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In December of 2010,
my friends and I decided
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00:00:04,845 --> 00:00:07,413
to go see It's a Wonderful Life
on the big screen.
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00:00:07,414 --> 00:00:09,248
It seemed like
something we all needed.
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00:00:09,249 --> 00:00:11,818
After all, it had been
a crazy couple of days.
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00:00:11,819 --> 00:00:13,319
It all started...
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00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,688
with a pregnancy test.
7
00:00:15,689 --> 00:00:17,990
This is taking forever.
Are you sure you did it right?
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00:00:17,991 --> 00:00:20,626
Is there a wrong way
to pee on a stick?
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00:00:20,627 --> 00:00:24,463
Hey, can I ask you a question
that's plagued me for years?
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00:00:24,464 --> 00:00:25,731
Can girls aim?
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00:00:25,732 --> 00:00:27,233
Um, can boys aim?
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00:00:27,234 --> 00:00:29,569
'Cause it seems to me
like I'm taking a mop
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00:00:29,570 --> 00:00:31,070
to that bathroom floor
every two days.
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00:00:31,071 --> 00:00:33,172
Okay, you're the one who
put the Far Side calendar
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00:00:33,173 --> 00:00:34,473
up over the toilet.
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00:00:34,474 --> 00:00:36,509
You know I laugh
with my whole body.
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00:00:36,510 --> 00:00:39,178
It's been two minutes.
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00:00:42,216 --> 00:00:45,518
One, two, three.
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00:00:46,753 --> 00:00:49,222
- It's positive.
- It's positive? It's positive?
20
00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:50,256
- It's positive.
- It's positive?
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00:00:50,257 --> 00:00:51,257
It's positive!
22
00:00:51,258 --> 00:00:52,458
It's positive!
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00:00:52,459 --> 00:00:53,926
Whoa!
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00:00:53,927 --> 00:00:55,161
Whoa!
25
00:00:55,162 --> 00:00:56,863
I'm pregnant.
26
00:00:56,864 --> 00:00:58,030
What?!
27
00:00:58,031 --> 00:00:59,799
I've never seen that
woman before in my life!
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00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,201
Sorry. Force of habit.
Congratulations!
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00:01:03,370 --> 00:01:04,971
To Lily and Marshall.
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00:01:04,972 --> 00:01:06,205
To Lily and Marshall.
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00:01:06,206 --> 00:01:07,306
Well, thank you.
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00:01:07,307 --> 00:01:09,375
- I mean, we've never been happier.
- Mm.
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00:01:09,376 --> 00:01:12,011
Can't imagine anything
bringing me down right now.
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00:01:12,012 --> 00:01:13,179
You're not pregnant.
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00:01:13,180 --> 00:01:16,415
Well, that did it.
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00:01:30,314 --> 00:01:32,315
Kids, this is the
story of the 36 hours
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00:01:32,316 --> 00:01:34,517
we all thought
Lily was pregnant,
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00:01:34,518 --> 00:01:37,186
and how it caused each of us
to reexamine our own lives.
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00:01:37,187 --> 00:01:38,454
Because while
this was happening...
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00:01:38,455 --> 00:01:39,922
Are you sure you did it right?
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00:01:39,923 --> 00:01:41,290
...I was on the phone
with Punchy,
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00:01:41,291 --> 00:01:42,625
my best friend
from high school,
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00:01:42,626 --> 00:01:44,927
who had recently asked me
to be his best man.
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00:01:44,928 --> 00:01:46,529
Hey, Punchy, I've given this
some serious thought.
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00:01:46,530 --> 00:01:48,397
I think I know
how we can crush these
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00:01:48,398 --> 00:01:49,498
floral arrangements.
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00:01:49,499 --> 00:01:51,601
Ah, here it comes.
Hit me up, Schmos!
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00:01:51,602 --> 00:01:55,905
Peonies, lavender blossoms
with a halo of baby's breath
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00:01:55,906 --> 00:01:57,974
for an ambiance
of springtime rejuvenation.
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00:01:57,975 --> 00:01:59,709
� Crushed it! �
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00:01:59,710 --> 00:02:01,377
That's exactly
the accent of whimsy
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00:02:01,378 --> 00:02:03,179
this celebration of love needs!
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00:02:03,180 --> 00:02:05,414
It's gonna be a magical day.
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00:02:05,415 --> 00:02:07,550
I know what you're thinking.
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00:02:07,551 --> 00:02:09,719
I wish I was a dude.
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00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:11,687
I do wish you were a dude.
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00:02:11,688 --> 00:02:15,191
Because if I was a dude, I could
have Ted Mosby as my best man.
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00:02:15,192 --> 00:02:16,692
No, and here's why.
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00:02:16,693 --> 00:02:18,961
Ted, the best man's job
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00:02:18,962 --> 00:02:22,098
is not to crush
the floral arrangements.
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00:02:22,099 --> 00:02:23,633
It's to get the groom
down the aisle,
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00:02:23,634 --> 00:02:26,636
because, no matter who
he is, he will freak out.
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00:02:26,637 --> 00:02:28,971
And I just don't think
you have what it takes
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00:02:28,972 --> 00:02:30,940
to get that get that soldier
to pick up his rifle
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00:02:30,941 --> 00:02:32,141
and charge up the hill.
