Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:12,859
Oh! You only make that face
when your dick is on fire.
2
00:00:12,860 --> 00:00:14,409
So, you're certain?
3
00:00:14,410 --> 00:00:15,489
Definitively.
4
00:00:15,490 --> 00:00:18,529
The 36 HooliPhones
that blew up at Hoolicon
5
00:00:18,530 --> 00:00:21,159
and the 17 that blew up
around the US
6
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:22,609
all had our code on them.
7
00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:25,319
Richard, these are real people
8
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,989
with real crotches,
and they're burning.
9
00:00:27,990 --> 00:00:30,699
We have to tell someone.
This was our fault.
10
00:00:30,700 --> 00:00:34,819
No. No, no. Keenan's demo was
built to run on a $10,000 rig.
11
00:00:34,820 --> 00:00:37,699
Jack ported it
to a phone in four days.
12
00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:39,489
They wrote sloppy code
that's pinging
13
00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:41,489
the antenna constantly,
looking for the goggles.
14
00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:45,409
That had to have caused the phone's
antenna to draw too much power...
15
00:00:45,410 --> 00:00:47,859
Which would overheat
the subpar battery.
16
00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:49,900
And when we pinged our network
on top of all that...
17
00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:54,359
Dick fire. Richard, what happened
to being Honest Abe from now on?
18
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,609
We committed a crime here.
19
00:00:56,610 --> 00:00:59,159
Barely, Jared. The fact
that we hacked those phones
20
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,359
works in our favor.
All of our code is hidden.
21
00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:05,489
Agreed. And when Hooli launches a new
software update to fix the phones,
22
00:01:05,490 --> 00:01:08,489
our network will still be
functional, Melcher will be happy,
23
00:01:08,490 --> 00:01:11,659
Monica will fund us, and no one
will ever know what we did.
24
00:01:11,660 --> 00:01:14,949
I'll know! Yes! I'll know
too, but I'm okay with it.
25
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,320
I'm sorry.
26
00:01:24,030 --> 00:01:25,159
What the fuck is this?
27
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,410
I write three letters
every time I start a job...
28
00:01:28,570 --> 00:01:30,159
a personal action plan,
29
00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:32,159
a letter to my 40-year-old self,
30
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,569
and that, a resignation letter.
31
00:01:34,570 --> 00:01:38,659
I'll be moving my things
back into my condo.
32
00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:41,359
What about your squatter?
Oh, he's been out for months.
33
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:45,199
He left to go sell cocaine at
the Keystone Pipeline protests.
34
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,779
I've just been staying in the
garage out of solidarity.
35
00:01:47,780 --> 00:01:49,159
You can't leave.
36
00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:51,239
Don't beg, Richard. I'm not.
37
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:53,909
According
to the employee handbook,
38
00:01:53,910 --> 00:01:57,359
which you wrote,
an employee cannot leave
39
00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,570
without giving
two weeks' notice.
40
00:02:00,950 --> 00:02:02,739
You... you read the handbook?
41
00:02:02,740 --> 00:02:06,569
Yeah, I did. All right, fine.
42
00:02:06,570 --> 00:02:08,449
I'll fulfill my duties
under protest,
43
00:02:08,450 --> 00:02:10,949
but I will not do
anything illegal
44
00:02:10,950 --> 00:02:13,529
nor unethical,
and I will not lie.
45
00:02:13,530 --> 00:02:17,239
I already have upwards of 50
burnt perinea on my conscience.
46
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:18,570
Richard, that's enough.
47
00:02:19,950 --> 00:02:21,950
Consider that
my two weeks' notice.
48
00:02:25,910 --> 00:02:28,909
All right.
Keep an eye on HooliNews,
49
00:02:28,910 --> 00:02:32,359
and let me know when Jack
announces the HooliPhone update.
50
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,989
What do you mean you're not
issuing a software update?
51
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:39,659
Who can say why the phone Gavin
Belson brought to market
52
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:45,109
started exploding when we put Keenan
Feldspar's technology on it?
53
00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:48,609
Is it Gavin's fault? Is it Keenan's fault?
Is it 50-50? Who knows?
54
00:02:48,610 --> 00:02:50,779
We need to change
the narrative here.
55
00:02:50,780 --> 00:02:53,700
Has anyone flown
commercial recently?
56
00:02:55,660 --> 00:02:59,199
Nor have I, but apparently they're
still making the announcements
57
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,989
at the gate about Samsung
Galaxy Note 7 being banned.
58
00:03:02,990 --> 00:03:06,449
We can't have people believing
that our phones blow up airplanes,
59
00:03:06,450 --> 00:03:10,239
no matter how much Gavin and/or
Keenan may have wanted it.
60
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,319
It's lethal PR.
61
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:14,409
We need to get ahead
of this one,
62
00:03:14,410 --> 00:03:16,409
which is why I am going to pull
63
00:03:16,410 --> 00:03:20,069
every last affected
HooliPhone out of circulation
64
00:03:20,070 --> 00:03:22,319
and replace it
in the next three days.
65
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:25,029
That's over
nine million devices.
