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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:42,320 It's... 2 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:46,480 NARRATOR: Monty Python's Flying Circus. 3 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:49,360 [♪ ♪ ♪] 4 00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:16,800 MAN: Oh, no, you don't. 5 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,040 [BEAR GROWLING] 6 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,080 Hey, did you see that? 7 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:39,800 Hm? 8 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:42,240 Did you see somebody go past the window? 9 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:43,680 What? 10 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:45,560 Somebody just went past the window. 11 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,080 That way. 12 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,800 Oh. 13 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,560 Oh. 14 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,120 Another one. Hm? 15 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,360 Another one just went past, downwards. 16 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,840 What? Two people have just fallen 17 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,520 out of that window to their almost certain death. 18 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,120 Fine, fine. Fine. 19 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:09,920 Look, two people--. 20 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:13,000 Three people have just fallen past that window. 21 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,280 Must be a board meeting. 22 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:17,960 Oh, yeah. 23 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,040 Hey, that was Wilkins of Finance. 24 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,520 No, that was Robertson. 25 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,600 Wilkins. Robertson. 26 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,400 Wilkins. Robertson. 27 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,920 That was Wilkins. That was Wilkins. 28 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:34,600 He was a good golfer, Wilkins. Very good golfer. Very good golfer. 29 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:36,080 Rotten at finance. 30 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,480 It'll be Parkinson next. 31 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:39,880 Bet you it won't. 32 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,960 How much? 33 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:43,360 What? 34 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,280 How much do you bet it won't? 35 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:46,920 Fiver? 36 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:48,920 All right. Done. 37 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:50,840 You're on. Fine. 38 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,720 Come on, Parky. Don't do it, Parky. 39 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,400 Come on, Parky. Come on, now. Be sensible, Parky. 40 00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,920 MAN: I'm writing to complain about that sketch 41 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,680 about people falling out of a building. 42 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,240 I've worked all my life in such a building and have never once-- 43 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,280 [SCREAMING] 44 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,120 Parkinson. Johnson. 45 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,720 [ALL SCREAMING] 46 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,800 MAN 1: My God, this is terrible. 47 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,800 Will somebody please stop it? 48 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,000 MAN 2: I know, sir. Let's try it this way: 49 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,120 [ALL SCREAMING] 50 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:41,520 [GENIE SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH] 51 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,280 [MAN HUMMING] 52 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,400 [WOMAN LAUGHING] 53 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,280 Hello. 54 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,960 [♪ ♪ ♪] 55 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,480 Good evening. Tonight, Spectrum looks at one of the major problems in the world today. 56 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,880 The whole vexed question of what is going on. 57 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,760 Is there still time to confront, solve it, or is it too late? 58 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:22,960 What are the facts? 59 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,280 What do people mean when they talk about things? 60 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,640 Alexander Hardacre of the Economic Affairs Bureau. 61 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,760 In this graph, this column represents 23 percent of the population. 62 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,000 This column represents 28 percent of the population, 63 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,800 and this column represents 43 percent of the population. 64 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,600 Telling figures, indeed. 65 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:39,360 But what do they mean to you? To me? 66 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,160 To the average man in the street? 67 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,360 With me now is Professor Tiddles of Leeds University. 68 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,840 Professor, you've spent many years researching things. What do you think? 69 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,080 It's too early to tell. 70 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,760 Too early to tell, too early to say. It means the same. 71 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:55,240 "Say" is the same as "tell." Not spelt the same, but they mean the same. 72 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:59,240 It's an identical situation we have with "ship" and "boat," but not "bow" and "bough." 73 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,560 They're spelt differently, mean different things, but sound the same. 74 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,280 But the question remains what is the solution to this? 75 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,000 What can we do? What am I saying? 76 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,000 Why am I on this programme? What will I say? 77 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,760 Here to answer is a pro cricketer. 78 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,560 I can say nothing at this point. You're wrong. Professor? 79 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,720 Hello. Hello. So where do we stand? 