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1
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:08,338
How exciting. A field trip
to the planetarium.
2
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:10,676
What a day for my nanny
to be sick.
3
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:12,281
I don't feel sorry
for you.
4
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:13,653
My nanny's waiting
for kidneys.
5
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:17,091
I won't have help
for months.
6
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:20,348
Oh, I used to come here
for midnight laser shows.
7
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,358
As soon as the lights
went out,
8
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:23,660
they cranked up
the Pink Floyd.
9
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,391
Within seconds,
this whole place smelled
10
00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:27,456
like the inside
of my high school
boyfriend's van.
11
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:28,795
You gonna have
a flashback?
12
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,459
Do you want to call
your sponsor?
13
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,768
I don't do drugs!
14
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,470
Oh, well, your eyes are red
and your speech is slurred,
15
00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:36,673
so we just assumed.
16
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,514
Yeah, okay,
for your information,
17
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,369
I'm not some
druggie loser, okay?
18
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:41,708
My eyes are red
19
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:44,382
because I've been crying
because my life is sad.
20
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:47,482
And my speech is slurred
because I'm holding in a filling
21
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:50,075
with my tongue. So ha!
22
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,715
Oh, come on.
It's starting.
23
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:56,324
Can we just sit down?
24
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,825
(grunts)
25
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,334
Lindsay, switch with me.
26
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,196
Why?
27
00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:09,865
Because I don't want to sit
behind the financial aid kid.
28
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,173
That's Ritchie!
29
00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:12,865
Yeah, switch with me.
30
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,376
Do you have any idea how hard
it is for me to get up?
31
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,609
Yeah, 30 pounds harder
than me. Let's go.
32
00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:25,792
You know what,
Christine? You're short.
33
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,889
Let me have the aisle
so I can stretch my legs.
34
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,161
I'm not short. I'm five-five.
35
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:31,491
Or four.
36
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:32,885
Three. Two.
37
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,156
All right, fine.
38
00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,869
Oh! This seat is all wet!
39
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:42,341
Did something happen?
40
00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:44,270
Oh, no. Lindsay,
did something happen?
41
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,205
I didn't even hear
you sneeze this time.
42
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,880
It's not that.
I am soaked.
43
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,909
Oh, no. Wait.
I'm soaked, too.
44
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,784
I think our water broke.
45
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:55,923
You share water?
Christine, you're gonna
have to take us
46
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,919
to the hospital.
Me?
47
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,651
Yeah, we can't
drive ourselves.
48
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,287
We're going
into labor.
It'll be a treat.
49
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,262
You get to drive
a $50,000 car.
Oh, fine.
50
00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:05,931
Ow! Ow! Ow!
I think I'm having
a contraction!
51
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,629
You're imagining it.
It doesn't happen that fast.
52
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:08,931
Ow! Ow! Ow!
53
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,932
Oh, come on.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
54
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,925
Someone's stepping
on my toe! Ah!
55
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,367
Ow!
56
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,913
Here?
A little more?
57
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:25,905
Here?
Okay.
58
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:26,906
What? Just gonna...
59
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,447
Stop. No!
Sorry.
60
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,453
God, you guys are so lucky
to be in the hospital
61
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,416
with adjustable beds
and free cable,
62
00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:35,815
people bringing you food.
63
00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:40,556
(gasps) Oh, it's
gonna be pot roast
for dinner!
64
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:44,574
Man, I wish I had
health insurance.
65
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:47,898
All right, well, good luck,
ladies. Happy babies.
66
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,635
What? You can't
just leave us.
67
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,211
Sure, I can. I'm sure
68
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,440
your husbands are gonna be here
any minute.
69
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:56,414
Oh, our husbands
aren't coming.
70
00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:58,354
What? Why not?
71
00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:02,379
They're playing golf...
in Scotland.
72
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:03,846
Why would they leave the country
73
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:04,954
when you're nine months
pregnant?
74
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,345
Well, to be fair,
they left
75
00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:08,917
when we were
seven months pregnant.
76
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:11,586
Well, my rear end is wet
from somebody else's water,
77
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:15,255
so I'm not having a great day
either.
78
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:18,266
Some friend you are.
79
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:20,299
Friend? I'm not your friend.
80
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,504
Christine, how
could you say that?!
81
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:25,336
That really hurts
our feelings!
82
00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:27,513
Feelings? You don't
have any feelings.
83
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,541
You guys are
terrible to me.