66
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:28,699
Gavin Belson had to move heaven
and earth to get our China plants
67
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:31,029
up to a capacity
of two million per day,
68
00:03:31,030 --> 00:03:34,449
and his negotiations with labor
were extremely delicate.
69
00:03:34,450 --> 00:03:37,859
Well, China has never
negotiated with Jack Barker.
70
00:03:37,860 --> 00:03:40,909
What you're proposing
is staggeringly expensive
71
00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:43,069
and borderline impossible.
72
00:03:43,070 --> 00:03:44,200
We won't approve it.
73
00:03:46,410 --> 00:03:49,109
I see.
74
00:03:49,110 --> 00:03:52,359
Slight hitch. I may have
instructed my comms team
75
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,779
to issue a press release
announcing the recall...
76
00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:57,660
and it should be going out at...
77
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,199
Yeah, it's out. Jack.
78
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,699
Let's just gas up that HooliJet,
79
00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:09,110
and I am going to go ahead
and go to China!
80
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:17,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
81
00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:26,029
So, every fucking HooliPhone that we're on
is being pulled out of service and replaced
82
00:04:26,030 --> 00:04:27,910
with a new one that doesn't
have our code on it.
83
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,989
Half of our storage
capacity just gone.
84
00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:33,029
Where the fuck are we gonna
put all of Melcher's data?
85
00:04:33,030 --> 00:04:37,279
Wait. We have a server farm
in the garage, right?
86
00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:40,909
Now, don't you think if Anton could've saved
our ass, I would've suggested it by now?
87
00:04:40,910 --> 00:04:43,159
Why can't it work? What
are you, fucking stupid?
88
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,859
In order to hold that much data,
89
00:04:44,860 --> 00:04:47,449
we would have to go
RAID zero, no backup,
90
00:04:47,450 --> 00:04:49,239
so if we lose even one platter,
91
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,409
we lose Melcher's data...
permanently.
92
00:04:51,410 --> 00:04:53,409
Plus, in Anton's
present condition,
93
00:04:53,410 --> 00:04:54,890
I'm afraid he might
totally melt down.
94
00:04:54,914 --> 00:04:57,699
We have to call Melcher. No,
we are not calling Melcher.
95
00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:00,449
If we tell him about any of
this, that would be suicide.
96
00:05:00,450 --> 00:05:02,279
Look, if we're gonna die,
let's just die.
97
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:03,720
Why do we have
to take Anton with us?
98
00:05:03,744 --> 00:05:06,319
Jesus, man. You know that
thing's not alive, right?
99
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,449
Fuck your dumb machine.
Wait. Do you?
100
00:05:08,450 --> 00:05:10,069
Do you actually fuck
your dumb machine?
101
00:05:10,070 --> 00:05:11,779
Is that the secret on your phone?
Fuck you.
102
00:05:11,780 --> 00:05:13,489
Fuck you! Do you raw-dog it?
Guys. Guys. Guys!
103
00:05:13,490 --> 00:05:16,130
Or do you put a condom on your tiny
penis and fuck it in safe mode?
104
00:05:16,131 --> 00:05:18,651
Just fuck each other and get it over with.
"Oh, Anton, fuck me!"
105
00:05:18,675 --> 00:05:20,569
I will fuck both of you...
106
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:24,109
Gentlemen! This is Gladys.
Fuck you.
107
00:05:24,110 --> 00:05:26,280
She's interviewing
to be my replacement.
108
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,410
Hello.
109
00:05:29,410 --> 00:05:30,569
I like your sweater.
110
00:05:30,570 --> 00:05:32,199
Maybe let's talk outside.
111
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,110
Great.
It's just right through here.
112
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,949
Gilfoyle, Anton is going
to be fine, okay?
113
00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:40,779
Just spin him up. Please?
114
00:05:40,780 --> 00:05:42,659
All right, buddy.
115
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:45,110
Let's see what you're made of.
116
00:06:01,490 --> 00:06:02,989
Outstanding.
117
00:06:02,990 --> 00:06:06,279
I'm sorry that you had to
witness that scene in there.
118
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:10,029
It probably gave you the impression
that the company is in disarray,
119
00:06:10,030 --> 00:06:13,989
but I can assure you, there's a
very simple explanation for that.
120
00:06:13,990 --> 00:06:16,529
It... it is. Sorry?
121
00:06:16,530 --> 00:06:20,409
Yeah, even setting aside
our CEO's sexual distortion,
122
00:06:20,410 --> 00:06:23,859
adultery, and lowbrow
scatlogical vandalism,
123
00:06:23,860 --> 00:06:27,489
we're still essentially a...
A criminal operation
124
00:06:27,490 --> 00:06:31,320
whose only real product
is dangerous malware.
125
00:06:32,490 --> 00:06:35,279
I see you're fluent in Japanese.
126
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:38,320
Are... are you gonna be
comfortable with casual racism?
127
00:06:39,740 --> 00:06:42,200
I'm sorry. What happened here?
128
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:44,950
Arson.
129
00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,739
Hsst! Gavin. What?
130
00:06:58,740 --> 00:07:00,950
That wasn't really
breakfast, was it?
131
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,240
Yeah.