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00:02:32,142 --> 00:02:34,210
Uh, are you forgetting
I've done this before?
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00:02:34,211 --> 00:02:35,544
I was Marshall's best man.
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00:02:35,545 --> 00:02:37,146
And how did that go again?
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00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:41,984
Oh for one.
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00:02:41,985 --> 00:02:43,753
Oh, come on.
That wasn't my fault.
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00:02:43,754 --> 00:02:46,389
And need I remind you,
I gave a beautiful toast.
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00:02:46,390 --> 00:02:47,490
Ted.
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00:02:49,126 --> 00:02:52,428
Oh, do you take one
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
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00:02:53,096 --> 00:02:54,764
Oh, God, I'm freaking out.
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00:02:54,765 --> 00:02:57,300
Why did I chose Ted
to be my best man?
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00:02:57,301 --> 00:02:59,101
Uh, yeah. It's hard
to take criticism
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00:02:59,102 --> 00:03:01,103
from someone who just recorded
seven episodes
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00:03:01,104 --> 00:03:03,039
of Million Dollar Heads or Tails.
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00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,241
Kids,
Million Dollar Heads or Tails
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00:03:05,242 --> 00:03:06,709
was an extremely popular show
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00:03:06,710 --> 00:03:08,644
with an extremely
simple premise.
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00:03:08,645 --> 00:03:10,646
All right,
your practice flip came up
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00:03:10,647 --> 00:03:11,647
tails...
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00:03:11,648 --> 00:03:13,449
But our Vegas oddsmaker
tells us
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00:03:13,450 --> 00:03:16,552
that the next toss
is still just 50-50.
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00:03:16,553 --> 00:03:18,020
And so, Jordan,
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00:03:18,021 --> 00:03:20,022
for one million dollars...
88
00:03:20,824 --> 00:03:23,659
heads... or tails?
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00:03:25,762 --> 00:03:29,265
What was the year
of the coin again?
90
00:03:29,266 --> 00:03:30,933
Why this sudden obsession
with Heads or Tails?
91
00:03:30,934 --> 00:03:32,702
Well, it turns out
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00:03:32,703 --> 00:03:35,972
that Heads or Tails
has a job opening.
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00:03:36,940 --> 00:03:38,240
Ta... heads.
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00:03:38,241 --> 00:03:40,776
Marni, flip that coin.
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00:03:41,478 --> 00:03:42,645
Ooh! Damn!
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00:03:43,647 --> 00:03:45,047
So now, because
of that incident,
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00:03:45,048 --> 00:03:46,515
Heads or Tails is looking
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00:03:46,516 --> 00:03:48,985
for a new
currency rotation specialist.
99
00:03:48,986 --> 00:03:50,486
You mean coin flip bimbo?
100
00:03:50,487 --> 00:03:52,188
They're not bimbos!
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00:03:52,189 --> 00:03:55,157
You auditioned, didn't you?
102
00:03:59,629 --> 00:04:01,030
And you're Canadian?!
103
00:04:01,031 --> 00:04:02,365
Mm.
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00:04:02,366 --> 00:04:04,000
Robin, aside from that coin,
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00:04:04,001 --> 00:04:06,569
this is the other thing
that's flipping right now.
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00:04:06,570 --> 00:04:08,170
What is my lid?
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00:04:08,171 --> 00:04:10,239
For you.
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00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:12,074
You're the new coin flip bimbo?
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00:04:12,075 --> 00:04:13,909
Currency rotation specialist.
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00:04:13,910 --> 00:04:16,145
Robin, you better check yourself
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00:04:16,146 --> 00:04:18,347
before you trebek yourself.
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00:04:18,348 --> 00:04:19,548
You're a journalist!
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00:04:19,549 --> 00:04:21,350
What is the matter with you?
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00:04:21,351 --> 00:04:22,752
Well, it's a national audience!
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00:04:22,753 --> 00:04:24,353
I get to wear shiny dresses!
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00:04:24,354 --> 00:04:25,621
Robin,
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00:04:25,622 --> 00:04:28,057
have you forgotten about
your New Year's resolution?
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00:04:28,058 --> 00:04:31,961
I am never drinking again.
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00:04:31,962 --> 00:04:33,262
No, before that.
120
00:04:33,263 --> 00:04:37,666
I am gonna finish
this whole bottle tonight.
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00:04:37,667 --> 00:04:39,068
Before that, too.
122
00:04:39,069 --> 00:04:40,436
I moved here
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00:04:40,437 --> 00:04:42,538
to work for a big-time
cable news channel
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00:04:42,539 --> 00:04:43,839
like World Wide News.
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00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:45,241
- Mm-hmm.
- Well,
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00:04:45,242 --> 00:04:47,610
by this time next year,
I will be wearing
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00:04:47,611 --> 00:04:50,513
a World Wide News
I.D. badge around my neck.
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00:04:50,514 --> 00:04:52,515
And to show you
that I'm serious,
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00:04:52,516 --> 00:04:54,817
this is my first and
only drink of the night.
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00:04:54,818 --> 00:04:57,086
- Okay.
- Okay?
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00:04:57,988 --> 00:05:00,856
Oh, damn, that's smooth.
