All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S07E22.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

ADULT ADAM: Back in the day,
I did okay with the ladies,

from girl-next-door
Dana Caldwell

and our innocent puppy love

to my geeked-out romance with
older woman Jackie Geary.

And finally, Brea Bee.

Yeah, somehow,
I'd won the heart
of the coolest girl at school.

BEVERLY:
* Laundry day, laundry day

* Make my baby's stains
go away *

(GASPS) Ooh!

Nothing! Studying!
Respecting boundaries!

What is going on here
in the dark?

Brea, do you want to
field this one?

I do not.

And what is that funk?
It's like I'm standing
in a musky cloud.

Basements are damp.

It's also hot.
Like, steamy.

I think the dryer was on.

Brea on the board.
The dryer.

Likely culprit for everything
you're smelling.

Binaca.

Vanilla-scented candle.

Sade's classic booty groove
The Sweetest Taboo.

(GASPS) You two were kissing!

Okay, I'm just gonna
mosey on out of here.

No! We are not gonna
be shamed by you.

Basement kissing
is a teen rite of passage.

I demand you leave!

I'm not going anywhere!

That's good,
because someone brought over

a rice pudding
with raisins.

Not a good time, Dad.

I just caught Adam
and his little friend here
couch-kissing.

Pudding?
No, thank you.

Bevy, where do you keep
the bagel chips?

There's a dip
I want to explore.

Forget your dip.

Your baby boy was down here
swapping spit with this one.

Hi, Mr. Goldberg.
I'm Adam's girlfriend, Brea.

Nobody's named Brea.

She is!
And you should
be wearing pants.

I was earlier.

Beverly, are we doing
the book club down here today?

Book club
is canceled.

You didn't read
Fried Green Tomatoes,
either, huh?

Snooze-fest.
Nothing happens.

Something's been
happening down here.

Adam and this
young enchantress
have been necking.

Lip locking?
Tongue wrestling?

The first
marital pleasure?

Is there a window
or a chimney
I can crawl out of?

Is this the laundry line?
Got a load of socks and...

What is that
hanging in the air?

The loss of innocence.

That happened
sooner than I thought.

God, is your whole
neighborhood in here?

I hope so, 'cause
I've got an emergency!

I lost three pieces
of a puzzle down here.

One is an edge,
one has some blue in it,

and the last one has
half a dog's nose or foot.

(SNIFFS)
What am I tasting?

Rice pudding?
I don't think so,
but thank you.

That's it. Everyone needs
to leave immediately!

That's not gonna happen.
(CHUCKLES)

We're all just happy
watching you squirm.

Brea, is it?
I don't think so.

Screw it. I'm just gonna
make a run for it.

Bye, Adam.
This was traumatic.

Goodbye, Brea.
Look what you all did!

Well, that's what
you get, Schmoo.

The next time you need
kissies so badly,
you come to your mama.

(ALL GROAN)
I saw that coming.

Oh, balls, no!

* I'm twisted up inside

* But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say

* I don't know the future

* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *

ADULT ADAM:
It was May 6th,
1980-something,

and Barry was in for
an unexpected surprise.

Guess who?
Gene Hackman!

What? No. It's Ren.

Now I feel like I need
to moisturize more.

Oh. I wasn't
going by touch.

Oh. Bummer news.

I couldn't get those tickets
to The Clash.

I don't know why
you like those guys.
They're so angry.

You're rock stars.
How about a smile?

Well, then I guess
you're gonna be
super excited for this.

That tee's
way too big for you.

It's not for me, dummy.
It's for my boyfriend.

You have a boyfriend?
(SIGHS)

This day was bound to come.

Please give him
my highest regards.

He's a very lucky man.

Barry, hear my words.

You are my boyfriend,
and I am your girlfriend.

You're just gonna say it
like that?

If you haven't noticed,

we've been spending
all of our time together,

and you're the first person
I want to see in the morning

and the last one that
I want to talk to at night.

That's exactly
how I feel!

We are boyfriend
and girlfriend.

(CHUCKLES)
What up, suckas?

Just our divine spirits.

Turns out,
I'm her handsome beau.