132
00:07:03,241 --> 00:07:05,360
Seriously? Shh!
133
00:07:16,530 --> 00:07:17,569
What are you doing?
134
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,319
Well, I'm watching
an episode of House.
135
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,199
Put that fucking thing away.
136
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,569
Are you afraid
it's gonna blow up?
137
00:07:23,570 --> 00:07:25,450
'Cause it won't.
It's not a HooliPhone.
138
00:07:28,570 --> 00:07:30,360
Why would a HooliPhone blow up?
139
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,819
Hey! We're done
with the migrating!
140
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:35,359
How's it going in here?
141
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,159
Don't touch the fucking lights.
One surge and we're dead.
142
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,569
What the fuck? What?
143
00:07:40,570 --> 00:07:43,069
Oh, the eyes. They're contacts.
144
00:07:43,070 --> 00:07:44,489
Okay, how we looking?
145
00:07:44,490 --> 00:07:46,109
Jesus Christ!
146
00:07:46,110 --> 00:07:48,949
I broke my glasses.
I don't have an extra pair,
147
00:07:48,950 --> 00:07:52,449
so I had to pull these out of a drawer.
I had 'em made for All Hallows' Eve.
148
00:07:52,450 --> 00:07:53,859
I was a cat.
149
00:07:53,860 --> 00:07:55,779
How are we looking?
Did it all fit?
150
00:07:55,780 --> 00:07:58,449
Yes, but Anton is
overheating already.
151
00:07:58,450 --> 00:08:00,409
We're about to fry
three of our platters.
152
00:08:00,410 --> 00:08:02,279
I said this was a bad idea.
153
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,949
Fuck. What are we gonna do?
154
00:08:04,950 --> 00:08:09,660
Excuse me. Just FYI,
Gladys turned us down.
155
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,409
Oh, hey, Richard,
long time, no talk.
156
00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:22,949
Yeah, we've all been busy, so.
157
00:08:22,950 --> 00:08:25,319
Oh yeah? Yeah. Hey,
listen, Big Head,
158
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,529
do you think I could get
your Stanford login
159
00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:30,029
so I can access
the faculty server array?
160
00:08:30,030 --> 00:08:33,949
Oh jeez. I don't think
I can do that, man.
161
00:08:33,950 --> 00:08:36,779
Sure you can, man.
Just click on "Forgot password."
162
00:08:36,780 --> 00:08:40,779
No, um, it-it... it's just,
um, I'm kinda on super-thin ice
163
00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:42,819
with the head of the CS
department right now.
164
00:08:42,820 --> 00:08:44,699
After Erlich's
whole SeeFood thing,
165
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:47,359
Standford started looking
into my academic background,
166
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,029
realized that I don't
really have one,
167
00:08:49,030 --> 00:08:50,699
and now I'm on probation,
168
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:53,359
and they've got this real teacher
sitting in, watching me.
169
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,489
That is... that is a bummer.
But hey, Big Head,
170
00:08:55,490 --> 00:08:58,569
they do, um, genome sequence
analysis on the Sherlock cluster.
171
00:08:58,570 --> 00:09:01,819
They're not gonna notice a few
more measly petabytes, all right?
172
00:09:01,820 --> 00:09:05,569
We'll just get on and get off before
anyone even notices we're there.
173
00:09:05,570 --> 00:09:09,529
Yeah? Come on, man. I need this, all right?
I wouldn't ask you otherwise.
174
00:09:09,530 --> 00:09:14,199
All right. My username
is "password"
175
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,529
and my password is "password."
176
00:09:16,530 --> 00:09:18,779
Your username is "password"?
177
00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:20,199
It was just easier.
178
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,069
Okay, Big Head came through.
179
00:09:22,070 --> 00:09:23,569
I've already reserved
the resources.
180
00:09:23,570 --> 00:09:25,410
We can start the transfer
whenever we're ready.
181
00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:27,609
Slight problem.
I can't get online.
182
00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:28,860
What the fuck?
183
00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:31,409
I can't get on either.
184
00:09:31,410 --> 00:09:35,109
Gilfoyle, did you fry the
fucking router again? No!
185
00:09:35,110 --> 00:09:37,529
Jared! Did you pay
the broadband bill?
186
00:09:37,530 --> 00:09:40,529
No. I mean, we don't
have the funds.
187
00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:43,199
What? I tried to bring
it to your attention,
188
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,949
but you said, "Fuck off, Mom."
189
00:09:44,950 --> 00:09:48,779
Wait. Are you telling me Anton is
completely cut off from the outside world?
190
00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:51,819
Which means Melcher's
data is offline.
191
00:09:51,820 --> 00:09:53,070
We're in breach.
192
00:09:54,570 --> 00:09:57,279
Shit. Okay...
193
00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:01,409
you guys keep Anton alive.
I will... figure something out.
194
00:10:01,410 --> 00:10:03,739
A product recall on that scale?
195
00:10:03,740 --> 00:10:06,159
What the fuck
is Barker thinking?
196
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:08,069
I was only at eight percent,
197
00:10:08,070 --> 00:10:11,069
so if you could close
some applications.
198
00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:13,109
Cell phone?
