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1
00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:09,650
Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:11,851 --> 00:00:13,452
Paco, paco.
3
00:00:13,486 --> 00:00:15,387
Oh, my goodness. Thank you.
4
00:00:16,457 --> 00:00:17,523
You're making me blush.
5
00:00:17,558 --> 00:00:19,993
This is so embarrassing.
6
00:00:20,027 --> 00:00:21,261
You don't want
any part of the stink
7
00:00:21,295 --> 00:00:23,263
I got hidin' in this
front butthole, kid.
8
00:00:23,297 --> 00:00:25,031
Okay, okay!
I'll talk.
9
00:00:25,065 --> 00:00:26,634
Ugh!
10
00:00:26,668 --> 00:00:27,902
You ain't see shit.
11
00:00:28,870 --> 00:00:29,970
Don't say nothin'.
12
00:00:30,005 --> 00:00:33,007
I thought she
could handle this shit!
13
00:00:33,041 --> 00:00:34,642
Paco, paco.
14
00:00:34,677 --> 00:00:36,011
You're right,
we gotta bury her.
15
00:00:45,622 --> 00:00:47,323
What you got, sugar?
16
00:00:47,357 --> 00:00:48,557
Uh-huh.
17
00:00:49,826 --> 00:00:50,927
Oh, yes.
18
00:00:52,162 --> 00:00:53,530
Right.
19
00:00:53,564 --> 00:00:55,499
Hi there!
I'm ed halligan.
20
00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:56,667
I know last year on this show,
21
00:00:56,701 --> 00:00:58,735
I made a big deal about
the world of television
22
00:00:58,770 --> 00:01:01,605
and the Internet
merging into one.
23
00:01:01,639 --> 00:01:04,976
But, look how
far we've come
in just a year.
24
00:01:05,010 --> 00:01:06,477
More and more entertainment
25
00:01:06,512 --> 00:01:08,980
is coming out of our computers.
26
00:01:09,014 --> 00:01:10,882
People now watch
whole television shows
27
00:01:10,916 --> 00:01:12,918
on their computers.
28
00:01:12,953 --> 00:01:15,154
We really are reaching
a tipping point here
29
00:01:15,188 --> 00:01:18,324
where more people will
get their entertainment
from computers
30
00:01:18,358 --> 00:01:20,192
than from their tv sets.
31
00:01:21,529 --> 00:01:22,996
In fact, if you're watching
tonight's programming
32
00:01:23,030 --> 00:01:24,931
on a tv set hooked
up to a cable,
33
00:01:24,966 --> 00:01:26,800
you may be behind the times.
34
00:01:26,834 --> 00:01:27,901
It's true!
35
00:01:27,935 --> 00:01:29,971
Go on any college
campus, you won't see
36
00:01:30,005 --> 00:01:31,739
tvs in dorm rooms.
37
00:01:31,773 --> 00:01:34,976
Just laptops and
xboxes and iPads.
38
00:01:35,010 --> 00:01:36,410
Hey, I'll even go this far.
39
00:01:36,445 --> 00:01:38,312
If you're watching
tonight's show
40
00:01:38,347 --> 00:01:40,582
on a tv hooked up
to a regular cable,
41
00:01:40,616 --> 00:01:42,250
then you're a real jerk.
42
00:01:42,285 --> 00:01:43,618
That's right, jerko,
43
00:01:43,653 --> 00:01:44,953
you're making a real
monkey's ass of yourself,
44
00:01:44,988 --> 00:01:47,055
sitting there like
a first-class fuck-up.
45
00:01:47,090 --> 00:01:48,324
Look around!
46
00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:49,993
Does anyone else have
shit on their face?
47
00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:53,796
No. Just you
and your dumb,
old tv set.
48
00:01:53,831 --> 00:01:55,365
Way to go, numbnuts.
49
00:01:55,399 --> 00:01:57,468
It's like, the cable
company has its wires
50
00:01:57,502 --> 00:02:01,038
wrapped around your
tiny, little balls.
51
00:02:01,072 --> 00:02:02,740
You know, as a salesman,
I make it my business
52
00:02:02,774 --> 00:02:04,541
to come out here and
pretend I like you.
