Original subtitles

� Introducing �

� Whoo! �

� Come on, the one and only �

Woman: I've never seen anything like it.

��

If you thought last season was exciting,

just wait till you see me at the library.

��

-Hi. Oh, no problem. -I need this book.

Yeah. Oh, you need this book. Or -- Do you know what?

I think I can do it with the thumb system.

I don't have one yet.

Oh, I could hook you up. It's so easy.

-Okay. So -- -Yeah. We won't even use that.

-We'll just your thumb. -All right.

Okay, so, first thing I do is I'm just gonna...

Things have changed so much since I was...

I know. The technology now.

[ Beep ]

Used to just be I would write it down, you know?

Oh, boy.

Okay, so, then just put the book there,

and I'm just gonna ask you for a two-digit pass code.

-1-2. [ Laughs ] -1-2.

Okay, and do you have, like, a favorite book?

-"The Joy of Cooking." -That's a great one. Okay. Good.

And your birth date -- not the year,

but just the month and the day.

January 24th. So 1-24.

January...24th.

Okay, perfect. And your first name?

-Kelly with a Y. -Kelly with a Y.

K-E-L-L-Y.

Let's see.

Okay. Your last name?

-Jones. -Okay. That should do it.

Just push your thumb on to there.

Okay.

And that should -- [ Beep ]

That should do it.

And just make sure -- Look on the back flap.

Just make sure that's accurate.

-"12." -Uh, the number should be 1-2.

It is, with my picture. Oh, my God. How did that happen?

-W-What -- What? We got what? -How did I get here?

Oh, right. Yeah. Well, this is what I was saying.

The system -- Now the book's paired.

Oh, my God.

So, it used to have "about the author,"

and now it's gonna be "about the borrower."

Oh, my gosh. I have to take a picture of this.

I don't even believe this is happening.

I know. This is -- This is so exciting.

My picture's on the back of the book.

Right. I know. It's almost as if you wrote it, right?

Yes, and I'm like, "How long have I been out of the library

that you guys had time to build this thing?"

-Yeah, I know. -I stopped going.

And you know what? I'm telling you, the kids get more excited now

about who used to have the book before them.

So it scans on the book?

So, like, last week, we had a book on astronomy

taken out by Billy Ray Cyrus.

Oh, my gosh. I'm gonna take a picture of this.

Like, I guess it's mine to keep for a while,

but I still need a picture. Oh, my --

The book will sync, and, you know,

we'll get updates about how much you've read,

so if someone else is interested in that book, I can say,

"Oh, she's on page 56," or... Oh, my gosh.

...you know, "she's going back to re-read chapter two,"

and we'll have different analytics that'll show us --

-This is amazing. Oh, my gosh. -Yeah.

-Isn't that amazing? -I have to show them at work.

It's absolutely incredible. There's a -- You know what?

I have a SIM card that explains how all of this works.

Let me see if I can get -- Hold one sec.

Let me see if I can get that for you.

��

��

[ Beep ]

Okay. And...

Oh! We didn't get you a -- Did you get a Page Telly?

-No. -Oh, okay.

Well, yeah, all members get these Page Tellies,

that new little invention. I don't know if you saw that.

I have no idea what this is. No.

It's a voice-activated reading device.

Okay.

You put it next to the book,

and after it knows your -- oooohh --

You just have to "ooooh,"

get, like, your tone into the copper wire,

and then you can work while you're reading and stuff.

And instead of turning the page,

it'll hear your voice, so you just...

Turn!

So, this way, you can work while you -- while you read.

And everyone's getting one.

Oh, my gosh. Is this real?

I know. I couldn't even believe it when they figured this out.

Something like -- What was the guy saying?

It's like your voice makes, like, a resonance that, like --

Because paper is -- Here. Let me try.

Turn! Yeah.

'Cause paper's made of trees, so they put the...

The word "turn" somehow is digitized into that.

Here. Just say -- I think if you say it from there,

it'll probably --

Turn. Turn.

A little louder.

Turn!

Well -- Stay quiet. It's a library. Yeah.

-Yeah, but that's for you. -That's so cool. Yeah.

My kids are gonna be so excited.

It's a great one. It's a really great one.

All right, let me -- let me just --

Let me check in the back, make sure,

'cause there's something on here.

But that page turner will work for all your books.

��

-Well, hello. -How are ya?

-I'm doing good. -Good.

You look like somebody I know.

-Who's that? -His name's Dave.

