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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
2
00:02:45,380 --> 00:02:47,674
Come on, boys!
3
00:02:47,757 --> 00:02:51,970
The way you're lollygagging around here
with them picks and them shovels...
4
00:02:52,220 --> 00:02:54,848
...you'd think it was 120є degrees...
5
00:02:55,431 --> 00:02:58,560
...it can't be more than 114є.
6
00:03:01,729 --> 00:03:05,108
Dock that Chink a day's pay
for napping on the job.
7
00:03:07,861 --> 00:03:12,575
Now, come on, boys, where's your spirit?
I don't hear no singing.
8
00:03:13,242 --> 00:03:16,579
When you were slaves, you sang like birds.
9
00:03:17,246 --> 00:03:19,915
Go on.
How about a good old nigger work song?
10
00:03:28,674 --> 00:03:31,927
"I get no kick from champagne
11
00:03:35,931 --> 00:03:39,643
"Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all
12
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:45,900
"So tell me why should it be true
13
00:03:48,110 --> 00:03:51,363
"That I get a belt out of you
14
00:03:55,826 --> 00:03:59,205
"Some get a kick from cocaine..."
15
00:04:03,334 --> 00:04:05,628
What the hell is that shit?
16
00:04:07,339 --> 00:04:10,634
I meant a song. A real song.
17
00:04:11,676 --> 00:04:13,094
Something like...
18
00:04:13,345 --> 00:04:16,640
"Swing low, sweet chariot..."
19
00:04:21,102 --> 00:04:22,938
Swing low? Sweet chariot?
20
00:04:23,313 --> 00:04:25,065
Don't know that one, huh?
21
00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:29,069
How about "De Camp Town Ladies"?
22
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,823
"De Camp Town Ladies"?
23
00:04:36,201 --> 00:04:37,452
Ah, you know.
24
00:04:38,453 --> 00:04:42,916
"De Camp Town Ladies sing this song,
doo-dah, doo-dah
25
00:04:43,875 --> 00:04:47,629
"De Camp Town race track five miles long,
all the doo-dah day
26
00:04:48,213 --> 00:04:51,800
"Gonna run all night, gonna run all day
27
00:04:52,134 --> 00:04:55,804
"Bet my money on the bobtailed nag,
somebody bet on the bay"
28
00:05:05,481 --> 00:05:09,318
What in the wide,
wide world of sports is going on here?
29
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:12,488
I hired you people to try to get
a little track laid...
30
00:05:12,572 --> 00:05:16,075
...not to jump around like
a bunch of Kansas City faggots!
31
00:05:16,159 --> 00:05:18,953
Sorry, Mr. Taggart.
I guess we kind of got caught up.
32
00:05:19,036 --> 00:05:23,082
Dummy, the surveyors say they may
have run into some quicksand up ahead.
33
00:05:23,332 --> 00:05:24,417
Better check it out.
34
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:27,503
Okay, I'll send down a team
of horses to check out the ground.
35
00:05:27,587 --> 00:05:32,258
Horses! We can't afford to lose any horses,
you dummy!
36
00:05:32,842 --> 00:05:34,844
Send over a couple of niggers.
37
00:05:38,347 --> 00:05:39,557
You and you.
38
00:05:42,351 --> 00:05:46,481
Sir, he specifically requested two niggers...
39
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:51,360
...but to tell a family secret,
my grandmother was Dutch.
40
00:05:51,444 --> 00:05:54,698
Get on that hand car and
take it down to the end of that line!
41
00:05:54,781 --> 00:05:57,409
Just trying to help you out.
42
00:05:58,410 --> 00:06:02,122
I didn't know your grandma was Dutch!
43
00:06:04,583 --> 00:06:09,254
"Oh, de Camp Town Ladies sing this song,
doo-dah, doo-dah
44
00:06:10,923 --> 00:06:15,219
"Camp Town race track five miles long,
all the doo-dah day
45
00:06:15,302 --> 00:06:19,223
"Going to run all night,
going to run all day
46
00:06:19,306 --> 00:06:24,269
"I waged my money on the bobtailed nag,
somebody bet on the bay"
47
00:06:28,357 --> 00:06:29,650
Am I wrong...
48
00:06:30,692 --> 00:06:32,945
...or is the world rising?
49
00:06:34,112 --> 00:06:38,033
I don't know, but whatever it is, I hate it.
50
00:06:41,245 --> 00:06:43,163
Let me ask you something.
51
00:06:43,247 --> 00:06:48,378
What is it that's not exactly water,
and it's not exactly earth?
52
00:06:49,170 --> 00:06:50,547
Quicksand!
53
00:06:55,426 --> 00:06:58,263
Oh, shit! Quicksand!
54
00:06:59,681 --> 00:07:01,891
Goddang, now we are in trouble!
55
00:07:01,975 --> 00:07:03,726
They're in trouble!
56
00:07:06,020 --> 00:07:10,066
Get your rope there. Get over there quick.
57
00:07:21,619 --> 00:07:23,538
Dang, that was lucky.
58
00:07:23,621 --> 00:07:27,083
Doggone near lost a $400 hand cart.
59
00:07:33,548 --> 00:07:38,511
Yeah, we can take it right off
just to the left of that hill.
60
00:07:39,053 --> 00:07:42,808
But we're going to die, Bart.
They're going to leave us here to die!
61
00:07:42,892 --> 00:07:47,021
Take it easy, Charlie.
My foot is on the rail.
62
00:07:52,401 --> 00:07:55,946
Then maybe down that canyon.
I think it's pretty level off there.
63
00:07:56,030 --> 00:07:59,033
We can't swing back to the right
because of that hill there.
64
00:07:59,116 --> 00:08:02,411
That looks like the way
we'll have to go from here.
65
00:08:02,495 --> 00:08:07,416
Yes, we'll put her right down
through there over that ridge.
66
00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:12,963
Well, boys, the break is over.
67
00:08:13,047 --> 00:08:15,591
Don't just lay there getting a suntan.
68
00:08:15,674 --> 00:08:18,844
Won't do you any good, anyhow!
69
00:08:19,762 --> 00:08:23,891
Take that shovel and
put her to some good use!
70
00:08:30,856 --> 00:08:31,607
What?
71
00:08:31,690 --> 00:08:33,527
Don't do that now!
72
00:08:36,530 --> 00:08:37,572
I have to.
73
00:08:37,656 --> 00:08:40,033
Send a wire to the main office...
74
00:08:40,116 --> 00:08:42,702
...and tell them I said... Ow!
75
00:08:42,786 --> 00:08:47,457
Send wire, main office,
tell them I said, "Ow." Gotcha.
76
00:08:54,756 --> 00:08:57,801
And right here, Mr. Lamarr,
is where we ran into quicksand.
77
00:08:57,884 --> 00:09:01,179
Quicksand... quicksand. Splendid.
78
00:09:01,638 --> 00:09:04,891
And so the railroad has got
to go through Rock Ridge.
79
00:09:04,975 --> 00:09:07,853
Rock Ridge. Rock Ridge. Splendid.
80
00:09:07,936 --> 00:09:09,396
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
81
00:09:09,479 --> 00:09:11,731
Rock Ridge. Rock Ridge.
82
00:09:11,815 --> 00:09:14,151
Be still, Taggart. Be still.
83
00:09:14,317 --> 00:09:18,905
My mind is aglow with whirling,
transient nodes of thought...
84
00:09:18,989 --> 00:09:22,409
...careening through
a cosmic vapor of invention.
85
00:09:22,492 --> 00:09:23,451
Ditto!
86
00:09:25,912 --> 00:09:29,500
"Ditto"? "Ditto," you provincial putz!
87
00:09:30,751 --> 00:09:32,044
I'm sorry, sir.
88
00:09:32,503 --> 00:09:34,964
A plan. We need a plan.
89
00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:37,758
What in the hell was that?
90
00:09:45,516 --> 00:09:47,518
We can't hear ourselves think!
91
00:09:50,980 --> 00:09:55,651
Sorry, your Worship, but I've got
two men at home sick with the flu...
92
00:09:55,985 --> 00:09:58,279
...and it's utter chaos down here.
93
00:09:58,362 --> 00:10:00,907
I'll try to keep it as quiet as possible.
94
00:10:01,365 --> 00:10:02,992
But as you can see...
95
00:10:05,953 --> 00:10:07,955
...this one is a doozy.
96
00:10:10,041 --> 00:10:13,419
Yes, the Doctor Gillespie killings.
Well, do your best.
97
00:10:18,508 --> 00:10:20,301
Now, let's see. Where were we?
98
00:10:20,384 --> 00:10:21,553
Rock Ridge.
99
00:10:23,263 --> 00:10:26,642
Yes, when that railroad
goes through Rock Ridge...
100
00:10:26,934 --> 00:10:30,103
...that land will be worth millions,
and I want it!
101
00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:34,983
I want that land so badly, I can taste it.
102
00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:39,988
There must be a way.
103
00:10:42,115 --> 00:10:43,325
Clumsy fool!
104
00:10:44,409 --> 00:10:47,538
Wait a minute!
There might be a legal precedent.
105
00:10:47,955 --> 00:10:51,124
Of course! Land-snatching!
106
00:10:52,167 --> 00:10:55,337
Land. La-land. "See 'Snatch'."
107
00:10:58,632 --> 00:11:02,594
Haley vs. United States.
Haley, seven. United States, nothing.
108
00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:05,681
You see, it can be done. It can be done.
109
00:11:06,431 --> 00:11:10,644
Unfortunately, there is one thing that
stands between me and that property.
110
00:11:10,769 --> 00:11:12,312
The rightful owners.
111
00:11:12,437 --> 00:11:15,733
There must be some way
of scaring them off, driving them out.
112
00:11:15,817 --> 00:11:18,736
Getting rid of every human being
alive in that...
113
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,990
It's down the hall and to the left.
114
00:11:22,866 --> 00:11:24,075
I've got it!
115
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,368
What? What?
116
00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:28,371
I know how we can run
everybody out of Rock Ridge.
117
00:11:28,663 --> 00:11:32,083
We'll kill the first-born male child
in every household!
118
00:11:34,043 --> 00:11:35,170
Too Jewish.
119
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,674
I got it! I got it!
120
00:11:40,717 --> 00:11:42,844
We'll work up a Number Six on them!
121
00:11:42,927 --> 00:11:44,345
I'm not familiar with that one.
122
00:11:44,429 --> 00:11:46,973
That's where we go riding into town...
123
00:11:47,056 --> 00:11:49,767
...a- whapping and a-whooping
every living thing...
