All language subtitles for Veep-104

Why on earth am I spending
my lunch break at the great
Governor Chung's book launch?

Because it's better
than watching Gary

drip that fucking
noodle juice down his chin.

God, I'm gonna snort
a line of tzatziki and go.

I am so mired
in filibuster reform,
I've got no conversation.

Do you know Chung?
Not really.

Hey!
Dan, my man.

Governor.
Good to see you, my friend.

How are you, sir?
I'm very well.

And you must be Amy.
Yes.

So, Dan, how's it
working out with the VP?

'Cause if you ever wanna
step several rungs
down the ladder,

I could always use help
from a fellow Daniel.

Dan only climbs up ladders.

Yes, but sometimes
you have to go down
to go up.

I assume the Vice President
would be too busy.

Yes. She sends
her apologies.

She's prepping
for Meet the Press.

I'll be on Face the Nation.

But everyone
will be watching her,
so I guess I can just wing it.

Shall I sign a book for her?

No... Okay.

I'd better be
going around myself,

make sure everyone
gets to touch the hem
of my garment.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Dan, the man.
(LAUGHS) All right.

"You have to go down
to go up."

What a jerk.
I'm gonna steal that.

Because he who speaks in maxims

can sound wise.

This is good.
This is like cornbread.

(DAN SIGHS)
Hello, children.

Hello, Senator.

You looking for some
fresh backs to stab?

Senator Doyle,
it's all part of the game.

Yeah, well,
I'll tell you, you wanna
play a game, Danny?

Why don't you try working
an iPad with your dick?

(LAUGHS)

No, he's already got
carpal tunnel in that area.

You have nothing
constructive
to say to me, Amy?

Is this about Clean Jobs?

Is that what they
call it still with
two oil guys on it?

Wow, you're gonna have to
buy a lot of spray cans
to paint that turd gold.

Everyone has limits
to their power, Senator,
even the Vice President.

Yeah, and I have
the power to withdraw,

which is what
I'm gonna do right now.

When he said withdraw,
he's not talking about

withdrawing from
filibuster reform,
though, right?

No! No!

What do you think
he's talking about?

I assumed it was withdraw
from the conversation.

Who uses withdraw
as a fucking verb besides
Catholics and butlers?

Maybe the Israeli military
every once in a while.

Yeah, you think I don't know?
You're fucking with me.

No. Come on,
let's just head back.

No, no. No way.
I'm staying right here.

You gotta network
to get work, baby.

All right?
Chung for change.

(APPLAUSE)

Thank you.
Thank you so much.

SELINA: We've got Jobs.

Clean Jobs.
Clean Jobs.

Filibuster reform.

Yeah, hit that hard.
Right. You know
what we need?

We need some normal,
regular-people stuff.

I got an idea.

You could talk about
how you always get

a sweaty upper lip
underneath studio lights.

That shows you're normal.

I'm really talking
about a different
kind of normal, Gary.

Oh, okay.

Small talk's gonna happen
at the end, right?

Right.
Gregory's a Redskins fan.

He'll probably
bring up football.

Football.
And I am a...

Ravens fan, so...

Madam Vice President,
how are your Ravens
doing this year?

My Ravens are gold
and I'll tell you why.

Because we have
Joe Flacco
as our quarterback.

Yes. Yes.
And uh...

Well, you know,
the Redskins have
a great running game this year

and, honestly,
that receiving
corps over there,

Anquan Boldin,
not looking good for you.

Anquan?

A receiver on the Ravens.

Okay, well, I'm not
gonna remember that.

That's not good.
It doesn't matter.

You wanna bet a beer
that the Ravens will win.

Beer makes me so gassy.

You can talk about that.

About how it always
bloats you, beer.

Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

That's a good one. Oh.
How was Chung?

Did he do this thing

where you don't know
if you're supposed to
hug him or crucify him?

Which, by the way,
makes me wanna crucify him.

I did not stay
for his speech.
Let me see this.

"The Good Fight."
(MIKE SNICKERS)

I know. The title...

Please! Sue?

Yep.
Handle this for me.

Do you want me
to shred it?
Yeah.

Should I fire up
the shit eater?
Yeah.

