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1
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Sunday is my favourite day.
I feel lucky to be an agnosticiser.
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00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:07,600
It's agnostic.
3
00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,440
I didn't know you were agnostic.
4
00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:12,680
Yes, God absolutely doesn't exist.
5
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:16,520
I've prayed to him for a
naked you for the last five
minutes and it's not happening.
6
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,840
Ergo, no God! Ba, to God!
7
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,360
In fact. "Ave it! God!".
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00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,680
That's atheist, not agnostic.
9
00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:31,480
Ah, you are so cute
when you're wrong.
10
00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:34,320
I beg your cardigan!
11
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,960
Look at you getting all your
words confused, like my nan.
12
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:41,680
Only she confuses ham sandwich
with excretia.
13
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:44,800
Yeah, we don't go
round for dinner much.
14
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,040
You are so cute though.
15
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,560
I am not cute!
16
00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:53,800
I did cute at twenty two!
I am sophisticated! And sexy!
17
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,640
Grrrrr... See!
18
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,800
You don't need to know about God
and the meaning of words and stuff.
19
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,640
I mean, you're just a nutritionist.
20
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,040
Grrrr!
21
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:18,040
What's up,
you are just a nutritionist!
22
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:21,320
Ooof, aff. Oooof!
23
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:26,280
Michelle, you've been doing
that for twenty minutes now,
24
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use some consonants.
25
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:29,640
Hufff! I've never been so... Hufff!
26
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,240
Hoooooffffff!
27
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:32,680
Uh-oh.
28
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,440
Mike, can you translate?
29
00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,600
Your sister's been making noises
with air for quite some time now.
30
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,440
Hofff! Yeah, sure.
31
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:42,720
He... Hofff! I can't be... ffffff!
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00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,080
He's gone and... affff! Frrrrrr.
33
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:49,880
It appears Dean, that you've
insulted her in some way.
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00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,200
Garrrrr! Chhhh.
35
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,320
Something about her job.
36
00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:58,520
Grffff. And Cha! Cha!
37
00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:00,520
And braggggghhhhh!
Can you frrrrrrrrr!
38
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:02,520
I beg your cardigan?
39
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:08,040
I know! He farrrrrrrp. Chhhhffffffff.
40
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,960
He, never! Ooof, Dean you should go.
41
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,360
Right now. You should go.
42
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:17,880
And, and ba! Ooof! Oooof! Affff!
43
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,680
I know!
44
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,240
Ffffff! Fraff!
45
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,240
Braaa! And that! No chuggging ra ra!
46
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,120
Uh-oh.
47
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:29,080
Ba! Ba! Dean. Ba! Offf faaafffff.
48
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Pschhhhhh. Oh, good one!
49
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,560
Pschhhhh! Dean, Pschhhh!
50
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,600
I'm gonna come back when
you've stopped speaking in gas.
51
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,400
Bye, Michelle. Pschhhhh.
52
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,040
What was that about then?
53
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,640
I enjoyed the noises though.
54
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:49,680
Well, he insulted my job,
and implied that nutrition
55
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:49,680
was not a real profession.
56
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,880
He called me "just a nutritionist".
57
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,680
Just! What does "just" mean?
Well, it means...
58
00:02:55,680 --> 00:03:00,240
If it weren't for me, many people
would not know, the joy of soy.
59
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:06,320
The difference made,
with a ginger marinade,
60
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,200
the hidden dangers of...
61
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:12,720
mandarin oranges.
62
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:18,480
That one didn't rhyme.
Ooofffff Pffffffff. Pschhhhhh!
63
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,720
Right Grant, you're a solicitor.
64
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,800
What do you do to get respect
from people about your job?
65
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,800
I do this...
66
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,120
"Order in the court!"
67
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:39,000
I'm not meant to, that's really
the judge's job, I just get excited.
68
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,840
And you're not really
supposed to bring fruit in.
69
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,840
Dean said I was
"just a nutritionist".
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00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:49,400
You're more than
just a nutritionist.
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00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,560
You're really cute.