199
00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:17,200
Lama-la, I... I need to know
what Hooli stock is doing.
200
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:19,570
Enlightenment...
201
00:10:20,780 --> 00:10:22,360
or ignorance.
202
00:10:23,780 --> 00:10:25,030
You must choose.
203
00:10:26,780 --> 00:10:28,200
Erlich, get the bags.
204
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,529
Richard Hendricks. What's up?
205
00:10:34,530 --> 00:10:38,489
Hi. I was just calling
to let you know that, um...
206
00:10:38,490 --> 00:10:40,159
we're gonna have
to take the network down
207
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,109
just for a little bit
for some routine maintenance,
208
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:45,609
so your data
might be inaccessible.
209
00:10:45,610 --> 00:10:48,109
What? Yeah. Oh, just
for an hour or two.
210
00:10:48,110 --> 00:10:51,109
Nothing major. Richard...
211
00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:54,409
you're supposed to give me 72 hours'
notice for any disruption of service.
212
00:10:54,410 --> 00:10:57,279
No, I know, I know, I know,
but this is just to improve
213
00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,949
your user experience, because we care.
Falling! Falling!
214
00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:01,569
What the fuck are you doing?
215
00:11:01,570 --> 00:11:03,820
Would you fucking... Is
everything okay over there?
216
00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:07,699
Yeah. "Okay"? Yeah. Yeah.
217
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:09,109
Dan. Danny, Dan-Dan.
218
00:11:09,110 --> 00:11:11,569
It's totally normal.
Totally normal.
219
00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:14,239
Look, as long as you have it
back online, you know,
220
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,609
before we open in the morning.
Yes, of course.
221
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:18,449
Hey, you want to talk to Liz?
222
00:11:18,450 --> 00:11:21,739
No. No, no. I... I'm gonna go
get some cake from the back.
223
00:11:21,740 --> 00:11:23,159
Why? They bring it to us.
224
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,360
That's okay. I'm just gonna...
go to them.
225
00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:30,319
All right. She's going to them.
226
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:33,909
- Never get married, Richard.
- Women, right?
227
00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:35,610
I'll talk to you. Yes. Bye.
228
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:43,660
We'll go to them.
229
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,409
Guys, we'll go to them.
230
00:11:47,410 --> 00:11:49,319
Who? Standford!
231
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:53,199
If we move Anton to Stanford, we can
plug him directly into the cluster,
232
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,699
and we'll be back online before
Fiduciated opens. It's perfect.
233
00:11:56,700 --> 00:12:00,449
Yeah, except for the part about
moving Anton to fucking Stanford.
234
00:12:00,450 --> 00:12:01,819
How the fuck are
we gonna do that?
235
00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:04,489
We take him apart, move him,
put him back together.
236
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:06,529
That's insane. Okay, well,
237
00:12:06,530 --> 00:12:09,409
unless you happen to have a
three-mile long Ethernet cable
238
00:12:09,410 --> 00:12:12,199
hidden up your fucking asshole,
that's the plan!
239
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,529
Is Big Head gonna be okay
with us just showing up
240
00:12:14,530 --> 00:12:16,819
with three tons
of unauthorized equipment?
241
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,159
Yeah! I just spoke
to him on the phone.
242
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:20,449
He was like, "Yeah."
243
00:12:20,450 --> 00:12:23,359
Okay, do it. I'll get the truck.
I'll get a truck.
244
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:26,029
You know, I flew
all the way here,
245
00:12:26,030 --> 00:12:28,359
to Tibet, on my own dime.
246
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:29,739
You've killed my battery.
247
00:12:29,740 --> 00:12:32,699
I don't feel the slightest bit
more spiritually centered.
248
00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:34,240
Can this thing go any faster?
249
00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:39,739
Richard. Oh. Yeah.
250
00:12:39,740 --> 00:12:44,569
Okay. Thank you, Jared. So, what... what
time did Big Head say he needed us there?
251
00:12:44,570 --> 00:12:46,239
I don't know. He said whenever.
252
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,069
Typically, campus security
requires a specific window
253
00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:50,909
for deliveries of this size.
Okay.
254
00:12:50,910 --> 00:12:53,909
Did you send him an inventory,
so that he could request
255
00:12:53,910 --> 00:12:56,279
and clear a static IP
address for each server?
256
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:57,779
No. No.
I wouldn't worry about it.
257
00:12:57,780 --> 00:12:59,069
Maybe I'll just give him a call.
258
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,670
Nah, it's fine.
It's fine. It'll be fine.
259
00:13:00,694 --> 00:13:03,529
Well, maybe I'll just text him.
Jared! Oh my God!
260
00:13:03,530 --> 00:13:07,319
Just... just stop with the
second-guessing, hand-wringing,
261
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,200
pearl-clutching bullshit, okay,
for just, like, a fucking minute.
262
00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:14,279
You know what?
Um, I waive your two weeks.
263
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,359
You can go. What?
264
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,320
You wanted to go? Go.
265
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,450
Bye. Thanks.
266
00:13:24,950 --> 00:13:27,280
I'll order a Lyft home and...
