All language subtitles for My.Hero.S01E06.The.Partys.Over.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-squalor

Landslide? Toxic waste spillage?

No - it's you, Janet.

Thank you(!) I can smell
your anxiety. What is it?

George... how old are you?
You've never told me.

How old am I? A tough question...
for this early in the day. Whoo!

"Tough"? Everybody knows their age!

Do they, now? On Ultron there are only three
ages - Young, Getting On and Nearly Dead.

People tell you which you are.

You may say, "I'm getting on", but they may say, "You
look nearly dead to me". Then there's really dead...

Yes, yes, all right, George.

Well? Aren't you going to ask ME? Sorry. Right. How
old are you? I really don't want to talk about it.

Right.

I'm 30. Today. Fine.

That means it's my 30th birthday.

Today.
Not that I'm actually bothered.

Didn't think you were waking up next to a
30-year-old woman, did you? No. But I will now...

every morning.
Wakey, wakey, 30-year-old woman. No.

Just forget it, George.
That's what I'm going to do.

I mean, it may be the big 3-0, and a major milestone
in my life, but who cares? I certainly don't.

Neither do I. Would you say
I'm Young or Getting On?

Nearly Dead.

♪ Grease is the wo-ord... ♪

Hey, Carol, how you doin'? Tired. I have hardly been on
my feet all day. Can I get a coffee? Coming right up.

Hiya, George. Hi, Arnie. Hey, there.

You're a good-looking guy! Thanks.
You're pleasantly attractive, too.

I've got a room off of Times Square.
Handy for the theatre, that's nice.

Zneet. She seems friendly.
She's a hooker, George.

Really? God, I love rugby!

Arnie tells me you're a hooker.

It's a grand old game, isn't it?
Very physical, lots of body contact,

but I think more women should
take it up. You do, do you? Yes.

Me, I prefer to watch.
Maybe I could watch YOU sometime.

Up to now, I've only watched men.
Great seeing 30 men get stuck in.

You're sick.

It's just hay fever,
thanks for asking. George!

George - forget it. How's Janet?
30-year-old woman?

She said today's her 30th birthday.
What present did you get?

She didn't give me anything.
Is she meant to?

Is he on medication?...This is her
30th birthday. YOU surprise HER.

Like, pretend you've forgotten and
then... throw her a surprise party.

Great idea. You don't tell her about it. When she walks
in, her friends leap out and shout "Happy birthday!"

Where's the surprise? If it was
total strangers leaping out, yes!

Trust us on this one - she will cry
and then she will love you forever.

You keep her out of the way
and a friend gets things ready.

Then you pretend you've forgotten
her birthday. This makes her happy?

I think you should leave her.
That'd make her happy.

Hi, I'm back. And don't worry - I've forgotten your
birthday. What's today? Not Janet's birthday!.

Well, that's good... cos I've
forgotten about it, too. Great.

"You're 30."
- ["HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU"]

"Dear God, you're 30!"

That's a pretty tune. No, it isn't.

George, tell me I don't
look any older today.

You don't look older today.
You mean that?

No, of course not -
you look older every day.

Thank you.

A line here, a wrinkle there, a
sagging of... Yes, I get the point.

You also look more lovely every day.
Really? You mean that? Yes, I do.

I've got to go - see you tonight.

Surpri-ise!

Earth people(!)

For the final time,
you have nothing to worry about.

The doctor's wrong. You feel unwell because of a
minor stomach upset, not an alien inside you.

You don't know that. The doctor
examined you. It could be hiding.

I want to see Nurse Dawkins, my neighbour. She'll
know what to do. She lives with Thermoman.

I'm shacked up with Captain Kirk(!)

Tyler! What's wrong? She won't give me
anything for the alien in my stomach.

Right. Would it like a biscuit?
You've made it angry now.

It's all right, mate!
All right, Tyler.

You sit here and when I'm finished
I'll give you a pill to melt it.

Mrs Raven has patients
to look after... Fingers off!

Bad-tempered, weird-looking.

