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1
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,480
(CLUNK)
Whoa! Hmmmmm!
2
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,120
(DRAWER SQUEAKS)
3
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,760
(RATTLES)
(SIGHS)
4
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:06,880
(CAR CHUGS)
5
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,800
Hal, did you replace that bulb?
6
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:14,160
What does it look like I'm doing?!
7
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:18,000
# Yes no maybe
8
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,800
# I don't know
9
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:24,200
# Can you repeat the question?
10
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,320
# You're not the boss of me now
11
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,240
# You're not the boss of me now
12
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,280
# And you're not so big
13
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,720
# You're not the boss of me now
14
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,360
# You're not the boss of me now
15
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:43,160
# And you're not so big
16
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,960
# Life is unfair #
17
00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:56,840
Here we are, Bernard.
This is my cage.
18
00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,840
Are you serious? (WHISPERS)
Mom? Dad?
19
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,040
This is Bernard,
the hamster from my class.
20
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:08,000
It's my weekend to take care
of him. This isn't a good time.
21
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,160
I want you to see how good
I am at taking care of him,
22
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:14,240
and how good I'd be
at taking care of a dog.
23
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,680
Did I mention
that all the other kids have dogs?
24
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:20,800
Honey,
your father and I need to talk.
25
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:25,640
I saw a nice one at the pet store
and I could name him Jeff and -
26
00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:28,600
Go play in your room!
OK.
27
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,200
I'll put your cage right here,
Bernard.
28
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:40,160
Sorry I said
I wanted a dog in front of you.
29
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,200
Is your brain big enough
to get your feelings hurt?
30
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,600
Me neither.
I'll take good care of you.
31
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,920
Bernard?
32
00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,920
(SQUEAK! SQUEAK!)
33
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:11,600
I thought you were getting a routine
check-up. That's when they find it.
34
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:15,280
Can't they do anything?
Not until they get the biopsy back.
35
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,320
There you are.
(SQUEAK! SQUEAK!)
36
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:27,040
You can't call that a short cut!
It has to be shorter! Says who?!
37
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:31,280
Says the word! It's just when
you don't use regular streets.
38
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:35,040
If it took 150 years
to cross the street,
39
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:38,440
as long as you went through some
bushes, that'd be a short cut?!
40
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:43,360
You hate being wrong.
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
41
00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:47,640
What is wrong with you?
Look at that floor! Oh, sorry.
42
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:51,320
How many times have I said
don't track mud into this house?
43
00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:54,600
We'll clean it up. Not good enough!
You're grounded for a week!
44
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:59,600
What? You can't do that!
Want it to be two weeks? Dad!
45
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:03,560
You heard your mother. This is
ridiculous! You're being unfair!
46
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:07,480
Just because Malcolm got mud on his
shoes and tracked it in the house
47
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,880
doesn't mean he should be grounded.
Go to your room now!
48
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:19,320
What's her problem? They're so boring
they invent stuff to be upset about.
49
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,680
Are you the biggest idiot
to ever walk this Earth?
50
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:30,520
Good morning.
What did I tell you to do, jackass?
51
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:35,680
Paint the kitchen, which I'm doing.
What kind of a moron
paints it white?
52
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:39,480
Wanna see all the dirt?
What'd they teach you in college?
53
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:44,280
I'm a high school dropout and I
used the paint that you left for me.
54
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:47,680
I moved that paint so
you could get to the green, idiot.
55
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:51,320
Do it over,
even if you're here all night! What?
56
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:54,960
That paint you wasted is
coming out of your pay.
57
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,240
I should paint it
the colour of your dye job.
58
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,520
What?
He didn't say anything.
59
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:11,120
I said maybe I should paint it
the same colour as your dye job,
60
00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:15,520
you sagging, leathery,
hatchet-faced, dried-up old hag.
61
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:21,440
Alright, college boy, you want it?
You got it! I'm gonna kick your ass!
62
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:26,320
Excuse me? I'm kickin' your ass.
Don't ever disrespect me like that.
63
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:29,960
You can't challenge her to a fight.
I didn't challenge anybody.