-I was gonna say, "Hi, Dave." -Oh. Hi.

-No, my name's Stuart. -Nice to meet you, Stuart.

What's the story with the spring fair?

The spring...

-Fair. -...fair. The spring fair.

Sorry. I have so many books here.

I'm, like, so overloaded with which ones are fiction

and which ones are nonfiction, Sure, sure, sure.

...'cause they're not all labeled.

Like, this one book that I have down here.

Uh-huh? This is, like, how to fix things.

That would be nonfiction, right?

Would this be a nonfiction? 'Cause it's "Fix It."

So "how-to," right, is nonfiction?

Is that right?

-I think. -You think? Okay.

Then I'm gonna put that one in nonfiction.

-Okay. -Nonfiction.

You're making the funniest face at me.

You are -- You are really, really throwing me off.

-Why's that? -You look very familiar to me.

Like your friend Dave?

-Yes. -Who is this Dave person?

-He's just a friend of mine. -A friend of yours?

So, do you have information on that fair?

On the fair? Let me see if I have...

We just got this --

"Romeo and Juliet" is obviously nonfiction, right?

-This would be a nonfiction? -Oh, my God.

So, is that Shakespeare?

Oh, my God. You are him.

-Oh, my God. -Huh?

-Nice to meet you. -Oh, my God.

Who am I? Who is Dave?

Oh, my -- You are -- I can't believe this.

-What? -I can't believe this.

-What can't you believe? -I'm having a hot flash.

Don't -- Talk to me. What's your name?

[ Laughs ] My name's Donna.

Hi, Donna. Nice to meet you.

Oh, Dave --

You are a little red, yeah.

Oh, my God.

So, you -- Am I somebody you know?

I watch you all the time.

You do? My name's not "Dave."

It's "David." What is it?

-It's something. -Something.

David...

What is your last name? Oh, my God.

What do you wa-- You watch my show?

Come here, come here, come here, come here.

This is unbelievable.

I'm gonna show you something, and you'll know what show it is.

I know what show it is. It's the magic show.

-What's it called? -Oh, my God.

-Is it "Dave"? -It's "Dave."

-The "Dave"... -"Chappelle."

-"Chappelle." -"Show."

-"Show." -"Magic Show."

"The Dave Chappelle Magic Show."

-That's me. -Oh, my God.

-That is me. -In my hometown.

-Right here in your hometown. -This is so cool.

Right? How many people can say,

"I have had 'The Dave Chappelle Magic Show' in my local library"?

-I'm having a hot flash. -I'm having a hot flash.

This is so good.

The minute I seen you, I thought...

My pleasure. That was so nice.

It was your pleasure? It was nice?

-Will you be on my TV show? -Do I get a prize?

You get to be on TV, and --

Okay, I'm gonna give you a gift for your future.

It's this book.

Oh, my God, Dave. This is so cool.

Dave -- Dave Chappelle is giving you a hug right now.

Dave Chappelle the robot magician.

Who can say Dave Chappelle the robot magician

has been in their library?

-Oh, my God. -You can.

Yes, I can.

-All right. -This is just too much.

Pep Boys. This is Peppy Pep, and I'm peppy.

[ Imitating horn blowing ]

Pep Boys meeting! Pep Boys -- where the peps go.

That's not the slogan, is it?

He'll be right over here with that.

Sure. Thank you.

-It's cold out there, huh? -Yeah.

I've just been playing with this stuff they sent,

this stuff for windshields

so you can clean your windshield from both sides.

-Both sides? -Yeah, like, look at this.

So, if you have stuff on this side --

Obviously that's the front.

Oops. I think I'm writing that wrong.

It's kind of hard to do that way.

And then the back over here -- If I write on the back of it...

Okay. Now...

Here. Take the cloth. You know, you wipe that away.

You can wipe just the front away, obviously.

Yeah. See? Just the front goes.

But a little bit of this,

a little microfiber cloth with this, right?

The Aero-Spritz, it'll actually wipe from the other side.

So you can --

You can get bugs off that way, or --

They're using it in high-rises.

Apparently, it helps get moisture inside of a building.

Boy, you would think that glass has got density.

I mean, there's no -- There's two separate surfaces.

Yeah, it's really good.

Where's my -- I use this stuff on my glasses.

-Does it work on the glasses? -I think so.

You know, I mean -- Sprayed the wrong side.

But it cleans the impurities through --

Oh. What is going on here?