We're going with
"boyfriend." Yay!

Okay, well,
despite all of this,

I'm glad I found you, because
guess who's back in town.

The boys?
The Globetrotters?

Evel Knievel?
Gallagher and his mallet?

It's Lainey.
Lainey Lewis?

She's here to meet
her dad's girlfriend
and hang out with me.

Oh, there she is.

ADULT ADAM: Crazy, I know.
Lainey Lewis was back.

Barry hadn't heard
from his ex-fiancee

since she skipped town
to make it big in L.A.

(CRYING) And, Barry,
what can I say?

I will always love you.

Hi, guys. (CHUCKLES)
Barry.

Lainey?
Yep.

Erica told me to meet
her on campus.

She said we'd never
run into you.

Yet here you are,
standing right in front of me.

Yeah, it's really
awkward.

You look good, Barry.

Thanks. It's a new shirt.

And, uh, I'm the one
that gave it to him.
I'm Ren.

Ren! I'm so sorry.

It's like you weren't
even there for a second.

That's how it felt.

Ren, Lainey.
Lainey, Ren.

Her, me, together.
Friend, girl. So fun.

I-I'm his girlfriend.

That's what
she's saying,

and I'm saying it, too,
because I like it my way.
Burger King.

Okay, well,
we should probably go

before
his skull collapses.

Nice meeting you, Ren.

And, Barry...
Bye, I guess.

Goodbye to you,
lady from my past!

(CHUCKLES)

That went well.
It did not.

But I get that seeing an ex
might throw you for a loop.

You get me.

Just as long as you don't
still have, like,

feelings for her
or anything.

No way.
I'm all Ren
all the time.

(SQUEALS SOFTLY)

ADULT ADAM:
As Barry's love life
got more complicated,

I was trying to keep things
simple for my mom.

I have an important
announcement.

Brea's coming over
to pick me up
for our date,

and I don't want to
hear a peep out of any of you.

You're not gonna have to
worry about that here.

Where are you going?
Niagara Falls?

To a seedy motel
to do your wicked business?

For your information,
we're gonna go see
a Eugene O'Neill play

and grab a late supper.

Is that why you're dressed
like a boy professor?

While you may not
recognize it, Mother,

I'm a man,
with manly tastes
and desires.

(SCOFFS)

Ooh.
My five-o'clock shadow
is early.

'Scuse me.
My lady likes me clean.

Are you kidding me?

(GASPS)
Who does he think he is,

shaving
and going to things?

He's still a little boy.

You may not want to accept it,
but Adam's basically a man.

You know...
Except for the body,
voice, and toys.

Well, I don't accept it.

Brea and Adam
are moving way too fast.

Bevy, relax.
Everybody gets older.
Just let 'em be.

Murray, it is a father's duty
to scare the hormonal passions

out of any suitor that comes
to our children's door.

Here's the thing... Nah.

(DOORBELL RINGS)
Well, then you leave me
no choice.

You have choices.

Oh. Brea Bee.

Hey, Mrs. Goldberg.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Is Adam ready?
He said he'd be ready.

I honked.
Like, so many times.

Come, Brea. Sit.

We have much
to discuss.

Adam, you need to
get downstairs.

Your mother's grilling
your lady friend
like a flank steak.

Oh, balls!

Brea, leave your purse
and flee!

No, Adam, it's fine.
We're having a good time.

Your mom's gonna teach me
how to put cheddar on cod.

No! Don't connect
in a meaningful way!

Too late!
We're sisters.

People are
already saying it.
(CHUCKLES)

I'll be back
with those recipes.

I know you're
a wonderful person

and would do anything for me,

but not this.

It's really okay.

Your mom's obviously
having a hard time,

so it's good
that she likes me.

Rather than take
the time to explain,

we should run outta here.

Here's your signed edition
of my cookbook, Brea.

It's the first time
I wrote "best wishes"

and actually meant it.

Let me get my car keys,
and we'll go.

Go?
I kinda invited your mom
along tonight.

Let me guess...
You didn't think
she'd actually accept?

But I did.

And we're not gonna
do any of that
boring adult stuff.