124
00:11:49,851 --> 00:11:52,562
...that moves within an inch of its life!
125
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,397
Except the women folks, of course.
126
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,732
You spare the women?
127
00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:59,736
No, we rape the shit out of them
at the Number Six dance later on!
128
00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:02,197
That's marvelous! That's so creative!
129
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,408
Why Taggart, you've been hurt!
130
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:08,579
That uppity nigger hit me
on the head with a shovel.
131
00:12:10,122 --> 00:12:13,542
I'd sure appreciate it, sir,
if you could find it in your heart...
132
00:12:13,626 --> 00:12:16,921
...to hang him up by his neck
until he was dead.
133
00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:18,714
Got him locked up downstairs.
134
00:12:18,797 --> 00:12:20,966
Consider it done, stout fellow.
135
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,019
I've got a special.
When can you work him in?
136
00:12:32,102 --> 00:12:36,440
I couldn't possibly fit him in
until Monday, sir. I'm booked solid.
137
00:12:36,774 --> 00:12:38,275
Monday. Splendid.
138
00:12:44,406 --> 00:12:47,076
Thank you, sir. And don't you worry.
139
00:12:47,326 --> 00:12:50,788
We'll make Rock Ridge
think it's a chicken...
140
00:12:50,996 --> 00:12:53,749
...that got caught in a tractor's nuts!
141
00:12:58,295 --> 00:13:02,259
It's all right, Taggart. Just a man
and a horse being hung out there.
142
00:13:09,057 --> 00:13:12,144
"There was a peaceful town
called Rock Ridge
143
00:13:13,728 --> 00:13:16,481
"Where people lived in harmony
144
00:13:18,567 --> 00:13:21,653
"They never had no kind of trouble
145
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:26,032
"There was no hint of misery
146
00:13:32,414 --> 00:13:34,833
"The town saloon was always lively
147
00:13:36,376 --> 00:13:38,837
"But never nasty or obscene
148
00:13:40,547 --> 00:13:42,883
"Behind the bar stood Anal Johnson
149
00:13:44,467 --> 00:13:46,845
"He always kept things nice and clean
150
00:13:49,890 --> 00:13:52,225
"And all at once the trouble started
151
00:13:52,809 --> 00:13:55,021
"A pack of murderers and thieves
152
00:13:55,855 --> 00:13:58,483
"Like swarms of locusts they descended
153
00:13:59,066 --> 00:14:01,652
"Their aim to make the townsfolk flee"
154
00:14:29,847 --> 00:14:32,016
Well, that's the end of this suit!
155
00:14:39,941 --> 00:14:42,860
Have you ever seen such cruelty?
156
00:14:46,322 --> 00:14:49,743
"Now is a time of great decision
157
00:14:52,913 --> 00:14:56,291
"Are we to stay or up and quit
158
00:14:59,837 --> 00:15:03,465
"There's no avoiding this conclusion
159
00:15:07,261 --> 00:15:10,681
"Our town is turning into shit"
160
00:15:20,107 --> 00:15:22,776
Well, I don't have to tell you good folks...
161
00:15:22,943 --> 00:15:25,988
...what has been happening
here in our beloved town.
162
00:15:27,197 --> 00:15:30,701
Sheriff murdered, crops burned...
163
00:15:31,493 --> 00:15:35,038
...stores looted, people stampeded...
164
00:15:35,414 --> 00:15:37,207
...and cattle raped!
165
00:15:39,334 --> 00:15:43,298
Now the time has come to act.
And act fast!
166
00:15:47,302 --> 00:15:48,511
I'm leaving.
167
00:15:49,137 --> 00:15:53,808
You get back here, you old pious,
candy-ass sidewinder!
168
00:15:54,601 --> 00:15:58,271
There ain't no way that nobody
is going to leave this town!
169
00:16:00,106 --> 00:16:03,735
Hell, I was born here
and I was raised here...
170
00:16:03,985 --> 00:16:06,488
...and goddamn it, I'm going to die here!
171
00:16:06,654 --> 00:16:10,283
And no sidewinder,
bushwhacking, hornswoggling...
172
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:14,829
...cracker croaker,
is going to ruin my biscuit-cutter!
173
00:16:21,544 --> 00:16:23,421
Now who can argue with that?
174
00:16:27,133 --> 00:16:29,677
I think we're all indebted
to Gabby Johnson...
175
00:16:29,761 --> 00:16:32,597
...for clearly stating
what needed to be said.
176
00:16:33,306 --> 00:16:35,643
I'm particularly glad these lovely children...
177
00:16:35,726 --> 00:16:37,978
...were here today to hear that speech.
178
00:16:38,062 --> 00:16:41,232
Not only was it authentic
frontier gibberish...
179
00:16:42,024 --> 00:16:45,361
...it expressed a courage
little seen in this day and age!
180
00:16:47,238 --> 00:16:48,781
What are we made of?
181
00:16:49,949 --> 00:16:52,284
Our fathers came across the prairie...
182
00:16:52,743 --> 00:16:56,413
...fought Indians, fought drought,
fought locusts, fought Dix!
183
00:16:56,705 --> 00:17:00,751
Remember when Richard Dix came in here
and tried to take over this town?
184
00:17:01,460 --> 00:17:03,420
Well, we didn't give up then...
185
00:17:03,504 --> 00:17:07,633
...and by gum,
we're not going to give up now!
186
00:17:13,305 --> 00:17:15,015
Olson Johnson is right!
187
00:17:15,474 --> 00:17:20,146
What kind of people are we, anyhow?
I say we stay and fight it out!
188
00:17:21,647 --> 00:17:25,943
Dr. Samuel Johnson is right
about Olson Johnson's being right.
189
00:17:26,110 --> 00:17:28,237
And I'm not giving up
my ice cream parlor...
190
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,700
...that I built with these two hands
for nothing or nobody!
191
00:17:32,617 --> 00:17:34,327
Howard Johnson is right!
192
00:17:37,998 --> 00:17:42,669
Well, if we're going to stay,
and I think it's a big mistake...
193
00:17:44,254 --> 00:17:48,175
...we're going to need a new sheriff.
Now, who is it going to be?
194
00:17:49,217 --> 00:17:52,345
Why don't we wire the governor
to send us a sheriff?
195
00:17:52,512 --> 00:17:54,848
Why should we get our own men killed?
196
00:17:55,348 --> 00:17:58,810
Howard Johnson is right.
We'll wire the governor.
197
00:18:00,228 --> 00:18:04,524
Then let us pray for the deliverance
of our new sheriff.
198
00:18:05,233 --> 00:18:07,611
Will the congregation please rise?
199
00:18:09,279 --> 00:18:13,950
I shall now read from the books
of Matthew, Mark, Luke...
200
00:18:16,453 --> 00:18:17,662
...and duck!
201
00:18:27,757 --> 00:18:29,926
We've got to do something at once!
202
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:35,389
Governor, may I disturb you
for a moment, sir?
203
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:39,477
If you will just sign this, governor.
Right here.
204
00:18:39,644 --> 00:18:41,354
Yes, what the hell is it?
205
00:18:41,437 --> 00:18:43,105
Under the provisions of this bill...
206
00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:46,275
...we would snatch 200,000 acres
of Indian territory...
207
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:49,320
...which we have deemed unsafe
for their use at this time.
208
00:18:49,403 --> 00:18:50,738
They're such children.
209
00:18:50,822 --> 00:18:53,658
200,000 acres! 200,000 acres!
210
00:18:54,158 --> 00:18:56,661
What will it cost, man? What will it cost?
211
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:58,412
A... box of these.
212
00:18:59,455 --> 00:19:02,750
Are you crazy? They'll never go for it,
and then again they might.
213
00:19:02,834 --> 00:19:07,338
The little red devils, they love toys.
May I try one?
214
00:19:08,673 --> 00:19:11,217
These things are defective.
215
00:19:13,636 --> 00:19:15,388
Right as usual, sir.
216
00:19:16,098 --> 00:19:17,182
Show-off!
217
00:19:17,307 --> 00:19:19,685
Just sign this, sir. Right here.
218
00:19:19,768 --> 00:19:22,271
Okay, give us a hand here.
219
00:19:22,396 --> 00:19:24,148
Work, work, work.
220
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:27,734
Hello, boys, have a good night's rest?
I missed you.
221
00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:31,029
- Just one more bill for you to sign, sir.
- What is this?
222
00:19:31,697 --> 00:19:34,616
This bill will convert
the State Hospital for the Insane...
223
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:38,370
...into the William J. Le Petomane
Memorial Gambling Casino for the Insane.
224
00:19:38,453 --> 00:19:39,538
Gentlemen, this...
225
00:19:39,621 --> 00:19:42,207
...this bill will be a giant step forward...
226
00:19:42,291 --> 00:19:44,793
...in the treatment of the insane gambler.
227
00:19:44,877 --> 00:19:46,962
Yes, bravo! Beautiful.
228
00:19:49,464 --> 00:19:51,175
Thank you, Hedy. Thank you.
229
00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:54,303
It's not Hedy. It's Hedley. Hedley Lamarr.
230
00:19:54,386 --> 00:19:55,637
What are you worried about?
231
00:19:55,721 --> 00:19:59,349
This is 1874. You'll be able to sue her.
232
00:20:11,029 --> 00:20:13,531
All right, help me in with this.
233
00:20:13,615 --> 00:20:15,408
Just think of your secretary.
234
00:20:15,492 --> 00:20:17,744
Ah, that was a very good suggestion.
235
00:20:18,703 --> 00:20:21,164
Okay, is that it? Anything else?
236
00:20:21,623 --> 00:20:24,167
Just this urgent telegram from Rock Ridge.
237
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:25,960
It arrived last Friday.
238
00:20:26,878 --> 00:20:28,296
Read it, read it.
239
00:20:29,255 --> 00:20:33,426
"Sheriff murdered. Church meeting
bombed. Reign of terror must cease.
240
00:20:33,676 --> 00:20:35,720
"Send new sheriff immediately."
241
00:20:35,803 --> 00:20:37,138
Holy underwear!
242
00:20:38,014 --> 00:20:41,518
Sheriff murdered. Innocent women
and children blown to bits!
243
00:20:41,601 --> 00:20:43,937
We've got to protect
our phony-baloney jobs.
244
00:20:44,020 --> 00:20:47,982
We must do something about this
immediately, immediately, immediately!
245
00:20:50,568 --> 00:20:52,153
I didn't get a "hrumph" out of him!
246
00:20:52,237 --> 00:20:54,197
Give the governor a "hrumph."
