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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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[upbeat music plays]
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[Joanne] Okay, let's catch up
our listeners. So you might remember
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that, against all odds,
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the Prophet and I fell in love,
and we became an adorable couple.
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Then, at a very fun bat mitzvah
for his niece,
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I freaked out and broke it off with him.
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I was actually being very selfless,
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putting his career over my own happiness.
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Anyway, he ran after me
in a very romantic way.
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It was as if I planned the whole thing,
but I swear I didn't.
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And now we're making it work.
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We're actually... We've made it work.
We're an amazing couple.
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Anyway, I am in a big, beautiful,
healthy relationship
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with a real-life adult man,
and I think it's solid enough for me
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to stop using a nickname
when I talk about him.
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[Morgan] Whoa, okay, we did not discuss
this. Um, also, sorry, is it that solid?
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I feel like you guys have a lot
you haven't figured out
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that's very important.
You know what I mean?
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[Joanne] Okay, you... you will understand,
Morgan, when you are in love.
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We are living in the present.
Not the past. Not the future.
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- Oh, that's a foul! That's a foul!
- Yes!
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Number eight grabbed it out of his hands.
Major flag on the play.
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It's okay. They're allowed to do that.
They're allowed.
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That's stupid.
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[Joanne] Anyway, his name is Noah,
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and he's a rabbi.
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Yes, you heard that correct.
He is a rabbi.
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And what else? We're in love.
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Breaking news. You're in a psychotically
annoying relationship.
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Way to make
all our single listeners feel bad.
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No, this relationship is inspirational.
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I am dating a man who has
glass water carafes next to his bed.
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Mm. I wonder when the other shoe
is gonna drop, and what it will be.
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Ah, the mysteries of life.
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[funky music plays]
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Hey. I'm going over my notes
for this weekend.
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I'm gonna make the pomodoro,
you're making the cucumber salad,
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and then Ryann's boyfriend
is gonna bring appetizers?
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- [music fades]
- Uh, one appetizer, yes.
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Uh, but they're these, like, fancy little
cheese balls that will change your life.
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Great. Writing it down.
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Okay. Here we go.
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All right.
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Are you ready?
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Oh yeah. Just do it.
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- God!
- Oh.
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- Damn it. Those toes are cold.
- Yeah.
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Can I please put socks on you?
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No, because then I'm gonna get too hot.
You know?
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No, I get it. That's logical.
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- [exhales]
- Hold my hand.
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I'm saying a relationship isn't solid
until you're out of the honeymoon phase.
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We are out of the honeymoon phase.
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What? No you're not. You've been together
for, like, five minutes.
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The real test is, you know,
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when you merge your lives
and you blend your friends.
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That's what we're doing.
We're hosting our first dinner party,
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which you're invited to, by the way,
and you still haven't RSVP'd.
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Okay. I'm RSVPing right now. Calm down.
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Right now, this here, this is my RSVP.
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Okay? Also, first dinner party, huh?
It's, like, a lot of pressure.
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Can you please stop
poking holes in my story?
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Okay? I'm unveiling my relationship.
I am trying to stay positive.
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Noah has put almost everything
he cares about on the line for me.
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Okay. Wow. Clearly,
I struck a nerve. [chuckles]
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- [upbeat music plays]
- [Morgan clears throat]
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[sighs] Anyway, um...
[clears throat] His name is Noah.
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- Love a hand lotion, don't you?
- Yeah. Of course.
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[music fades]
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[funky music plays]
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Yeah. Just...
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You do like how I updated my room, right?
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The woman at the store
said it was masculine minimalist.
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So sweet.
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- You can be talked into anything.
- Mm-hmm.
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[exhales] No, I like it.
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- I have my system.
- Yeah.
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♪ Hold on till the end... ♪
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I like your system.
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My system? My system is very complicated.
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- Oh, I think I've...
- [squeals]
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...figured it out a few times.
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♪ No one can make a wish
That's better than this, yeah ♪
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- [music stops]
- [knocking on door]
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Oh.
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Noah. Come on in. Have a seat.
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Thanks for seeing me.
I won't take up too much of your time.
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Just wanted to come in
and clear a few things up
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because, um, you know, this opportunity,
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it's my dream job.