80 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,360 Where do we stand, sit? Where do we come, go? Do, say? 81 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,760 What do we eat, drink? What do we think, do? 82 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:29,440 [CRASHES] 83 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,800 Sorry. 84 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,840 [BEAR GROWLING] 85 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,280 [DOORBELL RINGS] 86 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,440 Hello. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, isn't it? 87 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,480 That's right. Yes. Well, come on in. 88 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,400 Excuse me not shaking hands, 89 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,320 but I've just been putting a bit of lard on the cat's boil. 90 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,480 Very nice. 91 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,800 Well, you must be tired. It's a long drive from Coventry, isn't it? 92 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,280 Yes, well, we usually reckon on five and a half hours. 93 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,000 It took six hours and 53 minutes 94 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,800 with a 25-minute wait in Frampton Cotterell to stretch. 95 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,640 We had to wait half an hour to go on the M5 near Droitwich. 96 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,640 Really? Then there was a 3-mile queue 97 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,560 just before Bridgewater, on the A38. 98 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,600 Normally, we come around on the B3339, 99 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,120 just before Bridgewater, you see. 100 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:19,280 Really? This time, we decided to risk it. 101 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,280 They always say they're gonna widen it. 102 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,160 Are they? Just by the intersection 103 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:24,680 where the A372 joins up. 104 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:27,640 There's room to widen it there. There's only grass verges. 105 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,840 They could get 6 feet, knock down the hospital. 106 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,840 We took the road through Williton and got the Taunton traffic 107 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,240 on the A358 from Crowcombe and Stogumber. 108 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:36,880 You must be dying for a cup of tea. 109 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,560 Well, wouldn't say no. Not if it's warm and wet. 110 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,960 Well, come on in the lounge. I'm just about to serve afternoon tea. 111 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:45,640 Very nice. 112 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,080 Come on in, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson. 113 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,920 Oh, this is Mr. and Mrs. Phillips. 114 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,520 Good afternoon. Pleased to meet you. 115 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,760 It's their third year with us. 116 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:58,240 We can't keep you away, can we? 117 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,600 And over here is Mr. Hilter. 118 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,200 Good time. Good afternoon. 119 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,640 Planning a little excursion are we, Mr. Hilter? 120 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,000 We make a little... 121 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:11,600 [SPEAKING IN GERMAN] 122 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:13,160 Hike. Hiking. 123 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,920 We make a little hike for Bideford. 124 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,920 Oh, well, you'll be wanting the A39, then. 125 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,400 No, no, no. You've got the wrong map there. 126 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:22,800 This is Stalingrad. 127 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,320 You want the Ilfracombe and Barnstaple section. 128 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,880 Hein-- Reginald, you have the wrong map here, 129 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,320 you silly old, leg-before-wicket English person. 130 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,320 I'm sorry. Sorry, mein Fuehrer. I did not-- 131 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,680 Mein Dickie, old chum. 132 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,200 Lucky Mr. Johnson pointed that out, eh? 133 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,040 You wouldn't have had much fun in Stalingrad, would you? 134 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:48,280 I said, you wouldn't have had much fun in Stalingrad, would you? 135 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:50,680 Not much fun in Stalingrad, no. 136 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:52,440 I'm sorry. I didn't introduce you. 137 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,520 This is Ron. Ron Vibbentrop. 138 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,160 Oh, not Von Ribbentrop, eh? 139 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:58,640 [SPEAKING IN GERMAN] 140 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,400 Oh, ha-ha! No, he different, other chap. No. 141 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,120 I in Somerset am being born. 142 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:07,400 Von Ribbentrop is born in Diisseldorf, West 8. 143 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,360 So they say. 144 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:13,040 And this is the quiet one: Mr. Bimmler. Heinrich Bimmler. 145 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,080 How do you do? I am not Minehead lad, 146 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,560 but I in Lincolnshire house was given birth to. 147 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,800 But stay in Lincolnshire house during war, 148 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,680 owing to nasty running sores. 149 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:25,800 And was unable to go in the streets, play football, or go to Nurnberg. 150 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:29,400 I am retired window cleaner and pacifist 151 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:32,320 without doing war crimes. Tsk-tsk-tsk. 152 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:35,080 Glad England win World Cup-- Bobby Charlton, Martin Peters. 153 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,680 And eating chips and fish and toad in the holes 154 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,600 and Dundee cake on Piccadilly line. 155 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,680 Don't you know, old chap? And was head of Gestapo for 10 years. 156 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,840 Five years. 