All language subtitles for 2-17

Let's think this through.

If we ask corporate
for that, then...

They are either
gonna say yes or no.

Michael: Could go either way. We
don't know what they are going to say.

Think it through! We
have to think it through!

Because, if they say no...

Can we not? No... yes,
we have to. You know why?

'Cause I don't like to be
cooped up in that office.

In that box,
all day long. Heisman!

Because I need to think,
okay, Jim? Oh, Kevin!

Ooh!

Nice catch.

Oscar! Intercepted.

Right here. Give it to
me. Sorry about that.

Phyllis, give me the ball. Okay,
give me the ball. Give me...

Michael: You guys... oh, cool.

Creed, give me the ball,
right now. Give it to me. Ryan.

Dwight: Fumble!

Michael: Listen...

All right, hey, Dwight...

Whoa!

Dwight: Hike.

Michael: You all right, Ryan?
Ryan?

Yeah.

Pam!

Oh, they're having
a sale on TiVo.

Maybe I should get a TiVo.

DVD burner. Maybe I
should get one of those.

You are so lucky, Jim.

You're so lucky you
don't have this problem.

What was the ninth-place
prize again? A loaf of bread?

A cugino's pizza.

Oh, great.
Tasty, terrific pizza.

Question: Do their pizzas
play DVDs?

Jim: Dwight was the top salesman
of the year at our company.

He wins a little prize money and
gets honored at some convention.

It is literally
the highest possible honor

that a northeastern Pennsylvania-based
mid-sized paper company

regional salesman
can attain. So...

What did I do to deserve this?

Pam: Are you sad that
Dwight beat you? No.

Are you gonna cry, Jim?
Do you need a tissue?

Hey. I heard you got a wedding
dress. Do you have pictures?

Pam: Oh, I... yeah.

I'll show them to you later.

Oh, I should get back.

Talk to you guys later.
Okay, cool.

I have a ton of stuff
to do for the wedding.

And I have to do it
in the office.

And that can be kind of awkward.

Just because people can get
all weird about wedding stuff

and I just...
I don't want to offend

Angela or someone.

That's what she said.

I don't get it.

Grapes, seductive.

So, you ready for the
big speech this afternoon?

Well, it's not really a big
speech. You're still coming, right?

Oh, abso-fruitly.

Fruit, grapes. Nailed
the joke. Matter of time.

And yes, it is a big
speech. Biggest of your life.

Speaker at the sales
convention. Been there, done that.

Went there again, did it
again. Two years in a row.

Consecutive.

I just... I miss the feeling of
knowing that you did a good job

because somebody gives you
proof of it.

"Sir, you're awesome.
Here's a plaque.

"What, a whole year has gone
by and you need more proof?

"Here's a certificate."

They stopped
making plaques that year.

What if I give a really long,
extended thank you, for instance,

"thank you, Mr. Blank.
Thank you very, very, very..."

That would look terrible.
These are mostly salesmen,

and salesmen expect to be
entertained and you are the main act.

When I was in the sixth grade, I was
a finalist in our school spelling bee.

It was me against raj patel.

And I misspelled
in front of the entire school

the word "failure."

I can't do this.

That's because you're incapable of
doing it, because you don't know how,

because you have no skills.

Dwight, there's no way
I can possibly teach you

what you need to know about
public speaking by speech time.

Oh, okay.

But I can teach you enough so that
you don't embarrass me or the company.

Okay, deal. I'll do whatever
you say, no questions asked.

Well, if you have a
question, you should ask me.

Hiuyandthmk ofone.Vvhen_.

Don't try to think
of a question to humor me.

Just try not to be
such an idiot.

Is that an insult, or is that part
of the public speaking advice?

Insult.

Pam: Mom, I'm sorry,
I know you and dad

are chipping in for the wedding

but I do not
want orange invitations.

Yes. Well, if you really
want my opinion...

Jim: Hi, yeah, can I talk to
one of your travel agents?

I'm gonna take a trip.

I'm gonna get out of town
for a while, and go some place

not here.

Where do I want to go?

That is an excellent question.

And one I probably should have
thought about before I called you.

Oscar: I get here early every
morning so I can set the thermostat.

I like it a little cooler, around
66 degrees. I'm more productive.

Maybe some people
don't like it as cold as I do.

But I don't care.

But seriously, what's the difference
between a salesman and a saleswoman?

A saleswoman has a vagina.

It's a joke, Dwight,
it's not a sex ed class.

But I'm right.

Yeah, you're right about the
difference between a man and a woman,

but not about the punch line
to thejoke. All right?

The difference between a
salesman and a saleswoman is boobs.

Hey, do you remember
the speeches that you gave?