53
00:02:04,576 --> 00:02:06,611
But as a human being,
I gotta be honest,
54
00:02:08,948 --> 00:02:12,183
your mother is ashamed.
55
00:02:12,218 --> 00:02:13,385
Enjoy the show.
56
00:02:41,850 --> 00:02:44,119
Female narrator: Tonight,
on funny or die presents,
57
00:02:44,154 --> 00:02:48,090
romany malco's
Tijuana Jackson,
58
00:02:48,124 --> 00:02:50,325
the United States
police department,
59
00:02:51,529 --> 00:02:53,863
the movie of the week,
paco dances,
60
00:02:55,132 --> 00:02:58,101
and Mitch magee in
welcome to my study.
61
00:03:02,074 --> 00:03:05,609
I'll be real, like,
when I was about
8 years old,
62
00:03:06,378 --> 00:03:08,079
my Uncle
63
00:03:08,113 --> 00:03:09,748
tried to put his
finger in my asshole
64
00:03:09,782 --> 00:03:11,450
while I was asleep,
but I caught him.
65
00:03:13,519 --> 00:03:14,653
It took 8 hours of surgery
66
00:03:14,687 --> 00:03:16,922
to get my foot out of
his fucking larynx.
67
00:03:16,956 --> 00:03:18,958
You know. Man,
68
00:03:18,992 --> 00:03:20,726
My momma,
she didn't really
69
00:03:20,761 --> 00:03:22,395
say nothing, you know
what I'm sayin'?
70
00:03:22,429 --> 00:03:24,363
She lets the motherfucker
haul off
71
00:03:24,398 --> 00:03:26,232
and pressed charges on me.
72
00:03:26,266 --> 00:03:28,035
That was my
first trip to juvie.
73
00:03:28,069 --> 00:03:30,270
You know what I'm
sayin' in here?
74
00:03:30,305 --> 00:03:32,573
My Uncle went off
and had my little sister.
75
00:03:34,209 --> 00:03:36,643
You know, I just
realized, like,
76
00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,547
you know what
I'm sayin'? It's like,
77
00:03:39,582 --> 00:03:41,816
you know, maybe
had I not gone to juvie
78
00:03:41,851 --> 00:03:43,918
my life would've took a
different turn, you know.
79
00:03:45,354 --> 00:03:46,622
Could've played sports
or something.
80
00:04:00,972 --> 00:04:02,305
Don'nobody say nothin'
to my momma,
81
00:04:02,340 --> 00:04:03,707
'cause she got
bad nerves.
82
00:04:03,741 --> 00:04:06,110
Too many people get to talking
and making noise and shit,
83
00:04:06,145 --> 00:04:07,478
she goin' to
get all jittery.
84
00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:08,846
Act like you ain't there.
85
00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:10,615
You a fly on the fucking
wall, for this one, all right?
86
00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:14,586
- Momma!
- What?
87
00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:16,388
T.J.
I know who it is.
88
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:18,557
What you want, junior?
Do something for me.
89
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,926
Look...
Are we on
Ellen degeneres?
90
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,161
Oh, no, ma, them my cameras.
91
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,563
Well, what you filming?
92
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,899
I'm a life coach now,
motivational speaker.
93
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,567
They documenting me, you know,
94
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,069
changing other
people's lives.
People don't change, junior.
95
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:32,072
Can I come in
the house?
Not with that cigarette.
96
00:04:32,107 --> 00:04:33,474
Okay.
97
00:04:33,508 --> 00:04:35,242
Don't ask me
for no money, either.
98
00:04:35,277 --> 00:04:36,644
You need to water
these goddamn plants.
99
00:04:36,678 --> 00:04:38,145
I wasn't fixing to
ask you for no money.
100
00:04:38,180 --> 00:04:40,748
Okay, I need you to do
a tagline for me, though.
101
00:04:40,782 --> 00:04:42,417
It's going to make me
look real wholesome
102
00:04:42,451 --> 00:04:44,719
if I'm a life coach
that's cool with mom.
103
00:04:44,754 --> 00:04:46,087
I'm not doing no
tagline for you, junior,
104
00:04:46,122 --> 00:04:48,190
till you get a job.
