Original subtitles

I hear you're having troubles. No wonder! Look at you.

You wanna change your life so you come to hear the story.

High school popularity ain't a contest, it's a war.

Dizzy Harrison is its greatest casualty.

See, his story is really my story.

Because behind every so-called hero...

- is a little pissed off dude that don't get no credit! - (FIST POUNDS ON TABLE)

We have to go back a ways.

Even as a small child, Dizzy Harrison had his own particular style.

♪ - (JAMES BROWN) Watch me, watch me - (SINGING ALONG)

♪ I got it Watch me

♪ I got it, yeah

♪ I got somethin' that makes me Want to shout

♪ I got somethin' that tells me What it's all about, ha

♪ I got soul

♪ And I'm super bad

♪ Ha

♪ I got soul, ha

♪ And I'm super bad

♪ - Ha - Ha

- ♪ I'm a lover, love to do my thing, ha ♪ - As you can see,

- I didn't have a lot to work with. - ♪ No one else

♪ Sometimes I feel so nice

♪ Good god

♪ I jump back I wanna kiss myself

♪ I got soul

♪ Ha, and I'm super bad

♪ Hey, I said I'm super bad

♪ Bridge come on

♪ Up and down

♪ And around And around

♪ Up and down

♪ And all around

♪ Right on, people

♪ Gimme, gimme

♪ Yeah

I hurt myself!

Things didn't get any better from there.

As the years went by, he got taller, whiter, skinnier.

First day, senior year.

- And we're gonna be the top dogs. - Ruff!

Ruff! Ruff!

- Ruff! - Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!

(LAUGHING)

- I wish I'd drowned this summer. - We all do, Kirk.

We'll always be blips.

- Blips? - We're barely on the radar!

- Not this year. We're seniors now. - I'm with Dizzy on this one.

It's never too late to make a change.

- (GROANS) - Full metal jacket.

(LAUGHS) Dad, put those away.

- (LAUGHS) - You're such a dork!

I say we bail. Home schooling?

- My dad could teach drinking. - Nobody bails, bands stick together.

Guys, relax. Music has the power to transform.

- Ow! - (LAUGHING)

- (MUFFLED) There's some pain. - Good luck, son.

Yo, Blip? Little help?

- (GRUNTS) - Oof!

- (ANIMAL ROARS) - I'll never get used to that. I mean--

- (CAR ALARM WAILING) - Can anyone help me?

Get out of the way!

- You're not going to talk to her. - That is Tina Ass-Good, man!

Like a wood elf versus Al'Kabor. You'll get power leveled!

We're not playing EverQuest, we're on Earth.

Speak for yourself.

- I'm going in. - ♪ Watch me

Take this.

I know I can do this.

- Tina! - You are?

- Dizzy. - (ALARM CONTINUES)

- You gonna help me, or what? - Yeah!

- You got to know your... - (CLICKING)

(ALARM CHIRPS, STOPS)

It's very technical.

A blip is talking to Tina Osgood. Look at my boy!

Didn't they tie you up last year and make you wear rubber breasts?

(MUFFLED GRUNTING)

You remember! That's really sweet.

I imagine God having an ass like that. Did that sound gay?

I've been thinking, we're seniors now...

and maybe sometime, if you wanted to drink coffee...

near me...

I would pay.

- Truthfully? - Yeah.

- You're not my-- - Type.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

You know those moments when a man makes a decision that'll change his life...

and he steps up to become the hero he was meant to be?

This ain't one of those moments.

I thought about this type thing.

To be honest, you're not my type either.

(LAUGHS) Did you really Think that would work?

No, but I thought it was worth giving it a shot.

- You know something? - (ETHEREAL CHORD)

Yo, freak! What are you doing?

Talking. Innocent conversation.

- Innocent? Then what's this? - (GASPS)

(GASPING)

- Oh, my God! That's disgusting! - Loser, nice pup tent!

- We need to cover you up. - (FABRIC RIPPING)

- (ROCK) - Ow!

What is this?

Mrs. Whitman! It's my...

It's mine now!

Is this a weapon? You can't bring loaded weapons to school!

You're tearing the skin!

Mrs. Whitman! (SCREAMS)

My deal!

I'm showing this to Principal Zaylor.

- Cut it out! - (CRACKS)

(NO AUDIBLE SCREAM)

♪ Girl, you really got me Got me so I don't know what I'm doin'

♪ You really got me You really got me

♪ You really got me you really got me

♪ You really got me You really got me ♪

I know what you're thinking. It's not medically possible.

- But let me ask you this. Are you a doctor? - (SCREECHES)

I have good news. Your son's condition is treatable.

What condition? The fact that I can pee around a corner?

- Watch your mouth. - He can't help it.

What's wrong with Dizzy, in medical terms...

- it's called Tourette's syndrome. - (LAUGHS) Tourette syndrome?

- Are you out of your f-- (MUFFLED) - Language, son.

You won't cure him with force, Papa Bear.

It's going to take a lot of hugs and a lot of drugs.

Only take one of these a day. Nice pack.

♪ Your life Is going nowhere fast ♪

There he is.

Diz?

(SLURRED) They gave me these pills for my Tourette's,

but they're not working.

Come on, it's not that bad.

Not that bad?

At least as blips...

we were invisible.

You break your dick in front of the whole school...

people remember that.

His life is ruined.

I mean, I'm an idiot.

I'll never be able to go back to school again.

- I need more of these pills. - ♪ (CHOIR) Oh, happy day

- ♪ Oh, happy day - Oh, happy day ♪

How can you be depressed with all this beautiful church music playing?

♪ - Oh, what a happy day - Oh, happy day

♪ - Oh, what a happy day - Oh, happy day ♪

♪ - Oh, what a happy day ♪ ♪ - Oh, happy day ♪

Yes, yes, yes!

Thank you, brothers and sisters of the Sunshine Gospel Choir.

Very stirring. Very hip.

- Amen! - Yes, yes, yes.

Now, do the rest of you young people know what else is hip?

Sexual abstinence. Can I get an amen on that?

Amen!

- Glory hallelujah! - Glory hallelujah!

- I said, glory hallelujah! - Glory hallelujah!

Glory hallelujah!

(SLURRED) Ladies and gentlemen,

brothers and sisters...

I'd like to talk to you all about sex!

- The devil's middle name, sex! - Amen!

Do you know what the best form of sexual abstinence is?

- Bein' me. - (MURMURING)

- Can I get an amen? - Amen!

Do you wanna talk about some pain? Let me hear you!

- That boy's got the spirit! - He's an idiot!

Has a member of the opposite sex ever told you you're not her type?