I do, both of them.

Could I have a copy of one of
them? No, no, they would remember.

Look, it doesn't matter
what you say,

it just matters that you're saying
something that people care about.

You know? All right,
here we go. Watch this.

Attention, everybody!
Attention, please!

I have some very great news from
corporate. We had a wonderful quarter.

And as a result, all of you
are getting bonuses for $1,000.

Yeah! Michael: Congratulations.

Phyllis: Unbelievable.
Oscar: It's great.

Pam: Wow.

You see that? You see
how they responded to me?

That's amazing. In that
moment, I had them.

That is so great about the
bonus. No, no, it's not true.

I was just talking. So just
go out there and say anything.

They'll eat it up,
they're a great audience.

Go ahead, get the wallpaper.
Wallpaper the ceiling if you want...

Excuse me! May I have
your attention, please?

There has been an accident
on 84 west.

Cars have skidded off the road
into the safety railing.

Several cars have flipped,

there is broken glass everywhere,
several people are injured.

Do we know anyone
who was in the accident?

Brad Pitt.

Also, there will be no bonuses.

Why would this affect
ourbonuses? They're unrelated.

Is Brad okay?

He will never act again.

Also, this branch is closing.

What the hell's going on
here? Are we out ofjobs?

Yes. Kelly: This is Karma

because of what he did
to Jennifer Aniston.

He was kidding! Dwight was
kidding and I don't know why

because it wasn't funny
and it was just horrible...

Stanley: Michael? Yeah?

You said we were
getting bonuses.

All right, everybody in the conference
room now. Let's go. Let's do it!

Stanley: Cancel the wallpaper.

As your leader and your
friend, I sort of demand

that you can all speak
in public as I can,

and did, twice.
You saw the plaque, right?

All right, we're all gonna
go around the room,

and we're going to make toasts.

And that way, we will overcome
our fear of public speaking.

You mean toastmasters?
Michael: Pam!

I'm public speaking,
stop public interrupting me!

Actually, this would be good
practice for your wedding toast.

Yeah, the bride
doesn't really do...

Have you ever been to a wedding?

Jim: Can I go? Yes, good.
Jim taking the initiative.

So, I am going on a trip.

But I'm not really sure where I'm
going yet. It's kind of open-ended.

So, I was hoping maybe you
guys would have some suggestions.

You should go to hedonism.

What is that?

It's like club med,
but everything is naked.

I was thinking more like
Europe or something like that,

but good second choice.

Toby: I've been to Amsterdam.

Oh, okay, you know what? That's
not a toast, you're not standing up.

To Amsterdam.
When did you go there?

After my divorce. Jim: Really?

Yeah. Jim: For, like, how long?

About a week, or
maybe a month. I can't...

Jimmy, listen to me, you do not
wanna go to Amsterdam, trust me.

Where do I wanna go?
I'd send you to Hong Kong.

I'd like to say hi
to my friends in China.

Okay. Dwight,

show us what
you have learned today.

Good morning, Vietnam!

All: Oh, god.

Okay, you know what,
this isn't working,

because I'm not nervous in front
of them. They're my subordinates.

No, we're not.

Yes, you are. I'm
assistant regional manager.

Which means absolutely nothing.

Michael, can you explain?

Well, it's mostly made up. So...

Michael: Dwight is not
going to do a good job. It's sad.

And they're expecting excellence,
because I did do such a good job.

Two years in a row,
I killed. Itwas amazing.

Confidence, Dwight!

Dwight.

If you could travel anywhere in
the world, where would you go?

I can travel anywhere
except Cuba,

and I will travel to New Zealand

and walk the lord of
the rings trail to mordor,

and then I will hike mount doom.

So now, just leave me alone.

Okay. I was just trying
to get some advice on my trip.

Oh, please.
You're not taking any trip.

You know, I majored in
public speaking in college.

Mmm-hmm. You did?

And the first thing that
they teach you is that

you've gotta be true
to yourself.

And you are all about authority.

Yes. I am.

The great speakers throughout
history were notjoke tellers,

they were people of passion.

So, if you wanna do well
today, you gotta do what they did.

Which is?

You've gotta wave your arms, and
you've gotta pound your fists many times.

You're supposed
to emphasize your point.

Okay, I didn't actually
major in public speaking.

But I did download speeches from
some of history's famous dictators.

Like this one, originally
given by Benito Mussolini.

Okay, look, I know you're
giving this speech on your own,

but I wrote up
a few talking points

for you to take a look at.
I hope you don't mind.

I'll glance at it.

It's time, Dwight,
the grim reaper is here.

The very best of luck
to you, Dwight.

Thank you, Angela.