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That's what I was thinking,
and then you went a little MIA,
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as the kids would say.
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- [chuckles awkwardly] Well...
- The temple chatter has a lot of theories.
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I don't listen to it,
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but I hear it.
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Okay. And you're referring to Joanne.
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Love is crazy.
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Yeah.
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My girlfriend in college,
she kept telling me
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that she was going to stop taking walks
with her high school sweetheart,
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but in the end, she was cheating on me
with him the whole time.
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And I married her anyway.
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That doesn't seem... Judy?
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- Your current wife, Judy?
- Yeah.
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Okay. Well, listen, like I was saying,
Joanne is going to convert.
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You know, she just wants to do it
on her own timeline, and--
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As she should,
but it is a very difficult decision.
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- [knocking on door]
- Sorry to interrupt.
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- I have your lunch, Rabbi Cohen.
- [Rabbi Cohen] Oh. [sighs happily]
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[woman] Also, Rabbi Noah,
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glass carafes by the bed
is king shit. Slay.
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Huh?
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Joanne talked about them on the pod.
My uncle has those at his house.
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He's gay.
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Hm. Hm.
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[upbeat music plays]
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- Is that Chardonnay? I hate Chardonnay.
- You hate Chardonnay. Ah, see?
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That is why we are bringing this.
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For the love of my life
only drinks Sauvignon Blanc.
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And this is a joke Chardonnay that Noah
and I regift every couple of months.
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Oh, I'm familiar. Maybe no bits tonight.
Leave it in the car.
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- Okay.
- Is the, uh, sister gonna be there?
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- She'll probably be there.
- Don't even think about being nice to her.
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- Of course not.
- Don't even say hello to her.
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I'd never do that.
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But don't completely ignore her so
she thinks we had a conversation about it
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and I'm threatened by her,
because I don't care.
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Maybe just, like, say hello or...
No, that's too nice.
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Like, just say hello, and then that's it.
Just be done.
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Okay, yeah. No, 100%.
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- That makes sense.
- Okay.
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And there's, like, nothing there.
You know, we were just texting dumb stuff.
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- Right.
- We were just having fun.
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You think she's fun?
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You have fun with her?
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No. No, no, no. I do not think she is fun.
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She is not fun.
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This is fun.
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There is an art
to throwing a great dinner party,
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and seating is the foundation.
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- Do you know what the second part is?
- No.
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- Lighting.
- Mm-hmm.
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Would you like to handle lighting?
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Moi? I would be honored. [chuckles]
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When Morgan and I go to parties
or weddings and we're not seated together,
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we just switch the name tags.
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[chuckles]
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You don't actually do that, do you?
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I... don't do it anymore, no.
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- Good.
- Not since you looked at me like that.
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You think it's gonna be weird having
Morgan and Sasha and Esther all together?
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No, I think it's gonna be fine.
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This is gonna be great.
It's gonna be great.
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- Okay.
- [Joanne] Okay, I'm on lighting.
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This is 20%,
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50%,
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70%.
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Yikes, that's an airport bathroom.
Okay, no.
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You know what?
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I should just make an executive decision.
You're right. Right?
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- Hey, yeah.
- Uh, question for you.
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Did you make fun of my water carafes
on the podcast?
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- What?
- [Noah] Yeah.
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Did I make fun? No.
I was bragging about your water carafes.
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Of course. Okay, great.
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Uh, well... [exhales] Look,
I don't wanna censor you or anything,
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but maybe no personal stuff
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about me on the pod?
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Okay, yeah. No, got it.
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I didn't think
water carafes were personal.
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They're not. I guess they're not.
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- Okay.
- Okay. Sorry.
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All right, carafes are back on the table.
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Love it. [gasps] Our first guest.
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[Noah] Hey.
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Spencer dumped me.
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- Oh no!
- Oh no.
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Is that what you're wearing?
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No.
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Oh, Ryann, I'm so sorry.
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Oh, that's terrible.
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Oh, did he do it
after he made the cheese balls or--
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No. He did it this morning.
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Just completely out of nowhere.
No warning.
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- No warning?
- No warning.
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Are you sure there wasn't anything
that you did or didn't do?
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'Cause sometimes you can be...
That's not important. You know what?
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I know what you need. Shots.
