All language subtitles for s08e21_-_mac_takes_a_vocation

Well, I'm telling you, that was the best
graduation I've ever been to. Oh, Mac,

we're so proud of you. Well, thank you.

You better believe it. It was no small
accomplishment being valedictorian,

class president, and voted most likely
to get a day job.

Well, I think the greatest thing is that
you're going on to law school.

Oh, Mac.

Watch out.

There's always some professor who will
send you to the law library to look up

United States versus Ben Dover.

The oldest trick in the world. Nobody
ever falls for that.

Well, I did find a Dave Dover.

Well, Rog, I take it you enjoyed the
graduation.

Pretty much.

Except I hate it when they throw their
caps in the air.

My gut instinct is to shoot at them.

Matt, I don't want to toot my own horn.
horn but i'd like to think that you're

watching me defend the downtrodden day
in and out might have inspired you to go

on to law school oh yeah sure well

let's not forget that before mac met me
he couldn't tell his torts from his

briefs i hate to burst both your bubbles
but mac's inspiration for law school was

little old me

I told him he was as smart as anybody in
this whole place.

I mean, if you people can do it, then...
Oh, let's hear it. Let's hear it.

Cheese balls.

Well, I can't thank you guys enough.
This is one heck of a shindig.

Well, it was our pleasure. We're all
real happy to do it.

Plus, my share only came to five bucks.

That was more than Dan Fielding kicked
in.

He didn't even come to the graduation.

Oh, he's probably by himself somewhere.

Ever since Phil died, he's gotten
moodier, stranger, and real depressed.

Greetings! Salutations! My fellow
mirth-makers.

Les, les, les, bon temps!

Congratulations,

Matt. Thank you.

Like I said, the image of despair.

And what do we owe this midweek mood
swing?

A breakthrough.

I'm finally over Phil's death.

You are?

Uh-huh.

You know what I realized was that...

I missed his companionship, his loyalty,
the way he'd sell his blood to pay for

my dry cleaning.

I missed a lot, but no more.

So I would like you all to meet my new
Phil, Jerome.

Forgive my intrusion. I just wanted to
say that I expect I shall be enormously

elated at getting to know each and every
one of Master Fielding's peers.

Why am I?

Um, Jerome, I don't think those brush
off.

We'll call the defendant guilty.

$50.

Wait a minute.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

If your worship pleases, what we think
we're doing is misting a rather nasty

crease out of some very fickle silk.

Have I got a gem here or what?

What you've got is a contempt charge,
Counselor. Unless you say goodbye to Mr.

Chips here pronto.

I'm sorry, Jerome, you're going to have
to leave. Don't think anything of it,

sir. I'll just pop by your office and
buff your credenza.

Sounds kinky.

All right, that's lunch.

Oh, miss, excuse me. Perhaps you could
help me.

I'm Benjamin Franklin Welch.

Yes, last time I looked.

Justice Welch, I have read every one of
your books.

Every article you ever wrote for the Law
Review, every itsy-bitsy thing you've

ever written.

Itsy-bitsy. You must be Miss Sullivan.

I knew it. I knew it. You're here to see
me? I'm so honored.

Oh, bless your heart. No, actually, I am
not here to see you. Of course not. You

must be here to see me, Justice Welch.
It's a pleasure to have you here in my

courtroom. Judge Mary T. Stone, you may
recall that last year we shared a table

together at the Bar Association Banquet?

Yes, I do.

It's hard to forget somebody who can
make napkin rabbits and pull silver

dollars out of my wife's ears.

Very sophisticated, sir.

You try it.

What can I do for you, Justice?

Well, actually, nothing. I'm looking for
Macintosh Robinson.

Macintosh? My Mac?

Well, this is not your Mac, sir. Well,
it works for me.

Well, he's closer to me. Yeah, but I
know him better. Well, obviously not

well enough to know his real name.

She has a point. I always thought Mac
was short for macadamia.

