All language subtitles for The.Compatriots.2024.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264

- Lets go Javi! Woo!

Let's go, Javi, you got this.

- Let's go, Javi!

What's the deal?

I have to throw a
fast ball right now.

I have zero control over my arm.

- He just cranked two foul.

Trust the curve,
man. I can't hit it.

You can't hit anything.

Come on. You got this.

Let's go.

Uh. Dad.

Coach.

Put me in there.

Look, he's gonna blow it.

I can do this.

Let's go kid.

Here we go.

You ready for this?

Javi. Where's he hiding?

Javi?

He's over here.

Yes.
- Come on, man.

You can't hide. Not tonight.

Come on, get up here.

Now, everybody,
this man right here,

this handsome man just
pitched the first no hitter

in school history.

Make sure you get some
good photos for the paper.

- Okay.
- Thanks, Ryan.

Now ladies, Javi is single

and ready to mingle,
so please get in line.

Javi, any words?

Yeah.

Thanks for the support.

Riveting stuff, man.

Alright. To Javi!

To Javi!

You got to lighten up, man.

It's not that big a deal.

How come you can step on a mound

with everyone in the stands

and pitch your ass off but
then you just freeze up

whenever you're
not on the field?

I don't know.

It's just when it's
you and me out there,

it's like we're playing catch.

Aw, that's really sweet.

Hands off! He's mine.

- Hey!

What?

- Where'd you go?

You're missing the party.

I just wanted a
moment by myself.

Are you okay?

It's a bad time.

We can talk about it later.

I don't see anybody.
We can just talk now.

What's gonna happen to us
when you go to college?

Nothing's gonna happen.
Everything's gonna be fine.

Well, that's what everybody
says and then they break up.

Tracy, we're not gonna break up.

Look, I love you, okay?

We're gonna make it
work, I promise. Okay?

Where are the towels?

They're in the basement.

Don't get into my dad's scotch.

- Too late.

Some purists like
their scotch plain.

But I like mine with a
little bit of diet root beer.

I think the flavor profiles
really start to shine through.

What?

Oh yeah, that's vintage.

And it's coming in
hot, any minute now.

Just wait.

Here, drink up.

Put some pubes on
your balls finally.

I have pubes.

Cheers!

To your hairless sack.

Oh yeah. That's good.

Come on, man. Loosen up.

Have some fun.

I know. You'll get used to it.

Don't worry.

- You were right
about the curve.

Oh, really?

You deserve this.

No, man. It's all you.

Absolutely not. I couldn't
have done it without you.

Come here.

I love you, man.

I love you too.

What the fuck was that dude?

Hunter!
- Dude.

Hunter?

- No, back off, man.
- I...

- I don't know.

I kind of wanna
go to California.

- Yeah.
- But my parents

are kind of reluctant.

Yeah.

- But I think I'm
just gonna go for it.

- Oh, there you
are. Are you okay?

What's going on?

What do you mean?

Have you been kissing
anyone lately?

Oh God, Javi.

I don't, he came outta
nowhere, I swear.

Come on. You have
to go talk to him.

No. Why?

You gonna go beat him up?

No, moron.

We have to support him.

What? Support him?

Why don't you support me? Huh?

He basically assaulted me.

He's your best friend.
You have to talk this out.

No, absolutely not.

It's okay, false alarm.

Javi?

Hi, Tracy. I'm - I'm sorry.

This is really messy.

I'll fix this up real quick.

I'll get it cleaned up.

Are you okay?

Y-yeah, I'm fine. Why?

Did you hear anything?

Nothing happened.

Okay? I didn't mean
anything by it.

It - it was a mistake.

I'm sorry.

No, no, no. It's okay.

You don't, you don't
have to be sorry.

Do you wanna talk about it?

Tracy, Hunter's trying to drive.

Stop!

Hey, stop.

Hey. What?

Go inside and sleep
it off in my room.

Gimme those keys, man.

No.

Listen to her.

Or what? Huh?

You know what? Go ahead.

Dead boyfriend might
be a great topic

for one of my college essays.

- Look, they're gonna
kiss each other again.

Dude!

What? You coming to kiss me too?

- Hunter.
- No.

- Get off me.

I know my rights.

My mom's gonna sue
the shit outta you.

Yeah. I hope your mom comes.

Her tits are huge.

Shut the fuck up.

Hey, shut up and
keep your hands to yourself.

Or else!

Dude, just chill,
man. We're fine.

We're just kids. They
can't do anything to us.

No, no, no, no.

What are you doing here?

Thought I'd surprise you.

You can't be here.

Why?

Please go.

Fine.

But, we're done.

What? No, no, no, no, no.

Hey, hey!

Hey.
- Okay.

So invite me in. Let
me meet your dad.

I can't be with someone
who can't be himself.

Shit, you're still here?

Hunter!
- Mm.

Will you please get out?

- What?
- Hello?

- What?
- Hello?

What?

What's the rush?

Oh, is this round two or
is it technically three?

Okay.

My graduation party
is about to start.

Oh, no invite for me. Huh?

Get out.

- We should talk
about this though.

No, it was one night.

There's nothing to talk about.

Well, I feel used.

Good.

Tracy, honey!

Mom needs help
with a few things.

Yeah, okay. Be out in a second.

I remember when
we brought you home

from the hospital.

Eight pounds nine ounces,
slightly jaundiced.

- Jaundiced?

Can I come in?

Um. Oh, one second.

Get out!

- Seriously?
- Yes.

Everything okay?

Sorry, Dad. One more second.

