Original subtitles

Meerut.

Tell me, Nand from Meerut.

What's so special about that place?

Dude, I myself am special.

Really?

Have you done anything special in Meerut?

No, I haven't.

But something special happened to me over there.

Care to know what happened in Meerut?

This story is about Meerut and me.

So, let me begin the story from my house.

Mother of Nand...

...your superstition has no limits.

Doing this every morning...

...has not prevented any untoward events from happening.

We live in a dangerous city.

You sell lingerie for a living.

What if a school girl or a college-going bombshell...

...or any other lady bewitch you with her beauty?

We've been married for 17 years now.

If I could have been bewitched, I would have by now.

You've no idea what sort of a city this is.

It's Meerut.

Meerut.

Like every other small city...

...Meerut too, is very laid-back.

Guruji, greetings.

How was your journey?

Son, may you live long.

Guruji, did you find a solution?

Did I find a solution?

Of course I did!

I picked a black crow from a burial ground...

...and rubbed the hair from a black dog's tail on its beak...

...to prepare this powder.

Take it.

Mix this in a cold drink and offer it to the woman of your choice.

Then within three days...

...that woman will...

...completely surrender herself to you.

Guruji, I feel blessed!

But the men from Meerut...

...get a kick out of only one thing.

Scoundrels!

The Delhi intercity train isn't a girl from your class...

That you can ride on whenever you want

Hold on, sir.

This is my ear, not your wife's skirt...

...that you can tug it whenever you want

You...

Their minds and eyes can be distracted by only one thing.

And only one thing can blow their minds away.

Now that thing had arrived in Meerut.

the women of Meerut are cursed...

...that their house will be ruined by another woman.

- You shouldn't have done that. - Shut up.

When Vipul said "I love you" to you...

- ...you ran off! - Yes, but Nand is a good boy.

Tell me, why would someone wear a designer panty...

...if they didn't intend to show it?

I swear, my pen was on the floor.

When I went under the table to pick it up...

...I spotted it.

- And then? - Then what?

After taking a good look at Mickey, I got up...

...only to find her staring at me.

I was too shy to look at her.

We don't get to see that every day!

But Priyanka saw the whole thing...

...and she ran to the Principal to complain.

I told the Principal that Nand has crossed the line.

Priyanka, you're so mean.

He took admission in our school for your sake.

Nonsense!

He was in an all-boys school before.

Since he was desperate for girls, he joined ours.

I'm sure he must have hit on a thousand girls before me.

You don't have a girlfriend, Nand

I don't believe that.

Your dad owns a lingerie shop.

A lot of beautiful, young girls must be visiting it every day.

Yes, but that doesn't mean...

...I get to take their measurements.

Forget it. Priyanka is like your sister, right?

Yes, she was.

To get close to her friend, Rupali...

...I let her tie rakhi on my wrist, three years in a row.

And also gifted her a "Dear Sister" card.

That too bought from Archies.

But Rupali fell for a 12th grade student...

...and I got stuck as Priyanka's brother

Stop laughing!

Look at him, must be bragging about the skirt episode.

What's so funny?

All the love stories at high school...

...begins by tying a rakhi, followed by a fight, and then...

I know he's a pervert.

Vipul, mark my words.

If I fail to have sex before I complete my 12th grade...

...I'll stay a virgin forever.

If you fail to do it...

...get "Loser" tattooed on your forehead

When you can't help me get laid...

...at least stop f*****g with me. Get lost!

Let's go from here.

'Okay.'

Hey, why did you do that for?

Nand, is it true?

Of course not, I didn't peep into her skirt deliberately.

I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about the fact that you want to do it.

Do you really want to get laid?

Yes, I'm quite serious about it...

...but I've run out of ideas and hope.

- What if I help you out? - Ask me anything you want.

- One thousand rupees. - What!

Don't take it so seriously.

I can do it for 100 rupees in Delhi.

What if you contract a disease or something?

I'll pay you Rs. 300. Arrange for it.

You will be in heaven!

If you turn right after the old market...

...you'll find a house.

A woman lives there.

She's extremely gorgeous.

But I've heard that she doesn't speak much.

'Hello. Yes.'

Don't you know, I can't answer my phone when I'm working?

She is he!

- I told you not to call me... - 'B*******d!'

Tell me what is it quickly.

H*******e... Ram Khilawan!

Why didn't you tell me that the path to heaven goes through the legs of hell?

I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

I'll teach you a lesson.

Here.

Give it here.

Take it.

Uh-oh, I'm folding my cards.

Well, as you all know, we are done with Navratri.

Now let's plan for Karva Chauth for our husbands.

There is no scope for Karva Chauth in Meerut.

Even Mandodari performed this ritual for her husband King Ravan...

...but he went after Sita.

It was Mandodari's mistake!

She failed to satisfy King Ravan.

Really, Pushpa?

When the husband is a monster...

...how can the wife satisfy him?

Four or five years into the marriage...

...we wives cease to be attractive.

That's why husbands go hunting...

...for a new partner.

What say, Sushma?

You seem lost in thoughts.

Your husband is not sleeping with you or what?

- Sushma! - Coming.

My limbs are cramped because of the daily chores!

Come on, massage my body.

What about you, Sneh?

Does your husband 'massage' you in the morning?

- Dear, get the cold drinks. - 'I'm on my way.'

I have made a cold drink for her.

A special drink!

Keep an eye on your husband.

Now you eat only bland, tasteless food while fasting for your husbands.

Next year, you won't even get to eat that.

What do you advise us to do?

Put some make-up on your face.

Leave one of your blouse buttons open.

You won't die of pneumonia

Go to Pinky Parlour and get a facial, you fools.

If you can't take good care of yourselves...

...some other woman will take your husband...

- Are you crazy? - Listen! Calm down!

Calm down, students.

Ma'am, you can come in now.

As the saying goes...

"The clouds won't shower down..."

"...until the land goes bone dry."

My adolescence was in a similar condition.

But it showered before the famine could hit me.

She's Mrs. Shanu Bansal.

I know how good is your English.

It's quite poor.

Therefore, from now on...

...she will teach you English grammar.

Greet her!

Hello, ma'am.

Ma'am, they are all yours.

Hello, 11-C.

Now you know my name.

But let me introduce myself, properly.

'I'm not like your other teachers.'

One instance of stupidity...

...and you'll fail in this class.

And the most important thing...

As long as we are in school, we'll talk to each other only in...

...English.

Understood?

Are you deaf?

Is that clear?

- Yes, ma'am. - Good.

'Chapter one.'

Though it's not mandatory...

...for a breeze to accompany showers...

...but the rainfall will definitely make you wet.

Why are you staring at her?

You've to talk to her first, in that case.

Unfortunately, she speaks only English.

I don't want her to tie me a rakhi.

I want her to be the mother of my children.

Just wait and watch.

Yes, I was hitting on Shanu Ma'am.

But...

Nand, what brings you here?

I came here casually. How are you doing?

I'm doing great. Shall I make a sweet paan for you?

If you promise that you won't tell my dad...

...I'll buy a cigarette.

Nand...

...no good has ever come out of ratting on people.

Take it.

- Pandit ji. - 'Yes?'

- Who is... - They are new to the city.

'A married couple from Hapur.'

You know the brick factory owner, right?

They are renting his place.

- And what about her... - Her husband?

Her husband is a mobile phone salesman.

He's usually out of town for about three days a week.

Nand, you can't see much from here.

- Pandit ji... - Yes?

Whom should I see, and from where...

Leave that to me.

Hi, I'm the cable guy.

'My name's Pappu Tiwari.'

Here, take my card.

Call me if there's a problem with the connection.

Is it fine now?

- Or should I check? - Yes, please.

And I'm thinking...

"Pappu, take care".

Shanu ma'am will outsmart you with her English.

I managed to get inside the house, but what next?

Oh, she's as cold as ice!

I'll hang up now. I think she's coming.

Well... The connection... should be set up in h-half an hour.

A-And thank you very much...

...for the glass of water.

Ma'am.

Call your mother ma'am, I'm Rasbhari!

I swear on God. I have developed a new weakness.

It pains a lot, over here.

So far, I have slept with around 82 girls.

But the kind of workout this teacher gave me...

...was out of this world!

Pappu bro, I'm not following you.

Are you complaining or bragging...

...or should I be worried for you?

Hey, cut it out.

And listen to this carefully.

Do you know Sirohi's house?

- The one opposite Pandit's shop? - Exactly.

A beautiful, hot woman has moved into that house.

She really made me work my ass off.

Don't ask me, man.

Why? Did she take you for a ride or something?

You're wrong. You're absolutely wrong.

I walked right into her bedroom.

She agreed instantly!

And then I ended up doing what I do best.

Pappu bro, tell me how do I impress her.

Don't forget to smile at her when she looks at you...

...everything will be smooth sailing from there.

Do you understand?

What were you staring at yesterday?

You know it.

So, shall I show it to you myself, today?

What is happening here?

What is happening?

- Ma'am, well... - English.

- Just 'Esehi'. - I said, 'English, please.'

If you cannot talk in English, please leave the class.

What was happening?

Sex.

No.

That will happen now.

Nand, listen.

Nand.

Couldn't you wait for 30 seconds?

You're beating your meat here! We're getting late for the class.

- Damn you. - Don't touch me.

Whoever comes late to the class will be sent out.

Nonsense. Why are you sleeping?

Whose skirt did you peep into this time?

- Why are you not in the classroom? - I had been to the loo.

- Are you done? - Why? You wanted to come along?

Priyanka, I'm sorry.

There's no sense left in you.

I thought you were my Rakhi brother.

But you turned out to be a pervert.

Priyanka, to be honest I did not peek...

...under the table on purpose. My pen actually fell down.

I swear on God.

You made her your sister again by shelling out 15 bucks.

Dude, I'm her friend now.

I'm not going to be anyone's brother anymore.

So, you want to sleep with Priyanka before your 12th grade.

He is the one who pulls the strings.

I'm just here doing his bidding!

Dude, even you know about Shanu ma'am, don't you?

What do you mean? Who else knows about her?

- Well... - Guys, come with me. Right now.

Tomar, what's the matter?

- Ms. Shanu is giving Jitu an earful. - S**********r. Let's go.

How dare!

He misbehaved with me in the staff room.

Shanu ma'am, please keep it low.

It's lunch hour. Children are around...

...please try to understand.

Sir, what do you mean, keep it low?

I'm going to the police and filing a complaint against him.

This is unacceptable.

He doesn't deserve to be a teacher. What will his students learn!

Well, at least tell me what did he do.

Sir, I was checking the test papers in the staff room.

He was staring at me but I ignored him.

And then he walked up to me and said...

Will you tell him...

...or shall I say it and wash my mouth later?

Sir, he said, "I think your blouse is tight, if you don't mind..."

"...I'll take the measurement and get a new one stitched for you."

- Let me take your measurement! - Mr. Jitender, what's all this?

S-Sir, I didn't say any such thing.

