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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Got that real big energy
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- Got that real big energy
- Hey, when you gonna stop playing?
3
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Bad chick, I could be your fantasy
4
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I can tell you got big, big energy
5
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Ain't too many of 'em
That can handle me
6
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But I might let you try it
After Hennessy
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Make 'em sing to this thing
Like a melody
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And if your girl ain't right
I got the remedy
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Ain't too many of 'em
That can handle me
10
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Bad chick, I could...
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I mean, are we just, like,
not gonna talk about this?
12
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Talk about what?
13
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You got bangs.
14
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Like, what happened?
15
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That's, like, a major life transition.
16
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I think I feel good about them.
Should I... Should I not?
17
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No, honey. No, they're great.
18
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- They're great.
- Okay. Great. Okay.
19
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- Amazing. I love 'em.
- I just meant...
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It's like, what's behind the curtain,
you know?
21
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It's just... Shh.
A sexy little secret. Yeah.
22
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- Don't touch 'em.
- Okay.
23
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I, too, actually have
a sexy little secret.
24
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Uh, I didn't get bangs, but today,
I got my first rabbi gig post-Temple Chai.
25
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- Oh shit!
- Mazel tov, Noah!
26
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It's abrit bat, uh, aka a baby-naming.
27
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That's so cute.
You're like a concierge rabbi.
28
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Very chic. Is it like a Jewish baptism?
29
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Uh, it's a ritual where Jewish parents
reveal the name of their child
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and its significance.
31
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Can I come?
32
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Are girlfriends of the rabbi allowed?
33
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You wanna come?
34
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Yeah. For one, I'd like to see you cute
and in charge, and number two,
35
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I'm on a mission to learn more about
Judaism, in case you haven't noticed.
36
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Yeah. Let me talk to the family,
but I love it.
37
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- Great!
- Wait, Noah.
38
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Wait, Noah, who is the family?
39
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Uh, this couple the Litmans know,
Abby and Gabe Kaplan.
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Abby Loves Smoothies, Abby Kaplan?
41
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I... I... Maybe. Do you know her?
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I went to middle school with her.
43
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I'm obsessed with how much I hate her.
44
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Well, I mean, she's an influencer,
so she's always, like,
45
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"I'm here at my kid's birthday party,"
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or, "Look at my house,"
or, "I love my husband."
47
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So she loves her family.
48
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Like, too much.
49
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But the real reason I hate her is because,
when we were in middle school,
50
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we had a sleepover, and she tried
to get everyone to go to bed early.
51
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I was, like, "No,"
so while we were watching a movie,
52
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she snuck upstairs and cut the hair
of my Felicity American Girl doll.
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- Whoa.
- That's it?
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She should be in jail.
55
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- And she denied it.
- Oh.
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- Is that her?
- Yep.
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Oh God, these sconces are beautiful.
58
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Listen, uh, if you hate her,
I don't think you should come
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just 'cause I need
to make a great impression.
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No, I'll be fine. I'll be nice. I promise.
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Yes, Felicity-gate was, like,
a million years ago,
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and this is your first job
outside the temple.
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I really wanna support you.
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Okay?
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- Really?
- Yeah, really.
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And if I get to judge her home decor
in the process, so be it, you know?
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- Excuse me? Can I--
- Hold on, one second.
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- One second, lady.
- Been waiting here for, like, an hour.
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- Is everything okay?
- Yeah.
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Yeah, why?
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Well, you got bangs.
You have to be at least a little unstable.
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Fine. Okay.
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- But just don't say anything to Noah.
- I won't.
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Oh God. I think I might be pregnant.
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Oh my God. Wow. Oh.
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- I didn't even know you guys were trying.
- Oh, no, we're not. I mean, Sasha is.
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I just thought we were done after Miri.
She's still my little baby.
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My baby with an attitude problem.
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But now Sasha's all excited
about having another one,
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and I'm, like, I don't even... I don't know.
