All language subtitles for Hacks.2021.S02E08.WEBRip.x264-ION10.2_English

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian Download
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,510 Sold to paddle 42. 2 00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,988 the Wassily Kandinsky, "Gewebe." 3 00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:25,564 Work on paper. Starting at 360,000. 4 00:00:25,658 --> 00:00:28,258 360. Do we have 380? 5 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,661 380 to the gentleman in the front. 6 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,430 We have 380,000 now, ahead of you. 7 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:35,103 Do we have 400? 8 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,941 400,000 in the back. 9 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,267 Shit. 10 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,611 420 now... 11 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,607 and 440... 12 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,439 and 460. 13 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:47,214 We have 480,000. 14 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,920 Do I hear 500? 15 00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:53,547 $500,000! 16 00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:55,420 520 in the back. 17 00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:56,762 540. 18 00:00:56,856 --> 00:00:57,716 560-- 19 00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,961 and 580,000. 20 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,530 600,000! 21 00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:03,464 - What are you doing? - Shopping! 22 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,703 - What--stop! You're overpaying. 23 00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:07,425 - 620! - Don't tell me what I'm doing! 24 00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:08,804 - 640! - 660! 25 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,242 - 680! - Uh, sir, madame, 26 00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:11,813 I will call the prices. 27 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,305 - Oh, stay out of it! - We got it! 28 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:14,466 800! 29 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,946 - Are you nuts? It's a work on paper. 30 00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:20,075 - Eight... - Oh, my God. 31 00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,876 Hundred thousand dollars. 32 00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:24,978 Last chance at 800-- 33 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,545 - Sold--to me! 34 00:01:34,627 --> 00:01:36,627 - You don't even like Kandinsky. 35 00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:40,229 - Neither do you. - Well, tastes change. 36 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:46,843 Victoria didn't want a ring. She wanted that Kandinsky. 37 00:01:49,342 --> 00:01:51,482 - Oh, you're... - Yeah. 38 00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:52,848 - Whoa! 39 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,016 - Well, congratulations. - Thank you. 40 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,676 - So are you two gonna have a registry, 41 00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,194 or is it just the Metamucil website? 42 00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:00,785 - Does Ovaltine 43 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,364 - make a wedding cake? - All right. 44 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:03,915 - You two gonna allow the Rascal scooters 45 00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,990 - on the dance floor? - All right, all right. 46 00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:07,362 I get it. 47 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:09,360 Now my fiancée isn't young enough for you. 48 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:10,802 - No, no, it makes perfect sense. 49 00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:12,004 I mean, you're a history buff. 50 00:02:12,098 --> 00:02:13,298 You know, she can give you 51 00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:14,766 a firsthand account of the Civil War. 52 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,204 Okay. 53 00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:19,772 - No, you're right. I-I don't like Kandinsky. 54 00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,939 But I do like leverage. 55 00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:24,138 Oh, here we go. 56 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:26,310 I'll give it to you... 57 00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:28,149 in exchange for the main stage. 58 00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:29,784 - Deborah, you're not gonna get-- 59 00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:33,389 - Just for one night to film my special. 60 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,316 Oh. 61 00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:37,718 You know, you could've rented something 62 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,164 even better than the Palmetto 63 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:41,025 for much less than that fucking painting. 64 00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:42,797 - I know, but I want the Palmetto. 65 00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:44,302 I don't like the way I went out. 66 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:45,904 I want a chance to do it again. 67 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,169 I know that it's occupied now, 68 00:02:47,233 --> 00:02:48,643 so it's probably a really tall order. 69 00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:49,571 Sure. 70 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,699 I'll make it happen. 71 00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:55,883 Thanks. 72 00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:57,905 - You know, I would've given you the Palmetto 73 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,151 if you just asked. 74 00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:01,412 Yeah, sure. 75 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,845 You should see if the caterer'll give you two 76 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,590 a discount if dinner's served by 4:00 p.m. 77 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,058 - You know, Early Bird Special. - This again. 78 00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:12,927 - Are you done? - No. 79 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,156 Pretty nice, right? 80 00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:16,828 Whoa, two sinks. 81 00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:20,096 And you can see the fake Eiffel Tower from here. 82 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,770 It's the last unit available. 83 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,438 I got a hookup with the manager. 84 00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:24,596 Look at all this. 85 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,044 I could have a dinner party. 86 00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:28,835 All I need is, like, one single friend. 87 00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:30,408 Relatable. 88 00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:32,380 And I know you're taking a loss on your condo in L.A., 89 00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:35,105 but you get so much more for your money here. 90 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,745 - Yeah, well, this is really nice, 91 00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:39,620 but I think the one that's closer to Deborah's 92 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,019 might make more sense. 