Original subtitles

- This is a gift for your many years of service here.

- Wow. Thanks, Michael.

Can I just say that of all

the idiots in all the idiot villages in all the idiot

worlds, you stand alone, my friend.

- Hello. - Hey.

Hi. Good to see you.

Just having a little exit interview.

- Yeah, I know. That's why I'm here.

- No, no, no. This is very boring stuff.

Why don't you take a tour?

Have you seen the baler?

No, I'll look at it later.

It's part of my job.

Okay.

- Did you need me to take notes?

- Hey Pam, stay. - Okay.

Um

Alright. Well, then I will proceed.

I just have some

questions that I was going to ask.

Um.

Who do you think you are?

I'm Toby.

Yeah, correct.

Um.

What gives? What...

What gives you the right?

I brought the binder.

Do you want to take a little look?

- Sure. You know what?

That sounds good. I'll take a little looksie.

- Here we go. - Thank you.

What would you improve about Dunder Mifflin?

- This place? Um, I got some ideas.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, I'm not asking it. I'm just reading it out loud.

I'd like to hear the answer.

- Well, let me see. I would, um...

(whispering) I'll kill you.

I guess everything's okay.

I made it this far, right?

What's the point?

- Toby, why don't you open your present?

- No, no, no, no, no. No, hey, hey, hey.

This might not be what I think that I don't even know

is in there because there are a lot of presents in my car

and I don't know which is which.

Suck on this.

What the hell is that?

- Michael? - That's,

what do you mean, Michael?

That's not even my handwriting.

Hey, what the hell is going on here?

Who thought it would be

hysterical to give Toby a rock for his going away gift?

- You did? - No!

- You made me wrap it. I thought it was over the line.

- Okay, you know what that is? You know what that is?

That is

a psych.

Psych.

So, that is not my real gift to Toby.

So, what is your gift?

My gift is forthcoming, Pam.

What is it?

- I am going to give Toby... - Your watch?

Yes, I am.

That was it.

- How did you know that? - I just knew.

- How did you know? - Oh, that is so sweet.

- Well, that's my watch. - Thanks.

I'm going to set it to Costa Rica time.

Hey, that's good.

- It's the kid, look, look, look, look.

Hey, it's the temp, look.

- Oh, my gosh. - It's the temp.

- Is that the police? - Yes.

Well, this is what happened.

Ryan's big project was

the web site, which wasn't doing so well.

So, Ryan,

to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice.

Once as office sales, and once

as web site sales, which is what we refer

to in the business as misleading the shareholders.

Another good term is fraud.

The real crime, I think, was the beard.

(upbeat theme music)

- Oh, my God, Ryan. - Oh, my God.

- Troy, do you know anything about this?

Maybe I do.

- Maybe I do. Enough of your magical riddles.

- I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison.

I'm going to wear my hottest

tracksuit and get my hair done and then be like, Hi, Ryan.

And then all the other prisoners are going to be

like, damn, Ryan, you got a hot ex-girlfriend.

Oh, I would've never treated her so

bad when I was outside of prison.

Play it again.

- [Holly] What's protocol on this?

- Don't really do nothing, I guess.

(knock at the door)

Michael, are you okay?

- I'm just worried about my friend.

Of course, you are.

I'm fine.

I'm holding it together. I have a business to run.

No, hey, stop.

You can let yourself be upset. He's your friend.

You know what I usually find?

Holly is sweet and simple.

Like a lady baker.

I would not be surprised to find out that she had

worked in a bakery before coming here.

She's that kind of warmth.

I'm pretty sure she's baked on a professional level.

- And if the food stations are here and here.

No,

here and here.

Drinks here, then people can mingle.

But then where would the band go?

- What about there? - No, Bob.

I don't know.

It's times like these.

I wish my mother were with me right now.

She'd show me what to do, but that's stupid.

She's not here.

She's at Water Aerobics for the next 45 minutes.

- Phyllis, is that going to be enough food?

- That's all I have in the budget.

- Is it just a matter of money?

Oh, Bob.

Anything for my lovely.

What would I do without you?

- I hope you never have to find out.

See you at the party.

Play it again.

Hey, I got all your texts.

- What's up? - Darryl.

Ryan thinks he's so cool

getting carted off to prison in a designer suit.

Well, guess what. You'll get yours one day, Ryan.

- Would you do me a favor and connect me to Ryan?

Absolutely.

(clears throat)

Right to voicemail.

Hey, Ryan, it's Jim. You know what?

Totally disregard that last voicemail because you

obviously have your hands tied.

Good luck.