247
00:20:54,656 --> 00:20:56,157
You watch your ass.
248
00:20:56,407 --> 00:20:58,493
Gentlemen, please, rest your sphincters.
249
00:20:58,576 --> 00:20:59,661
Well put.
250
00:21:00,662 --> 00:21:02,998
As Attorney General, I can assure you...
251
00:21:03,082 --> 00:21:06,961
...that a suitable sheriff will be found
to restore the peace in Rock Ridge.
252
00:21:07,044 --> 00:21:08,546
Meeting is adjourned.
253
00:21:08,629 --> 00:21:12,633
Oh, I am sorry, sir. I didn't mean
to overstep my bounds. You say that.
254
00:21:12,716 --> 00:21:13,217
What?
255
00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:14,844
- Meeting is adjourned.
- It is?
256
00:21:14,927 --> 00:21:16,470
No. You say that, Governor.
257
00:21:16,554 --> 00:21:17,930
- What?
- Meeting is adjourned.
258
00:21:18,013 --> 00:21:18,764
It is?
259
00:21:18,848 --> 00:21:22,059
- Play around with this for a while. They...
- Thank you, Hedy.
260
00:21:22,142 --> 00:21:23,310
- It's Hedley!
- It is?
261
00:21:23,394 --> 00:21:25,229
Give these out to some of the boys...
262
00:21:25,312 --> 00:21:27,398
...in lieu of pay. Here you go.
263
00:21:29,525 --> 00:21:32,194
And one for Miss Stein,
my beloved secretary.
264
00:21:32,403 --> 00:21:35,531
Play with these, boys,
in lieu of the other things.
265
00:21:36,866 --> 00:21:38,868
This friggin' thing is warped.
266
00:21:40,536 --> 00:21:42,705
Why do I always get a warped one?
267
00:21:45,708 --> 00:21:50,087
A sheriff!
But law and order is the last thing I want.
268
00:21:51,881 --> 00:21:56,553
Wait a minute. Maybe I could turn
this thing to my advantage.
269
00:21:57,554 --> 00:22:02,225
If I could find a sheriff who
so offends the citizens of Rock Ridge...
270
00:22:02,642 --> 00:22:06,104
...that his very appearance
would drive them out of town...
271
00:22:08,190 --> 00:22:10,358
But where would I find such a man?
272
00:22:11,401 --> 00:22:12,944
Why am I asking you?
273
00:22:22,746 --> 00:22:26,458
Welcome to Hanging House.
Not to worry...
274
00:22:26,958 --> 00:22:29,085
...everyone is equal in my eye.
275
00:22:46,978 --> 00:22:48,688
Not my ear!
276
00:22:52,860 --> 00:22:53,945
Governor!
277
00:22:56,239 --> 00:22:57,698
Official business, sir.
278
00:22:57,782 --> 00:22:59,158
Is it important?
279
00:22:59,408 --> 00:23:00,868
It's very crucial.
280
00:23:02,036 --> 00:23:03,746
Be with you in a minute.
281
00:23:03,871 --> 00:23:06,541
Throw something on
and stay in that position.
282
00:23:08,584 --> 00:23:12,588
Forgive me, I was just, ah,
walking the parapet, taking a look around.
283
00:23:12,922 --> 00:23:13,965
What can I do for you?
284
00:23:14,048 --> 00:23:15,508
As per your instructions...
285
00:23:15,591 --> 00:23:18,636
...I'd like you to meet
the new sheriff of Rock Ridge.
286
00:23:18,719 --> 00:23:20,429
I'd be delighted... Wow!
287
00:23:21,889 --> 00:23:23,850
I've got to talk to you. Come here.
288
00:23:23,933 --> 00:23:27,144
Have you gone berserk?
Can't you see that man is a nig...
289
00:23:30,398 --> 00:23:33,192
Wrong person. Forgive me.
No offense intended.
290
00:23:34,902 --> 00:23:38,281
Have you gone berserk?
Can't you see that man is a nig?
291
00:23:38,739 --> 00:23:40,158
Don't worry, sir.
292
00:23:40,283 --> 00:23:42,243
I've always trusted your judgment...
293
00:23:42,326 --> 00:23:44,955
...but haven't you taken a giant leap
from your senses?
294
00:23:45,038 --> 00:23:47,416
Please, don't fly off the handle, sir.
295
00:23:47,541 --> 00:23:50,085
I'm about to make you an historic figure.
296
00:23:50,836 --> 00:23:53,172
Maybe even get you a cabinet post.
297
00:23:53,505 --> 00:23:54,798
A cabinet post!
298
00:23:55,340 --> 00:23:56,758
Did you say that?
299
00:23:57,050 --> 00:23:58,135
Wonderful!
300
00:23:58,218 --> 00:24:02,431
Yes, the first man ever to appoint
a black sheriff! Just think, sir...
301
00:24:02,890 --> 00:24:04,308
...Washington, Jefferson...
302
00:24:04,391 --> 00:24:05,309
...Lincoln.
303
00:24:05,392 --> 00:24:06,602
Le Petomane!
304
00:24:07,603 --> 00:24:10,230
Sir, you have the seeds
of greatness in you.
305
00:24:10,314 --> 00:24:13,233
Nurse them, caress them,
pour water on them.
306
00:24:13,859 --> 00:24:16,028
Don't short-change yourself, sir.
307
00:24:16,737 --> 00:24:19,907
It will never work.
They'll kill him dead in one day!
308
00:24:20,199 --> 00:24:24,661
One day is all we'll need to secure your
name in the annals of Western history.
309
00:24:24,745 --> 00:24:27,664
And to get for you a nomination for,
dare I say...?
310
00:24:27,748 --> 00:24:28,665
Dare, dare!
311
00:24:28,749 --> 00:24:30,042
The Presidency!
312
00:24:31,001 --> 00:24:33,378
Hail to the Chief! Hail to the Chief!
313
00:24:42,180 --> 00:24:44,349
"Four score and seven years ago...
314
00:24:44,641 --> 00:24:47,769
"...our forefathers brought forth on this..."
315
00:24:48,228 --> 00:24:49,479
Are you coming back?
316
00:24:49,562 --> 00:24:51,022
In a moment, dear.
317
00:24:51,147 --> 00:24:55,819
Gentlemen, affairs of state must take
precedent over the affairs of state.
318
00:24:56,486 --> 00:24:58,488
Yes, sir, we understand.
319
00:24:58,571 --> 00:25:00,156
You'll make the arrangements?
320
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,783
I'll make the arrangements.
321
00:25:01,866 --> 00:25:03,576
Especially the funeral.
322
00:25:05,161 --> 00:25:09,415
Good luck, good luck, boys.
Wonderful working with you. Good luck!
323
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,610
Hurry up, get those flags up.
He'll be here soon.
324
00:26:19,069 --> 00:26:21,530
I just got a telegram
from the governor's office.
325
00:26:21,614 --> 00:26:23,782
The sheriff will be here at noon!
326
00:26:24,201 --> 00:26:27,704
Noon! I'd better rehearse my speech!
327
00:26:29,748 --> 00:26:33,043
"As Honorary Chairman
of the Welcoming Committee...
328
00:26:33,335 --> 00:26:37,964
"...it is my privilege to extend to you
a laurel and hearty handshake!"
329
00:26:40,091 --> 00:26:41,051
Wonderful!
330
00:26:41,134 --> 00:26:42,260
Excellent!
331
00:26:42,969 --> 00:26:44,513
Can you see him yet?
332
00:26:49,559 --> 00:26:51,186
The sheriff is coming!
333
00:26:52,062 --> 00:26:54,147
Ring out the church bell!
334
00:27:10,330 --> 00:27:13,166
Hey, the sheriff is a n...
335
00:27:14,376 --> 00:27:15,502
What did he say?
336
00:27:15,585 --> 00:27:17,128
The sheriff is near!
337
00:27:17,671 --> 00:27:22,093
No, no, dagblame it, goldarn it,
the sheriff is a n...
338
00:27:43,823 --> 00:27:46,617
As Chairman of the
Welcoming Committee...
339
00:27:46,784 --> 00:27:51,497
...it is my privilege to extend a laurel
and hearty handshake to our new...
340
00:27:55,877 --> 00:27:57,003
...nigger.
341
00:28:25,866 --> 00:28:28,368
Excuse me while I whip this out.
342
00:28:34,124 --> 00:28:36,793
"By the power vested in me...
343
00:28:37,044 --> 00:28:40,380
"...by the Honorable
William J. Le Petomane...
344
00:28:46,094 --> 00:28:47,638
"...I hereby assume the duties...
345
00:28:47,721 --> 00:28:51,433
"...of the Office of Sheriff in and for
the Township of Rock Ridge."
346
00:28:51,517 --> 00:28:54,436
Gentlemen, let us not allow anger
to rule the day.
347
00:28:55,145 --> 00:28:57,731
As your spiritual leader, I implore you...
348
00:28:57,981 --> 00:29:01,193
...to pay heed to this good book
and what it has to say.
349
00:29:03,695 --> 00:29:06,491
Son, you're on your own!
350
00:29:11,579 --> 00:29:12,622
Hold it!
351
00:29:13,122 --> 00:29:15,792
The next man makes a move,
the nigger gets it!
352
00:29:20,463 --> 00:29:23,132
Hold it, men. He's not bluffing.
353
00:29:23,341 --> 00:29:26,386
Listen to him, men.
He's just crazy enough to do it.
354
00:29:26,553 --> 00:29:30,473
Drop it! Or I swear I'll blow
this nigger's head all over this town!
355
00:29:31,599 --> 00:29:36,312
Oh, Lordy, Lord, he's desperate!
Do what he say! Do what he say!
356
00:29:53,538 --> 00:29:56,082
Isn't anybody going to help
that poor man?
357
00:29:56,541 --> 00:29:59,545
Hush, Harriet.
That's a sure way to get him killed.
358
00:30:00,838 --> 00:30:02,339
Help me, help me...
359
00:30:03,257 --> 00:30:04,800
...somebody help me!
360
00:30:07,303 --> 00:30:08,345
Shut up!
361
00:30:12,391 --> 00:30:15,728
Oh, baby, you are so talented.
362
00:30:17,396 --> 00:30:19,565
And they are so dumb!
363
00:30:28,073 --> 00:30:29,241
Goddamn it!
364
00:30:29,408 --> 00:30:30,784
I said, "Order"!
365
00:30:31,994 --> 00:30:36,499
You know, Nietzsche says,
"Out of chaos comes order."
366
00:30:37,249 --> 00:30:39,418
Oh, blow it out your ass, Howard!