And just not even think about this.
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Just tonight, have fun, okay?
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No, thanks. Maybe find a place to lay down
so I can be around people.
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- I'll get the tea.
- Okay.
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Okay.
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Um, this is our first dinner party
as a couple.
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There's a lot riding on it,
so I need you to lighten the mood.
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I feel like you're not hearing me.
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Wanna borrow something to wear?
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[doorbell chimes]
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Hello.
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- Hey.
- Hi.
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Good. You two are still together.
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00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:49,509
- What? Why would we not be together?
- That's not what I meant.
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00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,093
Just a thing with some other guests
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who are no longer in the running
to be our favorite couple friends.
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Great. You and I are in first place.
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There you go.
Esther, wanna be my best friend?
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00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:58,893
- No, I'm all set.
- [Joanne] Okay.
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- Ow! You just shut the door on me!
- [Joanne] Oh my God.
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00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,105
I'm sorry. I didn't see you.
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00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:05,895
- Come on in.
- Wow, that's quite an outfit.
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00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,529
Oh. What? What? You told us to dress up.
211
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,025
- Uh-huh.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:13,157
- It's fashion.
- [awkward chuckling]
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00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:15,451
[clears throat]
Sorry, I didn't bring anything. I, um...
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I don't do that, so...
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00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,451
Hi.
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00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,121
Hi.
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00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:27,541
Hello.
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00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:31,259
Is... I'm sorry. Are you guys ignoring me?
What's going on?
219
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,380
No. No, I'm not...
220
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:34,762
I'm not... I'm not ignoring you.
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00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:35,800
- Okay.
- I'm not...
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00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:39,762
You know, there are just ti...
There are just times when
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00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:44,433
people sometimes
look at a situation from many...
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00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:45,731
Yes.
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00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:48,192
I was talking to somebody
about that the other day.
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00:09:48,212 --> 00:09:50,653
- Okay. Yeah, we're gonna have a talk.
- Okay.
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00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:51,946
- Me?
- Sash.
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00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:53,614
Whore number two, let's do it.
229
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:54,652
A chat.
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00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,662
- We should follow them and listen?
- No, we let them figure it out.
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00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,914
- Exactly what I was thinking.
- Yeah. Okay.
232
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:04,120
[intriguing music plays]
233
00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:07,795
All right. Well, okey dokey, artichokies.
234
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:08,916
Let's go.
235
00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:12,133
- You're gonna stand up the whole time?
- No, I'm gonna...
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00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,170
[Esther] Okay.
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00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:16,716
Oh, this is fabulous. What?
238
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:18,347
[sighs]
239
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,427
[music fades]
240
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:22,810
I just wanna say that I'm in no way
prepared to have a threesome.
241
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,145
- [Morgan] In what world?
- What?
242
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:26,564
Not how I thought this was gonna go.
I... I could do it.
243
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:30,026
In what world do you think
this is the threesome I would initiate?
244
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:31,861
- Neither of you would be involved.
- Agreed.
245
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:33,487
Wait. I wouldn't be there?
246
00:10:33,507 --> 00:10:36,699
This is not a threesome.
This is just a conversation.
247
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:39,201
Well, most threesomes
probably start with a conversation.
248
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:42,455
I have literally never started a threesome
with a conversation, but...
249
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,498
- You don't lay down ground rules?
- I... Okay.
250
00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:46,292
How many threesomes have you been in?
251
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,668
- [Noah] Lenny!
- Good to see you.
252
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:49,211
- I fucking miss you!
- Good to see you.
253
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:52,006
- I like this. This is very good.
- Yeah, I thought it was good.
254
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,633
Who's here? Give me the lay of the land.
255
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,469
Oh, just a casual gathering of friends.
Let's see.
256
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,804
There's, uh, Esther and my brother,
of course.
257
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:02,975
Joanne. Um, Ashley will be coming.
She's a lesbian, so not for you.
258
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:06,979
Ryann is crying on the floor.
And, um, Morgan.
259
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:09,106
Morgan.
260
00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:10,316
I like that name.
261
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,401
So this is a setup. Dude, I love you.
262
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:13,819
It's not a setup.
263
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:17,448
It's just friends and two single people
sitting next to each other at dinner.
