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Back in the '80s,
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00:00:01,740 --> 00:00:03,899
the biggest night for any
bride, besides the wedding,
3
00:00:03,900 --> 00:00:05,500
was the bachelorette party.
4
00:00:05,510 --> 00:00:07,199
Lashes were curled, hair was crimped,
5
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:08,500
sashes were sashed...
6
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:11,570
all to make it a night that the
bride-to-be would never forget.
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00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,000
Guys, it's so sweet you went
to all this trouble for me.
8
00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:15,610
Really? 'Cause you said if we didn't,
9
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:16,920
you'd "never forgive us."
10
00:00:17,020 --> 00:00:19,330
And then you said, "If you're
going to go to the trouble,
11
00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:20,360
do everything I say."
12
00:00:20,380 --> 00:00:21,640
Still, so sweet.
13
00:00:21,660 --> 00:00:23,000
We totally went all-out.
14
00:00:23,020 --> 00:00:26,740
I even packed us a naughty bag
of bachelorette nastiness.
15
00:00:26,780 --> 00:00:27,920
Check it out, girlfriend.
16
00:00:27,930 --> 00:00:30,000
Oh, n-n-n-never!
17
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:31,499
Bar, you need to chill.
18
00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:33,750
All we're doing is going
for a little fondue
19
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:34,779
and a lot of karaoke.
20
00:00:34,780 --> 00:00:37,000
Where there's music, there's dancing.
21
00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:38,759
Will there be dancing
in a group setting?
22
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,460
- Someone tell me.
- What's happening?
23
00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:43,580
As bridesmaids, you
are legally obligated
24
00:00:43,590 --> 00:00:46,620
to form a protective dance
wall around the bride-to-be.
25
00:00:46,660 --> 00:00:48,660
I thought our job was to,
like, catch the bouquet
26
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:49,970
and hook up with a random hot cousin.
27
00:00:49,990 --> 00:00:53,279
Wrong! Now, everyone fall
into anti-grinding formation.
28
00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:54,380
Let's practice.
29
00:00:54,410 --> 00:00:57,520
Hey, I'm a local townie
looking for a good grind.
30
00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:00,440
Uh-oh. They're playing "Safety Dance."
31
00:01:00,470 --> 00:01:01,879
But this is not safe.
32
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,180
Honestly, it's going to be fine.
33
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,960
Then you leave me no choice.
34
00:01:04,980 --> 00:01:06,540
Attention!
35
00:01:06,580 --> 00:01:09,479
I shall throw my own
wild bachelor party.
36
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,040
- Cool.
- Really?
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00:01:11,050 --> 00:01:12,196
- I trust you.
- Well, you shouldn't.
38
00:01:12,220 --> 00:01:14,360
You should. You're never
gonna do better anyway.
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00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:16,990
Agreed. Time to go tell my best man
40
00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:18,800
to plan a gnarly bachelor party
41
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,620
and also pick my best man.
42
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,960
Adam, it's recently come to my attention
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00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,020
that I need a best man,
and I've made my choice.
44
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:28,160
Naked Rob, right?
45
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,800
He's the heart and soul of the JTP.
46
00:01:29,830 --> 00:01:30,900
No, dummy.
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00:01:30,930 --> 00:01:32,469
It's you, 'cause you're my brother
48
00:01:32,470 --> 00:01:34,020
and you mean the stupid world to me.
49
00:01:34,030 --> 00:01:35,040
What?
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00:01:35,060 --> 00:01:36,070
Stop.
51
00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:37,660
Don't make this all weird and tearful.
52
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:38,690
I-I just can't help it.
53
00:01:38,730 --> 00:01:40,306
It's just such a
wonderful moment for us.
54
00:01:40,330 --> 00:01:42,660
No! Don't you dare feel deep emotion,
55
00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:43,846
'cause then I'll feel it, too!
56
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:44,930
I just...
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I have a brother who loves me so much.
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00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:48,650
It's true.
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00:01:48,690 --> 00:01:50,120
We got to do man stuff fast.
60
00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:51,230
We can battle on my official
61
00:01:51,250 --> 00:01:52,820
"Over the Top" arm-wrestling table.
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00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,536
I'm gonna break all the little bones
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00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,320
in your little bird hand.
64
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,640
Do it... right now.
65
00:01:57,660 --> 00:02:00,159
Be Stallone. Go over
the top and pin my arm.
66
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,220
Oh, no!
67
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:02,339
Now we're just holding hands
68
00:02:02,340 --> 00:02:04,220
and staring into each
other's teary eyes.
69
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,399
Your fingers are so
gently entangled in mine.
70
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:09,100
It's like you're my
missing puzzle piece!
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00:02:09,140 --> 00:02:11,210
I don't know where I stop
and where you begin!
72
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:12,510
No!
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00:02:12,540 --> 00:02:15,400
If you cry tears of love,
then I'll cry tears of love.
74
00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:17,940
Oh, no! I hear crying.
I've got my first-aid kit.