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When was the last time you had bangs?
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2004. I was dating a guy
who said he liked my strong forehead.
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Okay. That's like calling
a bikini pic brave. Mm-mm.
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Gin and tonic?
85
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Um, are you sure?
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Oh my God.
87
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Hey. What are you doing?
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Stalking Abby Loves Smoothies'
many maternity shoots.
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Is it safe to be pregnant on a horse?
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Wait, are you talking about
Abby fucking Kaplan? God, why?
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Noah's taking me to name her baby.
It's like a rabbi thing.
92
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Name it something dumb. I'm still pissed
Mom blamed me for cutting Felicity's hair.
93
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Why didn't she just apologize for that?
Maybe we still could have been friends.
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Now she's posing in a field, pregnant.
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Mm.
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Is there a flower crown?
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- There's obviously a flower crown.
- Yeah.
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Noah will make such a good dad.
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He'd be, like, one of those guys
who puts their kids on their shoulders
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to watch the fireworks.
101
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Ugh. I can never see over those people.
102
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Have you talked about the kid thing yet?
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We both want them.
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He even used the words
"our kids" on Valentine's Day.
105
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Right, but has he actually
talked about it with you?
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Because, like,
these would be rabbi's kids.
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What's that like, you know? No bacon,
no Santa. Like, praying for fun?
108
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Well, we haven't gotten that far.
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Oh my God, no Santa?
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- Mm-hmm.
- I didn't think about that.
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I guess the kids and I
will have to live with you every December.
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No. No, I don't like kids.
113
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Okay, run me through
the quick highlights of this thing?
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- What do you wanna know?
- Anything. I'm baby-naming curious.
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Okay.
116
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Well, as Ashkenazi Jews, we traditionally
name a baby after a relative who's died.
117
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Oh. Wait, you can't choose
your own baby name?
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No, no, no, you can.
There are just some parameters involved.
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For instance, uh,
mydeda's name was Alexander,
120
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:33,354
so I always planned on naming
my future child Alexander.
121
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But I could also choose a name
that starts with an A.
122
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:37,692
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
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Um, obviously,
light and love to Alexander.
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Um, in theory,
I'm not really into honoring people.
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Like, I never even met your grandpa.
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Oh wow, look at that.
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This whole thing is not my vibe.
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I can, like, smell the candles
from out here.
129
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We don't like candles?
130
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No, it's not just the candles, Noah.
131
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It's, like, the house,
the boring, expensive furniture,
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00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,343
the going to children's birthday parties
all weekend.
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I just don't want any of this.
134
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Any of this?
135
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Or any of this?
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Come on.
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Stop.
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- Hi.
- Hey.
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- I'm glad you're here.
- Me too.
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Joanne?
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Abby Kaplan!
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- Oh, hi.
- Come here. Oh, JoJo!
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Oh, come here. Don't let go.
Good to see you.
144
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Welcome to Tarzana.
145
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Hi, Rabbi Roklov.
So nice to finally meet you.
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Hi. Yeah, you too. I can't believe
that Joanne is your girlfriend.
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We were, like, total LYLAS in sixth grade.
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- Crazy, right?
- LY...
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Love You Like A Sister.
150
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,434
- Oh.
- Yeah.
151
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:54,894
- Hey.
- Oh my God.
152
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You should text Morgan. Tell her to come.
I don't know why we stopped hanging out.
153
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- Really? You don't remember?
- No.
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It was, like,
a million years ago, forever.
155
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But it's so fun you're here now.
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Ooh.
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Do you mind taking off your heels?
Just for the floors.
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Oh, I would, but they really
complete my outfit, so...
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Sorry.
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Um...
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- Take the heels off.
- What? You're...
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Well, she's wearing heels.
You're wearing heels.
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These are my house wedges.
I've never worn them outside.
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If you don't mind.
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- Yeah.
- Sorry.
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No, absolutely.
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- No problem. Of course.
- She doesn't mind.
