Original subtitles

♪ Do not mourn, my mother dear ♪

♪ For the pain will soon be o'er ♪

♪ For I hear the angel band ♪

♪ Oh, they call me from a starry shore ♪

♪ Now I see the banners wave ♪

♪ In the light of perfect day ♪

♪ Though it's hard to part with you ♪

♪ It's too late, Mother, for me to stay ♪

♪ For the dear old flag, I die, Mother ♪

♪ Dry your weeping eye ♪

♪ For the honor of our land ♪

♪ And the dear old flag, I die ♪

♪ For the dear old flag, I die ♪

♪ Said the wounded drummer boy ♪

♪ Mother, press your lips to mine ♪

♪ Oh, they bring me comfort and joy ♪

♪ It's the last time on this earth ♪

♪ I shall ever see your face ♪

♪ Take me in your loving arms ♪

♪ Gonna die, oh, Mother, in your embrace ♪

♪ For the dear old flag, I die, Mother ♪

♪ Dry your weeping eye ♪

♪ For the honor of our land ♪

♪ And the dear old flag, I die ♪

Mary Beth.

Want a nibble?

Come in.

Come in!

You wanted me, Mr. Quinn?

Sometimes, Mary Beth.

Not very badly, or I guess I'd have had you.

Call Jack Olson at the Centennial Club.

Ask him to open up my lodge and see

if he can send the plane down tomorrow.

Good to see ya.

Hand me my bag, would ya, Arnie?

Damn, it's good to be back.

Well, we missed you this summer, Mr. Quinn.

Hey, come on, after 20 years, isn't it "Jim"?

Yes, sir.

Give me a hand with that.

Take care!

Come on.

How's the fishing?

Pretty good.

Let's go!

Giddy up!

Stanton's here.

He's got a wife with him, you know.

A wife?

Yep.

You think that'll help?

Well, so much of the old trouble was...

Go ahead, say it, Jack.

Well, the women, right?

That's our boy.

He's been quiet.

Nobody sees him.

Ah, it's a little dusty.

But it looks great.

Yeah, just these couple of leaks.

No problem.

I'll send a girl over to clean up.

Guess you're up here for the big celebration, huh?

Would you believe I'd almost forgotten that?

Century Day, huh?

They'll be opening up that time capsule.

Odes and hymns to the founding fathers.

I came up here for some peace

and quiet fishing with you, Jack.

Yeah.

Yeah, we'll do some fishing,

if I'm still around.

What are you talking about?

Little birdie told me I'm liable

to be fired at the next committee meeting.

You're kidding.

Nope.

Stanton told me.

Stanton also said he'd be happy if I was.

Bullshit.

Jack,

don't worry about Stanton.

I'll take care of it.

Oh, by the way, he's built

a dueling gallery in his basement.

A dueling gallery?

What for?

"Eventualities."

That was his word.

"Eventualities."

The true Quinn!

This is an ugly surprise.

Hello, Verner.

I came to meet your wife

since you never troubled me with a wedding invitation.

Well, come on in and introduce yourself.

That's what I do the whole day long.

Admit I have improved the cellar.

Romantic.

Why do you say that?

You award 10 for the heart.

In this day and age, I would think

that the grand slam would be smash it to knee,

followed by finish it through roof of mouth.

Very good, James, very good.

Rather too good for a successful businessman.

Business is not booming.

In fact, the old family firm is about to be merged

into some nameless corporate junk pile.

Are you broke?

Would you drop your old buddy if I were?

Never, James.

But you might drop me.

Failure of nerve, induced by poverty.

- Hey. - Hmm?

Are ya broke?

The dust hasn't cleared yet.

My position is obscure.

Obscure.

Hey!

If you're strapped, old chum,

break into this some night.

20,000 in cash!

What for?

Eventualities.

Come here.

Wow.

French, and without price.

Jean-Baptiste Larouche.

They came with powder flasks

and a thin skoal and a mold

which casts six perfect bullets at a throw.

Come on, provoke me.

All right, I disapprove of this stupid waste of money.

That'll do nicely.

I tell you, Pablo, I am provoked.

Well, isn't it something silly?

Now, one of us must count the paces.

All right, I will.

That way, we'll avoid foul play.

You ready?

...Pablo.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.

Must be what a real duel looked like.

Hey!

Good God!

Hey.

Get off your backside, you dumb candyass.

Wax bullets.

The order of the day for dueling practice.

Hello, Janey.

Before you on his knees, the true Quinn.

Are you okay?

I'm okay.

Excuse me.

I thought Jim Quinn was your best old friend.

