
I'm sorry. We seem to be
having technical difficulties.
659
00:53:53,538 --> 00:53:55,278
In other news...
660
00:53:58,334 --> 00:54:00,871
My apologies.
661
00:55:24,504 --> 00:55:26,916
May 17?
662
00:55:32,011 --> 00:55:34,423
It's perfect. She'll love it.
663
00:55:42,063 --> 00:55:45,351
I was going to wait until after the meal,
664
00:55:46,359 --> 00:55:50,068
but it'll burst out of me
like an alien if I don't do it now.
665
00:55:53,533 --> 00:55:58,323
This is it, isn't it?
I don't know if I'm ready for this.
666
00:55:58,413 --> 00:56:03,498
I'm ready. I didn't know
if I would... I'm sorry, go on.
667
00:56:03,584 --> 00:56:07,042
- I didn't know it mattered to you.
- Me, neither.
668
00:56:20,977 --> 00:56:23,309
I got anchor.
669
00:56:28,109 --> 00:56:30,771
It wasn't working out with Evan,
670
00:56:30,820 --> 00:56:35,359
so he's going to finish the week
and I go live on Monday.
671
00:56:37,326 --> 00:56:41,410
- That's great, honey.
- I know.
672
00:56:45,293 --> 00:56:48,456
- So that's what this is about.
- Yeah.
673
00:56:49,839 --> 00:56:55,175
Jack's throwing me a party Friday
at the Vanderbilt estate to celebrate.
674
00:56:55,261 --> 00:56:57,297
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
675
00:56:57,930 --> 00:57:00,967
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the lord my soul...
676
00:57:01,017 --> 00:57:03,224
I feel stupid.
677
00:57:03,311 --> 00:57:06,144
- It's loud in here.
- It's not loud.
678
00:57:07,523 --> 00:57:09,605
Keep it down to a dull roar.
679
00:57:09,650 --> 00:57:12,141
- Thank youl!
- Is that supposed to be funny?
680
00:57:12,195 --> 00:57:14,652
Because it's not.
681
00:57:15,073 --> 00:57:18,907
- What are you saying?
- What is wrong? Stop yelling.
682
00:57:21,162 --> 00:57:24,575
Can you excuse me?
I'll take a trip to the...
683
00:57:26,209 --> 00:57:28,996
The wine is going right through me.
684
00:57:29,128 --> 00:57:31,995
I'm so sorry.
685
00:57:32,048 --> 00:57:34,164
Keep going, Tony! You're great!
686
00:57:37,303 --> 00:57:41,262
What is going on here?
What is this?
687
00:57:41,349 --> 00:57:43,431
Give me a break!
688
00:57:48,439 --> 00:57:50,521
Really something, isn't it?
689
00:57:53,194 --> 00:57:57,733
- Is this heaven?
- No, this is mount Everest.
690
00:57:57,824 --> 00:58:00,782
You should watch
the discovery channel sometimes.
691
00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:04,778
But I guess you can't now,
being dead and all.
692
00:58:05,957 --> 00:58:08,949
- I'm dead?
- No, I'm messing with you.
693
00:58:09,085 --> 00:58:12,077
That's not funny, man!
694
00:58:13,798 --> 00:58:18,007
And the voices in my head?
Is that part of the hilarity?
695
00:58:18,094 --> 00:58:22,428
Those are prayers.
You keep ignoring them, they'll build up.
696
00:58:22,473 --> 00:58:25,306
It's just noise.
I can't understand them.
697
00:58:26,144 --> 00:58:28,180
You're not listening, son.
698
00:58:28,813 --> 00:58:31,020
Let's see.
699
00:58:31,107 --> 00:58:36,397
You've had my powers a week.
How many people have you helped?
700
00:58:39,699 --> 00:58:41,655
I took care of a few things.
701
00:58:41,701 --> 00:58:44,864
I righted a few wrongs
in my own life first.
702
00:58:44,954 --> 00:58:47,320
I was going to help the others.
703
00:58:47,415 --> 00:58:52,660
- I could help the world.
- That wasn't the world.
704
00:58:58,759 --> 00:59:02,343
I didn't want to start you
with more than you could handle.
705
00:59:02,430 --> 00:59:06,048
You took the job.
I suggest you get to it.
706
00:59:10,438 --> 00:59:12,804
Prayers, prayers.
707
00:59:14,066 --> 00:59:18,309
This whisper thing has to end.
I need organisation and management.
708
00:59:18,362 --> 00:59:22,401
I need a system. Something concrete.
Concentrate.
709
00:59:23,826 --> 00:59:28,320
Files. Let all prayers
be organised into files.