93 00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:43,687 - The one with the open-concept bathroom? 94 00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:45,086 Yeah. 95 00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:48,799 - Maybe don't make your life worse 96 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,625 to be ten minutes closer to Deborah's. 97 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,230 - Well-- 98 00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:53,898 Oh, sorry. 99 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,197 - Oh, um-- - Oh, take it. 100 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:57,138 Oh... 101 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,137 - Hello? - Ava, hey. 102 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,309 - Sorry for the random call. - No worries. 103 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:02,637 - How are you? - Good. 104 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,142 I actually have a question for you. 105 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,954 So the girl who was gonna do punch-ups 106 00:04:06,045 --> 00:04:08,045 for me on my pilot can't do it anymore. 107 00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:10,924 So I was wondering, do you have any interest? 108 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:14,254 - Oh, shit. That's so nice of you. 109 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,420 And thank you, but... I'm working for Deborah, 110 00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:19,090 and I'm already back in Vegas. 111 00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:20,658 - Ri--I totally get it. 112 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,730 But this is just a one-week gig, nothing permanent. 113 00:04:22,795 --> 00:04:24,495 We could have you back there in no time. 114 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,297 Oh, um... 115 00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:29,299 - I think you'd be great for it. 116 00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:31,942 - Could I, uh, maybe think about it? 117 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,665 - Sure. I'll email you the dates, okay? 118 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:34,843 Okay, thank you. 119 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,281 - Okay, bye. - Bye. 120 00:04:39,145 --> 00:04:41,605 - Yep. Oh, yes, I get that. 121 00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,321 All right, well, um, you know what? 122 00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:44,676 Life is short, and life is long. 123 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:47,494 So, hopefully our paths cross soon. 124 00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:49,357 Okay, take care. 125 00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:50,655 Bye. 126 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:53,787 - Motherfucker! - Oh, good, you're off. 127 00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:56,530 Which wallpaper do you like for our new office? 128 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,429 This one's technically wrapping paper, 129 00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:00,028 but it's beautiful. 130 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,343 - Okay, we need clients to justify having an office, 131 00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:04,665 and we just lost another one to Janet Stone. 132 00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:07,671 - She's poaching everybody. - Cunt! 133 00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:09,644 Okay, partner, what's the play? 134 00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:12,179 - You know what? I'm just gonna fucking call her. 135 00:05:12,278 --> 00:05:14,278 - Yeah, do it. I love this side of you. 136 00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,147 - Okay. 137 00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:18,885 - Ah, Jimmy. I was waiting for your call. 138 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,485 But I don't have time to talk because I'm going down 139 00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:23,494 your client list one by one, you piece of shit. 140 00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:25,856 - Okay, you know what, Janet? You listen to me. I'm-- 141 00:05:25,958 --> 00:05:28,558 - Hi, Janet! Kayla Schaeffer here, you dirty bitch. 142 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,031 - Oh, my God. - You know, me and you 143 00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:31,499 can swing around our big dicks all day, 144 00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:33,174 but the fact of the matter is-- 145 00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:35,232 Hello? 146 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,795 Hello? 147 00:05:36,869 --> 00:05:38,969 Yeah, she's fucking us up the ass, no lube, 148 00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:40,908 not even giving us a little courtesy tug 149 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,037 before she jams her cock in our guts. 150 00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:45,242 What is wrong with you? 151 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,805 - Should we get lunch? - Yeah, I'm starving. 152 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,750 You're hangry. 153 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,879 - So we closed on Elaine's directing deal, 154 00:05:51,984 --> 00:05:54,024 but she apparently doesn't fly, 155 00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,657 so she's asking that we reimburse her for gas. 156 00:05:56,723 --> 00:06:00,493 Also, her rider is just jelly beans and Dulcolax. 157 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,100 - Are you sure about her? - Please. 158 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,195 When men are quirky, they're eccentric geniuses. 159 00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:06,103 When women are quirky, they're jailed. 160 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,099 - Is that what's going on here? She's just quirky? 161 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,002 God, I fucking hope so. 162 00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:14,271 Oh! I got the Palmetto. 163 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,684 Amazing. 164 00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,342 So I guess the auction went well. 165 00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:19,450 - Yes, it did. 166 00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:23,275 - But Marty seems to have lost his mind. 167 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:26,193 He's getting engaged to that elderly French woman. 168 00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:28,962 - Oh, did he get her a ring or a Life Alert bracelet? 169 00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:36,704 I know! I thought he only proposed to women 170 00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:40,473 whose hair was still steaming from a flat iron. 171 00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:41,896 Well... 172 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,069 Don't give me that look. 173 00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:49,079 - That wasn't real. - The diamond was real. 174 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,982 - We were drunk and in Monaco, for Christ's sake. 175 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,554 Even if he was serious, 176 00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:58,916 I had to prioritize my business. 