We roomed at Harvard,

grew up together in the Sportsman's Kingdom.

Lately, we ain't seen much of each other.

You understand?

No.

Texas thick, you never well.

Why don't you all go back to Johnson City?

I'm thinking of it.

Hi, I'm Lu.

Mr. Olsen sent me over here to clean.

Is it wet outside.

Ignore me.

Just go on doing what you're doing.

What's this?

You're certainly not Mr. Clean, are you?

Ignore me.

Oh!

Thank you, Lu.

It's all right.

All the members will be gathering soon.

Fortesque, Spengler, Canon Pritchard.

All the old turds, back to nature.

Detroit left needleless.

Verner, if you hate this club so much,

why don't you just resign from it?

There's no way to resign from original sin.

It's crazy.

You're dreaming a picture again.

Let me in on it.

Middle-aged man standing next to a palmetto tree,

and, in the background, an automobile graveyard.

Is it your father?

America the beautiful.

Marry me, Janey.

No.

You're too mean.

And far from marrying you, Verner,

I'm damned sorry I even love you.

Psst, psst.

Yes.

Yes what?

Yes, please.

Oh, yes, please, who?

Yes, please, Verner.

♪ Just another Friday night ♪

♪ At Fox's Minstrel Show ♪

♪ The one-eyed fiddler was having a fight ♪

♪ With the banjo man's widow ♪

♪ The Boston opera soprano ♪

♪ Was drunk underneath the piano ♪

♪ They're shouting in the orchestra pit ♪

♪ Mr. Fox, he's saying, come on, children ♪

♪ It's a fiddy-fiddy, feedle-dum day ♪

♪ Let that cakewalk music start to play ♪

♪ Apple pie them pumpkin, walk them away ♪

♪ That's the way we make those bohunks pay ♪

♪ Just another Friday night at Fox's Minstrel Show ♪

♪ Just another Friday night at Fox's Minstrel Show ♪

Detroit Free Press, Officer.

How are you?

It's nice to see you.

Nice to see you.

Look!

There he is!

Over here!

Right here!

Hey, over here!

Truly, this is a suffering human being!

Attention must be paid!

Ah, yes, attention, attention must be paid!

Verner.

What a glorious moment for history!

Look, look, Matthew!

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Catch!

Verner, I'm scared.

Oh, now, relax.

Now, would you like me to tell you

all about the Dreyfus case?

Or would you prefer the history of the zipper?

Darling, please!

Verner!

Verner, please, stop!

What's going on in here?

This is private property!

Sorry, ladies, we're not ready for you yet!

Not ready!

I scream like a Bedouin.

What's the matter with me, James?

I'm a pagan, there's no God.

Get behind the wheel, chum.

Don't put it into gear until I tell you to go.

- Get behind the wheel. - Let's go, Quinn, let's go!

Let's go!

- Are you crazy? - What a mess!

- This is a mess! - What the hell

you been doing in here?

- Do you have tickets? - Tickets?

- Tickets. - Now look here, boy.

I am the governor of this state!

The governor?

...this bus.

Listen, everybody!

Quiet, quiet, and you will like it!

You and you, back to your posts!

Now get out, out!

A small step for man, a giant step for mankind!

Hit it, Cedric!

Moon time!

Moon time!

Ah, don't tell me, you're going to build a chapel

and hold black masses.

No, sugar.

I bought it for the lead framing.

Only stuff with the proper tin content.

Proper for what?

Bullets, for casting bullets, Pablo, what else?

Hello, Canon, nice to see you.

How are you?

Fine, thank you.

I was awfully sorry to hear about your father.

He was a fine, fine man.

Thank you.

Jimmy.

Hello, Charlie.

You've met Alice.

Hello, Alice, welcome to the club.

Hello, Mrs. Olds.

Hello, James.

Hello, Mr.Spengler.

How's the club history coming?

Fine, thank you.

I propose to cast a bombshell.

I shall allege that many of the workers on this lodge,

though they affected Chippewa loin clothes

and war bonnets, were, in fact, disguised local white men.

Good gosh, Spengler, that really is a bombshell.

Mr. Newcombe.

How are you?

Thirsty.

No, but this fool made the whole battle important.

Hey, James.

Mr. Fortesque, Senator, Mr. Patter.

- Hi, there. - James.

Talking about your toy soldiers?

My military miniatures, James.

Ah.

Hey!

What are you drinking?

Better watch out for him.

I hear he's run through his money.

Fall skiing in the Andes, am I right?

Crap, no.

The Buick Cadillac dancing.

Once a fella gets in, there seems to be

no mechanism for getting him out.

You're stuck for life.