Why'd you pick the va.
For the reception?

Roy has a connection.
It's nicer than you think.

You're inviting Jim? Of course,
he's one of my closest friends.

Dwight: All right.

You ready? Here we go.

Wow. It's a little bit bigger
than I remember.

Michael: Come on.
We're down here in the front.

You all ready for this?

I am just feeling
under the weather,

and I think that
I will go home and rest.

I've never, ever seen
you take a sick day.

Well, I've seen you take
enough for the both of us.

Next, I'd like to introduce

the dunder Mifflin
salesman of the year,

Dwight schrute!

Dwight, they called your name.

Dwight, how we doing?

No. I can't.
Okay, you know what?

I can't. You know what?
Okay no, no problem.

You are lucky you have me
here. I'm going to cover for you.

All right!

Good morning, Vietnam!

I am not Dwight schrute,
not at all.

I am Michael Scott,
his mentor and boss.

And until Dwight comes up,
if he ever does,

I wanted to say
a few words about excellence.

What makes

a work environment excellent?

Well, there are many things,
I believe,

that do such a thing
of that nature.

And one would be humor.

What is the difference
between a salesman

and a saleswoman?

I always set it at 69.

Maybe we'll use a dj.

That's the one thing Roy is
in charge of for this wedding,

but all he's managed
to do is set a date.

But he did a great job.
June 10th is perfect.

I want a June wedding.
I've always wanted one.

Ryan, do you know when
you would want to get married?

Actually, I don't see
ever getting married.

Ryan, you should be more
sensitive. It's obvious she likes you

and comments like that,
they just... I know what I said.

I'm very sorry, I did not know that
you were wearing a hearing aid,

and I just thought
you were speaking abnormally.

And now, the black guy from
the police academy movies,

a robot.

Michael winslow. Anyone?

Car starting.

All right,
Dwight schrute, everyone.

Good luck,
that is a tough crowd.

Blood alone moves
the wheels of history!

Have you ever asked yourselves
in an hour of meditation,

which everyone
finds during the day,

how long we have been
striving for greatness?

Not only the years we've
been at war, the war of work,

but from the moment, as a child,

when we realized that the
world could be conquered.

It has been a lifetime
struggle, a never-ending fight!

I say to you,
and you will understand,

that it is a privilege to fight!

We are warriors!

Salesmen of northeastern
Pennsylvania, 1 ask you,

once more rise and be worthy
of this historical hour!

Yeah! Yeah!

I've got a timeshare in key
west that might be available.

Maybe. Thanks.

You really think
you're gonna go?

Yeah, I'm definitely going.

Nice. Send me a postcard.

Ryan: Jim has worked at
the same place for five years.

Jim eats the same ham and
cheese sandwich every day for lunch.

I don't know, if I were
a betting man, I'd say

he will have a fun weekend
in Philadelphia.

No revolution is worth anything
unless it can defend itself!

Dwight: Some people will
tell you "salesman" is a bad word.

They'll conjure up images

of used car dealers
and door-to-door charlatans.

This is our duty
to change their perception.

I say, salesmen

and women of the world, unite!

We must never acquiesce,
for it is together...

Together that we prevail!

We must never cede control
of the motherland!

For it is...

All: Together that we prevail!

Australia? I have always
wanted to go there.

I'm going. I'm a little
nervous to run into Dwight

on his connecting flight
to mordor,

but, other than that... yeah, I
bought the ticket, non-refundable.

That's awesome.
Where are you staying?

I don't know.

I feel like I have plenty of time
to figure out the details, but...

When are you leaving?

I'm leaving on June 8th.

Yeah.

And I'm really sorry
about that. I just...

Yeah, that's too bad.

Yeah.

Do you want me to take
these on my way out?

It's okay. I got it.

All right.

Okay, thanks. There
you are. What happened?

I got thirsty. How'd it go?

It was amazing. I wish
you would have been there.

You would not believe
what happened here.

What? Something happened?

This woman came in, sat down,

ordered a drink.

The bartender asked for her
ID, which I thought was odd,

because I pegged her at,
like, 35.

Weird. Yeah, really weird.

So, she's like, "I don't have
my ID, please give me one."

And he's, like, "I can't
do that. I can't serve you."

Con artist. She might have been.

So she says, "fine. I will go
to my room, I will get my purse,

"I will come back, I'll show you
my ID." She hasn't come back yet.

She's probably in the room,
drinking from the mini bar.

Michael: Right?

Michael: Dwight gave
a great speech.

That's the word
on the street, anyway.

And I entertained Dwight
to no end with my bar story.

So I captivated the guy who
captivated a thousand guys.

Can you believe that?
A thousand guys.