I think it went through it. Look at this.

Oh, you're kidding me.

Look at that.

-Are those prescription? -These are prescription, yeah.

And it's still -- I think I can...

Oh! That's not bad.

Oh, I see. Okay. "You'll be able to do

a solid something with a swift bang of it."

All right. I'm gonna give it a try here.

You're supposed to be able to soak it.

Now, I'm not gonna light it, but I'm gonna take the matches and try that.

��

-Wow. Is that wild. -That is something else.

"Aero-Spritz."

Yeah. Hang on one second. I got to get --

Where is Jerry? Jerry!

The whole solid thing that we were doing on the glass over there...

��

��

Oh, my God.

-Oh, hi. How are you? -Good. How are you?

Doing good. Just trying to get this little doohickey to work.

Do you have a -- Do you have a set of keys?

Yeah.

Okay. Let me put a little --

The car comes with -- It's synced with a GPS,

and it comes with these little tags in the bottom of it.

-Okay. -It's a tele-tag.

It's the same thing that works with a key port, okay?

And I'll just stick that right on there.

-That's okay, right? -Yeah.

And then you take, if you don't mind, uh...

Well, there's a lot of people over there.

-All right. I'm just gonna... -Oh, boy.

[ Keys clatter ]

Sorry. Is that okay?

-No, it's fine. I don't -- -Okay, okay.

I just want to see if it'll work.

Okay, so, this little car gets synced up to the app.

It's called "Emergen-Key."

Okay, you hold this. Okay.

All right, great. It's supposed to keep a sync.

All right, hold it up and see if the light goes on.

Hold it up a little higher. That's good. Right there.

Okay. So, then you put the car down,

and if you were to lose your keys

you put the car down, right?

And you set it off, and it's supposed to, like, sync up --

Does it say anything on there?

-"Retrieving." -"Retrieving"?

Status is "retrieving."

[ Beep ]

-So, it's supposed to find -- -Oh! I think I heard --

There we go.

It says "found."

[ Beep ]

So, now how do you find the little car?

Oh, what's that?

-Oh, my God! -Is that it?

Oh, my God. Look at this. It's coming.

Wow! Look at that.

Oh, my God. That's crazy.

That is inane. That is insane.

Here. Take that. Look at -- That is great! It worked!

Wow!

That is gonna change the GPS landscape, let me tell you.

I cannot believe they work.

I mean, I lose my keys all the time.

-Yeah. -That is --

My boyfriend loses his all the time,

but his are a little heavier.

I don't know if it would still, probably --

If you have heavier keys, I think you should --

You might want to get the semi.

-Oh, my gosh. -Yeah, pretty great.

Here. Let me pick up your order.

That is insane. Feel free to play with that.

How did it grab the keychain, though?

Huh? How did it grab the keychain?

How does it grab the keychain? I think it -- What it --

It's able to grab onto that with the Carbonaro Effect.

Mm-hmm. I don't know what the Carbonaro Effect is.

Oh, the Carbonaro Effect

is the name of a hidden-camera magic TV show...

-Oh, okay. -...that you're on right now.

Oh, my God. You're joking. You're joking, right?

-I'm not joking. -I'm on TV?

-What's your name? -Marilyn.

Are there cameras inside of those mirrors?

That's what that is.

I thought this was really weird.

It was really weird, right? A little "Twilight Zone."

-Oh, my God. You're joking. -Excuse us.

Hold on, I'm talking to a new friend.

Is that insane?

Are you joking? You're messing with me.

I'm completely telling the truth.

What if I told you that these weren't my glasses?

I could say these are my glasses.

I was in disguise, 'cause some people know the show.

This isn't my eye color. Look at this.

A lot of people do that.

A lot of people do that. But that's not my eye color.

See that? And this isn't my mustache.

Not a lot of people do that, right?

-That's a little different. -It's a little strange.

I have a little thing in my ear

to listen to the people in the truck that are watching this.

Well, see, I haven't had cable in, like, five years.

-Do you believe me now? -I guess so.

Would this have been better?

[ Laughs ]

"Can I help you pick up your order?"

-How much to put air in tires? -How much to put air in tires?

Oh, we can do that for you.

-What, you got low tires? -Yeah.

Everything's going out today. Our barbecue went out.

Your barbecuing went out?

Yeah, well, we bring our stuff from home,

and sometimes it's shrimp or whatever it is,

and at lunch we heat up the barbecue.

