All language subtitles for Loudermilk.S03E01.NTb+ION10.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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Yes, my dad died.

No, I don't want to talk about it.

I'm Sam Loudermilk, your...

You and my father last year had...

Oh, come on! Not here!

Sorry, but there's someone
sleeping on the couch.

If Clyde's father is your father,

that makes you Clyde's uncle?

- Brother.
- Oh.

Felix asked me to join
them for some upcoming gigs.

Why would Felix do that?
You have no musical talent.

♪ Six pounds of state jewelry
on my ankles and ribs ♪

I'm in a band, I'm going to
school. It's time to move on.

Don't be a stranger.

I won't.

- Oh, hey.
- I can't.

You can't what?

I can't... I can't do it anymore.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Annette?

- Come on, let's go.
- Bye, guy.

Annette?

What are you thinking?

Hey, who was at the...

Is that Clyde?

Oh-ho-ho-ho!

Look at that little guy! Where's Mama?

- She took off.
- Oh, he's a cutie.

Where?

- I don't know.
- What do you mean?

I mean my dead father's baby mama

just dropped off my
kid brother and left.

Yeah, I got that part. But to go where?

I don't know, Ben!

Dave and Buster's? Tijuana?

Bellevue?

Oh, my God, so she...

Yeah.

- She just?
- Uh-huh.

Wow.

Is that real?

Yeah, does it look real?

Jesus, I just moved out.

You already got a new roommate?

Hardy-fucking-har-har.
Here, give us a hand.

- With what?
- With this.

That's Clyde.

Uh-uh! I'm not touching that.

Why the fuck would you think
I know anything about babies?

I don't know. Maternal
instinct and all that?

Uh, yeah. No, I didn't get any of that.

You guys are on your own.

Didn't they make you take
an egg home in high school?

I don't know, I was high on heroin. Bye!

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How the fuck do I
know what I'm gonna do?

Calm down, please. And
stop with the swearing.

My apologies, Clydie.

Clydie? No, no, no nicknames,

'cause then you're
gonna want to keep him.

Whatever. For real, what's the plan?

Well, obviously we're gonna
get him back to his mother,

- where he belongs.
- No. No way, Jose.

She'll just do something
else weird with him.

Oh, like leave him on the doorstep

- of someone she hardly fucking knows?
- Or worse.

And again, I would ask you
to please stop swearing.

Their little brains are like sponges.

You don't want his first words to be

"fucktits" or "nobody makes
albums anymore, it's all singles."

Hey, hey, hey, you there.

Did your mommy abandon you?

Yes, she did.

He's pretty big for a crack baby, huh?

He's not a crack baby.

- His mom's not an addict?
- No.

Well, then why f...

F-U-C-K did she drop him off here?

I don't know.

Holy fucking shit, we have a baby.

Okay, give him here. That's
enough with the swearing.

I got him, I got him.

- Don't drop him.
- Don't worry about it.

It's gonna be fine, okay?

We'll just... we'll
pick up some supplies

and then we'll figure out a plan.

What do you mean, supplies?

You know, stuff that babies need.

A stroller, bottles
with the nipples on 'em,

some Ho Hos would be nice.

Oh, I have wipes. Oh,
no, what am I saying?

Those are big boy wipes.
Cucumber peppermint.

That might be a little
spicy for a rookie, huh?

Or we just call the cops.

Let them bring some professionals in.

No, we're not calling the cops.

What are they gonna do?

Bring him right back
to his unfit mother.

Ideally.

Yeah, and then pick him up from there

and throw him into the
system, is that what you want?

You want your baby brother in
the belly of the beast, bro?

Well, I don't want him here.

Now, how do you know all
this stuff about babies?

Well, um...

When I was in high school

I was vice president of
the babysitter's club.

- What?
- Mm-hmm, two terms.

Yeah.

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Loudermilk had a baby.

So? That's no excuse.

Wait, what?

Somebody gave Loudermilk a baby.

- A baby what?
- A baby baby.

Who did?

I don't know, his father's
waitress or something?

I didn't engage.

Hey, that was a pretty
good gig last Friday, huh?

Uh, yeah. Sure.

Um, look. Um...

I have a confession to make.

Even though the show was really good,

it kinda got me thinking.

That it could be better?

- Exactly.
- Me, too.

Okay, great. So we're on the same page?

Definitely. It's obvious

I'm the least experienced
member of the band.

Right. Yeah, good.

So I have to try extra hard.

Completely commit myself.

I'm even gonna look into
taking tambourine lessons.

