Original subtitles

Ready?

Action.

I don't know.

Oh, come on!

Why can't you admit

That you're in love with me?

Why are you in love with me?

Because you're beautiful.

Look at your face

In the moonlight.

I can't.

You can.

No, a person can't look

At their own face,

It's impossible.

Then marry me,

And I'll buy you

A thousand mirrors.

But that's so many.

My father's a billionaire.

I can give you

Everything you've ever wanted,

And I'm very good looking.

Um, yeah.

Think.

And lights go.

It's okay

That you don't know.

But you deserve an answer.

I can wait,

For you,

I would wait a thousand years.

I know I'm poor.

I know I don't have much

To offer,

But I do love you.

Because I'm beautiful?

I don't love you,

You're beautiful,

Because I love you.

What up with the disco?!

I'm sorry.

I hit the wrong thing.

No, 15 years ago,

Your mother gave birth

To the wrong thing!

All right,

Why don't we take a break?

Tori, Beck, you guys were great,

Really nice stuff.

Thanks.

How was I?

I've seen worse.

Guys, guys,

Everyone shut up a second.

Whatcha got?

An e-mail

From principal eikner.

That says?

To all students

Involved in our school's

Production of uptown downtown,

Sofia Michelle will be

In los angeles the weekend

Of the 17th and will be

Personally attending

Your opening night performance.

That's amazing.

Oh, my God!

Who's Sofia Michelle?

Oh, no, no, no!

What?

She gets to be the lead

And she doesn't even know

Who Sofia Michelle is.

Wait, is she the lady

Who does those infomercials

With the vibrating hairbrush?

I love that hairbrush.

Look at the cover

Of your script.

Oh, Sofia Michelle

Wrote the play we're doing.

She's like the biggest

Playwright on broadway.

All right, you guys,

We knew we had to be great.

Now, we have to be perfect.

We are not gonna disappoint

Sofia Michelle.

And you're sure you want

Robbie in this play?

I'm good.

At what?

I have to go take another

Nerve pill.

Will you kill the disco?!

No one can kill disco!

Cat? Cat?

Hey, have you seen Cat?

It's just

Special effects makeup.

Oh, well, that is special,

And I have been effected.

Yo, Cat.

Oh, hey, Tori!

We doing lunch?

Yeah, just a sec.

I'm almost finished

With my assignment.

Oh, what's the assignment?

To transform a human face

Into a terrifying monster.

Wanna see?

Terrify me.

Isn't he scary?

No, he's kind of adorable.

Aw, man, you made me cute.

You're the worst.

Well, let me try again

After school.

No, no, no!

I'm done with you.

No, but wait,

You can't just...

Done with you.

Oh, that's the third model

Who's quit on me.

I'm gonna get an "F" in makeup.

Aww, that bites.

Let's go get an "A" in lunch.

Wait.

No.

I just need...

I'm not gonna be your

Monster makeup model.

But if I don't transform

Someone's face

Into a hideous monster

By Monday,

I'm gonna fail this class.

And if I don't cram

A turkey sandwich

Down my throat,

I'm gonna fail

Not starving to death.

Oh, come on.

We can do it tonight,

Tomorrow night,

Whenever you want.

I'm in a huge play.

I have to learn all my lines

And five songs.

Tori.

Cat.

Ah, you have to do it.

No, I'm not doing it.

Say yes, I'm desperate.

I don't want to.

All right, I'll do it.

But you're buying my lunch.

* Suddenly, my choice is clear... *

Nice, now sing it

Like an old jazz singer.

Why?

To amuse me.

Clear.

Come on, be a man.

Now, I'm amused.

Hey, it's almost 8:00.

Are you getting hungry?

Yeah, want me to go

Pick up a pizza?

Yeah, sure.

Let's get a large pepperoni.

Coming.

Makeup time.

Hey, Cat!

Where should I set up?

Kitchen table.

Oh, I love kitchens.

Hey, Andre.

'Sup, little red?

What's that supposed to mean?

I don't know.

Little red: You're little

And you've got red hair?

Oh, that's so creative.

Do Tori now.

Can we just get this whole

Monster makeup thing over with?

Sure, let's get started.

Hey, can Andre

Be my assistant?

