All language subtitles for out.to.sea.1997.720p.webrip.x264-_yts.am

Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Hare
Krishna, Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna,

Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Hare
Krishna, Hare Krishna.

Thank you.

Give me a 156, a 157. Give me a break,
will you? You can't bet every horse in

the race. It's cheating.

I'm going to get shut out here, you
know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Got a sure

winner. Ten dollars across the board on
number two.

At 70 to one, Charlie.

Where's the money? If I had the money,
would I be betting long shots? Please,

Edie, cover for me this one time.

Okay, Charlie, you're down. Thank you,
sweetheart. I love you very much.

I run shoes.

I run shoes.

I run shoes.

I run shoes. I run shoes.

I run shoes.

I run shoes.

I run shoes. Come on, you smack move.

You got it, kid. You got it.

See you later, sweetheart.

Hi, how you doing?

Like you're having a big day, huh?

Mickey, my favorite bookie. How's
business?

I'll tell you, Charlie.

I'm in a tough racket, you know. Yeah, I
know what you mean.

Well, I got to see somebody. Sometimes I
get this terrible feeling like people

are trying to avoid me.

Yeah?

Gee, that's too bad. Maybe you should
see someone about that. I am seeing

someone. Who?

Where's my money, Charlie?

Money? Come on, I'm broke, Mickey. I
mean, you'll be the first to know when I

get money.

Oh, my goodness, where did this come
from?

All right, I'll tell you what. I'll give
you $500 and we'll call it even, all

right?

I'll tell you what.

I'll take a grand.

And you still owe me three grand.

Three thousand.

Always and forever kiddo.

Did you come to borrow money?

Let me just say...

Why

do you assume the only reason I come
here is to borrow money? Because every

time you come here, you borrow money.

Harvey, I'm going to tell you something
you're not going to believe. I never

believe anything that you tell me. Ho,
ho, ho. Very funny.

No. It's very sad.

Not as sad as a man having dinner with a
photograph.

Hey, come on. I'm celebrating. It's my
45th wedding anniversary.

Very touching.

Except today isn't your anniversary.

Look, Susie was my wife. Yes, I realize
that. She was my sister.

I was your best man March 15, 1952.
Correct.

Except today is the 16th.

But that's impossible.

Why? That's the way it works. First you
get the 15th, then right after that is

the 16th, and then later on comes the
17th. Here.

Take a look at the date.

16th. God, I bought my own anniversary.

Sorry, kiddo.

There.

What the hell? Hey, if you need clothes,
the Salvation Army's over on 4th Street.

These will be perfect.

Huh? What are you, perfect for what?
Listen, will you do me a favor? I worked

in a department store for half of my
life.

If you don't buy something, you put it
back.

Maybe.

Happy anniversary.

That was yesterday.

Go ahead, open it.

Mexico and the Yucatan. Witness the
spectacle of a rare solar eclipse from

the foot of the Mayan pyramids. This is
a cruise.

That's right.

Deluxe accommodations.

All right, where'd you get these?

You remember a guy named No-Nick?

Well, they finally busted him.

He gave me the tickets in lieu of the
cash he owed me. Now, wait a minute.

Somebody owed you money?

How dumb do you think I am?

What are you... gonna do stay cooped up
in this mausoleum you call home you're

still alive hasn't anybody told you hey
look who's talking you're damn right

look who's talking don't you get tired
of being alone no the answer is no

Herbie, it's gonna be gourmet food. No.
Three drinks. No.

A bevy of pretty broads. Sure, because
you're looking for a meaningful

relationship. Why not? You've never had
one in your whole life. I got news for

you, Herbie. My whole life isn't over
yet, which is why I suggest we get on

that ship and sip champagne with some
lonely rich broads.

Who knows?

We may get lucky during the eclipse.

Charlie, hear me.

The answer is no.

Hold it! Hold it! Come it through!

Two customers.

We made it just in time, huh?

Maybe come this way.

Well, it's the wrong section.

It looks like our seats. Yeah, those are
first class seats.

And what's the matter? We're not first
class? Yeah, but our boarding things

here say... I don't care what the
boarding things say. Will you sit down?

Yeah, but wait a minute. These could
belong to somebody else.

Relax, will ya?

I mean, the doors are closed. It's not
like we're going to be stopping on 34th

Street to pick up passengers.

Okay, Charlie.

Gentlemen.

Thank you. Hi. Thank you. Thank you very
much.

You may become a frequent flyer.

Damn good mimosa.

Here's to good living, kid.

Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Okay. Thank you very much. Okay. Now,
again, the first leg of our honeymoon.

I'd like to make a small bet on where
they're going to be sitting.

Ma, say hi, Ma.

And my beautiful bride.

Excuse me. I believe you're sitting in
our seat.

Yeah, that figures.

I'm sorry.

That's all right. I'm sorry.

See what you do? May I see your boarding
passes, please? Oh, actually, it's my

fault. The doctor here thought it'd be
best if I were not subjected to the

stress of economy class.

37H and J, your gentleman will have to
pay for these drinks.

Well, maybe Blue Cross could cover it.
Oh, that's good.

It's very funny, ma'am. Very witty.

Aren't those the seats they use for
transporting convicted felons? I mean,

sit down.

Scaring the kids.

Ladies

and

gentlemen, in a few minutes, we will
begin our nonstop express service to

Miami, Florida.

Our flight time will be approximately
five hours.

Welcome aboard the beautiful Emma's
Westerdam. Your captain's stewards are

asking to meet any special needs you may
have.

So do not hesitate to ask for their
assistance.

And please note, there will be a
compulsory light for a thrill today at 5

.30 p.m. Oh, Mr. Lou, back again. Nice
to see you and the lovely missus.

Oh, no, it's someone else, if it is.
Hello.

I'd like you to meet my darned hosts,
Mac, Jonathan. Come on. Welcome aboard.

Mr. Dunbar. Herbie, listen to me. I want
to tell you something before you bed.

Herbie. Oh, wow.

Man, I'll tell you something, Charlie.
When they say deluxe accommodations,

they mean deluxe.

Yeah, well, Herbie, deluxe can mean
several different things. For example,

in the diner, deluxe means comes with
French fries.

Come on. All right. Oh, Mom, this is
gorgeous.

What a thing.

Oh.

Hi. Hello, ladies. Come on now. I want
those small pieces in the bedroom.

Who the hell are you?

Lizzie. Get a load of slouchy here. Now
what?

Does she come with the stateroom?

Where's your hospitality?

Now listen.

I have been on a plane for three hours.
I have been in a taxi cab for an hour

and a half.

I need to take a crap and a nap, and I
do not need an audience.

