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1
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♪♪♪ (theme)
2
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Hi, Mom, I'm home.
3
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Washing socks?
- I got to.
4
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I left 'em out for the elves to do last night.
5
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They wouldn't touch 'em.
6
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Can you blame them?
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You do lovely work.
8
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I think I'm getting bedpan hands.
9
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Is your cold better?
- Does a cold ever get better?
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You're shaving in the middle of the week.
11
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Anybody I know?
12
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Lieutenant Marquette.
13
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Oh... The new one.
14
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You're very observant for a laundress.
15
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I never met a nurse that didn't register.
16
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Ah, a registered nurse!
- A registered nurse!
17
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We're going on a picnic.
18
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I'm gonna show her the beauty of Korea.
19
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Among other natural wonders.
20
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These socks are dripping all over the floor.
21
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It settles the dust.
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I'll do yours for five dollars, Frank.
23
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He doesn't wash his socks.
24
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He wears them for a month, then burns them.
25
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Will you put that away, Frank!
- I'm cleaning it!
26
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Playing with a gun, Frank, is very significant.
27
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Highly Freudian. Or am I guilty of pistol envy?
28
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I don't put any stock in that Freud stuff.
29
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Oh, you might have been one
of his original patients, Frank.
30
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Oh, phooey.
31
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I can just see you walking through the Vienna woods,
32
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kissing a loaf of freshly-baked bread.
33
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"Come with me to the laboratory,
young man. I give you strudel."
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I happen to think that man is more than just an animal
35
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whose every thought is motivated by sex.
36
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Well, there goes Hot Lips' evening.
37
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Will you stop pointing that thing!
38
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The safety's on! I think. Now it is.
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(giggles)
40
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Frank, I know it's irrational
to ask you a rational question,
41
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but why do you need a gun?
42
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We are in a battle zone, mister.
Only three miles from the front.
43
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You must have very long bullets.
44
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Hey, Hawkeye?
- Yeah?
45
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I got the stuff for your picnic.
- Oh, faithful Radar.
46
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When I have the time, I'll make you tall.
47
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What culinary delights did you get
for us this time, old family container?
48
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You've got breaded veal sandwiches.
- Good.
49
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With yesterday's lettuce.
- And tomorrow's bananas.
50
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:32,600
And neither is what it was or is going to be.
51
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Get the tomatoes?
52
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No.
- Why not?
53
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Uh, well, I looked at 'em, and something looked back.
54
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Thanks.
55
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Brandy. Compliments of Colonel Blake.
56
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Not very much in it.
- He wasn't very complimentary.
57
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Fill it up.
- Huh?
58
00:03:48,733 --> 00:03:53,033
Take some white brandy.
- Oh, right.
59
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,166
You can't use him as a servant.
- No servitude involved.
60
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He likes me. Don't you, Radar?
- Uh, yes, sir.
61
00:03:58,833 --> 00:04:01,200
And you don't like Major Burns, do you?
62
00:04:01,233 --> 00:04:03,333
Oh, no, that's not so. I like you, sir.
63
00:04:03,366 --> 00:04:06,266
Why do you always say nasty
things about him behind his back?
64
00:04:07,833 --> 00:04:09,733
Hey!
65
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Boy! Honestly, sometimes!
66
00:04:15,166 --> 00:04:17,133
Jeez!
67
00:04:17,166 --> 00:04:20,366
Well, I'm off. Don't wait up for me.
68
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,766
Frank, if you don't put that gun away,
69
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,600
I'm gonna break it into little pieces
and feed it to you intravenously.
70
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:28,109
Are you aware that you're talking
to an officer of superior rank?
71
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Yes.
- Oh.
72
00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:32,566
See you later, Trap.
73
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,666
Make notes.
74
00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:44,366
It's hard to accept. Here it's so peaceful, idyllic.
75
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And right over there is the war.
76
00:04:46,666 --> 00:04:48,766
I feel almost guilty.
77
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Oh, these moments are necessary.
78
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Not something we owe ourselves,
79
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something we owe them.
80
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I feel better.
81
00:04:58,133 --> 00:05:00,100
And it's only just begun.
82
00:05:01,566 --> 00:05:03,166
Is that all right, Frank?
83
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,633
Eight cans, eight shots.
