Original subtitles

Modigliani's influence on contemporary painting can scarcely be underestimated.

His treatment of the nude was absolutely unique and beautiful.

And now please pay close attention to this exceptional figuration, which we

will study in detail tomorrow.

That's true.

I've no idea.

Just made a god-awful noise for the last two minutes and stopped.

Ah, it's time to cook dinner in here, lady.

Can you get fixed right away?

Depends on what you mean, right away.

I need it right away. I use it for work.

It looks like you'll be getting a little vacation.

Do you good?

Look, lady, you know how long it'll take to... To fix this little buggy? No, I

don't. How long?

A rough guess, I'd say a week, and we have to get it over to the shop.

Is your shop very far away?

No, we're in seven minutes.

Anybody's head?

Oh, this is terrible.

I'm a teacher, and my school is a long way from my house. It has to be ready

for tomorrow.

No way, lady.

Look, ladies.

After miracles, go to church.

It'll be a week. A week?

I'm sure you'll change your mind. Let's take it to the garage.

It may turn out not to be as serious as all that.

All right.

Give it a try.

Hey, unhook this thing, will you? I'm going inside to get something to drink.

My throat's so dry, I can't even think of working.

Can I get you something, lady?

Yes, you can get me my car fixed right away.

And I'm sure that if you really get down to it, you can do it. Please try.

Right away?

Not right away, lady.

Oh, but I told you, I need it for my work.

What do you want to work for?

A girl as pretty as you.

Oh, come on, stop joking, please. I'll tell you what's the truth.

Not joking.

In that case, you'd better get busy.

Well, I...

Do you really have to go, Filippo?

I don't want you to.

There's a meeting I just can't miss.

It was nice, wasn't it, darling?

Certainly kept up the average.

You're such a ferocious tomcat.

All right, all right.

Bye-bye, love. Thanks a lot.

Filippo, darling, you coming to my house tonight?

No, I'm busy.

Filippo, you know what, dearest Filippo?

Go fiddle yourself, huh?

You might even enjoy it.

Very sorry, really.

I guess I'm a little late.

Efficient men sometimes carry watches, Filippo.

Oh, that's all right.

You'll see, gentlemen, he's really a very good public relations man. I guess

they're all stupid.

A wonderful year.

If you want to know the truth, it's the best year of our entire production

history.

Roberto.

Roberto.

Oh, I'm sorry.

With the noise, I didn't hear you come in.

What is this, anyway?

I didn't send you to the most expensive school in Switzerland so you could stand

in front of a machine and help it pack spaghetti.

But I... But you're nothing.

You're on vacation now. You're supposed to be having a good time. Tell me what's

wrong.

I'm enjoying myself, really, Dad, honestly.

This factory and the way it works is fascinating.

Aren't you glad that I'm so interested in following in your footsteps, Dad?

And anyway, you told me that you did the same thing when you were my age, didn't

you? Yes, yes, yes, of course. But the whole situation was very different then.

You must realize that I wasn't exactly the owner of a factory.

It's not the same thing.

Come on, let's get out of here.

with your friends a little more often, for example. Dad, you know I don't have

any. It doesn't matter. Make some. You've got a car and money. It shouldn't

be all that difficult.

All right, Dad. If you'll make me happy, I'll try. You've got to have a couple of

girlfriends around. Look, as a matter of fact, I'm raising your allowance.

50,000.

50,000 lira?

Take it and shut up. But really, what am I going to do with all that?

You don't know how much certain things cost.

What things?

I told you I want you to have some fun. You understand that?

And that's an order.

Hey, stop, stop. Here he is.

How's everything, little Matthew? As usual.

And the car? Yeah, that's a sore subject. Let me tell you, if these two

angels hadn't given me a ride, I burned out my clutch.

Actually, it wasn't my fault.

You remember Erica, the big-boob blonde from Baden-Baden? If she hadn't been

doing what she was, I could have paid more attention to the car.

Say no more.

How much?

