Original subtitles

I was 18 when I wrote my novel "Sarah.

Never thought it'd become a best seller with all these fancy people

wantin' to meet me, the elusive JT Leroy,

but I prefer to be a shut-in 'cause when I'm writin' or on the phone,

I get to show people exactly what I wanna show 'em.

I can focus on the words and just... leave my body behind.

- Dude, it's so good. - Yeah?

We just got the demos back from the studio,

so, yeah, I'm pretty fuckin' excited.

- Is that her? Is that Laura? - Uh-huh. Yeah, no, that's her.

- Cool. - Pretty fucking great, right?

Yeah.

Man, she's...

I just can't wait for you to meet her.

I fucking live here now. I can't believe this.

Fuck, yes, you live here!

Dude, you made it out of Mom's place.

You're going up in the world. I'm proud of you. Proud of you.

Thanks.

Hey, hey!

Hey, come in. This is us.

Kitchen's right over here. Cooker. Careful. There's books everywhere.

- These are beautiful. - I wouldn't touch that.

We got lead. I had it tested.

All right, this is it. This is where the magic happens.

- This is so cool, Geoff. - Right? Now, listen.

Couch opens up. Make yourself comfy and I'll make some tea. You want a tea?

I'd love a beer.

Beer. Right on. OK. You're in luck.

I just made a fresh batch of home brew. Cool.

Hey, yo! Come meet my sister!

Be right there!

Anyway, every time I tell 'em no,

I can feel 'em wantin' more.

They just can't believe this itty-bitty Southern rent boy is denying 'em.

I gotta admit, I like having the power.

All right, yeah. Yeah, thanks.

Same time tomorrow. Bye.

Where is she?

- Where is she? - Hey.

Oh, look at you. Oh, Savannah.

Geoff's baby sister.

- Oh, I see your soul in your smile. - Cool, you guys have met.

- You guys have met. - Look at this creature.

- Welcome to our little chateau. - Just as you said.

- The smile I fell in love with. - You made this?

- I'm getting good at this. - You're good at everything, baby.

I heard the music in the car.

- It is good. It's really... - Amazing, right?

It's so cool! He's in a zone!

- I'm just writin' lyrics. - She's just writing...? No, no.

This woman is turning my music into these beautiful songs.

We're writing two, three songs a day. It's insane.

- He's on fire. - Sounds like it's happening.

- You're on fire. - We're on fire.

- What's that? - Oh, it's just this thing I made.

I had an extra roll of duct tape lying around.

- Wait a minute. Hold on. - That's pretty cool.

Yeah. Just a thing you made? That is not just a thing.

What is that, like magical unicorn backpack? That is blowing my mind.

That's pure art. That's like creative genius.

Don't... Don't put that stuff down. Right, baby?

Hm-hmm.

- Yeah. Yeah. No, fuck, yeah. Of course. - Right?

You gotta take her to Lee's party.

- Right? - You gotta go.

- We gotta go! We gotta go! - Yeah, first night!

- You're gonna come? - Of course.

- Anything you wanna do, I'm open. - You gonna come?

- She just got here. You've gotta come. - If you want me to come...

Come on, we don't want you to come, we need you to come.

- You're pulling me in. - We need you.

You're dragging me into a celebration!

You're going to Lee's party! Sav's in San Francisco!

Yo, what's up?

Hey, what's up?

I'll put this on you. We share clothes. God, it looks amazing with your hair.

Oh, Samuel!

This is Geoff's sister Savannah!

She's taking over his old apartment.

- I'm Sav, nice to meet you. - Twist & Scream poster is on the wall.

Oh, shit!

That's so beautiful. That's our band. Yeah.

No way!

- So you're an artist? - Yeah. Yeah.

- What's your name? - Sophie.

- Sophie. What kind of art? - It's, like, conceptual.

And the writing has been amazing.

I'm finally not paying the rent with phone sex.

And I'm getting some offers. It's like...

- You say you did phone sex? - Yeah. Oh, yeah.

It's one of the more creative jobs ever.

You know, you have to get into the role-play of it.

But as a writer, it's in the madness of creating a character,

you know what I mean?

And then their attention turns to Sophie?

Because of her rinky-dink paintings?

I mean, I'm sorry, but, like, she's getting that 'cause she's a cute girl

with a cute little fucking ass, and her cute little art.

Can you imagine if they knew I was JT Leroy?

Right?

If they knew I was a New York Times best-selling author?

- I mean, that's so crazy. - Yeah, well, then tell them!

Geoff.

You know I can't do that.

I've got an idea.

What if I do go out, but with some kind of disguise?

Oh!

- What's up? - You wanna keep a secret?

What's this?

It's my book Sarah. My shot at immortality.

Oh, so JT's like your pen name.

More like my avatar.

Who is this kid?

That's just a photo I found at a thrift store.

I loved it 'cause he looks like a kid in a Dennis Cooper novel.

- I love Dennis Cooper. - Of course you do. Oh!

Hey, do you know Mary Gaitskill?

Um, yeah, but I haven't... I haven't read any of her stuff. I want to.

Oh, you're gonna love it.

I'm just finishing the Colette books right now.

My God, I remember the first time I read Colette.

I'd feel so French and...

All this great writing that comes from distress.

But it has beauty in it too, you know?

Like, JT certainly had that.

Like, his grandparents were fundamentalists, super sadistic.

- Hey, let me know what you think. - Of course. Yeah.

Hello? Hi.

It's my first day on the lot.

I'm wearing the golden Rapunzel wig bestowed upon me by my mother, Sarah.

The legendary beauty and fiercest hooker

that ever did work a truck stop down South.

In her high heels, I strut between the long shimmering lines of big rigs.

Cash's hand is like the maw of some big animal

as he opens it revealing a raccoon penis bone,

the talisman that distinguishes his asphalt girls from all others.

The bigger the bone, the more in demand her soft girl material is.

If you didn't notice the raccoon penis bone necklaces

and you didn't know what that meant,

you'd never know they were actually boys.

You got to earn that raccoon...

The mob surrounds me, tearing at my lace, ripping my hard-won finery.

