Original subtitles

(gentle music)

(upbeat music)

- You'll do, kidder.

(upbeat music)

- [Shelley] Oh!

We're late.

Come on.

- Dan!

- It was just a joke. (laughing)

- And here's me thinking

jokes are supposed to make people laugh.

- (laughing) Have a good day.

- Yeah, you too.

Knobhead.

(relaxed music)

- And Simon Kelner is here to talk about Twitterers.

Who's been the top of them?

- Hi.

- Is it a bad time?

- Why would it be a bad time?

- Well, if you're not dressed properly.

- Well, how do you know if this isn't properly?

- It is a bad time.

- Come in.

It's cool, honest.

- Should I, really?

- Should I what?

- I mean, would you?

- Would I what?

- If it was the other way round.

- Any chance you could stop with the gibberish?

It's confusing me.

- I'm sorry.

- No need.

I'm freezing my bollocks off out here.

Well, that's debatable.

Not that I'm looking.

(phone ringing)

- All right, Kate?

- [Kate] Promise me you won't kill me.

- Why would I do that?

- [Kate] Promise me!

- I promise I won't kill you.

- [Kate] I've changed my mind about the taps.

Can we get different taps?

- My God, different taps?

I'm gonna have to kill you.

- [Kate] (laughs) Can you come over this morning?

- Ah, you're taking the piss now.

- [Kate] Oh, I'm so sorry to be such a pain.

- You're not being a pain. I'll go and get them now.

- [Kate] Now?

Can you?

- Just give me half an hour.

- She was just being so fussy.

So I went ballistic and she dared me to go on your date

to see what you were like.

- And what was I like?

- Nice, obviously.

I enjoyed it, did you?

- Listen, Jack, I've been up all night worrying.

- And I'm late for work.

- I'm not stopping you.

I need you to promise me

that you won't tell Dan about the date.

He'd be really pissed off.

- Understandably, given the attraction between us.

- [Lisa] Jack, will you stop messing about?

- You know what was there. Is there.

- Okay, then.

Please don't tell Dan about the date thing

and please don't tell him about the attraction.

- My lips are sealed.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

- Can I go now?

- If you must.

Lisa, will you do something for me in return?

- Depends what it is, I suppose.

- I've been thinking about Denise, I feel bad for her.

Well, after you'd gone, I couldn't be bothered.

- Oh.

- Will you ask her for me if she wants

to give it another go?

- Course I will.

Aww, she'll be delighted.

- Great.

- Oh, morning, Jack, cock.

Sorry, I mean, Jack, love.

- Morning, Bianca. - Hello, Lisa.

Fancy seeing you here.

- Fancy indeed.

- What can I do for you, Bianca?

- I was just eating my Shreddies

and I realized that nobody's told you

what day they come and do the bins, have they?

- No.

- So I thought I'd nip over and we could go through it all

over coffee.

- I'm running a bit late as it is.

- Five minutes.

10 at the most.

- What day do they come and do the bins, Bianca?

- Tuesday mornings.

- Thanks.

(relaxed music)

(Barry whooshes)

- They're too big.

- I can manage.

- They're too big.

- You do know she's talking about my nuts,

don't you? (laughs)

- If you stand close enough to him,

you can hear the North Sea.

(sales assistant laughs)

Please, love, will you be straight with me?

- Course, madam.

- It's just a little hedge about that high.

Do we really need them to be that big?

- Depends what you want them to do.

- Does it put the kettle on, eh?

Does it know how to make cheese on toast, hey?

Does it know how to phone the Taj Mahal

and order me a chicken vindaloo?

Eh, eh?

- Barry, could you just for once stop being such a pillock?

(relaxed music)

- Is there something wrong, Talia?

- Oh, I'd say there's more than a little something

from where I'm standing.

- Did you know, Talia, it takes 42 muscles

to frown at someone

- and only one-- - One to do this.

- Morning. - Oh, morning.

- You, lady, are still in with a shout.

- What do you mean? - With Jack!

- (gasps) Has he said something?