Let me hear you shout "Amen"...

if you ever had duct tape ripped off your naked buttocks!

Let me hear you shout "Amen"

if you ever had your manhood right-angled...

in front of the entire congregation!

Now let me hear you shout "Amen" up high.

- Amen! - Let me hear you shout "Amen"!

Diz was in pain. He was in trouble. He needed guidance.

- He's about to get a lesson in bad, from the best in the business. - (FLASHBULBS POPPING)

(DOOR SLAMS)

What happened to Paco?

I got no answer to that question.

- Back up. The new man is mine. - (WHIP SNAPS)

Not the crazy eyes, Luther. I was just messing.

Been looking at my Janet?

No. No way.

Eighteen years and 41 days, it's me and you, baby.

(WHIP SNAPS)

Okay, I'm scared.

Guard?

Relax, white boy.

What'd you do to get in here?

I'm not really sure. I've been heavily medicated lately...

and the last thing that I remember is my dad dropping me off at school.

- You in high school? - Yes.

I still get chills thinking about it.

Fish sticks!

(SPITS)

I've officially become the biggest loser at my school.

I don't think I'll be going back there.

It's okay.

I know what you mean.

(WHISPERING) I see that.

I was the bitch at the last prison!

I remember, they strapped me to a chair with duct tape...

- in a dress. - With makeup?

- And fake-- - (TOGETHER) Rubber breasts.

My brother...

come on over here and sit down.

A high school...

it's a lot like prison.

Bad food, high fences.

The sex you want, you ain't getting. The sex you getting...

you don't want.

I've seen terrible things.

Yesterday, an 80-year-old librarian broke my penis.

You win.

How did you change things?

I got myself thrown out of the last prison and I started fresh here.

That worked?

- Watch this. - (WHIP SNAPS)

(GASPING)

- (WHIP SNAPS) - (GASPS)

Wow!

That's what I gotta do. Switch prisons and start over.

You gotta tell me what you did to get kicked out.

The first thing I did...

is broke all the rules.

I can break all the rules.

Then I started acting crazy.

Yeah, I can act all-- (IMITATING LUTHER) crazy.

I grabbed a broken mop handle and snapped it across the warden's butt.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

I don't have to do this alone. Let's all get expelled together.

- That's okay. You can go. - What about you, Glen?

No, I talk big, but I'm not as tough as I look.

Okay, here we go.

What are you thinking, Mr. Harrison?

You know, you're right. What am I thinking?

Everybody, the answer to number 23 is Guam.

- Thanks, Broke-wood. - Mr. Luberoff?

Plenty more where this came from at finals time.

(SPUTTERING)

♪ Watch me

(SCREECHES)

My Lord, Dizzy! Cheating, bribery? Those are grounds for expulsion!

Or an obvious cry for help.

(FLIPS SWITCH)

What's Broke-wood doing?

♪ Walkin' Through the corridors

♪ Third-year sophomore Feelin' like an amateur

♪ A spy in Canada

♪ Talkin' to The counselor who's Bored with his own jokes

♪ - Checkin' on my story - (STUDENTS) Huh?

♪ I must be immature

♪ My brain's on a detour Never gonna live

♪ To be a senior

♪ But I don't care 'cause I know it's unfair

♪ I got plans to be The dropout millionaire

♪ Oh, no, Don't get me wrong

♪ Me and school Just don't get along ♪

- That's Principal Zaylor! - (GASPING, LAUGHING)

(GROANING, STRAINING)

You're a fighter!

Try this!

Shit it! Shit it! Say mercy!

Say "mercy." (GROANS)

You're almost at the head of the class!

- (FLATULENCE, SPLASHING) - (GROANS)

(SPLASHING)

And, cut!

(LAUGHING)

(SCREECHES)

This is the part of my job I hate.

Expelling people?

No, silly. We're going to double your medication...

increase your therapy, and you may have to stay another year.

Loser, how's it hanging?

That toilet-cam was your best work ever.

Looks like I'm stuck here for the rest of my life.

Or am I?

- Hey! Hey! - What are you doing?

(CRACKS)

Halt!

Did you just break that mop? Give me that!

Yes!

You destroyed school property. You're expelled.

Yes!

- I did it. I busted out. - I knew you had it in you.

- Ready to be Luthercized? - Preach, my brother!

Man, I'm gonna take you from bitch...

- to bull. - (LAUGHS)

(HORSE SNORTING)

You wanna get a reputation at your new school...

you'll have to crack open heads, day one.

Find the biggest, baddest cat and whup his ass!

Make sure everybody sees him go down.

Everybody sees him go down.

- Got it. - (GRUNTS)

- You know, some people are born with that knowledge. - (GRUNTING)

- Like Barclay. - Who's Barclay?

- He's the bully at my last school. - (GRUNTS)

He might be born with it but with my insights, street smarts

and knowledge of every action movie, we're gonna perfect it.

- (HORSE NEIGHS) - Uh-oh.

(GUNSHOT)

Don't worry about that. Happens every day.

Same cat. Never gets away. Come on.

First thing you do is gouge the dude's eyes out

so he can't see to fight.

Hey, this kid's in high school.

Then you're going to want to fight dirty. All right, set your feet.

Spread your palms.

- Tiger Claw! - (GONG SOUNDS)

Are you sure it's not Tiger Paw?

- (GROANS) - (HITS GROUND)

- Tiger claw! - (GONG SOUNDS)

- Now you're ready! - (GROWLING)

Just watch my hands.

- (BELL RINGS) - (GROANING)

- (LAUGHS) - (LAUGHING)

Grab some rope. You gotta build some muscle.

You act like you can't get up there.

Motivation is on the way.

Yes, indeedy, feed the needy. There you go!

Luther, what are you doing?

- Get up there! That's it. - What's that burning? It's me! (SCREAMS)

Just roll around. You'll be all right.

If you can't act tough, you gotta look tough.

- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow-- - (SIZZLING)

Butch up, girlie-pants!

- Got a sec? - What?

Phone call for you, warden.

My wife again?

(HORSE NEIGHS)

(GUNSHOT)

(LAUGHING)

- I'll never get tired of that. - (LAUGHS)

You talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk.

Otherwise, you'll be lined in chalk.

Let me introduce you to somebody.

(METAL DOOR CLANGS)

- The funk master. - (HISSING)

(TRUMPET FANFARE)

Somebody, give me a beat!

♪ Stand on the stage Lookin' good in the light

♪ A young black rapper I do all right

♪ And you can feel the kids A-kickin' his songs

♪ And when I'm on the Mike

Them crazy eyes?

Like someone hits you in the head and your eyes almost jump out your skull!

Try it!