157 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:47,160 No, no. 158 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,960 Was not head of Gestapo at all. 159 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:52,120 I make joke. 160 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,320 Mr. Bimmler, you do have us on. 161 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:56,480 [PHONE RINGS] 162 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,200 Oh, excuse me. I must just go and answer that. 163 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,440 How long are you down here for, Mr. Hilter? Just the fortnight? 164 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,800 Why do you ask that? You a spy or something? 165 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:08,240 Get over there against the wall, Britischer pig. You're going to die. 166 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,120 Take it easy, Dickie, old chum. 167 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,560 I'm sorry, Mr. Johnson. He's a bit on edge. 168 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,000 He hasn't slept since 1945. 169 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,240 Shut your cake hole, you Nazi. 170 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,560 Cool it, Fuehrer cat. 171 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,400 Oh, the fun we have. 172 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,560 Haven't I seen him on the television? 173 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:25,720 Oh, no. No. 174 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,600 Television doctor? No, no. 175 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,040 Telephone, Mr. Hilter. 176 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,400 It's that nice Mr. McGéring from the Bell and Compasses. 177 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,560 He says he's found a place where you can hire bombers by the hour. 178 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:39,680 If he opens his big mouth again, it's lampshade time. 179 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:43,720 Shut up. Hire bombers by the hour. 180 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,440 What a laugh he is, that Scottish person. 181 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:47,800 Good old Norman. 182 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,200 He's on the telephone the whole time nowadays. 183 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,600 In business, is he? Soon, baby. 184 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,640 Of course, it's his big day, Thursday. 185 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,320 They've been planning it for months. What happens then? 186 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,640 Oh, it's the North Minehead by-election. 187 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,040 Mr. Hilter's standing as a National Bocialist candidate. 188 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,400 He's got wonderful plans for Minehead. 189 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:08,480 Like what? For a start, he wants to annex Poland. 190 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,240 Oh. North Minehead's Conservative, isn't it? 191 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,360 They get a lot of people at their rallies. 192 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,240 Rallies? Well, their Bocialist meetings 193 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,640 down at the Axis Café on Rosedale Road. 194 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:24,160 [HILTER SHOUTING IN GERMAN OVER MEGAPHONE] 195 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,760 [MUSIC PLAYING OVER GRAMOPHONE] 196 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,840 [SPEAKING IN GERMAN] 197 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:10,000 I am not a racialist... 198 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:17,240 but-- Und this is a big "but." 199 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:24,160 --we in the National Bocialist Party believe: 200 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,560 [SPEAKING IN GERMAN] 201 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,160 [BIMMLER APPLAUDING] 202 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,120 Mr. Hitler-- 203 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:55,320 Hilter. He says that, historically, 204 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:58,920 Taunton is a part of Minehead already. 205 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,240 He's right. Do you know that? 206 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,840 [CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING OVER GRAMOPHONE] 207 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,240 [CROWD CHANTING OVER GRAMOPHONE] 208 00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:36,600 MAN: What do you think of Mr. Hilter's policies? 209 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:40,880 Well, I don't like the sound of these here "boncentration bamps." 210 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,920 Well, I gave him my baby to kiss 211 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,040 and he bit it on the head. 212 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,640 I think he'd do a lot of good for the stock exchange. 213 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:49,880 No, no. 214 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:53,840 Oh, yes, Britischer pals. He is wunderbar-- Ful. 215 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:59,640 I think he's right about the coons, but then, I'm a bit mental. 216 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,640 I think he's got beautiful legs. 217 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:06,160 Well, speaking as Conservative candidate, 218 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,240 I just drone on and on and on and on, 219 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:12,200 never letting anyone else get a word in edgeways, 220 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:16,600 until I start foaming at the mouth and falling over backwards. 221 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,640 Is he foaming at the mouth to fall over backwards, 222 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:22,040 or falling over backwards to foam at the mouth? 223 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,400 Tonight, Spectrum examines frothing and falling, 224 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,720 coughing and calling, screaming and bawling, 225 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,600 galling and mauling, trawling and squalling and "zalling." 226 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:30,960 Is there a word, "zalling"? 227 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,120 If so, what's it mean? If not, what's it mean? 228 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,640 Perhaps both. Maybe neither. 229 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,720 What do I mean by the word "mean"? By the word "word"? 230 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:39,200 What do I mean by "do," and what do I do by "mean"? 231 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:42,160 What do I mean by wasting your time like this? Good night. 232 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:43,840 Good night. 