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00:00:01,056 --> 00:00:02,624
ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
before Kickstarter,
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00:00:02,657 --> 00:00:06,161
the best way to raise money
for charity was telethons.
3
00:00:06,195 --> 00:00:08,763
These marathon sessions of
entertainment had it all.
4
00:00:08,797 --> 00:00:11,500
From top-tier talent
to tuxedoed hosts.
5
00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:15,370
So when Erica's friend Ren
decided she wanted to
raise money for Earth Day,
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00:00:15,404 --> 00:00:17,172
she knew exactly how.
Bandit. Dance, Bandit!
7
00:00:17,206 --> 00:00:19,074
This dog ballerina
is transcendent!
8
00:00:19,108 --> 00:00:21,643
My mom still can't get
Rugby to pee outside.
(DOG BARKS)
9
00:00:21,676 --> 00:00:24,146
Damn. How long
can she stand up
on her paws like that?
10
00:00:24,179 --> 00:00:25,380
Well, considering
I have to fill
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00:00:25,414 --> 00:00:28,817
another 36 hours
of this telethon,
I'm hoping 19 hours.
12
00:00:28,850 --> 00:00:30,552
And they're done.
So, what's next?
13
00:00:30,585 --> 00:00:31,853
I don't know, Geoff.
14
00:00:31,886 --> 00:00:33,488
Do you have any special
talent besides asking
stupid questions?
15
00:00:33,522 --> 00:00:35,056
Well, I guess
I'm easily hurt
by insults.
16
00:00:35,090 --> 00:00:36,991
So that's a no.
Thank you for your help.
17
00:00:37,025 --> 00:00:39,194
Wow. Ren seems
pretty stressed about
the whole Earth Day thing.
18
00:00:39,228 --> 00:00:42,264
She shouldn't be.
'Cause Barry's here,
and the environment is clear!
19
00:00:42,297 --> 00:00:44,065
That literally makes
no sense.
20
00:00:44,099 --> 00:00:46,401
Plus, it's well-established
that you are no friend
of this planet.
21
00:00:46,435 --> 00:00:48,503
I saw you huck a Mountain Dew
bottle into the woods.
22
00:00:48,537 --> 00:00:51,840
Which then became
a beaver's tool or weapon!
23
00:00:51,873 --> 00:00:53,342
Are you on
the beaver's side or not?
24
00:00:53,375 --> 00:00:54,409
Who's the beaver's enemy?
25
00:00:54,443 --> 00:00:56,278
Chipmunks.
Wolves. Coyotes.
26
00:00:56,311 --> 00:00:58,247
Foxes. Gators.
Bigger beavers.
27
00:00:58,280 --> 00:00:59,648
Just tell me
why you're doing this.
28
00:00:59,681 --> 00:01:01,015
To win Ren's heart.
29
00:01:01,049 --> 00:01:02,217
And all the other
good parts.
30
00:01:02,251 --> 00:01:04,353
Ugh! How many times
do I have to say this?
31
00:01:04,386 --> 00:01:05,720
Just stay away
from my friends!
32
00:01:05,754 --> 00:01:07,856
Tell them
to stay away from me!
33
00:01:07,889 --> 00:01:10,459
She kissed me twice!
On spring break!
34
00:01:10,492 --> 00:01:13,195
That is the one time a year
that you are allowed to
make horrible mistakes
35
00:01:13,228 --> 00:01:15,130
because of heatstroke
and slushy rum drinks.
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00:01:15,164 --> 00:01:16,431
We connected.
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00:01:16,465 --> 00:01:18,467
Then our lips connected!
38
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:19,868
We're obviously
meant to be.
39
00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:21,670
Have you guys even spoken
since those kisses?
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00:01:21,703 --> 00:01:24,406
Not with words,
but with fleeting looks
and playful smiles.
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00:01:24,439 --> 00:01:25,874
So no.
Amazing news!
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00:01:25,907 --> 00:01:27,276
I got Ed Begley Jr.
43
00:01:27,309 --> 00:01:30,179
Dr. Victor Ehrlich
from the NBC medical drama
St. Elsewhere?
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00:01:30,212 --> 00:01:33,215
I guess. He's also
a well-known environmentalist
and oddball.
45
00:01:33,248 --> 00:01:34,416
He's bringing
his recumbent bike!
46
00:01:34,449 --> 00:01:36,485
Big deal.
I can do a wheelie
on a ten-speed.
47
00:01:36,518 --> 00:01:37,786
Okay, I've locked down
another hour,
48
00:01:37,819 --> 00:01:39,087
and I've only got
30 more to go.
49
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,256
Seems like a lot.
So much.
I'm in real trouble.
50
00:01:41,290 --> 00:01:42,491
But Ed Begley Jr.!
51
00:01:42,524 --> 00:01:45,327
Am I crazy, or do good things
happen when we're together?
52
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:46,961
Let's celebrate
with a soulful,
lingering hug.
53
00:01:46,995 --> 00:01:48,763
Or a platonic group one.
Yes!
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00:01:48,797 --> 00:01:50,599
My family did one
every morning
before school
55
00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:51,766
to kick-start my day.
Ah!
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00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:52,867
What?
I got to go.
57
00:01:52,901 --> 00:01:54,403
No, this warm body
wasn't meant for you!
58
00:01:54,436 --> 00:01:55,570
Get off me!
59
00:01:55,604 --> 00:01:57,272
* I'm twisted up inside
60
00:01:57,306 --> 00:02:00,442
* But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say
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00:02:03,111 --> 00:02:04,646
* I don't know the future
62
00:02:04,679 --> 00:02:08,650
* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *
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00:02:08,683 --> 00:02:10,519
ADULT ADAM:
It was April 22nd,
1980-something,
64
00:02:10,552 --> 00:02:12,086
and my dad and Bill
were enjoying
65
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:13,955
the two things
they loved most...
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00:02:13,988 --> 00:02:15,457
Sports and chicken.
67
00:02:15,490 --> 00:02:16,825
Another chicken wing,
Bill?
68
00:02:16,858 --> 00:02:19,127
(SIGHS) Mur, I am
stuffed to the gills.
69
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,662
But I can't say no.
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00:02:20,695 --> 00:02:22,697
Eating from a helmet
is just too fun.
71
00:02:22,731 --> 00:02:25,066
Yeah, it is. It's almost like
you're in the game.
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00:02:25,099 --> 00:02:26,134
What game?
73
00:02:26,167 --> 00:02:28,069
All you two do
is sit around
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00:02:28,102 --> 00:02:29,804
and get ranch dressing
inside the remote.
75
00:02:29,838 --> 00:02:30,972
Spicy drumstick?
76
00:02:31,005 --> 00:02:33,475
Have you guys ever had
a real conversation?
77
00:02:33,508 --> 00:02:34,643
You're supposed to be
best friends.
78
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,378
Best friends
who don't yakety-yak
79
00:02:36,411 --> 00:02:37,912
and try and get
below the surface.