Harry, Harry, are you busy?

No, come on in.

Macintosh.

Hey, what can I say? I was the apple of
my mother's eye.

Yeah, I bet.

So, uh, you got something you want to
talk about? Oh, no, no, no. I just

thought I'd say hi.

Justice Welch offered me a job!

Yes!

Oh, Matt, congratulations.

I knew something was up. Oh, you did?
How? Well, you were acting pretty goofy

in the session tonight.

You did call that one case people versus
job of a lifetime.

Harry, can you believe it?

We are talking the state Supreme Court.

Benjamin Franklin Welch wants me as a
clerk.

And he is a very powerful guy. And he's
nice!

Oh, yeah?

Yeah!

He knew all about my grades and my work
here.

And he's pretty funny for a justice.

Kind of reminds me of you if you were
grown up.

So what are you going to do?

I don't know.

I mean, it's good money.

More responsibilities.

Hey, but you know... Hey, wait.

It's just an ego thing?

Yeah.

It was nice to be asked, but that's
where it ends.

Yeah? Yeah.

Well, I see your point.

I mean, you got a great locker here.

Oh, the best. Right next to the gum
machine. Yeah. Yeah.

And you got the cafeteria menu
memorized?

Tapioca pudding, 55 cents. That's right.
Yeah.

You really want this job, don't you?

With every fiber of my being.

Oh, Mac, I knew this day would come.

I've dreaded it, but I knew that
eventually I would say these words.

Take the job!

Well, Harry, man, you know you're making
this awfully easy on me.

But I'm just not sure.

Are you ready for court, sir? We've got
a full docket ahead of us. Bar fights, a

couple of hookers, and a guy who
jaywalked in his underwear.

What a night!

I'll be taking that job now.

You know, is that what, Kim? The
prisoners are backing up. I can't find

anything. Where the hell is that
temporary clerk?

Mr. Kimmel, he stepped out for a moment,
sir.

He said something about his bladder not
having any allegiance to his brain.

There you go.

Next case.

I think.

You think?

Mr. Kimmel, maybe you could focus a
little more on the job at hand?

Here's a newsflash for you, Judge
Whippersnapper.

I retire in exactly four days, three
hours, and eight minutes.

Mentally, I'm already playing the nickel
slots in Atlantic City.

Let's call the cage, would you please?

People versus... Corporal.

Uh, Your Honor, that was the flasher you
sentenced an hour ago. That's the wrong

case. See?

I told you I wasn't sure.

Okay, we'll take a break while we try to
sort through this mess.

Yo, valet.

You're not supposed to come in that
door.

Master Fielding informed me that I might
enter wherever it was most expedient.

And I think he has jurisdiction over
you.

Listen up, you umbrella jockey.

I am the queen of security around here,
and if you come in that door again, I'll

put you in holding. And let me assure
you, Britannia doesn't rule down there.

Excuse me, sir.

Time for our mid-evening cologne?

Oh, uh, Jerome, I'm really swamped right
now. Maybe later, okay?

I beg your pardon, but we don't want to
become as piquant as those with whom we

work, do we, sir?

All right, fine. Go ahead.

Isn't that better, sir?

Yes, it's great.

One other thing, sir. Your calendar
reads today as Brenda's birthday.

Brenda? The one you referred to as
having a physique that would never

terminate.

I said she had a body that just won't
quit.

How very colloquial, sir.

I took the liberty of sending flowers
and signing your name.

My real name? What if her husband sees
it? I, of course, signed your nom de

plume. Lance Goodthrust.

Jerome, that was supposed to be a
secret.

And besides, I could have handled it
myself.

Perhaps. But we know how we are about
details, don't we, sir?

Trouble in paradise, Lance?

The guy's perfect.

He caters to my every need.

Do you know he even blow-dries my
underwear so they're toasty when I put

them on?

But for some reason, he's not making me
happy at all.

Well, one possibility is that pampering
just isn't what you need.