What? You didn't say anything?

Sir, I'm going to report this to the police.

Please don't go to the police.

It will cause unnecessary embarrassment...

...to him, to me and to you as well.

You take him to my room and reprimand him.

Look, he's ashamed.

Sir, he said this to me in front of everybody.

S**********r!

No one will dare to mess with Shanu ma'am now.

She defiled Mr. Jitu's face.

I can't believe Mr. Jitu said that to her.

I thought that s**********r is a coward.

Pappu was cooking up stories and Jitu bought it, you know.

It's not that easy, man.

Oh, man.

Where did you shoplift this from?

I stole 200 bucks from my dad's pocket...

...let's drink Haywards 5000 today.

You're a bloody b*****d.

God damn it. Who's calling me now?

- I'm f****d. - What happened?

I have to take mom somewhere. I need to go home now.

No problem. I'll have both the bottles.

Really?

- Go ahead. Drink now. - Hey...

Get out of here. You think I'm not going to drink it?

- Enjoy. - I will. Get lost.

D******k.

Mom, I'm getting late for my tuition.

Don't worry, you will be on time. Let me give your dad his medicine.

He's inside.

What are you doing here?

Hi.

I was just...

Don't you think you're obsessed with female undergarments?

- No, I came here with my mom. - Mom?

You brought your mom with you to shop for this?

No, my mom's not shopping.

She came here to meet my dad.

So your dad is shopping with her for undergarments?

Priyanka, my dad owns this store.

Really?

- Why didn't you tell me before? - Well, you know...

Next time, I want a discount.

Let's go. Hurry up. The Guruji is here for only two days.

Don't make me slap you now.

You don't like taking me around, do you?

- I am late. - I'm leaving.

Five minutes. Just five minutes.

Okay? Come on.

- Am I late, Sushma? - No, not at all.

I have picked a number for you. He will be here any minute now.

Well, I went to give my husband his medicines.

- Well, did you hear about her? - Who?

- Sirohi's new tenant. - What about her?

A married couple have moved into that house.

No surprise there.

Ms. Sirohi always rents it out to a family.

- Hear me out. - Go ahead.

A married couple has moved in...

...and the wife is quite sexy.

So what? What's the big deal?

There are so many sexy women out there.

Have you seen my niece?

She looks just like Katrina that too without make-up.

Stop interrupting me now!

Come on, let her talk.

Go ahead. Tell us what happened.

She's utterly sexy.

All the men in the town are going...

...around her house as if it's a shrine.

Sneh's husband is in the police force...

...and the police station is near to her place.

Do you still think it's not a big deal?

What do you know about her husband?

I heard that her husband... - Long live the Lord...

Hail the sage... - Long live the Lord...

All hail... - The Lord...

Hello. Tell me.

Mom, what should I get?

Six Lachha Parathas

- Four Lachha Parathas... - It's six.

- Go on. - And...

Two Dal Fry.

- One Dal Fry. - No, two.

What are you doing?

Let me talk. I'm on the phone.

Mom, tell me the full list.

The guy here is getting mad at me.

There's an order from Sirohi Villa.

Four Lachha Parathasand one Dal Fry.

Sir, I'll deliver it.

Sir, he had gone yesterday. Today's my turn.

- Sir, let me go. - Sir, I'll go. - Shut up!

Where is this enthusiasm...

..when I ask you guys to do the dishes!

- Yeah. Tell me. - Hey, Manoj.

I'm taking my order home...

...Sirohi Villa is on the way.

I'll deliver it, if you don't mind.

Pack both the orders now.

I was waiting for a chance to see what Shanu ma'am's husband was about.

I didn't know that opportunity would come knocking at my door.

Yes.

Sir, you had placed an order for food, at Do Bhai.

Yes.

Naveen, who's at the door?

Shanu, a delivery boy from the dhaba.

How much is the bill?

Well, it's 320 rupees...

...but I'm not a delivery boy.

- Who are you then? - I'm Shanu ma'am's student.

Listen, it's your student.

- Hi, ma'am. - Hello.

Were you saying something?

Actually, I was going home with my order...

...I thought of dropping off yours as well.

Okay. I think something's missing.

Perhaps, it's in my takeaway.

Why don't you check?

Give me a minute. Darling...

Here's 320 rupees.

- Thanks, sir. - Good night.

Hi, Vipul.

Pappu was making d*******s out of us.

Shanu ma'am and her husband love each other very much.

I just saw it.

I'll see you tomorrow and will explain it in detail.

S**********r!

Aunty, is that you?

Sorry, I shouldn't have said that.

No problem, dear. I have heard that word before.

But, aunty, what are you doing here at this hour?

Stop questioning me and turn around.

- Aunty, I have to go this way. - What did I tell you, dear?

Turn around and go.

On one side Shanu ma'am and her husband's love was brewing.

But women in Meerut...

...were resorting to black magic to ward her off.

Although a lemon looks cute...

...once the juice is swallowed it hits the stomach like acid.

I was under the impression...

...that Shanu ma'am and her husband are in deep love.

But there were rumours spreading in Meerut.

Mr. Sharma who works in Meerut Bank.

Rahul, a B.Tech student and Snehlata aunty's husband.

She has slept with these three men.

What are you talking about?

Ma'am, your account has been opened.

Is there anything else I can do for you?

Mr. Sharma who works in Meerut Bank scored a homerun last night.

- Really? - Yes.

Who told you?

Mr. Sharma himself said this to Bhatia.

Rahul, a B.Tech student takes tuitions from my husband.

I have fixed the mixer, ma'am.

He told me that he went to fix the mixer.

"These pretty eyes of yours"

"Set my heart racing"

"It's black magic"

- And? - What else?

My husband went to pandit's shop. Normally he doesn't smoke...

...but I sent him forcibly to spy. He said...

"The inspector assigned me this job."

Officer, there's no need to take off your uniform.

The uniform turns me on!

Ms. Snehlata was nearby...

...when her husband stepped out of Ms. Shanu's home.

And he was not in the uniform.

Hey, what are you doing here? I went with your lunchbox...

What happened to your uniform?

- They took it. - Who took it?

The laundry guy.

My shirt was stained with tea. He'll return after washing it clean.

Why are you still standing here?

Come on, go. I have to go to the station.

Did she catch him in the act?

Dude, if she had caught him red-handed...

...she would have spread the news in the entire neighbourhood.

And she would have kicked the shit out of her husband.

- Looks are really deceptive. - You're right.

Ma'am...

...you can ask me if you want to know anything about me.

Dude, I don't believe this.

Rumours about Shanu ma'am were in the air...

...and I was getting mind f****d.

Did you watch Raveena's new song?

Tip tip barsa paani?

I don't watch such songs at home.

It will have a bad influence on kids.

He has been a spoilsport all his life. Come on.

My little one.

He troubles me all day.

Yesterday he walked up to me and said...

..."Mom, I want to marry."

- He is six years old right? - Yeah.

- Did he say who he wants to marry? - Yes, he did.

Listen, dear.

What was the name of the girl Munna wanted to marry?

- Ayesha Jhulka. - Yes, Ayesha Jhulka.

Ayesha Jhulka?

Oh, yeah. She did a song with Akshay, right?

Wearing a wet sari? In the movie Khiladi.

- Yes, Khiladi. - Yes, she's the one.

And when I asked him why he wants to marry...

...he said, "Mom, I can't control my urges."

He has taken after his father.

- Mom, listen. - Tell me, dear.

I'm done with my homework. Can I dance now?

Sure. Show everybody how good a dancer you are.

She has been practicing for a week now.

She wants to perform in front of you all.

It's a good thing, you know.

Girls should learn a bit of dancing and singing.

She's going to make a pleasing wife, you see.

Look, she's dancing.

Your daughter is something.

She will not just please her husband...

...she will please the whole neighbourhood.

I told you, Dinesh...

...such things will spoil the kids.

'Naveen, this is not fair.'

It's a new city.

How do you expect me to stay alone for a week?

- Darling, I'll call you. - Nonsense.

Listen. I love you.

I know.

- I can't go. - Don't go.

- I'm leaving. - No.

- Bye. - Bye.

Take care.

Past participle form of the verb...

...and this can be regular or irregular.

- Is that clear? - Yes, ma'am.

Okay, now who can give an example...

...of a sentence in past perfect tense?

Any... Yes, Pooja.

Nand had made all the girls...

...his sisters before he finished first term.

Okay. Calm down.

Akash, you want to stand in the dustbin?

Quiet. Okay, quiet.

Quiet!

Yes. Thank you, Pooja.

That is a correct example.

And by the way, there's nothing wrong in what Nand has done.

It only means that he cares for the girls in the class.

Yes, Nand?

Yes, ma'am.

Okay. Now the future perfect tense...

Ma'am took your side.

You're going to get lucky, too.

Perfect continuous denotes an action that has started...

...at some point in the past...

...but is continuing to the present. For example...

'What else should have I asked?'

- Nand, my brother. - 'Brother?'

Of course. I tied him a rakhi two months ago.

But you are friends with him now, ask him out.

No, I'm not going to ask.

If he wants me to go with him to Mc Mavana...

...he should ask me out.

Priyanka, you're really innocent.

You have no idea that the boys of this city...

...are hanging out somewhere else these days.

What do you mean?

I mean...

...the boys have found a place to satisfy their lust.

I should be getting paid for sitting in this class.

He farts all the time in his class.

Forget it.

Nand.

Dude, you're too lucky.

Listen.

- Catch a rickshaw today. - But why?

- I have to go somewhere. - With Priyanka?

I don't mind giving you my scooter as it is going to be your special day.

Here you go. Let's go.

Although I was roaming around with Priyanka...

...I was consumed by the thought of Shanu ma'am.

Priyanka, it's too crowded.

Shall we go elsewhere?

Go get a veg meal. let's eat outside.

Priyanka, I'm short of 50 rupees.

But a meal costs only 90.

Yes, you're right.

No. I'm done.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

- Thanks. - It's okay.

- Can I tell you something? - Yes.

Do you know why I came out with you today?

Why?

When Shanu ma'am said that you are...

You are... Caring for people.

I realised Shanu ma'am has a point.

- That's not true. - What?

Don't you care for people?

I mean, I do care but not the way she said.

Look, who you are and what you are...

...can only be known by a person who spends time with you.

For example, if you pick me up...

...in the mornings and evenings to tuition...

...I'll get to know what sort of a person you are.

I hope you got my point.

I got it.

- Really? - Yes.

Then?

Then... Done.

Where?

Hurry up. Come on.

Pull over here. Mom might see us.

Okay. Give me the number now.

Give me yours. I'll give you a missed call.

I'm not asking for your number.

- Give me your maid Veera's number. - What?

Are you going to take Veera to tuitions?

Why would I take her to tuitions?

M-Mom wants her number. That's why I'm asking.

Come on.

Please give me, sis... That...

We're friends after all.

Write it down.

'I fed you when you were a baby, Nand.'

You used to latch on to me...

...while I used to clean your house.