Um, I don't think anyone
teaches tambourine.

It's kinda like you either
know it or you don't.

Oh, thanks. Oh, and I have another idea.

If we wanna start making some real cash,

we need some merch,

and I have some really
good ideas for a t-shirt.

You know, for a 76

you'd figure they'd have
a better baby station.

We don't need that much.

Soon as we can, the kid's
going back to his mother.

You still don't get it, do you?

Okay, let me paint a picture
that you'll understand.

Imagine that you're the governor.

That's implausible, but no, go ahead.

And Clyde here is on death row

and you're the only one
who can save his life.

And in order to save his
life, all you have to do

is keep him from going back
to his mother, you get it?

Yeah, I don't understand that at all.

How does this kid get so filthy?

Nah, that's my bad.

He won't take the nipple unless
I rub some chocolate on it.

What nipple?

Nip... nipple.

That word doesn't make any... Nipple.

What, were you born without
'em? We got two of 'em.

What the fuck am I looking at?

It's my Mr. Milky man milk vest.

- Where did you get that?
- I told you,

I was the vice president of my
high school babysitter's club.

And you've had that ever since?

Yes, I'm a bit of a
pack rat. We know this.

Please don't make it weird.

Uh-oh.

What's the matter, did
he shit his pants again?

No, we just got clocked
by Johnny Law over here.

Oh. Well, we're not
doing anything wrong.

Really? Couple of sketchy former addicts

pushing a pawn shop stroller

with a filthy-faced baby who
doesn't belong to us? Come on.

All right, let's get out of
here. Do we have everything?

I wouldn't be mad at a
bag of jerky, actually.

- Come on.
- Okay, just relax.

Oh, uh, gentlemen.

Could I have a minute?

Hey, Officer.

How are you, what can we do for ya?

- How old?
- Huh?

The baby. How... How old?

Zero. I mean, you know. I mean,
he's not quite... He's not one.

Five months, give or take.

Give or take? You don't know
the age of your own child?

He's adopted. From, uh, Vietnam.

And, uh, they don't keep
great records there, so.

Oh. He doesn't look Asian.

He's not, he's not.

He's white and that's
why they got rid of him.

It's very sad. Isn't that right, Clydie?

- It's Clyde.
- Yep.

Well, my partner and I
have a two-year-old, so.

Your partner?

Best decision my
husband and I ever made.

Oh. Oh, okay, I understand.

I'm sorry, I thought you meant

your bang-bang-shoot-up-
the-bad-guys partner,

yes, of course.

It's the toughest job you'll ever love.

Being a gay cop?

Kids, kids.

Tough. But you know, rewarding.

- Right.
- Sure, yeah.

Hey, Annette, it's Sam Loudermilk again.

Uh, I'm sure you're busy,
uh, but I have your baby.

Still.

So if you get a second,
fucking call me back!

Language!

Whoa.

Ta-da. I figured we'd sleep him
right here in the living room.

And you know what else would be good?

We could change him right
here on the dining room table.

Oh, sure. And then we
would never eat there again.

But we can eat in the bathroom, right?

Come on, we gotta get this kid home.

Okay, look. Sam, I know
this is some crazy stuff

that's happened here today,

but just don't do
anything rash, all right?

Look, there's a lot
of factors to consider

before you just put a kid somewhere.

It's not something to take lightly.

Yeah, I don't.

But I can't raise him. I
didn't sign up for this.

Yeah, well, neither did he.

I'm just saying, would
you sleep on it, please?

Okay. I'll sleep on it.

Clyde, what's going on, man?

Come on. Stop crying, you're fine.

Aren't you?

Well, he's not wet.

I gave him a bottle before
bedtime, so he's not hungry.

What does that mean?
He's not dying, is he?

He's probably just scared, I bet.

Well, that makes two of us.

Fuck is this?

Oh.

Hey, Levon. What's up?

Your baby's too loud!

Come on, he's not that loud.

I was in Tiananmen Square, I know loud!

Okay.

We'll do what we can to try
to quiet him down, all right?

So what do I do?

I don't know. I would
put him in a stroller.

Take him for a nice little walk.

I'm not going outside,
it's 3:00 in the morning.

Who said anything about going outside?

So I'm dying to go to the Tame
Impala concert at the Showbox,

but I'm worried I'm
gonna get a contact high

from all that marijuana smoke.

People don't smoke pot at
concerts any more, dude.

But... But it's legal now.

Mm, smoking indoors would
be seen as very uncool today.

The fuck's the matter with the world?

When pot was outlawed
everyone smoked it.

