Original subtitles

This is a Cal Vista video presentation.

This is a letter, Miss Morrison, to Mr. H. Hanley Halliday of Halliday Auto

Sales, Flemock, Texas.

The address is in the file.

Dear Mr. Halliday, colon, in reference to the twins, Gene and Joan Halliday,

after days of painstaking investigation, I've located your nieces, Gene and Joan,

here in Manhattan.

The girls are working as waitresses at the Chew and Sip Cafeteria on Lower

Broadway and are living at the Hotel Escadrille on West 27th Street.

The Escadrille is a residential hotel for young women run by an elderly woman

named Miss Teagarden. They're living in a wholesome and safe environment.

As for the question of money, Mr. Halliday, your niece's spending patterns

over the past week suggest a moderate income at best.

What a pile of shit.

I can't do this. If I ever thought I was going to wind up in something like this.

I'd have thrown that son of a bitch Halliday out the minute he walked into

my office.

I was sitting there, minding my own business, listening to the rats do a

soft shoe behind the baseboard and wondering where the rent on this office

is coming from.

Come in.

Howdy, son.

My name's Halliday.

Ain't handy, Halliday.

My friends call me Hubie, but you can call me Mr. Halliday.

That's a little joke, son.

What can I do for you, Mr. Halliday?

Why, I was looking for somebody, and I thought maybe you could help me.

Oh, I got the picture right here.

There's Joan on the left and Gene on the right.

No, that's Gene on the right and Joan on the left.

Well, it don't matter now.

Here. Yeah, they left home about five, six days ago, thereabouts.

As soon as I... As soon as I figured they was gone, I... Well, I got me a

seat on the big old bird and come up to the big city to look for them. So what

do you need me for?

Well, you see, I don't want them to know I'm looking.

If they, uh... If I was to run into them, they'd just go someplace else,

because right now they don't... Well, not to give you a long story, they don't

approve of their Uncle Hubie right now.

According to the old man, they were scandalized when they caught him getting

a piece from his secretary. You wanted me, Hubie?

Ooh, that's a big 10-4 honey punch.

You want me to take a letter or what?

What I want you to take is my dick.

That's what I like about working for you, QB. You got real class, you know?

You bragging or complaining?

Well, I sure as hell ain't complaining. That's essential, especially with

benefits like old Ferdy here.

Right now, old Ferdy no bigger than a bar of soap after a hard week's washing.

Ooh, but when you get that mouth of yours going, I get hotter than a

scorpion's tail.

Pretty soon, old Freddie will be bigging up the club of bar.

Oh, shut up, Hubie.

Oh, Holly, baby.

I mean, you tired of the mouse caught in the molasses barrel.

Oh, for Christ's sakes, Hubie. Shut up and fuck.

Oh, Hubie.

dollar check before.

Especially buying a car like that.

He's a cute fella.

Why can't we trust him, Joan?

Well, it ain't certified or nothing. Why don't we just ask Uncle Hubie?

Well, we'll just have to ask Uncle Hubie then, okay? Okay.

Perverted. It's horrible.

We're leaving. We quit. Don't ever expect to see us again.

Yeah. Never.

I appreciate your concern for your niece's safety in the big bad city, Mr.

Halliday. But is your peace of mind worth a private detective? It can be

pretty expensive.

Like? Like $200 a day, plus expenses.

Well, now, you ain't the only gumshoe in the book, sonny.

And I don't think you're the most experienced, neither, if I reckon

correct. In fact, you don't even look like a real detective. You look more

like one of them hippie types.

Mr. Halliday, in my business, I have to blend into the background.

Most of my cases are locating runaways, and looking like this helps me in my

work.

I can go anywhere, and no one will give me a second look.

This is New York, not flummoxed Texas.

The way I look is less conspicuous than the way you dress.

But all of that probably doesn't make a difference, because I'm probably the

only private investigator who'd even consider taking your case, aren't I? You

don't expect me to think you came here first, did you?

Now, why don't you tell me the whole story?

Well, you see, after they're gone, close to $150,000 is missing from the safe in

my office. Now, I suppose it's my own fault for keeping that much cash on

hand, but I don't know who took it.