That's why I'm telling you, Veera.

Please agree to it.

Give me the money first and tell me what's the job.

I don't have money to eat at Mc Mavana.

Veera, let me tell you the job first.

Let's talk about the payment later.

Get me the turmeric.

You know, there's a new tenant at Sirohi's house.

I want you to visit them and put up an act.

Like, you need a job. That you're a poor woman.

I'm not a poor woman. I've saved more money than your dad.

Then why are you demanding money from me?

Get the hell out of here.

Well, listen to me.

After you start working there...

...you have to report to me every evening about who visits her, okay?

It will cost you Rs. 500.

All right.

Now tell me the truth. Why?

I can't tell you why.

I'll charge you Rs. 1000 then.

Okay. I'll pay you Rs. 1000. All right?

You have to pay me as soon as I get the job.

Well, I got the seed of this idea from Priyanka.

But now I'd to wait and see...

...if it would work on Shanu ma'am

Why does mom have to setup her kitty here?

Come on, stop crying. Must be a mosquito bite.

No mosquito will pick a spot to bite, will it?

I used to bite him there before...

...but he didn't like it.

He used to say that his colleagues will make fun of him.

He has become a shameless hypocrite now.

Your husband loves you so much.

Everyone knows it very well.

'He bought you a sari recently, didn't he?'

I lied to you all about it, Sushma.

It was my sister-in-law's sari from Khatauli.

Okay... Stop crying.

I just don't believe this.

What sort of a spell that witch must have cast on him?

There's a solution for such a problem, you know.

Didn't you use the sorcerous act suggested by Guruji?

I did it, Sushma.

- I did that too. - Then?

But still he's in total control of that witch.

Tell me! She is a teacher.

She's going to be a bad influence on students.

'Pushpa.'

Gradually, she's going to get the whole of Meerut in her petticoat.

What do we do about this?

What can we do?

- Nand. - Yes, Mom.

Why are you standing over there?

I'm coming.

Why are you eavesdropping on us ladies?

Keep the tea here and go to your tuitions.

- Dear Nand. - Yes, Aunty.

There's a teacher named Shanu Bansal in your school, right?

- Yes... - Is she good?

She's a great teacher, Aunty. She teaches from heart.

Listen, dear. Stay away from her.

What? Are you out of your mind?

What are you saying to him? He is still a kid.

Why are you still here? Go to your tuitions.

Come on, have some tea.

Tell me.

I'm on my way.

Attending first period will not make you a topper, S**********r.

I'll be there soon. Bye.

And she doesn't like spicy food.

She's not into fried food.

Why don't you tell me also the colour of her shit

Give me some useful information, Veera.

By the way, the husband and the wife are deeply in love.

When I reached there today, her nightie was unbuttoned.

And her husband didn't come out of the room for a long time.

- And? - Nothing. I told you everything.

- There must be something. - And...

Well, the husband is going out of town for three days.

This is what I'm talking about.

You have to keep an eye on who visits her, for how long and why.

Do you understand? Come on, take it.

- Remaining money? - Remaining?

You will get it when you give me some useful information.

Hey.

I won't be able to sit behind Rupali today.

Nothing will happen by sitting behind her...

...sit next to her, if you really want to score with her.

You talk as if you sit on Priyanka's lap.

Eyes on the road.

S**********r.

Nand, way to go.

Look at this.

Who did this?

A*****e, you are acting innocent after doing the stunt

I swear on you, Vipul. I didn't do it.

You both have been declared as a couple in the school.

You must have done something.

Look around. Everyone's showing their respects to you.

'Wonderful, dear.'

- Congratulations. - Congratulations.

'Vikas. What are you doing!'

'Go, stand at the back.'

Do you want to have? Here you go.

25 girls have questioned me so far if this is true.

- So, tell me. - What?

Is this true?

Are you crazy?

Writing names in a heart symbol...

...doesn't start an affair.

Ashima and Pranav's love story began the same way.

Everybody thought they were a couple...

...and gradually they became one.

That rascal must have written.

Let go of me, b***h.

You b***h.

I'm your classmate since second grade...

...and your best friend, too.

That doesn't mean you can pull my hair.

I know that's your handwriting.

Don't tell anyone...

...it looks good, right?

Dad, don't send me to school as I'll be managing the shop.

I send you to school because I don't want you...

...to run this store for a living. Got it?

Stop staring at me.

Just sit here for 30 minutes. Phool will manage the rest.

Come on! Idiot.

♪Oh, your slim waist...♪

Darling, pick it up.

Whom are you calling darling?

Is she your girlfriend?

She? No... Just like that.

Well, Priyanka...

- ...I didn't draw the heart. - I know.

You are not that kind of a boy.

So, you didn't come here to yell at me!

I'm here to shop.

What?

Do we get vegetables here

You are right.

Go ahead. Phool!

Show it to ma'am.

What do you want me to show?

How much for this?

- Phool. - 'Yes, sir.'

How much does this one cost?

It's a honeymoon item. Sir got it from Delhi.

I didn't ask its history. What's its price?

250.

You can pay 200.

Sir, it's less than the breakeven price.

So, which one do you want?

Whichever you like.

- How about this one? - It's good.

Phool, pack this.

Day after tomorrow there's a festival in Model School.

So, I was thinking...

- ...we both might... - One second.

Yes.

Now?

All right. I'm coming right away.

Okay.

Priyanka, there's an emergency.

You can... Phool, collect 200 rupees from ma'am.

See you tomorrow. Bye.

Ma'am, money.

- What's this? - I'm returning your money.

Are you crazy, Veera?

No, I'm not. But the entire city has gone crazy.

They all have cooked up stories about her.

She does that, this and she goes after men.

That's what I wanted to find out.

I've found out. It's all lies.

I haven't seen such a good woman in my life before.

I quit working at four houses...

...now I work for her full-time.

Are you blind, S*********r!

Come on, stop crying. It must be a mosquito bite.

Mosquitoes don't pick places to bite.

Mom, hurry up. I'm getting late for tuitions.

Are you getting late for the tuition or to meet that w***e(?)

It was not my mistake, Dad.

Manju asked me to stay back in the school, that day.

I didn't know what she was up to.

Yes. As if you were born only yesterday(!)

And your milk teeth are yet to fall, right! (?)

Stop accusing my boy.

He's so handsome.

No wonder girls hit on him.

Straighten up, my dear.

Oh, Mother India(!)

Have you prepared breakfast for me...

...or should I go out and eat some junk(?)

Go, ask your daughter Shanu to cook some breakfast.

She's weeping in her room for no reason.

Weird family.

["Tum Aaye To Aaya Mujhe Yaad" Playing]

You know that...

...the manager of Ashoka Talkies is my friend, don't you?

Look, dear.

No one will be bothered that there were seven girls.

They will only gossip that the girls were with three boys.

This town would have made it impossible for us to live here.

You are a good girl, aren't you? This is for your own good.

Come on, get up...

...and make your dad tasty breakfast.

Come on, get up.

[Title Montage]

[alarm ringing]

[moaning]

[door bell ringing]

The maid is extremely punctual.

Tell her that your husband is going out of station.

And he needs the dosage for three days(!)

You can get your dosage anytime you want.

But I won't find another good maid like her.

Thank God I found her as soon as we shifted here.

Do you remember we had a problem finding a maid in Hapur?

I don't want to think about Hapur.

Listen.

Hello, ma'am. I'm not late, right?

[Pushpa coughing]

You're home.

- Should I get water? - I'm not thirsty.

Did you hear this?

Guruji told her...

...that her husband shouldn't touch even a drop of water for a month.

I'm not omnipresent like your Guruji.

Whom did he say this to, who shouldn't touch, whose drop?

Well... Snehlata...

Guruji told Snehlata...

...to keep her husband away from water for one month.

That means he shouldn't touch even a drop of water for a month.

Only then he will be saved from that w***e.

You women are unbelievable.

You buy everything that the Guruji sells. Snehlata!

Pushpa...

...deduct Rs. 50 from Nand's pocket money.

He's giving discounts to his girlfriends(!)

What's wrong?

Are you hungry?

Two rotis are left. Shall I serve it with butter?

Feed him and make him as strong as a bull.

- He neither studies nor works. - Shall I get it?

Dad...

...I'll do it.

What? Are you going to work at the store?

No, studies. You were absolutely right.

If I study well, I don't have to work in your store.

Very good.

- Dad, I need a small favour. - What is it?

Arrange a tuition for me and I'll top the class.

Nice. But you already go to private tuitions.

Well, you better do it.

He's in 11th grade now. It might affect his 12th scores.

- I'm not going to waste my money. - Get it done.

If he fails to score well, he will blame us for that.

Think a bit about your old age.

Do you want some milk?

All right. I'll talk to the teacher in person.

Let's go then.

- You mean now? - Yes.

Physics, chemistry, bio.

- Does this teacher teach all three? - No, Dad.

- Then? - English.

You b*****d, you want English tuitions.

You sing that despacatito the whole day anyway. Let's go back.

Dad, without English, I won't be able to do well in any of the exam.

Ma'am is quite good in teaching English.

Learn English from your phone.

I'm not giving you the tuition fee. Let's go.

Who learns from the phone, Dad?

You. Who else? Will your father do it?

- Hello, ma'am. - Hello.

I'm here to talk about my son's tuition.

- Tuition? - Yes.

He needs good English to do well in his exams.

It's very important, you know.

Yes, Dad.

Pushpa.

Stop saying my name.

- Tell me what it is. - What do you want me to say?

Why don't you tell me...

...what you discussed with that w***e?

She's not a w***e. She's Nand's teacher.

You were the one who asked me to talk.

Now, I'm telling you there's no need for any tuition.

He's in the 11th grade. He needs tuition.

Otherwise, it might affect his 12th scores.

[Pushpa] 'Really?'

How come you have money all of a sudden?

If he fails to score good marks...

...he's going to blame us for that.

Are we not going to think about our old age?

Stop repeating my dialogues.

Guruji was absolutely right.

This dangerous w***e...

...is going to ruin the whole city.

Stop talking nonsense.

- Have food. - I'm not at all hungry.

Pretty soon my thirst will be quenched(!)

From tomorrow, I'll be visiting her for tuitions.

You will be jealous daily. Soon there will be fire(!)

Trust me.

If I see you around her house...

...I promise...

...I will move back to Khatauli.

Listen, dear...

...I swear on you.

I won't go there...

...not even in my dreams.

My husband went to meet her regarding Nand's tuition.

Yes.

That's what I'm scared of.

I'm too confused.

[door opening]

Ma'am.

Ma'am?

- Nand? - Veera?

Dad!

Dad!

Stop right there. I can't let you in.

- They placed an order. - Ladies have asked...

- ...not to send men inside. - What do I do with this?

I'll take one...

...distribute the rest in the kitchen.

HUNTING DOWN SHANU PAPPU TIWARI

RAHUL BTECH SHARMA OF THE BANK

PROFESSOR KALIYA CONTRACTOR BATRA

Six victims in three months.

