All language subtitles for Cheers.S09E16.Im.Getting.My.Act.Together.and.Sticking.It.in.Your.Face.1080p.BluRay.x264-OFT_Subtítulos01.ENG

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Watch this.

What do you got, Wood?

Watch closely as I remove
my own index finger.

Something I learned from my uncle,
only when I do it, it's a trick.

Not bad, but I think
Cliffie's still ahead on points.

And in what sophomoric activity
are you gentlemen involved now?

Our first annual tricks
with digits exhibition.

Of all the pointless wastes
of human energy.

Frasier's right.

You could sit here
until the end of time

doing your silly finger tricks,

but none of you
will ever be able to top this.

Wow, she's right.

The king is dead.
Long live the queen!

Yeah. And she's writing.
She's going for bonus points.

What's it say?

"My fist is stuck, call 911."

Come on, hon.

You know, this happens to her
more often than you'd think.

There you go.

- What the hell is this?
- It's clam juice.

I wanted a martini.

I wanted to be
Princess Carla of Monaco.

Drink it.

Sorry, Mr. Krabintz, we can't get
into the office or the storeroom

because Miss Howe locked herself in

since she decided
not to marry Mr. Colcord.

She's still in there.
She's still in the gown.

She won't talk to anybody,
doesn't move, doesn't eat.

Gee, that's awful.

I really wanted a martini.

Greetings, all.

A pint of lager, my good publican.

I'm of a Dickensian spirit today.

I've just come
from the antiquarian book fair,

where I managed to luck
into a handsomely bound first edition

of Charles Dickens' Tale of Two Cities.

Wow! If you don't mind my asking,
how much does something like this cost?

Well, Woody, money isn't really
the issue, but around $1,200.

1,200 bucks?

I got something to show you, Dr. Crane.

It's called a library card.

Thank you for the advice, Woody.

Now may I have a scotch
on the rocks, please?

Okey-doke.

That'll be around 1,200 bucks.

Frasier, you know,
it's a good thing you're here

because we got to think of some way
to get that crazy lady out of the office.

It's been two days.

Well, I realize that you're concerned
about Rebecca, and that you all look to me

as the solver of all problems personal,

but in this case
I have to throw up my hands.

There's a limit to what even I can do.

And we also know how you pout
when we don't ask you.

Fine. Maybe I'll just go home.

Okay. I got the toolbox here.

I'm gonna get Rebecca out
of that office right now.

Rebecca!

I got a screwdriver here!

I'm going to take that doorknob off,
and I'm going to open the door here.

Rebecca!

I got a Phillips head
by mistake, but I'm going to...

I'm putting that down,
and I'm picking up a flat head,

and then I'm going to take
that doorknob off.

Rebecca!

I don't have a flat head,

but I have one of those putty things,
and I'm going to...

Damn.

Okay, Rebecca, I just punctured
my thumb with that putty thing,

and I'm going to go get a tetanus shot,
then I'm coming back here

and taking that doorknob off.

Here's a Band-Aid.

Hey, hey, guys, Rebecca.

- Rebecca's out.
- No, no.

Don't say Rebecca.
Don't call me Rebecca.

Rebecca doesn't live here anymore.

Rebecca died two days ago.

Oh, so that's what that is.

I'm telling you, a woman should
never sweat in taffeta.

- Have a seat, come on.
- Thank you.

I've never sat here before.

Here I am, sitting on this stool,
knowing my life is a mess.

I have no future,
and I'm a totally hopeless failure.

Yeah, try it with beer nuts.

It is all my fault.
I mean, I got what I deserved,

and now I'm alone.

I have nothing,
and I'm just a, you know,

worthless, shallow person.

I'm telling you,
try it with the beer nuts.

Rebecca,

I realize you haven't sought
my professional advice,

but I think it's time
to get some perspective.

Take a look at yourself,
splash some water on your face,

and get a fresh start.

I'd like to, Frasier, but I seem
to have lost the will to move.

I just want to sit here
for the rest of my life.

Maybe it's the stool.

Come on, Miss Howe.

Woody,

have you ever had your whole life
cave in on you all of a sudden?

No, but I have had a cave
cave in on me all of a sudden.

You know, at the risk
of sounding insensitive,

I'm glad she's getting out of here.

Her walking around in that wedding dress
was just a tad too "Miss Havisham" for me.

- Who?
- Miss Havisham.

Famous character
from Charles Dickens' Great Expectations.

Spends the entire novel
walking around in her wedding dress.

- What?
- Yes.

Oh, surely you know it.
It's Great Expectations.

Pip, Miss Havisham, Magwitch,

and...

...and four pizza-loving turtles
who practice martial arts in the sewer.

Hey, cowabunga, dude.

You know,

a lot of people don't realize
that was a comic book first.

I'm going to go for a drive, Sam.

Oh yeah, sweetheart, that's a good idea.
Get some fresh air.

- Take all the time you want.
- Thank you.

Where did she get those clothes?

Sam, could you dig some clothes
out of the lost and found?

Here you go.

Woody, come out here,
let's take a look.

Hey, Sam, how long did you say

these clothes have been
in the lost and found?