- Well, he's agreed not to mention anything to Dan.

- Oh.

So what's that got to do with me?

- Well If you let me finish.

- [Denise] Sorry.

- He wants to see you again, start over.

- No! - Yes!

- Oh, my God.

So I am attractive.

I mean, I know I'm attractive.

But it's always a boost to get it confirmed

by a third party, isn't it? (Lisa chuckles)

Shelley, Shelley!

Jack fancies me.

Bloomin' Jack fancies me!

- These are yours for your half 10.

- Cheers.

What's with the face ache?

- (gasps) Oh, my God, Lisa.

I didn't even know.

Congratulations, hun.

When's it due?

- I'm not sure yet, love.

Doctor said it could even be twins.

- I don't there why he's dragged me here in the first place.

I just wanted him to drop me in town.

All I wanted was a green tea and an Eccles cake.

Dan!

- All right, Sue.

Bazza!

- Hey, dude.

Cue for a song.

One, two, three, four.

* If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it *

* If you like it then you should have put a ring on it *

* Oh oh oh Oh oh oh

- Pillock.

Dan, flower, could you just give me a lift into town?

All I want to do is go into town.

Er, yeah, course.

- I'll take them, thanks, pal.

Could I ask you something?

- Yes, sir.

- Do you think I'm a pillock?

- Pillock might be a bit harsh.

- Yes.

- But you're definitely a bit of a tit.

- What's going on?

- I was only trying to be nice.

Oh, really?

Motherhood is supposed to be a time of celebration,

isn't it?

- Motherhood? - Poor cow.

It's obviously unwanted.

Shame that.

I can't wait to have kids.

I want three.

A boy, a girl and a woofter.

(phone ringing)

- Is that a phone I hear ringing?

Might it be an idea,

seeing as you're paying tax for the pleasure,

that you go and answer it?

- She's trouble, she is.

I've tried to warn you.

Never trust a woman with a VPL.

And she eats sushi.

Freak.

- Did you know she was up the duff, Denise?

- Oh, well, that says it all.

She'll have no idea who the dad is.

Talk about Slappersville.

- Denise, it's Lisa.

Lisa's pregnant, did you know?

- No.

- She's not mentioned it to you?

- Not yet.

- Well, why hasn't she said anything?

We're her friends.

- You're her boss, Shelley.

- So? - So, she might be worried

about her job.

- Why?

- Let's face it, she's not gonna be much use to you

once she starts lactating, is she?

- I thought she could talk to me.

- Maybe she wants to wait until her 13-week scan.

See if it's got any hair first.

She looks knackered today, don't she,

when you think about it?

- Well, she's looked knackered all week.

- See, first thing to go, your energy.

Tits second, sex life third.

Or is it the other way round?

It's a thick fog, parenthood, when you weigh it all up.

- Oh, my God.

So one of us is gonna be a mom.

A real life actual mom.

- Rather her than me.

My cousin Jane had a terrible time.

Her clitoris split in half, you know.

I mean, don't get me wrong, they're dead cute.

But nothing's worth that, is it?

(tap slashing water)

- That was lovely. Ta.

You'll have me fat.

- I'll have you any way you want, sweetheart. (chuckles)

(Dan laughs)

Sorry.

(phone ringing)

- All right, darling?

- I've been better.

- What's up?

- My biological clock.

- What?

- It's not ticking, Greg.

It's shouting.

It's screaming.

It is crawling the fucking walls.

- Right. - Well, everyone's at it.

We're gonna end up missing out.

Nobody is going to want to know us.

Smug, married and childless.

I wand a baby, Greg, now.

- Okay, then. - What?

- Fine, let's do it.

- Really? - I said let's do it.

Babes, got to go, I'm busy.

- Course.

People to see, roads to dig, eggs to fertilize.

- Hasta la vista, baby.

(keyboard tapping)

- You all right?

- Not really.

- Do you wanna to talk about it?

- [Kate] Not really.

- I'd best get off, then.

- I'm sorry.