Six names are confirmed who have done it with that teacher.

Six or seven?

Have you not included Snehlata's husband?

You better worry about your husband, Sushma.

In every wedding, your husband goes around...

...misbehaving with other women, grabbing other women by their waist.

Really? All right.

You are not stopping your husband...

...who has such a roving eye on women.

Instead you're pointing fingers at mine.

I'm just pointing fingers.

Your husband always points something else(!)

- Look, what she's saying! - That's it.

This is the reason why we women are doomed.

No unity. Everybody's lost in their own world.

Ms. Pushpa, please tell us what to do.

- You must agree to what I say. - Sure..

-[Pushpa] 'Spying.' -[Sushma] 'Spying?'

Yes, spying.

Everyday one among us...

...will monitor Shanu's house.

We'll keep an eye on who enters her house and at what time they leave.

And the most important thing...

??

If you see any one of our husbands...

...entering Shanu's house...

...you have to inform us immediately.

So that we can catch that w***e red-handed...

...and put an end to her act.

You turned out to be very smart.

Everybody gets smart when it's a question of survival.

Please get something to drink. My throat is drying up.

Waiter, what happened to the refreshments?

Oh, Lord Ram... - What happened?

Add another name to that list.

- Whose name? - Veera. - Veera?

- Are you sure? - Even women?

This witch won't spare anyone.

[Nand] That was the first day of my tuition.

'And I was imagining...'

...make out sessions with ma'am.

Please sit down.

Hello, ma'am.

So, tell me, Nand? - Yes, ma'am. Nand.

Why do you want to learn English?

Because...

You don't have reason?

No, ma'am. That...

Ma'am, because this...

Ma'am, I want to speak English like you. That's all.

You mean you want to talk in English like I do.

Yes, ma'am. That's my reason.

Good reason. Let's start.

This is a diphthong.

- Diphthong is a... - 'Dipthong.'

- Diphthong. - 'Dipthong.'

- Diphthong. - 'Thong' I can pronounce.

I know what a 'Thong' is.

Ma'am, actually my father owns an undergarment shop.

So, thong I know.

- Hello, sir. - Hello, 'Do Bhai'.

I'm going to take a shower.

Let's eat after that. Continue...

'Shanu ma'am's husband made me realise one thing...'

'...that any young man with determination...'

'...can woo any hot girl in the world.'

Sir, can I have some more sherbet?

A*****e, you've already refilled it ten times for 10 rupees.

I'll let you put your stall in the school next month.

While you're sucking on this, Jogi took away Rupali.

I don't care, s**********r

I can talk to Rupali tomorrow in the school...

...but this ice pop will melt away.

- Look there. - Don't disturb me.

Come on, take a look.

What is Shanu ma'am teaching you?

You have completely transformed in four days.

Thanks, bro. Appreciate it.

So what's the plan?

Idiot! He's our friend Nand, right, s**********r!

Baby, say hello to Nand version 2.0.

If I was a girl, I would have given you some(!)

I know.

Were you able to impress Shanu ma'am?

I'm going to impress everyone.

I'm going to kill it, just watch me.

[Priyanka] 'Hi, Nand.'

One minute.

- Hi, Priyanka. - Hi.

- You look good. - Thanks.

So any work you have?

No, I was...

I was...

I wanted to fill a form online.

I am not able to do it.

I was thinking, tomorrow, if possible after tuition hours...

...if you can come to the internet cafe. - Yeah.

- I'll do it. - Thanks.

It's okay.

- Nand, let me touch your feet. - Get away from me.

Dude, any guy who goes to the cyber cafe with a girl...

- ...doesn't come back without a kiss. - All right...

- Come on, give me a hug, dear. - Careful.

What are you doing here?

Well, what are you doing here?

You're too old to play hide and seek.

You will get a tight slap from me. Why are you going there?

- Tuition. - Tuition? - Yes.

- Oh... - Can I go now?

- Or do you want me to stay? - Get lost.

So tell me Nand...

...have you understood active and passive voice now?

- Yes, ma'am. - Okay. Let's see.

The monkey is climbing the tree.

Is this an active voice or a passive voice?

A-Active voice?

Correct, but speak with confidence.

- Confidence. Done. - Okay. Now...

...tell me what will the passive voice of the same sentence be?

A tree is climbing on a monkey.

- No. - I know, ma'am. I know.

You know you're very funny and very smart.

If you put a little effort you can top in every subject.

Thank you, ma'am.

Tell me, what's your favourite subject?

Now? English.

- No. Tell seriously. - Computer.

Well, enter your Aadhar number. That's it.

We are done with your form.

It's done.

- Press the enter key. - Oh, yeah.

Thanks.

Well, you're quite smart.

Thanks. Shall we go now?

We've still got five more minutes.

What do we do?

Whatever you want.

Priyanka, tell me something.

How can a boy know that a girl is interested in him?

She will give him small hints, you know.

Like...

...a girl complimenting you.

Or laughing at your jokes.

Or touching you like this every now and then.

- What's wrong? - This is a hint, too.

I'm a girl. I can't kiss you first.

So, the love is expressed through anger.

[Nand] We guys are d*******s.

With so much of courage the girl shared her true feelings.

But we...

We are lost in our dreams instead of living the truth.

Is everyone here? Get closer.

Here you go. Have a look.

- It's amazing. - Very nice. - Wow.

- We can click as many pictures. - Yes.

- We don't need anyone's help. - Yes.

Well, what's your daughter's education?

Our son is a graduate.

As you know, girls study for the sake of a degree.

Therefore, I asked her to take up...

...cooking classes after her MPhil.

She made these fritters.

Why don't you have some?

He's very choosy about what he eats.

He doesn't like fried snacks.

- You please have it. - Yes.

Well, I'll ask my daughter...

- ...to get some salad for you all. Okay? - Okay.

You look so beautiful.

Mom, does he look anything like how he looked in that photo?

He looks much better than that.

He's very tall and well-dressed too.

He's a perfect match for you, Shanu.

Mom, stop exaggerating.

Now don't say Shah Rukh Khan himself is sitting in the hall.

What does he do for a living?

Well, I just started working.

No problem. What matters is that you're working.

- Having a job is very important. - You're absolutely right.

Well, here comes my princess.

[Title Montage]

[Shanu] 'You're very funny and very smart.'

'If you put little effort you can top in every subject.'

'By the way, there is nothing wrong in what Nand has done.'

It only means that he cares for the girls in the class.

Yes, Nand?

[Shanu] 'So, what do you want to do today?'

Ma'am, you say.

What do you want to do?

Sit properly first.

Okay, so...

Give me an example of your own...

...of a sentence in active voice...

...and then the same sentence in passive voice.

Girls are loving me.

And I'm being loved by the girls.

Wow.

Well, that's correct.

And I'm impressed.

How dare you!

Get up. Get up and get out!

Get out right now.

- Ma'am, I thought that we... - Thought what?

What did you think?

That you can do anything as I am being friendly!

Get out of here.

Bloody fool.

Ma'am, why don't you want to do it with me?

What?

I mean, why don't you want to...

You're doing it with the entire city...

Aren't you ashamed, Nand?

Aren't you ashamed? You get out of here right now. Get out!

I mean, Pappu, the cable guy when you shifted here.

Manoj, Rahul the engineering student.

- Professor Kaliya and many... - Who are they, Nand?

Who are they?

Okay! Don't you know them?

I am hearing these names for the first time.

Get out of here. I don't have time for this nonsense.

I don't want to see you again.

[Shanu] 'Don't you dare come back.'

'Who are they, Nand? Who are they?'

'I am hearing these names for the first time.'

'Get out of here. I don't have time for this nonsense.'

'I don't want to see you again.'

'Don't you dare come back.'

As they say, when time doesn't favour you...

...everything goes wrong.

Even Priyanka blocked my number.

I was done for.

Subject is acted upon.

Chirag, Akash.

Get up.

Akash, you go back to your favourite place.

Get out.

[Shanu] 'Give that phone. Put that phone here.'

Anybody else would like to join him?

No, ma'am...

- Is this clear? - Yes, ma'am.

- Any doubt? - No, ma'am.

Okay, now. Who can tell me...

...what happens to the subject...

...when we change from active voice to passive voice?

Anyone?

- Anyone? - Put your hands down.

Put your hands down. Don't try to be a hero!

Sleeping in class, everyone?

Priyanka.

What happens to the subject...

...when we change from active voice to passive voice?

The subject...

...changes to the object.

Say it with confidence.

The subject changes to the object.

That's correct. Sit down.

Okay, now the verb.

Please look at the verb in the active voice.

The verb is...

[bell ringing]

Don't repeat it. Stupid.

Ma'am. Sorry, ma'am.

- Ma'am. Sorry, ma'am. - Shut up.

Just shut up.

Fortunately for yourself you have committed this stupidity in my house.

If you would have done this same thing in class...

...I would have got you expelled.

Please count yourself very lucky that you are still in this school...

...and not in jail.

Shameless.

[Nand] 'Why did you block my number, Priyanka?'

Mister, hurry up please.

[Man] Yes, I'm getting.

Priyanka, won't you talk to me now?

What has happened?

[Man] 'Nand, what do I give you?'

Give me anything worth 50 rupees.

So, Priyanka. What have I done?

- Do you ever do anything? - What do you mean?

What! Don't act innocent. I know everything.

What is it that you know?

You have become so busy since the time...

...you started taking tuitions from Shanu ma'am.

I know what she is teaching you.

There is nothing as such, Priyanka.

Is it? So, when are you going to kiss me?

Do you want me to write an email(?)

Or should I ask my father to come with a marriage proposal(?)

- Priyanka, listen to me. - Move!

Don't touch me.

Am I an idiot to talk to you after getting humiliated?

I don't want to see you hereafter.

S**********r, you are my true friend.

He is just after my possessions(!)

It's okay. Everything will be fine.

What do you mean? What will be fine?

This keeps happening...

...in Bollywood, Hollywood and everywhere else.

Bro! What I am going through right now...

...doesn't happen in any film.

What, d******k! That's what is called awkwardness.

Huh?

- The meeting after sex. - Really?

Yes.

Didn’t you see that Priyanka left without informing?

People smoke cigarettes after sex...

...so that they can avoid the 'awkward talk'

That's not true.

Forget it. Touch his feet.

- Nand lost his virginity. - The great Nand(!)

Enough... Enough, Pushpa.

Happy anniversary, dear.

Happy wedding anniversary to you too.

I just pray to Lord Ram...

...to keep us together forever.

May the Lord fulfil all your desires.

Don't you desire anything?

You are my desire.

Are you recording our video?

Tell us.

It would be a great deal if I could click a photo in this useless phone.

Don't talk nonsense.

Click a good photo.

I want to post it in the family group.

How can I click the photo...

...while you are standing 10 feet away from each other?

Okay, we will get closer.

Mom, stand a bit closer. Don't be shy.

- Come on, Pushpa. - Yes.