177 00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,815 You can understand that. 178 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,620 I certainly can. 179 00:07:04,957 --> 00:07:08,727 - Previously on "The Amazing Race"... 180 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,128 Deborah? 181 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:15,673 - Oh, hi. Come on in. 182 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,008 So I got a call 183 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,980 about a punch-up gig that's a week long. 184 00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:28,678 I was gonna say no, but Jimmy thinks it's a great credit, 185 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,281 and it might be fun, but, obviously, 186 00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:32,319 I would never let anything interfere with our work. 187 00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:34,848 But it's just a week, so I'd be back super quick. 188 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,324 - Why are you standing so far away? 189 00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:41,485 - Just to be out of slapping range. 190 00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:47,474 - What are the dates? - Well, it starts the 20th. 191 00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:48,873 And it's only a week. 192 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,768 - Oh, I just booked the Palmetto for the 24th 193 00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:53,768 - for the taping. - Oh, God. 194 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,540 Never mind then. Of course I'm not taking it. 195 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:59,152 Jesus, can you imagine if I missed the taping? 196 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:00,882 No. God, no. 197 00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:04,679 You should do it. 198 00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:06,624 - What? No way. 199 00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,686 - You've seen the show 200 times. 200 00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:10,888 It's ready. The hay's in the barn. 201 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:14,360 It's--it's fine, really. 202 00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:16,360 Well... 203 00:08:16,462 --> 00:08:18,032 thank you. 204 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,970 - But only if you're sure. - I'm sure. 205 00:08:20,032 --> 00:08:21,832 And you should stay at my house while you're there. 206 00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:24,541 - Oh, thanks, but I actually ran into my ex 207 00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:26,207 when we were in L.A., and we've been texting, 208 00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:29,175 so I think I might stay at her place. 209 00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:30,512 Oh... 210 00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:32,136 Oh, speaking of houses, 211 00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:34,481 I finally got a place here, and it's ten minutes away. 212 00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:37,847 - Oh, great. I'll tell my lawyers-- 213 00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:40,247 one more asset for them to go after. 214 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,393 It's just a rental, so... 215 00:08:42,488 --> 00:08:44,918 Oh, sorry to hear that. 216 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,764 - You know, I actually think we would do really well 217 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,600 on "Amazing Race" together. 218 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,255 Hmm. 219 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:54,174 - I could never fly coach. 220 00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:56,773 - We'd make up time, though, on the puzzles. 221 00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:57,899 100%. 222 00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:07,011 - And cut! 223 00:09:07,079 --> 00:09:08,279 - All right, that's a cut. - That's a cut! 224 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,951 - Her purse strap fell in that one. 225 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,079 - Oh, it's okay--we can cut around that, I think. 226 00:09:12,184 --> 00:09:14,124 Ava, oh, my God, that blow was so much better--thank you. 227 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,790 - Oh, good, and if you can convince the network 228 00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,618 to get on board with incest, 229 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,763 I actually have an incest joke that helps the story a little. 230 00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:22,259 This is funny. 231 00:09:22,361 --> 00:09:24,631 - Okay, let's go again. - Goin' again. 232 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,100 - Let's roll sound. - Rolling! 233 00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:28,028 - Hey, can you run this alt to Gillian? 234 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,400 Copy that. 235 00:09:43,282 --> 00:09:44,982 Ms. Vance? 236 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,094 Someone here to see you, a manager. 237 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:49,563 - Oh, yes, thank you, Davis. Show them in. 238 00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:53,891 - Deborah! - Janet. 239 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,490 - H-hey. 240 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,795 Wow, interesting vibe. 241 00:09:57,897 --> 00:10:00,167 - Yeah, Mr. Ludwig did a bit of a reno. 242 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:01,826 Wish it wouldn't be so on the nose 243 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,274 for me to burn it down. 244 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:06,006 Well, I don't want to keep you. 245 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,565 I just wanted to pop in and say, "Have a great show." 246 00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:11,611 - Thank you. I really need it to work. 247 00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:13,747 Oh, it will, and... 248 00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:15,923 we don't have to, um, do this now, 249 00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:19,122 - but you know why I'm here. - Right. 250 00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,515 Listen, I love Jimmy. 251 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,361 I think he does really well in this business, 252 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,586 especially for a man under 6'1". 253 00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:28,358 - But he's not cutthroat. 254 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,701 Yeah, well, he's a sweet kid. 255 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:34,197 - Sure, but he doesn't have the resources 256 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,670 to support you on his own. 257 00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:37,869 Think about it. 258 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,840 As good a saleswoman as you are-- 259 00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:41,339 and you are fucking lava-- 260 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,480 without the QVC machine behind you, 261 00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:46,652 would you be able to sell as many products? 262 00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:48,352 You're not wrong. 263 00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:50,877 - Oh, anyway, I-I don't want to distract you. 264 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:53,493 But I think we should talk after. 