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1
00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:14,041
Sorry! It was a onetime offense, man.
2
00:00:14,447 --> 00:00:16,608
Won't happen again.
3
00:00:23,256 --> 00:00:25,656
Come on, man. All I did was jaywalk.
4
00:00:25,892 --> 00:00:30,795
Stop! No, please! No! No!
5
00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:03,495
I'm the Batman.
6
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:15,326
Tonight, all of Gotham again
finds itself terrorized by Joker.
7
00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:20,430
Only this time, instead of breaking
the law, he's enforcing it.
8
00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:25,203
Donning the costume and mocking the
methods of his constant rival, the Batman...
9
00:02:25,378 --> 00:02:29,781
...Joker has inexplicably turned to
fighting crime. The crazed catch?
10
00:02:29,949 --> 00:02:34,477
It seems the offenses he targets
barely qualify as crimes at all.
11
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:38,055
And as Kimberly Smith,
the 78-year-old grandmother of 10...
12
00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:42,422
...learned after absent-mindedly driving for
three blocks with her turn signal flashing.
13
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:48,261
...while the crimes may be minor,
Joker's punishment of them is anything but.
14
00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:52,466
Imitation is the sincerest form
of flattery...
15
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:55,130
...but why do you suppose
the tribute, Master Bruce?
16
00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:57,739
Cheap knockoff is more like it.
17
00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:02,780
But what troubles me most is that
my antidote failed to cure Joker's jaywalker.
18
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:08,046
A new strain of Joker gas.
How very ghastly indeed.
19
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,460
- Joker?
- Where?
20
00:03:25,838 --> 00:03:28,500
I don't know what you're after,
but you will be stopped.
21
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:32,372
The only thing I'm after, mayor,
are the bad guys.
22
00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:37,375
Then how do you justify what you did
to three of Gotham P.D.'s finest today?
23
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:41,350
And for what? Speeding?
It was a police chase.
24
00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:43,853
No one's above the law.
25
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:52,224
“Bill for services rendered.
One million dollars?“ What?
26
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:55,663
Crime-fighting ain't charity work,
you know.
27
00:03:55,835 --> 00:04:01,137
- And if the city doesn't comply?
- Then Gotham pays dearly.
28
00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:05,867
Sorry.
29
00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:11,213
I must say, mayor, of all the scum
I've taken down so far...
30
00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:15,712
...it was your wife who
disappointed me the most.
31
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,022
My wife? Sheila?
32
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:19,920
What have you done to Sheila?
33
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:24,730
Eleven items at a 10-item grocery
checkout. She had it coming.
34
00:04:30,703 --> 00:04:32,261
Sheila.
35
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:33,427
Sheila!
36
00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:44,714
Well, well, well...
37
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,617
...graffiti!
38
00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:49,919
That's a pretty serious offense, girls.
39
00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:52,319
But that's why I became a crime-fighter.
40
00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:55,222
To take out garbage like you.
41
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:02,431
The costume party's over, Joker.
42
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,530
Joker? Didn't you hear?
43
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:07,366
The clown prince of crime
has checked out.
44
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,303
He just couldn't take any more.
45
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,306
Couldn't take the Batman...
46
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,877
...always there
to thwart his latest scheme.
47
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,709
Well, it was really starting
to drive him mad.
48
00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:20,882
But then Joker thought
it he couldn't beat the bat...
49
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:23,955
...he'd be the bat.
50
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:26,817
Then Gotham has one Batman too many.
51
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,757
Which means one of us has gotta go.
52
00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:31,988
My thoughts exactly.
53
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:40,823
New and improved Batman
beats original recipe.
54
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:43,892
But that doesn't mean
our rivalry has to end.
55
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,334
You see, the Batman needs a Joker...
56
00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:48,406
...someone who gives him purpose.
57
00:06:48,674 --> 00:06:51,404
Which means if I'm going to
make it as the Dark Knight...
58
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:54,705
...I'm going to need a Joker of my own.
59
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:58,907
And who better a foil than you,
old friend?
60
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,723
Joker venom.
61
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:11,591
Just the thing to inject
a bit of humor into you.