84
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That should be about right.
85
00:05:08,533 --> 00:05:11,433
Could I see the gun just once more, Frank?
86
00:05:11,466 --> 00:05:13,300
You've seen it Margaret.
87
00:05:13,333 --> 00:05:15,666
There's just something about a pearl-handled pistol
88
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that makes me...
89
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Did I tell you my father had one?
90
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:22,242
No, I couldn't. I just remembered that.
91
00:05:22,266 --> 00:05:24,033
Isn't that curious, Frank?
92
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And exciting somehow.
93
00:05:27,566 --> 00:05:30,400
Well... yeah.
94
00:05:30,433 --> 00:05:33,433
Does every new nurse fall in love with you here?
95
00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:35,033
No.
96
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Only the ones with taste.
97
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Do you think I have any?
98
00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:40,633
I don't know. Let me taste you.
99
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(gunfire)
100
00:05:42,433 --> 00:05:44,533
What was that?
101
00:05:45,666 --> 00:05:48,033
You wait here. Keep down.
102
00:05:49,466 --> 00:05:52,433
Frank! You idiot!
103
00:05:52,466 --> 00:05:54,166
You know how close you came with that?
104
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:55,509
Came with what? I haven't fired yet!
105
00:05:55,533 --> 00:05:57,500
I was right over there, and a bullet came
106
00:05:57,533 --> 00:05:59,542
within this close of my foot.
- I haven't fired yet!
107
00:05:59,566 --> 00:06:01,500
Don't lie!
- He most certainly has not!
108
00:06:01,533 --> 00:06:03,233
All right, give it to me, Frank.
109
00:06:03,266 --> 00:06:05,400
We'll give you a yo-yo, or a doll that wets.
- No!
110
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:07,033
(gunfire)
111
00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:08,376
What was that?
- HAWKEYE: The sniper!
112
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Sniper?
113
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:15,066
The war, remember?
114
00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:20,433
- FRANK: Where are you going?
- Grab a friend and get back to camp!
115
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♪♪♪
116
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(gunfire)
117
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(collective shouting, gunfire continues)
118
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Those are shots, aren't they, Radar?
119
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We're under fire, sir.
120
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Well, hell's bells, we're a hospital!
121
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(bullet ricocheting)
122
00:06:59,281 --> 00:07:02,714
That's against the Geneva Convention.
123
00:07:02,747 --> 00:07:04,847
I'm not for it, either, sir.
124
00:07:04,881 --> 00:07:06,981
We're completely unarmed.
125
00:07:07,014 --> 00:07:09,314
Sitting here with our tails sticking out. Helpless.
126
00:07:09,347 --> 00:07:12,681
Radar... Psst! Come here.
127
00:07:19,681 --> 00:07:21,190
- I'll call up headquarters and get some help.
- Call headquarters
128
00:07:21,214 --> 00:07:23,981
and get some help.
129
00:07:24,014 --> 00:07:26,314
Radar, it's not very safe out there.
130
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(gunshot)
131
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It's not much better in here, sir.
132
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(gunshot)
133
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(gunfire continues)
134
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:02,614
Sir?
- What happened?
135
00:08:02,647 --> 00:08:04,347
(screaming)
136
00:08:04,381 --> 00:08:06,881
Uh, nothing. I forgot my glasses.
137
00:08:09,381 --> 00:08:12,214
Uh... I could go out there again.
138
00:08:12,247 --> 00:08:15,381
If you wanted to volunteer me.
139
00:08:15,414 --> 00:08:17,081
Oh, forget it.
140
00:08:17,114 --> 00:08:19,681
You'd look silly with a hole in your head.
141
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Come here.
142
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Yes, sir.
143
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You!
144
00:08:30,681 --> 00:08:32,847
You up there, you hear me?
145
00:08:32,881 --> 00:08:35,214
This is Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake!
146
00:08:35,247 --> 00:08:37,581
Do you hear me?
- (Gunfire)
147
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That son of a gun hears pretty good.
148
00:08:41,381 --> 00:08:43,247
(gunfire)
149
00:08:43,281 --> 00:08:44,814
Can I have it quiet in here, please?
150
00:08:44,847 --> 00:08:46,081
(chattering, pounding)
151
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Uh... people?