- You can't keep saying you're sorry, Kate,

if you've nowt to be sorry about.

- I've just had some weird news from one of Martin's family.

What am I gonna do?

- Sit down for a sec, will you?

- They said they're looking into his death.

What?

- What the hell is it supposed to mean?

- Have they told you why?

- Oh, I feel sick.

It's making me feel sick.

Dragging it all up like this.

I thought I was moving on, Dan.

- I'm sure they've got a good reason.

- Well what will people say?

- Doesn't matter what people say.

Let me make you a drink.

- No, honest, I'm fine.

You know what people are like, though.

Busy bodies when they start talking.

- Who else have you told around here?

- No-one.

- Well there you go, then.

I won't say anything.

- Really?

- Of course not, if that's what you want.

- Promise me you won't say anything to anybody,

not even Lisa.

- I promise.

- Thanks.

- You feeling a bit better?

- Yeah.

- Thanks. - I have to get going.

- Course.

Bye. - Bye.

(relaxed music)

- Hello, girls. - Hey, Kate.

Wow, got it lovely in here.

- Ah, thanks.

And what can I get you?

- Can get the cheese plowman's, please.

Without the cheese, on brown.

- Shall we get something for Lisa?

- Might perk her up a bit.

- Can we get a prawn mayo on white, as well, please, Kate.

- She can't have prawns.

- Why?

- Shellfish.

Salmanellum poisoning or something.

- Denise, do you mind?

- Sorry, no, I didn't mean that.

I'm sure this place is spotless.

And mayo, she can't have that either.

Is there raw egg in mayo?

- Have you got a problem with my food, Denise?

- Oh no, absolutely not.

- Listen, Kate, it's Lisa.

It's a secret, but she's pregnant.

Oh. (chuckles)

I see.

- Oh, what about ham?

Shall we just get her ham?

- On its own?

- It's probably the safest bet.

- Just ham, then, please.

No butter, no mayo.

No bread.

- Not even a bag of crisps?

- E-numbers, Lisa.

Genetically linked to attention deficit hyper

AC/DC.

(paper crumpling)

Where are you going?

- Out.

- Oops.

- Probably hormones, poor cow.

It's enough to get you sterilized, isn't it?

- Cheers, love.

Yes, please?

- Can I ask you something?

- As long as it's got nowt to do with maths or politics.

- Do you think I'm fat?

- No, love, not in the slightest.

- You'll do for me, kidder.

Burger, fries and a chocolate milkshake, please.

- Medium or large?

- What do you think?

- Yoo hoo!

It's only me.

- Hiya. - Hiya.

- Hi, Sue.

- Oh, where is she?

- Um, she's nipped out.

- [Sue] What for?

- It is lunchtime. Shall I tell her you came?

I wanted her to see this lot.

It's an outfit for a wedding in June.

- Ooh, would you like me to have a shufty?

I'm dead honest me. Always be the first to let you know

if you look like a trollop.

(Denise gasps)

- Oh, Divine, Sue.

- I'm not going to outshine the bride, am I?

- Probably. (both giggling)

Between you and me, it wouldn't be difficult.

It's our Sheila's eldest and she's a fat one.

I'm talking fat fat, not greedy fat.

You know, thyroid fat, are you with me?

- Mmm.

Hey, Sue, just think.

You could wear that again for the christening.

- The christening.

- You'll look fabulous.

What's it going to be, Sue?

Granny or Nana?

- I haven't really thought about it yet.

Oh, is that the time?

Sorry, love. I've got to go.

- Aww, why?

- Barry's receiving the Nobel Peace Prize this afternoon.

- Aww, brilliant.

- And I don't want to be late for the ceremony.

(relaxed music)

(straw slurping) (hedge trimmer whirring)

- Hiya, Barry.

Hi, Barry, you all right?

- Barry.

Barry.

Guess what.

- What?

- I said guess.

- Well What am I supposed to be guessing?

- Just guess!

Come on, the one thing you want

more than anything else on this earth.