You can ask him.

Hey, Andre,

You wanna help me put

Monster makeup on Tori's face?

Bye.

Maybe he had to use

The bathroom.

In my front yard?

Well, sometimes my brother...

Yep, show me, me.

Wow, look at me.

I'm hious.

Oh, you really think so?

Yeah, I totally look

Like a zombie.

Ay, I'm not a failure.

Oh, hey, let's go scare

My sister.

Okay.

Trina, come see something.

Is it for me?

Where's Tori?

Ah, did they deliver

My vibrating hairbrush?

How could you not be scared

By this?

I've seen

Our grandmother naked.

Thing scares me anymore.

Come on,

Let me get some pics

Of your face.

'Kay.

I want some apple juice.

Then, go get some.

Fine, I'll do it myself.

Okay, come over here

Into the light.

Whoa-Rrr.

What is this for?

Oh, that's glue.

Yeah, but why is it

With your makeup supplies?

What's the problem?

This is grizzly glue.

It's like an

Industrial cement.

Cat, tell me

You didn't use this

On Tori's face.

Give me that.

For industrial use only.

Caution: Avoid contact

With skin.

Cat!

Why didn't you use dermaglue?

I ran out,

So I got that out

Of my dad's toolbox.

Are you insane?!

Will it come off?

Why didn't you read

The label?

'Cause I t stcted

By the picture

Of the cute grizzly bear.

I mean, look at him,

He's like a fuzzy little...

Hey!

Ugh, this is not gonna work.

You guys,

I'm playing the lead

In a big music tomrow night

And my character

Is supposed to be beautiful.

Well, you do not

Look beautiful.

This is not gonna...

Look, worse comes to worse,

You postpone the play.

No, I can't.

Fimichelle is coming

To see it.

Oh, wow, that's so exciting.

No, it's not.

Why not?

'Cause I'm a rotting zombie,

At's why!

I didn't mean to.

Okay, all right.

I got pizza.

Right, it's on her skin.

Yeah, grizzly glue.

It won't come off.

And my nose itches

And I can't scratch it.

Who are you talking to?

The doctor, shh.

Then who are you talking to?

The glue company, shh.

No, no, you don't understand,

It's all over her face.

Well, should I take her

To the emergency room?

I didn't read the label.

Don't make me feel bad.

Okay, I'll tell Tori.

What? What? What?

Listen,

While I've got you

On the phone, would I need

My parents' permission to have

Minor cosmetic surgery?

Trina, hang up.

I gotta go.

What did he say?

That I have to be 18

Before he can make...

About me!

Can he get this zombie makeup

Off my face?

Oh, no.

Well, did you tell him

I'm starring in a play

Tomorrow night that was written

By Sofia Michelle,

And that Sofia Michelle

Is gonna be there

And I'm supposed to be beautiful

And not look like a walking

De person who wants to eat

People's brains?!

Really? You do?

They do?

They do what?

What they do?

They make a solvent

That's safe for skin.

Well, where do we get it?

Ask the man!

It's a lady.

Ask her.

Hi, Gail, it's Cat, yeah.

Where can I buy the solvent?

Okay, bye.

Well?

Oh, they don't sell it

In stores.

But...well, then...

We just have to drive

To grizzly industries

And get it there.

Okay, so where's grizzly?

Bakersfield.

Bakersfield?

Relax, that's only like

Two hours from here.

I could drive you

There tomorrow.

When?

I have school until 3:00,

And then I have final rehearsal

And then I have to do the play.

Calm down.

After school, I'll go with Trina

To bakersfield,

Pick up the solvent, drive back,

And get the makeup off your face

Before the play starts.

Okay, okay, that sounds...

Augh, who's that?

What?!

Wait, I want cookies.

5...6...7...8.

That was dynamite,

Except Robbie.

Is something wrong

With your pants?

No, why?

Was I dancing weird?

No, it was great.

Now, everyone,

Go get some water,

Hydrate and rest up

For the show.

Yeah, what's up?

Your face.

It's still hideous.

I know, but my sister

And Cat are already on their way

Back here from bakersfield

With the solvent.

You're sure?

Uh...totally, yes.

All right.