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- No, I'm good.
- I hate to ask.
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It's not a big deal.
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Oh my God. Oh, cute socks!
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I forgot how short you are!
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Just like the sixth grade. Cute.
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Oh.
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00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:44,527
So where's the rest of your family?
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Oh. Gabe? Gabe?
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- Yep.
- Get over here, babe!
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- This is my husband, Gabe.
- Hi. Rabbi Roklov.
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- Hi. Joanne.
- Nice to meet you.
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00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:54,078
And who is this?
180
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:56,080
This is our three-year-old, Jesse Charles.
181
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,373
- Yeah.
- Say, "Hi."
182
00:07:57,393 --> 00:08:00,793
- Can you say, "Hi"?
- Can you say, "Hi, Rabbi?"
183
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:04,005
You know, he caught the tail end
ofApocalypse Now with me last night.
184
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:07,133
- I think he's just a little bit rattled.
- We won't do that again.
185
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,720
And today's little star
is upstairs napping, so...
186
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,425
- Yes.
- Baby Afternoon.
187
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,140
And what's her name?
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00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,099
Afternoon.
189
00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:17,268
That's not a...
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That's... is my favorite time of day.
That's great.
191
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,690
That is absolutely
because you've just had lunch,
192
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,150
or you can either take a nap
193
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or get your work done.
The day is sort of yours.
194
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:27,904
- Lovely name.
- Thank you.
195
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:30,448
I wish I could take credit,
but that's all this one.
196
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,116
Perfect. Wow.
197
00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:34,952
Her naming style is whimsical, cozy.
198
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:38,331
Yeah. And we wanted to go with
an A name for my grandma, Aliza.
199
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,248
You know.
200
00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:41,537
Yeah, I'm... Well, I'm starting to.
201
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:42,835
We'll be right back.
202
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,337
- Okay.
- Gonna get something to eat.
203
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,296
Enjoy the spread!
204
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:47,089
There's a lot of treats. There's, uh...
205
00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:49,008
- Do you like meringues?
- Yeah.
206
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,796
- Absolutely.
- There's a ton.
207
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,637
All right. Let's go, buddy.
208
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:56,307
I should've studied harder for
the ceremony. Didn't know they had a son.
209
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:59,936
You know what? She gets to wear heels.
I'm walking around in mismatched socks.
210
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,729
The whole power dynamic is off, Noah.
211
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:03,934
- What happened to LYLAS?
- Fuck LYLAS.
212
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,400
Does this house look smaller in person?
213
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:08,402
Listen. I know you're upset
about the Barbie doll.
214
00:09:08,422 --> 00:09:11,572
- Felicity was an American Girl.
- I understand.
215
00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:13,824
Okay? And sure, she wasn't
one of the original three,
216
00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:16,827
and I wasn't really even into her,
like, wartime energy,
217
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:19,205
but she was spunky,
and she was mine, Noah.
218
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:22,370
Understood.
I really need today to go well.
219
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:26,712
Okay. I'm sorry.
220
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:28,214
- I got you.
- Thank you.
221
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,424
Rabbi, I want you to meet myzeyde.
222
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:32,051
Great. Great.
223
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,344
Okay. Thank you.
224
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:37,223
I usually know the entire family at these.
I've been at their weddings and funerals.
225
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,016
It's weird not having a congregation.
226
00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:41,060
Hey. It's gonna be great.
227
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,516
You're gonna be great.
None of us even deserve you.
228
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,106
- Lovely to meet you. I'm Rabbi Roklov.
- How are you?
229
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,698
What a pleasure.
Congratulations on the big day.
230
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,569
I just met your grandson.
231
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:57,905
Oh.
232
00:09:58,347 --> 00:09:59,161
What?
233
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:02,957
Hey, Holistic Mamas.
Wait. What are you eating?
234
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:06,794
It's actually so cute. So Dr. Andy
remembers all the snacks that I love,
235
00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:09,005
and he, like,
hides them for me to find later.