233 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,840 Good evening. I wish to report a burglary. 234 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:50,520 Speak up, please, sir. I wish to report a burglary. 235 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,640 I can't hear you, sir. 236 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,480 I wish to report a burglary! 237 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:57,960 That's a little bit too loud. 238 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,680 Could you say it just a little less loud than that? 239 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,640 I wish to report a burglary. 240 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,640 No, I'm still not getting anything. 241 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,520 Could you try it in a higher register? 242 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:13,160 What do you mean, a higher register? What? 243 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,360 [IN HIGH VOICE] I wish to report a burglary. 244 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:17,760 That's it. Hang on a moment. 245 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,760 Now, a little bit louder. 246 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,320 I wish to report a burglary. Report a what? 247 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:24,960 Burglary! That's it. 248 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,520 That's the exact frequency. Now, keep it there. 249 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,360 [IN HIGH VOICE] Hello, sarge! [IN LOW VOICE] Evening, Charlie. 250 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:34,280 I was sitting at home with a friend of mine from Camber Sands 251 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,360 when we heard a noise in the bedroom! 252 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:41,240 We went to investigate and found £5000 stolen! 253 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,680 [IN NORMAL VOICE] Well, I'm afraid I'm going off duty now, sir. 254 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,240 Could you tell Sergeant Foster? 255 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:50,680 I was sitting at home with a friend of mine from Camber Sands-- 256 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,520 [IN NORMAL VOICE] Excuse me, sir, but why the funny voice? 257 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,960 [IN NORMAL VOICE] I'm sorry. I just got used to talking like that to the other sergeant. 258 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:01,360 Sorry. I can't hear you. Could you try speaking in a lower register? 259 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:09,520 [IN LOW VOICE] I wish to report the loss of £5000. 260 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,680 Five thousand pounds? You better speak to the detective inspector. 261 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,560 [IN LOW VOICE] What seems to be the trouble, sergeant? 262 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,200 [SPEAKING QUICKLY] This man's come to report 263 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,560 he was home, he heard a noise, investigated, 264 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,440 and found that £5000 was stolen. 265 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:22,680 I see. 266 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,120 [IN NORMAL VOICE] Where do you live, sir? 267 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:28,560 [IN NORMAL VOICE] 121 Halliwell Road, Dulwich, SE21. 268 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,360 [SPEAKING QUICKLY] 121 Halliwell Road, Dulwich, SE21. 269 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,720 [IN HIGH VOICE] Another Halliwell Road job, eh, sergeant? 270 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,920 SERGEANT [SPEAKING QUICKLY]: I thought that bloke was put inside last year. 271 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,440 [IN HIGH VOICE] Yes, in Parkhurst. 272 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,520 [IN LOW VOICE] Well, it must have been somebody else. 273 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:40,720 [IN LOW VOICE] Thank you, sergeant. 274 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,320 [IN NORMAL VOICE] We'll get things moving right away. 275 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:43,600 [IN HIGH VOICE] You take over, sergeant. 276 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,200 [IN LOW VOICE] Alert all squad cars in the area. 277 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,120 [ALTERNATING VOLUME] Hello, darling. I'm afraid I'll be late home this evening. 278 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:53,520 ♪ Calling all squad cars In the area ♪♪ 279 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:58,120 [IN MAN'S VOICE] I think that's in very bad taste. 280 00:15:58,280 --> 00:15:59,840 [MEOWS] 281 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,200 [BARKING] 282 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:02,960 [BLEATING] 283 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:08,600 Some people do talk in the most extraordinary way. 284 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,400 MAN: Good afternoon, and welcome to Hurlingham Park. 285 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,720 You join us just as the competitors 286 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,440 are running out onto the field on this lovely winter's afternoon here 287 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:23,280 with the going firm underfoot and very little sign of rain. 288 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:27,160 It certainly looks as though we're in for a splendid afternoon's sport 289 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:31,760 in this, the 127th Upper-class Twit of the Year Show. 290 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,000 Now, the competitors will be off any moment, 291 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,120 so let me just identify them for you. 292 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:40,040 Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith has an O-level in chemo-hygiene. 293 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:42,200 Simon-Zinc-Trumpet-Harris, 294 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:44,240 married to a very attractive table lamp. 295 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,840 Nigel Incubator-Jones' best friend is a tree. 296 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,800 In his spare time, he's a stockbroker. 297 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,080 Gervaise Brook-Hampster is in the Guards 298 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,560 and his father uses him as a wastepaper basket. 299 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,600 And finally, Oliver St. John-Mollusc, Harrow and the Guards, 300 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,840 thought by many to be this year's outstanding twit. 301 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,640 They're moving up to the starting line. 302 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,640 There's a jolly good crowd here today. 303 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:08,480 They're under starters orders. 