All language subtitles for s08e22_-_harrys_fifteen_minutes

Wow. You're not going to believe who got
named one of the ten most interesting

men in New York.

If it's you, I'm moving to New Jersey.

That's Harold T. Stone.

Interesting. You've got to be kidding.

Nope, he's right here. Sandwiched
between Lawrence Taylor and JFK Jr.

There's one sandwich I'd love to be part
of.

Boy, I bet Harry's going to be excited
about this.

No, not Harry.

He's probably holed up in his office too
embarrassed to even show his face.

Lucky, lucky, lucky.

Guess who's the most interesting judge
in New York?

Of course, some people like to flaunt
their embarrassment.

Congratulations, sir.

How does it feel to be famous?

Ah, boy, it's no big deal.

In fact, the whole thing's kind of
silly, isn't it? Yes, sir. Real silly.

I didn't say real silly.

I'm at least as interesting as JFK Jr.,
aren't I?

Not in the Tiger Prince speedo.

I think it's great, sir. Being on this
list will get you invited to all kinds

of glamorous events.

Charity balls, inaugurations.

Hey, Harry, I got those tickets to the
ice capades.

Wow, it's starting already.

Christine, do you know you're going to
be taking one of the most interesting

men in New York?

No, I'm taking Harry.

He was referring to this list.

Kind of silly, huh?

You're supposed to say no.

This is great, Harry.

I just hope an interesting guy like you
still has time to go to the ice capades.

Don't worry. I always love watching a
guy do triple axles in a worn-out Smurf

costume.

Harry, the Smurfs are passe.

Ditch your damn marmaduke.

Jack, I've come to settle my tab.

Here, $500.

You only owe me $275.

Think of it as a penance for all of the
wretched treatment I have heaped upon

you in the past, dear vendor.

Whoever it is impersonating Fielding,
you got the voice right, but the words

are all wrong.

Look up with Dan.

He's giving me the creep.

The Phil Foundation turned him into a
human being.

Yeah, right.

What's this?

Yo, Dan.

Yes. Guess who's more interesting than
you are?

Burns you up, doesn't it?

Actually, I can't think of a more
deserving soul.

Kudos, dear friend.

Kudos.

Well, now I know what it feels like to
live in a parallel universe.

Wow. What an interesting thing to say.

Hey, what's all this stuff?

Oh, this is my goldfish orca, my giraffe
too tall, and my lamp sparky.

Good. Now that we're all on a first-name
basis, what the hell are they doing

here?

I broke up with my boyfriend, Curtis.

After living with him for three years, I
finally realized we are not a good

match. I give, he takes.

I cook, he eats. I clean.

He messes.

Actually, we are a good match.

It's a big drag for me.

Well, at least you're taking a stand.

You moved out.

No, he kicked me out. You see, he kicks,
I go.

Well, I'm real sorry about Curtis, but
you can't keep this stuff here.

But I have no place to put it.

Don't look at me like that.

Don't you do this to me.

Okay, I guess I can keep some of it in
my place.

Damn, I hate having anything cute in my
apartment.

Now what?

I've got no place to put me.

I don't believe I'm saying this.

Okay, you can stay with me until you
find your own place. But Mr. Too Tall

sleeps on the fire escape.

But he'll get chilly.

Don't push it.

No, no.

Rabbi Sandro, I won't give your soup
kitchen $30,000.

I insist on giving you $50,000.

No need to thank me.

Shalom to you, too.

What are you up to, Dan?

Phil's work.

You know something? For the first time
in years, I actually feel pure.

Tonight, I'm going to take all my...

naughty magazines, and haul them to the
dump.

You must have a ton of those.

Careful you don't pull anything.

That's why I'm getting rid of them.

All rise.

Criminal court part two is now in
session. The honorable and interesting

Harold T. Stone presiding.

Thank you. Thank you. But enough about
me.

Let's hear something from our clerk.

Yes, sir.

People versus Twinkie.

Solicitation.

Prosecution? Yes, sir. Here's the police
report.

She's been a bad girl.

Defense? Well, bad is a relative term,
Your Honor. Yeah, relatively

incriminating in this case. Fifty
dollars in time, sir.

You're a very interesting man.

Good news travels fast, huh, Matt? Yeah.

What's next?

Phone messages, sir. Ever since you made
that list, the calls have been pouring

in.

The curator of the Museum of Natural
History wants me to dedicate their new

woolly mammoth wing.

The Italian ambassador wants me to play
polo.

They like me, Matt. They really like me.

If they can just hold their horses,
because I've got a court to run.

That's it, sir.

Don't let all that celebrity poop go to
your head.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Meryl Streep wants to rehearse a scene
with you.

That's a five.