Come on, let's hear it.

Sixty, for instance?

Sixteen.

Well, goodbye, Dad. So long. Right,

girls? So long.

So long.

Don't spend it the way I would.

Filippo. Yeah, what is it?

Hey, move over. Move over, damn it. Let a real car through.

I think someone wants to pass.

Just look at her, the turd. Step on it, honey. Come on, get that heap off the

road. Move over.

Eyes right. Yoo-hoo.

Am I wrong, Agnes, or is that an ass?

It is the living end.

I tell you, I'm worried.

I'm goddamn worried.

I've been forced to the conclusion that Roberto is not normal.

Why? What's he been doing?

Absolutely nothing.

I'm convinced that he's never been with a woman in his life. What the hell had

they been teaching him in that stupid place in Switzerland?

You understand?

We can't afford to lose time.

Seriously, we must do something soon.

All right, what?

I want the slightest idea.

Introduce him to some girls. I ask you not only as a friend, but as a fellow

worker.

I mean, you are in charge of public relations.

All right, it's a deal.

I'll have the contract signed in the morning.

Yeah, good enough.

Here I am.

Sorry, I had to make a phone call. Well, excuse me if you tell us who it was. At

this point, I wouldn't mind something being... None of your business, darling.

How about you? Interested? The sooner the better. And the more the merrier.

Waiter.

Here's to a very wonderful... Absolutely. Stop.

How about you?

Ladies first, please.

Try some of that.

Okay. Thank you, Josette.

Here's to you, dear.

Nicely done.

I like some for the gentleman, too.

Oh, this is the funniest looking thing I've ever seen.

Reminds me of something that I can't think of what.

I understand you work, miss. What kind of hours do you put in?

Oh, mostly at night.

Oh, really?

Uh-huh.

I start at nine most nights and work till four or five o'clock.

Except on Saturdays and Sundays. Then it's one fell swoop.

You mean you work just when everyone else is taking the weekend off. Why?

I don't understand.

Oh, because there's a hell of a lot more dough around by then.

Oh, I get it. You work in a bakery.

I've got a what?

You work in a bakery. That's what you meant about dough.

Oh, yes, that's right, of course.

I mean, not everybody makes bread out of flour.

Oh, hell, my necklace just broke.

Daniela, will you give me a hand? You really think that deserves applause?

Oh, God, you're an idiot. Anyway, I couldn't give you a hand now that I

wanted to, and I don't.

Hey, everybody, listen. Yeah? I want you to tell me, what did the man with the

lisp do when he threw the naked girl out of his bed? What?

What are you saying? Get our coffee somewhere else. What are you up to,

Julia? Got plans?

I'm still trying to figure out how to get back at you for that joke, but it'll

have to wait.

Bridget here has expressed interest in my collection of... of mounted birds.

I thought you always said stuffed birds.

Filippo, would you mind a lot if I ask you to drop me back at the plant?

Why don't you take the day off? You must have a collection of something.

Something you can show Pia.

She's interested. You might say passionately interested.

I'm sorry.

But there's some work I've got to catch up on and it has to get done today.

If you must.

I'll just get the bill and we'll go.

Giuseppe.

Uh, Filippo, let me get that.

No,

no, don't be silly, Roberto.

The old expense account will stand.

Well, it looks like you didn't really accomplish very much now, did you?

Come on, give me time.

You should try with a different atmosphere, Filippo. No use dragging in

those two-bit whores. You should try...

With a real high-class girl.

It's occurred to me already.

I've told my nephew Enzo, and he's taken care of all the important details.

That's better.

What a bust he sees.

What a major drag.

I haven't been so bored. People can't even think what to say.

We should go home.

We've got to be polite.

Yeah.

Well... Girls, what can I get you?

Aren't you drinking anything?

No, thanks. No, thanks.

I've got a headache. How about you?

Let's go to the powder room.

Roberto, it's awfully hot in here.

Do you mind if we go and freshen up a little?

No, not at all. Help yourselves.