304 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,760 And... 305 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,320 They're off. 306 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:16,040 No, they're not. 307 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,400 They didn't realize they were supposed to start. 308 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,520 Never mind, we'll sort that out. The judge is explaining it to them. 309 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,920 I think Nigel and Gervaise have got the idea. 310 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,640 All set to go. 311 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,320 Oh, and they're off. And it's a fast start this year. 312 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:32,120 Oliver St. John-Mollusc running a bit wide there. 313 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,160 And now they're coming into their first test: the straight line. 314 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,200 They've got to walk along a straight line without falling over. 315 00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:40,280 And Oliver's over, at the back there. 316 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,640 Simon's coming through quite fast on the outside. 317 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,240 Simon and Nigel, both of them coming through very fast. 318 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,640 There's Nigel, number three. 319 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,360 And there's Gervaise coming through just out of shot. 320 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:50,800 And now, the positions. 321 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,520 Simon and Vivian at the from coming to the matchbox jump. 322 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,960 Three layers of matchboxes to clear. 323 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,080 And Simon's over. And Vivian's over, beautifully. 324 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,000 The jump of a lifetime. If only his father could understand. 325 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,640 Here's Nigel-- No. 326 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,320 And Gervaise is over. 327 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:09,240 No, he's-- Nigel is over. He's only just hit the top. 328 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,720 And now it's Gervaise. Gervaise is going to jump it. 329 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,800 No, he's jumped the wrong way. Well done. 330 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,320 There he goes. Nigel's over, beautifully. 331 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,760 Now it's only Oliver. Oliver and Gervaise. 332 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:20,160 Oh, bad luck. 333 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,040 Now it's Kicking the Beggar. 334 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,240 Simon's there and he's putting the boot in, and not terribly hard, 335 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,640 but there's-- He goes down, Simon can move on. 336 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,640 Now, Vivian's there. Vivian is there and waiting for a chance. 337 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:34,640 Here he comes. The old pile driver. A real pile driver. 338 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,680 And now Simon's our number one, 339 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:38,720 Vivian two, Nigel three, Gervaise four. 340 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:40,440 And Oliver bringing up the rear. 341 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,240 There's Oliver. There's Oliver now. He's at the back. 342 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,640 I think he's having a little trouble with his old brain injury. 343 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,520 He's gonna have a go. No, no. Bad luck. 344 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,200 He doesn't know when he's beaten. 345 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,200 He doesn't know when he's winning, either. 346 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,920 He doesn't have any sort of sensory apparatus there,. 347 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,160 Outstanding. 348 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,440 There's Gervaise, putting the boot in there. 349 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:04,120 He's got the beggar down and the steward's giving him a little advice. 350 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,000 He can move on now. He can move on to the Hunt Photograph. 351 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,640 There's Ger-- I think-- He's off. Gervaise is there 352 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:13,400 and Oliver's still at the back having trouble with the matchboxes. 353 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,200 Now, here's the Hunt Ball Photograph and the first here is Simon. 354 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,240 He's going to enjoy a joke with Lady Arabella Plunkett. 355 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,640 She hopes to go into films. 356 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,040 And Vivian's through there, and Nigel's there, 357 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,880 enjoying a joke with Lady Sarah Pencil Farthing Vivian 358 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:30,200 Steamroller Adams Thigh Biscuit Aftershave Gore Stringbottom Smith. 359 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,840 And there's Simon, now, in the sports car. 360 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,600 He's reversing into the old woman. Caught her beautifully. 361 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,320 He's going to accelerate forward to wake up the neighbour. 362 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,360 There's Vivian. No, Vivian's lost his keys. 363 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:44,080 There's Vivian. He's got the woman, slowly but surely, right in the midriff. 364 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,000 And here he is. Here he is to wake up the neighbour now. 365 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:51,200 Simon comfortably in the lead, but he can't get this neighbour woken up. 366 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,160 He's slamming away there as best he can. 367 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,400 He's getting absolutely no reaction at all. 368 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:59,120 There. He's woken him up. And Simon's through. 369 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,320 Here comes Vivian. Vivian to slam the door. 370 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,680 There we are, back at the ball. That's Gervaise. 371 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:07,880 That's Gervaise going through, there. And here comes Oliver, brave Oliver. 372 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,320 Is he gonna make it to the table? I don't think so. 373 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:11,480 Yes, he is. 374 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,680 And the crowd are rising to him, there. 