Come.

- This is good. - Is it any good?

- So, now... - Shall we go?

- Yes, let's go. - Give me two minutes.

- I'll spray some perfume and come. - Pushpa.

How long are you going to see? Give it to me.

We will do the same old thing, Sushma.

First, we will go to Kanha Shyam...

...and have a dish made of cottage cheese.

And we will have a paan on our way back home.

He will buy me flowers.

That's all on our anniversary.

How is your studies going on?

Very good.

Are you going for tuitions?

How is that coming along?

Will you speak up?

Dad, that... Chemistry tuitions are going great, Dad.

- What about English tuitions? - Yes.

The one you take from Shanu ma'am. How is it going?

You have lost it, Sushma.

A man gets flatulence, not sexually aroused...

...after eating flatbread.

What?

Where is your father?

At Shanu ma'am's house.

Shanu ma'am's house. Shanu ma'am.

Shanu ma'am?

Sushma, who is on duty at that w***e's place?

Everybody took a day off!

You should have at least informed me.

- Nand. - Yes.

Go and check if your father took the scooter or not.

- Yes. - Get up, go and check.

Mom, I heard the sound of the scooter when dad left.

So, it's quite obvious.

To hell with that w****e!

Whose family is she going to ruin today!

[Pushpa] 'I am not a woman of my words...'

'...if I don't catch her red-handed today.'

What has happened?

- Get a glass of water. - Water.

No need. It's okay.

What has happened? Tell me.

- Do one thing, dear. - Yes.

Go. Go to Shanu ma'am's house.

- Shanu ma'am? - Yes.

And if you...

If you find your father's scooter there, just barge inside the house.

Why is there a question mark on your face?

Just go! Hurry up.

Ma'am, Nand is an idiot.

As I got to know that he misbehaved with you...

...I rushed here.

Ma'am, it's a request.

Give tuitions to my Nand.

I will even come and sit next to him if you say so.

Finger on my lip.

You will have to keep your lips open, sir.

If you won't, then I will have to do it.

- Dad. - What are you doing here?

Mom sent me here.

Yes, I am just going home.

- Okay, listen. - Yes.

I spoke to your Shanu ma'am.

She said that she won't start the tuitions...

...unless you go and apologise.

Let me go and apologise right away.

No.

No.

She is not keeping well.

Come in the morning tomorrow to apologise.

Come on. Come.

- Dad, it is automatic. - I know.

- Dad, it is automatic. - I said, I know.

Do you want me to whack you?

Hop on!

I am going to my maternal home.

Handle everything on your own.

Nothing has happened.

- Nothing has happened? - Yes. Nothing has happened.

Nothing has happened!

This is what I wanted to hear!

Now, start defending that w***e.

What do I do? Nothing has happened!

[Tyagi] 'Nothing has happened.'

That was a slap on my feelings and not my face.

I decided that I have to turn Shanu ma'am's life a living hell.

Yes, Bhalla. Tell me.

Where are you?

No. Don't ring the bell.

Go back.

Get on the scooter and go to school.

I am going to Delhi to get some notes.

D******d, how will I pack an ice pop?

Hang up!

Mom, I won't be able to come now.

Are you blind, S**********r?

Sorry, ma'am. Sorry.

Yes, ticket.

One minute, Mom. Hold on.

- Where do you want to go? - Give me a ticket for Moradabad.

Ticket.

Ticket.

I will throw you out of the bus in the middle of the highway.

Where do you want to go?

I want to go where that man is going.

Why are you after that gentleman?

No... He isn't a gentleman.

Come closer.

- His wife... - Yes.

- She is my sis... She is my distant relative. - Okay.

She has asked me to do this.

The thing is that this gentleman...

...is going to meet his girlfriend making an excuse of work.

- What? - Yes.

Now, I need to find out where he is going.

And then I will inform his wife.

Okay. Give me 50 rupees.

He is going to Moradabad.

[phone ringing]

Yes. Yes, Priyanka.

Nand. Where are you?

You didn't come for tuitions.

I had come to Delhi for some work.

Delhi? Okay.

Are you done with your work?

No. No, that...

- I was thinking that... - You will keep thinking forever.

Do something if you want to or else forget it.

[Priyanka] 'Nand. Are you listening to me?'

Okay, Priyanka. Thanks.

[Nand] 'Okay, bye. I'll see you tomorrow.'

Hey, you are...

Yes, sir. I'm Shanu ma'am's student.

Yes.

- How is your tuition going on? - Very good, sir.

So, sir... Is everything alright?

Yes. Everything is good.

How is Shanu ma'am?

Shanu ma'am. How is she?

You should be knowing that.

I mean, I stay out for work mostly.

And Shanu ma'am spends most of the time in school.

So, you should be knowing.

Sir, as you stay out most of the times for work.

So, Shanu ma'am might get bored staying alone?

No. She has a hobby of reading.

So she keeps herself busy by reading.

What happened?

- You are so naive, sir. - Why?

Sir, while you are busy selling mobile phones

your wife is inserting new sim cards daily(!)

Yes, sir. I'm telling you the truth.

Men are going to your house...

...and women are spying outside your house.

Sir, it's not too late.

You should control your wife or else...

I spoke too much.

Now, I am going to get beaten up.

B***h! She has come here too!

She? Who is she, sir?

She made us leave one city.

- But she didn't leave my Shanu. - Who, sir?

The woman who you saw with men is not my Shanu.

- Who is she then, sir? - She's a ghost.

A witch.

She is a prostitute from Lucknow. Her name is Rasbhari.

Her spirit.

My Shanu is not at fault.

That b***h Rasbhari keeps doing what she wants to.

My Shanu doesn't even know.

F**k!

I was jerking off to a witch till now!

This is the girl, Bhabhi.

Looks pretty! What happened?

I said no.

I am too young to get stuck in a marriage

Really? Are you saying your brother's life is ruined because he got married!

Naveen is lucky.

Let me know if there is someone like you.

- Really! - And I'll get married right away.

What time is my brother Naveen arriving tomorrow?

I think in the evening.

Here you go. Eat this pudding.

I have had enough. Not anymore. I’ll sleep now.

- Come on, just try it. - Not even a bit.

[Title Montage]

But, what happened that night?

- Huh? - What happened that night?

That...

As usual, I reached home after work.

Shanu had made carrot pudding.

I have a cousin, Anup.

He visited us two days ago. She had cooked it for him.

I went to the bathroom to take a shower.

And when I came out...

Shanu...

Darling, the food is burnt.

Shanu. Hey, the food is burnt.

Shanu? Where is she?

Darling.

Shanu. Darling.

Shanu?

- Welcome, my Master. Welcome. - Shanu?

Shanu who?

I'm your dear Rasbhari.

Come. Come here.

Is this a joke?

The joke is on me.

Destiny has played a game with my life.

And given me this avatar...

Now there is a queue of suitors waiting for me in Lucknow.

What are you talking about, Shanu?

Sounding rustic? Am I not?

Mom made me drop out of school

And I remained illiterate

But I know everything about life.

Give me a chance.

And I won't disappoint you.

- Shanu. - What is it, prince?

Is this your wife’s name you keep repeating?

She isn't here.

The woman in your arms is, Rasbhari.

♪Rasbhari♪

♪Rasbhari♪

♪Take my heart Take my life ♪

♪Take me wherever you want...♪

[Naveen] Shanu was absolutely normal the next day.

As if, whatever happened last night was my illusion...

...a dream.

Did you see Rasbhari after that?

Yes, a couple of times.

But Shanu has no memory of this at all.

What are you thinking?

You think she's lying to me, don't you?

That she's taking me for a ride...

...and making a fool out of me, right?

Yes, sir!

I have seen this in movies.

They call it role play.

To make one’s sex...

…personal life spiced up

The man plays the role of a policeman or a plumber.

And the woman becomes a nurse or a teacher.

And then you get going… and going!

You get what I’m trying to say.

- Sir. Sir. - Hmm.

Didn't you ever try to find out?

Try? I left no stone unturned.

[Shanu] Naveen.

Naveen.

- How did this shirt tear? - Huh?

How did this shirt tear?

I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

- But I do. - What?

I had cooked that night, And you had gone for a shower.

I had kept this shirt for you.

[Shanu] Then how did it tear overnight?

- That... - That!!

You just don't care.

I buy things for you with love and you ruin them.

Sunday will pass getting this fixed.

Listen.

Can I get you some flowers on my way back home?

No. You know I'm allergic to flowers, don't you?

You will get flowers...

...and I'll be sneezing all night.

Remember, what happened during the festival?

Yes, I thought you're going...

...to extinguish the holy fire with your sneezing.

- I won't get flowers. - Don't.

Go.

- Do you really want me to go? - No.

- Shouldn't I? - No.

- Shall I? - Yes.

Bye.

Bye.

[Naveen] 'And then Rasbhari didn't show up for a long time.'

'I spent sleepless nights waiting for Rasbhari.'

And then one night.

What's up, mister?

Have you fallen in love with Rasbhari?

Today you have landed straight on my bed.

Now that you are here...

...why don't you have a good time...

...with me?

I have brought something for you.

[Naveen] 'Shanu is allergic to flowers...'

'...but Rasbhari...'

Oh my prince. I’m impressed.

Aren't you going to sneeze?

It's jasmine, my dear.

It doesn't make you sneeze, it gets you in the mood.

Naveen, what's this?

Why did you bring flowers?

Look at me.

Get rid of them.

Yes... Sorry...

What?

Well done. Great.

A*****e.

Bloody f****r. Sir, you were saying something.

No not me, it was Shanu.

She used to tell me, despite sleeping all night...

...she felt quite tired.

And if she dozes off during the day...

...she wakes up with an aching body.

Even I feel this when I'm alone.

Well, you know...

Did you take her to an exorcist?

Yes, I did that too.

Who else did you take her to?

We are next.

Shanu, what's wrong?

Why are you crying?

I'm losing my mind.

I'm going mad, right, Naveen?

What's happening to me?

Shanu...

We are going to consult a doctor.

You're going to be all right.

I don't know, Naveen.

I sleep somewhere and wake up somewhere else.

And I can't recall a thing.

Shanu...

...I'm there for you.

Don't worry.

Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Split personality.

Huh?

It means more than one personality living in a body.

Sir, this is called being possessed by an evil spirit

I did not believe it.

But when medicines did not help...

...I had to believe it.

Hello, Mom.

Everything is fine.

Shanu? Shanu is asleep.

Well, Mom, where is that tantric baba nowadays?

No, everything's fine at home.

It's for one of my friends.

He's in trouble.

Please send the address on Whatsapp

- You mean, that tantric who chases away ghosts? - Hmm...

Huh?

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Yes, I've seen them in movies.

- They stand like this. - I've seen a real one.

- What happened to the street lights? - Just a second, sir.

Sir. - Hmm.

Can we discuss this under those lights?

But let’s get the tickets.

- We’ll buy them later. - What has happened?

Greetings, Baba.

Baba, we've come here for help.

