All language subtitles for arrested.development.s04e10.internal.bdrip.x264-archivist

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

TV NARRATOR:
Meet the Jade Dragon Triad.

They take no prisoners...

because they are prisoners...

at the Orange County
Correctional Facility L.I.T.E.

They're the ruling gang
in this four-star hellhole,

and the"Real
Asian Prison Housewives

"of the Orange County

White Collar Prison System."

NOH: We are a gang;
we stick together.

Uh-huh. Although, right now,

one of our members
is a real "B" word.

We're getting ready to do
something about it.

OLIVE: She come in
and quickly become leader.

And we get so sick
of her bossy, bossy behavior,

and now she got to go.

In civilian life,
we'd just vote Lu out,

but here... she's gonna end up
on the wrong end of a noodle.

Uncooked.

You get me?

LUCILLE:
Ignore them.

Their bark is louder than
the dogs they eat back home.

And I got news for them.

Anyone who comes after me

is going to be
one unfortunate cookie.

(laughs)

I made a pun.

(sighs)

NARRATOR: Now the story
of a family

whose future was
abruptly cancelled,

and the one mother
who had no choice

but to keep herself together.

It's Lucille's
"Arrested Development."

NARRATOR: Years before
her behavior had become

"bossy, bossy"
with the Jade Dragon Triad...

Lucille was fleeing the SEC...

Full steam, boys!

- (cell phone ringing)
- (clamoring outside)

...when she got a call.

Hello, Lucille.

I still hope you're coming
to our little get-together.

You want to hear
something funny?

I never got an invitation!

But I feel like I'm there,
because it's all over the news.

- (siren whooping)
- Oh, honey, is that you?

I'm on my deck waving to you.

But with those police boats
following you,

I guess I'm waving good-bye.

You must be mistaken,
because I can't see you,

and you're usually
as hard to miss

as Liberace
wearing a fright wig.

(over phone):
Oh, goodness, that is you!

I'm practically
counting your crow's feet.

Oh, well,
maybe I should turn back

- and show you another bird.
- (line disconnects)

Hel-Hello?

Did you hear me say that
about the bird? Hello?!

But it was clear that Lucille 2
hadn't heard it.

So, in a fit of
what sailors call "sea rage..."

Coming about.

...she turned back
to show her the bird.

Coming about, boys!

But Lucille 2
wasn't the only thing

that got flipped that day.

JOHN BEARD: ...none of which
would've happened

if it had continued out to sea.

But then the "Queen" changed
course, heading back to shore,

before crashing into the jetty
in what can only be described

as a "sail-past" gone wrong.

And that's when they got
some good news from Barry.

BARRY: First of all,
won't be cheap.

It's gonna cost you a fortune
in legal fees.

What's the good news?

Correction:
good news for Barry.

It's all bad news.

Although, he did have
one good suggestion:

...you're going away
for a long time,

unless we can come up
with a good alibi.

Ma! I fell in the ocean;
why didn't you come for me?

And there it is.

- What?
- I did.

- Buster...
- What?

...tell them
how you were drowning

and I commandeered the ship
to save you.

Tell them what I did.

- The truth.
- Okay.

She stole the "Queen Mary"
to get away from the SEC.

Oh, and she winked.

Correction: it's a glare.
(chuckles)

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh, God.

- Hey!
- What are you doing?

Wait, wh-where you going?

Wait, she doesn't
have her make--

I have her lipstick!

But Buster knew that lipstick

wasn't the only thing
she'd be without.

So, after she was released to
await trial under house arrest,

he made sure she was able
to catch up on what she missed.

This is the same scene
I came back to

after Cancun four years ago.

And after devising their plan
to build the wall,

it was decided that
George Sr. should move out,

in order to make
their fake divorce look real.

After the trial,
you can move back in.

It's only a trial separation.

(laughs):
I made a pun.

(chuckles)

Even in this time of stress.

You think you're gonna be okay,
alone with Buster?

If I need a moment to myself,
I'll step out on the balcony.