132
00:05:00,857 --> 00:05:03,459
I thought you finally got that
interview at World Wide News.
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00:05:03,460 --> 00:05:06,395
Well, I did, but they only
offered me a boring,
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00:05:06,396 --> 00:05:08,898
low-paid,
off-camera research job.
135
00:05:08,899 --> 00:05:11,200
Which could be a stepping stone
to bigger things in your career.
136
00:05:11,201 --> 00:05:13,869
Well, so could Heads or Tails.
137
00:05:13,870 --> 00:05:15,771
The first currency
rotation specialist went on
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00:05:15,772 --> 00:05:19,308
to be a semi-finalist
on The Bachelor, and then,
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00:05:19,309 --> 00:05:22,111
she lost, like, a hundred pounds
on The Biggest Loser,
140
00:05:22,112 --> 00:05:24,580
and now she's totally winning
Celebrity Rehab.
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00:05:24,581 --> 00:05:27,683
It seemed like there was
no changing Robin's mind.
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00:05:27,684 --> 00:05:29,785
But what we didn't know,
in that moment,
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00:05:29,786 --> 00:05:32,721
was that our world was about
to be turned upside down.
144
00:05:32,722 --> 00:05:34,557
I'm pregnant.
145
00:05:34,558 --> 00:05:35,791
What?!
146
00:05:35,792 --> 00:05:37,593
Now, kids, when your friends
have great news,
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00:05:37,594 --> 00:05:39,762
you're happy for them...
For, like, a millisecond.
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00:05:39,763 --> 00:05:42,098
And then you start thinking
about yourself.
149
00:05:42,099 --> 00:05:43,532
Oh, my God!
150
00:05:43,533 --> 00:05:45,901
They're really having a baby.
151
00:05:45,902 --> 00:05:47,703
What am I doing with my life?
152
00:05:47,704 --> 00:05:49,905
Starting Monday,
I'm a currency rotation spe...
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00:05:49,906 --> 00:05:51,273
Oh, who am I kidding?
154
00:05:51,274 --> 00:05:53,676
I'm a coin flip bimbo,
and I'm still single.
155
00:05:53,677 --> 00:05:55,344
Okay, let's not go there,
Scherbatsky.
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00:05:55,345 --> 00:05:56,612
That's a whole other thing.
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00:05:56,613 --> 00:05:59,215
I've got to take
that World Wide News job.
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00:05:59,216 --> 00:06:02,551
And so, the next night, we
had two things to celebrate.
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00:06:02,552 --> 00:06:05,020
Well, you are looking at the new
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00:06:05,021 --> 00:06:07,623
associate researcher
at World Wide News.
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00:06:07,624 --> 00:06:09,592
Oh, my gosh.
That's amazing news.
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00:06:09,593 --> 00:06:11,260
What changed your mind?
163
00:06:11,261 --> 00:06:12,528
Marshall and Lily.
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00:06:12,529 --> 00:06:13,796
I just realized that
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00:06:13,797 --> 00:06:16,398
I am about to have a little
niece who looks up to me.
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00:06:16,399 --> 00:06:18,501
And I don't want to be
sad aunt Robin,
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00:06:18,502 --> 00:06:21,036
the aging coin flip bimbo
who gives her the creeps.
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00:06:21,037 --> 00:06:24,140
I want to be cool aunt Robin,
the respected journalist...
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00:06:24,141 --> 00:06:25,374
Who gives her beer.
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00:06:25,375 --> 00:06:27,943
- What?
- What? Oh.
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00:06:28,879 --> 00:06:31,614
I have never seen you guys
looking so at peace.
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00:06:32,649 --> 00:06:33,649
To Lily and Marshall.
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00:06:33,650 --> 00:06:34,884
To Lily and Marshall.
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00:06:34,885 --> 00:06:36,018
Well, thank you.
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00:06:36,019 --> 00:06:38,120
I mean, we've never
been happier.
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00:06:38,121 --> 00:06:40,089
So the next day Robin called
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00:06:40,090 --> 00:06:41,957
Heads or Tails
to respectfully decline.
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00:06:41,958 --> 00:06:44,627
Hi, Mr. Trebek.
This is Robin Scherbatsky.
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00:06:44,628 --> 00:06:46,162
But at that moment...
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00:06:46,163 --> 00:06:47,296
You're not pregnant.
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00:06:48,565 --> 00:06:50,866
As honored as I am
by the offer, um...
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00:06:52,702 --> 00:06:54,637
Oh, my God.
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00:06:54,638 --> 00:06:56,572
They're not having a baby.
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00:06:56,573 --> 00:06:59,408
What am I getting
all up in my head about?
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00:06:59,409 --> 00:07:01,477
That research job sounds hard.
186
00:07:01,478 --> 00:07:03,078
And I'm pretty.
187
00:07:03,079 --> 00:07:07,316
I'm really, really pretty.
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00:07:09,152 --> 00:07:10,252
You are looking
189
00:07:10,253 --> 00:07:12,254
at the new coin flip bimbo.
190
00:07:20,755 --> 00:07:22,189
- You took the heads or tails job?
- Yeah.
191
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:25,495
What about World Wide News,
your I.D. badge?