"It's a goddamn boy!" they yell,

hungry jackals baying at the moon while chasing me through the woods.

This is all I am.

A bloody, glittering heart thumping under a bruise-black sky,

refusing to let anyone tell me who I'm supposed to be.

I found it so beautiful. It's crazy.

I've never read anything like it, and it's really painful, you know,

but, like, fucking magic and I can't even...

I can't think of the right way

to describe how it makes me feel, honestly.

Oh, my God!

That's so beautiful to hear you talk about it that way.

God! Of course you so get it.

I don't know if Geoff told you. I was in such a dark place, you know?

The soul or spirit or whatever you wanna call it

just... embodied me.

This Jeremiah Terminator LeRoy.

Jeremiah Terminator LeRoy...

Wow.

Then he started calling this therapist who told JT,

"Hey, you should write your story down."

It's kind of amazing sharing this with you 'cause...

um... when I first saw you, I thought you looked like him.

- Huh? - It's why I was just...

I wanted to ask you if I could take a picture of you as him.

Well, what do you mean? Like...

I've been JT on the phone for years,

and people need to see him now.

I mean, I'm... a girl, you know, just to state the obvious.

No! No!

That's what's beautiful. He's androgynous. You know? He's like,

you know, discovering his own identity. Boy, girl. He's in disguise.

I'd pay you 50 bucks. It's for Interview magazine.

Sav! Interview magazine.

What do you think?

I mean... Yeah, sure. Why not?

Oh, really? This is what it looks like?

- Yeah. - Ew.

- Looks great. - Yeah.

So put your chin down. Perfect.

Little bit to the right. New just give me eyes though.

A little bit... Perfect.

Oh, my God, I'm getting chills.

- Sav, you look great. - That's JT.

- It's fucking perfect. - You don't wanna do one more?

Are you kidding? These are $12 a box. Let's go!

I did it.

This is a whole new beginning for me. Like a whole new world.

Here you go. You all good?

That hair looks good on you.

Thank you. I was noticing your shoes.

- I've never seen that. - Yeah.

Free the toes and the rest will follow.

You've been in here. I've seen you in here. Do you live nearby?

Pretty close. Mission.

- You? - Uh, SoMa.

Right.

If you need anything, I'm gonna be working here

for the rest of the time you'll be here, so...

- OK. - OK.

Hello?

Savannah. It's Laura. Oh, my God, how are you?

Can you do it one more time?

Hey, I'm JT Leroy.

Hey, I'm JT Leroy.

Hey, I'm JT Leroy.

Hey, I'm JT Leroy.

It's great.

I mean, it's one thing taking a photo,

maybe saying like, "Hey, I'm JT Leroy," but it's another thing being him.

No, no! First of all, I did the interview already.

It's not like he's trying to talk to you.

He just wants to get the picture.

And besides, when you're meeting someone new,

would you ever question who they say they are?

It's gonna be perfect. Here.

This is an interview with JT so you can listen to the voice.

Oh, I've gotta show you.

There's this unbelievably, like, hot-as-fuck actress,

Eva Avelin, from Europe. The book is doing really well there.

She's been calling JT every night.

Just, like, obsessing and we're finishing each other's sentences.

- Whoa. - Yeah. D'you want a cookie?

No, cookies produce curves. I can't do it.

What? You can't, like, eat cookies and be goth?

I'm... I'm not goth.

Just skinny?

No, not necessarily, just no... curves.

Is that why you're, like, binding it up and wearing sports bras all the time?

That's perfect for JT.

Get rid of the boobs, you're already there.

Yeah.

Today I'm speaking with JT Leroy,

the young writer of "Sarah",

a best-selling novel based on his experience

as the son of a prostitute who worked truck stops in the South.

JT, your mother used to pass you off as her younger sister?

Yeah. I mean...

Sarah, she knew that johns didn't like having a boy around,

so she made it two pretty girls.

'Cause she knew they'd get twice the attention.

Sav, you're cool with this, right?

I mean, you don't have to do it if you don't want to.

Yeah, no, no, totally. I'm into it.

Did your mother expect you to engage in prostitution?

I mean, she didn't force me or nothin', but...

- She didn't force me or nothin'. - Part of me really liked it.

I don't quite understand it a hundred percent, but...

Yeah, it's... it's... complicated.

- I loved dressing up... - I loved dressing up...

- Putting on clothes. - Putting on clothes.

- Turning into someone else. - Turning into someone else.

Look, Laura is on the phone all the time as JT,

but she also pretends to be his manager, Speedie.

- And she deemed me Astor. - Astor?

Astor's, like, Speedie's boyfriend, and we saved JT from the streets.

Now we're like this "happy family" and shit.

My books are fiction. I mean, I tell stories,

but sometimes the lies are more true than the truth.

More true than the truth.

Sometimes the lie is more true than the truth.

Trust me, this whole thing is crazy for me too.

I mean, didn't expect to be moving in

with a teenage male prostitute and an obnoxious, loud British woman.

Obnoxious, loud British woman?

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's... That's Speedie.

Well, 'ello, you right little bugger.

I thought you weren't gonna show.

Ready for the shoot? Bruce, this is JT!

- Hi, JT. - Say 'ello.

Hi.

Yeah. He gets a bit nervous.

And also, by the way, he don't like to be touched, all right?

So I give you full permission. Poke around, find your shot,

but, like, in this room.

Hey, JT. I'm so glad that we could make this work.

- Right. - I bought this from you online.

Oh!

And I know how much you like chocolate.

What? Nothin' for the handler? I like it too.

- Great room. - Great.

My sister's got great taste.

So, JT, why you don't tell me where you two guys live?

Well, I live in...

- Tenderloin. - Yeah. Over there.

Oh, cool.

- There we go. - You know,

if you can get that Twist & Scream poster in,

that's me sister's band and JT loves it. You'd like that, right?

I think we need to loosen up a little bit.

- Oh, loosen up? - Yeah, we do.

Shake up them muscles, little lovey. You like that?

Great. Great. I got an idea.

Why don't you, um...

just try standing on this?

I'm not really a skater, so it's kinda weird.

OK, how about...

You know what? Wait.

Um...

I've got... JT loves makeup.