Winnie, did you ever, my both legs dancing!

Take these dogs over there, will ya?

Olson, you made provisions for my salt-free diet.

Spengler, when are you going to get off that damn...

I thought you fellas came out here to hunt, not eat.

And, by the way, next time I catch

that so-called bird dog of yours chasing deer,

I'm gonna have to shoot him!

Goddamn assholes.

Let's face it, gentlemen,

our game keeper Olson not only fancies

himself a better man than us,

he's also become a common poacher.

Pull!

That's a grave charge, Stanton.

Well, the fact remains, he lives

off the fat of our land nine months a year

and barely tolerates us the remaining three.

That's quite true.

You see, the settlers of this area

had certain rights under the Homestead Act of 1862.

Pull!

Our ancestors.

Barb, please.

Our ancestors dealt with those rights rather brutally.

Indeed, more than one United States senator was bribed from...

What is this, Spengler, a left wing harangue?

- Pull! - Senator, I am astonished.

Barb, please!

Make your point or get off the pot.

The common people in these parts resent us.

Poaching is a rather obvious form of revenge.

Pull.

To hell with psychology.

I say kick Olsen out on his can.

Pull.

Gentlemen, my confidence in your judgment is unbounded.

Goodbye.

I agree with you, sir, entirely,

but don't you think we ought to refer this to a committee?

Newcombe.

Newcombe!

Newcombe, Newcombe!

Huh?

- Newcombe. - Yeah?

You're the eldest here.

How say you?

Time's change.

Off with the old, on with the new.

History is no respecter of persons.

- Oh, how true. - Pull!

She says you stood there about fours hours

with your mouth open and a monstrous erection.

I'm not even gonna answer that.

Cambridge, Mass.

D-Day Bar and Grill, remember?

Those were the days, huh?

Let's bring 'em back.

There's a bash at the bug house coming up.

Join me in making it tense.

Verner...

James, it's our duty, it's our penance.

Penance for what?

For our fathers who art in heaven.

I don't think, blessed be their names, not very.

Ah, what's the difference?

Hey, old pal, hey, ask you a question?

Yeah, sure.

No, may I ask you a question?

Sure, go ahead.

Isn't she some piece of ass?

Don't answer that, James, or I'll break your neck.

Hi.

Hi.

Is it that cold?

It's kinda chilly.

Would you mind if we went inside for a few minutes?

Yes, I would mind.

I don't wanna inspire your husband

into new feats of aggression.

I'm nervous about the party.

You needn't be.

Verner said they do this every Saturday night.

Mm hmm.

What do they do?

I mean, what goes on?

- At the bug house? - Mm hmm.

They drink a lot, tell stories about the past.

It's sometimes touching, but mostly boring.

My mother hated those parties

and tried to keep me away from them.

Go on.

My father used to, excuse me,

used to stop off there on his way home

when he came up for the weekend.

When he finally came home,

well, he was, as they say, in no condition.

Listen, a while ago, you said

you didn't want to inspire my husband

into new feats of aggression.

Mm hmm.

Verner's not my husband.

You come to tell me that?

Mm hmm.

Why?

I don't see how we have any chance at all without honesty.

Do you?

See you at the party, I hope.

♪ And the skies are not cloudy all day ♪

♪ Home, home on the range ♪

♪ Where the deer and the antelope play ♪

♪ Where seldom is heard ♪

♪ A discouraging word ♪

♪ And the skies are not cloudy all day ♪

♪ Home, home on the range ♪

There I was, dusting away

in my steamer and biplane, right?

Suddenly, I touch done.

Mary, I would like my usual, please.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hal tried to prove our club

was founded for disreputable reasons.

Title was "Hellfire in the Woods."

I take issue.

My usual.

Don't drown it, dear.

More.

Cole Porter, that's something else.

- Darling. - Thanks, Benedict.

The entire history of this club, the full hundred years.

Nice night for fishing.

Walleyes are running.

I wanna talk to you about something.

You'll be in your place later?

Sure, Mr. Stanton.

Expect me, man to man.

I'll bring a bottle.

They're Jewish, but I don't mind.

♪ Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah ♪

♪ Someone's in the kitchen I know ♪

♪ Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah ♪

♪ Strumming on the old banjo ♪

Who's here, Robin Redbreast?

Well, she had a sleigh bed

that was reserved for all kinds of critters.

I hope they've got some brandy.

♪ Oh, my darling, oh, my darling ♪

♪ Oh, my darling Clementine ♪

♪ You are lost and gone forever ♪

♪ Oh, my darling clementine ♪

Buy you a drink.