84
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:32,847
You tease me and
make fun of me,
85
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,550
you spread rumors
about me.
86
00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:37,552
Yeah. Friends.
87
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:39,315
Christine, we're just
giving you the business.
88
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:41,563
I do it to Chub's
over there all the time.
89
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,559
She does.
90
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,961
Aw, Christine, we love you.
91
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:47,402
We would have asked you
to have a baby with us
92
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,558
if you weren't so old, friend.
93
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,797
Oh! Christine, please
don't leave us.
94
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,732
What about your parents?
95
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:54,567
South America.
96
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,472
Betty Ford.
97
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,974
Oh, God, Christine, it hurts.
Please, we need you.
98
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:00,736
We have nobody.
99
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:02,584
And you of all people
know how that feels.
What?!
100
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,380
Friend!
101
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,782
What are you talking about?
You two have each other.
102
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:09,484
Fine, well, you can forget
about that intervention
103
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,317
we were planning
for you.
104
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,322
I don't need
an intervention.
105
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:14,324
(groaning)
106
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,885
(groaning)
107
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:21,663
Fine, I'll stay, only if I can
have a toke off that epidural.
108
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,001
New Christine's mom
came down to help
109
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,036
with her wedding gown,
so they kicked me
110
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,411
out of the house.
111
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:38,510
What the hell
is that?
112
00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:41,616
It's the same tux James Bond
wore in Casino Royale.
113
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:44,649
All I need is an Aston Martin
convertible.
114
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:47,715
And some carpet
staples to keep that
from blowing off.
115
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:53,088
Oh, you noticed this?
116
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,956
Must be bad lighting in here.
117
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,796
Yeah. The lights are on.
118
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,472
I got it for the wedding.
119
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:03,501
New Christine's family
doesn't believe in bald.
120
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:06,907
And they believe in
wearing beavers on
your head?
121
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,980
(phone rings)
Wait.
122
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,009
Hello.
123
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,483
Matthew, it's an emergency.
124
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,482
I'm at the Mar Vista Hospital.
125
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,954
I need you to come down here
126
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,422
and bring me
a dry pair of pants.
127
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,493
That was the call.
128
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:26,057
Whee!
129
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,703
Yeah, see?
130
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:30,528
The nice doctor's drugs
make everything better.
131
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,374
Christine, you're
a lifesaver.
132
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:33,770
You're my best friend.
133
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,871
Mine, too. My best
and most joyous friend.
134
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,614
I feel like I could
tell you anything.
135
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:39,939
Oh, you know, please don't.
136
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,073
Christine,
137
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,408
my husband doesn't know this,
138
00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:47,854
(whispers):
but I voted for Barack Obama!
139
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,651
Oh, please,
that's nothing.
140
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:54,424
Christine, my husband thinks
I'm 32. (chuckles)
141
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:57,485
So, everyone skims off
a year or two.
142
00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:58,855
(hoarse laugh)
143
00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:03,857
Yes, we can! (laughs)
144
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:10,701
Christine, do you
recognize me?
145
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,568
It's your brother Matthew.
146
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,806
Yeah, I know who you are.
147
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:18,712
Who's the game-show host
you brought with you?
148
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,506
Oh, you noticed this?
149
00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:21,948
The light's terrible
in here.
150
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,852
It's just gonna be
candlelight at the wedding.
151
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:24,894
Yeah, I'd be careful
with that.
152
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:27,558
That thing looks
flammable.
153
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:28,688
So what's the emergency?
154
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:29,792
Marly and Lindsay are in labor.
155
00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:30,823
I need your help.
156
00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:32,458
What do you need us
to do?
157
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:35,433
Well, I need Matthew to help me
with the ladies,
158
00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:37,403
and you might want to go home
and feed the ferret.
159
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:40,866
I can't go back
to my house.
160
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,441
New Christine's mom
is here helping her
with her wedding gown.
161
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:44,941
And lay off my hair.
162
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:47,042
It's not quite right,
but it hasn't been styled yet.
163
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:50,744
Yeah, it hasn't stopped
breathing yet either.
164
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:52,978
I'm not really sure
what you want me
to do in there.
165
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,683
I want you
to help calm them down.
166
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,745
You're a therapist.
You know how to talk to crazies.
167
00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:57,954
Christine!
168
00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:00,685
We need you!
169
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:01,921
Matthew is here to help me.
170
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,585
He was great
when I was in labor.
171
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:04,864
Everything is gonna be okay.