Nah, can't be it.

Maybe I'm just crazy.

Even better possibility.

Mr. Kimmel!

He stepped out again.

Why don't I just read the next case?
Fine, anything. Just get us started.

Ah, you have quite a view from up here,
sir.

Looks like a colony of ants down there.

Miss Hockheiser, we're not that high up.

No, sir. Little ants. There's a bunch of
them carrying a raisin across your desk.

Well, that's swell, Lisette. You just
adjourned court.

He says, $20, same as in town.

Justice Welch.

Ah, call me Ben, Judd Stone.

I hope you're not mad that I took away
your best clerk.

Well, not if you're not mad that I let
the air out of your tires.

So tell me, how's Mac doing?

Oh, top notch.

Top notch.

And that, I think, is a credit to you,
too.

Well, thank you.

If you're here to pilfer any more of my
staff, maybe I can interest you in a

ditzy stenographer.

Some other time.

Now, I've got a meeting here in the
building with my campaign entrees.

Is it election time again already?

It's still a little ways off. But since
my district was reapportioned, heck of a

lot of new voters out there don't yet
know what a swell guy I am.

That's right.

You were reapportioned. Yeah?

Yeah, well...

I'm sure the new voters will like you as
much as we do. Well, if not, I've got

some public relations people who will
help them to see the light. I've got to

run. Yeah.

Say hi to Mac.

Oh, I'll do that.

If

you're

looking for the answer to yesterday's
jumble puzzle at poodle...

Thanks. No, I thought I saw an article
this morning about the new voting

district. Oh, yeah.

Oh,

damn. What's wrong?

Well, I was just talking to Justice
Wells.

Oh, were you pulling coins out of his
ears?

Yes, I was.

No, I just ran into him. He said
something that didn't sit right with me,

and now I know why. Look, with
reapportionment, his new constituency is

going to be over 50% black and Hispanic.

Oh, Harry, you don't think he's
confusing Mac for political motives, do

you? Well, stranger things have
happened.

You're not going to tell Mac, are you?

What? And ruin his dream job?

No way.

Butting in is not my style.

Knock, knock.

No,

you're supposed to say, who's there?

They got you deprogrammed already?

Hey, Harry.

Wow,

look at this place.

So this is what a state Supreme Court
justice gets, huh? This is what his

clerks get.

You like it?

Wow. I, uh, call it Robinson Acres.

Oh, look at this. All I got was a Mr.
Coffee. You got a Mr.

Stereo, Mr.

Humidifier, Mr.

Air Conditioner, Mr.

Fast Machine.

Oh, don't forget Mr. Secretary.

Really? Yeah.

See that button there?

Yeah? All I do is press it, and my own
real-life secretary comes right in.

I pushed it twice today just for the
heck of it.

You look great.

Well, I feel great.

I'm fitting right in.

Harry, I made the right decision.

Anyone can see how happy you are.

I gotta go.

Hey, wait, whoa, whoa, what's the rush?
Stay for a while. Hey, Harry, I'll let

you push my secretary button.

No, I hate to interrupt a man when he's
alone with his appliances.

I'll catch you later.

Hang on, man.

What's on your mind?

Okay, there is something.

I don't want to alarm you, but have you
noticed anything unusual

about Welch's new voting district?

You mean the 50 square blocks of
minority voters?

Well, see, there's the 50 square block.

You know?

Uh-huh.

And you thought that maybe he was going
to use me to try to cuddle up to the

voters. Well, you can relax.

Crossed my mind, too.

So what do you think?

Well, I think the guy's straight on. I
mean, there's nothing in my job

description that hangs on my being
black.

Enough of that. Yeah. This conversation
never happened. Okay. Okay, I'm going to

head back to my little hovel.

I'm sure there's some sidewalk spitting
incident that demands my attention.

Hello,

Judge Stone. Come to see how the better
half of the world is.

It's pretty high, it seems.