♪ Oh, my darling, oh, my darling Clementine ♪

What the hell did you do?

♪ The old oaken bucket ♪

♪ The iron-bound bucket ♪

♪ The moss-covered bucket ♪

♪ That hung in the well ♪

♪ The old oaken bucket ♪

♪ The iron-bound bucket ♪

♪ The moss-covered bucket ♪

♪ That hung in the well ♪

Oh, now, now, let's not have any of that.

Let us pray.

Almighty and most merciful Father,

we humbly beseech thee of thy great goodness

to restrain those immoderate rains

which thou hast afflicted us.

And we pray thee to send us such seasonable weather

that the earth may, in due time,

yield her increase for our use and benefit.

Through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

- Amen. - Amen.

- Amen. - Amen.

Hymn number 385.

♪ Glorious things of thee are spoken ♪

♪ Zion, city of our god ♪

♪ He whose word cannot be broken ♪

♪ Formed he for his lone abode ♪

♪ On the rock of ages founded ♪

♪ What can shake thy sure repose ♪

♪ With salvation's walls surrounded ♪

Where's Verner?

Diving in the lake

for buried treasure, he said.

You're a great one for snapshots.

Mm.

Sometimes my memory fails, and I use these

to prove I was around last week.

Hmm.

Did Verner come home last night?

Not until very late.

I thought he might have been with you.

No.

How did you meet?

- Verner? - Mm hmm.

I was a guide in a champagne factory.

You're kidding.

No, believe it or not, in Waco, Texas.

I take about 30 tours a day.

Start upstairs where it's about 100 degrees,

and then end up down in the cellars.

And I always had a bad cold.

So then, finally, they put me downstairs for keeps.

My job down there was to rotate the bottles,

you know, so the residue would settle evenly.

And I even had to wear a fencing mask

in case one of the bottles would blow up in my face.

And then after I got pneumonia,

I made tracks for Puerto Rico

to visit my Aunt Judy.

Hello, James.

I heard what you did to Olsen.

He got drunk.

You got him drunk.

I also gave him a private pension

and a bus ticket to Florida.

You're a real prince, Verner, why?

Questions, questions.

Yo!

Who are you?

What do you mean?

He means this is private property

and what are you doing here?

My name is Earl Olive.

I'm the new manager.

Who hired you?

Jack Olson.

That's ridiculous.

Jack Olson can't hire people.

We hire people.

There's a committee for that.

Well, so he said, but, in the meantime,

you need a manager.

Why not give me a try?

What's your experience?

What'd you do before this?

I was in the live bait business.

Oh God!

What kind of live bait?

Worms.

Worms?

How slimy.

Earl, I'm Senator John Olds.

Hi, Senator.

I'd like something a little more specific than that.

About the worms?

Right, Earl.

Okay, you get an old crank telephone

and you cut off the phone part

so all you've got left is the crank and the box.

Then you got two wires,

and onto each, you hook a rod.

A rod, what kind of a rod?

How long?

Ladies, really.

I find this curiosity of yours rather excessive.

I agree.

Excessive and a little abnormal.

Now what's this you were saying about rods?

Now you go out in the field

and you put the rods in the ground.

Am I right?

Then you give the crank a little turn.

Right so far?

Then what happens?

We're asking the questions here, Mr. Olive.

Worms pop out of the ground!

Oops!

Yeah.

Don't you handle anything besides worms?

Frogs, rock-hunters,

June bugs, crickets, hel-gra-mites.

I was in the live bait business hand and foot.

One fella used to fish for bass

with nothing but live baby mice.

I know, I know, but I had to have 'em, you know?

Where was this?

This was a few miles north of Ish-ba-meen

on the Yellow Dog River.

Is that a good location?

Bad location.

What was wrong with it?

What was wrong with it?

Nobody knew I was there.

I had a ton of live bait I couldn't sell.

I had to fish it all myself.

I fished the Yellow Dog, the Es-ca-nabor,

the Ontanagon, the Two Hop.

I come down here.

I fished the Pigeon, the Black, the Autrain,

the Jordan, and the Pere Marquette

where guess who I met.

Jack Olson.

Right.

He say, "I hate any man who fish a trout with live bait."

I say, "It's all meat to me, Papa, you dig?"

And yet he hired you.

In a tavern in the middle of the night,

he called and hired me.

Hey, wait a minute.

I'm fixing to have a barbecue tomorrow

to celebrate my new job.

Now, I'd sure be honored if y'all come.

What if we don't come?

Well, Mrs. Senator, the truth is

I'll be having my barbecue anyway, you dig, huh?

Astonishing fellow.

A truly astonishing fellow.