Sounds like a party we can miss.

Yes, we'll see you later, ladies.

Bye now.

Oh, boy, did you see the chassis on that
broad?

I'll bet she's worth a few mil.

This must be wrong.

I mean, why would they have us way down
here?

I like it down here. It gives us a
chance to get away from the commotion up

top. What, like the other passengers in
the view? Listen to me, Herbie.

I've been meaning to tell you something.

Before you go into the room, Herbie,
please listen to me.

Cozy, isn't it? Is it cozy?

A good fart will give you a concussion.

Needs a little daylight.

Herb, this is the best possible thing
that could have happened to me. Gee, I

can't wait to hear why.

Well, as dance hosts, it's actually our
job to flirt with all the classy broads.

What, dance hosts?

Yeah, that's how I was able to afford
the ticket.

You see, instead of paying for the
cruise, I signed us up as dance hosts.

So the cruise is free. What do you mean
it's free, you idiot? We're working

here. We're not working. We're dancing
and cavorting. Oh, you moron. You don't

even know how to dance.

Well, that's why I brought you here.

Oh, perhaps we're interrupting you
gentlemen at a bad time.

Welcome aboard.

We're going to be sharing the bathroom.
This is Jonathan Devereaux. I'm Mac

Vela, USMC retired. I'll be a liaison to
the CD.

The what D?

Cruise director.

Gil Godwin?

Oh, it's too bad you got Gil for your
first gig.

He's a real prick. Control freak.

Friggin' Nazi.

Classic megalomaniac. Not a nice man.

Well, if you have any questions, feel
free.

I got one question. What's the fastest
route off this shit?

Hiya. Okay,

Chief. Let's put a gangway in. Take him
to the gangway, Captain. Yes. All

visitors should now be assured.

Last call, please. All visitors should
now be assured.

Pardon me.

Oh, my God.

Sir, are you okay?

Yeah, I think... There you go.

You sure? Yeah.

God, that's embarrassing.

Only for you.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

What? The ship's moving.

Well, ships are known to do that. Yeah,
but wait a minute. I need that

gangplank, please. Hello, mister. Yeah,
I've got to use that sucker.

I've got to... Hello.

Now, where the hell did they go?

Luggage. Oh, God almighty.

Well, thank you very much. What's the
matter with you?

Have you got a problem?

No, not really.

I always cry at sailings.

They're so romantic.

Please

join

your crew staff by the Lido pool on the
upper promenade deck F.

For the gala, sail away.

Herbie.

Herbie, I know you're upset now, but in
a few days, you'll be thanking me.

Listen, Charlie.

What is in this for you? Now tell me,
and no shit, because I'm too tired.

Okay, fine.

Remember my old pal, Tony?

Tony? Anthony Caldoni? Yeah. Yeah, the
mail fraud guy.

Well, first of all those charges were
dropped.

But more importantly, guess what he's
doing today? I don't give a rat's ass.

So happens he's married to one of the
richest broads in Palm Beach.

And guess how they met?

One, two, cha-cha-cha.

One, two... No way, Jose.

Just wake me up with the first four to
call. That's where I'm getting on. I

hate to see you do this, Harvey. Why is
that, Charles?

Because if you don't dance, you lose
your employee status.

And that means you gotta pay for the
whole cruise. That's 2,500

smackeroonies. You son of a... Bitch,
you're the one who should be paying.

Will the dance host please report to the
main ballroom? Will the dance host

please report to the main ballroom?

Very nice hair.

Right. Nails.

Cut them. Let me thank you.

Excellent, Mac.

Jonathan, flip the ear hair.

I beg your pardon?

Ear hair.

I'm very skeptical of dance hosts who
can't keep time.

Mr.

Sullivan Herb.

And that's Gordon Charles.

Lovely. Sorry we're late, but it's a
very big boat.

This boat happens to be the flagship
vessel of the world's premier cruise

line. And I am the cruise director.

Sir, yes, sir.

I have a feeling you two are going to be
trouble.

Oh, no, no.

Pussycats. We're pussycats.

For your sake, I...

Is that cologne or armor?

That's close, close. It's cologne, but I
bought it at a gas station.

I've got my eye on you.

You're not so bad yourself.

All right.

Gentlemen, we're 30 seconds from intros.
Now remember that you are the

representatives of this ship and will,
at all times, behave in a manner

appropriate thereto.

You will be courteous.

and respectful at all times. And when
the music stops, you will escort your

partner back to her seat.

And above all, you will not fraternize
privately with the guests at any time.

If you do, scrounge for immediate
dismissal.

Permission to speak, sir. Denied. Mic,
mic.

Smack mic.

Ladies and gentlemen, the M.S. Westerdam
proudly presents your cruise director,

the very talented Mr.

Gil Godwin.

Thank you.

I can't believe that the man actually
opened for himself.

Thank you so very much.

Aren't they absolutely marvelous?

Thank you. Thank you. Very good.

Very good. Very good. Very good.

Magnificent. Moving experience.

You're not just a passenger, you're our
guest.

So put our hospitality to the test.

And by the time our voyage is done,
you'll feel that we are family.

You'll feel that we are family.

You're too kind, really.

Thank you, girls.

What could his parents have possibly
done to him?

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like
to introduce our dance hosts.

Here they are.

Mac.

Jonathan.

Bill. How do you like him? Oh, he's too
short. Oh.

Julio.

Buddy.

Scott.

Herb. And Chuck.

Chuck. Charlie! Charlie!

Hey, Charlie.

Charlie. That guy Herb is cute, huh?

Heaven.

I'm in heaven.

Well,

let's get him while I hunt.

Just an expression.

It's just like the beach at Normandy.

Chancellor, I didn't hire you to be
wallflowers.

I don't want anyone on my ship ever to
feel ignored, you know.

Now, Mrs. Gerardus, may I have the great
pleasure...

And I seem to find the happiness I seek
when

we're out together dancing cheek to
cheek.

Take it, fellow!

I'm Mac. Welcome aboard.

Thank you, Mac.

Where do you think you're going?

Oh, taking on a lot of water.

In the forward compartment, sir.

You have two minutes.

Go.

Any time you're ready, Herb.

Silly old me. I do expect my dance hosts
to actually dance.

Well, of course, yeah.

It's just that I don't know if I'm up
to... Well, I'll tell you the truth,

Keogh. I lost my wife not too long ago.
Oh, good, good.

Tell it to the ladies. They eat it up.

Um, do I take a number, or may I serve
myself?

Yeah, well, I'm kind of new at this.
Well, you can dance, can't you?

Oh.

Oh, you can dance.