710
00:59:33,211 --> 00:59:36,954
That takes care of the voices.
Not exactly a space-saver, though.
711
00:59:37,965 --> 00:59:40,126
Grace might notice.
712
00:59:40,426 --> 00:59:42,758
I know. Prayer post-its!
713
00:59:57,944 --> 01:00:03,234
I need something with a lock.
Security. A password.
714
01:00:03,574 --> 01:00:05,235
A password.
715
01:00:05,284 --> 01:00:08,902
Yahweh!
716
01:00:08,955 --> 01:00:11,071
You've got prayers.
717
01:00:11,749 --> 01:00:14,957
Welcome to the revelation superhighway.
718
01:00:15,044 --> 01:00:18,127
We bless, no mess. Downloading now.
719
01:00:21,676 --> 01:00:23,257
It's good!
720
01:00:26,013 --> 01:00:28,379
This is going to take a while.
721
01:00:41,195 --> 01:00:43,402
I'd better manifest some coffee.
722
01:01:03,384 --> 01:01:07,798
That's fresh, mountain-grown
coffee from the hills of Colombia.
723
01:01:35,666 --> 01:01:39,750
I have to have made
some kind of a dent by now.
724
01:01:42,089 --> 01:01:44,330
Come on!
725
01:01:45,509 --> 01:01:49,252
What a bunch of whiners.
This will suck up my life.
726
01:01:55,227 --> 01:01:57,513
Yes. To all.
727
01:01:59,231 --> 01:02:02,598
There you go.
Now everybody's happy.
728
01:02:11,118 --> 01:02:15,202
I'll drink to that.
My tech stocks tripled in five days.
729
01:02:15,247 --> 01:02:17,488
Joe, you seem taller.
730
01:02:17,541 --> 01:02:20,203
- I am.
- My daughter pitched a no-hitter.
731
01:02:20,336 --> 01:02:23,373
I lost 47 pounds
on the krispy kreme diet.
732
01:02:23,464 --> 01:02:26,627
There he is!
The man of the hour!
733
01:02:26,717 --> 01:02:30,630
Bless you! Bless all of you!
734
01:02:30,721 --> 01:02:34,885
Be fruitful, and do long division
or something!
735
01:02:35,893 --> 01:02:38,726
Try that. It's an excellent year.
736
01:02:39,730 --> 01:02:44,019
- Who do you like in the game?
- The sabres. Coach prays a lot.
737
01:03:05,673 --> 01:03:08,881
This is Bruce, grace and Sam.
Leave a message.
738
01:03:09,385 --> 01:03:11,922
Are you there? It's me.
739
01:03:14,932 --> 01:03:17,639
Come on, grace. Come to the party.
740
01:03:18,185 --> 01:03:20,426
I'll call you later, ok?
741
01:03:22,690 --> 01:03:25,102
Come on, Sam.
742
01:03:27,611 --> 01:03:29,727
Help me out.
743
01:03:31,699 --> 01:03:34,031
Sam, don't. Come on.
744
01:03:34,118 --> 01:03:36,734
- Tell me.
- If I do, it might not come true.
745
01:03:36,787 --> 01:03:41,247
What do you want, Mary?
You want the moon?
746
01:03:41,459 --> 01:03:44,951
I'll throw a lasso around it
and pull it down.
747
01:03:45,004 --> 01:03:48,838
That's a good idea. I'll give you the moon.
748
01:03:48,924 --> 01:03:50,789
I'll take it.
749
01:03:50,843 --> 01:03:53,960
- Then what?
- Then you could swallow it.
750
01:03:54,013 --> 01:03:56,129
And it'd all dissolve.
751
01:03:56,223 --> 01:04:00,933
Moonbeams would shoot out of
your fingers and the ends of your hair.
752
01:04:13,491 --> 01:04:15,732
This is Bruce, grace and Sam.
753
01:04:21,624 --> 01:04:25,833
- Why are you in here all alone?
- I was going to...
754
01:04:30,174 --> 01:04:32,756
I was going to give grace a call.
755
01:04:32,843 --> 01:04:37,553
I didn't see her here.
So how are you and grace doing?
756
01:04:38,307 --> 01:04:44,018
Actually, we had a bit of a fight.
I'm not sure if she's...
757
01:04:44,104 --> 01:04:46,390
You're on fire, Bruce.
758
01:04:46,482 --> 01:04:49,019
Some women can't handle fire.
759
01:04:49,902 --> 01:04:52,393
Some can.
760
01:04:52,488 --> 01:04:56,652
That's interesting, cos I never thought
we would ever talk...
761
01:05:17,513 --> 01:05:20,220
You might want to stop touching me now.
762
01:05:24,395 --> 01:05:27,057
Come here!
