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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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This is the day room,
where they all...
2
00:00:05,802 --> 00:00:09,720
This... Where they're
all sort of... active.
3
00:00:09,721 --> 00:00:12,241
This is about as active
as it gets, yeah?
4
00:00:14,001 --> 00:00:14,960
Jack.
5
00:00:14,961 --> 00:00:16,320
You work here?
6
00:00:16,321 --> 00:00:20,000
Every time! You know I do. I've
worked here for three years.
7
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Derek! He's deaf.
8
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This is Dennis. He's deaf.
9
00:00:22,801 --> 00:00:24,041
No, I'm not...
10
00:00:25,281 --> 00:00:26,640
This is Lizzie.
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Am I?
12
00:00:28,161 --> 00:00:29,561
Hannah.
13
00:00:31,481 --> 00:00:33,200
She's in charge.
14
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And she's my favourite in a different
way. Probably going to marry her.
15
00:00:38,241 --> 00:00:39,360
She says no.
16
00:00:39,361 --> 00:00:40,519
See, I makes her laugh, don't I?
17
00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:41,601
You do Derek, yeah.
18
00:00:42,801 --> 00:00:43,680
What?
19
00:00:43,681 --> 00:00:45,280
I just thought of summat.
20
00:00:45,281 --> 00:00:46,840
Are you Secret Millionaire?
21
00:00:46,841 --> 00:00:48,760
- It's not Secret Millionaire.
- Is it?
22
00:00:48,761 --> 00:00:50,200
- No, Derek.
- They say no.
23
00:00:50,201 --> 00:00:52,680
Ah! Secret Millionaire
says no, though.
24
00:00:52,681 --> 00:00:56,360
'If you were Secret Millionaire?
How much money would you give me?'
25
00:00:56,361 --> 00:00:57,841
20,000?
26
00:00:59,321 --> 00:01:02,360
Er, buy Hannah a house probably.
27
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And a car.
28
00:01:03,921 --> 00:01:05,760
That's what I'd do.
29
00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:07,441
He said that?
30
00:01:08,961 --> 00:01:11,601
He's got a heart of gold, hasn't he?
31
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Shame more people
aren't like that really.
32
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,840
How much is left?
33
00:01:17,841 --> 00:01:20,600
I don't think
there'd be anything left
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00:01:20,601 --> 00:01:22,200
if you bought a car and a house.
35
00:01:22,201 --> 00:01:23,841
OK, just give it to her then.
36
00:01:24,881 --> 00:01:26,680
I don't need anything anyway.
37
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Except Hannah.
She can have it.
38
00:01:29,241 --> 00:01:30,441
Ah, Dougie.
39
00:01:32,201 --> 00:01:33,081
All right?
40
00:01:33,082 --> 00:01:35,360
Douglas. Come here.
41
00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:37,200
Why?
44
00:01:39,802 --> 00:01:41,640
Everyone wants to be on telly.
45
00:01:41,641 --> 00:01:43,200
Well, everybody IS on the telly.
46
00:01:43,201 --> 00:01:45,880
Anyone can get on the telly.
I don't want to be on the telly.
47
00:01:45,881 --> 00:01:46,521
Why not?
48
00:01:46,522 --> 00:01:48,280
Why would I want to do that?
49
00:01:48,281 --> 00:01:49,199
To show...
50
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,121
To show off how good
my life is? Yeah?
51
00:01:51,122 --> 00:01:52,920
Working here, looking like this?
52
00:01:52,921 --> 00:01:56,240
Hanging about with you? This is
my life. This is where I work.
53
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:58,240
This is our look. He's me best mate.
54
00:01:58,241 --> 00:02:01,720
Why would I want to show
that off on the telly?
55
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:03,240
He's the caretaker here, isn't he?
56
00:02:03,241 --> 00:02:05,761
Yeah. I'll see you later.
57
00:02:08,441 --> 00:02:09,481
All right?
58
00:02:11,161 --> 00:02:12,960
Yeah, this is my
59
00:02:12,961 --> 00:02:16,161
little area just down here.
60
00:02:18,161 --> 00:02:19,680
Loads of stuff.
61
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,400
This is the main bit.
62
00:02:21,401 --> 00:02:24,441
This is like my den.
63
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,361
All right, innit?
64
00:02:32,001 --> 00:02:33,680
Well, I don't need anything fancy.
65
00:02:33,681 --> 00:02:36,880
I know it's not like Alan Sugar's
office. The wage isn't great.
66
00:02:36,881 --> 00:02:38,841
I'm spending most of me
time here anyway.
67
00:02:38,842 --> 00:02:41,520
I get fed three times
a day for nothing.
68
00:02:41,521 --> 00:02:43,880
Slippers I get.
You know, hand me downs.
69
00:02:43,881 --> 00:02:46,160
These glasses aren't mine.
70
00:02:46,161 --> 00:02:48,560
Someone died a few years ago.
71
00:02:48,561 --> 00:02:51,280
You know what I mean?
There's other perks.
72
00:02:51,281 --> 00:02:54,520
Do you know why we've got
such a posh computer?
73
00:02:54,521 --> 00:02:58,400
Kris Marshall gave it to us. Loads
of famous people give us stuff.
74
00:02:58,401 --> 00:03:01,960
Look, that's me and Fern Britton.
Before she was thin.
75
00:03:01,961 --> 00:03:04,400
She had her stomach tied
together or summat.
76
00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:06,040
Anyway, Kris Marshall.