80
00:02:37,946 --> 00:02:40,482
Spicy drumstick?
Fine.
81
00:02:40,515 --> 00:02:41,550
* Double good Doublemint gum *
82
00:02:41,583 --> 00:02:43,285
(CHUCKLES) Get a load
of these two lovebirds.
83
00:02:43,318 --> 00:02:44,519
One stick of chewing gum,
84
00:02:44,553 --> 00:02:46,120
and they're out on a lake
and having fun.
85
00:02:46,154 --> 00:02:47,322
Twins creep me out.
86
00:02:47,356 --> 00:02:48,690
It's not what God intended,
87
00:02:48,723 --> 00:02:50,559
but it's nice
that they found each other.
88
00:02:50,592 --> 00:02:52,627
Heck, I'm thinking
it might be time
89
00:02:52,661 --> 00:02:54,296
for me to find someone myself.
(WHOOSH)
90
00:02:54,329 --> 00:02:55,464
Bill, did I hear you right?
91
00:02:55,497 --> 00:02:57,332
Are you really ready
to be set up?
92
00:02:57,366 --> 00:02:58,467
Where did you come from?
93
00:02:58,500 --> 00:02:59,668
I didn't even know
you were in the house.
94
00:02:59,701 --> 00:03:02,404
I suppose it might be time
to jump back on the old horse.
95
00:03:02,437 --> 00:03:05,173
As long as the horse
is a lady and not
too broken-down.
96
00:03:05,206 --> 00:03:07,276
Ohh, this is the best news!
97
00:03:07,309 --> 00:03:08,877
Oh, you're finally
over your wife,
98
00:03:08,910 --> 00:03:10,379
and your heart
is open to love.
99
00:03:10,412 --> 00:03:11,480
Sure, it's that.
100
00:03:11,513 --> 00:03:13,014
And recently,
my appendix broke
101
00:03:13,047 --> 00:03:14,716
and I couldn't find anyone
to take me to the hospital
102
00:03:14,749 --> 00:03:15,817
for three days.
103
00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:16,885
You know you can call.
104
00:03:16,918 --> 00:03:17,986
I don't like to bother.
105
00:03:18,019 --> 00:03:20,121
Your remarkable
tale of survival
106
00:03:20,154 --> 00:03:21,523
is gonna have
a happy ending
107
00:03:21,556 --> 00:03:23,658
because Beverly Goldberg
is on the case,
108
00:03:23,692 --> 00:03:26,027
and my Yenta-dex
is ready to find you love.
109
00:03:26,060 --> 00:03:27,128
Let's do it.
110
00:03:27,161 --> 00:03:29,163
It's time for Bill
to flex his love muscle.
111
00:03:29,197 --> 00:03:32,000
Oh, I'm sorry.
That was unnecessarily visual.
112
00:03:32,033 --> 00:03:34,068
ADULT ADAM: And so
my mom went to work.
113
00:03:34,102 --> 00:03:35,169
Great news, Bill.
114
00:03:35,203 --> 00:03:38,039
Female loneliness
is at an all-time high.
115
00:03:38,072 --> 00:03:39,240
Oh, (BLEEP) no.
116
00:03:39,274 --> 00:03:40,709
It was Jane Bales...
117
00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:42,677
The only Yenta in town
Yenta enough
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00:03:42,711 --> 00:03:44,579
to go toe-to-toe
with my Yenta mom.
119
00:03:44,613 --> 00:03:46,147
Hello, Beverly.
120
00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:48,249
Bill, please tell me
you're not so desperate
121
00:03:48,283 --> 00:03:49,584
for human companionship
122
00:03:49,618 --> 00:03:51,920
that you'd hitch your cart
to this old pack mule.
123
00:03:51,953 --> 00:03:53,455
We're not
romantically entwined.
124
00:03:53,488 --> 00:03:54,856
Jane's here to help
set me up, too.
125
00:03:54,889 --> 00:03:56,458
What's that, now?
Word travels fast
126
00:03:56,491 --> 00:03:59,394
when you harass
every available lady
in Montgomery County.
127
00:03:59,428 --> 00:04:01,162
I figured the more Yentas,
the merrier.
128
00:04:01,195 --> 00:04:02,597
You figured wrong.
129
00:04:02,631 --> 00:04:04,999
Jane couldn't set up
mac with cheese.
130
00:04:05,033 --> 00:04:06,801
I put cornflakes
and lobster in mine,
131
00:04:06,835 --> 00:04:08,069
and it'll make
your tongue cry.
132
00:04:08,102 --> 00:04:09,771
Ever set up a rabbi
with a geisha?
133
00:04:09,804 --> 00:04:11,039
I have. Twice.
134
00:04:11,072 --> 00:04:12,541
Once, I set up
a man in a wheelchair
135
00:04:12,574 --> 00:04:14,108
with the woman
who ran him down.
136
00:04:14,142 --> 00:04:17,612
I was once attacked
by a mountain man on a hike
who spoke only in grunts.
137
00:04:17,646 --> 00:04:18,947
After I got to safety,
138
00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:21,516
I set him up with
a patent attorney from Boston.
139
00:04:21,550 --> 00:04:23,184
That's how good I am.
140
00:04:23,217 --> 00:04:24,719
Maybe work together?
Opposite!
141
00:04:24,753 --> 00:04:26,421
We are gonna go
toe-to-toe
142
00:04:26,455 --> 00:04:28,357
in a no-holds-barred
Yenta cage match.
143
00:04:28,390 --> 00:04:29,424
Winner take all!
144
00:04:29,458 --> 00:04:31,560
A classic Yenta-Off.
I'm in.
145
00:04:31,593 --> 00:04:33,762
I just wanted someone
to eat a meal with,
but okay.
146
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,797
Let's do this thing
where you go to lady war.
147
00:04:35,830 --> 00:04:37,899
As my mom and Jane
were matchmaking,
148
00:04:37,932 --> 00:04:40,435
Barry was trying to forge
a match of his own.
149
00:04:40,469 --> 00:04:43,204
It's super simple.
All you have to do
is take down their name,
150
00:04:43,237 --> 00:04:45,540
info, and how much
they'd like to pledge.
151
00:04:45,574 --> 00:04:46,975
And don't
forget the "please"
and "thank you."
152
00:04:47,008 --> 00:04:48,910
Also, I like
to add a little
"whoo-whoo-whoo!"
153
00:04:48,943 --> 00:04:50,111
if they pledge
more than $50.
154
00:04:50,144 --> 00:04:52,080
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
I got this.
155
00:04:52,113 --> 00:04:53,382
Go for Barry.
156
00:04:53,415 --> 00:04:55,216
Yes, this is
Earth Day Headquarters.
157
00:04:55,249 --> 00:04:57,118
Who's this? Myron?
(CHUCKLES)
158
00:04:57,151 --> 00:04:59,020
That's a brutal name.