Okay. Ow, that hurt.

- You good?
- Yeah.

Oh, good.

Well, you've become
a messy sleeper,

but I see you weren't alone.

I got you Stuffy. I got him
from the hospital gift shop.

Mm-hmm.

- Stuffy was your first friend.

Besides me, of course.

- You know, Mom and I
are so proud of you.

You can be whatever
you want to be.

I mean, you wanna be a lawyer

like your mom or
a doctor like me.

And that's of course best,
but you can be anything.

You've made such great
decisions so far,

and I can't wait to see

the successful woman
you're gonna become.

Thanks, Dad.

Please, God. Please, God.

- Hey Tracy. Look
who stopped by?

Hunter.

Hey, Trace, long time no see.

Chip here was just telling me

you graduated summa cum laude.

Top of her class.

She loves being on top.

- Just like her father.

So competitive.

Hey, Tracy, I didn't know
you guys still talked.

Mm. M-hmm.

You know, I remember
the two of you

when you wee just
a couple of little kids

running around the
backyard playing tag.

That time I caught you playing
doctor in the basement.

Tracy, Hunter was
your first patient.

Dad!

Patient, yeah.

Yeah. She|s a chip
off the old Chip.

Jesus.

Yeah. Okay.

I think we gotta finish
up the prep for the party.

Right.

Hunter, come do me a favor.

Help me get the beer
out to the cooler?

Of course, Chip.

Great.

- Javi.
- Hey.

- Glad you could make it.

- Yeah. I'm so sorry.

A little late.
- Oh, here we go.

What happened?

- I'll redo it.

No, it's fine.

This isn't much worse than
my husband's penmanship.

You look like you
haven't slept in days.

Oh, I'm okay.

Look, I know how hard you work.

Yeah, I'll work even harder.

No, it isn't the
work that worries me,

it's just I want you to know

that you can come
to me with anything.

It's nothing really.

I just had to pick
up another shift

so that I could pay
for this semester.

So, you know.

Well, this might help.

The department just offered
me funding for a TA position.

That's why I called
you in today.

And it's yours if you want it.

Could help you pay
for this semester.

That way you wouldn't
have to drive around

so much from work to school.

Really?

You think I'd be good for it?

Well, I had heard that you were

tutoring students in this class.

I began to realize something
was up when all the grades

started to rise outta
nowhere.

I hope that's okay.

Oh yeah. Of course.

You remind me a lot of myself.

But let's get you
paid for your work.

I'll set you up with
a work study today.

You know what?

Um, I really appreciate
that professor.

I, I really do.

It's just that I gotta
take care of my dad

pretty much every
day after school.

And um, I don't think

that I can really take this on.

What? Javi?

- Yeah. No. Listen, thank
you so much for everything.

I, I really appreciate it.

I gotta get going,

but I'll keep my
papers dry from now on.

- Javi.

So?

It was nice to have
you here today.

Well, should we do this again?

I don't think so.

C|mon, we had a good time,
right?

We've done this
all before, Hunter.

Nothing's changed.

You don't care about anything.

I care about you.

Yeah. Okay.

Well then why did you
text me last night?

It was sex, Hunter.
Nothing more.

Okay. Totally.

Sex for me too.

Okay, then what
about a goodbye kiss?

I'll pass.

Hi, Tracy.

Hey. You made it!

- Happy graduation.
- Thank you.

I'm really sweaty.

No, no!

Come on in.

I made sure we have
mayo for your fries,

even though it is the world's
most disgusting combination.

So what's next for Tracy?

What are you gonna do
with that Latin degree?

You sound like my Grampy.

I'm not sure yet.

What about writing?

I used to love reading your
articles in the school's paper.

I mean, I've always
liked telling stories.

I'm not sure if it's
a career though.

I might take a year
off and travel.

I'm just so sheltered.

You know, I could, I
could help build a well

or like a hospital in Haiti.

I'm not very handy though.

I mean, there's plenty of people

around here that
you could help too.

Oh yeah, for sure.

But it'd be great for me
to get some more stamps

in my passport.

And not just the typical places

like Paris and Sicily, you know?

Yeah, totally.

So what about you?

You gonna tutor brilliant
minds like my brother forever?

Nope. No!

Oh.

Oh my God. What an idiot.

I do like tutoring.

Did you know my
mom was a teacher?

No, I didn't.

Yeah.

So is that your dream to teach?

Honestly, I don't know.

I feel like I'm just trying
to get through the day.

Well, when you do figure
it out. I'll be there.

I cannot believe you eat this.

What are you talking about?

It's a problem.

Have you heard of ketchup or?

Stop.

He actually, I'll introduce
you, he came to the party.

No, don't even.

Well, ketchup.

Ridiculous.

- What's up, my guy?
Hey Justin.

Hey, are you going to
the reunion tonight?

Oh shoot.
Is that tonight?

Yeah, man.

I need my wing, man. My goose.

Dude, he totally dies.

Just meet me there at 10.

I would love to,

but Kelly just turned
on "The Bachelor"

and we're gonna find out
if Rachel is a lesbian.

You should really come over.

Kelly makes a great guacamole.

Vamos, you're late!

- I'm so sorry, Joe.
- No excuses, kid.

Big night. Start washing.

- Oh, okay.

- Woohoo. I got shots.

Here you go.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Woo.

Oh!

Tequila. That hits different.

It's nice, right?

Yeah.

So Julia, what do
you do for work?

Oh, I'm a clown.

Really?
- Yeah.

Circuses, birthday
parties, haunted houses.