**

Cool. A bouncy house.

- Kevin, take your shoes off first.

**

No antigravity machine, huh?

- Sorry, Michael, I don't think they're real.

- Ferris wheel is pretty cool, though.

- Wow. Look at our parking lot.

Yeah, who would've thought?

**

- Is Jim going to propose tonight?

He is, isn't he?

No, he's not.

Is he?

- Oh, he didn't just eat, did he?

- I don't know. He's kind of always eating.

- You know, there's not enough barbecue sauce for the ribs.

- Can one of you pick up some more?

Phyllis?

I'll take care of it. I mean, you can't throw

a party without the help of the committee, can you?

- That would be terrific, Angela.

It would really mean a lot.

It's no problem, Phyllis.

**

**

- Why don't we eat more corn dogs? They're delicious.

- Totally. They're the best. - Corn dogs should be

the standard. Corn dogs should be called hot dogs.

And hot dogs should be called bad dogs.

- Why don't we make corn burgers?

- What a messed-up world.

- Seriously, do you like my idea?

Corn burgers?

- Hey, why don't we go on the Ferris wheel?

- Yeah? - Yeah.

**

Hey, Creed.

- Hey. - Go, go, go. Jim, shut it.

- Creed, I think Pam and I were just going to...

- Shut it, Thank you.

**

What do we have?

They say that they have ribs on the way.

Oh, yeah.

But if you line up enough corn dogs, it looks just like ribs.

- Yes, that's true. - Can't beat a corn dog.

- Yes, you can't. I'll have 50 corn dogs, sir?

So, I'm going to start walking around, I guess.

Heading in a direction a lot of different...

Which way? Which way should I head?

- Do you think? - That way?

- No, I'm not gonna... - That way?

All right, that sounds good.

- It was a pretty good company

but I just couldn't see a future there.

They kept hiring from the outside.

It was easy to get in, but impossible to rise up.

That's what she...

A lot of places are like that.

- I think it's really cool you hired Kevin.

Thanks.

**

Now?

**

- You have it? - Almost.

- Here we go. Here we go. Put it in.

That's my car.

Hey, what are you doing?

Mose!

- What the hell is going on here?

- Nothing you need to know the details about.

- There is a raccoon in the car, Dwight!

No, there's not.

- Why did you do that? - It was playful hazing.

- No, there's no such thing as playful hazing.

Dwight, I want you to look at Holly right now.

Everybody, I want you to look at Holly right now.

And maybe if you look at her

deeply enough, you will see what I see in her.

And that is that we are all very lucky to have her here.

Holly is the best thing

that has happened to this company since World War II.

50 years. She is the best.

Take care of that. All right?

- It's not rabid. - Shh.

- Thanks for bringing that up.

Get it out. Come on, get out.

- I'm really sorry. - Michael,

thank you so much for saying that.

I feel so welcome here.

Um, excuse me.

- Did you see that? Did you see it?

Did you see what?

Wow, wee.

Well, Jan didn't believe

in showing affection, so sometimes I don't know how

to react when her girl touches me.

Oh, I like it. (laughs)

- Hey, Mrs. Vance, we're all out.

- Hey, Angela, we need the barbecue sauce.

Wow.

Did I forget to buy more?

Now you know what it feels

like to have an incompetent assistance.

**

- Hey, Kev, I need you to do me

a solid and go buy some more barbecue sauce.

Okay.

- Cool. You drive your own car?

Yup, this is my car.

Do you drive your own car?

- Yup, just like you. - Okay, Bye.

Bye.

Kevin, I'm really proud of you.

I need you to make

an announcement that this party is a disaster.

- But I don't think it's a disaster.

I think it's fun and I like the food.

- Deep fried Twinkies. It's gross.

- Is that what that is? - Yes.

- You know what? I didn't try those.

I can try this

Ugh.

Fried Twinkies. You kidding me?

Starting to wonder about the food in this place.

Oh, God, that is so good.

- All right, let's hear it for Phyllis

for this awesome party, huh?

Probably the best one that we've ever had.

(applause and cheering)

But the real reason that we are here is to say goodbye

to a guy who we will probably never, ever see again.

And who will probably never

even visit because Puerto Rico is so very far away.

I would like to bring up Toby Flenderson.

Come on up here. Come on. No, no, no.

- No, that's okay. - Toby.

[Everyone] Toby, Toby, Toby, Toby, Toby, Toby.

- Toby has written a fantastic speech for you.

He spent a year on it.

It's very funny and charming

and heartwarming, and it rhymes.

And if it's not any good, he has instructed us all

to storm the stage and beat him to a bloody pulp.