62
00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:19,399
Don't fret, Batman.
You'll soon make a great Joker.
63
00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:22,598
Just don't forget to smile.
64
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:40,082
That is quite a nasty bite, sir.
65
00:07:40,259 --> 00:07:41,886
Really, Alfred, it's nothing.
66
00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:46,220
Nothing? Who knows what chemical
concoction that madman cooked up for you?
67
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:50,460
Look, if the snake's venom was harmful,
I'm sure I'd know it by now.
68
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,464
And to tell the truth, Alfred...
69
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,003
...I feel great.
70
00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:56,141
Even a bit chipper.
71
00:07:56,843 --> 00:08:00,301
Even so, we should let your
lab results inform us whether...
72
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,677
...anything dangerous is currently
coursing through your veins.
73
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:06,250
I think the only dangerous thing
you're gonna find...
74
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,649
...are my cholesterol levels.
75
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:13,554
- Sir?
- Nothing, Alfred. Just a bad joke.
76
00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:16,194
Well, I'd better get to the hospital
and see about...
77
00:08:16,362 --> 00:08:19,126
...sneaking a blood sample
from Mayor Grange's wife.
78
00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:22,165
Sir, all things considered,
until we know your results...
79
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,599
...I must insist
you remain in the Batcave.
80
00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:28,831
Sorry, Alfred. Right now, I'm the only hope
of Joker's victims getting an antidote.
81
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:32,239
And besides, Mayor Grange could
probably use some support.
82
00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:35,605
Seeing an old friend might
bring a smile to his face.
83
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:44,385
I can't begin to imagine what
you're going through, mayor.
84
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:47,022
It's been a real tough stretch, Bruce.
85
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:50,729
Your arm. You hurt yourself?
86
00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:52,826
Cut myself shaving.
87
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,468
Kidding.
88
00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:03,175
Yes, well, I am glad you came, Bruce.
I was hoping I could get your advice.
89
00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:06,402
Joker's demanding a large ransom,
and the city, well...
90
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:09,878
...just doesn't have that kind
of money available.
91
00:09:10,182 --> 00:09:12,776
If it means helping Gotham
and easing your burden...
92
00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:14,920
...I can write you a check right now.
93
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,188
You... You'd do that?
94
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,156
No.
95
00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:22,385
Yes.
96
00:09:22,828 --> 00:09:24,557
I'm not sure that's funny, Bruce.
97
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:28,393
No, I'm being very serious, sir.
98
00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:31,966
Ale you sure everything's all right?
99
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:38,435
Maybe I am a little bit out of sorts.
100
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:41,439
Why don't we see how Sheila's doing?
101
00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:46,749
I wanna warn you, it's pretty shocking.
102
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:52,550
Oh, that's terrib...
103
00:09:57,396 --> 00:10:00,695
Bruce, please!
104
00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:03,960
Sorry. Oh, I don't know
what's come over me.
105
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:11,171
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
106
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,203
Hey!
107
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,844
The Joker venom.
108
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:28,421
The results of the lab analysis
are grim, Alfred. Very grim.
109
00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:31,495
It seems Joker's new venom
attacks the nervous system...
110
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:35,964
...and forces the body to gradually
increasing fits of laughter, until finally...
111
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:41,004
Joker said he wanted an archenemy,
but he didn't say a pulse was required.
112
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:44,242
That's rich.
113
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,742
You crack me up, Al.
114
00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:51,950
So I devised this antidote.
115
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:55,519
All I need is a sample of Joker's
original venom in older to complete it.
116
00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:57,849
Which would require finding Joker.
117
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,355
And soon. At the poison's current rate
of progress, I have an hour left to live.
118
00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:08,462
And now only 59 minutes, 39 seconds.
119
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:13,501
Fifty-nine minutes, 27 seconds.
120
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:17,373
Things can't get any worse now,
can they?
121
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:50,566
Pull yourself together, sir.
122
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:52,637
I'm sorry, Alfred.
123
00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:56,077
This venom is driving me batty. Batty!
124
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,750
The Batwave.