I don't know, a while, I guess. Why?

Hey, Sam, is that Woody Boyd,
or is that Keith Partridge?

When's Miss Howe getting back
with my real clothes?

I can't go out like this.

I know it was the seventies
and all, but who would dress

in anything this dumb-looking?

Boy, those duds look familiar.

"Property of C. Clavin."

Deep inside, didn't we all know that?

- These were your clothes, Mr. Clavin?
- I guess.

- How'd they end up in the lost and found?
- How did they end up in there?

Well, it was the seventies,
and I was a swinger.

I had some good times
in those rags, Woody.

We don't want to hear about it.

It was great, you know,
the disco scene. Groovin'.

- Ixnay, Cliff.
- It was a great decade, huh?

Hot-tubbing every night,
and I got rolfed.

Please stop, Mr. Clavin.

Now I remember
how I lost those clothes.

Oh, don't say it. Don't say it.

I was streaking.

Oh, I knew it!
I knew he was going to say it.

Of course I was about
three pounds lighter then.

Woody, I think it was a great sacrifice

for you to give
your clothes to Rebecca.

It puts me in mind of another novel
by my favorite British author.

You know who I mean.
I'll give you a hint.

Charles...

In Charge?

Are you people really this ignorant,
or do you just do this to torture me?

Sometimes the two
go hand in hand.

All right. Gather 'round, everyone.
I'm going to right a horrible wrong.

I'm going to read
to you Dickens' classic

A Tale of Two Cities.

You'll see just how much fun
great literature can be.

"Book the First.

It was the best of times.
It was the worst of times."

Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Which was it?

Just stay tuned, Norm.

"It was the age of wisdom.
It was the age of foolishness.

It was the epic of belief.
It was the epic of incredulity."

Boy, this Dickens guy really liked
to keep his butt covered, didn't he?

"There was a king with a large jaw
and a queen with a plain face

on the throne of England and...

and..."

"...and there was a bloodthirsty clown

who beckoned innocent
children into the sewer

and swallowed them whole."

That's a neat trick.

Wait a minute, Frasier.
Wait a second.

Yeah. Cheers. What?

I... Rebecca, where are you calling from?
I can barely hear you.

30,000 feet over Pittsburgh.

What? I thought you were
just going for a drive.

I did. I drove to the airport.

Listen, will you tell Woody
that I left his car

outside the United terminal...

...or American.

It doesn't really
make any difference.

They all tow them
to the same place anyway.

Sam, is that Miss Howe?
Ask her if she has my wallet.

I need my driver's license.

Actually you don't have
to worry about that now.

What are you doing?
Where are you going?

I'm going home to San Diego.

I want to try and forget Boston.

I want to erase the last
three years of my life.

It's been five, Rebecca.

Has it been that long?

Hey, Sam, does she have my wallet?

You still have Woody's wallet, don't you?

Yeah. How do you think
I'm paying for this call?

Hell, how do you think
I'm paying for this flight?

Yeah. She still has it.

Honey, listen to me.

You can't run away
from your problems like this.

The only reason I called
was to say goodbye

and thank you for everything.
It's really meant a lot to me. Bye-bye.

Oh, Miss, did you remember
your credit card?

Oh, yeah, thanks.
I'm going to need this.

I need to buy a whole
new wardrobe when we land.

I'm going to be good to myself.

As we recall from Monday's installment
of A Tale of Two Cities,

Sydney Carton is about
to go to the guillotine

and sacrifice himself.

Guillotine... slice that neck.

"When suddenly
an apache attack chopper

hovered above the guillotine...

...pumping hot lead into the crowd."

Get them frogs, huh?

"As Darnay climbed
into the chopper,

sweat streaming
from his blood-stained headband,

he could be heard to mutter,

'It is a far, far better thing I do
than I have ever done.

It is a far, far better...
butt-kicking I give...

...than I have ever butt-kicked."'

- All right.
- Great!

What a book, huh?

What are you going
to read to us next?

Well, I was thinking
about David Copperfield.

What's that about?

Well, it's about these...

...two coppers and this...

...field.

And they're found... dismembered
with their body parts switched.

Man, that Dickens is one sick dude.

Have any of you guys
heard from Rebecca yet?

- Not me.
- Turn on the game, Sam.

No. Let's give her a call.

I got her parents' number.

Let's just tell her we're thinking
about her and that we care.

It's her parents' machine.
I hate these things.

I never know what to say.

Hi. This is Sam from Cheers.
This message is for Rebecca.

Hi, Rebecca. We just wanted
to find out if you were okay

and tell you that we miss you
and I love you and I hope...

- Whoa, Sam.
- What?

You love her?

No. I didn't say that.
Hold on a second.

No. I didn't say that.

I said we miss her
and we love her.

You said we miss her
and you love her.

But it was implied
that you miss her, too.

Shoot. I don't want her
to get the wrong impression.

Hi, Rebecca, listen,
when I said that I love you,

I didn't mean love love. I...

I meant more like a friend, a buddy,
a pal, like a partner, you know,

like the two cops in David Copperfield.

Okay, honey?

Well, anyway, bye-bye.

- Wait!
- Wait. Hold on.