236
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,631
I need you to focus right now
237
00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:13,509
because I am in
Abby Loves Smoothies' bathroom.
238
00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:16,429
- Incredible lighting. It's just...
- I know.
239
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,181
And I met her husband,
and I have questions.
240
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:20,516
Mm, gay.
241
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:21,726
Weirdly, no.
242
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,936
But I keep trying
to figure out if he's, like,
243
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:27,023
one of those Instagram husbands
who's been trained to take good pictures
244
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:30,359
and is really proud of them,
or if he's dying inside and he hates her.
245
00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:31,861
Oh, no. He is fully dead.
246
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:34,488
- Those photos aren't even good.
- What are you doing right now?
247
00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:36,198
Abby told me to invite you.
248
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,867
Oh my God. No fucking way.
249
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,036
Mom grounded me for a month
for her bullshit.
250
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:43,456
She still says she has no idea
why we stopped hanging out.
251
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,415
She won't admit it.
252
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,500
- She literally said that?
- Uh-huh.
253
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:50,374
You know what? Text me her address, okay?
Only a bitch messes with hair. Let's go.
254
00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:55,463
Here we go.
255
00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:15,905
Hi. You know, I would love to hear
some more about your grandmother, Aliza,
256
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:19,533
and some of her great qualities
you'd like to bless your baby with today.
257
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:21,827
Do you mind if I shoot
some pre-ceremony content?
258
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,158
- Oh, yeah. Sure. Of course.
- Okay. Come here.
259
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,207
And we're live.
260
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:29,794
Hi, guys. This is Rabbi Roklov.
Isn't he cute?
261
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:33,506
Okay, so today
we're at baby Afternoon's naming ceremony,
262
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:36,634
and she's so excited and a little nervous.
263
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,427
I'm kidding. She's a baby.
264
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:42,181
So a lot of you have been asking
what dress we went with for the ceremony,
265
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:45,309
and I have to say
I'm pretty surprised by the poll I posted.
266
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:47,728
73% of you said the green dress.
267
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,188
Bleurgh!
268
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,565
Boo!
269
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:52,770
Bye!
270
00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:55,611
Amazing. Do you mind taking my photo?
271
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:57,530
Sure. Is there one sweet memory
272
00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:01,487
you have of your grandma
that you're reminded of today?
273
00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:03,244
I don't know.
274
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:05,913
She had a secret girlfriend.
Can you do sideways?
275
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:07,368
Sure, sure, sure.
276
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:12,086
- Turn it.
- Oh, duh. I'm sorry.
277
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:13,212
- Gabe!
- Yeah?
278
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,131
Come over here! We're shooting!
279
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,590
Coming in hot. Here I come.
280
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:19,677
- This is Gabe, remember?
- Yes, of course.
281
00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:20,594
Got it.
282
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:23,222
- I can tell this isn't working.
- I thought it was good.
283
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:24,140
No. It's no good.
284
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,684
It was just the angling down
didn't happen, but that's okay.
285
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,352
- No, I feel--
- Thank you so much.
286
00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:30,104
- You tried. It's great!
- Your best.
287
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,021
They're good.
288
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,732
- Better light here.
- Didn't know.
289
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:33,649
Hey.
290
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,067
Cute photo shoot.
291
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:36,736
She's pretty. I'll give her that.
292
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,482
Not my type.
293
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:44,238
- Hey.
- You really invited her?
294
00:12:44,638 --> 00:12:45,828
Abby told me to.
295
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,830
Hi.Shalom.
296
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:51,751
Well, this is a sick birthday party.
297
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,335
Oh man. Okay.
298
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,504
The ceremony's about to start.
Please be good.
299
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:56,797
Yes, Dad.
300
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,502
We will. We promise.
301
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:00,551
- Bye.
- Thank you, thank you.
302
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,178
Okay. Where's the smoothie fucker?