375 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,600 And there I can see-- Who is that there? 376 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:21,480 Yes, that's Nigel. Nigel has woken the neighbour. My God, this is exciting. 377 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:22,640 Nigel's very excited. 378 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,680 He's going through. Here comes Gervaise. 379 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,520 Gervaise-- No, this is... 380 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,800 Out from is Simon, who's supposed to insult the waiter and he forgot. 381 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:35,520 And Oliver has run himself over. What a great twit. 382 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,640 And now, here comes Vivian. Vivian to insult the waiter, 383 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,680 and he is heaping abuse on him. He's humiliating him there, 384 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,920 and he's in the lead. Simon's not with him. 385 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,560 Vivian's hit the bar. They've got to get under this bar. 386 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,720 This is extremely difficult as it requires 387 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,520 absolutely expert coordination between mind and body. 388 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,840 They need to get there. Here we go again. 389 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,320 Simon's fallen backwards. Here's Nigel. He's tripped. 390 00:20:56,480 --> 00:21:00,160 Nigel has tripped and he's under. Simon fails again. 391 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,080 Now here is Gervaise-- And Simon is through by accident. 392 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,680 There's Gervaise, he's the last one, but here we are. 393 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,680 Nigel at the head of the field. He's gotta shoot the rabbit. 394 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,760 The rabbits have been tied to the ground, tend to be frisky, 395 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,520 and this is only a one-day event. 396 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,680 They're blazing away. They're not getting the results they might. 397 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:20,040 Gervaise is in there, trying to bash it to death with his rifle. 398 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,480 And I think Nigel's in there with his bare hands, 399 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,240 but they're not getting results. It is a little misty 400 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,000 and they're shooting from a range of at least one foot. 401 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:29,840 But there's a couple of hits there. 402 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,840 They've had a couple of hits, and the whole field is up again, 403 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,040 and here they are. 404 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:38,200 They're coming to the debs. Gervaise first, Vivian second, Simon third. 405 00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:40,920 And now they've got to take the bras off from the front. 406 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:42,360 This is really difficult. 407 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:45,080 This is the most difficult part of the entire competition. 408 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,040 They're having a bit of trouble in there. 409 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,320 They're really trying now and the crowd is getting excited, 410 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,320 and I think some of the twits are getting excited too. 411 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,600 Vivian is there, Vivian is coming through. 412 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,040 Simon's in second place. 413 00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,600 And-- Oh, there's Oliver. He's dead, but not necessarily out of it. 414 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,920 There goes Nigel. No, he's lost something. 415 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,560 And Gervaise running through to this final obstacle. 416 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,160 All they have to do here to win the title is to shoot themselves. 417 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,960 Simon has a go. Bad luck, he misses. Nigel misses. 418 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,920 Now there's Gervaise, and Gervaise has shot himself. 419 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:17,840 Gervaise is Upper-class Twit of the Year. 420 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,040 There's Nigel. He's shot Simon by mistake. 421 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:23,280 Simon is second, and there's Nigel. Nigel's shot himself. 422 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,160 Nigel is third in this fine 423 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,240 and most exciting Upper-class Twit of the Year I've ever seen. 424 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,360 Nigel's clubbed himself into fourth place. 425 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:36,560 And so the final result, Upper-class Twit of the Year: 426 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,560 Gervaise Brook-Hampster of Kensington and Weybridge. 427 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,480 Runner up: Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith of Kensington. 428 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,960 And third: Nigel Incubator-Jones of Henley. 429 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,080 There will certainly be some car-door slamming 430 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:49,800 in the streets of Kensington tonight. 431 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,760 WOMAN: Dear sir, how splendid it is 432 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,920 to see the flower of British manhood wiping itself out 433 00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:58,160 with such pluck and tenacity. 434 00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:01,520 Britain need have no fear with leaders of this calibre. 435 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,160 If only a few of the so-called working classes 436 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:06,720 would destroy themselves so sportingly. 437 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:07,880 Yours, et cetera, 438 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,640 Brigadier Mainwaring Smith Smith Smith, et cetera. 439 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,360 Deceased, et cetera. 440 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:16,200 PS, et cetera. Come on, other ranks, show your stuff. 441 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,800 Yes, sir. I'll do me best, sir. 442 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:21,760 [COUGHS] 443 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,360 WOMAN: No, not good enough. 444 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:26,960 [COUGHS] 445 00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,880 No, still not good enough. 