Original subtitles

Yeah, everything!

No, it's all good. It's all good.

Phyllis!

Dancing babies!

Dancing babies.

I love it. I love it.

We are making a commercial

for Dunder Mifflin today.

Our first ad ever.

Corporate purchased some airtime in local markets

to spread the word about Dunder Mifflin Infinity,

and they are even sending up a professional ad company

to help us make it later. So,

it's uh, not too shabby.

Best ad ever,

* Gimme a break, gimme a break *

* Break me off a piece of that *

(chuckling) I am totally blanking.

What is the thing?

Nobody tell him.

What? No, why?

You got it. You're so close.

* Break me off a piece of that *

(hums out the rest of melody)

* Break, ap-ple sauce. *

- Break me off a piece of that apple sauce,

I don't think that.

* - Piece of that Chry-sler car. *

Nope.

* - Foot-ball cream (makes frustrated sound) *

[Michael] Okay.

- It's football cream. It's football cream.

All right, so!

Anybody else? No bad ideas.

Everybody.

Let's keep them coming.

Oh God. Okay. Toby.

- Well you know how everyone fast-forwards

through ads ads these days? Well what about an ad

in slow motion? You know, if they fast forward through it,

it'll just seem normal and and it'll catch your eye.

Plus, uh, the slogan can be, 'Dunder Mifflin,

We adapt to the pace of your business.'

- [Phyllis] Yeah. (group agreeing)

- There are no bad ideas, but for an idea,

that was really, really bad.

- I spent three years in advertising before I came here.

- And that is probably why most ads suck. Pam, yes?

- I'm taking a computer animation class

so I could try to do a logo.

Look at that.

Even the receptionist is getting in on the creativity.

Very good! Very good.

I'm going to commit to this.

I'm going to work really hard on my little,

five-second animation for this paper company logo.

Same way Monet got his start.

He worked at a Waterlily factory.

[Kevin] Michael.

Oh, that's them.

Those are the ad guys right there. All right.

My very fortunate and creative group, go back to your desks

and I will let you know when it is time to film.

(whispering) Pam! Pam, come here for a second.

Did you get the memo about dressing your best?

Yeah.

- About dressing your best today?

Yeah I distribute, so I get all the memos.

- Cool. Cool. I just want to make sure you got it.

Yeah, I get all the memos.

Okay, good. Good.

Hello, hello.

Hey, how you doing?

- Michael Scott, Regional Manager.

Hey, Michael.

Hi, Michael nice to meet you.

Excited to talk ideas.

Us too man.

- You know what? I want this to be cutting edge.

I want it to be fast, quick cuts, you know,

youthful sort of um, MTV on crack kind of thing.

That sounds great.

All right. Good.

Well, this is what we have to work with.

Advertising is about big ideas.

If you want to sell a can of Coke,

you don't just show a can of damn Coke.

You show, a baby, picking flowers on the moon.

And then people are like, 'Whoa! I'm thirsty.'

You know? It's not rocket science.

- This, is Pam Beasley representing our girl-next-door.

Pretty, but nothing special. You know, but she sort of

keeps it real.

What you might want to do, is if you could zoom in

like really quick zooms on her, that would be great.

And if you can't do that,

just lurch in with the camera.

Might be good.

I would like you to meet Andrew Bernard, the NARD-dog.

Who let the NARD-dog out?

(woofs like a dog)

He gives the best back rubs in the office.

- That's true, I give a mean back rub. Also do good

aroma therapy.

(blows raspberry and laughs)

You just got NARD-dogged!

- Now, this gentleman right here, is the key to our

urban vibe.

Urban?

I grew up in a small town, what about me seems urban to you?

Stanley is hilarious.

Phyllis is like our Mrs. Butterworth,

kind of a less urban Aunt Jemima.

These are our accountants.

And as you can see, they are very different sizes.

What you might want to do is kind of a,

a Papa bear, Mama bear, Baby bear thing.

That might be kind of fun.

[Kevin] Mama bear.

- [Michael] Who else? Oh, Creed is the old guy over there.

Don't look at him.