- (Chattering continues)
152
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:56,714
Quiet! Shhh. Quiet! The major has something to say!
153
00:08:56,747 --> 00:08:59,014
Quiet!
154
00:08:59,047 --> 00:09:03,181
Uh, quiet, please, please! May I have your attention?
155
00:09:03,214 --> 00:09:06,914
(chattering continues)
- Now, please, I want it quiet!
156
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:12,614
(pounding continues)
- People!
157
00:09:12,647 --> 00:09:13,981
(noise stops)
158
00:09:15,881 --> 00:09:18,581
I don't know. I've always had it.
159
00:09:20,147 --> 00:09:22,947
All right, people. I want everybody calm.
160
00:09:22,981 --> 00:09:25,747
Completely calm. And that's an order!
161
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Now we're under...
- (gunshot)
162
00:09:27,714 --> 00:09:30,714
(screaming)
163
00:09:30,747 --> 00:09:33,047
We're under massive enemy attack!
164
00:09:33,081 --> 00:09:35,614
Col. Blake, our commander, is missing in action.
165
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He's trapped in the shower with Radar.
166
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What a way to go.
167
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Well, in that case, I'm assuming command...
168
00:09:44,014 --> 00:09:47,881
until the colonel can be, uh, uh, "deshowerized."
169
00:09:49,647 --> 00:09:51,981
It's like the Titanic in there without an orchestra.
170
00:09:52,014 --> 00:09:53,890
I think there's only one, but I
don't know. There may be more.
171
00:09:53,914 --> 00:09:55,314
What difference does it make?
172
00:09:55,347 --> 00:09:58,747
You want us to go after him with our diplomas?
173
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(gunshots continue)
- Look, we need help!
174
00:10:01,381 --> 00:10:03,814
Yeah, I realize that.
175
00:10:03,847 --> 00:10:06,247
If there's a push on, though, there's gonna be wounded.
176
00:10:06,281 --> 00:10:09,947
And we're pinned down! We can't move!
177
00:10:09,981 --> 00:10:14,347
Yeah, okay, okay. Yeah. We do the best we can.
178
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,614
(sighs) There's a push on.
179
00:10:16,647 --> 00:10:18,714
Tomorrow noon's the earliest they can get here.
180
00:10:20,847 --> 00:10:23,181
(gunshots continue)
181
00:10:36,381 --> 00:10:39,881
(Houlihan screams) What? Oh!
182
00:10:39,914 --> 00:10:43,081
Thank God.
- Oh, congratulations. You're alive.
183
00:10:43,114 --> 00:10:46,081
- Are you all right?
- Just barely. Boy, that guy's really peppering away.
184
00:10:46,114 --> 00:10:48,014
We've been pinned down in the shower.
185
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:51,347
That's the cleanest you've been since it rained.
186
00:10:51,381 --> 00:10:53,814
What's the situation in here?
187
00:10:53,847 --> 00:10:56,014
Desperate, Colonel. No food, no ammunition.
188
00:10:56,047 --> 00:10:58,814
Low on supplies, low on morale.
- But very high on panic.
189
00:10:58,847 --> 00:11:00,614
Yeah, Frank's been a marvelous commandant.
190
00:11:00,647 --> 00:11:02,814
He's risen to a new low.
- (Gunfire)
191
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,047
You got casualties out there, son?
192
00:11:06,081 --> 00:11:08,047
Yes, sir. Six. And some of them look pretty bad.
193
00:11:08,081 --> 00:11:10,747
McIntyre, check his arm.
- Come on.
194
00:11:10,781 --> 00:11:12,747
Colonel, we've got to get them in here.
195
00:11:12,781 --> 00:11:14,714
Major, I may not know the difference
196
00:11:14,747 --> 00:11:17,347
between a bayonet and a butter knife, but I do know that!
197
00:11:17,381 --> 00:11:21,014
- Now, I hate to do this, but I've made a decision.
- Another first.
198
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:23,190
I'm gonna call Regimental Headquarters for immediate help.
199
00:11:23,214 --> 00:11:25,347
Henry, we did. We're on our own till tomorrow.
200
00:11:25,381 --> 00:11:29,014
We can't just wait! We've gotta do something!
- Anything!
