All language subtitles for Mountainside.2024.1080p.DDP51.eng

Captain.

Captain.

Lieutenant?

I'm picking up a distress signal
on a foreign frequency.

It sounds human.

Zabladowski...

Match frequency with
Lieutenant Zamora.

Let's get this on the
main speaker.

Aye, captain.

...ship is in need of repairs.

Our food supply is exhausted.

We've lost contact with
our headquarters.

If there's anyone out there

receiving this message,
please respond.

We are in dire need
of assistance.

Over.

Well, for an extra terrestrial,
she most certainly speaks great
English.

With the amount of radio waves
being constantly transmitted
from Earth

into space...

They easily could have been
studying
our language for centuries.

But how could they
have gotten here?

If service headquarters had
dispatched them...

We would have been notified.

Plus, it's a blind
distress call.

Surface Headquarters
already knows we're here.

Patch me into SHQ.

I want to get to the
bottom of this.

[VOICE OVER]
Okay we get it.

[VOICE OVER]
Christ this is moving way too
slow.

[VOICE OVER]
Maybe this is where the
werewolves should come in.

[scream]

Oh, my God.

[scream]

What in the world?

[scream]

[scream]

[ROAR]

[VOICE OVER]
No... That seems too rushed.

Who am I kidding?

This whole scene sucks.

[screaming]

[birds chirping]

It is way past my bedtime.

[music plays over
opening credits]

[snoring]

[alarm clock beeping]

Writing group.

Give me a break.

Have you even started
looking for a new job yet?

No.

I could probably set you up
with something where I work.

You work at a school.
You're a teacher.

What are you gonna get me?
A teaching job?

I don't even have a
degree in anything.

You went to film school?

Come on.
You know that's not even a real
school.

I could probably get you a job
as a lunchroom attendant.

Jesus Christ.

I'm not desperate.

I am trying to help.

You said it yourself
as soon as your theater goes
digital,

you're going to be out of a job.

I'm not going to be
out of a job.

I'm just going to be miserable.
I'm gonna be pushing buttons.

You know, a monkey
could do that job.

Then look for something else.

No, there's no point.

It's only 20 hours a week, and
it gives me
plenty of time to work on my
writing.

20 hours a week?

You're in your thirties now,
Felix!

Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm not in my thirties. Okay?
I am 30.

There's a difference.

You've been working on your
writing,
since you moved out here.

And you haven't done
shit with it.

I know history

has never been your strong
point, sis,
but Rome wasn't built in a day.

That's not a good analogy. Yes,
it is.

Who are you talking to?

It's Felix.

Hi Felix!

Tabby says hi.

Hi, Tabby.

What are you even
working on right now?

Something totally new
that I've never told you about
before.

Is it the one about
the werewolves?

No.

You've been writing that

fucking stupid werewolf movie
since you and Hannah broke up.

I've been writing

that fucking awesome werewolf
movie
ever since before Hannah and I
broke up.

Oh my God, why?

You need to let the
idea marinate!

Maybe you could just join a
writers group
or something.

How'd you know?

I was thinking about going to a
writers
group.

I didn't.

Well, I'm not.

Okay well, it could be helpful.

When I think of groups

I just imagine a bunch of older,
washed up
has beens who never had the
chance to be

who claim to have some skill or
talent but
never actually did anything with
it.

And all of a sudden,
during some midlife crisis or
whatever

start questioning and
rethinking their

lives and start looking for an
outlet
to express their inner artist

or their real self and start
going to groups as a means of
validation.

And that's not you?

No!

I don't know...

Maybe you should join a
writer's group.

Look, I don't need to go to any
groups,
all right?

I'm fine.

Inspiration will hit me.
I just need to be patient.

Felix!

What?!

Did you start "Monika"?

Yes!

Can you please stop
sneaking up on me like that?

Hey, I got to go.

I'll see you Friday.

Shit!

Hey.

[door slams]

Sorry.

[sobbing]
He waited...

purposefully into the
roaring surf--

[door squeaks open loud]

Oh. I'm sorry.

Um... I think I have
the wrong room.

Ssshhhh!

Is this the writer's room?

Ssshhhh!

Okay.

[door squeaks closed loud]

Would you mind sitting down?

In a chair?!

[chair squeaks
embarrassingly loud]

Sorry.

Okay. Where was I?

[sobbing again]
Strangely content...

with the knowledge
that an ungrateful world...

Would just have to wait
for everything else...

He wanted to say.

And that's all I've got so far.

Judas. Wow.

Comedy is the hardest thing
in the world to write.

I don't think it sounds that
bad,
to be honest.

Yeah, it sounds really fun.

I wish I had the time to do
something
like that.

Yeah, but you understand where
I'm coming
from, right?

I mean, these people are crazy.

I don't think crazy is the word
I would use.

Writing a bunch of really
personal stuff

and then sharing it in front of
a room
full of strangers while weeping.

Maybe they're just less insecure
than you are.

Not everyone feels the need to
write
about blood and guts all the
time.

Why does everybody say that?

You obviously haven't seen all
the movies
that I've made.

I'm pretty sure I have.

You just haven't made anything.

Well you obviously haven't read
everything
that I've written

because most of it
doesn't have any blood or guts.

I just don't share it
with every Tom, Dick and Jane.

These onions are killing me.

I think you need a girlfriend.

Why would you say that?
What does that have to do with
anything?

It's just you're so
anxious all the time.

I feel like it would help
chill you out a bit.

Well, I don't want a girlfriend,
so I think it'd be
counterproductive.

I think you should meet
my friend Emma.

Oh, yeah.

She's super cute.

She's gorgeous and
she's really nice.

And she just moved here,
so she barely knows anybody.

Great, so she'll
probably like me

since she has no basis
for comparison.

We could double date.

Oh, that could be fun.

Thanks, Tabby, but I already
dated
your sister and that ended
terribly.

I think I'll stay away
from your friends.

You've got to get over that.

I am over it.

I'm way over it.

Obviously not.

Would you grab me some eggplant?

Look, just because I don't
want to get involved

with someone doesn't
mean Hannah has anything to do
with it.

Oh, you're hilarious.

I wouldn't say I'm hilarious

but I've always thought I had
a pretty good sense of comedic
timing.

It's been, what, five years?

Almost six.

Felix I don't know
if this is helpful or not, but

my sister is very much over you.

First of all, Tabby.

Your sister was over me long
before
we even broke up, so that's not
news.

Secondly, I don't care.

I'm not in love with your
sister anymore.

Okay? So it's not a thing.

I just have no desire
to be in a relationship right
now.

You don't have to get into
a relationship, man.

Just date.

What's the point? That
seems pointless.

I dated a bunch of people
before I ended up with your
sister.

Just casual hookups. Sex here,
sex there.

Gross, babe, come on.

See that's not me, you know.

I know myself.

You know, if I actually end up
meeting
someone that I really like

I'm gonna want to do it to the
max,
I'm going to go 100%.

Great.

No, that's not great.

I don't want that.

Why not?

Because I won't do anything,
and I'll become

just as unproductive
as I was before I moved out
here.

I need my time.

It baffles me
how immature you are about
relationships.

Honestly,
it's like talking to a sixth
grader.

Of course you'd say that
you're a middle school teacher.

That's right, I am.

And I have to listen
to this kind of nonsense on a
daily basis.

But coming from kids,
less than half your age.

Well if that's the case,
then that's a perfect example

of why it would be totally
unfair for me
to put anybody else through
this.

