All language subtitles for B.I.M.S01E02.1080p.BluRay.x264-BENiDORM_Track03._PGS

So this fella walks into a pub
wearing nothing but a hospital gown.

He walks up to the barman
and he says, 'Give me four pints,

five tequila shots,
and a bottle of wine.'

The barman serves him.
The fella lines all the drinks up

and he downs them
in quick succession.

Afterwards he says to the barman,
‘| shouldn't have done that,

not with what I've got.'

And the barman goes,
‘Oh no, what have you got?'

And the fella goes,
‘About 3 pounds 50.'

laughter

That's all he had!

I'm here all week, folks,
I'm Frank Mann.

Eh?!

Paco?

There's a monkey
and a hippo and an elephant

on a desert island, right?

Hey, hey!

Vince, you old tart!

both laugh
Aw!

Careful!

So, how was your flight?

You see | paid for extra legroom?

Yeah, only cause my agent
made you, eh?

You haven't met my wife, have you?
— Not this one.

Babe, can't we just,
um, go back to the hotel?

No, no, no, | want to
see Frank.

Eh? Talking of pubs,
oh, | went into one the other day,

horrible it was.

It was called The Fiddle,
ladies and gentlemen.

Awful pub.

In fact, it was a vile inn.

laughter

Violin, see?
Frank chuckles

So, how are the tickets selling?

Oh, like hotcakes, Vince.

| mean, we might have to do
a little bit of extra press, you know,

just to get us over the line.
It's all good.

Whoa, look at this, ladies
and gentlemen.

We have a celebrity in
the Laughter Lounge tonight.

Presenter of Quiz Bang,
Vince Starky.

applause and cheers

Yes, Vince is playing five nights
at the Benidorm Palace,

and I've seen him live,

and | can tell you...

I've had more fun passing
kidney stones.

laughter

I've had more fun standing on plugs.
Frank chuckles

We have a fantastic act for you
next, ladies and gentlemen.

Please put your hands together
for Andy Morgan

and his amazing organ.

cheers and applause

Thank you, son.
So what have we got?

Hen do's at the back.

Nan's been on the gins.

Perfecto, I'll get a good
10 minutes out of them later.

Frank Mann.

Can | have a quick word?
— Of course you can.

TOGETHER: Velocity.
Vince chuckles

Hello, mate.

Hello, Vince.
— Good to see you.

Oh, this is my wife, Vienna.

She is smiling, she's just uh...
topped up the Botox.

Maybe wave your hands so we know
that you're laughing, eh love?

Say something funny, | might.
— Frank chuckles

all laugh

Chris?

Bloody hell.
How you doing, kiddo?

I'm all right.
What are you doing here?

Five sellout nights at
the Benidorm Palace apparently.

| meant in here.
— | wanted to see you.

And your dad.

Would you mind?
— Oh yeah, of course, love.

No, not you.
-—- Eh?

Maam-@alele-mr-lar

Oh, of course, sweetheart,
all right, here we go.

clicking

Thank you.
- All right. You're welcome.

Can we talk?
— I'm back on in 5.

Please. It's important.

All right. Son... keep Vienna
company.

Maybe you could try out the new
routine you've been working on.

Shall we?

piano tinkling in background

So are you a comedian
as well then, or?

Yeah, | do more kind of
observational stuff.

Was at the self-service checkouts
the other day.

What's that about?
— Please don't!

Do you know what they're talking about?
— Probably bollocks.

In Spanish

Joder!

| got drunk with him once.

In 1997,

Children in Need's afterparty.

Ended up in Stringfellows!

With Pudsy.

Mr Starky had only been
in Spain a few hours,

having arrived to play a run
of stand-up shows

at the Benidorm Palace.

Mr Starky was a much-loved
celebrity in the UK,

and we want to assure the public
we'll have our best people working on this.

Can you tell us more--
— Good luck with that!

Well, this is an unexpected
surprise.