You might wanna, use him to sort of

get that Orville Redenbacher dynamic.

Sure.

Right.

- And if not, we just make him disappear.

This is Jim Halpert. Jim has a very expressive face.

Don't you, Jim?

He is like our Mr. Bean.

(Jim chuckles)

- So do um, do sad. Do, the sad face.

I don't know, what?

That's skeptical. Do sad.

Mmm.

Thaat's pencil pirate.

That's annoyed.

Well, he doesn't do very well under pressure.

No.

(Michael signs audibly)

- And anybody else, we can just hire an actor to replace.

Follow me.

Let's get this moving.

- I think it's great that the company is making commercial

because, not very many people have heard of us.

I mean, when I tell people that I work at Dunder Mifflin,

they think that we sell mufflers,

or muffins, or mittens or,

and frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so,

I let it slide.

(upbeat theme song)

(keyboard noises) (distant phones ringing)

Playing that game again?

Second Life is not a game.

It is a multi-user virtual environment.

It doesn't have points or scores.

It doesn't have winners or losers.

Oh, it has losers.

- I signed up for Second Life about a year ago.

Back then, my life was so great that I literally

wanted a second one.

In my second life, I was also a paper salesman

and I was also named Dwight.

Absolutely everything was the same, except I could fly.

Dwight Schrute played paintball. So played second Dwight.

Dwight Schrute milked a cow, so milked second Dwight.

Dwight Schrute fell in love,

so fell second Dwight.

How things change.

Now I wouldn't wish my real life

on my worst second enemy.

- Little girl in a field, holding a flower.

We zoom back to find the she's in the desert,

and the field is an oasis. We zoom back further,

the desert is a sandbox in the world's largest resort hotel.

Zoom back further. The hotel is actually the playground,

the world's largest prison, but we zoom back further.

- Okay, I can, I can tell that your time is valuable.

- Actually, I don't get paid by the hour anymore,

but thank you. I get paid by the year, so.

- That all sounds really, really ambitious.

Yeah, I know.

- Why don't we show you what we did with the national branch.

Mmm.

Okay.

(lively music)

- That's what we came up with? That sucks.

(laughing) Wow.

That's what we came up with.

- Well, we can do better than that.

Well the main part of the ad has to stay the same, actually.

- Yeah. It's the last five seconds where we have

some leeway.

The waving?

- Well, no, no, you don't have to be waving.

That was just what they did. You guys can be clapping.

Or sitting, standing outside, inside, whatever,

and this is where you really get to be creative.

(phone ringing)

Damn it!

I'm taking a computer animation class, and,

I can draw right into the program using this tablet,

but whenever I plug it in the computer crashes.

It's like, the company knows I'm

doing something to expand myself.

Hello, McFly?

McFly.

Need your help on something.

A little bit of advice. Bro to bro.

(sighs) Break room.

So how's Moe's?

- Enough small talk. What's the advice?

All right.

I've been spending a lot of time making out

with Angela lately.

We've been necking, but only necking, right?

Not actually kissing,

our mouths, just a neck on neck.

It's just like rubbing slash nuzzling our necks together.

It's hot, I'm not going to lie to you,

but it's a little weird,

but you seem like a guy with answers.

So, how do I fast track this? Get to first base?

We cannot talk about this

because

someone might hear us.

We'll use code names.

- Angela can stay the same, but we'll change Andy to Dwight.

That's not different enough.

Dwike?

(subtle computer noises)

- What is the highest form of art? Literature? Ballet?

No, impressions.

Because you are taking someone creative, and you are adding

even more creativity by copying them.

- You have a call from Eddie Murphy.

Hello?

- Shrek! Shrek, I'm a donkey! I'm a donkey, Shrek!

(Michael laughing)

I'm just kidding. It's me.

Hey-o Ry.

What?

Oh, okay. Calm down.

I just have a small problem.

- I told her not to call about small problems.

- Yeah. Well, when I call about big problems,

you don't like that either. So, make up your mind kiddo.

Here is the deal.

The ad guys that you sent are locking me in a creative box,

and sort of ignoring my ideas.