77
00:03:06,041 --> 00:03:08,640
You know Kris Marshall
off the BT adverts?
78
00:03:08,641 --> 00:03:11,800
They're not his real kids
but he's bringing them up anyway.
79
00:03:11,801 --> 00:03:14,120
My favourite thing on here is
YouTube.
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00:03:14,121 --> 00:03:15,881
My favourite YouTube thing is animals
81
00:03:15,882 --> 00:03:18,960
and my favouritest animal thing
is hamster on a piano. Listen.
82
00:03:34,641 --> 00:03:36,960
See it wriggling?
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00:03:46,561 --> 00:03:48,400
He falls off, but he catches him.
84
00:03:56,521 --> 00:03:58,600
Derek's my boyfriend.
85
00:03:58,601 --> 00:04:02,640
No, I'm not. Why do you say that?
She always says that.
86
00:04:02,641 --> 00:04:04,400
I likes old people.
87
00:04:04,401 --> 00:04:08,120
They're kind and they're not
going to be around forever,
88
00:04:08,121 --> 00:04:09,361
so be nice to them.
89
00:04:09,362 --> 00:04:12,880
Old people are nicer to me
than anyone else in the world.
90
00:04:12,881 --> 00:04:13,841
I'm nice to you.
91
00:04:13,842 --> 00:04:16,040
Yeah, Mary's nice to me,
92
00:04:16,041 --> 00:04:17,880
but she's Lizzie's granddaughter.
93
00:04:17,881 --> 00:04:19,400
Oh, is she?
94
00:04:19,401 --> 00:04:21,320
Yeah.
95
00:04:21,321 --> 00:04:24,000
I cut their toenails.
They can't bend down otherwise.
96
00:04:24,001 --> 00:04:26,320
They give me toffees.
97
00:04:26,321 --> 00:04:28,440
I haven't got any toffees left.
98
00:04:28,441 --> 00:04:30,321
What do you mean?
You ain't got any toffees left?
99
00:04:30,322 --> 00:04:32,320
No.
100
00:04:32,321 --> 00:04:34,241
Why didn't you tell me
before you started?
101
00:04:34,242 --> 00:04:36,920
I've got to finish them
anyway cos they're all uneven.
102
00:04:36,921 --> 00:04:38,600
Ah, you're a good boy.
103
00:04:38,601 --> 00:04:40,240
I'm a hungry boy.
104
00:04:40,241 --> 00:04:41,881
Are you the nurse?
105
00:04:44,681 --> 00:04:48,000
You've got to go now.
106
00:04:48,001 --> 00:04:49,440
She's not my girlfriend.
107
00:04:49,441 --> 00:04:51,080
- Derek, Derek, Derek.
- What?
108
00:04:51,081 --> 00:04:52,481
Take what you can get, mate.
109
00:04:52,482 --> 00:04:54,640
Take what you can get.
110
00:04:54,641 --> 00:04:56,520
Innit?
111
00:04:56,521 --> 00:04:58,320
Not bothered.
112
00:04:58,321 --> 00:05:01,440
'Derek just cracks me up.
113
00:05:01,441 --> 00:05:04,080
'Everybody loves him.
He's just funny.'
114
00:05:04,081 --> 00:05:05,880
I just think he's hilarious.
115
00:05:05,881 --> 00:05:06,761
Pudding! Who wants pudding?
116
00:05:06,762 --> 00:05:07,800
What is it?
117
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Rhubarb crumble and custard.
118
00:05:09,841 --> 00:05:13,080
Ah, course it is! It's Monday.
That is my favouritest of all.
119
00:05:13,081 --> 00:05:15,960
Why have they already got it?
Why's he already got it?
120
00:05:15,961 --> 00:05:18,521
Is that bigger than mine?
121
00:05:21,481 --> 00:05:22,960
I got more custard.
122
00:05:22,961 --> 00:05:25,080
Who turned it over?
123
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He did.
124
00:05:26,161 --> 00:05:27,720
Right.
125
00:05:27,721 --> 00:05:30,000
I was watching that.
126
00:05:30,001 --> 00:05:32,520
Don't turn over. He always does that.
127
00:05:32,521 --> 00:05:34,961
Oh, for... Ah!
128
00:05:37,081 --> 00:05:38,960
Look at your trousers!
129
00:05:38,961 --> 00:05:40,040
Does it show?
130
00:05:40,041 --> 00:05:42,840
Of course it shows,
it's all over the back! Come on.
131
00:05:42,841 --> 00:05:46,201
He's just funny. He's just funny!
132
00:05:50,321 --> 00:05:54,160
'I've been here about 15 years.
133
00:05:54,161 --> 00:05:57,321
'Longer than I thought I would be.
134
00:05:58,881 --> 00:06:01,241
'Yeah, 15 years.
135
00:06:05,841 --> 00:06:08,720
'I left school, I didn't have
any qualifications.
136
00:06:08,721 --> 00:06:12,800
'I just left at 16 and then I had a
job at a shoe shop, but I hated it.
137
00:06:12,801 --> 00:06:16,600
'A friend of mine mentioned
there was a job here.
138
00:06:16,601 --> 00:06:18,240
'Like a cleaning job,
139
00:06:18,241 --> 00:06:21,800
'and then it just took over'
140
00:06:21,801 --> 00:06:25,160
'Yeah, I got an NVQ which
was quite hard to get,
141
00:06:25,161 --> 00:06:27,400
'but I got it in the end.