All surprises are unexpected,
BY=\alale

So are you here for my brains
or my body,

cause I'm open to a 2 for 1
kind of offer.

| think | was pretty clear that
will never happen again.

Are we talking about the sex
or the case that | solved for you?

You got lucky. You threw
a dart like a drunk man

wearing a blindfold, and somehow
you hit the bull's eye.

And are we talking about the sex or
the case that | solved for you?

The case.
The sex was adequate.

Adequate several
times from memory.

However, lucky as you were,
it is true that you displayed

an ability to see things
that perhaps others might miss.

Well done.

| can appreciate how hard
that must have been for you.

There's a lot of pressure on this
case and | have no detectives.

And look, | just want you to come
and look at the crime scene.

Weird.

I'm sure you said if | ever poked
my nose into police business again,

you'd shut my miserable
little pub down.

You know, you really need
to sort out those toilets.

What's going on?

I'm afraid if you want Danger Mouse,

you're gonna have to take
Penfold as well.

We've got a new case?!

Jésus, la puerta.

What, I'm a human doorstop now?
- Yes!

So this guy is a comedian?
— He was a comedian.

Do you have to be so pedantic?
— No, | mean...

He was a comedian and then
he just presented game shows.

What shows?

Quiz Bang, Luck Be a Lady...
It was the 'SOs.

Guys, | can't hear you!
— Puerta!

There's blood in his hair.

Madre mia, que fuerte!

Big cuts on his head.

He must have been hit with
something very big and heavy.

| DY=\alaltowe

Come and look!
| DY=\alaltowe

| agree, he was hit with
something big and heavy.

What are you looking at?
— Something big and heavy.

What is it?
What's going on?

| just found the murder weapon.

door slams

The paint's faded because
it was kept outside.

Why keep a fire extinguisher
on the roof?

Good question.
To use as a doorstop.

Like we did with Jésus?
— Exactly.

Only | imagine this is better
in an emergency.

Guys, can someone open
the door?

It doesn't mean
it's the murder weapon.

If it's not the murder weapon,
why chuck it off the roof?

But if it is the murder weapon,

how did they stop the door
from closing?

That | don't know.

The killer would have locked
themselves in the crime scene.

This is basically every episode
of Jonathan Creek.

It's actually quite hot up here!

| suppose we should help him?

Yeah, we should...

Who owns this place?

Vince rocked up about 8.

We had a drink, had a bit of
a chat about business.

You were promoting his gigs
at the Benidorm Palace.

| put the whole thing together
myself, sweetheart.

So you were making good money?
— Well, | would have.

| mean, it was an absolute sellout.

Did you ever go up on the roof?
— God, no!

| don't do heights.
chuckles

And when Vince came
to the club, was he alone?

Vince?! Alone?
No, never!

He had his latest wife in tow,

what do you call her, um,
uh, Venezuela.

Actually, it's Vienna.

We'd only been married a few weeks.

This was meant to be the start
of his comeback.

So you checked in here
at the hotel

and went straight
to the Laughter Lounge?

Vince wanted to talk to Frank.

About what?

He wanted to tell me he had cancer.
Somewhere private.

On the roof?

No, in his prostate.

No, | mean, where did he tell you?

Hmm, out the front of the club.

What happened after that?

Well, he went back to his hotel.
| went back inside.

What time did you leave?

The show finished at 11,
we had a drink,

and then me and Chris went home.

Chris?

Frank's my dad.

What do you know about last night?

gulps Nothing.

The bloke, the one who died,
came in and then he left.

That's all | know.
| didn't really talk to him.

Thirsty?

gulps
I'm bricking it!

Ziggy's just told me I've got
my first stand-up gig tomorrow.

Following after your old man?

You any good?

He's about as funny as a turd
in a sandpit,

but | promised Frank
I'd put him on the bill.

So, now you have to cancel all of
the Benidorm Palace shows, right?