172
00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,862
Oh, I love you
so much.
I love you.
173
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,634
Okay, love you, too. Love you.
174
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,703
What's going on
in there?
175
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,002
I'm their friend.
176
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,773
I mean,
as long as they're sedated.
177
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,913
Excuse me. Can we talk
178
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,908
about your memory
of our child's birth?
179
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,680
How exactly was
Matthew "great"?
180
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,209
He was a 16-year-old
close-up magician.
181
00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:25,783
The only reason he showed up
was because the maternity ward
182
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:29,853
was probably gonna be
his only opportunity
to see a vagina.
183
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,493
I saw three.
184
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,920
And I didn't see
another one until
after college.
185
00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,126
Christine, I took care
of you the whole night.
186
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,558
Oh, yeah, I remember.
187
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,073
(Christine moaning)
188
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,998
You okay?
Are you okay?
189
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:49,074
Keep breathing.
Just keep breathing.
190
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,802
Keep breathing.
191
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,508
Push the button! Push it!
192
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,110
Oh, oh, okay.
There we go.
193
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,711
Here we go.
Oh! Ow! Oh!
194
00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:58,154
I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
195
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,148
Yes.
Are you okay?
196
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,749
Yes.
197
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,521
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Keep breathing.
198
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:03,820
Stop telling me to breathe!
What are you doing?!
199
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:04,991
Oh! Okay.
200
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,858
God, move me in!
Move me in! In!
201
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:09,518
Okay, okay, I'm gonna
move you in.
202
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,517
Keep breathing.
Breathe.
203
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:11,688
Just breathe, breathe,
204
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:13,825
breathe. Okay.
Breathe, breathe.
205
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:15,231
(shrieks)
206
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,962
(panting)
207
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,540
Get in the chair.
208
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:23,539
Okay. Oh, okay.
209
00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:25,311
Are you all right?
210
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,678
Very nervous. Very nervous.
211
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,838
Now just breathe.
212
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,554
That's all you remember?
213
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:35,120
Well, that and the pot roast.
214
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:37,078
MARLY:
Christine, I'm starting
to feel pain again!
215
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,747
LINDSAY:
Me, too! Why am I
feeling pain?!
216
00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,287
Matthew, they need us.
Are you ready?
217
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:42,561
What's he gonna do?
218
00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:43,920
I beg your pardon.
219
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,627
I had a fall semester
of medical school.
220
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,229
I'm 1/16th a doctor.
221
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:51,160
I watched the first
eight seasons of ER.
We're tied.
222
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,698
You know what?
223
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,573
I can't get into
this right now.
224
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:56,242
I have patients
to attend to.
Excuse me.
225
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:01,242
For the record, I did a few
things right that night, too.
226
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:02,944
It doesn't matter anymore.
227
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:05,076
It matters because
your memories are manufactured.
228
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:09,082
And your hair is manufactured,
so we're even.
229
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:13,916
Matthew can handle it.
He's a rock.
230
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,994
And I'm done with vaginas.
231
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:19,985
But they are not done with you.
232
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,998
Matthew, are you
gonna be okay?
233
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:28,844
Yeah, yeah,
I think so.
234
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:32,069
Boy, I didn't see anything
like those after college.
235
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:35,775
They look so angry.
236
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,339
Yeah, well, just wait.
237
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,677
Pretty soon, they're gonna
start throwing things.
238
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,083
Do you want
to sit down?
239
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,684
No, no. I just needed
to catch my breath.
240
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:44,847
I'm cool, though.
241
00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:46,345
Christine, help us!
We need you!
242
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,056
Okay, we gotta
go back in.
243
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,718
No, no, I'm never going
in there again...
244
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,887
as a doctor or a man.
(retches)
245
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,225
Well, for God's sakes, Matthew.
246
00:09:54,261 --> 00:10:00,031
All right, fine.
I'll go do this by myself.
247
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:02,097
Is it really
that bad in there?
248
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,705
Oh, yeah, there's
some kind of a liquid...
249
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:07,168
(retching)
250
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:12,147
...and, uh, swelling
of the... (retching)
251
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:18,019
...and then what
looked like a clump
of grapes. (retching)
252
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:23,191
Come on. Let's get you
some ice chips, Doc.
253
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,788
(sighs):
Oh, God.
254
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,127
Christine, we need more drugs.
255
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:30,101
We can't do this.
256
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,870
They can't give you any more,
because you're too far along.
257
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:33,870
I don't care.