201
00:11:29,047 --> 00:11:31,147
I agree with Frank. I think we should do anything.
202
00:11:32,814 --> 00:11:35,247
The first thing we have to do before we do anything
203
00:11:35,281 --> 00:11:37,314
is to get the casualties out there in here.
204
00:11:37,347 --> 00:11:40,114
- Got any ideas?
- Henry, isn't it obvious what we have to do?
205
00:11:40,147 --> 00:11:41,747
What?
- Surrender.
206
00:11:41,781 --> 00:11:43,614
Surrender?
- What?
207
00:11:43,647 --> 00:11:45,614
There are wounded out there.
208
00:11:45,647 --> 00:11:47,357
If we surrender, there's a chance we
can help them. Otherwise, who knows?
209
00:11:47,381 --> 00:11:48,881
Surrender?
210
00:11:48,914 --> 00:11:51,881
Surrender and be overrun by those yellow hordes?
211
00:11:51,914 --> 00:11:54,014
Overrun by a horde of one?
212
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,714
There may be a squad of them out there!
213
00:11:56,747 --> 00:11:58,181
The minute you surrender,
214
00:11:58,214 --> 00:12:00,214
they infiltrate and crawl into your perimeter.
215
00:12:00,247 --> 00:12:04,014
Frank, there are ladies here.
- Colonel, if we are overrun,
216
00:12:04,047 --> 00:12:07,914
may I remind you of your responsibility
for the women of this command?
217
00:12:07,947 --> 00:12:11,281
What guarantee do we have
concerning the violations of our bodies,
218
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:15,881
the possibly numerous, multiple
violations of our bodies by the enemy?
219
00:12:15,914 --> 00:12:17,881
What kind of guarantee do you want?
220
00:12:17,914 --> 00:12:21,614
That remark is beneath notice!
- Don't notice it.
221
00:12:21,647 --> 00:12:25,014
Now, hold it, look. I can't surrender without orders.
222
00:12:25,047 --> 00:12:27,347
I mean, they emphasized that to me particularly.
223
00:12:27,381 --> 00:12:30,181
I don't know exactly why. I mean, the guy said,
224
00:12:30,214 --> 00:12:33,281
"Blake, never surrender without checking."
225
00:12:33,314 --> 00:12:35,747
Besides, Headquarters says there's a push on.
226
00:12:35,781 --> 00:12:38,214
All the more reason not to surrender!
227
00:12:38,247 --> 00:12:40,781
Au contraire, Major! There are choppers
228
00:12:40,814 --> 00:12:43,914
gonna be flying wounded in here looking for the 4077th.
229
00:12:43,947 --> 00:12:45,990
If we surrender, there's a chance we can keep working.
230
00:12:46,014 --> 00:12:48,057
Otherwise, we're just sitting
here with our majors hanging out.
231
00:12:48,081 --> 00:12:52,747
Colonel, may I go on record...
- No!
232
00:12:52,781 --> 00:12:55,947
Radar?
- Get a white flag. Yes, sir.
233
00:13:07,081 --> 00:13:08,981
Okay for now.
234
00:13:11,114 --> 00:13:13,181
Wave it, wave it.
235
00:13:21,781 --> 00:13:24,581
Okay, start unloading! Let's go! Move!
236
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:37,981
I hope he likes a parade.
237
00:13:45,681 --> 00:13:47,314
(gunshot)
238
00:13:47,347 --> 00:13:50,114
(shudders)
- (gunshots continue)
239
00:13:50,147 --> 00:13:52,014
Let's go!
240
00:13:55,681 --> 00:13:56,957
Let's get these patients prepped!
241
00:13:56,981 --> 00:13:59,114
Let's go! Hurry it up! Come on!
242
00:13:59,147 --> 00:14:02,881
MCINTYRE: All right, hold it, hold it!
243
00:14:02,914 --> 00:14:05,747
Whew. You okay?
244
00:14:05,781 --> 00:14:07,747
Fine. You?
- Okay.
245
00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:10,681
I don't know about you, but I'm upset.
- Yeah? Why?
246
00:14:10,714 --> 00:14:13,034
My draft board promised me there wouldn't be any shooting.
247
00:14:21,748 --> 00:14:24,515
Hey, holy moley! Look at this kid's gall bladder.