Through what?

This!

Yeah, point made.

Look, I appreciate that
you guys are trying to be my
wing wo-men.

I do.

But I really just want to
be a single guy

right now.

Really.

Explosive dynamite

expressions,
dancing in succession over and
over again.

Get lost when she opens her lips
like
a reverse eclipse and drops
knowledge.

And that's when the drums
are going to kick in

and the guitar gets all huge and
distorted,
and then I'm like...

"Knowledge..."

"Knowledge,
knowledge, knowledge, knowledge.
Wow."

And then the little breakdown
happens
and the second verse kicks in.

But I haven't written that yet.

All right.

Well, thank you, Elijah.

Oh, also...

Just wanna let you know

tomorrow night my band's
going to play a house show in a
mansion.

So if you're into cool crap,
you should come.

Felix, buddy.

I'm looking at you.

What? I'm sorry. What?

Come on. These guys won't
come to my shows.

They're all a bunch of squares.

It's true.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah. What's the name
of your band?

"Sunken Pleasure."

We're a one piece.

One piece band.

Uh cool, yeah um...

I'll... I'll...

Totally. I'll check it out.

Dope.

Very dope.

[ambient music and
party chatter]

This is NOT a mansion.

Oh, hey, Elijah.

Oh, Felix.

Dude. Hey,
I didn't think you were going to
come.

Yeah,
I thought you said this was a
mansion.

Dude, I know, right? This
place is huge.

What'd you think about the set?
Did you love it?

Oh, shit.

I just got here.

Yeah. Hey, no worries.

You at least want to stick
around for a bit?

I don't know. You know,
I don't know anybody here.

I'll introduce you.

I know a ton of these cats.

Sure, yeah, whatever. Okay.

There you are...

...Mr. Solo Artist.

What's your band called again?

"Sunken...?"

"Sunken Pleasure."

That's so funny.

What's up, dawg?!

Oh, damn, dude.

Hey, what's up, bro?

Killer fucking set, dude.

Dude, killer fucking stache.

Dude, you were so funking
gross tonight.

Thanks!

Did you break your high E string
during that last song?

No it was actually my low E,
but I had it tuned like my high
E.

Baller!

Very baller.

What kind of dog is he?

He's a rescue.

Can I get two beers please?

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Oh, sorry.

Double fisting, huh?

Oh, uh...

No. Uh...

That one's my friend's. I'm just
holding it for him.
Not double fisting.

You know, I was told
this party was in a mansion.

This is not a mansion.

Yeah, I was told the same thing.

It's very underwhelming.

You think maybe there's a secret
room
or a trap door?

Or like a rotating bookshelf?

Hey, you ever see this movie,
um...

-Black Sunday!
-Haunted Honeymoon!

Oh, wait, which one?

Which one did you say?

Black Sunday.

Oh, it's this old Italian film

that feels like a universal
horror film,
but way more bad ass.

It's full of trapdoors and a
revolving
fireplace that leads to a crypt.

And there's this guy with a
Prince
Valiant haircut.

He's got, like, a
handlebar mustache.

It's great.

You watch many movies?

Uh, I do.

What kind are you into?

I'm pretty all over the board.

What filmmakers do you like?

I don't know.

I feel like I'm going to say
someone totally obscure

and I'm just going to embarrass
myself. So...

Better safe than sorry.

Got it.

I don't know... Spike Lee.

I like his movies a lot.

He's someone people know.

He did "Girl 6."

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, he did.

That's not the one that most
people know him from, but yeah

he did "Girl 6."

I like that shot at the end
with all the telephones

falling from the sky.

Yeah, it's good.

You ever watch any David Lynch?

Are you kidding me?

Eraserhead is like,
one of my favorite movies of all
time.

Oh, fuck that baby though.

Yeah, fuck that baby.

That screechy little whine
that turns into a raspy laugh.

Oh it's so creepy.

You know, one of the first short

films I ever made was, like,
basically a rip off of
Eraserhead.

Oh, was it called Pencil Head?

Yeah, it was.

Yeah.

I've never been very clever
with my titles.

So you're a filmmaker?

I haven't made anything
in a really long time, so

I don't think
I can really call myself a
filmmaker.

But you have made films.

Yeah, but I mean, you know, like
most of
them were real short, little
like video.

I think it's okay for you to
call
yourself a filmmaker.

Thanks.

["Hey Suzzanne" by Posse
begins playing]

I think I'm gonna get
another beer.

You know,

you can have this one.

It's okay, I don't want to drink
your friend's
beer.

No. I uh... You were right.

I'm totally double fisting.

Seriously?

Yeah, you nailed it.

But seriously, I have not
even taken a...

Well, I took one drink, but...

I don't know
if I should trust you, man.

I mean, we just met,
and you already lied to me once

about fisting.

[spits beer]

Shit.

I'm sorry.

That's embarrassing.

You want to go outside?

Yeah.

[werewolf roars]

What in the...

[Zamora screams]

Whoa!

That sounds so cool.

I can't tell if you're
being sarcastic.

No, I really mean it.

It sounds like "Barbarella"
meets "The Howling..."

Yes, yes.

That's exactly...

Yeah, that's...

That's it.

This is something you've
already written?

Well, no, I..

I've already written

like the first 15 pages,
but I have a ton of notes.

You know, like I said,
I've been working on this for
years.

First, I wanted it
to be a disco musical porno, but

I scrapped that early on to
focus
on the erotic horror sci fi
elements.

You should just write it.

I'd watch that movie.

Cool.

Thank you.

Unfortunately it's...

It's really hard to write,
because,
you know, I don't know the first
thing about

One: science. Two: the future.

Or Three: werewolf women
from outer space.

That's your title right there.

I've gotta write that down.

That's amazing.

I don't think you're
creatively stunted.

It seems like maybe
you just need to trust yourself
more.

Trust your ideas.

But I can relate.

If I don't finish writing
something
all in one sitting, I typically
never get

back to it.

I lose interest.

I'm an English major,
but I kind of hate writing.

That's pretty funny.

I like collaging a lot though.

Have you ever heard
of Grete Stern?

Mm-mm.

She's probably
one of my greatest influences.

The way that she was able
to visually interpret dreams

is like nobody else I've
ever come across.

You should look her up.

I think you'd like her.

I will.

I used to have the most
bizarre dreams as a kid.

And I always wished there was a
way
to re-access them in the real
world.

I think that's why I
like film so much.

I feel like it's the closest
we've ever come to making that a
reality.

That is so cool.

I don't know your name.

Oh, yeah.

It's Felix.

You know,
like the cat from the old
cartoon.

It was my mom's favorite show
when she was a kid.

You know those...

You know those clocks,
they're like that...

That big black cat with
the big wide eyes

that go like this.

And they've got that
swingy tail.

We've got one of those
in our house.

Yeah, that's...

That's well, that's not exactly
Felix,
but that's basically Felix the
cat.

So you were named after a clock.

Yeah. I was named after a clock,
yeah.

What about you?

Was I also named after a clock?

Not that I know of.

Very funny.

It's Stella.

Your name's Stella?

Mm hmm.

That's an excellent name.

Thank you.

My dad's really into
campy sci fi movies.

Campy sci fi movies
like "Star Crash"?

Shut the fuck up. Are
you kidding me?

Holy shit.

You were named after the girl
from "Star Crash"?!

Most people think it's "A
Streetcar
Named Desire"

but nope.

Unbelievable.

I can't believe
you've actually seen that movie.