75
00:02:17,950 --> 00:02:18,960
What's wrong?
76
00:02:18,970 --> 00:02:21,140
Barry asked me to be his best man!
77
00:02:21,170 --> 00:02:23,440
- Oh, sweet God, no.
- I love this boy.
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00:02:23,470 --> 00:02:26,440
I need to hug you both as
tight as I can right now.
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00:02:26,470 --> 00:02:27,710
- Hold me in your arms.
- Ohhhh.
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00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:36,900
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
81
00:02:42,890 --> 00:02:44,790
It was December 5th, 1980-something,
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00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:46,760
and my mom was dropping us off at school
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00:02:46,790 --> 00:02:48,240
in my dad's crappy old car.
84
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:49,880
At least, she was trying to.
85
00:02:49,910 --> 00:02:51,950
Goldbergs, you're up. Unlock and unload.
86
00:02:51,980 --> 00:02:53,210
Mwah, mwah. Go.
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00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,540
Be the amazing, delicious
boys I birthed you to be.
88
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:56,580
Damn it!
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00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,770
You know this door doesn't
open from the inside.
90
00:02:58,780 --> 00:02:59,976
You got to get out and open it.
91
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,320
Goldberg, Goldfarb, let's hurry it up.
92
00:03:02,340 --> 00:03:04,190
Damn it, just get out on Adam's side.
93
00:03:04,230 --> 00:03:05,320
Daah!
94
00:03:05,340 --> 00:03:06,470
The door's bungee-d shut
95
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,640
'cause Dad slammed it too
hard after the Eagles lost.
96
00:03:08,650 --> 00:03:10,180
Oh, poop!
97
00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:11,740
No, you don't get out. They get out.
98
00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:13,720
If I don't get out, they can't get out.
99
00:03:13,740 --> 00:03:16,190
I'm sorry. I had to take
Murray's car today.
100
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,360
I don't need your
backstory, Norman Mailer.
101
00:03:18,390 --> 00:03:20,600
- Just get 'em out.
- Damn it, Murray!
102
00:03:20,660 --> 00:03:21,820
All right, we got a two-minute limit.
103
00:03:21,830 --> 00:03:23,890
You're gonna have to
circle back around. Next!
104
00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:26,530
I am not getting back in that line.
Look at how long it is.
105
00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:28,450
It's that long because of you!
106
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:29,480
Mom, let us out!
107
00:03:29,490 --> 00:03:31,650
Boys, just climb out the
window. Go, go, go!
108
00:03:32,890 --> 00:03:34,790
Schmoopie, no! Don't go headfirst!
109
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,220
I got to see what I'm landing on.
110
00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,670
I don't want to get a gravel rash.
111
00:03:37,690 --> 00:03:39,830
All right, this circus
act is unacceptable.
112
00:03:39,860 --> 00:03:41,320
Oh, no! My glasses!
113
00:03:41,340 --> 00:03:43,000
Forget 'em. You got four other senses.
114
00:03:43,030 --> 00:03:44,530
Wait. My Toaster Strudel.
115
00:03:44,570 --> 00:03:45,879
I'll drop it off later.
116
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,640
It's fine. I'll just
"Dukes of Hazzard" it.
117
00:03:47,670 --> 00:03:50,800
Oh, Barry, no. Do not "Dukes
of Hazzard" the window.
118
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:51,810
Too late!
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00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:54,910
You need a new car.
120
00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:56,380
Ah, again with this?
121
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,260
My car works just fine. Tell her, Bill.
122
00:03:58,300 --> 00:04:00,760
This kind of feels like one
of those lose-lose situations
123
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,270
I'd rather not be involved in.
124
00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:03,700
Too late. You're going with us.
125
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,070
You're gonna be a bad influence
126
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,900
and goad him into spending some money.
127
00:04:06,940 --> 00:04:08,910
How about this? We compromise.
128
00:04:08,940 --> 00:04:11,940
I replace the door handle,
and boom! Everybody wins!
129
00:04:12,090 --> 00:04:13,330
Forget the door handle.
130
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:16,100
You've been driving the same
car since our first date.
131
00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:17,950
So it's got sentimental
value. You get it.
132
00:04:17,980 --> 00:04:19,850
You're getting a new car.
133
00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:26,870
Hey!
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00:04:26,910 --> 00:04:28,939
Time to talk bachelor party, best man.
135
00:04:28,940 --> 00:04:32,610
Last night, I taped a movie off
Cinemax starring Tom Hanks
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00:04:32,650 --> 00:04:34,300
that forever changed my life...
137
00:04:34,390 --> 00:04:35,730
"Bachelor Party."
138
00:04:35,770 --> 00:04:37,920
My dad said that movie
was a raunchy shlockfest
139
00:04:37,940 --> 00:04:39,576
that celebrates the
lowest form of comedy.
140
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:40,770
Your dad knows his stuff.
141
00:04:40,810 --> 00:04:43,710
It is brilliant, and I want
it to be the blueprint
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00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,340
for my zany bachelor party.