Oh, I sure hope these pins hold.

What pins?

Oh, nothing serious. They just keep my
legs attached to my hips.

Have you ever seen so much food in your
life?

Spectacular.

I was besides four when I got on this
ship.

Excuse me for butting in, but do I know
you from someplace?

Well, well, I don't know. Pardon me.

Oye como va?

Mi ritmo bueno para gozar.

Yulata. Oye como va?

Mi ritmo bueno para gozar.

Yulata.

Well, thank you. Thank you very much. Is
there a seat open there?

Sure.

Great. Here we go.

Looks like it's your lucky night, kid.
It is that. It is.

Luck had absolutely nothing to do with
it. She played that hand splendidly.

Absolutely splendidly.

Why, thank you.

That's okay. You can drop the accent
now. You want a refill on this, kid?

Your glass was empty.

Oh, okay. Name's Charlie Gordon.

I'm single and I'm looking.

Liz Labreck, I'm single and I ain't
looking, but thanks for the drink,

Charlie. Cheers. You're welcome.

They call me Gordo on the street.

So what street is that, Gordo?

Wall Street.

You ever hear of it?

What exactly do you do on Wall Street?

Well, I am a small hot dog stand.

When things go badly over there, I'm in
the mergers and acquisitions game.

The buy-in's $1,000.

$1,000.

That reminds me of my first year of
college.

Where exactly did you go to college,
Gordo?

That's a little place called F.U.

Your name, sir, is... Carswell.

Now, boys, boys, boys, boys, let's not
have a pissing match here. We're here to

play cards. Let's play.

Yes, we're here to play poker.

If you can raise the thousand dollars.

$1,000. May I have that deck for a
minute, please? I'll give it right back

to you. I just want to take a look. I'll
bet you $5,000, even money.

Top card's a picture.

Even money? Yes, sir.

You've got yourself a bet.

Okay. Yeah.

Turn it over.

You owe me $5,000.

Yeah.

That was a lot of fun.

I tell you what, let's go again for ten,
huh?

You don't have to if you don't want to.
I mean, if you want to quit right now,

it's okay with me. I'll give you the
five grand.

Let's make it 20.

Yes, yes, I like that. Now we're having
some fun.

20?

You want to bet $20,000 the top card is
not a picture? You got a deal.

Okay, boy.

$20,000. Turn it over.

Turn it over, please.

It's very interesting.

Oh, boy, is that interesting.

You want to double it again?

Yeah.

Enough of the child's play.

I owe you $15,000.

All right. Let's play poker.

Okay.

Here we go.

That's a lot of fun.

I'm going to get a brownie. A brownie.
Yeah.

Oh,

sorry.

We shall have to call the Guinness Book
of Records about your friend Charlie.

What? Now what?

Oh, he's taking the longest piss in
recorded freaking history.

Oh.

There's a lady at table 16 who's arrived
late.

I suggest you welcome her.

Okay, well, where's table 16?

Over there.

What a lovely room.

Oh, that, uh, that lady.

Hi there. Excuse me.

Nice to see you're still on board.

Oh, thank you. I just wondered if you'd
care to dance.

Actually, I've seen you move.

How do I know you won't trip and drag me
overboard?

Well, you don't. But I swim even better
than I dance.

Go for it, Mom.

I promise I won't bite.

There goes nothing.

I haven't danced in a long time.

Slow, slow, quick, quick. Slow, slow,
quick, quick. Slow,

slow, quick, quick. No one look down.
Look at me.

Honey, tell me I did the right thing by
bringing Mom along.

You did the right thing.

You can start one of those lifeboats.

You and whoever you used to dance with,
you must have been great together.

Oh, promenade.

Yeah, that would be Susie and me. Yeah,
we danced all night long at our wedding,

and it seems like we'd rather stop
dancing for 46 years.

Oh, what a lovely image.

Oh, thank you.

Now, tell me all about you, huh?

Everything. Everything? Sure.

It's only a 10-day crew.

Yeah, well, give me the Reader's Digest
version, you know?

Okay.

I live in New York. I was a book editor
at Doubleday. Mother of two.

Recent widow of one.

And I was Shanghai'd here by newlyweds.

The bride is my daughter.

Oh, I'm sure that she meant well.

I'm sure.

Are you having any fun?

I don't know yet.

Oh, well, you know.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That was fun.

Yeah.

Doctor... Oh, Sullivan.

Call me her.

Vivian.

I could use a little fresh air.

Join me?

Yeah, well, I'd love to. I promise I
won't bite.

You know something? I'm going to go
along with you in case you change your

mind.

Are you getting enough zeros in there?

18,000. Thank you.

Enjoying the company of a stunning lady
is all I wish to take away from this

table, sir.

May I have confetti?

Confetti, sir.

Excuse me.

I once heard that if a whale loses its

mate, it never takes another.

Do you suppose that could really happen?

I mean, I haven't spoken to a lot of
whales lately, but hell, if it was

perfect the first time, then... My
feelings.

My feelings, exactly.

Better not fall on our head.

What is this? Oh, no, that's 50-gauge
cable. Hell, that could hold a couple of

elephants playing patty cake.

Either you know your elephants or you
know your cable.

I was the swabby, Pacific area.

Really? Yeah.

Did you ever have to get in one of
those? No, ma'am. Thank God.

Matowski did, though.

Ensign Myron Matowski.

You see, he was nuts about this Filipino
girl, and her parents objected.

So one night they put her in a boat to
send her to another island.

Matowski hijacks one of these lifeboats,
gets in there, out he goes, sends up a

flare. He damn near started a naval
battle.

Well, did she see the flare?

Are you kidding? The last I heard, they
were working on their sixth grandchild,

and she had her own brand of applesauce.

So tell me, how does the swabby become a
doctor?

A what?

Yeah, I wanted to explain that to you.

Oh, you don't have to explain. No, I
wanted to explain it.

Well, would you like to walk me to my
cabin?

Yeah, I would, but I can't.

I can take a hint.

No, what hint? It's just I promised a
couple of chess butchers that I'd have a

brandy with them.

Right.

chest butchers.

What the hell kind of a moron are you?

Now, why would you go and do something
like that?

To impress you.

Oh.

Oh.

Well, keep it up.

This might work.

Mr. Golden!

What do you do like samurai?

Great style.

You

have

more stable accent.

Where are you learn Japanese?

Okinawa. Oh, it's a small sushi joint on
the Sunset Strip.

Where were you?

A passenger requested an escort, sir.
Frat and I think. Nobody fratted

anybody. All we did was... Oh, my God.
Injury.

Well,

if it isn't the phantom of the ballroom.