What can I say?

I love my Italian "Star Wars"
rip-offs.

Wow.

You going to smoke that?

Oh, uh...

Yeah.

Yeah.

[coughs uncontrollably]

Sorry.

Well, it was nice meeting you,
Felix.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa.
You're leaving?

Yeah.

Saturdays are my Mondays.

Bummer.

But I hope you have
a good rest of your night.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too.

Or thank you. You too.

Do you want me to walk you
out or something?

No, it's fine.

Have a good one.

Yeah. No. Yeah, I'll...

I'll um...

I'll see you...

later.

"I'll see you later?"

[alarm beeping]

[groans]

That's depressing.

Oh!

[alarm beeping]

[lo-fi hiphop beat plays]

[music stops]

"Just put it on my bill."

I'm sorry. That is not...
all you did...

Was read a joke, eat a popsicle,
and then read

an answer that was already
written on the stick.

- Well...
- I feel like I'm going crazy.

Am I going crazy?

I thought this was a writer's
group,
not a goddamn popsicle reading
group.

Shit.

[mirror crashes on the ground]

It's a homemade popsicle.

Hey, Felix!

Oh my God, Jesus Christ!

Are you reading while walking?

Yeah. Is that weird?

Nah dude, it's dope. I mean,
I can't do that.

I'd probably get carsick
and puke on myself or something.

Cool.

Where are you going?

You need a ride?

Uh, no, no, I'm just...

My house is just like,
right up the street, so I'm
good.

Well, we're going that
exact direction.

Nah nah I appreciate it, but
uh... I'm right at this part
where this guy...

He cooks his own head and tries
to feed it to his pet snake.

[off screen]
Hi, Felix.

Stella.

Whoa. Small world.

Dude you two know each other?

- We met at the party.
- We met at the party.

How's the werewolf movie coming?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Werewolf movie?

Is that what you've
secretly been working on?

Dude, Felix hasn't shared
anything with the class yet.

It's... not... ready.

How long have you guys been
seeing each other?

- Oh, God, gross. No.
- Elijah is my roommate's
boyfriend.

Hey, watch the 'B' word.

Sorry. Elijah is my
roommate's sex friend.

Thank you.

We carpool sometimes because I
work
just a couple blocks away.

Oh, where do you work?

The little bookstore
on the hill.

The one with all the cat puke
stains on the carpet.

Oh, yeah. I love that place.

It's got a really loud fan
in the bathroom.

Are you sure you don't
want to ride?

Come on.

What the heck?

There you go!

You can pull over right here.

Which house is yours?

Uh, I live like a block up
the road actually.

I just don't want you to see
where I live
because I'm embarrassed of it.

Really?

Maybe.

Or maybe you're afraid I'm
going to stalk you.

My house... It looks
like garbage.

It looks like a frat house.

Ooo, "Frat Boy Felix."

[off screen]
How many people do you live
with?

Honestly, I have no idea.

Sometimes I go weeks
without seeing anybody

and then all of a sudden, it's
like every time I walk in the
front door

there's a new roommate.

Hey, whose copy of "Cannibal
Holocaust" is this?

Have you seen it?

No, but I really want to.

You should borrow it.

Yeah?

Yeah.

There's not a lot of people
that I would recommend it to

but it seems like you and I have
a pretty
similar taste in movies.

You might hate it,
but you should definitely watch
it.

The score alone is amazing.

It's also really fucked up.

No, I'm serious.

Like I watch a lot of weird shit

and I mean a lot of weird shit,
but even I can't handle it.

So good luck, dude.

Well, all right.

Thank you.

And thanks for the ride,
by the way.

Mi Carsa su Carsa.

All right.

So I guess I'll see you
whenever the next group meets.

Shit yeah you will.

And uh... I will see you...

Later.

Yeah.

Uh, okay.

See ya.

Oh hey, Felix!

Yeah?

Got to find out what
happens with that snake, dude.

Right.

Thanks.

Uh... Stella?

Do you...

Would you...

Want to hang out sometime?

We could go see a movie,
or uh...

You know, maybe do a bunch
of silly touristy stuff around
town...

Or...

Or not.

We can do something...

Something else.

Let's do all of those things.

Oh, okay.

Cool. Uh, yeah. Okay.

Uh, should I just get your
number
from Elijah?

Uh, do you have
something to write on?

Uh, yeah.

Yes, yes I do.

Uh...

Let's see.

Do you have something
to write with?

Uh...

Uh... no.

No worries. I got you, dude.

Thanks.

What is this

bizarre cell phone world we live
in
where numbers like this actually
exist?

I know, it's the future.

It's a real weird future.

A weal weiwd futuwe.

A weal weal weiwd futuwe!

[laughs]

Okay, I'll see you.

Hey, Felix?

Yeah!

Just so you know...

And maybe I don't even need to
say this,
but I just want to be really
clear.

I'm not looking for anything
more than a friend.

Right now.

Yeah, that...

That's... great.

That's awesome.

Yeah?

Yeah!

You have no idea how perfect
that is actually.

Okay, good.

Okay.

Okay.

I am going to call you though.

We are going to hang out.

We better.

I want my movie back.

Fair enough.

Bye, Felix.

Later, dude.

See ya.

"I'll see you later?"

Jesus.

[blood-curdling screams
come from the TV]

Your directions were perfect.

Step outside. Take a left.

Go straight.

I was going to mention how close
I lived
when I dropped you off the other
day, but

I decided not to.

Yeah,
just in case I was actually a
stalker.

Mm-hmm.

Smart move.

I really like your place.

Thanks.

Sorry if it smells
weird in here.

I mean, it just smells like a
mix of catnip and marijuana.

[meows]

Oh, there's the culprit.

Yeah, she's a real big pothead.

[off screen]
Is somebody talking about me?

Hi, I'm Gina.

That's my roommate.

Hey, I'm Felix.

Nice to finally meet you.

Um... It's nice to meet you too.

Want to take a quick bong rip?

Uh no thanks. I will probably

just end up hearing things,
and then I'll get really
judgmental.

You guys are a bunch of squares.

Just because a square's a
rectangle,
Gina, doesn't mean a rectangle's
a square.

I am way too stone for
this conversation.

It's actually starting
to make sense to me.

It was nice meeting you, Felix.

Likewise.

Have fun.

We grew up together.

You have a TV in your fireplace.

That's really cool.

So what did you think of
"Cannibal
Holocaust"?

I mean it was definitely
intense,
but you were right.

I mean, that music was amazing.

And it's crazy too how relevant

this movie is to right now.

Like the power of media
and reality TV?

Yeah. And it was
made in what...?

1980.

That blows my mind.

It's a pretty smart movie.

Horrible. But very smart.

Yeah.

Wow.

These aren't...

Are these your collages?

Yeah.

The one with the horse in the
desert
is actually a dream I had.

Man, I love the mix of your own
drawings
with the cut-outs.

You're really good at drawing.

Thanks.

Do you have any more of these?

Mm-hm.

Can I see some of them?

Okay.

We should get going, yeah?

I've just gotta feed
Barfzone real quick

and then I'm ready.

Barfzone?

You know, our stoner cat.

Amazing.

[French pop song plays
over montage]

Oh my God!

Sorry.

Sorry.

Haha that's you!

Jesus Christ, again?!

[off screen]
Drink it all up, "Movie Boy."

Ugh! I am so tired of all my
sister's
dumb-ass drama.

Not in front of the kid, babe.

No no, please.