- That's good. They're creative. You're not.

- You know what, here's the thing about you.

You're so dry that sometimes it's hard to tell

when you're kidding.

Here's how you tell,

I'm never kidding.

I'm creative, Ryan.

- It's not part of your job. It's like, maybe you can cook

but that doesn't mean you should start a restaurant.

- Well actually I can't cook and I am starting a restaurant,

Mike's Cereal Shack.

I'm thinking, we'll have as many varieties

as you can buy in the store.

- Okay, I'm not really interested in that right now.

I'm delegating creativity to creative professionals.

It's a different skillset. Look, I wasn't good at sales.

Right?

Yeah!

- But I'm good at managing people who do sales.

- Are you? I don't think you're doing such a great job here,

suppressing ideas and creativity.

All right. Let me ask you this.

Tell me if you think this is creative.

When I was five,

I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn.

And this is before I had even heard of one or seen one.

I just, drew a picture of a horse

that could fly over rainbows, and had a huge spike

in it's head. I was five.

Five years old.

Couldn't even talk yet.

Hey guys, um, you know what, we can not shoot this ad today.

- Okay. When should we come back?

- How about never a hundred hours, sir?

- Well, we were sent here to help

- I'm not gonna argue with this guy.

Let's go. Good luck, dude.

Hey, thanks.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Are you watching?

Yup.

(Pam laughs)

Wow! Beasley.

- Watch it and reverse, his head reformed

like Humpty Dumpty.

- And that's why computers weren't meant to,

how long did it take you?

Half an hour.

Really?

That is true talent.

I mean, making Dwight's head explode like that.

Shh. He'll hear you.

No, he's in a total trance.

- Doesn't he always look like that?

Watch this.

Hey Dwight, there's a bear wrestling a cyborg

out in the parking lot.

Who is that?

Who's the bear or who's the cyborg?

Yeah.

I stand corrected.

Yeah.

Hit it again.

When I was little,

I used to make up these fake ads for my favorite dolls.

And later I thought about going into advertising,

but that seemed kind of like selling out.

And then, I don't know.

I just sort of blinked and, six years went by and

I'm going to go work on my thing.

- All right, I think you've had enough.

- Whatever. This whole world is fake anyway.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't go there.

- Michael, David Wallace. What is this about dismissing

the ad people?

Yeah. I'm glad you called.

Ryan is being a little bitch again.

[Ryan] I'm on Michael.

What's up, my brother?

Listen,

David, I would like to do this ad in-house.

I want to use only the creativity that we have right here

in the office and, I will send it to you tomorrow morning.

Take a look at it.

If you do not think that it's ready to air,

send the ad agency back down here

and we'll do it on my dime.

[David] This is weird.

I'm willing to stake my entire reputation on it.

[David] Okay. I'll,

see it tomorrow.

Okay.

Okay.

- And thus, Michael Scott sealed his own destiny,

in a good way.

My favorite genre of ad would probably be comedy because

there are a lot of very, very talented

writers and directors who are working in the ad game.

And uh, I think within a subcategory within that

would be the talking animals sort of ad.

The frogs or the dogs,

or the,

duck.

I like that. I don't know why.

I just think that's funny.

Hey everybody, I just got off the phone with David Wallace

and he has given us the go-ahead to make the first-ever

Dunder Mifflin television commercial.

Huh?!

(applauding)

[Dwight] Yeah!

All right! Woo!

I can't hear you!

I heard you a little bit less that time.

We'd already applauded.

Must be, okay. Okay.

- Michael is on a mission to prove that he's creative,

which I think is odd because Michael actually might be the

most creative person I've ever known.

Every day, Michael says and thinks things that

no one has ever said or thought before.

- I am a creative person and I can not have

corporate thinking that I'm not creative.

Sorry, Michael, you can't host the Dundees.

We have Chevy Chase and he is a professional.

As cool as that would be, no,

no.

I'd co-host with Chevy Chase.

Has anyone ever come up to you and said,

'You're not creative'?

Yes.

Well, they're wrong.

You are creative.

You are damn creative. Each and every one of you.