No. (laughs)

So, take it away, Toby!

Woo! (clapping)

Well, uh, okay.

It's really great to be here tonight.

The Ferris wheel, the band, and the low sunlight.

I'll miss you all when I go to Costa Rica.

And if I keep drinking beer

like this, I'm going to have to take a leak-a.

(laughter)

- On a more personal note, I just want to say thanks.

No matter what was going on in my life,

my divorce or the custody

battle or that thing with my sister,

it was just nice knowing I had a supportive place to come to.

- Okay, play the cut off music. - No.

- I'm going to really miss going

to Beers with you guys every Tuesday night.

Yeah.

- And lastly, I'd love to urge you to keep up with my fight,

to have the building checked for radon gas.

You know, It's a real serious matter.

And every time I try to have the...

- Blah, blah, blah, overstaying your welcome.

Let's keep it moving. Let's keep it moving.

Toby, everybody

(applause)

- Now a lot of you know that I

- am an accomplished songwriter. - Song, parody writer.

- I have done things like Beers in Heaven.

- Classic. - Or Total Eclipse of the Fart

- I like that one. - I love them to sing them,

but I am not going to be doing that today.

I am going to be doing

something I wrote specifically for Toby.

Do you know, um?

- Goodbye Stranger. Supertramp? - Yeah.

**

* It was early morning, yesterday *

* I was up before the dawn *

* and I really have enjoyed my stay *

* Toby must be moving on *

When I had my colitis.

Toby was very helpful.

He gave me seven weeks off. When I had my acid reflux,

Toby was not as helpful, so, I'm mixed on Toby.

I gave Toby my buddy Jorge's

number in Costa. He'll hook Toby up with everything.

Cable TV, women.

Oh, and this amazing coffee to snort.

Toby seemed like a nice guy.

I never actually talked to him.

About five years after we started working together,

we were alone in the kitchen, and I almost said something

to him, but by then it seemed

there were more than enough people to talk to already.

* Goodbye Toby, it's been nice *

* Hope you find your paradise *

I'm going to miss Toby.

He has a nice, calming presence in the office.

And don't tell him I said

this, but I always thought he was kind of cute.

* Come tomorrow, feel no pain *

* Feel no pain *

* Toby, Toby, Toby *

* Toby's going away! See ya *

* He's outta here, see ya. He's outta here *

* Goodbye Toby, Goodbye Toby, Goodbye Toby *

* Goodbye Toby *

- Toby is very old. I think that it's good

that he's going to do some things before he, you know,

dies.

I'm going to cry now.

- The Finer Things Club is going to have a spot to fill.

The candidates are Kevin,

Stanley, Meredith, Creed, Phyllis, Angela, uh,

we may have to change it to just The Things Club.

Toby is the flu.

When the flu is attacking your body and making you sick

and making you nauseous and throwing up all over

the place, you have to sweat it out.

And I had to sweat out Toby.

And I feel much better now.

Not bad.

Oh, hey, thanks.

- Someday I would love to hear Beers in Heaven.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, well, actually, too soon.

It's very sexual.

(cell phone ringing)

Sorry.

Kevin.

Kevin, where are you?

You missed my song, buddy.

- Yeah, Michael, I'm at Gerrity's.

You have to come down here.

Just pay for it and we'll

reimburse you when you get back.

No, I brought my money.

Michael, there's something that you need to see.

- What is it? - Just hurry.

Is he okay?

- Yeah, he's at the supermarket, he needs me.

- The party, driving to the supermarket,

it's a big day for him.

Yeah, that's true.

Don't move a muscle.

I will be back momentarily, all right?

Finish your drink. Okay. I'll be back.

**

[Jan] It was good to see you.

- It was great to see Jan. - Wow, okay.

- Hello, Jan. - Hello, Michael.

- Wow. Kevin really?

Sorry, we're in the middle of a party.

Is this why you called me down here?

Yeah, Michael, I just, uh...

I think you kids have a lot to catch up on.

- Oh, okay. - Yeah.

- Thanks, Kevin. Um...

I can't believe it.

Look at you. Are you nauseous?

- No. - Do you have cravings?

You never touched my Propecia or my Accutane, did you?

- No. - Good.

Thank God. Cause that's. Wow.

I'm so happy.

- I am so deliriously happy? - Why?

- Because you're pregnant. And because it obviously

happened when we were together.

And I am very.

- Yeah, it did happen when we were together.

That's true, but you...

are not...

uh, you're not the dad.

You cheated on me?

When I specifically asked you not to?