143
00:04:45,380 --> 00:04:47,140
What exactly do you mean by "zany"?
144
00:04:47,180 --> 00:04:50,650
I'm talking about a giant
rager in a hotel suite
145
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,180
with sketchy babes,
146
00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:54,150
unruly Japanese businessmen,
147
00:04:54,190 --> 00:04:56,890
and a beer-guzzling
mule that passes out.
148
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:59,160
That sounds very adult.
149
00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:00,520
Exactly!
150
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,380
Everyone's saying I'm just a dumb kid
151
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:03,740
who's stupidly getting married.
152
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,200
But this party will
prove I'm a dumb adult
153
00:05:06,230 --> 00:05:07,410
who's stupidly getting married.
154
00:05:07,430 --> 00:05:08,470
That logic kind of tracks.
155
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:09,970
Thank you, David Kimberly.
156
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,600
You think "Kim" is short for "Kimberly"?
157
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:12,760
I'm certain of it.
158
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:14,400
Get to party planning, boys.
159
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:16,670
No pressure, but my whole
marriage depends on it.
160
00:05:16,710 --> 00:05:18,370
Don't worry. I will not rest
161
00:05:18,410 --> 00:05:22,040
'til I throw you the bachelor
party in "Bachelor Party."
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00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,820
You can't throw him this bachelor
party in this movie, man.
163
00:05:27,850 --> 00:05:29,990
- You can't do it.
- I know, Dave Kim.
164
00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:32,620
There's so much bad language
and full-frontal shenanigans.
165
00:05:32,660 --> 00:05:33,980
I know, Dave Kim!
166
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,960
Why would boyishly lovable Tom
Hanks agree to be in this?
167
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,540
He's done. He'll never work again.
168
00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:40,320
I know, Dave Kim!!
169
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,340
Barry said his marriage hinges on this!
170
00:05:42,370 --> 00:05:44,380
What are you gonna do, bro?!
171
00:05:44,570 --> 00:05:46,880
I don't know, Dave Kim. I don't know.
172
00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:48,570
That day, the only thing harder
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00:05:48,610 --> 00:05:50,100
than throwing Barry a bachelor party
174
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:51,860
was getting my dad to buy a new car.
175
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,480
Howdy, folks. Welcome to
Calabasas Family Auto.
176
00:05:54,510 --> 00:05:57,610
Hey, I'm gonna kick things off
with a friendly ice breaker.
177
00:05:57,650 --> 00:05:58,880
Are any of you guys cops?
178
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,520
- No... ?
- Perfect!
179
00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:02,319
Hey, this handsome young guy looks like
180
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:03,950
he's looking for
something sporty, right?
181
00:06:03,990 --> 00:06:05,560
- Not even a little.
- Okay.
182
00:06:05,570 --> 00:06:07,236
- Please don't touch me.
- Sounds like a plan.
183
00:06:07,260 --> 00:06:09,040
Actually, I dragged him here.
184
00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:10,160
He needs a new car.
185
00:06:10,220 --> 00:06:12,039
Well, I can tell just
from the look of you
186
00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:13,560
that you only settle for the best.
187
00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:15,220
- Am I right?
- You are not.
188
00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:16,850
Save your spiel for the other suckers.
189
00:06:16,870 --> 00:06:18,170
I'm just here for a new handle.
190
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:19,820
Murray, look at me
191
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:22,710
and hear the words of a woman
who was banned from carpool...
192
00:06:22,740 --> 00:06:24,010
you're getting a car today.
193
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,100
Any car. I don't even care
what it is at this point.
194
00:06:26,150 --> 00:06:27,940
My God, Mur-man!
195
00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:29,640
You're such a cheap bastard,
196
00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:31,650
your wife has completely given up
197
00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,720
and letting you get
whatever car you like.
198
00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:36,320
No, no. Now, let's respect
your sensible pal
199
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:37,620
and his sensible choices.
200
00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:40,660
Allow me to show you to
our finest door handles,
201
00:06:40,690 --> 00:06:43,120
which are just past the
luxury sports cars.
202
00:06:43,140 --> 00:06:44,140
Don't let them seduce you.
203
00:06:44,150 --> 00:06:46,440
Ah, let me make this easy on you, okay?
204
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:48,200
No, no, no...
205
00:06:48,230 --> 00:06:49,300
never.
206
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,470
In that moment, my dad
would ask a question
207
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:54,280
that would change the course of history.
208
00:06:54,570 --> 00:06:55,640
What's that?
209
00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:57,620
That, my friend, is the Bitter.
210
00:06:57,660 --> 00:06:59,760
It's Austrian. So very rare.
211
00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:01,520
Kind of looks like a Ferrari.
212
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,526
- I really loved those as a kid.
- Come on, Murray.
213
00:07:03,550 --> 00:07:05,550
For once in your life,
just treat yourself.
214
00:07:05,580 --> 00:07:06,820
And what a treat!
215
00:07:06,850 --> 00:07:09,990
Hey, Mur! Individual seat heaters!