267
00:13:29,110 --> 00:13:31,359
What the fuck was that?
You fired him?
268
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,449
He already quit, remember?
269
00:13:33,450 --> 00:13:35,359
Besides, he was being
a fucking asshole.
270
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,160
Jared was being an asshole?
271
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:40,069
Do you want to go with him?
272
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,819
Because, if you haven't noticed,
273
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,659
if we don't get
this shit to Standford
274
00:13:43,660 --> 00:13:45,989
and all set up by 9:00 a.m.,
275
00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:47,199
we are fucked!
276
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,949
Okay, listen up, everybody,
277
00:13:49,950 --> 00:13:51,279
here's the deal.
278
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,820
I was just talking
to your foreman, Jung-Sho...
279
00:13:58,990 --> 00:14:04,109
and he seems to feel that you are
all working at maximum capacity
280
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:06,489
and that you cannot work
any harder.
281
00:14:06,490 --> 00:14:10,159
But I have just flown
from America,
282
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:14,280
and I'm here to prove
to you that he is wrong.
283
00:14:15,410 --> 00:14:18,279
You can work harder,
much harder.
284
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:21,949
How? With a little system
I like to call
285
00:14:21,950 --> 00:14:25,160
the conjoined triangles
of success!
286
00:14:26,110 --> 00:14:27,530
Come on.
287
00:14:29,570 --> 00:14:31,029
Breaking news.
288
00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,489
Hooli CEO Jack Barker
289
00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:34,489
has been taken hostage
by workers
290
00:14:34,490 --> 00:14:36,319
at a Hooli factory in China,
291
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,029
which produces cell phones.
292
00:14:38,030 --> 00:14:41,199
I want everyone to know
I haven't been harmed...
293
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,859
and the workers here
have assured me
294
00:14:43,860 --> 00:14:47,239
that I will only be held
as their honored guest
295
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:50,359
until Hooli has met
their very reasonable request
296
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:54,199
for fair wages
and for humane conditions.
297
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,989
On a more personal note, honey...
298
00:14:57,990 --> 00:15:00,200
I have to stop now.
299
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,569
All right.
300
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:06,359
Holy shit. I think we
can actually make it.
301
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:07,529
All right.
302
00:15:07,530 --> 00:15:08,780
Okay.
303
00:15:12,070 --> 00:15:13,529
What the fuck?
304
00:15:13,530 --> 00:15:16,359
Shit. We must've left
the work lights on all night.
305
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,029
Well, do we have jumper cables?
306
00:15:18,030 --> 00:15:19,859
Jared did. Triple-A?
307
00:15:19,860 --> 00:15:22,909
- Sounds like a Jared thing.
- Wait.
308
00:15:22,910 --> 00:15:26,570
Aren't Anton's racks
full of backup batteries?
309
00:15:28,610 --> 00:15:30,609
Okay. How much longer?
310
00:15:30,610 --> 00:15:33,780
Give us a minute. We just
need to connect a few more.
311
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,779
Try it now.
312
00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:40,069
Just fuck the batteries!
We don't need 'em! Let's go!
313
00:15:40,070 --> 00:15:43,360
Okay, hold on. Oh my God,
just throw them away!
314
00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:47,909
Okay, dude. Go, go.
315
00:15:47,910 --> 00:15:49,659
Oh Jesus! Shit.
316
00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:51,859
Oh, hey, Ashley. That was close.
317
00:15:51,860 --> 00:15:54,609
Well, look, it won't be the last
time you stop traffic?
318
00:15:54,610 --> 00:15:55,859
Little hottie.
319
00:15:55,860 --> 00:15:57,489
But not now, when you're older.
320
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:59,359
I'm sorry, we have to...
We have to go. Bye.
321
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,279
Back up, back up. Thank you.
322
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,859
Big Head. Hey, I need you
to meet me at the loading dock
323
00:16:03,860 --> 00:16:06,239
behind Spilker in 10 minutes.
I'll explain there.
324
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:08,779
Now's not really
a great time, Richard.
325
00:16:08,780 --> 00:16:10,779
I'm sort of in the middle
of something.
326
00:16:10,780 --> 00:16:13,449
Wait. You said
you already explained.
327
00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:17,110
Yeah, I know. I did.
Yeah, it's just... Big Head.
328
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:19,779
Come on, buddy, I need you.
329
00:16:19,780 --> 00:16:21,820
Okay. Be right there.
330
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,699
Can I go to the bathroom?
331
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:31,159
Are you sure? We don't
want to inconvenience you.
332
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:34,489
It's no trouble at all, and there's
no need to send a negotiator.
333
00:16:34,490 --> 00:16:35,949
I'm in Tibet.
It's right next door.
334
00:16:35,950 --> 00:16:39,109
Well, we'd be grateful to have
this in such good hands.
335
00:16:39,110 --> 00:16:41,409
We've missed you, Gavin.
336
00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:43,109
Perhaps when you return, we...
337
00:16:43,110 --> 00:16:45,989
Please. The only thing
I'm concerned with right now
338
00:16:45,990 --> 00:16:47,860
is bringing our boy home safe.
339
00:16:49,990 --> 00:16:52,029
Fuck you, Jack Barker!