Not in the right places. Don't worry. Hey, Johnny.

Yeah? Come here.

This is the worst frost of all time.

Anyway, I've got an idea.

Let's work the orgy like we did at Michelle's pad last month.

Yeah, great. Anything.

Hey, Roberto.

Come here.

Listen, we got to do something to liven up this thing, huh?

Sure, but what?

Give me some ideas. That's your specialty. Well, there's one sure way to

excitement. You know what's going to happen?

No, what?

We're going to have an orgy.

An orgy? You've orgyed before, haven't you?

Oh, sure, in Switzerland.

We used to do it all the time. How do we start?

We start by stripping. When they come back, they'll find something fantastic.

That'll break the ice. Take my word for it.

Yeah, but how are they going to... Hold on.

Right now, the first thing we do is turn off the lights.

Then we take off every stitch we have on.

When they come back, we'll be naked as little kids.

Then it'll be smooth sailing, right?

You embarrassed?

Who, me?

Are you kidding? You should have been in Switzerland.

Come on, hurry up. Yeah, I'll be back in a minute.

I can't get my damn shoe off.

Hey, are you undressing Roberto?

Of course.

My underpants too?

You have to be naked, idiot.

Naked.

Hey, what's going on in here? How come the lights are out?

Now, Filippo, I'm sure you'll admit that I have good reason to be worried.

Oh, I don't really know.

It's the truth. Believe it.

It's not good for a boy his age to be that way.

All right, I'll bring in the heavy artillery.

I'll take care of everything.

Hi, this is Filippo. I got those new records.

The ones I was telling you about. Would you like to come over and hear them?

Oh, whenever you want. How about tonight after dinner?

About 10 o'clock?

Yeah, sure.

That's perfect.

10 o'clock at my house, all right?

Oh, I may have a couple of friends, okay?

So long.

Hello. Are you Roberto? Yes.

Go on in. He's in there.

That's right.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean... I mean, I didn't really... I'm awake.

I know.

I'm Sylvia. Nice to meet you, Rebecca. Nice to meet you.

Don't you want to join us? No, really, I have to go. I really have to go.

To the spaghetti plant.

Let's get them on the ranch. Yeah, hell yeah.

Leave the tie alone.

We've got somebody waiting for me downstairs.

You've got something waiting for us downstairs.

I'm starting to worry about that kid. How come?

I don't know. I mean, he's gone.

Look at him.

All right, forget about it. Come on. Come on.

Dinner's hot. Hey!

Oh, me too!

Not you, Edith! Come on. Come on.

Now they need him.

Get your hands off me.

I don't know.

Okay.

Well, I'd better get down to the factory. Your dad will be hopping mad.

Listen, Filippo, there's something I want to tell you. Sure.

You know, I'm not sore at all about what you fooled the other night, but you

shouldn't fool around with girls like that. I suppose that's advice from your

father. Oh, I don't imagine he cares one way or another. He's not a warden.

It's just something I wanted to tell you for your own good.

Okay.

It's been ten days, and nothing has happened. Not one thing.

You sure that Roberto just went to a regular school?

Not a seminary?

I'm curious, because he told me to leave women alone.

Somehow, Filippo, that wasn't just what I expected.

Excuse me. Where can I find Professor Grimaldi? Room 16.

Oh, no, no. Please, let me.

There. Thanks.

Anna. Hi.

How are you doing? Not bad.

Angel.

You're more gorgeous every time I see you. How do you do it? It's a secret you

could make millions with.

Thank you. But what brings you around after all these months, my dear?

Come on. I must have called you a million times.

But your phone was always busy. Just as good a liar as you always were.

An occupational hazard.

That's all it is.

After all, I am a PR man.

which in your case stands for pubic relations.

So anyway, what does bring you around?

Listen, you're really interested in teaching, aren't you?

It is my work, Filippo, and I'm very much dedicated.

But if I remember rightly, it was the thing you liked least about me, right?

Yes.