64
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,600
Hey, Lavernie's fightin' college boy!
65
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:36,680
(CHEERS) We've got an opening
Sunday at two before Mass.
66
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,840
Sunday. Two o'clock.
Your ass, my foot.
67
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,440
There's no way I'm fighting a woman!
68
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:46,760
If I don't mind, why should you?
Oooooo! (ALL LAUGH)
69
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:52,200
See what she did? She called him
a woman. It's gonna be a blood bath!
70
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:14,120
You're right, Dewey. When was
the last time we played ball?
71
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:19,120
I don't know.
Sometimes life gets away from you
72
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:22,160
and you forget the things
that are really important.
73
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,400
AAARGH!! Egh!
74
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:30,720
This is crazy. I have enough on my
mind without worrying about you!
75
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:34,960
But, Mom - Don't leave this room.
I don't want to see or hear you.
76
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:39,760
I don't want to sense your presence.
For crying out loud, Reese,
77
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,480
there's a mirror right there!
78
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:46,560
Believe me, I am going
to watch that door like a hawk.
79
00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:53,440
What's her problem?
This can't be about mud.
80
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:56,160
Something's going on.
What've you done lately?
81
00:06:56,160 --> 00:07:00,160
The Richardsons' fire,
the windshield, the Sampsons' fire,
82
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:04,480
the Jacksons' fire.
Nothing she knows about. This sucks!
83
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:07,240
Well, if you can't do the time,
84
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:10,040
don't do the crime. See ya Monday.
85
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:14,520
Hey, moron, do you know what tomorrow
night is? Christine Matson's party!
86
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:19,400
That's this weekend? Yeah, and
her sister's bringing her friends.
87
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,760
They tongue kiss
whether they like you or not!
88
00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:27,640
It's shaking hands to them. It's
a cultural thing. We have to go!
89
00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:31,840
Reese, if I show you a way we can go,
90
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:36,000
do you promise never to let anyone
find out even though you're an idiot?
91
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,800
I swear.
OK.
92
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:44,040
I was saving this for a life or death
emergency...
93
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,560
..or a really good party.
94
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,320
Tell me!
95
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:58,360
No way. We're not hitting Mom
with that! Reese, tomorrow night,
96
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:02,800
we take out the floorboard and sneak
outside through the crawl space.
97
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:08,440
Wow. Tunnelling out of our own room.
She can't lock us in any more.
98
00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:13,680
Mom's powerless. Yeah. Now she's
just a crazy old lady we live with.
99
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,360
Thanks, Dewey!
100
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:43,000
It's Dewey. Let's hurt him,
fellow idiot.
101
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,880
Yes. I hate him
for his handsomeness.
102
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,920
Aaaarrgh!
103
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,800
Hi, Dewey.
Hi, Lance.
104
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:11,680
Well, what do ya know?
It's Bernard. Let me see him.
105
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:15,640
You can't have him.
That's alright. I can wait.
106
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,320
Next week is my turn to have him.
107
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,960
We're gonna have a lot of fun.
108
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:28,160
You can't keep the hamster.
He belongs to the class.
109
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,680
He won't be safe.
You take good care of him,
110
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:35,440
but you have to share him.
Lance isn't my friend.
111
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:39,320
He tore Billy's shirt off after
school and - (PHONE RINGS)
112
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,160
Hello? Yes! This is he.
113
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,840
He killed a frog
and brought it to school.
114
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:51,520
Dewey, I said no! Do you want to be
grounded like your brothers? No.
115
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:57,840
I've never seen her this worked up
for a fight. She's done this before?
116
00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:01,320
Since I've been here,
she's fought five guys.
117
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:04,400
You're lucky you got some warning.
118
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,640
Know Big Don?
The guy with one ear?
119
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:10,920
Yeah. He was going to the privvy
and she dropped on him like a spider.
120
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:15,360
What's wrong with her?
We were having a stupid argument.
121
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,080
How did it turn into a fight?
It's how we settle things.
122
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:21,680
There are three other fights
tomorrow. Four.
123
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:25,640
Ned cut in front of Daryl.