763
01:05:27,690 --> 01:05:29,681
This is weird. I was just calling you.
764
01:05:29,733 --> 01:05:33,225
You thought Susan's mouth
was the phone?
765
01:05:33,320 --> 01:05:36,062
She kissed me.
766
01:05:36,115 --> 01:05:40,734
- You put up a big fight.
- I tried to stop her, but she's strong.
767
01:05:40,828 --> 01:05:44,070
I screwed up.
Can I make it up to you?
768
01:05:44,164 --> 01:05:46,746
Why don't you get me a boat?
769
01:05:46,834 --> 01:05:49,701
A big boat.
And two big bags of cash.
770
01:05:49,753 --> 01:05:51,744
Then I'll be happy.
771
01:05:51,797 --> 01:05:53,958
Lots of money and lots of stuff!
772
01:05:54,049 --> 01:05:59,294
Other people wanna get married
or have babies with the man they love.
773
01:05:59,388 --> 01:06:02,221
But not me. Just give me the boat.
774
01:06:02,641 --> 01:06:05,223
No wonder you stayed single!
775
01:06:05,269 --> 01:06:09,137
- Don't do this.
- I'm not doing this. I'm undoing it.
776
01:06:09,231 --> 01:06:13,565
I'll be at Debbie's.
Keep Sam until I make arrangements.
777
01:06:15,154 --> 01:06:17,566
You can't leave me.
778
01:06:18,741 --> 01:06:20,857
I'm the Alpha, lady!
779
01:06:20,951 --> 01:06:23,112
I'm the omega, baby!
780
01:06:24,455 --> 01:06:26,241
Fine! I don't need you!
781
01:06:33,088 --> 01:06:37,206
What's wrong? She can't handle
a little competition?
782
01:06:38,552 --> 01:06:40,884
Game's been called
on account of rain.
783
01:06:56,528 --> 01:07:00,897
An unusually high number of lottery
winners has officials concerned.
784
01:07:00,991 --> 01:07:03,698
1100 winning tickets
have been turned in,
785
01:07:03,786 --> 01:07:06,072
all, strangely, from the buffalo area.
786
01:07:07,831 --> 01:07:10,072
More on this story as it develops.
787
01:07:11,126 --> 01:07:15,620
Enjoying your party? Nothing like
spending quality time with friends.
788
01:07:18,217 --> 01:07:22,005
- Grace left me.
- Yeah, I know.
789
01:07:22,513 --> 01:07:24,595
She'll take me back.
790
01:07:27,184 --> 01:07:30,517
- She'll take me back, right?
- Would you take you back?
791
01:07:36,860 --> 01:07:40,853
How do you make somebody love you
without affecting free will?
792
01:07:41,365 --> 01:07:43,481
Welcome to my world.
793
01:07:43,534 --> 01:07:47,447
If you come up with an answer
to that one, let me know.
794
01:07:56,922 --> 01:07:58,662
Rise and shine, buffalo.
795
01:08:12,896 --> 01:08:15,012
- Bye.
- Have fun.
796
01:08:41,091 --> 01:08:43,878
- Can I get a coffee to go?
- Sure.
797
01:08:43,927 --> 01:08:49,012
K-tel records brings you
the 100 greatest love songs of all time.
798
01:08:49,099 --> 01:08:52,432
You'll hear such classics
as "all you need is Bruce",
799
01:08:52,478 --> 01:08:56,141
"if you can't be with the one
you love, then love Bruce",
800
01:08:56,231 --> 01:08:58,722
"do that to Bruce one more time".
801
01:08:58,776 --> 01:09:03,691
And who can forget, "Bruce so horny"?
802
01:09:03,781 --> 01:09:08,946
Order today and we'll throw in
the video sweatin' to Bruce.
803
01:09:08,994 --> 01:09:12,077
Just dial 1900-4 giv him.
804
01:09:12,122 --> 01:09:15,580
That's 1900-4 giv him. Do it now.
805
01:09:45,322 --> 01:09:48,530
Don't put that in your mouth.
That's not food.
806
01:09:48,617 --> 01:09:52,405
Go to the bathroom.
Wash your mouth and your hands.
807
01:09:53,247 --> 01:09:55,954
That kid is gonna poop an ornament.
808
01:09:56,041 --> 01:09:58,123
Do it, you're in a lot of trouble.
809
01:10:00,587 --> 01:10:02,669
All right, that's it!
810
01:10:05,676 --> 01:10:07,667
I surrender!
811
01:10:19,189 --> 01:10:22,352
I'm doing my first anchor tonight.
812
01:10:23,944 --> 01:10:25,354
That's great.