Do your parents hate you?
159
00:04:59,053 --> 00:05:01,122
Also, please
and thank you.
160
00:05:01,155 --> 00:05:02,524
(DIAL TONE)
Hello?
161
00:05:02,557 --> 00:05:05,627
Yeah, Bar, I think
you might be suited
for a more important role
162
00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:06,995
in the Earth Day
celebration...
163
00:05:07,028 --> 00:05:08,229
As a producer.
164
00:05:08,262 --> 00:05:10,699
I like the sound of that!
It's so vague and powerful.
165
00:05:10,732 --> 00:05:13,034
So, I need you to produce
some sweat towels
166
00:05:13,067 --> 00:05:15,136
for our ventriloquist
on a unicycle.
Thanks so much.
167
00:05:15,169 --> 00:05:17,672
Damn it! How do I get
Ren's attention?
168
00:05:17,706 --> 00:05:19,408
You don't,
'cause she's super busy.
169
00:05:19,441 --> 00:05:22,143
I know. She's running
this whole thing.
We're both alphas.
170
00:05:22,176 --> 00:05:23,745
We have everything
in common.
171
00:05:23,778 --> 00:05:26,615
So just stop trying so hard
and just be the great guy
we all know and love.
172
00:05:26,648 --> 00:05:27,782
Matt Bradley?
You!
173
00:05:27,816 --> 00:05:29,117
Right. That was my plan,
174
00:05:29,150 --> 00:05:31,953
but Ren is so caught up
in saving the stupid planet.
175
00:05:31,986 --> 00:05:33,788
What about
things that matter... Me?
176
00:05:33,822 --> 00:05:35,424
Well, if you want to
win Ren's heart,
177
00:05:35,457 --> 00:05:38,159
then just bring her
a cheesesteak from Geno's.
It's her favorite.
178
00:05:38,192 --> 00:05:40,128
That's so much easier
than telling her nice things
179
00:05:40,161 --> 00:05:41,596
or asking her
about herself.
180
00:05:41,630 --> 00:05:43,998
I am so proud of you.
That was very mature and...
181
00:05:44,032 --> 00:05:47,035
(GASPS) Oh, no!
You have an evil smile
'cause Ren's a vegetarian!
182
00:05:47,068 --> 00:05:49,203
One whiff of that
greasy meat pile
183
00:05:49,237 --> 00:05:51,973
and she will never
want to talk to
Barry ever again.
184
00:05:52,006 --> 00:05:53,842
I will find someone
to scratch your itch.
185
00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:55,744
Just get onstage.
Thanks.
186
00:05:55,777 --> 00:05:57,145
But he made a commitment!
187
00:05:57,178 --> 00:05:58,212
(RECEIVER CLACKS)
Damn it!
188
00:05:58,246 --> 00:06:00,314
Good news?
Ed Begley Jr. is not coming!
189
00:06:00,348 --> 00:06:02,083
His corn-powered
three-wheeled car
broke down.
190
00:06:02,116 --> 00:06:04,753
I think I have just
the thing to turn that
frown upside down.
191
00:06:04,786 --> 00:06:08,356
What is that?
It's sliced beef smothered
in cheese and onions,
192
00:06:08,389 --> 00:06:11,460
all tucked sloppily in
a meat-juice drenched bun.
193
00:06:11,493 --> 00:06:14,195
Oh, that is absolutely vile.
Please get that away from me.
194
00:06:14,228 --> 00:06:16,297
But I had them top it
with some pig cracklin's
for crunch.
195
00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:18,032
I... That needs to
get out of here.
196
00:06:18,066 --> 00:06:19,934
ADULT ADAM: As Barry looked
for a way in with Ren,
197
00:06:19,968 --> 00:06:22,236
my mom had a plan
to get Bill out on the town.
198
00:06:22,270 --> 00:06:26,407
All right. Take me
to your lady garden
so I can pluck a flower.
199
00:06:26,441 --> 00:06:28,477
Bad start. I-I just
want to meet a gal.
200
00:06:28,510 --> 00:06:30,211
And meet a gal
you shall.
201
00:06:30,244 --> 00:06:34,048
I have over 300 beautiful
bachelorettes
for your perusing.
202
00:06:34,082 --> 00:06:36,384
300 women?
That's more than
I've met in my whole life.
203
00:06:36,417 --> 00:06:38,787
But don't
mistake quantity
for quality.
204
00:06:38,820 --> 00:06:42,023
Lucky for you, I am here
to turn Beverly's misses
205
00:06:42,056 --> 00:06:44,726
into your missus.
(LAUGHS)
206
00:06:44,759 --> 00:06:45,794
Oof!
207
00:06:45,827 --> 00:06:48,730
Please give a warm welcome
to Janice Crowley.
208
00:06:48,763 --> 00:06:51,566
What a beautiful name!
She's my number-one gal.
209
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,968
And is that a witch's wart?
210
00:06:54,002 --> 00:06:56,370
That is a mole,
and we're keeping
an eye on it.
211
00:06:56,404 --> 00:06:59,140
How could you not?
It's smack-dab
in the middle of her nose.
212
00:06:59,173 --> 00:07:01,543
But beggars can't be choosers.
Where does she live?
213
00:07:01,576 --> 00:07:05,279
Bill, there is no need
to settle on this hag
from Beverly's coven.
214
00:07:05,313 --> 00:07:07,516
(CLEARS THROAT)
Bachelorette number two.
215
00:07:07,549 --> 00:07:11,452
Get ready to pop
the question to Jenkintown's
newest retiree,
216
00:07:11,486 --> 00:07:12,787
Gladys Finklebaum.
217
00:07:12,821 --> 00:07:15,223
Kinda looks like my mom,
but hey, I'm down to clown.
218
00:07:15,256 --> 00:07:17,792
The question
I'd like to pop is,
how old is that biddy?
219
00:07:17,826 --> 00:07:20,929
Okay, fine. How about someone
who's brimming with life?
220
00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:22,597
Welcome Tiffany D'Amber.
221
00:07:22,631 --> 00:07:23,965
Whoa! She's quite youthful.
222
00:07:23,998 --> 00:07:26,267
Maybe too youthful.
Is that a jump rope
in her hands?
223
00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:28,169
You seem off your game,
Beverly.
224
00:07:28,202 --> 00:07:30,238
There's just not
a lot of gold out there
at the moment.
225
00:07:30,271 --> 00:07:31,706
And yet there is.
226
00:07:31,740 --> 00:07:35,009
I brought just one candidate,
the perfect one.
227
00:07:35,043 --> 00:07:37,546
Sweet Snow White,
she's pretty as a princess!
228
00:07:37,579 --> 00:07:40,949
Dolores is even better
than a Disney princess...
She's real.
229
00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:42,183
That's my number-one criteria.
230
00:07:42,216 --> 00:07:44,085
There's gotta be
something wrong with her.