But now that it's legal, they don't?

People today suck.

Or maybe it's because you guys
didn't have edibles back then.

Technically, every drug is edible.

And you can shove 'em up your butt.

Oh, it is a much quicker high.

So you guys are saying it's okay, then?

What do you think, Loudermilk?

Loudermilk!

Don't drink. What?

You okay, Loudermilk?

Sorry.

Jesus man, you fall off the wagon again?

Uh, no. Nothing like that.

He has a baby.

Whoa.

I didn't even know
you were dating anyone.

Well, it's not mine.

It's my responsibility for the moment,

but it's my dad's actually.

Or was my dad's.

Wow. All my dad left me
was a Lincoln Town Car

and a DVD set of Dean Martin Roasts.

Shit holds up, though.
That Foster Brooks kills me.

So this is Loudermilk's little brother?

- Half-brother.
- Oh.

Hey, Loudermilk, you
should try yerba mate.

It's like Red Bull but natural.

And it's a mood enhancer,
not that you need it.

Hey, uh, I'm not a child care expertise,

but uh, I don't see any baby.

Where is he?

With Ben.

Ben? Really?

Yeah, Ben's actually a
big papa bear with Clyde.

Don't papa bears eat they young?

Yeah, if they're hungry.

But Ben's flush with Ho
Hos right now, he's good.

Are you gonna adopt him?

I can get the paperwork started.

Friends and family discount, bruh!

Fuck no. This is temporary.

What are you talking about?

Raising a kid is anything but temporary.

I'm not raising him, I'm
holding onto him until his mother

comes to her senses and takes him back.

Yeah, I don't know about that.

My grandmother, she
took in my uncle's kids

till he got back on his feet.

That was 52 years ago, man.

Stevie's right.

This might be more than just
a quick fix kind of situation.

No, it's a quick fix type of situation.

I'm gonna bring him back to his mom

once she levels off with her meds.

What? Come on, the best place for
a kid is with his mother, right?

Loudermilk, did you ever consider

that maybe this could be
a sign from the universe?

I mean, think about it.

You lose your father
but you gain a brother?

It might be more than
just a simple coincidence.

Are you saying his
brother may be his father?

That's not at all what I'm saying.

What I'm saying is that
someone or something

is trying to tell Loudermilk
that he still needs a family.

I say he needs some yerba mate.

It's a serious mood enhancer.

Fuck this. I don't need
a mood enhancer, okay?

Who has something to talk about?

That's not about me or the baby.

I got a question for Stevie.

How fucking old is your grandmother?

Big Mama, she old.

Old.

Sam.

I heard about your bundle of joy.

Wouldn't go that far.

A child is a big responsibility, Sam.

Yeah, Ben's helping out a lot.

He's got him at the aquarium
right now I think or something.

Ben.

Yes, that doesn't comfort me.

He's actually remarkably good with kids.

I'm sure he is, but have
you considered possibly...

Well, have you thought about maybe

finding a better home for the child?

You mean moving?

Not you, him.

There are many fine families,

some of them even in our own parish

who would treasure the chance
to raise a child like Clyde.

Wait a minute, are you
talking about adoption?

No, I can't do that. It's not my kid.

I'm his... I'm his brother.

Exactly. You'd like your brother

to be raised in a good
family, wouldn't you?

That's ridiculous.

I'm not gonna hand my baby brother

over to somebody I don't even know.

Come on.

Think about it, Sam.

Annette, it's Sam Loudermilk.

Open up.

Annette isn't here.

All right. Come on.

Open the door. We have to talk.

I told you, Annette isn't here.

All right, whatever you say, Annette.

Listen, if you're serious
about me keeping the kid,

you gotta at least give me his papers.

This isn't Annette.

All right, I'll... I'll play along.

Which Muppet character are you?

My name's Jeannette.

Jeannette. Your name is J...

Stop playing games.

This is serious.

If you don't want your
son put up for adoption

open the door right
now, because I'll do it.

I will give him away.

Who are you?

I told you! Jeannette.

I'm Annette's sister.

Did Annette really do that?

- Yeah, she did.
- Oh, Jesus.

I'm just so surprised.

I mean, she was always
the level-headed one.

- Do you come from circus folk?
- Hmm?

Where is she? Where is your sister?

Well, all I know is she said

she was going out of town
with the kids for a few days.

I'm just apartment sitting.

All right.

You're telling me the truth, she's
not back there hiding somewhere?

No, I swear.

All right.

When you see her,

can you tell her to call Sam Loudermilk?

