All language subtitles for Funny.or.Die.Presents.S02E08.720p.HDTV.x264-CTU

Listen up, rookie, you're just
the scrunchie of the month.

When that beautiful powerhouse
wakes up in that locker room,

it's gonna be me
she's asking for.

Me!

Don't worry, my friend,
I will help you.

Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

Why thank you,
miss Loganthorpe.

Remind me to give you a raise.

Hello, and welcome to tonight's installment
of Funny or Die Presents.

You know, there are so many reasons why I
really want you to stay tuned to HBO here

and watch what's
coming your way tonight.

I mean, of course,
there's the great comedy

you've really come to count
on from Funny or Die,

and the unburdened creativity that we
like to foster here at this company.

I'll tell you, there's some
great new, young comedians

alongside some real tried
and true comedy talent.

And the stuff just looks better
and better all the time.

I'll tell you what, this
technology is advancing so fast,

we'll all be making Gone with the Wind
on our cell phones within a year.

But what I'm most proud of,

and why I think this episode
is really going to be great,

is in the 14th minute, there's
some real tits and ass.

And not just a flash,
but a good long look.

Oh, I'm telling you, you'll want
to pause the TV when it comes up.

There's a quick shot of some
beav in the 21st minute,

but that goes by way too fast.

Anyway, it's good stuff, and exactly
why we all got HBO 30 years ago.

You know,

I might have got that mixed up.

The beav could be
at the 14th minute,

and the great pair of tits
could be at the 21st.

Or maybe it's the 25th
minute, I don't know.

Either way,
it's great television.

Enjoy.

Tonight,
on Funny or Die Presents,

Warren Sapp in
Do You Want to See a Dead Body?

Episode 3 of Lady Refs, aw,

Body Boys,
starring Tim and Eric,

and the movie of the week,
Boobie.

No, I'm still down
at the mechanic.

Hey, let me call you back.

Excuse me?

You're Warren Sapp, right?

Rob?
Yeah.

Rob, what's up, man?
What's going on?

Met you at Stacy and
Steve's wedding, right?

Stacy and Steve, right.

That's a shame about them.

Oh, I didn't hear.
They already broke up?

No, that they're together.
They're a horrible couple.

That's a good point.
Yeah, they were weird, right?

So, you getting
your car worked on?

Yeah, some idiot
tore my rear end off.

That's the worst.

Absolutely.
How long you gonna be here?

All day long.

Hey.

Do you want to see a dead body?

You know they call me
the QB killer, right, Rob?

Yeah. But I've never seen
one laying there dead.

You've never seen a dead body?

Oh, hell, no.
Where did you see this dead body.

Buddy,

it's gonna be awesome.

This way.

Wait, wait, wait.

This way.

Hey, Rob, you ever seen
that Family Guy episode

when Stewie gets stuck
in the basement?

No, I didn't.

Stewie, football head.

I think it's up this way.

Nope, wrong turn.

Oh, Jesus, God.

Where'd that come from?

Hi, little girl.

I'm lost.

Okay, good luck.
Yeah, take it easy. Good luck.

What the fuck was that?

Run like shit!
Run like shit!

Hey, Rob, you ever seen the
Family Guy episode

when the whole family goes on
vacation and they all get lost?

No, Warren,
I haven't seen that one.

It's not much further.

Hey, Rob.

What?
Let's take a break, man.

Shh, did you hear that?

Hold.

I farted.

Good one, good one.

Hey, Rob did you ever see
that Family Guy

when the negroes come over
and they all have dinner?

No, Warren, I never
saw that Family Guy.

I mean, let's just agree

that if you have a question
about Family Guy,

whether or not I saw it, the
answer's no, I didn't see it.

Dead body, huh?

This is not the dead body
I brought you to see.

Clearly, this is a pig.

You promised me a dead body,

so now, dead body, or your ass.

I'll be honest with you.

I think we took a wrong turn.

