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Ross? Judge?
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Everybody back from lunch yet?
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Nope.
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It's just you and me.
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By golly, you're right.
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So, uh, tell me about yourself.
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I'm 32.
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I'm a fun-loving tourist whose hobbies
include full-contact karate, Brahma bull
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00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,480
riding, and small-caliber weapons.
10
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Quit while you're ahead, sir.
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Yes, sir. Miss Sullivan, what happened?
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I don't really know. The last thing I
remembered, I was eating lunch. She took
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a bite and then she started to choke.
14
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Then she fell on the floor in a fit of
violent convulsions.
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You smell wonderful.
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What's that you're wearing?
17
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Veal piccata.
18
00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:30,420
Sir, it was incredible.
19
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He saved her life.
20
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He was so heroic. Who?
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00:01:33,780 --> 00:01:34,960
Please, please, please.
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No, it's just a hobby.
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Ask about his free home physical.
24
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So, how's the patient?
25
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,000
He saved Christine?
26
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:56,540
It's true. If Dan hadn't been carrying
this card, she wouldn't be with us
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00:01:56,540 --> 00:01:57,540
today.
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Wanda's whip Emporium.
29
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The other side.
30
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Oh.
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00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:07,640
How to save a choking victim.
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00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:13,400
Step one, give the victim a swift blow
to the back to clear air passage. Step
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00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,980
two, clear the mouth of any foreign
object.
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Step three, loosen constrictive
clothing.
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Better
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to
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be safe than sorry.
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Hey, you.
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Sleep with me.
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Should have taken death while she had
the chance.
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00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:49,600
All right, the hot tub and the car phone
and the trip to Acapulco, but that is my
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final offer.
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00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,420
Dan, I can't sleep with you.
44
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I understand.
45
00:04:02,580 --> 00:04:04,780
There's no reason you should feel
obligated.
46
00:04:05,180 --> 00:04:09,540
There isn't? No, of course not. I mean,
after all, what did I do but...
47
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:15,580
grab you from the jaws of death just
seconds before an agonizing demise.
48
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,620
Sorority girls. I'll get you sorority
girls.
49
00:04:26,940 --> 00:04:27,940
Nah.
50
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:30,400
What am I doing?
51
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,740
Negotiating your first slave trade?
52
00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:37,540
Miss Sullivan, listen, I know this is
none of my business.
53
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,800
I say that a lot, don't I?
54
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:44,940
That's okay, sir. We don't pay attention
to you no more.
55
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:52,400
Listen, Dan is just using this as an
excuse to hit on you.
56
00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:53,700
I know that.
57
00:04:53,940 --> 00:04:58,120
But he saved my life, Your Honor. He
rescued me. From the jaws of death
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moments before an agonizing demise.
59
00:05:04,980 --> 00:05:07,400
Oh, I'm fine. It's okay. Never mind.
60
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:09,000
I must have just...
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00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:16,240
when I carried Christine's prone,
lifeless body to safety.
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00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,680
What if I had a sex change?
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00:05:23,460 --> 00:05:25,080
He'd counter with his own.
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00:05:28,020 --> 00:05:30,020
And then none of us would be safe.
65
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,740
First case, sir. What do you got, Mac?
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00:05:33,980 --> 00:05:38,600
Oh, trespassing, destruction of private
property, and assault with a chicken.
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00:05:45,070 --> 00:05:46,070
Out of your system now.
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00:05:48,270 --> 00:05:49,270
What a world.
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00:05:49,410 --> 00:05:52,670
You try to save someone and they attack
you with a smoldering thigh.
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00:05:53,090 --> 00:05:56,470
You're lucky I wasn't making beef. Hey,
guys. You'd feel it if I hit you with
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00:05:56,470 --> 00:05:57,810
the business end of a chuck roast.
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00:05:58,690 --> 00:06:01,210
Gentlemen, gentlemen, what is the
problem?
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00:06:01,470 --> 00:06:04,550
Mr. Brush here was passing by Mr.
Friedman's residence when he smelled
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00:06:04,550 --> 00:06:07,170
smoke. He pounded on the door. There was
no answer.
75
00:06:07,390 --> 00:06:12,090
Whereupon Mr. Brush burst in and Mr.
Friedman attacked him with the entree in
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00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:13,090
question.
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00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:32,560
You break in, and then you assault him
with this... Plump, juicy fryer, that's
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00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:33,560
correct.