Well, I'm out of here. May your docket
be short and your bench be soft, and may

the wind stay beneath your robe.

You're out of the way with words, that
young man.

I wish you'd get a haircut.

Would you want something, sir?

I just dropped in, Mr. Robinson, to tell
you what a super job you did researching

those precedents. Oh, well, thank you,
sir.

How'd you reference them in a computer
like that?

Well, it's just a sweet little program I
wrote myself. You know, I'll be glad to

install it in our system if you like,
sir. Oh, yeah? Yes, sir. Terrific.

Oh, that'll be invaluable.

Listen,

Mac. Yes, sir.

You know, there is something. The
Manhattan Afro-American Press is sending

a photographer by later.

You know, the usual photos.

Justice Welch hard at work, Justice
Welch on the phone.

And I thought you might get a kick out
of being in a few of those.

Well, sir, I mean, I'm a little camera
shy, and nobody wants to see this old

mug of mine. I'd rather pass.

Oh, come on. I'd rather you didn't give
me a chance to introduce the state to my

new clerk.

Your new black clerk, sir?

Meaning what?

Meaning that when I went to work for
Judge Stone, I wasn't even introduced to

the cashier in the cafeteria.

And nobody came and took pictures.

Well, he wasn't campaigning, was he?

Well, let's face it. All of our jobs
depend on my getting re-elected. Oh, I

see, sir. So you hired a black guy to
help you get re-elected. Oh, no. Oh, no.

No. I hired you because you're good and
because you're experienced.

But let's face it. Being black doesn't
hurt.

Well.

I appreciate your honesty anyway, sir.

Now what are you doing?

I'm packing, sir.

Mac, there is one hell of an opportunity
here, and there is no reason to make a

big issue out of this.

Here are two reasons, sir.

My wife and my little girl.

You see...

Every morning they look across the
breakfast table and they see a man who

goes to work who cares about what he
does and who he is.

If I stay here, they'll be seeing
somebody else.

You understand?

No.

No, I do not understand.

You've got it all here.

Mac, you walk out that door, you're
throwing away an awful lot.

Oh, no, sir.

If I walk out that door, I'll be keeping
much more than you know.

You don't usually go into the broom
closet alone, Dan. Are we switching

perversions in midstream?

Don't tell him I'm in here.

So Rome, everywhere I turn, he's there
cleaning me or whisking me, polishing

my pocket change.

I've created a monster.

Then just fire the jerk.

I can't. He intimidates me. That accent
gives me the chills.

Oh, is that you?

There it is again. Don't tell him I'm in
here.

Get out here, Dale.

No, Ross, no. Just... Just do it.

I can't. Well, well, well. So we've been
mucking about in the broom closet, have

we? As if it were not enough that your
shirt pockets reek with crushed breath

mints and that your collars are
besmirched with greasy lipstick, now

you've become sooty and dirty like an
ordinary little street beggar.

Like what?

An ordinary street beggar, sir, like
that Phil Urchin of whom you were so

fond.

Now, you listen to me, you snotty,
sniveling, teeth-swiller.

I have had it with your pushing and your
primping and your pretensions.

And, by the by, I have known ordinary
street beggars who are head and

shoulders above you.

That's because you're a lowbrow
commoner.

You should have sensed it when I first
saw your Michelle Pfeiffer shower

squeegee.

You know, you snob. That's a
collectible.

You are a pathetic pit ant.

And I resign.

You forgot your severance pay.

You have soiled me, you maniac.

You need a psychiatrist.

I don't need a psychiatrist.

I need a bum.

A smudgy, smelly, sweet little bum.

Dan, I miss Phil.

We all do, Dan.

Phil was one of a kind.

And when one of a kind goes... I know
you can't replace it.

tea and trumpets?

Master Kim, do you suppose that you
could bring up more than one file at a

time? Sure.

If you want my hernia on your
conscience, just call the case,

please.

Next case coming right up.

People versus Ashley.

you