303
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,258
Making content, I'm sure. Outside.
304
00:13:04,992 --> 00:13:08,762
Oh my God. Shit. She's so hot.
I thought that was a filter.
305
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:11,604
- That's depressing.
- Yeah.
306
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,434
This isn't gonna be fun anymore.
307
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,563
Meh. No, no, no.
308
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:19,773
Ugh.
309
00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:22,072
Morgan, you can't do that.
310
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,365
What? They're too soft.
311
00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:24,492
Morgan?
312
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:25,993
Oh, what's up?
313
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,161
Hi.
314
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:30,581
I just had to stop by to celebrate
your little nugget when Joanne told me.
315
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:33,709
Wow, that is just so sweet.
Thank you for coming.
316
00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:37,087
I'm really glad you're here and that
we are getting a chance to catch up.
317
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:38,547
I... I missed you guys.
318
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:42,676
We used to be so close until...
I don't even remember when.
319
00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:45,095
- Mm.
- Sixth grade. June 23rd.
320
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:46,388
My end-of-year party.
321
00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:49,141
Wow. That is oddly specific.
322
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:50,935
But yeah, maybe sometime around then.
323
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:54,563
Come on. I mean, now that we're adults,
you can admit it. You know, it's funny.
324
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,899
You're the one who cut off
Felicity's hair, right?
325
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,228
Felicity?
326
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,277
What... I... Was she in our grade?
327
00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:04,031
She's a plucky little redhead who survived
the goddamn Revolutionary War.
328
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,492
I have no idea
what you guys are talking about.
329
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,035
- Oh my God.
- Okay.
330
00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:11,956
Um, I was trying to be nice,
but it's starting to be unhinged
331
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,244
that you won't actually just admit
that it was you.
332
00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:16,330
My American Girl doll?
333
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,506
Okay.
334
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,466
You guys are funny. Enjoy the grapes.
335
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:23,384
Mm-hmm.
336
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:26,303
- Okay.
- God, she's still such a fucking liar.
337
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:29,348
We should go and cut off her baby's hair.
338
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,475
Yeah. I bet she wouldn't
post that on Instagram.
339
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:33,769
I swiped up,
and I bought her smoothie powder,
340
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,855
and I swear it gave me bed bugs
the next day.
341
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,773
- Mm.
- Coincidence?
342
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:39,275
Maybe yes, maybe no. You tell me.
343
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:42,773
It's yes, for sure, 'cause I keep telling
you to wash your sheets more often.
344
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:48,534
Hey, honey? I promise
I'm not trying to do bathroom talk,
345
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,786
but you've been in there for a while.
Is everything okay?
346
00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:54,493
Yeah. Good. Yeah, co...
Yeah, I'm good. Come in.
347
00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:58,127
Hey.
348
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,249
I am not pregnant.
349
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,168
Oh.
350
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:07,131
Don't we do the testing part together?
You did it without me.
351
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,800
Yeah, sorry. Sorry.
352
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:13,554
Oh.
353
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:21,437
Yeah, babe, I don't wanna keep trying.
354
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:26,400
Like, right now, or
355
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,110
ever?
356
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:29,570
Ever.
357
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:34,491
Well, shit.
358
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:38,334
What are you? Are... Right now, are you sad?
359
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:40,628
Are you disappointed?
Are you angry? Are there...
360
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:46,128
I think maybe
I'm all of those things, and...
361
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:50,924
maybe a little bit shocked,
but I can adjust.
362
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:53,635
So what do we do now?
363
00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:03,103
Just, like, live?
364
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:05,272
Live, okay.
365
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:07,691
No, I can do that.
366
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,613
I can't believe I got fucking bangs.
367
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:16,450
You put me in a real tough spot,
having to say they look great.
368
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,592
- Amen.
- Amen.
369
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:31,178
Today, Abby and Abe are--
370
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:32,966
- Gabe.
- With a "guh.'
371
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:37,137
Gabe. Of course. Sorry.