142
00:06:27,401 --> 00:06:29,320
'I like it. I like the people.'
143
00:06:29,321 --> 00:06:31,841
You just get hooked into
the job and then...
144
00:06:34,201 --> 00:06:36,240
It's sort of taken over
my life, to be honest.
145
00:06:36,241 --> 00:06:39,160
'I mean, I have hours.
You know, there are shifts,
146
00:06:39,161 --> 00:06:41,840
'but I'm here a lot. I'll
stay here on a night off
147
00:06:41,841 --> 00:06:43,400
'for company if anything.'
148
00:06:43,401 --> 00:06:47,320
They keep me company because I don't
want to go home to an empty house.
149
00:06:47,321 --> 00:06:51,120
And here's the room
I was telling you about.
150
00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:53,920
This is where we do...
151
00:06:53,921 --> 00:06:56,120
There's a new lady coming in today.
152
00:06:56,121 --> 00:06:58,080
Annie. She's coming in.
153
00:06:58,081 --> 00:07:00,120
This is Derek.
154
00:07:00,121 --> 00:07:00,799
All right?
155
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:01,921
Derek works here.
156
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,240
Hello.
Hello.
157
00:07:03,241 --> 00:07:04,960
And this is Tom, Annie's grandson.
158
00:07:04,961 --> 00:07:06,399
- Hello.
- All right?
159
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,201
It's all here, innit?
160
00:07:07,202 --> 00:07:08,760
It's all right, innit?
161
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,560
Yeah.
162
00:07:10,561 --> 00:07:14,080
You got your room?
Got your room ready?
163
00:07:14,081 --> 00:07:16,121
My computer over there.
Do you know Hamster On A Piano?
164
00:07:16,122 --> 00:07:17,800
No, I don't like hamsters.
165
00:07:17,801 --> 00:07:20,080
We ain't got a hamster.
We've got a piano.
166
00:07:20,081 --> 00:07:21,720
Oh.
167
00:07:21,721 --> 00:07:23,120
But that's different...
168
00:07:23,121 --> 00:07:26,040
I'm not in a relationship.
Not married or anything.
169
00:07:26,041 --> 00:07:28,320
I just...
It's never worked out really.
170
00:07:28,321 --> 00:07:31,280
'I'm probably not suited
to relationships.
171
00:07:31,281 --> 00:07:33,121
'I'm here a lot. I haven't got time.
172
00:07:33,122 --> 00:07:35,720
'A lot of people meet
at work, don't they? I work here.'
173
00:07:35,721 --> 00:07:37,641
So there aren't that
many eligible men.
174
00:07:45,641 --> 00:07:47,160
Why d'you keep itching?
175
00:07:47,161 --> 00:07:48,200
Huh?
176
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:49,361
Why do you keep itching?
177
00:07:49,362 --> 00:07:50,520
Fungus.
178
00:07:50,521 --> 00:07:52,600
Fungus in my hip.
179
00:07:52,601 --> 00:07:53,521
Still playing up, is it?
180
00:07:53,522 --> 00:07:54,600
Yeah.
181
00:07:54,601 --> 00:07:56,320
My two best friends.
182
00:07:56,321 --> 00:07:58,080
This is sort of my gang.
183
00:07:58,081 --> 00:08:00,160
When we comes in,
we comes in and Arthur goes,
184
00:08:00,161 --> 00:08:02,080
"Here comes the in crowd!" Innit?
185
00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:03,120
Yeah.
186
00:08:03,121 --> 00:08:05,560
I don't want to be
part of this crowd.
187
00:08:05,561 --> 00:08:07,160
I just sort of slipped into it.
188
00:08:07,161 --> 00:08:08,720
He doesn't work here.
189
00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:10,081
He's the best autograph
hunter in the gang.
190
00:08:10,082 --> 00:08:11,120
In the world.
191
00:08:11,121 --> 00:08:12,279
He doesn't autograph hunt, do you?
192
00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:13,319
I don't see the point.
193
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,281
Buzz, mate. The buzz.
194
00:08:14,282 --> 00:08:15,320
What buzz?
195
00:08:15,321 --> 00:08:16,880
The rush. You get a rush.
196
00:08:16,881 --> 00:08:19,560
When did you last get a 'buzz'
from getting an autograph?
197
00:08:19,561 --> 00:08:21,880
The McGanns. Steve, Joe, Paul.
198
00:08:21,881 --> 00:08:24,080
He's got everyone.
How many autographs you got?
199
00:08:24,081 --> 00:08:24,761
35,000.
200
00:08:24,762 --> 00:08:25,960
35,000.
201
00:08:25,961 --> 00:08:30,120
My mum died, he let me
move in his flat, didn't ya?
202
00:08:30,121 --> 00:08:32,760
He got a council flat,
so he's got a spare room cos he said
203
00:08:32,761 --> 00:08:34,479
he ain't got kids or married
or anything.
204
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:35,521
Not planning on.
205
00:08:35,522 --> 00:08:37,200
That's not going to change.
206
00:08:37,201 --> 00:08:37,841
No.
207
00:08:37,842 --> 00:08:39,160
So I let him move in.
208
00:08:39,161 --> 00:08:41,120
Bit of company.
209
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:44,200
But then I'm sat with him
all day and all night.
210
00:08:44,201 --> 00:08:46,840
'I've never seen Derek feeling
sorry for himself.'
211
00:08:46,841 --> 00:08:49,440
He's been through a lot.