I love it
when you talk shit about your
sister.

Makes me feel less crazy.

It's nothing. It's just annoying

relationship stuff
involving the dude

she's been seeing. Stuff
I'm sure you don't want to hear.

She's back in the dudes again?

Classic.

Well, she was, but not anymore.

Now she's hooking up with the
dude's
ex-girlfriend.

The one that they just had a
threesome
with last week.

You're right.

Totally stuff I don't
want to hear.

Is it my turn?

Oh, yeah. Mm-hm.

[Felix's phone buzzes]

[off screen]
Y'all really gotta work on
your aim because

[off screen]
I think I've actually started
sobering up
since we started playing.

You know, I'm sorry guys.
I gotta go.

I totally spaced

I made plans with someone.

Yeah. You have plans with us.

No, I made plans with
someone else.

Invite them over. We have
plenty of beer.

We are already going to be doing
something
totally different.

Felix, are you seeing someone?

No, no, no.

She's just my friend...

Aha! "She!"

No, no "Aha."

She's just...

We're best buds.

I'm your sister.
We're best buds.

And we never see you anymore.

What are you talking about? I'm
here right
now.

You're over significantly

less often than usual.

And we're your only friends.

That's not true.

You're not my only...

And you're about to leave!

So?

So it's like you aren't even
here
right now.

This is ridiculous.

I thought you said
you don't want to be seeing
anybody.

Yeah.

I don't.

And I'm not seeing
anybody right now.

You know what?

Forget it.

Invite her over.
I want to meet her.

Yeah, me too.

You know what? I'm
hopping your fence

and I'm running away.

[Felix's VOICE OVER]
Once, when I was about five
years old...

- Unbelievable.

[Felix's VOICE OVER]
My sister Ilana was babysitting
me
while our mom was at work.

At one point, she eventually
realized
I was nowhere to be seen

and got up to go look for me.

[low foreboding ambience]

[Felix's VOICE OVER]
The roar of the hot
water-heater filled the damp
air...

Reverberating louder and louder

through the cracked cement
walls and floors of what might
as well

have been a set from
"A Nightmare on Elm Street."

Room after room, she checked,

and I was still
nowhere to be found.

[Felix's VOICE OVER]
When my sister finally turned
the last corner

in the furthest reaches of
the basement...

There I was. Five year old
Felix,
sitting in the cat-litter box...

Turd in my hand,
turd in my mouth, just devouring
cat poop.

She said it looked like I was

stuffing my face with
Almond Roca.

To this day, I love Almond Roca.

Oh, that's so disgusting.

And to think I'm
sharing this bottle of wine with
you. Ugh!

Mmmm.

Ahhh!

All right.

Your turn. Truth or dare?

Truth.

Tell me more about this
dad of yours.

All I know is he was really into
campy
sci fi movies.

Well...

As long as I've been alive,
my dad, or Bob

as he's commonly referred to...

Has been a dentist.

I used to be embarrassed
to tell people who is a tooth
doctor.

So instead I told them
he was a government spy.

[intense action music plays]

All I really know about my mom
is that she used to be a writer.

She published this

New-Agey self-help
book thing right before her

and my dad got divorced, called
"Polygamy: The New Monogamy."

According to my oldest brother,
she's somewhere in Utah now.

Living in a Bus Commune.

Bus Commune?

Yeah, just like a big piece of
land
with a bunch of old,
decommissioned busses

parked there.

Maybe, I don't know.

What are you thinking?

You thinkin' my family

sounds crazy now, huh?

I was thinking about your mom's
book.
"The New Monogamy."

It's pretty interesting.

When was the last time you uh...

Well, you know.

What?

You know...

Stella!

Oh you don't have to say
if you don't want to.

You sure you want to open
that can of worms?

Uh... it's been a while.

I mean, the last
relationship I was in

was with Hannah,
and that was like five years
ago.

There's no way
you haven't had sex in five
years.

No, I mean I have.

I have.

But it's just not,
you know, good sex. Or fun sex.

It's sex that I don't even care
about
or remember half the time.

Mostly I just feel bad about it.

Oh no! What?

[laughs]

Oh my God, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm laughing.

Why do you feel bad about it?

I don't know, lots of reasons.

First of all, it's
usually an accident.

Like, you know,
me and so-and-so are making out

and she starts putting out sex
vibes, and
you know, I'm so go with the
flow

I just... go with the flow.

And then suddenly I realize
partway
through it that I've been inside
my head

the whole time, just wishing
I was somewhere else, far far
away.

Well that's terrible.

Other times I just pass out.

What do you mean?

I just pass out.

Like during sex?

Yeah, during sex.

I have even passed out
in the middle of...

In the middle of what?!

Going down on the person.

No way!

Multiple times.

I don't even know how
that can happen!

It's pretty embarrassing.

I mean when I am in the moment,
I am in the moment.

I am relaxed.

I am
focused.

Yeah, see I think the problem
for me is I'm
just not into casual sex.

I'm not against it.

I'm just not interested.

Well, that's the opposite of
what
most guys I know would say.

Or girls.

Yeah. Well you know, I
mean I think that

the concept is more
appealing to me

than, you know, the
actual doing it.

I guess... I don't know.

I guess I feel like I can't
really perform
well unless I have some sort of

emotional connection
to the person.

Pffft!

I'm sorry.

That just sounds so scripted.

Whoa, what does?

"I just can't perform
well if I'm not emotionally
connected."

What is that? Your line?

Is that how you get girls
to fall for you?

Okay, 'F' you.
Is that my line?

Oh! What if falling asleep
during sex is your mutant power?

That's a shitty mutant power.

If I had a mutant power...

I'd have the ability to manifest
chairs
out of nowhere.

See even that's a
better mutant power

and that's a shitty
mutant power.

Standing in line at the post
office,
waiting to mail a package.

Boom! There's a chair.

At the DSHS
waiting to register for food
stamps.

Bam! There's a chair.

Oh no! All the bean things
fell out of my beanbag chair...

Boom! Now it's a normal chair.

Problem solved.

That's actually very convenient.

I know.

What about you?

What about me?

When was the last time you...

You know.

I don't kiss and tell.

What?

You rascal!

What are you doing? Where
are you going?

I'm supposed to meet some people
at a bonfire down by the beach.

You're coming with me.

Sshhh!

You shush yourself!

You're doing fantastic.

Oh, my God.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Start over. Get better.

I need some competition.

["Hey Suzzanne" by Posse
begins playing]

[off screen]
Oh shit! I already died.

You really are terrible.

What is this?

You like it?

Yeah, it sounds really familiar.

If I had a record player

I would borrow the
s-h-i-t out of this.

I can copy it onto a
tape for you.

You said you have a Walkman,
right?

I do have a Walkman.

That'd be awesome.

Uh, do you want to...

Play?

I need to go to sleep.

Uh yeah, I should probably go.

You don't have to.

You can stay here if
you want to.

Are you sure?

I mean, would that be weird?

I don't see why it would be.

Need me to turn off the light?

Yes, please.

Oops. Sorry.

Tell me something about yourself

that no one else knows.

Well I don't like to
refrigerate leftover pizza.

I prefer it at room temperature.

[Stella snores]

Ow.

[dreamy synth/guitar
music plays]

[echoing moans]

[evil laughter]

Cut to...

Connor Zabladowski wakes with a
start,
smacking his head

against the ceiling
of his sleeping vessel.

He winces in pain.

[Elijah winces]

Connor rubs his
sweat-covered brow.