You are so much more creative than all of the other dry,

boring morons that you work with.

- Who are you talking to, specifically?

- I kinda know what it's like to be in commercials.

My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man.

When I was younger,

I always want it to be an actor in commercials.

Then I realized I had a brain.

- This will not be my first time in a television commercial.

When I was in high school,

I played a six-year-old, in an electronic store ad.

It was humiliating.

- I'm excited about doing the ad, but,

I'm not really used to doing videos with

so many people around.

- We have three scenes to film, big scenes.

We have a song to write. So let's get cracking.

Kelly, I want you to do makeup.

Oscar, I would like you to do costume design, obviously.

Meredith, I would like you to do catering.

Andy, special effects.

Angela, animal wrangler.

Creed, sound.

Kevin,

grip.

Who can do music?

How about Daryl?

He brought his keyboard to the Christmas party

and he was really very good.

- Okay. Okay. All right. All right.

We'll have Daryl do it.

Phyllis, I'd like you to look around town

and see if we have any celebrities in our local area.

- Do you have an assignment for me?

I do.

I would like you to sit at your desk,

because you are not a creative person.

Thank you, Michael.

- All right. Well, let's get this thing in the can,

as they say.

Part of me,

hopes Stacy will see this commercial and come crawling back.

The other part of me,

just wishes that I hadn't forgotten to pick her up

from the airport.

- Oh, I've fallen for the ol' 'take off your clothes ploy

and be in this commercial'.

But not this time.

Not this time.

Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me saying that I don't care?

Good.

All right, so let's start.

All right.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing, but.

You are my producer. You are a suit.

I am the creative genius.

You take care of all the boring stuff and let my mind just

run free.

Yup.

Now, we have $85 and a Sam Goody gift certificate,

Nice.

- And we need to be done by 9:00 AM tomorrow.

Mhmm.

Why don't you start by telling me what you got?

We start

on a single blank sheet of paper.

Love it.

- And we widen to reveal ancient Rome.

Can't do that.

Okay. We,

widen to reveal a spaceship

blasting out of a woman's womb.

Definitely can't do that.

(bleep), man!

You know what?!

This is (bleep)!

Okay. Scott,

why don't you take your head out of the clouds

and come back down to planet earth

so we can make a commercial.

Ah!

I'm just doing my job, man.

- If you don't let me pursue my artistic vision,

I'm going to walk.

- Good, fine. I've got one Andy Bernard

that will direct this puppy for half your fee.

- No, no. Jim, Jim. Don't, don't, no.

What? What?

- I can do it. I can do it. I can do it good.

I can do it good.

Please, don't.

(mumbling) Please give me another chance.

Okay.

Go make a commercial.

- Do you want this open or closed?

Closed.

(door closes)

- The thing about being a creative type is that,

you throw tantrums.

Who are the most creative people on earth, besides me?

Three-year-olds.

(keyboard clicking)

Is this okay with me?

Yes.

Alright.

- (gasping) Sue Grafton is at the Steam Town Mall,

she's doing a book signing right now.

- Okay. Okay. Phyllis, this is what I want you to do.

I want you to go down to the mall.

I want you to get in line.

I want you to get her to be in this commercial.

This would be a huge coup, people. All right.

Do not take no for an answer!

Okay.

- Does anyone actually know what Sue Grafton looks like?

I mean is she hot or?

She's crazy hot.

- Well then maybe we should just use Angela

and say she Sue Grafton. Would anyone notice?

That's not happening.

I find the mystery genre disgusting.

I hate being titillated.

Bye everyone.

Light it up, Phyllis!

[Creed] Get her, Phyl.

* Out of paper, out of stock *

* There's friendly faces around the block *

* Break loose from the chains *

* That are causing your pain *

* Call Michael and Stanley, *

* Jim, Dwight, Creed *

* Call Indian Kelly *

* For your business paper needs *

* Dunder Mifflin *

* The people person's paper people *

* Dunder Mifflin *

* The people person's paper people *

- Timeout, timeout, timeout, timeout, timeout, timeout.

I thought. I was under the impression that this

was going to be a rap.