I ought to sue you guys. Everything
around here is so slippery and wet.

It's an ocean liner.

I may never dance again.

I haven't seen you dance yet.

Fortunately for you, I found the
infirmary. The infirmary is closed at

this hour.

That's what I found out.

Let me... Let me speak candidly,
gentlemen.

I am this close to a promotion that
would make me vice president of

entertainment. Wow.

I intend to get that job.

By showing how well I can keep two old
dickheads like you in line.

Oh, now, listen. You listen.

Don't mess with me.

I'm your worst nightmare.

A song and dance man raised on a
military base.

Dismissed.

Now you seem to be annoyed with me,
Harvey.

Tell me if I'm wrong.

And what's this about you leaving the
dance floor?

None of your business.

None of my business.

How do you like that?

Why are you sterilizing your trousers?

I'm steaming them.

Oh, then what are you going to do, eat
them with garlic butter? It takes the

wrinkles out, you imbecile.

A man is steaming his pants at midnight.
It generally means there's a broad.

No broad.

Well, that's too bad because I got one
lined up rich, Texas rich, with an ass

so beautiful.

It's a shame she has to sit down on it.
Will you do me a favor and just knock

that stuff off?

I'm sorry. I forgot you were cooking.

Now that you've got this girl, how long
is it going to be before she finds out

you're not the man she thought you were?

Oh, by then she'll be in love.

In love with a lie.

Nobody's perfect.

I think a man should always tell a woman
the truth before she falls in love.

Otherwise, how do you know it's real?

What's real is if I play my cards right,
I'll wind up on Easy Street.

And once I'm there, I'm inviting you
over every Sunday. I don't want to have

anything to do with this.

Okay, then don't come over.

She thinks I'm a doctor.

Who?

Nobody.

You're crazy. Years of insanity have
made you crazy.

Do I look crippled or not? Yeah, you
look crippled up here.

Oh, cut it out.

Most of you will work the dance class
from 10 to 11 and the wine and cheese

tasting from 12 to 1.

Please use moderation.

The last thing I need is a bunch of
flatulating dance hosts staggering about

the ship.

I bet his father was cruise director on
the Bismarck.

Think of yourselves as butterflies,
gentlemen, and our guests as flowers.

Your job is to pollinate the flowers
with hospitality.

This guy's been at sea too long.

And if you screw up, I am personally
going to see to it that you are removed

from the ship and charged the full
round-trip passage of $5,462.51,

as indicated in your contract.

What the... What the hell is a 5,000?

You told me 2,000.

As for you, Mr. Gordon, Dr.

Johansson will see you at 1100 hours
sharp.

I don't think that's necessary, sir. You
see, the foot just needs a little rest.

You will remain off your injured foot
until Dr.

Johansson says otherwise. Are we clear?

Yes, sir. Clear.

Extremely clear, sir.

Brilliant.

Dismissed.

All passengers disembarking at Playa del
Carmen, please report to tender deck

midship.

Those of you attending the festival must
board the Fiesta bus at walk 10.

Look who's here.

Flowers and all.

I'll bet they're for me.

Who else would they be for?

Save it.

Hoss.

Come on in.

Thank you.

Thank you very much. Sure appreciate it.

You know, the first day you was in here,
sniffing around like a yard dog, I knew

you'd be back.

Ma, for the love of Pete.

Oh, who's Pete? My competition?

That's right.

And guess who I'm rooting for?

Oh, Charlie.

Oh, it's so nice to see you.

Are these for me?

No. No?

Oh, yes.

They're just beautiful.

I didn't want to be too showy.

Oh, well, yours are very tasteful. Thank
you, Charlie.

Thank you.

I have to get dressed. Why don't you
talk to Mom? I'll keep you company.

Excuse me.

Okay.

I want you to behave yourself, Charlie.

You see, I saw the way you were staring
at my daughter's chest.

Oh, I used to be a cardiologist.

Really?

So I'm almost ready.

Charlie, would you like to walk with me?

I'd be delighted.

Oh, thank you.

Mom, we'll be a minute.

Have fun.

I'll try to find a... Shot glass for
those flowers.

She's darling.

That's Mom.

Oh, there you are. Oh, hello.

Liz, we really must hurry. The bus is
leaving in ten minutes.

Hello there, sport.

Hello. Charlie, why don't you come with
us?

Oh, well, unfortunately, I've been told
that the tour is full.

Oh, sure. Oh, sure it is.

Oh, about those flowers.

Thank you so much. They're beautiful. I
love them.

See you later. Have a good day, Gordo.
Ciao, ciao.

You know, there's something about that
man I really don't like.

Don't you agree?

That you don't like him? I'd agree with
that, definitely.

What do they call this, dancing? I did
this in line at the A&P.

Well, the view is right.

I used to have an ass like that.

Come on, guys. Pay attention.

Would you mind standing back, please?

Let me show you how this is done, okay?

Attention, please. Ship to shore call,
Mr. Cullen Carswell. That's you.

Oh, that sounds exciting.

I'm sorry, Liz. I'll try to wrap it up
quickly.

Why don't I just go ahead and I'll save
you a seat?

All right.

Ship to shore for Carswell. Oh, yes,
sir. It's an overseas call for Mr.

Donald Trump. He's calling from Zurich.
He says it's urgent. Is there a

telephone handy with some privacy?

Yes, you can take it in the second booth
there on your right.

Thank you.

Hello, this is Colin Carswell. I'll take
my call now.

One moment, sir.

Hello?

Hello, Mr. Carswell. Hello?

Who is this?

This is the International Apparatus.

I have momentarily lost your congestion.

Please hold for Mr. Trump.

Yes, I'll hold. But please hurry.

Are you holding, sir? Yes, yes, I'm
holding.

This is Mr.

Carswell.

Coswell. Yeah, please, don't go away.

I figured I'd see if there were any
no-shows. Where's your friend?

You just don't give up, do you?

Don't you just love horses, Charlie?

Only when they win.

No!

I think you've never done any real
gambling, have you? For how much? I'm

not talking about money. I'm talking
about life.

Gambling.

Never been married, have you?

In what sense?

I knew it.

I knew it.

I'm waiting for my sexual prime.

And just when do you think that's going
to happen?

About five minutes.

Ladies under, very nice.

Good. Come back around.

Mom, give me a break.

Shelly, give me a break. I danced with
the man one time.

And you were glowing like Miss Arkansas.

Oh, I had fun.

Herb's a wonderful dancer.

But he's a doctor. And you know I hate
doctors.

Now moving to the side.

Keep the hips going.

Oh, there's class. Let's go join the
class.

It'll be fun.