264
00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,867
And if sparks fly, it's out of my control.
265
00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:23,287
Look, I don't know what weird stuff
went on between the two of you.
266
00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:26,832
I don't know what, but I'd like to say
that I'm deading it right now.
267
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,459
No. Nothing happened.
268
00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:31,957
I'm gonna be the judge
of what is something and what is nothing.
269
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,590
I saw all the text messages.
270
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:35,633
Mm.
271
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:38,088
Okay, we're just friends.
272
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,721
I mean, we were friends.
We're not friends now.
273
00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:42,640
But we were at one point,
but now we're not.
274
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,637
Well, it did get a little bit weird.
275
00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:46,894
And I told him it was weird.
276
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:48,729
- You agreed that it was weird.
- Sasha?
277
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:51,315
- Yes, I agreed that it was weird.
- That's what I thought.
278
00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:53,234
- [Morgan] Yes.
- [Sasha] But nothing happened.
279
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,361
- This woman means nothing to me.
- That's true.
280
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,946
She is nothing.
281
00:11:56,966 --> 00:12:00,449
- Literally, at her core, she is nothing.
- Wow. Great. Okay, rude.
282
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:02,530
- No, I didn't mean it like that.
- You didn't?
283
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:04,912
- No, I did.
- You... Okay.
284
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:06,872
I'm sorry. I'm not great with conflict.
285
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:10,000
Okay, I'll just make it, like,
a little bit easier for all of us.
286
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:13,838
I am your wife, and I'll just decide
who you're friends with.
287
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:14,839
- Great.
- Great.
288
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:18,718
So here's what I think happened.
I think whore number two--
289
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,346
- You can just call me Morgan, it's--
- It's a term of endearment at this point.
290
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:27,268
Sure, Morgan, you saw your sister,
like, all loved up in a new relaish,
291
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,478
and you got a crush
on the hotter older brother.
292
00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:31,105
- [Sasha] Yeah.
- [Esther] Classic.
293
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:33,435
It's not even the crushing that I hated.
294
00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:36,736
It's really more the laughing together
and the inside jokes,
295
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,899
and I just need to remind everyone,
296
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,568
I am also fun.
297
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:45,072
Oh, babe, you're the most fun.
298
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,825
Okay, I just have to say that, um,
299
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:52,121
I've never seen you be fun,
but I'm really looking forward to it.
300
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:57,047
And I just have to say
that this was a fucking warning,
301
00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,794
and I'm really good at revenge.
302
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:01,343
Okay. Fun.
303
00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,262
- [gasps]
- [Morgan] That was fun.
304
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:04,305
- Hi.
- [Noah] Hey.
305
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:05,473
- Oh, hey.
- How are you?
306
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,640
[Lenny] What's goin' on?
307
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:08,929
- Hey, what's up, bro?
- [Lenny] What's good, bro?
308
00:13:09,663 --> 00:13:10,686
- I'm gonna...
- Hi.
309
00:13:10,706 --> 00:13:12,938
- [Lenny] What's your name?
- Morgan. Yeah.
310
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,144
[funky music plays]
311
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,487
Sure, I'd fuck her.
312
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,781
- Nope, don't love that. Can't do that.
- [music fades]
313
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,283
- Um, mm-mm.
- I meant it as a compliment. She's hot.
314
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,368
I understand,
but she's my girlfriend's sister.
315
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:27,703
Do you think you can be serious?
316
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:30,748
I need to plant deep roots
in the ground with Joanne, right?
317
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:34,376
And we gotta merge our worlds together,
and you being with her sister,
318
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:35,711
that'd be so great.
319
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:36,962
- So great.
- Okay.
320
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:38,631
- Yeah, take a deep breath.
- Okay.
321
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,674
You ever hosted a dinner party before?
322
00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:41,842
- You're right.
- Yeah.
323
00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:44,053
- You're right. You know what? It's casual.
- It's casual.
324
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,514
- Don't overthink it. Have fun.
- Don't overthink it. Yeah.
325
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:47,635
See you in there.
326
00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:50,262
Hey, how'd it go? What happened?
327
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,890
I don't know, man. It got sexual.
328
00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:54,939
That's all I'm gonna say about it.