- Jan Leeming, you've-- - No, you filthy old goat.

You and I, young man, are going to be grandparents.

- Bingo get it!

Come here, my little pilchard.

(both groaning) (both smacking lips)

- One of the girls in the office let it slip.

Now we've got to make out we don't know.

They'll probably come round later to announce it.

Not a word.

Understand?

- You know me, kidder.

Consider the bouche well and truly fermed.

Now, come here, gorgeous.

- Calm down, rampant rabbit.

I bought us a ginger cake.

Fancy a brew?

(relaxed music)

- Lisa's only gone and got herself pregnant.

Stupid cow.

If you ask me,

she's a bit too old to start with all that rubbish.

Once you get to 30, your uterus actually shrivels up a bit.

Going against the laws of nature, if you think about it,

trying to make a baby in that.

Right.

What do you think?

- [Jim] Very, very good.

- Say again, cock?

- Can we do this later?

Monty Don is on Loose Women.

I was going to phone in about the begonias.

B?

B?

- Hello, I've left one of my drill bits in the toilet.

- I know.

- I'll just go through and-- - Yeah, you do that.

- You all right, love?

- Why wouldn't I be?

It's upset you, hasn't it?

That stuff about Martin.

- It's you that's upset me, if you must know.

- What?

- I don't know why you didn't mention it.

- Mention what?

- I thought you could talk to me.

Have you even talked to her? - I don't know what you're--

- How do you feel about her losing her figure?

- What? - And her independence.

That'll go.

- Look, I don't know what you're on about.

- Have you even sat down and actually discussed it?

- Kate, you're talking gibberish.

- You see, men don't stop to think, do they?

This is how it is for women, you know.

Cast aside, ignored, in the end.

- I've got to-- - No, don't go.

You can't just go.

(somber music)

- Just me.

Hiya, love. - Hello.

Good day?

- All right.

- Liar.

You got a face like a melted willy.

What's up?

- Kate went all weird on me.

Ranting on about men and how shit they are.

I think.

- You think?

Silly cow, you're not shit.

- Thanks.

- Don't worry about her.

What would she know, anyway?

- (chuckles) Have you had a good day?

- Utter chicken shit.

- What's happened?

- Dan, do you think I'm fat?

- What?

- Do you?

I don't mind, I know you love me.

I'm not doing the insecure, please never leave me thing.

I just wanna know if you think I'm fat.

You're my wife.

I think you're fucking gorgeous.

- Thanks.

- Senorita. (speaks in foreign language)

- (giggles) Oh, the dick.

- 4:30 on Saturday, 9/1.

Absolute dead cert.

- Nice one, pal.

- Look, it says if the woman initiates sex

it's gonna be a girl.

If the man initiates it, it's gonna be a boy.

- What's it to be?

- I don't know.

- Come on.

It's up to you, what do you fancy?

Boy or girl?

- Well, in an ideal world,

I want someone who'll play with me on

"Mortal Kombat" and understand the offside rule.

But you've not come on to me since last Saturday.

So on this occasion, I'll happily settle for Barbie.

Sounds good to me.

Come on, then.

I'm not wearing any knickers, Rambo.

(Lisa laughing)

(Dan groaning)

- Shift your feet up, heifer.

(Lisa screams)

(Dan sighs)

(Lisa laughing)

- Anything I like? - I told you, my treat.

- White or red?

- I'm easy.

You choose, honest.

- 25 quid for a bottle of wine, though?

I can get a decent pair of shoes for that.

Or a new bag from the market.

- That's reasonable for a good Sauvignon in a restaurant.

- When I was a sprog, me mum and dad used to pay a fiver

for a bottle of Liebfraumilch

at Little Italy in the village.

Five quid!

It were way cheaper in the '90s, though, wasn't it?

I don't know why they bother with inflation.

They should just freeze all prices forever.

They should still put wages up, though.

God, everything would be well cheap then, wouldn't it?

How ace would that be? (giggles)

(upbeat pop rock music)

(water sloshes)

(Dan laughing)

(rain pattering) (thunder rumbling)

And I've got Tourette's, you know.