Well, I hate to disappoint you
124
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:29,040
but I'm not fighting Lavernia.
Really?
125
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:32,400
Are you sure?
No, he'll fight her.
126
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:35,560
No, I won't.
Thank you!
127
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:40,920
Fellas! It looks like we're having
a coward's cotillion. '(ALL CHEER)'
128
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,600
I'll get the dogs ready.
I'll sharpen the pig-sticker.
129
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,720
What are you talking about?
130
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:49,840
Fighting's the only entertainment
here. You've seen our TV reception.
131
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:54,720
If someone cheats the boys out of a
fight, there's a coward's cotillion.
132
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:59,360
What the hell is a coward's
cotillion? It's always different.
133
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,320
You never know what animal
the blood will attract.
134
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:06,760
My choices are to fight a woman
or the stupid cotillion thing?
135
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:10,320
Well,... there's always the...
136
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,520
..Howdy Stranger.
137
00:11:17,880 --> 00:15:36,040
.
138
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,800
.
139
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,720
How can they make us wait
another 24 hours?
140
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:04,040
They're short-handed at the lab.
Don't they realise it's your life?
141
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:13,800
Don't worry. This is for the best.
I'm setting you free.
142
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:17,640
You won't have to worry
about anyone being mean any more.
143
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:23,720
Come on, Bernard.
Run. Run like the wind.
144
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:33,520
You have to do this, Bernard.
It's for your own good.
145
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,000
I'll be OK.
146
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:46,360
Go on!
I don't want you any more.
147
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,600
I don't like you. I never did!
148
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,720
Go on!
Go on, you dumb old hamster.
149
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,960
Bye, Bernard.
150
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:20,600
Booby trapped? A broom handle tied
to a string of tin cans. A classic.
151
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:24,680
If Mom trusted us, I think
she'd be pleasantly surprised.
152
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:28,840
Yeah. We're basically good kids.
She's so unreasonable.
153
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:34,520
Are you almost ready?
Just a sec. Will you come on?
154
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:47,520
If anyone asks,
I'm in junior college.
155
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,320
< (SCUFFLING)
156
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,360
Hi, boys.
157
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:43,480
You don't know how lucky you are.
Everything is new.
158
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:47,680
Everything is open to you. Please,
don't ever take that for granted.
159
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:52,160
Make every moment
the best you possibly can.
160
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:56,240
God, I am so proud of all of you.
161
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,040
You kids are the best thing
I've ever done.
162
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,280
You'll never know
how much I love you.
163
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:14,400
Maybe you're not supposed to.
(SNIFFS)
164
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,240
Sleep well, my little angels.
165
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,400
(BOOM!)
Aaaaargh! Aaaaaarrrgghhh!
166
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,680
Aaaaaaarrgh!!
Aaaaaarrgh!!
167
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,240
'(BOTH SCREAM)'
168
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:33,480
Amazing! I made out with a sophomore.
I'm so far ahead of schedule.
169
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:37,360
Did you see the TV fly off
the roof into the pool? That was me.
170
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,600
I hope we get grounded next weekend.
171
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,640
'(BOTH SCREAM)'
172
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:58,000
How dare you?!
How dare you defy us like that?!
173
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:02,000
We wouldn't have if you weren't so
hard over a little mud on the floor!
174
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:06,040
You two are the most ungrateful,
badly behaved, inconsiderate boys
175
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:10,680
ever born! How could you be
so heartless? What's heartless
176
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:14,440
about going to a party with
a bunch of slutty girls? Be cool.
177
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:19,600
You were at a party?! While we were
here worrying?! Can I have a napkin?
178
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:24,280
I cannot believe you two!
Alright. That's it!
179
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:28,520
You're grounded for the rest of
the school year! You can't do that!
180
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:33,440
You're crazy! You do not talk
to your mother that way ever!
181
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:37,840
You'll show her the love and respect
she deserves whether I'm here or
not!
182
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:42,360
This family sucks! You are ruining
our lives! I wish you were dead!
183
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:56,680
What was that all about? She usually
just says, "I'm taking you with me."