Well... You love dancing.

Come on.

All right.

That's it.

Oh, you guys are getting so good.

Your turn, madam.

purge themselves of all sins and evil
before the eclipse. I'm so excited, Joe.

I've never seen an eclipse before. Is
that right?

I've seen one once. Really? Yeah, but I
think the moon got in the way.

Yes!

Here we go.

Here we go.

They are that we're here

I'm

looking at this for a possible

You stay here. I'll be right back. I've
got to see a man about a dog. Take your

time.

Gil,

I've been talking to the board about
hiring a vice president of

entertainment.

Interesting. Listen, is there a way out
of here besides the door?

Down the drain.

Very funny.

How very funny.

Listen, pal.

I need to borrow your mask for a few
minutes.

Get lost, Pops. Wait.

I'll let you have this.

It's a genuine Rolex.

Please, mister.

This ain't a Rolex.

It says Romex.

What, are you going to make a federal
case out of one lousy letter?

They don't make Romixes anymore. This is
a collector's item.

Eat it.

Oh, don't be ridiculous. I haven't had a
chimichanga in years.

Would you pardon me for just one moment?
What?

Nature, you know. Sorry.

Oh. Pardon me.

Pardon me.

You want to buy a Rolex?

for five seconds.

Sorry, I thought you were... Oh, my God.

Let's go.

Why? Why have we gone now?

Now's the time to loot the shop.
Charlotte, we are witnessing history

here. I've seen history, I think.

works wonders for groin pain cheers to
you all i've done all over guatemala and

all over honduras it's just the whole
culture is so interesting so fascinating

Herb, what a lovely surprise.

I know what you're thinking. This is my
new friend, Sebastian. Hello. He just

gave a brilliant lecture on the
significance of the solar eclipse in

Mayan mythology.

In Mayan mythology, we'll tell you that
an eclipse isn't really an eclipse at

all, but rather a birth or an unveiling,
if you will, of a new sun or a new life.

Fascinating. Herb is a doctor.

Oh? And apparently a dance host on the
side. I tried to explain this to you.

Explain what?

I think you did your job very well.

Who is he? I don't know. I've seen him
around. Somebody looks familiar.

Not to me.

My husband was in the oil business with
my dad.

Oh, daddy trusted him. I figured I could
trust him, too.

So what happened?

Well, as it turned out, there were a lot
of testimonials he was filling on the

side.

Should have had him neutered. Oh, I did.

Left I use an attorney instead of a
doctor.

For lending a helping hand.

Thank you, Chavez. Thank you, sir. Oh,

what's the matter?

Are you all right?

Old football injury.

College? No, professional.

The Jets blew a 30-point lead against
the Dolphins. I tried to throw my TV set

out the window.

You're in pain.

I'll get help.

I want to hear more about your
ex-husband.

What?

What?

What seems to be the trouble?

His back went out, and I think he needs
some help.

Oh, would you help me get him on the
deck chair?

God bless you, sir, whosoever you may
be.

If you go in this direction... What are
you doing?

I have to get the wind from the east.
No, he has to get the wind from the

east. Okay.

Now, fortunately, I'm a retired doctor.
Aren't we lucky?

Huh? And chiropractics is my specialty.
It's lucky for me. Are you his wife?

Oh, no, I'm just his friend. She's just
a friend. You tell me where the pain is.

It's okay. It's better. Well, I think we
may need a little adjustment.

I don't need an adjustment.

Uh-huh.

My lumbar is all right. Don't worry
about it.

Can you feel anything?

That should relieve some tension.

Yeah, what the hell are you doing?

I just breathe normally.

I haven't done anything yet.

Feel better, my friend?

I'm gonna get you.

A present? Oh, don't be silly. Just to
lighten the suffering of my fellow human

beings is reward enough for me.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Why don't you go? I'll just rest up here
a little while.

I just can't leave you like this.

Sure you can.

Sure? Yeah, you go. Well, actually, I
was going to meet some friends in the

casino, so I'll do that. Besides, I like
lying here on the couch.

It's the puppy dog in me.

I'll see you later.

See you later. Bye.

Must be the puppy dog in me.

You are in over your head, kid.

What does that suppose to mean? I saw
the way you looked at her.

She's a beautiful woman with a lot of
money. How do you want me to look at

her? I think you care about her.

Give me a break, will you?

I'm going to sue you for malpractice. I
saved your ass is what I did.

Gil, baby!

I was wondering... Oh, shut up!

Tonight you will dance every dance.

You will be charming, attentive, light
of foot.

And I will be watching.

Yes, sir!

Have Dr. Johansson look at that eye,
Sullivan.

Please, Harvey.

We've been pals for such a long time.

You give me a break, will you?

The answer is no.

If I don't dance, they'll throw me off
the ship. I'll teach you how to swim. I

won't teach you how to dance.

Baby, please, please, I beg you, open up
your heart.

Will you knock it off? Open your heart
to a sad, frightened old man.

Slow, slow, quick, quick.

Slow, slow, quick, quick.

Slow, slow, quick, quick.

You're very much like a crane.

Slow, slow, quick, quick.

Slow,

slow, quick.

Oh, God.

Try it left, right.

Again.

Aha. Bingo.

Left.

Very strange.

Okay, this is the great part.

Cross, behind, together.

Slow, slow, quick.

One,

two, three, cha-cha. One, two, three,
cha-cha. One, two, three, cha-cha. One,

two, three, cha-cha. One, two, three,
cha-cha. One.

Okay, now, wait a minute. Here we...
Let's try the one, two, three, cha-cha.

One, two, three, cha-cha. One, two...
That's very... What the hell is that?

Well, guys do this all the time on the
streets, and then people throw money at

them. You're not getting a nickel out of
me.

Wait a minute. This is wrong. You're
leading.

I'm supposed to lead. I'm a man.

Kill me.

All right, you lead.

I only have eyes for you.

I only have fun.

No. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.

See, he's... It's my first time.

Dancing, that is. See, we're just
friends.

You know, we're good pals, buddies.

Yes, of course don't ask don't tell

Is

that

a waiter's jacket How can you tell?
You've got stains all over the sleeve.

You've got parsley down your back.

It fits like a pup tent.

Are you kidding? Ah, good evening,
gentlemen.

Hiya. Time to face the music, eh,
Charlie?

Hey,

let's face.

Once again, your host, the very talented
Mr.

Gil Godwin.

Ladies and gentlemen, here we are, under
the stars, in the moonlight,

out on the open sea.

Let's get ready.

Rumba. Oh, we're going to rumba.

He's demented.

When marimba rhythms start to play.

Hey, you're on, champ.