Clowns are very hot right now.

That's uh, very
entrepreneurial of you.

I know, but I don't wanna
talk about work. Okay?

Do you wanna dance?

Yeah.

What's wrong? Is
it the clown thing?

- No. No, it's just, I think
I saw somebody that I know.

Don't we like know
everyone here?

- I mean, like, someone I
didn't think would be here.

Who?

Wait, where are you going?

It is the clown thing.

I knew it.

So you are, you're an actuary.

That's, that's
actually pretty cool.

Oh, hold on.

Finally gonna hook
up with Julia?

- Yeah.
- Attaboy.

That's my guy right there.

Yeah, I think I'm close again
with Rebecca over there.

Or at least I was.

She must be getting us
a drink or something.

Did you see Javi?

Javi?

Shoot, man, I haven't
heard that name in years.

He's here?

Yeah, I think I saw him.

I didn't think he would
show up to this thing.

Should I say hi?

I'm gonna say hi.

Well, wait, wait, wait. Hey!

Look, don't be gone too long

or else Julia might be
blowing up my balloon animal.

- Whatever, man.

I thought I told you,
stop wearing this thing.

What are you talking about?

Chick's dig an officer.

You're a crossing guard.
And that's plastic.

Alright, first of all, I'm not
just a crossing guard. Okay?

I'm a pedestrian
security liaison.

It's a very important position.

I'll have you know that not
one kid has died on my watch.

I mean, there was that,
that one kid that he tripped

and got scraped up
pretty bad, but-

- Yeah.

He doesn't, he's
not a good walker.

I, um.

Javi. ICE.

Yeah, I know. I just
refilled the machine.

ICE.

Don't leave. They're outside.

Grab a drink. Blend in.

Gimme the apron.

Hey, Javi.

Hunter.

Shit.

Nice to see you too.

Hey, wait, man, are you okay?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm fine.

Okay. Can I buy you a drink?

It's just, I don't...

Do you know what? Yes.

Okay.

Yes.

I'll be back there. Okay?

Yeah. Okay.
- Okay.

Been a long time,
man. You look good.

I see you're still wearing
the whole Mr. Rogers get up.

I like this. My
grandma got it for me.

Alice has great taste.

It's good to see you, man.

Yeah, you too.

Okay. Don't sound too pumped.

So, dishwasher?

I know you liked to clean
up my messes in home ec,

but I didn't think
you'd make it a career.

What, no comeback on how
I'm a trust fund baby

suckling from my
mom's financial teat?

They are big teats.

There he is.

I think about that night a lot.

You do?

I shouldn't have
reacted that way.

Yeah. Well, I shouldn't
have kissed you.

Yeah, it was too much tongue.

You're too funny.

I miss this.

What?

This, between us.

We're good together, man.
We had something special.

Who's gay now? Huh?

Shit.

You okay, officer?

Who? Who me?

I don't see anyone
else with a badge.

Right.

Yeah, of course.
I, I am an officer.

What can I help you guys with?

We're with immigration.

We had a tip this place
employs illegal workers.

We didn't find any
concrete evidence.

They saw us coming.

Oh. Yeah, yeah.

Do you, you want me to go
in there and investigate?

See if there's anything
out of the ordinary.

Don't hesitate to contact
us if you find anything.

Maybe you'd be a good
fit for our team.

Hell yeah. Word, yeah.

Okay. Yeah.

Aye-aye.

Don't do that.

Copy that.

Thank you guys.

I'll let you know
if I find anything.

Won't let you down.

You got my word.

You know, you could
have reached out.

Could have called.

Look, man, you made
it pretty clear

you didn't wanna see me

when you disappeared off
the face of the Earth.

I had to.

Why?

What? You're leaving?

Yeah, I just, I gotta
finish out some stuff.

What? This was going well.

Was it?

Come on, man. Don't
be such a drama queen.

What could be more important
than reconnecting with me?

How about getting kicked
out of this fucking country?

What are you talking about?

ICE agents just
raided the kitchen.

Oh shit.

Yeah. Shit.

Okay. What's gonna happen?

Get sent back to Peru.

You know, something like that.

I hear Peru's nice
this time of year.

You're an ass.

What? I'm...

Dammit.

Hey.

They know.

How?

I'm not sure.

I'm sorry, Javi, but you
can't work here anymore.

No, Joe. You can't
do this to me.

I really need the money
right now. I need the job.

I can't risk it.

You can't either.

Let me give you tonight's
pay and next week's too.

I'm sorry pal.

Hey, can we go back inside
and talk about this?

Why do you care?

Because I'm your best friend.

Were. Were my best friend.

Look, I messed up, man.

Just let me fix that.

You can't!

There you are.

I thought that you
left with someone else.

No, I was just-

So, your place or mine?

I'm right down the street.

And um,

on or off.

Where's my nose?

Have you seen it?
- Oh god.

No. Not since, you know.

Yeah, I know.

Oh crap. I really have to go.

Okay. Go.

Wait, are you hungry?

Do you want to like,
get food or something?

Why?

I don't know. I just-

Sorry, I can't. I have a gig.

It's a bachelorette party.

Okay. Well, can I
call you sometime?

Listen, Hunter.

You're a great guy.

I'm just not looking for
anything serious right now.

But we had fun, right?

Yeah. Lots of fun.

- Oh, it was a custom nose.

It's gonna take weeks
to get a new one.

I have to call Bobby.

Okay. I gotta go.

Oh my god.

You gotta be kidding me.

Hey!

What are you doing here?