216
00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:12,420
You know what they call that?
"The marriage saver."
217
00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:14,100
Maybe if I had these bun toasters,
218
00:07:14,130 --> 00:07:16,000
I'd still be married.
219
00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:17,430
Who am I kidding?
220
00:07:17,460 --> 00:07:20,440
We had separate bedrooms,
only said hi in the hallway.
221
00:07:20,530 --> 00:07:21,900
But come on!
222
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,370
Ah, [BLEEP] it!
223
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,470
Aw, don't let your sad pal sell you
224
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:27,550
on this marvel of modern engineering
225
00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:31,410
that happens to go from zero to
60 in only 8.1 seconds flat.
226
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:32,580
That is fast.
227
00:07:32,610 --> 00:07:34,080
That's because there's a V-6 engine
228
00:07:34,110 --> 00:07:35,840
and 210 horses under the hood.
229
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,980
That's a lot of ponies running wild.
230
00:07:38,050 --> 00:07:40,720
I call 'em ponies, too, and
nobody ever gets that.
231
00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:42,990
I'm starting to think that
this thing is meant to be.
232
00:07:43,020 --> 00:07:44,090
She is a beauty.
233
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:45,840
So? What do you think?
234
00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:47,490
Do we have ourselves a sale?
235
00:07:47,530 --> 00:07:48,760
Here's the thing.
236
00:07:48,790 --> 00:07:50,180
I'm a simple man.
237
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,700
I-I don't need fancy things.
238
00:07:51,730 --> 00:07:53,630
I just need, uh...
239
00:07:53,670 --> 00:07:54,770
a new door handle.
240
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,880
Fine. Follow me to Parts.
241
00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:57,900
So close.
242
00:07:57,901 --> 00:07:59,170
Disappointed!
243
00:07:59,210 --> 00:08:02,110
And so, my dad's car troubles were over.
244
00:08:02,140 --> 00:08:04,979
Little did he know, my mom
was about to switch gears.
245
00:08:07,110 --> 00:08:08,380
Morning, sunshine.
246
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,810
What the hell did you do?
247
00:08:09,850 --> 00:08:11,600
You may refuse to treat yourself,
248
00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:13,060
but I can still treat you.
249
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,880
Oh, you should see the
look on your face.
250
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:15,900
Seriousl...
251
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:17,500
Hey, don't shut the door on me.
252
00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,600
It's the Ferrari of Austria, Murray!
253
00:08:20,660 --> 00:08:22,780
Lose yourself in luxury!
254
00:08:22,830 --> 00:08:24,830
Damn, Murray, take the car!
255
00:08:24,860 --> 00:08:26,130
Meh!
256
00:08:26,170 --> 00:08:27,600
Okay, best man.
257
00:08:27,630 --> 00:08:30,080
Take us through my epic
adult-man bachelor party.
258
00:08:30,140 --> 00:08:31,639
Adult-man bachelor party!
259
00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:33,439
Strap yourselves in, boys.
260
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,570
First, we kick it off at
the Willow Grove Mall
261
00:08:35,610 --> 00:08:38,040
with a fun night of Skee-Ball and more
262
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,200
- at Challenges Arcade.
- Question.
263
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:43,110
Does the "more" include
nudity and/or keg stands?
264
00:08:43,150 --> 00:08:44,760
Nudity and/or keg stands!
265
00:08:44,770 --> 00:08:45,820
It does not.
266
00:08:45,830 --> 00:08:49,620
But it does include
unlimited tokens, air hockey,
267
00:08:49,650 --> 00:08:53,220
and a private party room
featuring a Cookie Puss cake.
268
00:08:53,230 --> 00:08:54,240
Question.
269
00:08:54,250 --> 00:08:55,999
In this said private party room,
270
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,930
will there also be a stolen Porsche
271
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,660
and/or a drunk donkey?
272
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:01,120
And/or drunk donkey!
273
00:09:01,130 --> 00:09:02,900
No. But fear not,
274
00:09:02,940 --> 00:09:05,770
'cause I did book us a mini-horse
275
00:09:05,810 --> 00:09:09,400
that we can pet and be
like, "Look! A mini-horse."
276
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,400
Dude! I asked for a
crazy rager fit for men.
277
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:14,426
You're just throwing me a
lame kid's birthday party.
278
00:09:14,450 --> 00:09:16,440
Maybe that's 'cause I am a kid.
279
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,550
Then I hereby fire you as best man
280
00:09:18,580 --> 00:09:20,120
and demote you to regular man.
281
00:09:20,220 --> 00:09:21,750
No. Please don't make me just regular.
282
00:09:21,790 --> 00:09:23,640
JTP, you're my new best man.
283
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,680
- New best man!
- Adam, vacate the presenting area.
284
00:09:27,060 --> 00:09:29,060
Let's hear it, boys. What do you got?
285
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:32,200
Bro, if you want an
adult-man bachelor party,
286
00:09:32,230 --> 00:09:34,670
then we are gonna go extreme!