Make me sway.

Like the lazy ocean hugs the shore.

Care to dance, madam?

Oh, yes.

Yes, I'd love to. Like a flower bending
in the breeze.

Bend with me.

Sway with ease.

Don't slouch.

Have you been hosting for long?

This is my 23rd run, ma'am.

I started out giving ballroom
exhibitions.

Only you have the magic technique.

When we sway, I grow weak.

Short your steps.

I can hear the sound of violins long
before it begins.

You're doing very well, madam.

But don't rush it. You see, the rumba is
more of a walk than a dance. Oh.

Oh, shit.

Beg, beg pardon?

Oh, a hit. This song was a big hit.

Oh, what, what, what did that have to do
with the rumba?

Absolutely nothing.

Look out.

He said it was a walk.

It's past one.

All the dancers may be on the floor.

Dear, but my eyes will see only you.

Only you have the magic technique.

When we sway, I grow weak.

I can hear the sound of violins long
before.

What do you call this step?

This is the Brazilian creep.

In Brazil, of course, it's just called
the cream.

Sway me now.

Other dancers may be on the floor.

Dear, but my eyes will see only you.

Only you have the magic technique.

When we sway, I grow weak.

I can hear the sound of violins long
before it begins.

Make me thrill as only you know how.

Sway me smooth.

Sway me now.

I'm so sorry. Sorry.

Make me frill as only you know how.

Sway me smooth.

Sway me now.

At any idea whom you've just assaulted
on the dance floor.

Miss Carruthers, I don't know what... I
feel ravaged.

Thank you.

An Ellen Carruthers.

Oh, you're the dame that owns this
little boat.

Excuse me.

Duty calls.

You wouldn't believe what happened.
There were 40,000 people... So, it's the

broad that stole our airplane seats.

That broad happens to have been an
editor at Doubleday. Who cares?

All I was was a clerk at Gimble's. And,
Secretary, it was just a horse.

Go on, ask her to dance.

Ah, it's too late, Charlie.

There's no such thing as too late.
That's why they invented death.

Don't.

By the Inquisition, they were burned.

So now the Catholics will argue that
they invented the ladle. But the ancient

drawings indicate that the Mayans were
using a large perforated scooping

utensil. Excuse me.

I'm going to go drop the anchor on my
toe.

I'll go with you.

You're leaving?

Anyway, what is really important is that
when I shone the light in the cave,

there it was on the wall, the ladle,
which proved beyond a reasonable

doubt... Excuse me.

I would really be very honored if you
would care to join me.

I've already danced this dance.

Yes, well, I was hoping you might want
to try it again.

You know, an archaeologist in Reykjavik
claims that the Incas actually did a

form of the hustle.

What? You never heard of that? You win.

Excuse us.

Dance much better than you lie.

Well, lying is new to me. I've been
dancing most of my life.

Did you start dancing before or after
medical school? Oh, you're a funny lady.

I'm also a very serious lady.

Especially when I'm lied to. Hey, I
didn't lie to you. My friend did.

Well, you could have told me the truth.

Well, maybe I was afraid.

Afraid of what? Well, that you would,
uh...

Laugh or be disappointed.

Oh, hell, I don't know.

Well, tell me now.

Tell you what?

Try the truth.

Well, the truth is I was just a clerk at
Gimble's for 35 years until they damn

well went out of business. And I got
roped into this stupid dance hosting by

that lunatic over there.

I didn't think I'd ever kiss anybody
that way again.

Neither did I.

I need to step outside.

We are outside.

I knew that.

Won't you get in trouble? I mean, if
someone should see us like this? Oh,

well, they could throw me overboard.

I'd miss you.

Yeah?

Why don't we watch the clip together
tomorrow?

Yeah, we could go in separate buses to
Chichen Itza and meet at a cafe.

What cafe?

Well, it's a town.

There must be a cafe.

I'll find it, and you'll find me.

Oh.

It's been my pleasure, ma'am. Oh, thank
you very much. Thank you. Hey, Gil.

I love the number.

There are almost a dozen in the fleet
now.

This is the baby.

My little jewel.

Madam. Well, hello there.

Oh, how do you do?

Mr. Godwin asked me to give you this.

Oh, thank you.

Would you excuse me, please?

How charming you look tonight.

Oh, Mr. Godwin.

Why aren't you dancing?

Because Mrs. Carruthers asked me to give
you a message.

Really? Yes, I have a feeling, sir, that
you're going to get that promotion

you've been looking for.

Did you say that?

She said she wants you in her room.
A-S-P-C-A.

A-S-A-P.

Her room?

Now?

Her exact words were... Well, I don't
remember them

offhand, but... Come on, man.

If not sooner.

Get on that dance floor. Yes, sir.

Yes. Got to deliver Godwin's shirts to
his room.

Oh, you need the key? Yeah, I'm not
going to slip them under the door.

They'll get wrinkled.

Hello,

hello, hello.

Oh, hello.

You sure made a fast recovery, didn't
you? Nothing like being young.

Why do you look at me as though I were
nothing but trouble?

I like trouble.

I like you, too.

How about a game of poker?

Okay, okay, but I gotta warn you,
Carswell, this time I'm not tearing up

any checks.

I think you're a phony, John, and I'm
going to prove

it. Nice to see you relaxing tonight,
Carswell.

I beg your pardon?

Take a hike.

Hi.

To what do I owe this pleasure?

Two vodka stingers and I lost my key.

How about you?

I work here.

You do?

Uh, do you do CPR?

How does it go?

It's open.

Mrs. Carradas?

Ellen? A bit of bubbly?

Ace Queen back.

I will check.

Check, check.

I check.

I bet 20 grand.

I'll take one.

Hmm.

You're rich for my blood.

I fold.

Hmm.

How much you bet? $20,000.

$20,000.

Right.

Oopsie-doopsie-whoopsie.

Call.

Are you all right?

Yes, of course I'm all right. Does
anyone have a napkin with them?

Cardin, sleep.

He's a cheat. You're right, Mr. Gordon.
Pretty sloppy, Coswell. That's to prove

that he was a fraud. I'm going to
overlook this whole thing because you

are an asshole.

Mr. Gordon is right. You are an asshole.

Gentlemen, I've never done anything like
this before in my life. I'm afraid

you'll have to leave the casino, sir.
Gentlemen, please believe me. It doesn't

matter what we believe, does it,
Coswell?

All right, people, this hand is dead.

Everybody will get their money back.

What do you say we go someplace quiet
for a nightcap? Someplace quiet. Yeah.

Right, like your room, right?

Wonderful suggestion.

Now that wasn't mine.