72
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:56,440
I am not cute! I am a health care
professional, I heal the sick.
73
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,320
Yeah, you're like Jesus.
74
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,920
Healing the sick,
tending the aged, fishing...
75
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,480
coming back from the dead...
76
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,440
and you're cute like, Jesus.
77
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,080
Dean's never going to think
I'm a real professional.
78
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:18,040
And, ay, you wouldn't be paid as
79
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:18,040
much if your job wasn't worthy.
80
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:21,240
That's what I tell myself when
I'm hiding from my clients at work.
81
00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,040
You hide?
82
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,720
Yeah, in the filing cabinet.
83
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,320
Top drawer, G for Grant.
84
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,640
It's really snug.
85
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,800
Yeah, but you're right.
I get a decent wage.
86
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:36,480
That must prove I'm a decent
professional. Yeah, I'll show him.
87
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:41,480
I'm paid well so I must be worth it.
Ha! 'ave it no God!
88
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,400
So cute.
89
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,280
And threatening.
90
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,760
Just a nutritionist indeed.
91
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,320
I'll show Dean.
92
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,680
Twenty six grand of "just".
93
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:58,240
Where are my wage slips?
94
00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:02,600
Oh, look at this uniform. It's
hardly appropriate for work, is it?
95
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,440
Yeah, well I have always
thought it was a little bit risque.
96
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,240
Exactly, a little bit.
97
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,800
A weeny, whiney, blardy bit?
98
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,800
There's no ummph,
99
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:17,720
there's no ching ching,
there's no milli vanilli, there's
no hoochy cooochy come to papa.
100
00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:22,720
That's the exact same
wording you used in your
birthday card to the Pope.
101
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,800
I'm going to ask my
boss to change it.
102
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,800
Where are my clients
going to put my tips?
103
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:32,280
You're a beautician, Claire,
not a lap dancer!
104
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:34,800
Oh, please tell me you
don't dance for them.
105
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:39,360
Well only if they tip and that
isn't going to happen if I'm wearing
106
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:39,360
this burkha-looking skank cloth.
107
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:44,480
Right, first thing tomorrow
morning I'm going to grab hold of
108
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:48,040
my supervisor, dance on her lap
and demand a decent uniform.
109
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:52,800
Where are my wage slips? The only
proof that my job is important, and,
110
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:57,040
Claire, why are my wage
slips folded into aeroplanes?
111
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,520
I was feeling aerodynamic.
112
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,200
Mind you, money doesn't mean
anything, does it?
113
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:11,400
Look at Mother Teresa,
skint as a spanner, couldn't even
afford a decent anti-wrinkle cream.
114
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,360
Yeah but she chose to...
And them people like Bernard
115
00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:18,520
Manning make a fabulous living
grinding up dead turkeys.
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00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:21,080
Matthews.
117
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,120
Bernard Matthews
grinds up dead turkeys.
118
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,040
Bernard Manning,
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00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,640
oh, no you've got a point.
120
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:33,600
I'm just saying what you earn
isn't any sort of pointer
to how good your job is.
121
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:37,360
I could make a quadrillion at say,
for a totally random example,
122
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:41,040
stripping,
but no, I choose plucking monobrows.
123
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:45,040
Oh, you look really cute.
124
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,000
Start, Jemima!
125
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:55,680
But you're pink.
126
00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,040
Well, yes! Yes, exactly!
127
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:06,280
There's my proof! If you, Mr Gandhi
had me as your nutritionist, you'd be
well more buff, you skinny article.
128
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:12,000
Michelle, me van's broke,
can I borrow your bike?
129
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,240
No! It's my baby.
130
00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:15,800
Anyway you can't ride a bike.
131
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:19,080
It's easy, I mean you can do it
and you're just a nutritionist.
132
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,360
I need to get to my gig. What gig?
133
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:28,440
I've got 700 people turning up to
a set I'm doing in Wythenshawe.
134
00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:31,200
Yeah, very hush hush,
very now, yeah.
135
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,000
It could be the
biggest gig of my life.