That was a little cold.

Listen, she's feeling kind of low.

You can't just kick her
when she's down like that.

Sweetheart, when I said
that I love you, I meant that you're

a very important part of my life,
along with a lot of other people.

It's like my life
is this big jigsaw puzzle

and you're a very important part,
you know, like a corner piece.

Yeah, hold on.

I think the guys want
to say something. Go ahead.

Sammy loves you!

Any of you guys tried
that new steakhouse on Commonwealth?

- No.
- It's the greatest.

Beautiful waitresses
in tiny little wench outfits.

Yeah? What did you have?

A beautiful waitress
in a tiny little wench outfit.

I'm going back, too.

Dr. Crane, when will you
read us more Dickens?

Dickens!

Dickens!

Frasier, I'm impressed.

It seems your experiment
in cultural enrichment

- has been a success.
- Yep.

We're waiting
for Oliver Twist: The Wrath of Fagin.

Excuse me?

Darling, I've done some things
the past few weeks I'm not very proud of.

Just... leave it alone.

Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!

Hey, guys.

Listen to this.

Sam, this is Rebecca.
I got your message.

Hearing your voice
made me realize

what I'm missing in my life.

I was such a fool
not to have seen it before.

My plane lands
at midnight tonight.

I'm coming straight
to the bar to see you.

So will you please,
please wait for me?

What am I going to do?

I mean, do you think
that she's coming back here

because I left that message
on her machine?

Yeah.

Hey, will you be serious for a minute?

Just once, I'd like to have
a serious conversation

in this damn bar.

Do you really think
that she's rushing back

because I said, "I love you"?

Yeah.

Yeah, what do you know?

I'm going to talk to somebody
who knows something around here.

- What do you think?
- You're dead meat on a stick.

No, I'm not dead meat on a stick,
and even if she does think that,

I've handled lots of love-crazed babes

who wanted to become
Mrs. Sam Malone.

I've got dozens of ways
of handling that.

Even if they all don't work,
I still have plan "Z."

What's plan "Z" there, Sam?

Never you mind.

It's pretty drastic, I'll admit,
but I'll use it if I have to.

I don't want the same woman
hanging onto me the rest of my life.

Can you imagine how creepy
that would be, Frasier?

I'll answer that question another time.

Okay, just wait outside
and come running in

- when you see the lights flash.
- Right.

Carla, Sammy will not tell us.
What is this plan "Z"?

Tell you everything I know
for 20 bucks each.

Yeah, all right.

It's called plan "Z."

When Sammy flashes the lights,
this guy Leon comes in and executes it.

Yeah, but what is plan "Z"?

Beats me.

I didn't know that much
two minutes ago.

Give me the money.

- I think it was worth it.
- Oh, yeah.

Sam, it seems to me

you're going through
an awful lot of machinations

to avoid dealing honestly
and directly with Rebecca.

Well, that's me, always thinking.

Besides, I don't think
we'll have to use plan "Z" here.

What are we talking about?
We're talking about Rebecca.

What's the worst she can do?

Sam, I hope you're ready
to change your life, because I am.

Can you excuse me just a second?

Sam, why are you
flashing the lights?

Oh, you know, it's just
kind of to welcome you back,

like three cheers!
Hey, Rebecca's back!

Rebecca's back!

Sam, get over here. Quit being silly.

I have to ask you
something really important.

Will you sell me this bar?

No. What?

Cheers. I want to run Cheers.

Running this place was the only time
I ever felt like somebody.

You know, people looked up to me.

Who?

You mean you didn't
come back here to marry Sam?

Marry Sam?
Why would you think that?

You didn't think that, did you?

Shoot, no.

That's why you've been doing
all this weird stuff,

because you think
I came back here to marry you?

What weird stuff?

I can't keep living a lie, Sam.

No. No, Leon. No.

Sam is my lover.

Boy, you...

You really did think I was after you.

I can't believe this.

You're a wussy little 'fraidy cat.

I'm not a wussy little 'fraidy cat.

Then this is real.

You and Leon are lovers.

Well, why don't you
give Leon a kiss then?

Because we've been
together for 14 years

and we're no longer demonstrative.

You know, the spark's gone.
I'm sorry, Leon.

I probably should have
said something sooner.

No. Sam, you can't
have it both ways.

You either give Leon a kiss...

...on his lips

or you admit that you are
a wussy little 'fraidy cat.

Sammy, don't let her make you look
like a wussy little 'fraidy cat.

I'm not a wussy little 'fraidy cat.

- Meow!
- Come on.

Meow!

Sorry about that, Leon.

You realize I'm gonna have
to slug you in the face now?

I wish you would.

We still on for golf Thursday?

- Yeah, you bet.
- Great.

- That hurts.
- Sammy, look at you.

Your nose is bleeding.
Your eye's starting to swell.

And you just kissed a man.

But you're not
a wussy little 'fraidy cat.

- No, not Sammy.
- Good boy.

You know, in the space
of the last 30 seconds,

we have witnessed deceit,
sexual turmoil,

and sudden, senseless violence.

It puts me in mind
of a passage from...

...The Pickwick Papers.