He sighs.

"Zamora."

And that's it.

That's the scene.

Thank you. Thank you.

Nice job, Felix.

Very...

Erotic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, thanks I...

I've been feeling very
inspired lately.

It's... It's... It feels great.

Does anyone else have
any comments?

Caroline.

Caro-LINE.

Caroline.

I like how the protagonist
dreams of himself

as a martian, symbolizing how
disconnected
he feels from the people around
him.

Even that whole image of the two
of them
floating practically

naked in the middle of space
conveys
a sense of emptiness and
loneliness

and just the overall feeling
of not knowing where you're
going.

Just drifting through life
without any purpose or meaning.

And then BANG!

Two people meet and now worlds
are forming
and stars are exploding.

And everything just starts to
make sense
all of a sudden because these
two sad

beautiful beings
have finally found each other.

I love it.

I absolutely love it.

"Symbolizes how disconnected..."

I have a question.

What was the inspiration
for that little thing

at the end?

Umm...

That little...

[makes clicking teeth noise]

Oh, yeah yeah uh...

I'm just really into
vagina dentata.

Elijah!

[door slams closed]

Hey!

Hey man, what's up?

Uh...

Hey, are you getting a ride home
with Stella today?

Uh no.

Okay.

Do you know if she, um...

Did she get like,
a new phone number or something?

She hasn't been responding
to my texts

and you know, I haven't
seen her in a while.

I haven't seen her either, man.

Gina and I are kind of on a
break
right now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Nah, things were just getting a
little too serious and

I think it was starting to have
a negative effect
on our open relationship.

Right. Okay. Uh well...

Hey man, you know
I really liked your script
today.

What you shared of it.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, dude. You got
to finish that.

I will.

No I mean it.

There's nothing worse
than sitting on the side of a
mountain

looking up at the top and
wishing
you were there.

I take it that was a...
that's a metaphor, huh?

Yeah.

It's also a line in a
song I wrote.

Got it. All right, man.

Uh... thanks.

I'll see you.

That's a good line.

[Felix off screen]
Hey, you...

I hope all is well.

If you and Gina

aren't busy tonight

you should come see

a movie.

I would love

to see...

[off screen]
Who are you texting?

- Oh my God, Jesus Christ!

[laughs]

Sorry.

Oh my God, I've told you
so many times not to do that.

It never gets old.

What are you doing?

Come to steal free
movies from me?

You know I don't watch these
artsy foreign films.

I just came to grab some
delicious movie
theater popcorn.

You came all the way out here
just for some popcorn?

And to see my little brother!

We really miss you.

We never see you anymore.

Tabby really wants you to come
over
for dinner on Friday.

Yeah I don't know.

I'm kind of trying
to keep the evening open

just in case I hear
from my friend.

You're kidding.

Sorry, but you're not blowing
me off for plans you don't have.

That's...

Don't be stupid.

I'll see you on Friday.

Is this seriously
the only way in and out of here?

This trap door thing?

Yeah.

So annoying.

[off screen]
That's what we need.

See, I'm allergic to everything,
so we can't have anything...

Please don't pepper spray me.

It's just Felix!

[Tabby off screen]
And there he is!

You're all dressed up.

You just get back
from a funeral or something?

Oh. Ha ha.

Felix, this is my friend I
told you about.

Emma.

Hi, it's really nice
to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

We were thinking of going out to
eat
instead of cooking

and then going to see a
movie afterwards.

What do you think?

That sounds great.

Excellent.

What do you say
we make like a popsicle and
split

then, shall we?

We already made reservations.

Hey, be a good sport.

I'm sure you'll like the movie
at least.

[screams and gunshots from
off screen movie]

[Felix's VOICE OVER]
I really wish they'd

stop trying to set me up
with their friends.

It's a nice gesture, but...

It's a waste of her time.

I like what you did there.

What?

"It's not fair to HER."

"It's a waste of HER time."

That's a solid
defense mechanism.

How come we never tried?

Being more than friends?

Yeah.

We're pretty compatible.

We're super compatible.

Conversation never runs dry.

We always have a million things
to talk about.

We really like each
other's company.

I like being around you
more than I like being around
most people.

What if you actually like me?

Of course I like you.

Like, "like me" like me.

Maybe I do.

Do you like me?

You'll never know if
you don't ask.

That's true.

But do you really
want to do that?

What if it ruins our friendship?

What if it turns out

that you like me

but I don't like you?

And then I feel weird being
around you
once I know you have feelings
for me.

Yeah. Yeah.

No, no, no.

See, I don't want
that to happen.

I don't want to be the the cool
guy friend
who ends up fucking up a
perfectly solid

platonic friendship
just because I came down with a
crush.

I think that's what I'm
most afraid of.

Finally falling head over heels
for someone

who doesn't feel the
same way I do.

Again.

Is it worth the risk?

You know, honestly,
I think I'd rather never tell
you

how I feel about you
than potentially lose you as my
friend.

Then again,
maybe I'll feel the same way you
do.

You think so?

It's a possibility.

Yeah. See, I don't know.

You know, I haven't seen or
heard from you
in quite a while.

I feel like something's
got to be up.

I mean, did I do something wrong

last time we hung out?

You know, there was that moment

we were sitting on your bed

and we were a little drunk.

And for a second I thought

maybe we were about to kiss.

But we didn't.

No.

We did agree from the beginning
that both of us

just wanted to be friends.

It's very true.

But who knows?

Maybe that has nothing to do
with why
you haven't seen me recently.

Yeah. I mean, maybe...

Maybe you've just
been really busy.

I've probably just
been really busy.

Or...

- Maybe you have a boyfriend.
- Maybe I have a boyfriend.

Shit.

But you don't know that.

Maybe I don't.

Right.

And like I said...

I'll never know

if I don't ask you.

Mm-Hmm.

Maybe I should call
you right now.

See if you want to meet up
sometime
next week.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

Wait...

Maybe I'll text.

Keep it casual.

It's not urgent.

Uh-oh. Looks like your little
fantasy
sequence is about to end.

[loud booming sounds]

I'm sorry...

You want some? You want some?!

It's a good movie.

[cellphone vibrating]

I love this girl.

[Gina off screen]
But at least he bothered to tell
me, I guess.

Instead of keeping it a secret
or just blowing me off.

I think I just wasn't ready for
it to end
when it did, or the way it did.

Hey, that sounds exactly
like my last relationship.

Except for the part about
telling you
instead of keeping it a secret.

Elijah called her last night

to tell her
he was about to have sex with
someone else

and that he doesn't
want to see her anymore.

- Eesh... That's rough.

Even though we were never
officially going out, I still
feel like

I just got dumped.

Whatever. Boys suck.

I just want to get stoned.

You'll always have
Jordan Catalano.

Oh my God, Stella!

Okay, I know what I'm
doing tonight.

Pajama party starring me,
a fatty blunt, and "My So-called
Life."

Mmm... I'm coming for you,
Jordan!

Stop it!

Okay, I'm getting the
fart out of here.

Have fun playing "ketchup."

Love you, bitches!

Love you.

Hey, how's it going?
How's everything?

Stella...

You're not going to introduce me
to your new friend?

Nora, this is Felix.

Oh, you're Felix.

That's me.

You're the filmmaker guy.

I've heard a lot about you.

Okay.

So what are you guys drinking?

You seem like a cheap
beer kind of guy.

When you're right, you're right.

All right.

Stell-belle?

I'll do the same actually.