We're gonna go see
a dumb movie and then
go to the arcade.

Yay!
Three's a crowd of fun!

Brea, I think you're
special and amazing,

but you have no idea
how much you just
(BLEEP) us.

While it was too late for me,

Barry was hoping the JTP
could save him.

Jenkintown Posse.

TOGETHER:
Jenkintown Posse.

I need your infinite
guidance and wisdom.

Matt Bradley, you're free
to leave at any time.

I kinda live here,
buddy.

Enough interruptions, okay?

I'm in real trouble.

I'm currently embroiled
in a love triangle

with the two most beautiful
women on the planet.

Oh, uh, Rae Dawn Chong
and the twins
from the beer commercial?

That would be three,
doofus.

I'm going with
two Dana Delanys.

She could swim
to my China Beach anytime.

I'm talking about
Ren and Lainey.

Big Tasty,
we've been over this.

Lainey went to L.A.
to be a rock star.

I heard she's in
that Robert Palmer video

where he apologizes to women
for turning them on.

Well, she's back,
and the only thing she wants
to rock is my body.

That doesn't
sound right.

Here's the proof.

(BEEP)
LAINEY: Hey, Bar.
It's Lainey.

I wanted to see if
you might be free to
meet up while I'm here.

I really need to talk to you.

(BEEP)
Did you hear that?

She needs me.

She said she needs
to talk to you.

With her body.
What aren't you getting,
Matt Bradley?

Her vague
and mysterious message
is crystal clear...

She wants all this.

It is kinda weird,
but you're with Ren now.

Damn my seductive charms!

Sometimes I'm too much man
for even me. What do I do?

Maybe go talk to Erica.
I mean, Lainey and Ren
are both her close friends.

Maybe she'd have
a perspective on this
that you don't.

Sometimes the tiniest men
have the greatest ideas.

Yes! I will ask my sister
which lover I should take.

I'm not clinically tiny.

ADULT ADAM: As Barry
sought dating advice,

I found myself on a date
with Brea... And my mom.

Here I am.

Here, I saved you
a seat next to me.

Nonsense.
Scooch.

I've got the popcorn,
so I'll sit in the middle.

I can't sit
next to my girlfriend?

You're sitting next to
your original girlfriend.

Turns out wedging herself
between me and Brea
was only the beginning.

Good night, Mom.
Good night?

But we haven't hit
the arcade yet

or gone out
for a slice of pie.

That doesn't seem like
something we'd want to do.

Is that true, Brea?
Well, I...

Ah, two against one!
Let's go!

Yep, that night, Brea and I
had the most memorable date
of our lives,

but not in a good way.

Oh, look out!
It's the police!

Where?
The tickle police.

Stop it!

The teenage manager's gonna
come yell at us again!

Oh, let him!

And it didn't look like
my mom was gonna
run out of gas anytime soon.

Unh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
No dairy for you.

Not with that tum-tum.

Actually, I'll take
the peaches, too.

Go to town on some crust.

Eventually,
we managed to escape
to a cramped photo booth.

On three, two...

Mom!
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

Yep, even when
we tried to get away,

my mom was always
in the picture.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

ADULT ADAM: Barry
found himself in an
unlikely love triangle.

But even more unlikely
was the person
he went to for help.

Damn it.
You're not my garlic knots.
Why are you here?

Too many women
are in love with me.

Define "too many."
And define "women."

Ren, my foxy girlfriend,
can't get off the B-train.

Ugh! And I guess so.

And now Lainey has returned
for another dip in Lake Barry.

No, she's here to meet
her father's new girlfriend,

hang out with me,
and that's it.

Then why did she leave me
a deeply erotic message
on my answering machine?

There's no way.
Wanna hear it?

God, no! Why are
all my friends into you?

You're built like
Winnie the Pooh.

The lovable
pants-less bear?

He's a personal hero.

Now I need your help
in choosing

between two of
your tantalizing friends.

Never. That's disgusting
and completely up to you.

But seeing Lainey reminded me
of everything we shared.

It's like we were
always meant to be.

Except for the part
where she bolted
without saying goodbye

and lives in L.A. now.