258
00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:35,371
I can really feel this.
259
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:37,002
I have money;
why do I have to feel things?
260
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,667
(panting)
261
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:42,136
They said they can't give you
any more drugs.
262
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:43,375
They can't, but you can.
263
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:45,150
What do you have in your purse?
264
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,148
40 cents and a spare
pair of underwear.
265
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,150
Won't even be able to get
out of the parking lot.
266
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:50,352
Well, you drink a ton of wine.
267
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:51,353
Go get us some wine!
268
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:52,454
No!
269
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,215
Wine isn't good for your babies.
270
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:57,224
It has been nine months;
the brains are done by now.
271
00:10:57,257 --> 00:11:00,127
Okay, believe me, if I had wine,
272
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,160
I would've broken it out
three centimeters ago.
273
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,255
Oh, God!
274
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:04,766
(Marly and Lindsay groaning)
275
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:05,768
Oh, I'm sorry.
276
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:07,299
I'm sorry you're in
277
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,704
all this pain, but it's
gonna be over soon, okay?
278
00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:11,907
And then you're gonna have
your beautiful babies.
279
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:14,109
And your husbands
will be home from Scotland,
280
00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:15,381
and everything will be fine.
281
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,178
It will not be fine.
282
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,380
My husband is in Scotland.
283
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,182
And there's a 50% chance
284
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,884
that this baby will be
a tennis pro.
285
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:23,876
(wailing)
286
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:26,147
(sobbing)
287
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,786
Okay, but you're gonna have
a beautiful baby.
288
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,222
And the baby will love you.
289
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:31,827
No, no.
290
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,459
The baby will love me
for a couple of months.
291
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,733
But then it'll start
crying for the nanny.
292
00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:38,003
And then I'll have
to fire the nanny.
293
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,171
And then I'll have
to take care of it myself.
294
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,470
(sobbing)
295
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,141
Oh, God, you're so lucky
you're divorced.
296
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:44,840
And too old to have a baby.
297
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,772
Lucky? What?
298
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,207
What, are you kidding me?
299
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:51,181
I go to bed alone every night,
all right?
300
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:54,351
My baby is 13 years old;
he doesn't need me anymore.
301
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:55,951
And I'm so stressed out,
302
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:58,853
my fillings are
falling out of my teeth.
303
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:02,186
And you two are my only friends!
304
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,292
(sobbing)
305
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,829
(all sobbing)
306
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,402
Hey, what's going on?
307
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,800
Oh, God, we can't do this, okay?
308
00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:15,043
It's just so hard to be a mom.
309
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,298
It breaks your heart every day.
310
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:20,437
God help us all.
311
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,443
Okay, okay.
312
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,405
Everybody needs
to settle down,
313
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:28,184
because everything
is gonna be okay.
314
00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:31,115
Okay, you sit
right there.
315
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:33,091
You're gonna be
my special helper.
316
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,150
Okay?
317
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,187
Marly,
318
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:36,922
I need you to relax.
319
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,557
No. And I need you to kill me.
320
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:39,791
(sobbing)
321
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,227
Okay, okay.
Come on now.
322
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,331
Take five fast breaths.
323
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:43,402
I'll do it with you.
324
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,430
Ready? Here we go.
325
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:45,434
Here we go.
Okay.
326
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,795
(both panting)
327
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,095
(all panting)
328
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,296
That's it.
329
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:51,297
Way to go.
330
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:52,568
You got this, no problem.
331
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,065
I want you
to keep breathing.
332
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,377
Okay, slow it down now.
333
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:56,908
Now we're gonna take
three long breaths.
334
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,154
Okay.
Ready?
Everybody, here we go.
335
00:12:58,178 --> 00:12:59,148
(inhales)
336
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,949
(all exhale)
337
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,222
(exhales)
There we go.
There we go.
338
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:04,820
That's it, that's it.
339
00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:06,222
Okay. Everything's
gonna be all right.
340
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:07,923
Okay.
341
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:10,015
Richard, come see if I'm
gonna be all right. Oh, God.
342
00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:13,387
(gasping)
343
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:15,556
How you doing, Sunshine?
344
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:17,125
Ice chips.
345
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,204
I want you to just
keep breathing, okay?
346
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:19,371
Uh-huh.
347
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,229
RICHARD:
Your breathing is the key.
348
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,598
I'll do anything
you want me to do.
349
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:27,136
You don't play tennis, do you?
350
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,284
Right now, I just want
you to keep breathing.