372
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:42,101
I don't like to mess up as a rabbi.
Thank goodness it wasn't abris.
373
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,896
Um, Gabe.
374
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:51,323
Abby and Gabe
have chosen the name Afternoon
375
00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:55,572
and Aliza as their daughter's Hebrew name.
376
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:59,581
In Hebrew, the name Aliza means joyful,
377
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:02,626
so that is my hope for Afternoon,
and for all of us.
378
00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:06,500
Is to bravely seek out joy,
even when it's hard.
379
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,216
Even when it feels like
there's no obvious solution.
380
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:12,302
Because so many miracles had to happen
381
00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:16,844
for these two people to find each other
and decide to make a family.
382
00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:21,979
Giving her the name Aliza
is to hope for her to enjoy life.
383
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,559
And how simple is that?
384
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:28,313
Because if we can find joy in the mundane,
in the imperfect,
385
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,988
then we live our lives as if we're lucky,
386
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,323
regardless of what luck comes our way.
387
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:34,575
That's beautiful.
388
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:35,737
So,
389
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:39,371
please join me in welcoming
390
00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:41,827
Afternoon Aliza...
391
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,832
...as our newest member of the tribe.
392
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:48,172
Mazel tov.
393
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:49,590
Mazel tov!
394
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:52,676
- Let's go look around.
- Wait, what if they do the chair lifting?
395
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:55,132
- I really like the chair lifting.
- Just stop.
396
00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:58,098
Okay. Give her back.
397
00:17:58,118 --> 00:18:00,304
Can you say, "Thank you, Rabbi?"
398
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:03,645
- Say, "Thank you, Rabbi."
- It was my pleasure. It was my pleasure.
399
00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:05,893
- Say, "Rabbi."
- She said it with her eyes.
400
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:09,526
- Oh my God, this dress is so sticky.
- Can you tiptoe, please?
401
00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:10,981
Okay, let's see.
402
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:16,486
It's like a Joni-Mitchell-themed room.
It's very weird. Come on.
403
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,078
Yasher koach, Rabbi.
404
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,746
Oh, sorry about that.
405
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,039
It's okay. Gabe.
406
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,041
- Yes, yes.
- I'm just fucking with you.
407
00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:25,000
No, no.
408
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:28,754
Hey, full disclosure.
I normally completely zone out.
409
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,965
There was aShabbat where I fell asleep,
woke up, everyone just gone.
410
00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:36,386
Yeah, but everything, the hope and all
the shit you were saying about mundane,
411
00:18:36,406 --> 00:18:37,596
was fucking unbelievable.
412
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:38,884
- Wow, thank you.
- Yes.
413
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:40,641
- Ooh.
- We shouldn't be in here.
414
00:18:40,661 --> 00:18:42,518
I'm starting to get jealous of her baby.
415
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:46,271
- I gotta do it.
- What? Are you using her baby's products?
416
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:47,726
Yes.
417
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,858
What? Come on!
418
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:53,320
Abby Loves Smoothies is annoying.
We came here to mess with her, didn't we?
419
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:56,902
No. I came here to support Noah.
420
00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:00,911
Okay, sure. There was a small part of me
that wanted to mess with her,
421
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,454
but that was, like, hours ago.
422
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:05,249
Oh, okay. Well, I don't know
what changed for you,
423
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,584
but Abby Loves Smoothies
has always been annoying.
424
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:09,002
I need you to remember that.
425
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:11,672
Remember how her parents
used to wait outside school for her,
426
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,919
and they, like, held hands?
427
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:15,420
Yeah.
428
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:18,846
But I think the most annoying part
about her is that she just...
429
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,806
She had a better childhood than we did,
430
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,851
and now she's got her big house
and stupid family and swipe-ups,
431
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:26,937
and I know that those are
great reasons to hate somebody--
432
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:30,686
Joanne, she cut off your doll's hair.
Okay? Have a fucking spine.