813
01:10:25,404 --> 01:10:28,942
- How have you been?
- Good.
814
01:10:30,701 --> 01:10:34,444
- Debbie won the lottery.
- You're kidding.
815
01:10:34,538 --> 01:10:39,248
But so did 400,000 other people,
so she only won $17.
816
01:10:42,921 --> 01:10:44,286
I miss you.
817
01:10:49,970 --> 01:10:54,259
I took the first step.
Jumped out on a ledge.
818
01:10:55,225 --> 01:10:57,181
Feeling pretty vulnerable.
819
01:10:57,227 --> 01:11:00,094
- What do you want me to say?
- You want me back.
820
01:11:00,188 --> 01:11:03,396
- No.
- What about all the signs?
821
01:11:03,442 --> 01:11:07,606
How did you know about that?
Did you talk to Debbie?
822
01:11:07,696 --> 01:11:11,029
Would it help if I said
I was a complete ass?
823
01:11:11,074 --> 01:11:12,484
You said "ass"!
824
01:11:12,576 --> 01:11:17,411
It's ok if I'm talking about a donkey.
I didn't say "hole". If I said "ass..."
825
01:11:17,456 --> 01:11:20,368
No, wait. Honey, let's go inside.
826
01:11:20,417 --> 01:11:23,409
Kids! Everybody inside. Time to go in.
827
01:11:25,464 --> 01:11:28,501
Please.
None of this seems right without you.
828
01:11:32,804 --> 01:11:34,840
I have to go.
829
01:11:34,932 --> 01:11:37,298
Wait!
830
01:11:43,315 --> 01:11:45,397
How do you feel now?
831
01:11:48,111 --> 01:11:50,944
Have you completely lost your mind?
832
01:11:51,031 --> 01:11:54,023
- Are you drunk?
- Drunk with power.
833
01:11:59,957 --> 01:12:01,663
Love me.
834
01:12:01,750 --> 01:12:04,662
Love me. Love me.
835
01:12:05,754 --> 01:12:07,745
Love me!
836
01:12:09,007 --> 01:12:11,089
I did.
837
01:12:23,146 --> 01:12:25,228
Yeah, I know. Free will.
838
01:12:26,400 --> 01:12:31,019
More power outages reported today
from last week's meteorite strike.
839
01:12:31,113 --> 01:12:34,526
Officials are trying
to repair transformers
840
01:12:34,616 --> 01:12:37,323
damaged by the electrical surge.
841
01:12:37,411 --> 01:12:38,992
It nearly turned violent
842
01:12:39,079 --> 01:12:44,369
when buffalo residents
protested last week's lottery results.
843
01:12:44,459 --> 01:12:47,917
Doomsayers are saying
last week's strange celestial events
844
01:12:48,005 --> 01:12:50,872
are signs that prophecy is being fulfilled,
845
01:12:50,966 --> 01:12:53,628
and the world is coming to an end.
846
01:12:54,845 --> 01:12:56,335
The world's gone mad.
847
01:12:56,388 --> 01:12:58,549
30 seconds to air.
848
01:12:58,640 --> 01:13:01,723
There you are. Your big debut.
How do you feel?
849
01:13:01,852 --> 01:13:06,812
You know what? I'm fine.
Never better. The show must go on.
850
01:13:10,527 --> 01:13:14,145
- The sabres won the Stanley cup.
- You're kidding!
851
01:13:14,698 --> 01:13:17,030
Was that tonight? That's great.
852
01:13:17,075 --> 01:13:21,489
It's crazy out there. We're going to
kick live to Fred at the stadium.
853
01:13:21,538 --> 01:13:23,199
Five seconds.
854
01:13:23,290 --> 01:13:26,748
- You ready?
- Born that way.
855
01:13:26,835 --> 01:13:31,670
Welcome to eyewitness news at six,
with Susan Ortega, Bruce Nolan,
856
01:13:31,757 --> 01:13:35,045
Fred Donohue and Dallas Coleman.
857
01:13:35,218 --> 01:13:37,379
Buffalo's number one news team.
858
01:13:37,471 --> 01:13:39,462
- I'm Susan Ortega.
- I'm Bruce Nolan.
859
01:13:39,556 --> 01:13:41,592
And here's what's making news.
860
01:13:42,726 --> 01:13:45,468
- What happened?
- We lost power.
861
01:13:45,562 --> 01:13:47,644
Transformer's down.
862
01:13:47,731 --> 01:13:49,892
Ever since that damn meteorite hit.
863
01:13:51,860 --> 01:13:54,727
- It's ok.
- We apologise for the interruption.
864
01:13:54,780 --> 01:13:57,021
- Back to the news. Bruce?
