Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Bye, honey. Have fun in school. I'll miss you.

Okay, I think I got everything I need for school.

I got the notebooks, the day runner

seventy-five function calculator.

How 'bout you, honey?

I got a bag full of M&M's and a Gameboy.

[chuckles]

- Goodbye. - 'Bye. Bye, bye, bye.'

Okay, now, Lilly, I'll tell you the best thing

about the first day of class is they give you

a whole new box of crayons.

Crayons? Dad, we have computers.

I get to make my own webpage.

My first day at school, I made my own sock puppet.

Okay, honey, smile!

[camera clicks]

[horn honking]

- That's my bus! - Oh, uh, J.T.?

Son, take your sister out to the bus.

- Dad, I'm still eating. - Yeah!

You're always still eating. Take her with you.

[groans]

- Come on, Lilly. - Okay.

- Bye, mom. - I'm gonna miss you so much.

Bye-bye, bye, bye, bye.

- Okay, okay. - Bye, bye, bye.

- Guys, bye. - Bye, bye.

[Frank chuckles]

- Whoa. - Oh.

Am I gonna break some hearts or what?

You look so beautiful, Karen.

I know.

- Mom? Photo? - Huh! Oh, right.

Okay.

[camera clicks]

Oh, I can't believe my baby is going off to college.

It just seems like yesterday you were sitting on the floor

playing with my cosmetic bag

trying on all of mommy's makeup.

Carol, that was yesterday.

[horn honking]

Oh, there's my ride. See you later.

Karen, Karen, Karen, Karen, Karen.

I love you. I love you so much.

I love you, I'm gonna missyou!

Uh, mom, let go. You're wrinkling my rayon.

[gasps] Oh, sorry.

- Okay, sweetheart, bye-bye. - Okay.

Have a good day. I love you and I'll miss you.

Call me. I'll be waiting by the phone.

[sighs]

- Honey, did you hear that? - Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

It's just a little back up on the breakfast sausage.

Not that. The silence that the kids are all gone.

I mean, soon they'll be gone for good.

Then, what are we gonna do?

Well, I don't know about you, but..

...I'm gonna run around naked with my underwear on my head

singin' "Free At Last."

Well, I don't feel that way at all.

I mean, Lilly's now in the first grade

and Mark and Allen are in high school.

And Dana, J.T. and now Karen are in college.

I mean, it's all going by so fast.

Oh, come on now, honey, I mean, listen between your kids

and my kids and Lilly for the past seven years

we've been up to our eyeballs in kids.

I mean, why don't you take advantage of the fact

they're not gonna be around.

Find something that really interests you

and just sort of throw yourself into it.

Ooh! We could have another baby.

Don't throw yourself into that, okay?

[theme music]

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over a different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall the stronger we stay ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Hi, I'm looking for Karen Foster.

Oh! Who isn't? She's over there.

Hi, honey.

Mom, what are you doing here?

Well, I've been thinking about this for a couple of days

and I have decided that I'm going to college too.

Isn't that wonderful?

No! You're my mother.

You shouldn't be going to college with me.

Oh, look, I know this seems little awkward at first

but before long you'll just see me as another student.

Excuse me, could you move so I could sit next to my daughter?

- Thank you. - Mom!

[sighs]

We're still havin' lunch, right?

- Yeah. - Great! Where are we eating?

[instrumental music]

Karen!

Mother, will you stop following me?

I'm not. I'm in your next class.

You're in two of my classes?

Actually, five.

Karen!

[Dana] I don't know why I even bother to look at my grades.

I always get the same thing.

A, A plus.

A plus-plus, hmm.

Man, I can't believe they gave us a pop quiz

like that without any warning.

- Huh! - Rich.

Pop quiz, it's supposed to be a surprise.

Honey, you know, I love that you know these things.

Hey, hey, look at this, top of the class.

"Foster, A." Some things never change.

Yay! Let's see what I got.

"Halke, C." Yes!

Be it all, that I can be. Yes!

Wait, you're actually happy about a C?

Well, yes! C is good, C is average.

C is a...smile. Turned out inside.

Ooh! Free puppet show!

Rich, don't you think that maybe

you should aim a little higher?

Why?

So that you could learn more and get better grades.

You know, challenge yourself. Grow.

Well, you know, I have a very simple philosophy about that.

You always aim low and you'll never be disappointed.

Wait, so, that's your life plan?

To just aim low and be average?

Well, yeah, that and uh..

get a big screen TV.

Big.

Rich, listen very carefully.

I have spent my life

striving for excellence

pushing myself to achieve goals

working day and night to reach my highest potential.

Tsk. Honey, no wonder you're so cranky all the time.

I think it would be really good for you

and our relationship..

...if you tried a little harder in school.

In fact, why don't we

study together for tomorrow's test?

Oh! Okay.

Alright, I-I give, I give, I give, I.. God!

I knew you would see it my way.

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

- Frank! - Oh, yeah, honey.

I am excited and I have youto thank for it.