433
00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:34,695
Maybe I just don't care about it anymore.
434
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:39,278
I don't know. The thrill of revenge
isn't hitting the same way.
435
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,201
I guess I'm mature.
436
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:44,163
My temple is actually
looking for a new rabbi.
437
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:48,578
Sure. You guys... You, uh...
You have any leads? Have anyone in mind?
438
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,502
Well, we do now.
439
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:51,420
Yeah?
440
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,457
Mm-hmm.
441
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,466
- We're talking about me?
- He's so humble.
442
00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:57,843
Oh, okay. Am-Amazing.
443
00:19:57,863 --> 00:20:00,637
I'll set something up.
You can come and meet everybody...
444
00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:02,306
- Sorry, one second.
- Yep.
445
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:03,974
- I gotta take this, actually.
- Sure.
446
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:06,351
Hey, motherfucker.
I got my kid's thing till 3:00.
447
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,645
- I'm mature too.
- Morgan.
448
00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:11,184
- I am mature. Yes, I am.
- No, you're not.
449
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,986
Do you guys need something? I was
hoping to keep people out of here.
450
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:17,446
We had to pee.
451
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:20,235
- Yeah.
- And then we got lost.
452
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:24,531
Are you wearing boots in the nursery?
453
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:26,955
No.
454
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:29,202
I can see you're wearing boots.
455
00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:32,127
Okay.
456
00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:35,334
You guys can make fun of me all you want,
457
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:39,218
but posting about my life
is how I make money for my family.
458
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,470
It let Gabe quit the towel industry
459
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:44,134
and me spend more time with my mom
before she died.
460
00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:45,807
I can handle the judgment.
461
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:48,977
Oh. We weren't making fun of you
for being an influencer.
462
00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:54,019
We were making fun of you for being happy,
and that's on us.
463
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:58,695
I really didn't know what you guys were
talking about with the whole doll thing,
464
00:20:58,715 --> 00:21:01,026
and then after you said it, I realized.
465
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:04,952
I did cut your doll's hair, okay?
466
00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:08,080
I... I'm mortified, but I was, like, 11.
467
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,994
I was so tired.
You guys wouldn't let me go to sleep!
468
00:21:11,478 --> 00:21:12,913
But I'm sorry.
469
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,336
So psycho.
470
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:16,333
- It really was.
- We were just kids.
471
00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:20,170
Anyway, someone gifted my daughter
one of those dolls.
472
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:23,345
It's not the same girl,
but I owe you a doll.
473
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:26,051
- Oh God, no. That's crazy.
- We'll take it. Thank you.
474
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,595
She's all yours. Okay.
475
00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:34,601
You know, it really sucks that
you guys hate me because the truth is...
476
00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:38,563
...this is so embarrassing, but I
477
00:21:39,256 --> 00:21:41,822
love your podcast.
I listen to you guys, like, every week.
478
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,985
It's why I hired your rabbi boyfriend.
479
00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,828
I tell people, "I grew up with them."
480
00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:48,870
Oh fuck.
481
00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:51,748
- No, Abby, we don't hate you.
- Do you want to come on the pod?
482
00:21:51,768 --> 00:21:55,122
No. No. Nobody wants to hear
what I have to say.
483
00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:58,083
Or do you think... Do you think they would?
484
00:21:59,609 --> 00:22:01,717
- I am building an empire.
- Maybe.
485
00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:04,548
No, it's okay. You know what?
Let me just stay a fan.
486
00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:07,717
I'll reach out if I change my mind.
487
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:10,679
It was really good seeing you.
488
00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:12,931
Can you get out of this room, please?
489
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,400
Oh my God. Why didn't you tell me
my Spanx had been showing this whole time?
490
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,652
- Through that whole talk?
- I need to find Noah.
491
00:22:20,672 --> 00:22:21,731
Okay.
492
00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:24,573
Appreciate you
holding down the fort with me.