No, no. Wait a second.
He scrawled something
in the front for you.

"To Vice President
Salina Meyer,"

with an "A".
"From an admiring wannabe."

What an E-hole.

Changed the "A" to an "E".

What a bunch of
Washington bullshit that is.

I am so tired of...
Hey, Gary, I...

I mean, "wannabe"?
He's obviously
making a joke, right?

He doesn't really think that
he's some sort of credible
Vice Presidential candidate.

Mmm, charismatic war hero.

Yeah, but, I mean,
the President always sticks
with the incumbent Veep.

Plus, he doesn't wanna
look like he made
a massive error picking you.

Well, that was lovely.

He's stuck with me,
is that what...

I don't mean it like that.

I meant good stuck,
like if your marriage
lasts or whatever.

The President's
not gonna ditch you.

Would you be quiet? What?

Want me to have
Scott put together
a file on Chung,

given the noise?
No. No, no, no, no.

Do not let him know
that you're worried.
Do not make it a thing.

Yeah, Amy, don't make it
a thing, okay?
Okay.

Ame?

Although, if those wheels
are in motion anyway,

then I would say
go ahead and, you know,

put a file together, you know.

You know what I'm sick of?
That stupid story of Chung

supposedly pulling
some guy out of
a burning tank.

Come on, why do guys
in the army get
a medal for doing their job?

The guy still had severe burns.

If anything, Chung was too late.

Whoa, whoa.
Your desk is in the back.

This is neutral territory.

Yep. So I'm claiming it.

Sue, would you like
to tell him about
the encroachment rules?

Do I look like
a kindergarten teacher
to you, Mike?

Actually, yes.
Excuse me?

Uh, no, you don't.
Okay, go ahead.

I'm gonna use
your desk in the back.

As what, a pantry?

(WHISTLES)

Oh, here we go.

Look who it is, everybody!
It's your favorite Jonah.

AMY: You're not even
your mom's favorite
Jonah, Jonah.

Don't be changing
the talking points for
my Meet the Press thing.

Okay? I am prepped.

I come bearing
a very minor request
from the President.

Does he want to operate me
by remote control?

No. That's not
technologically possible.

Um...

POTUS would appreciate it
if you didn't go too hard
on filibuster reform.

What are you talking about?

That's my defining
Vice Presidential crusade.

The administration
is totally focused
on the economy.

SELINA: Have a great
weekend, okay?
Ma'am.

SUE: Thank you,
ma'am, you, too.
Yeah, thank you very much.

Ma'am.
I need to
gather my things.

I'll tell you something else,
these need water, okay?

SUE: Got it.
Okay.

So, ma'am,
POTUS would like your
new chosen subject

to be immigration reform.

Americans losing jobs
to illegals, et cetera.

I spoke in favor of
immigration amnesty all
during my primary campaign.

Hey, how's it going?
Well, with respect, ma'am,

do you think anybody's
gonna remember
your primary campaign?

Ooh.

In spite of your preface,
I did not detect

a whole lot of respect
in that question.

You know, I meant that
more as a slight against

the power of recollection
of the electorate

and not as an attack
on the potency of
your campaign.

Well, why didn't you
say that, then?

Oh, because you have
the social skills of someone
who was raised by wolves.

Oh, and pump up China
as a trading partner.

We gotta keep nudging
that one along.

I gotta get back
to the White House.

God, I love saying that.

Well, God bless
the President, you know.

I mean, he's really a great man,

but he is busting
my fucking lady balls here.

And pump up China?

Is that some sort of dig
about Chung?

Okay, so I guess
we're not going home.

Yeah. Sue?
We're staying.
Yep.

Aw.

Whew.

AMY: Did you have
a good Saturday night?

It was okay.

My zipper on my Leviathan broke,

so I had to drive around
trying to find a replacement.

What did you do?
You know what I did?

I went to bed at 7:00 p.m.
7:00 p.m. on a Saturday night.

Even people who are
dying of malaria
stay up later than that.

Well, they can't sleep
because they're coughing.

Hi, guys. I'm all set.
I'll be there
in just a second.

Okay, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.