Like two peas in a pod.

She's good.

[finishes the drink loudly]

All right, kids.
Here you go. You need anything
else?

I think we're good.

All right.

You just let me know
when you need me.

Do you want to get a table?

Yeah.

You know,
I had a dream about you the
other night.

You did?

Mm hmm.

The night before you texted me,
actually.

Cool. What happened?

All I really remember
is that you were selling

tangerines from a food cart
on a cobblestone road somewhere

in like France or Italy.

And you had just recently
shaved your head

and got married to a guy named
Jeff,
but he spelled his name like
JEEF.

And you guys had a kid together.
And he hated cheddar cheese.

Who hated cheddar cheese?

The kid or Jeff?

Jeef.

That really happened.

You had some weird facial
piercings too.

Like one of those barbell things
between your eyes

and one of those little silver
studs
on your upper lip

that everybody thinks is really
cute,
but it looks like a stray
booger.

The "Monroe."

That's it.

Yeah, I just got that
taken out yesterday.

It healed up quick.

Regeneration. That's my
mutant power.

I thought it was the power to
fall asleep
in the middle of having sex.

Of course you did.

Because your mutant power
is forgetfulness.

Oh shoot. You're right.

I always forget that.

Of course you do.

Speaking of which,
before I forget...

I made you a copy of
that album that you wanted.

The one we were

listening to back at my house.

Oh yeah...

Thank you.

Wait a minute.

Is this why I haven't seen you
in almost two months?

Because you've been spending
your
every waking moment

painstakingly replicating this
onto tape for me?

I'm not trying to make
you feel bad.

I'm just...

I'm just being a goofball.

Goofball is a weird word.

It is a weird word.

It's a real weird word.

It's a weal weiwd wowd.

You know, um...

I've been thinking about
you a ton lately.

Um, yeah...

I don't know um...

How do I say this.?

Did I tell you that me
and Nora started

seeing each other?

What?

Um...

You and who?

Nora.

Nora...

The bartender?

Mm hmm.

[loud maniacal laughter]

No...

No, you didn't tell me that.

Since when?

I don't know.

Maybe like, two months.

Oh.

We've been friends
for a long time.

Yeah, it feels like we have.

I mean me and Nora. She was one
of
the first people I met when I
moved here.

I guess we kind of both
always had a thing for each
other

but we were both too afraid
to say anything.

So how did you find out?

That night
at the bonfire down by the
beach.

Somebody sent Nora a text
saying I'd come looking for.

You weren't looking for her.

That's why we were there.

She invited me.

Okay.

The next morning,
I woke up to a bunch of drunk
texts

from her saying how
she thought I was really cute
and how

she'd always kind of
had a crush on me

so things just kind of
went from there.

That was the night I
stayed over.

Okay.

Well I'm happy for you.

Are you?

[gulps loudly]

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good.

Because I talk about you a lot,
and I know

Nora really wants all of us
to hang out together.

I would love to hang
out with you...

And your girlfriend...

Together.

I'm glad to hear that.

[thunder rumbles overhead]

Oh!

Haha! Eat shit, Derryl!

You fuckin' asshole! Haha!

[groans in pain]

[French pop song begins playing]

[Nora off screen]
It's just such a trashy looking
format.

[Stella off screen]
That doesn't mean it can't be
nostalgic.

[Nora off screen]
Okay but when I think of
"nostalgic"

I think of like eight millimeter
or like Super-8 films.

You know, like the opening
of "The Wonder Years."

[Stella off screen]
Sure, but when I was growing up

we didn't have Super-8.

It was the nineties.

We had this big, bulky VHS
camera
that my dad recorded everything
with

even when it was super outdated.

Oh, that is so "Bob."

Whenever I think about
my childhood...

Unlike Kevin Arnold or Winnie
Cooper or Paul
What's-His-Name...

My memories play out in VHS.

Timestamped and auto-date
flashing in the corner of the
screen.

Having to adjust
the tracking in all the spots

the magnetic tape of your memory
fails you.

Trashy or not, in my opinion...

VHS is the quintessence
of nostalgia.

That's a really beautiful image.

Pun intended, I hope.

You guys really are like
two peas in a pod.

Felix, are you okay?

You look really uncomfortable.

Oh my gosh. I totally
called you out.

I'm sorry.

You're not... You're not calling
me out
because I'm just being normal.

Felix, what are you doing
for Halloween?

Oh, my gosh. Okay,
you should totally come.

I'm not excited about this,
but you probably will like it.

We're going to that
haunted house in Georgetown next
weekend.

You should come with us.

Uh, yeah. Uh...

That sounds really fun.

Thanks.

But...

I don't have a costume or
anything so...

You have like a week
to pull something together.

You're creative.

You can figure it out.

He's coming. Besides...

What else are you going to do?

You're right.

What else am I going to do?

Yay! Oh my gosh...

It's going to be so much fun.

Oh, and I'm going
to need all the protection I can
get

because haunted houses creep
me the fuck out.

[off screen]
Thank you.

[Karaoke Host off screen]
Let's hear it for Eddie!

Next up we've got
Nora and Stella!

Oh, that's us!

Oh my gosh, yes!

- Give them a warm
welcome to the stage.

[Ilana off screen]
You need to figure out what your
intentions are.

I don't have any intentions.

I just don't want this...

This stupid relationship of
theirs
to get in the way of our
friendship.

Why are you smiling?

It's just really cute
seeing you like this.

What? No no. No it's not cute.

It's not cute.

She's the best friend that I've
made since I moved here

and I don't want to lose that.

Okay, Mr. "I don't want to be in
a relationship
right now."

Okay...

You know what? You need
to chill, okay?

As much as I love seeing you
head over
heels for someone...

I got to be honest.

I don't think this is
good for you.

How is it not good for me?

What does that even mean?

You said she's queer, right?

Whoa, no no no no no no...

I never called her the "Q word."

I said she had a girlfriend.

[laughs]

What, isn't that like a
derogatory slur?

Forget it.

Look, Felix, you just spent the
past
30 minutes telling me how
miserable

you've been these
last few weeks...

hanging out with her and
her girlfriend.

Yeah.

Hanging out with her and
her GIRLFRIEND.

That doesn't necessarily
mean anything.

I mean, just because she has a
girlfriend
now doesn't mean she...

Oh my God, Felix, I
respect you so much...

Please don't say anything
stupid right now.

What?

Maybe that type of thing

doesn't mean
anything to everyone

but to a lot of people it does.

Look at you and look at me.

Okay, well...

Even you got pregnant
in high school.

That was an accident.

That was literally one time.
I was drunk.

I was experimenting.

Why would you bring that up?

You know how I feel about that.

I'm sorry.

I don't know why I said that.

Anyway, I just don't want
you to get hurt.

I love that you like this
person so much.

But as your sister and as
your friend...

I just hope you know
what you're doing.

Well thank you...

And I don't know what I'm doing.

I really like your decorations.

[Stella off screen]
Thanks! Help yourself to some
candy.

Don't mind if I do.

Drop that Snickers, Mister.

Thems is mine.

- Gina, hey!

Hey, Fee-fee. How are you?

I'm good. I'm...

I'm all right.

I was just telling Stella
how much I really like your
decorations.

Did you guys plan this?

What?

Stella!

You guys both dressed as shitty
vampire
versions of yourselves.

Wow.

Are you...

Coming with us to the
haunted house?

No.

I'm exhausted.

I don't even like
haunted houses.

None of my friends like
haunted houses.