And then there's Ren.
So cool and exciting.

Also, I really like
her face and butt.

No! No body parts!
Just facts.

Just tell me
who to be with.

Neither. We did it.

Come on!

Stop being
my grossed-out older sister
and just be a friend!

My God.
It's so obvious. Ren.

I knew you'd say Lainey.
No, I didn't.

Look, I love Lainey
with all of my heart,

but that was the past.

Ren likes you right now.

That's true.
It is now.

Everything with Ren is so new
and fun and unfolding.

I haven't seen you
this happy in forever.

Why would you
walk away from that?

You're right. It's Ren.
Perfect.

Now, please don't tell anyone
that I'm involved in this.

Nonsense.
You deserve all the credit.

But I don't want it.
Thanks, Erica Goldberg!

Your cold-blooded
decision-making

helped me find
my love path.

People must know!

Oh!

Oh! All my knots
and sauces!

ADULT ADAM: While Barry
had found clarity,

Brea and I were looking for
a moment clear of my mom.

There's my Queen Bee.

Look. Your mom
keeps bringing me
loaves of banana bread.

They are so heavy,
they defy the laws
of physics.

We have a theory.
She uses a lot of bananas
and some depleted uranium.

Well, at least we have this
one peaceful moment together.

Banana bread!

Oh!
Aah.

Please tell me you're here
to discipline a prideful,
young teacher.

Actually, I just popped by
to give my new gal pal
this bad mamma jamma.

More banana bread.
Great.

The secret is heft,

which makes it
the perfect snack

to supercharge
a volleyball practice.

You know I have practice?

I've got your whole
schedule, silly.

Now, take a hunk.

You can't bump and spike
on an empty tum-tum.

Yay! She loves
my dense bread!

Oh, you are gonna jump
so high.

See you there.

I can't live like this!
What are we gonna do?

I'll tell you what to do.

Mr. Woodburn?

You have romantic advice from
over there by the trash can?

Middle-aged man can't
tell children how to love?

At this point,
why not?

Cut your losses.
You break up.

Break up?
That's your brilliant
suggestion?

Not for real.
You fake it.

You stage a breakup,
and then your mom goes back

to just being a nuisance
to the rest of the world.

How would that
even work?

My wife, Olga, and I
staged a fake breakup

fifteen years ago
for tax purposes.

And now you live happily
in secret?

Even better.
She moved to Scottsdale,

shacked up with some
carpenter named Yoshi.

Kinda sounds like
she and Yoshi are together.

Wrong again!

'Course, they do have those
two foster kids together,

but that's part of the ruse.

Nah, once Jason and Amber
go to college

and I finish sockin' away
money into her
retirement account,

we are back on, baby.

Yeah. I'm pretty positive
Olga's scamming you.

Then why did she use my name
to get Yoshi a U.S. passport?

'Cause they're
a happy family

and she'd do
anything for him?

Damn it, it's Magdalena
and her brother
all over again.

(GROANS)

Holy crap.

I know.
He's such a sad man.

I don't care about him.

A fake breakup
just might do the trick.

I'll try anything.

I don't have any more room
in my locker or my stomach.

She's the worst,
but what she does with old
bananas is pretty special.

While Brea and I decided
to fake a breakup,

Barry was ready to get real
about his feelings for Ren.

Lainey?
You didn't call me back.

Yeah. Sorry.

Now's not good.
I'm on my way to see Ren.

Right. Ren.
I'm so happy
for you, Barry.

You don't have to
say that.

I know why you're here.
You do?

You wanted one more shot
at climbing Mt. Barry.

Mt. Barry?
I get it.

I'm the real deal.

You'll never do better.
But chin up.

You've got a few years left
to find love.

Idiot.
I'm not here for you.

I mean (SCOFFS) I am,
but not in your icky way.

Well, if it's not
for my rockin' body,
what do you want?

I wanted to say...

(SIGHS)

I'm sorry.

You're forgiven.

You don't even know
what I'm sorry for yet.

Whatever it is,
I think you're great.

See, that right there?

This sweet guy...
I miss him so much.

You're not here
to get back together?