How in the devil did he guess Martha was your wife?

Olsen was a useful man,

but he was headstrong, a thorn in our sides.

We are pleased to get him out of our hair, hmm?

We need a janitor, and we've got one

by the looks of this Olive.

But whoever we have, our children

and our children's children

will frequent these lands in perpetuem, hmm?

The traditions of the Centennial Club,

thanks to its board of directors,

will live on, dei profundis.

I thank you.

- Hear, hear. - Hear, hear.

Now for God's sake, whose bid?

♪ Drive a man insane ♪

♪ You broke my will ♪

♪ But what a thrill ♪

♪ Goodness gracious, great balls of fire ♪

♪ I laughed at love when I thought it was funny ♪

♪ You came along and moved me, honey ♪

♪ I've changed my mind ♪

♪ Goodness gracious, great balls of fire ♪

♪ Kiss me, baby ♪

♪ Woo, it feels good ♪

♪ Hold me, honey ♪

♪ Well, I want to love you like a lover should ♪

♪ You're fine ♪

♪ So kind ♪

♪ I've got to tell this world that you're mine, mine, mine ♪

Earl!

Earl!

Olive!

How about keeping the noise down?

Oh, Earl, this other business.

Hey, Bobby, you best cut that out.

You making these folks horny.

I can't stop her, I can't stop!

He says he can't stop.

♪ Like a lover should ♪

We've got ladies here.

♪ I laughed at love when I thought it was funny ♪

Let's go, just a little bit too rank.

Now, Bobby, man, that's a little rank.

Edith, Marie, Charles, let's go.

♪ You're fine, so kind ♪

Hey, Charlie, don't listen to him, baby!

Don't listen to him, Charlie!

That's rank, too, you know, baby!

That's rank, too!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you oughta see it now, baby!

♪ You drive me crazy ♪

take a look now!

♪ Great balls of fire ♪

Goodbye!

Goodbye, Miss.

Keep going, Mama.

Get unglued, baby, get unglued!

Go ahead!

Yeah, a lots hanging out, baby!

♪ Ooh, feels good ♪

♪ Hold me, baby ♪

♪ Well, I want to love you like a lover should ♪

♪ You're fine ♪

♪ So kind ♪

♪ Got to tell this world that you're mine, mine, mine, mine ♪

♪ I twiddle my thumbs ♪

♪ I'm real nervous but it sure is fun ♪

You dirty little traitor!

You brought in this filth.

You and Olson plotted this whole thing, and don't deny it.

Let's join the great society.

Yeah!

Bumpkin motorized!

Peasant in leather jerkin now on motorcycle

instead of wife's ass.

Hey, there are ladies present.

More beer?

You're kidding me.

That a way to go, Shirley.

Hang on, baby!

You wanna see if we can find Bobby and who's-it?

Huh?

Come on, baby, try a little of this,

what they call it, protein?

Shit, man, the only way I'd try

your cooking, Earl, is iffin it was drowned

in ketchup and a fifth of Pepto-Bismol for a chaser.

You tickle me, Verner.

Damn, you tickle me.

Send me to the moon, Daddy.

Hey, Kenny, what the hell are you doing?

This supposed to be a barbecue!

You know, Earl, I've been thinking.

Jack Olson was a real club manager.

You know, he was a champ in his own way.

Word's getting to be around here

that you're nothing more than a janitor.

You don't say.

Don't you have any feelings about that?

My only feeling is that these folks who say

that I'm nothing more than a janitor

might find themselves settling for a lot worse than that.

You dig?

You're a simple peasant.

You know, I got you this job.

I'm about ready to have you kicked out.

You're a raunchy mother, aren't you?

You just can't hold your beer, can you, boy?

Hey, you know that dueling gallery

I told you about?

Yeah.

Okay, Papa.

Let's roll, huh?

Jimmy, I have something to tell you.

You weren't a virgin.

How did you know that?

I mean, you can't always tell those things.

I don't know, I guess I was just talking.

Well, my mommy always told me

to just sit tight and wait

til Mr. Right just pops that question.

I didn't pop any questions, did I?

Darling, who said you were Mr. Right?

Ready, man?

Yeah, Papa.

Turn on 10 and defend yourself.

I warn you again, we have double charges.

Come on, come on, sir, quit stalling.

This is a matter of honor.

Janey.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.

Scotty, Scotty, Scotty, Scotty, what happened?

That son of a bitch Olive, he's dynamited the dam.

The whole lake is gone!

- My goldfish. - Oh, shut up!

Christmas, why'd he do that?

Wake up, Mr. Newcombe!

If you haven't got a gun, borrow one!