I'm gone.

Dead body, my ass.

Hey, the fuck is this thing?

'Cause I'm down here in the
basement and I can't find it.

Completely lost.

Hey! You don't
belong here.

You've got to get out of
here or I call the police.

Okay, well, you don't have to
be a dick about every little...

I'm not a dick!

Okay, I'm sorry.
Can I just tell you I brought

a personal hero of mine,
Warren Sapp,

from the NFL, it was supposed
to be a very special day,

and I blew it.

I blew it.

So, I'm asking you,

man to man, can you just help me?
I want to get out of here.

Don't worry, my friend,
I will help you.

Warren!

Let's go find that dead body.

Yo!
No way!

I told you it was around here.

Why would you have me go through
that whole basement? He's outside!

It's a shortcut.
Come on!

Is he dead?

Maybe he's just sleeping.

No way, this guy's dead.

Let me see.
What?

No, he's dead.

Yo...

Get something. Get something.
We gotta get the horn off.

I got something. I got...

Get it open.
Get it open!

Get him off the horn.
I'll put him back. I'll put him back.

I got something better.

Taking a picture? Yeah.
I gotta.

Look, fast, fast, fast.
I know.

Okay, okay.

You're gonna smile like that?
Yeah.

I'm lost.

Previously on Lady Refs...

Kennedy's torn between a man...
Hey, good job!

Cherry.
...And a manly woman.

God, you are glowing right now.

'Cause I got the job, Seth,
not because I just had sex.

Yeah, you did.

Dirkson
falls hard for Kennedy...

Get your mind out of
her pussy, Dirkson.

...But falls even harder
on the field.

We're losing her!

- She's flatlining.
- No, I can't live without you.

Jinx.
Buy me a coke.

Clear!

Clear!

Clear!

Aw, fuck you guys.

♪ If you're offsides,
out of bounds

♪ to play real rough
and show them down

♪ even you would get a bump

♪ 'cause when I kick
I kick it hard

♪ every time you hear
the whistle go

♪ that's me in control

♪ we're playing sudden death

♪ lady refs ♪

Hey, babe, it's your fiance,

uh, still waiting for ya.

All right, love you lots.
So much.

Okay, byesies.

Huh. Offsides.

I breathe, you pump.

No, you pump, I breathe.
Let me die!

Ladies, please, I'm trying to do
an experimental ACL surgery here.

Okay, but doc...

I'm not a doctor,
I'm a trainer. Greg.

Greg, I want to
give her mouth-to-mouth.

I want to
give her mouth-to-mouth.

Ladies, please.
Take a lap.

What's your deal with Dirkson?

She's my friend.
It's not like I "like" like her.

Good, 'cause I do.

She's the tits.

Too bad she doesn't feel
the same about you.

Ow!

Listen up, rookie, you're just
the scrunchie of the month.

When that beautiful powerhouse
wakes up in that locker room,

it's gonna be me
she's asking for.

Me!

Okay.

That should do it.

Mmm-hmm. Yes.

Hey, babe, what
took you so long?

You guys go into a little bit
of, uh, a little overtime?

Oh, shut up, Seth. You don't
understand soccer and you never will.

Look, let's don't fight,
huh, before our wedding?

Which is tomorrow...

Jablonsky.

I'm right here, baby.

Where's Kennedy?

Are you serious?

Next time on Lady Refs...

What are you doing?
I'm going after the woman I love.

So am I. No!

I love you!

Dude, this sucks. I'm going home.
I'm not even drinking.

Why aren't you drinking?

Uh, it's pilot season?
Get professional.

Uh...
Whatever.

I hear that this season's
gonna be bullshit anyway.

Mean, that's what my casting
director friends told me.

Okay, I get it.

I know casting directors,
as well, okay?

And... There's a difference
in knowing them...

Hey, um... Just because someone
goes to your birthday...

...We have
a shit-ton of weed

in the woodshed across the street
if you guys wanna join us.