192
00:07:25,496 --> 00:07:27,597
You made a New Year's
resolution.
193
00:07:27,598 --> 00:07:30,800
Okay, I also said I would never
make out with a garbage man.
194
00:07:30,801 --> 00:07:33,536
Life is what happens when
you're busy making other plans.
195
00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,905
What's with
the gingerbread house?
196
00:07:35,906 --> 00:07:37,273
We're seeing a Christmas movie.
197
00:07:37,274 --> 00:07:40,343
It's a Christmas-themed
movie snack.
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00:07:40,344 --> 00:07:42,745
Let's hope Santa brings you
a girlfriend this year, Teddy.
199
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:45,782
Where the hell is Barney?
200
00:07:45,783 --> 00:07:47,016
Where was Barney?
201
00:07:47,017 --> 00:07:48,418
Let's back up again.
202
00:07:48,419 --> 00:07:50,253
You see,
while this was going on...
203
00:07:50,254 --> 00:07:51,721
- It's positive.
- It's positive?!
204
00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:52,889
...this was happening.
205
00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:55,992
And now she's totally winning
Celebrity Rehab.
206
00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,361
Hey, guys.
207
00:07:58,362 --> 00:08:00,363
A yuletide riddle.
208
00:08:00,364 --> 00:08:04,501
What is my second favorite word
that begins with b-o-n?
209
00:08:04,502 --> 00:08:05,602
Bon Jovi?
210
00:08:05,603 --> 00:08:06,970
Yeah.
211
00:08:06,971 --> 00:08:10,006
What is my third favorite word
that begins with b-o-n?
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00:08:10,007 --> 00:08:11,674
Bonus.
213
00:08:11,675 --> 00:08:14,844
As in, my end-of-the-year
bonus check.
214
00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:17,714
My God, Barney!
215
00:08:17,715 --> 00:08:19,616
I work for GNB, too.
216
00:08:19,617 --> 00:08:22,385
All I got was $15 gift card
to Costa Coffee.
217
00:08:22,386 --> 00:08:23,653
And you earned it, buddy.
218
00:08:23,654 --> 00:08:26,523
Check out what
I'm gonna buy for myself.
219
00:08:26,524 --> 00:08:29,225
The Dibiase.
220
00:08:29,226 --> 00:08:30,627
See those pinstripes?
221
00:08:30,628 --> 00:08:32,562
Diamonds.
222
00:08:32,563 --> 00:08:35,899
It is the uppest
a person could ever suit.
223
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:39,068
Uh, has it ever occurred to you
to give some of this to charity?
224
00:08:39,069 --> 00:08:41,971
Charity? You're seriously
talking to me about charity?
225
00:08:41,972 --> 00:08:43,606
Dude, I am Mr. Charity.
226
00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:47,677
I frequently sleep with sixes,
227
00:08:47,678 --> 00:08:51,014
chubsters, over-thirties...
228
00:08:51,015 --> 00:08:54,951
I am the Bill and Melinda Gates
of the sympathy bang.
229
00:08:55,753 --> 00:08:56,853
Hey, guys.
230
00:08:56,854 --> 00:08:58,121
- Hi.
- Hey.
231
00:08:58,122 --> 00:08:59,122
Big announcement.
232
00:08:59,123 --> 00:09:00,290
Let me guess.
233
00:09:00,291 --> 00:09:01,658
You got a huge bonus check, too.
234
00:09:01,659 --> 00:09:03,693
No, just a $30 gift card
to Costa Coffee.
235
00:09:03,694 --> 00:09:04,727
Thirty?!
236
00:09:04,728 --> 00:09:06,529
- I'm pregnant.
- What?!
237
00:09:06,530 --> 00:09:09,199
- What?! - I've never seen that
woman before in my life!
238
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,867
Sorry, force of habit.
239
00:09:10,868 --> 00:09:12,268
Congratulations!
240
00:09:13,137 --> 00:09:15,071
Huh. Marshall and Lily are
241
00:09:15,072 --> 00:09:16,472
doing something meaningful.
242
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:19,242
And it's making me
less happy about this bonus.
243
00:09:19,243 --> 00:09:21,144
And I'm still single.
244
00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:22,946
At least I got
that going for me.
245
00:09:22,947 --> 00:09:26,149
So why do I still feel outside
of awesome looking in?
246
00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:29,252
What am I doing with my life?
247
00:09:29,253 --> 00:09:31,621
We've never been happier.
248
00:09:31,622 --> 00:09:33,890
I can't imagine bringing
me down right now.
249
00:09:33,891 --> 00:09:36,759
Oh, Marshall, you only think
you're happy.
250
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,228
Just wait, because tonight,
251
00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:41,497
is Barney's Favorite Things!
252
00:09:48,272 --> 00:09:51,474
That was the reaction
Barney expected.
253
00:09:51,475 --> 00:09:53,810
This was the one he got.
254
00:09:53,811 --> 00:09:56,045
- Huh?
- I don't know what that is.
255
00:09:56,046 --> 00:09:58,181
Barney's Favorite Things!
256
00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:02,685
I'm gonna give you all a bunch
of free stuff... like Oprah.
257
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,020
Just get excited, okay?
258
00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:06,089
The next hour got pretty weird.