231
00:07:44,118 --> 00:07:46,254
What is she,
uh, splotchy?
Blotchy?
232
00:07:46,287 --> 00:07:48,657
Rashy? Acne-d?
Stinky? No pinkies?
233
00:07:48,690 --> 00:07:49,958
None of those
are deal breakers!
234
00:07:49,991 --> 00:07:53,828
She's normal and sweet
and kind and right
outside that door.
235
00:07:53,862 --> 00:07:56,565
She's been
waiting outside
this whole time?
236
00:07:56,598 --> 00:07:58,132
That's how confident I am.
237
00:08:00,368 --> 00:08:03,572
Va-va-va-voom!
It's the woman
from the picture!
238
00:08:03,605 --> 00:08:05,373
Hi, Bill.
I'm Dolores.
239
00:08:05,406 --> 00:08:07,308
Hi, Bill.
I'm also Dolores. Oh!
240
00:08:07,341 --> 00:08:09,343
I'm as nervous
as a June bride.
241
00:08:09,377 --> 00:08:11,946
Would you like to grab
some coffee
or a lifetime of memories?
242
00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:13,014
Coffee sounds fun.
243
00:08:13,047 --> 00:08:14,215
Nice work, Jane!
244
00:08:14,248 --> 00:08:16,150
(LAUGHS) Dolores!
(DOLORES LAUGHS)
245
00:08:16,184 --> 00:08:18,753
How could you
bring that woman
into my home,
246
00:08:18,787 --> 00:08:20,221
where my children sleep?
247
00:08:20,254 --> 00:08:23,792
You're just upset
'cause now it's clear
who the best Yenta is.
248
00:08:23,825 --> 00:08:25,827
Oh, please.
They have zero chemistry.
249
00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:27,662
Oh, they're making out
on your lawn.
250
00:08:27,696 --> 00:08:29,163
Damn it! I got to hit
the sprinklers.
251
00:08:29,197 --> 00:08:31,232
ADULT ADAM: While my mom
struck out finding Bill love,
252
00:08:31,265 --> 00:08:33,668
Barry was still determined
to get up to bat with Ren.
253
00:08:33,702 --> 00:08:34,869
Hey!
254
00:08:34,903 --> 00:08:37,171
Pops, it's a romantic
emergency.
255
00:08:37,205 --> 00:08:38,707
I need to wow a gal.
256
00:08:38,740 --> 00:08:41,309
It's easy...
Chocolates and daffodils.
257
00:08:41,342 --> 00:08:43,778
Wrong. Adam, I've seen
the girls you drag home.
258
00:08:43,812 --> 00:08:45,614
They're all better
than you.
I'm not that bad.
259
00:08:45,647 --> 00:08:46,948
You're garbage,
and they're nines.
260
00:08:46,981 --> 00:08:48,149
Tell me
your sorcerer's spell.
261
00:08:48,182 --> 00:08:50,018
I guess I listen...
262
00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:52,486
Shut up! I can't bear
to hear you drone on.
263
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,088
Pops, I'm back to you.
264
00:08:54,122 --> 00:08:55,957
No, you're being a putz.
265
00:08:55,990 --> 00:08:57,358
Adam,
I'm tagging you back in.
266
00:08:57,391 --> 00:09:00,028
Just find something Ren
likes and do that.
267
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,230
As boring as that sounds,
that might work.
268
00:09:02,263 --> 00:09:04,498
She needs a celebrity
for her charity telethon.
269
00:09:04,532 --> 00:09:05,867
So get her a celebrity.
270
00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:08,536
You'll be a hero,
and she'll shower you
with kisses.
271
00:09:08,569 --> 00:09:09,971
I like this
shower-kiss plan.
272
00:09:10,004 --> 00:09:11,906
Finally,
your tired brain kicked in.
273
00:09:11,940 --> 00:09:14,643
But what celebrity can I score
on such short notice?
274
00:09:14,676 --> 00:09:18,913
But I heard John Oates
of R&B super duo
Daryl Hall & John Oates
275
00:09:18,947 --> 00:09:20,348
went to our dentist once.
276
00:09:20,381 --> 00:09:22,984
It's decided!
Adam will pretend
to need a checkup,
277
00:09:23,017 --> 00:09:24,753
break into the files,
278
00:09:24,786 --> 00:09:27,021
retrieve Oates'
personal details,
279
00:09:27,055 --> 00:09:29,123
bring 'em to me,
I'll cold-call him
280
00:09:29,157 --> 00:09:30,992
and convince him
with my insurmountable charm
281
00:09:31,025 --> 00:09:32,861
to play for whatever
charity this is for.
282
00:09:32,894 --> 00:09:34,863
It's Earth Day.
And why can't you go?
283
00:09:34,896 --> 00:09:38,366
I was just there
two years ago...
Too suspicious.
284
00:09:38,399 --> 00:09:39,467
Move it!
Fine!
285
00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:41,102
I'd rather be
at the dentist
than here.
286
00:09:41,135 --> 00:09:43,071
(TELEPHONE DIALING)
So here I go, I guess.
287
00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:47,776
Ren? Yep, I just locked down
Daryl Hall & John Oates
for your telethon.
288
00:09:47,809 --> 00:09:48,943
REN: What?
Barry,
289
00:09:48,977 --> 00:09:50,945
this is a terrible plan.
290
00:09:50,979 --> 00:09:52,647
That's right!
Barry did it!
291
00:09:52,681 --> 00:09:54,315
I'll have 'em there
tonight.
292
00:09:54,348 --> 00:09:56,550
Oh, my God!
293
00:09:56,584 --> 00:09:59,287
That's too soon for something
that'll never happen.
294
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,189
Sure, make yourself
feel better.
295
00:10:01,222 --> 00:10:03,658
Daffodils?
I feel sad for you.
296
00:10:07,228 --> 00:10:10,264
ADULT ADAM: Barry's
surefire way to secure
Daryl Hall & John Oates
297
00:10:10,298 --> 00:10:13,267
was to send me
to the dentist.
Only one problem.
298
00:10:13,301 --> 00:10:14,936
I had seven cavities, man!
299
00:10:14,969 --> 00:10:17,939
No one cares about
your tragic dental hygiene.
300
00:10:17,972 --> 00:10:19,373
Did you get
Oates' number?
301
00:10:19,407 --> 00:10:22,510
I was sitting in that chair
for three hours
fighting for my life.
302
00:10:22,543 --> 00:10:24,578
So stop drinking juice.
303
00:10:24,612 --> 00:10:26,214
Oates me!
I did get something.
304
00:10:26,247 --> 00:10:28,516
(GASPS) The world-famous lips
that wrote Maneater
305
00:10:28,549 --> 00:10:30,351
are in my hands!
I guess.
306
00:10:30,384 --> 00:10:32,253
How'd you score
these luscious choppers?