What about lipstick? Right?

You wanna put some lipstick on, love? In the mirror?

- It could be good, right? - Let's try it. We can get right...

This is nice.

Do you like it?

- Good. Really nice. Slowly. - Nice!

- Apply it slowly to your face. - I'm worried that that skateboard...

Lean into the mirror.

- Speedie, you're in the shot. - Oh. Sorry.

Come out. Come on out. Good.

Beautiful, JT. Beautiful.

- Beautiful. - Shit.

- Beautiful. - It's all right.

- I'm just gonna take a leak. - OK.

- Yeah, I think he's done. - Ooh, I just... I only shot one roll.

No, no, you don't know how fortunate you are to get the shot at all.

I understand that.

You're the first person who's ever taken his photo.

Thank you.

He's been in the house for three months.

But my editor's gonna want more than one shot.

- I know, but he's delicate. - Hey, JT.

What do you say we do a couple more, huh?

Um...

JT, you...

Yeah, nah, I think we're done, Bruce.

Thank you for understanding.

But I bet you got a great shot, right?

- Thank you, JT, for your time. - Yeah, thanks.

- It was a real pleasure. - You did great.

- Speedie? - All right, thank you, Bruce.

- Thank you. - I'm sure it will be great.

- And we'll see the shots soon. - OK. Great.

All right then.

- You were fuckin' great! - Disaster vibes.

- You were great! - Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.

Sorry?

- What are you talking about? - I can't do that accent.

He could so see that I was a girl. I could see him looking at me.

Not at all. He never suspected anything. It was the opposite.

He wanted you to go home with him.

Fuck, you were great. And playing Speedie was so cool, right?

Like, not giving a fuck what anybody thinks of you,

you just say whatever the fuck's on your mind! I love 'er!

What about when you answered every question for me? It was so obvious.

No, that's so JT. He's nervous.

He can't speak for himself. That was perfect.

Oh, Sav, trust me.

I learned about this from my phone sex days.

You establish yourself as someone else, right?

You can do that. Then drop the accent and nobody even notices.

And he's elusive. That's the mystery and people love mystery.

I almost puked when I walked in.

Oh, that's so JT. That was what was so perfect.

He looked nauseous and nervous and awkward.

Oh, my God, on Friday night, we've got the reading

and there are all these fabulous people that will show up

and read for him 'cause he's never there.

What if you just showed up and just, like, hyperventilate?

- No way. - Run out like you're gonna throw up?

- No way. - Yes way!

I can't. It was sickening.

That's that feeling. That's what's so beautiful.

It's that feeling we all get, like, right before we do something important.

You know what? Don't worry about it.

I can get somebody else next time.

I gotta go 'cause Geoff and I have band practice.

Shit. I'm late.

I'm just gonna go like this. OK, Sav. Here.

Oh, thanks. I...

As promised, love. Thank you, ta very much.

- Oh, my God, that was so fun. - See ya.

Thank you. JT actually isn't feeling well,

so I'm sorry to say he won't be joining us after all.

Told you. This is some sort of hoax.

Right?

Hello?

Sav. Can you come over tonight? I have big news.

My God! Get in here.

You're not gonna believe what I'm gonna tell you. Are you ready?

A Hollywood producer wants to make Sarah into a movie.

- What? No way. Are you serious? - Can you imagine?

Sarah on the big screen?

Yeah, yeah. That'd be epic.

JT can do his thing and say, you know,

hey, I'm an agoraphobe who just wants his autonomy respected, but...

I don't think so. I think this is too big an opportunity.

You... us... tonight?

No, no, silly. This weekend. In LA.

We'd stay at her house.

There's a party, a reading, a photo shoot.

Come on, it'll be fun.

No, just 'cause I... I'm working this weekend.

That's... That's the only thing.

Sweet girl.

I know the photo shoot was intense.

Right? It was a lot.

But, Sav, there was a light in you.

And I...

I felt him leave my body and enter yours.

I mean, I was in high school when, I don't know, he was turning tricks.

Am I interesting enough to, like, be him?

What?

You are interesting. Are you kidding me? Sav.

You're incredible.

I don't hate myself, I just... That's so different.

I think you gotta think about this differently.

I mean, we're talking Warhol, Ziggy Stardust, Grace Jones.

What if you wake up one morning and say, "I wanna be somebody else?"

That's what they did. They didn't wait for permission.

Well, yeah, I... I know that feeling.

I knew I wanted to be an artist, right?

'Cause I was like, I wanna have a life.

I don't wanna live in a fuckin' cubicle nine to fucking five.

That's not who I am.

Fine! Fine! Spend my life, "Hello, hi. Wanna fuck?"

Doing phone sex for the rest of my life?

No. I'm a writer.

I spent my twenties and thirties waiting for somebody to discover me,

somebody to give me permission?

Nobody gives you anything.

You have to take it.

Are you gonna take it?

You've got all these selves inside of you. Explore them.

This is your time. Find out who the fuck you are.

- Oh, shit. - Are we out of chips?

We ate three bags of chips?

I'm gonna be sweating potato chips.

Don't worry. No food tomorrow, but we need the sweet with the salty.

- I don't. - Secret stash.

- Chocolate. - I'm OK.

- Yeah? - Uh-uh.

- Tell me about this boy. - Sean? What about him?

Well, you date men?

Sometimes. If they're as cute as he is, I do.

But I'm open. I like girls, obviously.

I can't go to any more dyke nights. It makes me so uncomfortable.

It's so embarrassing. The music's so awful.

Did Geoff ever tell you I pretended to be a dyke when we first met?

No. Why?

Because... he was just so good-looking.

You know, I wanted to know if he liked me for me.

Ah.

Test the waters and not be the fat girl swooning.

Hey.

I was a hundred pounds fatter than I am now.

Oh. I didn't realize that.

Good thing I'm not terrified of the knife.

But I've been with women before.

Especially in the group home.

How was that?

Sex was amazing.

No, I mean the group home.

Oh.

Rough.

But it gave me the tough skin I live in.

You know I used to sneak out at night and call suicide hotlines for help,

and I could never... be me.

I'd create characters, usually boys.