- Mm-mm. - Wow!

- Mm. - Mm-mm.

Hey, you're more than welcome

if you are talkin' about last night.

[chuckles]

I'll dress up like Burt Reynolds any day.

Hair on, hair off, hair on, hair off.

- Well, that was great. - Yeah, buddy!

- But that's not it. - Huh?

I enrolled in college today.

College?

That wouldn't be the same college our kids are going to?

Well, now that you mentioned

I guess I did see Karen there couple of times.

[sighing] Well, what uh, what class are you takin'?

- Uh, Psychology.. - Ah..

Yeah, and English, American History, Philosophy, and..

- Near Eastern Studies. - Near Eastern Studies?

Carol, that is a full course load.

And if I remember correctly

it is Karen's full course load.

I know, I know

that way we can share books and save money.

- Isn't that great? - No, honey, come here.

Carol, listen, I know you're feeling a little separation

from the kids, but going to college

with Karen is insane.

Well, you told me to do it.

- I told you? - Yes.

You said find something I really care about

and just throw myself into it.

Yeah, but I meant like, flower arranging or folk dancing

or macrame, not stalking your daughter.

I am notstalking my daughter.

I understand she needs her freedom.

I'm willing to give her all the room she needs.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go upstairs

and pick out her outfit for tomorrow.

[instrumental music]

"Name the four major time spans

in the Earth's history?"

- Four major-- - Without looking.

It's okay, I know this. I know this.

First one is the Precambrian Era.

Ha! Very good!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And the, um, the second one is the, um..

...the-the dinosaur era.

Followed shortly by the dead dinosaur era.

And then after that was the disco era. That's right.

You know what, Rich, I'm getting tired of this now.

I'm killing myself here

trying to help you study

and you're just foolin' around.

I know you're doing such a good job.

Chill, I'm just kidding.

Did anyone ever tell you

that you have just the most perfect ears?

I mean, look at 'em, they're not too big

not too small, not too waxy.

You see, this is the problem with you.

You never take anything seriously.

[scoffs] Dana, I-I don't know

how you can say that, I mean..

I'm being very serious with you right now.

I mean, look at me. This is me being serious.

That's not funny.

It's a little funny.

Rich, you're impossible.

If this is the way you're gonna be for the rest of your life

I don't know that we have much of a future together.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Hey, roomie, check it out.

I just made the mother of all food raids

on dad's fridge. Ha-ha-ha!

I used my new shopping coat. Check it out, man.

We're gonna chow down tonight.

I'm not in the mood.

[laughs] You will be when you see this ham.

Check it out.

- No, thanks. - No?

Well, how about salami?

J.T., man, I don't want anything.

I think Dana just dumped me

'cause I'm getting lousy grades.

That's not fair.

She knew you were stupid when she started dating you.

- Yeah. - 'Yeah.'

Rich, come here, buddy. Let me talk to you for a second.

You're my bud. Come on. Come here.

Look, Rich..

...I'm a sensitive guy.

I know it's tough to get dumped

and I feel your pain.

But, Rich, there's only one thing to do.

Get over it, man!

This could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

- How do you figure? - Because..

Now you can spend more time with me.

We can do all the things we used to do.

Party, hang, pig-out.

Look, just 'cause your girlfriend's away

doesn't mean that I don't wanna be with Dana.

Rich, just forget about her.

Guys like us, we don't need women.

We'll make our own fun. Check it out.

Two spoons..

...a jar of peanut butter..

...and a solid hour of "Xena, The Warrior Princess."

We're set, man.

I've a feeling tonight's the night

she outgrows her breast plate.

[J.T. grunting]

See ya.

Ride that horse, Xena. Ride it.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

Yoo-hoo, Karen.

Hi, I'm a transfer from Dr. Adler's class.

Sweetheart, why didn't you tell me you were transferring?

Gee, it must have slipped my mind.

Today we're going to examine chapter two

on our early childhood development.

The focus of our discussion will be

child's attachment to security objects.

Can, uh, anyone give me an example of this?

- Ooh, ooh, ooh. - Yes.

Hi, my name is Carol Lambert

and I have the cutest story about my daughter here, Karen

when she was a little baby.

Oh, God, no.

Anyway, she had this little washcloth

with this adorable, little mouse on it.

Mom, I'm begging you.

Oh, sweetheart, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Anyway, she had this little washcloth

and there was a little mouse on it

so we nicknamed it "Mousy."

But Karen, she didn't have all her teeth yet

so she called it "Mouthy."

[laughs]

Mouthy, Mouthy, Mouthy.

[laughs]

She took Mouthy everywhere

when she slept, when she ate.

She even went tinkle

with little Mouthy when she went to the potty.

[laughs] Remember? Where..

'Karen, where are you going?'

Into therapy!

[instrumental music]

Well, well, well! Look who's here.

Joe Average, Mr. Mediocre

Remedial Rich.

You comin' to watch them post your usual C?