265 00:10:53,552 --> 00:10:55,692 I've got some big ideas. 266 00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:57,718 Okay, sure. 267 00:10:57,823 --> 00:11:00,293 - That's what I want to hear! 268 00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:03,829 All right! You're gonna kill it out there, girl. 269 00:11:03,896 --> 00:11:05,496 Ah, thanks, Janet. 270 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,900 - No, your bikini wax is not a company write-off. 271 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,644 - It was just the back. - Kayla. 272 00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:15,006 Okay, fine, but my trainer 273 00:11:15,074 --> 00:11:16,714 said that anything can be a write-off 274 00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:18,709 if you just think about business while it's happening. 275 00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:20,911 - That is absolutely not true. You need to fire that person. 276 00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:22,253 - No way. She's a write-off. 277 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,548 - Jimmy. How was your trip in? 278 00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,090 Were you able to get a good seat on the Greyhound? 279 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:28,646 - Ha ha. For your information, 280 00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,191 I'm actually United Premier Platinum, 281 00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:32,256 and I had a delicious in-flight bistro box, 282 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:33,858 - thank you very much. 283 00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:35,356 Okay, little miss fuck stick, 284 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:36,858 what in the name of the Devil's uncut dick 285 00:11:36,929 --> 00:11:38,729 - are you doing here? - Oh, my God. 286 00:11:38,831 --> 00:11:41,001 - Same as you. I'm here for Deborah's taping. 287 00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,067 We just had a lovely chat. 288 00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:44,569 She's so sweet. 289 00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:46,410 - I know. - Hmm. 290 00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:48,705 Told you I was going down your client list. 291 00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:51,214 And I finally got to the Vs. 292 00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:53,107 Enjoy the show. 293 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,621 Nice ass, by the way, bitch! 294 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,117 - Kayla! - What? 295 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,718 It's--She's gorgeous. 296 00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:06,187 Here we go. 297 00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:07,628 - Well, hello. - Hey, Jimmy. 298 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,527 I-I'm kind of in a pre-show mode. 299 00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:11,855 Can we catch up after? 300 00:12:11,931 --> 00:12:15,741 - Of course, yeah. Um...break a leg. 301 00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:17,241 Thank you. 302 00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:19,473 - She means both of us. Come on. 303 00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:28,412 - Excuse me. Excuse me! - Oh, excuse me! 304 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,751 - VIPs coming through. Check the pass. 305 00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:32,216 - Why can't we go down the other aisle? 306 00:12:32,284 --> 00:12:34,294 - Because we're VIPs and people need to know. 307 00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:36,616 - Oh, I like your jumpsuit, girl. - This don't make no sense. 308 00:12:36,722 --> 00:12:38,062 Okay, here we go. 309 00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:40,634 I want you to get B-roll of the crowd filing in. 310 00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:42,596 Oh, wait, wait. Hold on. 311 00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:45,131 I-I forgot my contacts. I can't see shit. 312 00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:46,671 - Oh, my God. - Oh. 313 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,926 - I'm kidding! You guys are so fucking serious! 314 00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:50,771 - Oh, my God. - It's a comedy show! 315 00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:52,936 You wouldn't have lasted a day with Andy Kaufman. 316 00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:55,505 He ran my dog over as a bit, and I loved it. 317 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,008 Okay! 318 00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,509 - Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats. 319 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,682 The program will be starting momentarily. 320 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,821 - If you think about it, our seats are way better than hers, 321 00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:05,986 'cause it's, like, center-- we have a bird's-eye view. 322 00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:07,515 - Hmm. - You know? 323 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,988 - I'm so sorry, sir, but there's no outside drinks 324 00:13:12,091 --> 00:13:15,261 - in the theater. 325 00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:16,857 Oh. 326 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:20,172 - Casino comps me this ticket. That's the way they treat you. 327 00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:23,966 - Bullshit, right? 328 00:13:24,036 --> 00:13:26,636 - Should've seen Criss Angel again. 329 00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,892 Not a good time. 330 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,360 Hey. 331 00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:45,685 - Wha-- what are you doing here? 332 00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:47,891 - Oh, I left that punch-up gig early. 333 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,033 Well, I forgot I had tickets to Cirque du Soleil, 334 00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:51,629 and it's the weird sex one, 335 00:13:51,697 --> 00:13:53,167 so I really don't want to miss it. 336 00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:56,403 - But I'll probably watch your taping first, 337 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,672 you know, since I'm here anyway. 338 00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:01,869 I'm glad you are. 339 00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:05,080 Me too. 340 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,881 This dressing room is ass. 341 00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:15,492 - Okay, showtime. Everybody ready? 342 00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:17,494 Kill the houselights. 343 00:14:17,556 --> 00:14:19,426 Bobby, frame up, please. 344 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:25,103 - Whoo! 345 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,897 - Okay, "A" camera, let's settle in for the wide, 346 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,600 and, Sal, let's bring out our girl 347 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:33,673 in three, two, one, 348 00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:35,169 rock and roll. 349 00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:36,841 Ladies and gentlemen, 350 00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:40,449 returning to the Palmetto for one special night, 351 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,406 please welcome to the stage 352 00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:47,694 the one, the only Deborah Vance! 