I suppose so.

But if I'm not wrong, your personal theory... It went like this.

In this world of ours, everything can be taught.

You know, I wish I had the tiniest idea of what you're trying to get at.

That is what you said.

Yes, of course, as long as you're dealing with a good teacher and a

willing student.

Uh, how about teaching someone to live? Would you feel like trying?

To live?

What in the world do you mean to live?

You know, the most important aspects of life. Now, that I understand.

You mean to teach love.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I wasn't quite sure about how to put it.

I know. It's one of your strong subjects.

But, you know, to teach it, it's quite a different matter.

You really think so?

Could you do it?

Are you serious?

You know it.

Well, let's get one thing straight. You're not the pupil, are you? No, I'm

into graduate work. I'll be honest. It's a young friend of mine.

Look, you're gonna do it?

It's an interesting challenge.

A complete course, right?

I'm very conscientious.

Don't forget anything.

Not this girl.

An authentic expert in her field.

A born teacher if ever there was one.

Master's, Ph.D.

Roberta couldn't possibly be in better hands.

I myself took one of her advanced specialized courses.

I guarantee you.

Well,

I don't know. Oh, come on, be reasonable.

Is there anything better you can come up with?

No.

Oh, I must admit.

Very well.

I put my trust in you.

Hi, Dad.

Hey, you're really getting pretty good on that thing.

Thanks.

Do you mind if I sit down a little while with you, or would I be disturbing you?

Go ahead.

I lost my mind that, being that you're here, it might be good for you to take

some lessons in the history of art.

But, Dad, why the history of art?

Your school in Switzerland doesn't pay much attention to that subject.

It's a gap in your education.

Well, if you say so, whatever you think best. Where do I go?

Professor.

Damn good, too.

If you really think it's important.

Good. That's fine.

Please go on to play.

Come in.

Are you Professor Grimaldi?

That's right.

May I?

Yes, of course.

You must be Roberto.

Yes.

Sit down, please.

Your father must have explained why he wanted you to study this course with me

in school.

Yes, he believes I should learn a little more about the history of art.

Yes.

But maybe your father didn't explain that my methods are, shall we say,

rather special, particular.

In what way?

I've worked out a new system, a very modern technique.

I don't quite... Based on intimate contact with the pupil.

Contact?

Yes, it's really an excellent... You're not going, are you? What are you

standing for?

Me? I'm just a little bit nervous.

Personal contact never hurt anyone, almost.

We're going to have to establish a good rapport between the two of us. Expose

ourselves completely to each other.

I told you before, my methods are most modern and up-to-date.

Therefore, I'm going to have to ask you some rather pointed questions to get a

good idea of your physio-psychological level of adjustment.

Well, I mean, like what?

Do you happen to feel excited when you see a pretty girl in a miniskirt with a

nice pair of thighs?

Well, my school is very strict. We're taught not to abandon ourselves to the

flesh. I suppose that's all right once a week on Fridays.

I'm sorry, miss.

I'd like to think this course over for a while. I'm not sure if I should... I'm

terribly sorry.

Don't the arts interest you?

It's not that.

It's just that I'm not sure about all this miniskirt talk. I'd like to think

it over. Goodbye.

Just a minute, Roberto.

Before you go, I'd like to ask you a question, if I may.

Sure. Well, then, if you really don't mind.

I'd like to know if you've ever slept with a woman.

What do you mean, slept?

Oh, come on, you know what I mean. Have you ever been to bed with a girl?

Oh, that.

Why, sure, lots of times.

Are you telling me the truth?

Well, the really real truth.

You know how it is, Professor.

It's hard to come by, you know?

I've come close to it, though.

First thing you're going to learn is that there is a shade of difference

between almost and the real thing.

It's something you can't understand yet.

Oh.

I suppose not.

So I'll explain it to you.

All right.

If you really want to.

Okay. We'll start.

Come on.

Let's go.

Stop playing with yourself. Come on.

Over here. All right. It's fine. It's fine.