307
00:10:32,286 --> 00:10:34,355
My brain was flying
so high on nitrous
308
00:10:34,388 --> 00:10:36,791
that I lost all fear
or sense of morality.
309
00:10:36,825 --> 00:10:38,159
Been there.
Go on.
310
00:10:38,192 --> 00:10:40,261
Then I slipped on
a Highlights magazine,
311
00:10:40,294 --> 00:10:42,496
crashed into a poster
about flossing,
312
00:10:42,530 --> 00:10:43,798
but I swiped it.
313
00:10:43,832 --> 00:10:45,366
And look!
There's a phone number!
314
00:10:45,399 --> 00:10:47,301
I did it!
I found Oates!
315
00:10:47,335 --> 00:10:49,003
(TELEPHONE DIALING)
I did undergo
major oral surgery
316
00:10:49,037 --> 00:10:50,271
and commit a misdemeanor,
317
00:10:50,304 --> 00:10:52,240
but sure, you looked
at something in your hand.
318
00:10:52,273 --> 00:10:55,777
Yes, I'd like
to ask John Oates
to be on a telethon.
319
00:10:55,810 --> 00:10:57,912
What?
A lab in Arizona?
320
00:10:57,946 --> 00:10:59,013
Pssh!
(RECEIVER CLACKS)
321
00:10:59,047 --> 00:11:01,482
Yeah, we're not
getting John Oates.
Great!
322
00:11:01,515 --> 00:11:04,018
I had a man's hand
in my mouth for hours,
all for nothing.
323
00:11:04,052 --> 00:11:07,088
That man's hand inside of you
meant everything!
324
00:11:07,121 --> 00:11:09,257
So there's only one
logical thing to do.
325
00:11:09,290 --> 00:11:11,025
More carrots,
less Reese's Pieces?
326
00:11:11,059 --> 00:11:15,463
You and I must become
Daryl Hall & John Oates.
327
00:11:15,496 --> 00:11:17,732
Ooh, fun!
And... What?
328
00:11:17,766 --> 00:11:20,034
I'll be Hall.
You'll be Oates.
329
00:11:20,068 --> 00:11:23,704
And we'll nail our performance
with such utter perfection,
330
00:11:23,738 --> 00:11:26,174
no one will be able
to distinguish us
from the real thing.
331
00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:28,843
I'm still a little fuzzy from
the gas, but that seems right.
332
00:11:28,877 --> 00:11:31,512
As Barry and I transformed
into music legends,
333
00:11:31,545 --> 00:11:33,848
my dad was wondering
where his bandmate was.
334
00:11:33,882 --> 00:11:36,217
Ah, the Phillies suck!
Where's Bill?
335
00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:38,319
I need him to boo
our favorite team together.
336
00:11:38,352 --> 00:11:39,520
Please.
337
00:11:39,553 --> 00:11:41,355
Bill's probably waking up
in a bathtub full of ice
338
00:11:41,389 --> 00:11:44,225
because Jane Bales' match
has taken his spleen,
liver, and nipple.
339
00:11:44,258 --> 00:11:45,693
No one steals a nipple.
340
00:11:45,726 --> 00:11:46,861
You don't know!
341
00:11:46,895 --> 00:11:48,329
Those sensitive
little buttons
342
00:11:48,362 --> 00:11:50,664
are in big demand
on the black market.
343
00:11:50,698 --> 00:11:52,000
They put 'em in soups.
344
00:11:52,033 --> 00:11:53,067
I guess I asked.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
345
00:11:53,101 --> 00:11:55,036
Hey, hey, hey!
Beverly Goldberg!
346
00:11:55,069 --> 00:11:57,338
There's my walking ray
of sunshine!
347
00:11:57,371 --> 00:11:59,540
I suppose I do brighten
any room I'm in.
348
00:11:59,573 --> 00:12:00,942
And my Mur-man.
349
00:12:00,975 --> 00:12:03,577
Looks like this
big bowl of ice cream
could use a cherry on top.
350
00:12:03,611 --> 00:12:04,678
Whoop!
351
00:12:04,712 --> 00:12:05,880
Mwah!
Oh!
352
00:12:05,914 --> 00:12:07,248
Ugh! Get off!
What's that smell?
353
00:12:07,281 --> 00:12:09,884
Dial soap.
It's the fragrance
of bath time.
354
00:12:09,918 --> 00:12:11,319
And you're wearing
a sweater.
355
00:12:11,352 --> 00:12:13,021
It's something called
Merino wool.
356
00:12:13,054 --> 00:12:14,856
It's not the best,
but it's not the worst.
357
00:12:14,889 --> 00:12:16,390
So, y-you're happy?
358
00:12:16,424 --> 00:12:19,193
Dolores is fun.
She's interesting.
She does stuff.
359
00:12:19,227 --> 00:12:20,528
We went on a walk!
360
00:12:20,561 --> 00:12:22,530
If you like walks so much,
sit down.
361
00:12:22,563 --> 00:12:24,032
Steve Carlton's
about to give up another one.
362
00:12:24,065 --> 00:12:25,766
No can do, my friend.
363
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,269
Dolores and I are going to
dinner at a restaurant.
364
00:12:28,302 --> 00:12:30,171
You should come and see
how great she is for yourself.
365
00:12:30,204 --> 00:12:31,772
We'll be there.
366
00:12:31,806 --> 00:12:33,942
I'm gonna test her and see
if she really is a good match
367
00:12:33,975 --> 00:12:35,776
or just another
Jane Bales dud.
368
00:12:35,810 --> 00:12:38,746
Seems like you should just be
happy for me, but okay!
369
00:12:38,779 --> 00:12:40,081
Ha-ha!
370
00:12:40,114 --> 00:12:42,450
I'm gonna expose Dolores
for the fraud she is.
(DOOR CLOSES)
371
00:12:42,483 --> 00:12:45,286
And Jane Bales
will be banned from
Yenta-ing forever.
372
00:12:45,319 --> 00:12:46,921
Which one's Jane Bales,
again?
373
00:12:46,955 --> 00:12:49,723
ADULT ADAM: And so
my mom set out to do
what she did best...
374
00:12:49,757 --> 00:12:52,060
Systematically destroy
a budding relationship.
375
00:12:52,093 --> 00:12:53,761
So, what's everybody
drinking?
376
00:12:53,794 --> 00:12:54,963
Hm, Dolores?
377
00:12:54,996 --> 00:12:57,531
Just six glasses of wine
because of your problem?
378
00:12:57,565 --> 00:12:58,900
Oh, I'm kind of
a lightweight.
379
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:00,001
(CHUCKLES)
I'll just have a beer.
380
00:13:00,034 --> 00:13:01,903
Me too.
Good call!
381
00:13:01,936 --> 00:13:04,572
(CHUCKLES)
We're still not
sure about you.
382
00:13:04,605 --> 00:13:06,374
I have no opinion.