This is the "Brother, where my money" walk.

Where it at?

About to bust a cap. About to bust a cap.

Flare your nostril up! You gotta open them up.

So everybody can see the rocks, the boogers up in there.

Loosen the ass.

That's too loose.

They'll play you like a bitch, you gotta hit them with the bitch first!

Like, "Who's the bitch now?"

Watch this.

(WHIP SNAPS)

Try it. Try it!

(SQUEAKY SCRATCHING)

(TOGETHER) Who's the bitch now?

Half Brad Pitt Fight Club, half Anne Heche If These Walls Could Talk.

For your student ID.

Your new driver's license.

This one's for the Player's Club.

(LAUGHING)

That ain't right.

Really cock it! You know what I'm saying? Cock it! Fire! Cock it!

Shoot the gun! Shoot the gun!

(HITS FLOOR)

- Tiger Claw! - (GONG SOUNDS)

(LAUGHS)

- (YELLS) - (BELL RINGS)

♪ Pick up on this Wit' yo bad self

- ♪ Get up on this watch me ♪ - Dude, pretty nice.

(LUTHER) Now you're ready For your new prison.

♪ Just want to cling on Swing on and so forth

♪ Go on, fall off The ho's roll on

♪ Till the next rock superstar With no shame ♪

- Mascot, you dropped your bagpipe. - (HONKS)

- Oh, thank you. (GROANS) - Suck on that, pal!

(PANTING)

Have a nice day!

This place is a zoo!

He did say 12:30.

- So where is he? - (VEHICLE APPROACHING)

(MURMURING)

(BEEPING)

(HYDRAULICS HISSING)

(WHIRRING)

(CHAINS RATTLING)

Ooh.

- What the hell is that? - (HEAVY BREATHING)

(HEAVY BREATHING CONTINUES)

(CHAINS RATTLING)

(HEAVY BREATHING CONTINUES)

(WHISPERING) Good luck, kid.

- Flip him! - (CHAINS RATTLING)

Back in the truck!

(BOTH) Whoa.

Is that...

Diz?

- Oh, my God. - (LAUGHING)

He's got kind of a...

Brad Pitt thing going there.

From bitch to bull, baby.

I saw a little Anne Heche there too. Does that sound gay?

"Find the biggest, baddest mother in the yard, and knock his ass out."

Lift your knees, maggots!

Maybe we'll win one sorry-ass game this year!

I'm gonna puke.

Use it. Keep looking at the horse's ass and run!

♪ On those Saturdays When kids go out and play

♪ Yo, I was up in my room I let the stereo Blaze

♪ Wasn't faded, Not jaded just a kid

♪ With a pad and a pen And a big imagination ♪

Biggest and baddest.

More cheer, less pole dance.

Don't want guys stuffing bills down your panties.

What panties?

♪ Click, click, boom, I'm comin' Down on the stereo

♪ Hear me on the radio

♪ Click, click, boom I'm comin' down ♪

(WHIMPERS)

Don't I have a dreamy boyfriend?

Make sure everybody sees him go down.

Careful.

You mind if I sit down?

Wrong level, bitch.

Bitch, say what?

I think we got a serious problem here.

If it's you, there's no prob--

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTING)

Whoa!

(LAUGHING)

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

♪ I'm comin' down on the stereo Hear me on the radio ♪

♪ Click, click, boom

Dude, what's with you?

Who's the bitch now?

- (BELL RINGS) - (GRUNTING)

You guys might want to come scoop up your friend.

Shit!

(PANTING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING)

Oh, God!

(PANTING)

What are you doing?

Knocking you into the hall and me into the history books.

(WHISPERS) Okay--

(SHOUTS) Who's the bitch now?

You've gotta be kidding me!

(BODY SKIDDING ON WALL)

(PANTING)

- (GLASS BREAKS) - (GLASS HITTING FLOOR)

(HITS FLOOR)

(ALARM RINGING)

Who's the bitch now?

- (GRUNTS) - (GASPING)

- (ALARM CONTINUES) - (MURMURING)

Coming through!

Look out! Coming through! Take your hat off in school!

- (ALARM CONTINUES) - (KEY CHAIN ZIPS)

- (ALARM STOPS) - (KEY CHAIN ZIPS)

Let's have a round of applause for Conner Maguire.

Everyone?

Come on. Everyone? You!

Come on. Don't be shy!

Stop it, all of you!

Hello, son.

I told you last time, you start something, you're what? You're gone!

Well, my friend, looks like it's last call.

Last call?

He didn't start it. I did.

Who the hell are you?

- I'm the new guy. - (WHIP SNAPS)

(GASPING)

(WHIP SNAPS)

- How's the nose? - Shut up!

Look at that freak, sitting on top of the tower.

- Move! - We should unroll the welcome mat.

I should go kick his ass.

I've dreamed of dating the expelled guy.

Expelled guys rock!

Later.

Later.

You're not going over there.

I wasn't.

Now I am. Later.

She just dissed you.

Dude, shut up!

Hey, new guy. Got a name?

Harris, Gil Harris.

I'm Courtney, that's Carmen, that's Danielle.

How do you like our little slice of paradise?

I gotta tell you...

it's nice to be somewhere without bars.

You were in jail?

Did they give you a full body cavity search?

Forgive my friends. They get shy around strangers.

My fault, I talk too much.

That's hot.

There's a party tonight at my house, if you can come.

- (PAPER CRUMPLES) - I don't make plans.

Not my style.

(PHIL COLLINS) And I can feel it coming

♪ In the air tonight

♪ Oh, lord

♪ But I've been waiting For this moment

♪ For all my life

♪ Oh, lord

♪ (BAND) I, I, I'm just A love machine

♪ And I won't work for nobody But you, ooh, yeah

♪ - I'm just a love machine - Yeah, baby ♪

- (GUITAR CHORD) - Whoo!

We love you, Rocky Creek! We're here all week!

We love Texas and we love you too!

So I'm guessing it went well?

In ten minutes, the first 18 years of my life completely changed.

- They bought it? - Things have changed.

You made it to the 50th level of Kunark.

Better. I got invited to a party. Dizzy Gillespie Harrison.

- Excuse me while I do the bugaloo! - ♪ Watch me, ha

Whoa, slow down, funky white boy.

Did they invite you, or Gil Harris?

Listen, the point is nobody stuffed me in my locker or singed off my ass hair.

- Please. - No offense.

Are you saying these chicks party on a school night?

Courtney does.

That is without doubt the sluttiest girl I have ever seen!

- I know. Isn't it great? - You have to do her.

And while you're with her, think of me. Okay, that sounded gay.

Courtney is expecting Gil at the party tonight.

