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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,666
Okay.
2
00:00:00,666 --> 00:00:03,266
Whoa-whoa-whoa,
where's Chris?
3
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:04,500
Chris said he had to work late.
4
00:00:04,566 --> 00:00:07,033
Good, then he'll be home soon.
5
00:00:07,033 --> 00:00:08,300
Julius,
6
00:00:08,366 --> 00:00:09,600
your son is trying to kill me.
7
00:00:09,633 --> 00:00:12,533
Go find him and stop him.
8
00:00:12,733 --> 00:00:13,400
Okay.
9
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,000
Whoa-whoa-whoa,
where's Chris?
10
00:00:16,033 --> 00:00:17,233
Chris said he had to work late.
11
00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:19,766
Good, then he'll be home soon.
12
00:00:19,766 --> 00:00:21,033
Julius,
13
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:22,333
your son is trying to kill me.
14
00:00:22,366 --> 00:00:25,266
Go find him and stop him.
15
00:00:25,833 --> 00:00:26,800
I just need
to understand
16
00:00:26,833 --> 00:00:29,200
why you would talk
to your mother like that.
17
00:00:29,266 --> 00:00:31,300
Dad, Drew and Tonya
were sitting down watching TV,
18
00:00:31,333 --> 00:00:33,800
and I'm the only one
Mom said to go clean up.
19
00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:35,500
It's just not fair.
20
00:00:35,566 --> 00:00:37,300
You raised me to stand up
for myself,
21
00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:39,733
so why do I get in trouble
when I do it at home?
22
00:00:39,766 --> 00:00:41,566
Look, Chris, you might
win the battle,
23
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:42,533
but you're gonna
lose the war.
24
00:00:42,566 --> 00:00:46,233
Sometimes it's not
about just being right.
25
00:00:46,266 --> 00:00:47,533
Hey, look,
26
00:00:47,566 --> 00:00:49,433
you need to apologize
to your mother.
27
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:52,233
Why?
28
00:00:52,266 --> 00:00:54,233
Because she will make
your life miserable.
29
00:00:54,266 --> 00:00:56,300
You know how many times
I've been right
30
00:00:56,333 --> 00:00:57,966
and still had
to apologize?
31
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,400
469,531 times.
32
00:01:01,466 --> 00:01:02,466
And counting.
33
00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:04,466
How is that even possible?
34
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Because she doesn't care.
35
00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:06,700
It doesn't make any sense.
36
00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:07,300
Exactly.
37
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:09,500
Look, that's the #1 rule
38
00:01:09,533 --> 00:01:12,500
of living with women:
nothing makes sense.
39
00:01:12,566 --> 00:01:13,966
When you learn this,
40
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,933
then you'll finally understand
what it is to be a man.
41
00:01:16,966 --> 00:01:20,433
Wrong or right, you
still have to be sorry.
42
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:24,333
I had survived the walk home.
43
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,033
Now all I had to do
was apologize,
44
00:01:26,066 --> 00:01:28,233
and my life would go back
to normal.
45
00:01:29,233 --> 00:01:31,033
So did you
talk to him?
46
00:01:31,066 --> 00:01:32,900
I talked to him.
47
00:01:32,933 --> 00:01:33,900
Good.
48
00:01:33,933 --> 00:01:36,833
Chris, clean up the table
and do the dishes.
49
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,933
No.
50
00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:46,166
Well, it's been nice
knowing you, America.
51
00:01:50,433 --> 00:01:52,000
CHRIS ROCK:
I had put my foot down.
52
00:01:52,033 --> 00:01:54,433
But unfortunately,
it was into my own grave.
53
00:01:54,466 --> 00:01:56,133
So I thought
you talked to him?
54
00:01:56,166 --> 00:01:57,133
I did.
55
00:01:57,166 --> 00:01:58,166
And he's got a point.
56
00:01:58,233 --> 00:01:58,966
What?!
57
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,833
Why should Drew and Tonya
watch TV
58
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:02,100
while Chris cleans up
their mess?
59
00:02:02,133 --> 00:02:06,133
I do not have to explain
to him why I do
60
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:07,133
the things
that I do.
61
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,533
If I want him to do something
62
00:02:08,566 --> 00:02:10,800
that I don't want
the other kids to do,
63
00:02:10,866 --> 00:02:12,966
I probably have a good reason!
64
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:15,033
And do you have a good reason?
No.
65
00:02:15,066 --> 00:02:16,933
But that doesn't matter!
66
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,500
He's growing up, Rochelle.
67
00:02:18,533 --> 00:02:21,566
If you ask him to do something
that seems unfair,
68
00:02:21,566 --> 00:02:22,600
he's gonna
want to know why.
69
00:02:22,666 --> 00:02:25,033
You wanted a strong-minded kid,
well, you got one.
70
00:02:26,066 --> 00:02:27,866
Oh.