Your ankle bracelet--
it's gonna go off.

So I'll make him
stand on the balcony.

He's happiest
when he feels useful.

Soon, he was
practically delirious.

(Buster sobs)

There was one bright spot

when they simultaneously
stumbled on a term

they both secretly
recognized...

MAN (on TV): ...take this
hot mess of a skirt...

...would be useful
in their future disagreements.

(mouthing)

MAN (on TV): ...I'm covered
with glue and I'm, like...

this is a hot mess!

(mouthing)

But as her trial grew closer,
it was getting harder

for Lucille
not to alienate her alibi.

This toast has hook holes...

...again! I told you to get rid
of that thing; it's hideous.

Plus, what's gonna happen
when they swear you in?

You're gonna
rip the Bible in half.

The jury will love that.

You're getting pretty snippy

to your key witness, aren't you?

What do you want?

Maybe you could hook me up
with a little stimmy.

Lil' stimmy.

Are you trying to do this?

Yes!

And I want stimmy
to get a hook that'll do that.

When no such hook
was available,

Lucille found other means
to mollify her alibi--

both of which were unveiled
at a family meeting.

...you're the key witness
in your mother's trial.

Wait, I thought
I was the key witness.

- You're the star witness.
- Oh.

Because it was your life
I was going after to save.

He fell off the boat.

- He'll tell you in my own words.
- (groans)

(mumbles):
Homosexuals kidnapped...

Up-up-up.

(loudly):
Homosexuals kidnapped the boat

and took it on a joy ride.

Mother didn't want to trample
their rights, so she let them.

Then she realized
that her son fell

off the boat and into the water,
and she went back.

Oh, and a fish swam by my ankle.

(gasps)
That really happened.

Should I keep that?

- Make it an eel.
- Okay.

- It's gonna be an eel!
- Better.

But alone with Buster,
the tension grew worse,

and things came to a head
the night before the trial.

Buster, I'm going to exhale!

No, please!

I've had, like, seven
in the past half hour.

You're not the one
staring five years in the face.

Well, right now, I'm staring at
a hundred years in the face!

(whispers):
How dare you.

Would you mind?

Be careful, defendant.

Remember who you're talking to.

It sure would be a shame
if something happened

to your pretty little
key witness.

Star witness.

And are you
threatening yourself?

Maybe I am.

And losing confidence
in her star witness,

Lucille decided to take
a few keepsakes with her,

in case things didn't
go her way.

And that's when she discovered

that the family
she believed supported her

had actually already begun
divvying up her stuff,

in case she lost.

Aw...

And he's supposed to be
the good one.

This does not bode well
for tomorrow.

Actually, they'd claimed
those things years earlier

when she was having
a sunspot checked.

But she was right
to worry about

the turnout for the trial.

Does the defense have a witness
they'd like to call?!

Any witness?

Please tell me you're working on
a strategy for us.

Oh. It's us now?

Well, we have Lucille Austero.

She's the only one who showed.

I don't think
that is good for us.

Nonsense.

- She owns the company now.
- Mm-hmm.

She's got as much to lose
as I do.

And she's a dear friend.

I'll do it myself though.

I need this to go well.

And so it was Lucille
who did the questioning

of her new star witness,
Lucille 2.

Thank you so much
for coming to be my witness.

You're such
a large shareholder...

Oh...

(chuckles):
I've made a pun.

Oh, how could I not do it
for my oldest friend?

Oh!

Now I've gone and done a double.

(laughs):
A double.

Like your pre-surgery chin.

Or your post-breakfast drink.

Oh, I wish you'd come
to my rehab clinic.

But anything to help that
Keystone Cop family of yours.

Keystone Cops.

Your references are as fresh
as the wallpaper

in the room
of that pretend child

you've had all these years.

- But, my friend...
- You're right, I shouldn't joke.

None of your family showed up,
you poor thing.

This is such a black mark
on all of you.

You should know
about black marks.

Your pillow must look like
a Rorschach test.