Operator, operator!

What are you doing?

In all the excitement, no one called the police.

We clean our own house around here.

Now get with the other ladies and make rations.

Yes, darling.

We advance in columns to the

near the enemy's MLR.

What is an MLR?

There, I shall deliver a signal.

Upon this signal, we will deploy in a skirmish line

with point and flank it.

Silence is imperative!

Are there any questions?

Fortesque, what if we meet any of Olive's friends?

Secondary targets will be merely contained.

Sir, do we shoot to kill?

All right, men, right face!

Column left, march!

Verner.

Verner.

This is on your head, Verner.

You've got to stop them.

Isn't this what our club is for?

What?

Hunting.

Ladies.

All right, line it up, single file.

Prepare to cross one at a time.

Come on, men!

Line up single file.

Proceed.

You wanna live forever?

Get in there, Scotty, get in there!

Scotty, where are ya?

Come on, men!

John, you get in there and help him!

Come on, boys!

Coming.

♪ For the dear old flag, I die ♪

♪ Said the wounded drummer boy ♪

♪ Mother, press your lips to mine ♪

♪ Oh, they bring me comfort and joy ♪

♪ It's the last time on this earth ♪

♪ I shall ever see your face ♪

♪ Take me in your loving arms ♪

♪ Gonna die, oh, Mother, in your embrace ♪

♪ For the dear old flag, I die, Mother ♪

♪ Dry your weeping eye ♪

♪ For the honor of our land ♪

♪ And the dear old flag, I die ♪

♪ Do not mourn, my mother dear ♪

♪ For the pain will be soon be o'er ♪

♪ For I hear the angel band ♪

♪ Oh, they call me ♪

♪ From a starry shore ♪

♪ For the dear old flag, I die, Mother ♪

♪ Dry your weeping eye ♪

♪ For the honor of our land ♪

♪ And the dear old flag, I die ♪

♪ Forward into battle ♪

♪ See his banners go ♪

♪ Onward, Christian soldiers ♪

♪ Marching as to war ♪

♪ With the cross of Jesus ♪

♪ Going on before ♪

We, thy needy creatures, render thee

our humble praises for thy preservation of us

from the beginning of our lives to this day,

and especially for having delivered

us from the dangers of the past night.

- Amen. - Amen.

Before the hymn, do you want to say something, Fortesque?

Thank you, Canon.

Friends, fellow members, I need hardly tell you,

the barbarians are at the gates.

Now, there are two ways we can look at this.

We can chase back to Detroit, beaten,

or, true to the ideals for which our forefathers

founded this club, we can take this

not as a defeat but as an opportunity.

♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪

♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪

♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪

♪ His truth is marching on ♪

♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪

♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪

♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪

Norm, Normy, come here.

Bring that thing over here.

Now, that's it, water!

Get something to mark it.

♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪

♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪

♪ Glory, glory hallelujah ♪

Heave!

♪ His truth is marching on ♪

♪ On, on, on, on ♪

♪ On ♪

Stanton.

Stanton!

Stanton!

Stanton, I know you're in there.

Greetings.

I wanna talk to you.

You see my sign?

Yes.

Enter at your own risk.

We believe we can clean up this Olive business

in a way that will not only be a tribute

to the club but a tribute to the country, as well.

Say you catch him, what do you do with him?

Interrogate him.

About what?

Various things.

For instance, it's not at all clear

what triggered his outburst.

We'd like to know.

And after that?

First, we're going to interrogate him,

and then we're going to interrogate him.

You know what I think?

I think that someone should get on the phone,

like to the sheriff at Pere Marquette.

The phone lines are down, actually.

I can be of some use there.

I'm his deputy.

- Ah. - Why don't you call on me?

I'm deputy or assistant chief

to every law enforcement officer in this part of Michigan.

Guess you got me.

I guess I have.

So what's the point of this call, hmm?

To see where you stand, Stanton.

Oh.

Either you stand with this club and its traditions or...

Or I'll get myself interrogated?

Precisely.

You're bluffing, Fortesque.

It's a four flush.

You fat cat execs ain't got the style for this.

You know, you're a professional phony, Fortesque.

What's more, you're a bore.

For 20 years, I've had to watch you strut around here.

I've had all I could do from booting

you in the seat of your smug ass!

Thank you!

Hold it, buster!

Reach for the sky!

I'm not through with you yet.

Now, sonny!

We ain't got the style?

In memory of your fathers, I'm gonna

let you two dumb bunnies think this over.

Earl, you better get outta here.

They have a machine gun.

Do they now?

Olive, don't be a fool!

Tomorrow's Century Day.