- Thank you.
865
01:13:57,074 --> 01:14:00,237
I'm sorry. We're going live
to hsbc arena,
866
01:14:00,285 --> 01:14:03,402
where the buffalo sabres
have won the Stanley cup.
867
01:14:03,497 --> 01:14:04,862
Great.
868
01:14:04,915 --> 01:14:06,655
We're uncorking champagne
869
01:14:06,750 --> 01:14:12,245
because the sabres have won
their first championship in 22 years!
870
01:14:14,925 --> 01:14:16,415
What in the blue blazes?
871
01:14:16,468 --> 01:14:21,258
We'll be back with the sabres'
victory in a hot second.
872
01:14:21,306 --> 01:14:23,171
In other news...
873
01:14:23,266 --> 01:14:25,848
- Bloody hell!
- What is it now?
874
01:14:25,936 --> 01:14:28,427
- The booth is down.
- It's not!
875
01:14:28,522 --> 01:14:34,062
In other news, fighting erupted
in the gaza strip today,
876
01:14:34,111 --> 01:14:36,272
as Israelis and palestinians...
877
01:14:36,363 --> 01:14:38,854
- Bruce.
- What?
878
01:14:38,949 --> 01:14:40,940
They're rioting outside.
879
01:14:41,034 --> 01:14:44,026
- You're kidding.
- The town's gone crazy.
880
01:14:49,126 --> 01:14:51,037
Go on, Bruce. Say something.
881
01:14:52,045 --> 01:14:54,957
Ladies and gentlemen, this just in.
882
01:14:55,966 --> 01:15:01,256
Possibly the biggest breaking news story
this town has ever seen.
883
01:15:08,770 --> 01:15:10,806
And I gotta go.
884
01:15:11,982 --> 01:15:14,189
I'm sorry, Jack.
885
01:15:14,526 --> 01:15:17,142
Susan, it's all yours.
886
01:15:20,282 --> 01:15:22,568
Sabres!
887
01:15:22,659 --> 01:15:24,900
Sabres rule!
888
01:15:24,995 --> 01:15:27,407
Down with the lottery!
889
01:15:27,497 --> 01:15:31,911
Repent! The end is near!
890
01:15:43,138 --> 01:15:48,258
The lottery sucks! I only won 17 bucks!
891
01:15:50,520 --> 01:15:52,511
Channel 7 blows!
892
01:16:08,038 --> 01:16:10,871
God!
893
01:16:12,876 --> 01:16:14,832
God?
894
01:16:15,837 --> 01:16:18,044
Are you here?
895
01:16:20,717 --> 01:16:23,254
Hello? I need your help!
896
01:16:23,803 --> 01:16:26,590
Clap on! Clap on!
897
01:16:34,522 --> 01:16:36,763
Figures!
898
01:16:39,236 --> 01:16:42,273
Hello there, Bruce almighty.
899
01:16:45,450 --> 01:16:49,363
Not as easy as it looks, is it, son?
This god business.
900
01:16:49,913 --> 01:16:51,995
They're all out of control.
901
01:16:52,791 --> 01:16:55,373
It's mayhem. I don't know what to do.
902
01:16:55,418 --> 01:16:58,251
You're right on time.
Seven o'clock.
903
01:17:01,716 --> 01:17:04,048
The 7th at 7:00.
904
01:17:18,066 --> 01:17:20,102
All righty, then.
905
01:17:22,654 --> 01:17:25,862
- There we are.
- It's good.
906
01:17:27,951 --> 01:17:29,782
It's a wonderful thing.
907
01:17:29,869 --> 01:17:34,659
No matter how filthy something gets,
you can always clean it right up.
908
01:17:35,792 --> 01:17:38,909
There were so many.
I gave them what they wanted.
909
01:17:41,589 --> 01:17:45,047
Since when does anyone
have a clue about what they want?
910
01:17:47,887 --> 01:17:49,673
So what do I do?
911
01:17:53,143 --> 01:17:57,136
Parting your soup is not a miracle.
It's a magic trick.
912
01:17:58,148 --> 01:18:00,810
A single mom working two jobs,
913
01:18:00,900 --> 01:18:04,939
who finds time to take her kid
to soccer practice, that's a miracle.
914
01:18:05,363 --> 01:18:09,481
A teenager who says no to drugs
and yes to an education,
915
01:18:09,576 --> 01:18:11,191
that's a miracle.
916
01:18:12,787 --> 01:18:18,453
People want me to do everything.
They don't realise they have the power.
917
01:18:19,461 --> 01:18:22,203
You want to see a miracle, son?
918
01:18:22,339 --> 01:18:24,375
Be the miracle.