(chuckles): Not that there'd be
anyone to see it.

So, as I was saying...

But unfortunately,

their 30-year
passive-aggressive dance

was losing some of its passive.

As if everybody in this room
couldn't tell

how jealous and conniving you
are, my dear Lucille Austero.

What I knew was that you were
stealing for years-- we all did!

That's why nobody was surprised
when you stole that boat.

And I knew you couldn't wait

to get your liver-spotted claws
into my company!

Says the woman whose liver
can be spotted from outer space.

- No further questions!
- No further answers!

Am I done?

Oh, that's got to be
a treasure chest.

You think that went well?

BARRY:
I do.

The judge kept Lucille on ice
while she awaited the verdict.

Have you heard anything?

Well, our cashier's pregnant,
and she's not married, so...

I mean about me.

Oh, you're guilty--
three to five.

Lucille was
checking in to her new home.

Hello! Oh, Mrs. Bluth is here,
for stealing the "Queen Mary."

- We're so glad to have you here.
- It was one of the so-called

country club prisons...

So... you are here.

...that had become popular
after the Enron debacle.

...so you're gonna take
this hallway to the elevators,

and then you're gonna
want to go...

Slow down.

You sound like the end
of a Cymbalta commercial.

Even the lifers get confused.
Don't worry...

Even though it was a nice
prison, it was still prison.

...your choice of
fresh scent, sport,

or floral for your delousing.

Also, if you're
sexually assaulted by a guard...

A $20 gratuity is appreciated?

(laughs)

No, but press seven
on your phone.

If you go through the front
desk, it'll take forever.

After Lucille got settled in,
she received a visitor.

LUCILLE:
You missed my trial, George.

How could you?

GEORGE SR:
I told you I was sorry.

I was unconscious
on the sweat lodge floor.

I lost two days.

I'm losing three to five years.

And those are the last years,
George, the best years,

where you can have sex and not
worry about getting pregnant.

All right, here's the good news:

they only got you
on stealing the boat.

They didn't even touch us
on the financial stuff.

- You're gonna get out of here.
- When?

Better be before the money runs
out; this place isn't cheap.

I know, and you are
running up those spa bills.

The same girl who hands me
towels does the cavity checks.

You tip.

Barry says he can get your
sentence reduced if...

you agree to leave here
and go to Lucille 2's

rehab clinic.

That's the bitch
that put me here.

And I'm not gonna fake having
some sort of...

I don't know-- alcohol problem--

just so that sterile cuckoo bird
can laugh at me.

I figured. Okay.

I have another idea--
now, you know China Garden?

I know the one by the harbor.

No, this one's a person.

And that one closed.

China Garden's Aunt Olive

is very well connected
with the Jade Triad Gang.

It's a prison gang here.

And believe me,
they will protect you.

That's a gang?

I thought they were
tech support.

It turned out they were a gang.

And thanks to China Garden,

Lucille was admitted
as a probationary member.

You play mahjong before?

Our beach club used
to have a Jewish Day.

Your move, Olive Garden.

I can't concentrate.

Playing mahjong
without cigarette is like

playing video poker without...

cigarette.

Why are we not allowed to smoke

in this stupid prison?

And that's
when Lucille made her move.

- I know a loophole.
- Huh?

"Roop hore"?

- Roop hore.
- Roop hore.

It was a loophole
that would get Lucille

accepted as
a full-fledged member

member of
the Jade Dragon Triad.

You couldn't have chosen
a harder word to say.

And soon
the Dragons were taking

"drags on"
their cigarettes again.

There's always a way
to get what you want.

My husband is a very
powerful man, Lucille Bluth.

Perhaps we can help each other
get what we want.

And that's how Lucille found
a deep-pocketed investor

to help build the wall.

I got Olive Garden
to offer us unlimited bread.

Who better than the Chinese
to help us build a wall, right?

So the Chinese will own
a piece of the wall

between U.S. and Mexico?