No.

But the way I left you,
not saying goodbye,
just going...

I can't forgive myself.

I know you were just
chasing your dream. I get it.

My dream hasn't
really come true.

I was the singing apple
in a Fruit of the Loom
commercial.

Holy crap!
Do you know the grapes?

Truth is, I don't really
know anyone in L.A.

Sometimes I wish
I still had you in my life...
As a friend.

I'm always
a phone call away.

You'd be okay with that?

Lainey, you'll always be
a part of my life,

one way or the other.

ADULT ADAM:
Turns out friendship
was all Lainey wanted,

but that's not
what it looked like.

Uh, sorry to interrupt,

but...screw you, Barry.

Renjamin!
It's not what you think!

You think Ren
is short for Renjamin?

There's no way to know.

There is.
I-I'm Lauren.

But it turns out
you don't know me...

And I really
don't know you.

But I chose you!
Over her!

What?
What?

I sat down with Erica,
and we carefully weighed out
the pluses and minuses.

She helped you rate us
like show ponies?

I'm not sure that's
a real event, but kinda.

Point is,
Ren won by a nose.

Not because
you have a better nose.

Lainey's got
a great nose, too.

Someone else talk now!

There's nothing else
to say.

(SIGHS)
I messed up.

You messed up.

ADULT ADAM: As Barry
was flubbing his lines,

Brea and I were about
to put on the performance
of a lifetime.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Brea Bee?
My girlfriend.

To what do I owe
the pleasure?

Troubling news,
I'm afraid.

Should we retire
to my room
for privacy?

I'm too emotionally raw
to not speak my mind
right now.

Hey, if you're gonna
be emotionally raw,
take it out back.

Shh, Murray.
This sounds serious.

It's over
between us, Adam.

(GASPS)
That is deeply upsetting.

Please don't make a scene.
Fight for her, Adam.

I will not
fight for you!

Thank you...
For respecting my wishes.

(SIGHS)
Goodbye forever.

Forever.

No.

Forever.
No!

Adam, do something!
We have to get her back!

Too late.
She's already
near the sidewalk.

There.
She's at the sidewalk.

I don't understand.
We were so good together.

Love is a battlefield.

What did you do
to drive our girl away?

Maybe I wasn't
listening enough?

Oh, nobody splits up
because of that.

Your father hasn't listened
to me in 20 years.
Right, Murray?

Yeah, uh, tater tots.
Two bags.

It wasn't just that.
There was someone else?

That makes sense,
I guess.

Who?
Uh... Tony?

I don't know his last name,
but they call him "The Tiger."

Tony the Tiger?
Like the... The cereal?

But he's not
a lovable cartoon mascot.
He's a home wrecker.

Murray,
are you hearing this?

Your son has been
dating a strumpet!

Good for you, Barry.

No, Brea is
a stone-cold hussy.

I guess that's what
we're saying here.

Anyway, toodle-oo.

(CHUCKLES)

Why would Adam and Brea
do this to me?

This has nothing
to do with you.

(GASPS)
You're right.

I need to confront Brea

and find out for myself
what happened.

See?
You don't listen, either.

That's why this works.

ADULT ADAM:
Thanks to the most epic
fake breakup ever,

me and Brea finally had
a moment to ourselves.

Let me set the mood
with the silky sounds
of Miss Jody Watley.

Oh, balls.

"Haunted Halloween
Sound Effects"?

Someone put this
in the wrong case.

Would you just come here?

Oh, yes.
The kissing.

(DOORBELL RINGS)
BEVERLY: Brea!

It's Beverly Goldberg! Brea!
(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Please tell me you popped in
that haunted soundtrack.

This is
much more terrifying.

Hide.
I'll get rid of her.

(DOOR OPENS)

Mrs. G.
Why are you here?

For answers!

How could you
cheat on my baby?

That's what
Adam told you?

He told me about you
and Tony the Tiger.

What does he have
that Adam doesn't?

Was he not
man enough for you?

You know, 'cause
he wears a lady's
size seven tennis shoe?

Oh, wow.
Or because root beer
is too spicy for him?