287
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,060
I say we kick off the
night in a badass arcade
288
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:38,940
with some high-octane Skee-Ball!
289
00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:40,840
High-octane. Now we're talking.
290
00:09:40,870 --> 00:09:43,280
Followed by some extreme
arcade gameplay,
291
00:09:43,410 --> 00:09:45,690
totally balls out and wild!
292
00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:48,319
That is balls out. You guys just get it.
293
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,750
Then we kick it up to the max
with a monster mini-horse
294
00:09:50,780 --> 00:09:53,620
and a no-holds-barred cake made
of insanely cold ice cream!
295
00:09:53,650 --> 00:09:56,380
- This is insane. All of it.
- Dude!
296
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,920
They just said the exact
same stuff as me,
297
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,280
only they're shouting and
using fancier adjectives.
298
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,340
- Sorry.
- Nailed.
299
00:10:02,350 --> 00:10:04,730
- Yeah. We're kids, too.
- Fine! Adam's best man again.
300
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:05,819
- No!
- Damn it!
301
00:10:05,820 --> 00:10:07,199
Dude, this is an emotional
roller coaster.
302
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,870
How hard is it to throw me
a gnarly bachelor party
303
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:12,200
that proves I'm a gnarly
adult ready for marriage?
304
00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:15,270
Honestly, none of us can throw
you that kind of party.
305
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:18,820
But lucky for you, I know a guy
who specializes in gnarly.
306
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,560
And that guy was none other
307
00:10:20,580 --> 00:10:23,550
than our party animal
uncle, Marvin Goldberg.
308
00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:26,979
I heard somebody's in the market
for a gnarly bachelor party.
309
00:10:26,980 --> 00:10:30,150
Now, tell me, on a scale from 1 to 10,
310
00:10:30,190 --> 00:10:31,460
how gnarly?
311
00:10:31,490 --> 00:10:32,690
- 6?
- 8.
312
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,770
I heard 6 and 8. That's 14.
313
00:10:34,790 --> 00:10:36,030
Out of my way, boys!
314
00:10:36,060 --> 00:10:37,419
Turns out, it was gonna be
315
00:10:37,420 --> 00:10:39,020
- a big, gnarly mistake.
- Yeah.
316
00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:41,460
Even though my mom treated
my dad to a new Bitter,
317
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,600
it just made him more bitter than ever.
318
00:10:43,630 --> 00:10:46,130
I mean it, Bevy. I'm
returning that damn car.
319
00:10:46,170 --> 00:10:49,140
The last thing I need is
the Ferrari of Austria.
320
00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:50,180
Sure you do.
321
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,920
Those people make a quality product.
322
00:10:51,940 --> 00:10:54,910
They gave us the boomerang
and Crocodile Dundee.
323
00:10:54,940 --> 00:10:56,940
It's Austria, not Australia.
324
00:10:56,980 --> 00:10:59,950
My God. Just... let
me handle this, okay?
325
00:10:59,980 --> 00:11:02,379
Murray, please. Just take
the Bitter for a spin.
326
00:11:02,380 --> 00:11:04,440
Look! I got you driving gloves.
327
00:11:04,450 --> 00:11:06,800
I don't want to wear
gloves while I drive.
328
00:11:06,860 --> 00:11:08,140
What am I? The Equalizer?
329
00:11:08,170 --> 00:11:10,039
Come on, Murray. Sporty new gloves
330
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,400
for your sporty new car.
Just drive the thing.
331
00:11:12,410 --> 00:11:13,720
Oh, I'll drive the thing...
332
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,630
right back to that shyster's car lot.
333
00:11:15,660 --> 00:11:17,820
At least, that was my dad's plan...
334
00:11:17,830 --> 00:11:19,560
... until this happened.
335
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,470
- What?
- Like the car. What is it?
336
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,486
- It's a Bitter.
- Never seen one. Where's it from?
337
00:11:23,510 --> 00:11:24,840
Austria. Very rare.
338
00:11:24,870 --> 00:11:27,340
Kind of looks like a
Ferrari. Love those cars.
339
00:11:27,380 --> 00:11:28,800
Yeah, Ferraris are okay.
340
00:11:28,820 --> 00:11:31,360
Yeah. Well, thanks for
letting me look at it.
341
00:11:31,780 --> 00:11:35,220
Yep. That first car compliment
made my dad feel pretty good.
342
00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:37,850
And by the tenth, he was riding high.
343
00:11:37,890 --> 00:11:39,840
Hey. What kind of car?
344
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:41,190
Uh, it's a Bitter.
345
00:11:41,220 --> 00:11:42,620
Austrian. Very rare.
346
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:43,740
At first, I thought it was a...
347
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,330
Oh, Ferrari. Yeah. It gets that a lot.
348
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:50,059
Also, Austria isn't the place
with the boxing kangaroos.
349
00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:51,770
That's Australia.
350
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,680
See? I'm growing, too.
351
00:11:53,740 --> 00:11:55,840
You know, it's funny. When I drive it,
352
00:11:55,870 --> 00:11:59,060
I feel like I'm standing
out, but not in a bad way.