212
00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:50,960
And he just gets up,
213
00:08:50,961 --> 00:08:53,720
dusts himself off, gets on with it.
214
00:08:53,721 --> 00:08:55,121
'He's quite a guy.'
215
00:08:57,681 --> 00:08:59,321
She's asleep.
216
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,720
But she knows I'm here.
217
00:09:02,721 --> 00:09:05,520
She still likes me around
even when she's asleep.
218
00:09:05,521 --> 00:09:07,481
I likes her hair.
219
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:10,720
Fluffy.
220
00:09:10,721 --> 00:09:11,961
I likes it.
221
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:16,481
Joan.
222
00:09:22,481 --> 00:09:24,521
Can you hear her sleeping?
223
00:09:28,361 --> 00:09:30,961
They're all asleep.
I might as well sleep.
224
00:09:37,241 --> 00:09:39,440
'I love Joan.
225
00:09:39,441 --> 00:09:41,240
'She reminds me of my mum.
226
00:09:41,241 --> 00:09:45,040
'Our favourite thing is doing the
lottery together, every Wednesday.
227
00:09:45,041 --> 00:09:47,320
'That's the only time she goes out.
228
00:09:47,321 --> 00:09:49,160
'Except the garden.'
229
00:09:49,161 --> 00:09:52,080
There's the garden, innit?
My favourite's the pond.
230
00:09:52,081 --> 00:09:55,440
It's my favourite bit of the whole
thing here. Ah, look!
231
00:09:55,441 --> 00:09:57,160
Oh, no.
232
00:09:57,161 --> 00:09:59,320
Worm.
233
00:09:59,321 --> 00:10:00,280
Don't!
234
00:10:00,281 --> 00:10:01,321
She don't like worms.
235
00:10:01,322 --> 00:10:02,880
I hate 'em.
Why?
236
00:10:02,881 --> 00:10:04,960
Cos they're weird.
They haven't got a head.
237
00:10:04,961 --> 00:10:06,841
At least they ain't got
legs like a spider.
238
00:10:06,842 --> 00:10:09,920
I don't tease you with them,
so she don't tease me with spiders.
239
00:10:09,921 --> 00:10:13,240
It comes out in the rain and then the
sun dries them. I give it a drink.
240
00:10:13,241 --> 00:10:14,239
Is that his head?
241
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:16,079
Well, that's the problem, isn't it?
242
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,999
I'll give it both ends just in case.
243
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,881
There we are.
It'll be all right now.
244
00:10:19,882 --> 00:10:22,680
It's got a little house.
I saw a frog in here once, didn't I?
245
00:10:22,681 --> 00:10:23,720
You did.
246
00:10:23,721 --> 00:10:26,080
In the summer. Sometimes in the
winter,
247
00:10:26,081 --> 00:10:28,361
they keeps warm under lily pads.
I've seen them here.
248
00:10:28,362 --> 00:10:30,320
They're... Ah, spider!
249
00:10:30,321 --> 00:10:31,440
Derek!
250
00:10:31,441 --> 00:10:32,760
I'm drowning.
251
00:10:32,761 --> 00:10:35,440
No, you're not drowning!
252
00:10:35,441 --> 00:10:36,719
She's laughing.
253
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,521
We have to get all this off,
it's soaking!
254
00:10:38,522 --> 00:10:39,480
I will.
255
00:10:39,481 --> 00:10:42,080
You're going to get pneumonia!
256
00:10:42,081 --> 00:10:43,439
You'll get leeches or something!
257
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:44,641
Leeches?! What from?
258
00:10:44,642 --> 00:10:47,041
They won't... Don't take
your clothes off!
259
00:10:49,001 --> 00:10:52,200
What you filming out here for?
Film down in the bathroom!
260
00:10:52,201 --> 00:10:54,520
Out the way! Out the way!
Stop looking!
261
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:56,041
Normal.
262
00:11:03,806 --> 00:11:05,046
Making apple pie.
263
00:11:05,047 --> 00:11:08,726
I'm doing the pastry, she's peeling
the apples, got them from the garden.
264
00:11:12,166 --> 00:11:13,526
Why do you keep looking at Tom?
265
00:11:13,527 --> 00:11:14,805
I'm not! What?
266
00:11:14,806 --> 00:11:16,085
Yeah, you was.
267
00:11:16,086 --> 00:11:17,404
Derek!
You keep looking.
268
00:11:17,405 --> 00:11:19,366
- He's gay, I think, probably gay.
- How do you know?
269
00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:23,005
He's either gay or married,
cos all the good ones are by my age.
270
00:11:23,006 --> 00:11:24,045
Yeah.
271
00:11:24,046 --> 00:11:26,725
He can't be straight and single,
cos then I'd stand a chance.
272
00:11:26,726 --> 00:11:27,926
Chance of what?
273
00:11:29,486 --> 00:11:30,724
It doesn't matter.
He's gay.
274
00:11:30,725 --> 00:11:31,766
I'll ask if he's gay.
275
00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:33,165
No, don't.
Why not?
276
00:11:33,166 --> 00:11:35,725
Because then he'd know that
I want to know.
277
00:11:35,726 --> 00:11:38,485
Well, I'll ask him
and I won't tell you what he says.
278
00:11:38,486 --> 00:11:41,365
No, that would be stupid, Derek.
279
00:11:41,366 --> 00:11:44,725
I want to know. I just don't want
him to know that I want to know.
280
00:11:44,726 --> 00:11:46,326
See?