They'll own all of it,
but they'll make us

very rich in the process.

We just need to get Michael
to sign a release.

He sold his shares,
but he could still claim

that he deserves a piece.

Or worse, find out
and blow the whistle.

Where the hell did we go wrong
with that kid?

Probably where we went wrong
with the others-- I don't know.

I like the plan... I just wonder

if we're not in that
treason-adjacent place

where the, uh,
government will retaliate

and, uh... execute us.

LUCILLE: Oh, they'd never
execute a woman for this.

I have a good feeling
about these people.

Oh, that's good enough for me.

- (George crying)
- But the change in the economy

led the government to put
the wall project on hold.

And as the months passed

and the Chinese saw
no progress on the wall,

tension mounted.

And Lucille was getting
more controlling.

She said you're fat.

That's what you said, right?

Or does that mean something

- different in Chinese?
- No, it means "fat."

You keep causing trouble,
you're going to end up

- with noodles in your belly.
- I like noodles.

Not this way--
very hard to digest.

Ancient Chinese secret, huh?

It's no secret--
we'll kill you.

- She was even being controlling
- Did you get that?

of the"R.A.P.H.O.C.W.C.P.S."

reality TV crew.

Do you need a clean of
her making the threat?

I can lean back,
but you will come around

and get my reaction, yes?

Oh, I'll say it again--
we'll kill you.

But soon
the threat was made real.

Oh!
She's got a sharpened noodle!

She's trying to noodle-stab me!

- Back up!
- (people screaming)

(yells)

- (grunts)
- (people yelling)

(blows)

Aah, my eye!

This will be even more
exciting if you jump cut it.

Quiet!

You can't just come in and have
bread for nothing around here.

You have to pay bill some time.

It wasn't a great time to find
out George didn't own

the right property
to build the wall on.

- And so a new plan emerged
- LUCILLE: Make sure Hebert Love

comes out against the wall...

They needed the government
to kill the wall completely,

- but pay them anyway.
- As much as I'd like to stay

and lay some more pipe with you,

I better get moving
on this thing.

We've got to make
this wall work, George.

We know Lucille 2
will oppose it,

we just have make sure
Herbert Love does.

Oh, don't worry-- that's
why I asked Michael for help.

Michael? What are you bringing
Michael into this for?

The only thing he should
be doing is signing over

his rights to the company.

I asked him to do this as well.

He made it a condition
of the now

four favor family pact.

Will you please relax?

...do something for me?

You know,
your mother is very hurt.

You haven't visited her.
It's like you have given up

- on the family business.
- I have.

Yes, but not in writing.

To protect all of us, visit her,

sign a little something
saying it's all hers.

- Will you do this, Michael?
- Yeah.

But I get to make you look bad

- in the movie, okay?
- Okay.

- Should we settle up?
- All right.

Who owes what-what to who?

LUCILLE: Send me some evidence
of a wall

I can show the Chinese.

And the government.

We need to make
this happen, George.

The Chinese have more
than a sharpened noodle

with my name on it.

NARRATOR: And days later,
that evidence arrived

from George Sr.

We've built this wall.

We have miles and...

and miles of wall, uh...

(audio fast-fowarding)

- There's more wall, uh...
- Dad! Dad...!

- And you know, and it feels good to help,
- It's spinning!

to protecting our-our border.

LUCILLE: My God,
he Steamboat Willied it.

- It's a heart project.
- Dad! Dad!

We love America.

- We love America.
- Daddy!

(sighs)

And that's when Lucille noticed
something worrisome.

It seemed her prison family
was preparing

for her to disappear as well.

So Lucille took matters
into her own hands.

GOB: Well, that was fast,
you hot little...

- It's your mother. - Hi, sorry, I
thought you were somebody else.

I can't tell you who, 'cause
I'm-I'm dating someone famous.

someone... famous.

You better start to build
this wall built pronto.

I tried with your father,
but he can't do it.

Well, I'm kind of busy now--
I'm working with Michael.

What are you working on
with Michael?