136
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,200
# DJ Mike, bigging up the place
137
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:41,760
# Making the ladies feel really ace
then vanishing without a trace. #
138
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:44,800
Could be the biggest gig of
my career.
139
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,680
Michael? OK, I wanna go the
zoo, give me your Vespa.
140
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,560
Afffff! Ooooffff! Affffff!
141
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,360
Don't you dare steal my noises!
142
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,880
Hafffff! Hooofff! Haffff! Hooffff!
143
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,400
Whooop ka!
144
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,280
How dare you!
145
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,960
I'm so sorry Michael, I didn't
mean to say that at all,
I don't know what came over me.
146
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:11,840
Jurrrggg.
147
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:21,160
How could I call my own brother
a bovine imbecile with the motor
148
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:21,160
skills of a fractured rabbit?
149
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,560
So have you calmed down?
150
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:35,280
Yes, I'm perfectly calm and poised.
151
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:40,720
You know why? Er, because you've
brought a client to meet me to
152
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:40,720
say what a wonderful job you do?
153
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,000
He isn't my client.
We've never met before.
154
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,520
I thought he was with you. No.
155
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:52,680
Well, this is awkward.
156
00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:01,920
Anyway, I'm calm because
I've got this.
157
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:07,960
Ah, experts have long debated the
soothing effects of cardboard.
158
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,920
Look, it's nice that you tell
people what to eat for a living.
159
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,480
You don't need to prove
your funny little job to me.
160
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,840
Funny! Little!
161
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,480
Do you want me to ffff again? I can!
162
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:23,200
No, don't, it makes you seem more
flatulent than I enjoy in a lady.
163
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:27,840
This is my client list. Of
all my successfully treated clients.
164
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,760
Look, here, Mrs. Gold came to me
with colon trouble,
165
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,280
trusted and respected me enough
to follow my advice to the letter.
166
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:35,800
Oh, how's she doing?
167
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,560
She's...dead.
168
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:43,000
Not my fault!
She fell in a reservoir. Ha!
169
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,760
I don't mean
ha, she fell in a reservoir.
170
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:49,280
It wasn't funny, apparently.
171
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,440
This guy's 22 stone?
172
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:55,800
No, Mr Wainwright is a seriously
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00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:55,800
psychologically disturbed individual.
174
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:59,200
He needs a psychiatrist,
and a muzzle.
175
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,320
You'd recommend a muzzle on
your clients?
176
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:04,200
No! Stop twisting my words.
177
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,360
I would never recommend a muzzle.
178
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:16,080
Look Michelle, I work in a hospital,
I see real health professionals
every day, saving lives through
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00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:21,240
medical science, not through
"eat some fish sticks
and all will be well".
180
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,880
I would never recommend fish sticks.
181
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,880
I know your career's important
to you, but, I'm sceptical.
182
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:36,000
Doctors and nurses are the ones who
cure people's illnesses, Michelle.
183
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:36,000
He's right, Michelle.
184
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,560
This is a private conversation.
185
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,840
Oh sorry, I didn't realise.
186
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:45,800
Hello! I've just come to say that,
since Michelle told me to
187
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:50,880
stop eating artichokes or something,
I can do this.
188
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,880
Ta daaa!
189
00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,360
See! See!
190
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:01,000
I do good work!
191
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:01,000
What's wrong with your hand?
192
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,880
Oh, agorwyr tuniau!
What does that mean?
193
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:11,080
It means, well, done Michelle, on
advising me on artichoke abstinence.
194
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:15,960
See! I heal and cure
and make Grant say funny noises.
195
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:19,720
I'm sorry, I can't betray
my roots, it means can opener.
196
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:25,200
It's the only Welsh I know.
Other than owww.
197
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,880
That's my Vespa!
Oi! Halt!
198
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,920
# DJ Mike
199
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,120
# Kissing a lady
200
00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,520
# It's really nice
201
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:03,080
# She has a face like Vanilla Ice. #
202
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,800
Urghh!
203
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:10,040
Urghh!
An erotic dream about vanilla ice.
204
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,600
Didn't taste of vanilla.