79
00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:35,860
I thought the house was on fire.
80
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:39,500
There were billows of smoke coming out
of the windows and the god-awful smell
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00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,399
of carnage.
82
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,840
Oh, that's my special sauce.
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00:06:43,740 --> 00:06:47,940
I was barbecuing, and then this maniac
tears my door down with an axe.
84
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:49,440
Where'd you get an axe?
85
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It was in my car.
86
00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:53,260
You carry an axe in your car?
87
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:57,020
Along with a rope, blow... porch and the
jaws of life.
88
00:06:58,760 --> 00:06:59,760
It's a Volvo.
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00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:09,080
Well, Mr. Brush, I really hate to do
this, but the law is the law, so I'm
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00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,060
afraid I have to ask you to pay some
restitution to Mr. Freeman here.
91
00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:16,320
Your Honor, may I approach the bench?
92
00:07:17,820 --> 00:07:19,300
What am I going to say, no?
93
00:07:21,460 --> 00:07:23,620
Your Honor, judge not.
94
00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:25,040
Lest ye be judged.
95
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,940
Kind of puts a crimp in the old job
description, Parker.
96
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:34,320
You know, I have been watching the
proceedings, and... Well, I must say, in
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00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,460
all good conscience, this is a travesty
of justice.
98
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:42,660
No sin was committed here. This man
risked his life for another.
99
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,600
And haven't all of our lives been
enriched by that experience?
100
00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:50,740
I mean, perhaps there are some of us
here who are even alive today.
101
00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:54,450
Jew... to the unselfish generosity of
another.
102
00:07:57,910 --> 00:07:59,030
No, no.
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00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:04,890
These people who help their fellow man,
or woman, as the case may be, deserve
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00:08:04,890 --> 00:08:06,590
the recognition of this courtroom.
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00:08:07,450 --> 00:08:12,090
Haven't we all had to say to ourselves,
have I truly given?
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00:08:13,270 --> 00:08:15,770
Have I given enough of myself?
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Have I given until it hurts?
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has pleaded guilty.
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We would like to request a suspended
sentence due to the circumstance.
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Your Honor, may I request that the
prosecutor refrain from ogling me during
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my closing statement?
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Does the prosecutor have anything
pertinent to add?
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Let the record show that
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the prosecution exhaled wantonly.
115
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:13,060
In lieu of time served, what's next,
Mac?
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That's it, sir.
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What do you mean, that's it?
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You mean the judicial cupboards are
bare.
119
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:23,580
No, they can't be. I mean, with all this
pencil of heinous crimes in New York,
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00:09:23,620 --> 00:09:24,900
surely we can squeeze in one more.
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00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:28,640
Sorry, Miss Sullivan.
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Do you have any last requests?
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00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:33,320
Mindful?
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00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:34,520
I got them.
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00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:48,560
for Betty.
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Look, I said I would be there, didn't I?
In front of witnesses.
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Here. Now, the address is on the key.
128
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Knock twice and ask for mercy.
129
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,060
I'm gonna be loved by you.
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00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:12,880
Not you and nobody else but you.
131
00:10:23,370 --> 00:10:24,730
Get her to switch to decaf.
132
00:10:26,490 --> 00:10:29,130
I'm sorry, Your Honor. I'm a little bit
on edge. No, no, no.
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00:10:29,530 --> 00:10:31,370
Lizzie Borden was a little bit on edge.
134
00:10:32,430 --> 00:10:37,030
You are downright freaked. Now, come on.
You don't have to go through with it.
135
00:10:37,390 --> 00:10:38,450
I have no choice.
136
00:10:39,010 --> 00:10:42,730
Miss Sullivan, I can't believe you were
put back on this earth so you could
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sleep with Dan Fielding.
138
00:10:45,130 --> 00:10:48,870
Look, I appreciate your concern, Your
Honor, but I am a big girl now and I can
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00:10:48,870 --> 00:10:49,870
make my own decisions.
140
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,900
And the sooner I get out of here, the
sooner this will be over with.
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00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,960
Dan forgot his overnight bag.
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00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,100
See you in September.
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00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:12,580
Careful, Yard. Could have fallen over.
Thank you, Ross.
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I guess this means I saved...
145
00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:24,980
Not what you think.
146
00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:26,980
I'll take cash.
147
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:11,440
the champagne you requested. Oh, great.
You found it. Yes, indeed. Though it was
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a difficult task. After all, chateau
libido is not one of our usual grounds.