281
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:52,725
You could ask him what his favourite
films are and TV programmes,
282
00:11:52,726 --> 00:11:55,645
and then come over and tell me
and then I'll know if he's gay.
283
00:11:55,646 --> 00:11:57,805
But don't...
Do it subtly.
284
00:11:57,806 --> 00:12:00,246
Ask him his favourite films,
and see if he's gay or not.
285
00:12:00,247 --> 00:12:02,446
But be subtle.
Just bring it up.
286
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:07,965
My, um, friend Hannah, um...
287
00:12:07,966 --> 00:12:12,205
she says you might
be gay, right, but you mustn't...
288
00:12:12,206 --> 00:12:15,485
and she wants to know,
but to not tell her,
289
00:12:15,486 --> 00:12:19,125
but if you just tell me your
favourite TV programmes and films,
290
00:12:19,126 --> 00:12:21,445
then she'll know
if you're gay or not.
291
00:12:21,446 --> 00:12:23,245
OK.
292
00:12:23,246 --> 00:12:28,445
Tell her I love Glee,
I think it's fab.
293
00:12:28,446 --> 00:12:32,725
Tell her The Wizard Of Oz is my
favourite film cos of Judy Garland.
294
00:12:32,726 --> 00:12:33,406
Yeah.
295
00:12:33,407 --> 00:12:36,685
And that I love her daughter,
Eliza, as well.
296
00:12:36,686 --> 00:12:39,086
Tell her my absolute favourite
is Audrey Hepburn,
297
00:12:39,087 --> 00:12:40,845
cos that girl had class.
298
00:12:40,846 --> 00:12:41,885
Yeah.
299
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:45,525
And if she likes all of them,
you tell her from me,
300
00:12:45,526 --> 00:12:49,485
hmm-mm, you go, girl!
Can you do that?
301
00:12:49,486 --> 00:12:50,084
Yeah.
302
00:12:50,085 --> 00:12:51,006
Do it for me.
303
00:12:51,007 --> 00:12:51,925
Hmm-mm!
304
00:12:51,926 --> 00:12:53,126
OK.
305
00:12:56,246 --> 00:12:58,485
He said loads.
He said Glee, Audrey Hepburn.
306
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,365
Told you.
307
00:13:00,366 --> 00:13:01,525
I'm sorry.
308
00:13:01,526 --> 00:13:03,005
Listen, I'm not gay.
309
00:13:03,006 --> 00:13:04,965
And I am single.
310
00:13:04,966 --> 00:13:06,125
No, right, OK.
311
00:13:06,126 --> 00:13:09,645
No, no, we were just...
We was talking,
312
00:13:09,646 --> 00:13:12,045
and I said that you were probably
gay
313
00:13:12,046 --> 00:13:14,845
cos all the good ones are,
and then he wanted to know,
314
00:13:14,846 --> 00:13:17,405
so I said, ask what your favourite
TV programmes are.
315
00:13:17,406 --> 00:13:18,924
Then she'd know
if you're gay or not.
316
00:13:18,925 --> 00:13:20,004
No, he told me that.
317
00:13:20,005 --> 00:13:21,046
That's why I said...
318
00:13:21,047 --> 00:13:23,845
It seems as if you're making out
I'm coming onto you, and I'm not.
319
00:13:23,846 --> 00:13:25,445
No, no, definitely not.
320
00:13:25,446 --> 00:13:28,125
I just... I was doing it as a joke,
cos he said,
321
00:13:28,126 --> 00:13:30,404
I can tell if someone's
gay from a list of films,
322
00:13:30,405 --> 00:13:32,726
so I said gay films.
I thought it would be funny...
323
00:13:32,727 --> 00:13:35,685
This is why I'm single,
by the way, in case you're...
324
00:13:35,686 --> 00:13:37,765
OK, well, forget it.
All right.
325
00:13:37,766 --> 00:13:38,604
All right.
326
00:13:38,605 --> 00:13:39,686
Is he gay or not?
327
00:13:39,687 --> 00:13:41,205
He said he wasn't.
328
00:13:41,206 --> 00:13:42,685
Where's he gone?
329
00:13:42,686 --> 00:13:46,765
'That was embarrassing.
Thanks, Derek.'
330
00:13:46,766 --> 00:13:49,965
It's not Derek's fault, really.
It's my fault.
331
00:13:49,966 --> 00:13:53,565
It's my temper,
I've got a temper, as you saw.
332
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:57,526
I got it all wrong,
totally got that wrong.
333
00:13:58,526 --> 00:14:00,406
Completely misjudged it.
334
00:14:02,966 --> 00:14:04,645
See you later.
335
00:14:04,646 --> 00:14:05,764
We're going to the pub.
336
00:14:05,765 --> 00:14:06,886
He loves the pub.
337
00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:08,285
Yeah, my favourite.
338
00:14:08,286 --> 00:14:09,645
Shithole.
339
00:14:09,646 --> 00:14:10,485
Huh?
340
00:14:10,486 --> 00:14:11,966
It's not what it used to be.
341
00:14:11,967 --> 00:14:13,405
What did it use to be?
342
00:14:13,406 --> 00:14:16,245
It's always been a pub, it's just
different to what it used to be.
343
00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:18,045
'It's changed. It's rowdy,
344
00:14:18,046 --> 00:14:21,126
'and the bar staff don't
say anything cos they get a slap.'