383
00:13:06,407 --> 00:13:08,609
Oh, Dolores,
I see you looking at
384
00:13:08,642 --> 00:13:11,913
the expensive side
of the menu, huh?
You like nice things?
385
00:13:11,946 --> 00:13:13,214
Guilty as charged! (LAUGHS)
386
00:13:13,247 --> 00:13:16,317
Aha! You're gonna bleed
Bill's already meager
life savings dry.
387
00:13:16,350 --> 00:13:18,786
Oh, well, actually,
I make more money
than Bill.
388
00:13:18,819 --> 00:13:20,121
She knows
fancy finance words
389
00:13:20,154 --> 00:13:21,789
like "dividend"
and "checking account."
390
00:13:21,822 --> 00:13:24,025
And you'll always
feel inferior
because of it.
391
00:13:24,058 --> 00:13:26,827
Nuh-unh! I'm ready
for my full-time job
to be foot rubber.
392
00:13:26,861 --> 00:13:28,262
Well, I'm hiring!
393
00:13:28,296 --> 00:13:31,299
Yeah, well,
keep your hands off her dogs
while I'm eating my soup.
394
00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:33,767
Beverly, I didn't know
when to bring this up,
395
00:13:33,801 --> 00:13:36,437
but I am a huge fan
of your cookbook.
396
00:13:36,470 --> 00:13:37,505
You are?
397
00:13:37,538 --> 00:13:39,440
Would you mind
signing mine for me?
398
00:13:39,473 --> 00:13:40,808
Here? Now?
399
00:13:40,841 --> 00:13:43,111
I have my own
smudge-proof pen!
400
00:13:43,144 --> 00:13:44,278
And please don't tell me
401
00:13:44,312 --> 00:13:46,314
that you bedazzled
that gorgeous
sweater yourself.
402
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:48,950
I did bedazzle
this beauty myself.
403
00:13:48,983 --> 00:13:52,320
How are you so amazing
and friends with Jane Bales?
404
00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:54,122
Jane and I
aren't really friends.
405
00:13:54,155 --> 00:13:56,824
Between you and me,
she's a strong cup of coffee.
406
00:13:56,857 --> 00:13:58,626
She is a piece of (BLEEP).
407
00:13:58,659 --> 00:13:59,961
(LAUGHS)
408
00:13:59,994 --> 00:14:02,296
Bill, we are so lucky
we found Dolores!
409
00:14:02,330 --> 00:14:03,431
Aww!
410
00:14:03,464 --> 00:14:04,832
ADULT ADAM: As my mom
warmed up to Dolores,
411
00:14:04,865 --> 00:14:06,800
my brother and I
were comin' in hot.
412
00:14:06,834 --> 00:14:07,969
Sorry I'm late.
413
00:14:08,002 --> 00:14:10,004
I got sidetracked
hugging some trees outside.
414
00:14:10,038 --> 00:14:11,639
I cannot
thank you enough.
415
00:14:11,672 --> 00:14:12,873
So, where are they?
416
00:14:12,907 --> 00:14:14,308
They're preparing
all their hits.
417
00:14:14,342 --> 00:14:15,643
You can announce
them in five.
418
00:14:15,676 --> 00:14:17,245
(SQUEALS, LAUGHS)
You're the best.
419
00:14:19,413 --> 00:14:22,183
Without knowing any facts,
what incredibly stupid thing
did you do?
420
00:14:22,216 --> 00:14:24,652
He promised her that
Daryl Hall & John Oates
would perform,
421
00:14:24,685 --> 00:14:26,554
but instead, we are.
What?
422
00:14:26,587 --> 00:14:27,688
I'm gonna go try
and get ready,
423
00:14:27,721 --> 00:14:28,856
even though there's no way.
424
00:14:29,590 --> 00:14:31,725
Barry,
please don't do this.
425
00:14:31,759 --> 00:14:33,227
I see what this is!
426
00:14:33,261 --> 00:14:34,495
You're cheesesteaking me!
427
00:14:34,528 --> 00:14:36,530
You're telling me
to do the opposite
428
00:14:36,564 --> 00:14:37,731
of what will make Ren happy
429
00:14:37,765 --> 00:14:38,933
'cause you don't want us
to be together.
430
00:14:38,967 --> 00:14:41,002
I promise I am not
cheesesteaking you.
431
00:14:41,035 --> 00:14:42,536
I'm trying
to protect you.
432
00:14:42,570 --> 00:14:44,538
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is my pleasure
433
00:14:44,572 --> 00:14:48,642
to welcome Philadelphia's
very own
Daryl Hall & John Oates!
434
00:14:48,676 --> 00:14:50,078
See you at our wedding!
435
00:14:50,111 --> 00:14:52,013
ADULT ADAM: Yeah,
we thought of everything.
436
00:14:52,046 --> 00:14:54,682
Except for the part
where we both dressed
as the same rock star.
437
00:14:55,716 --> 00:14:57,385
You're supposed
to be Oates, dummy!
438
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:59,120
I am Oates!
You're supposed to be Hall!
439
00:14:59,153 --> 00:15:00,354
This is what Hall
looks like!
440
00:15:00,388 --> 00:15:02,723
* Oh-oh, here she comes
441
00:15:02,756 --> 00:15:04,125
Dude,
Hall's the tall blond!
442
00:15:04,158 --> 00:15:05,759
Oates is
the mustachioed one!
443
00:15:05,793 --> 00:15:08,062
* Oh-oh, here she comes
444
00:15:08,096 --> 00:15:09,697
You need to sing
the Hall parts!
445
00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:11,332
I just know
the backing vocals!
446
00:15:11,365 --> 00:15:12,967
* Oh-oh, here she comes
447
00:15:13,534 --> 00:15:14,568
What are we gonna do?
448
00:15:14,602 --> 00:15:16,570
I guess you sing
the part you know.
449
00:15:16,604 --> 00:15:18,572
* Oh-oh, here she comes
450
00:15:18,606 --> 00:15:19,673
* She's a m... *
451
00:15:19,707 --> 00:15:21,675
(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYS)
452
00:15:21,709 --> 00:15:23,044
What the hell, Barry?
453
00:15:23,077 --> 00:15:25,213
I'm sorry.
Let us do Rich Girl!
454
00:15:25,246 --> 00:15:27,148
No! I don't want you to do
anything ever again.
455
00:15:27,181 --> 00:15:28,249
Just leave.
456
00:15:28,282 --> 00:15:30,451
Oh, no.
I warned you.
457
00:15:30,484 --> 00:15:31,719
This is all your fault!
458
00:15:31,752 --> 00:15:33,121
Me? How am I
to blame for this?
459
00:15:33,154 --> 00:15:35,556
If you were honest with me
in the first place,
460
00:15:35,589 --> 00:15:38,159
I would've
listened to you now!
Thanks for nothing.
461
00:15:38,792 --> 00:15:40,561
(FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING)
462
00:15:40,594 --> 00:15:41,996
And why did you
agree to this?