There you go.

Come on, man. Get the ball back in the game.

Come on. Let's go.

No, thanks.

I can't. Maybe I'll make it tomorrow.

All right. Here you go.

Back to me. Back to me.

This side.

This side. Let me get it.

Good morning, Professor.

Good morning.

A lesson in masculine physiology may not seem very interesting, but it's basic to

understand the rest of the course.

First of all, the head with that marvelous thing, the brain, which should

control love.

Unfortunately, many men choose to reason with quite a different part of their

bodies. I hope you're taking notes.

As far as the heart is concerned, it is a muscle whose main use is for people

who write the lyrics to popular songs.

The

attractions

of the female person, which excite the sexuality of the normal man, are not

limited by the facial features and if properly considered are in no way of a

vulgar character but are composed of a comprehensive harmoniousness made up of

curves and rounded areas the gluteus is an extremely striking example inasmuch

as the mirror side of that is often sufficient to obtain the characteristic

reaction in most men the gentleness of these lines is generally conceded to be

irresistible and now we can consider the breasts which blossom like to flowers

during a girl's puberty They are certainly among the most provocative

articles of the female attractions, which along with the ears, the back, the

neck, and the shoulders, receive and distribute voluptuous impulses along the

whole length of the body.

Bear in mind, however, that one of the strongest components of love is a

profound spiritual force, which it would be wise not to underestimate.

But the first and strongest attraction for a man is awakened by the female

form, which, as you know, is continually exploited by modern fashions, but more

important than any one detail, however charming.

is the general structural harmony of the female body. This is what alters the

biopsychical equilibrium in a man. Remember that.

Everything about a woman is intended for the seduction of her opposite sex.

My old uncle used to say, with admittedly dubious taste, that women are

like pigs. There is no need to throw away anything.

Look at him.

Bicycle today.

And it goes without saying that one must bear in mind the temperature and

consistency of the various female areas. You understand, Roberto?

Well, I'm not really sure if I do.

You don't?

I guess I'll have to show you what I mean.

Not on the statue. Stone is too cold. You best try here.

Give me your hand.

Sit down.

Now, do you understand what I meant?

Move it!

There he goes again.

The comprehensive harmony in outline is what attracts a man. Even without arms,

his form is beautiful. Is that right?

That's right.

Now, the pelvic region is primarily designed for procreation. But

nonetheless, it is rich in other pleasing highlights.

which adds the overall effect of the whole.

I'm very impressed with you.

Here I go.

You don't really seem convinced.

You only know the theory, not the practicalities.

Now you must show me that you can do it.

I mean, I can do it. What do you want?

So you're secure about it. You have no doubts?

So test me.

Well? You can take off my stockings. Your stockings? Sure, go ahead.

No, no, that's no good.

Like this.

Now this one.

Okay. The technique for Pando's is totally different. I'll teach it to you

another day. Stop.

Try it again, but this time smoothly.

All right.

That's better.

Good.

Good.

Get up The next lesson is kissing Roberto dear. Oh, that's easy.

Oh, really? You better show me Come up there Joe what that's no way. Well, how

then this calls for a demonstration

I'm getting it now. Let me

try wish you would

Here's to you.

And to you.

Would you like a cigarette?

Thank you.

I really must compliment you.

A wonderful evening.

Truly refined and elegant.

I'm glad.

I guess that means I can handle it well enough.

I must admit, you do.

You're really a very good student.

That's wonderful.

Now we make love.

Roberto, how could you have done something like that?

Something like that? What do you mean?

Did I offend you?

Look, my darling, it's one thing to be in a hurry.

Only you mustn't. You can't ever say to a girl, let's go to bed in that way.

It's brutal and unromantic.

I didn't know. How should I have done it? You shouldn't destroy the lovely

atmosphere you've created. You should get to the proposition in such a way

that she feels love for you.

The spiritual part of love is important.

Oh, Anna, come on. That's hypocrisy.

Seems that way to me.