446 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,840 [COUGHS] 447 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,240 Yeah, that's better. 448 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,440 [♪ ♪ ♪] 449 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,600 Ick! 450 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,400 Okay, all clear. 451 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:50,920 [GIBBERING] 452 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,040 [♪ ♪ ♪] 453 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:23,440 Now, I understand that you want to marry my daughter. 454 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,440 That's right. Yeah, yeah. 455 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,080 Yes. You realize, of course, that Rosamund is still rather young? 456 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:32,920 Daddy, you make me feel like a child. 457 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,680 Oh, yeah, you know. 458 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,320 Get them when they're young, eh? 459 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,080 Know what I mean? 460 00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:42,600 Well, I'm sure you know what I mean, Mr...? 461 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,800 Mr...? Shabby. Ken Shabby. 462 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,320 Mr. Shabby, I just want to make sure you'll be able to look after my daughter. 463 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:50,960 Oh, yeah, yeah. 464 00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:53,760 I'll be able to look after her all right, sport, eh? 465 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,920 Know what I mean, eh? 466 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,120 And what job do you do? 467 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,760 I clean out public lavatories. 468 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,440 Is there a promotion involved? 469 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:06,840 Oh, yeah, yeah. 470 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,640 [COUGHING] 471 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:13,200 After five years, they give me a brush. 472 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:19,920 I'm sorry, squire. I've gobbed on your carpet. 473 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,440 And where are you going to live? 474 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,880 Well, round at my gran's. 475 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:29,960 She trains polecats, but most of them have suffocated, 476 00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:32,760 so there should be a bit of spare room in the attic, eh? 477 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:34,160 Know what I mean? 478 00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:36,240 I see. When do you expect to get married? 479 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:39,720 Oh, right away, sport. Right away, you know. 480 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,560 I haven't had it for weeks. 481 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,640 Well, look. I'll phone the bishop and see if we can get the abbey. 482 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,120 Oh, diarrhoea. 483 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:55,400 MAN: The story so far: Rosamund's father has become ensnared 484 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,200 by Mr. Shabby's extraordinary personal magnetism. 485 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,800 Bob and Janet have eaten Mr. Farquar's goldfish 486 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,520 during an Oxfam lunch. 487 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,560 And Mrs. Eismore's marriage is threatened by Doug's insistence 488 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,800 that he is on a different level of consciousness. 489 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,920 Louise's hernia has been confirmed. 490 00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:12,800 Jim, Bob's brother, has run over the editor of the Lancet 491 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,200 on his way to see Jenny, a freelance pagoda designer. 492 00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:17,960 On the other side of the continent, 493 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,600 Napoleon still broods over the smouldering remains 494 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,120 of a city he had crossed half the Earth to conquer. 495 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:28,320 Whilst Mary, Roger's half sister, settles down to watch television. 496 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,800 There now follows a party political broadcast 497 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,320 on behalf of the Wood Party. 498 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:38,400 Good evening. 499 00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,120 We in the Wood Party feel very strongly 500 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,600 that the present weak drafting of the local government bill 501 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,480 leaves a lot to be desired. 502 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:49,040 And we intend to fight. 503 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,200 [SCREAMS] 504 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:55,840 Hello? 505 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,600 Hello. 506 00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:01,880 I'm afraid the minister's fallen through the Earth's crust. 507 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:04,600 EXCUSE me a moment. 508 00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:06,720 Hello. MINISTER: Hello. 509 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:08,400 Are you all right, minister? 510 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,760 I appear to have landed on this kind of ledge thing. 511 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,240 Shall we lower down one of the BBC ropes? 512 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,120 If you'd be so kind. 513 00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,280 What length of BBC rope will we be likely to need? 514 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,480 I should use the longest BBC rope. 515 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,720 That would be a good idea, I would imagine. 516 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:25,720 Okey-doke, chief. 517 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:29,120 Tex, get the longest BBC rope and bring it here, pronto. 518 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,280 In the meantime, since I am on all channels, 519 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,240 perhaps I'd better carry on with this broadcast 520 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:37,240 by shouting about our housing plans from down here, as best I can. 521 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,280 Could someone throw me down a script? 