I gotta go, but you know what?

Hang out here
as long as you like

and I'll call you
afterwards, okay?

MAN: Can't I just
leave now with you?

SELINA: No, I don't
want them to see you.

All these extra rules,
it's kind of weird.

I know, but I am
the Vice President.

MAN: Oh, yes, you are.

Hearing you say that
gives me a massive hard-on.

SELINA: Oh, I am
the Vice President.

Oh, baby, I'm ready to launch.

And I'm ready to eat you up.

Oh, second breakfast.
I didn't know
you had it in you.

Oh, God.
Oh, I want it in me.

All right.
SELINA: Bye.

Yeah. I'm gonna
watch your ass move.

(CHUCKLES)
Yeah.

SELINA: Hi, you guys.
Hey.

You look pretty.

Oh, thank you.

How are you guys?
Great.

All set?
You got everything?

Oh, yes.

I just have to get my stuff.

How was your Saturday night?

Um, it was fine.

Here, I'll get that.
Thank you.

Mike!

Oh, hey.

I was just visualizing you
kicking ass on Meet the Press.

Why are you so tired?
You don't do anything.

(SIRENS BLARING)

Here's the research
Scott pulled on Chung.

Check out page one.

He was born back in China
before his dad got
his citizenship,

so he can't be President
or Vice President.

Really? Well,
that's good news.

More good news
for Meet the Press.
Oh, yeah?

David Gregory is ill.
(GASPS)

Sam Finnegan is the fill-in.

SELINA: Ho, ho, a virgin.

Oh, God, I'm gonna eat him up.

(SIGHS)

What?

Well, that changes
the sports stuff.

MIKE: No panic.

We'll just change
the Redskins to whatever
Finnegan's team is.

What is Finnegan's team?

I'm pretty sure
he's a Bears fan.
It doesn't matter.

Mike, you're pretty sure?
Pretty sure?

Exactly.
That doesn't help.

It doesn't matter
because you're gonna
talk about the Ravens.

I know that I'm a Ravens fan,

but, like, what if Finnegan
is a Ravens fan, too,
you know?

A team can't
play itself, can it?

You can in video games.

Some people say your
immigration policy is at
odds with your jobs program.

How would you respond to that?

Well, I would respond like this.

I would say that the economy
has changed a great deal

since I made those statements

and the President and I
agree that Americans
have to come first.

That's my girl.
Olympic-style back flip.

And I believe very strongly...

That's sweat.
That's lip sweat.
That's shimmer.

You haven't spoken
much today about the
Senate filibuster reform.

Well, I'll say this,

in order to reform,
you have to perform.

She got filibuster in!

Just waiting for Jonah.
Here he is.

Oh, yeah?

Hello, penis enlargement clinic.

Mike, who is incompetent,
you or her?

Because she just talked
about filibuster reform.

He asked her.

My message is simple,
my message is this. Yes.

Thank you,
Madam Vice President.
Absolutely.

Sam, I just have to ask you,
you're a Bears fan.

Is that right?
Guilty.

She do the sports yet?
She's doing it now.

We're not nervous at all.
With Flacco, forget about it.

I'll bet you a beer
that we win by a TD.

What about Ray Rice?
Hell of a lead runner.

(LAUGHS)

Ray Rice, Ray Rice, Ray...

Well, he... Ray Rice,
he play nice.

Ooh.

SAM: Vice President.
Thank you so much.

We'll be back next week,
because if it's Sunday,
it's Meet the Press.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Will you be watching
Danny Chung on
Face the Nation?

Uh, you know, I would,
but I've got a game of
solitaire going on,

so I think
I'll give that a skip.

Long-term beltway
money's on him as
Presidential material.

Oh, really?

Well, I'd be surprised
because technically
he's not an American.

I mean, because
he wasn't, um, born here,

you know,
not because he's half...

(STAMMERING)

'Cause his parents...
Well, I've gotta go.

Okay.
But it was a pleasure
talking to you.

Thank you so much.
Did you get it?

I got it.
Oh...

Um...

Listen, they wouldn't
have recorded that, right?

I mean, I had the mic on,
but I don't think it was hot.