71
00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:30,000
Okay, I-I see.
72
00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:31,300
Oh, if he wants to be grown,
73
00:02:31,333 --> 00:02:33,200
then he's grown.
74
00:02:33,966 --> 00:02:35,100
Fine.
75
00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:37,266
How come when a woman
says "fine,"
76
00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:41,000
it's never actually fine?
77
00:02:41,066 --> 00:02:42,066
First thing in the morning,
78
00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:44,566
my mother did
the meanest thing yet: nothing.
79
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:46,333
Why didn't you wake me up?
I'm late for school.
80
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,100
You're grown.
Wake yourself up.
81
00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:49,566
You don't want to
do nothing for me,
82
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,966
I ain't doing
nothing for you.
83
00:02:51,033 --> 00:02:52,100
And she didn't.
84
00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:54,200
She didn't do my laundry.
85
00:02:54,233 --> 00:02:55,900
Where are my underwear?
86
00:02:55,933 --> 00:02:57,166
You're grown.
Wash your own drawers.
87
00:02:59,166 --> 00:03:02,233
She didn't make my meals.
88
00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:03,233
Where's my breakfast?
89
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,233
You're grown.
90
00:03:04,266 --> 00:03:05,500
You can cook your own food.
91
00:03:06,533 --> 00:03:09,333
I was trying to become
my own person,
92
00:03:09,366 --> 00:03:11,333
but my mother still thought
she owned me.
93
00:03:13,333 --> 00:03:14,633
What you think
you're doing?
94
00:03:14,666 --> 00:03:18,000
I'm making breakfast.
95
00:03:18,033 --> 00:03:20,333
With my eggs?
96
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,333
No, I bought the eggs,
and I bought the bacon.
97
00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:23,500
Oh.
98
00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:24,500
(chuckles)
99
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,266
Well, you ain't
buy that skillet.
100
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:27,633
You ain't buy that fire.
101
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,933
You ain't buy that spatula.
You ain't buy that plate.
102
00:03:29,966 --> 00:03:31,833
Next time, I'll remember
to buy a paper plate.
103
00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:33,666
Ooh! Next time?
104
00:03:33,733 --> 00:03:36,600
Oh, next...? "Oh, next time,
I'll remember to buy a paper..."
105
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:37,500
No, next time,
106
00:03:37,566 --> 00:03:40,266
you need to remember
this ain't your kitchen!
107
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:43,633
This ain't your stove.
This ain't your floor.
108
00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:45,266
Those ain't your
frozen gizzards.
109
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,033
That ain't your...!
You say none of this is mine,
110
00:03:47,033 --> 00:03:48,733
maybe I should find
someplace else to be.
111
00:03:48,766 --> 00:03:50,366
Uh-oh!
112
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:51,366
Did y'all see that?
113
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:52,866
I guess he
jumping bad now.
114
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,666
You bad!
I guess you Shaft!
115
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:56,533
You's a bad mother...
116
00:03:56,533 --> 00:03:58,300
Shut your mouth! No.
117
00:03:58,333 --> 00:04:00,633
Since you're so independent,
so liberated,
118
00:04:00,666 --> 00:04:02,700
maybe you need to go live
in the Statue of Liberty.
119
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:03,866
Fine.
120
00:04:03,933 --> 00:04:06,633
I'm leaving.
121
00:04:06,666 --> 00:04:08,033
I stood my ground,
122
00:04:08,033 --> 00:04:11,266
and now I was gonna be
standing out on the street.
123
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,400
CHRIS ROCK:
I left the house
before my mother
124
00:04:14,433 --> 00:04:16,400
asked for her suitcase back.
125
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:17,366
Just say you're sorry.
126
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:18,566
What for?
127
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,233
Because you just got kicked out.
128
00:04:20,266 --> 00:04:21,466
Look, I don't care, all right?
129
00:04:21,533 --> 00:04:23,333
It's better than doing
everyone else's work.
130
00:04:23,366 --> 00:04:25,566
If you had been
cleaning up after me
131
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:27,600
for the past ten years,
you'd know how I felt.
132
00:04:27,666 --> 00:04:28,566
How you gonna eat?
133
00:04:28,566 --> 00:04:29,900
I-I got a job.
134
00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:30,766
Where you gonna stay?
135
00:04:30,833 --> 00:04:32,466
I'll find a place.
136
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,400
Will you quit being stupid,
137
00:04:33,466 --> 00:04:35,466
and go clean the kitchen
like Mama told you?
138
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:38,700
Look, if you want it clean
so bad, you go do it.
139
00:04:39,733 --> 00:04:40,633
So you're really leaving?
140
00:04:40,666 --> 00:04:42,333
Yeah.
141
00:04:43,333 --> 00:04:45,433
Well, can I have your radio?
142
00:04:45,433 --> 00:04:47,166
Fine.
143
00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:50,500
Good luck, Chris.
9681
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