353
00:11:59,110 --> 00:12:01,040
Murray, do you feel special?
354
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,250
Yeah. I-I guess. I-I do feel special.
355
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:05,550
You are special,
356
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:08,300
and for once in your life,
you deserve special things.
357
00:12:08,650 --> 00:12:10,680
Ah, screw it! I'm a Bitter man now.
358
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,880
Yep, that crazy foreign car
359
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,620
made something even crazier happen...
360
00:12:14,660 --> 00:12:17,260
it made my dad start to
embrace feeling special...
361
00:12:17,290 --> 00:12:19,340
... for about 10 seconds.
362
00:12:29,910 --> 00:12:34,880
Gentlemen, thanks for coming
to Barry's bachelor party.
363
00:12:36,410 --> 00:12:39,440
Adam, cue the mind-blowing visuals!
364
00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:44,190
Philadelphia, known
for the Liberty Bell,
365
00:12:44,220 --> 00:12:45,350
South Street,
366
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,660
and the world's greatest cheesesteaks.
367
00:12:47,690 --> 00:12:51,190
But tonight, none of that
matters not one damn bit.
368
00:12:51,230 --> 00:12:52,290
What?
369
00:12:52,330 --> 00:12:53,860
But you made me go around the city
370
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:55,130
taking photos of that stuff.
371
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:56,880
It's for dramatic effect, man...
372
00:12:56,970 --> 00:12:59,220
which I achieved.
373
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:03,310
Because tonight, there's only
one landmark that matters...
374
00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:06,020
Delaware County's wildest dance club,
375
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,860
Pulsations!
376
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,460
Whoa!
377
00:13:10,510 --> 00:13:13,850
We're talking 6,000-square-foot
dance floor,
378
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,420
wall-to-wall babes,
379
00:13:15,450 --> 00:13:17,620
lasers, smoke machines,
380
00:13:17,650 --> 00:13:20,620
giant speakers that guarantee
permanent hearing loss,
381
00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:24,600
and a sentient party robot
that came to get down.
382
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,660
Seriously? They have a party robot?
383
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,510
Little fun fact... it's the same robot
384
00:13:28,530 --> 00:13:31,260
they cast in "Rocky IV"
as Paulie's robo-butler.
385
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,050
- Ooh! Ooh!
- Ooh! Ooh!
386
00:13:33,070 --> 00:13:35,300
And now, in your envelopes,
387
00:13:35,310 --> 00:13:38,310
you will find Binaca
spray, Mexican pesos,
388
00:13:38,340 --> 00:13:40,480
anti-venom, and fake IDs.
389
00:13:40,510 --> 00:13:44,120
Sweet! I'm a 65-year-old organ
donor named Enzo Pinetti.
390
00:13:44,210 --> 00:13:45,439
George P. Shultz?
391
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,349
Isn't he, like, Secretary of State?
392
00:13:47,350 --> 00:13:48,996
Yeah... maybe you want
to tuck your shirt in.
393
00:13:49,020 --> 00:13:51,990
Philippe Tallahassee? Sounds
totally made up, bro.
394
00:13:52,020 --> 00:13:54,300
Not as made up as Abner Q. Cheeseburger.
395
00:13:54,330 --> 00:13:56,330
Of German descent. It's
perfectly plausible.
396
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,530
Yeah, okay. This whole night
sounds a little intense.
397
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,640
Trust me, Cheeseburger. You'll be fine.
398
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:02,830
If not, the safeword is "apricot."
399
00:14:02,870 --> 00:14:04,770
- Thanks, but no, thanks.
- I'm going home.
400
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,900
Guys, this terrifying
journey to adulthood
401
00:14:07,940 --> 00:14:09,770
is exactly what I need.
402
00:14:09,810 --> 00:14:11,570
Just like Tom Hanks in "Bachelor Party,"
403
00:14:11,610 --> 00:14:13,640
this will finally get
me ready for marriage.
404
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:15,520
Now we're starting to
make some good decisions.
405
00:14:15,610 --> 00:14:17,550
Okay, now let's go over what to expect
406
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:19,670
in the VIP room at ♪ Pulsations! ♪
407
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:21,000
Yes!
408
00:14:21,150 --> 00:14:22,800
Apricot! Apricot!
409
00:14:22,810 --> 00:14:24,690
Help! What? N-No!
410
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,790
Yeah, this thing's never driving again.
411
00:14:28,030 --> 00:14:29,960
Never? Like never ever?
412
00:14:29,990 --> 00:14:32,190
Yeah. Not sure if you know this.
413
00:14:32,230 --> 00:14:34,760
This is a Bitter... Austrian, very rare.
414
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,530
Yeah. We're aware.
415
00:14:36,570 --> 00:14:38,799
- Can't you just fix it?
- Well, I mean, here's the thing.
416
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,740
If you have a car there's only one of,
417
00:14:40,770 --> 00:14:42,050
I mean, it ain't easy to get parts.