919
01:18:27,677 --> 01:18:29,838
Are you leaving?
920
01:18:30,472 --> 01:18:32,679
I figure you can handle things now.
921
01:18:33,183 --> 01:18:36,141
But what if I need you?
What if I have questions?
922
01:18:36,186 --> 01:18:40,725
That's your problem.
That's everybody's problem.
923
01:18:40,815 --> 01:18:43,147
You keep looking up.
924
01:18:46,696 --> 01:18:50,985
Order has been restored
after this evening's downtown riot.
925
01:18:51,076 --> 01:18:55,991
Officials have suspended lottery
sales pending an investigation.
926
01:18:56,081 --> 01:19:00,324
No injuries were reported,
but there were dozens of arrests.
927
01:19:51,636 --> 01:19:53,752
- Thanks a million.
- No problem.
928
01:19:53,805 --> 01:19:55,921
God bless.
929
01:20:00,437 --> 01:20:03,270
Bruce giveth, and Bruce...
930
01:20:03,314 --> 01:20:04,679
Taketh away.
931
01:20:04,774 --> 01:20:08,312
If you don't like it... mega-bite me.
932
01:20:21,332 --> 01:20:26,452
I suppose you're here to gloat about
the anchor position. Go ahead.
933
01:20:26,546 --> 01:20:28,787
Actually, I...
934
01:20:29,883 --> 01:20:33,125
I came to tell you
I've been a royal prick.
935
01:20:33,178 --> 01:20:36,921
The anchor position is yours.
I turned down the job.
936
01:20:36,973 --> 01:20:39,555
I never really congratulated you.
937
01:20:41,144 --> 01:20:43,430
Congratulations.
938
01:20:45,440 --> 01:20:47,180
Thanks, Bruce.
939
01:20:47,275 --> 01:20:52,895
In the financial world, things are back to
normal, after a fluke market fluctuation.
940
01:20:53,698 --> 01:20:58,738
- You made the right move.
- You ready to go back out there?
941
01:20:59,662 --> 01:21:02,449
Do the cutesy stuff?
The lighter side of the news?
942
01:21:02,499 --> 01:21:06,458
Lower and debase myself
for the amusement of strangers?
943
01:21:06,503 --> 01:21:08,915
I could do that. Sounds like fun.
944
01:21:09,005 --> 01:21:10,620
Good.
945
01:21:12,175 --> 01:21:14,712
Let's do it like the other dogs.
946
01:21:14,802 --> 01:21:18,465
Not to make you feel bad,
but they're laughing at you.
947
01:21:18,515 --> 01:21:20,847
Come on. Concentrate.
948
01:21:20,934 --> 01:21:23,175
Pump it out, if you have to.
949
01:21:23,228 --> 01:21:25,844
What am I going to do with you?
950
01:21:27,941 --> 01:21:30,853
I know this seems crazy,
951
01:21:30,944 --> 01:21:34,857
but desperate times
call for desperate measures.
952
01:21:39,035 --> 01:21:40,900
Do your thing.
953
01:21:40,995 --> 01:21:44,112
That's it. Good boy!
954
01:21:46,292 --> 01:21:47,292
Training my dog.
955
01:22:08,022 --> 01:22:11,059
Yes! We did it!
956
01:22:13,736 --> 01:22:18,355
We're doing it doggy style!
957
01:22:18,408 --> 01:22:20,319
I'll alert penthouse forum.
958
01:22:20,410 --> 01:22:22,742
Hi, Deb. How are you?
959
01:22:23,997 --> 01:22:25,077
How's grace?
960
01:22:25,164 --> 01:22:28,031
I didn't come to chat.
I came for grace's stuff.
961
01:22:34,173 --> 01:22:37,085
- You need a...?
- That's ok. I've got it.
962
01:22:44,517 --> 01:22:49,227
I don't know if she...
I don't know if she wants that or not.
963
01:22:52,775 --> 01:22:55,482
This is full. You did all this?
964
01:23:06,956 --> 01:23:09,322
Know what I do before I go to bed?
965
01:23:09,459 --> 01:23:13,293
I tuck my kids in, maybe have
some ice cream and watch conan.
966
01:23:14,797 --> 01:23:17,163
Know what grace does?
967
01:23:18,301 --> 01:23:20,462
She prays.
968
01:23:21,554 --> 01:23:23,510
Most of the time for you.
969
01:23:45,328 --> 01:23:48,445
Find grace connelly.
970
01:23:51,668 --> 01:23:53,829
The woman does pray a lot.
971
01:23:55,588 --> 01:23:58,580
Find... grace and Bruce.
972
01:23:59,634 --> 01:24:04,298
"Dear god, help Bruce find himself,
find contentment, find you."