That's the way we women are.

All right, all right.

She'll come around sooner or later.

Roberto! Anna, I've come to make love to you.

Anna?

Who's at the door, my dear?

Nothing, just a pupil.

Roberto, come in here a minute.

Anna, my biopsychological equilibrium has been altered. The comprehensive

harmoniousness of your outlines have had the characteristic effect on me. Can we

please get down to basic physiological catharsis?

Okay, just a minute. Hold on.

It's chamomile tea. It'll help calm you down.

Anna, you can't treat me like this. Well, how should I treat you?

One, two... Come on, you know very well.

Since you taught me the course, you have to give me the final.

No, I can't. I'm sorry, but it's against the Board of Education's rules.

I was your teacher after all. Ten. All right, that does it. I've had all I can

take.

Think again, dear.

Fourteen.

Fifteen. Even if that man in there is your lover, it's my turn now.

What do I cross?

The man you accuse of being my lover is Professor Pablo de Salinas, professor of

art at the University of Tegucigalpa, besides which he's my uncle.

Tegucigalpa, huh?

That's right.

Who could have known?

And now you've got to go, Roberto.

Please try to excuse me, Anna. I've really acted like an idiot. I'm sorry.

The subject's been closed.

It's like that happens.

Bye.

Ah,

well, it's certainly about time.

I thought he'd never leave.

I'm sorry.

What was the boy after, anyway?

He needed extra lessons. You work too much.

Hello? Why angry? Of course not.

You must learn patience, dear.

Anna, I want to see you again.

Well, of course we'll be seeing each other again, but I don't know when.

Sure, sure, you can film me whenever you want.

Goodbye.

Hello? Oh, hello, Roberto.

Has the time come yet?

Not yet, I'm afraid.

Yes, I'll phone you.

Of course.

That's a promise.

Hello, Roberto.

Hi, Dad.

How are you coming with your studies?

Not bad, I guess.

Professor, how is she?

Excuse me, Dad.

This is Roberto.

Oh, how are you?

You mean the time has really come?

When do we see each other?

Tomorrow. Oh, please.

Where?

What's it about?

A thousand and one stairs.

For me, okay.

Tomorrow? So long.

986, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95,

96, 97, 98, 99, 1000.

1000.

Well, Roberto, I must admit you've handled yourself beautifully.

A real man has to know how to control himself.

I would have made it 500 if I'd known you were going to be so good about it.

The semester's over.

Oh, Anna, darling, you have no idea how I... how I... Shh.

Now quiet, or you're going to flunk.

Albert, what is it? What's happened?

Tell me.

I don't know what's wrong.

Something with Roberto. Explain a little. What does he do?

Was he fine last week?

I thought he was fine, too.

Well, then?

You hear that?

He plays office. So what?

Meet me.

Who's there?

Can I come in?

Sure.

How are you?

Fine.

You'll never guess who's come to see you.

Who?

Filippo. He was in this neighborhood and decided to stop by.

Never stopped laughing. How are you, Tiger? How's it going?

How come we never see you, huh?

Oh, no reason. Tiger, I bet he keeps you locked up so you don't go chasing after

girls, huh?

Oh, by the way, this evening there's a really great party. You feel like coming

along?

No, thanks.

I'll just stay here and work on the guitar.

I haven't done much lately.

All right.

Take care.

Okay, you too. So long.

So long, Roberto. Bye.

He's in love, the boy. You mean he's in love? But who the hell with? With Anna.

With Anna? But they don't see each other anymore. I know, that's what I mean.

Roberto wants to see her.

That's fine. What's stopping the boy, then?

She doesn't want to because...

We'll just give him another course. Right, it's not that easy.

Filippo, we pay her a lot.

I mean, she's got to need money.

Not to that extent, I'll bet. You mean you're trying to tell me that there's a

woman in this world who doesn't need money?

That's right. It's not possible. It's just not possible. Why did you do it,

damn it? She did it to do me a favor. Come on, I'll see if I can't get her to

repeat.