Well, I've got no choice, have |?

Jim Davidson offered to step in,
but I'm not that desperate.

What time did you leave the club?

God knows. I'm normally half—cut
way before closing.

alarm beeping

Every bloody time!

exasperated sigh

clattering

beeping stops
sigh

And what time did you leave
the Laughter Lounge?

About half-past eight. After Vince
went outside to talk to Frank.

And you came back here
to the hotel with Vince?

Yes, I, um, | went to bed,
but he went to the bar.

When's the last time you saw him?
— Just after 9.

Eh... Sorry to interrupt.

These are from Bobby Davro?

Who?

Wait, just put them with the others.

Sure.

DENNIS: Why do you think Vince was
so keen to tell you about his illness?

| think that's what happens
when you get ill.

You don't want to put anything off.
— Here you go, Frank.

Oh, I'll put it with the rest.
Ah, thank you!

Frank chuckles

Other than Ziggy, does anybody
else have a key to the club?

Yeah, Paco.

Yeah, the doorman.

He locks up every night.

He found Vince on the roof.

Shaken him up a bit.

he speaks in Spanish

| had never seen a dead body.

| touched his hand.

His skin was red from the sun.

But cold.

So cold.

| said no.

Don't be dead.

But it was too late.

He was dead.

And what time did he lock
up the club?

In Spanish

At 2 a.m.

When was the last time
you saw Vince alive?

Around 8:30.

He was outside with Frank.

Now | know we're all haunted
by the angel of death.

And what were they talking
about?

They were arguing.

Vince was very agitated.

Very animated.

Unlike the lifeless husk
| found on the roof.

And there definitely
couldn't have been

anyone else on the roof
when he found the body?

The door to the roof.
How did he keep that open?

In Spanish

The engineer had a toolbox.
— Right.

Why are you asking so
many questions?

Are you crazy?

A man is dead.

Oh my God...

| can still see his face.

anguished sobs

Who's Carla?
— No one.

| Knew it!
You have a secret lady friend.

What's this?
— This is the window of death.

The last person to see Vince
alive was Vienna just after 9 p.m.

And the club was closed
at about 2 a.m.

So at some point during this time,

somehow Vince got on the roof
and someone killed him.

So who's your money on?
— It's too early to make guesses.

Oh, come on,
you saw the same as me.

Oh, | see. You want to be all clever
and do your little show off.

Go ahead.
What did you see that | missed?

Well, Chris, the son, drinking like
a fish to steady his nerves...

The bloke, the one who died,
came in and then left.

That that's all | know.
|, | didn't really talk to him.

Never used the victim's name.
Classic sign of a guilty conscience.

Maybe, but he was nervous
for his gig.

And Ziggy, the old lush,

said she rarely went on the roof,
but | don't believe her.

alarm beeping
— Every bloody time.

Lighting up in her office
set the smoke alarm off,

so | think she did go to the roof.

How do you know that?
— Did you not see

the black marks on the wall
where she stubbed her fags out?

Why would Ziggy kill Vince?
He was about to make her a fortune.

I'm only pointing out
the discrepancies in her story.

Obviously Vienna was lying.

Obviously?

And you came back here to
the hotel with Vince?

Yes, I, um, | went to bed,
but he went to the bar.

She said she went to bed, but did
you not see the mark on her wrist?

Uh, sorry to interrupt.
These are from... Bobby Davro.

Who?
Just... put them with the others.

She had a stamp from Cheeky's
Foam Disco from the night before.

Why would she lie?

Don't tell me you didn't see that.

Stop asking questions you already
know the answer to.

So what next?
— Well, | think another pint.

| think it's important to tell you

that | am currently finding
you very irritating.

Tomorrow we'll go and talk to Frank,

see what the argument with
Vince was about.

Please leave a message
after the tone.

Carla, hello.

I'm sorry it's late, | just wanted
to wish you a happy birthday.

