Original subtitles

Abominations.

That bitch just fucked that hoe to the condom slip. Who the fuck y 'all hoes

think run this shit? Missy, her black vagina designer. Say Gucci, try the

D -O -E, I'm a condom rich. Big Dochi, give her Donda.

Dondada, Tokyo Honda drip. Uh, niggas tweaking, hoes geeking. Pussy poppin',

don't you see the new designer? New vagina, push back, but I'm still gon'

that. Labels quaking, hoes, they mistaken.

I'm that bitch, wrist is frozen. Cue the soldiers, let's go. I'ma kick out this

shit.

I cheated on you.

Yeah, quite a fit mouth.

Fit serve.

How do you know that?

I read your messages on the way home.

Wow, okay.

Normally that would be an invasion of privacy, but I guess in the

we've both done things we're not proud of.

I guess I'm just trying to explain that we're both so busy and...

You know, we've talked about the current epidemic of loneliness, which is not to

place blame on you in any way.

And I don't want this to get ugly.

Can I ask you to say something at some point?

The thing is, Jared... You are under a huge amount of

pressure. No, I... Yeah.

I mean, we both are.

I mean, Bud, your incredible faeces. And your incredible entrepreneurial

achievements at such a young age.

Yeah.

Feel better?

Why?

Big day today.

Make sure you wear deodorant.

What a year.

Hey, you know my dad helped start the Commerce Commission?

Yeah, 60 times to be in the capital.

Long day was PM.

Douglas was the Minister of Finance.

Yeah. Hey, um, you know, I'm actually studying politics.

Is that a hedgehog?

Oh, um, it's a hedgehog. This has been fun, and I really mean that.

I did OK?

Oh, yeah, like, top five.

Easy for that dick pic alone.

That lens flares.

You rate dick pics?

Honestly, I'm just trying to make conversation, but...

It's actually not a bad idea.

Well, yeah, if you wanted to make some more conversation.

Hmm.

I don't think I can come again.

No.

I mean, like, brunch?

Oh. Oh.

No. Yeah, definitely not.

I mean, they're just first drafts, obviously.

Working through some ideas.

It's not like Mansfield just erupted fully formed.

How many times did she ask the impression you left in the air if you

there? She likes to play her gentle games. She likes to tell her little

She likes to make her gentle threats.

There are people everywhere, and she is always going to them.

So? Beautiful.

But, you know... What? You're quite short.

Well, they're pregnant.

It's modern -day Emily Dickinson.

Kiwi haiku.

They definitely got something, but hearing her girl is like touching an

fan. You know, you're talking about your pain with so much truth.

It's not my pain!

Oh, right. I just remember you said... It's not like I write in the first

person. It's not about the pronouns.

Okay, JJ.

I guess I just assumed her girl was somehow drawing from your own life.

nothing to draw on. But it's so specific.

Have you heard of this full moon group thing?

It's like some club for all the best New Zealand poets.

I think it's just a group chat on WhatsApp because they're all mates.

Well, they can't all be mates. I didn't want to tell you at the reading, but

it's... It's kind of a tight -knit theme, you know? I mean, I'm doing a

PhD in bloody creative writing, and I still haven't, you know, been... I'm

not... Oh.

Oh. Cool, eh?

Yeah.

It always gets me how one little squiggle can represent so much money.

Thank you so much. I will be in touch.

Awesome.

K2Pi?

No, not K2Pi.

Shall we start unpacking? Hey, what I've done, it's been eating me up.

Jared, there is no need to re -litigate. I need to express how shit I feel. How

does that help the situation?

Look, it wasn't, I mean...

She iced my hammy. Oh, okay. Well, now I'm really feeling it. Just listen.

When Sue was icing it, she just broke down.

Yeah? She was lonely. She needed someone.

It just made me realize how much I've been craving it. It's not like I don't

need you, too.

You have been wanting more from me for months now.

And that is why I have started a spreadsheet.

Spreadsheet.

It's color -coded.

Yellow for sex two nights a week, pink for a couple of times, and look, today

pink, which means date night.

Wow. So I'm cooking Italian, and if you want to get drunk and cry, go for it.

I'll even play some teats to help you out.

Oh.

Yeah, it takes a lot of work to be pretty poised and perfect.

I've sort of run out of money.

I've been working so hard, you know, at uni, you know, just like so much

writing. Plus, I've adopted a risky riddle.

I wouldn't call it financing my lifestyle.

Hi there.

Have we caught you at a communion time?

We just wanted to talk about our Lord and Saviour.

Oh, Mormon.

That explains a lot.

Oh, well, we're witnesses, actually.

You didn't tell her?

Oh, I'll cut to the chase. I don't believe in God.

But I do believe in anatomical transcendence.

You boys going for a threesome?

Um, thank you, but no.

Elijah said you might be interested in some guidance.

Hey, Baldy.

Fuck it.

I've got nothing for you to do.

Look, buddy, as happy as I am that I've won the Nigerian lottery, I'm just not

convinced that money can buy me happiness.

What?

I don't know what.

Oh, yeah, I know it's a newspaper, but... Lady!