I have got a solution for every problem.

Tell me. What's your problem?

Baba, this is my wife, Shanu.

Hmm… She's beautiful.

- Naveen, let's go. - Wait. Let me finish.

Baba, there seems to be an evil spirit on her.

No. It's impossible.

Why? Baba...

Because, the moment an evil spirit enters this place...

...it will be burnt to ashes.

- Naveen, let's go, please. - Have patience.

Baba, I beg you.

You're our last hope. Help us.

Whom do I save you from?

There are just three people in this cottage and all three...

What's up, Baba?

Did you forget about me? I’m here too.

[chanting mantra]

Baba, I know this mantra, too.

[chanting mantra]

- Shanu. - Right?

Who is this Shanu? I'm your Rasbhari, prince.

- Come closer... - Baba.

You witch, leave him alone.

Come on Baba. I'm not an evil witch hanging from a tree…

…whom you get rid of by waving a broom.

I was famous from Garhi to Kolkata...

...even before the revolt of 1857.

I wasn't scared of the Nawabs or the British not even of my mother

So who the heck are you?

- Lets get rid of your ghosts…

- Baba, mantra. Mantra. - Let me show you how.

- She's insane. - Come, let me chase away the ghost.

Baba gave up too.

He said even he couldn’t help me.

Then... Then what happened?

Only I knew about Shanu’s condition

Then, gradually...

...the entire town came to know.

- Let’s get Bournvita.

No… you want to drink Bournvita?

What's a big deal?

How much is it, mister?

No problem, sir. Ma’am will settle it for you.

Huh? Shanu...

- Have you decided yet? - Mm-hmm.

What do you want to have?

Well, it's your treat, your choice.

Really? How is it my treat?

You always bring me to such expensive restaurants...

- ...I don't understand the menu. - It's a punishment...

...for forgetting our anniversary.

How can I ever forget our anniversary, darling?

- Okay, listen. - Hmm.

Well, the eggplant that you cook is my favourite.

Of course, it is. Because you don't have to cook.

Tell me. What do you want to eat?

Tyagi, tell me. What does ma'am want to eat?

Ma'am, we are four of us.

You can pick anyone you like.

Naveen, let's get out of here.

- Ma'am is leaving. - Let's go.

You bloody w***e.

After ruining the men of this town…

how dare you enter this temple?

This is God's home, and not your brothel.

Get the hell out of here.

[Naveen] 'And then one night.'

Sh... Shanu?

What are you doing?

Shanu?

I'm leaving.

To your parents' ?

Yeah, you'll feel better. I'll drop you.

I'm not going there, Naveen.

Where are you going then?

I don't know.

But I can't stay here.

What are you talking about?

Are you leaving me?

This is the only way to get Rasbhari out of our life.

No Shanu, no Rasbhari.

No,no... Shanu...

I don't want Rasbhari here either.

But if you leave me, I'll die.

Everything will be all right. I am with you.

Then we decided...

...to face it together.

Sir, honestly...

...your love is exemplary. .

I think there should be a movie based on your story.

I mean it.

And I'm sorry, sir, for all that nonsense.

It wasn't your mistake.

Well, I will go now.

Sir, if you don't mind...

...can I talk to ma'am for a minute?

Okay. I'll call her.

[Nand] 'I realised that though this is a tragic tale…'

'...I won't be at peace…'

'until I don’t uncover the suspense surrounding Rasbhari.’

What is it?

Ma'am, can I talk to you for a minute?

Go on.

Really, ma'am. We are so lucky.

Your daughter came into the family as our daughter-in-law.

Stop it, ma'am.

She has inculcated the ethics of both the families.

Let's see how our daughter-in-law turns out to be.

Hey! Why, Mom? Shardul selected the girl, right?

You even met her.

Yes. I've met her and I also know her.

Thank you.

Mom.

Why were you talking about your daughter-in-law in front of everyone?

She works in a call centre.

- She goes to work wearing short dresses. - So?

Who knows what she does after leaving the house!

Shardul keeps going to Bangkok due to his work.

Who knows what he does there?

He is a boy. He is allowed to do anything.

Well, that's how men are.

Unless they get to relish the outside food...

...they can't digest the homemade food(!)

Even your Naveen stays out due to work.

Doesn't he do anything?

Keep it in the fridge.

[Title Montage]

Yes. Everybody does it.

What, Ms. Pushpa?

It's so hot and you are serving us tea.

Order for a cold drink.

Manju, you are bothered about the cold drink.

And here the men are having fun with that whore.

Sister, are you trying to say...

...that men don't do anything after leaving the house?

Yes... They do but when they are out of town.

Whenever my husband goes to Delhi...

...he gets a massage done.

As if I don't know where the girl touches him while giving the massage!

That's fine.

But over here, in our town, under our noses...

...someone else is giving pleasure to our husbands!

I can't tolerate that.

What is the use?

We even tried spying on her.

- But we couldn't catch hold of anyone. - Just once...

Once we catch hold of someone...

...I swear on Goddess Chandi...

...I will drag that teacher out of her house by her hair.

Why, Ms. Pushpa? Is your husband on the list too?

[Manju] 'Oh, okay...'

Nand is taking tuitions from her, right?

Why? Did she teach him something too?

Nand you've already apologised a hundred times.

There is no need for all this.

Yes, ma'am I know.

But this is not a sorry.

This is a thank you.

-What is this? -Soan papdi.

Well, thank you.

-Can I give you a tip? -Hmm?

The next time you gift someone, know their tastes and likes.

Don't you like Soan papdi?

Who doesn't like it?

That's called assumption, Nand.

And assumptions do no good.

So, d********r. What are you learning these days?

Tell me.

What should I say, d*****d?

Did you measure?

You dumbfuck, I go there to study.

Yes. Hero Nand has turned back to brother Nand.

Idiot, you were saying...

...that you'll make Shanu ma'am the mother of your future children.

What happened? Did you make her your sister?

Listen to me.

Let me do her if you're not getting any.

Rupali is taken anyway.

And nobody else cares about me.

Buddy, I am fine with anything.

And when the girl is elder to me...

...I love it.

Bhalla.

You don't need Nand's recommendation.

The rate at which Shanu ma'am is getting laid...

...you just have to spread your legs and stand...

...and your number will automatically come.

You dickhead!

Do you have an asshole instead of a mouth...

...that you shit every time you use it?

Dumbfuck, she is your teacher.

And above anything, she is a woman.

Does anyone have something more to say about a girl?

Start buying food from your own money.

Okay. Now, a clause is the most basic unit of grammar...

...containing a subject and a predicate that is a verb.

So, for example...

..."Nand studied" is a clause.

There are two types of clauses.

Independent and depen...

Nand.

- Nand. - Yes, ma'am.

- What happened? - No, ma'am. Nothing. Just...

You had fight with Vipul.

You know, ma'am?

You know, students think...

...that we teachers don't know what's happening in the school.

[Shanu] 'But that's not the truth.'

I know you fought with Vipul regarding something.

Is that why you look troubled?

Yes, ma'am.

Ma'am, I'm not able to understand what's happening in my life.

I don't like what Vipul says.

I'm not able to concentrate on studies.

And now, even Priyanka is not talking to me.

Hmm...

Well, Nand, I think you are ready for a lesson.

Mister, stop.

Okay. I'll see you in school tomorrow.

Okay, listen. Get those tops. Bye.

Mister, is any other system available?

Priyanka, talk to me for just five minutes and then I'll leave.

Tell me.

Look, I'm an asshole. Yes. I'm a stupid.

And I don't think before I speak.

But I know one thing very well. Honesty.

Honesty.

Honesty is very important in life and in relations.

Do you know there is nothing more sexy than the truth?

Huh?

What happened?

Can't a teacher use the word "sexy"?

Look, Priyanka. I like you a lot.

And I do have a little feeling that you too like me a lot.

You can use the word little.

Okay. You do like me a little.

And I know that I've hurt you a lot.

I also ignored you. And I'm so sorry for that.

You have already apologised to me before.

I am the one who's mad to forgive you every time.

Don't forgive me this time.

Don't forgive me at all.

But I just want to tell you one thing.

Tell me.

Everyone at this age thinks...

...to have an affair is the most important thing.

But two people having respect for each other...

...is more important than having an affair.

If you respect, I don't know about the affair...

...but there will be a genuine friendship.

You'll get a lifelong friend.

No matter how much we fight...

...one thing is for sure.

That is, I have always respected you...

...and I'll keep respecting you.

Friends?

Anyway, you carry on.

[Nand whistling]

Mom, why are behaving like a Ninja in the house?

I haven't seen you whistle like this.

Why? Can only your cooker blow a whistle? Can't I do it?

- Okay! - Hmm.

What are you sniffing? I don't drink beer.

Hmm.

Come, sit.

Sit down. Sit.

Tell me.

Where were you?

- Tuitions. - Which one?

- English. - At Shanu ma'am's?

No...

There is a tea seller in front of her house, right?

Today I had been to him for tuitions, Mom!

Stop this nonsense.

Are you trying to joke around?

Mom, you know everything.

Then why are you enquiring?

- Enough. - What?

Enough of your tuitions.

You don't need to go for English tuitions anymore.

- Huh? - What huh?

Did you forget Hindi while learning English?

Don't you get what I am saying?

- But, Mom. - Nothing doing.

Mark my words.

No more tuitions from tomorrow.

- What happened at Nand's house? - Not at his house, but in the class.

- Yes. - You don't hear anything I say.

Are you alright?

Yes, I'm alright. What will happen to me?

No. I mean... Does Meerut seem fine to you?

Yes.

- And class? - Classes are going good.

I enjoy. The students are good. They are smart.

But you know, my husband doesn't stay at home much.

He has a travelling job, you see.

Yes.

-'Don't do this, dear.' - Stay there...

Stay there. Okay. Now speak.

Why don't you say something?

Are you dumb?

Hey, Nand. Listen to your mother at once.

Okay! Here you go.

No...

Your dad will get whatever you ask for.

- Do you want a motorcycle? - What are you saying?

- Stay quiet! Motorcycle? - Mom, you know what I want.

- Tell me if you are ready to agree or else... - No...

Okay, fine.

- Go to tuitions. - Are you sure? - Yes.

- Put the knife away. - Back...

Put the knife away. Put it away.

[phone ringing]

What happened to him at this hour?

- Yes, tell me. - Were you sleeping?

No, you d****d. I was playing cricket.

[Nand] 'Do you want to play?'

- Listen, that... - Are you drinking beer?

Yes, buddy. I went way too far talking shit.

[Vipul] 'You know that there is no filter in my mouth.'

Whenever I open it, I speak shit.

So, sorry.

Even I hit you for no reason.

[Nand] 'I am sorry too.'

And listen.'Apologise to ma'am.'

Sure, buddy. Sure. Anything for you.

[Vipul] 'I'll apologise to ma'am first thing in the morning.'

There are two more beers. Will you come?

No... Dumb-fuck.

I created a ruckus at home today.