Hey, Your Honor. Hey, guys.

Want to get in on a little pool?

Football season already?

Actually, we're taking bets on when Roz
will lose her temper with Lisette.

And what instrument of destruction
she'll employ.

There's still some good squares left.

Tuesday with a steam iron.

Thursday with a frying pan.

And Friday with a Barker lounger.

So, are you in?

No, thanks, guys.

No, thanks, guys.

God, is he interesting.

That's for me? Yeah.

To my conga line buddy, Love Amber.

Who's that?

Miss January.

Mac, isn't this something? Just think,
two days ago I was a big nobody, and now

I am rubbing elbows with the rich and
famous.

I'm even going to an art opening
tonight. It's a big exhibit by Gunst.

Gunst?

Gunst. Gunst.

Gunst.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's this hot
Norwegian sculptor. Everybody who is

anybody is going to be there tonight.

Hey, Harry, great news.

Big Bird's going to be there tonight.

Big Bird tonight?

Oh, the ice capades.

Oh, yeah.

Great. Yeah, isn't it?

You know, ever since I was a little
girl, I used to dream about being a

figure skater, going to the Olympics and
winning a gold medal for my country.

What stopped you? The skating part.

That ice is so slippery.

But, you know, I still love watching it.
And you will, too, after tonight. See

you then.

Well, I guess it's goodbye, Jens.

Yeah, and hello, Marmaduke.

Bo, Rodney was set on here yet.

You don't suppose she's done her in
already?

That would be horrible.

I don't have today in the pool.

And then the farmer says, when you got a
pig like that, you don't eat them all at

once.

You guys are sure getting along.

Yeah. What's it to you?

Nothing. Nothing.

Well, so much for Tuesday with the steam
iron.

is now in session, the honorable,
interesting, and photogenic Harold T.

Stone, presiding.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Let's
get a move on.

It's ice capades night.

Bless you, sir.

Thank you, counselor. I hope I'm not
coming down with something.

More likely coming up with something.

be all right?

I could call a doctor. My treat, of
course.

No, thanks very much, guys. I'm sure I'm
going to be absolutely fine.

Oh, Harry, I don't know how you made it
through session.

You know, I think you have a fever.

Let's see that thermometer.

A tissue, please. Oh, yeah, right away.

You know, Harry, there is a flu going
around.

I don't know. I think you should skip
the escapades tonight.

No, no, Christine.

I made a promise that I'm going to keep
it, no matter how cold and drafty it is

in that arena.

Yeah, well, let's see that thermometer.

Harry, you've got a temperature of 103.

Okay, that's it. No ice capades for you
tonight.

But I can't let you miss those barrel
jumps.

Don't worry about me, Harry. You just go
home and get better.

How's Harry doing?

Oh, he's going to be fine.

Well,

guys, I've got an extra ticket to the
escapades.

Anybody interested?

Sorry, Christine. It's laundry night. I
thought she folds.

Okay, Roz, fess up. She's driving you
nuts, right?

Not at all.

She's a sweet girl.

She knits sweaters for birds, but she's
sweet.

Don't you like living alone?

I do.

But once in a while, it's nice to have
company.

Especially somebody who gets a kick out
of sorting socks.

Anyway, she's going through a rough
time.

She needs a friend.

You know something?

Harry needs a friend, too. I'm going to
see if I can get him anything before I

go to the show. Thank you, Roz.

For what?

I was just talking about socks.

Mr. Fielding, the Swedish American Girls
Hostel was created to protect young and

innocent, mostly blonde, immigrants from
the clutches of unscrupulous men.

You look familiar. Do I know you from
somewhere?

It's a big city.

Lots of tall people.

Well, at any rate.

Without your support, our girls will be
forced out onto the streets with the

perverts.

I just can't shake the feeling that we
have met somewhere.

Well, you know, they say déjà vu runs
rampant in the spring.

Wait a minute.

I remember you.

tried to sneak into the hostel one
night.

You were wearing a blue dress and a
frizzy blonde wig.

And you had a suitcase filled with
oysters.

Actually, they were green mussels.

Thank you for wasting my time. Good day,
sir.

No, wait, please.

No, I... Yes, it is true that most of my
life I have walked on the dark side.

In fact, I was commander of the dark
side.

But I've changed.

I now walk in the light.

And I have realized over the last few
weeks that I have been put on earth for

one reason only.

To do his will.

You mean the Lord God?

No, I mean the bomb, Phil.

Please take my check.

My salvation depends on it.

Mr. Fielding, I believe you.

Hey, Phil.

Dan, 17.

Sin, zip.

Can I play the winner?

Oh, sorry. We're playing best out of
311.

How many have you played so far?

Four.

I can wait.