When me and Fergus were shagging,

I used to shout out random words when I climaxed.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Once I said "Geronimo!"

Bloody Geronimo?

Not exactly sexy.

And I splutter.

Fergus says I do it when I'm nervous.

Am I spluttering tonight, Jack?

That's the second time you've mentioned his name.

- What? - Fergus.

You've mentioned your ex twice.

Once in the same sentence as climaxed.

Not necessarily the recommended action

when you're supposed to be on a date.

- Oh.

Shit.

Sorry.

- Look, shall we just call it a night?

- Call what a night? - Turn in.

- Turn where? - Go home.

- Already?

- If you really do fancy me, Jack,

you're gonna have to work a bit harder than that.

- That's kind of it, though.

I don't fancy you, Denise.

- That's alright. I'll get over it.

Can we still be friends?

(Jack laughs)

- What?

- Me.

Every time I go on a date, I end up with a new friend.

I'm not after a marriage proposal,

but the least I'm due is a fucking blow job.

(laughs) Oh, Jack.

I can give you a cheeky gobble in the taxi

if it makes you feel any better?

- Thank you, Denise, you're very kind

but let's stick to plan A.

Friends, yeah?

Yeah. (chuckles)

(relaxed music)

Sorry it didn't work out.

- Let's not lose any sleep over it.

- That's a good idea, Ross Kemp's on tonight.

I'll be losing enough over that.

- Hey, I've got an idea.

- Go on.

- If in ten years' time we're both still single,

we can always have a kid together or something.

Might not look so tragic then.

- Aww.

Baby mania today.

First Lisa and Dan, now you.

- Lisa's pregnant? - Yeah.

- They kept that quiet.

- It's a secret.

You won't say anything, will you?

My lips are sealed.

- Come in, if you like, mom and dad are out.

- Not tonight, Denise, if you don't mind.

See you.

- Bye.

(relaxed music)

- Night.

(alarm clock ringing)

(keyboard tapping)

- Chop a banana over your cornflakes.

The potassium turns your sperm into torpedoes, apparently.

(door clunks) - Yoo hoo!

It's only me.

- Hiya. - Yo, kids.

Hey.

* I kissed a girl and I liked it *

* The taste of her cherry chapstick *

Woo!

Hey, peace in the Middle East, kids.

What's going down?

- Have you anything to tell us?

- Wind it in, Barry.

Your dad's come to help me with your curtains.

- What's wrong with my curtains?

- They need washing.

- They're not dirty.

- House dust.

Biggest cause of asthma in the under-fives.

I'm 34.

- Have you got any juice?

I haven't had a motion since Sunday.

* And now it's half-past three

Pate?

You can't have this.

I saw this thing on Granada Reports.

It interferes with the growth of the spine

if you have too much, apparently.

- You used to tell me that fags would stunt my growth.

Now you're telling me it's frigging pate. (laughs)

- (laughs) You must have got it wrong, Sue.

- Cream cheese? - Yeah.

- Cream bloody cheese?

- Why don't you sit down, Sue?

- I'll make you a green tea.

- Pipe down, giddy kipper.

If I want green tea, I'll make it.

Got it?

You can't have cream cheese.

- Why not?

Does it interfere with the growth of our hair?

Give us ingrown toenails? (Lisa laughing)

- This isn't funny, Daniel.

Do you want your baby to be born with pigeon feet?

- [Barry] No, that pigeon toes, love.

- I said pipe down, Barry.

- Baby? - What baby?

- There's no need to be embarrassed, love.

- I'm not frigging embarrassed.

I just don't know what you're on about.

- Oh, love!

You've got a bun in the oven, haven't you?

- No, I've not.

- Yes, you have, love.

- Mom, I haven't.

- It's all right, love, we know.

- Didn't she just tell you to pipe down?

- Sorry?

You know bugger all, that's what you know.

- Lisa, don't you shout at your father like that.

- I'm not pregnant, Mom, are you going daft or something?