149
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,140
Shall I unscrew it for you?
150
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:24,340
Perfect. This could be the greatest
night of my life.
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00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:26,800
Okay, I want this over with before it
vomits.
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Face?
153
00:13:33,470 --> 00:13:36,950
I suppose we could use this later, huh?
154
00:13:41,630 --> 00:13:42,630
Come on.
155
00:13:42,950 --> 00:13:43,950
Let's go.
156
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:45,990
Great.
157
00:13:49,770 --> 00:13:53,350
How do I love thee? Let me count the
ways.
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00:13:54,270 --> 00:13:56,150
I know 52 of them.
159
00:14:16,540 --> 00:14:18,160
Dan, there's a man out on the ledge.
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00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:21,440
That's silly. Don't. I'm positive.
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00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:22,940
That's ridiculous. It's just a bird.
162
00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:24,440
And he's got a beard.
163
00:14:25,140 --> 00:14:26,560
What are you doing out there?
164
00:14:27,420 --> 00:14:28,420
Isn't it obvious?
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00:14:28,540 --> 00:14:29,960
I'm plunging to my death.
166
00:14:47,180 --> 00:14:50,700
I have some depositions that I need
signed by morning, and I don't believe
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00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:52,280
I've met the gentleman on the left.
168
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,880
Goodbye. Wait! What is it now?
169
00:14:57,180 --> 00:14:59,200
Uh, we need some information.
170
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:00,600
For what?
171
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:01,860
For the coroner's report.
172
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,640
What the hell is it? Oh, wait, I'll get
it.
173
00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:09,520
Pleasure to see you. Thanks for stopping
by.
174
00:15:10,420 --> 00:15:13,660
Here, uh, you can get whatever
information you need off my driver's
175
00:15:13,660 --> 00:15:16,480
license. Uh, we got a complaint on a
jumper.
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It's a cop!
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00:15:17,710 --> 00:15:18,710
Okay, freeze!
178
00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:24,030
Hello. Why are we all on the floor?
179
00:15:25,630 --> 00:15:27,050
I have no idea.
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00:15:28,210 --> 00:15:29,350
Who the hell is she?
181
00:15:29,850 --> 00:15:30,930
Who the hell are you?
182
00:15:32,330 --> 00:15:34,790
Gerald Phelps. And he's got a gold card.
183
00:15:36,110 --> 00:15:37,890
Why are you doing this?
184
00:15:38,610 --> 00:15:42,330
Because I'm 38 years old. Well, so am I.
185
00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:43,890
And I'm a virgin.
186
00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:45,750
Happy landing.
187
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,260
Man on the ledge has never had sex.
188
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:54,600
Oh, my dear Lord.
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00:15:56,780 --> 00:16:00,340
Cyril, if you didn't go around telling
people, nobody would know.
190
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:01,960
Evening.
191
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,500
What's with the virgin in the window?
192
00:16:21,390 --> 00:16:22,690
They're mucking up my evening.
193
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:27,690
All right, so you're not getting any.
Big deal. What about us guys who are?
194
00:16:29,770 --> 00:16:33,270
You jump off this thing, splunge down
there, splatter all over the sidewalk.
195
00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:35,470
She is going to be very upset.
196
00:16:35,790 --> 00:16:38,470
And I'm going to wind up playing with
the TV remote all night.
197
00:16:40,270 --> 00:16:45,710
I didn't mean to ruin your evening. It's
just... Just what?
198
00:16:46,950 --> 00:16:49,050
I can't make up your mind about
anything, can you? Well, listen, if
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00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,050
you're going to stay, stay. If you're
going to jump... Joe!
200
00:16:52,290 --> 00:16:54,070
Bye. No!
201
00:16:56,830 --> 00:16:59,670
Sicko! Hey, hey!
202
00:16:59,950 --> 00:17:02,130
This man just saved your life.
203
00:17:02,370 --> 00:17:03,490
And now...
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00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:35,670
anything around here.
205
00:17:36,830 --> 00:17:39,370
You know, on you, this works.
206
00:17:41,050 --> 00:17:42,590
What are you people doing here?
207
00:17:43,290 --> 00:17:46,070
Just consider us a sexual SWAT team.
208
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:51,430
You thought I wasn't old enough to make
my own decisions, didn't you?
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00:17:51,710 --> 00:17:54,970
You all thought I needed to be
condescended to and chaperoned like a
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00:17:54,970 --> 00:17:56,110
teenage girl, didn't you?