Some of them didn't make it, but JT...

JT kept calling.

And it felt so good to not have to be in this body.

You know? To be as far away from it as possible.

I get that.

JT!

Oh, my God!

JT!

Oh, my God, it's so good to finally meet you.

- This is amazing! - Right?

JT, keep writing them books. Maybe you'll get a house like this.

Oh, no, JT, the real money's in screenwriting.

You should write me a part. A cool part. I could play a lot lizard.

- Oh. You already got an actor. - The guest bedroom's this way.

I don't think we've been in a guest room.

It's amazing.

- Oh, my God, what a house. - Thank you.

Oh, and JT brought you a little prezzie.

Ah.

Not really from Neiman Marcus.

I stole that bag out of my neighbor's recycling, but...

Oh, little mini onions. How cute.

And...

baked beans.

- Oh, God. I've needed one of these. - Those are great, right?

I love that you're quite good at that.

That's all I'm gonna say.

Oh!

And JT wrote all the lyrics to our band's songs, Twist & Scream.

Thought you'd love it.

Oh, that's so cool.

JT, did you get that book I sent you?

Yeah, we loved it.

Yeah, yeah. It's real good.

JT, what are you wearing?

What... What is going on?

What's happening to all the money?

There's not much money though yet.

Why do you keep answering for him?

He's a deaf mute.

That's the way it feels because he hates talking about money,

hates business talk.

You know, it's like art, art, art. Keep it pure.

I mean, we're two orphans, fuck, who found each other.

I don't know these things either, so you're right. That's great advice.

We need a guide, you know. I'll get someone.

OK, all right, Oliver Twist.

Come on.

Hi, David.

Oh, my God. JT, listen to this. Trying to emulate the icons.

If I have to talk to all of JT's friends as JT...

We work off each other. You're perfect.

Totally trust yourself.

JT, are you OK?

JT's a genius and Sav's a genius. Don't you ever forget that.

The bacon-wrapped dates are amazing.

Oh, we don't eat pork.

Well, I was just being polite, but yeah.

If you don't understand a reference, just go with it.

Do what I do. Hang a lantern on it.

What is... what is that?

You're so funny with the sunglasses, JT. D'you ever take them off?

It means if it's obvious, make it more obvious.

Let 'em see these beauties.

Your eyes are so beautiful.

It's like those Chinese finger puzzles.

You go in further to get out.

Baby, we're at play in the fields of the Lord.

Look, there's Eva Avelin. She's dying to do Sarah.

To direct and star in it.

JT? Hi. John Bradwell.

- We loved the piece you did on JT. - Oh.

- Thoughtful, investigative. - Wow.

- Really a great piece. - Thank you. Thank you.

Um, I'm still living in San Francisco,

so if you wanted to meet up and continue that conversation...

Yeah, definitely.

- I'm just gonna grab... - Right.

OK.

JT.

Oh, Eva. Hey.

Enfant.

You are here at last.

Um, I'm here, pretty sure.

How's the snail story coming along?

- Good. - Excuse me one second.

Does the snail still have a visage brute?

- Um... - Visage brute? Sorry, I'm Speedie.

JT was just tellin' me about that.

"Ugly face" or somethin'. I love it!

- Just give us a minute? - Like a title...

Oh, sure.

Are you staying here?

Um, hm-hmm. I'm just in that room there.

OK, cool. I'm just kinda worried about you staying at some hotel,

running off and getting into trouble.

I don't really get in that kind of trouble anymore.

Hm-hmm.

You have trouble written all over you.

Oh, my God. You are so fucking cute.

Why are you so shy? Soak up the attention.

- Everybody's here for you. - Yeah, it's crazy.

Eva!

All right.

- Find me at the bar? - OK.

OK.

Oh, hey, Eva, is... are you gonna be at the reading tomorrow?

Baby, what are you talking about? I'm one of the readers.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I was... I was thinkin'...

Fuck.

Perfect.

Nice. Just shake it out.

There we go.

Look at that.

Up a little bit.

JT!

So sorry to bother you. I, um...

I just wanted to tell you how much your work means to me.

I was on the streets for a while too.

When I read your book, I was like, someone gets me.

Your voice means a lot.

Thank you.

Do you see that? Huh?

Your work, you're helping people. It's beautiful.

Thank you.

It looks nice.

Come to Paris. OK?

JT?

JT!

Au revoir.

I feel alive for the first time in my life.

Sav, you're never gonna believe this.

JT's French publishers are flying us to Paris for a press conference.

Holy fucking shit.

Get the fuck out of here. I can't believe this is happening.

And Eva's throwing the after party.

OK, I kinda gotta go. I'll talk to you. I'll call you tomorrow.

OK, bye.

- You're making us headbands? - Yeah.

- Cute. - Thanks.

So I have to go to Paris in, like, two weeks.

- Shit. - Yeah.

Wow. That's... What... What for?

Um, Laura has some work there,

so I'm gonna go assist her. She needs some help.

- That's so cool. - Yeah.

- Have you ever been? - Uh-uh.

- No? - Uh-uh.

- Have you? - I wish.

Well, where's my invite?

You wanna fit in my backpack?

- You can come. - Oh.

I can fit in very small places.

I'll miss you.

Yeah, I'll miss you too.

Eva...

You haven't taken it off? Really?

I love that. You know I can't stop.

You got my bone around your neck.

But you started it.

I can't wait to see you again too.

OK. All right. Call me right back.

They sent enough money for first-class tickets.

I mean, we'll go coach and pocket the rest,

but I tried to get another ticket for Astor and they just won't budge,

so I figured we'll just buy one if...

Yeah, why would I wanna go to Europe?

We have a recording session next week.

We have a recording session next week.

I know, babe.

I figured we'd move it and it'd give you a little more time to work on the music,

refine things. I mean, we're gonna be just jamming through that press.

It'll be a nightmare and I know you hate that whole world anyways, so...

Yeah, I don't exactly wanna be the caboose on the JT train,

but, Laura, we're in a band, you know?

Like, that's our pack. It's a band, it's a bond.

Hey. What do we always say? By any means...

Necessary. Yeah, for the band. You know, for the music.