353 00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:02,432 Wow, thank you. 354 00:15:13,112 --> 00:15:14,982 It's true. It's true. 355 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,950 Yeah, and, of course, it's hard to lose a husband and a sister 356 00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:19,990 at the same time. 357 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:24,085 But it makes Christmas shopping way easier. 358 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:30,832 And I don't--I don't excuse what they did. 359 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:34,230 But in some ways, there really was nowhere else for them to go 360 00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:38,240 except toward each other... 361 00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:42,474 because it was all about me and my career. 362 00:15:42,574 --> 00:15:45,344 There was no space left in my marriage 363 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:48,014 or in my relationship with her... 364 00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,653 anywhere. 365 00:15:50,749 --> 00:15:53,619 That's what I do. I take up too much space. 366 00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,686 I did it back then, and I still do it today. 367 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,418 I take up space in every room I'm in, 368 00:15:57,489 --> 00:16:00,329 on my tour bus, on the icons float 369 00:16:00,426 --> 00:16:02,626 at the Vegas Pride Parade. 370 00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:05,355 But, you know, I love taking up space, 371 00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:06,674 which is painfully ironic, 372 00:16:06,765 --> 00:16:08,595 because as we've established here, 373 00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:10,537 I am a high-functioning anorexic. 374 00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:14,768 - Johnny, you read my mind. Stay right there. 375 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,880 Push in, slow... 376 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,676 slow. 377 00:16:18,777 --> 00:16:20,277 Not that slow, buddy. 378 00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:22,346 Yeah, bingo. You got it. 379 00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:23,848 Damn, I'm good. 380 00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:26,049 - And that same year, the Vatican came after me, 381 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,791 because they said I called the Pope a pedophile 382 00:16:28,854 --> 00:16:30,394 on national television. 383 00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:32,729 I-I didn't. 384 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,455 I called him a pedophile-phile 385 00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:38,497 because he loves being around pedophiles. 386 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,204 It's different. It's different. 387 00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:46,173 - Oh, hey. 388 00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:48,708 - Yeah, so then... - Hey, you--you all right? 389 00:16:48,807 --> 00:16:50,407 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 390 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,339 - My sponsors started pulling ads from my tour. 391 00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:53,981 - Oh, my God. 392 00:16:54,046 --> 00:16:55,876 Oh, my God. 393 00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:57,081 Oh, my God. 394 00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,752 - What's the matter? - Hey, sir. 395 00:16:58,851 --> 00:16:59,921 Everything okay? 396 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,489 - He's seizing! - Oh, shit. 397 00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:03,923 - He needs help. Call 911. - Oh, Jesus. Okay. 398 00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:05,322 Has anyone called the paramedics? 399 00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:07,091 Has anyone called for help? 400 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,732 Somebody call the paramedics! 401 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:10,327 - What the fuck is going on down there? 402 00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:11,896 Sal, talk to me. 403 00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:14,097 John, go get the medic. Go get the house medic. 404 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:16,369 Tara, do not turn the houselights up. 405 00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:17,935 - It'll be all right. It'll be all right. 406 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,037 I'm sure they're on their way. 407 00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:22,165 - Down here. - Okay, here they come. 408 00:17:22,241 --> 00:17:23,441 Shit! 409 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,883 - It's all right, everybody. I-it's all right. 410 00:17:29,948 --> 00:17:33,618 He's--he's being taken care of. They'll take care of him. 411 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,720 It's all right. It's all right. 412 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,289 Not to worry-- 413 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,360 we got trained professionals taking care of him now. 414 00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:43,356 He's in good hands. 415 00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:46,929 Everybody stay calm. Please stay in your seats. 416 00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:50,272 Just--please. 417 00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:52,969 - Check the pupils. 418 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,912 - Yeah, I'm getting--dilated. - What's the reading? 419 00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:57,813 - Is he okay? 420 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,550 - I'm calling it-- 8:47. 421 00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,790 It'll be all right, yeah. 422 00:18:18,897 --> 00:18:21,267 - He's okay! He's okay, folks! 423 00:18:26,004 --> 00:18:27,114 Oh! 424 00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:29,172 How 'bout that? 425 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:32,284 Thank God! 426 00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:34,584 All right, we're back, baby. 427 00:18:34,646 --> 00:18:37,346 Okay, I need a close-up on C and a refill. 428 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,749 Bobby, finally, a frame I could use. 429 00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:41,618 Welcome to the show. 430 00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,517 - Thank God. Thank God. 431 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,492 Yeah, not the first man who's faked his own death 432 00:18:45,591 --> 00:18:48,461 to get away from me. 433 00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:50,697 - Not the first. - I'm so glad he's okay. 434 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,996 - No. Dead. Absolutely dead. 435 00:18:54,099 --> 00:18:57,869 - Anyway, so my sponsors start pulling their ads... 436 00:19:04,042 --> 00:19:06,812 - Oh, my God. You crushed. 437 00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:10,149 - That was amazing. - It got scary for a minute. 