She's right, how would Gil Harris party?

The question is, how would Gil get jiggy with this chick

- and make her say, "Who's your daddy?" - (LAUGHS)

- While respecting her as a woman. - Diz, you ready for this?

- My dad loves this bike more than me. - That's not true.

No, it is. He wrote it in my birthday card.

(SIGHS)

So please be very careful.

This is a vintage flat track racing bike.

- It's very powerful. - (PATS CYCLE)

You have to know what you're doing.

Stand back.

I'll start it for you.

(ENGINE STARTS, REVS)

(SCREECHING)

Remember, I won't always be around to do that for you.

Courtney got Tony Hawk to come to her party?

There's nothing cooler than that!

- whoa! - (HORN SOUNDING)

♪ Things have changed I don't feel the same ♪

That dude's crazy.

(URINATING)

Hey, man! These are Dockers!

I made it.

(YELLS) Bush!

Hey!

- Courtney, did you see that Indy 360? - Tony, please.

Randy, did you see that Indy Three?

- I could do it again. - (WHEELS SQUEAKING)

Have any trouble finding the house?

Well, aren't you the strong, silent type?

- (LAUGHS) Well, I... - Wanna come upstairs with me?

Wanna make out with me?

Wanna take my clothes off with your teeth?

Okay, you talked me into it.

Aren't you coming?

Almost.

- Courtney is such a slut. - You dated her for two months.

- It was four. - (CAT SCREECHES)

- (HIP-HOP, INDISTINCT) - (CHATTERING)

You wanna dance, new guy?

Know why I like it out here?

- The view? - No, because of all these people around.

Doesn't it turn you on, knowing we could be caught at any moment?

(LAUGHS) Yeah, well, that does make things interesting.

Wanna make out?

Okay.

- I forgot something. - (RUSTLING)

(HITTING GLASS, CAT SCREECHES)

Ready for dessert?

Gil?

- Hello? - (HIP-HOP)

(WHIMPERING)

- What's the matter? - I can't believe it.

- What happened? - Gil blew me off.

(LAUGHS) It sucks to be you.

Carmen, put it away.

Honey, I knew that boy was trouble.

I know what you're thinking, "He's too good-looking for me."

ï뾽Hola, habla inglï뾽s? Hello!

- (METAL CREAKING) - (YELLS)

- Where'd you come from? - Exercising. Got a problem?

No, it's cool.

- What does that hit... lats, tris, bis? - These are bat-curls, for the abs.

Cool! Did you really blow off Courtney?

- You can tell us. - (BOTH) You blow her off?

I didn't exactly blow her off.

Stop right there.

Any dude who disses Courtney must date the most outrageous women on earth!

- Hey, what can I say? - "What can I say?"

You are the man! (LAUGHS)

I say you're a fraud.

- I don't think you've been with anyone. - (MURMURING)

Yeah, you're right.

She's not just anyone.

- This babe's got it all! - Yes, she does.

I bet she knows how to make a guy happy!

I'd love to stay and chat...

but Josefina's waiting for me.

You're not going anywhere.

- Don't make me do crazy eyes. - (WHIP SNAPS) - (GASPING)

Josefina. Exotic! ï뾽Me gusta Josefina!

Guys! Don't you see what's going on here?

Yeah, to get chicks, we gotta work on our abs!

Let's go. Come on!

- Come on, up (GROANS) - Ready? One, two...

I got it! Check me out, baby! Bat-wings!

- Hey, chump change, get down! - Bat-wings, baby!

- (ENGINE CLICKING) - Watch, everyone!

That bike won't even start. He trashed it when he landed.

- (CLICKING CONTINUES) - Please start. Please start.

(ENGINE STARTS, TIRES SCREECH)

(ENGINE SWITCHES OFF)

It's a full-time job trying to save his butt.

I almost got laid!

- Did he say, "brake"? - (SCREECHING)

- I almost got laid! - (LAUGHING)

♪ She's a bad Mama jamma

♪ Just as fine As she can be

♪ Hey, she's A bad mama jamma

♪ Just as fine As she can be

♪ Hoo, hoo

Waiting up for me?

- Yes, we are. - We?

Hi. Hey.

- Dad, what is Miss Pierce doing here? - Kiki's here to help.

- With what? - An intervention.

We're surrounding you with love.

Now sit.

Okay. Dramatic change in appearance, lack of communication...

altered patterns of behavior.

What're you on?

- (SQUEAKS) - Is it crystal meth?

Is it the crank?

- Are you riding the white pony, son? - (MOUTHING WORDS)

No, I'm not on drugs, Dad. I'm happy.

For the first time in...

- I can't remember when, I'm happy. - (SQUEAKS)

It occurs to me to tell you that denial is not just a river in Egypt!

Look, son, it's all my fault.

I was so worried about alarms going off at work, I missed the ones at home.

I'll make it up to you.

I'm quitting my job so we can be together 24/7.

- How will you pay the mortgage? - I'll sell the house.

Dad, do not, I repeat, do not do that.

There's no way for you to understand this. But when things get truly bad,

you got to make a drastic change.

- Completely revamp everything in your life - (MOUTHING WORDS)

just to get what you want.

I do understand. I'm not sick.

I'm revamped!

It's very sweet. Underneath the Tourette's and the crank...

he still wants to be like his daddy.

- I'm so on to you. - (MUFFLED) You are?

You pretend you're not part of this school,

but you totally get off on being a badass.

(COUGHS) You caught me.

And that's why I want to use you.

Okay, but only for a couple of years.

Come to the football game this weekend. Nobody shows.

It's more acceptable to drink and puke than it is to watch a game.

It's hard work, not caring.

If you show up, maybe some of these other fools would.

I'm in.

(SPEAKS ALBANIAN)

What?

My grandmother's Albanian. It means, I owe you one.

- What's that about? - Just asking the new guy a favor.

What could you need from him?

Just things I'm not getting elsewhere.

(MARCHING BAND, DISSONANT)

(CHEERLEADERS) Go, fight, win!

(COUNTING OFF UNENTHUSIASTICALLY)

(DANIELLE) Here we go, guys! Come on!

Come on, East Highlands! Okay, ready?

♪ (CHANTING) How funky is your chicken

♪ How loose is your goose

♪ So come on, east highland

Danielle finally dragged you to a game.

I'm not at the game, I'm with you guys. I just like to watch her jump around.

♪ Come on, east highland

Yeah, right!

(IMITATES WHIP CRACKING)

(CONTINUES IMITATING WHIP)

- Ride him, cowboy! - Will you shut up?

Man, that's not funny.

♪ East highland Bend and shake your caboose ♪

Come on, East Highland! Come on, people. Guys?