...You're from Venus, aren't you?
What are you doing tonight?

Certifying you, if you're
not careful... She is gorgeous!

If he tries anything, I'll kill him.

Here - for your birthday.
Thank you!

"Wishing you much fun and joy
On your special day,

"For once you've passed the big 3-0,
Your looks will fade away."

Thank you. I hate birthdays.
All that being pleasant.

At least with triplets, it's all done at once.
It's the only consideration they've ever shown me.

Mrs Raven, call Casualty. Right.

Say I love the programme and I'd
appear in it. Then try Holby City.

Time to move from breakfast telly.
...Morning, Janet.

Morning, Piers. It's her 30th birthday, Doctor.
Poor you. Start of the slippery slope!

YOU'RE nearly 40, Piers. But as women
grow old, men grow distinguished.

Young women go for older men, it's a fact. It's a
fantasy. Janet, two little words - Michael Douglas.

Um, Piers - two little words.

Right. I'm just saying, if you want
to grab me, don't leave it too long.

I wouldn't get in the way of all the
young women... with GCSEs coming up.

You've got a young lady, have you, Doctor? Yes,
of course I have. And she's not at school.

Geography field trip?

She works in television, like me. Not as important,
of course. What's her name? It's... my business.

Coffee, love... So Janet, what's
health-freak-George got you for your birthday?

A year's supply of elk placenta(?)

He's not into birthdays - fine by
me.

Now, I'm just going to my office
to have a garibaldi and a hot flush.

Can you see the distinguished
hint of grey in there, Mrs Raven?

Not any more.

No, what does he look like?

Hi.

Janet! No! Ssh!
She mustn't know I'm here.

Hi, Tyler. Listen...

I'm having one of those surprise
parties for Janet. Will you come?

Apparently you jump out, sing at
her, she cries and you all go home.

I know. Makes no sense to me either.
Can I bring someone?

I'm not coming if THAT is.
Please come, Mrs Raven.

I know you'd suck the life out of a battery,
but for some reason Janet's very fond of you.

Very well, if I must. But I won't
cook, clean, smile or blow balloons.

Doctor -
you could bring your lady friend.

I have a feeling she's busy this
evening. Too busy to accompany you?

It's obvious who's in charge
in THAT relationship.

Nonsense. But if you think that, of
course I'll bring one... bring her.

Janet says your ideal date
would be your bathroom mirror.

Hi, Mrs Dawkins. Thanks for coming.

Your message said you had something
to tell me. Yes. I've exciting news.

You're being deported.
A peasant girl is carrying your baby.

No. Let's talk somewhere we
won't be interrupted by customers.

Better stay here, then.
What do you want, George? I'm busy.

I want to give Janet a daft surprise
party, to show how much I love her.

That's a kind thought. Thanks.

They say it should only be people she's very fond of,
but if I invite you, will you sort out the food?

And Avril, you'll come, won't you? Me?! To your
party? With you? Yes, Mr Sunday. Thank you.

Don't go overboard. It's not Ascot.

I HAD better handle the catering.
People talk about my patisserie.

That bad? I'd try something else. Now, this is
going to be a great surprise party, Mrs Dawkins.

Can you still leap out at your age?

I am not decrepit. How will you keep madam
away? She'll want to go home after work.

Well, that's no problem, because...
Pardon? Shambles!

No, Mrs Dawkins, a challenge. I'll
find a way of stalling her..

Not that dreadful sniffing again.
Something's about to blow. Please!

I don't wish to know. Till the
party.

Can we wear paper hats? Atchoo! I think
a paper bag might be more appreciated.

Can you get downstairs and reach
the kitchen without passing out?

...Then make a cuppa
and watch Home And Away. I'm busy.

That woman doesn't deserve
a daughter like me. That's true.

I'd better go. The triplets
will be trying to unlock the fridge.

PHONE RINGS Can't you people be
ill between 9 and 6?...Right.

Some girl for Dr Crippen.

I'll take it... I am always here.
Off you go.