259
00:10:06,090 --> 00:10:09,392
Velour track suits!
260
00:10:09,393 --> 00:10:11,227
- Velour is so comfortable.
- They're so soft.
261
00:10:11,228 --> 00:10:13,997
Remote control helicopters!
262
00:10:16,834 --> 00:10:18,301
Condoms!
263
00:10:21,171 --> 00:10:22,972
And last but not least...
264
00:10:22,973 --> 00:10:26,009
There is a fleet of limos outside
265
00:10:26,010 --> 00:10:29,145
waiting to take us to...
266
00:10:29,146 --> 00:10:31,047
a strip club!
267
00:10:34,385 --> 00:10:37,287
You get a lap dance!
You get a lap dance!
268
00:10:37,288 --> 00:10:39,155
You're gonna give me
a lap dance!
269
00:10:39,156 --> 00:10:42,692
Everybody gets a lap dance!
270
00:10:44,361 --> 00:10:45,762
That was amazing!
271
00:10:45,763 --> 00:10:47,897
It was like a diamond suit
for my soul.
272
00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:49,832
I gotta keep going.
I gotta do more.
273
00:10:49,833 --> 00:10:52,068
No. No! I cannot go back
to that strip club.
274
00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:54,671
I seen some things.
275
00:10:54,672 --> 00:10:56,539
I'm not going back either.
276
00:10:56,540 --> 00:11:00,743
I'm taking the rest of my bonus
to God's strip club.
277
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,512
The next day, he paid a visit
278
00:11:02,513 --> 00:11:03,980
to the most
charitable man he knew,
279
00:11:03,981 --> 00:11:05,748
his half-brother's father,
Sam Gibbs,
280
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,884
a minister at a church
out on Long Island.
281
00:11:07,885 --> 00:11:09,285
Sam.
282
00:11:09,286 --> 00:11:10,386
Uh, father.
283
00:11:10,387 --> 00:11:12,188
I... I don't mean father father.
284
00:11:12,189 --> 00:11:13,523
Unless...
285
00:11:13,524 --> 00:11:14,557
What's up, Barney?
286
00:11:14,558 --> 00:11:16,259
I'm thinking about
287
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:18,127
giving some money to charity.
288
00:11:18,128 --> 00:11:20,596
Is that the name of the stripper
you've been e-mailing me about?
289
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,699
You got to take me off
that list, Barney.
290
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:25,702
No, I don't mean that charity.
291
00:11:25,703 --> 00:11:27,303
That Charity is doing peachy.
292
00:11:27,304 --> 00:11:30,106
You'll see pics of the two of
them in next week's e-mail.
293
00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:31,441
- What up!
- Barney,
294
00:11:31,442 --> 00:11:33,242
I'm a minister.
295
00:11:33,243 --> 00:11:35,278
Unsubscribe.
296
00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:37,714
I... I recently started giving,
297
00:11:37,715 --> 00:11:39,382
and it felt surprisingly good.
298
00:11:39,383 --> 00:11:40,883
I want to do more.
299
00:11:40,884 --> 00:11:42,051
Well, now you're talking.
300
00:11:42,052 --> 00:11:44,320
We have this program
that helps those in need
301
00:11:44,321 --> 00:11:45,588
get back on their feet.
302
00:11:45,589 --> 00:11:48,257
We give them food,
a place to live,
303
00:11:48,258 --> 00:11:50,026
clothes for job interviews.
304
00:11:50,027 --> 00:11:54,430
Well, I would love to help
by writing a check
305
00:11:54,431 --> 00:11:59,936
for... one, zero, zero, zero...
306
00:11:59,937 --> 00:12:00,903
You're not pregnant.
307
00:12:01,905 --> 00:12:02,905
...zero...
308
00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:06,509
Woops. Hold on a second.
309
00:12:08,445 --> 00:12:10,213
Wait. They're not doing
310
00:12:10,214 --> 00:12:11,914
something meaningful
with their lives.
311
00:12:11,915 --> 00:12:14,083
Well, this changes everything.
312
00:12:14,084 --> 00:12:17,086
Oh, no, I've already
written four zeroes.
313
00:12:18,021 --> 00:12:21,190
Thank you, decimal point.
314
00:12:21,191 --> 00:12:24,794
One hundred dollars.
315
00:12:24,795 --> 00:12:27,830
That's great!
316
00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,365
Thank you, Barney!
317
00:12:32,469 --> 00:12:36,105
Diamond suited up.
318
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,641
Hey, Ted, can you
spot me for the movie?
319
00:12:38,642 --> 00:12:40,977
I don't like to carry
a lot of cash on me.
320
00:12:46,294 --> 00:12:47,728
What happened
to giving the money away?
321
00:12:47,729 --> 00:12:49,263
Yeah, that was back when
Lily was pregnant.
322
00:12:49,264 --> 00:12:50,197
Now she's not.
323
00:12:50,198 --> 00:12:53,067
Ergo, a suit is born.
324
00:12:53,668 --> 00:12:54,768
Dude, what's up with
325
00:12:54,769 --> 00:12:56,503
the gingerbread house?
You look ridiculous!
326
00:12:56,504 --> 00:12:58,572
It's a Christmas-themed
movie snack!