It's like doing it at a tailgate party.

You ever hear of "tail piping"?

-Tail-piping? -Hmm? What's that?

Oh, it's what you do at a tailgate party.

Oh, like with the barbecue, and --

Exactly, yeah, but you use the tail pipe.

You use, like, a -- I'm gonna use an exhaust tip.

-Uh-huh. -I'll show you.

That looks good. All right. So, this guy...

Here. You know what? Will you hold that for a moment?

You need -- Obviously, when you're at an event

and you're tailgating, your car is running,

which is better if you let the car run for a little while.

-Gotcha. -But you put --

Let me get a glove on, keep this safe.

All right. Good.

So, now I think the bend, the bend part of it,

is best to stick the tip up through like this.

-Mm-hmm. -Okay.

There we go. Have that stick out.

This is where you have to be careful. Okay?

So, I'm gonna hook up the positive charge first,

then the negative charge here.

-Okay, watch out now. -What are you, taping it?

-No, I'm on FaceTime. -Oh, you're on FaceTime.

That's so funny. Okay, here we go.

Okay, we'll put the positive...

All right. This is it. Here we go.

-Here goes nothing. -Attach that.

Good. And you just kind of spark it up --

There we go. Great. That ought to do it.

The heat's in a cylinder, so it wraps around it.

Let's see how we did here.

That's gonna be on my IG story.

-Huh? -Keep going.

-Oh [bleep]. -Yeah.

That looks good. It works!

[ Woman on cellphone laughing ]

-Oh, yeah. It totally works. -It works.

We can totally do this today, guys!

We're tail piping!

He just made a whole shish kebab.

-Yeah. Who is that? -My friend.

-Oh, hi, friend. -Hello.

We made some shish kebabs together here.

That works really well for shish kebabs or kielbasa.

Get the [bleep] out of here. You can make a --

You can make a whole meal with a car.

You can, yeah. Well, listen.

I got some Cornish hens marinating in some antifreeze.

I'll be right back. I'll get your part.

Oh, thanks.

Looks like you just walked into the Twilight Zone.

Yes. Look at it. It's cooked.

��

Hey. We're here at Relax The Back today.

And I'm here with my friend Galia.

You ready to give somebody a not-so-relaxing experience?

-Oh, yeah. Let's do it. -Let's do it.

Hey, guys. Thanks so much for helping.

-Amari. Nice to meet you. -What's your name?

-Amari. -Amari.

Nice to meet you, too.

-Hi. Galia. -Galia?

Oh, interesting names today. Amari and Galia.

Okay. Michael.

So, I just need some people out on the floor.

I have some stock coming in, and I just need --

if anybody wanders in -- somebody to be friendly

and, you know, give them a little

Relax The Back experience, okay?

So, when they come in the store, the first thing you want to do,

smile, say "Hello, welcome to Relax The Back,"

and kick off your shoes and slide into this thing.

It's like slipping into a dream.

It's got a five-minute demo,

and I like to put each customer into it.

-There we go. -It's really comfortable.

And you know what? I'll teach you the bed.

Well, you both learn both, but I'll show you both.

-So, the sleep system -- -Yeah?

If somebody is serious about trying this out,

these work in tandem with the software inside of that tablet

that connects to the comforter and the foam of the bed.

So it knows your body weight,

and it's gonna regulate all of that

across each of the trigger pressure points

-of your back and your pelvis. -That's crazy.

Now, do you sleep on your back, your front, your side?

-My back. -Okay, well, lay down

on your back if you don't mind.

You still have your shoes off, right? Yes, yes.

Lay down, and go ahead and go for the whole experience.

Tuck your feet right up on in there.

It's almost like a sleeping-bag feeling.

You're really encapsulated in that.

-Yeah. This is super comfy. -Okay, now hold on.

Before you lay back, this is the tricky part with the customer.

You're not sleeping on me, are ya? No. [ Laughs ]

So, this is the part you have to ask the customer their weight.

So how much do you weigh?

-It's okay. 99. -99? Right on the nose.

All right, so, you type in their weight, right, 99.

[ Whirring ]

And then it will begin, okay?

Galia: Oh, wow. Oh, my God. That's so soft.

-Isn't that wild? -Aren't you gonna see it move?

It's gonna know you're 99 pounds.

Now, it's made with blackout-curtain fabric,

so it's -- You could take a nap in the middle of the day.

It'll be pitch black. Can I cover you up?