Now, Mayula May, that's my little woman.

She figures the twins took it. So you don't believe her?

Well, I don't know what to believe.

Mayula May, she raised them, killer.

It was her idea they should work in a store in the first place.

You see, the little woman is what you might call something of a prude.

She raised them girls to think that everything's a sin, so how could they

possibly steal? For me, no less.

Needless to say, the little woman doesn't know anything about you. Well,

hell, I can't live like you, LeMay. Shit, I'm a normal red-blooded American

good old boy.

I like to have me little nookie now and then. So that's why you don't want to go

to the police about the missing money or the insurance people, because that means

an investigation close to home, and that ups the chances of you, LeMay, finding

out about how much of a good old boy you really are. Well, I see you and me.

We're going to get along right fine.

There's a thousand dollars cash Whatever enough to get you started, huh? I think

so. That's more that came from Sonny You see every time a cherry pops at Flemming

high school.

It's because I done sold some boys daddy a brand new car That's a joke son.

I say that's a joke. So I was on the case and a hopeless one at that no leads

But with the kind of bread that dumb fuck was laying on me, I'd have been a

fool to turn him down. So I started looking.

But I got lucky.

I ran into this guy who remembered them. Saw them come in at Port Authority.

They were looking for a cheap place to stay and he sent them to the Hotel

Escadrille. Only it wasn't quite like the way I'm going to tell Halliday it

was. The run-down fleabag.

The girls decided to leave the Hotel Escadrille when the night clerk tried to

seal them up behind the coke machine in the lobby. But not before I tracked them

down. The night clerk let me peek in on them through the keyhole in the door to

the adjoining room.

He was only too happy to get back at them for not putting out.

Are you crazy?

You know what they charge for a room there? At least $15. That would be the

price.

Dispossessed? I beg your pardon?

No, we're from Texas.

And you just got into town, right?

How'd you know?

I was doing town once myself.

Tell you what, you girls mind if I help you with those bags?

No, I don't think so. What harm can I do? Look, I got a wounded paw.

Okay?

Oh, all right.

Fine. You girls just come this way. Come on. Where are we going?

Right in here.

Open the door. Hi.

This is awfully good.

Did you say this thing was called?

It's fondue.

You'd like some more, huh? One? Oh, sure.

Watch yourself here.

Go on, then.

Well,

you've been wonderful to us, but we have to find a place to stay tonight.

Hey, it's past midnight.

You don't really want to go out there now at this hour, do you?

Well, we... Tell you what.

Why don't you girls stay here?

You've been awfully kind.

Well, maybe just for tonight.

Like I said, you can stay here as long as you like.

Look, Travis, he's my roommate.

Travis and I can, you know, we can use the company.

Well, we don't have any rent money and we have no place to stay.

You have to worry about rent money.

We'll work it out somehow, okay?

You must think you're something special.

Baby, you don't know the half of it.

No? Nope.

Half is about that big.

Take your wife. Come on.

We have a good time. Rent money.

Since you won't stay on the damn pillow, let's go to bed. Come on.

You okay?

Wow, that's great.

That's fantastic.

Can I have some of that?

Sure. Come on, baby.

It's your turn.

Jesus,

two of them. Talk about greedy.

Hey, Travis.

Hi, everybody.

Hey, I'd like you to meet Joan and... I'm Joan.

Joan and Gene.

Hey, they're going to stay with us for a while. That's swell. Really?

I hope you don't mind, do you?

See, man, you weren't here, you know, so I took the liberty to ask him this. We

rehearsed really late, so I... Jesus, Duke, can we talk about this later?

Hey. You're cute.

Why don't you stay for a while?

Sure.

We'll talk about it later.

Thank you.

Oh.

Yes, Mr. Gilbert.

Well, it's 5.15, Gloria.

Yes, Mr. Gilbert.

Bunny, it's Gloria.

Hi. Can you have it for me?

Sure.

Thanks, Bunny.

Okay, if anybody asks, please, just say you're all found out. You're

incorrigible.

It's 5.15 and the workday is over.

Have you finished typing out your letters to the members?

No, sir.

Well, did you at least return Mr. Leindegger's call?

No, sir.

Well, what about my flowcharts for the reorganizational meeting on Monday?