438 00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:14,545 And I'm just, uh, so glad that man is okay. 439 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:17,393 Yes. I am as well. 440 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,359 Yeah. 441 00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:21,388 Your dad would be proud of you. 442 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:23,995 Wow. 443 00:19:24,062 --> 00:19:25,502 Thank you. 444 00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:27,574 - Whoo! - Great show. 445 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,396 - Deborah, girl! - Hey! 446 00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:31,902 Think they liked it! 447 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,414 Deborah, a triumph! 448 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,665 It is gonna cut like butter, baby. 449 00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:37,581 - Oh, thank you, honey. Champagne? 450 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,376 - No, I got Clamato. - Okay, all right. 451 00:19:39,478 --> 00:19:41,578 - Whoo! - Cheers! Whoo! 452 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,980 - Whoo! Bravo, Deborah! 453 00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:47,990 Not news to me, but you are a star. 454 00:19:48,053 --> 00:19:51,593 Handled the right way, this can be huge for you. 455 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,360 - I think it will be handled the right way, 456 00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:56,255 because I have excellent representation with Jimmy. 457 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,231 - Cheers. - Cheers. 458 00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:00,100 - So thanks for coming all the way out here, 459 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,829 but I think it's time for you to go. 460 00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:04,870 - And just so you know, I'm sticking with Jimmy, too. 461 00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:08,437 - I don't know who you are. 462 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,910 - And guess what, sweetie. You're never gonna! 463 00:20:11,009 --> 00:20:12,509 - Well, no, I would like for her-- 464 00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:14,078 You will not know her! 465 00:20:14,179 --> 00:20:16,619 - I would like for her to know who I am eventually. 466 00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:22,545 - Oh, there you are. Aren't you coming in? 467 00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:24,761 Yeah, yeah. 468 00:20:24,856 --> 00:20:27,886 I was just taking a second. But you did great. 469 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,430 They loved you. 470 00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:31,398 - You okay? - Mm-hmm. 471 00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:35,531 I mean... it was kind of hard to hear. 472 00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:36,871 You know? 473 00:20:36,935 --> 00:20:38,895 I-I just--I can't believe you never told me 474 00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,441 any of that before, you know? 475 00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,269 It was one thing to find out all that stuff 476 00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:43,814 about you and Dad-- it's another thing 477 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,779 to find it out with 3,000 other people. 478 00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:47,977 - Yeah, I don't know why it's always been easier for me 479 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,450 to tell things to strangers. 480 00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:54,889 - Well, therapy's just talking to one stranger in private. 481 00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:56,593 - Well, my insurance doesn't cover it. 482 00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,115 What can I tell you? 483 00:20:58,223 --> 00:21:01,093 - Yeah, well, it's not as expensive as IVF. 484 00:21:01,159 --> 00:21:02,659 - Oh, yeah. How's that going? 485 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,601 - Good. Good, you know? 486 00:21:04,663 --> 00:21:06,603 Three weeks out till our next round. 487 00:21:06,665 --> 00:21:10,665 Although, I don't know, seems like being a parent-- 488 00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:12,339 pretty tough. 489 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,507 I-I always thought that you just didn't even try. 490 00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:18,137 But after tonight, I'm finding out you did try 491 00:21:18,243 --> 00:21:20,483 to be a good parent, and you still fucked it up. 492 00:21:20,579 --> 00:21:24,279 So I'm kind of scared that I'm going to, too. 493 00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:26,619 You will. 494 00:21:26,685 --> 00:21:28,685 It's impossible not to. 495 00:21:30,422 --> 00:21:32,362 But it's worth it. 496 00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:38,500 Hey, look, I wore a good-luck charm tonight. 497 00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:41,701 Oh, my God. 498 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,970 That's a D'Jewelry 2019. 499 00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:46,866 - It's gonna be in the special. 500 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,042 - Thank you. - Of course. 501 00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:51,835 It turned my wrist black, sweetie. 502 00:21:51,943 --> 00:21:54,113 - Oh, that's--that's really good for you. 503 00:21:54,179 --> 00:21:56,009 That's the iron. 504 00:21:56,114 --> 00:21:57,554 - Uh-huh. 505 00:21:57,649 --> 00:22:00,649 - I mean, I think news bloopers are funny, you know? 506 00:22:00,719 --> 00:22:03,219 Okay, can we go out tonight? 507 00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,722 - Sure. - I'm down. 508 00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:06,563 - Yeah, I want to get fucked up. 509 00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:08,328 - Wow. 510 00:22:08,393 --> 00:22:10,163 - Okay. Sure. - Okay. 511 00:22:10,228 --> 00:22:12,398 - Wait, where's Marcus? - Oh, I don't know. 512 00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:14,227 He said he had to go see someone. 513 00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:19,870 Hi. 514 00:22:19,971 --> 00:22:21,411 Hi. 515 00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:23,136 - Sorry for the random stop-by. 516 00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:24,378 Is everything okay? 517 00:22:24,476 --> 00:22:26,076 - Yes. Yes, everything's fine. 518 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,748 - Wait, doesn't Deborah have, like, a big show tonight? 519 00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:31,677 - She does, but I don't have to be there. 520 00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:34,990 I was hoping that we could talk. 521 00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:36,423 Sure. 522 00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:40,261 But I should let you know that I am seeing someone. 523 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,429 - Good. That's good for you. 524 00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:43,757 That's-- 525 00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:46,572 I obviously was not ready for a relationship. 526 00:22:46,665 --> 00:22:48,765 - Yeah. 527 00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:51,767 - Well, I'm down to talk as friends, if that works for you. 528 00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:55,270 - Honestly, I think that's exactly what I need. 529 00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:56,844 Well, that and extensive therapy. 530 00:22:56,908 --> 00:22:58,608 - Some hypnosis. 531 00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:02,380 - Little electric shock-- - Okay, you're not that bad. 532 00:23:02,447 --> 00:23:04,377 - Here, come in. - Thank you. 533 00:23:04,449 --> 00:23:06,449 - By the way, your mom's been texting me. 534 00:23:06,551 --> 00:23:08,891 - Wrestling stuff. - Yeah. 535 00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:11,694 - So now how it works is I'm technically your manager, too. 536 00:23:11,757 --> 00:23:13,457 Hmm, is that how it works? 