327
00:12:58,573 --> 00:13:00,975
Ah, I know that move.
328
00:13:00,976 --> 00:13:02,543
You cut a hole in the floor,
329
00:13:02,544 --> 00:13:05,112
she reaches into the
living room, finds the tree...
330
00:13:05,113 --> 00:13:07,414
� O holy night. �
331
00:13:07,415 --> 00:13:08,682
Nice.
332
00:13:09,184 --> 00:13:10,184
Where the hell
333
00:13:10,185 --> 00:13:11,719
are Marshall and Lily?
334
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,554
Let's back up one last time.
335
00:13:13,555 --> 00:13:14,822
I'm pregnant.
336
00:13:14,823 --> 00:13:16,457
- What?!
- What?!
337
00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:18,392
I've never seen that
woman before in my life!
338
00:13:18,393 --> 00:13:19,493
Sorry, force of habit.
339
00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:21,428
Congratulations!
340
00:13:21,429 --> 00:13:22,763
This is great.
341
00:13:22,764 --> 00:13:24,164
I'm happy.
342
00:13:24,165 --> 00:13:26,100
I'm so happy,
my heart's pounding.
343
00:13:26,101 --> 00:13:27,568
And I'm sweating.
344
00:13:27,569 --> 00:13:29,169
And I can't breathe.
345
00:13:29,170 --> 00:13:31,005
This is what happiness
feels like, right?
346
00:13:31,006 --> 00:13:32,506
Oh, crap.
347
00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,475
Lily's having a baby
and I'm having a panic attack.
348
00:13:34,476 --> 00:13:36,577
I hope she can't tell
what I'm thinking right now.
349
00:13:36,578 --> 00:13:37,911
I can.
350
00:13:37,912 --> 00:13:39,279
And I'm freaking out, too!
351
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,914
There's an alien
growing in my stomach
352
00:13:40,915 --> 00:13:42,983
that's gonna explode
out of my vagina!
353
00:13:42,984 --> 00:13:44,852
Do you think the others
can tell we're freaking out?
354
00:13:44,853 --> 00:13:46,687
What am I doing with my life?
355
00:13:46,688 --> 00:13:48,288
What am I doing with my life?
356
00:13:48,289 --> 00:13:51,592
I should get a Christmas-themed
movie snack for tomorrow night.
357
00:13:51,593 --> 00:13:52,726
They're totally onto us.
358
00:13:52,727 --> 00:13:53,861
What do we do?
359
00:13:53,862 --> 00:13:55,462
Just keep smiling, maybe wave.
360
00:13:55,463 --> 00:13:56,563
No, don't wave!
361
00:13:56,564 --> 00:13:57,564
That makes no sense!
362
00:13:57,565 --> 00:13:58,766
I'm committed.
363
00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:00,167
I'm riding this wave
straight to hell.
364
00:14:00,168 --> 00:14:02,102
Let's leave, then the waving
will make sense.
365
00:14:02,103 --> 00:14:05,039
So Marshall and Lily
headed home.
366
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,041
Lily, we have to relax.
367
00:14:07,042 --> 00:14:08,575
There's no need to panic.
368
00:14:08,576 --> 00:14:09,677
True, there's a lot to do,
369
00:14:09,678 --> 00:14:10,978
but we've got nine months
to prepare.
370
00:14:10,979 --> 00:14:13,380
So I say that we just
make a list of everything
371
00:14:13,381 --> 00:14:15,315
that needs to get done
before the baby arrives
372
00:14:15,316 --> 00:14:16,884
and do everything
on that list tonight!
373
00:14:16,885 --> 00:14:18,919
Let's do it!
374
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:20,220
Uh-huh, got it.
375
00:14:20,221 --> 00:14:21,622
Okay, that seems easy.
376
00:14:21,623 --> 00:14:23,490
Nursery's painted!
377
00:14:23,491 --> 00:14:25,125
Blue? What if it's a girl?
378
00:14:25,126 --> 00:14:26,093
Damn it!
379
00:14:39,507 --> 00:14:40,941
Oh, God, it's 8:00!
380
00:14:40,942 --> 00:14:42,843
We're supposed to meet the
gang at the bar to celebrate.
381
00:14:42,844 --> 00:14:44,011
Oh, God. Okay, listen.
382
00:14:44,012 --> 00:14:46,046
When we meet them,
we have to keep it together.
383
00:14:46,047 --> 00:14:47,047
Can you keep it together?!
384
00:14:47,048 --> 00:14:48,649
No, I can't keep it together!
385
00:14:48,650 --> 00:14:51,919
I have never seen you
guys looking so at peace.
386
00:14:52,987 --> 00:14:54,054
To Lily and Marshall.
387
00:14:54,055 --> 00:14:55,456
Lily and Marshall.
388
00:14:55,457 --> 00:14:56,457
Well, thank you.
389
00:14:56,458 --> 00:14:59,326
I mean, we've never been happier.
390
00:14:59,327 --> 00:15:00,928
This is a nightmare!
391
00:15:00,929 --> 00:15:02,629
We've done everything wrong!
392
00:15:04,099 --> 00:15:06,333
The iPod was on shuffle!
393
00:15:07,402 --> 00:15:08,435
The Jerky Boys!