I know this is where you
come to clear your head.

Yeah. Thanks for ruining that.

Did you get my?
- Yeah.

I don't need it.

Can you just take it, please.

No, I'm not a charity case.

I know that. I'm
just trying to help.

I'm good, okay? I'm good.

I'm gonna hire a lawyer

and they're gonna be
able to help me out

way more than a
business major can.

A Wharton business major.

I don't care what
school your parents

paid for you to get into.

Come on, man.

Let's go grab a
drink. Let's catch up.

I don't think
that's a good idea.

I got five years of fuck up
stories to share with you.

Stuff you probably couldn't
even dream of, honestly.

Some wild stuff.

Wild stuff?

X-rated.

Oh, X-rated.

Yeah. You wouldn't get it.

Yeah. No, you're right.

I definitely wouldn't get it.

Okay. One drink.

Okay, perfect.

Hey, we can't go back
to Tavern though.

That's okay. I got a new place.

What's this?

You'll like it. Don't worry.

No, no, no, no. I
didn't agree to this.

Yes, yes, yes.

Come on, man. Let
me be your wing man.

Absolutely not.

I mean, maybe you'll meet the
man of your dreams in there

and then everything
will be solved.

And if you don't, then
at least we'll have fun.

Come on, man. When was
the last time you had fun?

Was that a bear?

No.

Wait. Am I a bear?

No!

You're a, you're a shrimp.

That doesn't sound
very flattering.

Oh, no. It's the
highest praise ever.

Believe me. Everybody
loves shrimp.

Just tell them to dip you
in some cocktail sauce

and you're good to go.

Wait, is that lube?

Hey.

Hey. Can I help you?

Yeah. What's the house drink?

We don't have one,

but I can make you a
whiskey sour, gin and tonic.

Do you have anything,
anything gayer?

Excuse me.

Sorry. Homosexualer.

Just two beers, please.

Surprise us.

Hey, what the hell?

I, I don't know. I just
thought when in Rome, right?

I thought-
No. No.

Get something a little fruitier.

- Thanks.
- Enjoy.

Thank you.

- Listen, I will leave.
- Okay. Okay.

Calm down. Let's find
you a husband. Okay?

We're gonna play a little
game from your favorite show

called "Have you met Javi?"

No, let's not do that.
That's never actually worked.

Well, yeah, that's 'cause
I was always looking

for chicks instead of
dicks, but now I know.

So let's find you
some sexy man meat.

Agh.

Oh, perfect.

You love tweed.

Don't.

- Excuse me.
- Hey.

Have you met-
Javi?

Oh, you two know each other.

Professor.

Hi, I'm Hunter. I'm a shrimp.

Is this your partner, Javi?

No. No.

Absolutely not.

Okay, dude, any more no's?

- No.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry. This
isn't my usual scene.

Me either.

My husband drags
me to these things.

I come occasionally.

I'd love to meet him sometimes.

Yeah, he's over there dancing.

Oh my God. Yep.

What are you doing here?

I, um, we...

He brought me.

I'm really starting to
question my sexuality.

I used to just watch
the chicks in porn

and now I'm drawn to the dudes.

Jesus.

I'd love to help.

Yeah. You know, first it was
just one guy and one girl.

Then two guys and one girl.

And then finally, just
two guys just going and-

Just stop!

Javi, don't stifle your
friend's expression.

It's okay. He's just
covering for me because...

Because why?

Because I'm not from the US

and I could kind of get
kicked out at any moment.

So he had this brilliant
idea to come here

and try to find someone
for me to marry.

Javi, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, it's okay.

Is this why you
couldn't TA for me?

Yeah.

It's all good though.
Don't worry about it.

I'm sorry we involved you.

I'll see you tomorrow in class.

Javi. Javi.

Wait right here.

I think I was starting
to convince him.

You're making me sick.

- Okay.
- Oh God.

This is my husband
Steven. He's a lawyer.

Hi. It's nice to meet you.

I'd be happy to help.

Come see me tomorrow.

Oh. Oh, okay. Great.

Thank you.

Hey, not so fast.

You're here. Let's
have some fun.

Oh, come on. Come on.

Come on.

Oh my God. That was the most
fun I've had in so long.

What was that one move he did?

It was like.

- Whoa!
- Oh god.

Okay twinkletoes. We gotta go.

You always want me to loosen
up and look at me now.

Bye!

Bye you crazy kids!

I love them.

- Oh, man.

What a crazy night.

What?

What are you doing?

No, no.

It's me.

I know you, Javi. I know you
better than I know myself.

Don't do this.

Remember, I was the one
to help you pass Spanish

in order to keep your
straight A status.

Yeah, that was bullshit.

Mrs. Chappelle was
wrong and I was right.

Okay? You don't sing "Feliz"
in a happy birthday song.

And you stayed up
with me all night

listening to T Swift when Jenna
Orlansky broke up with me.

That was a bit dramatic. No?

It had been one week.

I loved her.

Look, I know you tap
your leg incessantly

when you're nervous.

You rub your eyebrows
when you're thinking.

And you need to listen
to nursery rhymes

in order to go numero dos.

I got over that.

Yeah, sure.

This is no joke, Javier.

I wanna marry you.

Come on. Get up, idiot.

Just, ah!

Come on man.

Lets just do it.

I don't know,
Hunter. I don't know.

I don't want to mess up
your perfect life here.

What perfect life, man?

I haven't seen my
parents in like a year.

I hate my job and I
haven't had a relationship

since high school.

So I don't know what perfect
life you're referring to.