How's the mahi going?

I've been talking to the board, and Dr Maitland has approved the hiring of our

very first staff member. Does that mean that you're going to have more time to

finish your thesis then?

I know that the practical components may seem more interesting, but without the

theory... Well, I'm actually just putting the finishing touches on it

Bye.

Get it to me by the end of the week?

Of course, of course. Emily!

Um, hi.

Absolutely, I will.

But I'll talk later?

Mm -hmm. Cool.

Hi.

Hi, Noah.

You and Jarrett in the paper.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, how's your PhD going?

Oh, you know, I'm just, like, faced with my utter lack of talent on a daily

basis. Yeah.

Oh, I'm almost finished, actually.

Typical. Typical. I mean, like, is there anything... Hey, I'm going to get back

to it now.

Cool, yeah.

Awesome.

So, wait.

This law says that only 144 ,000 people are allowed in the kingdom of heaven.

Like, ever?

Oh, yes. Technically, yes.

And you're out here trying to convert people.

I mean, everyone's worthy of salvation.

But if you succeed, then won't that within your chances of being one of the

chosen ones?

Yeah. But I'm going to do you a favour and I'm going to turn you down.

Now, who here knows what an Eiffel Tower is?

OK, so if I'm in the horizontal bit and I'm like... And then you two form

verticals. OK, I've got to shoot off to rugby training.

I'll leave this one with you.

Oh, Sam.

I'm going to come.

Are you sure?

Wait, wait, Elijah. Elijah.

You know that I'm unsavable and yet you came back.

I don't think we should be allowed together.

We'll go out.

Unless you want to leave me here.

dinner by committing like an average of oh i don't know i'd play a solid 10 to

12 within per hour for the remainder of the day

I just got off the phone from Caro.

She said you postponed your book publishing meeting.

Well, I, uh, couldn't give her anything substandard.

That doesn't seem like something to celebrate.

The Guardian want to do an article on me.

Oh, the Australian one.

No, the proper one.

Congratulations.

Were you expecting other people?

Oh, just us. But I thought we were worth a bit of extra effort. Don't you?

Yeah.

How many courses are we having?

Just both.

Plus a palate cleanser, if you know what I mean.

Do you like this music?

No idea.

Do you want a drink?

No, no, no. I don't drink.

I bet Matthew would have.

Maybe I'll invite him next time.

Why do you act like this?

Like what?

It's like you're trying to be shocking.

You know what?

I'm sorry.

This is a bad idea.

been a lot of my life I'm very fucking hard to do the right thing like what

uni job boyfriend all of which made

me miserable despite my best effort now I

figure I don't know but it might as well be

I get that.

I'll have what you're having.

Okay.

So, the Guardian.

Have they given you an interview date?

Well, you know how it is.

Well, no, I don't know. That's why I'm asking.

I don't think it'll work out.

Because?

Complicated.

Did you want to get the burrata on? You decided to become a poet.

And that is a career which most people find both creatively unfulfilling and

financially ruinous. And yet you have, in only a few weeks, landed an

opportunity.

They write me a poem.

They write me a poem.

Because!

Success is fucking scary.

And sometimes you just want something so much it can destabilise you even more

so when you get it.

Does that...

Makes sense.

No.

Would you prefer I lie?

Awful. Sorry.

I probably shouldn't have started you a tequila.

Stop. Let me record. I'm not here to fuck up your life.

Okay? So, if you're not having fun, it's like... What

was that?

It's just... In the Bible, it says, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

As long as Romans are doing things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Yeah. I've, um, had a big thing.

Yeah.

You know, you're honestly stronger than you know.

Thank you.

Look, like, I know I love the enmeshed, but...

There's no connection.

I love you, Sage.

But I don't know if the Sadie that I love is the Sadie that I'm with.

There's only one Sadie, Jared.

Yeah, well, the Sadie that I love would never let something like cross... like

Sue slide. I'm not letting it slide. I'm being an adult about it.

What do you want? You want to change gyms? You should want to change gyms.

I'm sorry, that's not what it's about. Just answer me this, yeah?

On your own, without me...

Do you love yourself?

Because I don't think you do.

And I don't know if I can love someone who doesn't.

Like, no one will ever be your bud if you're not your own bud.

You know?

Yeah.

I do. Thank you.

Yeah, that certainly made things clear.

Do you want to talk more about it?

I would.

I would.

But I feel like we're speaking two different languages, don't you?

This is Laura Fiddler.

Yeah, you called me before about doing an article.

Yeah.

Hey Papa.

Funny story actually.

Jared and I broke up.

But it's fine.

And I'm fine.

And he's fine.

And I know that he is not perfect.

But I really thought that I could make it work.

And even if it didn't work, that I would at least be the one to, you know.

And please don't tell mum.

Please.

Even though I know that you won't even be talking to her, but don't.

And you know what you said to me?

No one will ever be your bud.

If you are not your own bud.

Anyway, I wish you were here.

Because I really need a hug.

Hey, Papa.

Yep. All good. Just busy, busy.

Love you. Talk soon.

Are you there?

Why don't you tell them about it?