105
00:04:48,224 --> 00:04:50,726
This is a job.
It's the same shit
that Tony Robbins do.
106
00:04:50,761 --> 00:04:52,061
Who's Toby?
107
00:04:52,095 --> 00:04:53,162
You know who
Dr. Phil is?
108
00:04:53,197 --> 00:04:54,297
Dr. Phil is a white man
with a lot of...
109
00:04:54,331 --> 00:04:56,699
Introduced to America
by a black woman
110
00:04:56,733 --> 00:04:57,900
very much of your
build and stature.
111
00:04:57,935 --> 00:05:00,270
I'm asking you to be
my Oprah winfrey, momma.
112
00:05:00,305 --> 00:05:01,805
Oprah winfrey gets paid.
113
00:05:06,077 --> 00:05:10,014
Can I borrow $50?
You got about $50 I can own?
114
00:05:10,049 --> 00:05:11,082
Anybody?
115
00:05:11,116 --> 00:05:13,284
Jesus,
Jesus, Jesus.
116
00:05:13,319 --> 00:05:14,552
Momma, I'll give you $20.
117
00:05:16,188 --> 00:05:17,756
What you want
me to say?
Are you going to do it?
118
00:05:17,791 --> 00:05:19,925
What is it, junior?
Are you going to do it?
Look what I got you.
119
00:05:21,628 --> 00:05:23,829
Look what I got you.
What is that, junior?
120
00:05:23,863 --> 00:05:24,964
Soften up your
features a little bit,
121
00:05:24,998 --> 00:05:26,198
make you more wholesome.
122
00:05:28,603 --> 00:05:29,936
Middle America
don't take lightly
123
00:05:29,971 --> 00:05:31,504
to strong African features,
124
00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:34,140
especially with Michelle
flaunting them big old yams
in the white house.
125
00:05:34,175 --> 00:05:35,275
Mmm-hmm.
126
00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:38,379
Look at that.
127
00:05:41,183 --> 00:05:42,617
Just gave her a touch of class,
128
00:05:42,651 --> 00:05:43,718
just like that.
129
00:05:43,752 --> 00:05:45,153
Snap of the finger.
130
00:05:45,188 --> 00:05:46,588
Do not light that
cigarette in this house.
131
00:05:46,623 --> 00:05:47,956
I wasn't fixin' to, momma.
132
00:05:47,991 --> 00:05:49,658
I wasn't fixin' to,
I was just
taking it out.
133
00:05:49,692 --> 00:05:52,194
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Let me get that.
134
00:05:52,228 --> 00:05:54,530
Want to make you
look more wholesome.
135
00:05:54,565 --> 00:05:56,666
Put that like that.
136
00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:58,334
And when you say it,
momma, just say it...
137
00:05:58,369 --> 00:05:59,702
Say it, like, you know
what I'm sayin'?
138
00:05:59,737 --> 00:06:01,170
Like you love
your son, you know
what I'm sayin'?
139
00:06:01,205 --> 00:06:03,207
Say it like you ain't never
had a better son than me.
140
00:06:03,241 --> 00:06:06,110
Okay? All right,
I want y'all to
frame her like this.
141
00:06:06,144 --> 00:06:09,213
This is my son, Tijuana...
Momma, momma, can you
look in the camera?
142
00:06:11,182 --> 00:06:13,351
If you're sayin' it,
say it to America,
say it to them...
143
00:06:13,386 --> 00:06:17,922
This is my son,
Tijuana Jackson,
science of triumph.
144
00:06:19,325 --> 00:06:21,159
You gotta say it with more
enthusiasm than that.
145
00:06:21,193 --> 00:06:23,396
If you say it like that...
Junior, my
bladder is full.
146
00:06:23,430 --> 00:06:25,264
Can you use it
as motivation?
I've got to go now!
147
00:06:29,036 --> 00:06:32,239
You know what,
that's good enough
for me, okay?
148
00:06:35,810 --> 00:06:37,077
I'm gonna take that,
we're gonna edit it,
149
00:06:37,111 --> 00:06:38,612
we gonna put it on the website.
150
00:06:38,646 --> 00:06:39,981
You know what I'm sayin'?