No, sir, I didn't have time.

Time? You've been a bad girl, Gloria.

You'll have to be punished.

Yes, Mr.

Gilbert.

musical now.

Is Mr. Gilbert in?

No, he's still just warming up. Is what?

Never mind.

Where's Gloria?

She's in our conference at the moment. Oh, it's okay. Look, we're just going to

go in. Look, you just tell them that Duke Fowler is here to see him, okay?

Wade, you can't go in there. Oh, that's okay. Look, we used to bowl together.

Not unless you're in pretty good shape first.

Oh, and today's the new thing. We already have a job and a place to stay.

Not too bad, huh?

I'm working a fucking char of women.

Jimmy and Halliday, I never thought I'd hear them words come out of your mouth.

After what's been going in my cunt for two days, what do you care what's coming

out of my mouth?

Well, it's work, ain't it? Clean enough after a bunch of fat old women in a

health club. You call this work?

Won't you...

What the hell did you drag me to this suck-ass town in New York for anyway? I

thought we were going to be high-fashion models or something.

Like you said, when we were little kids, that's what you wanted to do.

Well, you just can't be a model. You have to go to school or something for

it. Sure, we're going to get a lot of training here. All you want to do is get

laid by that Steve Woodson man. That's all you care about.

Joni Ann, honestly.

Don't give me that Joni Ann shit. You're just a horny bitch like everybody else.

Am not.

Am too.

Shut the hell up.

She just wet my top.

I see.

Don't do that.

It's not dry yet.

Well, I can't walk around here like this.

Why not?

It's late. We're the only ones here.

Besides, this is the women's shower room.

And we are all women here.

Do you come here often?

No, but I just might start.

This beats the bars.

Say, you know, you've got nice tits, honey.

Small but nice.

Do you ever make it with a woman?

You don't be here on the bus, either, do you? There'll be plenty of time for that

later, if that's what you're into.

Joni ain't holiday?

What's she doing?

I bet she's one of those lesbians.

Fucking, sucking, threesome, foursome, gaysome.

Short of whips and chains or fucking dogs, there wasn't much the girls hadn't

tried. By now, they were ready for just about anything. And anything was ready

and waiting for them. Lots of people do. You did too, didn't you?

First time I came in here, you thought I was, you know, one of them, didn't you?

Well,

that's okay. We're like interior decorators. I mean, lots of male models

are. You know, it's a common mistake. I have to deal with it all the time.

But I like the work. The money's good.

I've got a good body, a good looking face, so why not make some money off it?

Look, it's better than being a writer, you know?

And even as a writer, I had that same problem too.

People thought I was, you know, even then.

At least as a model, I've come to expect it.

And even with it, you know, people treat me better as a model.

Like when I was a writer, I once wrote this screenplay. This porno producer had

the money for a straight film. It was going to star David Bowie.

So I wrote this cute story.

David Bowie is the leader of a homosexual alien race that comes to

Earth and poses as a street gang and spends the rest of the picture stabbing

each other. Cute story, right?

I called it Gay Blades, so my friends read it, and they said it would go right

over this producer's head. They had about as much sophistication as a

picture of Kool-Aid.

And at any rate, he read it, and from the subject matter, he thought I was,

you know, too.

So the first thing he does is he changes the title to Killer Homos from Outer

Space. And right then and there, I knew that everything I'd hear about the guy

was true.

What a stupid way to make a living.

Well, I mean, we're making some money on our own. I mean, as much as we like Duke

and Travis, we're making money on our own and get a place to stay now.

Don't go making any fast plans, sister, not unless you want to stay here for the

rest of your lives. You know, this isn't exactly out of fashion.

You haven't given up on that modeling shit, have you? Of course not. But, I

mean, you must like sleeping with Duke and Travis an awful lot.

Fuck off.

Well, I don't want to seem too ungrateful. I mean, Duke did get us the

job. Sound favor.

Oh, excuse me. I've got to go to the little girl's room.

Hey, fool, where are you going? That's the men's locker room.

So I like modeling better.

I'm done.

Oh, I'm so relaxed.

I think I'll just lie here a while.

I don't have my glasses on, but aren't you a girl?