So... happy birthday.

It's your dad, by the way.

Anyway...

If you ever wanted to give me
a call,

it would be good to hear
from you.

I'd like that.

So... Yeah, OK.

deep sigh

‘olaloyat=malaleliale

Benidorm Volunteer Police Service.

| just got a call from
an insurance company

asking for more information
about Vince Starky's death.

Wife already cashing in
the life insurance, is she?

No, not his wife.
Ziggy, the comedy promoter.

She took——

crunching

In Spanish

She took out event insurance on
Vince's gigs at the Benidorm Palace.

His death means she's set
for a big payout.

And?

It's a motive.

he sighs

Well, the gigs were making
her a fortune already.

Killing him doesn't make sense.

Thanks though.

So who remembers
Salt 'n Shake?

Remember them? Them crisps
you had to add your own salt to?

chuckles

What's that about, eh?
Why--

Why do | have to do
their job for them?

What next?
A packet of crisps

that just comes with a raw potato
inside the bag?

Can we have a word?

Uh, er, it's really nice, pal.

Why don't you take a break, eh?

Good lad.

We know you and Vince
argued last night.

What was that about?

Me and Vince have kept a secret
for the last 30 years.

That he was really Chris's dad?

How did you know that?

Well, it's just a hunch based on
the fact they look exactly the same.

You saw that too, right, didn't you?
-— Yeah.

What happened?

Me and Vince were
a double act back in the day.

We called ourselves
Half Rice, Half Chips.

They called us a poor man's
Littke and Large.

And which one were you?

Oh, funny.
What are you two, The Crankies?

Father and son, but actually
they were married.

Never mind.
Go on.

Anyway, we did one summer,
at Butlins Minehead.

Great days!
Me and Vince were banging this-—-

We were, were sleeping with
the same Red Coat, Linda.

Yeah, | mean, these things happen.
We were young.

But me and Linda ended
up falling in love.

Only to find out that she was
pregnant with Vince's kid.

How do you know that it
wasn't yours?

Well, I'll spare you the details.

But, uh, | had a very serious
bout of mumps as a kid.

My testes swelled up to more than
four times their usual size.

| mean, from this angle...

it looked like a one-—eared
space hopper.

Thank you for sparing me
the details.

| mean, | have always fired blanks,

but Linda, she still wanted
to keep the baby.

And | realised that, well,

it was probably my last chance
of being a dad, so...

We all agreed together,
as a three,

that me and Linda should raise
the kid as our own,

and nobody else needed to
know the truth. | mean...

Not even our Chris.

And you never told him?

And then Vince went off to do telly.

| carried on working the clubs.
Me and Linda split up,

and then Chris went
to live with her.

So why now?
Why did Vince want Chris

to know the truth after
all this time?

| think being ill scared him.

He said he wanted Chris to know,
but...

I'd only just got him back
in my life, you know?

And telling Chris the truth
would have ruined all that?

Yeah, and | told Vince as much.

It got a bit heated, but | was
compering the show, you know?

I've got a room full of people
that can tell you that.

| never saw Vince again
after that moment,

and that is the God's honest truth.

ROSA: So Vince was going
to set off a big truth bomb.

Maybe he was killed to keep quiet.

latch clicking

What are you doing?

Just taking a wee keek
before we leave.

Keek? What is this?
You can't just make up words!

You know, maybe for the next few minutes
we just don't talk.

You Know, Frank says a room full of
people can vouch for him,

but he was only the compere of the show,
so he was only introducing the acts.

Plenty of time when he was not
on stage

where he could have killed Vince.
His alibi means nothing.

Help me find the key for this.

low buzz

What's that buzzing?

| dread to think.

Urgh...

buzzing gets louder

Surely you wash it after you use it.

small laugh

Ah ha!
There it is.

So what do you think about Frank?
He could have killed Vince, right?

Maybe.
And then there's Vienna.