340
00:16:52,030 --> 00:16:53,990
Hah!
341
00:16:55,740 --> 00:16:57,489
Hey.
342
00:16:57,490 --> 00:17:00,319
Opium? Are you
fucking kidding me?
343
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,280
I was on the phone
for, like, three minutes.
344
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:06,449
Big... Head.
345
00:17:06,450 --> 00:17:07,989
Come on, get up.
346
00:17:07,990 --> 00:17:09,530
We need to get to the airstrip.
347
00:17:40,950 --> 00:17:42,779
Shit. Shit. Come on.
Let's go, let's go.
348
00:17:42,780 --> 00:17:44,029
Start unloading it. Come on.
349
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:47,359
Hey, man, so did you
ever transfer all that data?
350
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:51,029
No, we just gotta unload our
servers near the Sherlock arrays.
351
00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:54,819
Servers? Richard, man, I told you,
now is not a good time for this.
352
00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:56,359
- I know, I know, I know.
- You dick.
353
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,159
You never told Big Head
354
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,159
we were bringing Anton here, did you?
Who's Anton?
355
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,859
He's everything
that's packed into the back
356
00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:04,529
of this giant fucking truck.
357
00:18:04,530 --> 00:18:06,239
And you want
to set it all up here?
358
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:07,909
Oh, dude, come on.
359
00:18:07,910 --> 00:18:10,280
I told you I'm, like,
so close to getting fired.
360
00:18:11,530 --> 00:18:13,239
Big Head, come on.
It's just for a bit.
361
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:16,199
Richard, you specifically told us
that Big Head said this was okay.
362
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,480
That's what you fucking told us!
363
00:18:17,504 --> 00:18:19,909
You lied to our faces again.
364
00:18:19,910 --> 00:18:21,590
Come on, guys,
we don't have time for this.
365
00:18:21,614 --> 00:18:23,989
You were just going to show up
and fucking steamroll him?
366
00:18:23,990 --> 00:18:26,659
That was your whole plan?
He's your oldest friend,
367
00:18:26,660 --> 00:18:28,489
and you're okay
just getting him fired?
368
00:18:28,490 --> 00:18:29,739
He's Big Head!
369
00:18:29,740 --> 00:18:32,069
He's gonna fall ass-backward
into something, you know?
370
00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:33,859
He always does.
I'm not doing it.
371
00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:36,279
What? I'm out too.
372
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:40,109
Now? We're-we're-we're...
we're so...
373
00:18:40,110 --> 00:18:42,410
We... we got it.
We're here. W-we did it.
374
00:18:43,910 --> 00:18:46,779
You... hypocrites.
375
00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:49,609
You fucking hypocrites.
376
00:18:49,610 --> 00:18:51,989
When I wouldn't use the fake
users, you called me a pussy.
377
00:18:51,990 --> 00:18:53,609
When I wouldn't
lie on the stand,
378
00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:54,949
you called me a pussy.
379
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:56,819
But now, when I'm actually doing
380
00:18:56,820 --> 00:19:00,449
what you've been wanting me
to do, you quit?
381
00:19:00,450 --> 00:19:03,199
You're the pussies.
You are the pussies.
382
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:06,109
I'm the only one
that's trying to fucking...
383
00:19:06,110 --> 00:19:08,239
save what we do here!
384
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,739
All this time we spent
building this thing, and now,
385
00:19:10,740 --> 00:19:12,909
now it falls apart because
you two don't fucking do it?
386
00:19:12,910 --> 00:19:15,740
This is too much for you? Well, fuck you!
Hey, guys?
387
00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:17,820
This is fine.
388
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:20,449
What? Yeah, my bad.
389
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:23,489
I thought you were
talking about a lot more stuff.
390
00:19:23,490 --> 00:19:24,490
Gre...
391
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,110
- Oh...
- Fuck.
392
00:19:30,990 --> 00:19:33,160
Fuck.
393
00:19:35,660 --> 00:19:37,779
So, anyways,
my office is unlocked
394
00:19:37,780 --> 00:19:40,609
if you guys just wanna, like,
toss that on my desk or whatever.
395
00:19:40,610 --> 00:19:45,279
I should probably get back, though, before
that teacher guy gets me in trouble.
396
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,490
I'll see you guys.
397
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,320
How?
398
00:19:51,950 --> 00:19:53,159
Who?
399
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:57,489
You had me open up the back...
to get the batteries,
400
00:19:57,490 --> 00:19:59,989
and then you told me
not to put them back,
401
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:02,820
so... no one...
402
00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:07,160
You know who would've
remembered to close the door?
403
00:20:08,450 --> 00:20:09,450
Jared.
404
00:20:12,660 --> 00:20:14,320
It's Melcher.
405
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:16,530
Good luck with that.
406
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,319
Richard.
407
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:48,409
Can I come in?
408
00:20:48,410 --> 00:20:51,239
Umm... I have company.
409
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,700
Is there a girl in there?
410
00:20:55,910 --> 00:20:57,359
How many girls are in there?
411
00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:59,909
Richard, what do you want from me?
Nothing, it's just...