What?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you were Heather.

No.

Oh, no.

Wait.
What?

What kind of woodshed is it?

It's for wood.
It's a woodshed.

Twenty years ago, a group
of beach kids ditched their boards

and became the most famous
bodysurfing crew in the world,

until it all
came crashing down.

This is Body Boys,
Legend of the Pipers.

We were just a bunch of
kids having fun, you know?

We were
learning to love the sea,

and catching some pretty
gnarly waves along with that.

I was having the time of my life
riding those dope waves.

And then we met
that beach whore.

We'd been having a pretty heavy sess.
And I looked up,

and I saw this beach whore.

I could see through his
wetsuit those peppermint nipples

and I wanted
to bang him so bad.

Yeah, back in those days
I was a beach whore.

More of a beach slut.

I didn't get paid or anything.

He had taffy balls, and you could curl
them up like spaghetti around your hands.

Once you
get a taste of that hole,

you can't stop.

"Let me get in.
Let me get in now."

But the beach whore turned
out to be more than just a hole.

One day at the beach,
he changed their lives forever.

We didn't even know
he could swim.

We usually just had
our fists in his ass.

I said, "Hey, bro, you don't
need a board to ride me.

"Why do you need a board
to ride the waves?

"Just ride bareback, bro."

I'd give him a little kiss
and throw him in the waves,

and then that's how they
learned how to bodysurf.

He threw Natasha's board
away, pushed her in the water.

He threw my board away,
pushed me in the water.

He was no longer
just a hole to us,

he was one of the Pipers now.

The Pipers'
skills quickly escalated,

and they started inventing
dozens of tricks.

I developed a move
called the French dip.

That's when I take
Duncan by the ankles

and I dip him into
that beef broth

and I flip him over
and lick his head.

There was the cyclone.

Duncan had this amazing
move called king's nap.

He would get so exhausted that he would
just nap on that wave. It was dope.

Lover's embrace is based after when
I was banging Doug face-to-face

instead of banging him
like a regular whore.

It's not my favorite move.

I don't want to look
in someone's eyes during

the banging,
I just want to bang.

We got walk the dog.

Doug would actually walk his
little pup on the wave.

That was sick.

Although the Pipers are
credited for inventing these moves,

Eric's brother claims that they
were originally his ideas.

You want the truth?
My brother Eric ripped me off.

Look at this.
This is the tornado.

But he just renamed it.
What does he call it now?

The cyclone?
Cyclone?

This was my idea
and he's ripping me off.

And he renames it and acts like
he came up with it himself,

like he's Leonardo Da Vinci.

No, no, no,
he's a shit brother.

Even my dad says he's a little shit
son because he lies all the time.

Please, don't use him
for this documentary.

I'm not gonna listen
to that bullshit.

He's a liar.

While Eric's brother was
allegedly inventing tricks,

Natasha made a discovery that took
bodysurfing to the next level.

One day I was bodysurfing and I hit
the beach and I just kept going.

And then I realized,
we don't even need water.

That's when
the whole world got wet.

We were bodysurfing everything:

Train tracks,

buildings,

waterfalls,

alternative teenagers...

Yo, things got
wicked rad for us.

We were on magazine covers,

dolphins were
taking pictures with us.

We were hot.
Piping hot.

The Pipers were on top, but
not everything was rosy for Eric.

Twenty-five years ago,
his Pepaw was swept to sea

by a giant wave
called mai m'au.

I had to avenge
my Pepaw's death,

and I had to surf mai m'au
with my Pipers.

I miss you so much, Pepaw.

It was crazy.
No one ever surfed mai m'au.

It is a death wish.

I didn't want to do it, but...

We all agreed to do it.

Anything for a fellow Piper.

So the Pipers
did the unthinkable.

They handcuffed themselves together and
rode the biggest wave in the world.

Yeah.

Yeah...

Mmm...