Upload it to MySpace,
151
00:06:40,015 --> 00:06:41,883
Facebook, put this
shit on Twitter.
152
00:06:41,917 --> 00:06:43,818
You know what I'm sayin'?
Anything we can do. Look,
153
00:06:46,021 --> 00:06:47,288
what ya'll need to do,
154
00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:48,791
go outside,
155
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,059
film some of the aesthetics,
156
00:06:50,093 --> 00:06:51,627
so people know
where I come from,
157
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,962
my lifesle, my background.
You know what I'm sayin'?
158
00:06:55,265 --> 00:06:57,599
Go outside. Go on.
Go film the aesthecs.
159
00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:01,037
Out... film...
Yeah, good.
160
00:07:13,719 --> 00:07:15,019
You ain't see shit.
161
00:07:16,022 --> 00:07:17,189
Don't say nothin'.
162
00:07:18,191 --> 00:07:19,658
Turn it off.
Junior.
163
00:07:19,692 --> 00:07:21,460
Get out.
Don't you leave here
without paying me.
164
00:07:21,494 --> 00:07:23,628
Nope. Here we go.
And what'd I tell you about
smoking in the house?
165
00:07:23,663 --> 00:07:26,199
I'm not smokin'.
Okay, all right.
All right, momma. Bye.
166
00:07:26,233 --> 00:07:28,067
Outside!
167
00:07:28,102 --> 00:07:29,869
Y'all notice something
interesting?
168
00:07:29,903 --> 00:07:31,804
The first thing
my momma said
when I told her
169
00:07:31,839 --> 00:07:33,773
that I was gonna be
a life coach,
170
00:07:33,807 --> 00:07:35,709
she said, "people
don't change." Okay?
171
00:07:35,744 --> 00:07:37,878
Y'all saw me take $20
out of her purse, huh?
172
00:07:37,912 --> 00:07:39,813
You saw me give it back to her.
173
00:07:39,848 --> 00:07:41,949
Two months ago...
Shit, nigger,
two weeks ago,
174
00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:43,150
that would've been
very different.
175
00:07:43,184 --> 00:07:44,285
Matter of fact, I wouldn't
have gave it back.
176
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,488
She'd a been ass
the fuck out. Okay?
177
00:07:46,522 --> 00:07:47,689
Case in point,
178
00:07:48,858 --> 00:07:50,358
people do change.
179
00:07:50,393 --> 00:07:51,526
I'm living proof.
180
00:07:58,835 --> 00:08:00,002
Y'all get that?
181
00:08:34,508 --> 00:08:36,075
Hey, partner,
thought you quit...
182
00:08:36,110 --> 00:08:37,744
Fuck you!
183
00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:40,014
Okay.
184
00:08:41,183 --> 00:08:42,383
What do we got here?
185
00:08:43,618 --> 00:08:45,886
Break in the child
pornography ring.
186
00:08:45,921 --> 00:08:47,989
Fifth grader inside,
Donny lonovan.
187
00:08:48,024 --> 00:08:49,291
Little perv was caught
looking at this
188
00:08:49,325 --> 00:08:51,259
and rubbing his boner
on the tetherball pole.
189
00:08:51,294 --> 00:08:52,727
Wouldn't tell us
where he got it.
190
00:08:54,831 --> 00:08:55,897
Yeah?
191
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,234
Well, he will.
192
00:09:00,270 --> 00:09:02,405
Lt. Ducca: United
states police department!
Lt. Phuk: Uspd!
193
00:09:02,439 --> 00:09:03,539
This is real.
Put your pencils down!
194
00:09:03,574 --> 00:09:06,210
Do not move.
It is on, pal!
195
00:09:06,244 --> 00:09:08,846
Tell me that isn't
janitor Carl Lopez going...
196
00:09:10,915 --> 00:09:12,783
On Ms. hodgkins
from third grade.
197
00:09:12,817 --> 00:09:14,351
I found it
on the ground!
198
00:09:14,385 --> 00:09:16,087
Oh! He found it
on the ground!
199
00:09:16,121 --> 00:09:18,890
The ground was
where he found it. Okay.