My parents will bury me if I irritate them more.

Don't get drunk.

- Okay.-[Nand] 'Good night.'

- Mom. -[Pushpa] 'Yes.'

Aren't you sleepy?

Yes, that...

You are asking me to sleep after creating a ruckus.

What's the matter now?

Why do you want to go to Shanu ma'am for tuitions?

Mom, Shanu ma'am is a good teacher.

And I'll become something if I learn from her.

That is what I'm tensed about.

Mom.

I am your son.

And I won't do anything wrong.

I promise.

- Really? - Yes, I promise.

Okay. Go to sleep.

- You too go to sleep. - You sleep.

[Nand] 'Ma'am, check these clauses once.'

- Hmm? - 'Clauses.'

Here you go.

Ma'am, this...

Usually it's given while apologising or thanking someone, right?

And you'll scold me when you check my homework.

Actually, even I wanted to thank you.

Vipul had come today.

He kept apologising profusely for a long time.

- I'll take one more. - Hmm.

Can I get a glass of water?

What is it, kid?

Are you lost?

M-Ma'am?

What is this ma'am?

I am not a ma'am, dear.

I am Rasbhari. Kiddo.

- Dear. - Ma'am. - My precious.

It is time for you to be a man, kiddo.

Ma'am, today is Tuesday.

We'll do it tomorrow for sure. Tomorrow. Okay?

No matter if it's a Tuesday or a Monday, kid...

...one cannot refuse rain from falling!

And I haven't even done anything yet.

Ma'am, I can't do this.

Do you know whom you are saying no to, kid?

I make royals forget their royalty.

They call me Rasbhari.

I will leave you perplexed once I touch your lips.

My intoxication is like that of jimsonweed.

Victory to Hanuman who is the ocean of wisdom and virtues.

Victory to the king of Monkeys who is illuminating three worlds.

Victory to Hanuman who is the ocean of wisdom and virtues.

- Victory to the king of monkeys... - You're the messenger of Rama.

You are also called by the names ofAnjani Putra and Pavana Sut.

Oh mighty valorous one, of terrific deeds.

Cure my bad mind, oh companion of those with pure mind.

What, kiddo?

Will you scare me with Hanuman Chalisa?

No...

- You think I'm a ghost? - No...

- No... - Come on, kiddo.

Enough of this hide and seek. Come.

Ma'am, I will be a sinner and you too.

"Why couldn't I do it? I got to know this later on."

"I was still thinking..."

"Why couldn't I do anything..."

"...when Rasbhari came in front of me who I was waiting for so long?"

"Was I shit scared?"

"Or was it my respect for ma'am?"

"Or was it the teachings inculcated in me by my parents?"

"What was the reason that I lost the chance of losing my virginity?"

"I was soon going to get the answer."

[door knocking]

Who is it?

[Pushpa] 'Open the door. It's me.'

What is happening?

Nothing. What? What's supposed to happen?

Where had you been?

I had been for tuitions.

Tuitions? Where are the books?

Books. They're outside.

No, there are no books.

There is the bag and also the key of the scooter.

But I couldn't find the books.

Yes... They're there.

-[Lady 1] You b***h! W***e. - [Savita] Leave me, sister.

- Leave... - Sister, leave me...

- Leave you? Huh? B***h... - Please, sister.

Why is she beating Savita?

Savita had an affair with her husband.

- She caught them. - Leave you?

- Sister... - I won't leave you. You, b***h.

- I love Naresh... - Love?

- Shut up! - Naresh ji, please tell her.

- What can he say? - Naresh ji, please say something.

Please tell her, Naresh ji!

- Sister, leave me! - I won't spare you!

Your husband is fed up of you. So, you trapped my husband.

- Don't you have any shame? - Please Sister...

Why doesn't Naresh ji speak up?

An affair is never one sided. There are two people involved.

That doesn't matter...

... it is the woman who is shamed.

- I'll clean the bedroom. - Hmm.

[Title Montage]

Bhalle, what will you have for lunch now?

This is not mine.

It's someone else's. Want some?

- No. - Have it.

No man.

Let's go. Time for assembly.

- Oh, no. - Hey...

Let me at least finish.

I won't invite you home after my marriage.

Who knows what all you will eat up.

- Your wife..? - What! What?

- Food! Cooked by your wife, man. - Really!

- Hey, Nand. - Good morning, madam...

G-Good morning.

Tuck your shirt.

You forgot this yesterday.

Thanks, madam.

But, why you left?

By the time I returned from the kitchen you had gone. What happened?

I got an urgent phone call from home. So, I left.

Hey, same time today?

Okay, madam.

[Priyanka] 'What are you doing here?'

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hurry, it's time for assembly. - Let's go.

So, what else? How are you?

Everything's great, "Sir". You tell me?

What do you expect if you ask such a boring question?

"So, what else! How are you!"

You are definitely funny.

And... also sweet.

- Don't lie... - No, really!

For real!

Tell me, how are things with Priyanka?

Much better, ma'am.

See...

I told you.

Truth and respect.

Yes, ma'am.

Okay. Let us revise direct and indirect speech.

Because sometimes examiners expect answers to be in...

Nand, what happened?

Is something troubling you?

No... nothing.

Okay, so...

...direct and indirect speech.

Ma'am, I wanted to ask you something.

Go on.

How long did it take you yesterday?

For what?

From here till there.

and then bring the glass of water back.

I...

That...

Why?

What happened?

Nothing, ma'am.

I just asked.

Okay, so what were you teaching?

Something about indirect speech.

[Nand] 'So I was reading about multiple personality disorder.'

'What the f**k is it?'

'Really, what the f**k is it?'

'Is it a ghost, witch or split personality? What is it?'

'I was so clueless.'

I knew I would find you here.

Will you do me a favour?

What? Do you have a form to be filled?

No... Wait.

I have a friend request from this guy.

Really?

So what am I supposed to do?

I want to see his photos.

As long as I don't accept his request, I won't be able to see his photos.

Do something about it.

I want to see if this boy is hot or not.

Only then will I make him my friend.

Is that so?

So, are you my friend because I am hot.

Mental...

Since the day you talked about 'respect'...

...you have become my best friend.

And it doesn't matter how a best friend looks...

...he is always a best friend.

Now do something.

His hair style is like a pig.

It's not like that.

- This is the current fashion. - Yeah, right.

What a fashion(!)

Check out your hair first.

Show.

[Shanu] 'Correct.'

Perfect.

Perfect.

Very good, Nand.

Thank you, ma'am.

So, now syllabus is complete.

Now all you have to do is...

...top that English exam.

Sure, I will.

That's yours.

Actually ma'am, it is all because of you.

You are a great teacher.

You taught me English...

...as well as that thing about respect.

So...

All is well between you and Priyanka?

I'll leave, ma'am.

No tuitions from tomorrow.

So, I'll see you at school.

-[Nand] Bye, ma'am. - Good night.

[Nand whistling]

M-Madam?

Y-You?

Why, kid?

When you don't like me at all...

...why do you keep arriving at my door?

Madam, I just...

...came to take my k-keys.

And I'm leaving.

No, kid.

I won't let you go anywhere today.

M-Madam...

I have some w-work, madam.

M-Madam, today...

L-Let me go, madam.

- Ma'am... - Kid.

You will have to do something for me today.

W-What?

[moaning]

Slow down!

Slowly... you'll kill me!

Is this ok?

Ma'am... I mean...

Rasbhari ji.

Deadly.

There's magic in your hands, kid.

If you are so good at massaging legs...

...then the rest would be...

Feeling shy, kid? Huh?

Tell me something, kid.

Is there something wrong with me?

Do I lack something?

No.

Then why am I unable to allure you?

If I tell you...

...will you stop or...

I love someone else.

Oh ho...

So my prince is a lovebird.

Can I tell you something, kid?

Love is nothing.

Two bodies need a reason to unite.

Love is an excuse of that.

From centuries, men and women...

...use this as a reason to sleep with each other.

"I love you..."

That's it. Isn't it?

Now, kid...

The fire that burns between out thighs...

...is the reality of our world.

The rest is a lie.

Okay tell me...

...did anything happen between you and that girl?

No!?

Our dear prince seems good for nothing!

Why? What did happen?

I didn't have the guts.

Tell me the truth, kid.

You lack guts...

...or you don't know what is to be done?

And then...

... he sent a message...

...at 2 in the night.

I told him rudely...

...don't message so late at night.

But to be honest...

...I enjoyed it.

Are you listening to me or not?

Hmm, I'm listening.

Then say something.

Kid...

...a woman would rather peek into a man's heart than his manhood.

Whatever you feel...

...express it.

If you are sad then express it.

If you are angry then show your anger.

If you are upset then show that you are upset.

This affects a woman's heart.

What should I say?

Tell me, what should I say?

That I enjoy hearing about your new affairs?

Or should I say that I can't sleep because you are texting someone at night?

Thinking that you are awake for someone else.

I don't want to say anything.

And listen...

I'm not like your girlfriends.

Share this story with someone who will be happy to hear it.

Tell me... why did you call me?

Sit for two minutes.

I don't want to sit. What's the matter?

Apologise for what you said this afternoon.

Forget it. I won't.

Why are you driving me crazy, Nand?

I am driving you crazy?

Yes, you are...

Really?

How am I driving you crazy?

When I showed feelings for you, you never reacted.

Look at me. I am speaking to you.

When I treated you as a loser...

...you talked about 'respect' and made me a friend.

[Nand] 'I was looking at Priyanka.'

'And then slowly I understood...'

'...why I couldn't do anything with Rasbhari.'

'Actually...'

'...the reason was Priyanka.'

'When you are this close to each other...'

'...and your breath becomes heavy...'

'...then there's only one thing to do.'

Sure?

Hmm.

Nandu!

-[Nand] Yes, Mom? - Come here, son.

Hey, let it be.

Avoid these gymnastics.

Get down.

- Give me your hand. - Yes.

- Okay. - Come.

I have fed you a lot to make you into this strapping lad.

So, you should come to my help on your own.

Got it.

Listen...

Yes.

How was your day?

As usual.

Listen, that...

Where all did you go?

Where will I go, Mom?

School, tuition and home.

Tuition.

Sushma.

I was cooking Khichdi. And she suddenly called.

F**k!

Sushma, you have even kept a maid to prepare dinner.

Hey, listen.

What's so urgent?

I have decided.

- What? - About...

...what is to be done with that w***e teacher.

- What is to be done? - We have to throw her out.

In broad daylight.

We will go to her house tomorrow morning...

...drag her by her hair and throw her out...

... throw her out of the city.

Now you are talking.

We have been waiting for this avatar of you to awaken.

It has awakened.

And I think...

...we should call Pappu, the cable guy as well.

- Huh? - He will make a video.

And who knows, this might be tomorrow's breaking news.

And yeah...

...inform Manju and Prem also.

Sharp at 10 o'clock.

- Don't be late. - [Lady 2] Okay. - [Sushma] Yes.