That's sad.

It's not that sad.

Come on. This is
our best option.

Our?

I didn't mean it like that.

- Oh no?

Because last time I checked

I'm the one that
gets deported, no?

I'm just trying to help.

You don't deserve this, Javi.

There's no difference
between you and me

you're just as much as
an American as I am.

And I wanna make that permanent.

Come on man.

It'd be just like old
times. You and me.

I gotta think about this.

Okay. Yeah, sure.

Take as much time as you need.

I do have a date tomorrow,

so it would be nice to
know if I'm engaged or not.

- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Date with my right hand.

- Jesus.
- Just kidding. It's my left.

Okay, class. Sorry I'm late.

Javi.

Would you mind coming up
here for a moment, please?

Hey. You doing okay?

- Oh one too many
mojitos last night.

Yeah, we kind of went hard.

Do you think you could
teach the class today?

Really?

Yeah, I'm afraid if I
continue to open my mouth,

I might regurgitate
my breakfast.

You really think I can do it?

Of course. You
know the material.

The rest is just
projecting confidence.

And don't call on
the eager ones.

They're just trying
to suck up to you.

I find it's the ones in
the back of the class

that have the most to offer.

Hi.

Hey, wait a minute.
Where you going kiddo?

It's down here.

It's me, talking doorbell.

Pretty cool, huh?

Oh, hey, Chip.

I work for a flower delivery
service. These are for you?

Oh yeah. Okay.

Hey, little piece of advice.

My daughter, her bullshit
radar is off the charts insane.

Listen, Hunter, man to man,

you give her anything less than
100% honesty and she's gone.

Oh, also, roses make her sneeze.

Ooh, gotta go.

What's behind your?

I didn't know you were
allergic to roses.

I came here to tell you that
I reconnected with Javi.

Oh. You did?

Yeah. I'm helping
him with something.

I am so sorry.

Just come inside.

I need a glass of ice
water to make it stop.

- How was George this
morning? He looked dreadful.

He had me teach the class.

Really? How did that go?

Surprisingly well.

Great.

Steve, once again,
thank you so much.

Of course.

Although I'm not sure
how much I can help.

I didn't know much
about immigration law,

so I started to read
and read and read.

It's a lot.

But geez, is this
the last of it?

No, we just ran outta ink.

It's like I'm back
in law school.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, don't be silly.

It's good for the brain
to learn something new.

Besides, I want to help you.

So why does Javi need your help?

He's in a little bit of
trouble with the law.

Javi? The law?

There's no way.

Immigration.

Javi's not...

Yeah, but we're fixing it.

Oh yeah.

Yeah. I have a plan.

And you know, I
was thinking about

what you said the other day

and I was trying to like figure
out like what my purpose is.

I think I'm here for Javi.

Was that a?

No.

Definitely not.

Okay.

Since you were
brought here in 2008,

you aren't eligible for DACA.

That would've at least
offered you some protection.

Also, since you've been
in the country illegally

for longer than a year, you
would need to wait 10 years

to reenter the United States.

What if I'm married?

Hunter?

Yeah.

Oh, sweet Jesus.

They're gonna subject you
two to all sorts of tests

and interviews to make sure
you're actually a couple.

I know.

It's just, he's the only person

that knows me well enough to-

If you go through with this
and they figure you out,

they will deport you.

What other options do I have?

Well, as long as you
don't commit a felony,

you should be fine.

- Okay.
- Mm. Failure.

So, do you even know
how to speak Swahili?

Uh, no.

But it's gotta be a whole lot
easier than learning Latin.

Yeah. How's that dead
language working out for you?

It's not a dead language.

It's the root of
everything we say.

That's pretentious.

Pretentious from the
Latin, pretender.

To put forward as an excuse.

Okay. Now do "nerd."

Now do "funny."

Watch this.

Have you ever thrown?

That is talent.

I am.

So do you get to
pick where they send you?

Yeah. Somewhere by the
ocean would be nice.

I'd love to get my suntan
on when I'm not, you know,

building houses, obviously.

- Oh yeah, totally.
- Shut up.

Well, I commend you.

I think joining the Peace
Corps is pretty cool.

It's pronounced
"Core" you idiot.

- Oh.
- And I haven't joined yet.

Well you should.

Well then what about us?

So there's an us?

Who knows?

Hold that thought.

What?

It's Javi.
- Is he okay?

Yeah, I just, I
think I should go.

Well, I'll come with you.

I mean, if Javi's in trouble,
I wanna be there for him too.

It's okay. I got it.

I'll see you later.

Hunter.

I'm proud of you.

Hi.

Why'd you want me
to meet you here?

I've been here as long
as I can remember.

And still people look
at me as an outsider.

They would all cheer for me.

And then look down on
me the rest of the week.

You and I can change
that together.

It'll never change,

even if I become a citizen,

I'll never be viewed
as an American.

Everything I did was
to try to fit in.

That's how I ended up
picking up baseball.

My dad wanted me to play soccer.

You remember when
we became friends?

Yeah.

I stayed after practice
with you for hours

to work on your curve.

Yeah. You weren't
the only kid I asked.

You were just the only
one that said yes.

You were the first kid to
look at me as your equal.

Of course I did.

'Cause you are,

and that's why we need
to make it official.

Okay.

Okay. What?

Okay, let's do it.
Let's get married.

Really?

Yeah.

We'll figure it out.

Oh! Got you something.

It's nice, right?

You're an idiot.

Now I'm your idiot.

Come on.

What are you doing?

I don't know.