205
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:21,200
My baby! What have you done to my
baby? Don't worry, mummy's here.
206
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,080
I'm fixing it.
207
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,080
But you're really, really stupid.
208
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:25,600
You can't fix things.
209
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,600
You bite the sticky out
bits off jigsaw puzzles.
210
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:33,040
You mend clothes with band-aids
and you gave my goldfish Prozac.
211
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:36,440
Mr Swimmy was depressed.
212
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,840
If we can be honest with ourselves,
although he was beginning to show
213
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,440
signs of emerging from
the dark place he was in.
214
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,800
I still think it was a suicide.
215
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:49,600
Let me fix your bike.
Come on, please. I'll be good at it.
216
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,520
No, look, just take
it to a garage, Michael.
217
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,280
You're incompetent,
I don't trust you.
218
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:54,960
Great.
219
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,680
That's fantastic.
220
00:12:56,680 --> 00:13:01,240
My own sister thinks I'm incapable
of doing even the simplest of tasks.
221
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,200
Everyone in this world thinks
I'm just this mess who relies
222
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:08,880
on other people to sort things out,
and goes around trying to mend
223
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:08,880
things with band-aid and string,
224
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:12,120
but I'm not, I'm a real man,
in case you hadn't noticed.
225
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:15,040
With real hair in hidden places.
226
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,200
Yes!
227
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:21,200
A real man who sometimes,
just sometimes would like a
228
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,960
tiny bit of respect from the person
closest to him in the world, OK?
229
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,440
Oh, I'm sorry Michael.
230
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,480
I had no idea you felt that way.
231
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:31,920
Yeah, well I do.
232
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,000
Of course you can fix my bike.
233
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,160
I have utter faith in you.
234
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,680
I really do.
235
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:50,560
I can't do it! I can't do it!
I can't do it!
236
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,440
I am a professional.
237
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:58,840
I take every aspect of
diet nutrition seriously.
238
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,400
Don't judge me, Flumps.
239
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,880
Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
240
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:09,840
Morning!
241
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,240
Morning. Put the kettle on.
242
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,560
Oh, my hell what are you wearing?
243
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,440
It's my new uniform, wipe clean.
244
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,920
Which is lucky cos the bus driver's
teeth fell out on it this morning.
245
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:25,080
He shouldn't have been going...
246
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:30,680
Has it been authorised? Authorised?
247
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:30,680
It's not a standing order.
248
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,160
Well, it will be when your
clients see you in it.
249
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:37,240
Relax! What do you think of it?
250
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,920
Do you think it's too much,
cos I could take the top off. No!
251
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,840
Claire, you want to
know what I think?
252
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,400
Mmmm, you're getting a little bit
turned on, aren't cha?
253
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:48,920
No!
254
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:52,800
Well, maybe a bit.
255
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,600
I think you look amazing in it.
256
00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:00,800
It's reflective, so you'll
look amazing in it too.
257
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,520
Oh, thank you.
258
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,080
Oh, yes, I can see
myself in your thighs.
259
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,680
That's what the bus driver
said before his teeth fell out.
260
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,400
Claire, you look great.
261
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,600
You want to slap it, don't you?
262
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,360
No!
263
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,280
Well, maybe just a little. No!
264
00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:24,600
Maybe you should run it past your
boss first, before you start working.
Yeah. I suppose you're right.
265
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:28,480
Oh! You can't be that
nutritionally unsound.
266
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:35,080
Glucose, fructose syrup, sugar,
water. Water! Eight glasses a day.
267
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:38,000
Two, four, six, eight.
268
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,320
Inappropriate? This?
269
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:44,160
You don't say. She's told me
to take it off immediately.
270
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,480
Saucy little minx.
271
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:53,400
Mike, don't worry about the bike.
Everybody knows you're bright.
272
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:58,240
Yeah. GCSE in cool and a diploma
in funk says you're right,
my fat fingered friend.
273
00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:59,880
And you're talented.
274
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:03,960
# Mmmm, DJ Mike...
Makin' love to you... #
275
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:07,200
OK, maybe not so talented.