200
00:09:18,924 --> 00:09:20,658
Wrong answer!
That is the
wrong answer!
201
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:22,060
Oh, my God!
202
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:23,929
God's got nothing to do
203
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,965
with what just came
out of my boo-boo.
204
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,601
Got some mud ghosts,
and my butt is haunted.
205
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:31,270
Now, you're going to tell
me where you got this.
206
00:09:34,909 --> 00:09:36,142
I can't!
207
00:09:36,177 --> 00:09:37,611
Okay, you don't want
any part of the stink
208
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,513
I got hidin' in this
front butthole, kid.
209
00:09:39,547 --> 00:09:41,348
Okay, okay!
I'll talk.
210
00:09:41,382 --> 00:09:42,450
Ugh!
211
00:09:42,484 --> 00:09:43,518
Burrito!
212
00:09:43,552 --> 00:09:45,319
Oh. You will
say it. I'm sorry.
213
00:09:45,354 --> 00:09:47,755
I thought you weren't
going to tell us. Okay.
214
00:09:47,789 --> 00:09:48,956
Ugh!
215
00:09:48,991 --> 00:09:50,424
That one's a freebie.
216
00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:53,362
Lt. Phuk: Perv.
Taxpayers didn't pay
for a cent of that.
217
00:09:59,202 --> 00:10:01,004
Looks like the cleaning
lady had the month off.
218
00:10:01,038 --> 00:10:02,839
That's funny.
219
00:10:02,873 --> 00:10:05,675
You want to come see
my sketch show?
No.
220
00:10:05,709 --> 00:10:06,910
Bingo.
221
00:10:09,179 --> 00:10:12,583
We are dealing with
one sick puppy,
detective phuk.
222
00:10:15,487 --> 00:10:16,787
Oh, farts!
223
00:10:17,989 --> 00:10:20,025
Ow!
224
00:10:20,059 --> 00:10:22,694
Doesn't this kid know
how to play catch?
225
00:10:22,728 --> 00:10:24,629
Hey, can I use that
in my sketch show?
No.
226
00:10:26,566 --> 00:10:29,402
All right, sweetie,
we're going to make this
nice and simple.
227
00:10:29,436 --> 00:10:30,937
Just admit that
you've been producing
228
00:10:30,971 --> 00:10:32,805
and selling child pornography.
229
00:10:32,839 --> 00:10:34,907
I don't speak
pig Latin, ig-pay.
230
00:10:34,942 --> 00:10:36,677
Wrong answer!
Get him
up there!
231
00:10:36,711 --> 00:10:37,844
Hold him down!
232
00:10:37,879 --> 00:10:39,646
- You think boobies
are funny? Huh?
- No.
233
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,615
- You think storing milk
is funny?
- No.
234
00:10:41,649 --> 00:10:43,250
What kind of person
are you, huh?
235
00:10:44,986 --> 00:10:46,821
- You think milking
boobies are funny? Huh?
- No!
236
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:48,890
- You think ladies'
pee-pees are funny?
- No! Ow!
237
00:10:48,924 --> 00:10:49,991
Guess what?
238
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,859
Ladies don't
pee out their butt.
239
00:10:51,894 --> 00:10:53,394
Ladies don't pee
240
00:10:53,429 --> 00:10:54,696
out their
241
00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:55,764
butts!
242
00:10:55,799 --> 00:10:56,966
All right,
all right!
243
00:10:58,335 --> 00:10:59,468
All right,
244
00:10:59,502 --> 00:11:00,803
I drew those things
245
00:11:00,837 --> 00:11:02,071
and I sold them to the
kids at the playground
246
00:11:02,105 --> 00:11:04,207
for a little extra
tamagotchi money.
247
00:11:04,241 --> 00:11:06,776
So what? I mean, even
if I do get charged
248
00:11:06,811 --> 00:11:08,144
I ain't gonna do any time!
249
00:11:08,179 --> 00:11:09,613
I'm a minor.
250
00:11:09,647 --> 00:11:10,780
Oh, yeah?
251
00:11:12,116 --> 00:11:13,818
Ah!
252
00:11:13,852 --> 00:11:16,554
Why don't you tell
that to the judge?