345
00:14:23,486 --> 00:14:25,605
I was feeding crisps
to some geese once,
346
00:14:25,606 --> 00:14:29,485
and they all started coming,
like that, and I was going,
347
00:14:29,486 --> 00:14:33,765
bloody hell, they were taking it out
of my fingers like that! Then...
348
00:14:33,766 --> 00:14:34,766
I found a goose once.
It was ill.
349
00:14:34,767 --> 00:14:36,085
Where?
350
00:14:36,086 --> 00:14:39,685
I knew it was ill cos it was flat,
had its head out like that.
351
00:14:39,686 --> 00:14:42,525
She's brave going out in public
with that.
352
00:14:42,526 --> 00:14:44,204
I'd like to look after old animals.
353
00:14:44,205 --> 00:14:45,404
That would be good.
354
00:14:45,405 --> 00:14:46,686
Wouldn't it?
Yeah.
355
00:14:46,687 --> 00:14:48,445
I love baby animals.
356
00:14:48,446 --> 00:14:49,566
Grandad!
357
00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:53,165
The girl's looking!
358
00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:54,606
I think we should go soon.
359
00:14:54,607 --> 00:14:56,125
Why is there a tramp in the pub?
360
00:14:56,126 --> 00:14:57,245
Why?
361
00:14:57,246 --> 00:14:58,845
I think it might be time to go.
362
00:14:58,846 --> 00:14:59,524
Looks like a pumpkin.
363
00:14:59,525 --> 00:15:00,726
Are they talking about me?
364
00:15:00,727 --> 00:15:03,365
No, they're not.
We'll come back another day.
Yeah.
365
00:15:03,366 --> 00:15:04,605
Yeah? Promise.
366
00:15:04,606 --> 00:15:07,365
Check out the poo-coloured jacket.
367
00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:08,524
They are talking about me.
368
00:15:08,525 --> 00:15:09,566
They're not talking about you.
369
00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:11,125
What have I ever done wrong?
370
00:15:11,126 --> 00:15:12,486
Oh my God,
that's what paedophiles look like.
371
00:15:12,487 --> 00:15:15,405
Darling, you can do
so much better than him.
372
00:15:15,406 --> 00:15:17,406
Go and ask
if they was talking about me.
373
00:15:19,006 --> 00:15:20,526
Just wait here, all right?
374
00:15:28,645 --> 00:15:29,526
What'd she say?
375
00:15:29,527 --> 00:15:31,005
She said she's sorry.
376
00:15:35,966 --> 00:15:37,685
Broken picture.
377
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:38,726
All right, Joan?
378
00:15:38,727 --> 00:15:40,325
Is that it, then?
379
00:15:40,326 --> 00:15:41,485
Hm.
380
00:15:41,486 --> 00:15:43,605
I don't know
if I can fix that or not.
381
00:15:43,606 --> 00:15:47,525
It's a bit knackered. Leave it
with me. I'll come back to you.
382
00:15:47,526 --> 00:15:48,806
It's just shit.
383
00:15:48,807 --> 00:15:51,405
That's all they do with
these rooms, fill them with shit.
384
00:15:51,406 --> 00:15:52,526
Give them too much space.
385
00:15:52,527 --> 00:15:56,366
Honestly, just get some skips in,
clear the fucking lot out.
386
00:16:00,486 --> 00:16:02,725
This is his office, isn't it?
387
00:16:02,726 --> 00:16:04,365
He's got his own office.
388
00:16:04,366 --> 00:16:06,605
Oh!! You ain't fixed it!
389
00:16:06,606 --> 00:16:08,405
You ain't throwing it away!
390
00:16:08,406 --> 00:16:12,805
Seriously, she's asked me to fix it.
391
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:15,765
I have fixed it, sorted it,
problem sorted, in the bin.
392
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:17,485
It's not worth it.
393
00:16:17,486 --> 00:16:19,725
I don't mind fixing things
that are important.
394
00:16:19,726 --> 00:16:20,964
She doesn't remember.
395
00:16:20,965 --> 00:16:22,846
Thanks for coming.
Lovely to see you.
396
00:16:22,847 --> 00:16:24,446
All right.
397
00:16:27,126 --> 00:16:28,765
I was just going.
398
00:16:28,766 --> 00:16:29,686
Oh! Bye.
399
00:16:29,687 --> 00:16:31,325
See you later.
400
00:16:31,326 --> 00:16:33,565
Bye. See you.
401
00:16:33,566 --> 00:16:35,966
He's a nice lad, isn't he,
coming to see you all the time?
402
00:16:35,967 --> 00:16:38,446
Yeah. It's not me he comes to see.
403
00:16:39,686 --> 00:16:41,166
Hm.
404
00:16:45,166 --> 00:16:48,485
'Do you think would there ever be
a lady or man upstairs'
405
00:16:48,486 --> 00:16:51,485
what could be as old as the tortoise?
That's the oldest animal.
406
00:16:51,486 --> 00:16:53,805
Yeah, they're getting close
to it now, Derek.
407
00:16:53,806 --> 00:16:56,925
Average age is about 85 up there.
Some of them up there are knackered.
408
00:16:56,926 --> 00:16:59,246
I don't know at what point
you can say a life is ended,
409
00:16:59,247 --> 00:17:00,845
cos some of them don't move.
410
00:17:00,846 --> 00:17:03,166
You know, their knees have gone,
their backs have gone,
411
00:17:03,167 --> 00:17:05,205
their eyes have gone,
their ears have gone.