537 00:23:13,558 --> 00:23:15,088 Deborah, you have a sec? 538 00:23:15,193 --> 00:23:19,263 - Yeah, I'm just putting shrimp under his pillows. 539 00:23:19,364 --> 00:23:20,774 - Cool. Uh, maybe tomorrow 540 00:23:20,866 --> 00:23:22,626 we could talk about re-pitching networks. 541 00:23:22,734 --> 00:23:25,144 - No. I've been thinking about that, 542 00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,467 and I have another idea. 543 00:23:27,572 --> 00:23:30,042 Every product I've ever offered here, 544 00:23:30,108 --> 00:23:33,548 every necklace, every lip kit, every quilted bootie 545 00:23:33,612 --> 00:23:35,412 is something I would buy myself, 546 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,450 because it's something I believe in 547 00:23:37,549 --> 00:23:39,719 and I can't sell it to you if it's not. 548 00:23:39,785 --> 00:23:41,045 So trust me when I tell you 549 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,119 that I've never believed in something more 550 00:23:43,221 --> 00:23:44,991 than what I'm offering you today. 551 00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:47,390 This product not only has my name on it, 552 00:23:47,459 --> 00:23:49,829 but it is me entirely, 553 00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:51,828 and the reason it's so special 554 00:23:51,930 --> 00:23:54,400 is because it is my special... 555 00:23:54,466 --> 00:23:55,896 - Whoo! - "My Bad." 556 00:23:57,402 --> 00:24:00,672 It's my life story-- the highs, the lows, 557 00:24:00,772 --> 00:24:03,012 the time the China trade wars stopped shipments 558 00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:05,108 of my Mrs. Claus self-sealing cookie jars. 559 00:24:05,177 --> 00:24:06,747 Oh, that was horrible. 560 00:24:06,812 --> 00:24:08,012 - Wasn't that a little bit of hell? 561 00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:09,613 - Horrible. Oh, God. - Yeah. 562 00:24:09,681 --> 00:24:12,821 And like all my products, with the rare exception 563 00:24:12,918 --> 00:24:15,518 of the jean-ish leggings last fall, 564 00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:17,120 I've road-tested it myself. 565 00:24:17,189 --> 00:24:19,159 I've taken it all over the country, and it works. 566 00:24:19,257 --> 00:24:22,687 It's what I've always wanted to say to you, the truth, 567 00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:24,134 whether I like it or not. 568 00:24:24,196 --> 00:24:26,196 - So let's go! - Yes! 569 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:29,098 Okay, now, Deborah, what if some of our viewers 570 00:24:29,167 --> 00:24:31,037 do not have a DVD player? 571 00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:33,366 - Oh, I'd say get one. It's the future. 572 00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:35,142 But it will also include a downloadable link 573 00:24:35,207 --> 00:24:36,707 for your adult children to stream. 574 00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:38,138 That is wonderful. 575 00:24:38,210 --> 00:24:42,510 Okay, well, we have already sold 2,000 units. 576 00:24:42,614 --> 00:24:45,484 - We only have 50,000 units... - What? 577 00:24:45,550 --> 00:24:47,220 Um, available today. 578 00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:50,219 We are absolutely flying here. 579 00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:53,162 I am getting word from our producers--oh, my gosh-- 580 00:24:53,225 --> 00:24:56,895 that this a record for units sold in under five minutes. 581 00:24:56,995 --> 00:24:58,225 - Wow. - We are on track 582 00:24:58,330 --> 00:24:59,870 to sell out, ladies and gentlemen. 583 00:24:59,965 --> 00:25:01,895 We're getting into Slanket territory. 584 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,070 That's incredible. 585 00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:05,299 Thank you. 586 00:25:05,370 --> 00:25:07,570 - I guess there is money in DVDs. 587 00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:10,142 - I just loved it. You know, it's been a minute 588 00:25:10,208 --> 00:25:13,478 since I've seen an actual DVD box, and I miss 'em. 589 00:25:15,213 --> 00:25:16,923 - Oof. - Ooh! 590 00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:18,515 I am so excited to tell her. 591 00:25:18,583 --> 00:25:20,093 Honestly, this is the best part of the job, 592 00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:21,685 you know, delivering good news. 593 00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:23,823 Makes all the stress worth it. 594 00:25:23,889 --> 00:25:25,089 Totally. 595 00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:26,690 - Hi, Jimmy. - Hey, Deborah, 596 00:25:26,758 --> 00:25:29,158 - I have great news. - Everyone wants it, bitch! 597 00:25:29,227 --> 00:25:30,427 - Whoo! - Kayla. 598 00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:32,159 - I-I-I'm sorry. What are you saying? 599 00:25:32,230 --> 00:25:34,770 I was saying... 600 00:25:34,866 --> 00:25:36,736 every network is in. 601 00:25:36,835 --> 00:25:38,235 They all want to acquire the rights. 602 00:25:38,336 --> 00:25:39,436 We are gonna have a bidding war. 603 00:25:39,538 --> 00:25:40,838 - Boom. - Plus, "Variety" 604 00:25:40,906 --> 00:25:42,606 - wants to do a cover story. - What? 605 00:25:42,707 --> 00:25:44,437 - And "The Wall Street Journal" is interested in a feature 606 00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:45,883 on the whole "bet on yourself" approach. 607 00:25:45,944 --> 00:25:47,554 - Okay, sweetie, thanks. That sounds good. 608 00:25:47,612 --> 00:25:49,282 Um, but I'm right in the middle of a meeting. 609 00:25:49,381 --> 00:25:50,451 So got to go. 610 00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:52,619 Oh, um, okay. 611 00:25:52,717 --> 00:25:54,687 Bye. 612 00:26:16,775 --> 00:26:18,435 Hello, all. 613 00:26:18,543 --> 00:26:21,383 I just wanted to say that we are so incredibly excited 614 00:26:21,446 --> 00:26:23,106 to be the home for Deborah Vance's 615 00:26:23,214 --> 00:26:26,284 hilarious, provocative new special. 616 00:26:26,384 --> 00:26:28,824 Yeah. 617 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,720 And now I would like to introduce the living legend, 618 00:26:31,790 --> 00:26:33,930 Deborah Vance, to say a few words. 619 00:26:33,992 --> 00:26:34,892 Deb. 620 00:26:38,096 --> 00:26:39,596 - Hi, everybody. Thank you. 621 00:26:39,664 --> 00:26:41,004 Thank you so much for coming. 622 00:26:41,099 --> 00:26:42,499 I really want to thank the network 623 00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:44,441 for taking a chance on this-- 624 00:26:44,502 --> 00:26:46,002 once it was already successful 625 00:26:46,104 --> 00:26:47,674 and there was literally no risk. 626 00:26:49,808 --> 00:26:51,338 I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 627 00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:53,483 No, but there is a risk, obviously, 628 00:26:53,578 --> 00:26:57,518 supporting an elderly, messy bitch comedian. 629 00:26:57,616 --> 00:26:59,016 But enough about Bill Maher. 630 00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:00,517 Um... 631 00:27:00,619 --> 00:27:03,249 I'm joking. Bill and I are old friends. 632 00:27:03,321 --> 00:27:04,691 We vacation together. 633 00:27:04,789 --> 00:27:08,629 Anyway, uh, but I really want to thank my team, 634 00:27:08,693 --> 00:27:10,333 who always had my back. 635 00:27:11,796 --> 00:27:14,296 Love you. And my amazing director-- 636 00:27:14,366 --> 00:27:16,026 where is she? Elaine Carter--there she is! 637 00:27:16,134 --> 00:27:19,304 Elaine Carter. She did an amazing job! 638 00:27:19,371 --> 00:27:20,971 Amazing job. 639 00:27:21,039 --> 00:27:25,879 And I especially want to give credit to my co-writer, 640 00:27:25,977 --> 00:27:28,207 Ava Daniels, 641 00:27:28,313 --> 00:27:31,483 who pushed me and never let me quit. 642 00:27:31,549 --> 00:27:33,649 Thank you, Ava. 643 00:27:38,657 --> 00:27:41,127 So cheers, everybody. Have fun. 644 00:27:41,192 --> 00:27:42,392 Don't drink and drive. 