276
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:12,760
You've got a brain in there.
The way you do those jigsaw puzzles,
biting off the sticky out bits
277
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:18,840
and mashing down the sticky in bits,
until Van Gogh's Sunflowers
looks like some terrible pizza.
278
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,240
It's beautiful.
279
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,520
You're right! I can do stuff.
280
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,400
I'm gonna fix that bike.
281
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,280
By the way, Grant,
what's with the pumpkin seeds?
282
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:32,200
Michelle says they are high in
protein, to help with my gym work.
283
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,200
Oh, she's so lovely
advising me like that.
284
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,600
I don't know how someone
like Michelle
285
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:43,160
can put up with that toe-rag of a
nasty, self righteous, pompous...
286
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,240
Hi, Dean! Oh, yeah, very funny.
287
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,560
And he's pious and vain too.
288
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:51,440
Oh, I tell you, I would hurt him
with a big fist if I got the chance.
289
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,480
Hiya, Mike. Oh, heck.
290
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,720
So Grant,
you fancy my girlfriend do you?
291
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,360
No! I don't!
292
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:06,320
I was just saying that I think
Michelle's profession deserves just
as much respect as anybody else's.
293
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,280
Hence pumpkin seeds.
294
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,600
You do know I could squash
you like a kidney bean, right?
295
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,680
No, you couldn't. I'm hard and that.
296
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:17,560
I have a tattoo. It says "Cymru."
297
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:21,680
Actually I fainted halfway
through, so it just says "Cym."
298
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:27,400
Well, you go for your life,
Granty boy.
299
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:31,560
I trust her to have the taste
not to cheat on me with you.
300
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:35,360
Yeah,
301
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:35,360
well, I trust her not to have...
302
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:37,360
the taythe thoo. The thaythe thoo.
303
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:43,080
I can't feel my thung.
Eh-up. You OK?
304
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:45,600
Gahhh!
305
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,200
Oh, that's attractive. How's she
306
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,200
gonna resist you now?
307
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,440
My thung is swelling up.
308
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,160
I need anti-histamineeth.
309
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,200
I must be allergic...
to pumpkin theedth. Yeah.
310
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,480
I've got an idea - go to Michelle
and tell her how you feel.
311
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:04,840
Tell her that you really,
really fanthy her. Maybe I will...
312
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:08,560
After I have an adrenaline shot.
313
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,880
Well, you try your hardetht, Grant.
314
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:13,680
There's
no way she'll choose you over me.
315
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,640
I will, I'll try. You'll see.
316
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,840
I'll show her what
you're really like.
317
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:22,240
By any meanth nethethary.
318
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,760
Hothpithal. I can't...
319
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,720
I'll show him I'm a
professional nutritionist.
320
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,480
Right, keywords -
321
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,120
"Italian,"
322
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:46,720
"fix,"
323
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,680
"shaft." Search.
324
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,440
Ooooh!
325
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:57,480
This is nothing but
Roman pre-op transsexuals.
326
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:03,200
I wonder if Francesca/Franco knows
anything about fixing scooters.
327
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,360
You can do it, Mike.
I have faith in you.
328
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:07,320
Cool! I'll be in my room.
329
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,400
Studying mechanics,
330
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,200
and e-mailing Francesca/Franco.
331
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:16,920
Anyone with a moustache that
thick must know a little
bit about motorbikes.
332
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,680
Hiya. Oh, hi Grant.
333
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,200
What have you got there? Flumps?
334
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,440
No, antihistamines.
I ate a load of pumpkin seeds.
335
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:26,040
Yes. High in protein and EFA'S.
336
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:30,520
Then, I found out I'm
brilliantly allergic to them.
Still, no harm done.
337
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:34,200
Mind, my tongue did swell to
an impressively large size.
338
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,400
Oh, no!
339
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,160
Dean is right. My job is stupid.
340
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:40,800
Can I get you anything?
341
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,040
Some querertin to
counteract the histamines?
342
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,800
Some bromdain to release
antimflamatory prostoglandins?