329
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:57,144
[upbeat music plays]
330
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:02,363
♪ Tell me the truth, boy ♪
331
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:04,448
♪ Am I losing you... ♪
332
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:07,655
Assigned seats? That doesn't feel casual.
333
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:09,912
♪ We used to kiss... ♪
334
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,498
What? My name's not even
the same color ink as everyone else.
335
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,834
Fine, you weren't originally invited,
okay? Get over it.
336
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,127
- The disrespect. Hi, I'm Ashley.
- Hi.
337
00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:18,879
I'm sort of the glue of the group.
338
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:21,298
Oh, that's cool. I'm Lenny.
Noah and I ball together.
339
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:22,925
Why do guys have so many hobbies?
340
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,886
Uh, ball's really more of a lifestyle
than a hobby.
341
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:29,682
Totally. We have hobbies because we refuse
to accept the chokehold of adulthood
342
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,851
that continues to strangle us
every single day.
343
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,478
- Preach.
- That's not why I play. I'm an adult.
344
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,772
- It's... It's too much.
- I'm gonna need something stronger.
345
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:37,857
Yeah, it's intense.
346
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:41,438
Ryann, do you want me to get you
a plate of food? Or maybe I can feed you?
347
00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:45,322
That's really nice, but I...
I think I just need to lay here
348
00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:49,118
and sort of replay everything over
and over in my head until it makes sense.
349
00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:50,536
[Ashley] Do what you have to do.
350
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,746
♪ Tell me the truth, boy ♪
351
00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:56,959
♪ Am I losing you for good? ♪
352
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,669
- [Noah] Thank you.
- [Esther] I think...
353
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:00,963
- Oh my God, really?
- [Esther] No, I actually...
354
00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,089
[chuckles]
355
00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:05,050
I get mistaken for Zooey Deschanel,
like, twice a week.
356
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:09,972
I was in Beverly Hills the other day,
and this paparazzi was like, "Zooey!"
357
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,390
- I was like, "I'm not..."
- What?
358
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,893
I'm sorry. Don't get mad.
I... I just don't see it.
359
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:17,938
I'm not always mad, Ashley.
Jesus, I'm also very fun.
360
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:20,816
- She's fun.
- [Ryann] You know what I think happened?
361
00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:24,236
I think that he saw me
taking the hair out of my hairbrush
362
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:28,324
and balling it up and throwing it away,
and I think that really grossed him out.
363
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,409
- We're eating.
- [Ryann] I shouldn't have done that.
364
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:34,246
- Morgan, how tall are you? Like, 5'10"?
- Oh, no, I'm, uh... I'm 5'9", so...
365
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:37,207
Oh, that's cool. Were you tall as a kid
and felt kind of awkward about it?
366
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:39,418
Oh, no, not at all.
I didn't have an awkward phase.
367
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,712
I was always very cool
and very pretty, so, yeah.
368
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,881
- That's cool. No, that's great for you.
- Sorry.
369
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,300
Does anyone know which of these dips
go with this?
370
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:49,762
- I feel like the green goes well...
- Look at our worlds. Merging.
371
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:50,721
That in there?
372
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:53,265
- Mix all three.
- [Morgan] I did get my finger in there.
373
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,975
- [Esther] It's a pesto.
- [Ashley] Trust it.
374
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:57,227
So you're converting to Judaism.
375
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:58,724
Welcome to the tribe.
376
00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:01,518
Mm.
377
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,772
No, we're gonna do
the whole, like, interfaith thing.
378
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:07,191
Uh, well...
379
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:10,115
I mean, I think we agreed
to table it for now,
380
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,654
and then you would decide
in your own timeline.
381
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,871
Right? I totally respect that.
I think that's very cool.
382
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:20,204
Maybe it's because I called his mom "Mom"
and not your mom.
383
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,378
I mean, I'm not his fucking sister.
384
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,338
- Yeah, that's the one.
- That was it.
385
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:28,587
I didn't think we tabled it.
I thought we... we took it off the table.
386
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,055
Off the table? Oh. Oh, okay.
387
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,057
- Yeah, is that not--
- No, as in never?
388
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:37,393
You guys wanna sidebar this
until after dinner or...
389
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:40,646
- Did we have two different conversations?
- It seems like we did.