394
00:15:08,436 --> 00:15:10,604
Our baby heard The Jerky Boys!
395
00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:12,106
You know what,
The Jerky Boys are funny.
396
00:15:12,107 --> 00:15:14,675
The Jerky Boys aren't funny,
they are awful.
397
00:15:14,676 --> 00:15:16,043
You know what, fine,
if you don't think
398
00:15:16,044 --> 00:15:17,644
The Jerky Boys are funny,
then I'm not sure
399
00:15:17,645 --> 00:15:19,413
that I can raise a child
with you, liver lips.
400
00:15:21,282 --> 00:15:22,850
Marshall, I don't like this.
401
00:15:22,851 --> 00:15:23,984
I know. Okay?
402
00:15:23,985 --> 00:15:25,719
I don't like it either.
403
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,589
It's like I have a hot, burning
404
00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:31,325
ball of stress in my chest,
405
00:15:31,326 --> 00:15:33,160
and nothing
will make it go away!
406
00:15:33,161 --> 00:15:34,328
You're not pregnant.
407
00:15:34,329 --> 00:15:36,163
Well, that did it.
408
00:15:36,164 --> 00:15:39,366
I know this probably comes
as quite a disappointment.
409
00:15:40,869 --> 00:15:42,402
Yeah.
410
00:15:42,403 --> 00:15:43,971
Huge bummer.
411
00:15:43,972 --> 00:15:45,906
So disappointing.
412
00:15:47,709 --> 00:15:48,742
Hey.
413
00:15:48,743 --> 00:15:49,710
Hey.
414
00:15:49,711 --> 00:15:50,644
Are you guys okay?
415
00:15:50,645 --> 00:15:51,845
- Huh?
- Yeah.
416
00:15:51,846 --> 00:15:54,381
Why wouldn't we be?
Oh, the baby thing.
417
00:15:54,382 --> 00:15:55,849
Oh, yeah, whatever.
418
00:15:55,850 --> 00:15:57,618
Oh, Christmas-themed
movie snack. Nice.
419
00:15:57,619 --> 00:16:00,220
Don't reach
into the living room!
420
00:16:02,991 --> 00:16:05,192
Wow, I... I thought you guys
would be devastated.
421
00:16:05,193 --> 00:16:06,560
Oh.
422
00:16:06,561 --> 00:16:08,962
You know, we're actually
kind of relieved.
423
00:16:08,963 --> 00:16:11,231
We were freaking out for about
a day and a half there.
424
00:16:11,232 --> 00:16:13,500
Yeah, this whole thing
got us thinking.
425
00:16:13,501 --> 00:16:15,502
Maybe we're not ready
for kids yet after all.
426
00:16:15,503 --> 00:16:17,638
Yeah, we were thinking
maybe we would just get a dog.
427
00:16:17,639 --> 00:16:18,705
Get a puppy!
428
00:16:18,706 --> 00:16:19,907
Can you imagine...
429
00:16:19,908 --> 00:16:22,009
That would be the cutest thing!
430
00:16:22,010 --> 00:16:23,744
No!
431
00:16:23,745 --> 00:16:25,779
Oh. Our movie snack.
432
00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:27,714
Are you kidding me?!
433
00:16:27,715 --> 00:16:29,983
All you ever talk about
is having kids!
434
00:16:29,984 --> 00:16:31,618
And now you have
one little freak-out
435
00:16:31,619 --> 00:16:33,420
and you want to get
a dog instead?!
436
00:16:33,421 --> 00:16:34,955
No. Unacceptable!
437
00:16:34,956 --> 00:16:36,089
You're gonna turn around,
438
00:16:36,090 --> 00:16:38,091
you're gonna go home, get naked,
439
00:16:38,092 --> 00:16:40,894
lie together as man and wife
until Lily is great with child.
440
00:16:40,895 --> 00:16:42,095
Right now!
441
00:16:42,797 --> 00:16:44,364
I'm serious! Go, go, go!
442
00:16:46,768 --> 00:16:49,069
Marshall and
Lily got in trouble.
443
00:16:49,070 --> 00:16:50,804
- And you!
- Ooh.
444
00:16:50,805 --> 00:16:52,973
Barney, you look real stupid
in that suit.
445
00:16:52,974 --> 00:16:55,509
You're gonna go get your money
back and give it to charity.
446
00:16:55,510 --> 00:16:57,811
And I don't mean that stripper
you keep e-mailing us about,
447
00:16:57,812 --> 00:17:00,147
even though we beg you
to take us off that list.
448
00:17:00,148 --> 00:17:02,683
I can't give this suit back.
449
00:17:02,684 --> 00:17:04,184
Ted, I glow in the dark.
450
00:17:04,185 --> 00:17:06,153
I finally glow in the dark!
451
00:17:06,154 --> 00:17:09,089
Criminals of New York! Attention!
452
00:17:09,090 --> 00:17:11,825
This man is wearing a
diamond-covered suit!
453
00:17:11,826 --> 00:17:12,826
You could retire
454
00:17:12,827 --> 00:17:13,994
on the pants alone!
455
00:17:13,995 --> 00:17:15,996
Merry Christmas!