343
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,880
Some beer cos it gets you drunk?
344
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,800
Actually, um, it was Dean
that I wanted to talk to you about.
345
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,360
Oh.
346
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,080
Well, what is it?
347
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,320
He's, um,
348
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,360
he's going to dump you, Michelle.
349
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:03,400
What?
350
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,440
When did he say this?
351
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,200
How could he do this?
352
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,360
I don't Pfff. Hffff. Pschhh!
353
00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:13,200
Those are the noises I made
when they opened my airways!
354
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,440
What did Dean say?
355
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:21,480
Yeah. Well, um, he said that
there's no way that he could ever
356
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:25,800
go out with someone whose profession
he had so little respect for.
357
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,680
That's what he said, no question.
358
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,560
Did he? Yeah.
359
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,520
So, when do you think
you'll be on the rebound?
360
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,680
I can't believe this.
361
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:41,760
I feel so... Vulnerable?
362
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,720
No. So stupid.
363
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:49,200
I mean I know Dean thinks nutrition
isn't as important as medicine but,
364
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:50,960
to finish with me.
365
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,520
I've been blind.
366
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,240
Blind and vulnerable?
367
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,920
Well, I'll have to do it first.
368
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:01,360
Yeah, I'm going to dump him
before he finishes with me.
369
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,200
Or... Or?
370
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,040
What the hell was that?
371
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,320
Oh, I have really hurt it this
time, it's proper can-openered.
372
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,480
I could change my career.
373
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,280
Yes, I could retrain as...
374
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:26,840
as a forensic detective,
or an expert on donkey voodoo.
375
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,320
Yes, then he'd respect me.
376
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:33,640
Then he'd see I'm not just this
piece of flinty bum wap that
just says don't eat bacon.
377
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,960
Look, top Michelle.
378
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,960
You don't have to
change your career.
379
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,480
I do. If I want to keep hold of him.
380
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,360
He's not going to dump you.
381
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:45,160
I was lying.
382
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:48,480
It's me whose rubbish. Why?
383
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,080
Why would you say that?
384
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:57,760
Well, I think it's a combination
of the antihistamines,
the adrenaline shot,
385
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:03,440
and the total and utter feeling
of...you're really cute.
386
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,080
I am not cute!
387
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:09,160
Was it cute when I did that? Yeah.
388
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:13,160
Look,
you shouldn't be with him, Michelle.
389
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,120
He hates the things
that are important to you.
390
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:19,640
Your work, your brother, your laugh.
391
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:25,920
Which laugh? Hahahahaha
or phna phna phna. That's your laugh?
392
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,240
Well, the man's got a point.
393
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:31,480
Anyway, the thing is...
394
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:35,920
I'd never make you change
anything about yourself, Michelle.
395
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,600
I'd be the one changing.
396
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,680
If you'd give me a chance.
397
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:42,800
Really? Yeah.
398
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:47,440
I only have this trendy haircut
because you like haircuts.
399
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,080
Really? Yeah.
400
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,480
You think that's a trendy haircut?
401
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:58,240
I've learnt the banjo for you,
402
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:58,240
I'm doing a cookery course for you,
I killed a stoat,
403
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,680
though that was more of an accident.
404
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:07,800
Look, Michelle, what I want to say,
in my mother tongue, is...
405
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:12,200
Tronsiau Tronsiau O Ansawadd Da.
406
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,720
Grant, does that mean
what I think it means?
407
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:22,520
It means
trousers, trousers of good quality.
408
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,880
I read it in my pants.
I don't speak a word of Welsh.
409
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,760
Grant...
410
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:33,400
Oh, no, look, Michelle, you're not
going to do the whole "I value you
as a friend" thing, I hate that.
411
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:37,640
I replay it in my head
412
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:37,640
as I cry in the shower of a morning.
413
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:40,440
Grant, shut up. No, I won't.
414
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,960
Let me at least have my dignity.
415
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,960
Have you got any pumpkin seeds?
416
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:46,480
Shut up.
417
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:50,920
Wha-hey!
418
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:54,160
I'm gonna fix me a bike!