Dad made him give me a job.

I see--
so he thought it was

a good idea
to have you two together.

Isn't that nice?

My God, is there anyone there
with half a brain

that can help me with this?

I don't know about
"half a brain,"

but Tobias is living
with me right now

and he's not very bright.

Although he is working in
the rehab where Lucille 2 is.

He is?

And that's when Lucille came up

with a plan
to get transferred away

from the Jade Dragon Triad.

Hire a crew and start the wall.

And not a word to your brother.

I'm getting a transfer.

It's time for Mama to put on
the old drunk act.

GOB:
That was an a...?

After a call
to Lucille 2's rehab center,

- (slurring): Lucille 2, please.
- where her drunk act was

as good as you'd see
at the Method One Clinic...

Fine, Lucille Austero.

...Lucille was admitted
as a patient.

And soon met the therapist

who held the keys to her
freedom.

You look great.

That suit looks
very hetero on you.

Well, thank you--
you look very hetero as well.

Now... how are you?

I'm as normal as blueberry pie.

So write that down on a form,
sign me out,

I won't have
to go back to prison,

and maybe you'll find a new car
parked in your driveway.

Oh...

Yes, well,
it-it doesn't work that way.

We have to have a series
of sessions, and, uh, I have to

swear in the best
of my professional opinion

that you have accepted
and made every effort

at thoughtfully reflecting
upon your weaknesses.

Yes!
Write down that I did that.

Well, no,
I-I don't work that way.

You don't work any way.

This is your first paying job
in ten years.

Oh, no, no, this doesn't pay.

This is part of a
work release program.

The state of California thinks
that I'm a sex offender.

D-D-Don't worry about what
the state of California thinks.

The point is we have a chance

to be honest with ourselves.

Fine-- you don't look
heterosexual in that suit.

You look as swishy
as Ryan Seacrest.

Ryan Seacrest is straight.

And I'm 40!
Sign the form.

Well, at least we have
a dialogue going.

Dialogue?

If you don't release me
you've heard the last

I'm going to say to you
in these sessions.

Fine, but you will have
to sit with me

for the full session.

Every single session.

Now, Lucille, I can't
make you talk.

But you know what I can do?

Hmm?

Okay, I can't trick you
into talking, either.

This went on
for several sessions.

Perhaps that's
why they call this place

Au-stare-ity.

No?

Au-stare-i...

Fine.

Well, if you're
not going to talk,

I'm just going to...

- write this up.
- Earlier that day,

Tobias had encountered
a plot problem

with the
"Fantastic Four" musical.

A villain.

I was thinking the same thing.

I mean, why aren't the
Fantastic Four fighting anyone.

Instead of just
dancing around, you mean.

Right, it's like all Sharks
and no Jets.

Then we would have a second act.

Lucia, right?

I mean, that's their foe.

Lucia Von Bardass?

Have you guys ever
even read one of these things?

So Tobias was glad for the
break in Lucille's sessions.

- ...to do this right?
- So that he could work on it.

I mean, really right.

This woman is a villain.

You think I'm a villain, too?

- No...
- My children

are all waiting for me to die

so they can divvy up my stuff,

my Chinese gang mates were
getting ready

to noodle stab me,
and even one of the guards

called me "Gangie,"
and he was talking

about the monster movie.

He thinks that horrible
monster looks like me!

So fine, you want to call me
a villain, I accept it!

I'm your villain!

Uh, actually I was writing down

a casting breakdown

for the role of Lucia

for my "Fantastic Four" musical.

This was all
about your stupid play?

I was about to cry

for the first time in 60 years.

I remember when
the last time was, too.

I hid under Mama's porch
during a thunderstorm...

(voice breaks): and I found
the remains of my ostri...

It's not a stupid play.

It's a musical.

And I have to debut it

on a boat at Cinco.

It's on a boat?

Take to the sea!

Yes, I'll sign everyone out
for the night,

but I guess I'll have to play
the old sea bitch myself.

I'm in.