973
01:24:04,347 --> 01:24:07,180
"Dear god, help Bruce.
He's struggling.”
974
01:24:07,934 --> 01:24:11,927
"Dear god, give Bruce strength.
Dear god, bless Bruce."
975
01:24:16,609 --> 01:24:18,725
It's her.
976
01:24:18,820 --> 01:24:22,654
Sammy, she's logging on.
She's praying right now.
977
01:24:29,831 --> 01:24:31,696
Please, god.
978
01:24:33,292 --> 01:24:34,748
Please.
979
01:24:34,836 --> 01:24:36,827
I still love him.
980
01:24:39,132 --> 01:24:42,215
But I don't want to love him any more.
981
01:24:42,301 --> 01:24:47,045
I don't want to hurt any more.
Please. Help me forget.
982
01:24:48,099 --> 01:24:50,636
Please help me let him go.
983
01:24:51,519 --> 01:24:53,976
Please help me let him go.
984
01:25:15,001 --> 01:25:17,117
You win!
985
01:25:17,879 --> 01:25:19,585
I'm d onel
986
01:25:19,630 --> 01:25:22,667
please!
I don't want to do this any more!
987
01:25:24,594 --> 01:25:26,755
I don't want to be god.
988
01:25:27,263 --> 01:25:30,630
I want you to decide what's right for me!
989
01:25:30,725 --> 01:25:33,216
I surrender to your will!
990
01:26:03,966 --> 01:26:05,001
Aml...?
991
01:26:05,092 --> 01:26:09,426
You can't kneel down in the highway
and live to talk about it.
992
01:26:09,472 --> 01:26:11,713
But why?
993
01:26:12,683 --> 01:26:14,639
Why now?
994
01:26:17,021 --> 01:26:19,137
You have the divine spark.
995
01:26:19,982 --> 01:26:24,191
You have the gift for bringing joy
and laughter to the world.
996
01:26:25,154 --> 01:26:27,440
I know. I created you.
997
01:26:28,741 --> 01:26:33,451
- Quit bragging.
- See? That's what I'm talking about.
998
01:26:33,496 --> 01:26:35,782
That's the spark.
999
01:26:40,378 --> 01:26:42,835
What do you want me to do?
1000
01:26:43,631 --> 01:26:45,587
I want you to pray, son.
1001
01:26:46,092 --> 01:26:49,334
Go ahead. Use them.
1002
01:26:55,059 --> 01:26:58,472
Lord, feed the hungry,
1003
01:26:58,521 --> 01:27:02,264
and bring peace to...
1004
01:27:03,276 --> 01:27:05,517
All of mankind.
1005
01:27:07,029 --> 01:27:09,611
- How's that?
- Great.
1006
01:27:09,699 --> 01:27:12,691
If you want to be miss America.
1007
01:27:12,743 --> 01:27:16,327
Come on.
What do you really care about?
1008
01:27:25,882 --> 01:27:28,214
You want her back?
1009
01:27:32,555 --> 01:27:34,841
No.
1010
01:27:35,516 --> 01:27:38,053
I want her to be happy.
1011
01:27:40,146 --> 01:27:41,977
No matter what that means.
1012
01:27:42,064 --> 01:27:44,601
I want her to find someone...
1013
01:27:45,151 --> 01:27:47,392
Who'll treat her...
1014
01:27:48,070 --> 01:27:52,564
With all the love
she deserved from me.
1015
01:27:55,411 --> 01:27:57,823
I want her to meet someone...
1016
01:28:02,835 --> 01:28:05,201
Who'll see her always...
1017
01:28:06,255 --> 01:28:08,416
As I do now.
1018
01:28:12,762 --> 01:28:15,595
Through your eyes.
1019
01:28:15,681 --> 01:28:18,718
- Now that's a prayer.
- Yeah?
1020
01:28:19,435 --> 01:28:20,891
Yeah.
1021
01:28:21,896 --> 01:28:24,638
- It's good.
- It's good?
1022
01:28:24,732 --> 01:28:27,348
It's good!
1023
01:28:28,277 --> 01:28:30,734
I'm going to get right on it.
1024
01:28:31,364 --> 01:28:33,104
Clear!
1025
01:28:33,157 --> 01:28:35,193
- That didn't feel good.
- Clear!
1026
01:28:36,953 --> 01:28:39,660
- Got a rhythm.
- Got a pulse.
1027
01:28:39,747 --> 01:28:42,784
- Get him up.
- Get the backboard and brace.
1028
01:28:53,344 --> 01:28:57,804
Welcome back.
You're lucky to be alive.
1029
01:28:57,890 --> 01:29:00,222
Someone up there likes you.