367
00:30:41,921 --> 00:30:43,923
Now everyone be quiet...
368
00:30:44,757 --> 00:30:49,428
...whilst we listen to Harriet van Johnson,
our esteemed school marm...
369
00:30:51,263 --> 00:30:55,936
...as she reads a telegram that she herself
has composed to the governor...
370
00:30:57,562 --> 00:31:01,858
...expressing our feelings
about the new sheriff.
371
00:31:10,116 --> 00:31:12,577
"To the Honorable
William J. Le Petomane, Governor."
372
00:31:12,661 --> 00:31:15,038
Louder! Speak up! We can't hear you!
373
00:31:16,206 --> 00:31:18,291
I'm not used to public speaking.
374
00:31:20,335 --> 00:31:24,840
"We, the white,
God-fearing citizens of Rock Ridge...
375
00:31:26,341 --> 00:31:30,220
"...wish to express
our extreme displeasure...
376
00:31:30,554 --> 00:31:32,639
"...with your choice of sheriff.
377
00:31:33,223 --> 00:31:36,142
"Please remove him immediately.
378
00:31:38,436 --> 00:31:41,773
"The fact that you have sent him here...
379
00:31:42,607 --> 00:31:47,280
"...just goes to prove that you are
the leading asshole in the state."
380
00:32:11,470 --> 00:32:13,931
The drunk in number two must be awake.
381
00:32:19,770 --> 00:32:21,189
Are we awake?
382
00:32:25,735 --> 00:32:27,236
We're not sure.
383
00:32:28,654 --> 00:32:30,990
Are we black?
384
00:32:31,365 --> 00:32:32,575
Yes, we are.
385
00:32:34,410 --> 00:32:38,372
Then we're awake. But we're very puzzled.
386
00:32:40,542 --> 00:32:43,337
I think I better straighten myself out.
387
00:32:46,882 --> 00:32:48,133
Need any help?
388
00:32:51,303 --> 00:32:52,638
All I can get.
389
00:33:04,942 --> 00:33:07,110
That's okay. Sit down over here.
390
00:33:18,288 --> 00:33:20,749
Hey, maybe you should eat
something first.
391
00:33:20,833 --> 00:33:23,627
No, thanks. Food makes me sick.
392
00:33:33,263 --> 00:33:37,517
A man drinks like that and doesn't eat,
he is going to die.
393
00:33:40,228 --> 00:33:41,145
When?
394
00:33:44,399 --> 00:33:45,775
What's your name?
395
00:33:45,859 --> 00:33:49,445
Well, my name is Jim,
but most people call me...
396
00:33:52,490 --> 00:33:53,491
...Jim.
397
00:33:55,910 --> 00:34:00,123
Okay, Jim, since you are my guest
and I am your host...
398
00:34:00,206 --> 00:34:03,084
...what is your pleasure?
What do you like to do?
399
00:34:03,751 --> 00:34:06,421
Oh, I don't know. Play chess...
400
00:34:08,506 --> 00:34:09,549
...screw.
401
00:34:10,925 --> 00:34:12,635
Well, let's play chess.
402
00:34:16,306 --> 00:34:17,432
Checkmate.
403
00:34:20,226 --> 00:34:21,352
Checkmate.
404
00:34:21,644 --> 00:34:24,063
Why, you devious son-of-a-bitch!
405
00:34:24,939 --> 00:34:26,066
Happy days!
406
00:34:35,868 --> 00:34:38,120
Man, why do you do that to yourself?
407
00:34:38,954 --> 00:34:41,373
Oh, you don't really want to know that.
408
00:34:41,707 --> 00:34:42,875
I do, I do!
409
00:34:43,125 --> 00:34:44,752
Well, if you must pry.
410
00:34:45,169 --> 00:34:46,462
I must, I must!
411
00:34:47,838 --> 00:34:50,841
I don't know if you ever
heard of me before, but...
412
00:34:51,425 --> 00:34:55,054
...I used to be called the Waco Kid.
413
00:34:57,181 --> 00:35:00,935
The Waco Kid.
He had the fastest hands in the West!
414
00:35:02,686 --> 00:35:03,938
In the world!
415
00:35:05,022 --> 00:35:07,858
Well, if you're the Kid,
then show me something.
416
00:35:08,943 --> 00:35:13,614
Maybe a couple of years ago I could
have shown you something, but today...
417
00:35:16,158 --> 00:35:17,535
...look at that.
418
00:35:17,618 --> 00:35:19,036
Steady as a rock.
419
00:35:19,537 --> 00:35:21,623
Yes, but I shoot with this hand.
420
00:35:22,666 --> 00:35:26,837
See, I knew you weren't the Waco Kid.
You were just pulling my lariat.
421
00:35:43,061 --> 00:35:44,312
See that king?
422
00:35:45,772 --> 00:35:47,983
Put your hands on both sides of it.
423
00:35:51,653 --> 00:35:55,157
Now when I say, "go,"
you try to grab it first.
424
00:35:56,032 --> 00:35:58,952
Man, that's no contest.
You're a mile away.
425
00:36:03,165 --> 00:36:07,669
Anyway, when you hear the word "go,"
you just try to grab it.
426
00:36:09,087 --> 00:36:10,046
Ready?
427
00:36:10,714 --> 00:36:11,840
Ready.
428
00:36:18,806 --> 00:36:20,141
Go!
429
00:36:30,818 --> 00:36:32,403
You looking for this?
430
00:36:36,991 --> 00:36:40,745
Well, raise my rent! You are the Kid!
431
00:36:41,579 --> 00:36:44,624
Was. Yeah, I was the Kid.
432
00:36:47,585 --> 00:36:49,170
What happened?
433
00:36:49,962 --> 00:36:53,216
Well, it got so that
every piss-ant prairie punk...
434
00:36:53,299 --> 00:36:55,176
...who thought he could shoot a gun...
435
00:36:55,259 --> 00:36:59,514
...would ride into town
to try out the Waco Kid.
436
00:37:00,681 --> 00:37:05,019
I must have killed more men
than Cecil B. De Mille.
437
00:37:05,353 --> 00:37:07,105
It got pretty gritty.
438
00:37:07,523 --> 00:37:10,192
I started to hear the word "draw"
in my sleep.
439
00:37:13,111 --> 00:37:14,404
Then one day...
440
00:37:15,155 --> 00:37:19,827
...I was just walking down the street
and I heard a voice behind me say...
441
00:37:21,870 --> 00:37:25,541
..."Reach for it, mister!" I spun around.
442
00:37:28,126 --> 00:37:30,337
And there I was face to face...
443
00:37:32,965 --> 00:37:35,634
...with a six-year-old kid!
444
00:37:39,888 --> 00:37:43,267
Well, I just threw my guns
down and walked away.
445
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,356
The little bastard shot me in the ass!
446
00:37:52,276 --> 00:37:56,905
So I limped to the nearest saloon,
crawled inside a whiskey bottle...
447
00:37:59,616 --> 00:38:01,786
...and I've been there ever since.
448
00:38:05,874 --> 00:38:07,125
Have a drink.
449
00:38:13,756 --> 00:38:18,428
Anyway, that's all ancient history.
Now you tell me your story.
450
00:38:18,803 --> 00:38:23,057
What's a dazzling urbanite like you
doing in a rustic setting like this?
451
00:38:24,225 --> 00:38:25,935
If you really must pry.
452
00:38:26,477 --> 00:38:27,979
I must, I must!
453
00:38:32,901 --> 00:38:35,570
Well, back in '56...
454
00:38:35,987 --> 00:38:39,657
...my folks and I were part
of this long wagon train...
455
00:38:40,450 --> 00:38:41,743
...moving West.
456
00:38:54,715 --> 00:38:57,051
Well, not exactly part of it.
457
00:38:58,260 --> 00:39:02,348
You might say we were bringing up
the rear, when suddenly...
458
00:39:02,515 --> 00:39:06,060
... from out of the West,
came the entire Sioux Nation!
459
00:39:06,644 --> 00:39:10,606
And let me tell you, baby,
they were open for business!
460
00:39:14,693 --> 00:39:18,489
Naturally, the white folks
didn't let us travel in their circle...
461
00:39:18,948 --> 00:39:20,574
... so we made our own.
462
00:39:56,653 --> 00:39:58,113
Shvartzers?
463
00:40:06,288 --> 00:40:08,748
Losim gein!
464
00:40:13,837 --> 00:40:15,755
Cop a walk. It's all right.
465
00:40:15,922 --> 00:40:17,048
Thank you.
466
00:40:18,842 --> 00:40:21,094
Abi gezunt. Take off.
467
00:40:29,561 --> 00:40:31,855
They're darker than us!
468
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:37,652
And the rest is history.
469
00:40:39,487 --> 00:40:40,655
Impressed?
470
00:40:46,204 --> 00:40:49,081
Always like to keep my audience riveted.
471
00:41:42,511 --> 00:41:44,721
How about some more beans, Mr. Taggart?
472
00:41:44,805 --> 00:41:46,598
I'd say you've had enough!
473
00:41:50,602 --> 00:41:54,857
I understand there's a new sheriff in town.
Who wants to kill him?
474
00:42:01,572 --> 00:42:04,992
Why don't we give him to Mongo?
475
00:42:08,662 --> 00:42:10,664
Holy shit, that's too cruel!
476
00:42:11,832 --> 00:42:15,002
I'll be danged! That is a unique idea!
477
00:42:23,385 --> 00:42:25,804
Down, boy, down, boy, down, Mongo!
478
00:42:26,555 --> 00:42:28,266
Hey, it's me. Taggart.
479
00:42:28,474 --> 00:42:30,018
Here, smell. Smell.
480
00:42:33,730 --> 00:42:35,565
That's a good Mongo.
481
00:42:36,900 --> 00:42:40,987
Hey, how about it? How would you like
to mutilate that new sheriff?
482
00:42:46,409 --> 00:42:47,660
Have a cigar.
483
00:43:28,410 --> 00:43:30,830
By the way, I got a note this morning.
484
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:32,081
From who?
485
00:43:32,164 --> 00:43:36,335
Well, I'm not sure.
It was addressed to the Deputy Spade.
486
00:43:40,631 --> 00:43:43,467
Well, once I establish myself in this town...
487
00:43:43,759 --> 00:43:46,887
...Deputy Spade might turn out
to be a groovy position.
488
00:43:46,971 --> 00:43:47,888
Here.
489
00:43:57,189 --> 00:44:00,234
Listen, Bart, I want you to do me a favor.