They'll come and get you all.

We got nothing to lose, Papa.

Now get the hell outta here, huh?

"And so they slept in crude shelters

"while the great lodge was being built.

"The nights were fair.

"We know that the northern lights

"were far brighter and more frequent in those days.

"Yet life was not easy.

"Wolves challenged women.

"As late as July, 1881, a picnic was disrupted by a lynx."

"Dispossessed bumpkins practiced poaching.

"There were criminal raids."

Believe me, I wrote that long before

we ever heard of Mr. Olive.

"Our forefathers were undaunted.

"The founders dreamt of a better life,

"a place in the forest that would be safe for our own kind,

"for their hopes and for their dreams.

"Forests fell, timber flowed to the city

"and financed those dreams."

Next stop, Florence.

Year of the floods.

Men casting those triple hooks

to bring up bodies from the Arno.

Well, that's when I decided to invest

$20,000 in possibilities of celestial navigation

and sea turtles.

I'm going outside.

Verner,

I wanna marry you.

Why?

Because I love you, I want to.

I don't see the point.

You inherit under my will.

What's the point?

I wanna have your child.

Strange.

All this time, you've committed every offense to nature,

but never simple Christian marriage.

Oh my God, no.

I was wrong.

Could we marry soon?

Please, oh, please, yes, yes.

Will you tonight?

Please, yes, yes.

Are you kidding me?

No!

No.

Would you humor me, would you humor me?

Goddamn it!

I want decent treatment around here,

I want consideration.

I want space.

I want dreams, I want what was lost

in the French Revolution!

I want Listerine!

♪ Oh, there once was a young man from Cass ♪

♪ Whose balls were made of brass ♪

♪ When he clang 'em together ♪

♪ They played stormy weather ♪

♪ And lightning shot out of his ass ♪

♪ Just another Friday night at Fox's Minstrel Show ♪

♪ Just another Friday night at Fox's Minstrel Show ♪

Help me.

I don't wanna die.

I'm an old man, I don't wanna die.

I don't wanna die.

♪ Light bulbs sat at their feet ♪

♪ The one-eyed clown in the red costume ♪

♪ Is sniffing at some feet ♪

Do you hear me?

♪ Put something in her orange juice ♪

♪ Their shooting in the mezzanine ♪

♪ Fiddy-Fiddy-Deedle-Dum day ♪

♪ Let that cakewalk music start to play ♪

♪ Let that Ethiopian rhythm sway ♪

♪ Somebody gonna get killed today ♪

♪ La, la, la, la la ♪

- ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ - Olive!

Oh.

Hey, Earl!

It's time for you to go, Earl.

I don't quite see it that way.

Well, you've been a big help, that's true,

but, in the end, the rabble is always unreliable.

You go too far.

I see you got your guns.

You wanna try it again?

Pick it up!

Get off this private property!

Go on, pick it up!

What's the matter with you people?

That's $20,000, that's money, isn't it?

Are you sons of bitches unAmerican?

I got one thing to say to you, Vern.

You ever want any live bait, any frogs,

hel-ga-mats, anything you want, you come see me, hear?

I'll be northeast streaming on the Yellow Dog River.

All right, guys, let's go, we're moving out!

The winners of the annual trout fishing derby

for the past 74 years are as follows,

Douglas Harman Spalding, Beaufort.

Am I home?

Somebody help me, please.

Don't pick it off.

Rip up some more sheets, everyone.

Alcohol, alcohol, alcohol.

More sheets.

Tear up some sheets.

Watch his eyes, watch his eyes.

His eyes, be careful!

Don't put anything on him.

He's bleeding!

Easy, sir, you're gonna be fine, sir.

We'll encircle his camp from this ridge and this one.

It's a classic double envelopment.

Then if he tries to escape to the west,

our reserves can trap him on the Pere Marquette.

Do we take them all?

Of course.

Tonight's atrocity was obviously a mass affair.

I hate to give you a great blow,

but Olive and his friends have left.

That's ridiculous.

A typical defeatist rumor.

He's trying to undermine our morale.

I'm rather tired of this civilization myself,

so I'm taking to the woods,

in case you ever wanna find me sometime.

- I don't believe him. - I don't trust him.

I don't, either.

And I think Olive is still right where you say he is.

- Verner! - Verner!

He may have gone back to the house.

Verner!

Verner!

♪ My sunshine, my only sunshine ♪

♪ You make me happy when skies are gray ♪

♪ You'll never know, dear ♪

♪ How much I love you ♪

♪ Please, don't take my sunshine away ♪

It was buried at midnight,

12 paces due north of the flagpole.