412
00:20:59,910 --> 00:21:01,739
you were right about all of it.
413
00:21:01,740 --> 00:21:03,909
I killed Anton,
414
00:21:03,910 --> 00:21:07,659
and, I lost
all of Melcher's data,
415
00:21:07,660 --> 00:21:09,029
everybody fucking hates me,
416
00:21:09,030 --> 00:21:14,700
and I'm basically one blood boy
away from being Gavin Belson.
417
00:21:16,070 --> 00:21:17,529
I did not...
418
00:21:17,530 --> 00:21:20,240
run the company
with integrity...
419
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:23,240
but...
420
00:21:24,410 --> 00:21:26,069
I'm gonna end it with some.
421
00:21:26,070 --> 00:21:29,110
I'm going to Melcher's office,
and I'm coming clean.
422
00:21:30,070 --> 00:21:32,779
Anyway...
423
00:21:32,780 --> 00:21:34,860
I'm really fucking sorry, man.
424
00:21:36,780 --> 00:21:38,820
Well, I'll leave you alone now.
425
00:21:39,820 --> 00:21:42,820
Hey. "This guy fucks."
426
00:21:48,700 --> 00:21:50,110
Richard!
427
00:21:58,660 --> 00:22:01,239
What's this?
It's a job application.
428
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,359
I'd like to submit myself
for a position with Pied Piper.
429
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,070
I'd really like to be there
till the bitter end.
430
00:22:17,740 --> 00:22:19,820
"Lordy, Lordy, looks who's 40."
431
00:22:21,740 --> 00:22:22,860
That's the wrong one.
432
00:22:24,780 --> 00:22:26,030
I gotta say, Gavin...
433
00:22:27,610 --> 00:22:29,029
when that storeroom door opened,
434
00:22:29,030 --> 00:22:31,199
and I saw your face
grinning down at me,
435
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,489
I thought it was an angel.
436
00:22:33,490 --> 00:22:36,239
When we get home, I'm going
to do everything in my power
437
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,780
to get you back in the good
graces of the Hooli board.
438
00:22:39,700 --> 00:22:42,449
I can use a fellow
of your talents, sir.
439
00:22:42,450 --> 00:22:45,489
That's very gracious
of you, Jack. Thank you.
440
00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:46,989
Welcome aboard, gentlemen.
441
00:22:46,990 --> 00:22:50,699
Our flying time to Mountain View
is 11 hours and 36 minutes,
442
00:22:50,700 --> 00:22:53,199
and we will be stopping off
in Jackson Hole first.
443
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,739
Oh. Stopping off at Jackson
Hole, are you, Gavin?
444
00:22:56,740 --> 00:22:59,320
No, Jack. You are.
445
00:23:02,450 --> 00:23:06,159
Jackson Hole is definitively out
of the way. Everyone knows that.
446
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,239
But I don't mind
dropping you off first,
447
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,530
this one last time.
448
00:23:18,070 --> 00:23:20,859
Hey. What are
you guys doing here?
449
00:23:20,860 --> 00:23:22,199
Jared called us.
450
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,360
If you're gonna eat a giant
plate of steaming hot shit,
451
00:23:24,384 --> 00:23:26,424
we figured it should
probably be a team effort.
452
00:23:27,820 --> 00:23:30,159
Okay. Thanks.
453
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,570
I'll go check in.
454
00:23:33,780 --> 00:23:36,529
Hi, could you tell Dan Melcher
that Richard Hendricks
455
00:23:36,530 --> 00:23:38,450
and the guys from Pied
Piper are here to see him?
456
00:23:38,474 --> 00:23:40,409
You guys are Pied Piper?
The guys who built
457
00:23:40,410 --> 00:23:42,529
our data storage network?
It's awesome.
458
00:23:42,530 --> 00:23:45,739
Oh. yeah, it was awesome
until it crashed this morning.
459
00:23:45,740 --> 00:23:48,280
I was just using it two minutes ago.
It's working fine.
460
00:23:50,530 --> 00:23:52,280
- Really?
- Yeah.
461
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,070
What's he talking about?
462
00:24:01,740 --> 00:24:03,239
It's up.
463
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:04,909
All of Melcher's data is there.
464
00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:06,069
How is that possible?
465
00:24:06,070 --> 00:24:07,910
What are those devices?
Those aren't phones.
466
00:24:11,030 --> 00:24:12,489
Why the fuck are you laughing?
467
00:24:12,490 --> 00:24:15,529
You look fucking
insane right now.
468
00:24:15,530 --> 00:24:18,279
Look at that OUI prefixes
in these MAC addresses.
469
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,109
Yeah, okay, so what are those?
470
00:24:20,110 --> 00:24:21,530
Smart fridges.
471
00:24:22,490 --> 00:24:24,239
About 30,000 of them.
472
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,779
Come again? Jian-Yang's smart fridge
must have been self-correcting.
473
00:24:27,780 --> 00:24:31,409
In order to fit my "Suck it,
Jian-Yang" video onto his fridge,
474
00:24:31,410 --> 00:24:34,109
I had to add Pied Piper
libraries to the firmware.