Hello?

- (PLAYERS) One! - (COACH) One, two, three!

(GRUNTS)

This is bullshit! We haven't won in five years. Let's forfeit.

- We're dead anyway. - Ten, hut!

He's out of his mind.

Dead? Did you say dead?

All this hoo-hah about being dead and not wanting to fight

is a load of crap!

Did we give up when Pearl Harbor was bombed?

Didn't that movie make money?

We didn't give up then, and we're not going to give up now!

American high school students traditionally love to fight!

All real football players love the sting of battle!

The only thing we have to fear is...

- (MUTTERS) I don't know. - Fear itself.

What is wrong with you people?

Where's the hunger? Where is the school spirit?

Washington High? We're gonna beat them!

Lincoln High? We're gonna beat them!

Harding High?

We're gonna beat them.

Yes!

- Let's do it. - Let's do it!

- (GRUNTS) - (WHINNIES)

That's my goddamn horse!

Hit them high, hit them low!

(ALL) Break!

♪ - (SINGING) Yo - Hit 'em, hit 'em hit 'em

♪ - Hit 'em, hit 'em hit 'em - Hit 'em, G

♪ Hit 'em, hit 'em Hit 'em, hit 'em

♪ - Hit 'em, hit 'em hit 'em, hit 'em - What you gon' do

♪ - Hit 'em high - Hit 'em, hit 'em hit 'em, hit 'em

♪ - Hit 'em low - Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em ♪

(CONTINUES, INDISTINCT)

- (CHEERING) - (WHISTLE BLOWS)

- Yes! - Touchdown! Touchdown!

How about that, Highlander fans?

That's our first victory since the last Bush was president.

- (BELL TOLLING) - We won a game! We won a game!

Can you believe it? We actually won a game!

(DIZZY) Go, Highland!

What the hell's going on?

- You're insane, but thank you. - (SPEAKS ALBANIAN)

- How'd you learn to say "you're welcome"? - From an Albanian chat room.

- You're impressed by a guy on a horse? - No, because he showed up for me.

Let's go.

- She just dissed you again. - Dude, do you ever shut up?

- Most guys would never go shopping. - Well, I'm not most guys.

You did say swimsuits, right?

♪ (SINGING) Yeah

♪ - Uh-huh - Tell me that you want it listen

♪ Tell me Can you handle it

♪ Show me How you work them hips

♪ - And maybe you can go get it - Uh-huh

♪ - Uh-huh - I know that you want it

♪ Tell me can you handle it

♪ - Show me how you're workin' it - How you're workin' it

♪ And maybe You can go get it

♪ Girl, you messed up When you let me in

♪ Told your best friend That you wanted me

♪ Then she called me up And hipped me to your steez

♪ Told me you were lookin' For a guy like me

♪ So I said hold on, I ain't the one

♪ Unless shorty Really wanna have some fun

♪ Then she said that you told her I was what you want

♪ - When I call you don't try to front - Come on

♪ I'm the guy in your dream That you had last night

♪ I'm the benz with the twenties That you wanna drive

♪ I'm tha thug in your life That'll treat you right ♪

♪ Got ya hooked 'coz I'm ♪ ♪ Bringing everything you like ♪

♪ Uh-huh

♪ I know that you Want it listen

♪ Tell me Can you handle it

♪ Show me how You work them hips

♪ - And maybe we can roll wit it - Uh-huh

♪ - I know that You want it listen - Uh-huh

- Thank you! Thank you! - ♪ Tell me can you handle it - ♪ Uh-huh

♪ Show me How you're workin' it ♪

Sorry about that. I've been in prison a long time.

- Now this is real music. - If I listen to this, I'll get you?

That's what I'm talking about. All right.

Danielle, I didn't see you come in.

Hey, Emily.

How's it going?

- Great. How about you? - Great.

Hey, do you have the new Creed CD?

Yeah, I'll check for you.

(SIGHS)

- Who's that? - Emily. We used to be friends.

- What happened? - I started dating Conner,

- you know how things go. - I understand.

Come on, you're not the type who'd drop your friends.

- (CLERK) All right, time to go. - I'm shopping here!

You've been listening to this song for hours! You're squatting!

Listen, bro, I've had a bad day, so squat on this, pukeface!

- That's it! - Seth, you're not a bouncer anymore.

- You've moved up. - Who can toss her better?

- Would you relax? - Come on, I'm sick of this!

- Diz! You made it! -(GLEN) Perfect timing!

I thought you never check the EQ message boards.

Gil, do you know these people?

No.

Let's go.

(P.A. SYSTEM: FEEDBACK)

We've found a pair of balls. Wait, there's a name here.

Dizzy Harrison, pick up your balls and scrotum.

That's balls and scrotum, at counter five.

You know what? I have all these.

That's my microphone!

Oh, no. Please don't! Aaah!

(BLOW LANDS)

Harris, get your punk ass in here!

(SOBBING)

- What are you doing here? - You stole my horse, maggot!

You know the penalty in this state for stealing another man's horse?

Death?

This isn't Iraq, son.

But I can tell you, it's probably a hefty fine!

You know what this is?

It's a bill for manure clean up, resodding the football field.

To top it off, somebody urinated all over Mrs. Campanella's rose garden.

That was me, sir.

- And you wanna know something else? - (HEARTBEAT POUNDING)

It was all worth it!

Come here! Come here!

That was our first victory in five years, and it's all because of you!

I love you more than my own good-for-nothing son.

Sit down, take a load off.

We got a homecoming dance coming up in a month and it has been the most...

God-awful experience for everyone involved.

Right, Coach?

You have any ideas on how we might turn this thing around?

- Good music. - Music!

Hey.

That is a fantastic idea, son. You see that? Hey!

What kind of music?

The only music worth being called music. I'm talking about the funk.

♪ (SINGING) Ohh, yeah

♪ Who

♪ Mr. Big Stuff

♪ Who do you think you are

♪ - Mr. Big Stuff - (SIGHS)

♪ You're never Gonna get my love ♪

Hello, singing?

We can't play funk without a bass line.

Or black guys.

We'll find someone. We don't need Ditz.

Oh, you don't? So somebody else is getting you paying gigs?

We headline at homecoming in two weeks.

- Someone talking to us? - I don't hear anything.

It's Diz. What's wrong with you people?

I was an asshole at the mall.

World-class asshole.

They're scouting me for Asshole Olympics.

I'm carrying the torch. (CHUCKLING)

Come on, you guys, I'm sorry.

I got no good excuse for what I did.

It's not easy being the big bull.

You're the big bullshit! Gil's the big bull.