Really?

Well, that's wonderful.

Well, I think we have made
a breakthrough today.

In the musical, not you.

Oh, God, no, there's miles
of work to do with you. (laughs)

But, of course,
he would make her audition.

So Lucille wrote a song
from the heart.

LUCILLE:
♪ My children despise me ♪

♪ My husband defies me ♪

♪ It doesn't surprise me ♪

♪ The hell with them all ♪

♪ I'll put up a wall ♪

♪ You think I'm a villain ♪

♪ A villain I'll be ♪

♪ My heart is in pain ♪

♪ I just want to flee ♪

♪ From me. ♪

Wonderful.

Terrifying.

Isn't she?

Betty, you can leave.

Lucille, would you please stay?

But staying was the last thing
Lucille had in mind.

- (phone rings)
- LUCILLE: Hello?

MAN: I want to be with you;
I... I have needs.

George, is that you?

It wasn't.

It was Oscar who,
living as George,

- and feeling more amorous...
- (Oscar whistles)

...went to visit Lucille 2
for an afternoon delight.

When she wasn't there,
he found her work number.

WOMAN:
Austerity.

Lucille 2, please?

But, of course, at Austerity,

- this woman is Lucille 2.
- Hello.

I want to be with you;
I... I have needs.

LUCILLE:
George, is that you?

But a newly virile Oscar
figured, in a pinch,

any Lucille would do.

Yes, this is George.
Where are you?

I'm in rehab, you know that.

Why don't I swing by,
and we can conjugate?

Let's do our business
over the phone.

May not have a lot of time,
but, uh, all right, here goes:

I want to pull your panties
off with my...

Real business, George.

I'd very much like to pull your
underwear off with my teeth...

LUCILLE:
No-- at Cinco,

we're getting on a boat,
we're leaving the country.

OSCAR:
But what about love?

Easy-- Gene Parmesan
got photos of Herbert Love

with some redheaded whore.

I'm giving his wife a taste,
so he knows we know.

If he wins, we should be able to
get him to do whatever we want

with that wall now.

- (phone beeps)
- I'm not completely following...

Oop. Hold on.

And that's when Lucille finally
had a visit from her son.

- Hello.
- Michael Bluth here to see you.

Send him up.

- OSCAR: ...with my teeth.
- Michael's here.

- Oh...
- This is my chance to make sure

he doesn't get
too cozy with Gob.

- Why?
- Bad things happen

when brothers collude.

When can we have sex?

LUCILLE:
After Cinco.

Cinco?

LUCILLE: Just get a boat ready,
we'll make our getaway.

So not... not today.

And that's when she saw Michael
for the first time

since the last time
he left the family.

Wow.

This is a step up from prison.

How would you know?

You haven't come
to visit me once.

Yeah. Sorry.

I feel bad about that.

So you're here to make amends?

Because you know your mother
will always take you back.

And because
I know my mother wants me

to sign away any connection
to the family business.

I just need a signature.

I'm happy to help.
If...

- you do something for me.
- For me.

Yeah, I heard
that's been happening.

I'm happy to help you, honey.

Me, too.

And that's how Michael got his
mother's rights to the movie.

But not right away.

So happy to help.

Me, too.

- So, everything else is good?
- Yeah.

You've talked to your sister,
the radical?

Yeah. She's a redhead now,
and she's dating Herbert Love,

but other than her looks
and her belief system,

- Oh...
- she's the same old Lindsay.

So that's Lindsay in the photo.

And I hear you're dating
an actress...

who's also dating Ron Howard?

(wry laugh)

No, no...
no, no, no, no, no, no.

She is not dating
Ron Howard, Mother.

Ron Howard is her father, okay?

(Michael chuckles)

Your mind...

I did, though, actually
find out who she is dating.

Michael had found out,
earlier that day,

when he visited
her apartment to head off

any ill feelings
she might have about this...

I'll do everything
in my power to make sure

she never dates you again.

Or this...

You are ruining
my life, Ron Howard!