490
00:44:01,527 --> 00:44:03,654
I don't want you going out there
this morning.
491
00:44:03,737 --> 00:44:06,490
You can't win these people over,
no matter what you do.
492
00:44:06,574 --> 00:44:08,909
They're just not going to accept you.
493
00:44:18,795 --> 00:44:21,798
I'm glad those fingers ain't loaded!
494
00:44:25,468 --> 00:44:27,137
Just like old times.
495
00:44:31,474 --> 00:44:36,146
Like I told you, once you establish
yourself, they've got to accept you.
496
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:38,857
Catch you later.
497
00:44:43,528 --> 00:44:44,654
Good luck.
498
00:44:52,996 --> 00:44:54,706
Ah, good morning, ma'am.
499
00:44:55,665 --> 00:44:57,667
And isn't it a lovely morning?
500
00:44:58,668 --> 00:45:00,128
Up yours, nigger!
501
00:45:04,799 --> 00:45:07,844
What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny."
502
00:45:09,138 --> 00:45:10,848
"Make yourself at home."
503
00:45:12,016 --> 00:45:16,687
"Marry my daughter." You've got to
remember these are just simple farmers.
504
00:45:18,022 --> 00:45:20,358
These are people of the land.
505
00:45:21,359 --> 00:45:24,612
The common clay of the new West.
506
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:27,365
You know.
507
00:45:29,575 --> 00:45:30,576
Morons!
508
00:45:34,872 --> 00:45:36,499
What the hell is that?
509
00:45:51,556 --> 00:45:54,392
Mongo! Santa Marнa!
510
00:45:56,269 --> 00:45:58,521
I believe in it. And if any one of you...
511
00:45:58,604 --> 00:46:01,274
...friends and neighbors,
kind of gather around and...
512
00:46:01,357 --> 00:46:03,318
Holy shit!
513
00:46:08,448 --> 00:46:13,161
And they say that now in Paris, France,
even as we speak...
514
00:46:14,288 --> 00:46:17,583
...Louis Pasteur has devised
a new vaccine...
515
00:46:17,708 --> 00:46:20,544
...that will obliterate anthrax
once and for all.
516
00:46:26,341 --> 00:46:28,969
Hey, you can't park that animal over there!
517
00:46:29,094 --> 00:46:30,345
It's illegal.
518
00:46:37,811 --> 00:46:43,150
Think of it, gentlemen. Hoof-and-mouth
disease a thing of the past!
519
00:46:43,233 --> 00:46:46,695
Never mind that shit, here comes Mongo!
520
00:46:52,951 --> 00:46:54,661
I don't know what it is.
521
00:47:00,418 --> 00:47:03,213
Sheriff, Mongo's back!
He's breaking up the whole town!
522
00:47:03,296 --> 00:47:05,215
You've got to help us, please!
523
00:47:05,298 --> 00:47:07,634
Did you hear that? Now it's "please."
524
00:47:07,967 --> 00:47:12,430
This morning I couldn't get the time
of day. Who is this Mongo, anyway?
525
00:47:12,597 --> 00:47:15,892
Well, Mongo ain't exactly a "who."
He's more of a "what."
526
00:47:16,392 --> 00:47:17,477
What he said.
527
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:19,145
Well, I don't know...
528
00:47:19,979 --> 00:47:22,315
Thank you very much!
529
00:47:23,816 --> 00:47:25,401
The fool's going to...
530
00:47:25,902 --> 00:47:28,238
I mean, the sheriff's going to do it.
531
00:47:33,785 --> 00:47:38,039
No, no, don't do that! If you shoot him,
you'll just make him mad.
532
00:47:49,510 --> 00:47:51,053
Candygram for Mongo!
533
00:48:04,191 --> 00:48:05,276
Me, Mongo.
534
00:48:05,359 --> 00:48:06,610
Sign, please.
535
00:48:17,288 --> 00:48:18,914
Mongo like candy.
536
00:48:26,297 --> 00:48:28,549
A little further down, to the right.
537
00:48:29,049 --> 00:48:31,760
I thought sure that Mongo
would mash him up...
538
00:48:32,303 --> 00:48:34,513
...into little bitty sheriff meatballs.
539
00:48:34,597 --> 00:48:35,890
I just don't understand it.
540
00:48:35,973 --> 00:48:37,433
Be still, Taggart.
541
00:48:38,309 --> 00:48:40,978
My mind is a raging torrent...
542
00:48:41,312 --> 00:48:43,190
...flooded with rivulets of thought...
543
00:48:43,273 --> 00:48:47,903
...cascading into a waterfall
of creative alternatives.
544
00:48:47,986 --> 00:48:50,322
Goldarn it, Mr. Lamarr...
545
00:48:50,405 --> 00:48:54,701
...you use your tongue prettier
than a $20 whore.
546
00:48:56,828 --> 00:48:58,038
Shit-kicker.
547
00:48:59,122 --> 00:49:01,416
Wait a minute, that's it!
548
00:49:03,919 --> 00:49:05,337
And it will work!
549
00:49:05,587 --> 00:49:08,089
You bet it will! What will work?
550
00:49:08,507 --> 00:49:10,175
Elementary, cactus-head!
551
00:49:10,258 --> 00:49:11,760
The Beast has failed.
552
00:49:11,843 --> 00:49:14,971
And when the Beast fails,
it's time to call in Beauty.
553
00:49:16,973 --> 00:49:17,974
Beauty?
554
00:49:20,101 --> 00:49:23,355
She's never failed me before.
She'll turn him into jelly!
555
00:49:23,605 --> 00:49:25,607
She'll bring him to his knees!
556
00:49:28,193 --> 00:49:31,154
Where's my froggy? Where's my froggy?
557
00:49:31,446 --> 00:49:33,823
I don't know.
I didn't see it when I came in.
558
00:49:33,907 --> 00:49:35,825
Damn your eyes, look for it!
559
00:49:43,501 --> 00:49:44,877
There it is.
560
00:49:50,258 --> 00:49:54,971
That was a close one!
Daddy loves Froggy. Froggy love Daddy?
561
00:50:05,106 --> 00:50:07,024
I don't know how you did it.
562
00:50:07,191 --> 00:50:08,484
He was nothing.
563
00:50:08,818 --> 00:50:11,362
The bitch was inventing the candygram.
564
00:50:11,737 --> 00:50:14,323
They probably won't give me credit for it.
565
00:50:23,207 --> 00:50:24,834
Good evening, Sheriff.
566
00:50:25,042 --> 00:50:27,461
Sorry about the "Up yours, nigger."
567
00:50:27,795 --> 00:50:31,758
I hope this apple pie will in some
small way say thank you for your...
568
00:50:31,884 --> 00:50:35,554
...ingenuity and courage
in defeating that horrible Mongo.
569
00:50:36,305 --> 00:50:38,765
Thank you. Much obliged. Good night.
570
00:50:48,650 --> 00:50:52,738
Of course, you'll have the good taste
not to mention that I spoke to you.
571
00:50:58,410 --> 00:51:02,831
I'm rapidly becoming a big
underground success in this town.
572
00:51:02,998 --> 00:51:07,211
See, in another 25 years you'll be able
to shake their hands in broad daylight.
573
00:51:07,294 --> 00:51:09,880
Well, I'm not going to hold
my breath for it.
574
00:51:09,963 --> 00:51:15,177
Come on, I don't want to be late.
Lili von Shtupp is opening tonight.
575
00:51:15,260 --> 00:51:16,512
Lili von who?
576
00:51:31,236 --> 00:51:35,198
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome.
Come on in.
577
00:51:40,620 --> 00:51:43,081
It's Hedley. For you, my dear.
578
00:51:46,167 --> 00:51:48,670
How ordinary!
579
00:51:51,089 --> 00:51:53,925
Lili, Lili, Lili, legs, Lili, Lili!
580
00:51:55,802 --> 00:51:58,805
I can't find the words
to truly express my joy...
581
00:51:59,013 --> 00:52:01,516
...at the rekindling of our association.
582
00:52:01,808 --> 00:52:04,435
Bullshit, what's the job?
583
00:52:06,813 --> 00:52:08,815
I love it when you talk dirty.
584
00:52:21,036 --> 00:52:23,831
Come on, Lamarr,
let's get down to bwass tacks.
585
00:52:24,039 --> 00:52:26,208
What do you want me to do?
586
00:52:27,751 --> 00:52:31,630
I want you to seduce and abandon
the sheriff of Rock Ridge.
587
00:52:32,214 --> 00:52:33,924
You think you can do it?
588
00:52:36,177 --> 00:52:37,761
Is Bismarck a hewwing?
589
00:52:38,179 --> 00:52:41,307
Lili, you're magnificent! Kiss me!
590
00:52:53,444 --> 00:52:57,990
And now, folks,
the gal you've all been waiting for...
591
00:52:58,282 --> 00:53:02,995
...the Bavarian Bombshell herself!
Let's hear it for Lili von Shtupp!
592
00:53:16,134 --> 00:53:19,471
"Here I stand, the goddess of desire
593
00:53:20,013 --> 00:53:23,600
"Set men on fire. I have this power
594
00:53:25,894 --> 00:53:29,356
"Morning, noon and night,
it's drink and dancing
595
00:53:29,940 --> 00:53:33,693
"Some quick romancing,
and then a shower
596
00:53:35,737 --> 00:53:39,241
"Stage door Johnnies
constantly surround me
597
00:53:39,574 --> 00:53:43,078
"They always hound me with one request
598
00:53:45,205 --> 00:53:48,291
"Who can satisfy their lustful habit
599
00:53:49,209 --> 00:53:52,796
"I'm not a rabbit. I need some rest
600
00:54:01,346 --> 00:54:02,931
"I'm tired
601
00:54:04,892 --> 00:54:07,812
"Sick and tired of love
602
00:54:09,772 --> 00:54:12,275
"I've had my fill of love
603
00:54:14,151 --> 00:54:16,946
"From below and above
604
00:54:20,491 --> 00:54:23,786
"Tired, tired of being admired
605
00:54:27,206 --> 00:54:30,209
"Tired of love uninspired
606
00:54:32,253 --> 00:54:34,505
"Let's face it, I'm tired
607
00:54:36,799 --> 00:54:40,970
"I've been with thousands of men
again and again
608
00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:44,849
"They promise the moon
609
00:54:45,766 --> 00:54:50,229
"They're always coming and
going and going and coming
610
00:54:52,565 --> 00:54:54,567
"And always too soon
611
00:54:55,484 --> 00:54:56,819
- Right, girls? -
612
00:54:57,278 --> 00:55:00,991
"I'm tired. Tired of playing the game
613
00:55:04,244 --> 00:55:07,247
"Ain't it a crying shame
614
00:55:08,665 --> 00:55:11,168
"I'm so tired"
615
00:55:12,377 --> 00:55:15,047
Goddamn it, I'm exhausted!