253
00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:17,822
Get him out of here!
254
00:11:17,856 --> 00:11:21,025
- Come on.
- I don't even
have pubic hair!
255
00:11:21,059 --> 00:11:25,163
What the...
This isn't... no!
This is not my moustache!
256
00:11:26,399 --> 00:11:28,400
Another scumbag
off the streets.
257
00:11:28,434 --> 00:11:29,568
Yup.
258
00:11:30,436 --> 00:11:31,471
Wanna fuck?
What?
259
00:11:31,538 --> 00:11:32,872
Huh?
260
00:11:32,906 --> 00:11:35,041
You want to come
see my sketch show?
No.
261
00:11:59,703 --> 00:12:01,237
Can't believe this shit.
262
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,774
Make me want to
cut a motherfucker.
263
00:12:07,210 --> 00:12:09,079
Ooh, I wanna slice somebody!
264
00:12:10,448 --> 00:12:11,982
You gonna tell somebody
it's a "rap party,"
265
00:12:12,016 --> 00:12:14,818
vite a fucking rapper,
you know what I'm sayin'?
266
00:12:14,852 --> 00:12:16,186
This ain't a rap party.
267
00:12:17,790 --> 00:12:19,357
Actually, it is a wrap party
268
00:12:19,391 --> 00:12:21,926
but, you know, like,
for a movie...
269
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,696
The end is also a wrap party.
270
00:12:24,730 --> 00:12:26,432
Where the fuck are
the movie stars?
271
00:12:27,367 --> 00:12:28,867
Paul rudd is here.
272
00:12:28,902 --> 00:12:31,136
Who the fuck is Paul rudd?
273
00:12:31,171 --> 00:12:33,972
Paul rudd.
I don't know no
motherfucking Paul rudd!
274
00:12:34,007 --> 00:12:35,942
Uh, the guy
from clueless?
275
00:12:37,211 --> 00:12:38,778
Oh!
276
00:12:38,813 --> 00:12:41,081
Who was he
in clueless?
277
00:12:41,115 --> 00:12:44,518
The brother, he ends up
with Alicia silverstone...
278
00:12:44,553 --> 00:12:45,953
Oh!
279
00:12:45,987 --> 00:12:47,988
I like him!
280
00:12:48,023 --> 00:12:49,223
Where he at?
281
00:12:59,068 --> 00:13:01,603
And now,
presenting the world premiere
282
00:13:01,637 --> 00:13:06,309
of a motion picture
produced especially
for funny or die,
283
00:13:06,343 --> 00:13:09,112
the movie of the week.
284
00:13:09,146 --> 00:13:12,216
Tonight's movie,
paco dances.
285
00:13:24,630 --> 00:13:27,098
Honey, we have
13 million views.
286
00:13:27,133 --> 00:13:29,334
I told you it was a good idea
to put paco on YouTube.
287
00:13:29,368 --> 00:13:32,338
Wow! Our little paco
is famous, isn't he?
288
00:13:32,372 --> 00:13:34,106
We should really think about
taking a trip to Hollywood,
289
00:13:34,141 --> 00:13:36,809
meet some agent manager
types, just like on entourage.
290
00:13:36,843 --> 00:13:38,878
I don't know, Terry,
we're not really
the Hollywood types.
291
00:13:38,912 --> 00:13:41,481
Yeah, I know.
But maybe paco is.
292
00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:42,816
What do you think
about that, paco?
293
00:13:42,850 --> 00:13:44,017
Paco, paco.
294
00:14:02,005 --> 00:14:03,605
We just want what's
best for paco.
295
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,843
All you gotta do
is take a look
at our client roster,
296
00:14:06,877 --> 00:14:10,847
and you will see
that we represent
almost 90%
297
00:14:10,881 --> 00:14:14,284
of the animal talent working
in the industry today.
298
00:14:14,318 --> 00:14:16,687
What do you think, paco?
Paco, paco.
299
00:14:19,624 --> 00:14:21,559
That's the funniest thing
I've ever heard in my life!
300
00:14:21,593 --> 00:14:23,260
He's one heck of a bird.