- It is for the music. - How is this for the music?

Babe! JT's gonna plug the shit out of this band.

Are you kidding?

It's massive worldwide press.

And I'm, like, this close to getting us a review in Spin.

I mean,

Madonna sent us Kabbalah books.

Madonna is in our world!

Yeah, that's great, Laura. No, really great.

What world are you in?

Eva...

Yeah.

Yeah, I've gotta have creative control.

It's my life.

I'm the only one who knows the truth.

Look, I get it. You wanna go to Europe, you know? It's cool.

Of course.

I mean, the only thing is,

you don't think what we're doing is totally fucked, right?

No, no. I mean...

No, right?

I mean I guess technically it's lying.

Like, on paper, we're... lying to people,

but I feel like...

It feels like I'm making something.

It feels like a performance, and I'm so compelled to do it, I...

I love that feeling, I've wanted that feeling forever,

and I never knew really what was gonna, like, give me that, you know?

You have it. You play guitar, you've played since you were 12.

I see your face when you do it, like...

It's that feeling.

I guess I'm really good at pretending to be a feral 19-year-old street kid.

That's not weird, right?

No.

Oh, man.

Welcome.

How was your flight? All right?

JT's hungry.

Vraiment? You did not indulge in the first-class fare?

Bugger slept the whole flight. Maybe some eggs.

We don't have much time.

He loves eggs, so if we can grab...

First time in Paris? Voilà.

Fucking take my... Fuckin' French.

Quite mature trees, aren't they?

You never see that in America.

It's gorgeous.

Europe, I love it. You know? It's fantastic.

I'm gonna barf.

I can't believe they wouldn't stop for eggs. I can't live off snacks.

You need to be my advocate and speak up or we'll never eat.

Sorry.

You'll have to take the jacket off too. We gotta see the whole band name.

- You can see it. - No, it's promotion.

- It's good for Geoff. - JT?

Ah.

Hello!

Hi.

- Hey, Speedie. - Hey, Eva.

- You look gorgeous as usual. - How are you?

- What's up? You nervous? - Yeah, of course.

Don't be. You look great. I love your jacket. Hey!

You're gonna be fuckin' great. I'm so proud of you, baby.

I have something for you.

All right. Should we...? You know what?

I think it's best I come with you so that we can check the venue and...

So you gave me your talisman.

I'm gonna give you mine.

It belonged to my grandfather.

Oh... Oh, it's incredible.

- I shouldn't accept that. You know... - Yes, you should.

We have to go.

JT LeRoy.

JT!

Hi.

Oui?

Your mother put you through some awful situations.

How does she feel about your exposé of her behavior?

Um...

She's not...

with us anymore,

so I don't really know.

We cannot hear you, JT!

You can't hear me? Um...

I...

I was just sayin' that, um...

my... my mom isn't here anymore, and...

Also the books are fiction, so, yeah.

JT?

You wrote on your website that writing is your lifesaver.

It's painful but I need it.

- What do your friends think? - The truth in fiction...

JT, why do you tend to avoid public events?

Protection, I think, and...

Speak to your choice of wearing a quote unquote "disguise."

Anonymity's kinda like losing your virginity.

They are based on your real experiences, right, JT?

Fiction's sort of a lie, but can be more true than the truth.

JT, you sound like a woman to me, but you insist you are a man.

Uh...

You know, it's not really my responsibility

to help lead you through your own discomfort on how I make you feel.

- I can be whomever I wanna be. - Fuck, yeah!

And as for sounding like a woman, um,

well, I'd say thank you.

But, JT,

are you really who you say you are?

Are you really who you say you are?

I...

I can't really tell. Are you a man?

Prove your masculinity right now. Pull your cock out.

All right, it's done.

It's done.

It's done.

Merci.

- You know what I mean? That's the key. - Hold on a second.

In America it's different.

In America...

You handled that so well, baby.

Super cool...

JT? This young man would love for you to sign his book.

Bonjour, JT.

Eva... Eva.

Eva.

I need to take JT back to the hotel now. We need a proper meal.

- Nonsense. - Nah, he's drinking too much.

And I can't stand all this smoke.

Speedie, come on.

Stop interfering with his life all the time.

She's interfering with my life, actually.

Excuse me.

JT.

- Let's go back to the hotel. - I'm not ready to go yet.

Well, this place is filled with toxicity. Let's go.

At play in the fields of the Lord, remember?

My words.

See you later, Speedie.

Ennio!

This look is everything!

Oh, man! It's our favorite song.

Oh, right.

Sorry.

What's up, JT?

Where are you?

I'm...

I'm totally right here. I'm just...

I'm just tired, you know?

Hi.

Hi.

You have a very different vibe than on the phone.

Yeah, I'm...

so jetlagged.

What's the deal with you and Speedie? Huh?

I mean, you barely give each other room to breathe.

She's so obnoxious.

I know she's your friend. I'm sorry, but...

No, it seems weird from the outside.

Um...

But I wouldn't even exist without her.

What?

I don't really wanna go there, but...

where are we with the option for the film?

Um...

I just, you know, I'd be so fuckin' honored to direct it,

and play your mother.

You know, she's such a character obsessed with her own downfall.

I've always just related to that kind of woman, you know?

And I really think it's important to show how...

how you absorbed her pain, you know?

I wanna do it justice.

I'd probably need, like, full control of the script.

You know, 'cause it's my life, but...

Deal.

You're so beautiful.

Oh, shit!

Oh, baby.

Oh.

It's the famous JT!

So, JT LeRoy, tell me.

How do you have time to write your amazing best-selling books, huh?

Because it seems like you just stay out all night partying.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know.

What were you doing?

I thought it was earlier.

You can't go out so long without me, and you're drinking.

Who knows what you said. The whole thing could have fallen apart.

I secured full creative control over the script, so... there's that.

- What? - Yeah.

Well, I didn't ask you to do that.

But, I...

I mean that's good news.

What did she say? I mean, how did that go?

I need to know everything. I gotta get on the phone right away

and make sure she said what she meant and...

I'd love to know what you talk about on the phone.

If I knew what you talked about on the phone,

maybe I wouldn't sound like a stammering idiot around her.