390
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,607
- [Joanne] What else could you have--
- Joanne, I think you need to pee.
391
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:45,771
- Do you need to go to the bathroom?
- Yep.
392
00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:48,357
[Morgan] And we're going. Come on.
393
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,529
[poignant music plays]
394
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,328
We're done. That's it. It's over.
395
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:59,081
Okay, but how right was I
about the other shoe dropping?
396
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:01,583
- Morgan, this is my real relationship.
- Okay, sorry.
397
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:04,628
How could we have been on such
different pages about that conversation?
398
00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:09,211
I don't know. I mean, I honestly sort of
thought that you guys had tabled it too.
399
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:11,255
Morgan, do not repeat that.
400
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,340
- Okay.
- Jesus.
401
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:17,052
We're done. Okay. Well, I guess
I should've seen this coming.
402
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:19,393
[Morgan] Joanne, you're being dramatic.
403
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:23,016
The honeymoon phase is over.
Now the real relationship starts. Okay?
404
00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:24,810
[Joanne sighs]
405
00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:28,527
Okay, listen.
I have to tell you something.
406
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:30,654
But I have to give you a warning.
It's not about you.
407
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:32,484
- Okay?
- Okay.
408
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,367
Sasha said something earlier.
He told me I was nothing.
409
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:37,661
Why would he say that?
I'm not nothing, you know?
410
00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:39,908
Wait, who cares about Sasha?
Focus on Lenny.
411
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:41,790
Wait, who's Lenny?
412
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,871
The guy sitting right next to you.
413
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,713
Oh my God. Oh my God. Joanne.
Is this a setup? Are you kidding me?
414
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:51,133
The adult man in a vest?
Come on. I am so out of his league.
415
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,968
Mm, maybe that's a good thing. You know?
416
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:55,804
Maybe he'll become obsessed with you.
Don't you wanna be worshipped?
417
00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:57,759
[sighs] I do love being worshipped.
418
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,268
Wait, I wanna see the little shelf
next to your bed that you pile stuff on.
419
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:03,520
Not now. Everything's falling apart.
420
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:06,065
Oh my God. Jesus.
Where are you going so fast?
421
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,816
I've gotta tuck in my shirt.
422
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,860
- [soft music plays]
- [Sasha] This playlist is sick.
423
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,697
What? This playlist is horrible.
Okay, changing the vibe.
424
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:16,533
♪ It feel good
Waving your hands in the air... ♪
425
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:18,118
- [Ashley] Unexpected.
- Okay.
426
00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:21,205
♪ Yeah, yeah, uh, ye-ye-ye-yeah... ♪
427
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:24,291
- Could somebody fix the lighting, please?
- I knew it was wrong.
428
00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:26,163
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪
429
00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:27,544
It's good.
430
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:30,089
I'm just not afraid
to be the only one dancing.
431
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,919
That is me. Fun.
432
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:33,545
So fun.
433
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:34,927
[Sasha] Look at you.
434
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,053
- Yeah, right?
- [Ashley] Wow.
435
00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:38,305
- Okay, that's my cue.
- [Ashley] Yeah, save yourself.
436
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:39,389
Are you leaving?
437
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:42,976
- Mm-hmm. It was nice meeting you.
- [chuckles] Okay, so, um...
438
00:18:42,996 --> 00:18:45,270
♪ If you did it then
Then you'd probably... ♪
439
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:46,475
Well,
440
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,566
do you, uh, want my number or... [chuckles]
441
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:51,980
Oh. No, it's all good.
I'm sure I'll see you around.
442
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:53,987
- Oh.
- [Lenny] Yeah, right there.
443
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,442
Yeah. Cool.
444
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:58,153
- Thanks for having me. Nice to meet you.
- [Ashley] Same.
445
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,035
[Esther] Young and wild and free, baby.
446
00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:02,162
[Sasha] Okay, I got excited
about the pie though.
447
00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:03,080
[Esther] Okay.
448
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,540
♪ You really are a gem, baby girl ♪
449
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,999
- Hey, can we talk?
- Mm-hmm.
450
00:19:06,019 --> 00:19:08,293
Yeah, sure. Let's get this over with.
451
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:09,456
[music stops]
452
00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:11,338
This is bad.