- Yeah, but that's me. - Is it?

So, what makes you any different from any other high school thug?

♪ I know it's been A long road

♪ To get these towns Behind me

♪ And I

♪ Will gladly reap What we may sow

♪ I am there for you

♪ And you're there for me

♪ I stopped believing

♪ A long time ago

- Quit it! - It wasn't me?

- Then who was it? - Him.

Hi, guys. Ed Ligget. Tuba!

The marching band is collecting bottles for the homeless.

Ironically, taking away their only job.

Any donations would be appreciated.

You know what the homeless need?

A midget.

Why would they need a midget?

Shut up!

Hey! Quit it! (SHRIEKS)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(SHRIEKING CONTINUES)

- What a throw. - (SHRIEKING CONTINUES)

Little Ed, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm from a rodeo family.

You remembered my name.

Come on.

♪ Into this morning light

(CONTINUES)

- What's Gil doing? - He's taking him up the tower.

Ed Ligget's gonna get his little ass kicked.

♪ Another day

♪ Are you waiting for

♪ Heart in hand

Who's that little dude?

♪ See me where I stand

Hey, Conner.

What did Ed ever do to you?

♪ Heart in hand ♪ Heart in hand

♪ - It's all for a woman - (ALL GASP) ♪

All right, freak. (SPITS)

- We don't call people that here. - ♪ (CONTINUES)

Danielle?

(ED) She's going down there With the geeks.

- Emily. - Danielle.

Look, Emily...

I know. (GIGGLES)

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)

- You backed him instead of me? - Caught that?

Bullshit! My girlfriend's supposed to back me up!

You're right. Your girlfriend should back you up.

- Find one. - (STUDENTS GASP)

I don't need you! I could have anyone!

Look, man.

I'm sorry, me and the guys pissed in your tuba.

You did?

- Yeah. - I thought it tasted funny.

♪ Love to see you whip it Sure could treat you right

♪ Give me just a minute Of your time tonight

♪ We're both here To have some fun ♪

- (CONTINUES) - Well, that's another win for the Highlanders!

Mark's gonna help you pass trig.

You don't remember me, do you?

"Stop! Please! Your ass is crushing my head!"

Oh! Was that you?

(GRUNTS)

(ANNOUNCER) Highland wins again!

♪ Whip it, baby Whip it right

♪ Whip it, baby Whip it all night ♪

♪ What's your trip, child ♪

- ♪ Let it whip ♪ - Damn! That's what I'm talking about!

I'd like to introduce you to a few old buddies of mine.

Hi, I'm...

Hawk.

And I'm...

Apache.

- Hawk, Apache and I-- - Were in prison together.

- Mostly in the shower. - (CONTINUES)

(ANNOUNCER) Can't you just smell the play-offs?

Before I met Gil, I'd have looked at you and walked away

wiggling my ass to show what you missed.

Yeah, well, the universe is upside down.

- And in a few minutes, you will be, too. - ♪ Oooh-ooh-ooh, let it whip whip it, baby ♪

♪ - Whip it right - Let it whip

♪ Whip it, baby Whip it all night

♪ Let it whip Go on, whip, go on, whip

♪ Let's whip it, baby child, Let's whip it right (GRUNTS)

♪ Let's whip it, baby Let's whip it all night

♪ Well, what's your trip. No, no, ch-- ♪

I finally understand the song.

Aaaah!

♪ Come on, whip Come on, whip ♪

- (WHISTLE BLOWS) - Yeah!

♪ - Whip it right - Aaah!

♪ - Whip it baby, whip it all night - Whoo! ♪

(ROARS)

♪ There is no time to lose

♪ You're the one I choose

♪ You're the right one To choose, whoo-hoo ♪

♪ Let it whip Whip it, baby, whip it right

♪ - Touchdown! - Whip it, baby whip it all night

♪ - Such a trip - No, no, child

♪ Let it whip

♪ - Come on, whip, come on, whip - Go, Danny!

♪ - Dance, Danny, dance! - Whip it, baby whip it right ♪

♪ - Let it whip ♪ ♪ - Whip it, ♪ ♪ Baby whip it all night ♪

♪ - Such a trip - No, no, child

♪ Let it whip

(ANNOUNCER) Unbelievable!

We're going to the State Championship!

(GUNSHOT)

(ANNOUNCER) The Highlanders are on fire!

Little spill.

Remember...

turn, don't burn.

I want you to know that when you go off to college,

me and this house...

- roll with you. - Dad.

Do not, I repeat, do not do that!

(SHRIEKING)

Just roll around, Dad.

- You'll be all right. - (SHRIEKING CONTINUES)

We're closed.

Hey, it's okay. He's with me.

♪ Well, I spent a lifetime Lookin' for you ♪

(CONTINUES)

You're really good!

Best part of working here. I ride the bull for free.

And I get good tips for wearing a bandanna as a shirt.

Watch it, hoodlum.

That's Estelle. She must like you.

Hi, Estelle.

Hi.

Don't mind Estelle. She's like my big sister. She worries.

- What could she worry about? - That I'll end up like my mom.

Working days here and raising three kids by myself.

I didn't know that.

It's hard to keep track of the white trash clichï뾽s.

I'm not worried.

- You're not? - No.

- That's a relief. You want a pad? - For what?

- (GROANING) - Estelle!

(GRUNTING) Look... Danielle...

If I can do what I've done, you can do anything.

- I wish I had your confidence. - Don't ever wish that.

Why? You know exactly who you are.

(CONTINUES GRUNTING) But you don't know who I am.

Danielle, before I came to East Highland...

(GROANS)

You get good distance with the skinny ones.

Are you okay?

That's just it.

I'm not--

They killed Paco.

- Paco? - Paco!

Black Spiders.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

- See this tattoo? - I don't need to hear it.

There's things about me I need to tell that you won't like.

It doesn't matter! Anything in your past, I don't need to know.

Let's just think about now.

But I'm really Dizzy.

(CHUCKLES) So am I.

- (WHIP CRACKS) - She's going to college, punk.

Hey, lady, nobody's stopping her!

That's a buzz-kill. Night, Estelle.

- Ready for State Finals? - All I do is ride a horse.

I'm worried. Those Drillers can be brutal.

The Drillers?

Rocky Creek High. You know where it is?

I do.

Look, Danielle.

I can't go to that game. I hate that school.

Wait a minute. How can you not come?

It's complicated.

I hate it, too, but if you don't show up, nobody will.

Please, don't bail now.

(ANNOUNCER) Let's welcome our undefeated defending State Champions...

- the Rocky Creek Drillers! - (CROWD CHEERING)

And from East Highland High...