125
00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:06,280
- Break-in at the Gotham Museum of Art.
- Joker?
126
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,927
The crime clown has
a different m.o. these days.
127
00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:12,724
Isn't the museum hosting a collection
of priceless Fabergé eggs this week?
128
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:16,501
- You don't think...?
- Penguin.
129
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:20,337
As much as I hate to suggest it,
Oswald Cobblepot...
130
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:24,374
...will have to get a free pass tonight,
as your focus must be on finding Joker.
131
00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:27,910
If Joker's playing Batman,
he'll be there to take down Penguin.
132
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,911
I can hit two birds with one stone.
133
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,976
Get it? Birds!
134
00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:36,922
Good one, sir.
135
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,817
Break-in at the Gotham Museum of Art.
136
00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:42,927
This looks like a job for...
137
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,325
...the Batman.
138
00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:07,948
Oh, these precious eggs are
gonna hatch me a fortune.
139
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:12,156
The perfect crime. No fuss, no muss...
140
00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:15,157
-...and no.
- Penguin.
141
00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:18,654
...Batman.
142
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,953
Joker?
143
00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:43,816
I'm the Batman.
144
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,548
You see, the thing is...
145
00:13:46,725 --> 00:13:48,124
...you're not!
146
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:50,989
The eggs, Penguin, or I scramble you.
147
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:52,562
Are you out of your gourd?
148
00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:54,358
I'm in the middle of a heist.
149
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:58,970
You don't see me barging in on your
gas-all-of-Gotham schemes, do you?
150
00:13:59,138 --> 00:14:01,572
It is called professional courtesy.
151
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:05,073
Sorry, Pengy, but bringing down
Gotham's second biggest criminal...
152
00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:07,678
...means my biggest bounty yet.
153
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:10,109
Second biggest?
154
00:14:10,282 --> 00:14:12,250
Says who?
155
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,447
- Joker .
- Batman?
156
00:14:44,783 --> 00:14:48,913
If it isn't dumb and dumber.
157
00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:55,124
Okay, now you two are
starting to creep me out.
158
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:58,092
This is no longer funny, Joker.
159
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,157
Hand over the venom.
160
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:08,066
But you're so close to completing
your evolution.
161
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,902
Well, it seems you two have
something to settle, so I'll...
162
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:14,136
- Not so fast, Penguin. The eggs.
- The eggs.
163
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,062
Yes.
164
00:15:42,074 --> 00:15:45,237
That is one expensive omelet.
165
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:52,444
Since I can't leave here empty-handed...
166
00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:58,513
You do not want that, Penguin.
167
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:03,287
If you want it, Batman, I want it.
168
00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:35,322
Comedy is timing, you know.
169
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:58,749
Well, now, what could it be
that you want so badly?
170
00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:01,644
No. That is not a good idea.
171
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,253
Says you.
172
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,118
Priceless.
173
00:17:22,474 --> 00:17:26,467
Well, guess I'll just hang out here.
174
00:17:27,679 --> 00:17:30,204
That's a good one, Pengy.
175
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:46,792
You know, it's funny.
This situation reminds me of a joke.
176
00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:49,293
A doctor told his patient:
177
00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:52,665
“I have bad news and worse news.“
178
00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:57,002
“Oh, dear. What's the bad news?“
asked the patient.
179
00:17:57,342 --> 00:18:01,108
The doctor replied.
“You only have 24 hours to live.“
180
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:07,113
“That's terrible," said the patient, "but how
can the other news possibly be worse?“
181
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:15,120
The doctor replied, "Well...
182
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:19,162
...I've been trying to contact
you since yesterday!“
183
00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:33,543
That joke always slays them.
184
00:18:52,664 --> 00:18:55,929
You really know how to squelch a laugh.
185
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:03,533
Stop me if you've heard
this one before, Joker.
186
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,840
A man walked into a bar...
187
00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:11,640
...and said:
188
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:26,054
Good one, Batman. Said:
189
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:31,398
Who knew you had it in you?
190
00:19:33,705 --> 00:19:35,866
That's the Joker I know.
191
00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:45,510
Hey, what's so funny?
15021
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