493
00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:26,283
Sort of avoiding my father-in-law.
494
00:22:26,303 --> 00:22:29,661
I gave him some sketchy investment advice.
Oh, yeah.
495
00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:30,579
Good luck.
496
00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:31,872
There you go, enjoy.
497
00:22:31,892 --> 00:22:33,040
- Hey.
- Hi.
498
00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:36,997
I was looking for you.
So, first baby naming.
499
00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:40,922
- Give it to me.
- Oh, you named the shit out of that baby.
500
00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:42,382
- That's the right answer.
- Yeah.
501
00:22:42,402 --> 00:22:43,633
That's the right answer.
502
00:22:43,653 --> 00:22:44,593
Um, sit down.
503
00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:45,630
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
504
00:22:48,533 --> 00:22:50,390
I'm sorry about earlier.
505
00:22:50,410 --> 00:22:53,352
I should have been way more focused
on the baby naming than on Abby.
506
00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:54,311
No, no, it's fine.
507
00:22:54,331 --> 00:22:58,607
But I realized something while I was
maybe gonna cut Abby's baby's hair.
508
00:22:58,627 --> 00:23:01,318
- What now? Okay.
- Noah, focus.
509
00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:03,857
I spent my whole life
510
00:23:04,257 --> 00:23:06,193
not wanting to be an adult.
511
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:08,445
Until now.
512
00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:11,114
The truth is,
513
00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:14,039
I want to pick out sconces.
514
00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:17,042
I want to obsess over my kids, too,
515
00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:19,169
just in, like, a less annoying way.
516
00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:24,294
All these things that I had disdain for,
I actually want.
517
00:23:25,445 --> 00:23:28,261
I used to think
I was so antiestablishment,
518
00:23:28,281 --> 00:23:31,098
but as it turns out, I'm establishment.
519
00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:33,350
Be strong as steel...
520
00:23:33,370 --> 00:23:34,387
Prove it.
521
00:23:34,788 --> 00:23:36,144
...how you feel...
522
00:23:36,164 --> 00:23:38,225
I want couple's stationery.
523
00:23:39,668 --> 00:23:41,358
When you get invited on a boys' trip,
524
00:23:41,378 --> 00:23:43,777
I want you to say,
"I gotta check with the boss."
525
00:23:43,797 --> 00:23:45,737
Of course I gotta check with the boss.
526
00:23:45,757 --> 00:23:47,697
And of course the answer's gonna be no.
527
00:23:47,717 --> 00:23:50,153
...need saving
528
00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:52,869
All I'm saying is...
529
00:23:52,889 --> 00:23:55,038
I want all those things with you too.
530
00:23:55,058 --> 00:23:58,333
If your head's under water
531
00:23:58,353 --> 00:24:00,830
I'll be your float
532
00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:05,340
If you're feeling lost
I'll be your north star...
533
00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:08,343
- What about matching outfits?
- Oh, don't push your luck.
534
00:24:08,363 --> 00:24:12,514
...two, I'll piece you back together
535
00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:15,851
Whatever you need, baby
536
00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:17,973
That's what I'll be
537
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:25,360
Don't matter when or where
538
00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:28,363
Oh, I'll be there
539
00:24:28,383 --> 00:24:32,487
If you're hurting, baby, I'm hurting
540
00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:36,371
Don't try to push me away
541
00:24:36,391 --> 00:24:38,874
By your side, that's where I'll stay
542
00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:45,400
When everything else just ain't
One thing's for certain
543
00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:49,588
If your head's under water
544
00:24:49,988 --> 00:24:52,090
I'll be your float
545
00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:57,809
If you're feeling lost
I'll be your north star home
546
00:24:57,829 --> 00:25:03,918
If your heart's broke in two
I'll piece you back together
547
00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:09,925
Whatever you need, baby
That's what I'll be
548
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:12,782
Oh
549
00:25:12,802 --> 00:25:17,032
That's what I'll be
42530
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