While they
were riding the wave,

something supernatural
occurred.

I thought I was on the end,

and I look over
and it's my Pepaw.

Pepaw! And he looked back at me
and he said, "goodbye."

And he went back in the ocean.

It was a great ride,

until the 40-foot wave
came crashing down.

I'm so glad I thought of that idea.
It was totally worth riding that wave.

Maybe for him, but for us,
it was a disaster.

He didn't get hurt,

but all of us got hurt.

Wave ripped our bodies in half.

Eric can walk.

Eric can drive.

Eric can bang.

I'm sorry, it rattles
when I get angry.

There is no amount of makeup that
can make this spine look good.

Dude, that was wicked gnar.

Welcome back to Juggalo News.
On the lighter side today,

the annual Juggalo Junior
Spelling Smackdown was held

at the South DetroitRester's Lodge
Convention Center.

Over 200 4th and 5th grade underground
killas participated in the event.

We're joined now by the winner,
9-year-old Machete Pimp 4 Real.

How you doin', Machete?

Hi.

Hey, it's really good
to have you here.

Thanks for dropping
an interview bomb on us.

What was the word that you
won the competition with?

"Chainsawculous."

Jeez, that's the tough one.
I don't think I know how to spell that.

You're making me
look like a dumb shit.

It must have been really
nerve-racking for you

getting up there in front of an
ass-ton of motherfuckers like that.

Were you nervous at all?

I was a little.

But it's cool, 'cause my
pimp swag's off the chain.

Well, I can certainly see that.

It seems like you got
mad smarts in your brains.

What do you wanna be
when you grow up?

I wanna be a
straight-up dirty thug,

or an architect.

Well, keep reaching
for your fuckin' dreams.

Now, we don't want to put you all
ups on the spot or anything,

but we thought it might be fun

to give you a little
spelling challenge

right here on the show.
How's that shit sound?

Yeah, G,
I got this on lockdown.

Okay, well, get ready,
'cause it's a tough one.

Uh, your word is
"clownpocalypse."

Can you use it in a sentence?

Uh, sure. "When the clownpocalypse
drops a mega-deuce,

"haters best grab hold
of they pussies."

Okay.

Clownpocalypse.

Ooh, I'm so sorry, "klownpocalypse"
is spelled with a "k."

It's with a "k."

Uh, very close, though.
Good try.

Listen, it was hells of fresh
to have you on the show, buddy,

and do you wanna say fuck's up
to anybody watching at home?

Yes, to my mom and my dad.

And all the suckas who be
frontin' on the clown,

I'm'a make you
eat my nightmares.

Okay. 9-year-old
Machete Pimp 4 Real.

He ain't no ho.
Thanks for watching.

And now presenting

the world premiere
of a motion picture

produced especially
for Funny or Die,

the movie of the week.

Tonight's movie, Boobie.

I, uh...

I don't get it.

Then why'd you laugh?

Peer pressure?

I don't know.

What's that?

Boobie.

Boobie?

Boobie.

He's my favorite.

What, you got
a collection or something?

Yeah, kind of.

I used to collect stickers.

Aw, cool!

What time you got?

3:30.

Showtime.

You missed.

Fuck!

I left my glasses in the car.

A real gun?

What are you trying to do,
kill me or something?

Yeah, I guess.

Ow!

You're bleeding!

Does it hurt?

I think I'm dyin'.

Do you want to hold Boobie?

Sure?

He's my favorite.

Come on, Boobie.

Let's get out of here.

Whoops, you caught me.

Uh, don't worry, she's not
dead, she's just passed out.

As you can see,
I almost got there.

But now it'd almost
be like cheating.

Frankly, I don't respect
that kind of behavior.

Sure, get 'em drunk,
tell 'em a few lies,

but once the brain shuts off
and the muscles collapse,

that's when I take
the high road.

And you know what?
The law agrees with me.

I hope you take the high
road in everything you do.

See you next week.

Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com