I need more to talk about than stuff I read in interviews.

I want her to feel...

like...

Oh, my God.

Did you fuck her?

I...

It's a Chinese finger puzzle, right? You go further in to get out?

Fuck! Savy. Goddamn it!

It's not as bad as you think, honestly.

- It's not even like that. - Are you fucking kidding me?

Baby girl, she doesn't want you.

OK? She wants the person she talked to on the phone.

She wants JT.

In fact, she doesn't even want that.

She wants the fucking rights to the movie!

Oh, I'm being mean.

I just hate myself. I binged all night.

I was worried.

I need you here to keep me on track. I just... Oh, God.

Damn it!

Don't you think this is ridiculous?

You should write as you.

Savy, come on.

You're out of it. Nobody listens to me as me.

They listen to you as JT.

But JT doesn't exist, you know? He's not real.

I mean, he's super real for some people, you know? Like... personal.

- I see it. - Is it real for them?

I got left.

I got tricked... and put in a mental home for grown-ups.

Abused...

Used up by men, my mom...

I was that kid.

And it is real.

I didn't say it wasn't.

That's not what I'm saying.

You're so mean.

You are so manipulative. You don't have to do that with me.

I'm the last person you have to do that with.

We're in Paris because of me,

because of my writing,

because of my genius.

I'm glad you know how to put an outfit together,

but all you do is show up.

I don't inhabit him, he doesn't inhabit me,

he doesn't leap out of your body into mine?

We're not making something together. All this bullshit that you say to me

to get me to do this crazy shit?

No, no, if all I do is show up, honestly,

why don't I fucking go ahead and stop showing up?

Stop being a drama queen.

I feel lost in a limitless hall of desire and longing.

What was I thinkin'?

Hey. I have to tell you something.

- What? - Yeah.

- Sav... - Yeah.

I've seen pictures of JT.

- I bet. - Yeah, and I read Sarah.

- I know. - And never connected the dots.

I noticed that.

Wow. Um...

OK, so wait.

When you... when you talk to people in person,

they don't notice that it's not Laura's voice?

And they all think that you're a boy?

It's like The Emperor's New Clothes kinda deal, you know?

Every time someone questions it, Laura just throws it right back on them

and is like, "What do you mean, the emperor has no clothes?

That's his very best outfit."

I mean...

I wanted to tell you, I just think I really valued the secret of it

and... wanted to protect her.

I would just fucking die if I, like, ruined that for her, and...

Yeah.

This is literally the craziest thing I've ever heard.

I'm really not sure if I should, like, ask more questions or...

- I don't know, run away. - Run out of here.

Yeah.

Am I... terrible?

- I mean... - Also it's over.

I'm not gonna do it anymore,

which is why it was, like, a lot easier to tell you this, to be honest.

- You're not gonna do it anymore? - No.

♪ If I could be

♪ What you wanted

♪ If you wanted...

Come and be my one?

♪ If I could be what you wanted...

No, it's not that I don't want to. I've just been...

I feel like if I leave the house, I'm gonna fall into old habits.

No, I know.

Dennis, I know you know, but I feel stuck...

No, I really wanna go, Jason.

I do. I just...

For my health, I need to focus on me right now.

I know it's probably not something I should relive, but...

I mean... But they're making a movie on my life.

Well, they keep asking for me to come down to the set and...

Yeah.

No, but how do I say no to that?

Yeah, Eva and I have been having phone sex lately and...

I know it's not healthy, but...

the heart wants what the heart wants, right?

Hey.

Hey.

- How you doin'? - Is that Sav?

I'm OK. Yeah, it's Sav.

Oh, my God. Get her in here, it's like Christmas.

Look at all this stuff that JT gets for free.

Thank God you're here, you guys. Start taking stuff.

Here, Astor bow ties.

- Look at those! - What? No.

Did you tell her about Astor doing the music for the movie?

Yeah, well, Laura's been speaking to Eva about maybe, right,

you know, doing the score for the whole movie, so...

Definitely. I'm talking to her. We're gonna push this through.

How's she doin'?

She's good. She's really good.

I mean, she's I think overwhelmed.

You know, it's a lot, making a movie.

She said she wants JT to design an outfit for her to wear in the movie.

Oh, my God, this is beautiful.

You gotta try this.

Look at that on. Oh, please. Anzevino's been sending all this stuff.

- Like this and all this fabric. - It's really nice.

He wants to support JT the designer.

Do you think I could talk to her?

Uh...

I just got an email. You wanna see it?

I just got one from her.

I just, I think

talking to her would be hard

'cause we're talking so much and it might get a little mucky, but...

Subject line.

"Please, please, please come to Tennessee.

Baby boy, I miss your soft lips.

I dream of your skin."

I love this.

"I wanna pull on your hair like a horse's mane."

She is so into your pheromones. I love that.

I mean you're talking to her as me, you know? Like...

Yeah.

I mean...

I'm talking to her as JT.

We had, like, a thing. Like, a real thing.

It wasn't bullshit, it wasn't...

I... I know that.

Sav...

you're as much a part of JT as me.

That's the truth.

Not some adolescent talking to you in Paris saying dumb shit

because she was jealous and felt left out and lonely.

I'm so sorry. It's embarrassing.

And the Eva thing actually turned out to be great.

Why shouldn't you wanna be intimate with her? My God.

You guys have this connection, so...

This is crazy.

And this whole Tennessee thing.

I don't know what to do. I mean, it would be... great for Astor to go

because of the music, and I...

You know, she really wants us to be on set and see the experience, but...

I don't know if you wanna be JT again.

That's... That's for you to decide.

It's the wardrobe.

Makeup.

Well, well, well!

Hi, there, baby boy!

Ain't this a pretty little thing that JT made for me?

- Everything looks real good. - Oh, thank you, honeypie.

Hey, there, Momma.

Hey, Speedie.

Oi. There's your music man.

- Hey. - Oh, hey. Astor.

Oh, my God, I'm so glad you're here. It's been a fucking nightmare.

It's just been me and these fucking idiots.

Honestly, I have to fight for everything.

You know what, Speedie? I kind of understand what you're going through

with this little rascal over here.