I've never had anybody
sleep over here

and not have sex with them,
so I thought I would take

the couch and you
can have the bed.

When was the last time
you washed these sheets?

Uh.

I'll take the couch.

Yeah, it's a good choice.

Okay. Well mi casa is su casa.

It's "tu casa."

"Su casa" is way too formal.

"Tu" is for good friends.

Look who learned Spanish.
What is it for lovers?

Okay, well you want
me to tuck you in?

No, I'm okay. Thank you.

Are you sure I do
a mean burrito?

That's really offensive, dude.

Sorry.

Goodnight.

Clapping lights. Really?

What are you, 12?

Sky Mall baby.

Wakey wakey.

Hi.

Thanks.

So what's next?

Should we hire a
wedding planner?

I was thinking that we
could do a beach wedding,

if that's okay with you.

I don't know how you feel
about sand between your toes,

but I was thinking
we could go barefoot.

Oh, maybe we could do
Kentucky Derby themed.

Oh God. I love when
girls wear sundresses.

I mean boys, when
boys wear sundresses.

Okay, okay. Just,
just calm down.

I literally just woke up.

What, man? I'm excited.

Look, I've been thinking about
my wedding my whole life.

It's like white
roses everywhere.

Maybe we do like a live band.

I thought my wife's rack
would be a little bit bigger,

but that's okay, I'll
settle for yours.

Jesus, you need help, bro.

Let's just skip the
festivities. Yeah?

I mean, no time to waste.

This process is gonna
take years anyways.

Wait, what? Years?

Wait, why would this take years?

That doesn't even-

You okay?

Yeah, no, I just thought like,

I thought we would get married

and then, you know,
you'd get your green card

and then we'd get divorced
like a few months later.

Yeah, no.

Why would they let us do that?

Do you know how many people
would try to do that?

I don't know.

I just didn't really think
it was that big a deal.

It's a huge deal.

We're literally lying
to the US government.

Hunter, what are
you talking about?

You could pay a huge
fine, possibly go to jail.

Dude, I, I'm not trying to
force anything on you here.

All right. I'll figure it out.

I always do.

Yeah. Who's there?

Hide.

Where?

Turn on the shower.

What's up buddy?

Long time no see.

Yeah. What are you doing here?

It's kind of early.

I got a couple
questions for you.

Two coffee cups, a clown nose.

And who's in the
shower buddy boy?

Clearly Julia. Sherlock.

Hmm. So that's why you've been
dodging me this whole time.

You dirty dog.

Yep. And we're going for
round two when she gets out.

So what do you want?

I was wondering if you've
seen our old pal, Javi.

Javi?

I mean, not since
the reunion. Why?

Did he seem like he was in
trouble or anything like that?

Trouble?

Er, no.

I mean, you know, Javi, the
kid never gets into trouble.

Hm mm. Alright.

Well I have reason to believe

that Javi is an illegal alien
residing in this country.

I know nothing about that.

You sure?

Alright.

You mind telling me
what this is all about?

What are you following me?

Remember last year
at Justin's party

when you blacked out and
I had to come pick you up?

You shared your
location with me?

Well, you never
stopped sharing it,

but hey, what are
friends for, right?

Okay. Come on.

You need to go.

Who's that?

Just.

Hey, I was just thinking
about what you said and I,

and I felt really useless

because I obviously wanna
be able to help too.

And I'm sorry, 'cause I
feel like I've been pushing

you kind of out of the way and-

Hi Tracy.

Uh, Ryan. What are
you doing here?

Was about to ask
you the same thing.

'Cause I mean, if
Julia's in the shower.

- Julia?
- And you're here,

then you must be having like
a threesome or something.

Where's Javi?

I don't know. I
haven't seen him.

Is anything you said to me real?

Tracy.

Got it. Of course.

Tracy. I can...

That was awkward. What
was all that about?

Get the hell outta here.

Okay, but hey, you guys
still together or single?

Hey, give Julia my best.

Stupid.

Hey.

What was Tracy doing here?

You saw that?

Yeah. What did she
want to help with?

I just needed some
organizational help

with the apartment.

And she's good at
that thing.

You're lying.

I'm not.

I didn't even know that
you two still talked.

We just reconnected.

How reconnected, Hunter?

That's why. Huh?

What?

That's why you're doing this?

So that you can show
Tracy that you've changed.

No, that's not true, man.

How could I have been so stupid?

My dad was
right about you.

Javi, wait, just hold up.

Hunter, you can't just keep
showing up here and thinking.

Javi, what are you doing here?

Hunter was lying. It
was me in the shower.

He was lying to
try to protect me,

but he clearly still
has feelings for you.

Wait, why were
you in the shower?

Hunter proposed to me.

He did what?

Yeah.

Okay, so like there's this
whole immigration thing

going on right now and
it's a really big mess.

And Hunter had this idea of
like, "Hey, let's get married

and maybe we can like
go through that."

And I, I'm so sorry I didn't
want to involve you too much,

but like, I gotta get going.

Thank you.
- Calm down.

Do you wanna just come in
and talk to me about it?

Yeah. Okay.

We stayed, moved here
and you know the rest.

Javi. I had no idea.

How could you? I never told you.

I could've asked.

And I wouldn't have
told you anyways.

Wish I did earlier
though. That felt good.

Thanks for listening, Tracy.
You're really good at this.

Of course.

Hey, would you be okay if
I wrote down your story?

Really?

You'd want to?

Of course.

I mean, it's so honest and brave

and I think we
should share that.

Don't worry.