...Hello?

Who?...Zoe? Zoe?

Hi, Zoe. Listen,
I can't really talk at the moment.

I'm in the middle of a tricky
lobotomy... Swab! Clamp that artery!

Look, I was... You ARE free!
Thank God! I mean, cool, cool.

I'm conducting an experiment on the show and I need
you to pretend to be my girlfriend at a party,

to illustrate how easy it is to fool
people... No, we WILL fool them.

...I'd have to be a bit older
to be your father.

...Come on, you'll enjoy yourself.

...All right. Fifty quid.
...Grasping cow.

That the girlfriend? Yes, yes. Great
girl. Runner on the show. Just 22.

I don't need her IQ, Piers.
So where's she from?

The television studio, obviously. And
what's she like? Short? Tall? Zoe? Tall.

How tall? Extremely tall. Used to be
a model. What's her second name?

She hasn't got one.
That's what attracted me to her -

her tantalising one-name-ness.

I'll believe her when I see her.

Hi, Janet. Hi.

Have a nice day? Clinics. Normal.
How about you? Earthquakes. Bor-ing.

What are we doing? Nothing special,
I hope, for my birthday. No, nothing.

Great. I wouldn't want you booking a
swish restaurant like Earth boys might.

That's why you love me -
cos I'm different. That's for sure.

And because I'm terrific
at all that love-making business.

On account of my extra... Yes, yes!
We'd better make a move, George.

The lady'll be wanting to lock up.
Yes. No - there is one problem.

We can't go home until 8pm. Why?

Well, I didn't want to worry you but they've
found an unexploded bomb. A bomb? Yes.

From the big war you had. They've
cordoned off the area. Good God!

So we've got to stay here until
it's defused. Should take two hours.

Why don't YOU defuse it?
It wouldn't take Thermoman long.

We could go home straight away.
Well, I'm not very good with bombs.

It's all those fiddly wires.
Just kick it into orbit.

I'm not feeling very well. I don't feel
very super today. Ooh! What's the matter?

I think I've got... scurvy.

Now you're just being silly.
Come on. We're going home.

No, George! What are you doing?!

Arnie, I've met some strange johns,
but your friend was the weirdest.

I bet you he's into kinky stuff.

Course not. George is a regular guy.

Hi, Arnie. Where can I put this?
She'll take a moment to come round.

Hi, there.

I was just giving my girlfriend
her birthday surprise.

In the men's room?!
...I'm outta here.

Tell me when you're hooking next.
I'll bring Janet along to watch.

So this is Janet? It's OK, darling. You've just got a
bit of hero-lag. It'll pass in a minute. Where am I?

George, where have you brought me?
Hello! Welcome to the Big Apple!

New York?
You've brought me to New York?!

Exciting? In my uniform?

Sorry. How does she keep that accent up?
I'm Arnie, by the way. Yes, that's right.

This is my cousin and pal Arnie.

He's a washed-up ex-super-hero -
Ultron's only Grade-A failure.

Thanks, George. You flatter me(!)

Arnie, it's good to meet you at last.
And you. Did you really get fired?

Hey, what's George told you? That you
were fired for charging a rescue fee.

I had a demanding wife. You had five
demanding wives - not one was yours.

OK, but look what the Ultron Council
done to me - stuck me in this dump.

I got cockroaches this big in the
kitchen. What can I get you to eat?

I'm fine, thanks.

I'll get you an Arnie special.

I've got to check her surprise. Can
you look after her? Sure. Thanks.

Earthquake. San Francisco. I'm
sorry, Janet - a city in peril is calling.

Shall I just wait here for you? Yep.
I'll be back in about ten minutes.

Ten minutes?!
It's a baby earthquake. Zneet.

Happy birthday, Janet. Thank you. So - you go
for guys with a little bit of hero in them?

Come on, form a line, form a line.

Now, Stanley, you're on balloons. Can I make
some of my poodles? You do this to annoy me.

You - sniffly - do sandwiches.
Wear rubber gloves and try not to breathe.