Please, can we leave?

Why Vienna?

Because she's the brand new wife
and Vince was worth a few bob.

Really, Dennis?

What a tired old stereotype,
the gold-digging wife.

Maybe she married him for,
| don't know, love.

Maybe she's already a millionaire.

Well, if she wasn't before,
she certainly is now.

And we need to know what she
was doing last night.

We should speak to Jackie.

Who's Jackie?

This is Jackie!

You're in my light!
— Jackie, this is Dennis.

effort grunt

Apparently you Know the word on the street.
— What?

We need some information.
— What is he saying?

We were wondering if you knew
anything about Vince Starky.

Uh, waste of money.
| sold three tickets.

You were selling tickets to
his show?

| sell tickets to all the shows.

Who is 'Messy Nessy'?

Like Sticky Vicky,

but not so classy.

So Vince's show wasn't selling?

Is he all right?

He looks like an old bullock.
— He's fine.

He's from Scotland.
— Where?

Never heard of it.

Jackie, did you say that Vince's
show wasn't selling any tickets?

Ziggy said it was a sellout.
— Sellout? Snorts

Oh no.

Oh, so you do understand
what I'm saying.

What?

Seriously, what is her problem?!

phone message in Spanish

Uh, Maria, hi. This is Dennis.

I'm gonna need something from you.

The CCTV footage from Vince's
hotel for last night.

Oh, and a photograph of you
in the bath

coquettishly holding a loofah.
That last one is crucial

if we're gonna have any chance
of solving this.

OK, thanks.

So, | spoke to the box office
manager.

Vince Starky had sold less than
25 per cent of his tickets

for his five night run.

So the man who hosted
Celebrity Quiz Bang

is no longer
a big box office success.

It means Ziggy was about
to lose her deposit.

She would have owed the
theatre thousands of euros.

And that's on top of the thousands
of euros that she already owes.

So now what?

Well, | don't know about you,
but I'm pretty hungry.

Oh yes, let's get sushi!
— Or a Chinese?

Sushi's like Chinese but healthy.

Chinese is like sushi but nice.

Come on, Dennis, just open your
mind a little bit... for me.

match commentary on TV
in Spanish

Postmortem results.

Victim died of blunt force trauma.

Gone right off that.
—- We got the CCTV from the hotel.

It shows Vince and Vienna returned
to the hotel having a big argument.

About what?
— There was no sound,

but we got a lip reader to
translate. Here's a transcript.

Vienna... '| can't believe
you're doing this."

Vince... 'Please, babe, this is
important to me. '

Vienna... "You said when we got
married,

it was just gonna be me and
you, he'll move in with us,

and I'm not sharing you
with some expletive deleted,

lanky, expletive deleted,

streak of expletive deleted,

expletive deleted,
expletive deleted...

piss.’

Do you know what this is about?

Vince told you the truth about
Chris, didn't he,

that he was his real dad
and wanted to be part of his life?

Yeah, so?

So... it's motive!

The CCTV showed you
get out of the lift,

but Vince goes back down
and exits the hotel.

Do you know where he went?

He said he was going to
get another drink.

And you? You said you went
to bed.

Don't bother lying.

| left a perfectly acceptable plate
of pork balls for this.

You went out, didn't you?

| wanted some fun.

That is not a crime.

| mean, you Know what it's like?

Us young guys, we like to
make party, yeah?

Not really.

Did you see Vince again after he left you
at the lift?

Because there's a theory
kicking about

that you only married Vince for his money,
and when you found out there was someone else

you'd have to share it with,
you followed him to the club,

got him up onto the roof,
and then killed him

before he could tell Chris
the truth. Then,

you went out and drank your guilt
away at Cheeky's Foam Disco.

Well, let me give you another
theory.

That | went out to unwind —

as people do at a foam party disco
and casino.

And when | woke up the next morning,

| found that the love of my life
had been brutally murdered.