616
00:55:16,924 --> 00:55:20,219
- Hello, cowboy, what's your name?
- Tex ma'am.
617
00:55:20,427 --> 00:55:23,639
"Tex ma'am"? Tell me, Tex ma'am...
618
00:55:23,722 --> 00:55:25,265
...are you in show business?
619
00:55:25,349 --> 00:55:26,183
Nope.
620
00:55:26,266 --> 00:55:31,355
Well, then, why don't you get
your friggin' feet off the stage?
621
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:49,081
Hello, handsome. Is that a 10-gallon hat,
or are you just enjoying the show?
622
00:55:56,881 --> 00:55:59,592
Miss Lili, oh, my lovely lady!
623
00:56:11,729 --> 00:56:14,315
"Tired of playing the game
624
00:56:16,150 --> 00:56:18,570
"Ain't it a crying shame
625
00:56:20,405 --> 00:56:21,823
"I'm so tired
626
00:56:30,748 --> 00:56:32,000
"She's tired
627
00:56:32,625 --> 00:56:35,378
"-Sick and tired of love
- Give her a break
628
00:56:35,461 --> 00:56:38,673
"-She's had her fill of love
- She's not a snake
629
00:56:38,756 --> 00:56:42,844
"-From below and above
- Can't you see she's sick
630
00:56:42,927 --> 00:56:44,179
"She's bushed
631
00:56:44,262 --> 00:56:46,849
"-Tired of being admired
- Let her alone
632
00:56:46,932 --> 00:56:49,351
"Tired of love uninspired
633
00:56:51,562 --> 00:56:53,355
"Don't you know she's pooped
634
00:56:53,439 --> 00:56:57,610
"I've been with thousands of men
again and again
635
00:56:59,361 --> 00:57:01,906
"They sing the same tune
636
00:57:02,448 --> 00:57:05,951
"They start with Byron and Shelley
637
00:57:06,118 --> 00:57:10,247
"Then jump on your belly,
and bust your balloon
638
00:57:17,129 --> 00:57:19,715
"Tired of playing the game
639
00:57:21,509 --> 00:57:23,969
"Ain't it a friggin' shame
640
00:57:25,930 --> 00:57:27,139
"I'm so..."
641
00:57:28,098 --> 00:57:32,520
Let's face it.
Everything below the waist is kaput!
642
00:58:08,181 --> 00:58:09,891
What does it say?
643
00:58:10,141 --> 00:58:15,272
"I must see you alone in my dwessing
woom right after the show."
644
00:58:29,744 --> 00:58:32,415
Wie geht's, meine Schatzie?
645
00:58:33,082 --> 00:58:34,125
Faw out!
646
00:58:39,255 --> 00:58:42,383
A wed wose. How womantic!
647
00:58:44,051 --> 00:58:45,720
Have a seat, Shewiff.
648
00:58:51,726 --> 00:58:53,269
Won't you excuse me for a moment...
649
00:58:53,352 --> 00:58:56,856
...while I slip into something
a little bit more comfortable?
650
00:58:59,775 --> 00:59:01,235
Bitte, baby.
651
00:59:08,743 --> 00:59:11,787
Why don't you loosen your bullets?
652
00:59:18,127 --> 00:59:20,671
Ahh, I feel wefweshed!
653
00:59:21,631 --> 00:59:23,633
Isn't it bwight in here?
654
00:59:30,015 --> 00:59:32,935
There! Isn't that better?
655
00:59:35,270 --> 00:59:37,523
Pardon me, I'll be back in a moment.
656
00:59:41,235 --> 00:59:42,444
How's it going?
657
00:59:42,528 --> 00:59:46,949
He's like wet sauerkraut in my hands.
By morning he will be my slave.
658
00:59:47,366 --> 00:59:48,450
Splendid.
659
00:59:48,659 --> 00:59:50,869
Oh, just let me have a little feel.
660
00:59:51,620 --> 00:59:53,830
Where were we? Where are you?
661
00:59:55,958 --> 00:59:58,126
Let me sit down next to you.
662
01:00:00,629 --> 01:00:02,172
Tell me, Schatzie...
663
01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:07,302
...is it, ah, twu what they say
about the way you people are gifted?
664
01:00:09,805 --> 01:00:12,808
Oh, it's twu, it's twu!
665
01:00:19,190 --> 01:00:21,568
Vill you care for another Schnitzengruben?
666
01:00:21,651 --> 01:00:25,697
No, thank you.
Fifteen is my limit on Schnitzengruben.
667
01:00:26,531 --> 01:00:29,158
Well, then, how about a little...?
668
01:00:32,662 --> 01:00:36,082
Baby, please, I am not from Havana.
669
01:00:36,916 --> 01:00:38,626
Excuse me, honey...
670
01:00:38,710 --> 01:00:43,006
...besides, I'm late for work.
I've got some heavy chores to do.
671
01:00:43,089 --> 01:00:45,425
Vill I, vill I see you later?
672
01:00:46,676 --> 01:00:51,097
That all depends on how much
vitamin E I can get my hands on.
673
01:00:51,181 --> 01:00:53,141
Nein, nein, achtung!
674
01:00:53,975 --> 01:00:56,144
No, no, you mustn't go! I need you!
675
01:00:56,227 --> 01:01:00,815
I never met nobody like you!
I can't live without you!
676
01:01:02,066 --> 01:01:06,571
Please, you're making
a German spectacle of yourself.
677
01:01:08,573 --> 01:01:10,241
Auf wiedersehen, baby.
678
01:01:17,541 --> 01:01:19,585
Oh, what a nice guy.
679
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:31,096
Oh, deary, dear.
Look what the cat dragged in.
680
01:01:44,360 --> 01:01:46,612
What's happening in the clean world?
681
01:01:47,112 --> 01:01:48,197
Bad news.
682
01:01:48,739 --> 01:01:53,118
I've got a writ here for Mongo's release
signed by Hedley Lamarr himself.
683
01:01:58,040 --> 01:02:01,210
Why would a dude like Hedley Lamarr
care about Mongo?
684
01:02:04,421 --> 01:02:05,589
It's legal.
685
01:02:08,009 --> 01:02:11,388
Oh, those Schnitzengrubens
can wipe you out!
686
01:02:18,937 --> 01:02:20,272
Wake up time!
687
01:02:26,570 --> 01:02:29,239
Okay, Mongo. You're free to go.
688
01:02:31,032 --> 01:02:32,242
Mongo no go.
689
01:02:34,870 --> 01:02:38,373
Oh, come on, Mongo. You're a free man.
690
01:02:40,166 --> 01:02:44,838
Mongo stay with Sheriff Bart.
Sheriff first man ever whip Mongo.
691
01:02:46,631 --> 01:02:50,552
Mongo impressed,
have deep feelings for Sheriff Bart.
692
01:02:52,971 --> 01:02:55,223
You better watch out, big fella.
693
01:02:55,432 --> 01:02:58,185
I think Mongo's taken a little fancy to you.
694
01:03:02,648 --> 01:03:03,941
Mongo straight.
695
01:03:08,738 --> 01:03:11,032
Maybe you know why a high-roller...
696
01:03:11,115 --> 01:03:14,035
...like Hedley Lamarr is interested
in Rock Ridge.
697
01:03:14,243 --> 01:03:18,372
Don't know.
Got to do with where choo-choo go.
698
01:03:21,959 --> 01:03:26,047
Mongo, why would Hedley Lamarr
care about where the choo-choo goes?
699
01:03:27,006 --> 01:03:28,132
Don't know.
700
01:03:30,051 --> 01:03:33,471
Mongo only pawn in game of life.
701
01:03:37,850 --> 01:03:40,019
This might be a good time to mosey out...
702
01:03:40,102 --> 01:03:42,313
...to where they're building the railroad...
703
01:03:42,396 --> 01:03:44,565
...and maybe do a little snooping.
704
01:04:23,647 --> 01:04:25,691
Damn, damn!
705
01:04:32,322 --> 01:04:35,492
Hey, how are you doing, Bart?
Get down off that horse!
706
01:04:41,582 --> 01:04:44,543
Oh, you shifty nigger!
They said you were hung!
707
01:04:44,877 --> 01:04:46,211
And they were right!
708
01:04:46,295 --> 01:04:49,215
Look at that star, hoo-ee! Civil service!
709
01:04:52,969 --> 01:04:54,554
Wait. Back off, scamp.
710
01:04:54,637 --> 01:04:58,099
You are addressing the duly appointed
sheriff of Rock Ridge.
711
01:04:58,558 --> 01:05:03,062
Rock Ridge?
Hey, the railroad is going through there!
712
01:05:17,452 --> 01:05:21,956
Back up off your brother!
Don't mess up your brother!
713
01:05:38,389 --> 01:05:40,434
Holy mother of pearl!
714
01:05:41,143 --> 01:05:44,438
It's that nigger that hit me
on the head with the shovel!
715
01:05:44,939 --> 01:05:48,609
Now what the hell do you think
you're doing with that tin star, boy?
716
01:05:48,692 --> 01:05:53,364
Watch that "boy" shit, redneck!
You're talking to the sheriff of Rock Ridge.
717
01:05:55,908 --> 01:05:58,077
Well, now if that don't beat all!
718
01:05:58,327 --> 01:06:00,579
Here we take the good time and trouble...
719
01:06:00,663 --> 01:06:04,124
...to slaughter every last Indian
in the West, and for what?
720
01:06:04,792 --> 01:06:08,963
So they can appoint a sheriff
that's blacker than any Indian!
721
01:06:10,130 --> 01:06:11,549
I am depressed.
722
01:06:12,007 --> 01:06:15,636
Excuse me, Mr. Taggart, sir,
but I sure do hate to see you like this.
723
01:06:15,719 --> 01:06:18,639
What if me and the boys
were to shoot that nigger dead?
724
01:06:18,722 --> 01:06:20,474
Would that pep you up some?
725
01:06:20,558 --> 01:06:21,976
Well, it might help.
726
01:06:22,059 --> 01:06:24,728
All right, boys. On the count of three.
727
01:06:25,479 --> 01:06:27,815
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
728
01:06:28,524 --> 01:06:30,484
Don't pay attention to that alky.
729
01:06:30,568 --> 01:06:33,237
He can't even hold a gun,
much less shoot it.