Do you think that it was on?
I hope to God they didn't.

I didn't say he was bad
because he's part Chinese.

No, no.
It's not bad to be Chinese.

Can you go speak
to the sound guy?

I can't do it because
it'll make it look like
a thing.

I don't wanna make it
look like a thing,

so maybe I can...
I'll do it.

No, no, no.
Gary, Gary, Gary.

Gary, come.
I'll do it.

I think actually he should
go talk to the sound guy.

Yeah.
Okay.

Do you have any ideas
on what I should say?

You offered to do this.
What was your plan?

That was my plan,
was to go over there,

walk over there,
I just need some
ideas on what to say.

Gary, just give it
a light touch.

No import to it.
Okay.

What does that mean?

Just talk to him
like working guy
to working guy.

It's casual.
Got it.

Mano a mano.

Jesus Christ.
Okay.

Even in Spanish, you know,
it doesn't sound like
it's gonna work.

It totally might have
just been me,

but kind of, didn't it sound
a little glitchy in the end
or anything like that?

You saying I can't do my job?

No. Oh, God, no.

It's bad?

Well, he just went
from a smiley guy
to a frown-y guy.

I just need to know
if everything's okay,
you know.

Working guy to
working guy, you know.

Listen, working girl.
Okay.

Yeah. I didn't hear
any glitches.

All I heard was
the sound of a fuck-up, okay?

Sending Gary
over there was crazy.
Yeah.

He was completely
out of his element.
Yeah.

I agree. I agree.

Hey, we're getting
some press interest
in this already.

Oh, God.
Where? Where?

It's still non-narrative.
No momentum yet.

Ma'am, I thought you might
want me in the office,
given the circumstances.

How do you know about
the circumstances?

Well, I'm Sue.
It's my job to know
everything, Amy.

So it's definitely
out there, out there?

No, no, it's not
out there, out there.

I heard about it, Dan,
so it sort of is
out there, out there,

that's why I'm in here,
in here, Dan.

Jonah's coming.
Jonah's coming.

Fuck! All right,
what do I do?

What if he doesn't know
that it's not definitely
out there, out there?

Should I tell him that?

You don't wanna give
a loaded gun
to that walking silo.

Don't make it a thing
until it's a thing.

Do you have any...

Bad news, everyone.

This hasn't hit
the mainstream media yet...

It was out of context.

But a crane has
collapsed onto a ship
at Portsmouth, Virginia.

Oh, thank... God,
how horrible.

Wait, what was out of context?

Um, we thought you were
gonna give me shit
about filibuster reform.

Oh, well, the White House
is very much
under the moon about that,

but let's reboot.

The President is stuck
in economic talks.

We need a VPVP.

A what?

A Vice Presidential
visual presence.

You can't just make up
acronyms, Jonah.

Somebody has to, Mike.

No, they don't.

Okay, well, then,
we should head on
down there.

Let's get the ball rolling.
Let's get there
as soon as possible.

AMY: Yeah.
We've got it handled.

Oh, Jonah,
that's a good look for you.

What do you call that?
Bi-casual?

Thanks, Mike, but it's Sunday.

I work hard, I work fast,
and I get hot legs.

I say let the whale hang loose.

Who am I offending?
Show of hands.

Right here.

Okay, well, I think
that worked out
pretty good.

(ALL SIGH)
Just confirmed.

Two fatalities,
24 injured so far.

I didn't mean it like that.

Dan, we're going to a hospital.

Do you have a suit
that you can change into?

I have five.

Okay.

Do you have something
that could fit
the McLintock shape?

That's not a Santa suit?

I got something.

We're going to a hospital.
We're not going
trick-or-treating.

(SIRENS BLARING)

Hi, Ashley.
Mike McLintock,
Vice President's office.

Oh, hi.
Madam Vice President...

Yes.
this is Ashley,
the hospital administrator.

Ashley.
Thank you
so much for coming.

It really means a lot.
Thank you.

Well, let me tell you something,

being here for
the American people

is one of the privileges
of this job.

It's a sad privilege,
of course.
Yes.

But it's a privilege
nonetheless.

Ma'am, I don't know
if all these people
are bereaving,

so just converse
generally, okay?
Right.