522 00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,600 The script would appear to have landed on a different ledge 523 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,000 somewhat out of my grasp, don't you know. 524 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,240 Perhaps when the rope reaches you, minister, 525 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,440 you could kind of swing over to the ledge and grab it. 526 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:53,600 Good idea. 527 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:57,320 Well, I'm going to carry on if I can read the script. 528 00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:02,320 Good evening. We in the Wood Party 529 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,360 feel very strongly about... 530 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:10,000 the present weak drafting of the local government bill. 531 00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:11,800 No. It's no good. It's not working. 532 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:15,000 I think I'll have to try and make a grab for it. 533 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,840 It's in back-- There we are. 534 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:20,600 Good evening. 535 00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:26,800 We in the Wood Party feel very strongly about the present" Ah! Oh! 536 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:28,320 Oh, dear. 537 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:30,360 Hello. MAN: Hello. 538 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:34,400 Look, I must look a bit of a chump, hanging upside down like this. 539 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:35,760 Don't worry, minister. 540 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:37,960 I think if we turn the picture upside down 541 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:39,760 we should help the minister, Hen. 542 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:42,720 Oh, good. Look, I'm sorry about this. 543 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,600 There seem to be a few gremlins about. 544 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,520 I think I'd better start from the beginning. 545 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:54,240 Good evening. We in the Wood Party feel very strongly about-- 546 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,160 Oh, bloody heck. 547 00:28:57,680 --> 00:28:59,160 Oh, dear. 548 00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:02,160 Terribly sorry about this. 549 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:04,800 About saying bloody heck on all channels, but-- 550 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,120 There's another script on the way down, minister. 551 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,080 Oh, good. Good. 552 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:10,560 Well. 553 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:12,840 Good evening. 554 00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:14,080 Well... 555 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:16,360 How are you? 556 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,040 I don't want you to think of the Wood Party 557 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:24,480 as a load of old men that like hanging around on ropes, only... 558 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:27,400 Thank you. 559 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:29,040 Good evening. 560 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,560 We in the Wood Party 561 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,640 feel very strongly about the present weak drafting-- 562 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:35,440 [SCREAMS] 563 00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,520 Look, I think we'd better call it a day. 564 00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,840 Is this the furthest distance that a minister has fallen, Robert? 565 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:42,400 Surprisingly not. 566 00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:45,880 The Canadian minister for external affairs fell nearly seven miles 567 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:49,160 during a Liberal conference in Ottawa about six years ago. 568 00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:52,040 And then, the Kenyan minister for agric and fish 569 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,320 fell nearly 12 miles during a Nairobi debate in Parliament, 570 00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,200 although this hasn't been ratified yet. 571 00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,960 How far did the Filipino cabinet fall last March? 572 00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:03,720 Well, they fell nearly 39 miles, but it's not nearly so remarkable 573 00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,280 as that was due to their combined weight, Robert. 574 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:10,080 Yes. Well, thank you, Robert. What's your reaction to this, Robert? 575 00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,880 Well, Robert, the main thing is that it's terribly exciting. 576 00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:16,400 The minister is quite clearly lodged between rocks 577 00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:17,880 we know terribly little of. 578 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:22,840 The main thing is we're getting colour pictures of extraordinarily high quality. 579 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,000 The important thing-- The exciting thing is 580 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:27,080 he'll get samples of the Earth's core, 581 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,840 which will give us a tremendous, tremendous clue 582 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:33,400 as to the origins of the Earth and what God himself is made of. 583 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:35,200 Oh, I needed that. 584 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,280 Thank you. That seems to be about all we have time for tonight. 585 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:40,480 Unless anyone has anything else to say. 586 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,640 Has anyone anything else to say? No. 587 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:44,160 No, no. No. 588 00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:46,880 ♪ No ♪♪ 589 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:48,440 No. No. 590 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,040 No. No! 591 00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:51,280 No. No. 592 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:52,880 Bloody fairy. No. 593 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:56,960 No. Uh, no. 594 00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,160 No. No. 595 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,200 No. No. 596 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,120 No, no, no... 597 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,240 What do we mean, no? What do we mean, yes? 598 00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:09,480 What do we mean, "No, no, no"? Tonight, Spectrum looks at what is no. 599 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,720 [♪ ♪ ♪] 48937

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