Nice, right?

Is too big.

She likes small.

LEM:
Can I please have ice cream?

No, no, you are a Depardieu.
No sweets.

Getting excited about Cinco?

Your Cinco, not ours.

Michael wasn't proud
of what he was about to do.

Hey, Lem, I can reach
the ice cream and, you know,

in my family,
we play a game called

"If You Do Something For Me."

Rules are meant
to be broken, huh?

I will give you this Dove bar,
if you do something for me.

We have Dove bars?

We do. Look at that.

Tell me what you know
about this "George Maharis."

Not much.

He's old.

Is he older than me?

A few years.

He looks like you.

So, handsome.

And that's when Lucille
found a way

to keep the brothers
from colluding.

George Maharis.

George--
that's your brother's name.

George Oscar Bluth.

Yes, uh, George
is Gob's first name, yep.

And that's when Michael

remembered something else
strange.

I probably should have
expected that.

And then stranger...

MICHAEL:
"Love each other..."

Oh, that definitely
sounds like Gob.

And he did say he was
seeing someone famous...

...dating someone famous.

And Michael remembered
hearing about that, as well.

Me doth think he hath a lady.

- Oh.
- And they're both a bit of celebrities.

Well, that is odd, because I,
I'm also dating a celebrity.

If I were you,
I'd put a tail on him.

Get a P.I.

Where the hell
am I gonna find a P.I.?

Gene Parmesan...

at your service.

(screaming)

Gene!

He does this to me every time!

- What's he doing here, Mom?
- Oh, he's working for me.

Why'd you scream, then?

I thought he was that guy.

Mm.

NARRATOR:
At Lucille's behest,

Michael borrowed the family
P.I. to follow his brother.

GENE:
He just drove by. Pick me up.

MICHAEL:
This is the great disguise, huh?

Fry cook!

Oh, no, no,
this is my horrible night job.

In fact, I was hoping
you could drop me off

at Chicken Dan's
when we're all done.

Chicken Dan's, huh?

That is embarrassing.

This from a man who's driving
around a mapping car?

You know, I don't even think
these things work.

That's why I rely
on these babies right here--

the old binocs.

Let's see if we can't find
this target.

You know, the great thing
about these is,

there's no software to update...

- Oh, God, what are you doing?
- Sorry.

Oh, these binoculars
make me nauseous.

MICHAEL:
Well, of course they do.

Why don't you just use the maps?

- No.
- We're in a satellite-linked mapping car.

No, no. Sometimes
the old ways are the...

- Hey.
- You-you better pull over.

- All right, hang on.
- Pull over!

One, two.

And while Michael was
waylaid...

One, two...

...Lucille was working
on her tap dancing.

One, two.

♪ You look down on Thing ♪

- One, two...
- ♪ But that is 'cause ♪

♪ You haven't heard me ♪

♪ Sing! ♪

- Two.
- E-ex... excuse...

- ♪ When I was ♪
- Excuse me?

- ♪ A little bitty boy... ♪
- Correction. Her tap dancing...

She missed a step.
Tell her she missed a step.

She can't do it like that.

- ...on people's feelings.
- Oh, uh,

DeBrie, you might have missed
a step, so...

- Sorry. I think I might...I hurt my leg.
- Oh.

And so, I need some, mm,
Tylenol with c-codeine?

Or maybe
a little morphie morph?

No. DeBrie, come on. (laughs)

Don't you want to get back
on that horse?

Even better!

She was the best
villain casting

since Shirley MacClain
in "Gangie Four."

And on the night of Cinco,

Lucille's escape plans

got a step closer
to completion.

Oscar did indeed borrow a boat
and left it idling,

which unfortunately, was what
this man was looking for.

And Lucille slipped away
from the cast,

looking for her husband.

There you are!

What are you doing here?

What do you mean,
what am I doing here?

We made plans...
to escape on the boat!

I never made plans with you.

But we talked
about it on the phone,

when you were trying
to talk dirty to me.