I will.

All right. Thanks, Jeannette.
I'm sorry about the...

You know, you have a
very distinctive voice.

Oh.

Thanks for noticing, asshole.

We have a delightful flight
of purees for you this evening.

Assuming you have no allergies,
you're in for quite a treat.

I call this baby tapas.

Here we go, here.

Avocado, guava, and apple.

Oh.

Ugh, that is god-awful.

So much guava.

What's this... This is banana.

Hey, there he is.

Any luck with Annette?

I couldn't find her.

I did meet a woman with a bright
future in cartoon voice-overs.

Well, did you try her restaurant?

Yes.

They said she called
in sick all last week.

- Now what?
- I don't know.

All I know is that I've never
been more tired in my entire life,

and I did 84 straight hours
of meth with the guy from Korn.

Well, that is a super duper bummer,

'cause your shift starts in right now,

I'm gonna go take a nap.

Oh, come on. You gotta be kidding me.

Nope.

Huh?

I don't know what to do with him.

Just feed him, clean him
up, and put him to bed.

What if he starts crying again?

I don't know. Roll him
around in the stroller,

tell him a story, he'll be okay.

It's not that bad, I
promise you, I'm telling you.

Yes, when you get older, then it's bad.

Then it's terrible.

But you know, you're young, man.

You got a while.

Listen... You wanna hear a story?

Yeah? You wanna hear a story?

It's... Okay, okay,
okay. No, no, no, listen.

Did I ever tell you the time

that I got thrown off
the Better Than Ezra bus?

No, no, no, no, you're
gonna want to listen to this.

This is good, okay? So I'm in a
place called Hyannis, all right?

Out on Cape Cod somewhere.

And this is right after Ezra
released their second album, okay?

So they're kind of peaking. Uh...

They play an amazing show, right?

Lights out.

At some venue that had
really good acoustics.

And afterwards I went
on the tour bus to,

you know, "interview" them.

Really, I was just
there to party with 'em.

You like this, yeah? Okay, good.

So I just assume that, you know,

these guys are gonna want
to get fucked up like I do

'cause even though it's a Tuesday

rock bands, they tend
to wanna get fucked up

when they're on the road.

You'll learn this.

You know what? Do you
mind if I record this?

Some of this? Hold on.

Yeah, this might be good for my book.

Write this down, okay.

I'm coming, I'm coming,
I'm coming, I'm coming.

All right.

Yeah, here you go. Now hit record.

Check one-two, one-two. Check one-two.

Okay, so we're on the bus

and these Ezra guys were
acting kind of weird.

Or at least at the time
I thought it was weird.

Now I realize

they were just being
professionals and pacing themselves

so they weren't wiped out in Providence

or wherever the hell they were
playing the following night.

But at the time,

you know, this was new to me.

This moderation, it
kind of pissed me off.

So...

The more that they didn't want to drink,

the more that I drank.

Figuring that I could
just break 'em, you know?

That they'd see how
much fun I was having

and then they'd have to join in.

But they didn't because, like I said,

it was Tuesday, and they were pros.

I really like that you like this.

Finally, the band had
enough of me, right?

And they tossed my ass
off the bus, but literally.

I mean, you know, flat in a parking lot.

Not that that stopped me.

I got right up and
walked down the street

and found a 24-hour
breakfast place somewhere

and ended up doing
lines with the waitress

till the blow ran out and
the waitress lost interest.

And uh,

back at the motel, I lay in
bed as the gray dawn came.

And I felt the familiar feeling

of my exhausted heart skipping beats

as my high from the previous night

slingshotted into a
nearly identical low.

And I thought that this was
how life was supposed to be.

And I was that way
for a long, long time.

Really, you don't stick
anything up your ass?

Nothing up my butt.

Guys, guys, guys.

Keep it... Keep it down, okay?

This is the first time he's
been asleep in too damn long,

so everyone has to be quiet.

All right, who has something to share?

Yo, forget that.

What are y'all gonna do about Clyde?

- Who's Clyde?
- The baby.

I think you should keep him.

I can't keep him. I've
got too much going on.

You mean your crippling
depression and lack of self-worth?

Yes. Both of those things. And my book.

You ever gonna finish
that fucking thing?

Hey, for your information,
I'm on a roll, okay?

I wrote 200 pages in
the last two months.

Most of it's shit, but you know,

it's getting less shitty every day, so.

Well, less S-H-I-T-T-Y
should be the aim.

And would everyone mind not
using such strong language?

The baby has a sponge brain. Remember.