Oh. Thank you.

Oh, this is nice, Charlie.

Yeah.

Charlie, bite your cologne.

Oh, it's not cologne. It's aftershave.
Oh, you ever thought of growing a beard?

Mm-hmm. Sometimes.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Charlie.

Oh, Charlie.

Ladies and gentlemen, it should be
another day of calm seas and smooth

sailing for your convenience If you are
in a hurry to meet your short tour for

the eclipse

That's

above and beyond the call of duty They
should make captain for that.

I really had a good time last night,
Charlie. I really enjoyed myself.

I, I, I just, just wanted to... You
don't have to.

Oh, what happened to the good-looking
one?

This is a good-looking one, Ma.

See you later.

Racing round the ship, pal.

time of wandering through the deserts of
humanity.

I find in you my oasis.

That's terrible.

The doctors say I have only a few more
months.

Let's be married before one more grain
of sand flows through the hourglass of

mortality. You barely know this woman.

Liz, I would be honored if you took my
last name and put it on your bank

account.

That's the one.

All passengers going ashore to view the
eclipse, please remember to wear your

protective eyewear.

Well, the one on the bottom is
beautiful.

I'll take it.

I finally figured it out. Then you're
here in the gift shop. Back at St.

Vincent? Seemed like I was always
running into you in the gift shop.

Is St.

Vincent... Oh, my God, it's Nurse
Collins.

Oh, I can't believe that I didn't
recognize you. Probably not one of your

better memories.

Oh, no, no, come on. Susie was nuts
about you.

Filming with mutual.

You, on the other hand, were a complete
pain in the butt. Yeah.

Listen, I've got exactly 20 minutes. How
about a cup of coffee?

Even towards the end, there were moments
when we both felt

that we weren't going to let this thing
beat us.

Yeah. You guys were one of those
couples.

I remember on the last night, by that
time there's so much medication, who

knows whether they understand what's
going on, but I remember you leaning

right down next to her ear.

telling her you'd be in love with her
always and forever.

She just had this, I don't know, it was
like a light in her eyes.

You knew, she knew.

I shouldn't be saying this.

Oh, no, no, no, it's nice, really.

It's fine.

Oh, weren't you going ashore?

Huh? The eclipse.

I don't want to miss it. Oh, yeah.

Listen, it was great. Oh, I see.

It was really very, very nice.

Me too.

Thank you.

The last tender for shore departs in
five minutes.

Please remember that all passengers must
return to ship by 4.30.

Liz, life drifts away like grains of
sand through an hourglass.

Charlie, I'm sorry. I just don't get
what you're trying to say to me.

Liz. Yeah?

Even though we've only known each other
a short time. That's true. It's been

short. Liz, after a lifetime of going
through a desert of humanity...

Charlie! Charlie, Charlie, Charlie,
look!

Look, look, Charlie.

It's happening, and we're here to...
Even though, Liz, will you listen to me

for a minute?

Even though we're like two ships passing
through the night... Why don't we get

married, Charlie?

Good idea.

Liz, will you marry me?

Is that a yes?

Yeah, that's a yes.

Oh.

I think we're missing it, sweetheart.

Always and forever, kiddo.

Oh, no.

Maybe he's in the john.

Mom?

Hi. How'd it go? Great. We got it all on
video.

Fine. I won't speak for the rest of our
marriage.

Mom, how are you?

I'm going home.

All right. Then we're going to go with
you.

No. No, it's your anniversary.

Celebrate it while you can. No, Mom,
really. No, we can all go. Don't. It's

fine.

I want to take care of myself.

Do you understand?

I need to take care of myself.

We're getting married.

Hot damn!

I knew we'd snag one of them.

Now, here's what we're going to do.

We can plan it.

What the hell's the matter with you?

Nothing. Hallelujah.

I'm telling you, Liz, we are in clover.

What do you figure he's worth?

I don't know.

I don't care.

Well, I don't know.

But I do care. We have spent our last
two dimes on this highfalutin'

stateroom. Ma, I like him.

Good for you.

He's so sweet.

And he's a decent man.

Terrific. And he makes me laugh.

You not only snagged yourself a
millionaire...

You're going to have laughs into the
bargain.

Yeah.

The last tender for shore departs in
five minutes. Please remember that all

passengers must return to ship by 4.30.
We will be racing to anchor at 5 p.m.

and setting sail for Cozumel. Those
passengers remaining on board are

encouraged to participate in our... He
probably changed his mind.

Hi,

sweetheart. Oh, hi.

Oh, you look enchanting.

Oh, thank you.

Hello.

Mother? Charlie, don't overshoot the
runway.

I love family.

We better get going.

Oh, it's Mr.

Gordon. Don't let this one get away now.
He's a good one.

Mrs. Carruthers, Gil Godwin, this is
Mavis and Liz Lebrek.

Lebrek.

That's a familiar cologne, Mr. Gordon.
Yes, thank you. You can pick it up

anywhere. Matter of fact, I picked some
up this morning on my pillow.

This guy's hilarious.

Liz, have you had the chance yet of
dancing with Mr. Gordon?

No, not yet, but I'm looking for... See
you in the ballroom, Gordon, with the

rest of the dance hosts.

With the rest of the what?

Oh, he's always kidding around. He
thinks I should become a dance host.

Charlie, I'm confused here. You told me
that Ewan Merge is an acquisition.

Well, he is.

His job is to acquire a partner and to
merge with her on the dance floor. Isn't

that right, Gordon?

Liz, I was going to mention this to you.

That would have been a good idea.

You see, wait a minute, Liz. Come back.
Let me explain.

Where are you going, Mother?

I hate losers.

Thanks a lot, pal.

Guilt.

What just happened?

Where's your mother?

She's not coming back on board. You can
tell your friend she's going home.

Where's my friend?

Question of the day.

What the hell are you doing up here?

Oh, I... Uh, Charlie, I'm... I'm still
in love with

Susie. Seems to present a problem.

It's only a problem if you want it to
be.

Don't start with me, huh? Go on after
Vivian. Go now.

Look, I hardly know her.

You know her and you're crazy about her.
The question is, have you got the balls

to do anything about it?

Well, I'm just not ready yet. Then you
ain't ready.

You're here now. You're living. You're
breathing. You got a choice. I can't do

it. Will you stop using Susie as a
safety net? Wait a minute. Who in the

hell are you to tell me? She was my
sister before she was your wife.

And if she were here now, she'd tell you
the same thing. But she is not here now,

is she, Charlie?

She's gone.

That's right, Herm. But you're not.

What the hell am I doing here?

That's what I asked you in the first
place.