And to make matters worse,
| am accused of killing him

by some weird,
Scottish homeless man.

What'd you think?
— Maybe just have a shave.

audience laughter

And she says, why do you think
| chose the pink ones?

Frank chuckles

Who here likes a curry?
audience cheers

| love a curry me.
Oh yeah!

My favourite is Chicken Tarka.

It's like a Chicken Tikka,
only a little ‘otter’...

Eh?!
audience laughs

Right then, first act out tonight
is a young comedian

just setting
out on his comedy career.

He's a brilliant talent and I'm
proud to Say,

ladies and gentlemen, my son!

AUDIENCE: Ahhh!

So with that in mind,
please give

a big Laughter Lounge
welcome to Chris Mann!

cheering, applause

Chris Mann...

Kids, eh?
chuckles

When they're little you just want
to eat them, don't you,

but when they grow up,
you wish you had.

audience chuckles

Chris?

Where the bloody hell are you?

Thought you had a gig.

It was me.

| killed him.

Now, in your own time,
just tell us what happened.

Dad was on stage.

I'm behind the bar.

| look up and | see Vince
has come back into the club.

And he told me he wanted
to talk to me.

Said it was important.

Had to be somewhere quiet,
so |--

| told him to meet me
up on the roof.

Had you been on the roof before?

Uh, yeah, yeah. We take
our breaks up there.

Just as a matter of interest,
how did you keep the door open?

We used a fire extinguisher.
— Oh...

Please go on.

Vince said he wished it didn't
have to be like this.

But once he realised he had
to tell me the truth,

he couldn't settle.
Had to be now!

He said the gigs in Benidorm
meant nothing to him.

The real reason he was
here was for me.

Cause I'm his son.

Then what happened?

| just couldn't get my head
arouncd it.

All these people in my life
that were meant to love me...

were liars.

My whole life, they'd been liars.

And Vince said something like...

‘This is a good thing.’

And | just flipped.

| went mental, proper raging.

Don't touch me.
— This is a good thing.

And | pushed, just once.

| swear, it were only once.

sniffs

| panicked.

And then I ran.

sniffs

And then when | heard
the next day he was dead...

| just couldn't say anything.

sobs

Hey... don't cry.

I meant arrest him!

loud sob

So you just pushed him?
You didn't whack him

over the head with a fire
extinguisher?

No!
— Hey, you can't be right every time.

| Know there's something
else going on here.

Dennis, he confessed.

Put on the TV and watch your sport.

I'm sorry, Dad.

FRANK: It's all right...

Frank sobbing

FRANK: It's gonna be all right.

sobbing

‘olaloyat=malaleliale

Carla, hi, hello.

No, I'm sorry, uh, I'm Sam,
Carla's boyfriend.

Oh, | didn't know Carla
had a boyfriend.

How long have you guys
been together?

About 2 years.

Right, well...

Nice to meet you, Sam.

Hey, you and Carla should
come to Benidorm.

Yeah.

So, Carla wanted me to call and
ask you not to ring her again.

I'm sorry.

Well, there you are.

Is this coming from her mum?

| need to go. I'm sorry.

dial tone beeping

news theme on TV

Figures from across
the British entertainment industry

have been paying tribute
to Vince Starky,

whose death police say,
they are treating as suspicious.

He speaks in Spanish
| touched his hand.

His skin was red from the sun.

What is it?
— This is wrong.

Vince was still alive
hours after this.

How do you know?

Because the dead don't burn.

What?

sigh

OK, here's a joke.

What do a murderer
and a crap comedian have in common?

They both perform a terrible act.

Might nick that.

Vince had an overwhelming
urge to put things right

because of his cancer diagnosis,
so he told Chris...

that he was his real dad.

Hang on, he said what?

Chris got angry, pushed Vince,

who fell back and hit his head.

You killed your dad?
— No, he didn't.

But you literally just said
that Vince was his dad.