What's rap?

- (blows raspberry) Okay. Daryl. Wow.

You need to learn a lot about your own culture.

I'll make you a mix.

Great

News flash.

I got some juicy updates on operation Fallen Angel.

Remind me to tell you later.

Hey.

No talk. I'm animating.

- Why don't we take a quick ten second break from that,

so can show you what's going on here.

Okay. This is Dwight's Second Life.

He's on it all the time.

So much so, that his little guy here

has created his own world.

It's called Second Second Life,

for those people who want to be removed even further

from reality.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

- Oh my God. He's really in pain.

Who's that?

- Oh, that's just my avatar guy. Whatever.

He looks a lot like you.

- How much time did you spend on that?

Not much.

- It's just for, tracking Dwight so.

Right.

- You're a sports writer in Philadelphia?

Nice build, too.

Yep.

- You have a guitar, slung on your back.

I did not know you played guitar.

I, why don't we go back to the

the animation.

- No, no, no! I want to see more of Philly Jim.

Show me how this,

Na! Show me how this works.

Oh, boy.

(piano riff)

* Out of paper *

* Out of stock *

* There's friendly faces around the block *

* Break loose from the chains that are causing you pain *

* Call Michael, Stanley, Jim, Dwight, and Creed *

* Call Indian Kelly for your business paper needs *

* Call Dunder Mifflin *

* People person's paper people *

* Dunder Mifflin *

* People person's paper people *

- Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop,

(hitting piano keys) stop, stop, stop, stop.

This is not me. This is not, it's not my music.

- You're right. It's better than you.

It's us.

* Dunder Mifflin *

* People person's paper people *

- No, no, no, I hate it! I hate it.

I don't hate it. I just don't like it, at all.

And it's terrible.

You're on your own, Mike.

Okay. You know what? Um.

Hold on. Hold on, Daryl.

You just said you hate it.

No. I said I,

You said you hate it.

I said I I I hate the style.

* Break me off a piece of that lumber tar. *

* Snickers bar. *

Oh, okay (claps).

Wow. Wow.

This looks uh, terrible.

That's supposed to be a finish line, that looks like

tape on black top.

I wanted photographers all around here.

I don't see anybody with cameras.

I want a break.

No, no. Just the opposite.

The sun is going down and we have no extras.

We need atmosphere here and we don't have any.

Remember that woman who was kind of weird,

had the curly hair, used to be hanging around?

Who?

- Does anybody have any idea what I'm talking about?

- * Break me off a that piece of that grey poupon *

Andy, Andy, shut it!

This is a pivotal scene of the ad.

Let's focus here.

This is important.

I wanted to see bleachers against this wall and a track!

A running, we should have shot it at a running track.

This is a very important part of our ad.

And if we don't get this, if we don't nail it,

we're going to lose the whole triumph of the moment.

The triumph of the will.

Now, God. What, what Phyllis?

- (sad) Well, I got it in line to buy Sue Grafton's book and

when it came to my turn I asked her if she wanted to be

in the ad and she said, no, thank you.

But I wasn't supposed to take no for an answer.

That'ta girl.

- So I kept on asking and they finally threw me out of

the store in front of all my friends.

(sniffles)

- Did you, or did you not get Sue Grafton?

(Phyllis whimpering)

No.

Oh. You're a.

Can somebody give her a tissue, please?

Creative people have to face obstacles.

Do you know how long it took Martin Scorsese

to shoot The Godfather?

Neither do I, but

(elevator dings)

it got done.

So.

You ready for dinner?

- Oh, I can't go. I'm not done yet.

- I hope you're not killing yourself on this

because I'm sure it's good enough for Michael's ad,

that will probably be seen by no one.

- Maybe, but, it's not good enough for me yet.

Okay.

Do you want me to stay?

No, no. You can go home.

I'm good.

- Really? 'Cause I feel a little weird

leaving you with these particular people.

I have headphones.

- Aw, and you think that's enough. Alright.

[Pam And Jim] Goodnight.

- Everyone has to start somewhere, right?