Converse generally?
What about? The weather?

Not about the weather.

It is unseasonably warm,
though, okay?
Mmm-hmm.

So, Madam Vice President,
if you'll just come with me,

I'll show you to
some of our families.

Oh, well, however
I can be of service.
How do you do, sir?

Oh, my goodness,
you got so hurt.

Well, it's a great
hospital, isn't it?
Yes, ma'am.

Oh, dear, look at your neck.

Hi, sir.
Don't turn your head.

I'll give you a little
squeeze on your hand.

Well, you seem just fine.

I'm not really.

Internal.
Internal. Hmm.

ASHLEY: This is a family.
They're waiting to hear
about their son.

Hold on. No, no, not yet.
This is a private moment.

This is not a photo op.

It's amazing
how the world changes.

Mmm.

One minute, you're enjoying
this amazing sunshine...

Well, it's unseasonably warm.

And the next,
your whole world's
gone to pieces.

Oh, gosh.

This is his surgeon.

How do you do, sir?
Dr. Greybear.

Any news, Doctor, about our son?

Sam's going to make it.
(ALL GASP)

Okay, guys, I got
a little sound bite for y'all
to nibble on right here.

Oh, that is just fantastic.
MIKE: Very good.

Doctor, we appreciate
your hard work.
MIKE: Good news.

I just wanna say
how grateful we are

to all of our
most capable
doctors and nurses.

So grateful.

And I'd also like to say if,
for some reason,

we find out that
there was negligence
that caused this accident,

those who are responsible

are gonna have
the White House
to answer to.

That's right.

WOMAN: Thank you
for being here,
Madam Vice President.

You are a good woman.

Yeah!

And you're not afraid
to say what's on your mind.

REPORTER: Danny Chung...

I always try to speak
as honestly as I can.

WOMAN: I heard
what you said
about those people.

You'd get my vote.
And my vote.

SELINA: 'Cause technically
he's not an American.

I mean...

They're taking over our ports.
It's like they've invaded us.

Yeah, and now they think
they can be President? No way!

Come on, this is
the White House,
not the Yellow House.

Come on, Selina!

(CHEERING)

(CHANTING) USA! USA! USA!

USA! USA! USA!

You have to get Chung
on the phone right away, Amy.

Shut this thing down, Amy.

Yeah, dialing now.

Here, he's picking up.
What? I...

Oh, hello. Hi.
Yes, I have the
Vice President for you.

Governor? Hi. How are you?

I don't... I don't know
if you saw
the footage today

from Meet the Press,

but, you know,
that is not what I meant

and it certainly
isn't what I think.

Gary, the belt can wait.
Let's just put it this way...

What I was trying to say was...

Jesus Christ!
Oh, my God!

God.

Gary, that was my fucking
flesh that you just...

Hello?
Trapped in there.

Voice mail.
Keep trying.
I'm so sorry.

All right, that's enough.

Okay.

All I am saying is
that if Senator Doyle
pulls that meeting,

there is not gonna be
a lot of availability
for a while.

Jennifer, quite frankly,
I had more windows
in my first apartment

than the VP currently has
in her schedule.

What's going on?
Well, you know what?

If Governor Chung
doesn't call back,

I can just take him down
for disrespecting the office.

How about that?
Yes.

We just lost the numbers
on filibuster reform.

What did you just say?
Yeah, yeah.

Senator Doyle has just
withdrawn his support.

Something Amy said
at Chung's book launch.

He was still upset
about Clean Jobs,
which is on you, Dan,

because you put
Sidney Purcell
on the task force.

Oh, sure! You know what?
I blame George Washington.

If he hadn't started this
whole form of government,
then we wouldn't...

Okay. Okay,
stop squabbling!

What am I supposed
to do now? Tell me that.

I'm supposed to call Doyle
and beg him to come back?

I'm the Vice President
of the United States,
you stupid little fuckers!

These people should be
begging me!

That door should be
half its height

so that people can
only approach me in my office

on their goddamn
motherfucking knees.

I can't lose Doyle.
Who else has
a bucketful of senators?

Cut Doyle loose, all right?
Call his bluff.