You know, keeping him clothed and fed and out of mischief.

I mean, it's exactly what I'm going through on this fucking set.

You have no idea. All these men. It's like herding cats.

They all need attention, they all need to express their opinions to me.

Honestly, would they treat a male director like this?

I don't think so.

You know, I'm JT's mother, I'm the movie's mother,

I'm the fucking world's mother. It's exhausting.

But you're doing OK though, right?

Baby, I'm so happy you're here.

You know, you ground me. Calm me down.

I gotta finish this scene.

Gotta be perfect, right? Gotta be better than the guys.

- Eva, we need you on set! - John!

I told you this is not the right place. Where are we gonna put this? What?

She looks fuckin' wrecked.

Fuck.

I can't describe what I'm feeling.

It's like this... déjà vu feeling.

But I feel like I'm home.

JT...

And Eva, that was so spooky.

Looking at Sarah...

You know, like, all these things she's picking up on.

I've never, ever told anybody about it.

All about Sarah, my best friend in the group home.

It's like looking right at her.

Art is...

eerie shit, man.

This is so crazy.

I have to tell Eva the truth.

Are you sure?

- Baby. - Hey.

Hey, I'm so glad you came.

Can you believe it's all happening?

- It's crazy. - Right?

Are you doing OK? A little bit better from earlier?

Yeah. I'm sorry about that. I just, I had the worst fucking day.

- But it's all gonna be fucking amazing. - JT.

It's gonna be great. Sit down, I'm gonna get you a drink.

Nice to fucking meet you in person.

- Hey. - Hey.

I am so excited to be in your fucking movie.

He knows that already, silly.

I've never acted in anything, and it's so cool.

You're doing a really good job.

So, is it, like, weird for you?

What?

Like seeing your whole life recreated and shit?

Uh... Yeah, it's weird.

I've been working on that song we were talkin' about.

Hmm, play it.

♪ I told you to tell me

♪ To sign on the dotted line

♪ Any time I gotta sell my soul

♪ For the...

Did we settle on first or second? I can't remember.

- First. - Yeah.

You gotta get that recorded, baby, so it's ready for the soundtrack.

I... I'm gonna.

It's really cool that Astor's got some stuff for the soundtrack too.

Oh, my God, JT. I really can't talk about this again.

I'm sorry, babe.

I am thinkin' about it.

OK.

Remember, babe, that scene tomorrow that I was talking about earlier?

When you see Jeremiah in the basement?

I was gonna shoot it with the dolly when I told you about it earlier,

but I feel like... I feel like I need to shoot it handheld, behind you.

You mind if I take a shower?

- I've been running around all day. - Yeah, go, babe.

- I feel really dirty. - It's over there.

I think it'd be much cooler...

Hey.

- You're not helping. - I'm helping you!

Stop! Stop it! I'm tired, let's go. Oh, my God.

All right.

Hey. It's so late, babe. Just crash here.

This is actually super comfy. Manson stayed on it last week.

We're gonna go to bed.

- I'm so fucking tired. - Night, JT.

- Goodnight. - Night.

Hey.

She's not really quitting, right?

I mean,

she'll come around, huh?

- We're a team. - No, baby. No.

Look, I'm sorry, I gotta set a boundary here, OK? Either you stop or I'm out.

Hey.

You know what that means for me.

OK, it's done.

OK.

OK.

- Hm-hmm? - Hm-hmm.

All right, I gotta jet.

I'll be back soon, OK?

Don't worry, I'll get back to writin'.

No. Trust me, you.

I can't really answer that, Dot.

They say I don't exist, so I'm not even talkin' to you right now, right?

When shit gets this bleak,

you have no idea where I could go, what I could do to myself.

You have no idea.

JT?

I...

I think you've got the wrong person. But I'll send your server over.

OK.

Jason, no. I don't...

What?

Really? That's crazy.

No, I ain't workin' at no restaurant.

Life's the same old thing.

People just tryin' to cut me down, say I don't exist,

and I'm out there, say I'm workin' in a restaurant

when I'm here talkin' to you.

Eva, why would you for one second listen to some dumb rumor?

Rumors have been circling me for years.

I mean, come on, you know my spirit, my soul, my art.

We're creative partners. You gotta trust me on this.

How can I prove...?

The premiere?

Of course I wanna come, but you know how hard travel is on me.

Yeah, OK.

I get it. I get... I'll go.

I'll be there.

Everything OK?

Yeah.

Was that Laura?

I can tell.

Eva's movie or JT's movie or whatever got into the Cannes Film Festival.

And they want JT to go.

They're pretty desperate for him to be there, like, to promote the movie.

And they'd pay me, like, a thousand dollars a day.

People are skeptical too, you know? Especially Eva.

If JT doesn't go, the whole thing will be over for Laura, you know?

I know, but so what?

Every time you come back from being JT, you're a mess.

I could use the money. It's a lot of money.

And use a few more people while you're at it?

That's a... really reductive, simplified version of it.

We've talked about that.

OK. Let's get real for a second.

People respond to JT because of who they think he is.

But what you guys are doing is just, like--

People get just as much as they... put into it.

It's like they use us, we use them. Everyone uses each other.

- That's like how it is. - Oh, my God.

You've already decided, haven't you?

It's one more time.

I mean, do you hear yourself right now? Just one more time again? Like...

You sound like an addict.

Honestly, I'm... missing something.

Like I... I miss it.

Please. We both know this is about Eva.

You miss her.

Do you wanna see her?

But that's not happenin', Sav.

I mean, it's crazy.

She's into who she thinks JT is, not you.

I fucked her in Paris.

- What? - I should've told you. I...

I'm sorry.

I always knew you had a crush.

I mean, it was fuckin' obvious.

But of course I... I didn't think it really meant anything.

I mean, you know me.

Had you told me earlier, I wouldn't have freaked out, but to lie about it?

Just think about what you want and what you're doing, and then we can talk.

- Oi! - Hey, Eva. Hey.

They want the two of you to introduce the film.

- No. No. - Eva! Eva!

- No. - What?

- Babyhead! - Oh, my God.

What's...? Come here. What's wrong?