- Okay then, see you tomorrow. - [Lady 2] Okay.

Come, let's go.

- Go on. - Pick up, idiot.

[Nand] 'Shall I say something?'

I love your lower lips.

Pick up! M***********r, what are you doing?

[call waiting]

It is beeping because Vipul is calling.

Yes.

Hey, then leave it.

Pick it up, f****r!

Pick it!

You tell me. What happened?

Crazy girl.

Okay, I will call you later.

Bye.

Mummy, food!

Yes.

What's wrong with you? 32 missed calls?

Yes, Pushpa ji?

I am here.

And I will come again later.

Don't worry.

I'm keeping a watchful eye on the house.

Yes... Sure...

M*********r!

You had to choose tonight to show your dedication?

[door opening]

Ma'am. Ma'am...

Nand?

What the hell? What are you doing here?

Ma'am, I'll explain everything. How much time do you need to pack?

- What? - How long will you take to pack?

- Why? - Ma'am, they are all coming.

- Who? - Ma'am, all of them.

What are you saying? Wait. You calm down first.

Tell me. What has happened?

- Then? - Not now.

It wasn't easy for me to get admission here.

So, I'm not going to miss my first class.

Your story sounds way more interesting than the class.

Please tell me, what happened next?

Please tell me. Please.

Then I asked madam to run!

[Title Montage]

Wait a minute, Nand. I'm confused. Calm down.

- Ma'am... - Sit down, what has happened?

The ladies of this town have decided to target you.

I mean... they want to humiliate you and kick you out of town.

How can they do that?

- I'm calling the police. - Ma'am, don't be crazy.

Why would you call the police?

Those b*****s...

Sorry... They will gang up with them.

This is Meerut. People will shoot your video instead of helping you.

How can I go now? Even Naveen isn't home.

Call Naveen sir right now.

- And leave once he's back. - He'll be back at 6 in the morning.

6 o'clock?

Vipul? I need help. Find Bhalle and get to work.

It's urgent. Okay?

Ma'am, if it's ok with you may I make a request?

May I stay here tonight?

Ma'am, I'm your student.

And you have taught me that there is nothing above 'respect'.

You don't have to stress. You are my responsibility now.

[vehicle honking]

Bhalle, M*********r. Who eats at this hour?

I jerked off before sleeping so, I'm starving.

- What? - Sit.

- Where to? - To chant prayers.

Okay, let's go. Want some?

[phone ringing]

Nand.

There's water, if you need something else...

Ma'am, be comfortable. Don't worry.

Thanks, Nand.

Okay, go ahead with your call.

- Good night. - Good night, ma'am.

[phone ringing]

- Why didn't you pick up the phone? - I was a little busy, tell me.

- Did you see the picture? - Picture?

[Nand] 'No.'

- Didn't you see the picture? - Why?

What were you so busy with?

Where are you?

S****k, s**t, c**t, B***h.

No...

There's no feel in b****h.

What shall I say?

Yes!

W***e.

Take a look.

- How is it? - Awesome.

Switch off the light.

Where are my sports shoes?

What is the occasion where you need to deck up as well as run?

Tomorrow is a very important day for the ladies of Meerut.

[hymn playing]

You go there.

Okay?

Then what are you wearing? Show me.

What?

Where?

What are you doing here?

At least open the door. Dogs?

I have told my parents that I'm going to study at Rupali's.

There are all night prayers at her place.

Yes. I'll put on some vermillion before I go home.

Come inside.

[hymn playing]

Uncle, put only Twenty. Save some money.

Tomorrow will be Shanu madam's extra class. Yes.

- Morning, 10 o'clock. Old Market. - Okay.

[Nand] 'Bro...'

'It was a treat to watch the dedication and devotion of the men.'

'There was an idol of a lady being worshiped...'

'...while other ladies were having their dignity stripped.'

'After all, they were looking forward for the blessings of Rasbhari...'

'...how could they focus on this prayer?'

Yes, it's done.

- Say something. - Hmm?

- What are you looking for in the phone? - Shhh. Talk softly.

Ma'am is sleeping.

Is she alone?

Shut up.

Really?

You are taking her side.

That's why I'm here.

I'm well aware of her reputation.

Are you crazy?

- Me and ma'am? - Why?

She didn't spare Rahul from B- tech.

- And you're... - Hot? Hmm?

Listen to me first.

Look, whatever you are saying is true.

But that's not Shanu ma'am.

- Huh? - Hmm.

What do you mean?

I mean...

How do I put this?

She is Shanu ma'am...

...but she is not Shanu ma'am.

- Huh? - Yes.

What are you saying?

She is Shanu madam but not Shanu madam.

So...

What are you trying to say?

That's exactly what I'm trying to explain.

So, kid...

Who's this beauty?

- Madam... - Okay!

So, this is the fairy whose love stops you from getting close to me.

A teenage beauty.

Innocent face.

Hmm.

You have good taste, kid.

Let me see...

...what's so special about her.

Come here.

Let me change the flavour.

Excellent, kid.

Along with English, you've learnt this too.

Come.

Let's see how much you have really learnt.

I have done a night shift after a long time, Pappu bhaiya.

I am very sleepy.

Yeah, I could see that.

Hey, Doe-Kay.

Look at this.

What are these men whispering to each other?

[phone ringing]

Yes, Pushpa ji.

Of course, I remember.

Don't you worry. Trust me.

We will take out such a procession...

...that it will be only you and Arnab on tonight's primetime.

Hail goddess Durga.

Hail goddess Durga.

I'm all set. You leave. Even I am leaving.

Yes.

Listen. There are three quesadillas in the casserole.

There's curd too. Please have it.

I'm leaving. I'll be back in the evening.

Where are you off to on a Sunday all decked up?

I have some work.

Stop this inquiry.

The inquiry will start when I'm back.

Sir, hello, sir.

Naveen, things are happening here just like Hapur.

History is repeating itself.

Why didn't you tell me that Rasbhari is back, Naveen?

- Shhh... Shanu. - You...

Everything will be alright.

- Sir... - How will it be alright, Naveen? How?

Sir. Sir, let's go. They will be here anytime now.

- Come on. - Come on. - Come on...

Dear sisters.

Today, we're going to save our husbands from that...

...b***h, s**t, w***e, s***k.

Come on, let's march on her. March!

Naveen, did you check everything?

There is some cash lying below the idols... So sorry.

- Will be back. - Yes, Vipul.

Come here quickly. Okay.

Nand.

What happened last night?

You know what happened.

Not what happened between us.

That...

Who was she?

That's what I was trying to explain.

She was not Shanu madam.

- Nand. Yes. - Shall we leave?

Let Pappu come.

Then we will attack.

-[vehicle honking] - Move... -[Pappu] 'I am here.'

- I am here... - He is here.

- Where have you been? - Come on.

Doe-kay, get the camera.

- Come... - Let's go.

- Are you all ready? Huh? - Let's go. Yes.

Come on, one, two, three... Forward march!

- Doe-kay, come here. - Come in front. Yes. Come on.

What now?

- Huh? - I think they're not home.

-[knocks the door] - No.

Something's fishy.

- Let's break the lock and get in. - And do what?

What I will do at home, I don't know.

My husband left early in the morning.

- Even my husband went out. - And mine was wearing perfume.

Nand's father has gone out too.

- What's going on? - I have no idea.

Wait a minute. I know what's happening.

Do you all want to catch that w***e red-handed?

- Of course. - Come with me.

Your husbands will be found there too.

Old market. Let's go. Doe-kay, get the camera.

Come on. Hurry up... It's 10 o'clock already.

Make it fast.

Old Market. Okay?

Yes, Bhalle. Come on... Hurry up.

Madam, let's go.

Sir, ma'am, please come. I'm coming with you.

Vipul, take Priyanka with you.

Bhalle, come here, you rogue.

Snacks on me for the whole year.

Got it? Let's go. To the bus station.

Class?

Everybody was told...

...that Shanu ma'am class will be held at the Old Market.

But no one thought about...

...where exactly this class will be.

Lust took over your brain.

- Huh? - Yes.

Tyagi bhai, when the brain in our pants starts thinking...

...the brain in the head stops working.

Hey, there she is.

[Pushpa] 'Today, I'm going to finish her.'

Doe-Kay, get the camera and set the mic.

-[Pappu] 'Come on, let's go.' -[Pushpa] 'Today...'

Where did she go?

She must be here.

- She must be here. - Knock the door.

Come on.

[knock on the door]

Madam?

Madam?

- You'll find everyone here. - Where are they?

Switch it on.

I'm Pappu Tiwari, from Meerut.

- Look at how the women of this city... - Move.

...are going to kick a characterless woman... Move...

- ...are going to kick her out. - You men can't control your lust?

- Look, how aggressive... - Whose door are you knocking?

...these women are. Look, let's get in.

Yeah. What is it?

- Come on, record now. - Hey, cut it.

[Pappu] 'Cut it.'

I wanted to thank you.

For what, madam?

For saving me.

For saving us actually.

Shanu...

- Come. - Yes.

- Ma'am, take this. - Okay, bye, Nand.

I'm very happy that I met you.

Me too, ma'am.

Take care.

Take care of yourself and your English too.

Sure.

Best of luck.

Bye.

- Give it here. - Sir, excuse me.

Seat number seven.

Come on, sit there.

- Study well. - Okay.

Yeah, okay.

Take care.

Take care of yourself and your English too.

Excellent, kid.

Along with English, you've learnt this too.

The next day, Shanu was normal.

Like what happened last night was a dream.

- Did Rasbhari return? - Yes, once or twice.

But when she came, Shanu didn't have a clue at all.

Shanu madam mentioned English.

Even Rasbhari mentioned it.

So, if Shanu madam doesn't know what Rasbhari does...

...then how does Rasbhari know what Shanu madam does?

[Shanu] 'Take care.'

'And take care of your English too.'

[Rasbhari] 'Excellent, kid.'

'Along with English, you've learnt this too.'

F**k!

- That means... - That means...

...Shanu madam and Rasbhari were the same.

I don't know, man.

But I know for sure that this was the most exciting chapter of my life.

- Oh, man. -[Niharika] 'Hello students.'

I'm Niharika Sharma, your communication strategy instructor.

Now, by the way of introduction...

...you might find that I'm the most important person in your life...

...this semester. And that is because...

...this class is going to decide...

...which one of you is going to get a job in an MNC.

And which one of you are going to work in a local factory.

There are three parts of this course...

...spoken English, written English and the most important one...

...group discussion. I have some rules for this class.

-[Niharika] 'First rule...' - F**k. She's so hot.

I am sure you will forget Shanu madam.

Save both our time and get out of this class as soon as I enter.

[Niharika] 'The second rule is more important.'

'I don't care what you're saying...'

...whether you understand it or not but as long as you're in this class...

...we're going to speak to each other only in English.

- Understood? - Yes, ma'am...

Good. Any questions?

Yes.

Ma'am, I just want to know if you're familiar with a Shanu ma'am...