We reach across the aisle
to the immigration
reform caucus.

What?
You want to break out

the white, pointy
hoods, too, ma'am?

Look, we throw them
a few commitments
to their cause

in exchange for support
on filibuster reform.
This is easy.

Once you go down
that dark country road,

the lights go out
and the scarecrows
come to life.

Yeah, anyone hear
the banjo music?

Look, Mike, that's what
you always hear

because mentally
you're in a fucking
hammock on a back porch.

Dan, this isn't
fantasy politics.

Stop it! Stop it!

This is a win for you
on Senate reform

and it's also another big win
for you with the President
on immigration, all right?

Win big, win big.

I don't know,
maybe you and Dan should
go down and talk to...

God damn it...

The senator from Arizona.

The one who wants
to random search
people in ponchos?

Oh, Bill.
O'Brien. Yeah.

Yeah. He's got a lot of sway
with the pro-Caucasian caucus.

All right, so we get
O'Brien, who brings us
McCaulay and Cunliffe.

Is McCaulay the one
with the nose hair problem

like he's got
two raccoons
in his nostrils?

That's seven to Doyle's five.
I mean, this is
a filibuster slam dunk.

Chung is on TV live.
What?

Get it on. Get it on.
Where's the remote?

It's in the bowl.
The remote's in the bowl.

Sue, where's the clicker?

Where's the clicker?
Guys, it's in the credenza.

Get it. Quick,
quick, quick.

What channel? Channel?
Any live TV.

Mike... No, Mike.
Don't touch that remote.

You're gonna launch
a nuke or something. Sue?

REPORTER: a few brief
words about the comments
that were made earlier today.

Despite what is said
in some dark corners
of the Internet,

when I was born, both my parents

were fully naturalized
American citizens.

What? He's Captain
fucking America?

What's happening here?
Good job, Amy.
It's not...

That is not the information
I was given by Scott.

A quiet word with
one of her staff

regarding the thoroughness
of their research techniques.

DAN: What did Scott use
as a research tool,
the fucking Drudge Report?

Second-generation
Chinese-American...

MIKE: That and bathroom walls.

Proud enough to risk
my life for this country.

I've got a Purple Heart
on my chest,

but the one that
beats inside of me
is red, white, and blue.

No, he didn't.
He didn't say that.

He is seizing his moment.

And that's why
this is the greatest
country on Earth.

I am gonna throw up a leg.

And then I'm gonna
take that leg and I'm gonna
beat Scott to death with it.

Scott!
Ah!

I'm gonna go draft
a letter of apology

to the king of Minnesota,
Governor Chung.

SELINA: Here's what
we're gonna do.

Mike, big fat apology
to Chung,
Amy, fuck Doyle.

I want this bill.

You guys talk to O'Brien
and get that border caucus.

Amy, put on your dancing shoes

and head for
the border right now.

Go on.
No, I'm not doing it.

Get a move on.

(SIGHS)

This is them.

Here we go.

Hi, Senator O'Brien.
I'm Dan Egan.

We spoke on the phone.
A pleasure to meet you, sir.

Well, I have no idea
who you are,

so I don't know whether
it's a pleasure or not.

Okay.

This is Jack.

Hi, Jack.
Hi.

Amy Brookheimer,
Vice President's
Chief of Staff.

Chief?

Shouldn't that be chiefess?

(LAUGHS)

Relax, missy.
I'm just yanking your chain.

Absolutely.

(GRUNTS)

This place looks nice, huh?

Looks like they do
a mighty fine
plate of ribs,

but before we do any ordering,

I'd like to know
if you're going to offend us
with some chicken-shit deal

that means we have to leave
before the food comes.

You're fine to order.

I feel so horrible.

You know, it's like
I've ordered
a hit on somebody.

I'm just waiting
for the call to say
that it's done.

It's done.

Do you want a glass of wine?
You want some water?

You want some
hand sanitizer?
I want quiet.

Quiet.

So long, Scott.
You are professionally dead.
Have a nice evening.

Up here on the eastern seaboard,

it's easy to forget
what a big slice
of our country

rubs shoulders
with a failed state
by the name of Mexico.