- No, I did not. I did not cheat on you.

I did not.

Okay, so it's not mine.

And it's not somebody else's.

So, I know

the whole toilet seat thing is a myth, so,

I went to a sperm bank.

- You did? - Yeah.

- When we were going out?

Uh, yeah.

I don't understand.

You always used to be very cautious.

Wear two condoms.

You'd rather have somebody else's sperm than my sperm?

- No, no, no. It's not just any sperm bank.

I mean, this is a really great place. It's amazing

actually. I'm going to bring you the catalog.

You should look through it.

And in fact, it's right next

to that little breakfast place that you like in the city

where you can draw on the tables.

- IHop. - IHop.

If I was 22 and I had lots

of time to have lots of children, then sure.

Let's let Michael have a shot at one of them.

But honestly, I need to make this one count.

That's really good.

I feel so much better to get all that out on the table.

I'm glad you told me.

- Look, I don't know what you're

going to be doing tomorrow, but I have my Lamaze class

in Allentown, and you could come.

I usually use a foam noodle instead of a partner.

- Um, I'll... I'll have to think about it.

Okay.

My whole life, I

have known two things.

I love sex, and I want to have kids.

And I always thought

that those two things would go hand in hand.

But now I think it might be one or the other.

Oh look, they're starting.

(explosion)

(firework crackling)

(clapping and cheering)

(firework crackling) **

* I say to myself, you're such a lucky guy *

- Well, I hope you had fun today

because you're never, ever throwing a party again.

* To have a girl like her is truly a dream come true *

(firework exploding)

* Out of all the fellows in the world she belongs to me *

(firework explosion)

* Well it was just my imagination *

Hey

- Can I have your attention, please?

I was waiting for the right

time to do this, and I can't think of a better

time than right now with the music playing and all

our friends around and fireworks going off.

My parents are here.

Andrew and Ellen Bernard.

Thank you for sharing in this joyous moment.

Miss Angela Martin, will you please join me on stage?

Okay, then I will come to you, my flower.

Dammit!

Angela.

Will you do me the honor

of giving me your tiny hand in marriage?

Okay.

Into the mic, sweetie.

- I said, okay. - She said, yes.

(faint clapping)

And the crowd goes wild.

Woo! (clears throat)

**

(sigh)

I've been carrying that ring

around in my wallet for six years because you don't know

when you're going to meet the right girl.

And the moment is going to be right.

And tonight, with the fireworks

and the music and everything, it was right.

- Can I be a bridesmaid? - No.

**

Well,

it's my own fault.

* *

- Dude, I'm... I'm engaged.

- I know, it's awesome man. It's great.

Mr. Andrew Bernard.

It's got a nice ring to it.

- Hey. Hey, you know, I just realized uh,

I don't have a picture of the two of us.

- Oh, yeah. - Could we?

- Sure. Meredith, do you mind?

Okay.

One, two, three. **

Let's do it again.

Pam, your smile was weird.

- Its digital so, take as many as you want.

**

One, two, three. (camera clicks)

One, two, three. (camera clicks)

I don't know, I just,

I really thought Jim was going to propose tonight.

- Hey, there. - Hey.

- So, you missed something really big?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Andy proposed to one of your accountants.

Oh, wow.

I mean, that's as specific as I can be on my first day.

- Well, I can see Andy proposing to Angela.

I can also see him proposing to Oscar.

So, you know

somehow, after all those ribs, I'm still really hungry.

I was thinking of maybe going

off campus somewhere and getting some dessert.

Oh, well, you know what?

You should go to the Glider Diner.

Ask Stanley about that.

- Practically lives there. - Okay.

- I'll go to the diner with you.

That would be great.

We can go eat pie.

- I love pie. - Me too.

- Have a good night. - Okay.

Bye.

Yeah, it was a good day.

I mean, first days are always the hardest, right?

Well, I should go?

I got to buckle him in.

Well, this is it.

I am here to see you off.

- Thanks. Really Michael?

- Sorry, Corporate policy. - It's not.

You might take something.

- I don't think he's going to take anything.

- Okay, security guard.

(watch beeping)

- Some kind of alarm. - Okay.

Hi, Jan, it's Michael. I just, um,

I just want to let you know

that I am going to go to your Lamaze class tomorrow.

And if there's any details you need to fill me in on like,

what exactly Lamaze is, that would be great.

And I will see you tomorrow morning.

I am going to be kind of a Daddy.

- Party planning is a real high.

Like a runner's high.

(crashing sound) (moaning)

(heavy breathing)

(Gasp) (thumping sound)

(upbeat theme music)