1030
01:29:15,116 --> 01:29:17,983
I hear that stuff's
in a warehouse somewhere.
1031
01:29:25,376 --> 01:29:27,662
Hi, baby.
1032
01:29:29,505 --> 01:29:32,212
My god, look at you.
1033
01:29:33,551 --> 01:29:36,509
- I was such an idiot.
- It's ok.
1034
01:29:43,894 --> 01:29:46,681
I don't know what I would have done.
1035
01:29:49,108 --> 01:29:52,145
I wanted to be mad at you forever.
1036
01:30:04,123 --> 01:30:06,785
Now you're just showing off.
1037
01:30:17,636 --> 01:30:21,754
This is Bruce Nolan at buffalo's
first "be the miracle" blood drive.
1038
01:30:21,849 --> 01:30:24,716
It's a b-e-a-utiful day.
1039
01:30:24,810 --> 01:30:28,223
So come on down, because the life
you save could be mine.
1040
01:30:28,272 --> 01:30:33,483
The kowolskis have baked
a special cookie just for this occasion.
1041
01:30:33,569 --> 01:30:36,732
It's creepy and a shameless plug,
but we love them.
1042
01:30:36,781 --> 01:30:39,944
Thank you, mama.
Vol, finger, nose!
1043
01:30:41,160 --> 01:30:43,492
I will have given blood twice this week.
1044
01:30:43,579 --> 01:30:45,911
For those of you who haven't heard,
1045
01:30:45,956 --> 01:30:49,790
I'd like to introduce you
to the future mrs exclusive.
1046
01:30:49,877 --> 01:30:52,869
Grace connelly. There she is.
1047
01:30:52,922 --> 01:30:57,336
Look at her! Isn't she beautiful?
1048
01:30:57,426 --> 01:31:01,590
She just gave blood and she still
has enough to fill up her face.
1049
01:31:01,639 --> 01:31:05,632
Behind every great man,
there's a woman rolling her eyes.
1050
01:31:05,726 --> 01:31:10,311
I'm Bruce Nolan for eyewitness news
reminding you to...
1051
01:31:10,397 --> 01:31:12,388
Be the miracle!
1052
01:31:14,276 --> 01:31:15,812
You heard them.
1053
01:31:15,903 --> 01:31:18,019
Cut. Thank you, Bruce.
1054
01:31:22,535 --> 01:31:25,993
- How was that?
- That was really great.
1055
01:31:26,080 --> 01:31:28,537
Go over there.
The nurse is waiting.
1056
01:31:28,624 --> 01:31:30,910
- Do I have to?
- It won't hurt.
1057
01:31:30,960 --> 01:31:33,451
I think you'll find it pleasurable.
1058
01:32:52,583 --> 01:32:53,868
I'm sorry.
1059
01:32:53,959 --> 01:32:58,077
I have a rare blood type.
I'm ab positive.
1060
01:32:58,797 --> 01:33:01,083
Sounds delicious.
1061
01:33:03,886 --> 01:33:06,844
There are storehouses
all over the world,
1062
01:33:06,889 --> 01:33:11,053
with tons of stuff on ice, and...
1063
01:33:11,143 --> 01:33:13,475
- Sorry.
- You're like this.
1064
01:33:15,481 --> 01:33:18,223
Positive, ib positive... sorry.
1065
01:33:18,275 --> 01:33:20,357
I have a rary...
1066
01:33:21,570 --> 01:33:23,982
She has a rary!
1067
01:33:24,073 --> 01:33:28,112
I have a very rare blood type.
I'm ab negative.
1068
01:33:28,202 --> 01:33:30,784
- I'm ib positive.
- Am I ab negative?
1069
01:33:30,871 --> 01:33:32,611
I don't know any more.
1070
01:33:33,165 --> 01:33:36,328
I need a frickin' miracle
to get to work on time.
1071
01:33:54,103 --> 01:33:55,468
Shit!
1072
01:33:59,692 --> 01:34:01,023
That'll work.
1073
01:34:01,402 --> 01:34:05,736
Other stories in the...
1074
01:34:09,493 --> 01:34:14,578
The prime minister of Sweden
visited Washington, and in other...
1075
01:34:17,960 --> 01:34:20,747
In other news...
1076
01:34:27,636 --> 01:34:30,799
I'm Bruce Nolan for eyewitness no...
1077
01:34:32,766 --> 01:34:34,506
Eyewitness nose.
1078
01:34:35,602 --> 01:34:37,968
And clear!
1079
01:34:38,063 --> 01:34:40,224
Be the miracle!
1080
01:34:40,316 --> 01:34:42,477
That's right!
77157
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