351
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,139
Do you want me
to breathe, too, Richard?
352
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:34,578
Yes. Everyone should keep
breathing until I say otherwise.
353
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,047
Hey, Mars.
354
00:13:39,086 --> 00:13:40,946
Hey.
355
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:42,858
You're doing an
amazing job, sister.
356
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,360
In fact,
357
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,091
I think it's time
to get the doctor in here
358
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:47,926
and meet those beautiful babies.
359
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,101
Keep breathing, okay?
360
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:51,199
I am really proud of you guys.
361
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:52,931
Well, do we really
need the doctor?
362
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,496
I mean, can't you just do it?
363
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,566
Yeah, you're so wonderful.
364
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,344
And the doctor doesn't love us
the way you do.
365
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,643
I'll talk to him.
366
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,914
Keep breathing.
367
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,553
I'll be right back.
368
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,121
Wow.
369
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:15,223
You were amazing
in there with them.
370
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:18,225
You're like that guy in Florida
who puts the crocodiles to sleep
371
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,888
by rubbing their stomachs.
372
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,228
(chuckles)
Yeah, well, you forgot
373
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:24,102
I can be pretty good
in a crisis.
374
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:26,171
You were perfect.
375
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,939
I think Marly and Lindsay
376
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,568
might have fallen in love
with you a little bit.
377
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:33,143
(laughs)
378
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,178
What?
379
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,979
Why you looking at me like that?
380
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:40,281
I was just remembering
the night that Ritchie was born.
381
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,149
(gasping)
382
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:45,154
Are you okay?
383
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:46,345
You okay, baby?
384
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,186
Oh, it hurts
like a mother.
385
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,691
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
386
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,192
Here comes
another one.
387
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,234
Okay, breathe, breathe.
Here comes.
388
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:53,429
(groaning screams)
389
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,260
Okay, just breathe.
Okay.
390
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:58,225
(screaming)
391
00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:04,142
(sobbing)
392
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:06,141
The contractions are
coming closer together,
393
00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:09,343
and you seem to be
handling the pain better.
394
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:10,636
Oh, Richard!
395
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,177
I-I can't do this.
396
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:13,952
I don't think I can do this.
397
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,381
You listen to me.
You can do this.
398
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:19,085
You are a strong,
sexy, amazing woman.
399
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,089
And you look so beautiful.
400
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:22,261
(snorts)
401
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:24,719
Do I really?
402
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:28,027
Yes. I've never been more in
love with you than I am tonight.
403
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:30,701
(sobs softly)
404
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:32,200
(screaming)
Oh.
405
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:34,002
Oh, another one!
Breathe, breathe.
406
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,344
(screaming)
407
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:38,714
Oh, yeah.
408
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,268
I mean, you were
wonderful that night.
409
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:44,208
Why do I only remember
the bad stuff?
410
00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:46,214
Everyone does that.
411
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,446
It's part of maintaining
a successful divorce.
412
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,553
If you started thinking I was
wonderful, what would happen?
413
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,515
Yeah, what would happen?
414
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,524
(chuckles)
415
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:02,032
I'm gonna go get the doctor.
416
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,102
Okay, I'm gonna
wait right here.
417
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,226
Hey, Matthew,
418
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,537
I have a problem.
419
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:12,039
So do I. There's no place
to look in this hospital
420
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,612
that doesn't make you
want to throw up.
421
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:21,009
I think I'm falling
back in love with Richard.
422
00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:22,248
(retching)
423
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,423
Christine, Richard's engaged.
424
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,415
I mean, you've both moved on
with your lives.
425
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:31,787
Your relationship,
it's ancient history.
426
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:32,794
What are you doing?
427
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,425
I don't know.
428
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,461
Something happened
in that delivery room.
429
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,426
It was just so beautiful.
430
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:40,065
Beautiful? You must
have been looking at it
431
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,500
from a different angle
than I was.
432
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,544
It was like a mob hit.
433
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,540
What am I gonna do?
434
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,172
Get over it!
435
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:48,307
The guy's getting married
in a couple of weeks.
436
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,541
I know; I'm the maid of honor.
437
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:53,547
It's like I'm in
some bad J-Lo movie.
438
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:55,050
(door opens)
439
00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:57,552
Christine, I need
to talk to you.
440
00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:59,424
Matthew, get lost.
No, no.
441
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,092
I am not leaving you
alone with him.
442
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,761
I am a grown woman, okay?
443
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,219
I can control myself.