453
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,961
Well, yeah, it's not great. Uh...
454
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,886
So when did you decide
that you're just never converting?
455
00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:20,681
- I don't know what to do with that.
- I didn't... You... I just...
456
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,766
I thought you said I choose you, so...
457
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:26,765
- I do choose you. But I was just--
- But... But only if I convert?
458
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:33,443
I mean, look, it's not a rule.
I was just hoping
459
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:37,943
it would be something
you would want to do eventually.
460
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:41,154
And if you don't, then, I...
461
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:44,700
I don't know.
It really complicates my life.
462
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:53,333
I can't decide
if it's what I want for myself
463
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:57,301
with that pressure on me.
464
00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:58,463
I know.
465
00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:00,470
- I know.
- [sighs]
466
00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:02,676
[gentle music plays]
467
00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:04,636
[Noah sighs]
468
00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:09,224
Are we doomed?
469
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:12,608
Excuse me?
470
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:15,105
You're not allowed to...
No. I'm the cynical one.
471
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:16,904
I say stuff like that.
472
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:19,114
When you say stuff like that, it's scary.
473
00:20:19,134 --> 00:20:20,819
Well, it is a little scary.
474
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,246
Where did that come from?
475
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:28,749
♪ Cold sweat, hot-headed believer ♪
476
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:29,786
Oh.
477
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,128
Well, I saw you kept building
that tower of all your stuff,
478
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,833
so I got you a nightstand for it.
479
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:38,128
I mean, it doesn't really
go with the room, but...
480
00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:40,130
Are you kidding me?
481
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:41,923
What? Is it weird?
482
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:43,508
Are you kidding me?
483
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:44,890
- Noah!
- Yes.
484
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,934
- Are you kidding me?
- Oh, you like it.
485
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:48,518
Noah! [laughs]
486
00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:52,606
It's the most romantic thing
that anyone's ever done on planet Earth.
487
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:56,235
You got me a nightstand for my tower.
488
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,940
♪ It takes me all the way... ♪
489
00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:01,902
I mean, who even thinks of that?
490
00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:03,987
I do.
491
00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:07,616
I just want you to be happy.
492
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:10,791
I am happy.
493
00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:13,580
♪ ...of a life you're living... ♪
494
00:21:14,982 --> 00:21:16,380
I don't wanna deal with this.
495
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,131
I don't wanna deal with it either.
496
00:21:18,151 --> 00:21:20,425
♪ ...something you take... ♪
497
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:22,839
Let's just enjoy being together.
498
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,257
Okay.
499
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,348
- Okay.
- Okay.
500
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:28,267
♪ Round and around and around... ♪
501
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,977
We will have to eventually.
502
00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:31,431
♪ ...we go... ♪
503
00:21:34,334 --> 00:21:35,274
Not today.
504
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:39,773
♪ Tell me now, tell me now
Tell me now, you know ♪
505
00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:43,782
Hey. Sorry, I'm a little early.
506
00:21:43,802 --> 00:21:46,863
Oh. No problem. Please sit.
507
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:51,243
You know, after that conversation
we had the other day,
508
00:21:51,852 --> 00:21:53,036
I had some clarity.
509
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,418
Great. Great.
510
00:21:54,438 --> 00:22:00,736
And I felt like what we really need
is a new guy in my place ASAP.
511
00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:02,926
Wow.
512
00:22:02,946 --> 00:22:03,969
Okay.
513
00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:05,340
[man] Sorry to interrupt.
514
00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:08,427
Oh man, is it...
515
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:12,060
Is it happening right now?
I'm so sorry. Apologies.
516
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:13,437
Is what happening?
517
00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:14,474
Uh...
518
00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:18,270
These things are not supposed
to unfold this way. Please.
519
00:22:18,754 --> 00:22:21,361
- Rabbi Noah Roklov, meet Rabbi Noah Field.
- Hi.
520
00:22:21,381 --> 00:22:22,612
Nice to meet you.
521
00:22:22,632 --> 00:22:24,693
He's Temple Chai's new senior rabbi.
522
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,280
I'm sorry.
523
00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:30,240
Wait.
524
00:22:30,974 --> 00:22:32,039
Did I just get passed over?