I don't get it.

You got to go.

It's going to be...

So much fun.

Please.

Mm-mm. I'm too stoned.

Like I actually make
shit my pants.

Shit pants! Shit pants!
Shit pants!

Let me get a photo of you
two before you go.

Ugh!

She hates it when I
take her photo.

Is it because you're stealing
part of her soul?

I hate the way I smile.

Don't smile.

Pretend like it's our
prom picture

and we're really bummed out.

Like we just got an argument
about how I didn't

bring the proper corsage
to match your dress or
something.

See, I like that.

Yeah, so just like...

Like it's the worst day
of your life.

Should we hold hands?
Like real loosely?

Like we just feel obligated to?

[Gina off screen]
This is fucking hilarious.

That's great.

Yeah, it looks like my
actual prom photo.

You should keep it.

No... No no...

I think you should have it.

Ahem! Maybe the
photographer wants it.

Right. Sorry.

I'm just kidding.

You guys keep it.

Should we get going?

Uh yeah...

Oh, what about uh...
Where's Nora?

We're going to pick her
up on the way.

Awesome.

[Stella off screen]
She should be here any minute.

[Felix off screen]
You want me to get in the back?

- No, you're fine.

- How are things?

The two of you.

You and Nora.

- I mean, we haven't started
being shitty to each other yet
so...

I guess that's good.

Because that's inevitable?

Maybe. But yeah, we
have fun together.

I like her a lot. You know that.

Yeah, I know that.

[lound bang]

-Oh!
-Ah Jesus!

God, I turn my back
for one second

and you're already trying to
steal my girlfriend?

What?

No no no no...

I'm fucking with you, Felix.

You two really look
you together.

What are you supposed to be,
like
twin zombies or something?

Vampires!

Hm! I guess I missed the memo.

We did not...

It was a... It was a
coincidence.

Like two peas in a pod.

Stop it.

Just remember, at the end
of the night...

I get to go home with her.

- Aren't you presumptuous?

Oh my God...

You look so fucking hot right
now.
You know I just want to

"you know what" you right now!

- How was your work party?

You smell boozy.

My coworkers kept shoving
drinks down my throat all night.

So many martinis.

Are you doing okay?

I'm wonderful, darling.
Thank you!

Your mascara is running.

Oh, because I'm
"When Doves Cry."

I'm "When Doves Cry." Like
the Prince song?

It's my costume.

That's really clever actually.

Hey, Stell-belle! How badly do
you want
to go to this haunted house
thing?

Do not even try it.

Oh, come on!

You know how much I hate
haunted houses.

Can't we like, go back
to your house

and play Mad Libs or something?

Nora...

Fine.

You guys go without me.

Just drop me off at
my apartment.

Are you serious?

Mm-hmm.

You guys just go have
fun without me.

[Nora laughs and snorts loudly]

Remember Gina is sleeping, okay?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're just so funny.

May I continue?

- Please.

"...after one drink. And someone
has to wake her up

so she doesn't get kicked out of
the geriatric facility?"

[Nora laughs loud]

Oh my Gosh, you have the
cutest little giggle.

I love it.

- All right, you guys
pick the next one.

I'm going to use the bathroom
and put on some music.

- Hurry back, my love!

I think I'm gonna get
another beer.

I'm... I'm a little drunk.

But I got to ask you something.

You're a real catch.

I mean, really, I get why

Stella likes you.

No, no, no, I...

What's your deal?

Like... Why aren't
you with anyone?

Is it because you don't want to
be like,
tied down or whatever?

That's what Stella says,
and I get it.

Yeah.

I just DON'T get it.

Because when I meet
someone like you

and they're not in a
relationship...

I just...

I mean, there's...

There's got to be something,
right?

There's got to be a reason

why you're not with anyone.

Am I wrong?

Oh, I'm sorry I made you
uncomfortable.

No. No no...

It's none of my business.

I'm fine. I'm not uncomfortable.

It's just that before
Stella and I started going out

she would go on and on about how
crappy
all the guys she knew were.

How when they realized
that when she didn't want to be

anything more than friends,
they either treat her like
garbage

or wouldn't even bother
talking to her.

But she always had good things
to say about you.

Great things to say about you.

[a record begins playing]

I forgot the point I was
trying to make.

Maybe it's me.

Maybe I just can't
stand being single.

Maybe that's why I don't get it.

There's gotta be someone that
you're a little into.

Hmmm?

Yeah.

There's someone.

Or...

There was someone.
But they're unavailable now.

So that's that.

Wow. Uh...

I didn't realize how
late it was.

I should probably get going.

Oh, no. Oh, shit.

No, no.

Oh, I made it awkward.

No, no... It...

It's not awkward.

I just... You know, it's...

It's too late.

- Do you want to take another
beer
for the road?

No, thanks.

I'm pretty drunk already anyway.

Well thanks for hanging out,
and talking with me.

It was my pleasure.

Ohhh!

And Stella, as always...

it was very nice to see you.

Yeah.

I'll see you.

Goodbye, Felix.

Get home safely.

[door opens and closes]

What?

Nothing.

This is crazy.

You need to stop.

[melancholy music plays
over montage]

[Stella off screen]
Hey Felix, it's Stella...

Nora and I just got out
of this movie

that I think you will love
called
"Romance of the Flesh."

It's this insane new cannibal
exploitation
film from Italy.

It is gross! So gross!

- It's basically like if Ingmar
Bergman directed Cannibal
Holocaust.

You've got to see it. Anyway...

Let's hang out some time!

- It's a shapeshifter.
- That's a science fiction term,
Zabladowski.

- Can you think of a better one?

- How about "Therian
Metamorphosis?"

- All right, you win.

- We come to a large window
that looks into an incubation
room...

[Audio begins to echo
and become muted]

[Evelyn off screen]
Felix!

Huh?

How was it?

Oh, fine.

I'm sorry.

It was great.

I'm sorry, I just suddenly
realized how much I...

I just don't care
about this script anymore.

You know, I've been working on
this thing
for the last six years

and who am I kidding?

I'm never going to be
able to shoot this.

Just think of how much
time I've wasted.

- Hey, don't say that, man.

Yeah, we can work through the
kinks. That's why we're here.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, you guys
are great but...

I think I'm done here.

[phone vibrates]

Hey, what's up?

- I just wanted to tell you
that I love you....

And that I also hate you for
being a lesbian.

Maybe we should talk
about this later.

Every time I fall for a girl,
she either used to be a lesbian,
becomes a lesbian...

Or just straight-up
is a lesbian.

I blame you.

And maybe Mom a little too.

I assume that what you're trying
to say
is that because you and I are so
close

and because you love and
respect me so much...

you think that's why you're
constantly
attracted to women who just so
happen

to also be lesbians?

Bingo.

It's okay for me to laugh
at this, right?

It's absolutely okay.

I'm guessing

this has something to do with
that Stella girl?

- You were right.

I'm sorry.

Thanks.

Can I give you a call when
I get off work?

Or maybe if you want,
you can come over for dinner.

- No, I'll be fine.

Honestly,
I just wanted to tell you I love
you.

I love you too.

And I don't really hate you
for being a lesbian.

I know you don't. I'll
talk to you later.

Aaaaa!!!

Shit!

Hey!

Hey.

You the new downstairs roommate?

Upstairs.

Cool.

Felix sat slouched in
his chair...

writing about nothing
in particular.

All he could think about...

was Stella.