463
00:15:42,030 --> 00:15:43,564
Honestly, the last thing
I remember
464
00:15:43,597 --> 00:15:45,066
is a dental assistant
asking me
465
00:15:45,099 --> 00:15:46,867
if I had someone
to drive me home.
466
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:50,471
ADULT ADAM: As we flamed out,
Jane Bales was burning mad
at my mom.
467
00:15:50,504 --> 00:15:52,606
Beverly Goldberg!
How could you?
468
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:55,076
You can't prove it,
and I'll deny it
to my grave!
469
00:15:55,109 --> 00:15:56,344
Also, what is this about?
470
00:15:56,377 --> 00:15:57,645
Dolores broke up with Bill.
471
00:15:57,678 --> 00:15:59,780
She said she thought
we weren't a good fit.
472
00:15:59,813 --> 00:16:02,083
But she's the ham
to my pocket filled with ham.
473
00:16:02,116 --> 00:16:04,885
Which means you clearly did
something to sabotage them.
474
00:16:04,918 --> 00:16:07,588
I mean, I went to dinner
with the intention
of doing something,
475
00:16:07,621 --> 00:16:08,789
but then I liked her.
476
00:16:08,822 --> 00:16:11,659
You just couldn't handle
that I found Bill love
and not you.
477
00:16:11,692 --> 00:16:13,894
I still remember
the last place we kissed.
478
00:16:13,927 --> 00:16:14,962
Mouths.
479
00:16:14,995 --> 00:16:17,198
Why, Beverly?
Why do you hate love?
480
00:16:17,231 --> 00:16:18,299
I didn't do this!
481
00:16:18,332 --> 00:16:20,101
Who would do this
if it wasn't you?
482
00:16:20,134 --> 00:16:21,269
It was me, okay?
483
00:16:21,302 --> 00:16:23,304
Murray?
What did you do
to that woman?
484
00:16:23,337 --> 00:16:27,341
I just told her that Bill was
so crushed after his wife left
485
00:16:27,375 --> 00:16:29,677
that he wasn't ready
for another relationship.
486
00:16:29,710 --> 00:16:30,778
Why?
487
00:16:30,811 --> 00:16:33,013
It was just
all happening too fast.
488
00:16:33,047 --> 00:16:35,849
I saw you all these years
destroyed by love,
489
00:16:35,883 --> 00:16:37,918
and I didn't want to
see it happen again.
490
00:16:37,951 --> 00:16:39,653
But Dolores
makes me happy.
491
00:16:39,687 --> 00:16:41,489
I was just looking
out for you, buddy.
492
00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:42,956
If you were
really my buddy,
493
00:16:42,990 --> 00:16:44,692
you wouldn't have
sucker-punched my heart.
494
00:16:44,725 --> 00:16:45,959
Bill...
No!
495
00:16:45,993 --> 00:16:47,061
Murray,
maybe you're right.
496
00:16:47,095 --> 00:16:49,397
Maybe I'm meant
to be alone.
497
00:16:49,430 --> 00:16:51,699
(SIGHING) I knew I didn't
need to get my doorbell fixed.
498
00:16:54,835 --> 00:16:57,971
ADULT ADAM: Barry's attempt
to wow Ren didn't exactly
go as planned.
499
00:16:58,005 --> 00:17:00,941
I can't believe we both
dressed up like Daryl Hall.
500
00:17:00,974 --> 00:17:04,044
Oates! We're both Oates!
How are you still
not getting that?
501
00:17:04,078 --> 00:17:06,046
I guess I just
screw up everything.
502
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:07,781
Stupid mustache.
503
00:17:07,815 --> 00:17:09,049
Oww! Ohh!
504
00:17:09,083 --> 00:17:10,518
Just take it off
like this.
505
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:11,952
On, off.
506
00:17:11,985 --> 00:17:13,621
On, off.
507
00:17:13,654 --> 00:17:15,022
Oates, Hall.
508
00:17:15,055 --> 00:17:16,390
Oates, Hall.
509
00:17:16,424 --> 00:17:17,525
Mine doesn't do that.
510
00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:18,959
What kind of adhesive
did you use?
511
00:17:18,992 --> 00:17:20,328
The stuff
Dad seals the tub with.
512
00:17:20,361 --> 00:17:22,230
That's not meant
for the human face!
513
00:17:22,263 --> 00:17:23,864
This bagel duster's
gonna be on forever!
514
00:17:23,897 --> 00:17:24,898
Hey.
515
00:17:25,366 --> 00:17:26,367
Hey.
516
00:17:27,268 --> 00:17:28,669
Yeah, I'll let
you guys talk.
517
00:17:31,739 --> 00:17:32,973
How's it going?
518
00:17:33,006 --> 00:17:34,875
(SIGHS) Not so great.
519
00:17:34,908 --> 00:17:37,378
I embarrassed myself
in front of a girl I like,
520
00:17:37,411 --> 00:17:39,413
but even worse,
I let her down.
521
00:17:39,447 --> 00:17:41,515
Why'd you lie about
Daryl Hall & John Oates?
522
00:17:41,549 --> 00:17:42,916
I thought
I could get them.
523
00:17:42,950 --> 00:17:46,420
And I tried, but I-I only
ended up with their teeth.
524
00:17:46,454 --> 00:17:48,389
(SIGHS)
I feel like
there's more there,
525
00:17:48,422 --> 00:17:50,391
but I'm just
not gonna ask.
526
00:17:51,559 --> 00:17:53,427
I'm sorry
I ruined your telethon.
527
00:17:53,461 --> 00:17:55,363
Here's the thing,
you didn't.
528
00:17:55,396 --> 00:17:57,931
Everyone thought it was
some goofy comedy act
529
00:17:57,965 --> 00:18:00,468
called Oates & Oates,
so we got a ton of donations.
530
00:18:01,969 --> 00:18:03,103
So I kinda helped?
531
00:18:03,137 --> 00:18:04,605
You kinda did.
532
00:18:04,638 --> 00:18:07,441
But next time,
just talk to me.
533
00:18:07,475 --> 00:18:10,411
I wanted to,
but you were so busy,
534
00:18:10,444 --> 00:18:14,282
and Erica convinced me you
only kissed me on spring break
because it was your vacation.
535
00:18:14,315 --> 00:18:15,983
Well, she doesn't know
everything.
536
00:18:16,884 --> 00:18:18,085
You kinda like me, too?
537
00:18:18,118 --> 00:18:21,189
(CHUCKLES) A guy that would
go through all of this effort
538
00:18:21,222 --> 00:18:22,923
to support something
that's important to me...
539
00:18:24,592 --> 00:18:26,627
What's not to like?
540
00:18:26,660 --> 00:18:29,230
(DARYL HALL & JOHN OATES'
KISS ON MY LIST PLAYS)
541
00:18:29,263 --> 00:18:30,431
Wait.
This isn't right.