418
00:14:42,070 --> 00:14:44,540
There's legitimately
none in this country.
419
00:14:44,580 --> 00:14:47,240
So, what you're saying is,
420
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:50,540
I splurged on something nice for myself,
421
00:14:50,580 --> 00:14:53,540
and the very next day,
it's broken forever.
422
00:14:53,650 --> 00:14:54,980
Yeah, that's exactly the case.
423
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,140
Your fault!
424
00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:58,720
No! I saw the way you were
looking at the Bitter.
425
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,220
You wanted the Bitter.
426
00:15:00,340 --> 00:15:01,990
You're a Bitter man, remember?
427
00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:03,290
I am a bitter man.
428
00:15:03,330 --> 00:15:06,359
I'm bitter to have a
broken car in my driveway
429
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,200
mocking me for the rest of my life.
430
00:15:08,210 --> 00:15:09,220
Angry!
431
00:15:09,230 --> 00:15:11,580
While my dad was accepting his fate,
432
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,700
Barry was ready for his destiny.
433
00:15:15,230 --> 00:15:17,880
_
434
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:22,420
_
435
00:15:23,830 --> 00:15:26,670
_
436
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:30,280
_
437
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,740
_
438
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,940
_
439
00:15:35,750 --> 00:15:38,240
_
440
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:39,840
_
441
00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:41,420
_
442
00:15:41,510 --> 00:15:44,740
_
443
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:47,420
_
444
00:15:47,450 --> 00:15:49,940
_
445
00:15:49,980 --> 00:15:52,400
_
446
00:15:52,420 --> 00:15:55,840
_
447
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:59,240
_
448
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,300
_
449
00:16:01,380 --> 00:16:02,520
_
450
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:06,410
_
451
00:16:06,450 --> 00:16:08,000
_
452
00:16:08,020 --> 00:16:11,180
_
453
00:16:11,210 --> 00:16:12,660
_
454
00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:16,380
_
455
00:16:16,420 --> 00:16:18,280
_
456
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:22,200
Dude! Where are you going?
457
00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:23,810
Anywhere but here.
458
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:26,260
But I gave you exactly what you wanted.
459
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:27,780
I...
460
00:16:27,810 --> 00:16:30,110
I thought I wanted it, but...
461
00:16:30,150 --> 00:16:33,080
all it made me realize is I'm
not ready for any of it.
462
00:16:38,260 --> 00:16:39,479
After the Bitter had broken,
463
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,850
it left my dad bitter and broken.
464
00:16:41,970 --> 00:16:43,300
Can you believe that woman?
465
00:16:43,340 --> 00:16:44,679
"Treat yourself, Mur."
466
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,640
Who says that to a husband? Who?
467
00:16:46,770 --> 00:16:48,800
Dear Lord! This is so infuriating,
468
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:50,640
it makes me wanna punch a wall.
469
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,040
Aw, pal, I really
appreciate the support.
470
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,040
Wait, you think I'm on your side?
471
00:16:55,060 --> 00:16:56,060
Aren't you?
472
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,850
No! You make me want to
punch a wall, not her!
473
00:16:58,880 --> 00:16:59,979
You're my best friend.
474
00:16:59,980 --> 00:17:02,039
You're supposed to blindly
agree with anything I say.
475
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,400
No. Beverly is a saint.
476
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,220
Last I heard, my wife is
somewhere in the Southwest.
477
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,460
That's not even a state.
478
00:17:08,490 --> 00:17:10,230
That's just a region of the country.
479
00:17:10,260 --> 00:17:11,800
I can't get her on the phone.
480
00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:13,630
There's not even an area code.
481
00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:16,280
I ate a banana for dinner
three times last week.
482
00:17:16,330 --> 00:17:18,680
When I don't brush my
teeth, nobody cares.
483
00:17:18,740 --> 00:17:19,870
We all got stuff.
484
00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:20,940
Not you.
485
00:17:20,970 --> 00:17:23,740
Your wife cooks for you,
she appreciates you.
486
00:17:23,770 --> 00:17:25,240
She wants you to be happy.
487
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,580
My wife is a ghost in the wind.
488
00:17:27,610 --> 00:17:31,350
Sometimes I talk to an old sock
of hers when I feel lonely.
489
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,850
So, you're not gonna side
with me on this, are you?
490
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:36,050
Hell no!
491
00:17:36,090 --> 00:17:38,020
And you're gonna make this right for us.
492
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:39,500
Now, if you'll excuse me,
493
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,220
I'm gonna go home and peel my dinner.
494
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:44,996
It finally dawned on my dad.
495
00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:47,440
He had a wife who would do
anything to make him happy.
496
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,830
As for my brother, when
it came to marriage,
497
00:17:49,870 --> 00:17:51,800
he didn't know what to feel.
498
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:53,880
Got you some Cookie Puss, buddy.
499
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,240
Forget it. Party's over, dude.
500
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,070
Look.
501
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,310
You may have hated your adult party,
502
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,750
but that doesn't mean you're
not ready to be an adult.