Or because I have to hide
his pills in peanut butter?

That is a lot of new
and very specific information.

Well, then it must be because
he sleeps with his Glo Worm.

Whose worm?
His good-night friend, Glowie.

It's a plush toy
that lights up

when you give him
a little squeeze.

Isn't he a little old
for that?

And I tried to
hide it from him,
but he found it.

Even hung up signs
with a little reward.

Enough! I gave up
Glowie last year!
I'm a man now!

Adam?
I-I don't understand.

You never do.
Brea and I didn't break up.

And she isn't dating
a cartoon tiger.

She's dating me,
and we're here to French.

I'm just gonna worm
my way out of here.

Sorry. That was not
a shot at Glowie. Um...

You faked your breakup?

I had to do something.
You're unbearable.

Who goes on a date with
their son and his girlfriend?

I literally don't understand
the question.

Why can't you get
that I don't want you

anywhere near
my relationship?

And, oh, my God,
why are you crying?

I'm sorry.
It's just...

You were acting
so adult and...

Spending so much time
with Brea.

I just thought
it was all over.

What's over?
You finally grow up

and I'm no longer
the most important
woman in your life.

That's a good thing.

Not for me.

(SIGHS)
You're my last baby.

I'm not ready for this.

Would you stop?

You're my mom.
You'll always be in my life.

Really?

And I'll live with you
in a room just
off the master suite?

Please, you got to
give me some space.

Because if you keep
squeezing this hard,
you really will lose me.

Okay. I can make
some concessions.

You and Brea can go
on a date without
your mom tagging along,

if that's what you
think is normal.
It is.

But no more
basement business.

Don't worry.
That room has been
ruined for me forever.

And once a week,
Brea should come to dinner,

not because
I'm wedging in,

but because
I really like her.

I really like her, too.

And if we're just
saying stuff...

You're not so terrible,
either.

I am your number-one girl!
(CHUCKLES)

ADULT ADAM: Sometimes
we get so focused on
what we stand to lose

that we forget
all we have to gain.

Can we talk?

I have nothing
to say to you.

Then I'll go.

I want to let you know
Lainey's an amazing person
who I'll always love.

Not a great start.

But here's the thing,

she's not you.

And?

Aw, crap.

In my head,
it was a home run

and you'd be
smooching on me
right now.

I got this.

Erica, what are you
doing here?

Well, I didn't want
to be involved,

but since I am,
at least I can
make it right.

I'm listening.

When it comes to women,
my brother may be the dumbest
person in the world.

And the strongest.

But he also has
the biggest heart,

which I know for a fact
belongs to you.

That's sweet.

And weird.

But that's sort of
what I like about Barry.

Exactly.

I'm a lovable oddball
who only has eyes for you.

What's this?

Just an apology.

Clash tickets?

How?

For you,
I'd do the impossible.

So, does this mean
you're my...

Girlfriend?

Oh, yeah.
(CHUCKLES)

I have a girlfriend!

Yes!

I'm still
getting used to this.

ADULT ADAM:
Sure, bringing new people
into our lives can be tricky,

but the sooner
we share the love

with the people
closest to us,

that's when our tribe
can grow even stronger.

And in the end,
you might just want to shout
it from the rooftops.

I have a girlfriend!

* Should I stay
or should I go? *

ADAM: So, I understand you
have a recent girlfriend?
Yeah.

Yeah?
Yeah.

She pretty?
Yeah.

Let me ask you
something personal.

Does she call you names,

like, 'cause, you know,
you're a loser?

Does she call you a loser?

Los Angeles
must be so amazing.

It's all right.
I did almost meet
Burt Reynolds once.

It turned out to be just
a guy with a cowboy hat

and a mustache,
but still pretty cool.

Almost the Bandit.
That's not nothing.

Yeah, but it's tougher
than I thought.

Come on. You're the most
famous commercial
fruit actor I know.

But I only made $875
last year.

You are in
some trouble, lady.

But I'm not giving up.
I mean, what else
would I even do?

Come back to Jenkintown?
(BOTH LAUGH)

Can you imagine me
stuck in this town
as an adult, doing a job?