I mean maybe designing an animated logo for a TV commercial

that will never see the light of day will rocket me

to stardom. Stranger things have happened.

Somewhere, right?

Somewhere where that's happened?

- Pam is staying late tonight to uh, achieve her dreams.

So I'm pretty proud of her.

Unfortunately, she was my ride home.

You coming?

I, uh.

Piss or get off the pot.

The seatbelt's no good.

Late night?

(phone rings)

Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

(phone ringing)

Dunder Miflin, this is Pam.

Good morning.

Yeah. I'm sorry.

I looked away for a second and Creed snatched

your hash browns.

Thank you.

[Jim] You're welcome.

I worked until about 2:45 AM.

And then I had to decide if I wanted to spend the night

with Michael, editing in his office and Dwight,

watching Michael edit in his office,

or drive home and probably fall asleep at the wheel

and die in a fiery car wreck.

I passed out on my keyboard trying to decide.

(Second Second Life game noises)

Hey, where did you get that?

Aaah!

(explosion)

Hey, not fair!

Aah!

Life's not fair.

Let me pour you some bubbly

because somebody got to a whole new level last night.

- Andy, I can't hear this right now.

No, no, no, no.

This is good.

You know how we haven't really gotten anywhere

that I want to get to physically yet?

Well last night, that changed.

We're making out,

I'm kissing her neck and her cheek and her earlobe.

And she's not really kissing me back,

but she closes her eyes and she's like,

'Oh, D,'

'Oh, D'.

She called you, 'D'?

Yeah.

'D' for 'Andy'.

Oh,

D.

Oh, D.

Oh,

D.

Oh, D.

[Dwight and Andy] Oh, D.

(laughing)

[Dwight and Andy] Oh, D.

- I'm about to send the ad to corporate. And it is sent.

They'll probably watch it right away.

I, I would.

Okay.

(dialing, line ringing)

Yes?

- Pam, please clear my phone lines.

Certainly.

Beep boop, beep beep boop, beep, beep beep, beep, beep.

Okay, clear.

The could call any second now.

Oh, god.

I better call.

Well, it's been tough.

The uh, geniuses at corporate rejected my commercial

and tonight they are airing the brain-dead version.

So, welcome one and all, to the world premier

of Corporate Crap Fest.

(lively music)

(applause and cheering)

Hey, seemed like a big hit.

- No, people are stupid. People like waving,

waving cells, not art.

The ad we made, our ad, the real one, was,

full of humor and full of depth

and full of heart.

And it was real.

- Hey, could do me a favor? Could you put that

in the DVD player?

Hey, everybody. I just want to welcome you all to the

premier of the real Dunder Mifflin commercial,

the Michael Scott Director's Cut.

I hope you like it.

('Chariots of Fire' playing)

It all starts with an idea.

But you can never tell where an idea will end up.

Because ideas spread, they change,

grow.

They connect us with the world.

And in a fast-moving world,

where good news moves at the speed of time,

and bad news,

isn't always what it seems.

Because, when push comes to shove,

we all deserve a second chance,

to score.

Dunder Mifflin.

Limitless paper in a paperless world.

Oh!

(applauding)

- Animation? All her, by the way.

Really?

Yeah just thought she

The animation was cool.

Thanks.

- Listen you ever been on a motorcycle?

Naw.

Michael, that was fun.

That was fun.

- Next round of drinks is on me, people!

(everyone cheers)

There was a series of advertisements

about a group of guys who would call each other all the time

and they would bond over football and beer.

And, it was funny, but it was also really charming.

And there was one key word they'd always say, 'Wazzup',

to each other and, and we followed them.

And this was through a number of months, maybe years.

And you know, you, I think,

I think the hardest part is you start to kind of get to know

these characters and then they just pull the plug.

And, I don't know why. I don't know why, um.

That was one of my faves.

* Claude Van Damme *

* Hair for men *

* Poison gas *

* Nutra sweet *

It's got a rhyme with peace.

Fancy feast!

* Break me off a piece of that fancy feast! *

It's a cat food.

Nailed it.

(door opening sounds)

- What the? Someone put my bazooka in jello.

(upbeat music)