Yeah, that's okay. You've got a towel on.

Oh, it's a good body. I don't mind. What do you want?

Shoot. Didn't you say you were a male model?

Yes, but I'm not, uh... Yeah, I know, but that doesn't make any difference.

How'd you get to be a model?

Gene, where are you?

So you want a model, huh?

You've come to the right guy, honey.

See, I can get you started.

How's that?

Come with me to a shoot later this week, Thursday.

I'll introduce you to the photographer and everything.

And if he likes you, maybe he'll use you.

If you got what it takes.

Oh, yeah, what's that?

Well, how well do you give head?

I beg your pardon?

Give head, you know, suck cock, cop a joint.

Blow, job.

Oh, that.

Well, there's this boy that I used to go with, and he said I did it to him better

that way than, you know, the... But do you have to do that to be a good model?

Well, not me. I'm not, you know.

But most of the girls, sure, that's how they get jobs, blowing photographers.

Why do you think they have such high cheekbones?

That's a joke.

Ah, forget it.

Well? Well what?

Why don't you... Do I have to spell it out?

How am I supposed to know if you have what it takes?

Oh, that.

You shouldn't know to be in here. I know, but I'm looking for someone. She's

lost. She's new here. It's my identical twin sister. Have you seen her?

Well, what does she look like?

Are you sure old models have to do this?

Positive. All of them.

Well, I don't want to be just any old model. I want to be another Cheryl

Teague.

So?

So?

I'll show you I've got more than what it takes.

Boom.

It's a fashion layout. Ever hear of Barron Magazine?

It's a work clothes layout for them.

We're shooting at Saw Focus Lens Studio.

I'll give you the address. Meet me there Thursday at 3.

Am I twin sister Joan, too? Sure. You bring your twin sister, too, if it acts

like that. Great.

Fantastic. Good.

The twins were nothing if not fortunate. Of course, a newfound willingness to

fuck at the drop of a zipper hastened their progress.

They'd been in the city less than a week and already it seemed as if they were on

their way to a lucrative career.

There was only one problem.

They still weren't making enough to afford a place of their own. But we

can't live on the money we're making here.

But you can't demand a raise after four days on a job. It just isn't done.

Look, you two.

I took you on as a favor to Duke.

I created two jobs out of whole cloth for you.

Positions you don't even fill well, I might add.

Well, maybe there's something else. Some other thing we're better at.

You're fired. Get out. Get out of here.

I don't want to see you when I get out of this pool. Understood?

Well, here's another fine mess you got us into.

But now what are we going to do?

Well, I don't know. I hope the modeling guy's serious about introducing us to

Rellison out for just free pussy.

Free pussy.

I've got an idea. I think we can get our jobs back with Mr. Gilbert.

Come on, get out of those clothes.

What the hell are you doing?

Come on, just get out of the clothes.

What the fuck do you think you're doing?

Oh, hi, dear.

It's 6.30, asshole.

Were you or weren't you going to meet me at Le Pavillon at 5?

Oh, shit, honey.

I'm sorry. I completely forgot.

I had so much work on my desk today, I... Bullshit.

I know why you forgot.

You were too busy with your 5 o'clock session with Miss Restrainingstrap 1978

to think about your wife.

Hey, I thought we had an understanding.

And we do.

I'm not gonna let you come at me with the prop list for the story about...

If you have to have that, if that's what gets you off, well, then you can tie up

that little dipshit secretary of yours and fuck her till the gangrene sets in

for all I care.

Oh, but Julia, darling.

If I am going to be that tolerant of your kinks, the least you could do in

return is put away those rubber corsets once in a while and give me a little

attention instead of making me sit alone for an hour at a table by the door, no

less.

I came here thinking something happened to you, and what do I find?

Mark Spitz.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry I forgot.

Anyway, they're leather corsets.

What?

Leather corsets, not rubber.

Leather. Oh, fuck you!

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

Forgiven? Maybe.

Only maybe.

You looked so funny when I pushed you in.

You should have seen your face when your dress ripped.

It was a good dress, too.

Oh, I don't know.

I think it looks much nicer now.

Much nicer.

Come on.

Why don't we go dry off and have some fun?