248
00:14:24,548 --> 00:14:27,382
I got a weak stomach, Henry.
That's why I didn't go into medicine.
249
00:14:27,415 --> 00:14:29,848
Come on, sponge.
- Well, Pierce,
250
00:14:29,882 --> 00:14:33,582
maybe now you'll understand you
can't do business with the commies.
251
00:14:33,615 --> 00:14:36,848
How would you like your eyebrows plucked from inside?
252
00:14:36,882 --> 00:14:39,282
Just where did your appeasement get us?
253
00:14:39,315 --> 00:14:42,482
The sniper's still outside. The generator's shot.
254
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:45,515
Yeah, but the wounded are in. Stop yapping and work.
255
00:14:45,548 --> 00:14:49,448
How they hate you for your courage.
256
00:14:49,482 --> 00:14:52,415
Kid's not over 16. Look at him. Still got baby fat.
257
00:14:52,448 --> 00:14:54,148
What is this, a children's war?
258
00:14:54,182 --> 00:14:56,215
It's everybody's war, Pierce.
259
00:14:56,248 --> 00:14:59,848
You can have my share.
- You selling bonds again, Frank?
260
00:14:59,882 --> 00:15:02,882
It's a little late in the game for pacifism, gentlemen.
261
00:15:02,915 --> 00:15:04,815
You just don't quit.
262
00:15:04,848 --> 00:15:08,315
And what happens if we do quit and they roll right over us?
263
00:15:08,348 --> 00:15:11,882
You could roll over first.
- You're obscene!
264
00:15:11,915 --> 00:15:15,215
I'm even better on the phone. Give me some more light here.
265
00:15:28,748 --> 00:15:30,848
This is eerie.
266
00:15:30,882 --> 00:15:34,148
Sit a little closer. It drives away the eeries.
267
00:15:38,748 --> 00:15:41,248
Why do I feel safe here with you?
268
00:15:41,282 --> 00:15:43,182
Search me. I don't.
269
00:15:46,748 --> 00:15:49,282
(quiet chattering)
270
00:15:53,515 --> 00:15:56,182
All things considered, I think
things are running fairly smoothly.
271
00:15:56,215 --> 00:15:58,882
Don't you think so, Radar?
272
00:15:58,915 --> 00:16:01,748
The tension is unbearable.
273
00:16:01,782 --> 00:16:04,315
And building, building.
274
00:16:06,815 --> 00:16:09,415
Can't you feel it, Frank? Can't you feel anything?
275
00:16:09,448 --> 00:16:11,448
Definitely.
276
00:16:11,482 --> 00:16:13,148
Apart from the sniper,
277
00:16:13,182 --> 00:16:15,682
don't you think things are running fairly smoothly?
278
00:16:15,715 --> 00:16:18,348
Nobody's eaten in 13 hours, sir.
279
00:16:18,382 --> 00:16:19,848
Yes, well, that coincides
280
00:16:19,882 --> 00:16:22,582
with how long we've gone without food.
281
00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:25,315
I have this peculiar metabolism.
282
00:16:25,348 --> 00:16:26,748
If I don't eat regularly,
283
00:16:26,782 --> 00:16:30,315
everything solid in my body turns to liquid.
284
00:16:30,348 --> 00:16:33,282
My shoes are full of water.
285
00:16:33,315 --> 00:16:35,415
They are not!
286
00:16:37,415 --> 00:16:39,548
A real man...
287
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:43,282
if we had a real man in this outfit,
288
00:16:43,315 --> 00:16:46,715
would be out there in the darkness with his gun
289
00:16:46,748 --> 00:16:49,082
putting an end to this tension.
290
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:53,315
I don't do very well at night.
291
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,882
Since when?
292
00:16:57,915 --> 00:17:00,782
My optic adjustment to darkness is, uh, subnormal.
293
00:17:00,815 --> 00:17:02,548
I don't see very well.
294
00:17:04,248 --> 00:17:06,582
But I do, and may I say, Frank,
295
00:17:06,615 --> 00:17:10,648
that my eyes are wide open and seeing more than I care to.
296
00:17:10,682 --> 00:17:13,582
(snoring)
297
00:17:23,748 --> 00:17:25,715
Margaret.