- Eh, don't talk to your mother like that, young lady.

- Are you deaf, Barry?

Pipe the fuck down!

- Mom, Dad, I'm not pregnant.

I'm just fat.

- No, you're not. - Everyone thinks you are.

- Everyone thinks I'm fat?

- Everyone thinks you're pregnant.

- Who?

- Denise, for a start.

- She's not pregnant!

What's the matter with everyone?

So she's not the pettiest of women.

Cut her some slack.

- Excuse me. I'm not the what?

- Pettiest.

- Oh, I get it.

So all that, "You're not fat, you're gorgeous",

were just flannel, was it?

- No.

- Why can't you be honest with me, Dan?

Sat there watching me shovel crumpets down my neck

like some demented warthog.

What's the matter with you?

Are you a feeder or something?

- Don't be stupid. - Won't be happy, will you,

till you see me winched out the bedroom window,

'cause I can't get through the front door!

- You're being ridiculous.

- Admit it.

I'd make Moby Dick look like a fucking Tic Tac, wouldn't I?

- Lisa.

- I'm late.

(Dan groans)

- Dan, love.

- What, Sue?

- What's a feeder?

Barry likes crumpets, is he one?

(relaxed music)

- Lisa.

- Leave me alone.

- Oh, come on, babes.

Lise.

- Talia said congratulations to me yesterday morning.

She thought I was pregnant.

- Bet she didn't.

- I bet she did.

- Bet she thought you looked amazing, 'cause you do.

So she had to insult you, undermine you.

- She's just jealous.

- She isn't.

- I bet you me last quid she is.

As you would be if you was that much of a munter.

- Talia's attractive.

- No, she's not.

Her mom used to tie a pork chop on her neck, you know,

when she was a nipper.

- Eh?

- Just so the dog would play with her.

- So you wouldn't, then?

- Talia? (groans)

- Not even if you were desperate?

- I'd rather nail me dick to the table.

- Aww.

- Get in.

- I don't mind going on a diet.

- You don't need to.

- Everybody else thinks I need to.

- No, they don't.

And even if they did, what does it matter to them?

I love your body just how it is.

That's all that matters, isn't it?

- All right, then, a little diet.

- [Dan] No need.

- No carbs after six?

- That's starvation.

- Poached not fried?

- Boring.

- Half-fat cheese?

- Half-fat cheese is shit.

It melts funny.

We're here for a good time, not a long time, aren't we?

- I suppose so.

- Yeah, well, shut the fuck up moaning and get in, then.

Do you want a lift or not?

You donkey.

(Lisa giggles)

(relaxed music)

(van engine revving)

- Oh, nothing more wonderful

than your baby suckling from your breast.

- So I believe.

- Make the piles and the jelly belly

pale into insignificance. (laughs)

- Jelly belly?

- Couldn't imagine the thought that my abs

would one day resemble

a road map of the North of England.

But I soon came to terms with it

when I saw the faces of my little angels.

Look.

- [Shelley] How sweet.

- To think I used to paint my toenails

before I had them. (laughs)

Oh, it's exciting though, isn't it?

When are you due?

(baby moaning)

(phone ringing)

- Sex god central, how may I be of assistance?

- Hi, where are you?

- Tesco.

Why, what's up?

- You know we've been a bit

preoccupied with this baby stuff?

- Speak for yourself.

- Well, I've changed my mind.

- What?

- I just, I can't stand the idea of something hanging off

the end of my tit that's not you.

- You daft cow.

- Talia.

- Right, you lot.

For your information,

I like meat and potato pasties, mayonnaise,

blue cheese, custard doughnuts, rib-eye steak, banoffee pie

and the odd chocolate brownie.

Not in that order and generally not together.

With such a particular and delicate palate come curves.

Which you will find under this coat and dress ensemble.

Kate Moss I am not.

Nor will I ever be.

But I'm a cracking shag and my husband loves me.

Okay?

And there is no baby.

Go on, then.

Have a go.