456
00:17:20,268 --> 00:17:22,803
So, if I get a large popcorn,
you want to go split-skees or...
457
00:17:22,804 --> 00:17:24,137
And you...
458
00:17:24,672 --> 00:17:26,039
You did not move
459
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:29,042
to the greatest city on earth
to become a coin-flipping bimbo.
460
00:17:29,043 --> 00:17:31,011
So here's how it's gonna work:
461
00:17:31,012 --> 00:17:33,213
heads, you take the job
at World Wide News;
462
00:17:33,214 --> 00:17:35,282
tails, you take
the job at World Wide News.
463
00:17:35,283 --> 00:17:36,850
Ow!
464
00:17:36,851 --> 00:17:39,019
Hey, looks like
somebody got a new gig!
465
00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:41,688
Fine, I'll call them tomorrow.
466
00:17:41,689 --> 00:17:43,824
I'll call them right now.
467
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,160
Hello.
468
00:17:47,161 --> 00:17:48,328
Ted, I can't get married!
469
00:17:48,329 --> 00:17:49,429
Yes, you can! You love her!
470
00:17:49,430 --> 00:17:51,031
You're right, I do! Thanks, Ted!
471
00:17:59,374 --> 00:18:01,842
One for It's a Wonderful Life,
please.
472
00:18:03,711 --> 00:18:05,779
Thank you.
473
00:18:08,249 --> 00:18:10,450
Hi.
474
00:18:16,758 --> 00:18:19,059
We're idiots.
475
00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:20,928
This kid doesn't stand a chance.
476
00:18:23,331 --> 00:18:26,099
- We're ready for this.
- We're ready for this.
477
00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:30,537
Wow.
478
00:18:30,538 --> 00:18:32,639
That's a lot of zeroes.
479
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,708
Y... you sure you're not
missing a decimal point?
480
00:18:34,709 --> 00:18:35,976
Nope.
481
00:18:35,977 --> 00:18:37,744
And that's the tour.
482
00:18:37,745 --> 00:18:40,447
Uh, staff meeting's at noon,
you'll meet everyone there,
483
00:18:40,448 --> 00:18:41,882
but first you need
to head down to security.
484
00:18:41,883 --> 00:18:43,817
You need to get
your picture taken.
485
00:18:43,818 --> 00:18:45,385
For your I.D. badge.
486
00:18:45,386 --> 00:18:48,288
Oh.
487
00:18:50,425 --> 00:18:51,925
You sure?
488
00:18:51,926 --> 00:18:54,094
Positive.
489
00:18:57,398 --> 00:18:58,465
And there's more.
490
00:18:58,466 --> 00:19:00,033
Do you still do that thing
where you give
491
00:19:00,034 --> 00:19:01,401
people in need
clothes for job interviews?
492
00:19:01,402 --> 00:19:02,302
Yeah. Why?
493
00:19:02,303 --> 00:19:05,238
Bring 'em in, boys!
494
00:19:13,348 --> 00:19:15,549
Merry Christmas.
495
00:19:15,550 --> 00:19:17,851
- Thank you, son.
- Son?!
496
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:19,953
It's just an expression.
I'm still not your dad.
497
00:19:29,464 --> 00:19:30,864
Congratulations.
498
00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:33,266
You know, that was
really cool what you did.
499
00:19:33,835 --> 00:19:34,801
When we all needed it,
500
00:19:34,802 --> 00:19:36,203
you got us back
on the right path.
501
00:19:36,204 --> 00:19:39,106
It's what I do.
502
00:19:39,107 --> 00:19:41,575
Hey, Ted, if I, um,
if I ever get married
503
00:19:41,576 --> 00:19:43,310
and you're not
the guy I'm marrying...
504
00:19:43,311 --> 00:19:44,711
Big mistake, but go on.
505
00:19:44,712 --> 00:19:46,980
...I could really use
someone like you.
506
00:19:46,981 --> 00:19:48,615
You know, in case I freak out.
507
00:19:48,616 --> 00:19:50,350
When I freak out.
508
00:19:50,351 --> 00:19:51,585
You interested?
509
00:19:51,586 --> 00:19:54,855
Are you asking what I
think you're asking?
510
00:19:54,856 --> 00:19:58,025
Ted, will you be my best man?
511
00:19:58,026 --> 00:20:00,560
Scherbatsky...
512
00:20:00,561 --> 00:20:02,295
I'm gonna crush it.
513
00:20:12,636 --> 00:20:13,670
Hi, there.
514
00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:14,971
We've had a lot of fun tonight,
515
00:20:14,972 --> 00:20:17,340
but on a more serious note,
this is the time of year
516
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,509
when we remember
the importance of giving.
517
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:23,746
And there's no greater gift
than the gift of booty.
518
00:20:23,747 --> 00:20:28,485
So, this holiday season,
why not bang someone in need?
519
00:20:28,486 --> 00:20:31,187
I'm Barney Stinson,
and that's...
520
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,989
one to grow on.
521
00:20:32,990 --> 00:20:34,157
Um, no.
522
00:20:35,759 --> 00:20:39,694
Hi, there. You know, we've
had a lot of fun tonight...
523
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:50,694
Resynced for 720p PeeWee by jacobian @ HDbits.org
36681
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