184
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,960
I want to tell you something.
We'll talk at two.
185
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,560
I'm gonna tell you this right now.
186
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:10,680
I hate your guts. You're the most
horrible person I've ever met.
187
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:14,960
You are mean, sadistic, twisted and
spiteful. And I owe you an apology.
188
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:21,280
What I said was a cheap shot
about your looks
189
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,320
and you don't deserve that.
No-one deserves that.
190
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:28,520
You're right. Thank you.
191
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:32,720
What the hell are we doing this for
anyway? This won't solve anything.
192
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,760
We're just putting on a show
for idiots.
193
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,760
If you think you
have to prove something
194
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:42,400
because you're a woman, you don't.
You came and built
195
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:46,280
a successful business in this awful
place. You have accomplished plenty.
196
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:51,120
Oh, my God! You're coming on to me!
What?
197
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:56,240
Peddle your sugar to somebody else,
cos this bee ain't buyin'. What?!
198
00:21:56,240 --> 00:22:00,240
The last thing I need is some young
punk frolicking in my nethers.
199
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:04,360
You don't listen t...
I try to talk to you... Ew!
200
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:11,240
Do you hear anything?
Mom's still crying.
201
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:16,360
Did she ever go to sleep? At 3 she
went from sobbing to a quiet whimper.
202
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:18,960
She's just trying to psych us out!
203
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:24,240
I don't think so. When was the last
time you heard Dad yell and Mom cry?
204
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,960
You're right.
Something weird is going on.
205
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,920
They've been whispering a lot, too.
I just figured it out.
206
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,960
Oh, no. Oh, no!
207
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,160
(CHEERING)
208
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:46,200
I've never seen her like this.
What do you expect?
209
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,320
The boy tried
to jump in bed with her!
210
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,360
Dude, she's killing you!
Do something.
211
00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:56,040
I will not hit a woman.
Then, here. Take this.
212
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,840
What is it?
A screwdriver. Jab and twist.
213
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,840
I'm not using the screwd... Aaargh!
214
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,040
Fight. Ugh!
Back. Ugh!
215
00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:15,840
Ease up on him.
His only crime was loving you.
216
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,560
Ugh! You disgust me.
You better run home to Mama,
217
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:24,360
so she can kiss your tears away and
make you cocoa and tell you - Ugh!
218
00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:26,600
Yeah! Yeah! (CHEERING)
219
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,360
My mother's a tormented
control freak.
220
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:33,120
It would never occur to her
to make me cocoa!
221
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,640
(SPITS / PING!)
222
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:37,600
(CHEERING)
223
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:50,760
You're going down, college boy.
Bring it on, you toad.
224
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:52,760
(CHEERING)
225
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,640
Yeah! Yeah!
(WHISTLING / CHEERING)
226
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:35,480
Ned. Daryl. You're up.
Somebody help me clear this floor.
227
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,320
Alright. I'll get the camera.
228
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:55,640
If anyone at school asks,
your name's Bernard.
229
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,600
You like carrots
and having your tummy scratched.
230
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:06,560
'No. We've been waiting for hours.
Now please give us the information.'
231
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:12,080
Negative?! Negative! That's
a good one, right? Yes, thank you.
232
00:25:18,120 --> 00:25:22,200
If Mom does a load of blankets
I'll bring you a friend.
233
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:28,200
Oh!
Mom. Dad. We have something to say.
234
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:32,080
We know why you've been crying.
You don't have to protect us.
235
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:35,840
We think getting a divorce
is a great idea. What?
236
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:40,160
You don't have to stay together.
We've known for years it was a sham.
237
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,160
Your relationship isn't working.
238
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,920
Mom needs a man who'll control her
and Dad needs someone younger.
239
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:51,160
You both deserve some happiness.
I think we all do. Amen to that.
240
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,760
We should go to a motel with Dad.
241
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,600
Our bags are packed.
Mom, you're still part of our lives.
242
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,760
We'll see you every other weekend.
Call us any time.
243
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,000
We've already discussed it.
244
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,760
I get full custody.
245
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,880
IMS Subtitles
246
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,800
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