301
00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:26,298
Is it cool if I get
a few minutes alone
with paco here,
302
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:29,234
have a little
manager-client
powwow?
303
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:31,102
Absolutely.
We'll be in the lobby.
304
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:32,904
Thank you so much.
305
00:14:32,939 --> 00:14:35,808
And anything you want,
tell my assistant.
306
00:14:35,843 --> 00:14:37,109
Hope you like money!
307
00:14:44,052 --> 00:14:45,219
Paco,
308
00:14:46,454 --> 00:14:48,288
I'm going to level
with you right now.
309
00:14:50,091 --> 00:14:52,126
You gotta ditch those two
310
00:14:52,161 --> 00:14:55,063
fucking losers, all right?
311
00:14:55,097 --> 00:14:58,633
Because they are nothing
but fucking dead weight
312
00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:00,969
dragging you down.
313
00:15:01,003 --> 00:15:03,739
Now, do you want to be nothing?
314
00:15:03,773 --> 00:15:06,308
Or do you want to be something
315
00:15:06,343 --> 00:15:07,710
times
316
00:15:07,744 --> 00:15:10,145
amazing? Huh?
317
00:15:10,180 --> 00:15:11,882
What do you say, paco?
318
00:15:12,984 --> 00:15:14,918
It's okay.
319
00:15:14,952 --> 00:15:16,519
I hope you know what
you're doing, paco.
320
00:15:16,554 --> 00:15:19,891
Let's fucking
go, bro!
321
00:15:19,925 --> 00:15:22,426
Ditch those losers, already!
322
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,650
So, in bird of pray,
you play a con-artist
323
00:15:43,684 --> 00:15:45,985
disguised as a priest
to escape gambling debts.
324
00:15:46,020 --> 00:15:47,988
How did you prepare
for this role?
325
00:15:48,023 --> 00:15:49,023
Paco, paco.
326
00:15:49,057 --> 00:15:51,625
Oh, my goodness.
Thank you.
327
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:52,960
You're making me blush.
328
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:54,962
This is so embarrassing.
329
00:15:59,702 --> 00:16:01,603
And the award
for best lead actor
330
00:16:01,637 --> 00:16:04,773
in a mini-series
or movie goes to
331
00:16:06,810 --> 00:16:10,713
paco! Hbo's escape
from Auschwitz!
332
00:16:12,582 --> 00:16:13,816
This is paco's...
Paco, paco, paco...
333
00:16:13,850 --> 00:16:16,320
...Third nomination
and first win.
334
00:16:20,858 --> 00:16:22,759
Paco, paco.
335
00:16:24,029 --> 00:16:26,564
Hey, you're really cute.
336
00:16:27,933 --> 00:16:29,467
Do you have any coke?
337
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:35,808
A diver one.
338
00:16:38,078 --> 00:16:40,946
Whoa! What the fuck do you
think you're doing in here?
339
00:16:40,981 --> 00:16:43,116
Just gotta take
a piss, man.
What?
340
00:16:43,150 --> 00:16:45,051
What the fuck did
you just say to me?
341
00:16:45,086 --> 00:16:48,788
Hey, paco! Hitchcock
this motherfucker!
342
00:16:48,823 --> 00:16:51,826
No! My eye!
He's got my fucking eye!
343
00:16:53,495 --> 00:16:55,663
God! My fucking eye!
344
00:17:20,525 --> 00:17:23,327
Yeah, suck that
bird dick, baby.
345
00:17:23,361 --> 00:17:25,996
Two on one, two on one.
346
00:17:30,469 --> 00:17:33,838
Oh, bad bird.
You bad, bad bird.
347
00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:02,170
Hello?
348
00:18:03,405 --> 00:18:04,873
Paco, is that you?
349
00:18:08,978 --> 00:18:10,546
We aren't mad at you,
buddy, just come home.
350
00:18:12,850 --> 00:18:14,050
Paco, say something.
351
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,630
I thought she could
handle it, man.
352
00:18:26,665 --> 00:18:28,933
I guess I pushed her too far.
353
00:18:28,967 --> 00:18:31,703
I thought she could
handle this shit!
354
00:18:32,638 --> 00:18:33,905
Paco, paco.