God, I hope I don't get a C.

Pulled an all-nighter.

Rich, I don't think it qualifies as an all-nighter

to sit around with J.T. watching

a woman slay dragons in her bra.

Dana, I wasn't with J.T. last night, alright?

I thought about what you said

and I realized that you were right.

So I...took my books, headed off to the library

and I've been studying until 4:00 a.m.

You really did study in the library all night?

Yes, I did and you know what?

I even used a highlighter for the first time.

Yellow on my hands to prove it.

You highlighted for me?

I highlighted for us.

[chuckles] Oh, baby..

- Oh, now don't get too excited. - Oh..

Okay, you can get a little excited.

[chuckling]

Listen, I was so wiped from studying all night

and I'm so upset about our fight

that I don't think I did well at all.

Rich, I don't care

what grade you got on the test, okay?

What's important to me is that

you took something seriously

and you worked so hard.

And that shows me

that you really care about our future.

See?

Okay, everybody.

Read 'em and weep.

I know I did.

[sighing] Okay.

[sighs]

Rich Halke.

Rich Halke. Halke. Halke..

A. Ha-ha! I got an A.

[laughs] I got an..

What the hell kinda sick joke is this?

It's not a joke.

You studied and you got a good grade.

That's usually how it works.

- I got an A. Yay! - That's my baby.

Baby, let's see what you got. Let's see what you got.

Dana Foster, uh..

Dana Foster.

B.

B?

Let me see that!

B? This stinks!

[sighs] Dana. Dana, Dana, Dana.

B, you know I..

- I am shocked and appalled. - Don't go there.

I mean, I'm a very ambitious person.

I strive for excellence and you know..

You keep slackin' off like this, missy

I'm afraid we're not gonna have much of a future together.

What do you think now?

Huh, I think, uh..

[clears throat]

...we need to go home and, uh..

...pull an all-nighter.

[instrumental music]

[thud]

O-ow!

Oh, you think you're in pain?

Try having your mother tell your entire class

about your potty training habits.

She told them about Mouthy?

Yes.

So, excuse me, I'm going upstairs

to take my mascara off and cry my eyes out.

[thud]

[Carol sighs]

[exhales] I am so upset!

- Ow! Honey-- - Oh, not now, Frank.

I'm not in the mood.

Karen says I'm ruining her life.

Really? Well, let's just take a look at it, shall we? Um..

She's 18. She's going to college.

She's trying real hard to be an adult, and..

every time she turns around her mommy's there.

[imitates buzzer] Survey says, you're ruining her life.

Oh, thanks a lot, Frank. Take her side.

Honey, I'm not takin' anybody's side here.

I'm trying to be objective, okay?

I mean, how would you feel it, uh

i-if your mother went to college with you, huh?

Oh, well, that's different.

I mean, my mom was a mom-mom.

I am a different kind of a mom.

You know, kind of a...cool mom.

Kind of a hip mom, sort of a groovy kind of mom.

[thud]

I'll prove it to you. Al.

How would you feel if I went to school with you?

Horrified, humiliated and nauseous.

Well?

Would you, uh, like me to check with some of the other kids?

No, no, you're right.

Karen's right. You're all right.

I'm a clingy, overbearing

nightmare of a mother.

But I can't help it.

It seems like just yesterday I was holding Karen in my arms

then I blinked and she went off to college

and I'm afraid if I blink again

she's gonna be gone forever. They're all gonna be gone.

Listen, honey, I know it's hard for you, but..

...that's what it's like to be a parent.

I mean, you invest all your time and love

and energy into raising your kids

and if you do your job exactly right

they grow up and leave you.

They have to?

I mean, why can't we all live here forever

like "The Waltons?"

[laughs]

Okay.

Even John-Boy moved away eventually.

Listen, honey, I know how you feel.

But I also want you to know that I think

you are the most wonderful mother

in the whole world.

But part of being a good mother

is knowing when to let go.

Yeah.

Guess I better go upstairs and apologize.

Yeah, you know what, why don't you do yourself a favor

and apologize tomorrow?

I think Karen's pretty well had it with you today.

Aah..

[instrumental music]

I love shopping late at night.

It's less crowded.

Okay, let's see what we got today.

Ooh, lovely, mm..

Jell-O, I love it. I love Jell-O.

Honey, yes! Lots of honey! Lots of honey, lots..

'Cottage cheese. Hey, gotta get that.'

'Eggs, yes, we love eggs too.'

We love eggs, hm.

That should do it. Alright.

[Frank coughing]

Oh, hello, J.T. What's happening?

Oh, nothin', nothin'.

I certainly wasn't stealing any food.

Oh, I know, son, I trust you. You're a good kid.

As a matter of fact, how about a hug?

Uh-huh..

No thanks, dad. I-I'm a little too old for that.

- I'm just not into it. - J.T.

- Uh-huh. - I want a hug.

Ooh.

Just like the old days.

[J.T. groans]

Clean up on aisle three.

[instrumental music]