Hurry up.

Well, I guess you take advantage of the opportunity.

You might place me in a weak boarding position.

Thank you.

After fucking the boss, the twins got their jobs back at double the previous

salary. They agreed to throw in a little overtime, too, with Julia's consent,

because it seems the girls agreed that they could get into being tied up at the

office, or at least trying it out.

It's a good thing they did, too. Otherwise, they wouldn't have been able

to move. And if they hadn't been able to move, they wouldn't have run into Holly

on the streets the following day.

Joan! Jean!

Holly! What are you doing here?

Uh... I'm on vacation.

I just stopped into New York to see some friends before I go to Europe tomorrow.

You know, your uncle's looking for you. You're kidding.

He hired a private detective to try to find you. He doesn't want you to know

he's looking for you. You ain't going to tell him he saw us, are you? No, are you

kidding me?

Would I be telling you this now if I was going to tell him?

Well, anyway, I've got to get going to my hotel now. See you later.

Well, Holly, wait. Why don't you stay with us?

I don't know.

room to stay and we'll probably be moving out tonight anyway well it really

ain't our place to say gene whoops your duke and travel so like holly hi speak

of the devil duke fowler holly noly well hello hello

yourself hey stay for dinner i make the best fondue in town actually dude holly

wants more than hey you must be awfully hungry tell me how was your ride in here

How did you know?

Oh, I was once new in town myself.

You're a really cute guy.

Eh? You don't know the half of it.

Those should be the latest.

Yes, things would have worked out very different if it hadn't been for Holly.

Jesus Christ, I feel like a G.I. Joe doll.

Well, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

I mean, your joints certainly stiffen up. You want a fork?

I beg your pardon?

You know, I gave all that up.

I'm so straight now, I even drink orange juice. It's a pitchfork.

But look the way you're sitting on it. My goodness, are you this stiff

normally? Christ, Duncan, you can be such a bore sometimes.

I like that. I'm a bore.

You'll never get to Atlantic City, Mary.

If we're not paying you, I mean, you could make an effort to rouse yourself

from Catatonia.

Is this what you're looking for? Oh, yeah. Thank you.

Oh, whoa.

Simmer down, big fellow.

Oh, how would you like to be the farmer in this ad as opposed to Roberta

Rigamortis over here?

Duncan, you promised.

Oh, hush up, Donnie.

You'll get paid. We'll make you the scarecrow.

Sorry, Mr. Ruffstop. I have to leave soon. I just came to watch my friend

here. Oh, whatever's fair.

Okay, what's the wedding woman?

Oh, not yet, not yet.

Actors, actors.

Haven't you ever modeled for print work before?

No. Well, you're not in this one. You're in the, uh, cattle baron layout.

Cattle baron? I look more like a steer.

Oh, long-horned at that.

My.

Who is that flammer?

Oh, that's Duncan, uh, Epstaff. He's the famous photographer.

Well, I gather he wasn't a plumber. A rote-a-rooter man, maybe, but... Well,

Don hasn't introduced us yet, but I'm sure we'll all love each other. Well,

we'll be good friends anyway.

Oh, he's not really a... It's just his image.

Oh, shit!

And double shit! I forgot the naked lady.

The what?

The naked lady, stupid!

I mean, you can't shoot a spread for one of these butch mags, fashion or

otherwise, without a naked lady.

What about my friends?

What have I done?

Mon dieu.

Okay, come on, girls.

Oh, come on, darling.

Stand up, will you?

Breaking and bearing is supposed to be functioning.

Now, come on, girls. Lie down on either side of him. Oh, chits and ass, fits and

ass. That's it. Put your hands on his thighs.

Like you grope him. You know, just make like it's another roll in the hay.

Which is, incidentally, what you're bailing, Donny. Keep groping him, girls.

That's it. Oh, oh.

Lovely, lovely.

Oh, wonderful.

Now, come on. Take the shirt off, Donny. Off. Take the whole thing off. Oh,

marvelous. Just throw it down there. That's beautiful.

Go ahead.

Continue bailing.

I want to feel the testosterone in the air.

Okay, okay.

Beautiful. Oh, hang loose, my kindreds.

Reload time.