-Yeah, sure. Okay. -Okay.

-It actually -- -Okay.

The comforter's gonna read you. There's 500 stitches.

Galia: Oh, wow. ...in the front

that's reading your body map.

Hold on. There's a pillow that goes with it, too.

Um, hang on a second.

Oh, wait. I got it over here.

Galia: Oh, my God.

This is so soft.

This is super-comfortable.

Wow.

[ Alarm beeping ]

Michael: Yeah, here it is! This is what you want!

-You want the pillow that -- -Is she okay?

Oh, did she -- I'm sorry. What --

"System imbalance."

[ Beeping stops ]

Sorry. Was that weird? Hello?

Where'd she go?

Hello? Did she get scared?

No. She's in...

No. No.

What happened? Where'd she go?

She's -- She was in there.

No, I know, I know, but I think --

It might feel weird without the pillow,

so she probably got uncomfortable.

No, she was -- She was there.

She was in the bed?

-Yeah, and she just -- -Did she get out?

No, she was in there, and she just...

Are you serious? No, wait. Hold on, hold on.

She definitely didn't get out?!

Oh, my God. I'm scared.

Come on. You're kidding me. Wait a minute.

Hold on, hold on. Let's think this through.

Hold on, hold on. I put 99 pounds...

Wait. What is that? Oh, shoot! I put "990."

Hold on, hold on. I put 99 pounds...

Oh.

Okay. That's -- That's my fault.

So, what happened to her, though?

Well, I think it got way too soft.

I know, but, like, where did she go? 'Cause she didn't leave.

Like...

This just came in on Monday, so I'm forgetting --

Because I saw it, like, shrinking,

and, like, the bed was going down, and it just --

Let me feel...

'Cause this stuff has -- This has central density.

Let me see if I can -- Can you help me? This is --

I saw the guy doing this in the video, but I didn't watch it.

Just push the density of the foam toward the center.

Okay, all right. Wait, hold on.

You push your end down, and I'm gonna shake to the middle.

Hold yours down. I'm gonna shake the weight to the middle.

Okay, good. Okay. Now you pick up and shake with me.

Okay. Ready? Up. Stand up, stand up, right.

And we're gonna shake -- Three. Ready?

Michael: One, two, three!

-Okay. Oh, my gosh. Are you -- -[ Breathlessly ] Oh, my God.

-Oh, my God. -Are you okay?

-I feel like I can't breathe. -Okay. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Come on up. Yeah. You're okay. You're totally okay.

-What the heck just happened? -I am so sorry.

What just happened?

I think that you went inside here.

Oh, my God. I can't, like, breathe.

-You want some water? -I can't breathe.

There's water in the back. There's a restroom.

-Are you okay, though? -Where...?

-You're okay. -There's...

You're okay. Just get a little bit of water.

-There's water back here? -Yes!

Okay. Have a seat and relax...your back.

-Um, I am -- -Oh, my God.

Okay.

Oh, my God. She was in there?

She was in the foam.

I know.

That's what he said -- the customers have to be careful --

Where did she go? I just saw her, like, slowly --

Like, she was in the bed,

like, slowly sinking in, and I'm like, "What?"

-How did she -- How? -Yeah.

That's crazy.

It's suction foam. It's suction foam.

But it looked like regular.

Like, it didn't look like her body was in there.

And you know what? I feel bad, because they told me that.

That's just insane. Like, this needs to be on TV.

-Like, this is just -- -It does need to be on TV.

You know where this would be good?

On that TV show "The Carbonaro Effect."

Have you heard of that before? No.

"The Carbonaro..."

My name's Michael Carbonaro. I'm a magician.

Oh, you are?

And you're on my TV show right now.

Oh, I am?

[ Laughs ] This is Galia. You were so awesome.

-What the heck? -Come on over here.

-You were so great. -Girl, did you really --

Did you really, like, not be able to breathe?

I was perfectly safe the whole time.

-She was a magic -- -No, you were not.

'Cause you were like, "I can't breathe."

I'm like, "What is going on?" No! Like, I really freaked out.

And then you're like, "Did she leave?"

I'm like, "No, her shoes are right there. She, like, fell."

Like, I wish someone had just, like,

recorded this, 'cause this is like --

Don't worry. We did. We recorded it.

I know, but, like, for my own, like, keeping, like --

Well, we're gonna put it on national TV,

and you can record it.

Yeah, um, how did you even fit in the mattress?

That's my question.