412
00:17:05,206 --> 00:17:08,125
Jack, with his hearing aid,
battery on the side of his head,
413
00:17:08,126 --> 00:17:11,405
battery runs out, I don't see the
point of putting a new battery in.
414
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:14,125
But what would you do, if you was
Jack and somebody said,
415
00:17:14,126 --> 00:17:17,565
"It's not worth it", what would you
say? "No, I need a battery, please."
416
00:17:17,566 --> 00:17:20,445
What would you do if you was old,
like a tortoise,
417
00:17:20,446 --> 00:17:22,965
and someone said,
"Don't bother with him, he's 100."
418
00:17:22,966 --> 00:17:24,405
I'd save you.
419
00:17:24,406 --> 00:17:26,365
I don't care how old you was.
420
00:17:26,366 --> 00:17:27,925
Bathroom.
421
00:17:27,926 --> 00:17:31,245
That's where the sheets are
and everything, and cleaning.
422
00:17:31,246 --> 00:17:32,365
This is Joan.
423
00:17:32,366 --> 00:17:33,805
Ah.
424
00:17:33,806 --> 00:17:36,325
If's four o'clock,
come and do the lottery.
425
00:17:36,326 --> 00:17:39,125
Well, I feel a bit tired today,
dear.
426
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:40,845
You know my numbers.
427
00:17:40,846 --> 00:17:44,245
2, 3, 7, 24, 33, 36.
428
00:17:44,246 --> 00:17:45,366
Where's the money?
429
00:17:45,367 --> 00:17:46,726
It's over there, dear.
430
00:17:47,726 --> 00:17:49,405
There's Ј2 here.
431
00:17:49,406 --> 00:17:51,925
Oh, do a scratch card for me.
432
00:17:51,926 --> 00:17:54,285
Yeah. See you later.
Scratch card.
433
00:17:54,286 --> 00:17:56,165
Bye, dear. Bye.
434
00:17:56,166 --> 00:17:57,365
Douglas.
435
00:17:57,366 --> 00:17:58,845
Dougie. Douglas.
436
00:17:58,846 --> 00:17:59,924
What do you want?
437
00:17:59,925 --> 00:18:00,964
Sometimes a cat...
438
00:18:00,965 --> 00:18:03,166
If a dog was chasing a cat,
and the cat turns round,
439
00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:05,845
the dog stops cos it's scared
of it scratching its eyes out.
440
00:18:05,846 --> 00:18:07,965
If I wrap the bus round a lamp,
cos of this...
441
00:18:07,966 --> 00:18:10,245
But... Listen, Douglas. Douglas.
442
00:18:10,246 --> 00:18:12,245
You've got people on board...
443
00:18:12,246 --> 00:18:14,285
Douglas! Douglas!
444
00:18:14,286 --> 00:18:17,765
Douglas! Douglas!
Douglas! Douglas!
445
00:18:17,766 --> 00:18:19,205
What?!
446
00:18:19,206 --> 00:18:20,565
What?
447
00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:21,244
What!
448
00:18:21,245 --> 00:18:22,484
I've forgotten.
449
00:18:22,485 --> 00:18:23,204
Answer straightaway.
450
00:18:23,205 --> 00:18:24,524
I'm trying to drive a bus!
451
00:18:24,525 --> 00:18:26,766
You're not the only one on it.
We've got passengers.
452
00:18:26,767 --> 00:18:29,845
If I put this round a lamp,
do you know what shit I'd get into?
453
00:18:29,846 --> 00:18:30,604
Ah! Swearing!
454
00:18:30,605 --> 00:18:31,686
Just calm down!
455
00:18:31,687 --> 00:18:34,525
We can chat when we get back. We've
got nothing to do all afternoon.
456
00:18:34,526 --> 00:18:36,324
It's like having a wasp in the car.
457
00:18:36,325 --> 00:18:37,646
You know when you're driving,
458
00:18:37,647 --> 00:18:40,405
and you've got this extra stress
going on, that's what he's like.
459
00:18:40,406 --> 00:18:43,245
What would win out of
a suicide bomber and a shark?
460
00:18:43,246 --> 00:18:43,884
Douglas.
461
00:18:43,885 --> 00:18:46,206
How would he drive,
having this going on in his head?
462
00:18:46,207 --> 00:18:47,245
Douglas.
463
00:18:47,246 --> 00:18:49,885
It's like this every Wednesday.
We go for lottery tickets.
464
00:18:49,886 --> 00:18:52,366
He's giving it this.
Sits there every time.
465
00:18:54,606 --> 00:18:56,086
OK. Thank you very much.
466
00:18:58,686 --> 00:19:00,446
Joan's died.
467
00:19:02,486 --> 00:19:05,326
Er, got to tell her family now.
468
00:19:06,726 --> 00:19:09,246
I'm more worried
about telling Derek, actually.
469
00:19:10,926 --> 00:19:13,805
Joan's won Ј10, on a scratch card.
470
00:19:13,806 --> 00:19:15,325
Incredibly lucky.
471
00:19:15,326 --> 00:19:17,245
Hannah.
472
00:19:17,246 --> 00:19:19,405
Guess what.
473
00:19:19,406 --> 00:19:21,605
Joan won Ј10, on a scratch card.
474
00:19:21,606 --> 00:19:23,445
Unbelievably lucky. Hello.
475
00:19:23,446 --> 00:19:24,485
I can't wa...
476
00:19:24,486 --> 00:19:27,565
That's brilliant.
Can I have a little chat with you?