You know, it's incredible, Spengler,

that we've survived through this, of all centuries,

with our traditions intact.

They'd be very proud of us.

Indeed.

Indeed.

Well, that does it til midnight.

We've made one mistake.

What?

We should've planned to replace

their time capsule with one of our own.

You know, buried something to hold the club together

for the next 100 years.

Don't worry about that.

Before this night is out, we'll have something to bury.

2400 hours!

Our century's expired.

First order, recover the time capsule.

Then we get our lawless thief!

Norman!

Norman, what's going on?

Have they got it?

We don't have til Doomsday.

I have to feed my dog.

Put some ginger into it.

I don't know, Russel.

I'm trying to ask.

They don't seem to listen to me.

- Ooh! - What was that?

Go on, what is it?

What you got, John?

He's coming up, he's coming up.

He's coming up.

I think I found something.

He says he thinks he's hit something.

I don't know!

- Normy! - What, John?

It's an iron box, about 12 by 12.

- That's it, isn't it? - Oh my God, I think so, yeah!

That's all right, Senator, I'll help you.

Oh, I think Murray fell in there.

Good.

- John. - There we go.

All right, Charles.

Oh, sugar.

Charles, on the double!

Well, it looks like a great big piece of paper.

What kind of paper?

I don't know, parchment, I guess.

Oh, wait a minute, here's some writing.

Go ahead, Charles, read it!

"Dearest children of the 20th century."

Of the what?

The 20th century!

"Do you take such pleasures as your ancestors?"

Do you take such what?

Pleasures.

Oh!

It appears to be a photograph.

A what?

A photograph.

Oh.

Did they have photography then?

Circa Matthew Brady, Canon.

I assume it depicts the simple pleasures

for which our club was founded.

Oh, Jesus.

Jesus, it's a daisy chain?

- Oh my God! - Let me see, let me see!

What is going on?

- Martha? - Huh?

- Jill, what is it? - Martha, what is happening?

- What happened? - Oh my God, Martha fainted.

- Who fainted? - Russel.

Scotty, Scotty, what are you laughing at?

Oh for God's sake, will somebody help me here?

At ease!

What the hell's the matter with you?

Have you all gone crazy?

The founding fathers, huh?

Your chronicle?

It's meaningless.

Look, look, we should be out hunting for Olive.

Who?

That one could be my great-grandmother,

the one with the Irish Setter there.

Don't you think that's a little silly now?

We've had it, Fortesque!

Do you see that?

I got a gun!

See the gizmos?

I grabbed them from the desert!

They make love, not war!

♪ Bring me my bar-burning gold ♪

♪ Bring me my arrows of desire ♪

Come here, James, beside me.

They're not worth it, Verner.

Verner.

Verner, they're not worth it.

Then you join them in praying for the bomb.

Discover that vaporization is no barrier

on the empire of love.

If you're not with me, you go in that tent yourself.

You wouldn't shoot down an unarmed man, would you?

An unarmed Harvard man?

Hey, hey, come on, come on now, home.

Come on, let's go home.

Verner, Verner, let me take you home.

Oh, I know this Quinn.

Under his age of Eisenhower exterior

is a mindless beast that'll stop at nothing.

Turn back to back?

Count five paces, turn and fire, right?

Verner, Verner, let me take you home.

One!

- Two. - Two.

- Three. - Three.

Four.

Five.

You silly liberal, why'd you go and do that for?

Verner!

Verner, Verner, Verner, Verner!

Come on, Verner, come on, come on.

Come on come on.

Hey, hey.

♪ For the dear old flag, I die ♪

♪ Said the wounded drummer boy ♪

♪ Mother, press your lips to mine ♪

♪ For they bring me comfort and joy ♪

♪ It's the last time on this earth ♪

♪ I shall ever see your face ♪

♪ Take me in your loving arms ♪

♪ Gonna die, oh, Mother, in your embrace ♪

♪ For the dear old flag, I die, Mother ♪

♪ Dry your weeping eye ♪

♪ For the honor of our land ♪

♪ And the dear old flag, I die ♪

♪ Do not mourn, my Mother dear ♪

♪ For the pain will soon be o'er ♪

♪ For I hear the angel band ♪

♪ For they call me ♪

♪ From a starry shore ♪

♪ Now I see the banners wave ♪

♪ In the light of perfect day ♪

♪ Though it's hard to part with you ♪

♪ It's too late, Mother, for me to stay ♪

♪ For the dear old flag, I die, Mother ♪

♪ Dry your weeping eye ♪

♪ For the honor of our land ♪

♪ And the dear old flag, I die ♪