645 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:43,904 I don't want to be upstaged tonight. 646 00:27:45,497 --> 00:27:47,297 Thank you. Thanks again for coming. 647 00:27:51,336 --> 00:27:52,536 Amazing. 648 00:27:52,637 --> 00:27:55,407 - Hi, you killed it, lady. 649 00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:56,637 Iconic! 650 00:27:56,708 --> 00:27:57,808 - Really! 651 00:27:57,876 --> 00:27:59,236 - Thanks. - I have some people 652 00:27:59,344 --> 00:28:00,814 that I need you to talk to. 653 00:28:00,879 --> 00:28:03,009 That is Simone--she's one of our head executives. 654 00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:04,921 Okay, say hello, and this is... 655 00:28:19,064 --> 00:28:21,104 Hmm. You know, they're having a party 656 00:28:21,199 --> 00:28:23,099 for you down there. 657 00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:25,441 - I thought you weren't drinking. 658 00:28:25,537 --> 00:28:28,337 Ah, what else am I good for? 659 00:28:30,208 --> 00:28:31,708 We fuckin' did it. 660 00:28:31,776 --> 00:28:33,776 We did. 661 00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:36,278 - We did. 662 00:28:42,887 --> 00:28:45,957 So, moving forward, I can extend your health insurance 663 00:28:46,057 --> 00:28:49,457 six months and offer three months' severance. 664 00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:53,261 Ha ha, funny. 665 00:28:57,202 --> 00:29:00,242 Wait. What? You're not serious. 666 00:29:00,305 --> 00:29:02,735 I am. 667 00:29:02,807 --> 00:29:06,137 - Are--you're firing me? 668 00:29:06,244 --> 00:29:08,254 Are you fucking kidding? 669 00:29:08,313 --> 00:29:10,323 Why? Things are good. 670 00:29:10,415 --> 00:29:12,375 - Wha-- - Things are good. 671 00:29:12,450 --> 00:29:15,420 And they could keep being good for a very long time. 672 00:29:15,487 --> 00:29:16,817 That's the problem. 673 00:29:16,921 --> 00:29:18,491 You need to make space for your own work. 674 00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:20,130 - Come on. I know what you're doing. 675 00:29:20,225 --> 00:29:22,725 You're pushing me away because you're afraid. 676 00:29:24,763 --> 00:29:27,433 - Those people, they want you right now. 677 00:29:27,499 --> 00:29:29,329 They won't forever. 678 00:29:29,434 --> 00:29:31,174 You got to take advantage of that. 679 00:29:31,269 --> 00:29:32,469 You got to be a shark. 680 00:29:32,570 --> 00:29:33,940 You got to do what's best for you. 681 00:29:34,005 --> 00:29:36,405 - I get to decide what's best for me. 682 00:29:36,474 --> 00:29:38,184 - You didn't take credit for the special, 683 00:29:38,276 --> 00:29:39,806 - and you should have. 684 00:29:39,911 --> 00:29:41,281 - You left that punch-up job early. 685 00:29:41,346 --> 00:29:43,916 - I came back for you. - That's my point. 686 00:29:43,982 --> 00:29:46,122 And what about that screenplay idea? 687 00:29:46,184 --> 00:29:48,594 Have you even started on that? Have you? 688 00:29:48,653 --> 00:29:53,023 - Wha--I've been busy, and my Final Draft is corrupted. 689 00:29:53,124 --> 00:29:56,694 - And I would keep you busy. It's like you said. 690 00:29:56,795 --> 00:29:58,995 I'm gonna keep working until the day I die. 691 00:29:59,097 --> 00:30:01,297 Do you know how old you're gonna be when I'm 109? 692 00:30:01,366 --> 00:30:04,296 - Please don't make me do math right now. 693 00:30:05,637 --> 00:30:08,267 You're the one with all the stories. 694 00:30:08,339 --> 00:30:10,209 What do I even have to say? 695 00:30:10,308 --> 00:30:12,208 That's the thing. 696 00:30:12,310 --> 00:30:14,650 You got to go figure it out. 697 00:30:14,712 --> 00:30:16,382 I told you... 698 00:30:16,481 --> 00:30:18,881 you're just like me. 699 00:30:21,786 --> 00:30:24,016 You got your own mountain to climb. 700 00:30:26,491 --> 00:30:29,461 But we're-- we're good together. 701 00:30:29,527 --> 00:30:32,997 I don't want to be here. I-- 702 00:30:33,064 --> 00:30:35,674 I want to be wherever you are. 703 00:30:35,733 --> 00:30:38,173 - I got to get back. - No, wait, whoa! 704 00:30:38,236 --> 00:30:39,966 Deborah, that's it? 705 00:30:40,038 --> 00:30:43,238 We're not gonna talk anymore? I won't see you? 706 00:30:43,341 --> 00:30:45,711 Oh, you'll see me... 707 00:30:45,810 --> 00:30:47,350 in court. 708 00:31:26,751 --> 00:31:28,221 Hey, Jimmy, what's up? 709 00:31:28,286 --> 00:31:30,456 - Hey, how's the new place? - Uh, it's good. 710 00:31:30,555 --> 00:31:31,885 I-I'm actually kind of excited 711 00:31:31,956 --> 00:31:33,956 to reenter subletter culture, you know? 712 00:31:34,058 --> 00:31:37,298 We got no ties, no rules, no ability to paint. 713 00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:39,555 Uh, so I have some good news. 714 00:31:39,631 --> 00:31:40,801 That pilot you did punch-ups for 715 00:31:40,899 --> 00:31:42,299 was just picked up to series, 716 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,140 and apparently a bunch of your jokes 717 00:31:44,235 --> 00:31:46,035 ended up in the final cut, and they called to ask 718 00:31:46,104 --> 00:31:47,914 if you're available to staff. 719 00:31:47,972 --> 00:31:49,112 - Seriously? - Yep. 720 00:31:49,207 --> 00:31:50,637 The job is yours if you want it, 721 00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:52,912 as long as you promise not to leave early again. 722 00:31:52,977 --> 00:31:54,147 Amazing. 723 00:31:54,245 --> 00:31:57,645 - Also, I have some news from Deborah. 724 00:31:57,749 --> 00:31:59,249 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 725 00:31:59,317 --> 00:32:03,117 She called this morning. She's dropping the lawsuit. 726 00:32:03,221 --> 00:32:05,991 - Oh, that--that's great. 727 00:32:06,090 --> 00:32:09,890 - Amazing, right? Isn't that a relief? 728 00:32:09,961 --> 00:32:11,331 - So that court date-- 729 00:32:11,429 --> 00:32:13,159 - Yep, stricken from the record or whatever. 730 00:32:13,264 --> 00:32:15,004 You don't have to worry about it. 731 00:32:15,099 --> 00:32:17,169 - Congrats. - Thanks. 732 00:32:17,268 --> 00:32:19,568 - Uh, anyway, what else do I have for you? 733 00:32:19,637 --> 00:32:21,107 Oh, would you be interested 734 00:32:21,172 --> 00:32:22,842 in doing a half-day round table for "Ice Age 12"? 735 00:32:22,941 --> 00:32:24,511 Are you familiar with the "Ice Age" universe? 736 00:32:24,609 --> 00:32:26,509 They need a lot of women in the room. 737 00:32:26,611 --> 00:32:28,251 They want a female perspective 738 00:32:28,313 --> 00:32:30,083 on the female woolly mammoth character they have. 739 00:32:30,148 --> 00:32:31,818 - Mm-hmm. - It's spelled H-O-A-R, 740 00:32:31,916 --> 00:32:33,416 and you might want to pitch an alt on that. 741 00:32:33,484 --> 00:32:35,194 You know, sounds problematic to me. 742 00:32:35,286 --> 00:32:36,846 But what do I know, you know? I'm just a manager. 743 00:32:36,955 --> 00:32:38,355 Although I do have good ideas. 744 00:32:38,456 --> 00:32:40,486 You know, it was my idea to do Fandango. 745 00:32:40,591 --> 00:32:42,131 - So you put on a gorgeous dress. 746 00:32:42,193 --> 00:32:43,933 You're all ready for a night out on the town, 747 00:32:43,995 --> 00:32:45,195 but no one to zip you up? 748 00:32:45,296 --> 00:32:46,996 - Ugh. - What do you do? 749 00:32:47,098 --> 00:32:49,598 You hook this ingenious little device to your zipper. 750 00:32:49,667 --> 00:32:51,797 Just a one, two, three. 751 00:32:51,869 --> 00:32:53,199 - Voilà. - Look at that. 752 00:32:53,304 --> 00:32:54,714 - Isn't that cute and convenient? 753 00:32:54,806 --> 00:32:57,206 - It is, and you don't need anybody. 754 00:32:57,308 --> 00:32:58,708 All you need is yourself. 755 00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:00,450 - You may not know what the night 756 00:33:00,511 --> 00:33:02,281 has in store for you, but at least you know 757 00:33:02,347 --> 00:33:04,817 you're ready for whatever comes. 51538

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.