Uh, you can let go now.

Oh, Don, thank you for giving us this chance and for Travis, too.

All right. Oh, my heavens.

What is this?

I know what this is.

Come on, now. Boys and girls, play nice.

Stop it now. We have work to do.

Stop it.

Oh.

Well,

the rag doesn't pay me what I'm worth anyway.

Oh, our first organ.

We had so much fun.

Oh, listen, don't run away. Don't run away now.

Oh, no, the fun's just starting. I know this fabulous swing club, the Wall

Street area, Midnight Interlude.

Oh, but there's four of us boys and only two girls.

Oh, never mind.

I know the owner will all get in any...

Thank you.

Thank you.

We'll be right back.

Thank you.

No.

. .

Finally, I followed the girl to Midnight Interlude.

I had spent the previous day doing some talking to Holiday, and I decided that I

was not going to tell Holiday where his nieces were.

But not only that, I was going to make myself a very rich man to boot.

Thank you.

Thank you.

you

Okay.

The note said that I'd broken into their apartment and stolen something.

If they wanted to claim it, they'd have come here to my apartment tonight.

So now I'm a candidate for a breaking and entering rap.

Shit, I'm in deeper than that.

Ah, what the hell.

So to conclude, Mr. Halliday, your nieces are leading a quiet, uneventful

life here in Manhattan.

Not much different from the way Mrs. Halliday raised them, and from what you

told me is true.

The spending patterns indicate...

No substantial income, no bank accounts, and no assets of any kind from what I

can determine.

It surely leads me to conclude that they are not the guilty party in the

embezzlement. And a personal observation, Mr. Halliday, I don't think

your nieces are smart enough to rip off $150,000.

Enclosed is my bill and expense account.

Sincerely yours, Beau Murdock, for the Murdock Detective Agency.

Come on in.

Can I get you something?

Cut the crap. Who are you, and what did you take from our apartment?

My name is Bo Murdock. I'm a private detective, and your uncle hired me to

find you and your sister.

You must have been spying on us, peeping on us, and must have seen everything.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry. It's nothing personal.

It's just a job. Then you ought to know we like it here, and we're not about to

go back to flummox. I think your uncle will accept that, but that's not why I

contacted you.

Ordinarily, I would have tailed you and filed a report.

You would have never known I was checking up on you, much less ever

meeting me. I thought that was pretty strange.

Well, it's the business of the missing money. What money?

$150,000 was stolen from your uncle's safe right after you disappeared.

We didn't.

I know. That's why I asked you here. Have you been home yet?

We ain't been home for about two days.

And you don't know that this is missing.

Our suitcase?

What are you doing with our suitcase?

And all our clothes, for Christ's sakes. Clothes? Take a look.

Money?

Uncle Hughie's money?

Well, it's about 130,000 of it. I had to give Holly 20 grand.

Holly?

Please, sit down. Let me explain.

This is Holly's suitcase.

She had it with her when she arrived.

You didn't realize it, but you switched suitcases on her when you moved out of

Duke's apartment.

You mean with Holly?

Exactly. After you left Flummox, she thought it would be a perfect time to

dip her hand into the till, figuring you'd be blamed.

Her vacation to Europe was going to be permanent.

What's going to happen to her?

I caught up to her just about the time she was going to open what she thought

was her suitcase.

She found three baby doll pajamas, a teddy bear, and a collection of Waylon

Jennings albums.

I promised her 20 grand if she'd get on that plane to France and keep her mouth

shut.

And she just did it? She had no choice.

I knew she ripped your uncle off, and I could have blown the whistle on her.

But now they'll never believe that we didn't do it.

And now if we return it, we'll be arrested because you, you stupid shit,

gave her $20,000.

But... 130 grand can buy an awful lot of dissidents from flummoxed Texas.

What do you want out of this?

A piece of the action.

A cat?

All we want is a piece of the action.

And believe me, you'll enjoy it. We guarantee it. We?

Me and my partner. You haven't met him yet. My partner's my brother, Joe

Murdock.

Hi.

Interested?

Identical, just like us.

Right. They're kind of cute, aren't they?

Fellas, we've just met our match.

Girl, you don't know the half of it.

Thank you.