No.

No.

Absolutely no.

Come on, why?

Because, because no.

No. Come on, why?

Because no.

It's ridiculous.

Alberto, in most cases, women say no, and what they mean is yes.

However, there are women who say no and mean no.

And so?

And so, Anna, is one of those latter cases.

If she says no, then it's no.

Absolutely no. You can see it's impossible.

Impossible, you say?

I'll not permit you to pronounce once more that loathsome word in my presence,

you hear?

Impossible isn't a word.

And you know what I think I'll do?

I'll manage it on my own.

Excuse me.

Roberto, Miss Grimaldi is here.

Ah, yes.

Please, come in, won't you?

Have a nice talk.

I'll see you later.

I realize your time is valuable, Miss Grimaldi, so we can come right to the

point. Why do you refuse to see Roberto?

The course is finished.

As you well know.

Yes, that's true, but don't you think some supplementary lessons would do him

some good?

Isn't he weak and whistler or something? No.

I'd be willing to give you double the fee you got for the first course.

Look, I remind you that if I helped your son, it was because Filippo asked me to.

Your son passed his final test brilliantly, so I really can't think

what else there is to do.

May I offer you a drink?

Yes, thank you.

Here you are.

Thank you.

You see, the point is that Roberto is terribly fond of you.

And I'm very fond of him.

That should be enough reason for you two to meet now and then. I don't think it

would be a good idea.

Well, if there's harm in it, I must say I don't see it.

As a matter of fact, it'd be a good deed. No.

You see, Anna, do you mind if I call you Anna?

Not at all.

You've turned into... You've become something like a drug for Roberto.

And modern technology doesn't use the cold turkey method anymore.

I'm sure we can do it by degrees.

My PhD isn't going to help. Right now, it seems he just can't do without you.

Can't you let him get rid of you a little at a time?

I'll help as much as I can.

I don't know that I like your simile about drugs, Alberto.

Oh, excuse me, do you mind if I call you Alberto?

Not at all.

I'm not absolutely flattered by your comparing me to something evil and

malignant that your son has to be disintoxicated of.

I think the best advice I could give you would be to entrust this delicate

mission to someone, shall we say, in the family.

I mean, you should find one of the girls in your factory who's used to breaking

up noodles into different lengths and have her break up with Roberto.

He can identify with that. Good luck.

Hi, Roberto.

Gabriela.

Long time no see, huh?

Yeah.

You really like tennis, huh?

Well, it doesn't look like I'm wearing scuba gear, does it? No, but I... So

what have you been doing over the last few months?

Oh, a lot of things.

Like what?

I've been...

I've been taking a lot of sun. For the whole summer?

May, June, July. You see what a beautiful tan I've got.

I saw a lot more than that the last time we got together.

How does it feel to be all dressed up?

Gabriela!

Oh, that's my partner. I guess they want me to go on with the game. Sure.

When I'm finished, let's have a coffee together, okay?

Gabriela, goddammit, are you coming or not?

Okay, great.

How much longer?

About half an hour, so don't split, huh?

No way.

You're on.

See you in the lounge later, right?

I'll let the mayor come in.

Just a second.

I came to find out if you'd...

Yeah.

Oh, hi. What's new? How are you, Roberto?

Oh, nothing. Just looking over some advertising.

Anything I can do for you?

Listen, Filippo, could we get together this evening? There's something I'd like

to talk over with you, if you don't mind.

Suppose I wait for you at your apartment.

Why, sure. Of course.

Anything you like. Oh, I could be late.

Okay, good.

What the hell is he doing in my bedroom?

Oh, be damned.

The little smartass.

Let's see how he likes this.

That should do it.

Well, well, well.

Oh, honey, good to see you. I wouldn't have known you anywhere.

Excuse me, young sir.

May I cut in on you? You mean on her? Where are you going?

I don't know you.

Did you bring anything to eat?

That is you, isn't it?

There. I thought there was something standing between us.