477
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:28,925
Yeah.
478
00:19:28,926 --> 00:19:31,166
Are you a Secret Millionaire?
479
00:19:32,486 --> 00:19:33,566
What?
480
00:19:36,486 --> 00:19:38,766
I hate it when anyone dies.
481
00:19:41,726 --> 00:19:43,446
They're always dying.
482
00:19:45,246 --> 00:19:46,366
Cos they're old.
483
00:19:47,926 --> 00:19:50,845
But Joan is the worstest one yet,
ever.
484
00:19:50,846 --> 00:19:52,526
She was my favourite.
485
00:20:00,566 --> 00:20:02,405
Can I say goodbye to her?
486
00:20:02,406 --> 00:20:03,646
Of course you can.
487
00:20:03,647 --> 00:20:04,686
Thank you.
488
00:20:10,806 --> 00:20:12,406
Wait here.
489
00:20:38,246 --> 00:20:39,246
Hi, Joan.
490
00:20:41,446 --> 00:20:42,645
Sorry if...
491
00:20:42,646 --> 00:20:45,526
Sorry about any times
we ever argued.
492
00:20:47,966 --> 00:20:50,046
I miss her.
493
00:20:54,406 --> 00:20:56,965
And she's not here
to make me feel better.
494
00:20:56,966 --> 00:20:58,726
She would've made me feel better.
495
00:20:59,846 --> 00:21:04,685
If I ever used to break something...
by accident,
496
00:21:04,686 --> 00:21:06,366
cos I've got stumpy fingers...
497
00:21:07,446 --> 00:21:11,566
I'd go, "Sorry." "It's all right, it
was an accident, and you're not bad."
498
00:21:13,526 --> 00:21:15,486
She'd tap me on the head...
499
00:21:16,846 --> 00:21:18,605
She'd go, "It's all right,"
500
00:21:18,606 --> 00:21:21,525
and it'd make me feel better
straightaway.
501
00:21:21,526 --> 00:21:23,645
Like magic.
502
00:21:23,646 --> 00:21:27,326
And she said,
"Kindness is magic, Derek."
503
00:21:30,926 --> 00:21:36,245
She said it's more important to be
kind than clever or good-looking.
504
00:21:36,246 --> 00:21:38,846
I'm not clever or good-looking,
but I'm kind.
505
00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,205
You all right, Derek?
506
00:22:27,206 --> 00:22:28,685
Yeah.
507
00:22:28,686 --> 00:22:30,206
You going to go and talk to anyone?
508
00:22:30,207 --> 00:22:32,685
No, I'm watching
Deal Or No Deal in a minute.
509
00:22:32,686 --> 00:22:33,246
You sure?
510
00:22:33,247 --> 00:22:34,805
Yeah.
511
00:22:34,806 --> 00:22:36,286
Mary's come to see you.
512
00:22:37,526 --> 00:22:39,246
OK, darling.
513
00:22:46,766 --> 00:22:47,646
Sorry Joan died.
514
00:22:47,647 --> 00:22:48,686
Thank you.
515
00:23:13,686 --> 00:23:15,765
Have you had something to eat?
516
00:23:15,766 --> 00:23:17,006
Yeah, Pringles.
517
00:23:17,007 --> 00:23:18,045
Is that all?
518
00:23:18,046 --> 00:23:19,246
Yeah, I had a lot, though.
519
00:23:19,247 --> 00:23:20,645
You haven't had a drink.
520
00:23:20,646 --> 00:23:22,205
Tom.
521
00:23:22,206 --> 00:23:23,405
All right?
522
00:23:23,406 --> 00:23:25,045
Joan died.
523
00:23:25,046 --> 00:23:26,485
Yeah.
524
00:23:26,486 --> 00:23:27,686
Sorry about that.
525
00:23:27,687 --> 00:23:32,085
Ah! She needs a boyfriend now,
cos I'm going out with Mary.
526
00:23:32,086 --> 00:23:33,685
Oh, right.
527
00:23:33,686 --> 00:23:35,164
She head-butted a lady in the pub.
528
00:23:35,165 --> 00:23:36,446
Did she?
Yeah.
529
00:23:36,447 --> 00:23:39,846
Yeah, it was
a little Audrey Hepburn move.
530
00:23:41,166 --> 00:23:42,526
Do you want to go for a drink?
531
00:23:42,527 --> 00:23:44,045
Yes. Yeah.
532
00:23:44,046 --> 00:23:46,245
Can I come?
533
00:23:46,246 --> 00:23:47,286
No.
534
00:23:52,486 --> 00:23:54,565
How was it, all right?
535
00:23:54,566 --> 00:23:55,925
Yeah. Bit sad.
536
00:23:55,926 --> 00:23:56,965
It's sad.
537
00:23:56,966 --> 00:23:58,085
I like your...
538
00:23:58,086 --> 00:24:00,165
Oh, thanks.
539
00:24:00,166 --> 00:24:01,285
They suit you.
540
00:24:01,286 --> 00:24:02,325
Oh.
541
00:24:02,326 --> 00:24:03,766
Thanks.
542
00:24:06,206 --> 00:24:07,965
What pub we going to?
543
00:24:07,966 --> 00:24:10,005
Maybe we should go to
a different one.
544
00:24:10,006 --> 00:24:11,605
So you can head-butt someone else.
545
00:24:11,606 --> 00:24:12,806
She's laughing.
546
00:24:12,831 --> 00:24:28,525
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