I won't have to publish it
with your name or anything.

You know what? Let's do it.

They can't deport me
for just existing.

I'm not gonna hide anymore.

I think I need to
go talk to Hunter.

Oh, I don't know
if he's serious.

I mean, if he was willing
to give up all this

to protect you,
I know he's serious.

You're good for him, Javi.

I'm too good for him.

How'd you find me?

You posted a photo of
your cappuccino, idiot.

I know it wasn't Julia Murphy.

Javi told me the truth.

He did?

Yeah. So what's your
plan to get him back?

I don't know. I don't have one.

Quit moping. Think.

I should just let him go.

I'm screwed up, Trace.

Can't do anything without
putting myself first.

There are a million ways

you could have showed
me that you've changed.

You saw your best
friend was in trouble

and you stepped up to help him.

You're not screwed
up. You're a mensch.

What the hell is a mensch?

A good person.

Someone with
integrity and honor.

You get another chance
with him. Don't blow it.

Mmm. Hmm.

Hello.

Hello, Javi.

Ryan?

Meet me outside.

Or?

I'll drag your
father into this as well.

Lets go for a ride.

They give those all
to crossing guards.

No, they do not.

But it is tax deductible.

Don't forget to buckle up.

You're an ass.

So what's the plan here
after kidnapping me?

You'll see. You'll see.

Why are you doing this?

I knew you didn't like me,

but I didn't realize it was
because you were racist.

Wait, I am not racist.

Okay, why don't,
let's stop talking.

Alright, let's be quiet.

Alright. Thank you.

Okay. You're gonna
love this place.

It's been in my family
for a long time.

- Hunter.
- Hey.

Hey, is Javi here?

Javi? No, no, no.

He said with Ryan.

Ryan?

Why would he take Javi?

God, that asshole.

Um.

Oh wait, the keys I gave
Javi have a tracker on them.

Shit, he's at the cabin.

We have to go help him.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Did you get robbed?

As a matter of
fact, I did. By you.

Take a seat please.

Honestly, I'm impressed.

Framing me for a robbery is
beyond my expectations for you.

Right?

Yeah, it looks, it
looks good. Thank you.

Alright, but the rope.

Shoot. Yeah, the rope.

Where's the rope?

Shoot.

Take your shirt off.

Is this really necessary?

Yeah. I gotta tie you up man.

Gotta make this believable.

All right. Good job.

Don't worry. I won't
tie this too tight.

I'll make a call.

We'll get you right back
to Mexico in no time.

Peru.

Whatever.

All righty.

Why do you hate me?

I don't hate you.

Obviously I did
something to you.

Yeah, duh. You replaced me.

How?

Well, my dad liked you
better than me for one.

I mean, he started you over
me just to rub it in my face.

No, that's 'cause I
was better than you.

Don't get cute.

You took my best
friend away from me.

Hunter was my best friend
before you showed up.

And he was my friend again
after you disappeared.

And then all of a sudden
you pop up outta the blue

and he's got no
more time for me.

You really think
Hunter's gonna want

to be your friend
after all this?

Worked before.

Regardless, it's not
about him. Right?

Those ICE agents, they told me

that they would bring me
on board if I brought them

something and you are something.

So they're just gonna prop
you up on their shoulders

and parade you around
the office, huh?

Yeah.

Grow up.

They're just gonna take
credit for deporting me.

I mean, that's not what
they said, but whatever.

That's not what they said. Yeah.

Look regardless, you
don't belong here, Javi.

Oh, and you do?

I mean, I don't know,

but you're not special.

Yeah. Neither are you.

Hunter, Tracy, me.

None of us are special.

I shouldn't have to be
special to live my life.

You don't know what it's like,

constantly having to prove that
you deserve to be yourself.

I didn't ask for
this. Okay, Ryan?

I didn't ask for any of this.

I didn't ask to
come to this country

and you, you didn't
ask to be born here.

I'm an American just like you.

We grew up together. Remember?

We had the same teachers,

watched the same movies,

listened to the same music.

We're more alike than you think.

Is this Hunter's PlayStation?

It is actually.

You got that. Huh?

He told me he donated it.

Technically he did.

I used to get a lot
of his old stuff.

Yeah, me too.

Well, maybe we could have
been friends after all.

Look, I'm sorry to
do this to you, Javi,

but um it's just business.

Hi. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's, um, it's, it's Ryan.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The.

Yeah. Yeah.

So I got the perpetrator
apprehended here.

Yeah, I mean, I caught him
trying to break into my cabin

and rob me, if you
can believe that.

Yeah.

So just, you know, like,
like what we talked about.

Just er.

Hello. Hello.

Okay, bye.

I, I told them to wait
around the corner,

so they should be
here any moment.

Anything I can get you in your
last moments as an American?

Yo!

Ah!

Shit. I think I broke my finger.

You broke my nose, man.

Fuck your nose.

Tracy!
Javi, are you okay?

Thank you.

Javi.
Papi!

We gotta go, Javi. Come on.

Thanks.
Pleasure.

Wait, wait. So I'm hired, right?

Like um...gonna bring
me on board, you know?

Uh, give us a call tomorrow.

I think they're hiring
a crossing guard

for the parking lot.

You can start there
and work your way up.

You got something on
your lip, by the way?

Thank you. Thank you, sir.

Javier?

Dude.

Javier.

Hi. Yes.

You don't know your name?

Oh no. I, I do.

I just go by Javi.

Okay, well here it says Javier.

Any other names I
need to know about?

Oh, just him, I'll
deal with you later.