Oh, that's your son. It's you. It is you. I keep forgetting it's you, but you

know, whoever wants to remember, get the sheep out of the way.

One,

two.

One, two.

Yeah, but I'm better at blowing bubbles, aren't I, Bubbles?

You're such a stinker.

I can't be if I take all those baths. That's a relief.

Don't you like being nuzzled?

Sure I do.

Well, I think I found a partner for you.

There they go.

Do you think you've had enough baking? Just about, I guess.

You'll never catch me.

We'll see about that.

Ha! Round and round and round she goes.

Ha! There you are.

Come on, slowpoke. That wasn't good enough.

and poked so fast in your eye.

I got you now. No, no, I'd rather die.

It's round and round and round. She heals.

Thank you.

Roberto, what are you doing here?

Oh, don't worry.

I didn't come for new lessons.

Well, then why are you here?

I just wanted to say thank you.

For what?

Because you taught me how beautiful love is and what it really means.

I got to go now.

See you.

So long. Bye, Roberto.

How much longer before I can take a bath?

Well, in my opinion, miss, I'd say it'll be ready in about a week or so. What, a

week? You told me before a day would be enough for you.

Of course. Today's Thursday, if I'm not wrong. Tomorrow, I buy material. Next

morning, it'll be Saturday. Nobody works on weekends unless he's some kind of

fool. Next comes Monday, my wife will be shopping. By Wednesday morning, we

should be all right, huh?

She's got to be Swedish.

Swedish little thing in the world.

Can I stand it?

All I know is that a plumber is supposed to pump and plug up holes.

Oh, Mr. Plumber, could you kindly get up here for a second?

Can I get it up?

Can I get it up there?

Here I am.

Tool in hand.

I'm coming.

With this terrible hot sun, you don't want to let me take a shower.

You're so cruel. Can't you fix it right away? I'd be so grateful.

Sure, miss. I'll get on it.

Yes, hello?

Who?

Oh, how are you?

Oh, no, I think I've already... Oh, don't be alarmed, Anna.

I'm not calling about Roberto.

I just wanted to...

Well, in that

case, I guess we might possibly work something out. Can you come tomorrow to

the school?

All right, then.

Come in.

May I? Is it all right?

Yes, of course.

I'm not disturbing you. Certainly not. We did have an appointment, after all.

This is really extremely kind of you.

Well, I must tell you, I still have my suspicions that you're going to drag

Roberto into this. Take my word. I happen to know he's doing his own thing

marvelously well. Oh, please, honestly. Roberto has nothing to do with this, I

guarantee you.

The lessons are for me, personally.

Oh, really?

I must say, I didn't expect this.

I'm certain that with your help I can recover all the ground that I've lost.

You know, you let yourself go, you get rusty.

Unfortunately, my work has been absorbing all my hours.

You realize your son was an exception, and I only did it because Filippo asked

it as a favor to him.

I have a recommendation from one of Filippo's uncles who was a cardinal.

You mean you can only come up with a cardinal?

Don't be harsh, please.

I couldn't stand more than a couple of lessons a week anyhow.

I promise you I'll be the kind of pupil that gives great satisfaction.

Oh, very well, if you really want to, but I'm warning you.

You'll have to agree to be very disciplined.

We'll be starting all over right from the beginning. How about tomorrow?

Thank you very much.

Shall we say tomorrow afternoon, then? Four o'clock.

Among certain varieties of animals, we find some incredible studies.

For instance, do you know the horse possesses an amatory ritual that is

extremely complex and variegated, more so even than man's? Really?

Oh, yes, indeed. The horse, early courts.

Without violence, he is able to provoke the mare until she's on fire nearly.

This condition is essential, absolutely basic to the completion of the act.

Romeo and Juliet, those two innocent star-crossed children, didn't know sex,

at least not at first, that is.

Not the most marvelous relationship, is it?

You see, don't you? It's really simple.

What counts in love is often within easy reach of your own hand.