730
01:06:36,074 --> 01:06:38,326
Like I said. On the count of three.
731
01:06:40,245 --> 01:06:41,204
One...
732
01:06:43,206 --> 01:06:44,291
...two...
733
01:06:45,208 --> 01:06:46,293
...three!
734
01:06:57,179 --> 01:07:01,850
Well, just don't sit there looking stupid,
grasping your hands in pain.
735
01:07:02,684 --> 01:07:06,271
How about a little applause
for the Waco Kid?
736
01:07:17,365 --> 01:07:20,118
All right, I'm through being
Mister Goodbar!
737
01:07:20,202 --> 01:07:22,996
The time has come to act and act quickly!
738
01:07:23,121 --> 01:07:24,873
All my plans have backfired!
739
01:07:24,956 --> 01:07:27,251
Instead of the people leaving,
they're staying in droves!
740
01:07:27,335 --> 01:07:31,380
Vhy don't you admit it?
He's too much of man for you. I know.
741
01:07:31,631 --> 01:07:33,966
You going to need an army to beat him!
742
01:07:34,133 --> 01:07:35,593
You're finished.
743
01:07:35,885 --> 01:07:40,389
Fertig! Verfallen!
Verlumpt! Verblunget! Verkackt!
744
01:07:47,188 --> 01:07:49,899
Shut up! You Teutonic twat!
745
01:07:51,108 --> 01:07:52,318
I must think.
746
01:08:01,494 --> 01:08:05,456
Wait a minute. She said army. Of course!
747
01:08:06,290 --> 01:08:10,962
An army of the worst dregs
ever to soil the face of the West!
748
01:08:14,757 --> 01:08:19,095
I've decided to launch an attack
that will reduce Rock Ridge to ashes!
749
01:08:19,637 --> 01:08:21,306
What do you want me to do?
750
01:08:21,390 --> 01:08:25,060
I want you to round up every vicious
criminal and gunslinger in the West.
751
01:08:25,143 --> 01:08:26,436
Take this down.
752
01:08:27,020 --> 01:08:31,441
I want rustlers, cutthroats,
murderers, bounty hunters...
753
01:08:31,775 --> 01:08:36,029
...desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs,
nitwits, half-wits, dimwits...
754
01:08:36,321 --> 01:08:40,951
...vipers, snipers, con men,
Indian agents, Mexican bandits...
755
01:08:41,368 --> 01:08:44,621
...muggers, buggerers,
bushwackers, hornswagglers...
756
01:08:44,830 --> 01:08:48,750
...horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers,
bank robbers, ass-kickers...
757
01:08:48,834 --> 01:08:51,253
...shit-kickers and Methodists!
758
01:08:53,839 --> 01:08:55,674
Could you repeat that, sir?
759
01:09:05,475 --> 01:09:07,186
Where's everybody going?
760
01:09:08,812 --> 01:09:09,938
Read this.
761
01:09:20,408 --> 01:09:24,329
Well, can't you see that's
the last act of a desperate man?
762
01:09:24,495 --> 01:09:30,001
We don't care if it's the First Act
of "Henry the Fifth"! We're leaving!
763
01:09:30,251 --> 01:09:33,838
Now, wait a minute!
Wait just one doggoned minute!
764
01:09:35,215 --> 01:09:39,886
Just give me 24 hours to come up
with a brilliant idea to save our town.
765
01:09:40,470 --> 01:09:43,348
Just 24 hours, that's all I ask.
766
01:09:43,765 --> 01:09:44,849
No!
767
01:09:45,892 --> 01:09:47,936
You'd do it for Randolph Scott.
768
01:09:53,525 --> 01:09:56,402
All right, Sheriff. 24 hours.
769
01:10:57,006 --> 01:10:57,923
Next!
770
01:10:59,258 --> 01:11:00,551
Qualifications?
771
01:11:00,801 --> 01:11:03,054
Rape, murder, arson and rape.
772
01:11:03,680 --> 01:11:05,223
You said rape twice.
773
01:11:05,932 --> 01:11:07,142
I like rape.
774
01:11:09,686 --> 01:11:12,105
Charming. Sign right here.
775
01:11:13,648 --> 01:11:14,983
Take that badge.
776
01:11:18,987 --> 01:11:20,280
Qualifications?
777
01:11:20,697 --> 01:11:23,783
Arson, armed robbery, mayhem.
778
01:11:24,117 --> 01:11:28,288
Wait a moment.
What have you got in your mouth?
779
01:11:29,581 --> 01:11:30,624
Nothing.
780
01:11:30,749 --> 01:11:32,709
"Nothing," eh? Lyle.
781
01:11:36,213 --> 01:11:37,088
Gum!
782
01:11:37,714 --> 01:11:40,300
Chewing gum on line, eh?
783
01:11:40,717 --> 01:11:43,511
I hope you brought enough for everybody.
784
01:11:45,430 --> 01:11:49,434
I didn't know
there was going to be so many.
785
01:11:52,812 --> 01:11:54,356
Boy, is he strict!
786
01:11:55,316 --> 01:12:00,029
We've got to get in there close
and find out what's happening.
787
01:12:00,154 --> 01:12:01,656
There's our ticket!
788
01:12:08,329 --> 01:12:09,413
Hey, boys!
789
01:12:11,040 --> 01:12:12,792
Look what I've got here!
790
01:12:14,669 --> 01:12:16,837
Hey, where are the white women at?
791
01:12:31,018 --> 01:12:33,271
Man, that was pretty! I liked that.
792
01:12:33,980 --> 01:12:37,775
Be ready to attack Rock Ridge
at noon tomorrow. Here's your badge.
793
01:12:41,571 --> 01:12:44,365
We don't need no stinking badges!
794
01:12:46,659 --> 01:12:47,577
Next!
795
01:12:47,827 --> 01:12:49,121
Qualifications?
796
01:12:49,454 --> 01:12:50,914
Stampeding cattle.
797
01:12:51,331 --> 01:12:53,083
That's not much of a crime.
798
01:12:53,166 --> 01:12:54,710
Through the Vatican?
799
01:12:55,002 --> 01:12:56,003
Kinky!
800
01:12:56,920 --> 01:12:58,046
Sign here.
801
01:12:59,423 --> 01:13:01,717
Why, Rhett,
how many times have I told you...
802
01:13:01,800 --> 01:13:04,344
...to wash up after weekly cross-burning?
803
01:13:04,678 --> 01:13:06,263
See, it's coming off.
804
01:13:08,473 --> 01:13:11,977
And now, for my next impression,
Jesse Owens!
805
01:13:13,729 --> 01:13:15,022
Catch them!
806
01:13:15,981 --> 01:13:20,110
Hold up, men,
we'll head them off at the pass!
807
01:13:21,695 --> 01:13:25,824
Head them off at the pass?
I hate that clichй!
808
01:13:44,510 --> 01:13:45,762
Say, "hello."
809
01:13:46,054 --> 01:13:47,013
Hello.
810
01:13:47,889 --> 01:13:50,141
Listen to me, and listen to me good.
811
01:13:50,308 --> 01:13:52,602
I want you to get
all the brothers together...
812
01:13:52,685 --> 01:13:57,023
...round up all the lumber, canvas, paint
and nails you can lay your hands on...
813
01:13:57,106 --> 01:14:01,778
...and meet me tonight 3 miles
due east of Rock Ridge at midnight.
814
01:14:02,445 --> 01:14:03,738
You understand?
815
01:14:03,863 --> 01:14:05,156
Say, "goodbye."
816
01:14:06,533 --> 01:14:08,159
Thanks a lot, brother.
817
01:14:36,772 --> 01:14:39,900
I know you're a bit
confused wondering what you're doing...
818
01:14:39,984 --> 01:14:42,403
...in the middle of the prairie
in the middle of the night.
819
01:14:42,486 --> 01:14:43,904
You bet your ass!
820
01:14:44,822 --> 01:14:45,865
I'm hip.
821
01:14:46,365 --> 01:14:48,117
Now, before the sun comes up...
822
01:14:48,200 --> 01:14:54,290
...we're going to build on this site
an exact replica of the town of Rock Ridge.
823
01:14:57,251 --> 01:15:00,754
Every building, every storefront,
every rock and every tree...
824
01:15:00,921 --> 01:15:04,466
...right down to the orange roof
on Howard Johnson's outhouse.
825
01:15:05,509 --> 01:15:06,594
I get it!
826
01:15:06,927 --> 01:15:10,222
Tomorrow when Hedley Lamarr
and his men come riding in to destroy...
827
01:15:10,306 --> 01:15:13,767
...the real Rock Ridge,
they'll destroy the fake Rock Ridge!
828
01:15:13,851 --> 01:15:15,853
But they'll think it's the real Rock Ridge!
829
01:15:15,936 --> 01:15:17,980
But we'll know it's the fake Rock Ridge!
830
01:15:18,063 --> 01:15:21,650
How're we going to do it?
We don't have the time nor the people.
831
01:15:21,817 --> 01:15:24,111
Wrong! There's why.
832
01:15:27,114 --> 01:15:29,034
Who the hell are they?
833
01:15:32,746 --> 01:15:37,459
Railroad workers. They've agreed
to help us make our dream come true.
834
01:15:37,542 --> 01:15:40,462
And all they ask in return
is a little plot of land...
835
01:15:40,545 --> 01:15:42,797
... they can call their own to homestead.
836
01:15:42,881 --> 01:15:44,257
What do you say?
837
01:15:51,473 --> 01:15:54,976
We'll give some land to the niggers
and the chinks...
838
01:15:55,644 --> 01:15:57,812
...but we don't want the Irish!
839
01:16:03,276 --> 01:16:04,361
No deal.
840
01:16:05,403 --> 01:16:08,698
Ah, prairie shit! Everybody!
841
01:16:13,787 --> 01:16:14,955
Oh, Lord...
842
01:16:15,997 --> 01:16:20,669
...do we have the strength to carry on
this mighty task in one night?
843
01:16:23,381 --> 01:16:25,716
Or are we just jerking off?
844
01:16:36,477 --> 01:16:41,148
Okay, okay, we have done it.
Now, let's see what we have done.
845
01:17:21,398 --> 01:17:25,736
Men, you are about to embark
on a great crusade...
846
01:17:27,070 --> 01:17:29,698
...to stamp out runaway decency
in the West.
847
01:17:30,282 --> 01:17:32,868
Now you will only be risking your lives...
848
01:17:33,076 --> 01:17:37,664
...whilst I will be risking an almost
certain Academy Award nomination...