He was, but Chris didn't kill him.

Is anyone else confused?

When Vince's body was found,
his arms were red with sunburn.

But in a photo taken the night
before he died,

his arms were fine,
meaning he must have been alive

on the roof
when the sun came up.

How do you know that?
— Because dead people don't sunburn.

| Know, right?
Every day is a school day.

DENNIS: After Chris pushed Vince,
he might have looked dead,

but... he was only unconscious.

Paco locked up the club at 2 a.m.

He thought everyone had gone,

but someone was still
in the building.

You were in so much debt,

you had to give up your apartment
and sleep in your office.

The Benidorm Palace gigs

were supposed to solve all
your problems, but...

Vince just wasn't the box
office draw he once was.

toothbrush buzzing

scoffs

That is hilarious!

That is the funniest thing
I've heard in years.

Yeah, not surprising.
I've been to your club.

Hey, all right, mate.

When the sun came up
the following day,

Vince was still alive, still
lying on the roof where he fell.

DENNIS:
And he stayed there.

Burning in the sun,

until Ziggy came out onto the roof
for her first fag of the day.

Oh, come on, you don't know that!

Nah, but | can make
a pretty good guess.

You couldn't smoke in the office
cos it set off the alarm,

and there's black circles on the
wall where you stubbed them out.

Deductive reasoning.

Actually, it's inductive reasoning
because--

Dennis-——
-— Sorry.

Anyway, when you got out there,
you found Vince.

Bloody hell!
What happened to you?

groaning

Hang on, hang on,
i'll... I'll get you some help.

DENNIS: And then you realised
this was an opportunity.

Vince's gigs weren't selling,
you were gonna lose the lot!

But if Vince died,

the event insurance would pay out,

and there he was,

half-dead on your roof.

Nobody knew you were in
the building.

If he died, all your problems
would be over.

You just needed to make sure he did.

thudding

He probably didn't even know
you were there.

In Spanish

After you killed him, you had to
get rid of the murder weapon

and in a panic,
you threw it off the roof.

But without the doorstop,
you were locked up there,

at the scene of your own crime.

So you called an engineer
out for the air con

and you gave him Paco's
number to open up.

In Spanish

DENNIS: Then you took your chance
to escape.

What a bloody mess.

| Knew | should have booked
Joe Pasquale.

Mind, it's a long time since
I've been in a pair of these!

audience laughing

CHRIS: So in Benidorm we have
a lot of tourists.

Hands up if you're on holiday.

Have you noticed how the new
tourists look just like Zombies?

They're all staggering around
in packs,

all white and pale, dark eyes,

on the hunt for cheap beer.

loud laughter

Invasion of the Boddington
Snatchers.

Where are you from, madam?
Blackpool? Is this your husband?

| think that's what they call
unconditional love.

Do you have kids?

Give them a round of applause!

Thanks for your help.

Technically | only asked you to
look at the crime scene.

You know you're not getting paid.

Justice is the only reward
| seek.

No, it's not. You asked
for a picture of me in the bath.

That's optional.

Could be the shower.

chuckling

What about you?
You got kids?

No kids.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, you've
got a cracking night of comedy

in store for you at the Laughter
Lounge tonight. Thank you all,

I've been Chris Mann.
Have a good night!

Yay!

applause and cheers
Look at him!

Well done, kiddo!

That's my son!

I've got a big surprise
for you guys.

This has made the whole
weekend magical!

'We need your help. '
Estupendo! Another case.

Do you really think it was one
of her friends?

Listen to me. If you know
what's good for you,

you'll keep your mouth shut.

This is so cool.

| hear you're some
kind of special investigators.

DENNIS: We're trying to help the Spanish
police find out who did this.

ROSA: We're looking for some information.
— About the Irish woman.

What are you doing here?
— DENNIS: Does this feel right to you?

ROSA:
They're all liars, Dennis!

You look
like you could use another drink.