Look, I am not authorized to give you
that information. Hey, I'm not

authorized to throw your ass overboard,
but I'll do it. Now tell me where she

is. You better tell her, mister.

This man's got a black belt and some
flung dung. Oh, one of them things.

Oh, please.

All right, look. All I know is we got a
message. She's flying home.

She's flying? Yes.

From where? I have no idea.

All right, all right. Stop the car. Stop
the car. Stop the car.

Stop the car.

Oh, my Lord.

Where in the... Oh.

Look, I don't think you understand us at
all. We want to go to the airport.

Si, senora. The airport.

Stop the... Oh, my. I get the luggage.
No, no. You don't say. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I see somebody.

I see somebody. Come on. Right out of
the corner of my eye.

Don't you move.

Stay right where you are.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Excuse me, but maybe you could help me.
This crazy cab driver's trying to tell

me that this is an aerial portal.

Say. I don't believe this.

I don't believe this. All right, if this
is the Aerial Porto, then maybe you

could show me a piloto. You're looking
at him.

Oh.

What? You want to lift sweetcakes?

My God almighty, did you hear what he
just taught me, Cynthia?

What? This is dangerous.

What's the matter, Charlie? You afraid
to live a little?

Living is good. It's dying I'm worried
about.

Where are Gordon and Sullivan? And don't
get any of that Kodam and Conrad crap.

Sir, don't have a fuggie. Sir.

I'm bollocks.

Pardon me.

Pardon me.

This should be good.

$500 cash. Are you out of your mind?
That's too much money. That doesn't mean

I ain't a good miner.

Look at this. Look at this. It's JFK all
of a sudden.

Queen has noticed.

I have an idea, Mama. Just stay with me.
Good evening. I don't know you, but this

man over here says that he will charge
us $500 to get to a real airport. Now,

would you be interested in splitting
that with us?

Absolutely. You got a deal?

You want to rush up, Gal?

Don't. Touch me.

Okay, get ready, kid. And where do we
think we're going?

Oh, hi there.

We're just going to go scouting with
some icebergs. You two geezers aren't

going anywhere except back to your cabin
where you will stay. Hey, listen to me,

you sniveling little brown nose.

I have lived for 71 years. I fought a
war. I buried my wife.

And I have survived 48 white sales at
Gimble's.

So if you think that some little fop
like you is going to stop me, you got

another thing coming.

How dare you speak to me that way?

May I speak to you for a moment, please?

No, you may not.

Whoa!

There you go, Charlie.

What are you doing out here?

You know, Gil, I find it hard to
believe, but it really is true. You are

an asshole.

I shouldn't be doing my job.

Oh, you have no job.

You're fired.

Mac, as of now, you are my new CD.

No.

Then what about me?

You're his friend.

What the hell is she talking about?

She's talking about button that button,
you little prick.

You know what I don't see? Land.

It's there.

I see nothing but night.

Hope we don't get stranded.

You know, these are shark-infested
waters.

We're not gonna get stranded.

They say that the big ones will swallow
your whole.

Swallow my what?

You're not helping me, Charles.

Here, let me do that.

Wouldn't you think you can do it?
Because I'm taller. Oh, that has nothing

to do with the taller. It's in the
wrist.

Yes!

We did it. We did it.

Well,

it turns nicely.

Sit down, will you, so I can see where
I'm going?

Are you from the crew?

No, here he comes.

Be careful. Watch your head.

Welcome aboard.

Oh, my God. And thank you for choosing
Bayard School.

Oh, shit.

Which one of the Wright brothers did you
buy this from?

Probably the one you dated in high
school.

Oh, I feel so much better. That's very
reassuring. We have a funny pilot.

Is she in it?

I don't know. Do you see a telescope
attached to my head?

Oh, come on, baby. Come on, let's go.
Come on, baby.

What are you doing?

You'll see.

What are you doing? Yeah.

What are you going to do? Shoot down the
plane?

Oh, my God.

The flare!

You see the flare?

Now turn, for God's sake. See it and
turn.

Come back.

Emerson Petroski.

What?

Herb.

Oh, my God. That can't be Charlie.

Turn the plane around. Probably.

What is your problem? Just do it.

Liz? Charlie.

You're late.

Yeah. I had a little trouble getting
started.

The plane was...

Windy. Yeah, windy under the plane. You
made my eyes water a little bit.

Yeah.

Look at that.

Liz.

From the first moment I saw you on that
ship, it was my intention to lie to you,

I swear.

Oh, that's sweet.

What I didn't intend was falling in love
with you.

Okay. The deal is that I'm as big a liar
as you, Charlie. I highly doubt it.

I'm broke.

I'm sure you're exaggerating.

No, I'm not.

Not even a couple of hundred thousand?

Not even.

Door is open. It's not too late. You can
leave.

I don't want to get out.

I don't want to leave.

How long is all this going to take?

A couple of gold diggers coming up
empty.

That's terrific.

We still got the check from Carswell for
$18,000.

Wait a minute. What are you talking
about? I saw you.

What do I look like, a schmuck?

The jury's still out on that one. Shut
up, Ma. We're keeping him.

Thanks.

Fifty dollars apiece for picking up the
two studs. They ought to give you fifty

bucks each for calling them studs.
Herbie, lend me fifty bucks, will you?

All I got is this check.

You're not getting a nickel out of me,
Charlie.

Together dancing cheek to cheek

More

than the

greatest love the world has known This
is the love

that I give to you alone

simple words I try to say I only live to

love you more each day more than you'll
ever know

my arms long to hold you so my life will
be in your keeping

waking, sleeping, laughing, weeping
longer than always

More than...

Let me just say.

You got any crack on you?

Instead, instead of, instead of paying
for this cruise.

Come with me.

See, we go to Schmier and the fam is a
can.

And then you call a cast man a chance.

Maybe you're talking about humpback
whales?

I'm talking about humping, actually.
Yeah. Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

What hit?

No, I just promised a couple of chest
butchers that I'd whip it out.

Where were you?

A passenger requested an escort, sir.
Indeed.

So I slipped you one in the lifeboat.

Oh.

Look who's here.

You better tell him, mister. This man's
got a martial arts thing in black belt

smear.

So if you think that some snot-nosed
little fop like you is going to stop me,

then pinch me, Walter.

So if you think some snotty little fop
like you is going to change me or me up,

then I'll get up myself.

Even though we've known each other for a
short time,

The moon is up your rack.

Don't try to grab my thing. Oh, isn't
that attractive?

I wouldn't hold my thing.

What about Walter's hand?

I really had a good time.

Tell me.

Tell me. I have never had a better piece
of ass.

I know.