849
01:17:38,832 --> 01:17:40,792
...for Best Supporting Actor.
850
01:17:41,043 --> 01:17:43,587
Now raise your right hand for the pledge.
851
01:17:45,589 --> 01:17:46,506
Right!
852
01:17:48,258 --> 01:17:50,385
And repeat after me. I...
853
01:17:51,428 --> 01:17:52,346
I...
854
01:17:52,554 --> 01:17:53,805
...your name...
855
01:17:53,889 --> 01:17:55,224
...your name...
856
01:17:55,557 --> 01:17:58,602
Schmucks!
...pledge allegiance...
857
01:17:58,936 --> 01:18:00,562
...pledge allegiance...
858
01:18:00,646 --> 01:18:02,231
...to Hedley Lamarr...
859
01:18:02,564 --> 01:18:04,107
...to Hedy Lamarr...
860
01:18:04,441 --> 01:18:05,692
That's Hedley!
861
01:18:05,776 --> 01:18:07,277
...that's Hedley...
862
01:18:07,402 --> 01:18:09,071
...and to the evil...
863
01:18:09,405 --> 01:18:10,990
...and to the evil...
864
01:18:11,241 --> 01:18:13,159
...for which he stands!
865
01:18:13,243 --> 01:18:14,911
...for which he stands!
866
01:18:14,994 --> 01:18:17,455
Now go do that voodoo...
867
01:18:19,040 --> 01:18:21,125
...that you do so well!
868
01:18:32,762 --> 01:18:36,474
Hold the happiness. We are in trouble.
869
01:18:36,975 --> 01:18:39,435
Yep! We forgot one little detail.
870
01:18:39,686 --> 01:18:43,731
Nothing is missing. Everything is here,
down to the last hitching post.
871
01:18:44,274 --> 01:18:46,401
People. There are no people.
872
01:18:46,484 --> 01:18:48,945
Now don't panic. Don't panic.
873
01:18:49,696 --> 01:18:52,490
We just made a perfect copy of Rock Ridge.
874
01:18:52,782 --> 01:18:56,286
Now all we've got to do is
make perfect copies of ourselves.
875
01:18:57,620 --> 01:18:59,873
But they'll be here in half an hour.
876
01:19:00,123 --> 01:19:02,542
Right, so we've got to start working fast.
877
01:19:02,625 --> 01:19:06,881
You men start working on the dummies.
Jim and Mongo, come with me.
878
01:19:06,964 --> 01:19:10,843
I've got an idea
that will slow them down to a crawl.
879
01:19:10,926 --> 01:19:12,469
All right, let's go!
880
01:19:20,060 --> 01:19:22,062
Yeah, that's nice.
881
01:19:44,210 --> 01:19:48,881
Le Petomane Thruway!
Now what will that asshole think of next?
882
01:19:51,467 --> 01:19:53,469
Has anybody got a dime?
883
01:19:55,179 --> 01:19:58,350
Somebody's got to go back
and get a shit-load of dimes.
884
01:20:07,567 --> 01:20:11,488
Hurry up. Speed it up or
we're never going to get to Rock Ridge!
885
01:20:12,072 --> 01:20:14,824
Come on, move them through!
886
01:20:21,081 --> 01:20:23,333
Well, they're through the tollbooth.
887
01:20:25,502 --> 01:20:28,004
Look at this, they're buying it!
888
01:20:38,348 --> 01:20:41,810
All right, here we go.
Hold your ears, folks!
889
01:20:42,269 --> 01:20:43,854
It's show time!
890
01:20:48,900 --> 01:20:49,693
Nothing!
891
01:20:49,776 --> 01:20:51,404
What are we going to do?
892
01:20:51,487 --> 01:20:55,491
Any minute now they're going to discover
the town is fake and pull out!
893
01:20:57,285 --> 01:20:59,787
You think you could squeeze off
a shot from here...
894
01:20:59,871 --> 01:21:02,290
...and set off the dynamite down there?
895
01:21:03,082 --> 01:21:04,584
I'll give it a try.
896
01:21:14,969 --> 01:21:18,306
Oh, Lord, keep this man's eye keen...
897
01:21:18,556 --> 01:21:20,558
...and may God grant...
898
01:21:32,820 --> 01:21:34,071
It's a fake!
899
01:21:34,322 --> 01:21:36,032
We've been suckered in!
900
01:21:53,091 --> 01:21:56,553
Okay, folks, let's wipe them out!
901
01:22:21,119 --> 01:22:22,579
Forgive me, Lord!
902
01:23:25,727 --> 01:23:27,729
"Throw out your hands,
stick out your tush
903
01:23:27,812 --> 01:23:30,023
"Hands on your hips, give them a push
904
01:23:30,106 --> 01:23:33,694
"You'll be surprised,
you're doing the French Mistake. Voilд"
905
01:23:36,113 --> 01:23:37,448
All right, cut!
906
01:23:42,536 --> 01:23:43,537
Wrong!
907
01:23:46,749 --> 01:23:50,127
Just watch me. It's so simple!
908
01:23:50,544 --> 01:23:51,879
You sissy Marys!
909
01:23:52,546 --> 01:23:56,550
Give me the playback.
And watch me, faggots!
910
01:24:10,314 --> 01:24:11,482
Have you got it?
911
01:24:11,565 --> 01:24:12,816
Yessssssss.
912
01:24:13,776 --> 01:24:15,611
Sounds like steam escaping!
913
01:24:15,986 --> 01:24:19,156
Action! Okay, wait until I get out.
914
01:24:22,826 --> 01:24:24,161
Playback!
915
01:24:49,938 --> 01:24:53,859
Cut! What in the hell
do you think you're doing here?
916
01:24:54,192 --> 01:24:56,111
This is a closed set!
917
01:24:57,195 --> 01:24:59,865
Piss on you! I'm working for Mel Brooks.
918
01:25:00,198 --> 01:25:02,117
Not in the face!
919
01:25:04,035 --> 01:25:05,161
Thank you.
920
01:25:05,537 --> 01:25:08,498
They've hit Buddy! Come on, girls!
921
01:25:18,217 --> 01:25:19,886
You vulgar shit!
922
01:25:20,303 --> 01:25:22,972
Why, you miserable pansy!
923
01:25:27,685 --> 01:25:29,854
I'm parked over by the commissary.
924
01:25:34,192 --> 01:25:37,695
You brute, you brute, you vicious brute!
925
01:25:39,405 --> 01:25:41,407
All right, all right...
926
01:25:56,380 --> 01:25:58,299
How many days do you have left, Joey?
927
01:25:58,382 --> 01:26:00,968
They lose me right after the bunker scene.
928
01:26:03,429 --> 01:26:05,056
What the hell is that?
929
01:26:10,311 --> 01:26:13,232
Get your pies for the great pie fight!
930
01:26:17,361 --> 01:26:20,405
This is our studio commissary
where some Hollywood stars...
931
01:26:20,489 --> 01:26:22,491
...come to eat. Keep in line.
932
01:26:29,623 --> 01:26:32,626
And now we'll go to
the Special Effects Department.
933
01:26:37,130 --> 01:26:40,342
Yankee bean soup,
cole slaw and tuna surprise.
934
01:27:20,800 --> 01:27:21,801
Taxi!
935
01:27:27,223 --> 01:27:29,017
Drive me off this picture!
936
01:27:58,213 --> 01:27:59,548
You dropped your beads.
937
01:27:59,632 --> 01:28:00,841
One, please.
938
01:28:02,343 --> 01:28:03,677
Uh, student.
939
01:28:04,303 --> 01:28:05,679
Are you kidding?
940
01:28:07,890 --> 01:28:09,266
Pain in the ass.
941
01:28:09,683 --> 01:28:12,228
Look, Herman, I'm in Hedy Lamarr's shoes!
942
01:28:12,311 --> 01:28:13,312
Hedley!
943
01:28:17,524 --> 01:28:18,692
Raisinettes!
944
01:28:42,258 --> 01:28:43,384
Freeze it!
945
01:28:44,093 --> 01:28:46,345
Okay, Lamarr, go for your gun.
946
01:28:46,679 --> 01:28:49,765
Wait, wait, I'm unarmed.
947
01:28:50,266 --> 01:28:53,186
All right, we'll settle it like men.
948
01:28:54,771 --> 01:28:56,064
With our fists.
949
01:28:57,107 --> 01:29:00,902
Sorry, I just remembered. I am armed.
950
01:29:08,493 --> 01:29:13,164
How did he do such fantastic stunts
with such little feet?
951
01:29:19,129 --> 01:29:20,797
You shot the bad guy!
952
01:29:23,341 --> 01:29:25,343
Well, what do you want to do now?
953
01:29:25,427 --> 01:29:28,138
Come on,
let's check out the end of the flick.
954
01:29:28,722 --> 01:29:32,058
I sure hope there's a happy ending.
I love a happy ending.
955
01:29:37,063 --> 01:29:40,150
Sheriff, you can't go now. We need you.
956
01:29:40,859 --> 01:29:44,404
My work here is done.
I'm needed elsewhere now.
957
01:29:45,197 --> 01:29:48,159
I'm needed wherever
outlaws rule the West.
958
01:29:48,492 --> 01:29:52,496
Wherever innocent women and children
are afraid to walk the streets.
959
01:29:53,164 --> 01:29:55,917
Wherever a man cannot live
in simple dignity.
960
01:29:56,250 --> 01:29:59,879
Wherever people cry out for justice.
961
01:30:00,838 --> 01:30:02,173
Bullshit!
962
01:30:04,967 --> 01:30:06,302
All right, you caught me.
963
01:30:06,385 --> 01:30:10,223
To speak the plain truth,
it's getting pretty damn dull around here.
964
01:30:10,389 --> 01:30:13,601
Good luck, Bart, and God bless you.
965
01:30:18,856 --> 01:30:20,358
Bye, baby brother.
966
01:30:22,318 --> 01:30:24,028
Keep the faith, brothers!
967
01:30:40,504 --> 01:30:42,464
Where are you headed, cowboy?
968
01:30:43,465 --> 01:30:44,841
Nowhere special.
969
01:30:47,636 --> 01:30:51,723
Nowhere special.
I always wanted to go there.
970
01:30:54,309 --> 01:30:55,352
Come on!
971
01:31:26,425 --> 01:31:30,178
"He conquered fear and he conquered hate
972
01:31:30,512 --> 01:31:33,850
"He turned our night into day"
973
01:31:59,250 --> 01:32:01,961
Subtitles conformed by SOFTITLER
974
01:32:02,305 --> 01:32:08,848
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