You - weird person - do nothing.

Mrs... Thing - look after the drinks.
Make sure the white wine's chilled.

Did you ever run a women's prison?

This birthday girl is MY daughter.

My triplets think THEY'RE unlucky!

Hello, my little Venus flytrap.

It's them. No. And we're not ready.
What are we going to do? Hide!

...! I'm sorry.

Only me. How's it going? What have
you done with my little treasure?

She's with my best pal.
That's to reassure us?!

Mr Sunday, when you bring her in we'll all leap out
from our hiding places and shout, "Happy Birthday!"

It's going to be the most exciting
thing I've ever done!

I thought I was sad.

You are, Mrs Raven.

No, you've got confused. I'M Zoe. Chloe's the
tall one on the show. So - this experiment.

When it's broadcast, will I be in
it?

Probably. Now, have you learnt
all that? I think so.

How come we met in the cartoons?

In the canteen, you stupid girl.

Sorry - it's your writing, Doctor.

One other thing. We ought to have
nicknames. I'll call you Squishy.

Squishy?! You can call me Love-Pump.

You must be joking. No.

You really aren't very tall,
are you?

It's them!

No - it can't be. I'm sorry.

Ta-da! I expect you were wondering
where I'd got to.

Why are you holding a child?

Child?! No, this is Zoe, my girlfriend.
The one I told you about.

I thought you said she was tall. No,
small. Zoe's a runner on the show.

But I'm going to be a PA soon,
aren't I, Piers? Of course, Squishy.

And I'll be Minister for Health.

You'll enjoy that, Mrs Raven.

So how long have you been going out
with the doctor, Long Tall Zoe?

Four weeks. He asked me to go
topless last weekend. Topless?

TO PARIS!...! To Paris, right!

Right. Now you're all here, I think
we all know how special Janet is. Yes!

We all want this
to be the best surprise ever.

And so we have to rehearse it.

Rehearse it? Yes, to get the timing,
the dramatic impact.

It's not King bloody Lear!

I've worked out
all your hiding places. God!

Mr Dawkins, you're behind the couch.
Mrs Dawkins, you're behind a chair.

Hold your tummy in
or she'll see you.

Zoe and Piers, the kitchen.
Mrs Raven, bedroom. Where am I?

You're in your own flat across the
corridor. What? I'm not here at all?

Once she's in, creep up behind her.

That'll give her a heart attack!

All right, then.
You stay with Mrs Raven, Tyler.

Don't worry - I'm told if this goes
well she'll cry and love me forever.

Who told you that? A hooker
I was chatting to. You what?!

Right, positions please,
and we'll have a practice.

This is fun, isn't it?
I had more fun giving birth.

To make this extra special, I want
you to jump out at different times,

so that Janet has lots of surprises.

I beg your pardon?
You two jump out when she arrives.

Mr and Mrs Dawkins, ten minutes
later. For heaven's sake!

Avril, you're on at 9.30, and Mrs Raven,
you leap out when she goes to bed.

I've got to stay in the bedroom
all evening? With him?! Result!

This is ridiculous. We all leap out
together or we're not leaping at all.

Right, OK. Let's practise. All right,
the lights go off and Janet's just...!

What happened? You blithering idiot!

I banged my knee on the damn table.

It's just as well we're practising.
OK, Mr Dawkins, we'll try again.

Lights off. You've all got to try
and imagine that I'm not here.

Happy day.

Instead, I'm outside with Janet.

We're in the corridor. Janet's got her key
out, ready to open the door. - Ooh, Mr Sunday!

The key's in the lock and it's
turning, and the door's opening.

Total silence as Janet enters the
room and the lights come on and...

SURPRISE!
Surprise. Surprise.

Surprise. That's hopeless!

Surprise.

We're only rehearsing.
Where's Mr Dawkins?

My knee's numb - I can't stand up.

We'll have to keep trying
until we get it perfect.

This is George's sister. She's tall.