- (HALTINGLY) the Highlanders. - (CHEERING STOPS)

I can't believe those kilt-wearing wussies aren't gonna show up.

(BAGPIPES, FAINT)

(MURMURING)

(CHEERING, SHOUTING)

Hold!

What's going on?

♪ Well, I'm an outsider Outside of everything

♪ I'm an outsider

♪ Outside of everything

♪ - (CONTINUES) - (WHINNIES) ♪

(BAGPIPES SQUEAKING)

♪ Everything you know

♪ Everything you kno-o-ow

- ♪ (CONTINUES) - Kirk, you're falling behind. Come on, hurry! Go, go!

♪ I'm an outsider

♪ - Outside of everything - (WHISTLE BLOWS) ♪

(MARCHING BAND)

(ANNOUNCER) My, oh, my!

What a miraculous, momentous occasion in Highlander history, sports fans!

With eight ticks left on the clock, the score is tied, 24 all!

The Drillers are at the 50-yard line.

There's only time for one last play!

If the Highlanders can stop the Drillers, we're looking at overtime!

Who's that little dude?

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

(TWINS SHOUTING) Let's go, highland!

Let's go, highland!

This is the biggest day for Texas Five-A football

- since Johnson killed Kennedy! - (MARCHING BAND CONTINUES)

(CHANTING) R.C.! R.C.!

Come on, Highland!

Highland! Highland!

(BOTH) Highland! Yeah!

You understand what's going on?

Their team isn't killing us, their fans are!

Put your heads in the game and concentrate!

We got a split left quick toss, 29 on one-on-one. Duncan gets the ball.

No way, asshole! Not Duncan!

My team, my game, my championship, my ball!

Just do your job, and I'll do the rest!

Watch the back!

Red, 71, down!

Go, Rocky Creek!

Get out of here, Rocky Creek!

Defense! Defense! Defense!

(CROWD JOINS IN CHANTING) Defense! Defense!

(HORSE WHINNYING)

(CROWD CHANTING) Defense! Defense! Defense! Defense!

- (ANNOUNCER) Fumble! - (CROWD GASPING, SHOUTING)

Whoo!

- Whoa! - Go!

(ANNOUNCER) Highland wins!

- (HORSE WHINNYING) - Go, highland! Go, highland!

This is for you, son.

Thank you.

Go Highland!

No!

Is that...

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

♪ 8:00 Wednesday night And I'm waitin'

♪ To finally talk to a girl A little cooler than me

♪ Her name is Nova

♪ She's a rocker With a nose ring

♪ She wears a two-way

♪ But I'm not quite sure What that means

♪ - Hello-- whoa! - And when she walks

♪ Oh, the wind blows

♪ - And the angels sing - Hi! ♪

♪ She doesn't notice me-- ♪

-(OFF) -Hey!

Hey, Dizzy dipshit!

- (ALL MURMURING) - Where are you?

Yo, dipshit!

How you doing, buddy?

How's it going?

- Who is he? - Just an old friend.

A friend of Gil is one of mine. Travis.

- Lonnie. - Pete.

Ed Ligget, tuba. How you doing, man?

(SHRIEKS)

- Better now. - What's wrong with you?

- So I tossed a freak. - We discourage name-calling here.

- What do you want? - You stole my championship, asshole!

If you must talk like that, I'll have to ask you to leave.

I'll leave as soon as I tell the truth about your leader.

- We know he was in prison. - Prison? Are you shitting me?

All right, buddy-boy! That doesn't fly around--

Okay, you guys, back it up.

This is my fight.

Oh, baby! Come on, make my day!

- Get him! - (ALL YELLING)

- (BARCLAY SCREAMING) - (FABRIC TEARING)

I'm gonna go rodeo on your ass!

- Take this! And this! - (BARCLAY SCREAMS)

(FABRIC TEARING)

♪ She's the girl all the bad guys want

♪ She's the girl All the bad guys want

♪ 'Cause she's the girl All the bad guys want

♪ 'Cause she's the girl All the bad guys ♪

(GROANS)

I wanna know what you know.

(ROCK)

Someone spread the word about our band.

- That was us. - But half of Rocky Creek is here.

What? How did they hear?

- Hey, guys. Check this out. - Creed?

What idiot would fall for this? There's a menu on the other side.

Anybody know where the VIP room is? Excuse me, ladies? Hello?

- Thank you. Who did that? - (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)

- Hey, fat-ass. - Quiet, Billy.

Hi.

I didn't think I'd live to see us win the State Championship.

(CHEERING)

Quiet!

Ladies and gentlemen...

Suburban Funk!

We can do this.

♪ Hey, do it now

♪ Yeah, hey

♪ Once I was A boogie singer

♪ Playin' in A rock and roll band

♪ (NORA) I never had No problems, no

♪ Burnin' down The one-night stand

♪ And I decided quickly Yes, I did

♪ To disco down And check out the show

♪ And they were dancin' And singin'

♪ And movin' To the groovin'

♪ And just when it hit me

♪ Somebody turned around And shouted

♪ Play that funky music White boy

♪ - Play that funky music right - Yeah

♪ Play that funky music White boy

♪ Lay down the boogie

♪ And play that funky music Till you die ♪

- (STOPS) - (EQUIPMENT FEEDBACK)

(CONNER) Ladies and gentlemen, Creed...

will not be here tonight. Repeat, will not be here.

And drop curtain.

Cue.

(WHIMPERING) Mrs. Whitman, It's my, um-- my p--

(MRS. WHITMAN) It's mine now! No, Mrs.-- you're--

- (CRACKS) - (ALL GASP)

- Yo, East Highland, you know Gil Harris. - (CHEERING)

Hey, Rocky Creek, you remember Diz Harrison?

- (MUFFLED YELLING) - (BARCLAY) Guess what, folks.

- Gil and Diz are the same guy. - (STUDENTS MURMURING)

(BARCLAY) He made fools of all of you.

You don't believe me, ask him yourself.

Maybe for once, he'll tell the truth.

- (ALL SHOUTING) - This sucks! What's going on?

- Hey! - Nora, it's all right.

I can handle this.

- I can explain. - (BOOING, SHOUTING)

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

- Boo! - (SHOUTING CONTINUES)

(ALL GASP, SHOUTING STOPS)

- Let the brother speak! - Luther.

Not just Luther. Spiders.

You play my kind of music.

- (FEEDBACK) - Hey! (CHUCKLES)

Hey, Red. Out of the way, Red.

- I been in the pen quite a while. - (WHIMPERING)

Everything you saw on that screen was completely...

- true. - (GASPING, MURMURING) (GIGGLING)

They're right. I'm a liar.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Actually, I do know what I was thinking.