211
00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:26,580
lovely party.
212
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,080
Take off the Samoan burial dress here?
213
00:19:00,620 --> 00:19:03,020
I thought it added that festive touch of
the islands.
214
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:07,100
Listen to me. You agreed to this, and
then you waltz in here dressed in
215
00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:08,100
Raymond Burr's nightie.
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00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,040
Aren't you supposed to be breathing?
217
00:19:44,420 --> 00:19:45,420
Does it matter?
218
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:47,880
Not really.
219
00:19:50,980 --> 00:19:52,120
I can't.
220
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:56,280
I beg your pardon?
221
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,340
I want to, but I can't.
222
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,120
Why? Why?
223
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:05,140
Why do you think why?
224
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,360
You forgot your batteries?
225
00:20:15,370 --> 00:20:16,610
You respect me.
226
00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:21,090
That's it. You respect me. Stop it. Dan.
227
00:20:21,530 --> 00:20:22,690
All right, fine. Yes, right.
228
00:20:22,950 --> 00:20:24,390
My regular Phil Donahue.
229
00:20:25,950 --> 00:20:30,150
I knew you had a decent side. I knew you
couldn't go through with this under the
230
00:20:30,150 --> 00:20:33,530
circumstances. I knew it. I knew it. I
knew it. You knew it? Yes.
231
00:20:33,810 --> 00:20:34,970
And you didn't tell me?
232
00:20:36,090 --> 00:20:39,650
If you were to find out by yourself, I
wanted you to see that you are not half
233
00:20:39,650 --> 00:20:42,790
as desperate as you think you are. Nor
half as smart, obviously.
234
00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:45,180
What do you mean by that?
235
00:20:45,380 --> 00:20:48,660
I mean, I thought... Thought what?
236
00:20:51,260 --> 00:20:54,460
I thought there was a chance you really
liked me.
237
00:20:54,980 --> 00:20:58,100
And all you needed was an excuse to show
it.
238
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:05,000
So, you thought by pressuring me into
the situation, I'd feel free to... Let
239
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,200
your ya-ya's out, right?
240
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:20,210
If the real Dan Fielding, the one I know
is lurking in there somewhere, were ever
241
00:21:20,210 --> 00:21:24,030
to have the courage to let down his
guard and be himself, to risk
242
00:21:24,030 --> 00:21:29,330
vulnerability and to approach me with
complete honesty, I don't know what
243
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:30,330
would have happened.
244
00:21:37,150 --> 00:21:40,790
Dan, Dan, I had such faith in you when I
was right.
245
00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:42,610
Now, maybe someday...
246
00:21:43,110 --> 00:21:44,150
You'll find some in yourself.
247
00:21:47,090 --> 00:21:48,490
Yeah, maybe.
248
00:21:49,490 --> 00:21:54,210
Maybe someday I'll come to grips with
these opposing forces inside of me.
249
00:21:56,930 --> 00:22:03,690
But until I do, I am going to hit on you
every day of my
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00:22:03,690 --> 00:22:04,690
life.
251
00:22:06,190 --> 00:22:11,310
As long as there is blood running
through these veins or there is a vacant
252
00:22:11,310 --> 00:22:16,610
room anywhere in this city, you are not
going to be safe in my presence.
253
00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:18,370
Understood?
254
00:22:19,990 --> 00:22:21,270
Understood. Max!
255
00:22:22,610 --> 00:22:23,610
Dan.
256
00:22:26,590 --> 00:22:28,050
Let's go get something to eat.
257
00:22:28,290 --> 00:22:29,330
I'm not hungry.
258
00:22:29,730 --> 00:22:30,469
I'll buy.
259
00:22:30,470 --> 00:22:31,470
Okay.
260
00:22:38,439 --> 00:22:41,040
I really do want to thank you for saving
my life.
261
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,220
I don't think I'll ever be able to repay
you for that.
262
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,260
I think you just did.
263
00:22:55,180 --> 00:22:56,180
Miss Sullivan.
264
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:57,320
Mr. Fielding.
265
00:22:58,180 --> 00:23:00,980
About those people at work.
266
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,240
Oh, Dan.
267
00:23:03,380 --> 00:23:04,960
Dan, you don't even have to think about
them.
268
00:23:05,500 --> 00:23:07,720
As far as I'm concerned, this whole
thing is...
269
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,880
Nobody's business but ours.
19299
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