542
00:18:30,464 --> 00:18:33,334
Oh, no. 'Cause I'm not
a viable romantic partner?
543
00:18:33,367 --> 00:18:35,403
(CHUCKLES)
No, dummy.
544
00:18:35,436 --> 00:18:36,537
This!
545
00:18:37,371 --> 00:18:38,806
Oww! Ohh!
(LAUGHS)
546
00:18:38,839 --> 00:18:40,408
* Because your kiss,
your kiss is on my list
547
00:18:40,441 --> 00:18:43,877
ADULT ADAM: The truth is,
we all do crazy stuff
for the people we care about,
548
00:18:43,911 --> 00:18:45,413
even if it doesn't
always work out.
549
00:18:45,446 --> 00:18:47,648
I don't get it.
I thought you wanted
Bill to be happy.
550
00:18:48,916 --> 00:18:50,251
I do.
551
00:18:50,284 --> 00:18:52,119
I just didn't want to
see him get hurt again.
552
00:18:53,521 --> 00:18:57,591
Honestly, you not supporting
your friend hurts more.
553
00:18:57,625 --> 00:18:59,527
Well, that's not
what I want.
554
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:00,761
Bill's the best.
555
00:19:00,794 --> 00:19:02,330
He deserves
all the good stuff.
556
00:19:02,996 --> 00:19:04,932
Then tell him that.
557
00:19:04,965 --> 00:19:07,635
Not talking to each other,
it's kind of our thing.
558
00:19:09,503 --> 00:19:11,705
Well, maybe
it shouldn't be.
559
00:19:11,739 --> 00:19:13,941
* Because your kiss,
your kiss is on my list
560
00:19:13,974 --> 00:19:15,809
Oh, it's you.
561
00:19:15,843 --> 00:19:17,345
I was kinda hoping
you were somebody else.
562
00:19:17,378 --> 00:19:18,646
Here she is.
563
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:19,713
Hi, Bill.
564
00:19:19,747 --> 00:19:21,449
My gummy bear's back!
565
00:19:21,482 --> 00:19:22,816
(BOTH LAUGH)
566
00:19:23,584 --> 00:19:24,918
I'll give you guys
a minute.
567
00:19:24,952 --> 00:19:26,153
Okay.
568
00:19:26,186 --> 00:19:27,921
(INHALES DEEPLY)
569
00:19:27,955 --> 00:19:30,658
Listen, what I said about
not wanting you to get hurt?
570
00:19:30,691 --> 00:19:31,725
It's true.
I meant it.
571
00:19:31,759 --> 00:19:32,926
I appreciate that.
572
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,795
Here's the thing...
573
00:19:34,828 --> 00:19:37,030
I don't have
a lot of people
in my life.
574
00:19:37,064 --> 00:19:38,366
You're my friend.
575
00:19:38,399 --> 00:19:39,633
My one friend.
576
00:19:39,667 --> 00:19:41,034
Right back atcha.
577
00:19:41,068 --> 00:19:45,573
We spend every Sunday
watching TV at my house,
578
00:19:45,606 --> 00:19:48,342
and the thought of that
not happening...
579
00:19:48,376 --> 00:19:50,511
That's a thought
you don't need to have.
580
00:19:50,544 --> 00:19:51,812
There's not
a woman in the world
581
00:19:51,845 --> 00:19:53,514
that can come between me
and my best bud.
582
00:19:53,547 --> 00:19:55,182
Really?
Really.
583
00:19:55,215 --> 00:19:56,717
Now bring it in.
584
00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:58,419
Let old Bill
get his arms around you.
585
00:20:00,588 --> 00:20:03,657
ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
accepting what makes
the people you love happy
586
00:20:03,691 --> 00:20:06,059
can make us all
happier in the end.
587
00:20:06,093 --> 00:20:08,061
Hey, I'll grab you
another slice.
588
00:20:09,930 --> 00:20:11,198
You sure you're okay
with this?
589
00:20:11,231 --> 00:20:12,666
Yeah, I suppose.
590
00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:15,202
I mean, you are
two of my favorite people.
591
00:20:15,235 --> 00:20:16,704
ADULT ADAM: 'Cause when
we open our hearts,
592
00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:19,873
we can all find new ways
to grow... Together.
593
00:20:19,907 --> 00:20:22,543
Enjoy your game.
We're going shopping.
594
00:20:22,576 --> 00:20:26,514
After all, sharing moments
with people we love,
both old and new...
595
00:20:26,547 --> 00:20:29,082
That's one of
the best things in life.
596
00:20:29,116 --> 00:20:33,587
* When I turn out the lights *
597
00:20:35,889 --> 00:20:37,391
Hi. I'm Wendi
McLendon-Covey,
598
00:20:37,425 --> 00:20:40,027
and I play Beverly Goldberg
on The Goldbergs.
599
00:20:40,060 --> 00:20:42,162
We have a character
called Bill Lewis,
600
00:20:42,195 --> 00:20:43,631
and I've got some
questions for you.
601
00:20:43,664 --> 00:20:45,333
What advice
would you give someone
602
00:20:45,366 --> 00:20:48,336
who's going to work
for Beverly Goldberg?
603
00:20:48,369 --> 00:20:50,404
Wear a set of earplugs.
(LAUGHS)
604
00:20:52,406 --> 00:20:53,907
Well, that's it.
605
00:20:53,941 --> 00:20:56,176
The Earth Day telethon
is over for another year.
606
00:20:56,209 --> 00:20:57,645
You should be
so proud of yourself.
607
00:20:57,678 --> 00:20:59,246
I mean, you filled
two straight days
608
00:20:59,279 --> 00:21:00,714
with wall-to-wall
entertainment.
609
00:21:00,748 --> 00:21:03,584
I guess, but I still didn't
get anyone famous.
610
00:21:03,617 --> 00:21:04,818
Damn it!
611
00:21:04,852 --> 00:21:07,588
I was so close
to Daryl Hall & John Oates.
612
00:21:07,621 --> 00:21:09,623
(STRUMMING GUITAR)
* Whoa-oh, here she come *
613
00:21:09,657 --> 00:21:12,460
What the hell, man?
Are you mocking me?
614
00:21:12,493 --> 00:21:14,462
Oh, no, I-I was just
messing around.
615
00:21:14,495 --> 00:21:15,829
I-I'm sorry.
You should be.
616
00:21:15,863 --> 00:21:17,230
But me and my buddy,
we got this band,
617
00:21:17,264 --> 00:21:18,766
and I thought
maybe next year...
Hard no.
618
00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:20,601
But don't you guys got
a bunch of hours to fill?
619
00:21:20,634 --> 00:21:23,103
Hard no!
Sweet 'stache, though.
620
00:21:23,136 --> 00:21:26,139
Oh, well, thanks.
It's, uh, kinda my thing.
621
00:21:26,173 --> 00:21:27,240
(BELL DINGS)
47549
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