All right, Grant?
419
00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:01,520
Who'd have known that pre-op
transsexuals would know so
much about motorbike repair?
420
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,080
Francesca might well
be my perfect woman.
421
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,400
In £6,000's time.
422
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,160
Yeah, I was just leaving.
423
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,400
Oh! Give me a minute, though.
424
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:23,160
Yeah. Dean we've got some stuff to
talk about. So seven o'clock.
425
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,200
How can you tell
I'm eating flumps at work?
426
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:30,200
And there's nothing wrong with eating
flumps at work. They're high in...
427
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,200
flumpy goodness.
428
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,160
Oh, shut up. Seven o'clock.
429
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,680
Work have got me a new uniform!
430
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,920
I'm gonna look shexshy.
431
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,880
Shexshy like a... Shoe.
432
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,640
Go on then. Let's have a gander.
433
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:49,080
Oh, I'm so excited!, Will it
be high-cut? Will it be low-cut?
434
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:53,760
Will it be my personal favourite -
three tassles?
435
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:58,920
What's up with your face? I'm going
to finish it with Dean tonight.
436
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:03,640
Oh, sweetheart.
Oh, you can't do that.
437
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:08,920
What's his number?
Do you think he likes ME? No!
438
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:14,560
OK, time to reveal to the
world my sexy new work uniform.
439
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,560
Da-da, da-da, da-da, da!
440
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,920
That's vile.
441
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:24,320
Oh! I'm going to beg my boss
for the old one back again.
442
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:28,480
It may be way too dowdy, but at
least I could still pee standing up.
443
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,320
What a day.
444
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,520
Oh, look at that! I know!
445
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:48,520
It's the first thing
I've ever accomplished that
I've been really proud of.
446
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,200
# DJ Mike, fixing a motorbike
447
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:54,800
# And spraying it with
Farenheight...for men! #
448
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,960
Oh-h! Well,
I'm proud of you, Mike, thank you.
449
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,840
shall we take it to the car park?
450
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:05,280
I've got Dean coming over.
I'm going to dump him.
Everything has to be perfect.
451
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:09,960
Well, thanks to DJ Mike
and Francesca/Franco,
everything is perfect.
452
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,360
Oh-h-h!
453
00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:18,360
How could this have happened?
454
00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:21,400
The pieces don't fit proper...
455
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,640
like a jigsaw! Grrr!
456
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:25,160
No, Mike!
457
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,280
So, Dean, we need to talk.
458
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,360
Uh-oh. Look, I know you
think my job is pointless...
459
00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:36,960
No, I don't.
460
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,520
I think your job's great!
Where would we be without you?
461
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:43,360
Eating corks and spiders.
462
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:46,240
It's too late,
Dean, the damage has been done...
463
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,640
Do you think I'd suit a hat? Pardon?
A hat.
464
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:55,040
I was looking in the mirror today
for two hours and I was thinking a
hat might be the way forward for me.
465
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:56,960
Oh, no, you wouldn't suit a hat.
466
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,560
It would elongate your face.
467
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,600
Look, Dean... I like cheese.
468
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:04,400
What's your favourite
type of cheese?
469
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:06,880
I like something salty like
feta but not too crumbly...
470
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:10,040
No, no crumbs for Deany boy.
471
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:13,960
What are you talking about?
Look, just listen to me.
472
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:17,120
I know exactly what you're going to
say and it's not going to happen!
473
00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:21,160
But... I am not a dumpee.
I do not get chucked, Michelle.
That does not happen.
474
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,160
But, Dean, I really need to say this!
475
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:26,720
I decide where and when
I get dumped. You're not allowed.
476
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,240
I'm much too pretty.
477
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:31,680
But... But...
478
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,200
Look...a baby eagle.
479
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,000
Oh, where?
480
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,480
Hffff. Pschhhhhh. Ba!
481
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,000
Michelle!
482
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:46,800
I was, um, just trying to
change a light bulb in me room.
483
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,840
Can you email Francesca for me?
484
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:50,360
Ooh!
59449
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