- (SNIFFING) - I was trying to become...

something more than just a blip on the radar screen.

So, I made someone up.

Someone I thought you'd all like.

And all because I cared more about what other people thought of me...

- than what I thought of me. - (SNIFFLING)

But I bet I'm not the only person here who's ever let that happen.

What is this?

(MURMURING CONTINUES)

- Broke-dick, Broke-dick! - Broke-dick, Broke-dick!

(CONNER, BARCLAY, CROWD) Broke dick! Broke dick! Broke dick! Broke dick!

Better come scoop up your friend.

- (SHOTGUN COCKS) - Move it!

(STUDENTS CONTINUE SHOUTING)

Anybody got a staple gun?

(TOGETHER) Who's the bitch now?

- Diz! Oh, my God, you're bleeding! - My nose.

The crowd, they're animals!

No, animals are kinder. They don't boo when they're killing something.

Ow! Ow.

Diz, you are amazing.

♪ - You came along and stole my heart - What was that for? ♪

Can't I appreciate you?

You're scaring me. What's going on?

You've inspired me.

I have to do something I've wanted to do a long time.

I have to let somebody know how I feel about him.

You know, Nora--

(GRUNTING, MOANING)

Better than PlayStation 2?

Now it is.

- Yo, I guess it's me and you. - And us.

And me.

(GRUNTING, MOANING CONTINUES)

Would you two get a room?

I'm sorry.

- I don't know what to call you. - Broke-dick seems to be popular.

You're the biggest liar I've ever met.

You're right, I'm a liar.

(DANIELLE SIGHS)

They called me "Dan the Man."

What?

That was before I lost the braces and grew boobs.

Then I became "Danielle the Body."

I dropped all the friends I had because they looked like the old me.

And very selfish and mean,

but I just wanted so badly to fit in.

Been there.

Do you even ride the motorcycle?

Yeah, actually I do.

But it usually takes a station wagon or a bush to stop me.

So, what do we do now?

Don't ask me. The last plan I had blew up pretty badly.

No kidding.

(SPEAKS ALBANIAN)

(STUDENTS LAUGHING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

So, you see...

I saved his narrow behind.

And he got to kiss the girl.

I hope that inspires you.

It has. It's taught me a lot.

It's easy for a man like me to forget what most slobs will do to get a woman.

My fault, I talk too much.

(BLEEP) That really did Burn me. Sorry.

Oh, God!

- You okay? - No, he clipped it.

That's why I wanna use you.

(CREW LAUGHING)

♪ And maybe when The night is dead

♪ I'll crawl into my bed (CONTINUES) ♪

- You staring at my Janet? - No. No way, man!

Can we do that again?

He couldn't understand what the (BLEEP) I said.

(GARBLED NONSENSE)

I'm sorry, that sucked!

Look at that!

(ALL YELLING)

Don't yell for mercy.

Oh, God, I blew the line.

Check me out! Bat-wings!

Cut! Cut!

I need three gallons of mineral water...

16 martini olives...

and enough hummus to cover this beautiful girl's body.

- You got that? - (WHIMPERS)

(TOGETHER) Who's the bitch now?

Hey, man. You got a smoke?

How you doing? (GRUNTS)

- Better now. - Okay, cut.

(WHINNIES)

(FUNK)

♪ Uh-oh! Uh-oh! ♪

♪ (GRUNTS, RAPPING) You don't know me,

♪ - Do ya. ♪ - No.

♪ But I bet you recognize me When I start to bring it to ya

♪ I ain't from around here

♪ And this is what I miss It's a little different out here

♪ That's probably Why they watch me

♪ Don't worry when I finish with The mumble make 'em jock me

♪ You can't help You can't stop me

♪ Yo know you can't stop me 'cause I'm swingin' like rocky

♪ You can snap those two feet

♪ The girls got to be bomb They callin' me new meat

♪ What's wrong with this lady

♪ But if you really wanna Grab hold of me, baby

♪ She'll say, "oh, no"

♪ Until I show her attention Say, "oh, lord"

♪ Don't knock it till you try

♪ The next thing you know I'll be knockin' out the side

♪ That ain't hard For the new guy

♪ You didn't think I was gon' hit it, huh

♪ Get up on this

♪ Watch me

♪ Pick up on this

♪ Wit' yo bad self

♪ Get up on this

♪ Watch me

♪ Pick up on this

♪ Wit' yo bad self

♪ Clean up your act And change your clothes

♪ Did you get it Don't see you no more

♪ Don't come around here

♪ Unless you're doin' What I'm doin' to the man right here

♪ You can practice Till you get tight

♪ You can stand in front Of the mirror all night till you get it right

♪ Tell me what's wrong With ya

♪ Wouldn't have no soul But an afro comb to ya

♪ About to teach ya How to talk

♪ Gotta move your legs 'fore The sister show you how to roll

♪ Dip a little bit Move your neck

♪ 'cause you probably couldn't Catch a rhythm in a net

♪ You're all beat With no stance

♪ Can't sing, can't dance can't jump 'cause you off balance

♪ Gotta listen to the groove

♪ That's if you ever could call Yourself new and improved

♪ Get up on this

♪ Watch me

♪ Pick up on this

♪ Wit' yo bad self

♪ Get up on this

♪ Watch me

♪ Pick up on this

♪ Wit' yo bad self

♪ Tell me who you know who rap Album full of singles

♪ We're ready to play 'can't sing my jingle

♪ Your mama tell 'em Don't talk to strangers

♪ When the video come on Hey, let 'em sing "danger"

♪ They go outside And shake a feather

♪ Just make sure You don't break it

♪ Rhymin', signin' Behind the beat

♪ So if you hear 'em cursin' Don't blame it on me

♪ Stand on stage Lookin' good in the light

♪ A young black rapper I do all right

♪ And you can feel the kids A-kickin' his songs

♪ And when I'm on the Mike I can't do no wrong

♪ I break 'em off I do my thang

♪ Trend-setter cuttin' up Ain't nothin' gon' change

♪ I tear down a disc Break for two

♪ And now I'm payin' my dues I wish they would call me new

♪ Get up on this

♪ Watch me

♪ Pick up on this

♪ Wit' yo bad self

♪ Get up on this

♪ Watch me

♪ Pick up on this

♪ Wit' yo bad self

♪ Get up on this

♪ Watch me

♪ Pick up on this

♪ Wit' yo bad self

♪ Get up on this

♪ Watch me

♪ Pick up on this

♪ Wit' yo bad self

♪ Get up on this

♪ Watch me

♪ Pick up on this

♪ Wit' yo bad self

♪ Get up on this