Trina, maybe you

Should pull over

If you're gonna put

On lip gloss.

Maybe you should talk less.

That's what my dad

Always says.

Shut up!

Yeah, I got a horn too, buddy!

Oh, I think

That's your phone.

I know, find it.

Come on, come on!

Look under the seat.

You're bossy.

Ow, watch the girls.

Found your phone.

Then answer it.

Hi, Trina's phone.

Are you on your way back

With the solvent?

Tell me you're on the way back

Who's calling?

It's Tori.

Oh, put her on speaker.

Kay-Kay.

Tori, you're on speaker.

Trina is also in the car.

Where are you guys?

Relax, we're almost

At the factory.

The fact...

You're not even there yet?

The show starts

In like two hours.

We'll make it.

Oh, punch buggy blue.

Dude.

Listen to me.

If you two morons

Aren't back here

Before the play starts

And I have to go on stage

Looking like a zombie,

I'm gonna punch

Both your buggies.

Do you...?

I love you too, grandma.

Thanks for the quilt.

Quilt?

Hi, Miss Michelle.

I'm marty, the director.

Pleasure to meet you.

Sophia.

Oh, I'm lane, big fan.

Oh, my God,

It's Sofia Michelle.

Tori?

I know, but they're

Still not back with the solvent.

Well, we're on

In two minutes

And you still look disgusting.

I could play the lead.

No, we don't have anyone else

To play your part.

We're indoors.

Lose the scarf.

Do something.

But what do you want me...?

Hi, Tori.

Where are you?!

Where's my solvent?!

Ah, we have it right here.

Put her on speaker.

What's up sistah?

The curtain's gonna be up

In 90 seconds

And I'm still freaky

In the face.

Why aren't you here?

We had a little bit

Of an emergency.

What kind of emergency?

A creamy delicious one?

You stopped for ice cream?

We had to.

There was a freezy queen

In bakersfield.

Then how far away are you?

Just like 40 minutes.

You, in the red vehicle...

Maybe an hour?

Pull over to the side

Of the road.

So I'm on my private jet,

Almost half way to barcelona,

When I say to the pilot,

I've changed my mind.

Take a left.

We're going to prague.

You're too much.

Aren't I?

Hey, hey, hey, you there.

Yes, sir?

That luggage

Is very expensive.

Don't just toss it around

Like a monkey.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Check out the girl

Coming this way.

Oh, my God, she's gorgeous.

She's beautiful.

* you know I flaunt ya, *

* 'cuz girl I really want ya *

* and you lookin' nice *

* got me cooler *

* than a bag of ice *

* now freeze! *

* freeze! *

* now go drop it fast *

* and move it real slow *

* what?! *

* you smell so fruity *

Sing the next line.

It's dirty.

Just say you'll marry me.

Excuse me,

But most women

Don't wannbe screamed at

When they're being proposed to.

I'm rich, I'm handsome,

I have nine boats!

Stop acting like a stupid girl!

Wait, you got a little

Something right there.

This.

We brought you freezy queen.

Just get this muck

Off my face.

Get it off her face.

Okay!

Hurry.

Now hurry,

I'm missing the song.

It's coming, it's coming,

Be ready.

Well, that was

An interesting performance.

When I wrote that play,

I certainly never pictured

Penny as a freakish zombie

During most of it.

Oh, man, I'm out of pills.

Look, I can explain.

You don't need to explain.

I totally got it.

You did?

You do?

She got it.

What did you get?

The whole commentary

On what's really beautiful.

Having these two young men

Feel true love for a girl

With a hideous face,

Really emphasized

The whole point of the play,

Which is substance over beauty,

The beauty within.

Right.

Well, we're really glad

You liked it.

Yeah, and did you enjoy

My performance, Miss Michelle?

Wow, I am late

For my plane.

We heard

You were gonna be in L.A.

All week.

Right, well, bye.

Congratulations everyone.

Now, before we go,

Just a couple of...

Don't fight it.

Me?

I'm Beck.

This?

Is TheSlap.

If you're gonna be

Seriously angry,

I won't get in a fight

With you,

But I will retaliate

In a way that I'll make you sad

For a long time.

You like that?

Go to TheSlap.com

For more.

You know you wanna.

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