11ft 4in - it's a feature of Ultron
women. She has a pretty face?

So she has. Sweet.

Good? The Arnie special
is only for my favourite customers.

It's great. Compliments to the chef.

I'll tell him.
He works across the street.

Hiya, George, how's it going?
Mission accomplished. How's San Francisco?

It's grand.
I mean, since the earthquake.

That was years ago!

The NEW earthquake? It's fine.

So, how are you two getting along? It's been
delightful. I can't get enough of that accent!

I've been hearing about your people.
So your ancestors built Stonehenge!

They were students -
it was the end of term.

And I've seen a picture
of your sister. 11ft 4in!

I'm proud of her - she's the best shelf-stacker
on Ultron. So you're having a good time?

Yes. I never expected to spend my
30th birthday in New York. Thank you.

It's nothing.
The guy says it's nuttin'! It is!

If you think this is a surprise
wait till you get to the party...!

Party? What party?

Great. It's ruined. Party meltdown.

You might as well stay here now,
Janet. George...

What's he doing? It was a surprise.
I hope he won't cancel it. Who's there?

Your weird neighbour,
that doctor, your mother...

I hope he's going to cancel it.

So, Zoe, what first attracted you
to Dr Crispin?

Um, well...

He was lonely.

Lovely.

And lovely, obviously.

And I've always gone for men
who are desperate.

Who have a doctorate.

You were right the first time.

Stanley,
is that your hand on my thigh?

Sorry, I thought you were Mrs Raven.

Ssh. They're coming.

Surprise!

Where's Janet?
Yes! If you've lost her...

No. She found out about the party,
so you can all go home. Go home?!

I've made 60 sandwiches. Well, share them out.
Better stay off the cheese, Avril, with your mucus.

All that goodwill for nothing?!
I'm not a bottomless pit, you know.

Er, when can I see you again?

When Hell freezes over.

Right... Tuesday it is, then.

Well, thanks for coming. That's OK.
Um... can we tell them, like?

Tell them what? Fooled you. He's
not really my boyfriend. No, Zoe...!

We were pretending for his show, and I didn't think we'd
do it cos he's old enough to be my dad - but we did.

You're fired. But Piers! Love pimp!
Pump!

I'd better get back to Janet.
Thanks again.

No, wait - just you hold your horses.
You had us rehearsing over an hour.

Sorry. We've taken a lot of trouble.

It's not easy making these.
We're having this party.

Fair enough. Carry on. I'll bring
Janet back tomorrow. WITH Janet.

I set my heart on a surprise party.

Think of another surprise -
I want to see my only daughter.

Brilliant - the party's back on.
You mean I've got to smile AGAIN?

You can just make out George flying,
there, see? No, I can't see a thing.

We couldn't either. They don't
call them black holes for nothing.

You're back. Hi, Janet. We have
to go. Already? I'm enjoying myself.

Your father wants
to celebrate your birthday with you.

That man is so thoughtless sometimes.
Arnie, I'll visit properly next time.

You come over any time. With my food
it's good to have a nurse around!

I'll try not to be airsick this time.
How long does it take? Surprise!

Surprise!

Thank you, George - I had a lovely
time, once I regained consciousness.

It was nothing, really. Nothing?

You took them to New York, brought us
all back for the party - even Arnie.

I nearly dropped your mother in
the Atlantic. Couldn't you hold on?

No - I just felt like dropping her.

And they don't know who you are?
Yes, I erased their memories. Brilliant.

Good party, wasn't it? I think your
dad likes me. He said he loved me!

He was drunk. He said he loved
my mother, so he must have been.

Humans are strange after alcohol.

Avril was singing and shouting.
I know - how much had she had?

Half a shandy. As for Tyler, well...
We must get him drunk more often.

It's the first time
he's actually made any sense.

'Night, George. 'Night,
30-year-old woman. Happy birthday.

I think Mrs Raven might regret drinking such a lot.
She's going to wake up with a terrible hangover.

She's going to wake up with Arnie,
which is far worse!