- (Gasps, screams)
298
00:17:25,748 --> 00:17:27,748
Relax, relax! I'm not here for violation purposes.
299
00:17:30,815 --> 00:17:33,615
Where's Frank? It's his shift.
300
00:17:33,648 --> 00:17:35,548
He's not here.
301
00:17:39,715 --> 00:17:41,582
He's not here!
302
00:17:58,315 --> 00:18:00,182
Frank?
303
00:18:04,715 --> 00:18:06,682
Frank!
304
00:18:06,715 --> 00:18:09,848
Come one step closer, and I'll blow your head off.
305
00:18:09,882 --> 00:18:11,815
Frank, it's Hawkeye.
306
00:18:17,548 --> 00:18:20,382
Frank.
- Oh, hi!
307
00:18:20,415 --> 00:18:23,815
Hi, Frank. What's new?
- Well, I, uh...
308
00:18:23,848 --> 00:18:27,582
I was out hunting the sniper. I was, really.
309
00:18:27,615 --> 00:18:31,315
Right.
- And then after a while, I...
310
00:18:31,348 --> 00:18:33,515
Well...
311
00:18:33,548 --> 00:18:37,282
Frank, even General Patton had his off days.
312
00:18:37,315 --> 00:18:39,648
Really?
- Oh, he had days you wouldn't believe.
313
00:18:39,682 --> 00:18:42,382
Days when he just had to slap someone.
314
00:18:44,648 --> 00:18:46,815
Do you know how long it took me to become a doctor?
315
00:18:46,848 --> 00:18:50,415
Do you?
- I thought the usual time.
316
00:18:50,448 --> 00:18:54,348
Twice as long. I flunked out of two med schools.
317
00:18:54,382 --> 00:18:56,448
I even thought of switching to male nurse,
318
00:18:56,482 --> 00:18:58,882
but I could never learn how to make hospital corners.
319
00:18:58,915 --> 00:19:01,548
- Frank, you really don't have to...
- And during my internship,
320
00:19:01,582 --> 00:19:05,615
the local undertaker used to send
me Christmas presents and calendars.
321
00:19:05,648 --> 00:19:07,815
But I made it.
322
00:19:07,848 --> 00:19:10,715
Why should I throw all that away?
323
00:19:10,748 --> 00:19:13,148
Let them send men that have nothing to lose.
324
00:19:13,182 --> 00:19:15,248
Sure, Frank. Sure.
325
00:19:17,915 --> 00:19:20,315
Uh, Pierce?
326
00:19:20,348 --> 00:19:24,215
(whispering) What are you going to say to, uh...
327
00:19:24,248 --> 00:19:27,848
If you're lucky, and if I'm lucky, I won't run into her.
328
00:19:27,882 --> 00:19:29,248
(clattering)
329
00:19:36,848 --> 00:19:38,448
The mess tent.
- The sniper?
330
00:19:38,482 --> 00:19:40,882
Quiet! Come on.
331
00:19:40,915 --> 00:19:43,615
Me?
332
00:19:43,648 --> 00:19:46,548
He doesn't know we're out here, but we know he's in there.
333
00:19:46,582 --> 00:19:49,282
Gives us a good chance to catch him.
- Catch him?
334
00:19:49,315 --> 00:19:51,682
Or he catches us. Whichever way it works out.
335
00:19:51,715 --> 00:19:54,682
Look, if you want to be a hero that much, you go.
336
00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:57,415
Frank, you know what a hero is?
337
00:19:57,448 --> 00:19:59,115
Ninety-nine times out of a hundred,
338
00:19:59,148 --> 00:20:00,882
he's somebody who's tired enough
339
00:20:00,915 --> 00:20:04,215
and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn.
340
00:20:04,248 --> 00:20:06,548
I don't give a damn. Come on.
341
00:20:08,615 --> 00:20:10,748
Wait. I'll come with you.
342
00:20:30,382 --> 00:20:32,882
(clattering)
- (man squealing)
343
00:20:32,915 --> 00:20:36,615
I got him! I got him! Stop shooting!
344
00:20:36,648 --> 00:20:38,715
You almost killed me!
- I didn't fire it!
345
00:20:38,748 --> 00:20:41,582
I didn't! Yes, I did.