["Hey Suzzanne" by Posse
begins playing]

[Felix's VOICE OVER]
Interior House Party Night...

Finnegan stands in an archway,
talking to a brunette girl in a
denim jacket.

She notices
the two open beers in each of
his hands.

- Double fisting, huh? Uh, no.
Uh,

Uh no. Uh...

This one is my friends. I'm just
holding it for him.

[Felix's VOICE OVER]
The Brunette Girl laughs.

[Felix's VOICE OVER]
Exterior House Party Night...

Finnegan and the Brunette girl

continue to talk on the
balcony of the back porch

bathed in moonlight.

Finnegan is smitten...

and eventually he asks
her for her name.

The girl lights up a cigarette,
which envelops her

in a dreamlike veil of smoke.

Finnegan...

And Suzanne...

Suzanne turns and walks away...

leaving...

Finnegan...

alone beneath...

the marquee.

He looks at the camera

and shrugs.

FINNEGAN...

"Well, I did it."

Cut to... Black.

The end.

Okay.

Now what?

[Upbeat pop song plays
over montage]

Perfect!

Let's have you stand
right here...

And let's get sound up!

Um yeah...

Ow!

Jeez okay...

Just hold it right there.

This is that party scene,
scene seven...

-Six!

Hmm... Double-fisting?

Oh, no.

These are just um... Just
holding it for my friend.

What kind of movies do you like?

Um... I don't know. All kinds.

Have you ever watched
any David Lynch?

Oh yeah, I mean Eraserhead
is like one of my

favorite movies of all time.

Eraserhead.. yes.

Fuck that baby though.

[spits]

Here I got you some
cigarettes for this scene.

- They're real cigarettes?

During the audition I asked

if you would smoke,
and you said that would be fine.

Yeah you know, now that I
think about it though

I'd really just prefer if I
didn't have to do that.

Hold on. Hold for sound.

Is that really an important part
of the character?

She smokes in like every scene!

Action.

Um, do you wanna...

Play?

Shit.

All right, when I call action...

I'm gonna have you, Suzanne, and
you, Norma,
start singing along to that
karaoke song.

What song are we
supposed to sing?

The song that's in the script.

- There's a specific song in the
script?
- Oooo I did not know that.

Oh, my God. How did you not know
that? It's in the script.

You read the script!

Felix, man we got to
get rolling soon.

We have like 10 minutes before
we're supposed to be wrapped.

Oh my God, I am freaking out.
I am freaking out!

Also, why am I
wearing this beard?

[various chattering]

What the fuck am I doing?
Holy shit!

Okay, smile though!

I made a cool movie. I
made a good movie.

People are going to
like my movie.

Yeah.

Yeah! Felix! Woo!

[laughter]

[uplifting music begins playing]

[audience member coughs]

Uh... Thank you.

Thank you all for
coming to my movie.

Um, if you don't have any
questions
feel free to...

If you have any questions or
comments,
feel free to...

All right... Yep.

Thanks for... Thanks for
coming anyway.

Does anybody have any...

- Felix!

Fuck you!

Okay.

Thanks for coming to my movie!

Shit.

I just don't know how I'm
supposed to feel about it.

I'm sure he wasn't
trying to hurt your feelings.

Yeah, but about Nora?

That's not fair to her. What
about the way...

Hey!

Hey.

I'll see you at home?

Yeah.

You really made it seem like I
was a huge pothead.

Those were just characters.

I know.

But good luck trying to
convince her of that.

You know, you didn't have to
make
a whole movie about it.

You could have just told me.

Seeing those
characters up there...

Seeing us up there...

That was so inconsiderate.

And with Nora sitting
right next to me

that was really embarrassing.

I can see how that might be
a little uncomfortable.

And what was with the
bearded girl?

The one who was obviously
supposed to be Nora.

Was that some kind of gay joke?

No! No, absolutely not!

Have you ever seen "Die Hard"
or uh...

You know, David Cronenberg's
remake of "The Fly"?

Of course I have.

So I was rewatching
both of those.

And you know, I realized in
the eighties...

Any time someone important in a
movie had a beard...

They're always a bad guy.

So that's...

Why I gave Nora a beard.

[laughs]

Are you mad at me for making it?

I don't know.

No?

Good...

Because I needed to make it.

I really did, you know?

I tried to finish writing my
other movie but...

I just couldn't.

This was all I could
think about.

I like that you shot it on VHS.

Really?

You know, you made a comment
once about nostalgia.

And how your mind
practically plays back

all of your memories on VHS.

You said something about um...

Yeah! Um...

About "Having to adjust
the tracking...

on all the spots where the
magnetic tape
of your memory fails you."

I just thought that
was beautiful.

So that's why I did it.

How come you waited so long

to tell me that you and Nora
had started seeing each other?

How come you pretended
like you were my friend

when you were really just trying
to get me to fall for you?

Okay. Tell me that's not what
you actually think.

I wasn't pretending to
be your friend.

I wanted to be your friend.

When we established right away

that that's all it was
ever going to be.

That was a dream come true.

But then, you know

when we started hanging out, it
was all so effortless.

I just...

I loved being around you.

The more I got to know you

the more I realized
how much I love

absolutely everything about you.

And at first, you know,
it was pure

legitimate friend love.

I mean, honestly it wasn't
until my sister

and her girlfriend tried to set
me up
with one of their friends.

You never told me your
sister was gay.

Um... well... she is.

She's very gay.

Yeah.

Anyway, so I went on this double
date,
and it was bogus.

And the whole time
I just kept comparing the
person...

To you.

I wish you would have told me.

Well I was going to. But I mean,
that was the night that you told
me that

you and Nora started
seeing each other.

And even though it
broke my heart...

I tried so hard

to be friends with both of you.

Because I just couldn't
bear the idea

of not having you in my life.

In whatever capacity.

You truly are...

Maybe the best friend
I've ever had.

I don't know.

Maybe it was dishonest of me
not to tell you how I felt.

But also, maybe it wasn't.

But if it was, I'm sorry.

I was afraid to tell you
about me and Nora.

I thought maybe you wouldn't
want to hang out with me
anymore...

And then I'd lose you.
As a friend.

You realize that's absurd,
right?

It's not the first time
it's happened.

I really liked you, Felix.

And eventually I had
a feeling that

you might have been like,
I don't know...

falling for me or whatever.

But I didn't know how to bring
it up. Or if I even wanted to.

I thought maybe if I just
stopped talking to you

then maybe you'd stop trying
to talk to me too.

And it'd never have to
be addressed.

We'd forget about it and each
other,
and just go on with our lives.

We could just blame it on
fate or whatever.

You know, unfortunately...

I can't forget about
you that easily.

You've made far too big of
an impact on me.

Stella I think you're an
amazing human being.

You know, frankly I think you're
the cat's bananas.

I think you're amazing too.

I don't know that I've ever
had a friend that

I click with the way that I
click with you.

But I can't be your friend if
you can't handle me

being with someone else.

Nora's probably pretty mad
at me, isn't she?

Did you not see her
storm out of the auditorium?

Yeah, I guess I did.

Would you tell her I'm sorry?

I will.

Hey, maybe we could all hang
out later this week.

The three of us could go see a
movie
or ride go-karts or something.

I don't know why I said that...

I've never ridden a
go-kart in my life.

Maybe I just really want to.

Felix?

We should probably give
it some time.

That makes sense.

Friends?

Goodbye, Felix.

I'll see you...

Later.

Well... I did it.

[synth pop music plays
over credits]