525
00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:35,042
No offense, Noah,
but one day your girl's converting,
526
00:22:35,062 --> 00:22:36,918
the next day she's not converting.
527
00:22:36,938 --> 00:22:41,006
Who the hell knows?
I think people just wanted a... safer bet.
528
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:44,593
Excuse me, how do you even... Wait.
We talked about my timeline dilemma.
529
00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:47,137
We agreed to put a pin in it.
I don't even understand.
530
00:22:47,157 --> 00:22:51,266
- There's a whole process with the board.
- Noah is someone with a lot of buzz.
531
00:22:51,286 --> 00:22:53,393
We've been eyeing him
since his sermon went viral.
532
00:22:53,413 --> 00:22:55,395
- This is a competitive situation.
- Went viral?
533
00:22:55,415 --> 00:22:57,434
We have to act fast.
534
00:22:58,627 --> 00:23:00,192
My socials are on fire.
535
00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:02,527
It was Hot Ones.
That's what really did it for me.
536
00:23:02,547 --> 00:23:06,990
Noah, you will always be
an important part of Temple Chai.
537
00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:08,825
But we can't have a whole congregation
538
00:23:08,845 --> 00:23:12,037
waiting to see
if your girlfriend is going to convert.
539
00:23:12,057 --> 00:23:14,242
[pensive music plays]
540
00:23:15,977 --> 00:23:16,912
I...
541
00:23:19,523 --> 00:23:21,291
I need to change my lunch order.
542
00:23:22,275 --> 00:23:26,213
- You two get to know each other.
- [Noah Field] Thank you, Rabbi.
543
00:23:27,572 --> 00:23:28,553
[music stops]
544
00:23:28,573 --> 00:23:29,883
You don't remember me, huh?
545
00:23:31,535 --> 00:23:32,516
We don't know each other.
546
00:23:32,536 --> 00:23:35,185
We had two summers of crossover
at Camp Haverim.
547
00:23:35,205 --> 00:23:36,144
You don't remember?
548
00:23:36,164 --> 00:23:38,146
I was color war captain,
two years running.
549
00:23:38,166 --> 00:23:39,226
Blue team.
550
00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:43,485
Everyone called me Big Noah,
and they called you Little--
551
00:23:43,505 --> 00:23:44,648
Okay.
552
00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:47,317
I kind of remember you. I...
553
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:49,402
I didn't recognize you.
554
00:23:50,303 --> 00:23:52,744
For the record, I think
only two people called me that,
555
00:23:52,764 --> 00:23:54,329
and you tried to make it stick.
556
00:23:54,349 --> 00:23:57,040
- Sorry, I didn't mean to trigger you.
- I'm not triggered.
557
00:23:57,060 --> 00:23:58,542
'Cause you seem a little worked up.
558
00:23:58,562 --> 00:24:01,586
Actually, I think I'm being very calm,
given the situation.
559
00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:03,922
- Likewise. That's very nice to hear.
- Rabbi Noah?
560
00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:05,085
- Yeah?
- Yeah?
561
00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:13,176
♪ If it's easier to be ♪
562
00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:16,017
♪ Alone than be with me... ♪
563
00:24:16,037 --> 00:24:17,222
How'd it go?
564
00:24:17,622 --> 00:24:20,350
♪ I love you just the same ♪
565
00:24:21,042 --> 00:24:22,477
♪ It's fine ♪
566
00:24:23,170 --> 00:24:26,189
♪ No, don't cry ♪
567
00:24:26,715 --> 00:24:29,568
♪ I'm still on your side ♪
568
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,827
♪ I'll piece myself together ♪
569
00:24:33,847 --> 00:24:38,331
♪ When I fall apart ♪
570
00:24:38,351 --> 00:24:44,858
♪ Homesick, with nowhere to go ♪
571
00:24:45,567 --> 00:24:52,449
♪ Can't kick this feeling
Everything that I miss ♪
572
00:24:52,949 --> 00:24:59,456
♪ And I will love you wherever you go ♪
573
00:24:59,956 --> 00:25:01,975
♪ I know ♪
574
00:25:02,459 --> 00:25:06,563
♪ Leaving wasn't easy ♪
575
00:25:31,404 --> 00:25:32,505
[music fades]
45812
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