Do you have the supporting
documentation necessary?

Bank accounts, lease agreements?

Yes.

So Javi, you are
here today to apply

for a green card
through your husband-

Hunter.

Hunter. Yes.
Yes.

When did the two
of you get married?

About a year ago.

Do you remember the date?

I'm bad with dates. I
think it was July 21st.

I don't know. You tell me.

July 21st.

What color was Hunter's suit?

There you are.

Perrywinkle Blue.

Can you enter into the record

that I was actually
really proud of that suit?

That's not how this works.

You okay?

Yeah. I'm good.

You look like shit.

Thanks.

You're welcome,

Please.

Oh God. Is that?

Root beer and scotch.

Jesus.

Can't believe I
used to drink that.

Yeah, you
taught me well.

Don't ever listen to me again.

Where
was the wedding?

Tracy's house.

Ugh.

Hunter and
his freaking roses.

Tracy is?

My former paramour.

Aren't you gay?

Yes, your Honor. Super gay.

I answer in the affirmative.
Men are my preference.

Javi, specifically, I find
the female body grotesque.

Well, not you. You're
actually quite lovely.

I'm not a judge, so please
stop talking like that.

And let's refrain from
mentioning my appearance.

Yes ma'am.

- Can I be honest with you?
- Sure.

I'm terrified of you.

You should be.

And who married you?

George Hart. He's my
professor and mentor.

Hey.

Oh gosh.

Thank you so much
for doing this.

Of course. It's my honor.

He's been practicing in
the mirror for a month.

I have not.

Are you two ready to do this?

Yes.
I'm ready.

Okay.
Wait, wait. My dad.

Got him right here.

Your father was
deported, correct?

Yes.

Gracias, Papi.

We are gathered here
today to join Javi

and Hunter in holy matrimony.

Hunter, would you like
to state your vows?

Oh, that's okay. We
didn't prepare anything-

I did actually...little.

Javi.

I made the worst decision
of my life five years ago.

I wish we didn't
lose all that time.

I vow to never leave your side
again, even for five minutes.

- Well.
- Not even five minutes.

You're my best
friend. My compatriot.

And I'm honored to now
call you my husband.

I love you, man.

Compatriot, huh? That's
a big word for you.

I'm kidding.

Hunter, you're a true friend.

You made a scared kid
from another country

feel comfortable on day one.

I'm forever grateful for that.

I love you too, man.

Are you?

Allergies?

You may now exchange rings.

Okay.

Phew. It fits.

By the power vested in me

and the commonwealth
of Massachusetts.

Wait! You have to stomp
on the wine glass.

It's good luck.

Are you Jewish?

Tracy is.

Hunter's ex-girlfriend?

Yes.

And what does she do?

Oh, she works for the local
paper telling people stories.

For my quinceanera,

I wanted to have a pony, but
we ended up with a clown.

Usually they're old men, but
this one was a young woman.

Wow.

Yeah, that girl, she really,

she really gets around.

I now pronounce you husbands.

You may now kiss.

Mazeltov.

Thank you.

Yes. Yes.

What is it?

Oh, I just thought you'd
want to see some photos.

Papers are so boring.

Cute.

Hunter, what side of the
bed does Javi sleep on?

The left.

What kind of mattress is it?

A sleep number.

And what's Javi's sleep number?

I don't know.

He's always fiddling
around with the damn thing.

I'm sorry, I, I can't decide.

Sometimes I'm a 70
other days I'm a 25.

All over the place.

- I|m a 45.
- Me too.

Sorry.

What's your favorite
ice cream flavor?

Oh, we love strawberry.

Hunter does his thing.

He grabs two Oreos, puts
it in a mug, crushes it,

and then we grab two
scoops of strawberry.

It's delicious.
You should try it.

I'm lactose intolerant.

Oh, I, I'm sorry.
I just, I didn't.

What color is
Hunter's toothbrush?

Well, that's a funny story.

We were at an Airbnb
with some friends

and Hunter here thought

that his toothbrush
wasn't his toothbrush.

- It's not mine.
- Yes it is.

No, it's not.

Mine didn't have that
silver streak on it.

Yes it did.

Why don't you go ask everyone
if that's their toothbrush?

No, that's embarrassing.

You know what? I don't care.

Don't brush your teeth, okay?

- No!
- Please.

That's disgusting.

It's less disgusting
than using some stranger-

- It's yours.
- No it isn't.

It looked weird.

It was the same white
electric toothbrush

he's always used.

He was convinced it
was someone else's.

So, whose toothbrush
did you use?

Whose toothbrush did you use?

Mine.

You two shared a toothbrush.

Unfortunately.

So taking into account the
documentation submitted,

the photos and your testimony,

especially that
nauseating story,

I find that this application

can be approved.

You will receive a green card

within seven days
to three months.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Thank you, your Honor.

You're a real mensch.

Wow. Young minds
ready to be molded.

You're gonna be so great. Can't
wait to hear all about it.

Thanks, Trace.

- Guess what?
- What?

I just got word that my column

is supposed to
come out tomorrow.

Is it? Did you figure
out a title for it yet?

You'll see.

You want me to go in there?

I could make faces in the back
of the class if that'll help.

No, I'm okay.

You got this?

Yeah. Go get 'em.

I'll see you later.

Your butt looks
good in those pants.

Oh, oh!

I worry about him.

I know, he'll be fine.

Hi everybody.

This is US History 101.

I'm Javi Rivera.
I'll be your TA.

Before we get started, does
anybody have any questions?

Yes. How can I help.