Get it off your chest.

- What do you mean?

I saw your face out there.

We all know it's never a good idea

to be the center of attention.

Not when Shelley's around.

- Hang on a minute.

- Go on, I'm ready for it. - Ready for what?

- The riot act!

- Lisa, I thought you were ace.

I wish I was more like that sometimes.

Half of them out there think I'm a right dick.

- No, they don't. - Yes, they do.

I only came in here to tell you

I wanted take you out tonight.

Buy you a drink.

Who wouldn't after that performance?

If that's okay?

- Shell.

Shell.

I'm sorry.

- Hmm, It's all right.

- I'd love to go out for a drink.

- Really?

- Come here.

(upbeat music)

(phone beeping)

(vacuum whirring)

- Barry!

Barry?

Barry?

Barry, love?

What's up, chick?

- (sighs) When we lost our little Paul,

I thought I'd never smile again.

- I know, love.

- When we had our Lisa,

I was the happiest man on the planet.

- In the universe.

- [Sue] I know you were, love.

- (sighs) I got a bit carried away,

thinking our Lisa were having a baby.

Thinking I were gonna be a granddad.

But when she said she wasn't.

I don't know, it just brought it all back for a moment.

It never ever goes away, does it? (sobbing)

- No, love.

Never.

- I'm sorry I'm such a flump.

- No, you're not.

I think you're wonderful.

Right, you.

They can hear that rumbling in Morecambe.

It's two-for-one at Papa John's.

Do you fancy a meat feast before we go skating?

- Yeah.

(relaxed music)

- It's Jack, isn't it?

- Dan's new neighbor?

- [Jack] Yeah.

- Hello, yeah, I'm Greg.

This is Lloyd.

- How do?

- How are you? - It's your round, Lloydy boy.

- Don't think so mate, I got the last one in.

(Lisa laughing)

- Get them in.

- Tell you what, lads. Why don't I get these?

- Good shout, mate.

Hey, there she is. - Hey everyone.

- You all right? - Hello,

darling. - Hiya Lloyd, you

all right? - Yeah.

- All right?

- Hello.

Oh, bottle of dry white, please.

- Thought you'd be off the drink for the next few months.

- Not you as well.

It's Chinese whispers, it's not true.

- So you're not pregnant?

- No, for the millionth time.

- I'll drink to that.

Cheers.

So I'm still in with a chance then?

I'm only messing with you.

Messing.

(both laughing)

- Get a fucking grip.

- Sorry, I'll come back tomorrow, shall I,

if you've got company?

- Oh, no company, just me.

And now you.

I want to apologize.

- What for?

- Aren't you cross with me?

My silly little outburst.

- I'm supposed to be meeting Lisa for a drink.

- In her condition?

- (sighs) Not you and all, she's not pregnant.

- I'm late.

- No, you're not.

- Yes, I am.

(phone pipping)

(phone beeping)

Um, I'll come and look at those jobs tomorrow, eh?

Probably best.

- Five minutes, Dan.

Go on, please.

- Sorry, Kate.

Really can't.

Bye.

* Love keeps slipping

* My heart keeps flipping

* My words keep running

* Oh, I ain't stallin' for you I'm falling *

* I hurt my knees when I pray

- Ducky fuzz. - Fuck he does.

* Meet halfway

* I meant it when I said

* I don't play

- Go on, start again, start again.

* Meet me halfway

* I meant it when I said

* I don't play

(upbeat pop music)

- Right then, love.

A shag ye want, then a shag ye shall bloody have.

- Really?

(Bianca yelps)

* But I don't wanna be there

* Wanna I love you when I'm angry *

* You don't wanna see my crazy

* You love it when I got to pieces *

* But I don't wanna be there

* Wanna I love you when I'm angry *

* You don't wanna see my crazy

* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

* Your Lovin' makes me

* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

* You don't wanna see my crazy

* You love it when I got to pieces *

* But I don't wanna be there

* Wanna I love you when I'm angry *

* You don't wanna see my crazy

(upbeat music)