503
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:07,120
Of course it does.
504
00:18:07,150 --> 00:18:09,620
I mean, look at me. I
haven't grown up at all.
505
00:18:09,650 --> 00:18:12,580
Well, I may be the least
mature human on the planet,
506
00:18:12,690 --> 00:18:14,260
but the one thing I know
507
00:18:14,290 --> 00:18:16,600
is that the way you
love and treat Lainey,
508
00:18:16,730 --> 00:18:18,430
that's as grown-up as it gets.
509
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,699
Thanks, Ad Rock. Means a lot.
510
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:24,200
Just doing my job as best man.
511
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,670
You're more than my best man.
512
00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:28,900
You're the best brother
a guy could ask for.
513
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:31,970
Come on! We agreed no feelings
or crying or hugging.
514
00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:33,210
No, seriously.
515
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:34,810
You really did throw me
516
00:18:34,850 --> 00:18:37,350
the bachelor party of my dreams...
517
00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:39,060
even if it was a total nightmare.
518
00:18:39,220 --> 00:18:41,480
Well, it doesn't have to be.
519
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,090
Come on. The bachelor party's over.
520
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,660
Didn't you learn
anything from Tom Hanks?
521
00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:48,800
The party's over when we say it is.
522
00:18:52,260 --> 00:18:54,750
So, at the end of the
day, Barry never got
523
00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:56,960
the wild bachelor party
he thought he wanted.
524
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,079
Instead, he got a night
he'd never forget.
525
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,470
'Cause the truth is,
526
00:19:01,510 --> 00:19:03,570
just when you think you're
ready for the next level,
527
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:07,100
it's okay to just be in the
moment and have a little fun.
528
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:09,080
Sure, that might not
be right for everyone,
529
00:19:09,110 --> 00:19:11,350
but for my brother, it
was just what he needed.
530
00:19:14,060 --> 00:19:16,540
Uh, I-I hope you don't mind.
I need to use the car.
531
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,390
Sorry. I got to make the returns.
532
00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:20,160
You also...
533
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,060
... didn't get to go on a picnic.
534
00:19:23,090 --> 00:19:24,860
Murray, what are you doing?
535
00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:27,200
I'm just trying to make
things right with us.
536
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:28,930
And Bill. Uh, don't ask.
537
00:19:28,970 --> 00:19:31,170
But why? You were right.
It was my fault.
538
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,119
I'm the one who forced you into the car,
539
00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:34,520
thinking it would make you happy.
540
00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:35,740
Look.
541
00:19:35,770 --> 00:19:39,380
I don't need nice things to be happy.
542
00:19:39,410 --> 00:19:41,510
I've already got the nicest
thing in the world...
543
00:19:41,550 --> 00:19:42,640
you.
544
00:19:43,410 --> 00:19:44,910
Aww, Mur.
545
00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:48,420
Yeah, my mom and dad may not
have always seen eye-to-eye,
546
00:19:48,450 --> 00:19:49,820
but what really mattered
547
00:19:49,850 --> 00:19:52,290
was that they had each other's backs.
548
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:53,680
That's the thing about the people
549
00:19:53,690 --> 00:19:55,220
we choose to spend our life with.
550
00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:57,840
In the end, they're all
we need to get by.
551
00:19:57,940 --> 00:20:00,630
And, when it came to
that busted-down Bitter,
552
00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:03,260
it really did sit in
our driveway forever.
553
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:04,370
But it didn't matter,
554
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:05,999
because every time my dad saw it,
555
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,940
he was reminded that he already
had the greatest gift of all...
556
00:20:08,970 --> 00:20:11,000
a person to spend his life with.
557
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,759
_
558
00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:19,920
_
559
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,520
_
560
00:20:24,540 --> 00:20:26,780
_
561
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:29,100
Off-campus lunch is a go, boys.
562
00:20:29,150 --> 00:20:30,580
We've got 36 minutes
563
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,710
to make it to Jim's Steaks and back.
564
00:20:32,750 --> 00:20:33,820
Let's ride.
565
00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:36,350
Wait. I thought your dad
sold his crappy old Tercel.
566
00:20:36,390 --> 00:20:38,690
He bought it back 'cause
his new sports car
567
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,790
was even crappier than this crap box.
568
00:20:40,820 --> 00:20:42,960
Uh, bro, the door won't open.
569
00:20:43,020 --> 00:20:44,990
That's 'cause it's been
permanently busted.
570
00:20:45,030 --> 00:20:46,550
You just got to "Dukes of Hazzard" it.
571
00:20:46,730 --> 00:20:48,280
Ooh!
572
00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:49,500
Need more of a head start.
573
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,020
Took my eye off it.
574
00:20:52,870 --> 00:20:54,770
Who moved the car?
575
00:20:54,810 --> 00:20:56,000
J...
576
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,040
T...
577
00:20:57,041 --> 00:20:58,980
- P!
- JTP?
578
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,199
- General Lee!
- Okay.
579
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:05,200
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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