346
00:20:43,548 --> 00:20:46,115
I had to get something to eat!
347
00:20:46,148 --> 00:20:49,848
You'd risk your life for a... a ketchup on rye?
348
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:52,415
With butter and lettuce!
349
00:20:52,448 --> 00:20:56,782
(gunshot)
- That was too close.
350
00:20:56,815 --> 00:20:59,382
(whispers) Wow!
351
00:20:59,415 --> 00:21:03,182
You want to finish that sandwich here or in surgery?
352
00:21:03,215 --> 00:21:06,548
But, General, you promised us help by noon.
353
00:21:06,582 --> 00:21:09,882
Well, what time is it now? 1300 hours?
354
00:21:09,915 --> 00:21:13,448
Well, now, that's after noon, isn't it, sir?
355
00:21:13,482 --> 00:21:16,282
I mean, isn't it 12 up until it gets to be noon,
356
00:21:16,315 --> 00:21:19,315
and then you start all that "hundred hours" stuff?
357
00:21:19,348 --> 00:21:23,215
I wish the army would tell time like everybody else.
358
00:21:23,248 --> 00:21:26,315
I mean, no offense, sir, but this...
- (helicopter approaching)
359
00:21:26,348 --> 00:21:28,515
Wait. Hold on a minute. Hold it.
360
00:21:33,882 --> 00:21:36,582
Uh, the chopper's here, sir.
361
00:21:36,615 --> 00:21:39,882
Yeah. Uh, look, I'll call you back later.
362
00:21:39,915 --> 00:21:43,182
What's that, General? I can't hear you.
363
00:21:43,215 --> 00:21:47,548
I can't... What? Look, I said I'd... (blows raspberry)
364
00:22:24,282 --> 00:22:27,148
(machine gun fire continues)
365
00:22:41,882 --> 00:22:44,315
You think they got him?
366
00:22:44,348 --> 00:22:46,782
I think they got him and a half.
367
00:23:05,582 --> 00:23:07,648
Holy...
368
00:23:07,682 --> 00:23:09,782
It could be a trick.
369
00:23:09,815 --> 00:23:13,315
He fired on our white flag, didn't he? Let's fire on his!
370
00:23:13,348 --> 00:23:16,415
(stammering) Just spitballing. I mean...
371
00:23:21,148 --> 00:23:24,515
Hey, Radar, you want to do me a favor?
- Yeah, I'll get your bag.
372
00:23:28,715 --> 00:23:32,382
You sure you know what you're doin'?
- Not really, no.
373
00:23:32,415 --> 00:23:34,715
Thanks.
- Sure.
374
00:23:39,215 --> 00:23:40,215
See you.
375
00:24:08,182 --> 00:24:11,515
If you knew how lucky you are
to be getting this house call.
376
00:24:27,482 --> 00:24:30,815
MCINTYRE: What's the word?
- He's gonna make it.
377
00:24:30,848 --> 00:24:34,582
Oh, thanks, Radar. I can use a little mother's milk.
378
00:24:34,615 --> 00:24:36,315
Why was he shooting at us?
379
00:24:36,348 --> 00:24:40,548
He's just a kid, 16 or 17.
- Gee.
380
00:24:40,582 --> 00:24:43,682
Interpreter said he got cut off
from his outfit, half out of his mind.
381
00:24:43,715 --> 00:24:47,182
Scared, cold, hungry. You won't believe this.
382
00:24:47,215 --> 00:24:50,448
He thought this was MacArthur's headquarters.
383
00:24:50,482 --> 00:24:53,282
Oh, that's pathetic.
- He still thinks so!
384
00:24:53,315 --> 00:24:57,282
He went under thinking he was gonna
be the most famous man in North Korea.
385
00:24:57,315 --> 00:25:01,248
Seems a shame to disappoint him.
386
00:25:01,282 --> 00:25:04,282
Be nice if MacArthur could pay him a bedside visit.
387
00:25:04,315 --> 00:25:08,148
Where are you gonna get a
MacArthur to show him, for Pete's sake?
388
00:25:24,715 --> 00:25:27,848
What's going on?
- You have returned.
389
00:25:32,782 --> 00:25:34,648
♪♪♪ (theme)
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