475
00:24:34,110 --> 00:24:36,909
Other smart fridges must've
seen this as an update.
476
00:24:36,910 --> 00:24:39,909
What? The smart fridges
talk to each other,
477
00:24:39,910 --> 00:24:41,359
and they share the new software.
478
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:44,159
Right, so when we put
that data onto Anton,
479
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:45,779
the last thing
he did before he died
480
00:24:45,780 --> 00:24:50,110
was back himself up onto a
huge network of smart fridges.
481
00:24:51,110 --> 00:24:53,609
Anton died so we could live.
482
00:24:53,610 --> 00:24:54,779
Like Jesus.
483
00:24:54,780 --> 00:24:56,609
Oh fuck.
484
00:24:56,610 --> 00:24:59,199
Guys, do you realize
what just happened?
485
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,819
We're still alive.
The network is stable.
486
00:25:01,820 --> 00:25:04,659
The new Internet
works, and this is the proof.
487
00:25:04,660 --> 00:25:07,159
- We did it!
- Yes, we did.
488
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:08,739
Wait a minute.
489
00:25:08,740 --> 00:25:11,989
If Melcher never lost access to his
data, what's he so upset about?
490
00:25:11,990 --> 00:25:13,989
Richard! Richard! I'm so sorry.
491
00:25:13,990 --> 00:25:16,489
We were tasting cakes,
and then you called,
492
00:25:16,490 --> 00:25:19,199
and then it just... came out.
What came out?
493
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,779
- You son of a bitch!
- Save yourself!
494
00:25:22,780 --> 00:25:25,029
I'm guessing
there's a story here.
495
00:25:25,030 --> 00:25:28,160
Stand down! No, no, no!
That's it! Help!
496
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,569
Gavin.
497
00:25:35,570 --> 00:25:37,069
I like your hair.
498
00:25:37,070 --> 00:25:38,159
I like your eye.
499
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,109
Yeah, I... I got it from a woman.
500
00:25:40,110 --> 00:25:42,159
She didn't hit me.
No, the man did...
501
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,160
because of sex...
that I gave to her.
502
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,279
So... welcome home,
503
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,069
and congratulations
on getting your business back.
504
00:25:51,070 --> 00:25:52,630
Thank you.
And I should congratulate you
505
00:25:52,654 --> 00:25:54,109
on your remarkable
tech breakthrough.
506
00:25:54,110 --> 00:25:56,359
I hear you're swimming
in funding offers.
507
00:25:56,360 --> 00:25:59,699
A few. I think we're gonna
go with Bream-Hall.
508
00:25:59,700 --> 00:26:03,240
They seem to get us. You haven't
seen all the offers yet.
509
00:26:08,030 --> 00:26:10,529
Richard, we were partners once.
510
00:26:10,530 --> 00:26:11,859
I'd like to do it again.
511
00:26:11,860 --> 00:26:13,699
This is an acquisition offer,
512
00:26:13,700 --> 00:26:16,569
and it will make you
a very wealthy man.
513
00:26:16,570 --> 00:26:19,109
Let's do this together.
514
00:26:19,110 --> 00:26:20,490
That's very kind of you.
515
00:26:22,030 --> 00:26:24,489
But... Richard, at
least look it over.
516
00:26:24,490 --> 00:26:27,859
I can help you get exactly
where you want to go.
517
00:26:27,860 --> 00:26:32,659
I'm pretty sure I know where I
want to go and how to get there.
518
00:26:32,660 --> 00:26:36,909
If you reject me now, Richard, I will
come after you. I'll devour you.
519
00:26:36,910 --> 00:26:39,449
Think very carefully
about what you're doing here.
520
00:26:39,450 --> 00:26:41,409
Here's what I think, Gavin.
521
00:26:41,410 --> 00:26:44,239
I think
my decentralized Internet
522
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,069
threatens Hooli's
box business model.
523
00:26:47,070 --> 00:26:51,069
I think, basically, you are
just a server company now,
524
00:26:51,070 --> 00:26:53,239
and we intend
to make servers obsolete.
525
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:59,200
So, I think perhaps in the end, I
will be the one devouring you.
526
00:27:00,740 --> 00:27:02,570
I gave you that patent.
527
00:27:03,570 --> 00:27:04,570
Thanks.
528
00:27:08,110 --> 00:27:10,610
Fair enough, Richard.
529
00:27:12,950 --> 00:27:14,949
I shall look forward
to the fight.
530
00:27:14,950 --> 00:27:17,280
Right back at you, Gavy, baby.
531
00:27:18,740 --> 00:27:19,740
Gavin.
532
00:27:22,490 --> 00:27:25,660
Oh, um, did Erlich
ever show up in Tibet?
533
00:27:26,950 --> 00:27:27,950
No.
534
00:27:40,780 --> 00:27:42,450
Jesus. What the hell
did he order?
535
00:27:44,450 --> 00:27:45,779
No. No. no, no, no.
536
00:27:45,780 --> 00:27:48,449
No, no, no, no.
Stop. Stop it. Stop it.
537
00:27:48,450 --> 00:27:50,110
No. Don't.
537
00:27:51,305 --> 00:27:57,678
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