I don't know what I was thinking.

I really thought something could have worked out between us.

I feel like a complete idiot.

Don't blame yourself. OK?

Oh, my God. What? For going there?

If we never let ourselves go there, we'll never grow.

So you're stuck, right?

Some emotional vortex with her. There's no way around that,

so you need to talk to her about what happened in Tennessee.

You're at an impasse, my beautiful friend.

- OK? - Hmm.

It's like one of those sores that scabs over

and all kinds of dirt are underneath.

You just gotta go back in and take that dirt out.

Yeah.

Talk to her and clean up this mess, right?

Yeah.

Hey. I love you.

- Come on.

You took a film about truck-stop hookers to the Cannes Film Festival.

People know you're only involved if it's edgy,

if it's relevant, if it's real.

More importantly, JT is interested in taking the problems

of the soul, the spirit, and transforming them into craft.

Oh, my God! He does it with his own designs.

You design?

I just wanted to say something...

Just that in... Tennessee, I was feeling,

like, really hurt 'cause,

you know, that you were with... Ben.

Not that you shouldn't have been. It's just...

I shouldn't have been there and...

it was awkward and shitty.

Really?

That's what you wanna talk about, JT?

What did you expect?

Like one drunk fuck and I was gonna run off into the sunset with you,

and be in some sweet little lesbian relationship?

I mean you wrote all those...

emails.

I guess you just wanted the film rights.

I've put my whole life in this movie.

I made a movie that is based on a true story, right?

I made this film for you.

I mean, you kinda made it for yourself too though.

You know what? Don't tell me who I made this movie for, all right?

And don't pretend like you don't know what I'm trying to talk about.

Do you know how many times I had to defend you?

Like, tell people, "No, JT is actually real"?

If this whole thing turns out to be bullshit...

I'm gonna be devastated, JT, OK?

You gotta tell me.

Please tell me that your story is real.

Tell me that you wrote these books

and that you are who you say you are.

Eva...

I mean, JT's whoever you want him to be.

Oh, my God.

I feel like... we're salmon

returning to our ocean home.

And we're finally leavin' the chrysalis

to become the monarch butterflies of our own selves.

I feel like I've arrived.

Like I've finally found my true self.

Laura, this is John Bradwell from "The Guardian".

I'm running a piece about JT,

in particular, about the photo I found online of Savannah.

It looks strikingly like Mr. LeRoy.

It'd really be in your best interests to return my call.

Fuck.

Geoff. Bradwell with "The Guardian"

calling again to confirm that Savannah--

Yeah, Savannah, my sister,

was the body of... of JT Leroy, yeah.

But, Laura... Laura was the voice. She... She did all the writing.

Savannah, Bradwell calling again.

Listen, I know for a fact that you're JT,

so at this point you should really just make a statement before my story runs.

This may sound crazy, but the whole thing was never a big scheme.

Never at all. I mean, it was just...

I dunno, it just got out of hand. It snowballed, I guess.

What the fuck?

I guess we betrayed some people, sure.

Baby, did you get followed?

I don't know, I don't think so.

Fuck. This is a fucking witch-hunt.

Do you... Do you want a tea? Or I can make you eggs or something.

No, I can't eat anything. I'm OK.

Oh, my God.

Babe.

They know who I am now.

I'm so ashamed.

I just wanna fucking disappear.

How are you holding up?

I mean, I figured I'd feel some kind of relief.

But I'm kind of at a loss. I'm just like...

- At a loss. - Yeah.

Babyhead.

It's the fucking end of the book.

It's like the end of Sarah.

JT's, like, running naked through the woods.

They have pitchforks.

They're fucking after him.

Mad 'cause he's actually a boy.

You could have written a different ending.

It had to be that ending.

It's a great fucking ending.

They think that the work is fraudulent.

You know, this ain't a hoax, this ain't fraud.

My books are real.

Hello?

Hello?

Without further ado, let's give a warm welcome to Laura Albert.

Tom Waits...

wanted to do an interview with JT LeRoy for Vanity Fair.

JT declined...

because he was notoriously shy.

One of the reasons JT was so shy

is JT didn't have a body.

JT was an avatar.

We are given this persona,

and then we are given this body.

And there's no promise from whomever made us

that the two will be in sync.

And, hey, I say we can be in the misery

of trying to get them to match up,

or we can create our own world.

Let me take you back.

I was in a group home,

I'm in my pain,

and there's pain all around,

and I'm...

I'm looking for the tools...

for other people to feel that pain,

to understand it,

and I can't be in this body, you know?

Because my biggest fear is if I tell you my pain,

you'll say, "You deserved it.

You're disgusting.

You're horrible."

And I'm seeing these blond, blue-eyed boys

on after-school specials, and I'm like...

I gotta find another body.

So I start calling suicide hotlines.

And I meet JT.

I was as surprised as everyone else

what JT wrote.

Then I was sad

'cause I couldn't give JT the body he wanted.

The body he deserved.

And he found that in Savannah.

- Um, but to be back is... - Oh, I know.

- ...meta. - It's incredible.

- What's your name? - Mikayla.

Mikayla. Pleasure.

- Thank you. - Really.

Hey.

Babyhead. Get in here.

It's been a long time.

I'm... I'm really glad that I came.

I'm really glad you did too.

- What's your name? - DJ.

- DJ. Thanks for coming. - Thank you so much.

How's Geoff?

He's good. You know, he's being Geoff. Making music.

I like what you said earlier too.

Thank you for connecting to Sarah like that.

It's really beautiful.

Oh, can we just get a picture of you guys?

- Sure. - Yeah, sure.

Wow.

Here we are.

Well, I also came to say goodbye. Um, I'm gonna move to New York.

I'm excited.

Wow. I guess. That's a big one for you.

- What's your name? - Thomas.

Congratulations. And, you know, maybe I'll see you out in the world.

Out playing in the fields of the Lord.

- What's your name? - Alex.

Hey, Sav.

I heard you were, uh... writing.

- Yeah. - Just remember.

Just 'cause you played a writer, doesn't mean you are one.

Good luck.

Thank you.

- What's your name? - Eva.

Eva...

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