355
00:18:36,776 --> 00:18:37,976
You're right.
356
00:18:38,010 --> 00:18:39,311
You're right,
we gotta bury her.
357
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:43,349
Sorry.
358
00:18:43,383 --> 00:18:47,487
Sorry.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
359
00:18:54,295 --> 00:18:57,431
Shut the fuck up!
360
00:19:01,570 --> 00:19:03,438
Look,
361
00:19:04,673 --> 00:19:05,773
this right here
362
00:19:06,942 --> 00:19:08,844
is going to be
our little secret, man.
363
00:19:08,879 --> 00:19:10,379
Right?
364
00:19:10,413 --> 00:19:12,314
We're bonded now!
365
00:19:12,349 --> 00:19:13,883
We're brothers!
366
00:19:13,917 --> 00:19:15,384
It's just you and me.
367
00:19:15,418 --> 00:19:16,520
Paco, paco.
368
00:19:19,657 --> 00:19:22,259
Let's go put this
bitch in the ground.
369
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,278
I fucked up.
370
00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:42,814
But I'm a good person.
371
00:20:03,105 --> 00:20:05,073
I hate that fucking song!
372
00:20:06,209 --> 00:20:07,342
Ah! What
the fuck?
373
00:20:07,376 --> 00:20:08,944
What the fuck are you doing?
374
00:20:08,978 --> 00:20:10,178
Are you fucking nuts?
375
00:20:10,213 --> 00:20:11,347
Ah!
376
00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:14,517
You fucker...
377
00:20:39,512 --> 00:20:42,248
? I have seen things ?
378
00:20:44,651 --> 00:20:49,155
? things I just choose
not to talk about ?
379
00:20:51,559 --> 00:20:55,228
? things that only
seem to frighten ?
380
00:20:55,229 --> 00:20:59,200
? and offend
most everybody ?
381
00:20:59,268 --> 00:21:03,537
? things that only
welcome to my study ?
382
00:21:10,079 --> 00:21:11,980
Hello
383
00:21:12,015 --> 00:21:13,548
and welcome to my study.
384
00:21:16,153 --> 00:21:18,154
My name is Mitchell.
385
00:21:20,457 --> 00:21:21,791
You're always welcome to enjoy
386
00:21:21,825 --> 00:21:24,428
the thin that I've found.
387
00:21:24,462 --> 00:21:27,564
I'm lonely, and
I collect things.
388
00:21:27,599 --> 00:21:30,567
Well, let's see
what I've found
inside my study drawers.
389
00:21:34,373 --> 00:21:35,974
It's a mitten.
390
00:21:37,310 --> 00:21:38,743
Brr, it's cold outside,
391
00:21:38,778 --> 00:21:40,779
put your mittens on,
put them on your hands.
392
00:21:42,014 --> 00:21:43,149
Put them on...
393
00:21:47,821 --> 00:21:50,556
So what else is inside
my study drawers?
394
00:21:55,196 --> 00:21:56,697
It's bolts.
395
00:21:58,466 --> 00:22:00,400
You can't bolt
me down, I'm a man.
396
00:22:03,639 --> 00:22:06,140
So what else is inside
my study drawers?
397
00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:15,317
It's a few peppermints.
398
00:22:21,625 --> 00:22:24,327
If God could grant me one wish
399
00:22:24,362 --> 00:22:26,162
it would be to spend
more time with you.
400
00:22:27,398 --> 00:22:30,067
? I have seen things ?
401
00:22:32,637 --> 00:22:37,074
? things I just choose
not to talk about ?
402
00:22:39,145 --> 00:22:43,215
? things that only
seem to frighten ?
403
00:22:43,249 --> 00:22:47,086
? and offend
most everybody ?
404
00:22:47,121 --> 00:22:51,257
? welcome to my study ?
405
00:23:08,277 --> 00:23:09,911
Hey, that was fun.
406
00:23:10,746 --> 00:23:11,913
We made some shit,
407
00:23:13,215 --> 00:23:14,383
you watche some shit...
408
00:23:16,219 --> 00:23:17,353
Mmm.
409
00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:19,221
Fun shit.
410
00:23:22,513 --> 00:23:30,561
Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com
29278
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