- Oh.
- What is wrong with you?

This is... this is embarrassing.
Full disclosure.

Uh, that was Oscar,

who may have been the one
you were talking with.

He's been filling in...
for me occasionally.

Filling in?
As in, visiting me?

You sent your brother
to have sex with me?

No, I sent him to listen to you

one time, and then,
he found out about the wall,

and tried to get you
talking about it,

and this was his way
of shutting you up.

- He told you this?
- No, you told me

when I visited.

I got in there
a couple of times... too.

Oh, but not for sex.

I don't have the tiger
in my tank anymore.

Maybe I do need a vacay.

So, tell me about this trip.

That's interesting.
Where we going?

I'll tell you where we're going.

We're going to court.

We're getting a real divorce.

You're out of the marriage.

Lucille...?

And that's when she came
face to face with the man...

...whose face
she'd just faced...

- Are you ready?
- ...but it was a different...

- It-it was Oscar.
- Hello, Oscar.

You should get an Oscar
for your portrayal of George

in "Screw the Oblivious
Sister-in-law."

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You-you got me.

I was gon...
I was gonna tell you.

I was acting
when I pretended to be George,

but I am dead serious when I say

you are the hottest woman
I know.

I'm here tonight because
I want to run away with you.

Oscar. Really?

Of course. What?

Do you think I'm here for the
donkey punch? Which I do love,

and it's the only night
you can get it.

But you are the only woman
for me, Lucille!

Bring me those thin,
pot-stained lips.

Oh, honey.

(both moaning)

- What's this?
- I have no idea.

And that's when she found out
the latest thing

that was hers
that had been claimed.

He'd actually acquired it
earlier that night

when he was... polling
for Lucille 2.

- That, um...
- She's claimed you!

Everyone I know wants
to take everything away from me!

No! That's not true.

I love you.

I don't know if it's the maca.

I've just been so randy lately.

But you're...

you...

you're my kind of Lucille!

Get away from me, you liar.

I can't believe
you were with her.

She's finished.

And the Oscar goes, too!

To...?

Get out of my sight!

She was in an emotional storm

and could have used
a therapist.

- Oh, my God...
- TOBIAS: Lucille!

- When she ran into a therapist
- Where are you going?

who could've used a storm.

To disappear.

That's what everyone
wants me to do.

Lucille!

You are not the villain.

(sighs)

I'm so tired
of being the villain.

Well, those days are over.

What you are
is the Invisible Girl.

You make it impossible
for people

to see you in order
to protect yourself.

And somehow, in that moment,

something changed for her.

I do do that.

And in this way, you launch

sneak attacks,
and you create a force field

to keep people away.

Right! I'm not a villain.

I'm the Invisible Girl!

Yes, that's what I'm saying!

Oh, you know, it's funny...
I never would have

come to this if it hadn't been
for Lucille 2's rehab.

I need to pay her back
for everything she's done to me.

I'm going back to rehab.

I just have
to make one quick stop first.

I don't think we have time.

And that's the night
that Lucille decided

she didn't want
to be invisible anymore.

I've got to do this...

And perhaps, ironically,
it was also

the night that Lucille 2
became the Invisible Girl.

(explosion)

Tobias boards the boat

originally meant
for Lucille's escape,

and after making one stop,
faces the awful truth.

They're going to be talking
about this bomb for years.

TOBIAS:
Oh, God, it is bad, isn't it?

Lindsay was right
to discourage me.

- Tobias?
- Marky?

If you're not Lindsay,
then where is Lindsay?

Isn't that her
on the love boat?

- But I just put a bomb on the love boat!
- What?!

- Lindsay! Lindsay!
- Lindsay! Lindsay!

Lindsay, there's a bomb!

Lindsay remembers
she's on a boat...

Oh, (bleep)

...that Marky had intended
to bomb.

You gotta get off the boat!

And it turns out
to be kind of romantic.

Bomb!

(whoops)

...that Lindsay and Tobias
have matching suitcases.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com