Congratulations on
your book, Loudermilk.

- Thanks, Cloud.
- The fuck is sponge brain?

Would you?

I still think you should
raise your brother.

Are you nuts?

Loudermilk doesn't know
S-H-I-T about raising a child.

No, I took you in for two years.

Look around, Loudermilk.

What is this group but
a bunch of children, huh?

We come to you for guidance, advice,

and when we need to be
set straight, you do it.

Sounds an awful lot like
being a parent to me.

If you do decide to keep him,
we could all help raise him.

You know, that old saying.

Uh, it takes a village of idiots,

you know how that thing goes.

Well, thanks, Ed. That's
a terrible fucking idea.

Watch your language. Sponge brain.

Sorry I'm late, Valerie Bertinelli
was having a Facebook Live chat.

What the hell? Dip shit.

- Look what you did.
- Come on!

Hey, uh, before I forget...

Do you mind coming in late
tomorrow and closing up?

Tomorrow? What about band practice?

Yeah, we're calling it off.

Brad's, um, got shingles or some shit.

Oh. That's terrible.

Yeah.

He'll be up and running in no time,

it's a pretty mild case.

Sure, yeah, I mean I can
probably make tomorrow work.

Great. Thanks, Claire.

Yeah, no problem.

Wow. You really are good with him.

- Well...
- Hell, you're great with him.

Well, I love kids.

You know, I used to be one.

Plus, I had a bunch of experience

back when I was, you know.

Babysitters' club?

Well, yeah.

But uh... when I was a foster kid.

Oh, yeah. Right.

I forget about that, 'cause
you don't talk much about it.

Well, I mean, what is there to say?

You know, I got bounced
around from home to home

like the rest of 'em, till
I found my real family...

Well, not my real fam... my
foster family, the Palmers.

And they were great. So, you know.

Well... well, that's good.

Yeah.

Yeah, they took in a bunch of kids

and most of 'em moved on.

They got adopted and I stuck around.

Pretty soon I was always the oldest

so I ended up taking care
of the little guys, like you.

Hey, I'm sorry about that.

For what?

You know, that you never got adopted.

Oh, yeah. No, to tell
you the truth, Sam,

I thought about that.

It's, uh...

It's better, it's better this way.

You know, like I said, the
Palmers were great and, uh, I mean,

things turned out just fine with me.

Didn't they?

So, you're having second thoughts.

Yeah, third, fourth.

I don't see how this ends well, Mike.

Look, it's obvious you care a great deal

about Clyde and his well-being.

That's gotta count for something.

Start there, and you may find

that adoption doesn't sound so horrible.

I just don't know how I could
give him to a total stranger,

especially after what
it says in your book

about being my brother's
keeper and all that.

I appreciate the
sentiment, but those words

were spoken by Cain
after he murdered Abel.

His brother.

Really?

Oh, that got dark.

Playing guitar, jumps off the
stage still playing guitar.

- Holy... What the fuck?
- Holy sh...

Hello, boys.

What a nice surprise. How
are your shingles, Brad?

Better.

Claire.

What are you, uh, doing
sitting in the dark?

Did you really think
I wouldn't find out?

About what?

You guys played a gig without me.

What are you talking about?
You're in the Ben Rogers Band.

This is the Felix Furbush Experience.

It's the exact same
band, except without me!

Yeah, okay. I can see how you could...

Look.

I know I suck, okay? I just...

I love playing.

You don't understand how good it is

to be around people who aren't
total fuckups for a change.

Claire, I...

I need this, okay?

I really need it.

Boys?

Fine. Let's, um, keep the train rolling.

Great!

Okay, I'll see you at practice.

Oh, and I have a shit
ton more ideas for shirts.

So what are you gonna do?

I don't know.

Get somebody else to fire her, I guess.

Come on, kid.

I know you gotta be tired. I'm tired

and I don't have people
carrying me around all day.

Let's take another look at the diaper.

Smells fine.

Nothing to see here. Perfectly dry.

There you go.

Come here.

Yeah, I get you.

Sometimes it's just better
to go au naturel, huh?

It's like, I remember
a summer at Bonnaroo.

God, it was hot.

By day three I thought
I wasn't gonna make it

until somebody told me
about a swimming hole.

And then when I got there there
was, like, 150 people there

and I was the only one that
had a stitch of clothes on.

Yeah.

Couldn't have been any happier.

And you wanted to put him
into the belly of the beast.

Yeah, I think I figured
out what's bothering him.

He doesn't like wearing diapers.

Oh.

You motherf...

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