Lizette?

Curtis. Lizette, please come home.

I can't live without you. I'm on my
knees.

You're not on your knees. You're
standing.

You're just a figure of speech, Lizette.
Oh, here we go again. You just keep

picking those nits, don't you?

Do you want to take away my manhood?

Want to borrow my gardening chair?

Is that home now?

Ross, I better go.

Looks like you lost a roommate.

Yeah, too bad.

It's almost like being 16 all over
again.

Hey, I could move in with you.

I said 16, not 6.

You know, you'd think hanging out with
me would have some effect on her.

But I guess you can't grow a backbone
overnight.

Your moves.

What happened to Curtis?

Oh, I pushed him down the stairs.

To Harry.

Love ya.

Gunst.

Christine. What a lovely sculpture.

Where in the world did you get it?

The pharmacy.

Harry, I saw you leave last night.

You did?

Well, I was going to see my doctor.

In a tux?

He's a real formal doctor.

Okay, all right. There was no doctor.

There wasn't even any cold.

He's going to a very exclusive art
opening.

Why couldn't you just come out and tell
me?

This isn't like you.

I know.

I guess I'm just overwhelmed by all this
attention. You know, it's not easy being

the hottest guy in town.

You're not the hottest guy in town. Oh,
yes, I am. Oh, no, you're not. Oh, yes,

he is.

Good night, New York TV. She'll call to
confirm your appearance tonight.

He's hot.

Funny stuff.

Okay.

Two days ago, my next guest was a great
big nobody.

Now he's the hottest guy in town, and
we've got him. Judge Harold T. is in

terrific stone. Come on out here.

Great to be here,

Dave. Before we start, hi, Christine.

Christine. What a lovely name.

Is that the lucky lady in your life?

No, she's just a friend.

Just a friend.

You love it. You love it. I love it.

Oh, what a breath of fresh air you are,
my friend.

You are my friend.

Philosophy of life.

Have you got one?

Live and let live, I guess.

What an insight, the stone man speaker.

So, fellas, what's it like in municipal
court?

Hookers and flashers and thugs. Oh, my.

Hookers, huh?

What do you give them?

Whatever they want, I guess.

Oh, I'll file a $50 fine in time served.
That's the usual.

Fascinating.

Yeah, it is, isn't it?

You know, Dave, in my eight years on the
bench, I guess I've seen it all. And we

want to hear all about it. So, hold on
to your hats, folks.

We're coming right back with the most
interesting of them all, Harry Stone.

Check this out.

The ten even more interesting men in New
York?

Stone's not on it.

Get rid of him. He's dead weight.

Thanks for coming down, Judge. Sorry.

You gotta go. We won't have time for any
of your little stories.

I just got here.

Take him backstage.

Give him a t-shirt.

Hey, two minutes ago, you said I was the
most interesting guest you ever had.

That was two minutes ago.

Now you're yesterday's news.

Nobody cares about you anymore.

Go on, get out of here.

Okay, we're back. Who was that guy?

And that's a wrap.

Guess I'll see everyone tomorrow, huh?

Mac, were there any calls for me
tonight?

Uh, just one. Meryl Streep called to say
she got a new phone number.

Well, that's nice. To know that there's
at least one person who is not swayed by

the shifting sands of public opinion.

What's her new number?

She wouldn't say.

Anybody feel like going and grabbing a
bite?

Oh, Harry, as much as I would dearly
love to.

break bread with you.

I'm presenting a check tonight to Cub
Scout Den 462.

I've just enough time to rush home and
ice those cupcakes I baked for them.

The youth of America must be served.

Christine, are you busy?

I'm sorry. I feel a cold coming on.

Boy, Mac, I'm telling you, fame is one
fickle creature.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, man, look at me.

I mean, in one night, I went from being
somebody to being a big patent nobody.

Well, sir, you were always somebody to
us.

It's just that for a few days there, you
were somebody stupid.

Thank you, Mac.

Anytime.

Hi. Hi.

I was feeling a little better, and I
have nothing to do tonight, so...

You're so wonderful.

And I'm such a jerk.

I put all that celebrity stuff ahead of
the people that really matter to me.

So can I make it up to you by springing
for a big night out on the town?

Well... Actually, I do have a pair of
tickets for something. Oh, no, forget

it. You wouldn't be interested.

No, I would, really. No matter what it
is, you can count me in. What is it?

The Lower Manhattan Quilting Symposium.

A quilting symposium.

Wow. That sounds interesting.

Let's go.

What a winner here. Thursday with a
frying pan.

Okay, so who gets the 500 bucks?

Thursday, frying pan. The winner is R.R.

Who's R.R.? Roz Russell.

Dinner at 21?

Delighted.