Now, if you had bad neighbors

who came into
your yard every night

to crap a butt-full
of drugs and beans
on your flowers,

you might think about
building a fence.

You're not gonna get
a border fence, all right?

You're talking about
a 3,000-mile-long fence.

Great for the
construction industry.

Yeah, but ironically,
the only affordable option

would be immigrant labor.

Well, my constituents are fed up

with feeling outnumbered
in their own country.

Fellas, we shouldn't
have a problem

working to preserve
a certain kind of
American identity.

Yes.

Now you keep talking
like that, sweetheart,

and we'll be having cigars
at the end of this dinner.

Just not Cuban ones.

(LAUGHS)

Hey.

Oh, my God,

I am having
the shittiest day.
Yeah?

You got anything
to make me feel better?

I do indeed.

What is it?
Well...

It's about seven inches,
hangs between my legs...

(LAUGHS)

The thing.

I like to call him Sergeant Ted.

Okay, well,
you tell Sergeant Ted

I would like him very much

to drill me in my Oval Office.

In fact, I need him
to put the finger
on the button

and come into my Rose Garden.

The sergeant is
standing at attention.

You know what,
I'm coming over there,
like, right away.

Uh, you know,
when you come over,

can you try and
sneak in incognito?

I got Korean neighbors
and I don't think they'd like
the idea of me dating you.

Is that some kind of
a joke or something?

It's not funny at all.
Fuck off, Ted.

I mean, I don't know
why you would say...

You were on the phone?
Mmm-hmm.

Oh, I didn't hear anything.

You better not have
heard anything.

I didn't say anything.

Oh, my God.

Oh, for fuck sakes.
Hey, Jonah.

What happened to your hot pants?

Oh, the hot pants picked up
some negative traction.

I realize now they're
unbecoming of my office.

I'm just coming in to see
if the misunderstanding

with Governor Chung
has been resolved.

Yeah. It's all fine
and dandy and fabulous.
Excellent.

Well, then, I'm gonna
go enjoy what's left
of my Sunday.

I got the latest
Grisham on the go
and it's just awesome.

You should read...

As well as the funding request,

we can offer a commitment
that the Vice President
will oppose immunity

for any illegal immigrants
who have been here
for more than five years.

Well, now you're
singing a tune
that we may dance to.

Well, we just...
And she will
lobby the President

and express public support
for your position.

All right, I'm going home.

I'm getting fucked
every which way.

Sue, did the President call?

No.

If you can deliver that,
I will appear to love
filibuster reform

as much as I appear
to love my idiot son.

And for my wife's sake,

I appear to love that
wretched shitnit a lot.

(LAUGHS)

Good night.
Let's go, Jack.

Good to see you guys
could learn a new word
today, compromise.

What do you say?
Meet me halfway?

(LAUGHS)

Whew!

I'm not gonna be able
to sleep tonight.

That was fucking dark.

You've gone up 10 levels
in my estimation, by the way.

Which means
I've gone down
100 in my own.

Sometimes you've gotta
go down to go up.

I am taking the credit for this.

I tunnelled
through the shit,
I get the dirty glory.

It is me who
tells Selina
the good news.

Where is the Vice President?

She has gone home
for the evening.

Why?

Something about
"getting fucked
every which way."

Direct quote.

Oh, God, yeah.
I heard something
on the phone.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

How many times
can she be
underneath that?

She's got such a little body
and he seemed like a big man.

Who? Who's he?

Hey, hey,
somebody talk about
something else? Anything.

Yeah, I gotta get these
images out of my head.

Can we talk about, I don't know,

our favorite band
or something, please?

Yes. Who else
are you into, Mike,
apart from the Eagles?

Grateful Dead.

That's the name of
your favorite
whorehouse, too, right?

Can't wait to get home
and burn my clothes.

Don't fuck up that suit, Mike.

All right, good night, Sue.

Good night, Gary.

Good night, Dan.

Jesus Christ.

Dan, you have
about 10 seconds
to stop distracting me,

or the next thing
that they'll find
at the back of that couch

are your remains.

If you like,
I can go sit in the
Vice President's office.

Excuse me?