444
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:08,562
What is it you want
to talk about, handsome?
445
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:12,565
Christine... I had some
weird feelings about you
446
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,799
in the delivery room.
447
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:17,644
I was just telling Matthew,
448
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,810
I had some weird feelings, too.
449
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:21,309
I-I think it was
450
00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:23,111
being back in that
room with you,
451
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:24,543
remembering the night
Ritchie was born.
452
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:26,707
It confused me.
453
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:30,176
I think I'm fell a little
bit in love with you again.
454
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:34,347
Oh, I think I'm a little
in love with you, too.
455
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,557
(chuckles):
This is great.
456
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:38,389
No, this is not great.
457
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:39,585
This isn't real.
458
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,386
It feels real.
459
00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:44,258
In fairness, Richard, you also
thought your hair felt real.
460
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,566
So-so what do we do?
461
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,307
I don't know.
462
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:55,409
Have sex?
463
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:56,642
I can't.
464
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:58,376
I'm engaged.
465
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,581
Right?
466
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,423
Yes. Right.
467
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:06,319
Look, you both had an emotional
response to a shared experience.
468
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:08,223
That doesn't mean
you need to throw away
469
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:10,455
a perfectly good divorce.
470
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:12,390
You know what, maybe try and
think of some of the other
471
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:15,325
shared experiences that led to
that perfectly good divorce.
472
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:17,302
There's a lot you didn't like
about each other.
473
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,700
Don't shrink us,
Matthew, okay?
474
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:21,171
We are two stable adults
who happen to have
475
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:22,801
some unresolved feelings
that we should just
476
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:26,265
probably explore sexually.
477
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:27,766
Right? I mean...
478
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,437
It sounds right.
479
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:32,377
Y-You know what?
480
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,552
It-it does seem like you guys
know what you're doing here.
481
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:36,351
Maybe, I-I was probably wrong.
482
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:37,623
You should probably just
see where this goes, you know?
483
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:38,850
Spend a lot of time together.
484
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,785
Maybe start with dinner.
485
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:41,850
Thank you, Matthew.
486
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:42,618
We really appreciate that.
487
00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:43,855
Thank you.
488
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,390
So you want to go get
something to eat?
489
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:46,385
Sure.
490
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:47,526
Where should
we go?
491
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:48,560
Oh, I don't care.
492
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,255
I'll go anywhere you want to go.
493
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,697
You pick, I'll treat.
494
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:53,201
Aw, that's nice.
495
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:56,543
Hey, Christine,
what are you up for?
496
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,309
I don't know.
497
00:18:58,338 --> 00:18:59,508
I'm starving though;
I haven't eaten all day.
498
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:00,569
Really?
499
00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:02,777
Thought I saw
you eat.
500
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:06,449
No. I had, like, two bags
of chips and some pot roast,
501
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,219
but I didn't eat.
502
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,478
Just because you don't
sit down and use utensils
503
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:12,887
doesn't mean you
aren't eating.
504
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,319
What is that?
505
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:16,264
Is that a joke
about how much I eat?
506
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,689
Aw, that's nice.
507
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,534
You guys are back
to joking with each other.
508
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:24,630
'Cause it kind of sounded like
you were calling me an animal.
509
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,734
And the only animal I saw today
was that guinea pig
510
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:30,566
you were wearing
on top of your head.
511
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:32,413
Why do you have to keep
bringing up my hair?
512
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:34,509
Why do you keep calling it hair?
513
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:35,881
RICHARD:
What is that, Christine?
514
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:36,978
What is that?
515
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,509
What? What do you mean,
516
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:39,505
what is that?
What, is that jealousy?
517
00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:40,846
No, it's not jealousy,
518
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,750
it's a fear of rabies.
519
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:47,287
Just trying to take a little
pride in my appearance.
520
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,520
It's like when you put
that bleach on your upper lip
521
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,456
to make your mustache
less noticeable.
522
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:55,461
You have no ambition and a funky
relationship with your mother!
523
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:56,555
Oh, we're gonna
talk about mothers?
524
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,266
You turned into your mother.
525
00:19:58,298 --> 00:19:59,528
With your father's mustache!
All right, you need
526
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,326
to get out of here,
all right?
527
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:02,938
You need to get out of here
before I shove your...
528
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,399
What?! What?!
My what, Christine?!
529
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:05,737
What are you gonna shove?!
(groans)
530
00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:08,312
So did you two pick out
a restaurant?
34920
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